ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back

it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? I choose 3: Coffee mugs, water bottles, and soda cans.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate bars.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was the “pleasure to have in class.”

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Cans or bottles. 

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Pastel.

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuds.

8. movies or tv shows? Both.

9. favorite smell in the summer? The smell of the ocean/beach air, coconut, and sunscreen.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? I sucked at everything.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Over-easy eggs and Eggo’s.

12. name of your favorite playlist? My main playlist on Spotify is my “Starred” playlist.

13. lanyard or key ring? Key ring. 

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Candy corn.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? One of them is A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? I sit with my legs crossed or to the side.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? My black Adidas.

18. ideal weather? Fall and winter weather.

19. sleeping position? I sleep slightly turned to my side.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? My laptop.

21. obsession from childhood? I was obsessed with Barbies.

22. role model? My mom.

23. strange habits? My eating habits. I pick apart my food and eat it that way, I’m very picky and particular about my food, I like some odd pairings, my appetite is up and down, I don’t eat edges...

24. favorite crystal? Rose quartz and amethyst are really pretty.

25. first song you remember hearing? I have no idea. Probably something on Barney, another childhood obsession I had when I was really little.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Go to the beach

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Enjoy hot cups of coffee. I drink it year round, but it’s even more special during the cold months.

28. five songs to describe you? *shrug*

29. best way to bond with you? Watch the same TV show series.

30. places that you find sacred? The beach.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I have no such outfit. I’m not a badass, I’m a a lame ass. ha.

32. top five favorite vines? Vine is dead.

33. most used phrase in your phone? Uhh, I have no idea? 

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? I don’t have any.

35. average time you fall asleep? It really varies.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Pfft, I have no idea.

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Both.

38. lemonade or tea? Tea.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon cake.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Nothing I’ve experienced.

41. last person you texted? My mom.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets. 

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie, leather, jean, and bomber.

44. favorite scent for soap? The typical soap scent for body soap. I like various scented ones from Bath and Body Works for hand soaps. I’m obsessed with their foamy hand soaps.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? I enjoy all 3.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Lounge shorts or t-shirt dress.

47. favorite type of cheese? I love a variety of different cheeses. 

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I don’t know.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? There isn’t one.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? Uhh, I have no idea.

51. current stresses? Health stuff as always.

52. favorite font? Tahoma, Verdana, Georgia.

53. what is the current state of your hands? What?

54. what did you learn from your first job? I haven’t had a job.

55. favorite fairy tale? Is Alice in Wonderland one?

56. favorite tradition? Holiday ones.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Various surgeries and health related things.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? I have no talents.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I don’t know.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don’t know.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? I have a lot of those.

62. seven characters you relate to? I don’t feel like spending a bunch of time thinking about it.

63. five songs that would play in your club? Five upbeat, catchy songs ha. I’m too lazy for this.

64. favorite website from your childhood? Neopets, dollcentral or something like that, Club Penguin... I can’t think of the others I frequented.

65. any permanent scars? Yes, several.

66. favorite flower(s)? I don’t have one.

67. good luck charms? I don’t believe in luck.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Seafood and alcohol.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? Blah.

70. left or right handed? Right.

71. least favorite pattern? Animal prints.

72. worst subject? Math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Dipping my sandwiches that have mayo in it in my ramen cause I like the mayo and ramen flavor combo.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? Well, I’m on a pain management regimen so I’m on a schedule to try and keep the pain manageable. 

75. when did you lose your first tooth? I think I was 6.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I love potatoes in a lot of different ways.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have no idea.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Coffee from a gas station. I don’t like sushi at all from anywhere.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? I don’t have a driver’s license, but I never liked my school ID photos.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? No bugs.

82. pc or console? PC.

83. writing or drawing? Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? I had both, but I was obsessed with Barbies.

85. fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales.

86. cookies or cupcakes? Both.

87. your greatest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life...

88. your greatest wish? To get my health under control and do something with my life.

89. who would you put before everyone else? I put my loved ones first.

90. luckiest mistake? Uhh.

91. boxes or bags? Depends?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights.

93. nicknames? Steph and Sis.

94. favorite season? Fall and winter.

95. favorite app on your phone? Kindle, DoorDash, YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook.

96. desktop background? Alexander Skarsgard.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? Just a few that I’ve known forever.

98. favorite historical era? Hm.

Fic: Full Moon Over Central Park (Jancy Week 2019 Day 5: AU)

Posted under the cut and here at AO3

Jonathan found himself lying on the moist soil of the cave he always locked himself into for his transformations. Groaning, he pulled himself up, the pain on his cheek telling him that something had cut into his skin sometime during the previous night. As usual, just about every bone, muscle and joint in his body was complaining. It always took him a while to recover enough to even dress himself and get home, so he grabbed the blanket he’d been smart enough to bring to the cave, wrapped himself into it and curled up into a fetal position. Just for a little while…

The cawing of a flock of crows woke him up again when the sun was already high in the fall sky. Hell. He’d totally overslept, not that he would be delivering any documents or packages today anyway. He wasn’t sure if he could even get on his bike to ride to the train station to go home. Eventually he forced himself off the ground and pulled a pair of jeans and a sweater on. The air was chilly, but that was just about the least of his problems anyway. 

As he pedaled to the station, he remembered fall days like this that he’d been able to spend at home, with his younger brother and their mom. His mom would make the most delicious hot chocolate before they all burrowed under blankets on the couch, where either Jonathan himself or she would read a book aloud. His brother Will had always preferred adventure novels, but Jonathan liked horror and science fiction. Well, at least he had until horror had become a permanent fixture in his life. 

 A bite during a full moon in the woods close to his home.  At first he thought it was a stray dog, then he’d determined it had to be a wolf. Fearful of rabies, his mom had taken him to the hospital. He hadn’t contracted rabies, but instead something much, much worse. 

It took him a little over an hour to reach his dingy apartment building in Brooklyn, and when he did, the place was surrounded by police cars and ambulances, all their lights flashing and making his sensitive eyes hurt and his head throb. What had happened? 

Approaching the nearest cop, he was determined to get inside. Shows. Food. Bed. “Excuse me? What’s going on? I live here,” he told the stern middle-aged man, who eyed him warily in response. 

“Can I see some ID?” He asked, and Jonathan reached into his pocket, hoping to God he hadn’t lost it last night. To his immense relief, he managed to locate his driver’s license.

“Here you go.”

The cop scanned the license, his eyes darting between the photo and Jonathan. He smiled nervously, uncertain and tired. 

“One of the apartments is a crime scene. It’s being sealed off as we speak , but you can go home. Someone will be there to talk to you later.”

“Why?” He asked, frowning. He had no desire to talk to anyone.

“We need to talk to all neighbors, to check if someone heard or saw anything suspicious last night.”

“I wasn’t at home last night,” he replied bluntly. Cops made him nervous due to his ‘condition’, as he’d been picked up by a squad car a few times after a transformation before he’d learned to stay away from people until he was truly lucid. 

“Doesn’t matter, kid. We’re going to talk to everyone,” said the cop, handing Jonathan back his license. 

With an acknowledging grunt, he left the officer behind. Lucky for him, the cop was approached by a woman mere seconds after he’d moved on. 

There inside of the building was swarming with cops, too, and he had to dodge at least three of them on his way to his 4th floor apartment. On the landing there were even more cops and the door to his neighbor’s apartment was open. He’d barely seen the woman a handful of times during the time he’d lived there, but a chill still ran through him. Was she dead? 

“Is this your apartment?” Asked a female cop standing guard at the crime scene, motioning to his door.

“Ummm, yeah, it is.”

“Can you please go inside for now? Someone will be in to talk to you soon.”

Yeah. That was exactly what he was afraid of. If his neighbor had been murdered, of course he’d do his best to help out the police, but the thing was… He knew nothing. 

As soon as the door slammed shut behind him, he realized how bad he smelled. Sweat and animal carcasses. Jesus. His sense of smell was still heightened, so the stench nearly made him hurl.

***

“Oh no, no, miss! This is an active crime scene,” growled the uniformed officer. 

Nancy Wheeler nearly rolled her eyes, but managed to stop herself in time. Well, no shit Sherlock, that was why she was there in the first place.

“What happened?” She asked, testing her ballpoint pen on her notepad. 

The cop snorted. “We’re not telling the press anything at this point, so I suggest you scamper.”

“This is a free country and I have every right to be here,” she argued. If she got a dime for every time she was dismissed both in and out of the office, she’d be a rich woman. Listening to police radio had become her biggest hobby since moving to New York, and she often hung around fresh crime scenes, hoping to get the scoop early and actually break something worthwhile. Maybe then Mr. Adrian would at least acknowledge her existence. 

Her hunch told her that they could be dealing with a multiple homicide. This wasn’t a particularly good neighborhood, but not one of the worst ones either. No rich people, but supposedly no gangs either. The scene had gathered quite a crowd, with curious commuters and other people passing by sticking around to stare. Not that there was much to see at this point, nothing nearly enough for Nancy get front page material.

“Besides, you just let that guy in there!” She continued, pointing at the back of the young man who she’d seen talking to the cop minutes before. 

“That guy? He lives there.”

If they were letting tenants in, it probably meant the crime scene was almost sealed off and that most of the police would be clearing out soon. Good. That meant she could go in soon herself, and talk to the neighbors. No doubt the police would be doing that, too, and she didn’t want them catching her doing it. If she got into real trouble with them, they’d end up calling the paper. Not to mention that she was currently supposed to be on her way to a Halloween fair in a small town in Long Island.  Screw that.

Biting into her lip as she considered her options, she spied a donut shop across the street.  Fantastic . The perfect place to survey the cops, particularly when they left the scene. 

She ordered a cup of coffee and a chocolate-covered donut and chose a window table with a good view of the building on the other side of the street. It turned out that she didn’t have to wait long to get something worth writing about, as a pair of cops stepped in and stood in the queue.

“Man, have you ever seen anything like that before?” Asked the younger officer. 

“Kind of, but that was years ago and when I was stationed in Harlem. Never seen anything this bad around here.”

“Sure makes you lose your appetite.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Finding the second body in the bedroom…”

“I know. Freaked the shit out of me too.”

So at least two people were dead. Nancy’s pen flew on the pad, writing down everything the cops said. She’d come to learn that eavesdropping was one of the most important skills a reporter could have. 

***

Jonathan groaned in desperation when there was yet another knock at his door several hours after he’d shut the door in the last officer’s face and retreated into his bed. He didn’t even bother turning the lights back on to answer the door this time. Why couldn’t these cops leave him the hell alone?

Practically yanking the door open, he expected to come face-to-face with another uniform, but instead there was a girl. Well, she was as much of a girl as he was a boy. She was… Girls like her- or even girls in general- or people- didn’t usually end up on his doorstep. And when he said usually, he actually meant never. She didn’t look like a cop, but there was a determined set to her jaw, making it clear she wanted something from him. And yet she wasn’t saying anything, seeming just as flabbergasted at the sight of him as he was of her. She was lovely, her wavy hair the color of chocolate, her eyes the deepest blue. 

“Hi,” she finally spoke, flashing him a smile that didn’t strike him as genuine. 

“Hi,” he replied. 

“I’m Nancy Wheeler, I work for the NY Daily Courier. I’m here to ask you about the murder-“

“I already told the police everything I know, which is basically nothing,” he said, interrupting her.

“Uh, right. I understand, but please, can I ask you a few questions?” 

Although he wanted little more than to get back under the covers, he found himself unable to deny her simple request. It would be a short talk anyway for sure, as he had so little to contribute.

“Okay,” he sighed, allowing her inside, before realizing how messy his place was. His face probably flashed red as he watched her curious eyes scan his dirty dishes and discarded clothes. He wasn’t even that messy of a person, but when the change approached, it always made him uneasy and somehow that uneasiness manifested itself as him skipping housework. Why did it even matter, though? She was a reporter, here only to do her job.

 “I’m Jonathan Byers, in case you want to put that in your notes,” he continued, realizing he hadn’t even introduced himself. His mom would smack him upside the head. 

“Thank you. So, how long have you lived here?” She asked, obviously wanting to get straight into business.

“A couple of years.” The manners taught to him by his mom nagged at the back of his head, insisting that he offer her coffee and perhaps a sandwich. “Would you like something to drink? I’ve got coffee, and some sandwiches.”

“Coffee sounds great, actually. How long did your neighbor live in that apartment?”

“I think she moved in a few months after me, so maybe about a year and a half.”

“Did she live alone?”

“I think so, but I can’t be sure… I- I guess I don’t pay that much attention to my neighbors.” And most of the time he hoped they didn’t pay attention to him either. That was why he only spoke to people when he absolutely had to, like at work. 

“Did you ever talk to her? What was she like?”

He shrugged. “I guess I ran into her on the stairs a few times. She seemed normal to me, nothing that would suggest-“ he began, struggling to find the right words. 

“An impending violent death?” She suggested.

He nodded. “Yeah. She never caused trouble here, as far as I know.” He would’ve looked for another place to live if the police had started coming around regularly. 

“Apparently there was a second body in the apartment.”

He raised a brow. “Really?” The police hadn’t told him that.

Nancy nodded.

“How do you even know that?” He wondered aloud, his brows rising in surprise. 

“I can’t reveal my sources, but I heard it from law enforcement.”

Jonathan nodded.  Impressive.

“I wouldn’t know anything about that. I wasn’t home last night, only got back this morning when the cops were already here,” he replied, almost apologetically. 

“So you wouldn’t know who was with her last night?”

Jonathan shook his head. “No. Sorry.”

“Well, I’ll keep looking. Sorry to have bothered you,” she said, standing up to leave. He walked her to the door, hoping that despite his haggard appearance and the state of his apartment, she wouldn’t remember him in a bad way. That was new, since usually he settled on hoping people wouldn’t remember him at all. Reporters were at least as dangerous to him as cops were, so wanting her not to forget about him had to be a sign of him losing his mind. 

“You- you didn’t bother me. Good luck with your story.”

“Thank you… Would you mind giving me your number, in case I think of another question you might be able to answer for me?” She asked.

That was a surprising request, but he recited his phone number to her automatically, although the only other people who even knew it were his current and potential employers. 

He watched as she turned the corner and began her descent. Just before he closed the door, he heard her knock on a door on the floor below him and introduce herself once more. He bet she’d already forgotten his name. He’d just be the clueless nextdoor neighbor of a murder victim, who she never had to see again.

***

Even as Nancy listened to the old lady prattle on and on about how wonderful and polite the murdered woman had been, her thoughts were elsewhere. She still wasn’t quite sure what to make of Jonathan Byers, nextdoor neighbor. He’d claimed to not have been home during the murders and she believed him, but something about him nagged at the back of her mind. The deep dark circles under his eyes and the fact that he seemed to be mostly skin and bones should’ve led to the conclusion that she’d just spoken to a drug addict. But this wasn’t that kind of a neighborhood, and he didn’t… He didn’t seem like an addict. Although how in the world could she know that? 

Either way, he’d struck a chord within her, which was unusual. As much as she would’ve liked to think it was only her reporter’s instincts sensing that something was off about him, she had to admit her desire to know more about him wasn’t only about that. Nevertheless, she had to focus on finding out all she could about the murder case, and unfortunately Jonathan didn’t seem to be able to help her with that. 

“What about Alaina Torres’s neighbor, Jonathan Byers? What do you know about him?” She asked in a whim before considering whether it was a good idea.

The old woman blinked at her, obviously confused as to why she’d want to know about Jonathan.

“Well, he’s a quiet boy, that one. Carried my groceries up the stairs once when I sprained my ankle, but I don’t believe he speaks much with anyone here.”

“Does he ever have guests?”

“I haven’t seen anyone. Why are you asking about him, do you think he may have had something to do with poor Alaina’s death?”

“Uh, not really, at this stage I’m trying to get a feel of the people who lived close to her,” she claimed, feeling embarrassed about lying. 

“Surely he can’t be a bad guy.”

“I’m sure you’re right, Mrs. Johnson,” she replied, flashing a smile. 

Her phone rang, filling the apartment with its shrill sound.  Shit. She should’ve muted it.

“Are you going to answer that?” Inquired Mrs. Johnson.

“Yeah. Uh, please excuse me for a minute.” Removing the phone from her purse as if it was a dangerous insect, she brought it to her ear. 

As usual, her boss didn’t bother with the basic niceties. “Where are you?” He demanded.

Biting into her lip, Nancy rolled her eyes. “I’m in Long Island at the Halloween fair you sent me to. Should be ready to come back to the office within an hour.”

“Well, get back here as soon as you can. I’ve got another job for you.” 

Really? Over the last few months, her naivety had dissipated little by little with every filler story she was asked to write. And yet she still held onto hope that one day she’d be given a chance to make her mark, to be the top journalist she aspired to be.

“What is it?”

“An adoption event for a local shelter in Queens.”

Nancy liked animals, she truly did, but this was yet another feel-good story gig. Nothing serious. Wat was even worse that this meant she’d be stuck in Queens until tonight, which meant having to give up on this case for now.

“I’ll see you soon,” she promised Mr. Adrian.

“Oh, that sounded exciting!” Exclaimed Mrs. Johnson. If she only knew… 

Responding with a tight smile, she explained to Mrs. Johnson that she had to leave. 

As she exited the building, she couldn’t help but turn to direct one last glance at Jonathan’s window. She could swear she saw the curtains move.

Being Alone, Animals, and Cats: CUTE Fall-Fiqured Girl In Ned- Friendly afictionate, playful housetrained. ived in hartony with two children knows basic comtuands -- SPAYED&Ready To Go! At Brooklyn ACC waiting for LOVE Saseyahire Alone time is overrated- Adopt a shelter dog TO BE KILLED - 8/22/2019 ALONE TIME IS OVERRATED - ADOPT A SHELTER DOG <3 Sapphire is in need of a second chance in a good home. Instead of her former family making a few adjustments to keep the entire family together they just decided to throw Sapphire away. Now, at a time when she should be enjoying her home and family, she's stuck in a shelter and slated to lose her life if no one else sees what a true gem she is and her potential. Sapphire already lived in harmony with children and does well when meeting new people. She'll need a meet and greet to ensure she's a good match with another four-legged roommate but she's been known to do well. Sapphie is also housetrained and spayed so she's all ready to go and be a part of an awesome family but she needs her hero to be prompt because she is out of time at the Brooklyn shelter. Please don't wait. SAPPHIRE@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Sapphire My animal id is #70450 I am a desexed female brown brindle dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 6 years old, 64 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender 7/26/2019 Reason stated animal behavior - aggressive to other animals Sapphire is rescue only I came to the shelter with my sister Ruby, Id 70449, also on the list to die :-( : https://www.facebook.com/mldsavingnycdogs/photos/a.112459638940315/1045885488931054/?type=3&theater Sapphire is at risk for behavior concerns. Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. There are stipulations with placement. She is obese but appears otherwise healthy. My medical notes are... Weight: 64.4 lbs Vet Notes 7/26/2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 6y Microchip noted on Intake? yes History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, no appetite, no elimination concerns Observed Behavior - mildly timid but allowed all handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 7/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears AU mild erythema, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: adult dentition, mild attrition PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: female spayed, scar noted, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment otitis ext - suspect allergies overweight Prognosis: excellent Plan: rec weight loss tresaderm 4 drops AU BID until 8/1 rec derm consult with placement SURGERY: spayed 8/1/2019 Progress exam History: Intake 7/26/19: Owner surrender, noted otitis externa, overweight. Started tresaderm. Today, 8/1: Recheck otitis Subjective: BAR, no coughing/sneezing/vomiting/diarrhea. No pruritus or discomfort noted by ACS or behavior staff. Objective: Cageside exam performed. Eyes: Clear bilaterally, no discharge Nasal Cavity: No nasal discharge. Lungs: Eupneic Musculoskeletal: Ambulatory x 4 with no appreciable lameness. Integument: Unremarkable haircoat. Neuro: Appropriate mentation. Assessment: -Otitis externa (resolved) -Overweight Prognosis: Good Plan: -Okay to d/c tresaderm -Recommend dermatology consult, weight loss with placement 8/15/2019 Progress exam-longterm stay History : Intake 7/26/19-otitis, overweight. Started on tresaderm Subjective: BARH. No csvd. Nervous, whale eyes, panting, head flipping. Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 6/9 EENT: Eyes have nuclear sclerosis ou, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: clean adult dentition, no oral lesions PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupneic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: FS, no MGTs, no vulvar d/c MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Assessment: Overweight Prognosis: Excellent Plan: CTM while at BACC Rec weight loss and BW with placement Details on my behavior are... Behavior History Behavior Assessment Behavior during intake: Sapphire had a tense body and was lip licking during intake. Counselor was able to scan for a microchip, collar and take a picture without any issues Date of Intake: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter Status: Spayed Basic Information:: Sapphire is a 6 year old spayed female that has no current medical concerns that the owner is aware of. Owner had Sapphire in the home since she was born but had to surrender due to behavior Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 children, 2 other dogs How is this dog around strangers?: When a stranger would come to the owners home, Sapphire was friendly and outgoing. How is this dog around children?: Sapphire lived with 2 children ages 4 and 6 and was always respectful and playful with the children in the home How is this dog around other dogs?: Sapphire with lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. Owner stated that she would someone get into a scuffle with the her litter mate but never never bit hard enough to break skin. How is this dog around cats?: Sapphire has never been around a cat so behavior is unknown Resource guarding:: Sapphire is not bothered if someone approaches her food, treats or toys Bite history:: Sapphire has a bite history with the most recent bite being 2 weeks ago om 7/12/19. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Medium Other Notes:: Sapphire is not bothered when someone would hold her or restrain her, being pushed off furniture, being disturbed while sleeping, being given a bath, having her paws touched or when an unfamiliar person would come to the owners home Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Sapphire does not have any known medical concerns For a New Family to Know: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium activity level. She likes to play with all types of toys. In the home, Sapphire liked to stay in her favorite spot. She was fed dry food only brand Wellness. Sapphire was kept both indoor/outdoor and is house trained. When left alone in the home, she would go through the garbage. Sapphire knows the cues sit, come, stay , down and paw. For exercise, she was let out in the yard to play. When on leash, she tends to pull lightly. Owner has never walked her off leash so behavior is unknown. ==================== Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 Children (4, 6), 2 Dogs (Large, Females) Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Behavior toward children:: Respectful and playful (w/resident children) Behavior toward dogs:: Respectful; Sometimes scuffled (w/resident dogs) Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: 7/12/19: Previous owner reported Sapphire and Ruby (70449) to have had a recent bite incident with a neighbor's dog that was being walked on-leash. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking as they ran toward the neighbor's small dog and one of them bit her on the stomach. This bite resulted in two punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment for the wounds. 5/10/15: Previous owner reported Ruby and Sapphire to have had a bite incident with a neighbor's dog. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking and growling as they ran toward the neighbor's dog and one of them bit her on the neck. This bite resulted in multiple punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment and ultimately euthanized as a result of the severity of the wounds. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium level of energy. Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate-hard pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral body, tail wagging, ears back, panting, approaches readily, jumps up softly onto handler, accepts contact, licks handler Call over: Approaches with coaxing; Distracted, stays near door Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact Exuberant handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact, shakes off Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Engages in play with handler, soft and loose; On second pass, jumps up onto door, seeking exit Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: Paces, pants, whining, lip licking and pulls hard toward door when assistant exits; No response to knock; Pulls hard toward door seeking exit when assistant enters, does not solicit attention Toy Toy comments: No interest; Distracted by door and seeking exit Summary:: According to Sapphire's previous owner, she lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. The owner stated that she would sometimes get into a scuffle with her littermate but did not break the skin. 7/27: Due to Sapphire's potential legal hold status, only a gate greet was conducted with a novel male dog. She greets the male at the gate but is wary to interact with handlers and the other dog. She paces the pens seeking an exit. Summary (1):: Sapphire understands the cues for "sit," "come," "stay," "down" and "paw." Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Tense, lip licked; Allowed all handling Date of initial:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Somewhat timid; Allowed all handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during her interactions in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment, but we recommend that she be provided daily mental and physical stimulation as an outlet for her energy. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Sapphire's reported bite history and observed level of anxiety, we feel she would be best set up to succeed in an adult-only home at this time. Place with a New Hope partner: Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. Force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Sapphire to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist. Potential challenges: : Anxiety,Strength/leash pulling,Bite history (dog) Potential challenges comments:: Bite history (dog): Sapphire has been reported by her previous owner to have had two bite incidents with two different dogs. Both incidents occurred when both Ruby (70449) and Sapphire had escaped from the yard and bit a neighbor's dog, resulting in multiple punctures. (SEE BITE HISTORY). Please refer to the handout for Bite history (dog). Anxiety: Sapphire exhibits anxious behavior during her interactions in the care center, where she has been observed to pant, pace, whine, seek an exit and is easily distracted by outside noises. Please refer to the handout for Generalized Anxiety. Strength/leash pulling: Sapphire was observed to display leash pulling due to her strength. Please refer to the handout on Strength/leash pulling. SAPPHIRE IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.

Drawings or videos are what I mean

The Supreme Court dealt with this issue in Ashcroft v Free Speech Coalition. They ruled that computer generated images have to be indistinguishable with real children to lose it's constitutional protections.

The Child Pornography Prevention Act of 1996 (CPPA) expands the federal prohibition on child pornography to include not only pornographic images made using actual children, 18 U.S.C. § 2256(8)(A), but also “any visual depiction, including any photograph, film, video, picture, or computer or computer-generated image or picture” that “is, or appears to be, of a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct,” § 2256(8)(B), and any sexually explicit image that is “advertised, promoted, presented, described, or distributed in such a manner that conveys the impression” it depicts “a minor engaging in sexually explicit conduct,” § 2256(8)(D). Thus, § 2256(8)(B) bans a range of sexually explicit images, sometimes called “virtual child pornography,” that appear to depict minors but were produced by means other than using real children, such as through the use of youthful-looking adults or computer-imaging technology. Section 2256(8)(D) is aimed at preventing the production or distribution of pornographic material pandered as child pornography. Fearing that the CPPA threatened their activities, respondents, an adult-entertainment trade association and others, filed this suit alleging that the “appears to be” and “conveys the impression” provisions are overbroad and vague, chilling production of works protected by the First Amendment. The District Court disagreed and granted the Government summary judgment, but the Ninth Circuit reversed. Generally, pornography can be banned only if it is obscene under Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15, but pornography depicting actual children can be proscribed whether or not the images are obscene because of the State’s interest in protecting the children exploited by the production process, New York v. Ferber, 458 U.S. 747, 758, and in prosecuting those who promote such sexual exploitation, id., at 761. The Ninth Circuit held the CPPA invalid on its face, finding it to be substantially overbroad because it bans materials that are neither obscene under Miller nor produced by the exploitation of real children as in Ferber.

Held: The prohibitions of §§ 2256(8)(B) and 2256(8)(D) are overbroad and unconstitutional. Pp. 6—21.

(a) Section 2256(8)(B) covers materials beyond the categories recognized in Ferber and Miller, and the reasons the Government offers in support of limiting the freedom of speech have no justification in this Court’s precedents or First Amendment law. Pp. 6—19.

(1) The CPPA is inconsistent with Miller. It extends to images that are not obscene under the Miller standard, which requires the Government to prove that the work in question, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest, is patently offensive in light of community standards, and lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value, 413 U.S., at 24. Materials need not appeal to the prurient interest under the CPPA, which proscribes any depiction of sexually explicit activity, no matter how it is presented. It is not necessary, moreover, that the image be patently offensive. Pictures of what appear to be 17-year-olds engaging in sexually explicit activity do not in every case contravene community standards. The CPPA also prohibits speech having serious redeeming value, proscribing the visual depiction of an idea–that of teenagers engaging in sexual activity–that is a fact of modern society and has been a theme in art and literature for centuries. A number of acclaimed movies, filmed without any child actors, explore themes within the wide sweep of the statute’s prohibitions. If those movies contain a single graphic depiction of sexual activity within the statutory definition, their possessor would be subject to severe punishment without inquiry into the literary value of the work. This is inconsistent with an essential First Amendment rule: A work’s artistic merit does not depend on the presence of a single explicit scene. See, e.g., Book Named “John Cleland’s Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure” v. Attorney General of Mass., 383 U.S. 413, 419. Under Miller, redeeming value is judged by considering the work as a whole. Where the scene is part of the narrative, the work itself does not for this reason become obscene, even though the scene in isolation might be offensive. See Kois v. Wisconsin, 408 U.S. 229, 231 (per curiam). The CPPA cannot be read to prohibit obscenity, because it lacks the required link between its prohibitions and the affront to community standards prohibited by the obscenity definition. Pp. 6—11.

(2) The CPPA finds no support in Ferber. The Court rejects the Government’s argument that speech prohibited by the CPPA is virtually indistinguishable from material that may be banned under Ferber. That case upheld a prohibition on the distribution and sale of child pornography, as well as its production, because these acts were “intrinsically related” to the sexual abuse of children in two ways. 458 U.S., at 759. First, as a permanent record of a child’s abuse, the continued circulation itself would harm the child who had participated. See id., at 759, and n. 10. Second, because the traffic in child pornography was an economic motive for its production, the State had an interest in closing the distribution network. Id., at 760. Under either rationale, the speech had what the Court in effect held was a proximate link to the crime from which it came. In contrast to the speech in Ferber, speech that is itself the record of sexual abuse, the CPPA prohibits speech that records no crime and creates no victims by its production. Virtual child pornography is not “intrinsically related” to the sexual abuse of children. While the Government asserts that the images can lead to actual instances of child abuse, the causal link is contingent and indirect. The harm does not necessarily follow from the speech, but depends upon some unquantified potential for subsequent criminal acts. The Government’s argument that these indirect harms are sufficient because, as Ferber acknowledged, child pornography rarely can be valuable speech, see id., at 762, suffers from two flaws. First, Ferber’s judgment about child pornography was based upon how it was made, not on what it communicated. The case reaffirmed that where the speech is neither obscene nor the product of sexual abuse, it does not fall outside the First Amendment’s protection. See id., at 764—765. Second, Ferber did not hold that child pornography is by definition without value. It recognized some works in this category might have significant value, see id., at 761, but relied on virtual images–the very images prohibited by the CPPA–as an alternative and permissible means of expression, id., at 763. Because Ferber relied on the distinction between actual and virtual child pornography as supporting its holding, it provides no support for a statute that eliminates the distinction and makes the alternative mode criminal as well. Pp. 11—13.

(3) The Court rejects other arguments offered by the Government to justify the CPPA’s prohibitions. The contention that the CPPA is necessary because pedophiles may use virtual child pornography to seduce children runs afoul of the principle that speech within the rights of adults to hear may not be silenced completely in an attempt to shield children from it. See, e.g., Sable Communications of Cal., Inc. v. FCC, 492 U.S. 115, 130—131. That the evil in question depends upon the actor’s unlawful conduct, defined as criminal quite apart from any link to the speech in question, establishes that the speech ban is not narrowly drawn. The argument that virtual child pornography whets pedophiles’ appetites and encourages them to engage in illegal conduct is unavailing because the mere tendency of speech to encourage unlawful acts is not a sufficient reason for banning it, Stanley v. Georgia, 394 U.S. 557, 566, absent some showing of a direct connection between the speech and imminent illegal conduct, see, e.g., Brandenburg v. Ohio, 395 U.S. 444, 447 (per curiam). The argument that eliminating the market for pornography produced using real children necessitates a prohibition on virtual images as well is somewhat implausible because few pornographers would risk prosecution for abusing real children if fictional, computerized images would suffice. Moreover, even if the market deterrence theory were persuasive, the argument cannot justify the CPPA because, here, there is no underlying crime at all. Finally, the First Amendment is turned upside down by the argument that, because it is difficult to distinguish between images made using real children and those produced by computer imaging, both kinds of images must be prohibited. The overbreadth doctrine prohibits the Government from banning unprotected speech if a substantial amount of protected speech is prohibited or chilled in the process. See Broadrick v. Oklahoma, 413 U.S. 601, 612. The Government’s rejoinder that the CPPA should be read not as a prohibition on speech but as a measure shifting the burden to the accused to prove the speech is lawful raises serious constitutional difficulties. The Government misplaces its reliance on § 2252A(c), which creates an affirmative defense allowing a defendant to avoid conviction for nonpossession offenses by showing that the materials were produced using only adults and were not otherwise distributed in a manner conveying the impression that they depicted real children. Even if an affirmative defense can save a statute from First Amendment challenge, here the defense is insufficient because it does not apply to possession or to images created by computer imaging, even where the defendant could demonstrate no children were harmed in producing the images. Thus, the defense leaves unprotected a substantial amount of speech not tied to the Government’s interest in distinguishing images produced using real children from virtual ones. Pp. 13—19.

What’s In My Truck: Bob Grover, Pacific Landscape Management

Based in Portland, Oregon, Pacific Landscape Management hasn’t always dealt with consistent snow as areas like the Midwest and Northeast do. In fact, oftentimes they find themselves dealing more with ice. But Bob Grover, president of the company, says this past snow season was probably the “craziest” in his 30-year career. With six separate events — the biggest being a week-long event with more than a foot of snow — Grover says the team amped up their efforts and pulled off a successful season. That’s quite the accomplishment considering the company primarily uses rental equipment and a network of subcontractors. With inconsistent snow events, Grover says it simply hasn’t made sense to invest in anything more permanent. To handle the variability from season to season, Grover says the team must be “creative and adaptable” — and that’s just what they were. He says that going into this past season they didn’t “feel prepared” but they figured out what they had to do — and got it done. Here’s how Grover handled the last snow season.

Thank heavens for 24-hour drive-throughs. I take a coffee cup with me on the road but I’m not good about taking snacks. I’ve been lucky enough to find the occasional 24-hour drive-through to quell my appetite.

I always have my mobile phone to take photos. We take pictures as we complete jobs and send them to the customers to verify the work was done and when. An update of the job being complete with a timestamp on the email in the middle of the night is impressive to them.

I have never had trouble staying awake while plowing — even in the middle of the night. You are so active monitoring the surroundings that you really don’t have an opportunity to fall asleep. I will sometimes buy coffee between projects but have to drink it right away as I’m too active while on site to touch anything other than the steering wheel and plow controller.

One of my biggest motivators in business is to help customers in difficult or crisis situations. I tell people all the time, “I just want to be a hero” — that’s my greatest motivation and keeps me going. Storms are a crisis and when we pull off a successful service, we truly are being heroes and there’s no better feeling.

The Essentials

Granular de-icer: To assist when even the plow truck slips.

Spare tires and jacks: Because a flat tire in the middle of the night can shut you down.

Extra Chains: So even when you lose one, you can stay in action.

Flashlight and tool kit: So you can see and fix small problems.

Mobile phone and charger: So you never run out of battery life or lose the ability to communicate with the team.

Travel mug: For coffee, of course.

Radio: I’m a product of the Rock’n’Roll generation so I listen to that.

Pocket change: For the 24-hour drive-through.

Pacific Landscape Management was named one of the best-run companies in the industry. Read more: Best-Run Companies: Pacific Landscape Management

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Just popping in to tell you that you are gorgeous as fuck

Oh goodness. Hahaha. Wow, thank you so much! I wish that were true in my eyes. I have accepted the fact that other people can somehow think I am attractive, but I just can’t wrap my head around why someone would think that or how someone could think that about me. In my eyes, I am the most hideous, fat person on this planet. I have come to terms with the fact that I am ugly, like I mentioned in my post on that one picture, but I cannot accept the fact that I am ridiculously overweight and fucking obese. I hate myself so damn much because of my weight. I even avoid going out in public because of my weight and how ugly I look and feel. I can fool people with my selfies, though. With the right angle, the right lighting, the right filter, and the right camera. . .I can look pretty attractive. But it’s all an illusion. That’s why selfies are great. They can make your fantasy of being a beautiful, slim, flawless, model-worthy person a reality. But if you met me in real life? You’d run the other direction. Haha. I’m really hard on the eyes. My pictures are eye candy, I will admit, but my real life image? Very hard to look at. I have a very fat, obese, short, stubby, ugly body. . .and my face is too round and chubby and I have no neck or chin to speak of (which I want to get cosmetic surgery for when I can afford it) coz I inherited that from my fucking mother. I have a major, odd overbite on my top row of teeth because instead of sucking my thumb as a little boy, I sucked my two fingers (ring and middle), which caused my teeth to bulge out, one a little more than the other. Hoping to get that fixed with invisalign as soon as I can afford it. I have always had super clear skin, but lately my picking problem has become unbearable and I am ripping the skin off of different places and now I have all these red marks on my face and permanent scarring in some places because of that issue I have. And concealer doesn’t cover it that well no matter how much I put on. And then the pigmentation of my skin is disgusting because I am a pasty, white, lobster-person. My skin turns red at even the slightest bit of heat. And I have a pigmentation issue on my right cheek bone where there is a circle that is always red that concealer won’t cover. My eyes are way way WAY too big for my face (as everyone can probably tell). I’m certain people probably make fun of me for how big my eyes are behind my back. My hair is beautiful in colour, but ugly in style. My nose is huge and always red at the tip because, again, I am a white, pasty, lobster person. (Seriously, why did I have to be born white? UGH) My eyebrows are way way way too thick and they make me look perpetually angry. I have a bad case of resting bitch face and bored-to-tears face even when I’m excited about something. My smile is the most hideous and scary thing you will ever see; especially if it’s a teeth-showing smile. I have a baby face so I get mistaken for a teenager/high schooler quite often which is absolutely insulting. I have even had someone tell me my actual ID was a fake ID because they couldn’t fathom the fact that I was born in ‘92. I constantly have such dark circles under my eyes that it looks like I have two black eyes due to my insomnia and my sleeping pills not working anymore. My chin protrudes and it’s ugly. My lips are fucking HUGE and ugh god they’re disgusting. My teeth are somewhat yellow-ish because of all the tea and coffee I drink and because of the lack of money to go to the dentist (my insurance does not cover dental and never has...white teeth are a product of wealth, not how well you take care of them). My breath always smells horrible because I am anorexic and anorexia makes you have bad breath (still not sure why. I just know it’s the cause.). No matter how much I brush or how many times I rinse with mouth wash or how many mints I pop throughout the day, I’m pretty sure my breath still smells and I don’t know how anyone can stand to be around me. My face is pretty expressionless and I don’t make good expressions which makes me miserable and boring to other people. My laugh is fucking obnoxious because I laugh really loudly and it’s more of a maniacal cackle than anything. . .unless I’m giggling, then I sound like a fucking seal. If I don’t shave between my eyebrows for like 6 months or more, I get a small, practically invisible unibrow which is totally noticeable to me but normally not to other people. My nose is constantly wet and dripping because I have such bad allergies. My eyes are fucking bright blueish-grey, sometimes fully grey, so it’s super easy to tell when I’m on drugs because you can see my pupils turn to pinpoints or, if I’m on something trippy, you can see them dilate like crazy. Which, as someone who does drugs every day of his life, that’s an absolute curse, mate. I have TMJ so my jaw goes click click click every time I open and close it. I have a SUPER TINY mouth and a very thick tongue. Which is an awful combination. I can’t decide whether my forehead is too big or too small. And the creases of my eyes are practically right on top of my eyes because of how huge my eyes are. And glasses are always way too big for my face because I have such a tiny head. My nonexistent neck is super thick and makes me seem like I have a bazillion chins no matter how skinny I get. When I was down in the 90 lb range, the fact that I don’t have a neck/chin really fucking got to me because even at that weight, it still looks like I have a million chins. I can’t escape it without surgery to physically move my throat back where it is for normal people. Which, I’m not even sure if that can be done, but I will pay a plastic surgeon my whole goddamn life savings to fix that for me. I just don’t have the money right now and won’t anytime soon because I’m sure it will cost thousands upon thousands of dollars up-front. Uhhhh.....what else.....well, that’s just my head. From my neck up. You don’t even wanna get me started on my body. I could go on for hours because of how fat I am.

But. . .it’s really, really, REALLY nice to get messages like these. I never know if people are just mocking me and lying to me and laughing at my expense when I respond with gratitude, kinda like a “HAHA He’s so gullible!!!” sorta thing. That’s what I usually suspect is going on when people compliment me like this.

But I’ve been trying REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to just accept the compliments as truth and believe that people are being honest with me and aren’t just making fun of me and being sarcastic. So. . .if you’re serious, which I am going to force myself to assume you are, I really fucking appreciate this. Like....SO much. I have nonexistent self esteem. Like...zero. Maybe even negative numbers for my self esteem. I doubt you will ever encounter a person with lower self esteem than me. So to have people boost my ego with things like this means the world to me. It makes me feel like...maybe...maybe I can go out in public. Because I don’t go out in public because of how ugly and fat I am. I dread going out in public because of that. When I was like 105lbs or less, I was so fucking happy and I felt like I could go out in public whenever I wanted! It was incredible!!! Having thin privilege is.......wow, it’s life changing. I don’t think people with thin privilege even realize how great they have it. Honestly, being skinny would take away my depression, cure my anxiety, and all of my self destructive habits and suicidal ideations would just...fade away! They did when I was 105 and less. So anyone who says that weight does not control your happiness is a fucking liar when it comes to me, myself, and I. Because weight does, indeed, control my happiness, personally. While I’m fat and obese like I have been most of my life, it causes so much depression and anxiety and makes me want to kill myself solely because I am fat. I can deal with being ugly like I am, but I cannot deal with being fat like this. I can’t handle it.

And I can’t exercise at all because it could give me a heart attack and kill me due to my costochondritis. So I can’t even do that to help lose weight. So I’m just.....constantly starving myself and munching on dried mango slices when I’m hungry and drinking lots and lots of water and nothing else. A lot of people say that starving yourself will make you gain weight and it actually does in majority of people, but for some reason. . .starvation works on my body. Starvation is the one thing that will make me lose weight. And it’s really my only option at this point. Yeah, I could go into hypoglycemic shock or a hypoglycemic coma, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take if I could just be skinny.

Like I said. . .I have come to terms with the fact I am ugly. That is never going to change no matter what I do. But my weight? That is something I can change if I keep up the starvation and don’t break. Which, I have gotten very good at over the years since I was a little kid. The drugs help curb my appetite, too. The reason I started doing certain drugs was actually to curb my appetite. Nothing else. I didn’t want them to get high or for fun or anything like that---I just wanted them so I could lose weight. And they sure are helping. I fucking love drugs.

I would do anything to be skinny and have thin privilege. Literally anything. I will die trying if I have to. I would rather die an early death while skinny than live a long life while fat.

Ahhhh, I got so off topic there. I’m sorry. Weight and my appearance has just been prevalent in my mind since I came across those three old pictures I just reblogged from my selfie tag. So I just. . .had to vent and get that out there. I’m so sorry. But venting really helps me. A lot. So. . .saying all that really just helped me calm down and stop crying and beating myself up over all of it. So. . .even if you don’t read all this, if someone does read it, thank you. Thank you for listening.

And, nonny. . .thank you so much for your wonderful compliment. You just made me feel SO damn good about myself. And it really means a lot to me because I have this scratch on the skin above my upper lip on the right side that I have been clawing at for hours now and I have opened up a whole damn hole in my skin and now it’s turned into a massive red spot of ugliness and it’s probably not going to heal for a long time no matter how much of this prescription healing gel I put on it. The gel is like a super version of neosporin. My mom had it when she had her mastectomy for breast cancer. They took fat from her stomach to make her a new breast and she had some crazy, sick scar from that. Huge scar. So they gave her this gel that you put on the incision site to make it heal faster. And it really works. So she gave the remainder of it to me and I’m putting it on that area like every two seconds, but then I get the urge to claw at it and I do and then it just starts bleeding and gets bigger and worse and worse. And I just can’t seem to stop myself. If there is an area of my skin that isn’t perfectly smooth and flat, I will claw at it until it’s bleeding and until I feel that it’s flat or concave that will heal into flatness. Can’t even tell you how many circular shaped scars I have from ripping off little swollen bite areas from insects. Two circular dots are on my face and it makes me feel so fucking ugly. And now I have this huge red mark on my upper lip and it’s killing me to look at myself because I can’t do anything to hide it and I basically never want to go out in public again. . .my picking problem has made me 50x uglier than I already am and it REALLY gets to me. I physically can’t go out in public because of my looks and weight without a fuckton of valium or ativan in me.

So. . .hearing this from a stranger. . .some anonymous. . .it means the world to me. It means that someone, somewhere out there in this world, could walk past me and think “Wow. He’s so handsome.” or something like that. It gives me hope that maybe one day.....ONE DAY......someone might actually think that in real life when I don’t have all the right angles, filters, right lighting, right pose, etc etc etc...If someone were to say this to me in person when I was in my natural environment without all the selfie gimmicks? I think I would legitimately pass out. Haha. I’ve never been the gorgeous one. . .I hate going out with most of my friends sometimes because they are a million, bazillion times hotter than me.

I’m hoping the HRT will change how I look and how my body is. I hope it will slim me down and strengthen my facial structure. The doctor said it probably won’t have any affect on my face, but I have seen FTM and MTF people who have before and after pictures and their faces look super different. So I’m just fucking praying to all the omnipotent, noncorporeal, fate-controlling aliens in the universe that it does exactly that. I would kill to look like anyone other than me.

I have never seen an ugly fat person before. The only ugly fat person I have seen is me. Fat and skinny are both beautiful. And fat is not a derogatory term. People seem to assume that just because I think I’M fat and that makes me ugly, I somehow think that they must be ugly due to their weight, too??? And that just doesn’t make any fucking sense to me when people come to me with the “Well if you xxx pounds and I’m xxx pounds, then what does that make me in your eyes? A fucking obese monster?” LIKE NO, FAM. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. The only fucking way I think about fat being ugly is on ME. PERSONALLY. I am the only one that my logic about weight applies to. And people just don’t seem to understand that and it pisses me off. I’m anorexic and I have bad body dysmorphia. So, I mean, fucking SUE ME FOR EXPRESSING MY OPINION OF MYSELF AND MYSELF ALONE. Just because I think I’m fat at 128 lbs does not mean I think someone at twice my size or four times my size is ugly due to their weight. I am attracted to all sorts of people. And Callie in Grey’s Anatomy is the exact body type I am attracted to. She’s not conventionally skinny like most people. . .yet, that is the number one body I am attracted to. I’m not usually attracted to skinny people because they make me out-of-my-mind angry and vengeful because I want to BE them and because they usually take their thin privilege for granted or aren’t even aware that they have it and MAN that pisses me off. They usually have no idea how good they have it. Ugh, fuck. I have experienced what it was like to have thin privilege. I was practically fucking worshiped. Even though I lost all my weight for very unhealthy reasons and I was the most unhealthy I had ever been in my life and I was the sickest I’ve ever been physically, everyone would still see me for the first time in a while and be like “OH MY GOD. KILLIAN. LOOK AT HOW SKINNY YOU ARE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS OH MY GOD!!!” and they would just continuously praise me for being skinny. I would get asked out on dates and invited to all these high end exclusive parties simply because I was skinny. And guys and some girls were absolutely all over me. I remember walking into a gas station to ask for direction and there was a line of guys waiting for the cash register and when I walked in, they all turned around and did a double take and literally scanned me up and down with their eyes and they all got this kind of devious smirk and one of them even put his hand around my waist and they were just absolutely marveling at how gorgeous I was. Purely because I was skinny. I could get into clubs and bars so easily when I was skinny. The second I gained the weight back? Everyone that had loved me when I was skinny abandoned me with the absolute weakest excuses. No one paid attention to me anymore. I started getting looks of disgust again. Started getting the stares.......you know the stares, right? The ones that say “Wow, I’m so glad I’m not as fat as him!” Stuff like that. My mistress even gave me a special session when I lost all the weight because she was so proud of me. . .despite the fact I lost in a very unhealthy way and for very bad reasons and despite the fact that I was physically sicker than I had ever been. IT DIDN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO ANYONE HOW SICK I WAS and how unhealthy I was and how I was basically dying from extreme starvation and dehydration. All anyone cared about was that I was skinny and my body looked ideal. So I know what thin privilege feels like. . .it gives you the confidence to leave the house whenever you want to. It gives you an ego boost like no other because clothes actually look GOOD on you. It makes people love you like crazy and lust for you. It helps you get in to basically anywhere you want and it helps you get past so many rules and laws and shit just because you’re skinny. You can fucking get away with anything when you’re skinny. I learned that easily when I was tiny. The second I gained it all back, though? It was like I was barred from everywhere and all of my friends and people who were lusting after me just fucking left.

I mean, yes, I’ve had tons of people tell me I’m attractive. Some irl and most online. I have had people tell me I’m gorgeous and alluring and that my eyes are mesmerizing and that they could gaze into them all day. But it’s always so hard for me to believe. . .because of my weight. Not even because I am ugly. . . but simply because of my obesity.

But I’m trying. I’m really trying. I can’t thank you enough for this message. You just gave me an opportunity to vent and get all my crazy emotions out like I really, really needed to. I was gonna keep it all inside for the night and let it eat me alive and destroy me, but. . .now I feel SO MUCH BETTER after being able to rant like that. You just did more for me than raise my self esteem and give me a little ego boost and make me smile and giggle and make me feel really, REALLY good about myself. . .you just helped me to get through a particularly tough state of mind that would have caused me to pop so many more pills and possibly accidentally overdose. You just seriously saved me by sending me this simple compliment.

I can’t thank you enough. There are no words to express my gratitude to you. You just made my whole night turn from miserable and self-loathing. . .to absolutely wonderful and self-affirming. c: You’re a wonderful human being and I’m so so so glad you took the time to type up this message. I’m sorry I had to vent like that, but I just HAD to get it out. You are the best. Ily. Thank you so so so fucking much. I would kill to hug you tight right now.

Also, I haven’t gotten a compliment on my looks on tumblr in a good while now, so this was very refreshing. I used to get compliments on my looks all the time. . .now I barely get any. So this was a nice change of pace. c: Thank you, again. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude, but no words would be able to formulate how extremely thankful I am to you.

Being Alone, Animals, and Cats: CUTE Fall-Fiqured Girl In Ned- Friendly afictionate, playful housetrained. ived in hartony with two children knows basic comtuands -- SPAYED&Ready To Go! At Brooklyn ACC waiting for LOVE Saseyahire Alone time is overrated- Adopt a shelter dog TO BE KILLED - 8/24/2019 ALONE TIME IS OVERRATED - ADOPT A SHELTER DOG <3 Sapphire is in need of a second chance in a good home. Instead of her former family making a few adjustments to keep the entire family together they just decided to throw Sapphire away. Now, at a time when she should be enjoying her home and family, she's stuck in a shelter and slated to lose her life if no one else sees what a true gem she is and her potential. Sapphire already lived in harmony with children and does well when meeting new people. She'll need a meet and greet to ensure she's a good match with another four-legged roommate but she's been known to do well. Sapphie is also housetrained and spayed so she's all ready to go and be a part of an awesome family but she needs her hero to be prompt because she is out of time at the Brooklyn shelter. Please don't wait. SAPPHIRE@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Sapphire My animal id is #70450 I am a desexed female brown brindle dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 6 years old, 64 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender 7/26/2019 Reason stated animal behavior - aggressive to other animals Sapphire is rescue only I came to the shelter with my sister Ruby, Id 70449, also on the list to die :-( : https://www.facebook.com/mldsavingnycdogs/photos/a.112459638940315/1045885488931054/?type=3&theater Sapphire is at risk for behavior concerns. Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. There are stipulations with placement. She is obese but appears otherwise healthy. My medical notes are... Weight: 64.4 lbs Vet Notes 7/26/2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 6y Microchip noted on Intake? yes History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, no appetite, no elimination concerns Observed Behavior - mildly timid but allowed all handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 7/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears AU mild erythema, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: adult dentition, mild attrition PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: female spayed, scar noted, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment otitis ext - suspect allergies overweight Prognosis: excellent Plan: rec weight loss tresaderm 4 drops AU BID until 8/1 rec derm consult with placement SURGERY: spayed 8/1/2019 Progress exam History: Intake 7/26/19: Owner surrender, noted otitis externa, overweight. Started tresaderm. Today, 8/1: Recheck otitis Subjective: BAR, no coughing/sneezing/vomiting/diarrhea. No pruritus or discomfort noted by ACS or behavior staff. Objective: Cageside exam performed. Eyes: Clear bilaterally, no discharge Nasal Cavity: No nasal discharge. Lungs: Eupneic Musculoskeletal: Ambulatory x 4 with no appreciable lameness. Integument: Unremarkable haircoat. Neuro: Appropriate mentation. Assessment: -Otitis externa (resolved) -Overweight Prognosis: Good Plan: -Okay to d/c tresaderm -Recommend dermatology consult, weight loss with placement 8/15/2019 Progress exam-longterm stay History : Intake 7/26/19-otitis, overweight. Started on tresaderm Subjective: BARH. No csvd. Nervous, whale eyes, panting, head flipping. Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 6/9 EENT: Eyes have nuclear sclerosis ou, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: clean adult dentition, no oral lesions PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupneic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: FS, no MGTs, no vulvar d/c MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Assessment: Overweight Prognosis: Excellent Plan: CTM while at BACC Rec weight loss and BW with placement Details on my behavior are... Behavior History Behavior Assessment Behavior during intake: Sapphire had a tense body and was lip licking during intake. Counselor was able to scan for a microchip, collar and take a picture without any issues Date of Intake: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter Status: Spayed Basic Information:: Sapphire is a 6 year old spayed female that has no current medical concerns that the owner is aware of. Owner had Sapphire in the home since she was born but had to surrender due to behavior Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 children, 2 other dogs How is this dog around strangers?: When a stranger would come to the owners home, Sapphire was friendly and outgoing. How is this dog around children?: Sapphire lived with 2 children ages 4 and 6 and was always respectful and playful with the children in the home How is this dog around other dogs?: Sapphire with lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. Owner stated that she would someone get into a scuffle with the her litter mate but never never bit hard enough to break skin. How is this dog around cats?: Sapphire has never been around a cat so behavior is unknown Resource guarding:: Sapphire is not bothered if someone approaches her food, treats or toys Bite history:: Sapphire has a bite history with the most recent bite being 2 weeks ago om 7/12/19. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Medium Other Notes:: Sapphire is not bothered when someone would hold her or restrain her, being pushed off furniture, being disturbed while sleeping, being given a bath, having her paws touched or when an unfamiliar person would come to the owners home Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Sapphire does not have any known medical concerns For a New Family to Know: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium activity level. She likes to play with all types of toys. In the home, Sapphire liked to stay in her favorite spot. She was fed dry food only brand Wellness. Sapphire was kept both indoor/outdoor and is house trained. When left alone in the home, she would go through the garbage. Sapphire knows the cues sit, come, stay , down and paw. For exercise, she was let out in the yard to play. When on leash, she tends to pull lightly. Owner has never walked her off leash so behavior is unknown. ==================== Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 Children (4, 6), 2 Dogs (Large, Females) Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Behavior toward children:: Respectful and playful (w/resident children) Behavior toward dogs:: Respectful; Sometimes scuffled (w/resident dogs) Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: 7/12/19: Previous owner reported Sapphire and Ruby (70449) to have had a recent bite incident with a neighbor's dog that was being walked on-leash. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking as they ran toward the neighbor's small dog and one of them bit her on the stomach. This bite resulted in two punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment for the wounds. 5/10/15: Previous owner reported Ruby and Sapphire to have had a bite incident with a neighbor's dog. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking and growling as they ran toward the neighbor's dog and one of them bit her on the neck. This bite resulted in multiple punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment and ultimately euthanized as a result of the severity of the wounds. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium level of energy. Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate-hard pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral body, tail wagging, ears back, panting, approaches readily, jumps up softly onto handler, accepts contact, licks handler Call over: Approaches with coaxing; Distracted, stays near door Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact Exuberant handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact, shakes off Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Engages in play with handler, soft and loose; On second pass, jumps up onto door, seeking exit Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: Paces, pants, whining, lip licking and pulls hard toward door when assistant exits; No response to knock; Pulls hard toward door seeking exit when assistant enters, does not solicit attention Toy Toy comments: No interest; Distracted by door and seeking exit Summary:: According to Sapphire's previous owner, she lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. The owner stated that she would sometimes get into a scuffle with her littermate but did not break the skin. 7/27: Due to Sapphire's potential legal hold status, only a gate greet was conducted with a novel male dog. She greets the male at the gate but is wary to interact with handlers and the other dog. She paces the pens seeking an exit. Summary (1):: Sapphire understands the cues for "sit," "come," "stay," "down" and "paw." Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Tense, lip licked; Allowed all handling Date of initial:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Somewhat timid; Allowed all handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during her interactions in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment, but we recommend that she be provided daily mental and physical stimulation as an outlet for her energy. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Sapphire's reported bite history and observed level of anxiety, we feel she would be best set up to succeed in an adult-only home at this time. Place with a New Hope partner: Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. Force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Sapphire to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist. Potential challenges: : Anxiety,Strength/leash pulling,Bite history (dog) Potential challenges comments:: Bite history (dog): Sapphire has been reported by her previous owner to have had two bite incidents with two different dogs. Both incidents occurred when both Ruby (70449) and Sapphire had escaped from the yard and bit a neighbor's dog, resulting in multiple punctures. (SEE BITE HISTORY). Please refer to the handout for Bite history (dog). Anxiety: Sapphire exhibits anxious behavior during her interactions in the care center, where she has been observed to pant, pace, whine, seek an exit and is easily distracted by outside noises. Please refer to the handout for Generalized Anxiety. Strength/leash pulling: Sapphire was observed to display leash pulling due to her strength. Please refer to the handout on Strength/leash pulling. SAPPHIRE IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.

Being Alone, Animals, and Cats: CUTE Fall-Fiqured Girl In Ned- Friendly afictionate, playful housetrained. ived in hartony with two children knows basic comtuands -- SPAYED&Ready To Go! At Brooklyn ACC waiting for LOVE Saseyahire Alone time is overrated- Adopt a shelter dog TO BE KILLED - 8/24/2019 ALONE TIME IS OVERRATED - ADOPT A SHELTER DOG <3 Sapphire is in need of a second chance in a good home. Instead of her former family making a few adjustments to keep the entire family together they just decided to throw Sapphire away. Now, at a time when she should be enjoying her home and family, she's stuck in a shelter and slated to lose her life if no one else sees what a true gem she is and her potential. Sapphire already lived in harmony with children and does well when meeting new people. She'll need a meet and greet to ensure she's a good match with another four-legged roommate but she's been known to do well. Sapphie is also housetrained and spayed so she's all ready to go and be a part of an awesome family but she needs her hero to be prompt because she is out of time at the Brooklyn shelter. Please don't wait. SAPPHIRE@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Sapphire My animal id is #70450 I am a desexed female brown brindle dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 6 years old, 64 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender 7/26/2019 Reason stated animal behavior - aggressive to other animals Sapphire is rescue only I came to the shelter with my sister Ruby, Id 70449, also on the list to die :-( : https://www.facebook.com/mldsavingnycdogs/photos/a.112459638940315/1045885488931054/?type=3&theater Sapphire is at risk for behavior concerns. Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. There are stipulations with placement. She is obese but appears otherwise healthy. My medical notes are... Weight: 64.4 lbs Vet Notes 7/26/2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 6y Microchip noted on Intake? yes History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, no appetite, no elimination concerns Observed Behavior - mildly timid but allowed all handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 7/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears AU mild erythema, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: adult dentition, mild attrition PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: female spayed, scar noted, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment otitis ext - suspect allergies overweight Prognosis: excellent Plan: rec weight loss tresaderm 4 drops AU BID until 8/1 rec derm consult with placement SURGERY: spayed 8/1/2019 Progress exam History: Intake 7/26/19: Owner surrender, noted otitis externa, overweight. Started tresaderm. Today, 8/1: Recheck otitis Subjective: BAR, no coughing/sneezing/vomiting/diarrhea. No pruritus or discomfort noted by ACS or behavior staff. Objective: Cageside exam performed. Eyes: Clear bilaterally, no discharge Nasal Cavity: No nasal discharge. Lungs: Eupneic Musculoskeletal: Ambulatory x 4 with no appreciable lameness. Integument: Unremarkable haircoat. Neuro: Appropriate mentation. Assessment: -Otitis externa (resolved) -Overweight Prognosis: Good Plan: -Okay to d/c tresaderm -Recommend dermatology consult, weight loss with placement 8/15/2019 Progress exam-longterm stay History : Intake 7/26/19-otitis, overweight. Started on tresaderm Subjective: BARH. No csvd. Nervous, whale eyes, panting, head flipping. Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 6/9 EENT: Eyes have nuclear sclerosis ou, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: clean adult dentition, no oral lesions PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupneic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: FS, no MGTs, no vulvar d/c MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Assessment: Overweight Prognosis: Excellent Plan: CTM while at BACC Rec weight loss and BW with placement Details on my behavior are... Behavior History Behavior Assessment Behavior during intake: Sapphire had a tense body and was lip licking during intake. Counselor was able to scan for a microchip, collar and take a picture without any issues Date of Intake: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter Status: Spayed Basic Information:: Sapphire is a 6 year old spayed female that has no current medical concerns that the owner is aware of. Owner had Sapphire in the home since she was born but had to surrender due to behavior Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 children, 2 other dogs How is this dog around strangers?: When a stranger would come to the owners home, Sapphire was friendly and outgoing. How is this dog around children?: Sapphire lived with 2 children ages 4 and 6 and was always respectful and playful with the children in the home How is this dog around other dogs?: Sapphire with lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. Owner stated that she would someone get into a scuffle with the her litter mate but never never bit hard enough to break skin. How is this dog around cats?: Sapphire has never been around a cat so behavior is unknown Resource guarding:: Sapphire is not bothered if someone approaches her food, treats or toys Bite history:: Sapphire has a bite history with the most recent bite being 2 weeks ago om 7/12/19. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Medium Other Notes:: Sapphire is not bothered when someone would hold her or restrain her, being pushed off furniture, being disturbed while sleeping, being given a bath, having her paws touched or when an unfamiliar person would come to the owners home Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Sapphire does not have any known medical concerns For a New Family to Know: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium activity level. She likes to play with all types of toys. In the home, Sapphire liked to stay in her favorite spot. She was fed dry food only brand Wellness. Sapphire was kept both indoor/outdoor and is house trained. When left alone in the home, she would go through the garbage. Sapphire knows the cues sit, come, stay , down and paw. For exercise, she was let out in the yard to play. When on leash, she tends to pull lightly. Owner has never walked her off leash so behavior is unknown. ==================== Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 Children (4, 6), 2 Dogs (Large, Females) Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Behavior toward children:: Respectful and playful (w/resident children) Behavior toward dogs:: Respectful; Sometimes scuffled (w/resident dogs) Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: 7/12/19: Previous owner reported Sapphire and Ruby (70449) to have had a recent bite incident with a neighbor's dog that was being walked on-leash. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking as they ran toward the neighbor's small dog and one of them bit her on the stomach. This bite resulted in two punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment for the wounds. 5/10/15: Previous owner reported Ruby and Sapphire to have had a bite incident with a neighbor's dog. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking and growling as they ran toward the neighbor's dog and one of them bit her on the neck. This bite resulted in multiple punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment and ultimately euthanized as a result of the severity of the wounds. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium level of energy. Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate-hard pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral body, tail wagging, ears back, panting, approaches readily, jumps up softly onto handler, accepts contact, licks handler Call over: Approaches with coaxing; Distracted, stays near door Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact Exuberant handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact, shakes off Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Engages in play with handler, soft and loose; On second pass, jumps up onto door, seeking exit Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: Paces, pants, whining, lip licking and pulls hard toward door when assistant exits; No response to knock; Pulls hard toward door seeking exit when assistant enters, does not solicit attention Toy Toy comments: No interest; Distracted by door and seeking exit Summary:: According to Sapphire's previous owner, she lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. The owner stated that she would sometimes get into a scuffle with her littermate but did not break the skin. 7/27: Due to Sapphire's potential legal hold status, only a gate greet was conducted with a novel male dog. She greets the male at the gate but is wary to interact with handlers and the other dog. She paces the pens seeking an exit. Summary (1):: Sapphire understands the cues for "sit," "come," "stay," "down" and "paw." Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Tense, lip licked; Allowed all handling Date of initial:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Somewhat timid; Allowed all handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during her interactions in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment, but we recommend that she be provided daily mental and physical stimulation as an outlet for her energy. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Sapphire's reported bite history and observed level of anxiety, we feel she would be best set up to succeed in an adult-only home at this time. Place with a New Hope partner: Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. Force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Sapphire to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist. Potential challenges: : Anxiety,Strength/leash pulling,Bite history (dog) Potential challenges comments:: Bite history (dog): Sapphire has been reported by her previous owner to have had two bite incidents with two different dogs. Both incidents occurred when both Ruby (70449) and Sapphire had escaped from the yard and bit a neighbor's dog, resulting in multiple punctures. (SEE BITE HISTORY). Please refer to the handout for Bite history (dog). Anxiety: Sapphire exhibits anxious behavior during her interactions in the care center, where she has been observed to pant, pace, whine, seek an exit and is easily distracted by outside noises. Please refer to the handout for Generalized Anxiety. Strength/leash pulling: Sapphire was observed to display leash pulling due to her strength. Please refer to the handout on Strength/leash pulling. SAPPHIRE IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.