sometimes i dont even need fic i can just curl up in bed imagining scenarios as i stare into the void and that is enough

for the silly hollow knight ask:

ghost

hornet

cornifer

myla

the grey mourner

pure vessel

Man I'm gonna have to write an essay's worth, hehe

Ghost: Why did you decide to play Hollow Knight?

What really started to kick things off was seeing all of the wonderful fanart for it! (Especially from my mutuals, ALL of you caused this /lh) Over time I just got really curious, but I was also under the impression that it’d be way too hard of a game for me, so I foolishly just bunched a ton of lore videos. Eventually I snapped, and decided to finally buy it! And I am so glad I did, I love this game so much!! I’ve always been a soft fan of metroidvanias, and Hollow Knight made my love for the genre skyrocket!

I really wish I didn’t spoil myself like that though. I would have loved to have a fresh experience with the lore and character for myself first. Still hooked in though, and now I have over 160 hours in this game about the bugs that be people. (Shout out to Path of Pain counting for 20 hours of that. Never again)

Hornet: Favorite boss battle? Most difficult boss?

Favorite: Pure Vessel. To make my thoughts as TLDR as possible: Everything in that battle feels earned. Every hit, every dodge, every moment to heal, the fact you can even fight them at all, you’ve earned it. The fight swells with pure emotion and focus. The wonder triumph I felt after beating them at the end of the pantheon-finally getting my 112% completion-is a feeling I’ll remember for years to come.

Honorable Mention: Dung/White Defender. I love Ogrim’s fights so much, but the fear and horror I was in when I first saw his pile of dung in the Royal Waterways will haunt me forever.

Most difficult: Nightmare King Grimm. 8 hours of work for that one baby!! When you finally understand the rhythm to the fight, it flows so well, but while you’re trying to figure it all his punishments are BRUTAL.

Honorable Mentions: The Watcher Knights, I HATED THOSE BITCHES. But now I kill them all in like 2 minutes during my pantheon runs. I have slaughtered my tormentors.

Cornifer: Favorite area in the Hallownest?

God, this one is gonna be difficult, I love nearly all of the areas ingame (Some more than others, but shhh) The first that comes to mind would be the City of Tears, more so the scene where you get to sit with Quirrel on the bench. The city is lonely, but knowing that at least for little while you have someone to sit with, was something really special.

In a more general scene, Greenpath! I'm a sucker for green and plants, plus they have my favorite enemies and lore bits!! And of course The Hunter is there, the lonely lanky man himself 💚

Honorable mention: Weaver's den. I love their bits so much. (Also the poor weavers that cared about Hornet so much that they're wills turned into Weaver's Song breaks my heart 💔)

Myla: What's your favorite song from the soundtrack?

I naturally never have favorite songs, but I can list the ones that rot my brain!

Sealed Vessel, Nightmare King Grimm, Mantis Lords/Sisters of Battle, Greethpath, City of Tears, Queen's Garden, White Lady, Hornet/Daughter of Hallownest, & Lace (Lace's theme typically counts as a Silksong track, but for now I'm counting it)

Honorable mention: Myla's singing. Infection be damned, my girl can sing!

The Grey Mourner: Who would you give a delicate flower to, if you could?

Cloth!! Considering where she is most of the time, it'd be difficult as all hell, but I’d love to see her with one! She’d possibly break it by accident, but just seeing her have a little holding flower sprite for it would be the greatest of blessings.

Pure Vessel: What game achievement are you the most proud of?

Typically I don't have it yet because I need to get an ending again, but it has to be getting 112%. During my playthrough I kept joking about how I'd never be able to get 112%, BUT I DID BABY, 142 HOURS OF HARD WORK.

I Don't Care What You Say, I Came To Defy

P-,

I certainly did not wish for our friendship to be over at a moment’s notice.

However, you have given me no choice.

(13) years of friendship, over, because of one comment about my (potential) happiness.

Things were looking up for me. All I desired was to share new, happy news with my friend.

"I met someone and began seeing them." Never believed in a million years a simple declaration like so would destroy a friendship legacy.

Damn.

A real friend would’ve been proud of/for me. A real friend would’ve asked questions.

I was hoping you, as my friend, would be happy for me.

Keep in mind, nowhere did I say you could not stay with me. Or, I couldn’t see you when you’re here. I felt it'd be respectful to YOU and who I’ve begun seeing to inform you of a change in my life.

Instead of happiness, you gave me anger, disappointment, rage, and pouting.

To be clear… I informed you when it developed. I didn’t keep it from you. I didn’t hide it from you as you liked to claim in one of your voice messages. It doesn’t make any difference if I informed you then or when your week was over.

Also, you were never a place holder. You. Were. My. Friend.

You keep calling me or yourself in your voice messages and email a “best friend.”

A best friend would NEVER do this. And as cold as it is to say, a potential romantic partner and potential mother of my kids would NEVER do this either.

As a “best friend,” the news should have never “gutted you.”

Yes. It was news you didn’t desire to hear because of your feelings for me. But again, as friends, which I believed you and I were, it could have been at least fake cheerfulness for the benefit of me.

And I can’t for the life of me understand or fathom why a phone call is needed? So I can be chastised, bitched at, and scolded verbally and vocally? Forgive me, but I’ll pass.

Maybe you’re right. A phone call would have been more decent. But again, why would I waste any of my energy and spirits being screamed at or hearing you sob because of news I share which involves MY happiness. I’m sorry you’re so hurt. But, I figured I could share the news with a friend. I was wrong, apparently.

I do not need any more negativity in my life, and I most certainly do not wish to engage in childlike, high school behavior. Yes, I put up with holding onto many horrible people in my past. However, because of your help, I was able to quickly decipher which ones are worth walking away from, and not allow one shred of pessimism or drama into my life.

Unfortunately, you caught me during a period of healing, boundaries, and expectations.

I also figured, friends TXT. And as far as I knew, we were friends. And we messaged each other via Instagram. You and I are NOT dating. You and I are NOT exclusive. I didn’t owe you a phone call, nor a TXT messages via Instagram. I didn’t even owe you an explanation or news PERIOD. This is 2024. You said breaking up with D- via a TXT message was fine. But, how dare I not call and break news of possible happiness to you? Oh please.

Lesson learned, I guess.

If I hurt you “profoundly,” you hurt me intensely. Even more.

You also made it very clear, five lines later… “this is our goodbye.”

Wow.

No more words needed to be shared. But since you love drama, you couldn’t let it end. Therefore, I realized our friendship was built solely on the grounds I was single and would not date. I had a suspicion for a while. I picked up cues. You can dick around with, and speak about, J- all you wish. You can go on about your exes. You can have me write your dating profile. When I mention anything about liking someone or being attracted to anybody or being ready to date again, goof or not; it’s met with cold silence or some snarky reply which had me crawling on my hands and feet asking “what did I do or say wrong?”

Did you ever even ask about how dating was going for me? Or, who I was seeing? No. Did you ever ask about my plan at (40) years old about obtaining a surrogate and beginning a journey of being a single dad? No. Every damn day was about your journey with fertility treatment only to be blasted for not responding to sensitive, personal, deep information shared. But, you never asked about MY journey. Why would you? Your issues mattered more.

Noted.

And I’m sorry, but mentioning it every single day makes it less sensitive and deep as you claim it to be. Maybe I accepted and cheered that you were finally comfortable with your journey, and I didn’t need to respond to it? Hell, you brought it up enough to make it seem like it was a done deal and no looking back now.

You also said “I look forward to the day you mean nothing to me.”

Forgive me, but why would I respond? You made it clear again it was done.

Over simple fucking news I was seeing someone.

How dare I message you when your anxiety is bad and you’re working and you’re busy with planning a festival? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that me being at work also, being stressed and stretched thin as well, and working on shows doesn’t mean a damn thing. I shared news in real-time, when I was at work and busy just like you. Your schedule and priorities are far more crucial and important than mine.

Noted.

But let’s be honest… our friendship has shifted as of late.

I wasn’t a friend anymore. I was a pretend placeholder boyfriend or spouse. You can call me a placeholder all you like, but in reality; I was the placeholder.

I will be forever grateful for your help with the H- situation. However, I was blinded by the fact I switched from HER placeholder to YOUR placeholder. In the blink of an eye.

Foolish me.

My responses were never good enough for you. I spent more energy, effort, spirits, and time responding to you; feeding your ego, being a shoulder to cry on, complimenting you at every step so you can feel good about your day and self, and being a punching bag.

Then you chastise me for the girls I’ve dated? You insulted me. You belittled me. You insinuated some really bad, harsh, and untruthful claims about my dating preferences. No, no, no. How dare YOU. Keep in mind, you and I dated years ago. So, don’t you dare criticize me and my choices of who I like, date, not like, and not date.

Then you wasted my one night off pouting and crying about events in your life I wasn’t around for, or events before I had even known you? For what purpose?

I warned you about how spacey, scatter-brained, and emotionally drained I was on my way to a rehearsal. Your response? Comment on your picture of your show’s outfit. And how dare I respond with “cool.” Never mind me saying I was not in the right headspace. You needed a compliment and an ego boost. You got it. But, it wasn’t good enough. You’re right. How dare I?

Then gave me four long paragraphs, during work hours, of shit going on in your day and life. I replied to one of said long paragraphs. And not even seconds later, you’re screaming at me for not responding to your sensitive or deep shares. First of all, I responded to the first one. You did not give me ample opportunity to respond to the others, during work hours. Plus, my response to the first one wasn’t good enough, again.

Looks like our friendship was built on falsehood. Selfish gains on your part. Again, I was only good enough as a friend if I was single and not dating. And let’s be honest, you violated, pushed, and crossed boundaries of mine I never had the guts to say aloud. But, now I can.

But again, maybe I am responsible for some of it myself. We should have never shared beds. We should have never planned trips between just us two. We should have never been friends with benefits. I shouldn't have been so flirty back. I shouldn't have given in to your flirtation in return.

For possibly leading you on, I apologize profusely.

But, I had made it very clear of my intention to be friends and only friends with you. But more was going on. There was a territorial and manipulative hold on me. Why couldn’t I see it until recently?

I believed Coachella, San Diego, and trips to Portland (and here) were for friendship purposes.

My suspicion was right all along.

Your intention was for me to just wake up one day, declare my love with you, and be with you romantically? Despite me making it very clear I was not interested in you romantically. Any mention of me in a dating capacity made you pout, short, and bitter. But you had no problem sharing shit about J- or guys you’re meeting for coffee. Oh, it was just to get a reaction from me. Noted.

I’m sorry I don’t have the same feelings for you and it hurts you. But I will not be ashamed of my feelings.

So, I will NOT hear one more tirade from you about how I used you. You used me. When all I asked for was a friend. Friends help each other while they heal. I was foolish to believe you were interested in my healing. And my journey to not be a shell of a man.

To wrap it up…

Thank you for your kindness and the memories. You have helped me.

I was at a loss for words. How could a dear friend behave so horribly to me for news I shared about my happiness? I didn’t know how to respond.

However, your Instagram stories (I counted (2) of ‘em) about me anonymously made it clear we were heading into jaded high school revenge tactic territory. No words needed. This is negativity and drama I will not allow in my life. This goes into blocking necessities; no questions asked and no explanation needed.

You made it clear, by your voice messages and petty Instagram stories, you’ll never let it end, and you’d continue to play a pitiful and pathetic high school drama sport with it.

You obviously anticipated getting a rise out of me, so I would respond; just so you can have the last word, shit all over me, and play the victim.

You obviously kept tabs on me, because it was about (20-30) seconds when you realized you had been blocked and attempted to call me.

You asked for it, and you got it.

Then an email, saying you were owed the decency of a callback or conversation?

After ALL THIS?

No.

This is where you do not deserve, or are owed, ANYTHING more from me.

This is what hurts the most.

You have been a vital part of my life and have helped me immensely in the last couple of months. However, you had only been interested in making me something I didn’t wish to be. I was under the belief we were friends, but you had other intentions. I was foolish to believe you actually liked me as a person and supported my growth, healing, and journey. Nope. Only as long as it benefited you. In some way or another.

I will forever appreciate you. I will cherish the fun we had.

I’m sorry you’re hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t love you like you loved me.

However, you have some big scars you need to mend. And you need to work on yourself. And ultimately, find your happiness and inner peace. And I hope, dearly, you find and receive the help you need so you can be in a better place mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I wish you the best. I wish for your success as a performer and as an adult. I wish you the best in your fertility journey in the next couple of months. And I wish you the best health. You are a good person, but you also need to heal, rebuild, and repair yourself. I know I’m not fully healed, rebuilt, and repaired. But, because of your help, I am a hell of a lot farther in my goals than I was before. I will forever cheer for you and wish the utmost happiness and greatness for you. I believed I could be there for you as a friend, but it was never good enough for you. And only fueled your intentions to keep me to yourself.

I am disappointed and hurt myself. But, as you said… this is our goodbye.

Better now than (13) more years of a false friendship and you feeling even more devastated than you feel now.

Worth It.

Shinso x reader

TW: Swearing, reader steals a man, pure bad bitchery

Note: this concept has been in my head for literal MONTHS and now I'm finally writing it bc i had no idea how to before (i still dont know how to write it as I'm writing this, I'm bouta wing it like a mf)

I made Intelli the mean girl for this fic bc she a bitch fr

A college AU but its hardly relevant + a lil smau

Towards the end of writing this, I started hating it. I'm so sorry😭

I recommend this song too bc this is where the idea for this fic came from:

This was getting annoying to watch.

How long was Hitoshi planning to stay miserable with that girl?

Intelli and Hitoshi have been dating for awhile now. You had honestly never liked her, but you just barely tolerated her for Hitoshi. But only a few weeks into their relationship, things went to shit.

Intelli became overly controlling over him, and even tried to force him to stop being friends with you, and some other people. You, being his best friend, told him to break up with her.

Of course, Hitoshi agreed that it'd be best to do that. But not even a few hours after talking to him about it, he came back to say it didn't go as planned.

Intelli was holding blackmail over Hitoshi's head, and posed a huge threat to his dreams of becoming a hero. Most of what she said she'd expose was no where near true, but with her intellect she could easily make people believe it.

But frankly, as their relationship went on, the sight of even a strand of her hair made you want to either puke or fight her.

"Toshi~" Intelli cooed, coming up behind Hitoshi and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Hitoshi visibly cringed, but tried to hide it as best as he could.

"Hey, babe." He boredly muttered, doing a terrible job at faking any enthusiasm.

Unlike your best friend, you made no effort to hide the disgust you held for her sheer presence.

"Y/n..." Intelli muttered, her tone dripping with distaste for you, making you scoff. "Mind if I steal Toshi for a bit? No? Thanks-" She attempted to drag Hitoshi away by the arm, but you placed a firm hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"I do mind actually, we were in the middle of a conversation before you interrupted." You told her. She chuckled, before tugging on Hitoshi's arm more.

"Yes, but he's my boyfriend-" She attempted to give reason for her to take him away, before even Hitoshi stopped her.

"I've got a project I need Y/n to help me on, I can stop by your dorm later though?" Hitoshi suggested, lying through his teeth.

Intelli's eyebrow twitched, but she gave in, letting go of his arm. "Bye, Toshi." She said, kissing Hitoshi's cheek and looking you up and down, before walking off.

"Sometimes, I can't tell if she's just plain a bitch or if she's secretly a dumbass." You sighed. "Maybe she's a little bit of both..." Hitoshi chuckled, making you laugh with him.

"You really need to find someone new." You told him, shaking your head. "I know, but I'd rather not chance losing my dream career." He groaned.

"True... Whats your type anyways? I know its not Intell anymore, she's probably traumatized you." You giggled.

"She did, but I think my type is someone who can really understands me, and someone I can have fun with." Hitoshi said.

"Like a best friend?" You questioned him. "Yeah, exactly like a best friend. That'd be my perfect version of a s/o." He replied, expression growing soft.

Since Intelli and Hitoshi's relationship had gone down hill, you've been there for him more than ever. It eventually lead to this unspoken romance that constantly roamed between the two of you.

But because of Intelli, neither of you pursued it, for the wellbeing of Hitoshi.

"Well, if I were you, I'd find someone and just make sure the bitch doesn't find out." You told him. But if you were being honest, it was more like a suggestion, because he really did need, and deserve someone other than Intelli.

"Like cheating?" He gawked. You were both thinking the same thing— Intelli would likely find out. But it was better than simply being stuck with her, so you nodded.

"Well, I'd at least make sure the other person knows. But it'd be worth it."

'I'm worth it.' You thought.

You sighed, looking down at your phone, the time on your phone displayed.

"Shit, I've gotta get to class, we've got a guest lecturing us and my professor will tear me a new one if I miss it." You told him, stuffing your phone into your pocket.

"See you later?" Hitoshi asked you.

You were about to say something about how he told Intelli they'd hang out later, but decided against it.

"Yeah."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

You sighed, feeling your tired feet throb as you walked down the hall to Hitoshi's dorm. Taking one of your backpack straps off your shoulder, you began rummaging around the pocket where you usually kept the spare key to Hitoshi's dorm.

You blinked, as you weren't able to find the key in the small pocket. You began searching your entire bag in the middle of the hallway, taking nearly everything out.

"Shit." You mumbled, thinking you had lost it.

Then you remembered, 'Thats right, I was in a rush this morning. Its on my desk.' You thought to yourself.

Like hell you were going all the way back there though.

You placed your items back into their bags, then pulled out your phone to text Hitoshi.

You hummed, rocking back and forth on your heels as you waited for the door to be opened.

A moment later, you heard the lock click, and the door swung open.

Hitoshi looked you up and down before smiling. Then looked both ways of the hall, before tugging you into the room and shutting the door.

"Why are you treating me like a side piece or something?" You questioned him.

He hummed in confusion as he locked the door.

"Does it feel like that? Sorry." He apologized. "What did she do this time?" You asked, referring to Intelli, as she wash the only person the put Hitoshi this on edge.

"She said if we were doing anything other than a project we'd break up, and you know what that means." He told you, shaking his head.

You hummed, and pulled out your phone.

"What are you doing?" He asked, peering over your shoulder.

"You'll see." You blunty told him.

You sent your message, and tossed your phone onto his bed.

You grabbed onto Hitoshi's collar, tugging him towards you so he was looking you in the eyes, making his breath hitch as his face tinted red.

"You're crazy if you think I'd get you snitched on." You playfully consoled.

"What did you do?" He questioned again, watching you flop down on his bed as you kicked off your shoes.

"I texted Monoma and Momo to post about a project on private snap that only has Intelli on it so that it'll be more believable." You told him.

Hitoshis eyes went wide, as he mentally questioned how you came up with that so fast.

You patted the space next to you, beckoning him to sit with you.

He sat down, shaking his head and laughing.

You and Hitoshi talked for hours and hours, but it each flew by. When you finally checked the time, you barely had enough time left before dorm visiting hours were over.

"What? Already?" Hitoshi gaped, as he watched you sling your backpack over your shoulder.

"Mhm." You hummed.

He groaned, clearly not wanting you to leave, but sat up anyways so he could come see you out.

Hitoshi unlocked the door for you, but upon opening the door, you were both met with an unwanted sight.

"Hey Toshi!" Intelli greeted, completely passing over you even though she saw you.

"H-hey, Intelli." Hitoshi spurred, trying to keep composure.

"I came to help on the project. Even Momo was complaining, so I thought you could use some help." She offered, clearly not convinced that there was actually a project.

But like you said, you weren't going to let him get caught.

"No, we finished it." You told her bluntly, folding your arms across your chest.

But clearly, Intelli didn't plan on letting up either.

"Well then, I could proof read the written portion." She insisted, taking a step towards you.

"We already did that already."

"Well I'm sure there are some mistakes."

"We triple checked."

Hitoshi looked back and forth between the two of you, silently preparing himself to break up a fight.

"You must not get what I mean—" Intelli straightened her posture more than it already was, and leaned towards you. "There's probably mistakes because it was you helping him." She mocked.

Hitoshi already had a hand reaching for your waist, ready to pull you back in a situation where you lunge at Intelli.

"You wanna talk about mistakes? How about we start with you, bit-" Before you could take a single step towards her, you were being pulled back by your waist.

"Watch your dog, Hitoshi." Intelli retorted.

Damn, was she lucky Hitoshi could hold you back.

"At least I bite, unlike some people." You shot back. She narrowed her eyes, leaning towards you again.

"Y'know Y/n, you're not as good as everyone thinks you are. Everyone thinks you're so great, and nice, but I know how you really are." She said.

"You only think that because everyone's not you. Its no goddamn wonder your blackmail folder is thicker than you." You hissed.

Intelli, clearly flustered that you even knew about her blackmail folder, stood straight again. She crossed her arms and cleared her throat slightly.

"You think youre so much better than me. A better person, a better best friend, you probably think you'd make a better girlfriend too, right?" She asked you.

"Of course I do, who the hell wouldn't?" You chuckled.

You felt Hitoshi's grip on your waist loosen. Either he was getting just as angry and was going to let you fight her, or he thought it the tension was thawing.

"Alright, since you're so much better than me, show me." Intelli insisted.

You smirked. "Alright, you asked for it."

Slipping out of Hitoshi's grip, you turned to face him.

His brows raised in surprise and confusion. And next thing he knew, you had him by the collar for the second time today.

But this time, your lips were pressed against his.

It took him a moment to process, but soon, he melted into it. Moving in sync with you, he placed his hands back on your waist.

As much as you wanted to continue, you still had to tell that bitch off.

Pulling away from Hitoshi, wiping away the string of saliva that connected your mouths, you turned back to Intelli.

You walked straight up to her, and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Toshi doesn't react like that when you kiss him, does he?" You hummed, hearing Intelli audibly gulp.

"Like you said, I'm a better person, a better best friend, and a better girlfriend." You repeated her words from earlier.

"I wouldn't lie to him, expose him, whether what he did was true or false, and i wouldn't hold him back from doing what he wants." You taunted.

"And the thing is—" You leaned in, next to her ear.

"I dont think it, I know it."

"I'm perfect for him." You whispered to her.

Intelli nearly toppled over in defeat, leaning against the nearest wall to support her body.

"Anyways, see you tomorrow, Toshi." You mused, before walking away.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

The next day, you met up with Hitoshi in your free time like usual.

You were aimlessly walking around campus, talking about random topics, laughing as you watched random people do stupid things, and just having fun.

Except now, you were hand in hand, and the air around the two of you seemed lighter. And the look of adoration you and Hitoshi shared was more evident.

But in the middle of it, of course, something had to happen.

Intelli had stopped you both in your tracks, her brainless groupies behind her.

"Did you know everyone is talking about you, Hitoshi? And with all the things they're saying... you might not be able to recover from it." She said snarkily.

"Not too worried about it actually." Hitoshi admitted, a slightly bored tone to his voice.

"Tch, well you should be. So tell me, was she worth it, Hitoshi?" She inclined.

Hitoshi looked over at you, a grin spreading across his face.

"Hell yeah."

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Hey Janis: you alright? Jimmy: Are you? Janis: Obviously stressing over what to wear for community service 😱😱 Janis: nah, just the standard bullshit though, nothing unexpected or that I can't handle Jimmy: that's a good shout, I heard there's gonna be a dickhead there with a 📷 and nowt to do cos he's too 😎🚬 to do what he's told Janis: Oh God, sounds like the worst Janis: 👍 for the warning, mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Go on then, answer for an answer Jimmy: what are you asking? Janis: I've already asked, are you alright? Jimmy: I ain't 😭 over picking up litter, clean tables every day, me Janis: 'course Janis: 💕 it so much you wanna do it for free, right Jimmy: The CG's wage ain't nowt to write up north about Jimmy: 💔💰🎻 Janis: I'm glad you've not got a family back home you're tryna support with coffee beans Janis: might make me almost feel bad, and I can't give my family the satisfaction so fuck you, like Jimmy: that you know of Jimmy: could have a 👶 in every mine Jimmy: fit as well as mysterious, like Janis: No one is fit enough they need to reproduce on an already overpopulated planet Janis: not even you, new boy 🤷 Jimmy: never said they were wanted 👶 Jimmy: in that part of the country, who isn't an unloved bastard Jimmy: 🗬🖋 Janis: obviously Janis: in this country we had to go to yours to really do fuck all about it for 50 odd years Janis: and who wants to go to Liverpool, honestly 🤢 Janis: least if you drag it up might contribute to your funds eventually Jimmy: You don't wanna go dig up that one band they're a bit famous for then? Jimmy: proper pissed on my #datenight plans that Janis: had enough ✌ & 💕 to last a lifetime, soz Janis: photoshop me in Jimmy: but have you had enough 👻🥊? Jimmy: think on, dickhead Janis: plenty 'round here for that Janis: though too many memebers of my family are still unfortunately living so Jimmy: UGH you NEVER wanna do the things I WANNA DO!! 😣😣 Janis: 😏 fine, jump bail with me and smuggle aboard the next ferry Janis: if you're gonna be a nag, like Jimmy: now you're 🗨 Jimmy: won't have to swap you for Asia for a bit Janis: Get her to guess the band, that'd be insightful Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Get her to do your community service, might get hit by a car or kidnapped by the twat driving long as he's got 🍬 Janis: Your attempt to get to spend more time with her is blatant Janis: 💔 she didn't show to your party, Gatsby? Jimmy: I'm just so 😍😍😍😍 soz mate Jimmy: and yeah tah for the salt in my wounds Janis: Poor boy Janis: 'least her boyfriend didn't shoot you, swings and roundabouts Jimmy: why you saying that like it's a good thing? Jimmy: born ready to ⚰ Janis: he'd not shoot me Janis: 😇 that I am Janis: wouldn't be fair Jimmy: he'd probably miss, any road Jimmy: leave me with a scar that does nowt but make me more fit and more mysterious Janis: 🙄 see, a good thing Janis: no one needs that, least of all you, so shy and retiring really, yeah Jimmy: ✔ Janis: don't you leave me on read, dickead Jimmy: or what? Janis: I won't send you a postcard when I get to where I'm really going Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: but gonna be I'm #living for the picture on the front Janis: Wish you were here has never been faker Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wonder who grassed Jimmy: 💰 on 💀👑 Janis: Not a bet I'd take on 'cos probably Jimmy: that or your 🤵💍 wasn't as into 💔 as he reckoned he would be Jimmy: soz sir Janis: married to the job Janis: shoulda known Janis: not his school, like Jimmy: not like I fucked you on his desk, he got off way easier than he were 🗬🤤 Janis: All talk Janis: like all lads Jimmy: Oi Janis: Would you like me to tell you you're different Janis: you don't say much so it isn't untrue, on that count Jimmy: you've only got the one job, rich girl, do you seriously need me to tell you how to do it? Janis: I shouldn't put community service on my LinkedIn? 🤔 Janis: damn Jimmy: gutting I know Jimmy: you'll look proper fit in the jumpsuit an' all, all that possible promo just pissed up the wall Janis: shut up Janis: shit, I didn't ask Janis: what is gonna happen with your actual job? Janis: could you make the hours work without needing to let on to them or what Jimmy: it'll get out Jimmy: more 💰 on 💀👑 Janis: Time how long it takes her to be in your inbox with the 🖤mail Janis: make you her personal bitchboy for life Janis: ugh Jimmy: I'll just tell 'em, either they'll want me to do my shifts round it or they won't Janis: yeah Janis: sorry Jimmy: for what? Janis: if you get sacked Jimmy: dickheads need lattes all over town Janis: true Janis: shame if you don't even get a reference out of the experience though Jimmy: not sure I want one from a knobhead who's never there and reckons my name's Jamie though Janis: still devastated Janis: but not about me, being supportive Jimmy: he could be my fall guy, weren't me it were all him, shady twat Jimmy: never even set foot in a school, me Janis: Get your coworker to alibi Jimmy: he'd obvs only do it if you asked him Jimmy: like owt else Janis: don't do yourself down, babe Janis: he specifically said you seem like 'a chill guy' Jimmy: I were dragging you down if I were doing owt, babe Jimmy: but alright Janis: yeah well you've called me a slag before Janis: not news Jimmy: Have I? Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: always keep it #goals Janis: yeah, you weren't being very 'chill' either Janis: but he don't have to know Jimmy: #whenshekeepsyoursecrets Janis: every battered wife knows the drill Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: 🤞 lad Janis: wouldn't worry, 🐷 do fuck all 'cept protect one of their own Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: @ my other co-workers Jimmy: been busted lads Janis: brothers in brews Janis: such a strong bond Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: making me emotional tbh Jimmy: 👮🚔💕 Janis: gotta beat real siblings, like Jimmy: speaking of, you reckon they'll let me take the 🐕 with me? Save me a job Janis: Worth asking Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I've gotta beg the speakers back from 'em so Janis: class first impressions Jimmy: I'll do it, soft lad is obvs the first impression I make as standard Janis: you saying you can bat your eyelashes better than me? Jimmy: duh Jimmy: mine are well longer than yours Janis: fuck off Jimmy: 📏 matters, Janet Janis: you'd know, fat bitch Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: just 'cause I've got better tits than you, no need to start a scrap Janis: Tits don't count if you only got 'em 'cos you're obese Janis: ask your girlfriend Jimmy: I will Jimmy: properly miss her so any excuse for a 🗨 Janis: you deserve each other, truly Jimmy: Tah, my dear Janis: so you'll be pleased to know you'll be spending less time with me from now on Jimmy: why? Janis: my parents have really leaned into the narrative and have decided you're the enemy Jimmy: Bill's 👻 must've had a word Janis: Yeah Janis: might've mentioned the joyride just to really fuck 'em off and all Jimmy: You wanna call things off then? Jimmy: it weren't part of the plan, them getting Shakespearean about it Janis: nah, fuck that Janis: they'd be doing it regardless, decided they should finally give the whole parenting thing a go Janis: just saying the story can be we're being cruelly kept apart Janis: not that I'm planning to stay locked in my fucking tower actually, already made my first break so Jimmy: Alright Janis: sound more buzzing you don't have to see me, could you Jimmy: 😁😆😄 Jimmy: there you go Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Janis: I won't shout about my MIA status, wouldn't be #goals for you to not know where I am Jimmy: do owt for you, you know it and it's obvs vice versa Jimmy: you just proved it there Janis: 'course Janis: will say it was me and hot barista that planned it all if you need Jimmy: bollocks are you taking credit for my idea Janis: I did the heavy work Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: that's the fakest thing you've ever tried to make sound real Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: don't chat shit Janis: We both pulled it off but we can throw him under the 🚎 Janis: you've already taken Jamie away from me Janis: what's the point now Janis: save yourself Jimmy: shut up Janis: do you love him? Jimmy: Do you? Janis: yeah Janis: one convo and bam Janis: actually that 😍 bitch Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I'll see myself out Janis: 'til 💀 do us part, dickhead Jimmy: that'll be you and Mr Lucas Jimmy: I'd remember if I'd been down on one knee Janis: me too Janis: so hard done by Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: you cool with being done that dirty Janis: 📏 counts for shit when you lack enthusiasm Jimmy: ain't the first time Janis: shh Janis: don't need to know how often you were down on your knees, tah Jimmy: that don't bode well for our insta q&a Janis: fake rock my world some more then Janis: selfish Jimmy: I'll climb to the top of your white tower any time, girl Jimmy: you're the one MIA Janis: Only at night Janis: gotta be up bright and early for our date 💕 Jimmy: I don't think fucking on a pile of rubbish we've just collected would be considered very #goals but I'll give it a 🥇 spin Janis: there's no way 'round how unapproved all this criminal activity is Janis: still worth it Jimmy: Dunno about you but I'm 👏🏆 in every DM Jimmy: that 😎🚬 rep been set proper in stone now Janis: Lucky you Janis: I've been too busy getting lectured Jimmy: poor baby Janis: I know Jimmy: What can I do to make you feel better? Janis: down you go Jimmy: Alright Janis: I don't know though Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: You in a rush too? Jimmy: Got loads of other girlfriends to 👀 Janis: how many fakes one though Jimmy: That'd be telling Janis: so go on Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: have multiple fake girlfriends or tell me about the others Jimmy: Well? Janis: you could get them all to do different shit for you Janis: potential there Janis: idk why you wouldn't tell me if you did though, not like it'd fake break my heart Jimmy: There's your answer then Jimmy: not gonna give away secrets you don't give a shit about hearing Jimmy: what kind of power move Janis: You want to fake break my heart Jimmy: Why would I wanna go off script? Jimmy: The plan is you break mine Janis: I know Janis: not likely to forget what we're doing here Jimmy: Don't forget to tell me how to make you feel better then Jimmy: it's obvs all I'm breathing for Janis: just as obvs I don't really care about any of the Drama™ Janis: as long as I've got you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: just as obvs that I wanna know where you are 'cos I'm bored and dunno where to go or what to do Jimmy: [sends her a pic of him at the park by his house like oh hey] Janis: 😍 Janis: obvious, if the dog isn't with you then I'm not really interested Jimmy: [a pic of Twix because of course] Janis: colour me convinced Janis: we should probably show the fans a united front anyway right Janis: not turned on each other soon as the law got involved, like Jimmy: 🖌☻ Jimmy: not racist if it's your happy colour, right? Janis: 😂 Janis: it's NOT a free pass but Janis: not mad about it, don't tell Jimmy: 😅😅 Janis: it was alright though Janis: the party Janis: aside from doing what we set out to achieve Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I might throw another one Jimmy: maybe it'll be my rep next place I end up Janis: 🦋 Jimmy: 🤡 probably getting closer Janis: no fit and mysterious but Janis: maybe the next place will have less cunts Jimmy: could be fit and murderous Jimmy: 🤡🔪🔪 Janis: 🙏 Janis: keep my 👀 on the news Jimmy: I'll give you a shoutout, baby Jimmy: write your name in blood or something Janis: Carve it in a victim so I know you remember it 💘 Janis: 🤤🤤 Jimmy: like I said, owt for you, Jules Janis: Thanks Janis: just tell me when you're gonna murder-suicide Janis: can't stay dying here forever Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Janis: 💀💕 Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: gonna have to get as far out of this place as I can before I go Janis: refuse to be stuck haunting this shithole for eternity Jimmy: #same Jimmy: though I dunno where's gonna be any different Janis: anywhere you don't know anyone and they don't know you Janis: I reckon Jimmy: that's here for me Jimmy: still don't 💕 it Janis: you'll have to go back home then? Janis: don't know how you're getting through customs as a wanted man but you'll make it happen Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: if that's where my heart's meant to be you can actually 🔪 it out Janis: would LOVE to have your heart Janis: ultimate goals amirite Jimmy: you can take it then Janis: hot Janis: seeing as everywhere on earth is shit then, shall we just go straight to hell? Jimmy: You said you were going 😇☁ Janis: hold onto your 😎 'cos it's the same place Janis: truth is, just a fucking bummer if you're 😈 Jimmy: What? Janis: heaven and hell are the same place, some people reckon Janis: what could be more torturous than constant classical music and having to wear white for someone so fit and mysterious? Janis: you're gonna be 💔 baby Jimmy: How could you!? Jimmy: pissed on my afterlife Janis: So soz Janis: can always subscribe to reincarnation, might be a laugh Jimmy: 🦍 actually Jimmy: Dan would be so 😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Ahh Dan Jimmy: OMG you can be a 😳🐷 #fated Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm not being breakfast Jimmy: Or a 🦇!!! Janis: That's more appealing Janis: I'd do that Janis: give fuckers rabies amongst other awful diseases Jimmy: such a romantic, you Janis: you just need to avoid hunters Janis: you can be chilling up trees, when you're not kidnapping ladies Jimmy: protect me when I'm 💤 babe Janis: Cute Janis: how am I gonna know it's you though? Jimmy: What kind of signal do you want? Jimmy: 🚬☁? Janis: where are you getting 😎 from and all Janis: I'll just have to bite a lot of gorilla necks 'til one of 'em is into it Jimmy: Duh the lasses I've kidnapped Jimmy: what else are they good for? Janis: I don't know if they really discussed that in king kong Janis: I hope not Jimmy: Date night 2 after we've dug up Lennon and Co Jimmy: I've never seen it Janis: Me either Janis: I assume it's not a classic about Beastiality but Janis: might get 🍀 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can liveblog Dan Jimmy: 🥇💡 Jimmy: in his DMs til his lass leaves him Janis: love that rep for me Janis: homewrecking then peacing out Jimmy: you have got form Janis: what are friends for Janis: free to tap that now, you're welcome Jimmy: if I wanted to 🐸 lad wouldn't have stopped me Jimmy: but tah very much Janis: yeah? Jimmy: What's your question? Janis: never mind Janis: his resemblance to pond life is uncanny Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: 🙊 Janis: I hope they're not all single now Janis: they get even more demonic when there's no dick around to distract them even for a sec, like Jimmy: Do you want me to do a poll? They'll tell me Janis: They'd lie to bone you Janis: Only Asia is stupid enough to not, God bless Jimmy: lucky me Janis: you don't have medical level BO and you can form basic sentences Janis: makes you a 🤴 to them but not special, you feel me Janis: the bar is underground Jimmy: SUCH a sweet talker, you 😳 Janis: I know Janis: just feeling #inspired by you Jimmy: you're meant to inspire me, dickhead Jimmy: gotta do everything myself round here Janis: I'll distract you Janis: make you do the wrong thing Janis: just 😇 things Jimmy: I'l see the paint coming this time, Judith Jimmy: it's the sober light of day Janis: Unfortunately Janis: my shower looked like a Pollock painting this AM Janis: and I can feel just how unsober last night was Jimmy: where's the 📷 you rookie? Janis: 😰 Jimmy: this is where us being #starcrossed falls down Jimmy: useless without me Janis: I wasn't feeling very inspired Janis: after the bollocking from the police, then from my parents, all whilst I could barely stand or 👀 Jimmy: you're 💔 me, girl Janis: I didn't even know where you were Janis: so dramatic, lowkey a stampede when garda showed Jimmy: I get it, you had your 🤞 they'd already sent me back to the grim north Janis: of course Janis: fake prison boyf Jimmy: fuck every other ldr that's the one Janis: could send you the good treats and nudes and shit Janis: so much more manageable Jimmy: you'd never be that nice to me Janis: once 👏 you 👏 kill 👏 for 👏 me 👏 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: not got nowt else on Janis: won't even make it awkward and ask you to kill my sister Janis: pick whoever you wanna, got no preference here Jimmy: 💀👑 first Jimmy: the rest of 'em would feel it Janis: they are the flea to her rat Janis: gotta have that host body Jimmy: and I'd only have to touch her and she'd crumble to dust, an easy 🏆 Janis: How she's fucked as many lads as she has is beyond me Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 shh Janis: I know, it's disturbing and baffling on so many levels Janis: she doesn't even look like a good ride, who went there first and found out Janis: so many questions Jimmy: where's that q&a #content Mia? Janis: 😏 Janis: we should do one, not about the mystery of her skeletal vag Jimmy: the fans will have loads about the party and all that bollocks Jimmy: she'll have to wait Janis: gotta let the people know we made up Jimmy: can do it when you get here Jimmy: my brother's about but so's the 🐕 they're alright Janis: can keep the #content family-friendly Janis: read between the lines, lads Jimmy: yeah the 🐕 is more distracting than you Janis: Charming Janis: 😂 Janis: if I didn't feel like microwaved shit Jimmy: if you were 🥇 like me that wouldn't matter Janis: I didn't 📷 you don't know what I look like, twat Jimmy: you said feel Jimmy: nowt's been mentioned about how either of us look Janis: you sent me a pic Jimmy: and? Jimmy: you can either fake it or you can't 'cause you're either 🥇 or nowt Janis: 'course I can fake it Janis: just not gonna go that hard in front of your brother, obviously Janis: not 🥉 behaviour, that, just weird Jimmy: convenient that Jimmy: your excuse is non-existent 'cause as I said he's only got 👀 for the 🐕 Jimmy: bit like you Janis: 🙄 fine Janis: you're feeling unloved Jimmy: steady on, we're not having a therapy session on the 'gram Janis: just 😍 Janis: I know Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: what do you look like? Janis: I've really got to send you a picture so you can tell me I look like shit? Janis: How about we get there and I just listen to all those fake compliments, like Jimmy: If I say please, will you give in? Janis: depends Jimmy: on how I say it or on something else? Janis: if you limit yourself to a word after you've seen it as well Jimmy: I can do that Janis: [we all know you look good you always do bitch] Jimmy: unfair Jimmy: there's my word Janis: okay Janis: I can deal with that Janis: more ? than ! Jimmy: I dunno if I can deal with you setting me up Janis: huh? Jimmy: I just thought you were gonna look Jimmy: and then you're Janis: well you don't look bad either so Janis: it's fair Jimmy: bollocks is it Jimmy: you heard me, I said unfair Janis: well alright Janis: but you're just as unfair then Jimmy: Nah I weren't faking I were 🧟 when I'm actually a hot 🧛 Janis: you're a 👻 Janis: if you don't get to come back as the peak hottest version of yourself, that's some bullshit Jimmy: Duh I actually were 👴 when I ⚰ you just 👀 me as 😎🚬 Janis: Best of both worlds Jimmy: that'll be why I'm such an optimist Janis: ☀ Janis: exactly what comes to mind tbh Jimmy: obvs Janis: think I might've accidentally got on a ghost bus though Janis: it's taking longer than usual, maybe I've been on here forever? Janis: who can say Jimmy: I should've offered to pick you up in Ian's car Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend Janis: fake boyfriend who wants to clock up all those hours scrubbing graffiti Jimmy: only 'cause date night 3 I'm planning to take you to put it all back Jimmy: if you're inspiring enough, that is Janis: 😏 Janis: keep doubting #hatersaremymotivatorsbabe Jimmy: prove it then I can't Jimmy: job done ✔ Janis: you want another picture with a 📰🗞 to prove I'm not lying, yeah Jimmy: You, lie? Bollocks would you Janis: know, it's what you 💕 best about me Jimmy: Yeah Janis: how is the actual loml today then? Jimmy: What the fuck does that mean? Janis: BABE!!! Janis: love of my life, OMG Jimmy: have you just made that up? Janis: don't be ridiculous Janis: start # me as such like RN Jimmy: [cue extra socials flirting] Janis: shit just got real, lads Jimmy: must be why I miss you Jimmy: nowt to do with how shit this park is Janis: obviously not Janis: everything's just more shit when I ain't about Jimmy: You're not wrong, bighead Jimmy: Love being bollocked by paddy 👮 me Janis: 🤤 was pretty blatant to me but don't reckon they noticed Jimmy: lads in uniform are just so 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: if I were american I could 🤞 Ian would send me to military school but 💔 Janis: only get your institutionalized abuse if you're rich enough to afford it Janis: or Catholic Janis: and there's a surprising amount of hoops to jump through there Janis: gutting Jimmy: 💔 about that an' all Jimmy: tah for being a pair of heathens mum and dad Janis: you could get confirmed but they'll 👀 you for being a right weirdo from the off Janis: no one JOINS Catholicism by choice, you're born to it and run away 😱 Jimmy: brb gonna have my quick 😭 before you get here Janis: Baby Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: [showing up finally and pretending you checking his face for 😭 and wiping 'em away like 'you can calm down now'] Jimmy: [pretending that you're checking her for bits of paint she missed behind her ears and everywhere but we know you just wanna touch her face and hair always] Janis: [the standard get off moment but loling and loving it secretly] Jimmy: [just leaning on her and sighing dramatically like ugh what a day but it's more to annoy her and be close to her than an actual genuine fml because god forbid you're real about it] Janis: ['that bad, yeah?' and doing an even bigger dramatic sigh '#relatable, mate' we're all loving life lollollol] Jimmy: [when you're competitive af so you wanna do an even bigger sigh yourself but you can't because you've got that secret rib injury and it hurts to breathe in thanks so much Ian #gotta reclaim it from April and Steve] Janis: [simply must] Jimmy: [thank god yet again that 😒 is his default cos you gotta get on the swing for the #aesthetic of this q&a and that means she's gotta sit on you, suffer for your art boy] Janis: [definitely gonna notice though at some point you can't stop me lol] Jimmy: [she always notices things it's a blessing and a curse] Janis: [thank your mother and grandmother for that girl; getting up like ? 'did you actually get stampeded or was it garda?'] Jimmy: ['I get that you're my biggest fan but the q&a weren't planned for you' because especially can't answer that question moreso than any other] Janis: [frowns but as per makes more of a thing out of it so it's fake] Jimmy: [squish her face like she does to you like cheer up] Janis: ['I won't turn it into a game, you can just tell me' 'cos we all remember truth or dare and how well that went] Jimmy: [shrugs 'being a northern 45 has it's downs on top of the massive upsides' when you're acting like you're 👴 and did it by falling or coughing too hard from 🚬 either of which could've happened but didn't] Janis: [🙄 'so you're alright then?'] Jimmy: ['it ain't part of the job for you to worry about me'] Janis: [shrugs like give a shit, boy 'not an answer also, not sneaky'] Jimmy: ['I know how to fake it, that's the only answer you need to hear'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [goes to check on Bobby and Twix like look how fine I am bye] Janis: [just chilling on the bench like you're so unphased but clearly not and he's clearly not fine otherwise he wouldn't have needed to fake it at all if it was nbd] Jimmy: [Twix jumping up him cos she's so full of love and he's just in casual agony like this is fine] Janis: [just shooting up like nope and coming over to distract Twix and throw her ball for her] Jimmy: [nhs direct be like DON'T smoke so of course that's what he's gonna do, when it's a habit and you don't think about how much it's gonna hurt but you've committed yourself to the 🚬 now] Janis: [just gesturing like lemme share that when you can see the wincing so at least he can only have half] Jimmy: [blatantly knows what she's doing and why but letting it happen cos ouch] Janis: [just doing overtime on that cig lmao] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like calm down as if you remotely have followed your own advice there] Janis: ['never know where the fans are hiding' looking 'round the park as if anyone is about 'cept families and tweens] Jimmy: ['You already looked hot, no need to go overboard'] Janis: ['what's your excuse then?'] Jimmy: ['For what?' you know perfectly well boyy] Janis: [a look that says as much 'you know'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like no I don't] Janis: ['you just want me to say it' tapping her head like not thick] Jimmy: ['so go on'] Janis: ['will you let me help you out if I do? I could walk the dog for you, at least'] Jimmy: [I've said before you can have her' gestures like take that dog away please and thank] Janis: [gestures at Bobby who's probably loving upon her like case in point] Jimmy: [shrugs like he'll get over it] Janis: ['she won't' 💔] Jimmy: [🎻 mime] Janis: [shakes head] Jimmy: [🙄] Janis: ['what did you dad say, like?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you're trying to work out how up for committing crimes he is, you being underage and all, be a better shout if you faked it as yummy mummy though'] Janis: [tuts, 'runs in the family then'] Jimmy: [shakes his head really OTT because he likes his women 👵 'one of a kind, me'] Janis: [flexes muscle IRL] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [going back to the swing] Jimmy: [pushing her, don't hurt yourself boy] Janis: [just enjoying this but thinking the same, peeping back at him occasionally] Jimmy: [just looking at her like I'm alright cos downplaying it 5ever] Janis: ['alright, you're well hard, we get it'] Jimmy: ['I'm just such a lad, nowt I can do about it, like'] Janis: ['gift and a curse, sure'] Jimmy: [holds the swing to keep it still for a sec 'you alright?' cos even though he's only pushing her gently gotta take the piss that she might 🤢 cos so hungover] Janis: [shakes her head, dramatically 'I'm off the rails, babe and you're meant to be ride or die and you're not telling me nothing' big pout] Jimmy: [comes round the front of the swing so he can look at her dramatically like he's so OTT sorry and forlorn 'making me get on my knees'd be a bit cruel, but name owt else, baby'] Janis: ['yeah, don't' look like you better not with this mystery injury, boy 'tell me what the gameplan is, how are we doing this, how are we getting back at her for this?'] Jimmy: [sits on the swing next to her and is thinking like a winnie because hasn't had chance to even consider any of that with everything else that's going on] Janis: [nods like exactly 'obviously we wanted to get in trouble but that doesn't mean she gets away with being a snitch'] Jimmy: [nods back cos yeah fuck her 'what does she care about?'] Janis: [shrugs 'fuck all but controlling her calories and her minions'] Jimmy: ['Alright, how can we take the control off her?'] Janis: ['if you've still got your job, start melting butter into her coffees' 😏 but also seriously thinking 'not hard to get that lot having an argument...you reckon you could get her chatting shit on them to you? that'd work, love their #receipts, like'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out like let's see and gestures for her to come here even though they are only a swing apart anyway #blatant] Janis: [leaning over his shoulder like 👀] Jimmy: [imagine having to try and chat to Mia, good lord] Janis: [and god knows how you're gonna have to play this to get decent fallout fuel from her, she's not an idiot] Jimmy: [yeah we should say it doesn't work because realistically wouldn't and he'd be so fuming that he hasn't been able to do it] Janis: ['back to the drawing board' and back to her swing to ponder] Jimmy: [😒 af and such a frustrated sigh which is then like OUCH but trying not to show that 'What about that co-worker of mine you were proper willing to throw under the bus and reckon is so well fit?' Hey Pete hey] Janis: [instincitvely reaching to squeeze his hand like hey but then Pete gets mentioned and you casually have to drop it like a hot potato without being that obvious lol 'Does Mia reckon he's well fit enough too?' like I've not been there 'she harass him and all, like?'] Jimmy: ['You said none of 'em have got high standards, what were it, no BO and basic grasp of how to put words together?' shrugs and looks at her like yeah well I'm not trying to say it's a good idea just an idea and another sigh that you can't help because you hate that she cares about Pete and you're reading too much into what that means] Janis: ['might work, might be a bit weird to put across to him though' 'cos can you imagine, like hello, us again... 'she was pretty pissed off when we gatecrashed her sleepover, it'd be worse than community service but we could do more of that? get them on side so she looks as mental as she is, like'] Jimmy: ['Alright' because that's a much better and easier idea you have to admit boy] Janis: ['yeah?' makes a face 'cos what did you just sign yourself up for, you cannot stand these girls lmao] Jimmy: ['I just said it were, must be' because this is all so casual and fine] Janis: ['Remember when we couldn't do a school project with the bitch? Imagine what they're like with no parameters or focus...' rolls eyes like Lord help us all 'definitely gonna be Oscar-winning fakery'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby, it's what Mia's owed, keep that in your head and you'll rise to the challenge, right piece of piss'] Janis: ['she's not my muse, fuck off' but kicking him in a bants manner with your swingy feet] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like oh isn't she and is 😏 'I'll keep that to myself, case it fucks with your master plan, don't worry'] Janis: [stops his swing abruptly by yanking on the chain like how dare you 'arsehole' 😒] Jimmy: [OTT like OW even though he's as fine as he's been this whole time] Janis: [when you then have to stop yourself now to check like oh no, so then you're even more 😒 'don't do that!'] Jimmy: [holds his hands up like soz but his 👀s genuinely are we know 'you know I didn't mean owt, be my mate again'] Janis: [standing inbetween his legs and tilting his chin up with your index finger so he's gotta look at you, as if you can work out what happened to him just by staring into his 👀 really hard] Jimmy: [some amazing eye contact as per and hitting her with a 'what?' even though you know cos you always know] Janis: ['we can be mates' like okay do you wanna be any closer though] Jimmy: ['good' likewise not moving like boy if you lean in right now I'm gonna kill you] Janis: [when there's nowhere to hide but you also cannot be the first to break, torn much] Jimmy: [at least we can have Twix or Bobby or both interrupt as he's just moving her hair out of her face/needlessly touching her yet again but before he does or says something we're not ready for because seriously about to here] Janis: [this is true, you aren't alone so you can't have a total bench moment here] Jimmy: [and you defs can't be revealing your secrets or feels rn thank you sir] Janis: [just turning so fast and acting like that never happened like oh hi Twix whilst he deals with Bobby] Jimmy: [do them big brother duties because he can't know you're hurt so you gotta fake it even more] Janis: [the joys] Jimmy: [he's gonna have a ball cleaning up and working ILY Ian you're a star] Janis: [make that punishment even more punishing, we see you] Jimmy: [I also like to imagine his phone going off throughout like you better not be with that girl, try and stop me bitch] Janis: [likewise 'cos you've done a bunk so they're like where are you, you have to go community service blah blah blah] Jimmy: [sharing a look but not a LOOK like] Janis: [actual solidarity, like y'all have no idea yet] Jimmy: [Taking a selfie with Twix and Bobby to send to him like fuck you Ian I'm doing your jobs and then letting Bobby take some cos mini me] Janis: [can't help but smiling 'cos that's cute] Jimmy: [takes her phone to take a coupley selfie so she doesn't feel left out and no other reason] Janis: ['won't tag you, like'[ Jimmy: ['tag Jamie'] Janis: [lols 'start framing him now, alright'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile] Janis: ['gonna look insane when everyone realizes you were never here the whole time but I'll cope'] Jimmy: ['gutted that Bruce Willis beat us to that plot twist' and such a pouty face] Janis: [squishing it forever like 😏] Jimmy: [leaning on her like I'M SO SAD THO] Janis: ['how can I cheer you up?'] Jimmy: [looking around like we could make a run for it and start a new life, as if he's capable of running rn or ever] Janis: ['my bags are packed, like'] Jimmy: [gestures like come on then but is looking at Bobby and Twix like] Janis: [looks at 'em as well and shrugs like yep 'easier leaving kids that are yours, init'] Jimmy: ['obvs' but now he's thinking about his mum so is actually sad not fake sad #awks] Janis: [is thinking about Drew and Edie so we're all having a lil moment here] Jimmy: [drags her over to the slide like go on, cos he'd die if he had a go so can't] Janis: [looking at Bobby then back at him like 'got your duties mixed up' but obvs has a go not gonna be a spoilsport] Jimmy: [then Bobby has a go and then Twix wants a go so you gotta go again girl] Janis: [like a babby] Jimmy: [you know he's getting all the adorable pics] Janis: [putting Twix on Bobby's lap at the top of the slide 'cos she's a pup so small] Jimmy: [he's falling in love again y'all] Janis: [put twix in a baby swing, that would be hilarious] Jimmy: [they gotta so he can be 😏 instead of 😍 because you're not kissing her rn boy I forbid it] Janis: [there's just no fake rn and we all know it] Jimmy: [he doesn't have it in him rn despite what he said] Janis: [mhmm, we won't be infiltrating the flat whites any time soon lmao] Jimmy: [gotta give that more than a hot sec but I do think at some point they should run into Asia and her sisters again for the lol because] Janis: [that would be good 'cos the mood that day lolllll] Jimmy: [they can get Bobby in on the fake niceness by bribing him or something lol] Janis: [#playdate!] Jimmy: [exactly dr phil] Janis: [god bless] Jimmy: [should probably get that kid and dog back so come and chill at his gaff again girl] Janis: [your parents will be delighted hahahaha suck it lads] Jimmy: [hooray for Ian being at work so you don't actually have to see him though] Janis: [that's a blessing] Jimmy: [make tea and food for everyone Jimothy we know that's your life] Janis: don't need to tell you how to make it Janis: handy Jimmy: You gonna give me a hand though? Jimmy: I get that there's no promise of an apron but you already look 🥇 we've covered that Janis: and run the risk of you thinking I'm not a spoilt brat? 🤔 Janis: I guess I could Janis: as you're full of compliments as currency today Jimmy: 🤞 they won't take your 🐴 away for mucking in like the common lads and lasses do, rich girl Janis: Better not Janis: love mucking out SO much Janis: [does come to help like bonjour] Jimmy: and it would muck up the stable boy fantasy before we've had a go at it 💔 Janis: [lols] Janis: that's exactly what your accent is Jimmy: [says something like a cliche stable boy would idk I'm not a horse girl] Janis: [reminds me of that classic book baby mama was in with game of thrones, though he's like gameskeeper or whatever the fuck anyway, loling harder and fake swooning] Jimmy: [when you pretend to catch her fainting, shameless touching even if it hurts you is your real ultimate kink boy] Janis: [the tea, saying something stereotypically posh in a stereotypically posh voice to break the tension that is just always there now] Jimmy: [does the posh little finger thing while drinking his and loling] Janis: [making nerd glasses with her fingers at him like 😏] Jimmy: ['Oi, be nice to me' making a face like I'm so injured excuse you] Janis: ['yeah, you gone shy or you gonna show me?' gestures like kit off boy] Jimmy: [is awks af obvs because we know it's bad but does take off his top because can't admit it #challengealwaysaccepted] Janis: [breathing in through her teeth like ouch and really gently touching them, like barely, speaking just as softly 'you should take an ice bath, it'd take down this swelling'] Jimmy: ['always trying to get me in the bath, you' but his voice is as soft as hers is 'but no pictures this time, a cute filter ain't gonna make this look goals'] Janis: ['Who could blame me' but said more as a throwaway comment just to keep this feeling normal and not like you're worried about him in any way nope, a look like obviously, who am I? before moving him, gently, out the way 'I'll finish up here, yeah'] Jimmy: [a shrug like I can do it because god forbid you actually take it easy lad] Janis: ['I can make-' (fill in the blank of whatever he's feeding Bobby, lol fish fingers or whatever we know the vibe here) 'if you don't wanna get in without me, wait, like'] Jimmy: ['Calm down, no dickhead's ready for how wife goals you are' and some fake 😍 'if you're that about trying to work your magic work out how we're gonna fill the tub with the one ice tray, what would your mate Jesus do?'] Janis: [less fake 🙄 back 'fine, I'll go buy a couple bags, prepare yourself' and chucking her shoes and whatnot back on like brb, least you don't live in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [irl 👍] Janis: won't let you 🥶 Jimmy: not how you wanna 💀💀💀? Jimmy: I get it, nowt massively 😎🚬 about that Janis: In terms of murder, pretty good idea but nah Janis: I've done 'em before so I'm not 🙀 Jimmy: knew you had loads of bodies in your freezer Jimmy: bit rude to make me think our 💀💀💀 pact were the first Jimmy: bit ruder that you never went through with your end all the other times Janis: just waiting to meet the one, babes Janis: 🤷 can't be killing myself for every lad that comes through Jimmy: proper heartbreaker you Jimmy: knew that an' all Janis: You won't get chance to tweet that Janis: s'fine Janis: 🙊🙉🙈 Jimmy: didn't break none of my fingers Janis: you're really gonna do it whilst I'm out running errands? Janis: ungrateful Jimmy: stop begging, I'll be a good boy Jimmy: for a bit Janis: It's you with the kink for being told what to do, apparently Janis: stop complaining Jimmy: don't sound like me that Jimmy: ray of fucking ☀ or nowt Janis: wrong chat then Janis: my bad Jimmy: sort it out, girl Janis: be more memorable, boy Jimmy: 💀💀💀 you too quick if I were Janis: exactly Janis: letdown no. ??? Jimmy: piss off Janis: Calm down Janis: can't be letdown by something that ain't real Janis: only have myself to blame then and not about that Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: ugh Jimmy: It's a hard life, Jasmine Jimmy: crack on, we don't have all day Janis: excuse me Janis: as long as you do it within the first three days, it'll still work Janis: and you're on chef duties so you shut up and concentrate Jimmy: I can't concentrate if you're gonna chat to me like that Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤😍 Janis: blame the burning on me then Janis: we all know you're just 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, I'll be a top wife Jimmy: know how to take a punch and everything Janis: Shh Janis: busy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Meant to be helping, so let me Jimmy: why you trying to make me 😭 then? that won't help Jimmy: bloody hurt if owt Janis: Obviously not Janis: you know I'm not good at words, it's not a surprise Jimmy: duh it's the only thing we've got in common Janis: is it cheering you to make me try and fail then? Janis: 'cos have at it but you will end up 😭 by the end of t Jimmy: I just Jimmy: wanna chat to someone who ain't 6 Jimmy: or a 🐕 Janis: 2/2 Janis: take that victory Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: there you go Janis: I will fill it with ice Jimmy: and a drink of your choice Jimmy: I 👀 you, pisshead Janis: just prepping myself for having to 👀 you in the tub again Jimmy: I can get in by myself, I were 👴 but 👻 me is in his prime, remember Jimmy: near as much an athlete as you at this rate Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: let's not get carried away Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: might wanna carry you about Janis: when you're recovered Jimmy: takes weeks 🤞 I'll be long gone Janis: about as reliable as 🙏 Janis: take from that whatever you want, heathen Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: or I'll just get another girlfriend who ain't as heavy as you Janis: fuck off Janis: I'm not heavy Jimmy: depends Janis: on how weak you are? yeah Jimmy: on who we're comparing you to Jimmy: but you can piss off, I'm not weak, I'm injured Janis: Know you're used to puppies and 6 year olds, obvs Jimmy: you're not the first lass I've lugged about, soz to melt your ❄ babe Janis: 💔 Janis: I'm not anorexic or otherwise as easily deluded, I know I'm skinny Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: have said before that you're a 🦒 Janis: thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: need anything else whilst I'm here Jimmy: You're my nurse, you tell me Janis: get you some drugs Janis: don't take 'em all at once 💀💀💀 Jimmy: What if I promise to split 'em right down the middle? Janis: I'm not dying for you today Jimmy: Baby please Janis: Nah Janis: find some tiny girlfriend who'll need half the tabs Jimmy: been there, done that Janis: plenty more midgets either side of the sea Jimmy: I don't have time to go 🎣 but tah for that Janis: Busy busy Jimmy: hardworking kink ain't nowt but a curse 🎻 Janis: don't need to tell me Janis: I'm rich Janis: the less you see your missus and fam the better 🤤 Jimmy: wouldn't dream of telling you nowt of the sort, not very #goals that Janis: so needy 😏 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: so mean today you Janis: just today? Jimmy: not thick enough to start digging myself down into that big of an hole Jimmy: and obvs too weak any road so Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: more like it Janis: though implying I was gonna get pissy about it was a dick move that did not go unnoticed Jimmy: I said what I said Jimmy: there's nowt you don't get pissy about when that's what you wanna do Janis: Maybe you're just really fucking annoying Janis: that's more than a distinct possibility Jimmy: only maybe? Jimmy: 💕 Janis: So optimistic too Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: you need to get back on it, pisshead, that'll sort you out Janis: You like me better when I'm drunk Janis: spread that around Janis: though frankly, lil rapey is their type Jimmy: I don't like you however much you drink, not a paddy Janis: Try drinking some more yourself Janis: looking for common sense at the bottom of a bottle ain't a noble pursuit but you know Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: [a selfie of him posing with Ian's stash like oh hey] Janis: and you were gonna let me buy more Janis: who's the shit host now Jimmy: I never said you should buy owt Jimmy: you went off on your own #mission Janis: you'll be grateful later Jimmy: yeah 'cause that's how you like me, I know Janis: Don't you start #kinkassuming thank you Jimmy: no need to assume it, I've 🔓 it Jimmy: got the 🎟 Janis: 🤔 Janis: Must've been wasted Janis: as per Jimmy: Or I've got the wrong girlfriend Jimmy: might do Janis: It happens Janis: what's my name again Jimmy: what kind of fish do you wanna be? that'd help me out Jimmy: I've voted already Janis: 🦈 Jimmy: #fated Janis: if you said 🐬 I'd delete and block you Jimmy: I can't, that's Asia's Jimmy: nowt I can do when she's just SO SMART Janis: can't wait 'til some screaming kid covers her blowhole and suffocates her Jimmy: 😂 Janis: shame you ain't a starfish Janis: cut your legs off see if they grow back Jimmy: What am I then? Janis: one of those lurky bastards at the bottom of the ocean Janis: just been sitting there for 10000000s of years Jimmy: that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: brb need to dry my eyes Janis: I know Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: that what's taking you so long? Janis: yeah Janis: am I not allowed any privacy? Jimmy: You've heard 💀👑's stance on that Janis: you invited her over already? Janis: keen Jimmy: you wish, Jennifer Jimmy: can't have her around in my weakened state Janis: fuck off and stop being a baby Jimmy: you fuck off Janis: come get your stuff then Jimmy: you're alright Janis: it'll melt out here Jimmy: I get that I'm such a ☀ but outside ain't competing that hard Janis: Don't be awkward Jimmy: gotta teach the 🐕 fetch some time Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: What? Janis: I've got to go put it in your bath myself, have I Jimmy: You haven't gotta do nowt Janis: are you coming to get it? Jimmy: Am I on a ⏲? Janis: would you like me to work out how long it takes to melt a bag of ice Janis: like I said, awkward Jimmy: 🤓 Janis: I'm going to smack you upside the head with it in a second Jimmy: [comes to get it like go on then] Janis: [obviously will not lol, just shoving it at him like there you go] Jimmy: [takes it and walks off leaving her with Twix who has come like hey girl] Janis: [tryna get her in the house 'cos you were tryna leave on the low but Twix says no] Jimmy: [puts some ice in whatever bottle he's stolen off Ian and offers it to her like] Janis: ['only 'cos it'll get watered down now otherwise'] Jimmy: ['duh, that's the trick, then he dunno I've nicked it'] Janis: [🙄 @ Ian 'Amateur, I would know'] Jimmy: ['you ain't thick and northern' said over his shoulder as he's going upstairs to get in his ice bath with the stolen booze casually] Janis: [just downstairs like what am I meant to do now excuse me but definitely not going to ask] Janis: try not to go into shock or get hypothermia please Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: how long have I gotta sit here like a dickhead? Janis: do 5 minutes, if you can hack it Janis: no longer than 10 Jimmy: say when Janis: Get in and then I'll come in and supervise Janis: I'm not gonna accidentally kill you Jimmy: don't get none of this #drama with a bag of peas Jimmy: but alright Janis: it'll be more effective Janis: trust me Jimmy: if you've gotta say it, I probably shouldn't Jimmy: well suspicious Janis: it's not gonna be nice but it'll stop the damage getting worse and kickstart the healing Jimmy: 🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶 Janis: yeah, that's why you're getting in before I come up Janis: I'll listen for the scream, like Jimmy: did you 👂 or do you want me to get out and back in? Janis: Okay Janis: so tough, I get it Janis: [comes up and puts her hand to his forehead to check his temp] Jimmy: [imagine his little face please just like fuck me this is #fun] Janis: [puts a timer on her phone and is looking for the biggest, softest towel for when he gets out] Jimmy: [when you're the most caring ever on the low] Janis: ['I'm sorry' and taking the drink from him] Jimmy: [a look like ? because not gonna try and talk atm] Janis: [gestures like for all of it, I don't know but then doesn't wanna be that bitch so sucks it up and actually says why 'I didn't mean to call you a baby'] Jimmy: [puts a finger to his lips like shut up it's fine] Janis: [shrugs an alright and sits down on the side of the bath] Jimmy: [splashes but so the water just comes up and doesn't actually touch her because not that rude and also he's too cold to do a really big splash movement] Janis: [reaching in, whey but not, to get his feet out 'cos apparently your toes will be most sensitive so they don't need to be under, neither do his hands, just rubbing some life back into them with said towel like there we go] Jimmy: [saying a sincere thanks with his 👀 but then having to look away because who ever looks after him #emotions] Janis: ['I'll make you a cuppa when you get out'] Jimmy: you just want one, I 👀 you Janis: [takes another swig from the bottle like yes, blatantly 😏] Jimmy: 😏 Janis: then you can get in bed for a bit Janis: can't get straight in a hot shower, though you wanna Jimmy: how many of these have you done? Janis: enough Janis: plus I do sports science and all that shit so Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: will when those bruises fade, like Janis: not jealous or nothing but it is a bit rude Jimmy: don't be, nobody does 'em like you, baby Janis: might have to tweet it Janis: don't want a repeat Jimmy: [cue flirty af tweets to distract her because we can't tell her what happened] Janis: [with that we can probably get you out, to your great relief] Jimmy: [help him like the 👴 he is, girl] Janis: [get him wrapped up in that towel and in his room asap] Jimmy: [you have to snuggle him it's basically the law] Janis: [would literally be rude not to, least you can do it and be rubbing his arms like just warming you up nothing else going on nope] Jimmy: [the amount of things I have to stop him from saying or doing rn, boy no] Janis: ['do you still own a hoodie? you need to wrap up warm'] Jimmy: [a lil lol but goes to get his warmest one cos wouldn't have had that out in april so she hasn't stolen it] Janis: [control your 😍 at his cute you've got a job to do 'do you want your tea now?'] Jimmy: [when you shake your head before you can stop yourself or do your trick of not answering a q because you just don't want her to go] Janis: [just patting the bed like get back in then] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [when you have to snuggle really hard for warmth also single bed moment again] Jimmy: [god bless, what makes it even better is knowing how fuming Ian would be but it's literally your fault sir, you've done this] Janis: [you did this bitch] Jimmy: [thanks for bringing them closer together hoe] Janis: [nice try, universe] Jimmy: ['Am I gonna die if I fall asleep?' from within the snuggle] Janis: [tiniest lol 'only if you also feel a sudden urge to take your clothes off too' accidentally saucy like 😳] Jimmy: ['well now you've told me not to, I obvs do' playing it like you're such a rebel but we know why you wanna] Janis: ['then I'd have to keep you awake, it's your choice'] Jimmy: [such a LOOK] Janis: [closing his eyes like no looking 'cos literally can't handle it] Jimmy: [opening them again because 1. he's that dickhead but more importantly 2. he can give her a look like even if I fall asleep don't leave] Janis: ['you can go to sleep' in response 'but-' and not finishing that sentence] Jimmy: ['what?' because I have to every single time] Janis: [non-committal noises like idk doesn't matter forget it etc] Jimmy: ['go on' because can't and won't drop anything unless he wants to] Janis: [shrugs without smacking him in the face hopefully 'cos you are that close rn 'you don't have to'] Jimmy: [nods like alright like it's so casual but not breathing because it isn't even remotely casual bye] Janis: ['We could-' stopping to correct yourself to make it sound more fake as if we're even remotely believing that now '-I could make you feel even better, if you want'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you reckon you're a better nurse than me, eh?' throwback to that school trip moment and how hot it was 'crack on then, but nowt'll top that ice bath' such sarcasm, such wit] Janis: [smiles 'not that that's much to brag about, yeah' rolls her eyes and sighs like oh, if I must, as if she didn't suggest it, TOTALLY unprompted 'still my idea, that, so your turn for a good one again, when you're all healed, of course' doing the poor baby pout at him whilst sitting herself up and maneuvering VERY carefully so she's sat on top of him, facing away so he's looking at the back of her 'obviously, that shit about not poking bruises is true, but if we sort the rest of your muscles out, you'll feel less fucked in general' and starting a full-body-but-his-abdomen-area massage with his calves/feet and working her way up 'cos lord knows the boy is tense and she already has a decent idea of what she's doing here] Jimmy: [when that feels so good literally immediately that you have to take the piss because you can't cope 'what the fuck else are they teaching you in sports science, girl?' I can only imagine the kind of teacher they'd have for that so I'm loling] Janis: ['gutted you didn't take it now, yeah?' shaking her head like 😏 and moving up to the thighs] Jimmy: ['more inspiring than art by the looks of it, like, not that that's much to brag about either'] Janis: ['your stuff was alright' like casually bringing up that night like how much do we remember, we'll never know] Jimmy: [thank god she can't see him blushing rn 'you're a decent canvas' bringing up the paint fight because yolo and downplaying the rest of his art because thanks Ian for making him think he's not good at anything] Janis: [likewise but you are gonna have to turn 'round now 'cos you've run out of body lmao 'you too' then and now, obvs] Jimmy: [we all just dying here] Janis: [take a sec to compose yourself before turning 'cos now you're gonna be onto hands and that's like the most intimate somehow] Jimmy: [it seriously is though] Janis: [think it's 'cos you have to sit and face each other and hold hands in a sensual manner, at least he is laying down though so he could avoid the eye contact if he chose to] Jimmy: [I REFUSE to allow you to make eye contact during this sir] Janis: [awkward when it'll be shoulders after and you're gonna be so up in his face like hello, stay strong lads] Jimmy: [oh lord I'll just be screaming DON'T YOU DARE KISS the whole time] Janis: [hohaha this is just mean] Jimmy: [she'll have her work cut out though because nobody's carried this much tension in their body since teenage Tess Vickers] Janis: [since me honey] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [least you can really concentrate on doing a good job 'cos yeah wants to kiss him so bad[ Jimmy: [there's no denying what a good job she is doing though 🥇 legit] Janis: [fuck you Ian] Jimmy: [forever the mood] Janis: [though will be leaving before you get back, don't need you fucking up all this hard work tah] Jimmy: [bye felicia] Janis: [though not going anywhere really you'll have to deal] Jimmy: [we should say one of the flat whites are doing something so they can start their plan] Janis: [yeah, maybe Grace is forcing Mia or one of the others to have a party 'cos obvs she doesn't want everyone at Cali gaff really] Jimmy: [and she'd be hoping it'd stop everyone talking about Janis and their party but it sadly won't babe] Janis: [when y'all can't hang and we all know it] Jimmy: [I vote it's 💀#2 cos mad at her for bathgate tbh] Janis: [and she's probably got the most impressive house in a basic rich way so it's a plus to getting people to show] Jimmy: [agreed] Janis: [along with Mia obvs but we know the vibe, what a joy this will be lol] Jimmy: [I feel like Mia would never have parties at her house because such a daddy's girl and that's why you have minions] Jimmy: [at least you can kiss when you get there cos DYING to] Janis: [exactly, not gonna trash your own house, like, plus bet her mum is a cringe] Jimmy: [I just picture Regina's mum in mean girls basically lol] Janis: [tryna cry about your cheating mans with your daughter and her friends, no one needs that do they Mia, at least Ali would never lmao] Jimmy: [Ali's only cringe cos of how hot everyone thinks she is] Janis: [Mia probably does, secret gay] Jimmy: [oh girl] Janis: [will we ever know your damage truly lol] Jimmy: [we should probably figure it out one day so when we're famous everyone's not like wtf casually an Amber from Get Even situation on our hands] Janis: [true true, but sometimes people are in your life as a cunt and you don't consider why, esp as a teen so it's real that the characters don't know, even if we do] Jimmy: [yeah agreed the whole point is she knows everything about Grace and she knows barely anything about Mia because power moves] Janis: [keep them secrets] Jimmy: [it's that poor little rich girl stereotype and we all know it] Janis: [god bless, we have been distracted though, shall we skip as we are not letting anything happen now or?] Jimmy: [we can do because we very much know the vibe and like realistically they could show up to this function way early like even while the flat whites were all getting ready if they wanted because they have a plan to start] Janis: [oh yeah, like let us help you set up!!!!1 mega friendly so not suspect lol] Jimmy: [we all know they'd be ??? but still let them because Mia thinks she's so smart and in control] Janis: [this would be so painful and funny like try not to die holding in lols at them] Jimmy: [#bondingexperiences] Janis: [they should also be wearing more basic approved clothes, like not too wildly obvs but more girly for her, less alternative for him] Jimmy: [yasss and Grace can do her make up because she's actually good at it for all her other cringe so it would look good] Janis: [gotta get her on side too, keep your suspicions in the chat and not in front of your friends] Jimmy: [you're not touching her hair though, Jimmy would be devastated beyond belief] Janis: [we have to draw the line somewhere] Jimmy: [also Asia should have a new bf she's showing off for the lols] Janis: [what a delight, all the single flat whites crying in the club] Jimmy: [omg if he shows up early too and tries to make awkward #ladsladslads small talk with Jimothy the most unsocial egg in the world] Janis: [good idea ladeh] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: after I've done him Jimmy: can't be lasses first this once, soz Janis: getting on that well, are you? Jimmy: don't 😘 and tell, me Janis: Bullshit Janis: all you do 🗨❤📷📱 Jimmy: Alright, 'cause you untwisted my arm, I'll 🗨 Janis: You giving each other chinese burns? Janis: you wanted that peak homoerotic bullying moment Janis: so happy for you babes!!! 💖 Jimmy: I wish but I do reckon I proper LOVE him Jimmy: summer wedding 🤞 Janis: sending you colour-palettes as we speak OMG Janis: gonna have to let Asia down really gently or you'll all turn up at the altar by the sounds of 🙄🙄 Jimmy: You'll do it for me though, yeah? call it first duty as maid of honour Janis: take great pleasure when I have to stop playing dress up and nice, yeah Jimmy: let's swap, I'd be about playing dress up Janis: 😱😱😱 EWWW Janis: such a perv Jimmy: be more jealous that I'm prettier than you, babes Janis: you be more that you'd NEVER fit in this dress she's letting me borrow 😘 Jimmy: 😭😭😭😭 find me in the kitchen with your sister eating my feelings Janis: yeah you stay away from my sister creep Janis: focus on making Janis: Declan? Janis: Dave Janis: your bestie for the night/forever and ever 💖 Jimmy: fuck that, please come and rescue me Janis: alright Janis: as he's as bad as he looks Janis: just got to finish being tortured here without dropping that he was in my DMs a few ago, like Janis: when will she meet her 🤴 eh Jimmy: when she stops fucking 🐸? Jimmy: though he looks bit more like 🦎 Janis: More exotic? Janis: upgrade 🙌 Jimmy: more like he's shedding his skin about Jimmy: what did he 🗨 then? Janis: eurgh Janis: least you forgo'd the black for just one night Janis: asking me my skincare routine, obvs Janis: all adds up now Jimmy: 🙌 Jimmy: adds up that he's all over me, that's all any dickhead knows of your skincare routine Janis: You can't be taking credit for my skin now Janis: already feel like a barbie up here without you turning it Frankenstein Jimmy: Poor baby Jimmy: I can save you, just 💪 my way in, hang on Janis: Can hear the hysteria already Janis: if the octaves get any higher, only your dog gonna be able to understand 'em, like Jimmy: you're worth the risk to my one good ear 💕 Jimmy: [does bowl in and pull her away but not far because 👀🍿 like I need you to be with me soz] Janis: [Grace just like HER MAKEUP 'cos we know the lipstick is going everywhere] Jimmy: [soz not soz gals] Janis: [lowkey tryna make him leave 'cos this is girl's time 'cos that's always a thing like we all know you're just jelly and sad about your own lack of love ladies] Jimmy: [Mia like no boys and JJ just ignoring her so hard rn because only got 👀 for each other and it's not even fake] Janis: [cannot sacrifice him to this boy rn imagine the 'bants' good lord] Jimmy: [literally he could not be further from that #lad vibe he'd be so over it and tbh fuck you Mia we know you're the only one who actually cares if he stays] Janis: [tbh, just chilling on 💀#2 bed like you're abso besties rn] Jimmy: [god imagine her room, he'd feel so uncomfortable lowkey but we never showing it] Janis: [all white everything like no one spill anything christ] Jimmy: [I hope Grace drops some makeup like Sammi is always doing, my beloved clumsy babe] Janis: [you two try not to piss yourselves like] Jimmy: [when you have to turn it into a cough and that hurts you but at least it stops the lols] Janis: [asking if yous can smoke in here when you so clearly cannot lmao but an excuse for an actual break like brb, he clearly needs it] Jimmy: [run lads run] Janis: [a look when you're outside like Jesus fucking Christ before having the lols you've been holding back this whole time 'God, I actually NEED that cigarette, hurry up, like'] Jimmy: [100% shared and obvs he does hurry up and light hers because whipped and then his because likewise needed] Janis: [just discussing how pissed off Mia is already like lollollol] Jimmy: [and plotting how to piss her off more whilst getting the others on side] Janis: ['hope her birthday is soon, love to fuck that up' when you should know by rights but take no interest so do not lol] Jimmy: [checks her socials because there'd be a shit load of posts from last year and he'd be able to work out the date holds his phone up to her like] Janis: [🤔 then 😒 'nah fuck it, can't be around them that long' and 😏 on the exhale at him] Jimmy: ['And you can't do it without me' because still running with that narrative he'll be gone soon] Janis: ['I'd have time to audition replacements before then, come on'] Jimmy: [😒 that we're pretending is fake but isn't] Janis: [nudges him in the side with hers 'One and only, I remember'] Jimmy: [nudges her back like be careful with me even though she already is being] Janis: ['my delicate little baby' and cupping his cheeks instead of squashing 'em] Jimmy: [looks down at whatever outfit they've put her in 'dunno what I'm gonna call you'] Janis: ['but your list of J names is endless'] Jimmy: ['but those are for you, who the fuck is she?' gestures at the look like who would wear this but OTT because we know she looks good still really and we're not trying to slag her off] Janis: [looks down like yeah, ikr 'sadly their names don't all rhyme or begin with the same letter or something as appropriately cultish so' shrugs like who knows] Jimmy: [dramatic sigh/ exhale of smoke like what a let down] Janis: ['How many continents and virtues still up for grabs?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head to self thinking on how many levels Grace is an inappropriate name for her 'Not Chastity, like, or Antarctica, both so not goals for the same reason'] Jimmy: ['Whatever the hottest country is, go with that one' when you're not even joking rn you just think she's that hot blatantly] Janis: [trying not to 😳 with limited success 'yeah, such a flex, could go with a vice for a name too but be a bit on the nose, I reckon'] Jimmy: 'Depends, probably don't choose gluttony or owt but' shrugs] Janis: ['Exactly, get sexier names or get out'] Jimmy: [looking over his shoulder like you can feel Mia lurking 'about time we got back in' even though that's the last thing either of them wants] Janis: [sighs not even a bit fake 'yeah' then doesn't move] Jimmy: [puts his arm around her waist like come on but doesn't move either] Janis: [puts hers around his neck 'but I just wanna be with you' and we're pretending that's fake but it's just tea] Jimmy: ['I won't leave you with 'em again' when you 100% mean that] Janis: ['Good' resting your head on his shoulder instead of moving] Jimmy: [stroking her hair nbd] Janis: [can't stay here forever lads, maybe people are actually starting to show up] Jimmy: [get back in lads and find you have a drink waiting because Mia is trying to be #fake nice too so draw the poison symbol on her arm with your fingertip and do an IRL 🤞 before downing it] Janis: [when you look for reactions with almost genuine concern she's such a snek then you down yours, cheersing at her from across the room] Jimmy: [kiss her for the romeo and juliet ref but also just cos you wanna] Janis: [we know the vibe, this could also be the party Mia bangs Pablo maybe? jussayin] Jimmy: [that's such a good idea actually because she's so mad that the squad are team jj and Asia's got a new bf and she's losing her control honey] Janis: [mhmm, that's what I thought, it's a fuck you in the bag, like] Jimmy: [I had the hilarious mental image of JJ doing whatever this era's equivalent of tiktok is with tall tammy like that's her thing™ cos Grace has youtube] Janis: [that's so funny lmao yes must] Jimmy: [hence Mia be fuming cos 💀#2 is the only one giving her the time of day rn] Janis: [truly the Lorraine of this situation] Jimmy: [and Grace is probably trying to get with someone Mia doesn't want her to because she's jealous of jj's love] Janis: [oh what a night] Jimmy: [such fun, but they should 'accidentally' fuck up the borrowed dress in some way by the end of this] Janis: [that's also an idea, plenty of ways that could happen, soz gal lol] Jimmy: [yeah they'll enjoy that and rich girl should have a heated indoor pool they can piss about with] Janis: [such a rich teen mood to jump in in your underwear, the other guests will, the flat whites just like nooooo] Jimmy: [Asia might but the rest of them would NEVER] Janis: [oh Asia, you fun loving gal] Jimmy: [get on that 🦎 bf in the pool like] Janis: [i'm loling, what other hijinks could happen] Jimmy: [I wish they could 'accidentally' push Mia in like oh soz we were playfighting and just happened to get in the way babes] Janis: [they should, 'cos then she'd also make them all go comfort her so it'd be like 1 point them but also 1 to her] Jimmy: [give jj a flat white break for a bit cos they'd all have to help her get ready all over again too] Janis: [exactly, oh how uncool of you, play it off girl, so extra] Jimmy: [if Jimmy chucked Janis in it'd be a different story, look listen and learn gal] Janis: [at least they didn't push Grace in, the actual meltdown of it all] Jimmy: [I could never, as much as she annoys me] Janis: [we all know Janis would but we're playing nice rn so no, hmm, they could commandeer her room and go through her shit lmao no shame, obvs pretending they're banging not just like 'scuse me nosy person coming through] Jimmy: [a nice throwback to school trip when they were meant to be punished but it was just fun] Janis: [exactly dr phil...bitch probably has a diary like be cliche about it] Jimmy: [take all the pics of that #goss in case you need it later, cos she'd know the most about Mia 💀 pact and all] Janis: [mhmm mhmm, you're obviously gonna find her binge stash but that's not news] Jimmy: [fatty boy gonna eat some of it though] Janis: [think Mia's helped herself lollll] Jimmy: [you're welcome for that little domestic ladies] Janis: [death pact drama, just sow all these seeds on the low] Jimmy: [just chucking her on the bed even though you're not meant to pick her up rn and tickling her/all that good messing about because you've GOTTA mess the bed up and no other reason] Janis: [we all know the show is getting put on as if people can see lowkey] Jimmy: [can't even blame them cos even if they shamelessly didn't want to, it's what they are so used to doing by now too] Janis: [we all know you do though and that ain't getting any easier lads] Jimmy: [tea] Janis: [like to think you're fresh out the pool now too 1. for max hotness 2. so her bed is soaked lol thanks] Jimmy: [100% approved] Janis: [just pondering what else can be done and said...Harry is probably here, 'cos of the Mia of it all, do we wanna do anything with that?] Jimmy: [she would 100% invite him so yeah we definitely should do something but what? hmmmm] Janis: [we could have Mia forcing a convo moment 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [that's real because she so would] Janis: [then it's gonna be awkward between them 'cos he's gonna be mad and she'll wanna die] Jimmy: [cheers for making tomorrow's community service even more fun Mia] Janis: [just getting y'all out of that convo as fast as you can without giving Mia too much satisfaction with it, going to the garden to smoke after but being like 'I'll leave you to it'] Jimmy: [so awkward so moody] Janis: [always ending up hiding in a bathroom or spare room or some bullshit so you can have a moment] Jimmy: [at least it would be a massive house so she can] Janis: soz Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: everyone at this party is a cunt Janis: not surprising, I know Jimmy: hang on, gonna take ages for me to @ them all Janis: you gonna turn on me then Jimmy: why would I give her owt she wants? Janis: I'm not gonna dob you in to her, like Jimmy: you wanna have a scrap? Janis: Not with you Jimmy: leave it out then Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: take your own advice yeah Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: don't need to do a passive-aggressive 👍 just shh Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: that better? Janis: 👍👍👍👍 Janis: that much better Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: if you've got nothing nice to say, don't emoji at me, dickhead Jimmy: how about you tell me how you reckoned this were gonna go and I'll fake the proper 🗨 for you Janis: Like I said, you don't need to say anything Janis: fake or otherwise Janis: I was just saying what I had to Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Okay, come find me when you wanna or whatever Jimmy: come find me when you need owt Janis: Fine Jimmy: ✔ Janis: If I could undo it, I would Janis: I know it makes this shit needlessly more difficult Jimmy: don't worry, this is my piss easy job Janis: easier than serving them lattes? Jimmy: make it more obvious that you've never had to Janis: At least you don't have to spend this long fully focused on them at CG though Janis: is what I mean Jimmy: I ain't focused on 'em now Janis: only for as long as you can make a 🚬 last Jimmy: nah, they don't matter that much, is what I mean Jimmy: it's just bollocks Janis: yeah Janis: but we're still doing it Janis: so it must matter a bit Jimmy: the reasons I'm doing this is nowt to do with any of them Janis: I know the main reason Janis: but we don't need to be here for that Jimmy: the main reason were not making my life any harder, her dobbing us in has done that, so yeah, we do Janis: Yeah, it's payback Janis: so it is about her Janis: her getting some of her bullshit back won't unfuck what she's already done but might make us feel better about it Jimmy: it's about us, you just said it Jimmy: feeling better Janis: Alright Janis: it doesn't matter either way to me how you slice it Jimmy: if it doesn't matter, why are we 🗨 about it? Janis: I was asking how you found it easy Jimmy: Alright Janis: You didn't exactly answer but yeah Jimmy: you dunno 'cause you dunno nowt about me or what my life's like, there's your answer Janis: It's not that deep Janis: asking how partying with them could be easier than serving them isn't a crazy question Janis: if you don't want to answer, don't, it's fine Jimmy: like I said, if you'd ever done it you'd get that it's a bollocks question Janis: Well you know I haven't Jimmy: she ain't gonna treat me how she does there, she can't unless I were here to hand round the drinks Janis: she's a cunt Janis: I'm aware Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: she's incapable of not treating people like shit, no matter who you are to her Janis: she has them, her best friends, running 'round after her as much as she does you whenever she comes in Janis: that's what she is, I know that Jimmy: me an' all Janis: yeah, so no need to talk to me like I'm thick just 'cos I've never had to clean up after her Janis: known and been around the bitch much longer, I've had my fair share, don't worry Jimmy: I don't wanna talk about her, that's what I'm trying to get into your head Janis: We're at her party, we're doing this whole thing Janis: what else could we talk about Jimmy: nowt obvs Janis: right Jimmy: 🔈 Janis: 👍 loud and clear Jimmy: [come back in and get more drinks boy you can't 🚬 forever] Janis: [just hiding forever though] Jimmy: ? Janis: yes? Jimmy: I've got you a drink, where do you want it? Janis: Eh Janis: I'll come down Jimmy: leave all that enthusiasm up there, can't even handle how #extra that response were, my dear Janis: I'll be suitably gracious by the time I arrive, don't worry Jimmy: weren't about to lose any sleep Janis: sure, what's another fight at another party Janis: not counterintuitive at all Jimmy: I'm not gonna fight with you Jimmy: just come here Janis: Maybe I don't feel like not fighting Jimmy: I'm a dickhead, don't mean you've gotta be an' all Janis: you definitely don't get to own being a dickhead, tah very much Jimmy: I don't wanna fight with you, alright? Janis: [comes to get her drink in response] Jimmy: [hugs her in response because she knows that's a thing he genuinely does lately not a fake thing like kissing her or something would be] Janis: [hugs back of course] Jimmy: [gets her to dance with him because what better way to pretend that there's nobody else here just you two] Janis: ['mates?' when you'd have to whisper that in his ear and it's low-key the only reason you did it 'cos any excuse to be unreasonably close] Jimmy: [whispers back 'best mates' but it's said in such a flirty manner obvs] Janis: [😏 but 😍 on the low 'cos we can pretend they fake thanks party people, holds her pinky out like promise] Jimmy: [does promise of course and then just holding her hand doing some of the massage stuff from earlier on it so once again she knows it's real but it looks just like they being saucy and fake] Janis: ['I wish we were still in your bed' when you can just say it 'cos it sounds right but y'all don't even know] Jimmy: ['we can go back to mine whenever you're ready' because they have community service together in the AM anyway so it's believable that she would just stay because such a goals couple who are together 24 7 clearly] Janis: ['good' but your face on the low is like yeah right/I wish 'cos Ian hates you] Jimmy: [when you read her mind so you cup that adorable little face in your hands and you're like 'my dad's nowt to worry about' because you genuinely don't give a fuck but luckily it also sounds very romeo and juliet fuck our parents vibes so #goals] Janis: ['I don't care if you don't, but are you sure?' when you can just say what you mean and have it fit, this is so useful lmao] Jimmy: ['I just wanna be with you' because she literally said it earlier and meant it so I have to because #same] Janis: [soz gonna make out with you] Jimmy: [not soz because clearly so into it] Janis: [blurred lines remix] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [so glad your plan backfired, Mia] Jimmy: [I hope you and Harry both see this cos fuck y'all] Janis: [she's always watching lmao] Jimmy: [enjoy their love bitch] Janis: [the levels of get a room they are at rn has never been higher] Jimmy: [god bless, love that for you especially because as far as everyone knows you literally did get a room earlier but you were just snooping lol] Janis: [just like they insatiable, which is true but not yet lol Jimmy: [you know nobody's ever been that into any of the flat whites, sucks to suck ladies] Janis: [when parties make you sad 'cos people being 😍] Jimmy: [the realest] Janis: [you two gonna have to tone it down 'fore you alienate them totally rn] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think what else they could do to annoy Mia/win the rest over within this party setting] Janis: [hmm maybe some kind of game moment or similar vibe where they can just be really cute about each other with their answers so the rest are like awh idk] Jimmy: [yeah drinking games are always real and they could do some cute teamwork too but also pick a flat white to team up with maybe so Mia will be fuming] Janis: [basically be up for a laugh 'cos Mia is NEVER and discourages it like no, that's lame etc] Jimmy: [exactly they'd be living their best lives, except 💀#2] Jimmy: [they gonna win you over too though girl cos nothing will annoy Mia more] Janis: [gotta get her nearest and dearest, like but gonna have to play the long game with that one] Jimmy: [when he's gonna end up having fun even though he hates everyone but Janis highkey] Janis: [the mood] Jimmy: [you deserve it boy after all that bullshit with Ian and the like] Janis: [community service in the AM baby] Jimmy: [at least they're not drunk af this time so they won't have to do it really hungover] Janis: [and it's gonna lowkey be fun we know anyway even if they don't yet] Jimmy: [you're gonna love it lads] Janis: [again, they have not thought your punishment through here and I'm about it] Jimmy: [how real is that though, oh adults] Janis: [at least Grace can tell Cali she's at his and they will be suitably fuming, get the parental hate rolling on both sides] Jimmy: [yeah we gotta] Janis: [like you don't know safer than what her actual plan was, 'scuse you] Jimmy: [Yeah Grace would be happy that she's there like thank god] Janis: [least you're not dead vibes] Jimmy: [or gone forever who knows where] Janis: [like tomorrow night is anyone's guess lads] Jimmy: [just stay with him always girl we know you wanna] Janis: [obvs but how long can you fake stay with someone hmm] Jimmy: [how long can you guys share a bed and nothing happens more like lol] Janis: [exactly dr phil, can't exactly be on his sofa can you] Jimmy: [I was thinking for tonight we could cockblock them by saying Bobby and Twix are in his bed asleep when they get back cos miss him #adorable so he wakes up when they come in and Jimmy has to go sleep with him in his room because we all know if they share a bed rn we won't be able to stop something real happening even if that's only a kiss or something] Janis: [I accept that, we can always do online messages then too so] Jimmy: [soz about the levels of frustration though lads] Janis: [we're just cockblocking 'til it's silly we all know it] Jimmy: [you've brought this on yourselves, just say how you really feel or do something undeniable when you're alone] Janis: [my boo say say it you cowards] Jimmy: [I do, I'm mad which makes no sense because fake dating is my fave and that ends it junie you silly goose] Janis: [we don't/won't push it 'til it makes no sense lol, but we can move it to a place of 'we can just be fuck buddies and carry on the fake' as if that's not even more of a headfuck guys] Jimmy: [god bless, that'll be fun and games so we simply must make that more of a thing than we did before] Janis: ['cos it's a way to admit some shit, like yeah, obvs this chemistry is real but still be like, we don't LIKE each other though] Jimmy: [a very them thing to do we all know it] Janis: [see 'let's be mates' baby steps] Jimmy: [we are sneaky gals and I'm about it] Janis: [still, not tonight sweaties] Jimmy: [we could maybe have something happen at the rave/festival whichever that we've still gotta do though] Janis: [that is a good idea, and maybe they invite the flat whites to that so they have their tent near each other whatever and it's another thing Mia would HATE] Jimmy: [yaaaaas] Janis: [hohaha its a plan, you probably can leave this party now though and skip] Jimmy: [going hard because your tent is next to theirs but then it's less and less about that we 👀 you, but yeah for now you can go lads and have your night not end at all like how you want because we're rude like that] Janis: [shameless, but Imma just say night 'cos see above lol] Janis: 🛏💤 Jimmy: chuck the 🐕 out if it does your head in Janis: she's alright Janis: passed out ages ago Jimmy: bit of a lightweight Janis: just my magic touch, like Jimmy: give her a massage an' all? Jimmy: know how to make a lad feel special you 💔 Janis: 💔 Janis: nah, if you'd settle for head pats my life would be easier but here we are Jimmy: I've never said I wouldn't Jimmy: be proper goals any road, they don't want a lad, they want a pet Jimmy: 🐸 or 🦎 Janis: 😏 Janis: well I'm with PETA on this one Janis: rather it was a lad than some totally defenseless creature, like Jimmy: must be pissed if you're admitting how 💪🏆 I am Janis: Hardly Janis: but every lad they ever get their hands on at least gets a few punches in themselves Janis: if the 😭💔 is anything to go by, even if you halved it to account for dramatics Jimmy: must be 💕 then Janis: Clearly Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what were it you said, if you ain't got nowt nice to say, don't emoji at me, dickhead Janis: you wouldn't complain if it were a 💘 Jimmy: so go on Janis: 🖤😎🥇 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: try harder Janis: those are your favourites, like Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: Alright? Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby asleep all over him in this tiny bed like an adorable sos] Janis: Aww Janis: crazy night here too, obvs Jimmy: if you had socks on you'd wake up without 'em Jimmy: hardened criminal that 🐕 Janis: Sounds like a dubious cover for some #kinkunlocked behaviour tbh Janis: but I'll take your word for it Janis: even if she looks like an 😇 Jimmy: might be one of hers but I've 👀 and 🖐 your feet and you're alright, tah Janis: When you broke 'em, you mean Janis: hm Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: it were your own fault Janis: You wanna go to bed on an argument then, alright Jimmy: you know I don't Janis: yeah Janis: feel a bit rude cussing you out when I know there's a kid like 😴 on your shoulder anyway Jimmy: you can always go through my shit if you're well mardy at me Jimmy: my diary's hidden proper Janis: 😏 Janis: wouldn't even be surprised if you had a diary Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you know I can't read or write, Jenna Janis: picture book then Janis: even artier Jimmy: 🥔 prints Jimmy: get me in a northern gallery that Janis: don't be pissing about with 🥔 Janis: sacrilege Jimmy: coal then Janis: long as you keep it off your face Janis: know what you're like Jimmy: Oi Janis: I should be oing you Jimmy: we're playing nice, you agreed Janis: Don't you think I'm being nice? Jimmy: Don't make me come in there Janis: Or what Jimmy: I'll sort you out, girl Jimmy: bed time or nah Janis: yeah right Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: keep going, see if I don't Janis: You've never sorted me out before Janis: no reason to be 🙀 that tonight is any different Jimmy: [cue him going in for the flirtiest but quietest playfight they've EVER had because I have to] Janis: [what a moment bye] Jimmy: [the TENSION I cannot] Janis: [we dying boys] Jimmy: [like what are you gonna do now boy just leave like it never happened or are you gonna try and stay? I'd love to know] Janis: [lmao please tell] Jimmy: [can we let him or is that too dangerous oh the dilemma] Janis: you have slept with each other before like that but is either of you that sleepy rn hmm] Jimmy: [we know they're not tired we 👀 you] Janis: [mhmm, I'm like bitch don't you ask him to stay either] Jimmy: [I'll make him go back, we must be strong] Janis: [okay hehe] Jimmy: [unless something did happen and then it makes community service awkward oh ho] Janis: [that's an idea] Jimmy: [like if one of them freaks out somehow how they do and we've done before in other situations idk] Janis: [yeah, or is shamelessly ignoring lowkey tomorrow like that never happened, either one of them could, like] Jimmy: [yeah because y'all ain't even drunk so you can't use the don't remember excuse] Janis: [we all know you remember and there was no pretense of having a phone nearby or whatever] Jimmy: [the question is how far are we gonna let them go and who's taking the plunge] Janis: [hmm, we can save all the way for later, I think he should 'cos blatantly egging him like the whole time they're 'fighting' it's not subtext] Jimmy: [I agree with that and he's not gonna back down because the whole challenge and 'you've never sorted me out before' comment so he's clearly gotta in all the ways Harry has never] Janis: [Exactly, we know what she was saying there and so do they] Jimmy: [when he makes you feel amazing and then leaves like a sexy 👻 because the flimsy excuse of hearing someone and thinking your brother is awake again or something] Janis: [who's ignoring who tomorrow or are we both, what's the vibe of it] Jimmy: [I feel like he should ignore her because he did it so how real but how shady] Janis: [I vibe, then she can be mad and initiate the awkward convo/argument like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [yeah because she probably didn't get chance to do much to him because he was on a #mission with a point to prove so she's probably thinking it's a mmfd to be continued kind of situation like IOU boy and then he's so rude] Janis: [that's a plan, will post this one now though]

Everybody Loves A Clown

Supernatural Rewrite.

OC, Sam, Dean

TW: Cursing...that's about it.🤣

I pull my leather jacket on as I bound down the staircase, denѕe boots thumping against the old wood. I call out to Sam—repeating his name when I receive no response. He must be out in the yard with his brother.

I make my way into the kitchen upon hearing clinking plates.

"Sam outside?"

Bobby doesn't look up from his aggressive scrubbing of a cast iron pan. "Nope. He and Dean left."

I raise my brows. Hm. Guess they caught wind of another case. Hey, if it means I don't have to drag them along with me on mine, I'm not complaining at all.

Without asking any further questions, I hoist my backpack further on my shoulder "Well, guess I'll see Ellen and Jo by myself."

"And while you're there tell those boys that the next time they eat here they gotta wash the dishes. At least then they wouldn't be completely freeloading."

I twist my body back to Bobby. "I thought you said they left?"

Bobby shuts off the faucet. "They did leave. They went to the Roadhouse."

"What!? Dammit, I told them to wait!"

Instantly becoming angry I spin on my heels and rush to the door, swinging it open. I hear Bobby yell something behind me, but I can't hear him over my feet stomping against the gravel in addition to my heavy breathing.

I yank the other strap of my backpack on the other arm, securing it. Since the case was in-state, I decided on riding my bike.

I throw my leg over the pillion of my 2005 Triumph Rocket III and drop my weight onto it. Keeping it up is pricey; hell the bike itself is expensive, but I managed to do both for free.

-

How I got this piece was I took it from the leader of this werewolf biker gang. After I killed him and a few of his goons, I looted them for some things. They were too nice to go to waste. The dead gang members didn't have much honestly. There were three of them—with the exception of the leader— and I only got a little less than three hundred bucks. But the leader...oh man, a holy grail.

I couldn't boost the fairly nice house from him. But not only did I get this motorcycle off him, but I also got this badass 2005 Dodge Ram 1500—as well as some nice jewelry. I could tell it wasn't his, so I instantly concluded that he had done some stealing himself. Not being aware of who the owner was I pawned the jewelry off under a false alias and got a few stacks for it.

Shoving my right foot against the kick-start lever—undoubtedly using more than likely with more force than necessary—the bike roars to life. Fairly new motor purring loudly, vibrating vigorously between my thighs.

I snatch my helmet off the front of the bike—almost forgetting to put it on—pushing my head into it. I kick up the kickstand with the heel of my boot, and peel through the yard, leaving a trailing cloud of dust behind me.

*12 MINUTES LATER*

Upon turning into the parking lot, I spot the beat-up, poorly maintained minivan I gave Sam the keys to earlier this morning. It was the only functioning car Bobby had. It was bad off, but I had fixed it up to where it'd get you where you needed to be.

Haphazardly parking my bike, I shut off the engine and remove my helmet—hanging it from the right handle. 

The wood groans under my weight as I ascend the few steps to the paint chipped door. I push it open, only a fraction surprised at what I see.

Jo was holding a rifle on Dean, who was holding his nose, and Ellen had a handgun pointed at Sam.

"See this is why I told you to wait." I couldn't help but sound 'matter-of-fact.' Hell I told them, but they didn't listen, and I knew how Ellen and Jo were with strangers showing up unannounced.

Four pairs of eyes instantly snap to me. "Hi Ellen," I nod "Jo."

"Hey sweetie, don't mind us, just some guys wandered in, looking to score probably." Ellen narrows her eyes at Sam who was looking back and forth between the 9mm pointed at his face and me, a pleading look in his eyes.

I shrug my bag off, setting it on the table. "They didn't come to steal. I know them. They're Sam and Dean, or dumb and dumber—which is quickly becoming a good replacement."

"Sam and Dean? Winchester?" Her face softens. I nod, confirming.

"Son of a bitch." She mutters.

"Mom, you know these guys?" Jo asks.

"Yeah, I think these are John Winchester's boys." She lets out a laugh, lowering the gun. Jo slowly does the same. "Hey, I'm Ellen. This is my daughter Jo." She gives Dean a smile.

"You're not gonna hit me again, are you?" Dean questions, nasally. She fills a hand towel with ice and offers it to Dean, without saying a word.

"Bobby called said you had a case for me. You needed help with something?"

"Yeah," she leans an elbow against the bar. "Demon. Heard he was closing in on it."

"He? He who?"

"John Winchester. I actually called you when he didn't return my calls."

"Ah. I see." Aware of where she kept files, I rounded the bar and slid the file cabinet drawer open. Flicking through the row of folders until I found what I needed. I open the Manila folder and frown. A lot of the writing from these newspaper articles are small. And I don't have my reading glasses. My vision is really good when pin pointing objects or when something's out of place but if it's words? Sometimes I catch hell. Glancing over at the drying rack an idea pops into my mind, and I lift a small shot glass from the rack.

"What, was there an article in the Demon Hunters Quarterly that I missed? I mean, who are you? How do you know about all this?" Dean demanded.

I slam the drawer closed with my hip. "The same way you do, genius. She's not new to the world of hunters." I circle my way back from behind the bar. I'm rewarded a dirty look from the man.

"I just run a saloon. But hunters have been known to pass through now and again. Including your dad, a long time ago. John was like family once." Her lips curl up into a small smile as she reminisces.

"Oh yeah? How come he never mentioned you before?" Dean questioned, skeptical. Ellen's response was a mere shrug. "So why exactly do we need your help?"

"What's with mister moody over there?" I glance up from the open folder in my hand to see Jo slinking to stand next to me. She mirrors my position of leaning back against the hard wood of the bar.

"Their dad got off'd by a demon a few days ago," I whisper back, my eyes falling back on the newspaper article. "I'm not sure they know it was a demon though. Dude reeked of sulfur, but I'm pretty sure I was the only one that could smell it." I run the glass, rim-down across the page, the words becoming magnified.

"Have you told them about your 'abilities'?"

"Hell no! I barely know them. The only reason I'm around them is that Bobby wants me to. The old geezer's suddenly scared something's gonna happen to me."

"Well, you are like his daughter Essie." God, I hated when she called me that. "From what you've told me, he doesn't have anyone except you." I huff. I'm getting lectures left and right.

"Ash!" Me and Jo can't help but jump at Ellen's abrupt shout. Ash, who was asleep on the pool table jerks up with a start. Honestly, I'm not surprised I didn't notice him before. I've been coming here for years, and I'm so accustomed to seeing him drunkenly sprawled out, I just consider him furniture. "What? It closing time?" He grumbles, looking around in a daze.

"That's Ash?" Sam questions in disbelief.

"Yep." I walk past him, plucking the thick folder from its spot on the table in front of him before he has time to react.

"He's a genius." Jo smiles, pushing off the bar and walking behind it. I snicker.

"No," I grab the glass of water from the bar and saunter over to where he was. "These guys and I need your help with some info." I slide the water to him, and he looks up at me, his lips spread in a lazy smile. Here it comes.

"Well for you I'll help any way I can, Darlin'." As always, his eyes almost instantaneously fall to my breast. He goes to lean an elbow on the table but, misses and begins to fall until I grab his forearm--steadying him. "See I'm fallin' for you." I can't help but break into a smile at his cheesy flirting.

"Stop flirtin' with Essence and read the damn notes." Ellen scolds, but it's obvious she's amused as well.

"You've gotta be kidding me, this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie." Dean states.

Ash smiled. "I like you."

"Don't doubt him." I did the same when I first met him, and he shocked the hell outta me. "Just give him a chance." I add.

"Alright. This is about a year's worth of our dad's work, so uh, let's see what you make of it." Dean watches as Ash opens the folder and skims through it.

"Come on, this crap ain't real. There ain't nobody that can track a demon like this." Ash scoffs.

"Apparently so, their dad seemed to be able to do it." I shrug.

"There are non-parametric, statistical overviews, prospects, and correlations, I mean, damn!" He wheezes.

"These are omens." A piece of paper catches my eye, I drag my fingers across the lines.

"Basically if you can track these, you won't have much of a problem tracking the demon behind it." I glance up at the boys to see a mixture of both impressed and confused expressions. 

"Yeah." Ash nods in agreement. "You know like, crop failures, electrical storms...You ever been struck by lightning? It ain't fun." he trails off, picking up another sheet.

"Can you track it or not?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time, uh, give me," he ponders briefly. "Fifty-one hours." He stands to leave.

"Hey, man?" Dean stops him.

"Yeah." He turns to face us again.

"I, uh, dig the haircut."

"All business up front, party in the back." I chuckle as he flips his hair and shrugs before leaving the room.

"Hey, Ellen, what's that?" Ellen looks back at the space behind her before looking back at Sam.

"Well, that's Essie's police scanner she left here a year ago and never took it back." I scrunch my face.

"Hey now, first of all, I left it because I got a new one. Secondly, I left it so you could be more aware of what's going on and keep tabs on things."

With Ellen's folder still in my hand, I move over to the bar and slide on the stool next to Sam. "Hey, look at this, " I open the folder and place the first few pages of the article between us. I could see that in big red marker it had written on it:

COUPLE MURDERED

CHILD LEFT ALIVE

MEDFORD, WISC.

"Read over this again. I already did but, I don't have my reading glasses, so my vision is fucked up when It comes to words. You might see something I missed." He nods and grabs the sheets.

I fixate myself with something I have no problem seeing clearly. Photos of the victims, their information, etc.

The bar was all-around quiet. Except for Dean and Jo who were having an indistinct conversation on the farther side of the room, next to the windows.

"So uh," Sam starts. "How have you been. Its been what... five or six years since we last saw each other?" He asks with humor.

"Seven actually," I respond dryly, not lifting my eyes from the photos. "We were freshmen." I flip one and move to the next. "As for me, I've been fine. Grown accustomed to being alone." I murmur adding a shrug, more than likely to keep from visibly cringing at the statement I had unintentionally let slip from my lips. I could hope he hadn't heard me, but I already know he has by the way he's looking at me. Although I've still failed to make eye contact with the guy I can still feel his eyes staring at the side of my face.

"Dean," I call him over, not quite because I wanted too but, I needed to change the subject before it progressed any further. "Come take a look at this." At this statement, Sam leans closer to me, and Dean stands next to me, leaning his body against the bar. I frown at the uncomfortable closeness. "Too fucking close." I shake my head. They both mumble a 'sorry' and put some distance between them and me.

I roll my eyes. "A few murders not far from here Ellen caught wind of. And with my expertise, this damn sure looks like a hunt."

"Since when are you an 'expert' in hunting?" I turn my head towards the eldest and shoot him a harsh glare, before shifting my expression into one of smugness. "Since I saved your tight ass—not once but twice since we met less than a month ago." I slide off the stool and brush past him to the table I left my bag on, but not before gauging the look on his face. I can tell Dean's taken aback by my response at the way his brows furrow deeply. He clears his throat, crossing his arms. "So what's your point?"

"My point, Sweetcheeks, is that we're taking the case." I stuff the folder in my bag and pull out my Mossberg 500 12 Gauge Shotgun. Although I had intended on riding my bike to—what I thought was a nearby town in South Dakota but is actually a town in Wisconsin, I should go and swap out for my truck. Another good reason is the center of what's going on isn't really familiar to me at first mention, so who knows what and how many of it am I going to need to take it out.

"No, absolutely not." He protests. "You're not tagging along with us. Give me the folder." With my instincts, I hear his heavy feet approach me, and I turn, gun in hand. I grip the pump and flick my wrist harshly, gun clicking as it cocks. He immediately stops in his tracks.

"You really wanna try taking it from me?" I tilt my head. He's highly annoyed but shakes his head regardless. "Smart boy." I smile and the bag over my shoulder, shotgun still in my right clutch.

"Now come on," I pat his stubbled face with my hand and walk past him yet again. "Got a lot of work to do."

Buster & Rio

Buster: Distract me Rio: ? Rio: As much as it's one of my favourite things to do Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: I can catch you up on what's happened since you left if you like Rio: Never a dull moment Buster: Go on Buster: Tell me Rio: Well, Indie got caught riding her dirtbike again so the garda took it off her Rio: cue the phonecall that she's kicking off and me having to go down there and basically beg for it back/them not to actually charge her Rio: got away with a warning and not inducing Ro into labour by keeping it hush hush Buster: Bet Drew was really helpful over the whole thing Rio: As if he's voluntarily going anywhere near the station Rio: or Indie would bell him Buster: Sure she will after the fact to show him what a rudegirl she is, like Buster: 😂 Rio: 🙄 Not wrong Rio: the things she's gotta do to make her Da proud Rio: let's not Buster: Agreed, let's not Rio: I'm thinking if there's been much else drama Rio: aside from the obvious Rio: Everyone kinda letting Nance have her moment, idk if that's a good thing Rio: tell 'em to up their game Rio: So, what's wrong? Buster: I can't talk about Nance right now, okay? Buster: I've had a shit enough day as is Rio: 'Course Rio: She's alright, though, don't worry Rio: What can I do? Buster: Tell me I can get on a plane right now and not have to come back here until I want Rio: I mean Rio: You can do whatever you want, yeah? Buster: Until I miss too much school and my grades drop, like Buster: End of the world as the fam knows it Rio: Not naming names but you're probably good for a minor blip right about now due to, like Rio: That bad? Buster: Nah, gotta hang onto that golden boy tag for as long as, you know Buster: It's standard. That's what makes it bad. Does that even make any sense? Rio: Don't blame you, babe Rio: Completely Rio: Fuck the cunts, do something selfish, that's what you'd tell me Buster: Yeah Buster: But you're the only thing I want and I can't come and get you Rio: I can come and be with you Buster: I can't ask for you to just drop everything for me Rio: You don't have to Rio: Still coming Buster: What about Indie? Buster: Plus work Rio: She's got School too, like Rio: What's one more for Ma to drag in by her hair? Rio: I'll worry about work later Buster: Babe Buster: You don't need to worry about me Rio: Who else is gonna if not me? Rio: And I wanna, so let me Buster: Well, I want you here so I'm not gonna argue any more Rio: If I could make time go faster I would Rio: fuck this year Buster: You do Buster: That sounds really stupid but like Rio: Babe Rio: You know you deserve to be happy, yeah Buster: Shh Buster: You make me happy Rio: Good Rio: S'a start for sure Buster: Are you serious about coming here just 'cause I'm being a mopey cunt? Rio: Yeah Rio: like I need much of an excuse Rio: completely selfish, naturally 😉 Buster: 'Course Buster: Speaking of, we should probably start planning my birthday Buster: Get your lies and excuses ready for that at least Rio: I've literally been pondering on your gift so hard Rio: You're hard to buy for Rio: What do you want, baby? Buster: You do reckon you're gift enough? Rio: For every day? Obviously Rio: but it's your special day Rio: you get whatever you want Buster: Yeah but it's not like its an important one, what am I gonna do, go vote? Buster: Everything else I can do already Rio: I know you wanna be in charge always but like, yeah, do your civic duty, boy 😜 Rio: but now you can do it legally, fun fun fun right? Rio: adulthood, babe Rio: we'll make it important Buster: 😂 Buster: Let's go somewhere Buster: Not be surrounded by cunts for a change Rio: You wanna be surprised or you wanna look together Buster: Surprise me Buster: Anywhere but Skerries, like Rio: Damn Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm on it forreal, no caravans or fam in sight Buster: One of many reasons I love you Rio: If you get stuck for ideas for my upcoming Rio: just write that list, babe Rio: not that i'm already making this about me Buster: 'Course not 😇 Buster: Only room for one selfish cunt Rio: Already competing with Halloween Rio: how many costume parties can one boy have Buster: Good thing blind folds and ball gags aren't technically costumes so you can still wear them for me without me wasting a wish Rio: 😳 Rio: Okay, and you're acting like you don't have plans Rio: Damn Buster: No plans yet Buster: Just thinking Buster: Like I said, shit day Rio: Well, feel free to take it all out on me Rio: just keep me in the loop 'cos I wanna know Rio: Who's got you so mad though? Buster: You don't wanna know, babe Buster: I'm not trying to get you mad too Rio: I do but I dont need many guesses now Rio: What the fuck's she been saying Buster: Just ignore any screenshots you see 'cause you know the context isn't there Buster: Depends if you wanna be mad on my behalf or my sister's Rio: I'm sure I can manage both Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: Not amatuers Rio: She's a bitch on such a ridiculous level it should be comical Rio: but it ain't Buster: Yeah Buster: At least I as good as told her I have a girlfriend so hopefully that's the last time she'll find her way into my inbox Rio: Be nice but wouldn't put money on her being the respectful type Rio: See if she's got as much staying power as Ryan, ha Rio: I'm sorry Buster: Hardly respectful at the party from what I remember. And what I don't Buster: So I'm sorry too, like Rio: Don't apologise Rio: It's fucked up, she is Buster: Yeah Buster: She's so smug about it that's what's fucked Rio: That's gross Rio: Does she not realise what she's done or like? Rio: fucked up power trip, okay bitch Buster: [sends own screenshots because you suck Chlo] Rio: I hate her Rio: I'm gonna fuck her up Buster: You can't Buster: She's the exact type to get you in trouble if you tried Rio: Give a shit Rio: Who does she think she is Buster: You do give a shit though Buster: And so do I Buster: She's already fucked everything up, there's no way it's happening again Rio: Okay Rio: I'll get Billie to throw some bad juju her way then Rio: Oh, babe, now I know what you mean Rio: Fuming Buster: Same Buster: Like what can I actually do? Rio: Fuck her Rio: like, don't, ew Rio: but Rio: she's seriously not worth the aggro, avoid at all costs 'cos I weren't joking that she gives me those Ryan vibes Rio: you don't need that Rio: it's hard when she's winding you up like that but try not to engage unless you have to now Buster: Right pair me and you are Buster: How do we attract these types? Buster: Fucking hell Rio: Who don't we attract Rio: so irresistible, right? Buster: True Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you too Rio: not for long, like Rio: just sorting shit here Buster: How long can you stay? Rio: I dunno, baby Rio: As long as I can, that's for sure Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: She don't know shit, yeah, remember that Buster: I just wish she knew some shit Buster: It'd make things easier Rio: Who said that Rio: Can't argue with idiots, get you down to their level and win by experience, yeah? Rio: the lawyer in you gotta stay out of it babe Buster: Okay, you're right Buster: Just this once, obviously Rio: 😏 Rio: Won't even gloat Rio: 'cos I want you to feel like a winner too Buster: 👑 always Buster: Pormise Rio: Good Buster: What's Nance doing for Halloween, do you know? Rio: I've not heard yet Rio: Some cute nerdy goodness with June, no doubt Rio: I'll put the feelers out Buster: Like, can I be that selfish? You can't be in two places at once Rio: I'm sure I ain't all her plans hinge on Buster: Not with that attitude, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: Who's bday is it again, Nance? Rio: Do you want me to stay here? Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: I just Buster: Feel like more of a cunt than usual today, that's all Rio: Don't let her do you like that Rio: She seriously doesn't know you Rio: and she can't chat about doing Nance wrong Rio: trust me, I know who she actually hates, and it ain't you babe, promise Buster: Nance still ain't gonna forgive me though Rio: She will Rio: it'll take a lot Rio: and time, lots of probably too but Rio: even if you were a total cunt Rio: she ain't, yeah? Buster: Such a know-it-all Buster: Christ Rio: Don't act like you don't love it Rio: 😏 Buster: I can't Buster: I can imagine how buzzing you are right now at being so smart Buster: so cute Rio: 😋 Rio: Fun being a nerd, I see why you rep so hard Buster: You wish, babe Buster: If that's what you're after you're gonna have to trade me in when we go check out Harvard Rio: That's the plan isn't it Rio: if I don't hook me a prof for the daddy vibes Imma get me a future billionaire Buster: Well, my plan was to see how far around Campus we could get before I got you too turned on to resist me Buster: Standard Rio: Well that sounds like more fun Rio: you've got to focus though, so serious Buster: I'll focus on you Buster: that sounds more fun to me Rio: 😒 boy Rio: catch me packing nothing but turtlenecks and floor-length skirts Buster: 😂 Buster: Catch me planning the trip for summer then Rio: You're mean Rio: play fair Buster: I could say the same to you Buster: Denying a whole university campus that body Buster: So selfish, babe Rio: Right? Aren't you proud of me, daddy? Buster: You're learning Buster: Very appropriate considering where we're going, like Rio: Not got the cap and gown but Rio: you're a pretty good teacher, babe Buster: You can borrow mine Buster: I reckon you'll look pretty good in it Rio: Reckon I can borrow something of yours forreal Rio: not a label whore just miss you Buster: 'Course baby Buster: Whatever you want Rio: better stick to a plan tee, like Rio: could be anyone's Rio: long as it smells like my baby Buster: So smart Buster: And cute Rio: 😻 Rio: I just like the idea of having you wrapped around my body even when you're not Buster: Well now that's all I can think about Rio: Good Rio: You wanted distraction, right? Buster: Now all I want is you Rio: I'm going to be there so soon Rio: Should I get a hotel or am I making up an excuse for being in LDN again? Buster: I'll book you a room Buster: You deserve it for being so nice to me Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah, babe? Rio: If you ain't gonna let me give you at least half, make sure it's cheap and cheerful yeah Buster: Not gonna happen Rio: It's not worth fighting you on this, is it? Buster: I mean, you can, and I'd enjoy it but I promise you'll enjoy the hotel more Rio: You're bad Buster: You love it Rio: All I know I love is that I can do whatever I want to you and not be disturbed Buster: You're not the only one with good ideas, babe Rio: I know Rio: tell me more about that blindfold and ball gag, like Buster: Thinking I need some silk scarves added to that list Rio: Yeah? Buster: I know you're gonna be here soon but I'm already thinking that I don't want you to leave Buster: It's one solution, like Rio: 🤤 Rio: Won't be complaining Rio: I don't wanna leave Buster: If you think that now, wait until you check in Buster: [sends fancy af hotel deets] Rio: Okay know I'm still mad but you spoil me so well Buster: Don't be mad I just want you close to me Buster: I can walk there if I need to Rio: I'm not Rio: I like it when you look after me but shh Rio: reputation already there without proving it Buster: I haven't even started to take care of you yet Rio: I'm meant to be looking after you Buster: I only asked you to distract me and you are Buster: I'm so fucking distracted right now Rio: My specialty Buster: Is everything you're packing a surprise or do I get to hear about what you're gonna wear for me 'cause that's part of your specialty Rio: I guess you gave me some spoilers to prepare me Rio: Only fair Buster: If you wanna play fair, yeah Rio: Decisions decisions Rio: Oh, I have some cute pjs Rio: wanna see? Buster: You know I do Rio: [Snap] Rio: Adorable, yeah? Buster: Babe Buster: Adorable ain't the word Rio: Give me the words Buster: I'll try, seeing as it's so unfair that you couldn't hear the sound I made when I opened that Buster: Fuck Buster: How do you keep doing this to me? Rio: Seriously unfair Rio: Your noises are my favourite thing Rio: Just doing what you asked me to do, babe Buster: You'll just have to get me to make them again Buster: Or others Rio: I want to so bad Rio: I want YOU so bad Buster: How bad? Buster: Show me Rio: I'm so wet it's embarrassing baby Rio: you should see my knickers then you'd know just how much I need you Buster: Embarrassing isn't the word, babe Rio: I've got no shame Rio: I'm your dirty slut, and I want you to know it Buster: Good Buster: You're perfect, I need you to know that Rio: Shh Buster: I'm trying to be quiet but you keep getting me to make all those noises you like so Rio: You better be recording yourself Rio: Or I'm gonna need you on the phone right now, like Buster: [Sends video] Buster: I know what you like, don't worry Rio: Yes, you really fucking do Rio: Fuck me Buster: I want to so badly Rio: I'm coming in the AM Rio: Flight booked, shit sorted Buster: I'll get you early check in so we can go straight there Rio: Good Rio: No better way to spend a Sunday Buster: It's gonna be the best, baby Rio: Yeah it is Rio: If you decide to go to School the next day though, I don't mind Rio: I can find plenty to do Buster: I'll mind Buster: Do me Rio: 😂 Rio: Just trying to make you behave Buster: That isn't what you really want Rio: No, but I only want to get you into fun trouble Buster: My attendance ain't nothing for you to worry about Buster: I'm a nerd, remember Buster: I'm not usually missing that many days Rio: Okay, cutie Rio: Stay with me then Buster: You ain't getting rid of me easy Rio: Not even gotta tie you up, yeah? Buster: I won't be mad if you want to but Rio: Hmm Rio: Might be fun to play look but don't touch with you Buster: Aren't we already playing that right now? Rio: Too true Rio: Didn't say it'd last long before I needed your hands all over me Buster: I know Buster: I need my mouth on you too so again, not mad about it Rio: Well, you can do that with you hands behind your back Rio: I believe in you, babe Buster: Yeah Rio: Indie is roasting me 😖 Buster: Dare I ask Rio: Thinks it's jokes how whipped I am Rio: no point trying to fool her these days Buster: As long as you don't tell her I am Rio: This is where the heroics stop then, yeah? Rio: Charming 🙄 Buster: If you need a hero tell her she's gotta shut and go so you can fuck yourself for me 'cause I need to cum for you Rio: BABY Rio: You can't just say things like that 😩 Buster: I just did Rio: The sound I just made was unholy and is so not helping my case Rio: Are you close? Buster: I'm gonna need you to make that sound for me right now Buster: Please Rio: Buster you're so fucking hot do you have any idea Rio: No one has ever turned me on as much as you, or as hard as you do Buster: I feel it too Buster: Like I said, you're perfect Rio: Maybe this is why we weren't meant to do this Rio: can't stop Buster: I don't care Buster: I don't wanna stop Rio: Me either Buster: I love you so much Rio: I love you too Rio: One day, we can let people know Rio: can't we Buster: Of course we can, babe Rio: It's not just that sneaking around is hard Rio: I want to too, you know Buster: I know Buster: Me too Buster: Even telling Chlo about you, sort of, was kinda nice in a way Rio: Yeah? Bet she was gutted Rio: Should be, bitch 🖕 Rio: Mine Buster: She just thinks I'm lying Buster: Give a shit Rio: Can see why but yeah, not gonna rush it just to wipe the smug off her face Rio: though it will be a nice bonus Buster: 😏 Buster: One day I'll be able to claim you properly, but for now I'll just have to settle with continuing to leave marks that only you can see Buster: As far as consolation prizes go, it could be worse Rio: I like 'em Rio: I'll put pictures up Rio: Gonna know I'm not just letting anyone do that, even if they don't know it's you, yet Buster: I know you do Buster: It's killing me to think about how much you like it Buster: And what seeing those pics is gonna do to me Rio: Hopefully wanna mark me some more Rio: Otherwise I've really fucked the shot Buster: That's what I always want Rio: Good Rio: I like your bruises 'cos I can see and feel how much you want me Buster: Good Buster: I've never wanted anyone as much as you Rio: Me either Rio: even before I'd ever had you Buster: I know Buster: And I can't act like it wasn't exactly the same for me Rio: Even the bad kiss was good, somehow Buster: 'Cause you loved me Buster: I could get away with anything back then Rio: Oh hush 😂 Buster: You so did though Buster: Take that mum and dad with your childhood love story, like Rio: 😩😬😶 Rio: How embarrassing, lil bitch Rio: you were cute Buster: You were beautiful and you ain't outgrown it Rio: Awh, bringing all the old feelings back here 😜 Buster: You're gonna have to wait until tomorrow for a kiss but at least this one actually will be worth the wait Rio: Looking forward to it, babe Buster: Bit rude if you ain't Rio: 😂 Rio: Bit weird too Rio: in it for the hotel room or? i'm not that desperate Buster: Glad to hear it Buster: Like I've gone whole nights without kissing girls on the mouth but I'm not trying to remember that right now Rio: How do you even... Rio: Never mind Rio: not remembering, I've got you Buster: I can show you if you're that curious Buster: But it's not rocket science Rio: I don't wanna Buster: Baby Rio: It'd make me sad Buster: I told you before, you don't have to worry about me Buster: Same goes for being sad Rio: I know, I know Rio: but I still do Buster: 'Cause you're perfect Buster: How many times am I gonna have to say this Rio: Erm, I ain't making you 😂 Buster: Yeah you are Rio: Babe Buster: Babe? Rio: You're a nerd Rio: and I love you Buster: Yeah, yeah Rio: 😠 Buster: What's that face for? Rio: You didn't say it back 😥 Buster: Well, you ain't a nerd really Buster: But of course I love you Rio: Ha ha Rio: 👀 you boy Buster: Good Buster: I love the way you look at me too so Rio: Who doesn't love 😻 Buster: Normally me but you make it work somehow Rio: 'Cos I'm actually seeing you Rio: not just your abs, though appreciating that too, of course Buster: Shhh Buster: You gotta keep my secrets, babe Rio: Yeah, that was way too close to sincerity Rio: Shut me up, babe Buster: I can't Buster: I need to hear every sound from you Rio: Well Indie's packed and gone so Rio: Call me Buster: Thank Christ Buster: I thought you'd never ask Rio: I know, poor baby Rio: Practically torture Buster: I'm not trying to cum when all you've done is breathe into the phone Buster: Who am I? Rio: Who am I breathing down the phone Rio: old school pervert in the phonebox, like Buster: 😂 Rio: not the sexy vibe i'm going for, babe Rio: can ask you what colour your undies are if that'll get you going Buster: Hurry up and show me your actual vibe then is all I'm saying Buster: Killing me here Rio: I know, soz, spend too much time with that one now I think I got jokes too 😏 Buster: We both know you've got jokes, babe Buster: But there's a time and place, like Rio: That's me told Rio: Gonna be good now, promise 😇 Buster: Not too good though, yeah? Rio: Duh, I already told you, slut for you always Buster: Good

Janis & Jimmy

After smacking Mia one (and Jim).

Janis: Soz about the shiner, like Janis: Dunna how to dodge like a decent ref should obvs...you should work on that Janis: But forreal, you're welcome for the time you got to spend in the head's office with a cold press on #schoolboyfantasiesaremadeofthis Jimmy: 🤔 You mean this tiny insignificant scratch like Jimmy: I'd say get the pads out but between you and your nan lately I'm not sure my ego's up for that Jimmy: Your plan all along was it? 👌 she's no type of mine but I appreciate you trying to be a mate 😉 Jimmy: Best bit was Gracie doing her bit to defend my honor at the end there. Maybe I DO owe her one 😂 Janis: Alright, monty python 😂 don't be a hero on my account...oh wait, advice coming too late, my bad 😉 Janis: Ah well, if you're not fancying it like, pal, good thing I'll have her to myself all this week AND next 🙄 thanks mia... now THAT was the real plan all along 😏 Janis: At least you know what her shout is already 👍 though if you could spit in Mia's next, I think she'd take that and call it quits Janis: If you make like Rocky and get steak up on your bruises, I'll get my Da to cook it for ya after, we settled too then, yeah? 😘 Jimmy: Mia's plan 100% 🙄 Am I meant to be offended that she thinks you're a lesbian still? Because I'm taking it as a compliment #prettyboy 😂 Jimmy: Shame I've got too many disciplinaries to have her banned it'd be one less skinny latte to have to expertly craft Jimmy: Maybe. What sides are we talking about? I think one more smack down and I'll be demanding my chips triple cooked Jimmy: Warn your relatives Janis: Assumedly, pretending here her stinging text slams had her intended effect, and didn't just make me fall about, like #facesoprettyyoudontseeascar 🤞 Janis: Ugh, tell your boss to do one, 'cos they'd lose half their business if you did, think on, dickhead 😒 Janis: Know your worth, babe Janis: Gotta respect that Janis: At least my Brother doesn't need to bother fighting you now I beat him to it, ay? Jimmy: Who'd you wanna be, princess (bless Gracie Lou) and basketcase already taken and athlete being the obvious choice 💪 Jimmy: Tempting offer but you can do better Jimmy: Of course that was 1 of the 10! Should've seen that coming Jimmy: Can't lie I'd much rather take you on 😉 Janis: Never seen it 🤷 but boy is Charlie Sheen's bro, yeah? So sounds legit for the family I have to endure 😏 Janis: You're not gonna end up with Grace in the end are ya? 😤 just 'cos you wanna rock the leather fingerless gloves #lewk Janis: I'll never tell 😉 his ego definitely ain't up for that Janis: we can have a rematch any time any place Janis: i'm ready 💪 Jimmy: Me either. Still break you out though. Isn't that what they do? 🤔 I'll ask your sister but not before she gives me of precious bling to take down cash converters Jimmy: My bad boy image has taken too much of a battering, literal, for me to refuse the fashion 😎 Jimmy: Let's go then. There isn't a nurse but I can still play the concussed care and run. Say when. Janis: Probs after some cringe bonding and bants, thank GOD we got that outta the way, mate 😜 Janis: Most of her jewels are from Primark so I dunna how golden your chances are, don't tell anyone like #banginonabudget Janis: What lesson you in anyway? In PE rn so usually you wouldn't get a look-in (you ain't that special, babe) but they got me coaching the first years girls for a fucking team management module and...Give me strength Janis: we talking screaming when the ball comes their way levels Janis: so I'm making them do laps whilst I shout encouragements about how it ain't that cold from my warm as shit coat, like any gym teach worth their salt 😉 Janis: Gonna get an A, like Jimmy: Oh I dunno, you and Mia still need to hug it out 😉 bet she'd love it too 💘 Jimmy: I'm in art of course #tortured soul and everyone knows you're my muse so done deal there. Jimmy: I'd come snapping but I don't need the rep that'd come with background first years in their shorts Janis: I'd sooner watch a thousand chick flicks with Gracie Janis: amongst other fates worse than death Janis: but honestly #whyareyousoobsessedwithmehun? #toolittletoolateforthisloveaffair Janis: That's probably why you're so tortured 😉 Edie Sedgewick I ain't Janis: Nah, that wouldn't help your case, there's only so much bashing that I can be a party to in a day... Janis: I get to swap with Kayleigh Dwyer next period, meant to go write up about my experience but sure I can as easily do that wherever you need to get your inspiration from, like Jimmy: 😂 it's the curse of being so #goals, hun Jimmy: I don't have a clue who that is but like I've said before you take a decent picture. Now don't get a big head (it'd fuck with my framing terrible) but it isn't half bad being stuck with you Jimmy: There is always Mia's 🦆 pout if you're really busy but like Jimmy: Since you aren't I'm thinking back to mine? Twix will happily hear about any of your running or ball based experiences Janis: Kayleigh? Rude, she sits next to you in English, the one drooling all over you and the desk? Bless her, she'll be devvo 😂 Janis: I forgot you haven't had an Ali McKenna education, she was Andy Warhol's main bitch (aside from Basquiat, tea) in all his shit films, Bob Dylan was hard for her too but she weren't really arsed so he wrote Like A Rolling Stone about her Janis: At least you didn't come for my life that hard post-bath Janis: Bad enough like, I'd have to fake my own death forreal then Janis: She'd fucking love that...do her dirty in the edit, boo, no facetune 😂 Janis: A girl after my own heart that dog, kindred spirts 😍 Janis: sounds good, always down for being out of this dump Janis: your Da's unlikely to pop back for lunch, yeah? Jimmy: I've been calling her Kourtney #awkward Jimmy: Bet she loves it anyway Jimmy: Speaking of, I still have that project to finish up (deadlines long enough to hang yourself with cheers ms sheppard) might dedicate some space on that edit to the lot of them. Fancy helping as well as inspiring? 😈 Jimmy: #satireorshadeisit? Jimmy: Good. Keep the lovefest away from me. Last thing I need is Twix licking my wounds Jimmy: Packed up his sarnies myself so we're set Janis: The KardashiKlan clout, everyone knows she's the CLASSIEST sister, SO fitting 😂 Janis: Can't be anything but a sweetheart, can you? N'awwh! Janis: Hell yeah, you clearly need my talents for cuntery, you bring the skillz, I'll bring my winning personality and large head, like Janis: How fucking rude though, tell her to keep her antiseptic spit to herself 💅 #menaintshitbabygirl #imsorryyouhadtolearnthislessonsosoon Janis: Like I said, you're just too good for this world 😇 Janis: Maybe I'll find the time between being a muse and bad influence to make you one Janis: Its no steak apology but Jimmy: 👍 Too right Jimmy: Maybe if we take the mad bitch out she won't chew a hole in anyone's face (tempting as that'd be if it was any of Mia's squad) been enough facial damages sustained for one day Jimmy: Get some very #aesthetic shots for my A Jimmy: �� Always on that good boy track Jimmy: Maybe I can shout you a pie and pint in that spirit Janis: Goes without saying, need the skirting and your Da's shoes to be safe for another day Janis: Should bin off the rest of the day altogether, then you could take Twix to pick the kiddo's up, Cass would be made up getting to show her off Janis: you always after those best big bro points, I know Janis: and I know it, you always want me to protest too much the other way like 😈 Janis: wholesome afternoon of dog walking and homework with bae, no wonder the entire female population of the school is so jealous 😉😘 Jimmy: Did you just have a good idea? 😮 Jimmy: But yeah world's most bog standard bro coming through 🏆💪 get that middleschool clout cass 😎 Jimmy: We just can't stop being #goals however hard we try. Damn 😘 Janis: Don't sound so surprised dickhead! I'm a wealth of cunning plans or have you forgotten Janis: Didn't hit you that hard Janis: Now who's being modest Jimothy 😊 you know you're bestest Janis: whoda thunk it, bitch, not I Jimmy: Been a while can't blame me 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Cute Jimmy: How will I survive the aft? Janis: We can go back there if you really pining Janis: and I'M the one who's sexuality is always in question Janis: #fakebaebetterthanarealone Janis: Ha ha, keep testing me and you might not Jimmy: You'd never make it. Can't get enough of me 💋 Jimmy: If you'd rather be in school doing their tests don't let me stop you 😏 Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Told you i'm bad Janis: 😑 Janis: bet you break before i do Janis: we'll see how bad you are, won't we Jimmy: Last shift's 💶 on it Janis: Done Janis: I've got my eye on some new kicks Janis: At least even when you lose you can still pretend you treated me 😜 Jimmy: When you lose you can pretend you don't need a man to treat you Jimmy: so many #s in that for you Janis: Imma win when I PROVE I don't need you to treat me as much as you need me to treat you, sucka! Janis: and there ain't no point in nothing if it doesn't make your 'gram captions pop off #truerwordsneverspoken Jimmy: We'll see Jimmy: so soon too ⏲ Janis: you started your countdown already, boy? Janis: keeeeeeeen Jimmy: Not ready? Shame Janis: Born ready Janis: Admittedly, got the upper hand, nothing sexy about first year girls, despite what some fourth year boys might believe Janis: you surrounded by all them loose af art hoes Jimmy: How rude of me not to pull all your focus Jimmy: yep, those blunt fringes really get me goin Janis: Well s'why I know I got the W in the bag 🤷 Janis: Called that in the air Janis: whip off those unnecessary nerd glasses and there's real beauty under there Janis: #hotdamn Jimmy: For a rom com hater you've got all the cliches down 😂 Jimmy: Quietly confident now. That shit won't help you off screen 🏆💪 Janis: Oh, you don't recall how pushy my sister is? Janis: Let's call this off rn and she'd be happy to remind you herself I'm sure 😏 Janis: I'm sure you've learnt PLENTY off a whole different typa romcom that is all types of fucked IRL Jimmy: Only if she promises to bring Tam too. I need that model height for my shoot naturally Janis: You really wanna be that letchy photographer stereotype, huh? Janis: Get the whole squad 'round for a sesh Janis: Just know they'll start a # Jimmy: #rolloutladies Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'll #bowout of that one thanks Janis: Sure? It'll give you a better chance of winning the bet Janis: #knackered Jimmy: I'd rather lose Jimmy: #takemymoneyandrunaslongasIcancomewith Janis: Sweet talker. Janis: Meant to be me with the gift of the gab 🍀 Jimmy: nope, real talker Jimmy: Got up close and personal enough with Mia today thanks. Still washing these hands Janis: Same, despite what she might think, not something I fancy repeating either Janis: Though I will if she talks shit one more time Janis: So watch out if you don't want the other side to match, like Jimmy: Don't make me say I'll do it all again Jimmy: so many stereotypes already in this chat Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Ew. 💋 Janis: Best get your chat to as high a standard as poss tho, as all the guards and other inmates will be listening in Janis: Reckon's her Da can actually get me done Janis: Bitch be serious Jimmy: Doesn't he sell cars? Janis: Lmao, no Janis: Though he is 100% a used car salesman in aesthetic, you're spot on Janis: He is a lawyer or some shit so he knows realistically who gives a shit about a playground scrap but he'll try and scare my parents like they're fucking idiots so no one is ever mean to his little princess again Janis: That type 🙄 Jimmy: She wants to be a yank so bad it must hurt Jimmy: Remind me to cut my pops so slack next time he's pissing me off Jimmy: could be so much worse Janis: Too bad she's a few hundred years late for the mass migration to the states Janis: Only looking famished, like Janis: Same, wouldn't hate being as spoilt as she is but you know Jimmy: Yep, too bad you'll be waiting for those kicks Jimmy: 🎅's your best bet Jimmy: Not too late to back out 😏 Jimmy: Keep on his good side Janis: No chance Janis: I can keep him on side by keeping away from yours, simple 😜 Jimmy: You sure? There's literally songs about how much he loves 💋 Jimmy: I think he'll be mad if you don't cave Janis: 💋 for him from MILFs maybe Janis: I don't think it'll pain him to see you go without Janis: I see no mistletoe, like #demstherules Jimmy: 👌 Bet stays on Jimmy: Take your chances Janis: Way to make me sound more predatory than the big man 😲😂 Janis: If you're that scared, we can mark it down to a lose for you by default 😉 Jimmy: Not when I'll have you begging for a draw in a bit. Easy Jimmy: Just get ready to accept your loss, not reason we should both be sore Jimmy: #bruisedandbattered Janis: Pretty cocky for a boy who can't even promise A FEW bruises, like 😜 Jimmy: Waste of a 🤞 Jimmy: why talk about it when I can just do it Janis: As long as you start it, I'm allowed to finish it Janis: win win for me 😊 Jimmy: Cocky for a lass who hasn't won anything against me yet Janis: 😡 Janis: it wasn't a fair fight all those other times, thank you very much Jimmy: Maybe you were faking the skills as well as the 💕 Jimmy: awwh Janis: You won't be finding out any time soon Janis: ✌ Jimmy: So you keep saying, all talk I think 😂 Janis: All talk no action is right Janis: Prick 🖕😂 Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: You're about me Jimmy: unlucky ☘ Janis: Shh Janis: Not all bad, I suppose, at least you've got a cute dog 😘 Jimmy: good point, what a you offering? first year having an asthma attack? 😂 #goals Janis: I never said I had anything worth sticking 'round for Janis: More fool ye for your 😍 Jimmy: Secret's safe. I won't tell Mia Janis: I think she's pretty confident she knows where she and I lie on the pecking order already 😂 Janis: not coming for her 👑 Jimmy: just her 👃 Janis: What can I say? Save daddy the surgery fees Jimmy: you're the 😇 you think I am Janis: it has been said Janis: oh wait, no it hasn't, ever 😂 Jimmy: Only because 🐶 can't speak Janis: The love is so real Janis: Its all the treats and walkies, maybe I'll have to employ the same technique on you when the bet is up Janis: Worth a shot 🎯 Jimmy: Start now #worthashot #haveyoubeentricked? 😂 Janis: I'm not quite as easy to distract as Twix Janis: All these dog comparisons, bit rude tbh, don't think I appreciate Janis: Will piss on your boots tho Jimmy: Unless we're playing pool or darts Jimmy: Make sure they're mine. My dad has only just replaced his Janis: Wasn't even you, it was pub lighting and a prick munching on his crisps too loud at the bar #dontflatterlike Janis: Will do 👍 I'm not looking to make him dislike me anymore than I already have lol Jimmy: #surejan Jimmy: least he's never about so no drama there. Been enough for one day Janis: #ihateu Janis: what's he even do, like? dead busy Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Warehouse Jimmy: Very much #goals Janis: Ah fun, lots of shitty shifts and long days like, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt too for being such a prick about poor Twix then Jimmy: Probably shouldn't. He bought her Janis: True...People never think how big a commitment a dog is though Janis: Twix be giving them puppy dog eyes like a pro Jimmy: before 🎄 too though what a prick Jimmy: can't even use the excuse Janis: Bleh Janis: Shoulda clued him in like 😉 #cuffed Jimmy: if I'd known he was going to do it I would've Jimmy: done now though Janis: Yeah, its just another stress you don't need, like? 😕 Jimmy: Snagged me you so maybe she's worth keeping about 😏 Jimmy: Because yeah she does take all the credit Janis: Smooth 😋 Janis: Can't go breaking my heart now, nor the kiddo's for that Janis: I can start taking her out again in the mornings, don't miss much 'bout dem days but it was decent having a running buddy Jimmy: Fancy some company or you wanna be alone with your true love? Janis: You reckon you can keep up, yeah? Janis: Not having you slowing me down 😉 Jimmy: Can't be using me as your excuse thanks 💪 Jimmy: maybe I'll come with then when I'm not working, leave you in no doubt Janis: Its a date, mate Jimmy: 💕 Janis: That's probably them more than sufficiently warmed up Janis: Get back to work, slacker 💚 Jimmy: 🎨📷 will do Jimmy: not too hard though, gotta keep my 💪 up for the victory party you'll owe me Janis: In your dreams, baby 💋 Jimmy: see you there 😘

Janis & Jimmy

Fake dating begins!

Janis: Grace wants to buy you a coffee for being such a gent. Janis: If I was you I'd have a freebie black and charge it to her tab. Her and her cronies are in there enough, and it'll save you having to endure a frappe/her and said giggling gal pals. Jimmy: Me and her or a group hang with the BBs for the 'gram? Jimmy: 👍I did that last week and the one before Janis: Depends. She obvs wants alone time with you but she's never passed up a #goals photo-op in her life, so. Janis: Can't be freeing the nip on Insta but maybe she's got a private snapchat she wants to whore out, you'll be well in then 👍 Janis: Christ. Good to know not ALL her money goes on Brazilian blow-outs, she's also topping up the salary of every hot barista in town, what a philanthropist she is, amongst other less favourable titles. Jimmy: If you can be arsed to 3rd wheel this I'll shout you something from the secret menu Jimmy: Which exists swear down and isn't just a invite to my snapchat Jimmy: Why am I worried Brazilian blow outs is a way bigger euphemism any day Janis: Hmm. As much as I try to avoid spending ANY time with Grace, for obvious reasons as you well know, it could be pretty amusing to see her make such a twat out of herself. And it would piss her off if I gatecrashed...Fuck it, I'm in. Janis: Don't get any ideas about making some taboo twin content though, lad, that only happens in the minds of pervy porn execs, and in weird old lady novels from the 80s. Janis: Lol. Yeah, it ain't a Cavante special. Its to make her look MORE white, funnily enough. As if the coffee habits and UGGs weren't making her a literal meme for the cause already. Jimmy: I'd rather down a strawberry açaí refresher with coconut milk every time Grace makes a gaff, which funnily enough is what necking with your sister's tall mate tastes like, than get sandwiched between the two of you Jimmy: I'd shout her a flat white if she'd get the joke though. One for each of them Jimmy: 😩 Janis: OMG, girl code, Grace sooooo saw you first, Tammy is gonna be out on her flat white arse when Gracie finds out, like 💀 Janis: The feeling's mutual, dickhead. Wouldn't put it past my sister though, she's more obsessed with me than she'd EVER be with you. 🤢 At least she'll be moving on when you finally give in and give it to her, I've got a life fucking sentence, mate. ⚰ Jimmy: OMG Minnie (??? Isn't that her name maybe) launched herself at me first and I'd be out on my penniless arse if I'd let her crack on over the counter ⛔ Jimmy: I like my encounters with a little less ego it's no crime. Or slight on you, mate. Jimmy: I'll tell Gracie that if she ever lets me get a word in. Janis: Fuck knows. All look the same to me. Ironic if it is, though, fucking jolly green giantess. Janis: And soz but sexual assault ain't no crime either when you're them though, they're just being #girlbosses swear down garda 💋 Janis: Good luck with that one, kid. Even if she gives you the chance, she won't be listening. Fucks with the fairytale where you shut the fuck up and carry her bags 'cept to call her pretty once in a while for said ego's boost. 🙊🙉 Janis: oh, and look good in the 'gram, standard. Jimmy: Could be what the lads call her... whoops Jimmy: Damn. I'll have to spoil her fun by letting it be known I've got myself a girl already. 🎻 Shame it'll take me years to find one who can stand the interrogation 💔 Jimmy: Gotta get Cass to keep her ear low. Effort. Janis: The 'lad's' secret is safe with me, the 'girls' are hardly likely to listen and I'm even less likely to bother to tell 'em. She'd just think #pussygamestrong 'neway so I ain't giving the bint that unwarrant stroke when you've all already been there, done that. Sloppy. Janis: Woe is, lad. Like everyone ain't on your dick rn 'cos you got that shiny, new appeal. Just pick one that ain't TOTALLY unbearable- ah, I see your problem. Janis: Sadly, I can't help, I ain't the massive lezza you've no doubt heard from the lads and girls alike that I am. Janis: Slim pickings either way you swinging, you see. Jimmy: You can help me then. Go on. Think how mad it'd make Gracie if nuffin' else Jimmy: Counter distance between us at all times if you want Janis: Aside from pissing off my sister, which I'm more than capable of by me larry, what's in it for me? You get her off your dick and back into Costa to cry it out, like Jimmy: Freebies of any of Common Grounds finest where you can also hang without her and her hangers on Jimmy: Semi trained mutt if I can wrench it from my sisters grasping hands? Jimmy: Plus an end to the rumors if you're arsed about that. You said yourself I've got the newbie appeal Janis: Alright, alright, you had me at dog! Janis: I won't deprive your sister but I could do with an AM running partner who can keep up. I'll wear it out and have it back to you at the end of your morning shift, before she's even had her weetabix or found her school tie. Deal? Janis: I'm down for writing our own rumours, why the fuck not, eh Jimmy: Done. Her name's Twix and she's as annoying as the name makes her sound. Jimmy: Get ready for rumors about how many bodies she's buried for you after all the holes dug Janis: Cute. And I'm sure I've dealt with worse bitches, I'm up for the challenge. 💪 Janis: Its always the dog walkers init, suspicious cunts. Jimmy: Yeah, and if you wanna bury a few of 'em yourself I'll keep my lips sealed Jimmy: Tomorrow too soon? Janis: Good man, you will if you know what's good for you. Janis: Though, not too sealed, gotta set this dump's/my sister's world alight, like, and I don't think that's happening if we just hold hands. 😲 Janis: Nah, I'm ready. Only thing I got scheduled is double chem and that can always do with livening up. Janis: How you wanna do this, lover boy? Jimmy: Point taken. I better work on my angles too. For the 'gram. Jimmy: With minimal cliches if that can even be a thing round 'ere Jimmy: Probably wouldn't believe it without 100s would they Janis: You best, I don't know how to work facetime, you've got the wrong twin there. Janis: Well, I could oh-so casually ask Grace if her and the bitch squad are going for coffee on the way home from hell (as if they don't every fucking day) and she will be buzzin' thinking I wanna come 'cos she's always asking/attempting to drag me like she's on a mission from the coffee bean gods Janis: Then we can be there, together, oh-so casually again Janis: Aside from sucking face on the playground (which is a little first school, even for these hoes) its the best way to get max attention and thus the rumour mill will do the rest Jimmy: Make sure Tall Tammy's at the back. Can't have Grace missing it Jimmy: See if you can get one of them to spill coffee on you too. Everyone loves a heroic gesture and a clothes share 😏 Janis: 😂 Brilliant. Janis: Assuming Grace doesn't straight up throw it at me, I'll be sure to make that happen. Janis: I'll probably come chat to you at lunch tomorrow too. Can't have this springing out of nowhere, like, how implausible! 😏 You hang with Sean Bryne and that atm, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah we'll be in the smoking spot if not our usual corner Jimmy: I'll slide into the seat beside you the period after make it look like we got it really bad 💘 Janis: 👍 twos up on the ☠ 🚬 then, lad. what could be more romantic? Janis: good thinking, grace is in that class too and she's hopeless with maths so she won't be paying the slightest bit of attention to anything but the absolute scandal Jimmy: What should I call you so you don't wanna punch me in the dick as soon as I go in for a pet name? Janis: Eurgh, good shout, even if it is just to save your own bollocks, can't blame a boy. I don't fucking know, what's not vomit-inducing but also #couplegoals enough to make it worth the hassle? Janis: Blah, just remember my name, yeah, that'll have 'em creaming. Such courtesies are not often extended their way, like. Jimmy: Deal. And I'll # everything #JJ so you can block it from your feed easy Janis: Solid. Janis: Imma take a picture with your dog tomorrow, it best be fucking cute. Jimmy: [Takes a selfie with Twix and sends it] Do you? Jimmy: Not my #goals but should spark jealousy with the intended Janis: Cute. Janis: The dog ain't bad either. 😉 Janis: I'm getting in practice Jimmy: I'll do mine in the comments when it's posted Jimmy: How keen is cringe in the eyes of Gracie and her friends? Janis: You're asking a mouthful there. If you're too nice, they'll say you're boring. But they've gotta at least pretend they're feminists in this day and age so if you are too full of the bants and low-key treating me like shit, they're gonna have to pretend they ain't here for that even though that's every boyf they've ever had, na'mean? Janis: Just say something confusingly inappropriate for what is not gonna be a hot pic, isn't that how you lads do? Janis: I'll set you up with a lame caption Jimmy: Thanks. There's back room access in it for you Jimmy: Again not a private snapchat invite Janis: Steady on there, not until the 3rd date, at least! 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Seriously though. You're not as much of a bitch as everyone says. Nice one. Janis: Well, don't be spreading that backhander about, will ya? Janis: You've got a rep to make, that's a bit of mine I'd like to protect Jimmy: 🤐