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newtedison · 3 years

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my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in.

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

#my fingers hurt from typing lol #the crank palace #the maze runner #newt #newtmas #anyway...

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ljandersen · 3 years

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And other question: “Tell us a little bit about yourself”. It's always interesting to know more about your favorite author) Thanks a lot🖤

First of all, thank you! Being one of someone’s favorite authors is a huge compliment and very humbling. I appreciate your interest in both me and my stories!

To start (*avoids eye contact* *lowers voice*), I’m American. I know we all look like lunatics right now, but I swear, I’m normal. I live in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve spent most of my life paying tuition and sitting in lecture halls. After nine years of school, I finally graduated with my terminal degree. Now I’m an oncology pharmacist who works for a healthcare system with inpatient services and several ambulatory clinics. I work with brilliant people. I love my coworkers. I’ve finally been able to travel the world and see the amazing sites I only dreamed about growing up and in school. I have a cat, dog, and husband.

When it comes to writing, I’ve written stories for as long as I can remember. When I learned how to spell “Hi,” I wrote a story with crayon animals saying “hi” to each other on each page. I kept a wad of notebook-page stories in my nightstand from first grade through high school. I never planned to be a professional writer, since that wasn’t a “responsible” career route. Instead I went into science and medicine. Throughout my years at the university, my writing became less and less, and by the time I entered graduate school, I had put it away completely.

It probably would have stayed that way if I hadn’t become disillusioned with my career. I was always the A+ student. It was part of my identity. When I graduated, I assumed my career would be this grand thing. I’d be valued for what I brought to the organization. I’d go above and beyond, and it would matter in some small way. As it turned out, medicine is very corporate.

I became a cog in the wheel. I got tired of management telling my team, “Go ahead and quit. It’s easier for us to replace you, than it is for you to find a new job.” The whole “Get off the bus if you don’t like it” mantra was something I heard at least every other week, not necessarily said directly to me as an individual, but to my coworkers as a group. I saw how other exceptional employees were treated. I saw how my efforts never went anywhere. I had no individual worth to management or administration. If I was so replaceable then even the higher calling of patient care didn’t really matter. If whether it was me or some random person off the street sitting in that seat, it didn’t make a difference to administration, then my individual contribution to patient care was obviously generic and relatively insignificant.

I was inhibited improving programs or providing education, advancing anything, problem solving for efficiency, and all my extra work either got me in trouble in some weird round-about way or simply was wasted effort. For instance, I was really excited about developing a dose-rounding policy for the outpatient clinic. I had read recent guidelines issued by NCCN/HOPA. I talked to my boss. She patted me on the head and said sure. I drafted a policy, complied sources, worked hard on documents and presentation material for the physicians. Then it emailed it to my boss. Month after month, I’d ask her, “Have you brought that to the doctors?” Month after month, she’d forget. Finally, I stopped asking. A year and half later, one of the doctors brought up dosing rounding in a meeting. My boss didn’t even remember I’d worked on it. She told the MD it was such a good idea and assigned one of my coworkers to work on it and create a policy to present. Going above and beyond only lead to frustration and hurt.

To me, what mattered was getting the job done well and having a harmonious, good working relationship with co-workers. That’s not what mattered to my boss. I got tired of being told I was a good clinician, but I didn’t smile enough. I got in trouble if I didn’t come to her office to “hi” to her in the morning. She was put out I hadn’t told her my grandma died but told a coworker. How I did my job clinically didn’t matter.

I discovered administration just wanted someone to clock in, clock out, do the factory conveyer-type work of daily duties and do nothing else. I not only couldn’t share an opinion, I had to not have one at all. I could leave, but staying near my family was important. I stayed, but I realized: my career had to be a job. It couldn’t be a part of my identity. I would never feel accomplished or have a sense of individual worth or achievement from my paycheck job.

That’s when I turned back to writing. I tried a few original novels that went nowhere. After playing ME, I lacked closure and wrote an ending for myself. It turned into 300 k words, and my sister encouraged me to try posting it on a website. From there, I found FFN and eventually AO3. I’ve written ME fanfiction ever since. I enjoy it. It gives me something to do that brings me more joy than my actual job. I’ve been studying self-publishing and maybe one day I’ll take the leap. I don’t intend to leave my day job, since I spent 9 years and $100,000 getting my degree, but at least, I have an area of my life where I feel like I matter as an individual. I achieve something I can be proud of.

It’s been a few years since I posted my first ME fanfiction, and I have met several amazing people. I’ve made good friends. We get excited over each other’s story and share interests. I’m so thankful for them. Plus, I’ve read some amazing fanfic and enjoyed being part of a community. Everything someone writes is worthwhile and appreciated by someone. We improve and encourage each other. No one’s better than anyone else. We’re skilled in different areas and have our own spin when it comes to writing. Some people are primarily readers and make a fanfic writer’s day by enjoying their story. It’s all worthwhile. It’s fun to be in a group where you’re worth comes from being yourself, not a voice-box-less automaton who smiles and says “hi” and “good bye” every morning and every evening.

As for the future, I’ve been able to join professional writers’ facebook groups and read books about self-publishing and marketing. I’ll keep with my day job, but now I feel less frustrated and listless. I’m just there for the paycheck and for the enjoyment of my immediate coworkers, who again, I’ll say, are brilliant human beings. I’m lucky to work with them. With writing, though, I can achieve something and advance myself. I focus on the people in my life for real satisfaction and have a hobby where I can progress myself and feel proud of what I achieve.

That’s my story. Not very exciting, but that’s my path to writing fanfic in a nutshell. I think it’s important that everyone has an area in their life where they find joy in accomplishing something for themself.

Thank you for the ask! I’m sure that was more than you were expecting to get an answer. All my short stories turn into long fics, even this one. Lol! Again, I appreciate your interest very much!

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courtingstars · 4 years

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Notes for The Vanishing Prince: Chapter Nine

Yay, Chapter Nine is finally posted! As I mentioned over on Ao3, I’ve been looking forward to sharing this one for a loooong time. I don’t have much to share in the way of cultural notes, but I still had some pretty big things I wanted to talk about… Like info about the mental health topics from the therapy scene, plus a ton of rambling about things I’ve been researching and/or planning for a while. So if that’s something you’re interested in, well… enjoy? //laughs

As always, I updated the Pinterest inspiration board with images inspired by the new chapter. (I actually did that last month, which was when I originally intended to post the chapter before my schedule fell apart… So anyone who was checking the board during that time got an accidental sneak peak of what was coming next. Oops? ^^;) You can check the board out here.

And with that, on to the notes!

Cut for a writer babbling on and on about mental health research, references to earlier events in the series, and also violins (!!) …

Akashi’s Childhood Friendships

So the first scene of Chapter Nine features a headcanon of mine that has been popping up throughout the series… Which is that when Akashi started going to school, he attended a private elementary school that mainly catered to elite, wealthy families and their children. He was generally encouraged to spend time with his classmates, rather than seeking friends elsewhere, and he never made any close friends from a different social “class” until he started going to Teikou. (Which he joined specifically because he asked his mother if he could go somewhere that was different from his elementary school.)

As this chapter reveals, he never told his father about the friends he ended up making through basketball, because of the values he was modeled earlier in life. This was actually brought up alllll the way back in The Fast Train to Kyoto. (Though it was pretty vague!) In fact, Akashi referenced it in the very first scene:

Maybe it was the echoes of his father’s voice inside his head, just another series of frosty words he ached to forget:

“It is not for an Akashi to associate with just anyone. Your time is valuable, Seijuurou, and so is your reputation. See that you don’t waste it, on trivial pursuits, or persons unworthy of your stature.”

Akashi cringed. ‘Persons unworthy of his stature? What a ridiculous idea. Everyone he had ever known who had made his life worthwhile, had no particular wealth or rank to speak of. (With the crucial exception of his mother.) He had long ago discarded this principle of his father’s as nonsense.

I also explained the backstory with his elementary school and his struggle to make friends in a lot more detail in Chapter Three of Fast Train. (As well as why he decided to go to Teikou, and how he started making friends there, particularly Midorima.)

That aspect of his childhood turned out to be pretty important in the series, so I thought it was worth mentioning that Akashi did talk about it before… Especially since those early values still affect how he sees his friendships, plus it’s one of the reasons why he’s been trying to keep those friends as separate from his home life as possible. (Until Furihata came along and wanted to sleep over at his house, and he just couldn’t say no to his BFF, apparently? //laughs)

Attachment Theory, Disorganized Attachment, and Dissociation

So, uh… I’m not qualified to talk about any of this, like, at all. //laughs That being said, I’ll start with a big disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, or an expert about this subject in any way whatsoever. So if anything I say doesn’t make sense or I get any of the details wrong, I sincerely apologize in advance! This is just based on the research I’ve done and some first-person accounts I’ve read over the years. As a non-expert, I find a lot of psychology theory to be difficult to research in general… Since a lot of the science is still being studied and verified, and things are becoming outdated all the time.

Okay, so with all that being said… In this chapter, Akashi’s psychiatrist brings up a theory in psychology called attachment theory. If you’d like to learn the basics of how it started, the Wikipedia article has a decent overview of the initial studies. Basically, the theory has to do with the idea that children bond with their primary caregiver (stereotypically the mother, but it doesn’t have to be) either successfully or unsuccessfully, based on how the caregiver responds to the child’s needs. A child who bonds with their caregiver in a healthy, successful way is said to be “securely” attached, while an unhealthy bond is an “insecure attachment.”

From there, it gets more complicated… There are a few different types/forms of insecure attachment, and these types can be classified in different ways, depending on the study. (There’s also something called “attachment style,” which from what I can tell is an idea inspired by attachment theory, that adults will have a general style of bonding that originates from their main caregiver bond in childhood. This idea is often used to help adults work through issues in their adult relationships.) For example, there’s generally an “anxious” form of attachment where the child is overly scared and tends to cling to their caregiver if they try to leave, out of fear that they won’t get the care they need. Then there’s an “avoidant” type where the child tends to push the caregiver away or ignore them, and can seem very apathetic and independent. (Even though they’re actually just as scared on the inside of not being cared for as an “anxious” child.)

As you can imagine, there are a lot of theories about why this happens, and what exactly in the caregiving process could contribute to it. What’s more, some children display both anxiety and avoidance… A form of this is called “disorganized attachment.” As Akashi’s psychiatrist explains, this describes a behavioral pattern where the child clings to their caregiver AND pushes them away, sometimes very close together. This style seems to often develop when the child has been through some kind of early trauma, often severe abuse or neglect. It also seems to be prevalent among people with dissociation disorders, which isn’t surprising, given the common thread of childhood trauma between the two. You can read more about that in this article here.

Actually, I first learned about disorganized attachment—and attachment in general—when I was reading a blog many years ago that was written by someone chronicling their experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder. As I researched the subject in more detail, I came across a few explanations about how children with this attachment style tend to act very confused and distressed around their caregivers, and I found the descriptions really sad… It helped me begin to better understand some of the difficulties that these children go through, and how it affects their minds when they’re still developing. It’s not hard to imagine how a child who longs to be taken care of but also has painful experiences of being denied that care (for whatever reason) can really struggle with trying to make sense of their reality and survive it on an emotional level. And that struggle causes lasting damage.

It’s important to note, though, that some psychologists will caution against assuming that a child’s attachment to their primary caregiver always dictates how they will attach to other people in their life, or in their future relationships. Also, there’s some evidence that children may struggle with attachment issues not just because of the actions of their caregiver, but also due to their own personality/ genetic predispositions. You can read more about both of these topics here.

Way back when I started planning this series, and deciding how to portray Akashi’s backstory, I found myself returning over and over to the concept of disorganized attachment… I wasn’t sure if it would make it into the fic directly, and it’s certainly not the only thing that influenced my portrayal of Akashi’s mental health. But it was definitely something I had in mind from the start, and helped shape the series, so I’m glad that I did end up referencing it in some detail.

The Akashi Family Servants

Since I just introduced the housekeeper, now seems as good a time as any to mention this… Originally, I didn’t plan for the servants who work for the Akashi family to have roles in the series at all? XD Takeda is the only one who’s mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, and he doesn’t have a name. (I refer to him as either Akashi’s “driver” or “valet” depending on what he’s doing… This was actually before I’d decided that Takeda is the one who drives Akashi around when he’s in Kyoto. OTL) Then I mentioned several of the servants during Furihata’s visit in Storming the Castle… But almost no one gets a real introduction? Except for the butler, Ginhara. //laughs

One reason why I took so long to give them names/describe them is that I try to mostly stick to writing about canon characters in fics, instead of creating a ton of OCs. (I consider the families of the KnB characters to be canon, since they’re in the fanbooks. XD) But I enjoy coming up with minor characters, if it feels like a good fit for the story! Still, you can really tell that I didn’t know I would end up using these characters as much as I did, because their names are alllll over the place… Especially Takeda, which is roughly the Japanese equivalent of naming a character Mr. Smith or something? (LOL.) For a while I really regretted that I didn’t come up with a more interesting name for him, since he ended up being in this series CONSTANTLY. Also, I recently received this incredible comment on Chapter 5 of The Fast Train to Kyoto and it’s one of my all-time FAVORITES:

“Yo the drivers probs just sitting in the front like

Mmm this tea is piping hot”

(And they signed their name Yeet too, omgggg XDD)

… So yeah, I have decided this is totally Takeda’s reaction, to Akashi and Furihata’s whole “friend breakup” in the rain in the first story. //laughs

That said, I kind of love that Takeda has such a generic name now? Especially after he showed up at Seirin in sunglasses in this chapter. (Like maybe Takeda isn’t even his real name, because he actually had an exciting former life as a secret agent or something like that, and now he’s working for this super rich kid from a powerful family and maybe he’s actually hiding some epic skills so he can double as Akashi’s bodyguard if he needs to…? I DON’T KNOW, I HAVE WEIRD HEADCANONS.)

In any case, I enjoyed coming up with the characters for the Akashi family staff, even though it took a while! And I’m glad a few of them were able to play an interesting part in sneaking Akashi out of the house, so his dad wouldn’t find out about Furihata. (Though we don’t know what any of them think about that, or not yet, at least. XD) There will be at least one more member of the staff who gets an introduction, which should be coming soon. But for now, we’ve got:

Takeda, Akashi’s personal valet (and driver, sometimes)

Ginhara, the Akashi family butler and head of staff

Umagami Ichiro, Yukimaru’s groom

Inuyama, Akashi’s father’s personal valet

Hanamitsu Atsuko, housekeeper for the Akashi mansion in Tokyo

The Akashi family chef (name???)

(Plus some maids, who I also did not name)

… And as you can see, most of them still don’t have given names, even the ones with family names. That’s how disorganized I’ve been about this. //laughs

Also, I have a feeling no one was actually wondering (lol), but if you happen to remember this scene from Episode 63 in the Teikou arc in the anime:

In my headcanons, this guy is the head chauffeur for the Akashi family household, and he used to drive the whole family around. (Which would mean that he was also mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, in a brief flashback about Akashi and his parents! Where he’s just “the driver.” XD) Now he mostly drives Akashi’s father to work, and sometimes chauffeurs Akashi as well, when he’s in Tokyo. (Whereas Takeda drives him around in Kyoto.) I briefly referred to him as Onoda in Chapter One of The Vanishing Prince, so… I guess that’s the name I came up with for him? //laughs

TL;DR… I’ve really enjoyed writing about the various characters who work for the Akashi family, and I had way more fun including them in the story than I expected. <3 (Maybe I should give in and post character sketches for all the OCs in this series sometime… That would be a project. XD)

Beliefs About Ghosts

I might go into this more in a future chapter, but I did want to briefly discuss how Reo talks to Furihata about ghosts, and how/why they haunt certain places… There are a LOT of different beliefs all over the world about whether ghosts are real, and why they appear. There are also lots of theories about whether they need the help of living humans to pass on or not.

For this fic, I tried to include some of the most common beliefs in Reo’s response, including the “revenge” ghost stories that are super common in Japanese folklore. But it’s not a comprehensive explanation by any means, and there are a lot of people who believe in ghosts and spirits but wouldn’t agree with the ideas Reo mentioned. (Basically, I had to pick among a bunch of different supernatural ideas about ghosts for the fic, and these are some of the ones I chose to include? But that’s not to say that they’re representative of my own beliefs, or of every Japanese person who believes in ghosts, either!)

The Akashi Family Curse (…?)

So I know some readers have been discussing this and making predictions about it in the comments for a while now… And while I don’t want to spoil anything about where the story is going, I’m really excited that I finally got to reveal another piece of the legend/rumors about the Akashi family curse:

Furihata’s mouth dropped open. It never occurred to him that some people might still think that the Akashis were cursed, centuries later. Or that these rumors were somehow connected to their catlike eyes. Was that maybe even how the peasants in the legend came up with the curse in the first place? Were they just creeped out, by this super-rare genetic thing that ran in the family?

Or… could it be true? Could the Akashi family really be cursed?

I can’t remember if anyone specifically connected the dots about the legend being connected to the “catlike” eyes or not… But if you saw this coming, YES YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT AND I AM IMPRESSED. <333

As for what the legend/rumors say about how the curse works, and whether or not it’s actually real… I guess I shouldn’t go into that just yet, for the sake of spoilers. XD But hopefully you can have fun guessing for now! And I’m glad I can finally point to the connection between the idea of a family curse and the “catlike eyes” to explain why I kept including so many passages like this one:

He and Akashi were walking through another long passageway. This one was lined with life-sized portraits—and oddly enough, Furihata recognized some of the faces. He had seen them in paintings in the Tokyo house.

“Are these your relatives?” he asked. They didn’t resemble Akashi very much. But a few did have the same unusual, catlike pupils.

Akashi nodded, as he glanced up at the huge frames. “They led the family, several generations ago. This one was my great-great-great-great-great grandfather.”

He gestured to the largest painting. The steel-haired man in the portrait wore a piercing frown. Even his posture was severe, somehow.

… Yeah, there are a BUNCH of descriptions in A Spark of Light of portraits of Akashi’s relatives, and how some of them have the same eyes as him. Also, as I’m sure a lot of people noticed, I mention Akashi’s eyes A LOT throughout the series. And this is one of the reasons why I wanted to emphasize it so much. XD

(Well, okay and also like a lot of fic writers, I enjoy pretty descriptions about eyes. XD BUT I WOULD’VE TRIED TO CUT MORE OF THEM IF IT WASN’T SUCH AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT… Or so I’ll claim, anyway. //laughs)

And Finally… THE VIOLIN

Ahhh I’m so happy I finally got to post this scene! I’ve been saving the moment of Akashi playing his violin for Furihata for a loooong time… I foreshadowed it briefly back in Storming the Castle, when Furihata notices Akashi’s violin case sitting in his study. But I got the idea for this scene even earlier… All the way back when I drafted that part in The Fast Train to Kyoto, where Akashi plays his violin after he writes to Furihata to tell him they can’t be friends. (YES. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG.)

So, yeah… I had no idea know how long it would take to get there, but I definitely knew that Akashi would have to play his violin for Furihata at some point. And I wanted it to be a Really Big Moment in their romantic arc. So I did the best I could with it. (Because, I mean… How could I NOT include a scene where Akashi plays the violin for Furihata? That just had to happen, come on. //laughs)

As I mentioned over on Ao3, I do have my own idea about which piece Akashi plays for Furi… I might even mention it directly in the next chapter, but I’m not sure yet? (Either way, if you have a piece that you’d like to imagine him playing instead, you have my blessing. xD I tried to write it in such a way that he could be playing a lot of different songs!) So here was my thought process on that…

I figured Akashi would probably decide to play something on the simple side for Furihata, rather than anything too technical/demanding on the ear. I also realized that he was probably thinking that Furihata would like a sweet, romantic sort of song, because of this scene from Storming the Castle:

“Oh, r-right.” Furihata let go of the flower. He managed a laugh. “Sorry. I’m being weird, huh?”

“I just never realized you had such an interest in roses,” Akashi said, with a hint of humor. “But it shouldn’t surprise me, really.”

Furihata didn’t follow. “Why’s that?”

The edge of Akashi’s mouth dimpled. “Well, you are a romantic, after all.”

And that was when I realized… ROSES. Like, what if the piece had to do with roses, because Akashi was remembering that conversation about Furihata’s romantic side that they had in his rose garden…? So in my head, Akashi plays a version of The Last Rose of Summer, which is this really sweet, old Irish song that was later set to a poem of that name, written by Thomas Moore. It’s an easier piece to play, so it’s a little difficult to find a nice version of it by a professional violinist. But I did find this arrangement that is SUPER old-fashioned and adorable:

And my personal favorite version with strings that I found (and linked first on Ao3) is probably this one. Though I believe the violin doesn’t start until around a minute and a half into the recording?

(My sister and I thought the first soloist *might* be a viola… Apologies if we’re wrong though!! We took band a thousand years ago in high school but didn’t play in an orchestra, so we’re basically clueless about anything with strings. XD)

Anyway, I just thought that the song would be fitting because of the whole “bonding over roses” connection to Storming the Castle, and the fact that they’re still on summer vacation in this story… Plus the words of the poem are kind of the most Oreshi thing I’ve ever heard??? It’s REALLY sad, but also all about friendship. You can hear how it’s sung and see the complete lyrics in this version by Charlotte Church if you’d like (again, the song starts at around 1:30), but I’ll also include the beginning and end of the poem here:

Tis the last rose of summer,

Left blooming alone,

All her lovely companions

Are faded and gone.

…

So soon may I follow

When friendships decay;

And from love's shining circle

The gems drop away

When true hearts lie wither'd

And fond ones are flow'n

Oh! Who would inhabit

This bleak world alone?

… TELL ME THAT’S NOT AN ORESHI KIND OF POEM. It’s all about friendship and being afraid of being alone, and I just… gahhhh. T_____T

Also, you might have noticed that the versions I linked don’t have any parts where the soloist plucks the violin strings, which I described Akashi doing at one point… That’s because I like to think that in between playing a simpler version, Akashi also slips into a few sections of Variations on the Last Rose of Summer by Ernst, which you can see the violinist Midori playing here. (Unlike the other versions I linked, this is one of the hardest pieces ever written for violin, period… Apparently it’s so difficult that many top-tier professionals won’t even play it in front of a crowd! So for those of you who want to picture him playing something more badass, I’ve got you covered. XD)

(And while we’re still on the subject of different versions… My all-time favorite when it comes to different instruments playing The Last Rose of Summer has got to be this one. BECAUSE IT’S A KOTO, LIKE OMGGGG YES. Honestly, if my series had a sound, I’d like to think that it would be this…? Because roses and traditional Japanese instruments, that’s why. //laughs)

Also, I’m not sure whether anyone was curious about this part of the scene:

Akashi chuckled as he unlatched the case. Resting on a bed of crimson silk was a delicately carved violin. Furihata didn’t know how to tell if an instrument was well made, but he was pretty sure that this one had to be.

So I do indeed headcanon that Akashi would have a really nice violin… For those who might not know, violins can be EXTREMELY expensive, most notably at the professional and soloist quality levels. As in, the famous Stradivarius violins are valued at $10 million or MORE, for example. XD Though I personally tend to think that Akashi probably wouldn’t play a Strad himself… He’d have too much reverence for the instrument for that. //laughs (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if his family owns a Stradivarius and lends it out to some world-famous soloist… Which is apparently how it works in real life, by the way!) But I still imagine that his violin would be a super fancy one, maybe somewhere in the $100k range or something? (And now I’m just imagining Furihata finding that out and freaking out, lol.)

And last but not least, since I’m already rambling a lot, I would like to credit a new favorite YouTube channel of mine that I discovered while writing the violin scene… I really wanted to make sure that I described the violin playing correctly, because like I mentioned, I understand nothing about stringed instruments whatsoever. (I was a very mediocre flute player, once upon a time. //laughs)

So while I was hunting for references, I stumbled across TwoSet Violin, and OMG THEY ARE THE COOLEST CHANNEL EVER. I’d recommend them to literally everyone, even if you don’t play the violin or have any interest in classical music! They’re two professional violinists from Australia who make tons of super-entertaining content, like analyzing the way actors pretend to play instruments in movies and Chinese dramas, or trying to play the cheapest violin they can buy on Amazon. And it’s FANTASTIC. XD They’re super skilled and funny, and they even inspired me to listen to classical music again, so yeah, I can’t recommend them enough. <3

Well, this post turned out a lot longer than I expected…? //laughs In any case, I hope it was interesting, and thank you for reading! And as I said over on Ao3, thank you again to all of my lovely readers for your patience, especially while I dealt with my grandmother’s passing. I have the next chapter of the fic drafted, just like last time, but it does have some issues so I’m not sure how long it will take to edit. (Hopefully less time than this one did. OTL) I’ll definitely do my best to post it as soon as I can. In the meantime, I really hope everyone is staying safe, and see you then!

#the vanishing prince #kat writes fanfic #text post #long post #kat writes about basketball dorks #akafuri #good lord this post was loooooong #and the chapter was long #everything I write is long XD #but I'm so glad I got to FINALLY POST THIS #I can't even begin to express how long and painstaking the editing process was #BUT WE GOT THERE IT'S ALL GOOD #and I had a lot of fun writing a lot of these scenes #the adorable dorks continue to be adorable #Takeda and Ginhara also amused me this time for some reason #and the housekeeper #oh and Seirin was back YAY #I missed Bokushi though he wasn't in this one as much XD #also yay violins <3<3<3

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randommusersmusings · 4 years

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Childfree CAN be freeing: A Response to a Response

“'Childfree' may not be as freeing as it sounds”. The name of the article by a mother named Tamara that I accidentally stumbled on, browsing Google with my free (of children) time. The article was meant to be a reply, of sorts, to the Guardian's “Childfree Women” series. I rolled my eyes. Here we go, I thought. Another person who thinks being childfree is an attack on mothers everywhere. Another argument to birth children we don't want to have. Another rebuttal to our reasonings, fears, and wants, trying to strip it all away until we reach the conclusion that we can now just go ahead and start making babies, and you're welcome, by the way, for making up your mind for you. Maybe it's not that bad though, I thought. Besides, it's fair for her to voice how she feels. I clicked on the article. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids,” it began. I clicked off the article. I'm not subjecting myself to that, I thought. But curiosity killed the cat, as they say, and I have to imagine it's that same curiosity that led to me crawling right back to that article. Still reading, still trying to make sense of it. Where are the articles for having kids? Well, let's see if I can answer that.

“...talks about opting out of having kids for a number of purposes, most of which struck me as excuses rather than really good reasons”. Did... I miss something? Pray tell what is a “good reason” to not want kids? Who do we report to, and do we need a note from our doctors? In any case, one of the reasons (or “excuses”) was the overpopulation of the planet and climate change, and fear of exacerbating both issues by adding more children to it. Tamara's argument was that one can simply counter their offspring's existence by donating to charities and organizations that battle climate change. There's a few things wrong with that. Number 1: we still just don't want kids. Number 2: she's assuming we have money. If we don't have money to spend on children then how do we have money to spend on charities? Now on the other hand, we do have enough wealth and resources on the planet to feed everyone, and to maintain ourselves and any children we see fit to bring into this world. If we only spread the wealth and share the resources. Ah. There's the catch, we're doing exactly the opposite of that. Families are still living in poverty in... everywhere, while the rich get richer. Families already struggle in a world where one medical emergency can shoot a family far down the poverty well, then take the ladder away.

“...also talks about kids being difficult and costly, but isn't anything worthwhile the same”. Not always, actually, but for the sake of argument let's say sure. Not only can I now refer back to my previous point (we have no money) but I'll raise Tamara the problems that can come with wanting to do all the things you find worthwhile. Where is everyone going to get all the money they need to provide a good living situation for their kids and also, say, go to college? Not only would that be incredibly costly in terms of our money, but also in our time. It can be done, sure, but it's hard, and only gets harder the less money, time, and overall privilege we have. If your spouse isn't supportive, if your have a job, if you have no one to watch your kids during the day, if you have no car, need to bus it, and be back in time to make dinner—the list goes on. It can be so, so hard to be able to do everything you want to do with a tight budget, and the time and demands can simply be too much for the person trying to do them. It can be done, we've seen it before, but there's a reason those stories stand out. It's because they don't happen often. So if a uterus-bearer decides they want to prioritize their education and/or career over having children, then more power to them, I say. It's a fair choice for many in a world where's it's near impossible to have it all.

“...insists...it is not selfish for a woman to decide to never have a child”. It's not. “...But I can say that having children does involve selflessness”. Well...in theory, yes. Sadly not always in practice, though. But do continue. “A woman’s body changes for her child, her mind changes for her child; every moment is affected by the existence of that child”. We know. That's what we're trying to avoid. “I, for one, think personal growth involves being more selfless, and if having kids helps with that, then great”. Well sure, unless we don't want to actually raise a kid. I'm sorry but what's so difficult to understand about that? One can grow as a person without forcing a child to come along as a crutch to help one deal with their emotional baggage, thank you. In fact, I would argue it's much more beneficial to do whatever you need to do (therapy, medication, anything) to help manage your struggles, and then bring a child into the world if you see fit. For many people, dealing with their issues as well as their child's issues can hinder their personal growth, rather than help it. Not everyone seems to want to hear this, but children don't “fix” a parent's problems and they don't “fix” the parent. Managing problems is so personal to each individual, and it's frankly dangerous and irresponsible to tell them having a child will help with their personal growth. That's just not always the case.

“Sources please? I don't hear women being told that their only value is domestic”. Well Tamara isn't listening enough, then. Here's the thing about getting sources on something like this: it's awfully hard to do. The problem is it's not something that we have proof of just laying under couch cushions like loose change. It's an attitude, an idea, ingrained into society. In the way we talk, in our attitudes, our assumptions. How often do we hear about the lazy stay at home mom trope? Now if this has never been an issue for Tamara, then great! No seriously, that's good to hear, because that's how it should be! But the problem is, that's not everyone's experience, and it isn't the norm, either. Society has this unspoken assumption that a woman is going to stay home, take care of house and kids, and split precisely zero of these responsibilities with her husband, whom she also takes care of. Children assumed to be female at birth are pretty much trained to take care of the house and the men in it once they're old enough to stand. How many families leave the menfolk to watch football or drink a beer and talk while the women (including children) cook, clean up, and otherwise serve the men, before they are allowed to enjoy themselves, too? Don't ever try to tell me that women and feminized people aren't valued for their domestic contributions more-so than men, and that there's no pressure on them to prioritize that over everything else. Just don't.

Now, this next point...it made me angry, I won't lie. The author recounts how a couple of women writing in didn't want to have children, as their families were alcoholics and neither wanted to pass on their addictive genes. To that: “Having a loved one who has struggled with addiction and has now been in recovery for many years, I see that the lessons he can pass on to his kids – whether they have addictive personalities or not – are so, so valuable. He is more the inspiring person for the difficulties he has been through and overcome, and he is evidence of the good that can come out of suffering”. I...how dare she? How dare she diminish those women's experiences like that? Listen, I'm glad her loved one is doing well, okay? I am. But I'm sure he would be heartbroken to watch any of his kids go through what he did, knowing how hard it was for him. Also, to be frank, not everyone does overcome those struggles. Not having experience with addictions myself, I'm reluctant to talk too much about this. I haven't seen or lived with this. But please, if you read how someone grew up with parents struggling with addiction, and talking about not wanting to pass that struggle on to their own kids, don't counter with “A world devoid of suffering doesn't help kids –teaching them how to move on from it is what counts”. It's tone-deaf, dismissive, and sickening.

“Yes, there are burdens associated with being a parent”. We still know that. We still want to avoid those. “But there is also the freedom of choosing to love, choosing to live for others...to be less self-seeking”. Oh my God. Choosing to love? Excuse you? Is this that “you don't know real love until you have children” thing? Do I, She Without Children, actually hate my parents, my pets, and my brother, because I don't have the love of a child? Man I hate that argument. It's truly pointless. Many childfree people are perfectly capable of feeling love, as is...any human being out there, really. Also, “choosing to live for others” doesn't necessarily have to mean bringing kids into the world. If one wants to one can adopt a kid already here and waiting for a good home. One can volunteer at or donate clothing and food to a homeless shelter. One can donate to charities, if you have the funds to. Adopt a pet from a shelter. There are so many ways someone can make other's lives richer, and procreating isn't the be all end all to that selflessness. Which again, doesn't always happen. “If you ask me, there’s still a very strong case for motherhood”. There is, and that's if you actually want to have children.

Well. There we have it. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids”. Do I have an answer? I think I do. Go and read her article. I'll wait. Back? Good. Now, in that whole article, the tone implies that people with a uterus definitely want to have kids. Like the default is just “you want kids”. Of course you do. What do you mean you don't? Why don't you want kids? There it is. When women and feminized people don't want kids, that's an attitude that's outside of the norm society has imposed on us. We don't want kids, so now we have to argue out way through an invisible judge and jury to give us permission to feel that way. The pro-motherhood sentiment is already all around us, in societal pressures, in the media we consume, in our medical practices. Uterus-bearers are often turned down for medical sterilization on the grounds that they “might change their minds”, or worse, their husbands might want kids. This line has been used on people who aren't even married. Our bodies are already forbidden from being ours on the grounds they belong to men. Sometimes hypothetical men we haven't met yet! That's why it's time, finally, to give childfree people the platform we need to let our voices be heard. To explain something that we should be able to say in five words: “I just don't want to”. So instead of counter-pointing and arguing and trying to get people to change their minds about deeply personal decisions about their own bodies, just stop, and try listening to us instead.

#feminism #feminist #femnists #childfree #lifestyle #childfreelife #motherhood #tw: alcohol #tw: abuse #childfreewomen #writing #lifechoices #child-free #life #canwestoparguingaboutthisalready

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beatrz · 5 years

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Social Media Detox - What I learned, what happened, what i want to change

I started this detox around early July for several reasons. Well, maybe just two— my mental health wasn’t getting better and my consumption of social media and information was aggravating it.

My relationship with social media before this was just me constantly on it, constantly scrolling, constantly looking up the latest drama, constantly checking on people, constand worry and anxiety. I was getting more and more nervous, and paranoid to the point where I felt the need to check friends’ profiles to see if I’m being talked about. It wasn’t getting healthy for me and my relationships so I decided to take on this detox. I deactivated and deleted my Twitter and Instagram — my most used and anxiety inducing applications— and detoxified my Facebook account, meaning I unfollowed people and pages who don’t really contribute in my life.

A week into it, I was having a sort of withdrawal. My anxiety boosted through the roof, I wasn’t very rational, I had a few attacks, and it wasn’t great at all. I remember this day where I felt like everything was just going wrong, like something was going on that I don’t know about because I wasn’t on social media. I had times where I caved and sort of checked on it a bit, and I would tell my bestfriend who then told me to remind myself why I was doing it in the first place.

Second week, I felt at least a bit less anxious. The worry was still there but it wasn’t as persistent as it was during the first week. I had urges to check Twitter (I just had the break up at the time) but really tried not to succumb to it. I had several things that kept me busy, this blog for example, and it really helped. I had a new outlet to channel my thoughts much freely and in a more cohesive way. Journaling, writing, and just being more in tune with my thoughts has helped so much.

Third and last, I barely thought of social media. Even if I did, it wasn’t about what’s happening or what I’m missing out on, it was more on what better content can I put out there. Thoughts on how I can use more of my creativity and how I can use it to put it out there. Reevaluated how I can control the information that enters me, what social media is, what it is to me, and what’s more important.

I reactivated my accounts on the 22nd. At first I had a day where I just couldn’t stop myself until I just took a step back and thought to myself about what exactly I’m doing and why. I don’t need to see everything, just what’s important, and what matters to me. Sure entertainment is fun but the onslaught of useless information is what damages how we use it.

With all this in mind, here’s what I’m changing.

Twitter

I’m limiting my use in the application, and unfollowing pages that aren’t really worthwhile, just to have a bit of control over what content and information in consume.

Seeing the toxicity of people in the app, all the useless drama, and arguments— it’s not helping me. Sure I’d still read my bookmarked AUs and news story, but I won’t get myself hooked into another person’s drama.

2. Instagram

I don’t need to follow everybody. I also don’t need to constantly worry about how my feed looks like because in the end, no one really cares. I mean yea I want it to look good, but it will no longer be because of what people want but more of what I can put out there. I mentioned earlier that I want my creativity to come out more and that’s what I’m going to focus on.

I’m going to focus on my own personal creativity to expand it even more and to just share it and if that brings people in then thats great.

3. Tumblr

This has been my source of sanity. I enjoyed this and I will continue with it. Journaling here or blogging has been beneficial to my brain and myself, and it should be something everyone should get on with. It’s like a meditating thing. It doesn’t need to be long or anything, just get your mind out there.

I received an actual journal from my bestfriend and I think I will use that as an extention of this. So that journal will just be daily journaling or every few days or so, and this blog would be for updates in my life, topics from the journal that I want to expand or keep talking longer about, and the journaling prompt I have.

That’s all for this experience, I would like to do it again sometime. I think everyone should take a break every once in a while. It was a rocky experience but maybe next time it won’t be as.

#social media detox #detox

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backtothestart02 · 6 years

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Fallen Star - 7/?

A/N: Not all that exciting, I assure you, but certainly longer than any of the previous chapters. I hope you find something in it worthwhile.

*many thanks to @valeriemperez for beta’ing.

Chapter 7 -

No matter how hard Iris tried, she could not seem to focus on Linda’s genius plan to piss Barry off in order to bring them back together. She knew in theory it was solid, and she did have to admit the story was one she would have greedily chased if it actually existed, though maybe she wouldn’t act on it to the extent Linda was suggesting she would – hypothetically speaking, but she couldn’t stop thinking about that New Year’s Eve party at STAR Labs that she had yet to make a decision about.

Barry had bought her a gorgeous shiny floor-length dress for their six-month anniversary near the end of November. She knew he’d been eyeing the dresses that showed a little more skin than this one did and just didn’t want to be labeled a perv by the girlfriend of his dreams and tried to tell him so. He refused to admit to it though, and so she told him she appreciated the gift. Which she did. The dress was absolutely stunning and looked amazing on her when she tried it on.

You would’ve thought she was wearing lingerie from Barry’s inability to speak and the color draining from his face, the bulge forming in his pants. It did show a bit of cleavage and there was a slit for her leg, but she didn’t think it warranted that much of a reaction.

Still, when he lunged for her, and she giggled, “Don’t rip the dress!”, he sped-stripped it off of her and responded, “Save it for New Year’s.” She’d nodded, giddy. “That’s perfect.”

It’d been a magical, intoxicating night after that, and when she found the dress in her closet today she could not help but think of that night and the bright future that lay ahead of them then. One that, as far as she could tell, had been wiped from existence now.

She turned her phone over and over in her hand, trying to decide. Linda had offered to take her with her to New York City where her cousin had managed to snag an invite to a classy party on a rooftop in full view of the huge glittering ball that would sound off the new year. It was an enticing offer, she had to admit. She’d never seen the ball anywhere other than on TV. She’d never even been to New York. She always wanted to go, see the lights all lit up at night, be amidst the crowds on a busy Friday night or a busy Friday day. She wanted to go to a Broadway show and spend hours shopping at vendors in the city streets. She wanted to browse through Tiffany’s most beautiful – and expensive – diamond collection and be stopped in the middle of Times Square because her face was zoomed in on the big screen.

She wanted to kiss who she was with in that moment, have it shown to everyone who was walking by. She wanted that magic of knowing anyone who cared to pay attention could see how desperately in love she was with that person.

And she wanted that person to be Barry.

Tears welled in her eyes as she abandoned the phone on the table and went to curl in a ball on the couch.

She wanted everything with Barry.

She’d wanted Christmas with Barry – mistletoe and eggnog and a fully decorated tree and opening presents and caroling and waking up on Christmas morning wrapped up in each other and eating Christmas cookies, one of her few specialties she excelled at.

She hadn’t gotten that this year. They hadn’t gotten it this year.

Instead they fought and broke up, and her favorite holiday in the world was forever tainted because apparently her Bear had been restraining himself for fear of losing her and had decided that if it was worth the risk if she had some sense knocked into her.

The rumblings of anger buzzed inside her, but it wasn’t nearly as intense as it had been a week ago or any day since. Because right now she missed him so much it hurt. Right now she was willing to throw away her entire career if it meant holding him in her arms again and hearing I love you float passed his lips, hearing I missed you and let’s never break up again tumble off his tongue. She missed the pressure of his lips against hers, of his body against hers, of his fingers in her hair, his whisper in her ear…

She missed everything.

Why couldn’t things be okay? Just for one night, one magical, endless night, why couldn’t their love be enough?

She shivered where she sat and pulled a folded blanket up over her, huddling into its warmth.

But he’s not even going to be there, Iris.

It could be the truth. He might not decide to show, if Cisco prodded Barry to show up the way Caitlin had done to her. They might be in the same space, and not by accident either. Whenever Cisco and Caitlin teamed up on something, it was usually with good intentions. Which meant they wanted to get the two of them back together and had likely decided since they were making no moves in that direction, it was up to the saavy science nerds of Team Flash to step in for them.

If only it was so simple.

Her phone buzzed across the room, nearing the edge of the table where she’d left it.

It was either Linda, asking her if she was sure she wanted to spend her New Year’s Eve alone, even though she was likely already in New York getting ready for the party. I’ll send in the ‘copter, she’d probably say, only half-joking – or it was Caitlin, reminding her that the party started in less than two hours and she had yet to give her a response.

She bit her bottom lip, thought about that dress, about Barry being there, about Barry not being there, about truly spending another holiday moping and/or feeling depressed, about the rest of the team that probably only wanted to help, about the champagne and the smiles and the new year that could change everything.

She snapped to her feet, zipped across the room, her slippers sliding on the wood floor, and answered the call.

“Hey, Caitlin.”

“Iris! Hey, I was just calling becau-”

“I’m coming.”

A pause, probably due to shock and uncertainty.

“You’re…you’re coming?”

“I’m coming, yes.”

“You’re sure.”

“Absolutely positively!” she assured. Too much, Iris, she grimaced a beat later.

“Well, that’s…great!” A smile in her voice. It made Iris smile too. “You can just head on up to the roof when you get here. If no one’s up there we’re just grabbing extra food and drink.”

“Great! That sounds great, Caitlin. I can’t wait.”

A pause – more smiling from both of them.

“I’ll see you later then, Iris.”

“Should I bring anything?” she asked hurriedly, the thought of contributing unexpectedly dawning on her suddenly.

“Nope. Just yourself,” she soothed.

“Just myself.”

“See you at seven.”

“See you.”

Click.

She set the phone back down on the table and stared out the window, letting the realization of what she’d just done sink in.

A party to forget or a party that might change everything. Her breath caught in her throat, imagining the look that might be in Barry’s eyes when he saw her in that dress – if he sees you, Iris.

She had a feeling he would.

…

Barry stared at himself in the tall mirror and sighed loudly.

“That does not sound like a man who is excited to go to the…” Cisco slid along the floor into view behind him. “Best New Year’s Even party of his life!” he sang.

Barry’s expression did not change.

“Is it too much?”

Cisco glared.

“Dude. You’re wearing a navy suit with a sparkly tie.

“Yeah.”

“It’s better than the first thing you put on.”

Barry paused, recalling, and then nodded resigned.

“Yeah, the bedazzled black tux was a little over-the-top.”

“Ya think?” Cisco deadpanned.

“This might be too, though…”

“You’re not going to the party in a t-shirt and jeans, my friend. This is a party, not…a movie marathon.”

Barry frowned and turned to look at him.

“But Iris isn’t going to be there.”

Cisco raised his eyebrows. “Is that the only time you would try to look nice?”

He shrugged. “Well, it’s nothing with work either or a formal function.”

“Everyone is dressing up,” he complained. “Just because you’re feeling mopey doesn’t mean you have to look that way.”

Barry paused, thinking. “Right,” he finally said. “No, you’re right. Sorry, Cisco.”

Cisco sighed. “It’s all good, my man. We’re gonna have a good time tonight, I promise.”

“Even though I can’t get drunk?” he drawled.

“You don’t need to get a drunk to have a good time,” he almost yelled.

Barry was working his last nerve. He’d been absolutely elated when his best friend hadn’t needed much convincing to agree to come to the New Year’s Eve party he and Caitlin had concocted two days prior. Apparently though, keeping him invested in the idea took a lot more effort than what Caitlin had to deal with – which had just been a last minute rsvp.

“You’re sure Iris isn’t going to be there?” Barry asked, smoothing down his tie again.

“We didn’t invite her,” Cisco said matter-of-factly.

Barry met his eyes. “You don’t think that’s kind of…mean?”

Cisco blinked.

“I mean, she’s part of the team too. Won’t she be offended you didn’t even offer?”

“She doesn’t want to be around you any more than you want to be around her.”

His heart sank.

“Trust me when I say she would’ve said no even if we had asked.”

“Oh,” he said quietly, saddened – and giving Cisco an unbelievable amount of joy.

She’s coming! She’s coming! She’s coming!

But he kept his mouth shut on that little truth. The happy reunion would unfold itself soon enough.

“Think she’s missed me?” he asked, too deep in his sadness to even try to come across nonchalant.

Cisco stilled and gripped his shoulder until Barry looked up at him.

“Do you want me to invite her?”

Barry’s eyes widened. “No.” He shook his head. “No, definitely not. Of course not. No.”

Cisco looked at him strangely. “Does that mean…yes?”

Irritated, he walked passed him. “No, Cisco, it means no.” He sighed, gripping his hands on the counter. “There would be no point.”

Cisco swallowed hard, for the first time genuinely worried that his plan might fall through.

“Why…is that?” he asked.

“Because nothing has changed,” he said sorrowfully. “Neither of us is willing to budge. If I was I’d have groveled at her feet by now, and if she was… Well, she wouldn’t have groveled, but somehow, she would have let me know. It’s been a week, Cisco.” He sighed again and turned to face his friend. “A week.”

“I know.”

“It’s been so hard not seeing her, not being with her, not sharing things with her, not having her as my best friend. It’s like when I broke up with her, I lost all of her. I lost Iris the best friend and Iris the girlfriend.”

Cisco hesitantly walked towards him, bracing himself for the question he was about to broach.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but…hasn’t it been you avoiding her?”

Barry looked at him. “Has she been trying to contact me without my knowing?”

“Well…” he squeaked.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He ran his hand over his face. “We’re both avoiding each other.”

“Maybe you should both stop. At the very least try to be civil.”

He frowned. “I’m being civil.”

“Because being in the same room with her would make you lash out?”

“I’ve been in the same room with her.”

“When?” he demanded. He didn’t know about this.

“A few days ago, at CCPD. We had a run-in. It didn’t last long. I tripped over myself on the stairs. She snapped at me.”

“Because you fell down the stairs?”

“Because I asked her why she was there.”

“Did you snap first?”

“I don’t think so…I was just returning some files Joe left in my lab.”

“Hmm.”

“Don’t analyze it too much, Cisco. All I’m saying is, I’m not the only one trying to avoid a confrontation. And you know what? That’s okay. Maybe right now it’s best if we don’t see each other. Then gradually…in another week or so maybe, we can slowly start interacting again. By Valentine’s Day it’ll be like we were never a couple at all.”

“You don’t sound bothered by that possibility,” Cisco pointed out, slightly troubled. “Isn’t this the girl you’ve been in love with since you were like ten?”

“Nine.”

“Nine. Even worse.”

Barry glared at him.

“All I’m saying is maybe she’s worth not giving up on.”

He sighed. “I tried Cisco. I waited it out. I gently made suggestions. I got a little more forceful. The only effect it had on her was her pushing harder than ever to do what she wanted – or to brush it under the rug. I could forget it at night when it was just us together, hanging out…going on dates…just being us. But…then I’d run across a story she was working on or hear about a dangerous criminal she couldn’t wait to track down – unprotected with zero plan of getting out if her life was in danger. And I can’t be everywhere at once. I can’t concentrate on anything when I know my girlfriend is out there not being safe, being reckless, and that she might die at any moment just because she refuses to have any common sense.”

His temper was rising, his frustration on the issue clearly still present. Cisco wondered for the first time if his genius plan was all that genius. There was a pretty good possibility the party could be shut down before it barely began when instead of kissing at midnight, Barry and Iris started fighting the moment they spotted each other on the rooftop.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that tonight,” he said, to get his mind off it as much as Barry’s. “Just try to relax, have some fun, drink some champagne pretend you’re affected by it.”

He laughed, a real one, and Cisco relaxed some too.

It was short-lived.

“A night with no Iris sounds like a good night to me.”

Crap.

…

The wind whipped around her when she stepped out of her car, her hair fluttering around her shoulders as she looked up at the looming STAR Labs and the satellite at the top where she could see decorative white lights lining the perimeter of the roof. There really is a rooftop party, she mused.

Whether or not Barry would be at it was something else entirely, but she’d decided she would risk it. She had this beautiful dress that she’d promised to save for New Year’s. Whether or not she and Barry were together shouldn’t determine what she was allowed to wear or even what she was allowed to do. It was a week from their break-up tonight. If Linda’s plan didn’t work, she would need an escape, something to take the edge off that wasn’t just vodka shots in Linda’s kitchen. And she’d been promised Barry wouldn’t be here. She only trusted that about 50/50, and a big part of her wanted him to be there so she could show him what he was missing – and what he could easily get back if he would just…

Her phone buzzed in the sparkly clutch she’d brought with her. She checked the screen to find a text staring back at her from Cisco.

You coming?

She nodded and took a breath.

Just got here.

She was about to go inside when her phone started to buzz again, this time with a phone call. She frowned by answered it on her way to the building.

“Hey, Caitlin, I just told Cisco-”

“Hey, Iris, I know I told you to just meet us all up on the roof, but HR he…and Cisco...”

“Say no more,” she interjected soothingly. “I’ll meet you guys in the cortex.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Iris smiled and shook her head as she tucked her phone back into her clutch. She had wondered why they hadn’t wanted to all meet up in the cortex or even have the party in the speed lab and head up to the roof when it got closer to midnight. She figured the view was the reason behind it, and she knew she’d agree with that. Plus, maybe they wanted to switch things up given what happened the last time they decorated the cortex and speed lab and… well, obviously the events in their personal lives kept anyone from really enjoying it.

“Iris! Thank God!” Caitlin came speeding towards her as fast as she could in her high heels with her arms full of food and decorations.

Iris quickly stepped out of the elevator before the brunette almost tumbled in with her.

“Hey, let me take something.” She laughed and shook her head as she grabbed a bowl of overflowing popcorn and a box of unopened shot glasses. “I thought you guys prepared for this.”

“I know, I know,” she laughed nervously. “Cisco and I had two days to get our asses in gear, but there was Flash business today – a robbery,” she said hastily, avoiding eye contact as she did. “And, well, HR was determined to decorate but then he accidentally interrupted the lab instead of the roof, and-”

“Hey, hey, breathe,” Iris commanded gently, staring straight at her and willing Caitlin to feel the comfort since her arms were too full to console her by physical touch.

“Right. Breathe.”

“It’s what? Five after seven? That’s almost five hours till midnight. I’m sure we can get everything set up in a half hour or less.”

“You’re right.”

“Where’s Cisco? Maybe we can get everything in order and head up to the roof in like ten minutes? Shouldn’t take too long to decorate, though we may want to think twice about setting out too much food and other things. It was windy in the parking lot. Must be much worse higher up.”

Caitlin’s face fell. “You’re right.”

“Hey, no, don’t worry,” she reassured again. “If it’s really bad we can go in the speed lab and just head on up to the roof for the countdown. If we get all the decorations secured, it shouldn’t be a problem. Who wants to be chilly all night anyways, right? It’s nearly January after all and I didn’t exactly come bundled in a winter jacket.”

Caitlin looked down at Iris’ attired for the first time and her eyes widened, her mouth fell open.

“Oh my God, Iris, you look gorgeous.”

Slightly flustered, Iris smoothed down the sparkling dress.

“Thanks, Caitlin, Barry got-”

She stopped and swallowed hard, the words caught in her throat. Luckily, this time Caitlin came to her rescue.

“You know what, why don’t you take these streamers and lights instead?” She offered her other arm to Iris where the items were starting to teeter over. “If decorations are the priority then we should get them up first. I’ll take the snacks back to Cisco and tell him the new plan.”

She frowned. “You’re sure? I can help with more…”

“No need,” she insisted. “It won’t take long for us to get everything sorted. If we’re not up in ten minutes, you can come back and help up get our act together.” She laughed lightly.

“All right…” she said reluctantly. “Maybe five minutes, though?” She started heading back to the elevator.

“Sure. That works fine too.”

She was more puzzled than ever by Caitlin’s sudden avoiding eye contact and the odd tone to her voice, but she dismissed it to her clearly being frazzled by the team’s lack of preparedness. The brunette’s dashing back down the hall where Cisco and HR were likely still trying to organize everything added to that theory.

Still…something was off.

Whatever was off though was completely forgotten when she stepped out onto the roof. She gasped, starstruck at the sight of all the buildings and the lights beneath on the city streets. The stars sparkled across a dark sky and the moon was big and brilliant. She almost dropped the decorations held tightly in her hands.

She was so mesmerized she almost didn’t hear the roof door open and close again.

“Has it been five minutes already?” she asked, smiling when she turned around to greet the newcomer.

The smile immediately dissolved, the rest of her body equally paralyzed. She swallowed hard and reminded herself to breathe.

“Iris.”

God, she hated when she was right.

His voice was raw, rough, stunned, and achingly familiar. Unlike herself, he apparently hadn’t considered the possibility that they might have been set up. She tried not to look too deflated. The part of her that had been aching for this scenario was overwhelmed with the part that wanted to be free of that worry, which was unfortunate given how badly she’d wanted it earlier.

Still, she summoned her courage and walked into the fire with all the grace, class, and half-hearted enthusiasm she could muster.

“Hello, Barry.”

*Also posted on AO3 and FFnet.

#westallen #fanfiction #backtothestar02 fanfiction #fallen star #chapter 7 #i'm so down on myself rn it's not even funny #i hate everything #hope you like it though

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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1. Staring to think the FSB really did ‘accidentally’ lose track of some material and maybe that is the next step in the Covid era

2. ‘Chain of care / adoption / ownership’ - whose kid belongs to whom, fighting with colleagues over my piano-teacher’s four daughters and one son, they all seemed happy. ‘That’s a reason to hate’ - it was a long time ago, however, and the nature of the hate has changed. I no longer know domestic attitudes and probably there are few adoptions going on at all. Maybe nowadays everyone’s happy and have the same values.

I feel woozy and beyond horrible that I haven’t lived up to my own and may have contributed to misunderstanding rather than understanding. I pray that the details I share will give a bass-note of sorts but I sincerely feel conflicted about educational philosophy particularly w/r/t teaching dark things to children at a young age rather than teach biblical values with some kind of rigorous but kind system or embody these values tacitly(?). We learned about Shoah, abortion, WWII Pacific.

3. ‘Love-stories that begin with movies’ - and yet, I heard music (’Sheep May’).

4. ‘A Millionaire’s First Love’ - give everything at once, a vow, a strong hand. I might have made a mistake in my lack of preparation or in not continuing to give.

5. ‘The Bridge of Life.’ ‘Scholar-David’ trying to be some kind of scholar, I examine the paradigms, Confucius, New Testament, later Old Testament, old and new - ‘keeping the old alive.’ Emerson says the scholar of one candle understands the desires of others but it seems a dangerous idea. Trying to figure out others’ minds all the time is catering if not communism or manipulation. I preferred the other one who knew what to say or decided that they could speak without having to explain why they were saying what they were saying but perhaps this too is fiction. I said something about knowing someone else’s dream and BigBoss got mad at me, what do you know about love, boy - I thought he was being prideful but in retrospect I couldn’t judge, maybe.

I also judged myself - ‘disappointed.’ ‘You do not have the right to judge!’ Eating some vegetables. I don’t know why I said that but in retrospect was possibly trying a kind of maneuver to show someone something. I was happy or satisfied.

6. History was still going on. When _ _ put their hands on my trapezius or neck-muscles or so, this sad-eyed person who in retrospect as not as vulnerable as I was or at least not as feckless, I was reading in the NYT about Raqqa, this distant darkness. What a horrible name, to my ear. It’s very old. Their leader is so ugly. Trump said he died crying which is something to say but I would bet a person like that - I just don’t know what I don’t know; I’m a child of the ‘90s; The ‘EJE’ of bin Laden, the people partying outside the White House making me think of Return of the Jedi to be honest. Ewoks. Years later Director Brennan writes about how pleased he is that real, ordinary, every day Americans are chanting, ‘CIA! CIA!’ Brennan lived in Egypt, studied Arabic. It was also JSOC though a lot of people think about DEVGRU, ST6. This amazing NYT phoo of the ‘operator’s back-muscles amid this gear, later talking with my med school dropout friend about how the SEALs shoot off more ammunition in markmanship-training than like the entire Marine Corps to achieve expertise but then it’s the NYT and they ill say anything that sounds like, ‘CCP deserves to rule the world due to hard work / culture of achievement / Xiang Yu decapitating himself after killing tens of thousands of innocent villages just to get the arcade record or sth’ and I read One Bullet Away and the officer there ignited a lot of propellant(?) as well to make sure he had the highest qualification for his men. McRaven with the ‘devil horns’ at his speech - I’m a McChrystal fundamentalist I think he should ‘kill everyone.’ If medicine- and food-dist fail as I think they might who’s gonna manage stuff the Postal Service? I felt like what’s even going on in his head all the time, 20-hour day, work out with men half his age, 60-page report, one meal. Feel I could do that if I had a ‘place.’ I keep hearing ‘Diffugere Nives’ in my head - ‘say to thy soul’ - I hate that; I’m not Greco-Roman; I want to be post-heroic; I don’t want to participate in war; I don’t even want to go to soi disant ‘professional school’ b/c the people seem burned out and sad to put it too simplistically, I have no idea what they’ve seen. S’hai-1 who was ‘an aurora; White Goddess’ (again I hate to use non-Christian figures of speech but perhaps one could call her a ‘viatrix?’ - traveler? - Yeats ‘pilgrim soul’ - someone trying to carry a baby to safety or carry a destiny?) at 24 in NYC and of whom I wondered during Covid what kind of valley of the shadow she was passing through now she seems like a child. I was reflecting, ‘The psychopathology of the Millennial Generation, the situation, becoming a child then an adult then a child again’ but IDK if that is everyone or just my mom or whatever happened with Taeyeon between ‘Purpose’ (my wife who is also my co-educational-administrator at work / Math Dept. Head Ancient and world Languages Dept. Head or ‘Chief of Staff’) then with ‘What Do I Call You’ that I am thinking, ‘Egad and Mein Gott this is about confirmation of religious identity,’ and how in the future people will value (non-productive or what psychoanalysts might call ‘aim-inhibited’) interactions or presence. That is why my friend’s internet-friend is in ‘Obama’s dream’ with some kind of caffeinated cold beverage - why I think about ‘You Love Me’ as a kind of ‘Min Jin Lee chapter title’ where it is like, oh you love me. Cagey people, holding their cards, saying stuff lke John Green novels where they seem not sure if they are talking about love, living a story, experience, realization. I respect John Green, and wondered for a time why my YAL ‘Reading Interests of Adolescents’ professor didn’t like him till I figured out that ‘Alaska’ is kind of like ‘let’s consume women + let’s be degen adventurers’ and ‘Fault in Stars’ appears to posit r/Romantic couple-love as well as teens teaching other teens as some valid defiance of the world. My old classmates liked to ‘Braveheart’ in the backyard talking about fighting; I remember the execution-scene and how the French princess is like, ‘your son is le cuckold! - Franco-Scottish blood will prevail!’ (A decade or more later the notorious album Exodus 2004 said, ‘Can you and I start mixing gene-pools / Eastern Western people get naughty multilingual’ The sex-as-defiance trope is ubiquitous ‘Three Days of Condor.’ ‘The Terminator’ (’Terminator 1′) I guess is more high-minded and less ‘70-s-self-involved or stuck in its own time than ‘Condor’ in that the child actually does save the world later on or at least get rid of some machines.

I now wish that I had spent less time trying to be normal or looking at the other couples at RU and more time working on ‘2003′ as I felt like I understood more what would happen when two people set out to ‘create’ or ‘own’ their own existence / life in a time where identity and personal interests were under attack or being overdetermined or driven or appropriated or conscripted by governmental and social developments such as the Iraq War whereby I felt all the worthwhile women were just looking for men at arms and the rest were ‘sub-culture; the anime club.’ I hesitated between two spheres as I felt that one had obvious impact, the other authenticity.

I believed in ‘soft sci f’ for a long time and pared down my ambitions over time by diluting them with ‘Updikeana’ as I call it or ‘Austeneana’ or any kind of pathos or sympathy or showing of characters’ weakness or lack of virtue. IDK if ought to publish this but 2016 I decided to delete everything and was onl left with ‘To Have Everything’ ad one other thing; THE was about nuclear terrorism and divorce basically. I guess was already partaking of frankly the pleasures of evil - t’d be great if our dreams didn’t come true and instead many people died and our love-systems failed due to our greed or impatience or mismanagement or engaging targets of opportunity. I again was writing ‘naively’ and didn’t know what I meant or why, was only concerned with the one and beauty and whatever ‘resonance’ it had with my own feelings or soul; I was interested in the way that people grow apart not only through physical distance at times but through divergent interests or at least that I could tell at the time, though, in retrospect I feel as if everyone were feeling or believing the same fundamental things and even understood that there would be a pandemic.

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writtenbyhappynerds · 4 years

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FF102: Unit 9, The End’s the Best Part

Hello. This is the last chapter of Fanfiction 102. Our final page, and our last piece. We wanted to end on a fitting note. As such, our final unit is on something the Editor and I find very important: endings.

In the writing process, and in my writing process, endings are written as soon as possible. It’s okay if you start a story and don’t know how it ends, but you need to quickly figure out what the ending of the story is because it becomes an invaluable tool for you as a writer. With an ending, you have a goal to work towards and a final destination for your characters to reach. They have a purpose, and a point and any conflicts along the way or trials and tribulations can contribute or lead to this ending. As soon as you know what the ending is, it is much easier to refine and polish your work. Again, the ending doesn’t have to be written right away. It doesn’t have to be an executed and created piece that will be incorporated later. For our current in-progress fanfics, What Do We Owe and Ashes to Ashes, the Editor and I know exactly how Ashes to Ashes is going to end. We didn’t know until around chapter 8, but we now know how Cicely Godith’s story will come to a close. For What Do We Owe, the ending is still more abstract. We have ideas, and we’ve focused down our ideas on what means the most to our characters, but it isn’t a fully fleshed-out concept that can be copied and pasted onto the last chapter. It’s a footnote. A goal in the back of our minds to work towards.

In many fanfictions, we see the first half of a piece be well-thought-out. You can see the care and time an author put into one story and one plot point. However, you can also see the difference between a well-thought-out first half, and a poorly executed second half. It always looks like the author had a clear vision of the first half of the story, but once they got there they didn’t know where to go. As such, the fanfic putters out in the second half and falls to the wayside. Even if you have to follow the traditional 3-arc storyboard, do it. Everyone hates on outlines when they’re literally the most helpful thing in the world. Even if you change the inside or fix the details, having an outline lets you keep your whole life together. Attached to this chapter is one of my own 3-act outlines. It is for a story that has not been written, and an idea that I had that I didn’t want to forget. Because of this outline, I have more to reference than a few half-baked scenes. I can leave this story alone for the next 2 weeks or the next 2 years, and still, come back and figure out exactly where I was and where I wanted to go.

There are many modern examples of writers who thought about their endings first, and writers who didn’t. The difference is dramatic, and when you write the ending themes and motifs can easily reveal themselves. For example, you can’t foreshadow if you don’t know where you’re going. If your ending is done, you can start dropping hints in a way that makes sense and contributes to a plot and leads your readers down a rabbit hole to a grand conclusion. Game of Thrones is a great example of a TV show that did not write their ending first. As such, their grand twists and turns and revelations felt rushed and cheap because we never got to see the descent into madness that was meant to portray the turn of the tides. Had they written their ending earlier, they could have started that arc when Khal Drogo died and called his death the straw that broke the camel’s back. On the flipside, Percy Jackson and the Olympians had the final book ready by the end of the first. Rick Riordan was able to add all these twists and turns and tribulations in Percy’s story that led to Luke being the child of the prophecy. That led to Hestia being the last olympian. That led to Rachel Dare being the new oracle. By being sure of the final destination the road to get there was much more meaningful. It had a greater purpose.

Now. This is not to say that your ending can’t change. The first ending you write for a story absolutely can change, and it doesn’t have to be the only ending you stick with. The goal of writing it down as quickly as possible is just to make the process of creating the story better for you as a writer. For some stories, the ending is easier than others. If you are writing a romance story the traditional ending is the OC marrying the love interest, settling down, and having 2.5 kids because that’s the goal for most romance stories- a quiet end with contentment and joy. However, if you’re writing romance as the subplot (as you should be) then you need a better ending than that. If you have a romance subplot but the actual main plot of the story is about a group of thieves, maybe the story ends in Las Vegas with a big bank heist. By writing down that heist first you know that your characters have to prepare themselves for that final fight and that ending story. If you look at games like Persona 5, the first thing you do in that game is to fight the final boss, then you’re captured by police and have to work as a character from the very beginning up to that fight. You know what is expected of you, and you can grind your stats accordingly.

The last thing we can offer you as advice, and I suppose as commentary, is that we see a lot of authors add filler chapters of fluff because they’re insecure about the length of their work. They’re worried that if the fanfic is shorter and more plot-driven that it’s bad because many popular works have 300-some pages. The idea that something is bad if it’s shorter is absolutely not true. It is completely okay to cut fanfic short. God, I WISH someone had told me that when I was writing Psycho-Pass fanfic because it would have saved me so much time and so many conversations of “Maybe we add a fluff chapter here to pad the length.” If it doesn’t matter to you as the writer, it’s not going to matter to the reader. You the author are the first critic and the first reader. If you don’t care, no one else will. Emotional execution and driving the plot and creating moments in writing where you feel something is one of the ways where you know you can call yourself a good writer. If you can get people to feel exactly what you want them to at any given time, you can call yourself a good writer. But that takes work. Some emotions are handed to you. Some take time. I had the opportunity to sit down with an author and talk to him about this and he told me: I got humor for free. I could always make people laugh with my writing. But making people think, making people sad… those are things I had to work for. We as readers crave stories like that. We want stories that make us feel or think or question, but as a writer, there is a learning curve. Other people will tell you you’re a good writer long before you start to believe it, but once you can get that kind of control over your craft, you’ll believe it too.

So now, this is our ending. If you want to be a writer, there are a few things you need. You need ego, and not jerky ‘I’m the best’ ego, you need to be able to be talked about in a negative way. You need to believe that you can write and get better at it because there are always moments of doubt, and believing in yourself actually matters because once Imposter-Syndrome, that feeling that someone will come along and say “we found out you can’t actually do this so it’s time to give it up.” Once that’s there it never goes away. You have to believe in yourself. You need to engage in self-criticism without collapsing entirely. You should be able to look at your stuff and be strong enough as a person to see that what you’ve created is not a reflection of who you are as a person. While you need an ego to write without fear, you need humility to know that no matter how much you write you can always learn more. Since the Editor and I started picking our works back up again, I’ve tried to do something different that I haven’t done in each piece. Whether it’s whimsical and romantic and sad or hard-hitting and collaborative. If you think that you’ve hit the limit on what you can master you limit your own ability for growth. So, you need an ego to write, humility to learn, and you need a mirror of imposter syndrome, which is that someone who doesn’t know anything about writing can still say something useful. Sometimes the Editor has no clue what I’m writing about. She doesn’t know the fandom or the genre, but she wants our works to be good, and even when she doesn't know what the fanfiction is about her advice is no less invaluable.

We started the Fanfiction 101/102 courses because we saw an increase in errors and misfires in fanfiction writing. Instead of staying annoyed, we wanted to be the change we saw in the world and wanted to share with others what we have seen fail and triumph. What we have loved and what’s overdone. If you’ve made it through both 101 and 102 I hope you’ve taken away something worthwhile, and something that has improved your writing. Thank you for spending time with us.

While this is our final chapter, we probably will have an epilogue with a second round of our favorite fanfics. That’ll be posted sometime next week because the Editor has 50,000 fanfics to sort through and apparently asking her to pick favorites is like asking her to pick a favorite child. For now, this is the end. If you ever want a critic or notes or anything of the sort, feel free to reach out. We’re always around.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

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asfeedin · 4 years

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11 of the Best Professional Bio Examples We’ve Ever Seen [+ Bio Templates]

Is your professional bio as good as it can be?

In this article, we have nine real bio examples you should definitely compare yours to — and a series of free bio templates you can use to perfect it.

Most people don’t think about their professional bio until they’re suddenly asked to “shoot one over via email,” and have approximately one afternoon to come up with it. That’s when we scramble, and our bio ends up reading like this:

Rodney Erickson is a content marketing professional at HubSpot, an inbound marketing and sales platform that helps companies attract visitors, convert leads, and close customers. Previously, Rodney worked as a marketing manager for a tech software startup. He graduated with honors from Columbia University with a dual degree in Business Administration and Creative Writing.”

Woof, that was dull. Are you still with me? I swear, not even adding a tidbit about his cats would liven that bio up.

To be fair, in certain contexts, your professional bio does need to be more formal, like Mr. Erickson’s up there. But in many cases, writing a bio that’s readable — even conversational — is actually a really good thing. That means dropping that traditional format of listing your accomplishments like a robot and cramming as much professional-sounding jargon in there as you can.

How to Write a Bio

Create an ‘About’ page for your website or profile.

Begin writing your bio with your first and last name.

Mention any associated brand name you might use.

State your current position and what you do.

Include at least one professional accomplishment.

Describe your values and how they inform your career.

Briefly tell your readers who you are outside of work.

Consider adding humor or a personal story to add flavor to your professional bio.

How to Write a Bio

Writing a professional bio that captures your brand and what you offer to your audience can help you grow better. But doing it right is just as important. Here’s how to write a bio, step-by-step.

1. Create an ‘About’ page for your website or profile.

Before you can publish your professional bio, you need a living space for it. Here are a few to consider (some of these you might already have in place):

Facebook Business page

LinkedIn profile

Instagram account

Personal website

Personal blog

Industry website

Industry blog byline

As you’ll see in the professional bio examples below, the length and tone of your bio will differ depending on which of the above platforms you choose to be on. Instagram, for example, allows only 150 characters of bio space, whereas you can write virtually as much as you want on your personal website — or even your Facebook Business page. But once created, this bio should represent who you are in the eyes of your audience.

2. Begin writing your bio with your first and last name.

If your readers don’t remember anything else about your bio, make sure they remember your name. For that reason, it’s a good idea for your first and last name to be the first two words of your professional bio. Even if your name is printed above this bio (hint: it should), this is a rare moment where it’s okay to be redundant.

For example, if I were writing my own bio, I might start it like this:

Lindsay Kolowich

Lindsay Kolowich is a Senior Marketing Manager at HubSpot.

3. Mention any associated brand name you might use.

Will your professional bio represent yourself, or a business you work for? Make sure the brand you want to be associated with is mentioned in your bio. If you’re a freelancer, perhaps you have a personal business name or pseudonym you advertise to your clients. Here are a few examples:

Lindsay Kolowich Marketing

SEO Lindsay

Kolowich Consulting

Content by Kolowich (what do you think … too cheesy?)

Maybe you founded your own company, and you want its name to be separate from your real name. Don’t be afraid to keep it simple: “Lindsay Kolowich is the founder and CEO of Kolowich Consulting.”

4. State your current position and what you do.

Whether you’re the founder of your company or a mid-level specialist, use the next few lines of your bio to describe what you do in that position. Don’t assume your audience will naturally know what your job title entails. Make your primary responsibilities known for the reader, helping them paint a picture of who you are during the day and what you have to offer the industry.

5. Include at least one professional accomplishment.

Just as a business touts its client successes in the form of case studies, your professional bio should let your own audience know what you’ve already achieved. What have you done for yourself — as well as for others — that makes you a valuable player in your industry?

6. Describe your values and how they inform your career.

Why do you do what you do? What might make your contribution to the market different than your colleagues? Better yet, what values do you and your colleagues share that would make your business a worthwhile investment to others? Start to wrap up your professional bio by simply explaining what gets you up in the morning.

7. Briefly tell your readers who you are outside of work.

Transition from describing your values in work to describing who you are outside of work. This may include:

Your family

Your hometown

Sports you play

Hobbies and interests

Favorite music and travel destinations

Side hustles you’re working on

People like connecting with other people. The more transparent you are about who you are personally, the more likable you’ll be to the people reading about who you are professionally.

8. Consider adding humor or a personal story to add flavor to your professional bio.

End your professional bio on a good note — or, more specifically, a funny note. Leaving your audience with something quirky or uniquely you can ensure they’ll leave your website with a pleasant impression of you.

It’s important to follow the steps above when writing your bio, but don’t obsess over any one section. Remember, the people reading your bio are suffering from information fatigue. If you don’t hook ’em in the first line, you’ll lose them quickly.

(P.S. Want to give your professional brand a boost? Take one of HubSpot Academy’s free certification courses. In just one weekend, you can add a line to your resume and bio that’s coveted by over 60,000 marketers.)

Why Good Bios Are Important for a Professional

Alright, I know what you may be thinking … So what? It’s just a bio. I mean, how many people actually read professional bios, anyway?

The answer: A lot of people. More importantly, though, there’s no way to tell exactly who is reading it — and you always want it to be ready for when the right people come across it. And when they do, you want it to catch their eye. In a good way.

You see, while your resume is only useful for when you’re actively applying for specific positions, your professional bio is much more visible. It can live on your LinkedIn profile, your company’s website, your guest blog posts, your speaker profiles, your Twitter bio, and many other places.

And, most importantly, it’s the tool that you can leverage most when you’re networking.

Bottom line? People will read your professional bio. Whether they remember it, and whether it makes them actually care about you, is a matter of how well you present yourself to your intended audience.

So, what does a top-notch professional bio look like?

Below, we’ve curated some of the best real professional bio examples we’ve ever seen on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and the various websites where you might describe yourself.

Check ’em out, and use them as inspiration when crafting your own.

Best Bio Examples

Ann Handley

Rebecca Bollwitt

Mark Gallion

DJ Nexus

Lena Axelsson

Mark Levy

Corey Wainwright

Marie Mikhail

Wonbo Woo

Chris Burkard

Megan Gilmore

11 of the Best Professional Bio Examples We’ve Ever Seen

1. Ann Handley

Bio Platform: Personal Website

If you’re a marketer, you’ve likely heard of Ann Handley. Her list of credentials is lengthy, and if she really wanted to, she could go on and on and on about her accomplishments.

But when people list out all their accomplishments in their bios, they risk sounding a little egotistical. Sure, you might impress a handful of people with all those laurels, but many people who read your bio will end up feeling either intimidated or annoyed. Think about it: Is that how you want the majority of your readers to feel when they read your bio?

To minimize the egoism that comes with talking about yourself, think about how you can list out your accomplishments without sounding like you’re bragging. Ann does this really well, choosing a tone in her bio that’s more approachable.

It starts with the excerpt in the footer of her personal website. Give it a quick read, paying close attention to the opening and closing lines:

“This is Ann Handley’s website, and this is a bit of copy about her … That’s not giving you a lot of detail, is it? So read more here.” This is the kind of simple, friendly language that invites the reader in rather than shutting them out.

Follow the link and you’ll be led to a page dedicated to a fuller bio, which she’s divided into two parts: a “short version” (literally a bulleted list of key facts) and a “long version,” which includes traditional paragraphs. There’s something in there for everyone.

2. Rebecca Bollwitt

Bio platform: Instagram

Instagram is a notoriously difficult platform on which to write a good bio. Similar to Twitter, you simply don’t have room for a professional bio that includes everything about you. And because Instagram is primarily a mobile app, many viewers are reading about you passively on their mobile device.

Instagram’s limited bio space requires you to highlight just your most important qualities, and blogging icon Rebecca Bollwitt does so in her own Instagram bio in an excellent way.

Rebecca’s brand name is Miss604, and cleverly uses emojis in her Instagram bio to tell visitors exactly what makes her a valuable content creator. Take a look in the screenshot below.

Starting with a trophy emoji, Miss604 says she’s BC’s most award-winning blogger. I haven’t even looked at her pictures yet and the introduction of her bio has already sucked me in.

The rest of her bio follows suit, breaking up the text with an appropriate emoji and a perfect collection of nouns to tell me who she is as a person. She even links out to her husband’s Instagram account after the heart emoji (an adorable addition), and assures her followers that all of her pictures are authentically hers.

Take a lesson from Miss604, and show your personal side. Just because you’re branding yourself as a professional doesn’t mean you have to take your human being hat off. Often your most personal attributes make for the best professional bio content.

3. Mark Gallion

Bio Platform: Twitter

As a venture capitalist and an executive at several start-ups, Mark Gallion has different versions of his bio all over the internet. You can imagine some are more formal than others. But when it comes to his Twitter bio, he carefully phrased his information in a way that helps him connect with his audience — specifically, through the use of humor.

Why would he choose humor when he runs four start-ups and constantly seeks funding for them? Well, Mark’s tactic is totally intentional: it’s a lever he pulls to refresh his brand while maintaining his already impressive and established identity as an entrepreneur.

Mark leverages his Twitter bio because it’s place where he can be human. And it helps him relate to his followers and potential investors.

When crafting your own Twitter bio, consider your audience and the personal brand you’re trying to create for yourself. Use it as an opportunity to be relatable. (And check out this list of amusing Twitter bios for inspiration.)

4. DJ Nexus

Bio Platform: Facebook

This New England-based DJ has single-handedly captured the Likes of more than 2,000 people in and beyond Boston, MA. And even if you don’t listen to the type of music he produces, it’s hard not to listen to his compelling Facebook bio.

Stage-named DJ Nexus, Jamerson’s professional bio makes use of nearly every Page field inside the About tab. Right away, his audience knows which genres he plays in, where he’s from, and who else he’s worked with. The latter — under “Affiliation,” as shown in the screenshot below — is unique and seldom mentioned in professional bios today.

Our favorite part about DJ Nexus’s bio? His tagline, under “About” — “Quiet during the day. QUITE LOUD at night!” DJ Nexus tells you when he works in an awesome way. I got goosebumps just imagining a dance club he might play his music in.

DJ Nexus’s bio brilliance doesn’t stop there.

The great thing about Facebook Business Pages is that you can write as much as you want without overwhelming your Page visitors. For those who just want Jamerson’s basic info, they have the four categories shown above. For those who want to learn more about him, he tells an excellent story of his career. Here’s just a preview of his story, below:

In this story, DJ Nexus describes both when he “became known as DJ Nexus” and a company he founded shortly afterward — all before going to college. This is a terrific lesson for Facebook Businesses today: customers want to learn about you, and as Facebook increasingly becomes a place for meaningful interactions, there’s no better place to tell your story than on your Facebook Business Page.

5. Lena Axelsson

Bio Platform: Industry Website

When it all comes down to it, your professional bio is no different than any other piece of persuasive copy — no matter where it lives. One of the most common mistakes people make is thinking of it as its own beast, separate from other pieces of writing. If you think about it that way, you’re far more likely to write something painfully uninteresting.

When you sit down to write your professional bio and you’re watching that cursor blinking on the screen, think about how you would introduce a blog post. You don’t just dive right into the meat of the thing, now, do you? No. You start with an introduction.

The best bios are often concise (around 200–300 words), so you don’t have a lot of room to play around. But a single sentence that tees your reader up and provides context for the accomplishments that follow could make the rest of your bio that much more persuasive.

Take Lena Axelsson’s bio, for instance. She’s a marriage and family therapist — a job where empathy and compassion are a big part of the job description. That’s why she chooses to open her bio with a great introductory sentence: “When human beings experience trauma or severe life stressors, it is not uncommon for their lives to unravel.”

Then, she goes into why she’s passionate about her job, how she helps her clients, and how she caters her approach to each individual patient. The necessary educational information is left for the end, after the reader has been hooked.

Your bio doesn’t have to be super serious, nor does it have to start with a joke. This bio shows how you can capture your reader’s attention by being empathetic and showing how that empathy shapes a valuable professional.

6. Mark Levy

Bio Platform: Personal Website

Mark Levy is a small business owner who’s taken a more traditional approach to the professional bio on his website — but in a way that takes care to speak to his intended audience.

What we love about his bio is the way he’s set it up: On his business’ “About” page, he’s listed two biographies, which he’s labeled “Mark Levy’s Biography #1” and “Mark Levy’s Biography #2.”

Click here to see the full version.

Like Ann, Mark’s given his readers two different options. The first biography is a “short version,” which includes a combination of bullet points listing his credentials and a few short paragraphs.

The second is the “long version,” which is actually even more interesting than the first one. Why? Because it reads like a story — a compelling one, at that. In fact, it gets really funny at parts.

The second sentence of the bio reads: “He was frightened of public school, loved playing baseball and football, ran home to watch ape films on the 4:30 Movie, listened to The Jam and The Buzzcocks, and read magic trick books.”

Here’s another excerpt from the middle:

Of course, the fantastic copywriting isn’t a surprise, given that this guy wrote several books. But the conversational tone and entertaining copy let his quirky personality (and great writing skills) shine.

7. Corey Wainwright

Bio Platform: Blog Byline

Corey Wainwright is the director of content here at HubSpot. She’s written content for HubSpot’s Marketing Blog for years, and her blog author bio has caught my eye since before I ever started working for HubSpot. (Back then, it started with, “Corey just took a cool vacation.”)

What I love most about Corey’s bio is that it’s a great example of how to deliver information about yourself without taking things too seriously. And in this context, that’s totally appropriate.

Despite having a number of impressive accomplishments under her belt, she simply doesn’t like displaying them publicly. So, she prefers making her author bio a little more “light.”

Her bio (pictured below) reads, “Corey is a Bruce Springsteen fan who does content marketing, in that order.”

It works in this particular context because, at HubSpot, our blog authors often prefer to make themselves as friendly and approachable as possible — while letting the content speak for itself.

It helps that authors’ social media accounts are located right below our names and above our pictures. For folks who really do want a list of Corey’s credentials, they can click the LinkedIn button to go to her LinkedIn page. (You can read this blog post to learn how to create social media buttons and add them to your website.)

8. Marie Mikhail

Bio Platform: LinkedIn

Marie Mikhail checks off nearly every box for what makes an excellent bio. A professional recruiter, she expresses her “passion for recruiting” upfront, in the first sentence, while using that sentence to hook her profile visitors into a brief story of her background.

But there are a lot of recruiters out there, and Marie knows that. So, to differentiate herself, she closes the first paragraph of her bio explaining that she likes “getting people excited about the things [she’s] excited about.” It’s a well-put value proposition that sets her apart from the rest of the HR industry.

Marie Mikhail finishes off her bio by including a smooth mixture of professional skills, such as her Spanish fluency; and personal interests, such as podcasting and Star Wars (she mentions the latter with just the right amount of humor).

9. Wonbo Woo

Bio Platform: Personal Website

Wonbo Woo is the executive producer of WIRED’s video content, and he has a number of impressive credits to his name. What does this mean for his professional bio? He has to prioritize. With this in mind, Wonbo opens his bio with the most eye-catching details first (if the image below is hard to read, click it to see the full copy).

Not only does Wonbo’s bio start strong, but he also takes readers on a suspenseful journey through some of his most harrowing assignments — where he was when news broke and how he responded. You can see this quality below.

The accomplished journalist concludes his gripping bio as strong as it began, measuring his experience by the number of states, countries, and continents to which he’s traveled in his career. See how this looks above. All in all, it’s a fantastically concise bio for as much detail as it holds.

10. Chris Burkard

Bio Platform: LinkedIn

If you’re writing your bio but having trouble figuring out how to showcase your accomplishments without boasting, photographer Burkard’s LinkedIn bio is a great example for inspiration.

Written in third-person, his bio tells a fluid story, starting with his ultimate mission — “capture stories that inspire humans to consider their relationship with nature” — before diving into more tangible accolades (giving a TED talk, publishing books, etc.).

Best of all, rather than using his bio as an opportunity to brag, he instead ties his talents into how he hopes to help others, writing, “Through social media Chris strives to share his vision … and inspire [his followers] to explore for themselves.” I wouldn’t necessarily be inclined to follow Chris if his bio had simply read “I post beautiful images” … but inspire me to travel? Now that’s something I can get behind.

Lastly, he ends on a humble, sweet note, writing “He is happiest wth his wife Breanne raising their two sons”. Don’t be afraid to inject some personal information into your bio — it could help you seem more approachable as a result.

11. Megan Gilmore

Bio Platform: Instagram

Megan Gilmore is a best-selling cookbook author, and she often posts healthy recipes on her Instagram page to inspire followers’ to realize that you don’t have to sacrifice taste for the sake of health.

Fortunately, you glean most of this information immediately from her Instagram bio, which is short and to-the-point: “Best-selling cookbook author + former fast-food junkie + mom of 2. I like to make healthy food as easy as possible.” Her “former fast-food junkie” call-out shows followers she’s relatable (and that her recipes are likely delicious yet healthy alternatives), and by mentioning she’s a mother, you get the sense that her recipes really will actually be quick and easy.

Plus, Gilmore includes a CTA link within her Instagram bio that leads followers to free, ready-to-use recipes. You might be thinking — Why would she do that, since it discourages people from buying her book? But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

By giving her followers the chance to try out her recipes, she’s slowly turning leads into customers. After I tried a few of her Instagram recipes and loved them, I decided to go ahead and buy her book, knowing I’d like more of what she had to offer.

Want more? Read How to Write a Cover Letter That Gets You the Job [Bookmarkable Template + Examples].

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in November 2019 and has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years

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The Emoji Movie review

[NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS AN OVEREXAGGERATION. PLEASE DO NOT WORRY OR TAKE HOW I SAY THINGS 100% SERIOUSLY. THIS MOVIE HAS NOT ACTUALLY MADE ME SUICIDAL.]

This is it. The Emoji Movie. A film I and the rest of the world have been dreading. Today I have finally seen this film, and… it has drained me of all will to live. This is it; I can’t live in this world any longer after having seen this movie. This has to be my last review, because I can no longer live in a world where this movie exists.

Is it because it’s so abysmally bad as all the reviews said? Is it truly the worst animated film ever made, an utterly soulless cash grab of a movie? What could drive me to my death like this?

The fact that… I just… even after seeing it, I just can’t muster up the absolutely vitriolic hatred everyone else seems to have for it. It’s not even bad. It’s not even good. It’s just… meh. This movie is meh. And after getting so hyped up to see the worst animated film ever, this is… disappointing. Heart-breakingly, soul-crushingly disappointing.

So, what is the story here? Well, Ralph is a villain who feels out of pl- uh, sorry, Emmet is a LEGO man who wants to conform but ju- oh, um, pardon. Joy is an emotion who… okay, you get the idea. This film is nothing but a bald-faced, shameless ripoff of the plots of a dozen better films. The “Be yourself” message, the hero who wants to conform but learns to love being expressive, the journey to find oneself… it has been done to death, and done a billion times better. This movie is just every animated cliché ever. Fuck, the whole trailer revealed the entire plot and story arc in two minutes.

God… the worst thing, aside from the plot, is the main characters… But they aren’t even bad enough. They’re all so unbearably generic and trite. Gene is your average hero questioning his identity. He’s Ralph, he’s Emmet, he’s basically every goddamn animated protagonist for years and years, only with most of his personality excised and replaced with all the beats but none of the character. For an emoji with so many expressions beyond the one he’s supposed to have, he’s not very expressive. And even with all that, he’s just so inoffensively bland it’s hard to hate him. Hi-5 is an obnoxious comedy sidekick who contributes very little to the story and serves as a hindrance more often than not. But… he’s still got a few good jokes in him, and while he’s absolutely obnoxious and selfish, he’s still not as awful as he could be. Jailbreak is a ripoff of all the blue-haired action girls you can imagine, shamelessly cribbing Sombra, Chloe Price, Wyldstyle, and more, just subtracting anything that makes those characters interesting… and even then, she’s still not totally void of good moments. These three characters are who we spend time with so much, and they aren’t more than depressingly bland, generic archetypes. It hurts. Why couldn’t they just be absolutely, unlikably awful? Like, they all suck, but they just don’t suck enough!

And goddamn, is this plot filled with horrible, awful stupidity! We have Jailbreak spouting off terrible, hamfisted feminist messages by stating men take credit for things women say all the time, we have the human characters acting like words are uncool and emojis are the only worthwhile form of communication, we have the conceit that phones have firewalls and that internet trolls can just simply be deleted forever with the click of a button… oh, if only. There’s just so much that is unbelievably stupid and pathetic and poorly done, the whole story feels like nothing but a first draft that somehow got greenlit with no corrections done. And that’s not getting in to all of the blatant product placement, such as the cringeworthy portrayal of Dropbox as some sort of heavenly safehaven, Twitter ending up being a savior, outdated meme videos playing on YouTube, and the extended Candy Crush scene.

But I wouldn’t feel like dying if there wasn’t those few things of value, those things that keep me from letting loose pure unbridled hatred as so many others have, and saving myself. For instance, the animation… God, this film is an absolute treat for the eyes. The backgrounds, the visuals, the human characters, there is just so much visual stimulation in this film. It’s plain fun to look at, and it’s such a shame that so much talent and effort was used to make… this. It honestly hurts worse knowing that this gorgeous film is a subpar animated comedy.

Oh, but even more depressing is that the film has some genuinely good characters. The villain, Smiler, is so absolutely blatantly villainous due to how passive-agressively nice she constantly has to be she ends up being far more likable and entertaining than the so-called heroes. It helps too that she lives in what can only be described as a cosmic horror story, a Baby’s First Lovecraft if you will: she lives in a universe controlled by a fickle teenage boy whose first reaction to even the slightest malfunction is DELETE EVERYTHING. She has every right to be as concerned to the point of madness, as even the slightest fuckup would result in the utter annihilation of her entire universe; it’s to the point where she, despite the fact that in any other movie she would have crossed a million lines, comes across as one of the most reasonable characters in the film.

Then we have Poop, the character voiced by Patrick Stewart, and a shining example of how this film wastes brilliance. Poop has maybe ten lines in the movie and a few visual jokes, but everything he says tends to be rather funny, and he even manages to squeeze in a Star Trek joke. Why didn’t he get to go on the journey instead of Hi-5? If we’re going to listen to a bunch of jokes, even shit jokes, for 80 or so minutes, at least it’s Patrick Stewart telling them.

Next are Gene’s parents, Mary and Mel. These two are, without a doubt, the funniest characters in the entire movie, due to being in a constant state of “meh.” They react to even the most intense and stressful situations with just the most hilarious indifference, and even more baffling, they get a truly beautiful and emotional scene late in the film (!!!). Yes, you read that right: there is actually a beautiful and emotional scene in this movie. This only further compounds my sadness; why was the movie not about these two? They’re the best characters! Why is the spotlight on their boring son, instead of on these two hilariously indifferent emojis who can actually pull off a genuinely tender moment?

Finally, we have Akiko Glitter, a joyous, bouncy dancer who appears in the Just Dance app. She’s sweet, she’s fun, she’s cute, she plays Wham! She’s such a kind and bouncy character! …And at the end of her only scene she is coldly and brutally murdered by Smiler’s robots as her game is being deleted from the phone. Her death is bizarrely shocking and depressing for this film, and even worse… we see what happens to her after being deleted. She is trapped in the garbage, continuously dancing in agony as it is all she knows how to do, her eyes dead as she goes through the motions of a job that no longer exists. And despite her kindness to Gene and friends, Gene opts to leave her to die in the trash, not even bothering to save her when he comes to save Hi-5. And yes: she dies down there. This wonderful, fun-loving lady is left to die in a hellhole filled with garbage, trolls, and spam. Fucking Christ. If I was not depressed before, I am now.

So to sum things up, this movie has four redeeming features: evil brought on by existential dread, shit, unadulterated indifference, and the horrific death of beauty and joy. That sounds eerily like every review has painted this film, and yet… and yet… It really isn’t close to being that bad. Chicken Little was way worse. Doogal was way worse. There are so many movies that are absolutely, horrendously, abysmally awful, so many films unfathomably worse than this movie, that the hatred feels overblown to the point of being hollow. And I wanted so badly to hate this movie! I wanted to join in with the crowds, and cast this down as the worst animated film ever! But, I just can’t in good conscience do that, because it truly isn’t. The hatred for this movie is just a knee-jerk reaction to the soulless cash grab feel it has. And it is that, but it’s just not bad enough even with that glaringly obvious fact permeating it. I can’t even tell you if it’s so bad it’s good… it just kind of… exists. It has highs, it has lows, and I just can’t really sum up how I feel about it accurately…

Well… I guess I can… This movie is “meh.” I cannot bring myself to feel strongly about it one way or the other. And that’s why I can’t bear to live anymore; this movie let me down in the worst possible way. It just wasn’t bad enough to warrant my vitriol, or good enough to warrant my praise. This movie promised to give me at least one extreme, and I silently prayed for the other against all odds… and it delivered nothing. It delivered a depressingly middling experience.

So farewell. This is it. The big finish. There’s only one way I can truly end my life after seeing this, and that is by calling upon the one true awful emoji film…

I did it for the lulz.

#Review #Movie review #The Emoji Movie #Emoji #Emoji Movie #Sony #Sony Animation #Animated movie #Patrick Stewart

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hotelconcierge · 7 years

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The Subprime Directive

no one likes us / i don’t know why

Trying to extract useful information from the 24-hour thinkpiece cycle is like trying to learn English by listening to low fidelity death metal: the signal to noise ratio is very, very low. (Admittedly, kind of a silly comparison—one imbues the audience with depraved bloodlust for unspeakable atrocities, the other is a genre of music.) The cacophony of 40,000 anhedonics exhausting every topical combination of syllables would be enough to institutionalize the Dalai Lama; words are infectious; once you find yourself forming political opinions about internet memes, your life is game over, A + B + Select + Start. I mean damn, I love pattern matching as much as the next former toy-sorter, but sometimes it’s okay to accept that a cigar is a cigar and a butterfly in New Mexico was having a bad day.

If you do want to stay “informed,” instead of doing something worthwhile like working at a soup kitchen or practicing the yo-yo, my advice is that you train yourself to zoom out. No one post-puberty will make a significant error of deductive reasoning. Nothing horrifies a teenager like hypocrisy: the first thing we learn out of Eden is how to circle A —> B around into Z —> A. Logic is easy, ask any expert on Aether. Nor will anyone worth rap battling commit a decisive factual error. Our flat earth has enough case studies to support even the most whacked ideology, ask any schizophrenic. Further, we humans of latitude have practiced the art of the squeal since our first lung expansion. We may be terrible at diagnosis, but we are the GOAT at identifying symptoms. So when you roll up your sleeves to shadowbox with a Bad Argument, you are going to face an internally consistent worldview backed by genuine hurt and fitting examples. This is why change is so difficult, and why other people are so infuriating: the problem is not bias, it is incompleteness. The only way out is to spot what is not included, the lie of omission, which requires perspective. Any given data point is both true and meaningless, a straight line across points makes you Nostradamus. Most arguments are nonsense, but when everyone chooses the same type of nonsense, that tells you something very interesting indeed.

With this methodology in mind, it is my contention that three of the most prevalent post-election news trends are designed with a single goal in mind: to prevent you from looking too closely at this picture—

—while humanity gets crunched into Google AdWords and fed to Cthulhu. The end of all things will be search engine optimized, at least we can take comfort in that.

Trend the first - Fake news: “Solving the Problem of Fake News” (New Yorker), “Donald Trump Won Because of Facebook” (New York Magazine), “Fake News Expert On How False Stories Spread And Why People Believe Them” (NPR), “Students Have 'Dismaying' Inability To Tell Fake News From Real, Study Finds” (NPR), “How Fake News Goes Viral: A Case Study” (New York Times), “How to Destroy the Business Model of Breitbart and Fake News” (New York Times), “The plague of fake news is getting worse -- here's how to protect yourself” (CNN).

Trend the second - Post-truth: “This Article Won’t Change Your Mind” (The Atlantic), “Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds” (New Yorker), “Why facts don’t matter to Trump’s supporters” (Washington Post), “Why People Continue to Believe Objectively False Things,” (NYTimes), “Why We Believe Obvious Untruths” (NYTimes), “It’s Time to Give Up on Facts” (Slate).

Pause—why do these articles, I suppose it’s too meta to call them “fake news”, exist? I mean, human intransigence has been around since at least the 1980s. And yes, Breitbart sells souls wholesale, but for every article penned in blood by Mephistopheles there are 666 million (Snopes confirms) incorrect tweets, tumblr posts, reddit comments, and Facebook memes. Where do people really get their news? The Urban News Network has no wish to enter such murky waters, nor do they want you to ponder their 2016 election blindsiding and whether, perhaps, maybe, their self-righteous sensationalism even contributed to this abhorrent outcome. No, quite the opposite:

Private browsing and Adblock if you must click the links, these sites will give your computer herpes.

Denunciations of “fake news” both aggrandize the media and flatter their readers—who, after all, are being informed by the Pulitzer-winning journalism that America needs. This crowd is even more pleased by articles on our innate resistance to facts, social science skin flicks brought back pay-per-view. Fake news is a concrete, solvable problem, but “Post-truth”—and note that anyone who uses this phrase is not just drinking the Kool Aid but is doing a keg stand with it—“Post-truth” is cozily fatalistic. “Some people, they just can’t handle facts. What can you do?” Needless to say, every human intransigence piece references the Trump administration in either the first or last paragraph, except the Atlantic piece, which compensates via a cartoon illustration of a Trump supporter being unable to handle facts.

It’s comforting to know that everyone else is dumb, else Facebook would be out of business. But imagining that 3/4ths of the U.S. is occupied by orcs is actually a little scary. It’s too many people to hate, and they have guns, and besides, it’s no fun to be disliked. “Why would they be angry at us?”

Trend the Third - The Oxy and the Pity: “The Original Underclass” (The Atlantic), “2 of a Farmer’s 3 Children Overdosed. What of the Third — and the Land?” (NYTimes), “‘Deaths of Despair’ Are Surging Among the White Working Class” (Bloomberg), “Study: Communities Most Affected By Opioid Epidemic Also Voted For Trump” (NPR), “Orphaned by America’s Opioid Epidemic” (Washington Post), “Disabled, or just desperate?” (Washington Post), “Why The White Working Class Votes Against Itself” (Washington Post).

Not everyone absorbs information through the cultish repetition of buzzwords. So, to accommodate visual learners, the Washington Post has been kind enough to provide photos.

He returned in torn jeans and, with nothing better to do, went outside. He limped to the truck and fiddled with jumper cables. He set a fire inside an iron bin and burned some trash. He inspected a sheet of aluminum he had found, wondering how much he could sell it for. He walked into the woods and walked out. He looked at the road. A car hadn’t passed in a long while. It was 1 in the afternoon. The day already felt over. (Washington Post)

Madie Clark looks in on her granddaughter Zoie Pulliam, 10, and a visiting relative at their home in South Charleston. Clark moved into the bedroom where her daughter Amanda Pulliam and son-in-law Austin Pulliam died of heroin overdoses. (Washington Post)

This is poverty porn. Orphaned kids and burning trash and mothers trailing secondhand smoke and framed pictures of Jesus. Sunburns and Frito-Lays and rotting teeth and AM country radio in waiting rooms. Dead grass, chronic pain, highway-Walmart-highway tessellated on a map. The loss of manufacturing jobs. A people devoid of purpose, seeing no option but to kill the pain or else themselves.

If you think the above paragraph is accurate, then I bet you think rap music videos are an accurate depiction of urban black life. It’s a stereotype, a stereotype constructed for your convenience. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your half-forgotten high school reading list. I don’t dispute that Dogville is accurate for some portion of the white working class. But it’s far from the whole picture.

Per fivethirtyeight: Clinton did well in medium-income, high-education counties; Trump did well in high-income, medium-education counties, pictured above. No one in a town of 95k median income is so overwhelmed by “economic anxiety” that they spaz out into intravenous heroin. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain is predicated on education, or lack thereof—class, not income. And to the neutral pH water crowd, that’s terrifying.

Different monikers have been proposed for the Urban News Network audience: blue tribe, White People, upper middle class, Aspirational 14%. For simplicity, I’m going to use “liberals,” but please do not interpret the following blast of vitriol as “conservative,” “leftist,” “anarcho-marxist,” or otherwise politically motivated. You will not find a policy proposal here. This is a critique of people.

The alt-right contends that a liberal belief in “multiculturalism,” uttered as a slur, is undermining the foundations of civilization. They’re delusional. Liberals don’t believe in multiculturalism at all. In its purest form, liberal ideology only recognizes two types of people: liberals, and the tragically misguided—who, if not for their brainwashing, would listen to hold music and take Zoloft like any sensible person. Oh sure, you can consume your culture. Dress how you will, eat your ethnic food and celebrate your ethnic holidays (how exotic!), place your religion on the mantlepiece, complain about white people on any number of white-people-owned forums and newspapers. Be as cultural as you want, as long as you choose cash or credit and don’t contradict the superculture. Zizek voice:

“The tragedy of our predicament, when we are within ideology, is that when we think we escape it, into our dreams—at that point, we are within ideology.”

Liberals do not want to look at cultural values, they do not even want to acknowledge that cultural values exist, because that would mean they have a set of cultural values, and ain’t nobody gonna FaceTime that abyss. So how do liberals explain the people who read magazines about car radios? If the FOX demographic contains human beings with thought-out opinions, then they are terrifying. But if they are would-be Tesla owners who have been cruelly deprived of Cotillion lessons, who have been tricked by Steve Bannon into liking Harley-Davidson and hydromorphone, who, as the saying goes, are “voting against their own interests”—then nothing needs to change.

As of late, this blog’s essays have been obsessed with a particular theme: how, in a capitalist society, defining yourself against something perversely encourages that something to exist. Your freakout alerts enemies, exes, and passing contrarians that they should rush to the other side; your panic deepens; soon enough you’ll pay the opposition to set up their bowling pins just so you can see them get knocked down again. But if/when your rage congeals into boredom and it’s time to silence a group once and for all, a different tack is required: pity.

The media coverage of the opioid epidemic aims to turn rural America into an Oppressed Group. It is the final bombardment of a culture war campaign that has been going on for decades, spearheaded by 600 episodes of This American Life crying “Look, even these savages have some nobility!” The Hallmark cards for Trump voters are not an attempt to heal a divided nation, they are Liberals Going Their Own Way. We want other groups to be post-truth, deprived of free will in an incoherent and unjust society, because this allows us to completely ignore them. For their own good.

Sam Altman of Y Combinator asked Trump supporters to explain to their vote. A few highlights:

“He is not politically correct.” Note: This sentiment came up a lot, probably in at least a third of the conversations I had.

“He is anti-immigration.” Note: This sentiment came up a lot. The most surprising takeaway for me how little it seemed to be driven by economic concerns, and how much it was driven by fears about “losing our culture”, “safety”, “community”, and a general Us-vs.-Them mentality.

“He is anti-abortion.” A number of people I spoke to said they didn’t care about anything else he did and would always vote for whichever candidate was more anti-abortion.

I humbly submit that NONE OF THESE ISSUES were discussed in the run-up to the 2016 election. “Political correctness” prompted an eye-roll and a mention of a rogues gallery weakman (e.g. Milo Yiannopoulos). Immigration was always discussed in terms of economic anxiety or xenophobia/racism, never in terms of “loss of culture.” As to abortion...“What is this, 2004? Who cares?”

I have no idea if Altman’s sample was representative, methodology not printed, standard disclaimers apply. But I am concerned. As Hollywood liberalism disappears deeper and deeper into its own fractalizing asshole, those outside its cultural sphere—in America, France, England, and elsewhere—will feel progressively less heard and respected, which will prompt liberalism to bury its head all the more. “How come the white working class uses government programs while railing against handouts?” Because you are the government. They’ll take what they can, but they’ll be damned if they beg for it. “Why are all these hicks voting for authoritarianism?” Exercise some basic cognitive empathy, please. They’re not voting for authoritarianism. They’re voting for fuck you.

All I’m asking for is honor in dueling: when someone raises a specific complaint, address that complaint, not what you think that complaint should be. I’m not saying that you have to be nice to Trump supporters. I’m not saying their opinions aren’t—arguably—myopic, evil, stupid. But it's far better to say that someone has stupid opinions than to say that someone is so stupid that they are incapable of having a meaningful opinion. Liberal insistence on the latter has turned political discourse into a vacuum where everyone can scream yet no one feels heard. You should see what it’s done to their kids.

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brigdh · 7 years

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Reading Wednesday

The Manor: Three Centuries at a Slave Plantation on Long Island by Mac Griswold. A fascinating piece of microhistory focused on a single family farm in Eastern Long Island. The Sylvester Manor, as it's now called, was first settled by an English-Dutch family in 1652, and the current house dates to the 1730s. And yet was still being lived in as a normal family home! Griswold, the author, literally stumbled over the house while rowing around Long Island and made friends with the current owners, eventually even convincing them to allow multiple seasons of archaeological excavation in their front yard. The book is based on those excavations, as well as historical research, family legends, and Griswold's own speciality as a landscape historian (she was particularly interested in how the various trees and shrubs came to the plantation). Although there's three centuries of history to cover, the focus is very much on the first generation of the family, with everyone later than 1801 getting short shrift. Which was fine by me, since that's the period I was most interested in. Griswold makes a valiant effort to put the focus on the enslaved Africans and Native Americans of the plantation, but inevitably there's simply many more documents and details available about the white masters. I think she does a good job with what she has to work with, and does produce some fascinating finds, but it's just not much in comparison to the European history. As is, sadly, so often the case. Sylvester Manor was a northern provisioning plantation, which means that it grew the food, bred the horses, and crafted the barrels necessary for the running of their partnered sugar plantation down on Barbados. The history of Northern slavery has been mostly forgotten (or erased, depending on your perspective), and this book does an excellent job of demonstrating how closely tied together North and South were economically, rather than the antagonist perspective you get from many simplistic histories of the Civil War. A good book, though I'm still searching for my one ideal history of NYC slavery. (For a comparison, if you want to read just one book about slavery in the NYC area, I'd highly recommend this one over last week's New York Burning.) The Lion in the Living Room: How House Cats Tamed Us and Took Over the World by Abigail Tucker. Despite loving my two cats very much, and enjoying watching YouTube cat videos as much as any person on the internet, I am not actually one to read many books about cats. Everything from cozy cat mysteries to true-life inspirational cats turns me off. In fact, a cat on the cover is more likely to make me turn a book down than to pick it up. (I might make an exception for I Could Pee on This, and Other Poems by Cats.) And yet here I am, reading a book about cats! The Lion in the Living Room is a pop-science book (very much in the style of Mary Roach or Sarah Vowell) about the history of cats. Her main topic is how they became domesticated – or if they even are domesticated – looking at the archaeology, biology, and history of humans' relationship with cats. She also covers topics from how good cats actually are at controlling rats and mice (spoiler: not very), Victorian cat shows, newly developed breeds, the impact of cats on the environment, the rise of the NTR (Neuter-Trap-Release) approach to controlling street cat populations, the history of the LolCat meme, toxoplasmosis (the parasite in cat's urine that might attract sufferers to cats), Egyptian religion, and interviews internet star Lil Bub. There's a ton of fun and fascinating facts sprinkled throughout the book. I particularly liked it for its straightforward scientific approach to cats, without much fluffiness, which unfortunately seems to be causing many negative reviews (I guess if being told that housecats are massively contributing to the extinction of birds and small mammals hurts your feelings, this may not be the book for you. Though I don't know how any reasonably well-informed adult doesn't already know that). Highly recommended for a breezy look at the history and science of cats. The Resurrectionist by Matthew Guinn. A novel I'd been stumbling across in different bookstores for the last several months, always being intrigued by the cover but never quite enough to buy it. And then I found it for $2 in a second-hand store and finally brought it home. Well, I'm glad I only paid $2. In 1999, Jacob Thacker is a doctor with the South Carolina Medical College, currently stuck on administrative duty as he recovers from a Xanax addiction. This past makes it easy for the Dean to blackmail him when a construction team uncovers dozens of human skeletons in the college's basement. Jacob is ordered to cover it up without the press finding out, even if that means reburying the bodies somewhere secret. In alternating chapters the book jumps back to the 1850s and 60s to tell the story of Nemo Johnston, first enslaved and then free, who is also employed by the South Carolina Medical College. The school's very first Dean used Nemo as 'resurrectionist', a grave robber with the task of procuring dead bodies, mostly of other black men and women, for the school's students to practice on. Nemo is, of course, the source of the skeletons Jacob is being forced to deal with. Jacob is kind of a terrible human being. He refers to his partner as a "woman in a man's world" because she's a lawyer; describes an ethnically Japanese coworker in this way: "Janice is as American as he is, but he can never help feeling that there is some reserve of samurai in her, some native allegiance passed down in the genes, that views him as the foreigner every time they meet"; and, when he first learns about the existence of Nemo, calls him "the poor, dumb bastard". It was around that last line when I decided that the author was deliberately writing Jacob as a dick, and perhaps that is the case since Jacob's entire plotline revolves around gaining enough courage and empathy to not accede to the cover-up. But since it takes being fired, blackballed, and rescued from his ensuing suicidal despair to consider that, hey, maybe the current African-American community has a right to their ancestors' remains!, I think the author drastically underestimated how incredibly horrible Jacob comes off as. Even if that wasn't the case, Nemo's story is simply vastly more interesting than Jacob's. Unfortunately he gets much less page time and not really a plot arc so much as a series of random vignettes at different times of his life. At one point he gets elevated to the role of teacher – a black professor of a medical college! in the South! before the Civil War! – but how this came about or his feelings regarding it are never explained. And some of what little page time he gets is taken up by the story of white nurse Sara Thacker, who (spoiler, I suppose, but it's super obvious from page one) turns out to be Jacob's great-great-grandmother. I think Guinn was trying to do something about class or women's rights with this idea, but the plotline honestly is so thin that it feels like a last-minute addition which never got fleshed out enough to be worthwhile. At least Nemo doesn't turn out to be Jacob's great-great-grandfather, because I honestly spent at least fifty pages terrified that a tragic mulatto novel had somehow been published in 2014. Overall: interesting premise, terrible execution.

(LJ post for easier comments | DW, ditto)

#books #book reviews #mac griswold #abigail tucker #matthew guinn #cats #history

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psychic-refugee · 5 years

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Fanfiction Pet Peeves

These are just my opinions. I don’t name any specific author or story.

It seems like for the most part it is considered rude to post criticisms on fanfiction. I think as a community we’re trying to be more inclusive of all writing “styles.” I am a big believer in writing the story I want to tell, so I have to recognize that my style won’t be for everyone. I do think this is a positive direction, but I think it also cuts down on the responses/reviews people would get. I’m not opposed to it, but if this is what is considered the proper etiquette then we have to accept that we will not get as much feedback.

Now I know there is a difference between a criticism and a flame. I’m not saying we should allow flames.

I keep seeing all these posts about leaving a review, but I feel like we’re not giving them leeway to review. And sometimes, not leaving a review is a review. I always assume that if my hit count is higher than my review counts, then the difference are the people who didn’t like the story enough to review. Whether or not because they found it boring or hated it, that’s left a mystery.

I think with the advent of the “not beta read, all typos are my own” tag or warning, it’s basically telling the reader that they did some proof reading but for various reasons, they don’t have an editor basically. I think because fanfiction is a hobby for most of us, then it’s fair not to go that extra effort. Probably because I do it. lol. I try to get everything I can, but a few things always manage to slip by. So, most don’t take note or bother to mention typos unless it’s particularly egregious. The only exception I would make would be to writers whose first language isn’t English. I have come across stories where it’s clear there is something lost in translation and having a beta would be necessary.

E.g. a GOT fic where they called Gregor Clegane the “Enormity that Rides.” His nickname is the Mountain that Rides. I get that they maybe thought they were using a synonym, but in this instance, it doesn’t fit because Mountain that Rides is what he is known as, not necessarily a description.

I think it’s a fine line between something that is written well or poorly and personal taste.

There is just so much fanfiction out there, it’s hard to review them all. There have been many cases where I don’t even make it past the first chapter, the story just doesn’t interest me or there is something about it that is off putting.

Here are a few things that make me not want to read the story at all.

“I suck at summaries” and variations thereof: basically the author is bashing their own writing and they still want you to read. I don’t have time for that. If the author doesn’t have the confidence in writing a few sentences, I can’t imagine their actual writing being worthwhile. This is especially true for AO3 with its tagging system that can actually help give us an idea of what the story is about. There are thousands of fics written daily, I can’t read them all and this is part of the triage of me deciding to read something. The only time I may ignore this is if the OTP is exceptionally rare or the fandom is small. In those instances, I’m not as picky because I don’t have much to pick from.

I also wonder if it’s not some form of compliment fishing. Like they want you to feel bad for them for being insecure, and they want you to say “no, it’s great!” I have no patience for those type of people.

Overtagging: If a fic has a million tags, my eyes just skip over it. This usually isn’t a problem for normal stories, this usually happens because it’s part of an anthology. It just looks super obnoxious to me. I would rather they just start a new fic each time and tag accordingly. There are some who overtag, listing literally every character that may show up despite their actual contribution to the story. If a character is just kind of mentioned or seen in passing or is talked about as part of exposition, then I don’t think they need to be tagged. Character tagging is really for the main characters. If I’m looking for X and your story shows up, but X is just seen in one chapter and it’s not about them, then I’d be irritated. The same goes for any “Warning” tags. Over tagging just clutters everything up, and I personally can’t stand it.

I’m also not a fan of doing whole sentences as tags. “I wrote this when I should have been…” and variations of things that would do better in notes rather than tags. Like I’m never going to filter for whatever your inane excuse is for the writing the story in the first place. It’s just dumb, obnoxious, and unnecessary to me.

No proof reading: This is different than not beta read. There are some that outright admit that they haven’t proof read. Sometimes, they’ll say “I’ll get to it later,” which I don’t understand at all. It’s fanfiction, we do it for free. There are no actual deadlines, I don’t understand why they don’t proof read before they publish. Then there are those that say “not proof read” and leave it at that. I’d like to think I’m a decent writer, and my first couple of drafts are always pretty rough. Even with several rounds of proof reading, I still manage to miss things. Not even trying seems so lazy and arrogant. I feel like they’re giving me advanced warning to not bother.

What makes me stop reading after the first couple of chapters.

Format: If the format is off or makes it hard to read, I just can’t bother. There are writers who somehow are able to write on their mobile device. I don’t know if they just don’t have access to a computer, or perhaps don’t want to leave evidence of writing fanfiction. Either way, I respect that they have limited means, but I don’t want to read it. The worst is when they don’t put in hard returns, either for separate paragraphs or when writing dialog. Basically, they don’t include enough white space. Trying to keep track of where you are reading with a never-ending paragraph creates eye fatigue, and it takes away from enjoying the story.

Then there are writers who don’t use punctuation. There was one author that refused to use capital letters, ever. They cited E.E. Cummings as justification. Not only did I have a problem with this readability wise, the justification didn’t make sense to me. Like nothing about the story really spoke to me about using this particular syntax as a way of any meaningful expression. But that’s just my personal opinion.

Wiki Storytelling/Choppy writing: This happens when there are too many simple sentences, or the narrative feels like it’s just a summary. Like there’s little to no description of what the character was feeling or where they are. I’m not saying we all need to be G.R.R.M. or Tolkien, but I want more “meat” in my story than:

Mal was told to get the wand. Her three best friends went with her. They got into the limo, it was scary. They tried to steal the wand but set off the alarm.

This type of story telling is boring to me. I think we find this mostly with very young writers.

AUs of movies with no unique features: where the fandom characters replace the characters in movies and the writers basically rewrite more or less line by line what happened in the movie (e.g. Descendant’s characters in Legally Blonde). I feel like I could save time if they just told me “X movie but with Y actors.” Not only do I feel it’s a waste of time to read it, I would think it was a waste of time to write it. Like assuming we’ve seen the movie, we know what happens. If the replacement characters do nothing to add or alter the movie, then I don’t see a point of the story.

Anyone have any fanfiction pet peeves?

#fanfiction #pet peeves #opinion

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

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You Wonder What The Author Was Thinking

by Sonia Mitchell

Wednesday, 04 February 2009

Sonia learns an important moral lesson about impulse buying, with Charles Stross's Halting State.

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

From the blurb, and the little card on the shelf telling me that a bookseller recommended it, I thought Charles Stross’s novel Halting State sounded good enough for an impulse buy on a 3 for 2 offer. Seduced by the fun little pixel people on the cover, and the intriguing description, I didn’t even take the elementary precaution of reading a few pages.

If I’d bothered, I might have noticed this book’s major failing. It’s written in the second person.

Second person is good for some things. Choose Your Own Adventure books, text adventure games... interactive fiction, basically. I can only presume that Stross is attempting a homage to such games, but in doing so he does seem to miss the point using the style. The principle advantage to the second person is that it lets you place yourself – or a character of your choosing - in the story. Combined with the ability to make choices, this give you a lot of freedom in the way you follow the plot. Zork never told me what I thought of the thief, only what he looked like. It was up to me whether I wanted to try killing or kissing him. The game made very few assumptions about me, other than that I was mobile, able to carry things and able to perform those actions that it recognised. The internet tells me that later in the series you’re satirically addressed as AFGNCAAP - Ageless, Faceless, Gender-Neutral, Culturally-Ambiguous Adventure Person - though as I’ve been stuck on Zork II for years I’ve never had the pleasure of that address. At any rate, the freedom to choose your own character helps the player immerse themselves in the game in ways that can never happen when you’re guiding Mario on his way to find the princess. (There are exceptions, of course. The

Hitchhiker’s infocom game

has you playing in the second person as characters from the series, but that’s the point of the game and you come into it knowing what you’re going to get).

Basically, while second person has its advantages, they centre around making the reader a participant. This novel doesn’t even bother to try doing that, instead trying to balance three characters’ viewpoints. You jump from being a female police sergeant, a female insurance investigator and a male computer programmer. The latter, incidentally, is harbouring Dark Secrets that work really fucking well in the second person, when you keep thinking about the Dark Secrets without ever being able to articulate them into actual thoughts.

It’s difficult to get past the second person problem and review any other aspects of the plot, but I will just in case you’re intrigued by the blurb and decide to risk it. I’m going to have to spoil it, but without apology because I believe I’m doing you a favour. Also because I stuck with the book right to the end and I need to make it worthwhile somehow.

The near-future novel claims to be about an apparently impossible raid which takes place in a World of Warcraft-style game. The virtual treasures stolen in this raid have real world value, and the book supposedly deals with the real world consequences of what happened in the game. To me, that sounded pretty awesome. A novel about games and computer crime should have been fun, and the aforementioned little pixel people on the cover also contributed to my impression that the book would be a light and enjoyable look at gaming. The actual focus, though, is more on insider trading and various bit of European politics that presumably fit together somehow. There’s a board of stereotypical fat-cats, and one of them did something bad while another one’s a goody. I couldn’t tell you which is which, despite the Big Revelation of the bad guy.

Oh, and incidentally Scotland now has its independence, which is really good, and England is doing quite badly as a result for reasons that never become clear. Something about the English reaping what they sowed. Don’t worry about remembering this though, as the text will be sure to remind you. Inexplicably, it even reminds you when you’re currently the English woman, who somehow connects the failing tube system with the closing of the borders. I think. To be frank, I was getting a bit annoyed with the book by then, so I may be misremembering.

As another incidentally, this is the future, so everyone wears FutureGlasses, as possibly seen in Isaac Asimov’s Science Fiction Magazine in the seventies. They allow the wearer to be connected to whatever network they’re engaging with, such as CopSpace (okay, FutureGlasses was facetious. CopSpace, unfortunately, is Stross’s actual term) or the game they’re playing. They’re also got various recording devices built in and overlay nicely with the real world most of the time. Bizarrely, despite the fact that people walk around with computers on their faces, ‘geek’ is still used as a pejorative.

Do you need another ‘incidentally’? How about the fact that the insurance investigator also specialises in sword fighting and conveniently impulse buys a broadsword which is not mentioned again until a bad guy needs sorting out in her hotel room? Yeah, I’m getting a hit cross writing all this. I spent money on this book. The excessive programming language doesn’t really help, either, especially as I suspect that since this is set in the future some of it’s made up. I could be wrong, though, as Stross’s own background is in programming. Either way, he overkills on the acronyms and abbreviations for my layperson’s taste.

Even without the massive problem of the second person, this wouldn’t be a great book. Which is a shame, because the initial idea was pretty promising, and I’m still open to the idea that a story about a MMORPG could be fun. Unfortunately the plot of this book turns out to be quite dull, and from time to time it just gets irritating. There are good moments and interesting points – an exciting scene in which two of the characters had to escape from a remotely-controlled taxi is a high point - and I did get quite absorbed in the book at times, but I can’t recommend it to anyone else. There’s just too much working against it.

Ultimately, Halting State is readable, but I’m still stuck on my initial question of why anyone would write a book in the second person. It’s such a bad technique that I’ve felt justified telling people about the book in social situations, and the only other books I tend to do that with are the latter volumes of King’s Dark Tower series (for reasons that will become very clear if the reading canary ever tackles them). Even when you get sucked into the book enough to overlook it, next time you pick it up you’ll get that jolt all over again. Surely someone along the publishing process raised an eyebrow when they saw what they were producing?

Morbid curiosity, however, is rarely a good reason to pick up a book, and I don’t suggest you do it. And kids - always glance at the first few pages before you buy.Themes:

Books

Sci-fi / Fantasy

Judging Books By Their Covers

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Wardog

at 10:21 on 2009-02-04I'm glad (glad in the schadenfreude sense of the word) you read this ... the cover has been attracting me from Borders for a while now and it was just a matter of time until I picked it up. I have such a terrible habit of judging books by their covers - I might make a theme for it, actually :) I'm not sure I can actually think of (m)any books about gaming / virtual worlds that aren't entirely made of stupid, or offensive in some other way...

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Arthur B

at 10:23 on 2009-02-04

It’s such a bad technique that I’ve felt justified telling people about the book in social situations, and the only other books I tend to do that with are the latter volumes of King’s Dark Tower series (for reasons that will become very clear if the reading canary ever tackles them).

Maybe it will, but it'll have to be someone else doing it; I can smell the stench of King's solipsism from a mile off.

The England/Scotland thing seems especially bizarre. It's like someone needs to sit down with Stross and draw a diagram of where the taxes come from and where the taxes go...

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Wardog

at 10:24 on 2009-02-04But dude! You've forgotten what the English did to Mel Gibson!!

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Andy G

at 14:30 on 2009-02-04I do know two good things that address the reader directly, but neither of them are full-length books written completely in the second person. One is "If on a winter's night a traveller" which is all about readers of books so it makes a lot of sense, and the other is a German short story where the point of the direct address is not so much to involve the reader as a participant as to characterise the reassuring, mysterious voice talking to someone as their life flashes before their eyes (it's more like overhearing it talking to someone else). Definitely something you need to have a good reason to do though – and not something to do badly. Why do you think it was being attempted here?

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Rami

at 15:38 on 2009-02-04I have to admit everything I've read from Stross has been great, and in most cases his fascinating ideas have been good enough for me to forgive the slightly idealistic political allegory. But writing the book in the second person... well, I'm disappointed in him. Especially if it's all about MMORPGs, and full of slightly silly Scots nationalism (yes, Mr Stross, we know you're proud to be Scottish).

I am mildly curious about him working programmer-ish language into a book without ruining it for non-programmers, though. I shall have to leaf through the book in Borders at some point. Perhaps there will be geek in-jokes that redeem the book somewhat.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 21:20 on 2009-02-04"Why do you think it was being attempted here?"

I'm not entirely sure. The book has a theme of the erosion of boundaries between the real and the virtual, so I suspect that by casting the reader as participant Stross was trying to play with the real/made-up boundary. If that's what he was aiming for, though, it wasn't effective on me.

Or maybe he just hates his readers.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 21:21 on 2009-02-04Kyra - Love the new category :-)

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Dan H

at 21:55 on 2009-02-04

I can actually think of (m)any books about gaming / virtual worlds that aren't entirely made of stupid, or offensive in some other way...

Aren't they usually made of stupid *and* offensive, in exactly the same way every time, to wit:

"Okay, right, so the core idea of this book is that ... like *games* ... right take place in ... like ... worlds. But the *real* world is ... like ... also a world so ... like ... people who play games must get ... like ... confused about what's real and what isn't."

Why yes, I am still bitter about

The Sword of Maximum Damage

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Shim

at 23:17 on 2009-02-04Offhand, do you know of any stories that work the opposite way round? Ignoring Jumanji/Zathura, I mean... I'm picturing 'exported' characters wandering round casually smashing objects in the search for powerups, jumping on people's heads or demanding quests from people in the Lamb and Flag...

If they're going for that "core idea", of course, then the in-game characters should also be influenced by real-world stuff. "Sorry, I can't slay the Lord of the Ogres and free your children, I've got laundry to do."

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Arthur B

at 01:04 on 2009-02-05

Otherland

by Tad Williams is in theory about virtual entities manipulating the real world whilst real people simultaneously invade the virtual world.

In practice it is about Tad Williams giving an airing to some of his undeveloped story ideas (including honest to god

Wizard of Oz

fanfiction) before slapping us all about the face with a deus ex machina and declaring the story over.

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Wardog

at 11:20 on 2009-02-05And there's always Snowcrash of course...

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Arthur B

at 11:40 on 2009-02-05Ah, Snow Crash. Where sneaking through the enemy's base camp is the best possible time to have a long chat online about a sub-William Burroughs bicameral mind language virus...

Though to give it its due, the Metaverse of Snow Crash is probably the most accurate envisioning of Second Life-style virtual worlds the cyberpunk movement ever produced, mainly because Stephenson realised that some people would just make their avatars giant purple cocks. Which doesn't mean it lacks its share of stupid and offensive content (anti-rape devices which only work if you're already being raped!).

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Sonia Mitchell

at 16:54 on 2009-02-07I rather like the way the computer game in Ender's Game is handled, come to think of it. The unnerving wavering of the line between worlds and the perplexed way the adults try to get a handle on Ender's in-game behaviour are pretty interesting.

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Wardog

at 10:44 on 2009-02-09Re the new category, yay :) I'm actually always surprised to note how horribly suspectible I am to book covers. I've always secretly feared this made me an inherently shallow person but I'm reassured to know that you do it too :)

~Ah, Snow Crash. Where sneaking through the enemy's base camp is the best possible time to have a long chat online about a sub-William Burroughs bicameral mind language virus...

From what I have heard, and the little I have read of him, this seems to be Stephenson's problem in a nutshell. His books are so enslaved to the ideas at their core that they're, um, kind of the opposite of books.

I have to confess, I lose all my genre points because I haven't actually read Ender's Game...

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Arthur B

at 11:06 on 2009-02-09

this seems to be Stephenson's problem in a nutshell. His books are so enslaved to the ideas at their core that they're, um, kind of the opposite of books.

It wouldn't be so bad in

Snow Crash

, except that the idea he chooses to obsess over happens to be the least interesting one he presents in it... franchise nationality? The internet as a shallow pit of wish-fulfilment? (Man, did he call that one...) Stateless communities based on lashed-together ships in international waters? Pizza delivery tanks?

Snow Crash

is stuffed with cool shit; unfortunately, it all gets shoved bodily offstage every time the origins of consciousness in the breakdown of the bicameral mind waddles its fat, pasty, historically inaccurate, cribbed from Burroughs arse onstage to do its ludicrous little dance and spout its silly little monologues. How I hate that creature.

I've not read

Ender's Game

all the way through, and I was kind of uninspired by what I read of it; I wonder if it isn't the sort of books that has the best impact if you read it at just the right age, and preferably around the same time the book came out...

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Wardog

at 11:14 on 2009-02-09The internet as a shallow pit of wish-fulfilment

It seems like a pretty deep pit to me - I'm a big fan :)

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Rami

at 16:14 on 2009-02-09Heh, am I the only one on here who has read Ender's Game? Granted, it was a few years ago, and I actually read it after its sequel. I thought it fell a bit flat, but if you skip it and just read Ender's Shadow you might like it -- there's a lot more going on in the book, a rather more interesting main character, and all the plot points of the first...

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Andy G

at 20:21 on 2009-02-09I have read it! Do I get some sort of prize?

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Wardog

at 12:29 on 2009-02-10Yes, yes you do.

You get ... um ...

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Arthur B

at 14:09 on 2009-02-10...Mormonism! Delicious, delicious Mormonism...

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http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/

at 11:01 on 2009-02-20The second person was nearly enough to drive me away in the first chapter. I hate being told what I feel or think. Unbelievably irritating. And it only gets worse when you jump to another character in the next. I think there could be a case made for it if it had been better implemented, but i wasn't expecting it and it threw me.

The rest of the complaints didn't bother me much though. If you read it as a story about the future of the IT society it's quite interesting and fun. It seems that you are pulling the book apart based on what you wanted it to be, rather than what it is.

For example: CopSpace is a terrible name but it brings together the ideas of the internet of things, ubiquitous computing, augmented reality etc etc quite well. The story then allows discussion of how such technologies might get used, their benefits, their flaws and also the wider ranging implications for society...

It's a similar thought experiment about most of the issues with online activity, and how they will only become more important. For me, that's interesting.

On another note - the pixel people were enough to put me off the buying the book entirely, rather than an attraction. If my brother hadn't lent it to me, I would never have read it.

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Sonia Mitchell

at 00:11 on 2009-02-21Hi bitterlittleman, thanks for the comments. I'm glad you managed better than me in getting past the second person problem.

It seems that you are pulling the book apart based on what you wanted it to be, rather than what it is.

Good point, but I think the book did make promises it veered from. I expected a fun gaming read because of the incident it began with, because of the blurb (though I appreciate that was written by marketing people rather than the author) and because of the cover. I wasn't led to expect a board-room book, and I wouldn't have read it if I'd known.

So I'll concede I have prejudices against the genre it turned out to be, but I don't think the book should have disguised itself as another genre.

It's a similar thought experiment about most of the issues with online activity, and how they will only become more important. For me, that's interesting.

In general I agree, but in this specific case I think it was badly handled. The idea that the future of IT is in computerised glasses seems outdated and unlikely to me. The remote controlled taxis, on the other hand, rang true, and I think Stross does have some good ideas in the book. I would perhaps pick up something else of his (after checking the viewpoint this time).

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http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/

at 02:18 on 2009-02-21Glasses maybe, but the actual idea of copspace... Not outdated or unlikely. Take your smart camera phone, pair it with your location and relevant databases, and output.

http://apple20.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2008/09/23/androids-first-killer-feature-compass-mode/

(sorry, first example i found, its 2am.)

Once you want that kind of data on a heads up display to keep your hands free, glasses start to be more practical...

I'd say that we're way closer to CopSpace than autonomous vehicles like the taxi's described. For reference, I did information engineering, including modules on autonomous vehicles, intelligent systems (AI) and computer vision. My masters project was a combination.

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Wardog

at 14:40 on 2009-02-21Hmmm...possibly I'm looking at this in too shallow a light and I certainly don't pretend to be any kind of future-tech commenter but it occurs to me that any technology that would make you look lame (e.g. computer glasses) will never catch on ;)

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Arthur B

at 15:59 on 2009-02-21I think the key point is this:

Once you want that kind of data on a heads up display to keep your hands free, glasses start to be more practical...

Which is sort of the issue; how many applications are there where it's more practical to have a load of distracting crap appear in your glasses?

It's also worth noting that

HUDs

have existed for a while, and I think it's noteworthy that the information they present:

- Is presented in a very sparse style. You don't want this information to actually get in the way of something you might bump into.

- Is related exclusively to the task at hand. Distracting car drivers or aircraft pilots with ephemera while they fly is a no-no.

- Relate entirely to the operation of vehicles.

Basically, I think the uses of HUDs for pedestrians are going to be extremely limited.

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Shim

at 20:19 on 2009-02-21I could see the odd extra use for them, at least in a story. Traffic police could have HUDs that flashed up speed, vehicle tax status, and checked vehicles against police records. Security guards, scuffers and bouncers might have something that matched your face to records of troublemakers, or scanned and tagged you for possible weapons. Warehouse foremen or car park wardens could have HUDs to help identify each item and navigate around. Workers in sewers, mines or other confusing places could have HUD maps and compasses (like in a game). Or if you were doing pure information work (coding, examining photos or something) you might use them to avoid distractions.

It all rather depends on what other gear you're packing, though. I mean, if your HUD can detect RFID tags, or contain X-ray scanners, or spot and label problems with machinery, that's useful. If they just display the latest headlines, less so.

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Arthur B

at 01:02 on 2009-02-22But I think it's also worth considering whether it's more useful to have this sort of stuff on your glasses or some other surface. With the traffic police, it's surely more useful to just project the information onto the windscreen or something. With security guards and bouncers, I'm not sure putting this stuff on something that might get ripped off/smashed in a scuffle is necessrily a smart move.

Also, if you happen to be longsighted, there's obvious problems with trying to read something that's projected onto the inside of your glasses...

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http://bitterlittleman.livejournal.com/

at 17:01 on 2009-02-22And, voila, discussion about interesting ideas of how this technology might work and the effects it would have... Stuff people might like to read about... in a book?

And Kyra... Mobile phones? Wtf? Bricks with no battery life... who the hell would want one of those stuck to the side of their face... oh wait....

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Wardog

at 20:10 on 2009-02-22And Kyra... Mobile phones? Wtf? Bricks with no battery life... who the hell would want one of those stuck to the side of their face... oh wait....

Yeah, who would...

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Wardog

at 20:15 on 2009-02-22Also, actually, being serious for a split second here and putting my ludditism aside - mobile phones only really took off when their utility was met by their aesthetic. I have seen grown men actually caressing their I-phones.

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Wardog

at 20:17 on 2009-02-22And, voila, discussion about interesting ideas of how this technology might work and the effects it would have... Stuff people might like to read about... in a book

Books providing fodder for discussion is rarely connected to literary value. Look at JK Rowling.

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Rami

at 16:57 on 2009-02-23If you read it as a story about the future of the IT society it's quite interesting and fun

I've found that to be the case with everything Stross writes -- in this case, from what I'm seeing here, the vehicle for these ideas might be a bit lacking.

The idea that the future of IT is in computerised glasses seems outdated and unlikely to me

Well, the idea's not novel -- the first time I came across it was

in the 90s

, and even Stross has been

playing with it since 2005

Projecting things onto your glasses would be easier and cheaper than putting them in contact lenses or implanting them into your retina, which are AFAIK fairly well-known SF tropes (@Arthur: while it's non-trivial I think it would be perfectly doable to adjust the focus of the projection to be perfectly clear to your eyesight), and I for one think it's pretty cool and wish we had the commercially-available technology to do that today. Presumably, once the glasses are developed, you could stick a Bluetooth receiver into them and then have them interface with everything from your mobile phone to, as Shimmin suggests, an X-ray scanner...

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Orion

at 00:38 on 2015-02-18What does bi-cameral mean in this context?

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Arthur B

at 10:52 on 2015-02-18It's part of a

fringe psychological theory

#Ferretbrain #Sonia Mitchell #Axis of Awful #Halting State

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