i understand the purpose of gore being in movies but man i do sometimes wish there was less of it because there are so many movies i would love to watch but i cannot because of the hyperrealistic gore :')

and then even if i look away or block the screen there will still be audio playing to accompany the gore and it's just... i am blocked off from watching so many incredible movies just bc of my shit brain and shit memory lmfao i'm so frustrated w myself about this

full in all your veins

@kanejweek day one: mythology (soulmates) / kanej / one-shot - rated T / read on ao3! / 1545 words

Kaz teaches Inej how to read Kerch uncharacteristically, patiently. She sits at his window, on his floor, and he tosses books at her. Between doing the Crow Club’s numbers and dreaming of revenge, he listens to her speak his language and make it her own, like so much more. On her tongue, the dreary words he’s spent his whole life fitting into his mouth flow like water down the mouth of the Beurscanal.

He tells himself that he does this because it is what makes sense. Inej is always in his rooms, and it is necessary that his best spider read Kerch. She’s a quick study, a quick study with the knives, with the letters, with hearts. She’s been with the Dregs for barely a month and she has their respect; she is like him, who knows that’s enough. He’s seen the brass knuckles she keeps in her pocket, stained at the tips. He’d told her he couldn’t promise her safety. He told the truth. He doesn’t know why there’s an ache in his chest which contests that.

One day, she sits on his desk as he’s filing papers. She’s feet away from him—he couldn’t reach out and touch her. It’s closer than he lets most people get, but he knows she will not touch him. She will not even try. He doesn’t want her to try.

He doesn’t.

“Kaz,” Inej asks, “can you . . . can you read my mark?”

“You have a mark?” he asks, without calculation, in surprise. There is something cold creeping down his spine, Jordie’s voice whispering in his ear, asking him what exactly he’d thought of in the dredges of his mind, what he’d dared hope for. She is good, the voice says, have you looked at yourself in the mirror, monster?

Kaz shoves it down into a box he doesn’t want to open. Inej is barely a friend. She’s pretty, but he can take his eyes off her. This kind of desire is the one thing he cannot conquer, and he is not one to abet his weaknesses. He will ignore this, and he will best it.

“I got it in the Menagerie,” she says quietly, and he suddenly regrets his snapping. That can only mean so much. “I don’t want to know who, if it’s terrible. And I don’t—I don’t know who came there. Could you tell me?”

Kaz Brekker has no room for weakness, no room for soulmarks and the tales his father had spoken into existence on cold Lij nights. His father and his mother had not shared the mark, never had letters carved into their skins. Few did—there were far too many people in the world, from Fjerda to Ravka to Novyi Zem, for most to meet theirs.

He knows the world is cruel, but his opinion of it sinks lower and he finds himself needing to hold his breath as he considers that Inej—who he can admit is fundamentally good—was cursed with the mark of someone who came to the Menagerie. At best, the name will be that of a married Kerch man—at worst, a rapist.

“Kaz?” Inej asks again. She seems vulnerable, and Kaz allows himself this concession. He breathes out as though he’s exhausted, as though his heart is not beating through his chest, and nods at her with a scowl.

“Show me,” he says gruffly. He can’t hold in his shiver as she lifts up her leg and shows him the side of it. She is feet away, he thinks, looking at her skin, smooth and brown and gorgeous and disgusting, and you are weak. It’s just flesh.

He focuses on the letter and the word carved into her skin. He wonders if it would be Charles Loeder or Petjer Sasker—he will tell her the truth.

But the mark tattooed into Inej in glaring white, in Kerch, is not the name of a rich mercher, a slaver, a man meant for hell. It’s a silent name, and it makes Kaz reach for the gun beside him.

“Is it that bad?” Inej asks.

Kaz looks away from it as quickly as he can, sees the tears welling in her eyes. “It’s . . .”

One pushes over. She will eventually be able to read it as he can, so he tells as much of the truth as he can muster. “I’ve never heard of them, so they can’t be the worst of the lot.”

“Kaz,” she shudders out. “What does it say?”

“K Rietveld,” he breathes out. “This is a waste of time. Go get Jesper.”

He turns back to his papers as she turns with a small sniffle and leaves out the window. There is a single tear where she sat on his desk, and he stares at it for a long moment before grabbing his cane and stalking out of the attic. Surely there’s someone in the club who needs to be roughed up tonight.

/

Kaz searches his body for words, words in places he might have missed. He twists in the mirror, his shirt off, so close to drowning for so long, until he notices the white letters written in an unfamiliar script at the small of his back.

He goes to the university library and steals a global translator’s book, and then he spends hours trying to read the letters. He knows what they will say, but he needs confirmation. He needs—

When the club’s latest dealer skims thousands of kruge out from under Jesper’s unwatchful eyes, Kaz takes him to the Dregs’ backroom and breaks his wrists. He means to rough up the Suli man and then let him go—Kaz Brekker always has a reason—but a little boy dancing in rain puddles in Lij dances in front of his consciousness, hurts his heart. He takes off his shirt and stands with his back to the man, his skin crawling with insects, dead hands in every crevice of the pale flesh which hasn’t seen the sun in years. “Read that,” he commands.

“I,” the man stutters out the first letter. He’s lost teeth, and his mouth is a bloody mess. “Ghafa.”

The man works—worked for the Dregs, so he’s well aware of who the Wraith is. His eyes grow large before Kaz takes his cane and shoves the end of it into his mouth, and then quickly shoots what’s left of his face. He crumbles to the floor, a mess of blood and gore, and Kaz stalks back to his room. On his way, he tells Pim to take the body out.

“Why did you kill Saran?” Inej asks at night in his window. He can hear the heart-hurt in her voice, so he ignores her. She jumps off in a huff, and he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t care.

/

“Johannes Rietveld,” Inej repeats the name he’d given Colm Fahey to him slowly, like an incantation. “Rietveld.”

“Yes.” Kaz doesn’t look at her. He looks at the bandages, at the wound at her shoulder. That fucking net.

“Tell me,” Inej asks him. Her breath catches, and he feels himself move in-synch with her, the same souls, the same heartbeat. He wants to let this go, he wants to let her go, he never wants to let her go.

He doesn’t say anything. He leans back and takes off his shirt, his undershirt, the layers of cloth he uses to armor himself, and then he takes in a deep breath and lets the rest of the gold shake off too.

She is sitting on the bathroom sink, so he turns to her. He can hear her gasp when she sees the white etched into his back, in swirling Suli script. It’s a quiet sound, but to him, it’s a melody. He feels it reverberate in his chest. It pains, it feels like death, it feels like salvation.

“Okay,” Inej says simply, and he turns around to face her. He is vulnerable like this, so vulnerable, planes of scarred skin in front of her eyes. He has trusted Inej with his pride, but never his shame. But he has faith in her convictions. “Why?”

She is looking at him, he is not looking at her. He thinks the world has stopped spinning, that it could end like this, him just steps away from the circle of her arms. He is so close and yet he is eons away. To move closer, he needs to admit a weakness.

“You deserve him,” he says simply. “And he’s dead.”

It happens slowly, the pressure against his face. He’s looking down, and Inej wraps her fingers in bandages, ripped from his shirt, and places them against his face. The fabric is crisp, and cool, and he finds himself wanting more, wanting nothing.

She’d told him she wanted him without armor.

He raises his eyes to her, because he is Kaz Brekker, and he is going to fight for her—for him—for them.

“I think you’re worth saving, Kaz,” Inej says quietly, tracing his cheekbones. She is bleeding out on the sink, and he thinks this is what religion must feel like. “Kaz Rietveld.”

He looks into her eyes, puts down her hand, grabs her bandages and decides he is going to finish the story written into his soul.

Tales from Grudgewill - Love of Our Lord  Chapter 3

Third chapter is born, kamaraden, this time it will be a bit shorter. Do not worry, though, the next chapter will be so long, that i will even perhaps make two parts from it. As always, if there are some mistakes, i apologize deeply, but hopefully there wont be any. This time i took a different approach, so i want to warn you that there is mild gore and psychological torture included. Just so you know. It was originally meant to be just a simple short thing, but it got far longer than i expected, so i made it as chapter on its own, and you all at least will get to finally see Watcher in action for the first time. Anyhow, once again, thanks for the support and i also thank these wonderful people, thanks to them, this project is moving forward. I love you all.  @witharsenicsauce @avengercommander @myrddinderwydd @smixcom

Chapter III : An Answer

The Lord was sitting in front of his table, scribbling something on a sheet of paper, it looked like a poet. A very rough poet. Valnin knew that it's bad, he never had that poetic or writer's talent, he was good at talking to people, persuading them or even flirting. But writing? No, it was always very difficult for him to make at least something decent. He wasn't like his brother Anedran, who wrote series of books, not to mention they're pretty popular in Morrowind. He sighed, shifting in the chair to make himself comfortable. He closed his eyes for a moment, hoping that his parents were okay, since he heard that Vvardenfell wasn't really the safest place at the moment. Rumors about long forgotten Sixth House, The House Dagoth rising and such things. He found it more than worrisome and he really wanted to visit Vvardenfell, but he couldn't just leave his hut unwatched when this village is known to have a little guild of thieves. "Of all villages in Morrowind you could choose, and you chose the one with thieves, Trildyn." He told himself. He looked out of the window for a moment, watching those two moons glittering on the night sky, quietly praying to Azura for his parents to be safe. Once he finished the quiet prayer, he started to focus on the silence. It helped him to calm down, and clear his head of uncomfortable thoughts. He sighed yet again, this time it was a sigh of relief, as he felt somewhat better. He was starting to slowly fall asleep on the chair as it was getting really late for him. So he blew out the candle, took off the upper part of his clothes, and then fell into bed. He covered himself in the sheets, shifting into a comfortable sleeping position, and before he fell asleep, Valnin suddenly felt a familiar cold feeling, like there was someone... or perhaps something with him. It was so intense, that it sent shivers down his spine. He quickly got up, starting to scan the room... there was nothing. He then realized that maybe it was that uncomfortable cold wind. Valnin got to the window, and as he was about to close it, he took another long glance at the moons. It was truly beautiful sight, it was filling him with peace, he could watch it for hours. However, that feeling was shattered when he turned around. Valnin saw a dark figure standing in front of his bed, all he could see on it, was those piercing greenish eyes. It was the Watcher himself. That dark, cold feeling coming from him was filling the whole room. "Do you truly miss this life, I wonder?" The Watcher said. Valnin was just standing frozen on place, not capable of saying a single word. "Do you think that this would be better? Having a job as mercenary, risking your life for coin. And yet, you barely had for living. Is that the life you loved so much?" The Watcher asked him. Valnin wanted to reply, but something was keeping him from talking. "I know what you are about to say. We both know that it would be a lie. You keep forgetting that I can see your every move, hear your every thought, that I can sense your feelings. And right now... right now, you are feeling unsure and scared. You are asking yourself if this all is real." The dark man said in almost trance-like fashion. Valnin just looked into the floor for a while as he realized that this was probably all just a dream.... or was it? If it was, it felt way too real. "I am not going to asnwer any of your questions you have." The Watcher said coldly. He then continued in his speech "Besides one. Once you will get the answer, perhaps you will start appreciate your new life a little bit more.". And once he finished, everything went black.

Valnin tried to slowly open his eyes, but they kept closing on their own. He felt weak, unable to move a single bit, yet he felt like he was being moved. As he regained consciousness, he quickly felt a strong headache, like something heavy had hitted him in his head. He could not see much as he had probably something on his face to prevent him from seeing. However, he overheard two people talking, both had male voices. "... but besides that, are we really sure that it's him we want to kill?" The first man said. "Yes, it is him. According to the description, the target should have Telvanni markings on the body, and this was the only one from the entire village who has them." The second one replied. The first one sighed "Was it really necessary to burn the whole village because of one cursed elf?". "We got paid to do it. Supposed to be message or something. I just hope the rest of our men did not run into any trouble, because i know them far too well." The second one said with slightly worried voice. "Still, why didn't we kill him right away if he is the real target?" The first one asked, most probably concerned judging by the way he talked. "The client said, that he will be the one who will kill him if he will survive the fire, so we are now delivering him." The second man replied. "This is all one big mess. I just hope we got rich payment." The first man sighed yet again. "Trust me that we got paid more than fairly. Once this is done, maybe we should-" Valnin lost his attention as he was fading all over again. He tried to stay awake, but he couldn't really resist, and before he realized it, his eyes closed and everything went black for a while again. Poor Valnin woke up violently as someone has punched him with a great force. Valnin felt how his nose broke, his heart racing, his vision slightly blurred and all he could hear was that uncomfortable humming in his ears. He then looked up on the person who punched him. He did recognize the person, it was another Dunmer he met on one mercenary job. "I assume you do know me, don't you?" The Dark Elf man said. Valnin just slowly nodded. "Good. Because I want my face to be the last thing you will see, you blazed bastard." The man said angrily, and without warning, he punched Valnin yet again. The man had a strength of two Nords, at least it felt like that. The humming was getting stronger, and so was the pain, Valnin just coughed as he wanted to speak "Listen... I am really sorry for what I-" he coughed again, this time it felt almost like someone was kicking him in his stomach, but he continued nevertheless "... for what I did to your brother, but I did not have much choice. I had a job, and he was in my way. He tried to kill me, so I had to defend myself.". That did not have any effect however, as the other Dark Elf continued to glare daggers into him "You being sorry will not bring them back. You just murdered him in cold blood!" he cried. Valnin then realized what Watcher meant with that answer... it was an answer to the question of what would happen if he wouldn't accept his offer that day. But he did not understand it, was it a dream that felt way too real? Or was it alternate reality, and once he get to the end, he will wake up in his castle again? He coughed once more, feeling that horrible pain. "And... what about that village?" Valnin asked. The man just stood there, still frowning "I told them to burn the village, hoping that you would die in fire. I also told them to bring you here if you would survive. At least I can kill you personally if anything.". "And what about those people your mercenaries killed? You made whole village burn for one life. Who is cold-blooded murderer then?" Valnin told him in serious voice. The Dunmer looked at him with an strange expression... something between sadness and anger "I always get what I want, Valnin. I always do. And I do not care if it will kill one person, or half of Morrowind. It is your fault after all, this all could've been prevented, if you did not kill my brother. Those people could've lived right now if you just would choose a different way, Valnin.". Valnin felt that this was one of those people, bloodthirsty fanatics, who wouldn't stop in front of anything just to get their revenge, even if it would kill them. He felt guilty about it all when the other Dunmer said it like that. "So what, you're just going to kill me?" Valnin asked with a bit of desperation in his voice. "What did you expect, Valnin? Do you think that the lives of those people that had to die because of you are enough for me? Wrong. At least it will be a message to those, who will try to cross my path again. That I am not a man to be trifled with. And your death will bring me inner peace." The man said in uptight voice. None of this made sense to Valnin... this person had to be mad or something. Was this dream getting exaggerated? Or was it even a dream? He wasn't sure with anything at the moment, if any of this was real. Maybe the truth was somewhere in the middle, as the pain felt real, but the surrounding did not. He felt like he was going insane... or was he already? Thousands of thoughts was going in his head, it was like a maze his mind couldn't get out of. But before he could think of anything else, he felt how the hand of the other Dunmer grabbed him by the chin. The looked into each other's eyes for a second, and within a matter of second, the man stabbed Valnin's left side of his neck. He wanted to scream out of agony, but all he could do, was mildly choking as blood was slowly coming into his mouth. He felt the end of the blade inside his throat, but that feeling was slowly going away when he started fading out from this hopefuly fictional world. He continued to choke, coughing out his own blood, but the other man didn't have enough, and he finished it by slitting Valnin's entire throat. Valnin's eyes were forced shut as he released his last breath... and everything blacked out for the final time.

The Lord woke up covered in sweat, all he could hear was his heavy breathing and the fast beating of his heart. He quickly roamed his neck with hand, expecting to feel a scar, yet nothing was there, it was without a single scar like nothing has happened at all. He would swear that he still felt it, but it was just an illusion. He tried to calm himself down for good few minutes and when he did, he could not fall asleep anymore as he was scared to death despite the fact it was still a night. "Damn you, Watcher." He said under his breath, even when he knew that he is probably going to regret it sooner or later.

This is the end of the chapter III, and i want to give you a little mind-boggling question... Do you think it was all just very bad nightmare... or perhaps an insane alternate reality?

actual unpopular go opinions

because the ones online were cliche and half assed

-mashu good. and imo overall shes not really as forced to be your “waifu” as characters in other games. 1. theres an explanation- the player saves her life and she saves their life several times, and 2. the player character actually has a face and personality, making it an easy fucking option if you dont relate to their role of “loves and cares for mashu” to just be like “yup, thats guda/ritsuka, not me”. other games (im looking at you f-h) do the government assigned waifu thing way worse with way less likeable and interesting characters, plus dont even have a face to assign to that role so it is obligatorily “you”.

-re: the main fate series, i just find no appeal in it. (zero, any of the 2004 era routes) the characters are kinda ok on their own and in other settings (like go for instance), and possibly in small doses (cf), but i think its a combination of the storyline and tone and ect. that just make anything following the narrative of zero/stay night absolutely unwatchable for me. ive seen the two hf movies with a friend, but with any of the other parts (the animes, including even the cooking one) i can barely handle getting through the parts i like. ive seen the cu episode twice and dont plan on seeing any more. its a shame really. it seems like something that would appeal to me but the constant mean spiritedness of the characters is really draining for me, i think because its supposed to be sympathetic.

-apoc is good. it does more for the characters than most fate things do, actually offering multi dimensional characters with a chance of redemption rather than just killing off everyone who isnt a main character. sieg’s story and motivations are interesting to see, and to see develop, and along with the original medea/medusa/heracles (not their iterations in later stuff) the greek heroes in apoc (atlanta and achilles and chiron) are actually well done. i kinda hate how later stuff/go has gone abt greek mythology, with the exception of circe. i also dont have a problem with some characters having smaller roles, its a big ass cast so thats bound to happen. but they have fleshed them out better in other works, the best example being avicebron in lb1. theyre supposed to be a parallel to saber and kiritsugu, but i liked the mordred and sisigou dynamic infinitely better.

-knk is very good, but i would not recommend it to those who would be uncomfortable with the gore and sensitive topics. its not really an essential thing, esp for go only, and just knowing the brief summary is probably fine. but i do find it one of the more.. enjoyable works in the franchise, if not a bit terrifying.

-eor in general i have no plans to play at all. it failed to engage me from start to finish. at best i just felt uninterested in it (agartha and shimousa for the most part) and at worst pissed off beyond compare (@ what they did to hessian and lobo, esp the insinuations that neither is strong and cant be servants, and just salem but especially how they treated sanson in it). i felt 2017 go as a whole was really uninteresting and not very investing, and very much overshined by 2018 go in a lot of ways (esp 2017′s reliance on “you must hate this character!!!!11!!”, which to be fair was carried over from the previous years. but they didnt do it in 2018 so. you can do this, you just choose not to)

-also re: part 1, the ending was very bad. reliant on cheap plot twists and character death for an emotional investment, and its painful in a cringe way to see it again now for na. babylonia was ok, but the rest of the later game story in 1 was kinda awful.

-part 2 (lostbelt) is actually not bad once you get past some of the bullshit thats a turn off. or at least lostbelt year 1 was not bad. i feel like the second camelot and whatever the hell wodmine is up to could be the disappointment that 2018 go was spared. but i can be grateful that lb1 finally got me to fall for musashi, because eor was a big turn off for me to her, which is a shame because she is really good.

Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy.  But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).      

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

Amfortas! Die Wunde

Die Wunde sah ich bluten, nun blutet sie in mir! Hier - hier! Nein! Nein! Nicht die Wunde ist es. Fließe ihr Blut in Strömen dahin! Hier! Hier im Herzen der Brand! Das Sehnen, das furchtbare Sehnen, das alle Sinne mir fasst und zwingt! Oh! - Qual der Liebe! Wie alles schauert, bebt und zuckt in sündigem Verlangen!

 I saw the wound  bleeding: now it bleeds in me! Here – here! No, no! It is not the  wound. Flow in streams, my  blood, from it! Here! Here in my heart  is the flame! The longing, the terrible longing which seizes and grips  all my senses! O torment of love! How all trembles, quakes,  and quivers in sinful desire!

 (R. Wagner, Parsifal,  act II)

  Marian had always known she was broken.

The Beast had been there, burrowing inside her heart, as long as she could recall. Always there, hideous to behold, a demon of her very own. She could hear its whispers when her eyes slipped, soft and comforting to the drumroll of her heart. She could feel it tugging at her insides, dragging out her every organ until she was a hollow vessel for its awful desire. She could feel it burning away at her, searing sweet and hot inside her nethers whenever skin brushed innocently against skin.

It had always been there, a parasite bent on controlling her, on making her its creature, as vile and abhorrent as the Beast itself. And every day, she did battle with it.

She wasn’t winning the war. But she hadn’t lost a battle yet, and that was all that mattered.

When she first learned of the Beast, she’d been a kindergartener. She doesn’t remember how, exactly—she remembers autumn sunlight warm in her hair, colourful crayons. Just quietly drawing, humming to herself, for once giving the teacher some peace. She must have worked on that drawing a long time, she remembers that—remembers her pride when she showed it to the teacher, the two pretty brides in white gowns, smiling hand in hand.

The teacher had laughed, quietly to herself, and gone to her knee. Told her that it was a very sweet painting, but it wasn’t quite right, was it? Perhaps she’d like to add a nice groom for each of them, a handsome prince? She’d understand once she got older.

So by the time mother picked her up that day, little Marian had scrunched up the drawing and thrown it away.

  She doesn’t remember the names of her friends at elementary school, but she does remember the looks they gave her. She’s not sure how it started, or when—only knows that they, too, had noticed the Beast, and were afraid of it. She remembers the frowns, then the mocking comments, the snide jokes. You’re such a weirdo, Marian. She laughed it off, all of it, and made sure the comments stopped. There was no language ten-year-old boys understood as well as a sliver of a ten-year-old girl biting, scratching and kicking. What she lacked in size, she more than made up for in viciousness.

Sometimes, even years later, the teasing would return—some chance gesture, some overly intense look, some ill-considered choice of words, the Beast churning within her. This is so you, Marian. Part of her wanted to scream, no, no, it wasn’t, she was fine and normal. Instead, she smiled, and laughed it off, and changed the subject, while inside her the Beast chuckled.

  Her first boyfriend—Devan? Dennan? something like that—was a sweet kid. They were twelve, maybe thirteen, and they were on the school football team together. Marian barely remembers his face, but she does remember a shock of hair the colour of an overripe carrot. She’d caught him staring at her, turning red whenever she noticed, and one day he’d stammered out something about getting burgers to her boots.

She froze.

There was no word for the nausea that came over her in the long seconds that followed. The Beast roared. Every fibre of her being screamed for her to run, to fight.

She bit her tongue and said yes.

  After Dennan (Devan?) there was Maric, and Aydin, and Huon, and—she doesn’t remember. They pass by in a blur in her memories, none lasting longer than a couple months—her mother took to referring to them as “interchangeable Edwins” at some point. She could not give them what they want, try as she might.

She did get better, though, training herself to accept their affections. When they tried to kiss her, she no longer recoiled. One of them—she can’t quite recall his name—she let fuck her. A few minutes of staring up at the ceiling while he pumped away at her, hands here, mouth there, penis there again. I’m enjoying this, she told herself, a mantra to drown out the Beast.

She’d close her eyes, and the boys before or inside her would change, soften, sweeten, and every time the Beast would drive her closer towards the edge before she could tear open her eyes, gasp out, reassert herself. I’m enjoying this. This is normal. Then why did she hate herself so?

  She could not deny the effects the Beast had on her body, but she’d be damned (literally) if she didn’t fight them.

By the time she was sixteen, Marian had self-discipline down to a science. She played in three sports teams after school. In between training sessions, she ran, for hours at a time with no regard for storm or strain. The exertion numbed her senses, burnt away whatever energy she might otherwise have spent self-abusing, or worse. When that wasn’t enough, she drank, smoked, had sex—whatever it took to distract herself, to keep the Beast in check for another hour. She wasn’t quite flogging herself like a penitent Chantry sister, but she’d developed a habit of subtly digging her nails into her skin or scratching herself whenever she caught herself paying tribute to the Beast within her. The pain usually dispelled whatever foul notions it had implanted in her before long.

Besides, a little blood was a small price to pay.

  She had never believed in the Maker’s grace. What kind of benevolent god would make her like this, broken from the start, and make her live with these desires?

And yet, in the dark of night, when she sank her teeth into her pillow to keep from screaming out, she prayed. Prayed for strength to fight the Beast, prayed for release, prayed for death.

  She didn’t wait for the recruiting officer’s sales pitch before asking for the enlistment papers. It was her seventeenth birthday.

Explaining her decision was the hardest thing she’d ever done, and it took her weeks until she finally confessed what she had done. She knelt in the study, mumbling something unsatisfactory, watching the tears and trying not to break down herself. It was the eve of father’s funeral.

She tried to make excuses, but of course she couldn’t take this away from them. None of them deserved this, it wasn’t their fault she was broken. They accompanied her to the station. She was in tears, and Marian wanted nothing more than to give in to the Beast right there and then.

She had to get away from her, she reminded herself. That was all that mattered. She smiled, waved, and got on the train.

  Ostagar is madness, a conflagration of waking nightmares. The tastes of blood, vomit and mud, the smells of gore, decay and taint—all blend together in her memories. For the first time in her life, though, her dreams are, if not pleasant, at least free of the Beast’s illusions. She dreams of her still, she suspects she always will, but it is the darkspawn disease that now distorts her dream-image, not Marian’s own horrid hunger.

She tries to imagine her own fall, struck down by a tainted musket ball or blade. She doesn’t much care for king and country, but she can’t think of anything sweeter and more fitting than to die for her despite the Beast.

  She does not get her wish. When the line collapses, she flees north, possessed only by the atavistic urge to protect what is (not, never can be) hers. The moment she sees her again, the Beast she thought defeated is back, and when she embraces her, she can scarce tear herself away again. Templars and demons, soldiers and darkspawn—none of it matters for those few, blissful moments that would earn her hatred and revulsion on top of everlasting damnation if the Beast had its way.

She is warm, and firm. There is nothing they cannot do.

  Ringing in her ears.

Lead. Iron. Gun oil under her fingernails, mixing with blood.

Grey sky, grey land, grey ogre speckled red.

Her ears—

She stumbles over, like one who walks across a room in a shuttered house naked and unwatched. She kneels.

She stares blankly. Takes her hand. Cold. She wants to kiss her even now.

The Beast chuckles darkly. Tip of the hat, bow and curtain. It departs. She has won. She is free.

“… Bethany?”

  Nun banne das Bangen, holder Tod, sehnend verlangter Liebestod! In deinen Armen, dir geweiht, urheilig Erwarmen, von Erwachens Not befreit!

 Now banish dread, sweet death, yearned for, longed for death-in-love! In your arms, consecrated to you, sacred elemental quickening force, free from the peril of waking! 

(R. Wagner, Tristan und Isolde, act II)

Saw I - VII: A Comprehensive View

This is something I don’t normally do, but have been meaning to do for a while when I consume a large series of media in a short period time. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to start.

As of recently, I’ve realized that I am a fan of horror. Like, a really, really big fan of horror. I’ve always flirted with my fascination of it (The Green Ribbon had more of an impact on me in the walls of my elementary school library than it probably should have on an 8 year old, in hindsight), but I never really knew where to go about getting into the genre until I started dating my girlfriend, who has horror as a special interest.

Growing up in the 2000’s with an older sister that was going through her middle school goth phase when the first film in the franchise came out, it was hard not to know about Saw. Such an iconic franchise I knew very little about past the gore (and, let’s be real -- I’m a huge fan of gore); so me, my girlfriend, and a friend of ours decided to spend my last weekend of Summer marathonning all 7 movies. Both of them had seen the first two films and we’d all read plot summaries, but besides that, it was a blind watch through. Here’s my brief stance on each one.

Altogether, I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed this experience. I was expecting to mostly suffer, and maybe find some small nuggets of enjoyment along the way to keep me going, but after every movie (except III), I found myself wanting to watch the next one right away. These movies are by no means good movies, for the most part, but they’ve become a guilty pleasure for me. Among all the egregious, torture porn-y gore and a plot that beyond transcends making even remote sense, I found myself having a lot of fun. And, at the end of the day, that’s the purpose of a cash cow franchise like this was: to entertain you. In that regard, the Saw franchise succeeded.

Saw (2004)

The first in the franchise, and the most iconic. We’ve all heard of the reverse bear trap and the part where Gordon cuts his foot off.

I didn’t know what to expect when I dove into this movie, and I was very pleasantly surprised. The atmospheric building is top notch, and the twist at the end has much more impact than I expected it to. I enjoyed the tension and distrust between Adam and Gordon; I felt it was just as realistic of an approach for them to never trust each other as it would have been had they slowly learned to trust each other.

What’s really important in this one, though, which every sequel lacks, is Kramer’s portrayal. He’s not painted as philosophical or in the light, he’s painted as downright sadistic and cruel. The fact that he isn’t a murderer in the absolute broadest sense of the term is only ever mentioned by Gordan, and not constantly used as a justification for him. His cancer is only ever brought up to give him a connection to Gordon and Zepp; not something to make the viewers empathize.

This especially makes the final scene, the one where he stands up, have so much more impact: “The key was in the bathtub,” and Adam’s subsequent reaction is the ultimate punch in the stomach to the viewer because it’s so evil. The entire time Adam thought he had a chance, that there was a spot of hope for him, only to have it viciously jerked away as he realizes he was damned from the beginning. Because this is a franchise with a narrative built entirely on retconning, this impact is diminished severely in later installments, but as a standalone film, it’s top notch.

Also, apparently the ship name for Gordon and Adam is “Chainshipping”. I have no idea how that, of all ship names, wasn’t taken by the YuGiOh fandom at least a decade ago, but I’m mildly impressed that a ship that obscure has a name at all.

Overall score: 8/10

Saw II (2005)

The second installment in the franchise. It’s worth noting that the original screenplay wasn’t intended to be a Saw film, but rather an original story that got adapted to work into the Saw universe.

The story follows eight people who have all been locked in a house. The doors will open and they’ll be free in three hours, but there’s just one problem: there’s a neurotoxin in their systems that will kill them in two. They need to work together to find out what their connection to one another is while overcoming challenges to gain antidotes to the neurotoxin before they die. Meanwhile, a police team lead by detective Eric Matthews has located and is interrogating Kramer on the location of Matthews’ son, Daniel, one of the eight people in the house.

Right off the bat, the drop of quality from the first movie is extremely apparent. Very few members of the cast are properly developed, and many die before they even get to their trap. Most notably, one of the characters, Obi, is an arsonist who is very heavily implied to be an accomplice of Kramer’s. This aspect is explored for all of about two minutes before he gets burned alive in an incinerator. It’s hard to get invested because there are too many characters who have nothing going for them.

Despite that, there are good things about the film. The needle pit scene is well done in just how tense and unfair it is. Likewise, the twist at the end that the house game happened before the police found Kramer is really creative and interesting. Sadly, these positives don’t make the movie worth watching overall, though.

Overall score: 4/10

Saw III (2006)

I honestly don’t know what to say. This was the worst movie I have ever watched in my entire life. Sadism and cruelty in a story should have a narrative purpose and should ultimately be shown to be bad, but it’s not here. You are honest to god supposed to think John Kramer, the serial killer who took one of his victims, a mentally ill recovering drug addict, and brainwashed her to carry out his torture with him, is in the moral right when said victim finally lashes out. You’re supposed to think it’s cool when Amanda, who has been deliberately manipulated and abused by this man, gets told she couldn’t meet up to his standards. You’re supposed to think she deserved her death for being “irrational” when she calls Kramer out on his bullshit, hypocritical, half-assed “philosophy”. Fuck that. Fuck that so hard with a stake wrapped in barbed wire.

Also, the dad was an unsympathetic piece of shit and all of the traps weren’t violent in a way that was thematically appropriate (minus the crucifix one, but that one was disturbing for a million other reasons, anywways, so who the fuck cares if it was good conceptually), they were just gross. I have never wanted to unwatch a movie as badly as I wanted to unwatch this one immediately after finishing it in my entire life.

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

Overall score: -∞/10

Saw IV (2007)

Lord knows why I decided to continue watching these movies after the misanthropic, nihilistic, faux-philosophical sack of trash that was III, but I’m surprisingly glad I did. I feel like I could just say, “A pedophile dies one of the single most brutal deaths known to man, and a man who abuses his wife and daughter has a terrible death, too,” but that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what makes this movie amazing.

This is the first film where Kramer is dead (or so we’re lead to believe), however, Amanda is dead, too. So the franchise needs a new accomplice retconned in to take over after this film when Kramer and Amanda are dead For Real. Enter detective Hoffman, who had a grand total of one line of dialogue in III, to take that spot.

The plot and pacing of this film is stupid. And when I say stupid, I mean stupid. Everything is so ridiculously convoluted with multiple plot lines and involvement in the FBI that I honest to god could not describe to someone what happens. And, somewhere along the way, the film goes full circle. It becomes so ridiculous, so hard to follow, that it becomes brilliant. It’s so convoluted that you can’t help but laugh at the absolute absurdity of it all. This movie is a shitshow, but it’s an entertaining shitshow.

Overall score: 3/10

Saw V (2008)

The first film where Kramer and Amanda are Dead For Real, following the fallout from the incidents of Saws III + IV. FBI Agent Peter Strahm is onto Hoffman’s identity, and is deadset on bringing him to justice. Meanwhile, five people are trapped in a sewer and need to learn what connects all of them, and also go through some traps to attract viewers to theaters because nobody would see this otherwise.

This film is ultimately disappointing because it could have been good. All five contestants in the sewer game are really interesting, and it takes the concept of II and fixes up the ideas from it. Sadly, this cast and their story gets even less development than those in Saw II. I’m not joking when I say that they’re only there for the sake of a murder game to attract viewers; 90% of the film is focused on a boring game of cat and mouse between Strahm and Hoffman. It’s really a shame, since I absolutely love the twist at the end that they were supposed to work together for all of the traps and none of them had any idea until it was too late. It’s a concept I might make something of my own with, since I’d really love to see it done well and properly developed.

Overall score: 2/10

Saw VI (2009)

This movie is, quite frankly, surreal. I’m not sure if all of the previous sequels simply wore down my standards for what is or isn’t a high quality movie, but this film was legitimately fantastic.

A very common criticism for this movie is that it is far too political for a franchise that is known for just being senseless gore -- and it’s true, especially because of how hypocritical it is that a franchise based entirely around killing/punishing people for arbitrary reasons is making social commentary on the insurance industry deciding who deserves to live based on arbitrary reasons. Despite that, though, there’s something about it in this film that works so well.

The storytelling in this movie is the closest any of the sequels get to matching the quality of the first film. Following protagonist William Easton, the CEO of an insurance company that is notorious for rejecting potential clients coverage when needed or prematurely terminating contracts, he is lead through several traps where he is forced to put value on the lives of his employees. Meanwhile, Hoffman is dealing with the consequences of trying and failing to frame the now-deceased Strahm for his crimes.

I really don’t know what to say about this film other than it’s bizarrely well done. The Merry Go Round trap is my favorite trap in the franchise (after my Number 1 Hall of Fame favorite, The Bed Trap from IV, anyways); the direction of the arguing employees begging for life and Easton ultimately leaving his second choice up to chance just so he can get it over with is handled chillingly well. A lot of people find the twist diminishing to Easton’s storyline, but I disagree. The fact that the game was never Easton’s and was always the wife and son of one of the people his company was responsible for the death for reminds me a lot of the first film in a good way. It has the same cruelty to it that is satisfying because it works within the narrative; just because Easton realized the errors of his ways in an extreme situation does not mean the people he has hurt in his practices have to forgive him. This is pointed out as such in both Tara and Brent’s dialogue as they make the choice in the end to kill him. It’s just as appropriate of a response as if they let him live.

This is also the first (and only) movie where I even find myself interested in the extended “plot” throughout all seven movies; Hoffman has completely screwed himself over, and it’s surprisingly suspenseful to watch him try and crawl himself out of his hole.

Overall score: 7/10

Saw VII (2010)

Overall score: Torture porn/10

Jamal Adams is sick of the Jets losing, but that’s all Todd Bowles is selling in 2018

Adams is getting no help from his offense, and things won’t get better this season.

Jamal Adams is sick of losing football games. Unfortunately, he plays for the New York Jets.

Adams vented his frustrations after the Jets’ third straight loss Sunday, a 13-6 performance against the Dolphins in an entirely unwatchable football game.

“It’s the same, same, same stuff,” said Adams, via ESPN. “It’s frustrating. I’m not going to hold my tongue for anything anymore. I’m not a loser. I don’t do this for fantasy points. I do this for the love of the game. I’m passionate about this team and I believe in this team.

”I’m sick of losing. Honestly, I’m sick of losing. I’m fed up with losing. ... It pisses me off every time. I’m not a loser. I want to get back on the winning track. We’ve lost three straight? Come on, man.”

The Jets have gone 8-17 in Adams’ 25 games with the franchise, but a surprising five-win campaign last fall hasn’t led to many improvements in 2018. Rookie quarterback Sam Darnold has struggled to lead his offense to the end zone, especially during the Jets’ recent three-game losing streak. New York has scored just 33 points over that span.

But Week 9 was the team’s nadir. Darnold crumpled in upon himself like a dried-up mud hut, throwing four interceptions and converting just two of his team’s 13 third downs. While Adams’ defense held steady — the Dolphins managed just 168 yards of total offense — a Darnold pick-six proved to be the game’s only touchdown and the deciding score in a seven-point game.

Adams and the New York defense haven’t been the Jets’ problem

The former No. 6 overall pick has been a dynamic force out of the secondary in his two seasons in the league. The strong safety has been solid against the pass and a bruising force when asked to roam close to the line of scrimmage on rushing downs. He’s got one interception, two forced fumbles, and seven tackles for loss in what could be his first Pro Bowl season in the league.

He even earned some praise from Frank Gore after tackling the potential Hall of Famer Sunday.

And Adams is just part of a unit that ranks ninth in the league in defensive efficiency. The Jets have only given up 5.3 yards per play this fall, a mark lower than potential playoff teams like the Patriots, Rams, Saints, and Chiefs. His secondary has limited opposing quarterbacks to an 85.8 rating through nine games — the fifth-lowest number in the NFL.

On Sunday, he had to scramble as Darnold’s turnovers and inability to move the ball game the Dolphins six possessions that started at their own 39-yard line or closer to the Jets’ end zone. The New York offense put its defense in a series of tight spots time and time again in Week 9, only to get bailed out every single opportunity.

And the Jets still lost. It’s not hard to see why that’s got Adams frustrated.

The Jets’ offense might not get any better in 2018

Adams’ comments will put some pressure on head coach Todd Bowles to overhaul his offense, but he’s been resistant to change so far. When pressed about his team’s issues after Sunday’s game, he somehow laid the blame at the feet of his defense instead of the quarterback who turned the ball over four times and was sacked four more. It didn’t make a ton of sense:

.@BartScott57 going OFF on Todd Bowles pic.twitter.com/0EcMm48gb8

— SportsNet New York (@SNYtv) November 4, 2018

Bowles could turn to veteran backup Josh McCown, who piloted the Jets to five wins last year, but could risk stunting Darnold’s growth in the process. Additionally, there’s no guarantee McCown, who had one of the most efficient seasons of a 17-year career in 2017 but has also struggled with consistency, will be enough to turn the losses that are killing Adams into validating wins. And since the Jets need an infusion of young talent to help a club that’s struggled to score points, working through Darnold’s growing pains and securing a top-tier draft position might be the better play in the long run.

But continuing to lose runs the risk of losing the locker room, as Adams’ comments show. That puts a lot of pressure on an overtaxed offense. Robby Anderson, the club’s leading receiver, understands the Jets can’t win if they’re not scoring.

#Jets WR Robby Anderson: "We got find an answer. It’s got to change. It’s my third year. I understand the emphasis on restructure, rebuild, but I think everybody’s tired of that. I think that that’s an excuse. We got to challenge ourselves and improve and make it happen."

— Manish Mehta (@MMehtaNYDN) November 4, 2018

“I feel like we have a lot of talent on offense and we’re not capitalizing and using each other in ways that we can use our talent and skill set to our advantage, honestly,” said Anderson.

The Jets’ offense may not look like much on paper, but Isaiah Crowell’s emergence as a legit starting tailback and the return of Quincy Enunwa to a receiving corps that already boasted the better-than-expected Anderson suggests this team should be better than the 11-points-per-game average that took New York from 3-3 to 3-6. There’s still time for the Jets to be the team Adams wants them to be — the question is whether Darnold can live up to the potential that made him the No. 3 overall pick in the 2018 NFL Draft in order to get them there.