#if I don't make any posts after Saturday night I'm fucking dead
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I'm going to this home school prom thing this Saturday and I'm curious what flavor of bigotry these fuckers are gonna send my way
#am I gonna be assaulted for being a lesbian or a tranny?#we shall see!#I should also mention#there's gonna be 60 ppl tops#and the largest groups other than the one from my town#are from the fucking military base nearby#these are conservatives who probably own and operate firearms guys#if I don't make any posts after Saturday night I'm fucking dead#prom#trans struggles#transmasc
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last weekend I went way too hard, and by Sunday night I was running on completely empty. not even partying hard, just. Ikea and redecorating and blah blah blah blah blah, in our mid-30s we ball.
all this week I've been OUT, batteries dead, zero energy, can't brain for shit, plus Mon/Tues/Wed I have a sore throat, so I'm hitting it with alka-seltzer the first couple days, till it starts to feel better and I'm just drinking SO much tea.
Wednesday the Dizzy starts. By Thursday, I can't sit up without everything spinning, and through Sunday, I have to be flat on my back. Getting up to feed the creachurs is exhausting, disorienting, and generally miserable, let alone feeding myself. Dramamine does nothing. Also, super bonus, my body fucking hurts because I can't move!
Surprise, this is exactly what getting over La Rona felt like, except I don't have La Rona.
Since November I've been sort of operating on yes, this is still LongTallShortFatCovid in the absence of enough data to officially diagnose it, so let's just behave like it's ME/CFS and see what happens. So, supine on the sofa on Sunday, I'm trying to figure out if Gentle Stretches™ are a good or bad idea with post-exertional malaise (the hallmark ME/CFS symptom that I am pretending I know I have for reasons of science). Because, again, I am stiff and sore and I fucking ache.
I know that unfortunately there's a LOT of anecdata and not much hard review around symptom relief, but I also know there's quite a lot of people trying to figure out what works. One person's dribbly candles and magic circles and stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling and 13 other chronically ill people chanting the universe's esoteric and black history leads to another person's 4 cc of mouse blood and three small sticks.
I found a blog with a good enough balance of science vs multiple personal experiences that it felt worth digging into -- also Gentle Stretches™ probably not gonna make PEM worse, thank god, sitting yoga ahoy. Some people found NSAIDs or steroids helped them to recover, but the really interesting one to me was a couple very very very small studies about Dextromethorphan Hbr, an OTC cough suppressant.
That tinged a tiny little ding in my foggy jelly brain, and I rooted around like a drunk opossum until I found the alka-seltzer box in the recycling. (Coulda looked this up online. But again, jelly brain.) The cough suppressant is DXM Hbr. And it's got aspirin. I'd been taking a little ibuprofen all week because Ache, so it wasn't necessarily the NSAID. But when I phased out the cough suppressant, that's when the dizzy started.
It's just a correlation, I've got n=1 here. I know that. But I took a standard dose of OTC cough syrup (DXM Hbr and guaifenesin -- no NSAIDs), and in a couple hours I could get up, and walk around the yard and water the plants, despite being kinda dizzy. I started some laundry. I kept taking it just according to the directions yesterday, and today, for the first time in an ENTIRE WEEK, I can think enough to write, I can go upstairs without needing to sit after, and I'm a little lightheaded but I'm not stumbling.
Placebo is a thing of course, but also, Dramamine couldn't touch this, even though it helped last time. Day by day it was getting worse, not better, and I was laying on the couch because I'd finally managed to finish a shower but I couldn't be upright any more afterward.
(All shower euphoria is erased when I gotta sit flopped on the ground towing the faucet hose around my head and trying not to blast my eyeballs out.)
I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday. I'm really lucky -- she's been great thus far, and takes me seriously when I say wacky things like I HAVE AN HYPOTHESIS REGARDING THESE SYMPTOMS, CAN WE LOOK INTO THEM. ("Yes and also would you like a referral to get spayed").
That being said, Saturday morning, I cried and cried, feeling like I had to hold onto the sofa to not fall off, because I'm scared and frustrated and angry and grieving. Grief is probably the worst because right now I don't know what I've lost. If I've lost anything. If this is real, if it's going to pass, if I'm panicking ... or if this is my life. Other disabilities have taken things from me -- doors that get closed and then bricked over. This feels like I could get shut in one room forever, like. Yes you, the Stress Powered Engine, who lives for pushing eustress as close to distress as you possibly can for fun and profit! Doing that will now hit you like a semi at highways speeds!
Or, I could recover. I don't have the data to know.
#long tall short fat covid#shhhhh journalling on the tumbly pumblies#i aborted so many Complains over the course of last week on the grounds of not being able to think#we will now be chucking thinkythoughts like baby birds out of nest enjoy
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HOLY HELLO Sketchy friends, followers, and fans! It's that time again, time for...
SHIPPY SATURDAY!
The heck is happening here? Here's an FAQ~
Wanna support the event? Here's my Ko-fi!
That's right, it's FINALLY the last Saturday of the month... and I've decided it's high time our Quotable prompt evolved into a Dialog prompt! This is gonna work a lot like previous Quote prompts, but with an extra twist, so please make sure you read the guidelines for a valid request before sending in!
ONWARDS!
To make a VALID Shippy Saturday request, please send me the following in an ASK to my ASKBOX:
The COUPLE you'd like me to sketch up
---- OC? Heck yes! Canon? Hell yeah! All characters welcome, so long as they're from Fallout
---- OC x OC? Cool! Canon x Canon? SWEET! OC x Canon? DAMN RIGHT.
The NUMBER of the dialog snippet you'd like me to art them saying
---- Got more than one favorite? You may list up to THREE in your ask, in order of preference, to help the artist avoid repeats <3
---- Still can't pick? Send in 'Dealer's Choice!' and the artist will pick one for you.... oooor possibly make up some fresh dialog on the spot ;3
What KIND OF RELATIONSHIP your couple has with each other
---- Romantic? Platonic? Professional? Familial? Rivals? Neighbors? Despite it's name, Shippy Saturday is about all kinds of human connections, not just the romantic ones!
---- Is your couple part of a larger OT3 or poly group? Tell me who else is part of the relationship; they probably won't get arted, but they might add their two cents to the scene from off-frame XD
IF YOU'RE SENDING IN AN OC!!
---- Send your request ask FIRST, without reference information
---- THEN send your OC's reference information to me via my Tumblr IM
---- Don't have any reference pictures, but you can type of a written description? Great! I love working from written descriptions! :D [ No, really, I do. Give them to me :D ]
After that, you can leave all the rest to me! :D [ I.e Please do not request poses or specific actions ]
Hokay? HOKAY! With all of that out of the way, let's get onto the dialog snippets! These are taken from various things I enjoy, as well as some of my own work. These quotes have been modified to gender neutral pronouns, to remove most proper nouns, and for brevity.
[ Some of these quotes have multiple speakers! That will be shown like this! "Speaker A" -- "Speaker B" ]
"Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance" -- "... I thought you called it your pecker."
"Here, you look cold."
"You are so lucky I love you." -- "Damn right."
"You know the routine." -- "Yeah! WE do all the work, YOU get all the credit!"
"I want you with me, but... I'm scared." -- "Trust me. Trust me to take care of myself." -- "I trust you, it's the rest of the world I'm terrified of!"
"No breakfast?" -- "I did it yesterday-- bologna and beans, it's your turn." -- "No... It was eggs. I did eggs... over easy." -- "The hell you did! Bologna and beans, it's your turn!"
"I like the kind of person who can handle themselves... think on their feet."
"So you were ahead of me." -- "I don't know about ahead, but I've been behind you ever since you fried those mannequins."
"Don't make me say it out loud..." -- "... I can say it first, if that'll help."
"Nooooooope... five more minutes." -- "We were together all night." -- "Didn't count... I was sleepin'."
"Well, this is very serious" -- "IT IS!" -- "You, you destroyed a door." -- "Colonel, we're talking about a test on an armored vehicle, that will carry people into combat." -- "Right, but this door is property of--" -- "The shell barely penetrated the door." -- "okay, but now it's all bent out of shape. How are you gonna get it back on its hinges?" -- "I'LL BUY THE ARMY A NEW GODDAMN DOOR!"
"Sorry, I thought... I thought you were trying to buy something I'm not selling."
"I'm busy." -- "Too busy to look up?"
"You can't kill people just because you don't agree with them." -- "You see, that was the ONE point me and the doctors could never agree upon."
"Would you ever consider having a drink with an enlisted solider?" -- "Depends... does the enlisted soldier think I need one?" -- "What are they gonna do? Kick you out?"
"Thanks" -- "No problem, anytime."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up-- one day it's gonna happen to you. Someday someone is gonna ask you, who is it? And a face is gonna jump to the front of your mind, and it's gonna completely sandbag you... I can't wait to watch!"
[to a peacefully sleeping person ] -- "Good moring, Mx. ___, this is your wake-up call. Please move your ass."
"I say we run for it" -- "Running isn't a plan, runnin's what you do when a plan fails!"
"... Normal Illinois, is that on the map?" -- "Yes, Sergeant, it is." -- "... is it normal in Normal?" -- "... Uneventful, I think, is the word."
"Now-- how many brahmin does it take to make a stampede? Is it like... three or more? Is there a minimum speed?" -- "Wish a stampede up your ass."
"I don't mind being a secret of yours."
[Right after THE BIG FUCKING KISS] ".... let's not make it a year before the next one, okay?"
"If we were serious about money, we'd quit being hired hands--" -- "Handymen! We are han-dee-men." -- "Oh whatever! We'd quit this and go find some real money."
"Please... don't go where I can't follow."
"Alone is fine! I can do alone, it's worrying after them that's got me all wound up!" -- "Have you considered that's because alone is NOT FINE and you don't wanna do it anymore?" -- "---!!"
"This is not the first time you've been here." -- "We've been down this road before, that is correct." -- "Several times, in fact." -- "I hadn't been keeping count."
"And you must be ___, I've heard all about you." -- "I deny everything."
"First time I saw you? I thought to myself, that's the kind of person BRICK WALLS jump outta the way of." -- "Figured you'd be safer behind me rather than in front of me?" -- "Damn right."
"Just keep looking at that beautiful sky; that's the sky that'll be over our roof when we're done." -- "What if we don't finish the roof? Then we can look at the sky all the time."
"Yeah, well... maybe a friend is what I need right now."
"Next thing you know the Feds will be at our door; Sorry, time to move out, Eminent Domain." -- "Down honey, down."
"Even a heat-seeking missile can miss a target." -- "... you taped so many hot-plates to the test target you could fry an egg at 20 feet, and it STILL missed by a mile."
"My dear, my darling, love of my life...." -- "What do you want?"
"What I mean to say is... you make here a better place to be. For me. Easier. Does that make sense?"
"Calm down, you make it sound like a war." -- "What do you people have against being prepared?!"
"This is not just a report, it's a deadly weapon." -- "Sir, an M-16 is a deadly weapon. A report is just a pile of paper, unless you plan to inflict a lot of extremely vicious paper cuts."
"Stupid son of a bitch, knocked himself out cold..." -- "Cold my ass, he's dead."
"Y'know, in baseball, a guy who hits .400 is consider pretty damn great." -- "In baseball the losing team isn't killed by their opponents."
"Hey... I love you. Did I tell you that today?"
This post is going online at 8 PM, June 24th, 2021, US Pacific time. The askbox will open for requests until 6 PM, June 25th, 2021, US Pacific Time. Get yours in now!
Arting will begin at 9 AM tomorrow morning, see you then! :D
-Loor
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my brain is also weird about gore, but I recently watched the boys s1 and s2 and it was no problem. the whole show is so over the top dark and fucked up that somehow, the gore barely registered, if that makes sense? all in all, I definitely liked it and can't wait to see jensen in s3 now!
also excited about the winchesters getting picked up. I've re-structured my dash and am following a lot of prequel-positive and supportive blogs now and their excitement and posts are contagious.
and frankly, spn is my comfort show, I've watched it for 15 years, and I do kinda miss it.
and dean has always been the heart of the show for me, the reason I started watching and the reason I kept watching. so I'll be quite happy to hear his voice on a regular basis again.
I'll also give the walker spin off a chance (it sounds at least a little more interesting to me than walker itself, which I stopped watching walker after 5 or 6 episodes. I tried, but it really wasn't doing anything for me at all).
I will definitely not be watching Gotham Knights though. for one thing, I dont care about DC superhero nonsense, and for another, because Misha. I really don't want to see him any more than I already have to by nature of being part of the spn fandom lol.
It'd be simpler if I just couldn't take gore at all, but that's not quite it? I ended up watching an entire season of The Walking Dead with a friend (a marathon leading up to the new episode she wanted to catch at the time) and didn't even flinch. But I had to leave the room for a blatantly fake Saturday Night Live sketch once. I also had to watch parts of Outlander through my hands. So I don't even understand exactly what will freak me out hard enough to keep from watching something. I'll just have to see when I actually manage to get around to trying it.
I remain ambivalent about The Winchesters. I do miss SPN and Dean was always my favorite, but a voiceover isn't really gonna do much for me if I'm not interested in the story the prequel is telling in and of itself. I was about ready to stop watching SPN when they announced it was ending because it became so hard to care those last few seasons for me, but there were some people still gung-ho about it. So I'm sticking with waiting until I can evaluate the thing itself for myself, because Jensen and Robbie's idea of what's worth watching and mine may not sufficiently overlap. I'm glad that you've found people to share excitement over it with, though!
I also hope you like the Walker spinoff. Unfortunately, on my list of things that I rarely if ever like, westerns in general rank somewhere at the bottom with family dramas and war movies. There have been a few exceptions and I'm not ruling out tuning in later if I hear great things, but it's probably not going to be for me either.
And yeah, absolutely no chance on Gotham Knights. I can go either way on superheros of any stripe, but the description makes it sound like superheros + stereotypical CW teenfest which is a no for me. Add Misha and it becomes a hell no.
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Wick modern AU: Explained +Some fun facts
Uhm, i was gonna wait until i finish this AU's synopsis and new book cover, but both will be taking a while until they get ready...
And i wanted to post this "overview" for a while now, anyways, here's some fun facts and a summary of the story:
Old book cover:
I'm really proud of Sam's shading, but the twins look weird and Tom looks old...I won't use this cover, 'cus Travis and Duncan are main characters as well and i want to include them on the cover. +My art style changed!
Story summary:
Just a quick thing! I changed quite a few things to fit the narrative and the modern days setting, i hope you understand!
The story of this AU happens in September 2014, a little less than a month until Sam’s birthday, where the Weavers aren't dead– Well, most of them aren't...
The narrative is centered on a curse, that was based on the audio that plays when you pick up Benny's bible, where 7 people are affected by it: Tim, Tom, John, Sam, John's brother/Sam's dad(I won't name him), Mary and James.
Sam's, Travis' and Duncan's side of the story will be more on the investigative side maybe with a bit of comedy(I'm not good with writing that, so it will most likely be just investigation), while Tim and Tom's side will be the more angst and unusual/horror side. Sam will have a bit of horror as well, since he's linked with them by the curse, but the twins will definitely have the spotlight when it comes to horror/unusual stuff.
Fun Facts:
General:
The story happens a week, maybe a bit more, after summer break
Even tho one of the first chapters is set on school, them going to school will probably just be mentioned or implied, Example: Them leaving a school bus
For some reason, i saw a few stories where everyone knew what polio is and how it works, which i felt it wouldn't be realistic, so that won't happen here
It has a lot of paranormal stuff
The summer camp by the Weaver's property is closed and has been like that for a few years now
Just Mary and James call the twins Changelings, the rest of the city knows there are "changelings" walking around, just, not that the twins are them
There's no changelings, they think there is, but in reality it's just a curse(like that's something lighter than a demon switched with a child at birth)
The song that helps me get in the mood of this story when I'm writing is "Far too young to die" by Panic! At the disco
Timas Weaver:
Tim is 12, he'll be 13 in...approximately 3 months
He was born December 30th 2001 and is the oldest between him and Tom
He's almost an inch shorter than Tom
He has a huge burn scar! It goes from a bit more than half of his chest, both his arms, his palms and his whole neck, he got that scar when he was 3 years old
He's does not have asthma, but he does have extreme pyrophobia on it's place
He has flat affect, his face doesn't match his emotions/he looks serious most of the time(I'm so sorry if I don't portrait it right! Please give me constructive criticism if I do something wrong here!)
He's a theater kid and would be quoting a lot of musicals if Mary didn't isolate him and Tom from the world(The theater part only exists because of his and Tom's masks)
The whittling thing exists here, but like, it won't be of much importance to the story, the knife will! But not the whittle part
He despises spiders and it's Tom's fault!
He climbs trees (there's not much I can say here to be honest)
He has this...i don't know if you can call it a quirk, but, he tends to tilt his head to the left, it's kinda random
He's ambidextrous, was left handed, but Mary forced him to learn to use his right hand
He teached himself how to throw knifes...don't mess with him
Paranoia!
Needs therapy
Tomathy Weaver:
Tom is 12 and will be 13 in approximately 3 months
He was born December 30th 2001 and is the youngest between him and Tim
He's almost an inch taller than Tim
He doesn't have Polio now, he did when he was...around 5 years old
His left leg is bigger than his right one, his right feet reaches his left ankle
His left ankle is paralyzed, that's why he uses a leg brace
He's claustrophobic, he developed that on the same day Tim got his scar and pyrophobia
He won first place on a spelling bee before he got Polio and he used to spell when he got anxious, but after John's disappearence he started shuddering, shaking and cracking his joints instead, very similar to how he shudders on the game
He loves spiders!
He is really flexible, but, because of his polio, he can't play around with it anymore
He likes to draw
He has pretty bad scoliosis
Paranoia #2!
Socially awkward baby
Went to therapy when little, needs to go back
Caleb Weaver:
Caleb is 9 years old
He was born August 19th 2005
He's almost the same height as Timas
He was a year old when Tom had polio
He's actually James' kid, not John's
He won first place in 2014's(the year the story happens) county track meet
He dislikes Tim
Lillian Weaver:
Lillian is 5 years old
She was born February 28th 2009
She's a bit tall for her age
She's notorious for making little deals between her and her siblings, like helping them get away with something in exchange of something(getting her out of class during their recess, buying a new plushy, etc.)
She's a really curious and affectionate kid, loves hugs, kisses and especially being picked on someone's lap
She loves bunnies(even tho this isn't a surprise)
Benjamin Weaver:
Benjamin is 14 years old and will be 15 in less then a month
He was born October 24th 1999
He's just really tall compared to the twins (it's kinda funny, Tim and Tom are 4 years older than Caleb, but they are just an inch taller than him)
He's really religious and prays a lot for his siblings' health and safety
He's been trying to take care of Tom after John's disappearence, since Mary doesn't do it, much the opposite, she hides Tom's medicines on purpose
Mary Weaver:
I didn't give her neither an age nor a birthday...i probably need to do that
She had an affair with James, when the twins were 4 and Benny was 6, Caleb was born from this affair
She doesn't hit any of her kids, but she does neglect most of them
On the nights between Saturday and Sunday, she doesn't sleep, she spends this time praying with a candle, then, before they go to church, she writes everything that happened that night on her diary
She has a lot of diaries, she keeps them in the attic
She's a little bitch(i don't know what else to say about her)
Pastor James McAlroy:
James also doesn't have an age nor birthday (i only have the Weaver kids and Sam's birthdays)
He won't appear much, but he does have a big role on the story
He's Caleb's biological dad(i mentioned that like 3 times already)
He tried doing a "honest-to-god exorcism" on the twins, it was just a cover for an attempt of murder
He's a toxic little shit(there's not much I can say about him)
Samuel Burton:
Sam is 12 years old and will be 13 in less than a month
He was born in October 2nd 2001
Him and Travis are Brothers on their mom's part
He's cousin with the Weavers, minus Caleb, they just don't know each other
He can be just as smug as Travis sometimes
He absolutely hates going on ghost hunting, he thinks it's dumb
He has long hair and freckles all over his body
He's just too lazy to tie his own shoes
He's the only one that remembers to bring a backpack when ghost hunting
While Travis is the camera man, he's the flashlight guy
Travis Burton:
Travis is 15 years old and i don't have a birthday for him, well, he would be born in 1999 just like Benny
He doesn't like wearing glasses, but doesn't have other choice, he either doesn't take proper care of his lenses and gets his eyes irritated or he just lost them
He's the face of his and Duncan's channel
He tries to drag Sam to be part of the channel, but he doesn't really want to be part of it
He cusses way too much
He's brave, only because he goes face first into danger without thinking
Duncan:
Duncan is 15 and would also be born in 1999
Big ass coward, sends Travis and Sam to go investigate on his place every fucking time
Entitled as fuck
The "brain" behind his and Travis' channel
He's suspiciously good on researching, he'll find the most unexpected things about you
He's a little shit as well
...i think that's it! Now i can go continue the first chapter and maybe finish it soon
#wick (2015)#travis burton#wick hellbent games#tom weaver#tim weaver#caleb Weaver#lillian weaver#benny weaver#mary weaver#sam#duncan#wick#modern au#wick au
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Nightmare - SM
so basically this is some shawn angst type thing.
y/n is a singer/songwriter who takes it upon herself to take her empowerment back. shawn called her a nightmare after their twitter war and in true singer fashion, she made a song.
i used halseys nightmare because 1. it’s amazing and 2. it really fit well. i love halsey and it’s no copyright intended.
“so the next song is about...saying fuck you to a certain ex, and i’m sure you know what ex i’m talking about.”
the crowd cheered as you chugged down the rest of your water, your attire was becoming sticky with sweat.
“the final stage of a breakup is redirected hope, in other words empowerment. so when i wrote this song, it was me just accepting the things that had happened,” i said, “and me saying to myself, fuck all of them.”
you smiled as the intro started playing, “shawn called me a nightmare on twitter...and he is absolutely right. i want you to raise your middle finger to a person that you gave everything to and then they took advantage of you.”
10,000 fingers raised in the air as they started to sing along,
“i, i keep a record of the wreckage in my life,
i gotta recognise the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every-time,
and i realise...”
your and shawn’s breakup was messy to say the least. a cheating scandal that he denied even to this day, that had led a twitter war. he had called you a nightmare, which was true.
you were always a bit wild, a rebel, a rule breaker to say the least, which shawn has always said he loved about you. you weren’t controversial but you didn’t keep your mouth shut if you thought something was wrong. you then proceeded to be very sarcastic and take the piss out of him, releasing a bit of private information but nothing to seriously damage his career. sex life antics and arguments over texts.
in total you had been broken up for about 7 months and although you didn’t admit it, you missed him. the late night phone calls, sweet text messages and obviously the sex.
god, the se-
“i’ve tasted blood and it is sweet,
i’ve has the rug pulled beneath my feet,
i’ve trusted lies and i’ve trusted men,
broke down and put myself back together again,
stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters,
collected the pieces and picked out a dagger,
i’ve pinched my skin in between my two fingers,
and wished to cut some parts off with some scissors.”
the phones shone bright as you walked around the stage, videoing the experience that they would no doubt post and look back on in years to come. you would probably be married by then, live in some fancy house and have children. at one point you thought that would of all been with shawn, the person you wanted to grow old with. but now you will probably be quite lonely, when you feel ready to move on.
to be honest, you weren’t quite over the breakup. you were still in the stage of anger, every-time someone brought up his name you would clench my fist and jaw until the topic was over. you couldn’t listen to him on the radio and you couldn’t watch any videos of him. your friends where walking on eggshells around you, careful to say what bar they went to last saturday and who they went with. he always loved going out with his friends.
“come on little lady give us a smile,
no i ain’t got nothing to smile about,
i got no one to smile for,
i waited a while for a moment to say i don’t owe you a god damn thing!
i, i keep a record of the wreckage in my life,
i gotta recognise the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every-time,
and i realise...
i’m no sweet dream but i’m a hell of a night,
that i’m no sweet dream boy i’m a hell of a night.”
you had texted briefly, nothing extensive. figuring out arrangements for stuff to be transferred over to your place, or asking if he was going out with your friends that night, which ultimately led to your decision of declining your friends offers to go to a bar. he had hurt you, sure enough you had probably hurt him too but he was the one that ended things over text.
a two and a half year relationship that he ended over TEXT. he didn’t even tell you face to face. he sent a long bullshit arse message which upset you even more when he was the one being accused of cheating. he apologised put he said he thought he was ‘holding you back’ and that it hurt to much ‘to tell you face to face’. if anything you couldn’t move on without him, you would be probably writing breakup songs forever now.
“no, i won't smile but i'll show you my teeth,
and i'ma let you speak if you just let me breathe,
i've been polite but won't be caught dead,
lettin' a man tell me what i should do in my bed,
keep my exes in check in my basement,
'cause kindness is weakness or worse you're complacent,
i could play nice or i could be a bully,
i'm tired and angry but somebody should be,
come on little lady give us a smile,
no i ain't got nothin' to smile about,
i got no one to smile for i waited a while for,
a moment to say i don't owe you a goddamn thing!
i, i keep a record of the wreckage of my life
I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every time,
and i realise...
i, i keep a record of the wreckage of my life,
i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every time,
and i realise...”
the cheating new had broken on youtube, shawn was on tour at the the time and you were visiting your family in london. he was caught smuggling a girl into his hotel room arm around her shoulder. she then left the next morning in the same dress and his leather jacket. the one that he gave me when i was cold, or because he said i looked cute in it. it was our thing and he gave it away so easily, just pushed me to the side to make way for the next one to get into his pants.
when it had come out he called me straight away, telling me not to believe it and it was all fake. i believed him as i put more in our trust than the tabloids, there had to be an explanation for it, of all people not shawn. but then i got an instagram am from the girl that night, saying she was sorry but it was all true. she said they were sober and he said i could never find out about this. the look on his face when i showed him the messages, that said it all.
“someone like me can be a real nightmare completely aware,
but i’d rather be a real nightmare than die unaware,
someone like me can be a real nightmare completely aware,
but I'm glad to be a real nightmare so save me your prayers,
i, i keep a record of the wreckage of my life,
i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every time,
and i realise...
i, i keep a record of the wreckage of my life,
i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind,
they talk shit but i love it every time,
and i realise...
i’m no sweet dream but i'm a hell of a night,
that i'm no sweet dream but i'm a hell of a night...”
the crowd erupted with cheers and hollers as you fought back tears, this was hard for you. but then, you remembered.
he doesn’t love you anymore y/n. he cheated. you’re a nightmare to him, he hates you, he doesn’t care.
you smiled and said, “fuck shawn, right?”
#shawn mendes#shawn#mendes#angst#singer#halsey#nightmare#angry#song lyrics#singer songwrtier#song writer#cheating#empoweryourself#empowerment#twitter
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"Kill him." gang!Ashton (Golden Star Fanfic)
A/N: Knock knock knock. Someone's there? Guess who is finally free from college?? This bitch. Hell yeah. Well, actually I'm free for 20 days now, but I was on my break, OK? Let me be happy. But now I'm back. I'm back and ready to spam you guys with chapters. Until December 31th I'll be posting as much as I can, maybe a chapter a day, maybe one chapter each other day, I'll just write the stuff and post here, doesn't matter the 30 notes, I'm doing it for you guys who waited for this and kept sending me asks about it. Welcome back. I hope you like it. (But I'll still be happy with comments and asks and likes and reblog, jfk)
Summary: Its opening day! After being locked at the building for so long, you're finally out for some fun with the guys. But being part of a gang never lets you have fun the way you like and sometimes you end up in danger.
T.W: THIS CHAPTER MENTIONS RAPE. IT'S NOTHING TOO EXPLICIT, BUT PLEASE BE AWARE AND CAREFUL. Thank you.
You can find the previous parts here
~
It was a saturday night and for the first time in forever everyone was on the building, you could hear people talking and in a very strange way the place seemed alive, almost like something you could call home. You got into the kitchen to find the guys all dressed up, looking even better than usual.
"Why are you on your pj's in a Saturday night?" Luke raised one eyebrow looking at you. "We said we were going out today."
"Not to me." you shook your head, denying and making all the boys look at each with judgmental faces. "But that's OK, you guys can go and have fun, I'll be here catching up on Modern Family."
"Seriously, that's how you want to spend your night?" Calum looks at you, you just shrug again, waving your hand on his direction before going to the fridge to get some cake. "Let's go, you need some distraction."
"You sure?" you raise one eyebrow looking at him, but he didn't respond, just held your wrist taking you to your bedroom. You had showered minutes before since you were getting ready to bed, so you just changed your clothes for something you thought it would be suitable for whenever they were going and a make up a little more fancy that you're used to. You got downstairs finding them talking to some partners who would be taking care of the building while everyone was out and you just blushed when the nine men looked at you with widen eyes. "What?" you asked, but no one dared to say a thing. After almost ten minutes the five of you divided between three cars, you choose to go with Calum, since he was the one who actually invited you.
"You look great." he said glancing at you, but looking to the streets.
"Thank you." you smiled, blushing a little. It was the first time in forever that you had received a compliment, you didn't even noticed how much time you spent locked out of the world. "Gosh, I feel like it has a life time that I don't see the world."
"Months, I would say." Calum looked at you. "You really need to go out more, being all the time in the building isn't good for you, believe me. And you're getting pale, you need some sun, you know."
"Yeah, I know. I just don't have anywhere to go, anyone to see. God, I just vanish from existence of everyone in my life, I don't know how there's not a bunch of people looking around for me. How everyone just believed when I said that I needed some time?"
"You didn't really gave them any other option." he chuckled and you needed to agree. After a couple of minutes you discovered that they were going to a club almost out of town, the place was huge, lights all over with a big yellow neon sign shining and getting all the attention. Wonderland. The line outside was almost infinite, you couldn't count how many people were there.
"Wow. This is huge." you said when all the cars were parked, the four men around you while walking across the street to get in. "And this line? Fuck."
"Night, Mr Irwin. Mr Clifford. Mr Hemmings. Mr Hood." the man at the door said and there was when it hit you.
"This place is yours."
"Today is the open day." Luke said with a smile on his face, inside, the place was completely empty apart from the staff. Looking at the ceiling you could see that it had, at least, three floors, so high that you couldn't really see the end of it, since it was so dark." Everything's ready?" you heard him ask, changing your look to the blonde guy, you saw him talking to a woman from the staff, she nodded, she was dressed all in white and gold, just like the rest of the people there.
"I'll get a drink." you said starting to walk to the bar.
"Let me." Calum said going with you. The bartender looked at both of you with a sweet smile. "Shane, take care of her. She can have anything." he pointed to you, a bit of power crossed your body, making you smile when Shane smile at you, nodding.
Wonderland was crowded, the music was blasting from the speakers, the DJ didn't let people stop for a second. You had be dancing for the longest time, a guy who said that his name was Daniel were with you all the time, his body glued to yours while you two dancing in the middle of the dance floor. If you looked around you could see the partners, they were all over the place, some taking care of security, some doing business that you rather don't wonder what exactly, some looking at you. They guys were long gone, you didn't saw any of them anymore after people started to come in, but you just figured out that they must had been doing his business as well or at least having their own fun. That didn't bother you, actually, it was good to know that at least for some hours you wasn't a problem to them, they could just let go and live their lives without having to keep an eye on you all the time. Daniel was fun, when he kissed you was like your body were on fire, he knew exactly what he was doing and you loved it. It was good to be finally with someone again, even if it was just some kissing.
Daniel convinced you to go somewhere with less people and giving the time you spend on the dance floor it wasn't exactly a bad idea. You two got into a hallway, the suddenly light made you squeeze your eyes while giggling, the boy's hands were all over your body, trying to find a way to get under your clothes, but having a hard time since it was way too tight.
"Easy, pretty boy." you laughed, trying to hold his hands while opening a door from some room you really didn't knew what had inside.
"You look good in this clothes, but would look better without them." his breath on your neck made you shiver, the smile never leaving your face. It was clearly an office, soon you were making out on a big black sofa, you two laying down with him over you while his hands were all over your body. He manged to open the button of your pants, making your eyes get widen.
"Daniel, hold on." you try to hold his wrist, but he just hold both your hands on your back while trying to get his free hand inside your pants. "Daniel!"
"Those pants are too tight. Got me wondering if your pussy is tight as well." he finds his way to your underwear, making your heart race.
"Daniel, let me go." you try to get out of his hands, but it's like he's not even listening to you since he keeps talking obscenities on your ear. You try to kick him, but his body is so close to yours that you can't move, remembering the little stuff Calum had teach you about self defense, you try to hit his head with yours, but you miss it and the move along with the alcohol just makes you feel dizzy and ready to puke, with your hands held by him you can't get the necklace to call the boys and even if you could, they would only know that you were in danger somewhere in the building. Would help. "Fucking shit, let me go!" you close your eyes, trying to go away of the pain of his fingers on you while trying to think how get to the little star. Suddenly his weight is gone, making you ffinally breathe before opening your eyes just to see a big figure in front of him, ready to punch him in the face. You try to get up as fast as you can, reaching the person just to see Michael. If usually his has a blank expression, in that moment it looked like he wasn't even human. He punched Daniel for the first time, making him go down, but Daniel didn't run away, he actually punched Michael back. You knew that if you didn't stop that, things would be out of control. "Michael, stop!" you scream, but he doesn't listen to you, hitting Daniel again. Taking advantage of the fact that they split up for a second, you got in the middle of them, looking to the member of the Golden Star in the eyes and letting both of your hands on his chest, before talking again. "Mike, stop." it was like he came back to himself, a little flame of humanity coming across his face. "Throw him out, but it's enough."
"What the fuck?" you hear Daniel say. "You know this guy?"
"Daniel, get out of here." you say between teeth looking at him, but not taking your hands out of Michael. "Now."
"Oh, I get it. He's your boyfriend. You're just another whore who loves a criminal." he crossed his arms, a smirk on his face with his nose bleeding. You feel Michael take a deep breath like an angry bull and you look back to him.
"No, I get it." you say.
"Is him your pimp?" Daniel says again. "You know, you don't even worth this much, not that hot." you need to actually use force to keep Michael on his place, somehow getting some control. "Doesn't matter, you will end up dead in dome dark alley anyway. I'll have you then."
"Kill him." You mutter to Michael, taking off your hands of his chest, it didn't take more than two seconds before you heard the crack of a broke bone, looking behind you to see Michael letting Daniel's head go, his body going directly to the ground, his neck twisted." Son of a bitch." you say again in a whisper.
"Are you OK?" you hear Michael say, looking at you now with his usual blank stare. You just nod and he comes closer. "Are you sure?"
"I'm, just get rid of him before anyone else sees it." you say closing your pants button, Michael just nod, going back to the body exactly when Calum comes down the hallway, looking mad.
"What the fuck, Michael?" he almost screamed. "It's opening day and you're already killing people?"
"He tried to rape her." Michael said, annoyed, pointing to you while getting Daniel's body on his arms, Calum finally acknowledged your presence.
"He what?" he looks at you, his eyes in a mix of anger, madness and concern. "Are you OK?" you just nod again. "Are you sure?" with another nod he seems convinced, turning back to Michael. "Get out of here." he opens one of the doors showing the street, a dark alley full of trashcan, Michael let Daniel's get to one of them, the biggest one, and for some reason you know that that one is specifically for that. "I'll call someone to take care of this. You" he points to you. "Go to the office and talk to Ashton. You," he points to Michael "go with her, but please don't kill anyone else on your way." you both nod, Michael rolling his eyes before getting you to the office.
~
Tagged babes: @betkaskarpetka @songforhema @booklove-2 @tremendously-sassy-c-dizzle @neralondon @xoxellie @mysteriouslycali @pretty-in-black-things @beautifulplacesforhappines
#fivesoskingdom#ashton 5sos#ashton imagine#calum 5sos#michael 5sos#5sos#ashton 5 seconds of summer#luke 5sos#ashton irwin#ashton fletcher irwin#michael clifford#5sos3#calum 5 seconds of summer#calum hood#imagine 5sos#imagine#michael 5 seconds of summer#luke 5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke imagine#5sos au#gang!ashton#gang!5sos#gang!au
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I'm one of the fortunate ones in this whole situation. My mom had a friend that had power when ours went out. We lived in Kentucky for a few years so my mom knew to keep the faucets dripping. When the friend's water went out, our power came back on. My mom stocks up on water bottles religiously because she doesn't like the taste of the tap water here. She gave the friend some water and we went back home. Our pipes are fine, our car is fine, and now all we have to deal with is the Boil Order and our water coming on and going off again.
The first day (Sunday) wasn't too bad. My mom had planned ahead and all was good. She saw the forecast and refused to let me outside to touch the snow. She figured we'd be snowed in for a while and bought a bunch of food so we wouldn't have to leave. The car was completely iced over and it was so cool. I hadn't seen so much snow since I lived in Kentucky, and I was about four or five at the time. My mom had wanted to do some last minute errands to get some more water and an ice scraper. We broke ice off the windows and mirrors, and we got to play in the snow. I found great joy in punching the ice to see it crack, though it was super cool when it just slid off in a large sheet. The doors were completely frozen shut, so we had to let the car heat up a bit. Then we did all except the left back window (because no one sits there) and left. We bought a glass tile remover and used that because they don't sell ice scrapers here, and we went back home, car mostly free of ice. That night, the power flickered, but we figured it would be fine in the morning.
It wasn't.
The next day (Monday) was pretty bad. The power didn't come on, and it was freezing. We all ate a freezing bowl of cereal and took a look at the situation. We had two flashlights, and my mom knew she wouldn't be able to handle the darkness. The only problem was....our fireplace is wood burning. So, she had us bundle up and break the ice off the car (again) and use a dust pan (from a broom) to shovel a path to the car so we wouldn't track any in the house. The snow was about half an inch deeper than it was on Sunday. It was much colder on Monday than it was on Sunday too. My fingers couldn't handle the cold, and my sister and I rotating to shovel the path was horribly inefficient, so we only got about half way before my mom told us to stop because we were going too slow. Initially, I had wanted to scrape ice on the windows, but, since we don't have gloves, my hands were having a hard time gripping the scraper, eventually I begged to switch places with my mom because I hadn't even managed to pluck a single piece of ice off after a minute or so of fumbling. It didn't help. My hands were red and freezing and I'd spent only five minutes outside. I couldn't handle the dust pan very well either, and I wanted to break down and cry in frustration. I rotated with my sister, running hot water over my hands so I could feel them every time we did so. My mom saw how slow I was going and asked if I wanted to freeze, my response was "I'm going this slow because I am freezing." She had finished surprisingly quickly and we all got into the car, giving up on making a path. The roads were more dangerous than they were on Sunday, simply because there was more snow. Eventually, we managed to make it to Walmart. They had no logs. No cold food. No flashlights. So my mom bought about twelve candles. Walmart's gas station was closed, so we went to the Sam's gas station and got stuck. We struggled for about five minutes before a family came over and helped push us out of the snow. My mom was irritated that they wouldn't let her pump gas at the pump she was already at, ignoring the fact that the snow was too deep in that area to even move, and I was the only one that said thank you, but at least we were out. When we got home, my mom placed two candles in each bathroom and placed the rest around the living room/kitchen/dining room area (yes they are all one single room). We used the flames to warm our hands, and I passed out for a good four and a half hours, only waking up because I was overheating in my hoodie. I woke up at about six and my mom asked me to start the car so we could have somewhere warm to sit and eat. Thirty-ish minutes later we were in the car, warm, munching on chips and lunch meat. We were having issues with the internet, so entertainment was hard to come by and it was extremely boring, but at least we were warm. We stayed in the car from seven to eleven and went to sleep cold. The internet was very choppy, so all i have are these tweets, all made on the same day, even if two of them didn't post until the next day. I don't have tweets from any other days, except today, sorry.
The next day (Tuesday) was bad. We were freezing, and my mom had booked us a hotel, knowing that we couldn't stay without heat for too long, especially considering the fact that we didn't have wood and candles could only supply so much heat. We packed up immediately after waking up, leaving around noon to go to the hotel, even though check in wasn't until three. My dad was nagging us, trying to get us to make the two hour drive to San Antonio to stay with him, which was definitely a "No" considering the state of the roads. We told him we were staying at a hotel, I told him which one, and he called them for us. They were overbooked. My mom was not pleased, and, after double checking, tried to find a solution that wouldn't force her to drive two hours to my dad's apartment. All the hotels in the nearest cities were booked. So my mom called her friends and luckily one of them had power and water, and two extra rooms, and she lived five minutes away from the hotel parking lot (though the actual trip was about double that because of the snow). We all decided to stay in one room, because it kept that one room warmer and we didn't want to impose. We went back to the apartment to get a cot, because Miss Sabina had an air mattress, and we got all settled in. The room had carpets, but the pets weren't allowed in, so we were fine. I have a severe allergy to most animals that aren't reptiles or amphibians, fur and feathers are real bad, and Miss Sabina had two cats and a dog. It was fine though. Maybe half an hour after settling in, my mom got a call, the hotel had a booking canceled and offered us the room. We didn't want to go through the trouble of getting everything back in the car, so we declined it. My mom set up her computer to do school work (even though she works from home, the set up is so convoluted that she'd rather use her PTO than have to try taking it apart and setting it up again), and we were all set. The cage thing we put the cot on was really uncomfortable, so I ended up putting the thin cot on the floor, because even though my hips jutting into the ground was uncomfortable, being able to feel all the metal supports of the other thing was way worse. We went to sleep, warm.
The next day (Wednesday), my mom got an email that the apartment complex had shut off the water, but all was fine in Miss Sabina's house. I did learn that we only own one salt truck and only the bridges were salted. We don't own any plows, and the people on the budget committee(i think that's what it's called) don't want to allocate any money to plows or salt trucks because this storm was apparently just a fluke. Miss Sabina works with the city btw.
The next day (Thursday), Miss Sabina's power started flickering, but it was fine. I was apparently on my period, I didn't realize it because I always get a brownish discharge after it ends and theoughout most of the year, even though it's usually in lesser amounts and usually doesn't have drops of red. I definitely noticed when my pants and underwear were stained a dark red the morning of Thursday. It was inconvenient. That would've put me on my period for a straight eleven days. It was annoying.
The next day (Friday), the water was shut off in Miss Sabina's house. We checked our apartment, because finally the roads weren't completely covered in snow, and the water was still off, but the power was back. Twelfth day on my period.
Today (Saturday), we packed up and left Miss Sabina's house. Our water comes and goes, but my mom managed to buy a pack of bottled water that'll last us a while if I control how much water I drink (I usually drink a lot). I took advantage of the water being back and managed to finally take a poo, because one does not poop in another persons house, not when you're me, anyway. My stomach feels better now, and maybe I'll actually manage to eat something more than half a serving. I'm glad the heat's back, even if the boil order is going to be annoying, and the lack of water, but we're doing fine compared to many other people. My dad's fine, my brother and grandparents haven't called, and my best friend lives in Nevada and is unaffected. Thirteenth day on my period.
I'm so happy I was this lucky, but I'm definitely not getting caught dead in this situation again. When I graduate, I don't care if the northern states are better prepared for this, I'm going to hoard everything to make sure I'm not blindsided by this again. And maybe I'll invest in mittens.
I would like to say "fuck you" to both Ted Cruz and my period, because I was so happy to have a lighter period than usual, and it went and fucked up by extending to two weeks (at least) instead of lasting the normal miserably heavy four days.
#texas winter storm#winter storm#how i survived the texas winter storm 2021#2021 winter storm#texas#my story#winter storm 2021
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