#idk. i think theres more to the movie--way more--than just the sin of looking
Text
can i be so honest. every critique ive read of nope so far has been very lacking
#myposts#genuinely it seems like the only way people feel comfortable with interacting w this film is through the lens of 'spectacle bad'#without ever really defining what 'spectacle' means for the record!#it often takes of these contradictory meanings even in the same sentences which makes the whole thing feel worse bc like#i dont think YOU know what YOURE talking about#and the same w how the movie talks about race#earnestly if the only thing u think it has to say about race is like. people of color are either excluded from or tokenized in hollywood#then ur going to have to square that w ur critique that spectacle is bad end of sentence#is it the characters saving grace that they are exempted from an exploitative industry or should that industry be exploiting them??#bc if ur saying hollywood is bad bc excluding ppl of color + spectacle exploitation u seem to be implying that we should want#people of color to be spectacized and tokenized. and i dont think most people making those statements would agree w that#i genuinely think its the fault of this overreliance on the word spectacle as the thing that holds it together#which sucks actually bc i havent even seen people super digging into the word itself and how fascinating its usage as the bad miracle is#idk. i think theres more to the movie--way more--than just the sin of looking#witnessing and understanding through the look is so significant and so good in it. it is OJ looking at emerald him Seeing her#that gives jean jacket its name. its recognization#we learn to be less afraid of the monster when we understand it--when we see it--and know it doesnt want to be looked at#do you see what i mean?#and thats aside from how it complicates the black horror narrative itself--how it highlights desperation induced by poverty#induced by racism and racially justified disregard as legitimate problems that cant be solved by galacybraining 'nopeing' out#they try to leave--and try to Not Look to abandon the spectacle as spectacle based critique says is the main concept of the movie#and thats not possible. it doesnt work. they go back and going back necessitates looking and engaging w spectacle#like literally the answer is not as simple as 'to spectacalize is Wrong' bc the victorious endstate of the movie#is for these characters to reclaim the history of spectacle theyre denied by disenfranchisement. she takes the frame by frame pictures#their names are attached to it forever and cant be forgotten as the jockey is. how can you square that?? honestly#idk. just watching this yt video where some white woman is talking about how nope is about and only about the entertainment industry#its just not the whole picture
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
where does charles go from here?
from twitter, on where charles' character might go now that hes past the pacifism + has been goring mfs, but has also not endeared himself to mutantkind/krakoa by forcing them into their own personal exodus story.
it makes sense that many ppl struggle to imagine futures for charles. by his own design, "professor x" is not really a Person but an Image, and a Position that can't exist independently of the x-men or similar power structures that position him as a leader, father, or elder
this is because the x-men, while obviously created for MANY reasons, were created in part as an extension of himself, his anxieties, + his dreams for himself and the world.
x-men (the series) has become a narrative where x-men (the team) is redundant. in this new status quo, charles shared power with many others but maintained proximity to his old role as a leader/father/elder. from professor x of the xmen to xavier of krakoa.
now even krakoa has deteroriated despite charles relinquishing power to save it. on top of this he's made a massive mistake that has definitely not endeared him to his ppl (whether they actually believe him to be at fault is besides the point, there will be distrust regardless)
no x-men, no krakoa, no professor x, no xavier.
professor x has consumed (or simply obscured) charles' personhood for most of his history. how many people actually know who he is, when he's not "professor", when he's not "xavier". how many people is he just "charles" to?
for all its issues, the 2000s/post-deadly genesis era — the shattering of The Image Of Professor X — gifted us quite a bit of Charles Xavier As Just Some Guy stories. its not surprising that he was killed off in AvX — some writers couldn't see what there even IS beyond the facade
and that mirrors many readers now! it's why so many people say "idk, kill him?" in response to this type of question, or are otherwise generally more stumped about his future than they are with other characters that have evolved in new ways.
and they're kind of right. there really isn't anywhere for "Professor X" to go from here — not without the regression of the current narrative as a whole. if krakoa, or the spirit of krakoa, is to continue, this is where Professor X ends and Charles Xavier starts (or restarts?)
so What Does That Even Mean. condensed, i think that's charles going off on a journey + (metaphorically or otherwise) figuring out who he is, outside of the person he's pretended to be or forced himself to be. like whatever was ultimately scrapped in 2017:
theres a few points of reference for what that might look like in action…these panels are relevant as is all of excalibur 2004 (helping victimized mutants in a hands-on, on-the-ground way, working in a decentralized group, explicitly forgoing previous tactics + behaviors).
also x-men: legacy — generally the whole running around being chased by his own sins hanging out with characters you wouldn't think he'd mesh with but are exactly the type of people who'd challenge him in an interesting way
also…theres no way forward for professor x WITHOUT regression…if we end up in the bad end ("back to the school") (I REBUKE IT) its possible he'd be taken "back to basics" in the sense that he just becomes Classic Professor X. best case scenario hes a prof but not a headmaster
anyway we're definitely heading in the direction of charles "the good shepherd" xavier considering this synopsis that i THINK is saying he's going to investigate muir island? theres a typo somewhere there
X MY HEART!
Xavier swore he would stay on Krakoa and defend its memory. He's leaving. There must be a good reason to leave one doomed island for another - and the dark secrets that await beneath Muir Island. Meanwhile, something is very wrong with Jean…or is it something very right?
envisioning him heading there on a speedboat like he's in an action movie idk 😭
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
Az liveblogs: Anthony Zimmer (Jerome Salle, 2005) ✨
This movie feels somehow more deranged than the American remake from the get go. The zipper thing and the cut after “I’d love some tea” is the best kind of visual comedy. I remember listening to John August talk about how a writer will make you trust them with the story just a couple of pages in, and this is a perfect example of it.
And I love how European it is too? Like, they cut all the action stuff and go full cloak and dagger. It’s a lot less showy and these differences never fail to make me giggle a little?
“It’s not my only luxury”. deranged. Just— deliciously deranged. Who the fuck wrote this. Wait a second I gotta—
Jerome Salle did, whoever he is. Kudos for him, boy can write good banter. The recursive lines were <3
Chiara is a whole mood.
It’s sweeter than The Tourist, too, even if visually it’s not as striking, it work so so well.
THE HOLDING MUSIC WAS GOLDEN. UGH. such a great idea aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this so much. Tho I will say nothing will really beat Johnny Depp in pajamas walking barefoot over the roofs of Venice.
And it’s interesting when you think that this one starts with a very clinical description of Zimmer and Chiara’s world (the danger, the deceit, etc), while The Tourist shows you through the more action-packed scene with Jolie’s Chiara. While both work very well and fit their respectives styles of filmmaking I like how by not preparing the audience with action from the get go, Anthony Zimmer kind of puts you in the shows of the dude when the mob comes knocking. It feels very sudden, because you haven’t seen anything like this before, like him. It’s a nice effect, and it works in favor of the final reveal, too.
He falls down the stairs— OH NY GOD THE PILLS THING. This is so good, so so niCe. This is such a creative movie ughhhhhh. It puts you a lot more in his space than The Tourist, which assumes more distance in order to present the action. This is fascinating JEKDKKDDNANJD
THEres a pARTY— DUDE COMES IN WITH TWO BOTTLES OF CHAMPGNE IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHATS GOING ON
The lighting in the hospital scene is garish af. Yikes. This entire sequence is just…? What in the hell?
« Qu’est-ce que vous comptez faire? »
« Je mettre un pansement. Je me coupé avec un ouvre-bouteille. »
I wish the lines were delivered in just a little bit less if a naturalistic way? This is too good to be so deadpan. Still great tho, but the tone strikes me as a lot more serious than I expected, I'm not used to it, I'm used to cartoonist American storytelling dammit.
Ooooooh this is good. The ellipsis of violence!!!! The way he never really shows you stuff!!!!! It reminded me of Refn talking about how violence is like sex is My Life Directed by Nicholas Winding Refn NDKXNDKDNSKSNKXKKX
This is so nice. I love how he forces the audience to do half the work. It's a lot more suspenseful and serious than the American version. It's still light, overall, but it doesn't reach the point of farce like Tourist does at times. Both movies strike a very weird tone. It's really a razor edge balance there. No wonder people don't like either of them.
I will say, tho, this story does benefit from the visual beauty and flashyness of American storytelling. And it did benefit from being remade 5 years later. It does a lot to build the Zimmer character without ever having to actually show you who he is etc etc.
The characters are so much less...? Idk, there's this quieter nature of things, they feel less obviously characterized. But it also feel a lot more like a flat out romance than The Tourist. Like. Everything is just [SPOILER] Zimmer trying to figure out if she'll still love him after the change. Like. It's a romantic drama dressed in flashy clothes that barely hide the true intention and I love it JDOXJSJ [END]
A well cut suit really does change a man doesn't it.
The greatest sin here is that they make Nice look kinda meh. Like, cmon you went all the way there, make it look prettttyyyyyyy the family walking around w some boogie boads dnflsnxkdkd it looks like my hometown I swear
This movie is like five hundreds times more entertaining when you watch it knowing what's the catch. Everytime he says "my wife" I giggle.
The interpol plot in the remake is sexier, I gotta say.
OH SHIT SJODDBJ ok I didn't remember that it was a love triangle. With 4 (?) people.
I just realized that this is like a French Thomas Crown Affair of sorts. More akin to the original than the '90s one hmm I so have a type HDKCJDK
WOW OH OKAY THATS WHERE THE MONEY WENT. Whole budget thrown into this shot and I would've done the same lmao
« Je suis là »
I AM GOING TO HAVE A STROKE. A FUCKING STROKE. THIS IS SO SWEET IT'S UNBEARABLE I NEED TO WATCH THIS FIVE HUNDRED TIME.
Aw hell yeah. Good. This is good. Sweet. I swear the "je suis là" scene will haunt me for years.
0 notes
Text
Time to be Saved!
I’m spending Christmas Eve with Hot Joseph. Block ‘hot joseph 2017′ to disregard this post.
Sorry. I meant to start this earlier but my super Polish grandma would have come back to haunt me if I didn’t make pierogies first.
ANYWAYS. Let’s do this! Stream-of-consciousness style.
Disclaimer: I’m sober and was raised Catholic so some saltiness might appear.
Oscar I hope you know I’m watching this for you. Ugh. I could be watching elf.
Ooh there’s a word crawl! Foreshadowing?
Zachariah is gettin the good word - you’re gonna be a daddy!
Oh shit he just ripped off his sacramental garb!
Now we’re in a field.
Mary, you aren’t allowed to have fun. TSK TSK
There he is! HOT JOSEPH EVERYBODY! Checkin out Mary as she walks by!
You know, Mary’s parents are not very nice.
I’m having CCD flashbacks. Help me hot Joseph.
Ohhhhhh he’s hammering.fjdjdn
Wait dudes on horses are interrupting his hammering.
Oh fuck someone didn’t pay their taxes.
Joseph looks concerned
They are taking women to pay for taxes, fuck these dudes! HIDE YO DAUGHTERS!!!
Hide, Mary!!!!
HOT JOSEPH PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE ENOUGH CASH!!!
he BOUGHT THE MULE HE GAVE IT TO MARY THIS IS TRUE LOVE. HOLY MOLY HOT JOSEPH YOU ARE THE BEST
The prophecy ain’t no myth. You’re all fucked.
Okay there is Persia, we’ve moved everyone.
Codebreakers! Where’s dan brown?!
THESE ARE THE WISE MEN
They are intense.
Oh back to Israel.
JOSEPH IS THERE WAITING.
Mary just got told she was betrothed and now she’s married
See what happens when you accept a dude’s mule?
He just got the no sex talk from Mary’s old man.
She isn’t hearing it, she left
HOT JOSEPH I’M SORRY
MARY what’s up you saw him right? With your own eyes?
You will love him Mary don’t worry.
Joseph is good AND strong. Mary isn’t so sure. She guesses he’s like 5′7 1/2 though which is towering back then.
There are creepy whispers...is that Gabriel?
Mary found favor Idk they are talking softly
More CCD flashbacks.
She just takes this ethereal strangers word for it ya know. What is she gonna tell Hot Joseph?
Mary wants to go see Zach and liz
Looks like things are crazy on the road. She didn’t even say bye to HJ - based on what I have seen he won’t be happy
Elizabeth knew! She knew Mary was preggo
Hey it’s Mikael’s mom from The Promise!
The wise men are still at it! Those rascals.
Mary’s asking the tough questions.
Baby Jesus is moving - Liz, you don’t even know
HOT JOSEPH IS MAD!! HE IS POUNDING THAT HAMMER. Oh shit he threw it down! Someone has a temper issue!
“Melchior, I don’t wanna go on a road trip!!!”- the other two wisemen
Labor ?
Looks terrible!
Well. That happened.
Hot Joseph is super awkward. You can tell he’s a total dork. But lovable. I love that curly hair too, ya know?
Uh oh Mary is headed home!
Bad things happened on that road, too. what is it with these roads, man? They look like Game of Thrones stopped by.
Men in power. *yawn*
This one guy looks like a Jonas brother
Wait you are tryin to tell me only 2 wisemen set out?
Ah there’s he is “you forgot the map.” They bicker like golden girls !!
HJ is so happy!!! Mary is back!!!
His eyes are HUGE, he’s seein’ her belly omg
She walked right past him too, didn’t say anything.
Joseph wanders off, stunned. Well...this marriage is going well
He’s crying! Wtf Mary! You could be a little nicer! You’re the one that agreed to carry the messiah all HJ wanted was a nice house with a sturdy ROOF.
He chose her bc he thought she had great virtue!
TEARY EYED HOT JOSEPH NOOOO
HE IS PROTECTING HER FROM TRIAL, no stones for Mary.
BUT HE AINT OK WITH IT YET
His anger is intense! He’s walking...walking...some dude tries to hand him the biggest rock
Who are they stoning omg...wait a minute
He is dreaming !!!! There’s Gabe.
He believes her!! Gabe told him in his dream to believe her.
Ugh I think hot Joseph doesn’t get enough credit.
Bad men are coming. There’s a census.
Nothing good happens when people start taking notes. Especially the government.
HJ has to go to Bethlehem, the land of his ancestors.
Boy she hit the jackpot, didn’t she, with him. He’s like Sure I’ll walk the whole way and lead this donkey and not eat.
HJ just made a funny! They are passing all the dbags who whisper about them all the time and he goes, “they are going to miss us.” 😂
HJ is gutting a fish and speaking softly. He wonders if he can teach Jesus anything...awww...hammering stuff probably
They got stopped and got searched cuz of paranoid king nutbag.
Some fortune teller just mentioned the kid wasn’t his, ouch. The look he gave her.
Are they sacrificing the cow? “Pass your sins to the animal.” Really?
Omfg the animal isn’t receiving your sins you coward. You still have them because you’re evil. I hate them.
Poor donkey I mean... everything has it rough. But this donkey has seen some things.
HJ gave a giant piece of bread to the missus and took only a nibble for himself.
He fed the donkey his share. Awwww he’s petting it and talking to it. “I’m the hungry one,” he says. You cheeky little carpenter.
OH NO THE DONKEY SAW A SNAKE AND KNOCKED MARY OFF INTO THE WATER!
HJ saves the day!
He is doing so well but he’s exhausted. She is gonna wash his feet while she talks to herself and the baby about how pure Joseph is.
(PS - oscar sleeping is adorable sidenote red alert)
For HOT AIR, HJ’s curly hair is on point!
Ahhhh Jerusalem. “It was meant to be a holy city.”
Some dude grabs their coin purse. No, literally.
“What belongs to us, stays with us.” Don’t try to rob them.
Now to Bethlehem.
“What was your gift?” Mary asks the shepherd. “Nothing,” he replies.
I feel, shepherd.
She is in labor ohhhhhhh joseph it’s go time!
THERES THAT SHINY STAR
IT WAS JUST THREE THINGS ALIGNING I GUESS
HJ IS DELIVERING THIS KID. HES IN IT TO WIN IT
MAD LAUGHTER - Joseph is at a breaking point
NAKED BABY BUTT cover it UP
OMG HJ HOLDING A BABY ughhhhhhhhhh it’s too much
HOT JOSEPH LOOKS SO VULNERABLE
THE WISEMEN COMETH
it’s linus’ speech!
HJ is too much. I stomped to this movie expecting to laugh a lot at bad filmmaking but dammit oscar I wasn’t expecting this I wasn’t EXPECTING TO CARE ABOUT JOSEPH THIS MUCH I’M ROOTING FOR HIM (more than mary????? lol)
here COMES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
mary’s face thru much of this film has been fairly stony. Is she even present in the moment? haha
HJ cannot believe their gifts - the gold is his fav but he’s feeling the myrrh too.
The wisecracking wise man is in shock. He was sassy this whole time, too.
Ya know, at least Mary didn’t have to be a single mom.
The wisemen are keeping the secret. Probably for the best, dudes. You heard the crazy people.
Man I forgot what psychos these people were (are???!!!!!) over power
HJ getting the heck out of there just in time. He has to have SO MANY BLISTERS.
They are fleeing to Egypt
Apparently I didn’t pay attention in CCD, and also that poor donkey. I havent seen any of them eat in days.
Man kudos to oscar for ALL OF THE ENDLESS WALKING
And it’s over.
Thank you Hot Joseph.
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes failure is better than success
jihoon/samuel fake dating au
requested by anon
honestly it all started in the weirdest way
jihoon had been friends for a few months when it happened
it wasn’t their fault that bae jinyoung was literally so pretty
they couldn’t keep their eyes off of him and so they bet on who would get to take him out first
(spoiler alert: none of them did)
jihoon and his group of friends, which consisted of samuel, euiwoong, seonho, gualin and hyungseob, were like the groups of friends that people see in the movies
they had lunch together everyday, they sat next to each other and they told one another everything
jihoon couldnt have asked for a better group of friends, really
but then again... he could
i mean, how was samuel considered a good friend if he insisted on crushing on the same guy as him????
jihoon didnt understand
for all everyone knew, jihoon had been crushing on jinyoung first!
he’d fallen in love as soon as they made eye contact (which in fact, did not happen bc jinyoung was always looking at the ground, but please. let jihoon be happy)
and jihoon had started talking about him to their friends just to be met with “i know right!!!”’s from samuel at everything he said
jihoon, the fucking gemini, had glared at him. “he’s mine, i saw him first.”
to which euiwoong had replied, after taking a bite of hyungseob’s sandwich. “hyung, you do realise he’s not food, right?”
maybe jihoon had ended up blushing a bit, but who was to blame him for that? he quickly shook his head, “thats not what i mean, woong. you know that.” then turned his head to samuel
“cmon sam, for real. i feel like this is my sappy romance story yk. you gotta let me have it.”
“but hyung, i like him too! look, im not gonna dislike him for you and neither will you. its bros before hoes, not bros before ros-”
gualin, at this, perked up “what even is this conversation that does not make any sense”
“yes it does, omg! bros equals friends, ros equals romance between bros ok lemme live jesus! but anyway, we aint gonna budge our asses for one anoter, we might as well fight for it. agaisnt each other”
“what??!???” “are you crazy???” “what the fuc- i mean what????”
jihoon looked terrified, but then he set up his tray a bit closer to him, smirking. “fine. whoever gets to take him out first, gets him. after losing you gotta give him up. and give me 20 bucks as well.”
“why are you saying its me whos gonna lose?? and why do i have to pay you??”
jihoon smiled mischiviously. “duh. because i want, obviously.”
and then it was set
they started playing games, trying to get jinyoung’s attention
samuel would write lyrics to songs he wanted to play to jinyoung
jihoon would daydream about coming up to jinyoung and telling him he wanted him to be his bae
samuel would start laughing louder, so that he could call for jinyoung’s attention indirectly
jihoon would wear different neon laces everyday to be different and stand out in his crush’s eyes
and yet, jinyoung didnt care for either of them
“ugh, this is so hard jihoon hyung.”
“i know right? he hasn’t even looked in our way at least once”
“what is it that we’re doing wrong??”
“idk sam. maybe we should try to get his attention in another way?”
samuel stopped writing down the answer to his english homework of the day to look up at jihoon, who was wearing a frown on his face
“how so hyung?”
“well, we could try to make him jealous?”
“but how is that even going to work if he doesn’t notice either of us”
jihoon threw his pencil in the table, and rolling his eyes as he sighed
“i dont know okay???? i just want him to look at me and like me back, but he doesnt even know i exist”
“hey hyung... its okay, i get it remember? we’re the same. just... how do you think we can make him jealous then?”
jihoon smiled a bit at that, lifting his head from where he had laid it into his arms, “we could date someone”
“oh. who?”
“well. hyungseob and euiwoong are the only gays from our group of friends that are out, but they’re dating each other. so....”
“so....?”
“sooooo.... we could date each other!”
“WHAT oh my god no way”
jihoon pinched samuel’s arm, making the younger flinch away. “what do you mean no way, you punk! im damn handsome, smart, intelligent and funny! theres nothing not to like!”
“hyung.... get your head out of your ass and listen. i dont wanna date you omg. you literally are so.... annoying sometimes no offense. and you snore when you sleep!”
“omg sam shut the fuck up u idiot. firstly i am not annoying youre just not old enough to understand how real and amazing people like me function. secondly. bitch we aint gonna sleep together what the fuck is wrong with my snoring. you talk in your sleep!”
samuel shook his head. “this is seriously not gonna work hyung, what even went through your mind.”
“an idea, thats what. at least i try to come up with those and help ourselves!!!!!” jihoon sighed once again, throwing his hands up. “so are you in or what? we can give it a try right? for a week or two?”
“ugh. fine but if it doesnt work out im killing both you and myself.”
“wow.... thats sad”
“shut up and study”
it..... didnt work out
but also no one died
“ok. what is happening??” was the first thing that met them when they walked to their lunch table holding hands, gualin was currently staring at them both intensively
“listen. this is not weird i promise but we’re dating.”
“you’re what???????”
“dating, you dumbass.”
euiwoong fixed up his glasses, “when and why and how did this happen. am i in a alternative universe”
“ok what the fuck is so wrong with us loving each other” samuel tried not to gag at jihoon’s words, instead squeezing jihoon’s hand stronger
seonho stopped snacking on a chocolate bar “you have been crushing on jinyoung for weeks remember?”
hyungseob continued, “yeah and why wouldnt you tell us if you liked each other???”
at this jihoon started laughing, “im kidding jeez!!!” he then sat down and mentioned for them to sit closer
“we’re pretending-” “WHAT” “omg shut up gualin youre so loud. we’re pretending to date so that jinyoung will be jealous”
euiwoong sighed “im not even going to care this time around. you two are lost cases.”
hyungseob smiled as he pinched euiwoong’s cheek and jihoon fake vomited “ew. YOU are lost cases stop being so in love”
“you jealous hyung?” “omg shut up seonho”
“anyway woong. i am telling you that you should be more respectful to me. when im married to jinyoung, with kids that are twice your height and with more money than all your three next genarations, i wont remember you punk.”
“GOOD”
“OMG YOU FUCKING- I HATE YOU”
turns out fake dating samuel wasnt soooo bad
they hang out like they used to, the only difference was that they held hands a bit more
it still, however, didnt work for them as jinyoung never looked their way
therefore, ofc the obvious and only solution was for them to take their relationship to the next level and to kiss
they decided on a plan
jihoon would be walking to school and hed pass by jinyoung and smile at him casually, but then he’d fall
samuel would then see and help him up, ask if he was okay!! and then kiss his cheek
it was a good plan, really, it was a good plan BUT
fucking samuel didnt do shit! he stood there looking
which ended up in jinyoung looking up to see what had happened and walking towards jihoon to help him up
jihoon started blushing when jinyoung asked him if he was okay, and jihoon could only nod
at this samuel came closer to the two of them, glaring at jihoon but trying to cover it up with a smile “hey you okay baby?”
jihoon blushed at the pet name, how could samuel call him baby when he was talking with his crush. “im fine”
jinyoung then cleared his throar, “hm. im glad youre okay i should go. see you around i guess...”
“jihoon!!! my name is jihoon”
after jinyoung had left, samuel turned to jihoon “what the hell was that?”
“that do you mean??? you didnt even fucking try to help me. what was THAT???”
“i was... thinking. listen, why didnt you pretend??”
“fuck. because i was actually talking to him! and you had to ruin it all sam omg. cant you fucking let me win? youre such a sore loser.”
“what??? i was doing what you asked hyung! i was pretending.”
“whatever, im done. i dont want to pretend anymore. i got to talk with him alone, not by pretending.”
“what??? but how come you want to pretend and then you dont?!?!?”
“jeez sam dont make it that deep. we played a game, the game is over now. thats it, im gonna keep trying to get jinyoung and so will you”
“but hyung. i thought we were on this together?”
“hm no??? sam, we’re agaisnt each other”
samuel shook his head, rubbing his hands agaisnt each other, “fine.”
“fine!”
when samuel didnt answer, jihoon sighed “goodbye”
“where are you going??? it’s the middle of the day?”
“mind your business”
they didnt talk for two days, damn that gemini stuborn ass
samuel ended up reaching out to jihoon and apologising for overreacting, to which jihoon agreed and also apologised for doing the same
they sorted things out and promised to not let this jinyoung matter ruin their friendship
everything was really great until jihoon started talking more with jinyoung
jihoon would cross ways with his crush and he’d actually hold his head up long enough to shoot him a smile
they’d say hi to each other if they saw one another
sometimes jihoon would even sit next to jinyoung for a few moments when he was alone
and jihoon was loving it until he noticed that samuel was growing sadder by the days
he was quieting down and focusing more on studying
and he was always avoiding him
jihoon could for the love of god understand why
and he couldnt not talk about it, so he did ofc
him and samuel talked about it although the younger avoided saying the reason
jihoon let him be for a few more days but once the week mark passed, he got really worried
he thought that maybe it was because samuel was jealous that he’d lost and jihoon even went to the point of talking to him about giving up jinyoung just to let samuel be happy-
when he noticed exactly that. since when did samuel’s happiness become soooo important? sure it was always important, they were friends
but jihoon cared to the point of giving up on his crush just to see samuel happy???? that was new
jihoon then started thinking more about that and even talked to euiwoong about it, who told him that he was thinking of it as something more complex than it really was and that he should just talk with samuel
at first, jihoon didnt get it. but as he started missing his best friend more and more (since when did samuel become his best friend that he missed more than the others???)
he realised something had changed and he decided he really needed to talk with samuel about it
“hey”
“oh. hey hyung” samuel went to leave the bathroom
its not live jihoon purposefully stalked him there just to prove to himself that the younger was in fact avoiding him
“hey wait. we need to talk sam”
samuel shook his head quickly, “we dont. for real i swear im okay”
“i dont believe you. just talk with me please, for a second”
“fine hyung. here?”
“hm.... no, lets go to the seats okay?”
“okay hyung.”
they sat down in the outside of the school, close to each other but not too much
jihoon cleared his throat “ok so, ive been thinking. and listen. i really miss you sam. like ive been talking more and more with jinyoung but less and less with you and i miss you like crazy-”
“oh.”
“yeah. i.... dont know sam. i really miss you, what happened? we were fine but you started avoiding me. is it because i talk with jinyoung more than you? i...i. i could let you meet him. talk for real with him.”
“no, hyung. its not that.”
“really? then what? bc i swear sam, i’d give him up for you to be happy, for real.”
“really hyung? you’d. you’d do that? for m-me? seriously?”
“yeah. of course. is it really not because of that?”
“well. i guess technically it is. but hm. just hear me out and please dont hate me okay?”
jihoon nodded “of course not.”
i dont how or why but ive been feeling different... towards you. i was jealous yes, but then i realised i was jealous not because of jinyoung but because of you... hyung. i wanted to be him. i wanted you to be crushing on me and i know youre not and i know you wont. and im happy for you to be talking with him but. im sorry i just dont feel ready to be your friend right now.”
“oh hm. wow i didnt realise you felt that way. i.”
samuel shook his head, “part of me was hoping youd confess like in the movies yk? im... god im so stupid.”
“hey, dont say that. youre not. im too perfect, you cant resist me i get it-”
“not now hyung, please.” and the way samuel’s voice sounded so broken. it left jihoon speechless and at the same time wanting to scream out everything at the world.
“sam. im sorry i really am i didnt know you felt that way. i...”
“its okay hyung. i myself only realised when i talked with woong-”
“wait you talked with him too?”
“what? you talked with him?”
“yeah i asked for his help-”
“about what?”
“ohh. hm. oh. i.”
jihoon completely spaced out and he felt like he was in a movie. he felt like a character that just understood everything at once, like a stupid girl that didnt realise she liked her best friend over her crush. like a fool
“i wow sam.”
“what hyung? are you okay??????”
“jesus christ im dumb”
“i know. tell me something new.”
“bitch shut up listen i.... like you too omg- i cant believe it but i do.”
“what?? you just daydreamed for two minutes straight and now youre back and u like me??? dont play me like that. i thought you were better than this-”
“omg sam shut up let me talk. i talked to woong because i needed help reaching out to you. i was so worried! i even told you that i’d give jinyoung up for you and you talking with woong just reminded me of what he said... and its true. i was making it out to be too complicated when in fact its so simple. i like you, plain and easy.”
“are you sure??????”
“yeah sam. i am, i really am. i feel like i have a bulb over my head.”
“you might as well, what you just said was more moving and inovational than the creation of ipads.”
“damn im blessed to have such a nice boyfriend that compliments me so much! i mean, wait no.”
they both blushed, the losers.
“so.... boyfriend huh?”
“what the fuck gualin since when were you there????”
they ended up discovering a week later, as they held hands under the lunch table, giggling and blushing over the touch, that jinyoung had been dating daewhi for months.
#produce 101#produce 101 scenarios#produce 101 headcanons#produce 101 fics#produce 101 requests#headcanons#park jihoon#kim samuel#lee euiwoong#lai gualin#ahn hyungseob#yoo seonho#lee daewhi#bae jinyoung#winkdeep#fullfilled#p101 requested#kim samuel/park jihoon
31 notes
·
View notes
Note
Okay, but where do you stand on the Lego Ninjago Movie? Cuz I am just cautiously optimistic that it'll be better than the show
pros:
movie!jay looks so cute, and hes voiced by kumail nanjiani (also prismo from adventure time) and thats a lovely visual
movie!kai’s hair is fire n thats so cute
movie!lloyd’s green eyes are cute and i think its a good, interesting detail
movie!nya is IMMEDIATELY on the same level as the boys, so i’m probably not going to have to sit through a half-assed poorly written arc where she has to train to get on their level
its going to be a mostly comedic movie, so its probably not going to do that obnoxious crap the show does where its trying to take itself seriously Despite The Ridiculousness Of Events Or Massive Plot Holes Occurring Among A Thousand Other Issues
anything the movie does that i like better than the show i can implement into an au/rewrite of the show
there don’t appear to be literally any signs of ja//ya so far and im, like, praying to god that im right and i’m free from badly written hets
cons:
movie!nya has pixal’s hairstyle for some reason and im not honestly not feeling it; not digging the beauty mark either, its an unnecessary detail that just serves to make her more... idk... stereotypical female lead, i guess is a way to put it? but also less like nya and more like a humanized pixal, when itd be so easy to just. put pixal in the movie
i dont like movie!cole’s ponytail at all cuz its visually ugly as sin and i like his fluffboy look from the show better
movie!zane looks the same as show!zane but in an uncanny, unnatural looking way and he just does not, look... good. at all.
theres literally no way they can handle the garmadon-vs-lloyd plotline half as well as it was handled in the show
i watched the trailer and i already don’t really care much for movie!garmadon or how they’re choosing to portray him
esp since they seem to be playing him as a knowingly uncaring and neglectful father, as opposed to how he was as the show
“koko”
“adults get the comedy of the supervillain pestering lloyd to find out if his ex-wife is seeing anybody” (gags)
i kinda want freedom from this mortal coil
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU FOR WALKING AWAY
Does the story end when we go? Does love die if the pages stop turning? I hope so because Im in pain. How do u tell someone "you cheated 1st"? I slept with two women and the other I still love. I read her tumblr page when she wasnt looking, its not like i was the greatest guy. She said stuff like i said mean things. I know i did. Like a kid throwing a tantrum because i dreamed of a future. You know, having kids a house, maybe a dog. If i didnt love her why risk going to jail to save her life? Her father threatened to call the cops on me when i banged on the door yelling and crying shouting "SHES DYING" it was raining that night like some movie and me running through it. We were always there for eachother whether it was a prayer or a hand. I asked her to marry me and she said yes, that was somewhere in the middle.
Theres a lot that happened, some NSFW stuff that happened to her. I could see it breaking her. And when we finally met again she was laughing about some of the graphic content. She told me the old her was dead, like she was just looking past me. Like the night she was dying from an overdose. She didnt see the man that loves her. She only saw what she wanted to see.
When the ambulance took her away i met her the next day in the hospital ward. I will always remember this because as i turned away from her hand i felt her standing there almost begging me not to leave. I had to go, i joined the military.
What went through my mind during that moment was does she love me, then why didnt she call me before the pills? And she's slept with other men to boot. But i was always there even if it made me mad.
There was this other girl, Ebony. She was pretty but so was Ashley. I wanted to try getting back at her for running around. And no i didnt go to bed with Ebony after Ashley's incident. Not right after. I still shouldnt have. "He who touches a women divored commiteth adultery." The same goes for man. I sinned against my very heart which was Ashley and now she hates me.
Im not the type to go get a new dog when we have to put down o'l yeller. When my dog Ginger died i never replaced her. Can you replace a son or a daughter, a father or mother? Can you replace the person you almost lost your life for? I guess the question is should you though. I hate sounding like im giving up on what i believe in. I love ginger and i believe in a better place.
I stayed gone to military training until 2010. Ashley called in the beginning to see if i was alright. I was still mad at her. Was she sleeping with others even though i wasnt around even Ebony? Lol no but ebony was sleeping against me and Ashley even stalked her to find out for me. I thought she was manipulating my emotions. That was the beginning of our downfall. I called her, Ashley, right around my graduation. I was outside of a hotel the privates threw a party at. I missed her and decided to go outside and call her. She was with some other man sadly. Probably doing some NSFW with him as my heart breaks. She laughed at me over the phone, like hey Ash come on its OB. Im still here. I graduated but the woman i love left me.
After the military i called her every now and again. She wouldnt pick up most of the time. I joined the conservation corps and just decided to wait until she asked me to come over. My heart was racing when she asked to talk, funny enough i believe i quit there right beforehand.
We talked about a lot of stuff. Mainly she talked about the guy and the NSFW stuff. All while looking off in the distance just smiling and giggling about how he made her scream and broke the cheap Walmart bed. I was getting upset. Holding my tongue. But when she told me her father touched her, thats when i cracked. I laughed at her pain because it seemed like she was ignoring mine. I missed her forever and a day and she was just, idk she was something, a happy i wouldnt call happy. I spent the night i think, even tried to pull a night with her but its like she just hated me. The last time i recalled ever seeing her was the hospital. She must have held the hospital and ebony against me.
Fast forward to the next day she drops me off at my house. As i stare at her wondering whats going on in her head, probably the dudes equipment, she reaches out and tries to hug me. I pushed her hands away, like she just wanted me to feel like everything was going to be alright. She only wanted to chase tail. Like all those moments over the years we were together didnt matter. I know she was talkin to someone else, i felt like i couldnt "satisfy" her anymore in a way. She definitely didnt like my moves the night before. I watched her get back in the car and drive off.
Some years passed and we lost the house. I overdosed on i think excedrin. That was the night she wouldnt pick up her phone. Funny enough that bottle wasnt enough to finish the job. The cycle of wanting to die when you lose a love like a dog, pig, cow, man women, whatever its hard to kill unless you have hope.
I gathered my senses and decided to leave california for Minnesota. The week prior was bad though. I started hallucinating and i heard voices. I started developing schizophrenia, and destroyed my mothers house due to it. Back to the following week im leaving for Minnesota and Tony tells me he has a gun he wants to sell. I figure i'd buy it when i get paid. You guessed it, im looking to make the job quick. Ashley didnt love me anymore. She wont miss me anyways. I Know how to pull an M9 apart blind folded and put it back together within seconds. I know the central nervous system is what you aim for. Its in the back of the skull at the nape of the neck. You'd leave this world in seconds. I know it sounds grim but come on, its better than commiting adultery against my heart. Who wants to live and suffer at the same time?
Tony saw me brandishing the piece and hid it from me i was crying about what i had done to everyone.
Tony ended up ditching me in Minnesota, luckily it wasnt my first time eating out of a trash can. Home is where you make it. Some people at the shelter became my friends and we played guitars together. But i wasnt as good with the guitar as i am now.
Salvation army was my first job in Minnesota, i was just happy again. I grew my hair out and styled it down, not like Prince and less greasy. After work id go get a drink. I worked that job for about two months i know because my birthday had passed and i believe i turned 25.
2015 came down and i still was asking god what now. I was skinny and handsome playing the guitar with a job. There were women who'd look and stare and some thought i was full of myself. The truth is i just wanted to be able to hold ashley if she ever fell in my arms. I was kinda muscly. I always told myself that one day her legs will fail but id be ready, the muscles werent just for show.
I hit on a few women but i never chased. Id go to the library every now and again to read. And then it hit me, even though i had no cell phone i could use the computers, Ashley was the 1st thing on my mind. I called, i dont think she answered but messaged back. She sounded angry. She was pregnant is what she was. Little did i know. All said and done she left me feeling more empty than i had planned. I started getting angry at God, "if you control everything and move everything, why are you moving me toward Ashley? She doesnt even see the love anymore or remember the sacrifices."
The train to the mall was coming by soon. I went to the liquor store with a plan. Buy as much fireball whiskey as i can consume and jump off of the mall of america. The train was sluggish, probably because i had been drinking. I fell into a doze just before the last stop, "The Mall of America". I woke up and walked slowly, tipsy, toward the elevators to the 6th floor. I heard a voices as i walked to the ledge. I turned around to see if anyone was watching me, my back against the guard rail. I climbed on top and looked down, liquor really did help. I turned my head up and told God "you want my life? You can have it". I let go of my hands back toward the earth and fell asleep.
When i woke up it was about 2 weeks later. My vision was blurry but i made out my mom crying on my chest. I slowly reached and touched her scalp. She didnt know i woke up. Short lived, i went back to sleep. Not just my mom was there but my sister too. They drove from California. How did they find me with no ID?
I stayed in that hospital for 3 months, due to my injuries and placed in the psych ward. My family visited me every few months. All that was going through my head is 'I'm alive" it took me a while to figure out how to use my legs being one has nerve damage now. But i started walking before my bones could fully fuse. The nurses told me to stop.
After i gained disability and got placed in housing, i bought a game to occupy my time. No more work outs, no more running, just me trying to forget the reasons i gave up on life. A couple months to about a year later my mother asks if i want to leave the housing and save the disability money. I said yes to that. I didnt know they'd take me back to california on my birthday. It was a nostalgic drive.
I picked up a walking routine and decided talking to ashley was always going to end with her thinking about my faults. I stopped calling her for probably 4-5 years no messages, nothing.
One day my mom asks if i want to go for a ride and talk. We drove until we reached the on ramp she passes me her phone with a picture of Ashley holding a baby. It was Zipporah. What should i have felt? If ashley is dead why did ashley hold onto the dream? And share it with someone who just left her holding the bag. I couldnt believe it after how hard we tried to bring her into this world.
But i cant chase Ashley anymore, i cant even run, literally.
I didnt know if she was married or not to the dude all i know is his ass wasnt in any pictures with the baby. Ive done some searchin around, he was some dead beat who'd prey on women revealing there weak sides on the internet instead of reality. Yeah I never liked virtual dating. That or the websites. Why do for me what i can do myself?
Even after zipporah was in my view i was a happy mad. Happy that Ashley finally got her family minus the father. But mad at the whoremonger man who just left her. I was a little sore with Ashley for hiding it.
Its been a a year and a couple months after the pictures were seen. I started forcing the thought of Ashley out. I wanted her to disappear, me or her, but mainly me. She wants to chase body parts thats on her. But Im broken now. I still love her and sure some might say less than before but i say im just skeptical now. Besides what good is seeing me broken going to do for her? Idk if she'd just laugh at me again. I kinda wish she would, so i can take these feelings and curse the day she ever earned my love.
Whats the point in arguing though. We were so happy until people stepped in and sabotaged our emotions. You hate me for cheating, laughing at what happened between the father and you and walking away. When i should have stayed. I forgave all the crap in the past. But im almost done.
The doctors told me i dont have much time left after my jumping act. I messed up my innards pretty good. The alcohol relaxed the impact though. I dont want to tell my mother, she'd flip over what im talking about. I think i can close the book on this life well too.
Even though i didnt get to help raise the dreams we shared i learned you still held onto dead things just to keep the dream alive. Ashley is alive in there somewhere, only ashley would name that baby zipporah.
I can leave happy.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Commentator
Commentator Bong
August 11th 11.42PM
I watched about 3 movies on the plane. I don’t know if you like musicals, I once watched Mama Mia when I was in China and it was pretty good.
I've watched it in Korea once, it was good! I don’t know if your high school ever made you watch plays like The Importance of Being Earnest, mine did and I always loved watching plays and musicals. Mine didn't haha
I was thinking about asking to see Jersey Boys, it’s broadway, and Lauren from the lab told me it was really good. There is also this cool movie about Van Gogh that is coming in November. Essentially it took many artists a long time to paint all the frames of the movies using the exact same style and most of the paintings are based on the masterpieces of Van Gogh’s. The storyline is Van Gogh’s life in France. I watched the trailer and it was so breathtaking I could fucking cry. I don’t think they will play the movies in the mainstream theatres, it’s more of an exhibition I guess. But it will be played in Toronto in November, and also in LA.
Unfortunately, I will just miss the movie by a week according to my travel plan, you said you’re going to LA right, when was it? but I might change my flight and hotel bookings. I don’t know if it is worth me to pay more money if I’m going with Boxin. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with her lol. Well maybe you guys can still have a good time. Or you can just go and do separate things, travelling alone is a pretty good experience! If you end up liking me back, maybe I will ditch her and we can go watch the movie together haha. Then I kept on thinking what else I wanna do with you(no sexual pun intended), and I was stunned that I actually wanna do so many things with you hahaha. Maybe I’m more passionate about the idea that I like you than the event itself, so I don’t care too much about the entire hurting and getting hurt thing. I think… maybe you should watch out for your feelings more.. I know you said you don’t care and I understand that I’ve been there trust me lol I really feel bad I can’t give back the care and attention..
I always ponder the words you’ve said and the way you said them. I know that people, in most cases, will eventually lose sparks and the chemistry will die out as the catalyst runs out and molecules stop moving fast enough to collide. You’re so nerdy its cute hahah. Contradictorily, I also have some hope in love for a long long time. It could be the example my grandparents set for me, or that I read The Little Prince too many times. I just watched the movie a few hours ago, and I think I cried in my heart a little haha. It is one of my favourite books. What I like the most about the book is the deep talk about “taming” the fox and the little prince had. It is certainly true that we will meet so many great people in our lives, and we will fall for them, maybe full heartedly or maybe less. They are all people to us, just like all the roses in the garden on earth are the same species as the rose on asteroid B-162. HOWEVER, if you chose to tame or be tamed by your little prince or your fox, then everything is different. We might part at some point, but the memories we had were eternal. To me that is beautiful. That’s a beautiful thought :)
So my neighbours on the plane are a very old couple, and it’s their first few times flying. I tried to take really good care of them and escorted the lady to the bathroom. It was kinda hard because they speak this strange northern dialect, and I’m from the south. I used to dislike people who can’t help themselves lol…. but now I have more empathy. You’re so nice ;D
I’ve done a very good job keeping your watch at my body temperature haha, I fell asleep holding it. I’m so scared to lose it already because I can only hold it in my palm. Maybe I will tell you that I lost it and keep it with me. By the way you haven’t given me your lighter yet. Strange enough I stopped smoking after last Friday. I’m not addicted but I do smoke one cigarette once a week. I guess now I’m more addicted to you and you’re much more powerful and pleasing than nicotine.
Yeah its not good for you… don’t smoke if you can help it haha, also my lighter is nothing special at all lol i don’t even use is much. I’ve also been wearing ur watch haha even tho its hella big lol
I’m right above NK right now lol….. I used to be sort of a nationalist when I was in middle school. I low key disliked Japan and Korea a bit maybe, I don’t remember exactly, or I choose not to. Now I think the extreme thoughts people have on whatever topic are caused by ignorance. If we listen better and actually try to work on resolving conflicts, this world will be a better place. Ignorance is a fucking sin, don’t ever think it’s ok to be ignorant. Critical thinking is key and that’s what UBC science has taught me so far. Yeah I had the same feelings with China and Japan haha its just our upbringing. I don’t like stereotyping people but sometimes theres a lot of truth to those stereotypes because of culture and stuff so its hard to ignore.
Coincidentally I did the overnight letter writing thing again hahaha, it’s becoming a habit. If I do this for long enough maybe I can shoot a movie of this or publish a collection of letters. You will get to name the movie/book.
I’m landing in about three hours, and you will be asleep by then. I don’t think you can hear me but I wished you goodnight. I assume that you] have seen Truman’s World. Sorry I haven’t haha. I remember vaguely that he said something like “if I don’t get to see you again, I wish you good morning and goodnight for the rest of your life.” It was definitely much better worded than that haha, but that’s what I wanna tell you for the following three weeks.
I had so many questions to ask you lol and I rehearsed over and over again since Tuesday, but my brain went blank when I saw you. This always happens haha, that’s why I always rehearse before I meet someone I care about. I might talk to myself a bit too much. Sometimes I picture the the next time seeing you, picture how you smile, how you touch your hair, how you play with your rings on your left thumb, right index finger and right ring finger, and how you tilt your head when you get a bit shy. My god, you’re so observant haha. I feel terrible that i can’t reciprocate these attentions and feelings to you. I think you’re so caring and wonderful but like you know, I can’t control how I feel about things. Its amazing to be loved and cared for and be told im beautiful, it rly makes me happy but also i feel bad. Its very selfish of me but I prefer liking someone over being liked… I guess i’m also kinda like you and not afraid to get hurt at times. But it amazes me how you can express your feelings like that, I would never be able to do it even if im feeling it or thinking it. Cuz of my ego or sth lol. I think you’re rly brave.
Words fail me when I try to describe how charming you are. I’m no Sean, but I do want you. I want to hold you for a very very long time, or simply pause time. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful skin with the most passionate tenderness, and submerge myself in your smell. And other things that I’m not gonna write down haha. Seriously, you should do arts hahaha you’re writing is beautiful.
1.05 AM
Aug 12th 5.19AM
It’s so hot in Guangzhou. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds when I walked out of the airplane. I get the same feeling when I go to Korea in the summer haha. I forgot this feeling and kinda missed it actually. I kinda miss it too sometimes actually. The other day, it was rly hot and i felt like i was in korea kinda haha it smelled like korea if thats even possible. I got “pulled over” with my little cart that has 2 suitcases on it. Thank god they didn’t ask me to open them and there wasn’t any beeping from the scan machine. I was like phewwwwww. 🙏🏼
I told my mom about you, briefly. Idk why I said that, but somehow I felt like it was important. Haha what did she say?
She said that I should make more friends like you hahahhaha.
Summer is an odd season, half of people are falling in love, the other half are breaking up. Or maybe everyone is breaking up and then falling in love. People are always doing the same shit, looking for love and then fail, aren’t we fucking pathetic. I guess that’s why lone wolves are cool because they dare to break this cliche. I used to be cool, and then I met you. Oh well I will settle with being a little less cool. you’re still rly rly cool you know haha. I don’t think its a failure. Love is love and if it ends it ends. love doesn’t always have to be forever lasting.
Alrighttttt. Jet lag is a bitch! I’m gonna try to get some sleep because next time I wake up I will be with my siblings. I will send you a picture of the triple Yangs hahaha. I hope you miss me a little.
Btw we can always be friends hahahha no pressure
i can feel you’re innocence when i talk to you and i honsetly sometimes feel a little too jaded for you. I’m pretty honest most of the time but thats cuz the honesty usually says something bad about me or hurt me not another person. Its rly hard to say no to you because I don’t wanna hurt you but i know i should be honest now so it saves u from hurting later. Idk maybe you don’t actually care that much and wont get hurt that much. I kinda hope that. You’re such an awesome person and i’d like to keep hanging out with you if you’re ok with that.
relationship wise… I think that I need some time to figure stuff out with myself and the thing with Sean. I mean i know logically i should stop being intimate with him and move on but maybe im just not done. Its like a habit and i dont wanna sound sleezy but we usually end up banging when we hang out. I think theres still too much chemistry.
I feel guilty… Im just a selfish jerk caring more about my feelings than urs im sorry.
Don't apologize because there's nothing bad here Hahahaha. As you said we'll see and for sure we will hang out!!!!!
Ok study hard and write your paper hahahah and you're not a jerk lol
Thanks.. ;)
Idk about all this jaded thing. It can be part of my personality, I used to read a lot of fairytales when I was little maybe that helped hahhaha
Seriously tho.... it's not that I am always innocent or I haven't seen nasty shit that happens everyday. I just choose not to be overwhelmed by that. I choose to be innocent when I can, and it's not always that case.
Darcy wrote me a card in middle school, and it had a quote on it. It was in Chinese but I'll try my best to translate it. It went like "knowing the worldly of society and choose not to is the kindest way to be mature"
I'm working on that.
That’s awesome and i admire you’re ability to do that. I didn’t mean that you don’t know how the world works when i said you’re innocent. This is me not you, its my insecurities. I feel like a more jaded person when I can’t live a positive life when im around someone like you. But I also think a little bit of darkness makes life more interesting, im just kinda twisted inside haha. but i mean whatever makes your life worth living and enjoyable is what you should do. Its different for everyone.
I think you’re doing an awesome job at life.
Aug 13th 2.30AM
I’m always using Vancouver time. I have you watch and never bothered to adjust it. I don’t use it for checking time. I might have told you that I have been having trouble falling asleep. But holding your watch somehow miraculously cured my insomnia.
When you said you loved seeing my face, I was like hmmm… It’s really humid here and hot, my mom left the windows open and I couldnt figure out how to close them for a while so my face was all greasy… and the lighting was horrible hahah so idk why you loved looking at my face. but thats always a good thing to know. Nah you still looked rly cute i couldnt even see any difference
Whenever you told me that you didn’t wanna hurt me, I chose not to think about it. Human brain is truly magical, because if you choose to ignore something then theres a higher probability for you to not remembering it. Until I read what you wrote up there about 3 times, then I started to question myself if what Ive been doing is ok. I don’t wanna confuse you more, and I want you to be happy. So I thought if you really liked Sean that much, I should probably just lay back and let you guys do your thing. I even thought about talking to Sean about this, but it’s not my business after all. I only wish you happy. I definitely overthought this but for about two hours I managed to convinced myself that if I’m not what you want I should fuck off. So I had this post on this Chinese website, it’s kinda like the equivalent of Tumblr. I post stuff I write and photos there and also posted some thing on a group discussion. Some people liked my writing and potentially my face lol so they messaged me and asked me out.
I said maybe to all of them, which you know is essentially a No unless I really felt like it. But I'll always say yes to you.
Something I found funny was that they all commented on my smile. “You have a really warm smile.” Everyone commented on one of my photos. Then they said “you must be sweet.”
Well I mean I might be sweet and also have lovely smiles but really I wanna save them for you. At the same time I don’t think I am what you want so maybe I should just wast them on random strangers. Well I hope smiling means you are happy not just making other people happy so you should always smile when you wanna. Its limitless. Thats how I came up with the idea that I should party tonight and forget about you. For a bit I thought I was actually determined.
Then you said you wanted to see me, and the moment I saw your face, I knew I dont wanna go partying tonight anymore haha. I will write you something, read some papers and sleep early to deal with my jet lag. You got me again. I can’t think straight when I see you and I love that feeling. The rush is worth the pain. You stimulate the secretion of dopamine in my brain. (You will probably say that I should do arts lol, but I already do arts girls so I will be fine in science) haha you “do” arts girl ;) ok
About your watch. I never told you that I dreamed about you a few times. I have too. I’m still not gonna tell you what happened in the dreams haha. They belong to me. But for the past week, I always thought about holding your hand before I fell asleep. Holding your watch in my palm had the same effect, even though it has the opposite texture of your hand, but it did the job.
I really hope that you are gonna be chill with your parents, because I remembered how much I hated dealing with them.
Yeah I’m hoping to keep low and try to just please them if i can while they are here.
I’m probably gonna go explore a bit tomorrow, and get some post cards and small things. I also wanna bring you a souvenir, so I better get started now. I just found out that they have this super cool bookstore called United bookstore here!!!!! theres this cool exhibition going on I’m gonna check it out tmr and hopefully get you cool stuff!!!! I’m really pumped cuz I love bookstores!!! Sounds like a lot of fun!!! I hope you have a blast.
Again, I will be here for you if you wanna see me. You probably won’t be able to do that in the future 10 days cuz your parents will be around. But hey Rebecca Bong, I will be here.
I was listening to Nell. I think it’s cool. My favourite so far is Dream Catcher. I like the beat and the lyrics(I read the translation lol). I will keep listening to their songs and let you know how I feel about them.
That’s funny because the friend who introduced me to Nell likes Dream Catcher the best as well in that album. When we went to their concert after the album release, they played that song and the background light was rainbow ;) my friend loved it. I’ll try to find a picture haha.
My fav from that album is Home.
So this is the tower I snapped you that's super famous in Guangzhou. It's called the Canto tower but it has a nickname as "girl's tight waist" and somehow it's always rainbow at night lol....
there I drew this masterpiece of you and I visiting there :) goals
Awesome drawing skillz hhahah
Random stuff I thought about when I woke up as I was thinking about you at Browns. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take your shirt off and kiss you bit by bit until I'm drown in your body and get wasted. You're so beautiful baby.
Well, I don’t know about the other stuff but we can definitely get wasted. Whatever happens after…. is out of my control.
I'll take this as the green light hahahahaha
August 15th 5.55 AM
I didn’t actually start until like 6.20 hahaha. I was trying to figure out my timetable and got kinda annoyed about getting waitlisted for BIOL 200, cuz it’s one of the pre-reqs.
Anywayssss. Something funny that happened today. I was mixing baby formula for my sister and kinda applied my bubble tea shaking skill haha. I wanted to take a snap and caption it “bartender skills on point” I thought it was funny lol
I liked when you pointed out the irony of me wearing a “mask”. I low key hate how this world works but I chose to play by THE RULE and be the type of person the society likes. I’m actually a pretty amoral person. That doesn’t mean that I am morally corrupted but that I have no moral standards. There’s a movie called Mary and Max. I feel like I’m Max to some extent. Max is a sociopath, he doesn’t have any feelings, but he tries to match people’s facial expression and their reactions to different events.
Most of the time I feel indifferent towards most of people and things that happened in my life. Really I don’t think it’s worth my time to feel anything towards them. That’s why I smile(politely) a lot, because I don’t want people to talk to me most of the time. I mean I don’t mind if they do, but I’d rather not. In that sense I might be an introvert. But if it’s someone I care I would definitely pour my heart to make sure they are happy and try to be there for them. Idk if that made any sense lol.
The reason why I always wear this mask is mainly that I’ve been an outsider my entire life. I told you that I went to a boarding school in another province since grade 2. The first day at school there, I kinda got bullied by this girl I later became really close friends with because of my accent. I didn’t cry at all though lol. Then two weeks late nobody could tell that I was from another province. It’s the good old Darwinian’s rule right, you either adapt or you die. Then I studied really hard and became one of the top students. People started liking me I guess. After that I signed up to get involved in all kinds of activities and got a whole lot of rewards. The girl who bullied me kissed me one night and told me that I looked beautiful hahahahaha. I guess that’s how I became popular? Since grade 2 I never got to stay home for more than 4 months every year. I traveled a lot with my parents, but never really stayed home. That only got worse after I came to Canada. And I just adapted again.
But I know that I’m always an outsider. I don’t know how to explain that feeling. I never feel home anywhere. It’s kinda like a voluntary exile. It means losing the connection with your own land to pursue something else. I actually belong to this minor ethnicity in China. Minor ethnicities are kinda like the indigenous groups in Canada. In our culture, we have this strange connection with our land and our water. I gave that up. Then I realized very quickly that I have to be a person people accept, otherwise it’s game over. I won’t belong anywhere.
It took me a very long time to start being ok with not belonging anywhere. It all started when I met Charles. He was sort of a mentor to me. I met him at this tutoring place in Beijing. My mom wanted to me learn English better before I go to Canada, so she sent me there. Charles was at his 40s, quiet, always looked a bit tired, and very wise. He studied literature and philosophy at Bard, and almost did his phD at Columbia University. We read about 90 books together that summer, from ancient greek epic poem and plays to late 20th century philosophical essay collections. We read books about Utopia, feminism, and existentialism. I loved Medea, Freud, Kafka, Virgina Woolf, Huxley, Herman Hesse, Sartre, Camus, and etc. That summer I understood what I felt when I woke up by myself in a strange bed in a strange building and a strange city that you cannot see more than 500 meters away from you. It was exactly loneliness. That might sound very dramatic, but it was exactly how I felt. I could go on and on about this, but let’s stop there hahah. Oh I’m taking PHIL 385! It’s existentialism! I can’t wait!!!! In fact I already purchased all the 4 texts we will be reading haha.
WARNING!!!
I think whatever I wrote below here can be a bit too dark, at least I don’t normally tell anyone about this not even my very close friends….. so idk if u wanna read this…..
I had a hard time dealing with the fact that we’re all fucking individuals are practically lonely. Maybe because of this I had eating disorder for a while. I used to take these Japanese antacid pills everyday so I didn’t have reflux all the time. That was my way of dealing with sorrow and other negative feelings I had. I guess it wasn’t as bad as being clinically depressed? This is the “fucked up” side of me. I don’t think mentally ill people are are fucked up at all, because I’ve been there, or I’m still there, but I’m coping and I know it’s not easy.
I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I didn’t feel like talking to my parents about my shitty feelings for obvious reasons. I didn’t have siblings. I was an outsider and really people would probably accept me more if I’m always confident, cool and have my shit together. I thought if I found a person who would understand me, and care about me then I’ve found the cure. I thought my ex(Boxin) was kind of like my family for the longest time. I was kinda dependent on her I guess, I thought she was the cure to my loneliness and me being an outsider. Truth is you never ever depend your identity or happiness on anybody hahaha…. thats shitty. She was mental and a bit violent, and I was kinda lunatic too lol lets not get into too much detail.
Ok, so that was a very toned down way to describe my negative side lol. if you wanted a picture of that, you would probably see me shivering in my bathroom at 3AM with red eyes tearing toilet paper into pieces (it was very comforting to me)and biting on my own index fingers. That’s why I like Breaking Bad so much, because I can be Walt hahaha, and 80% of the time I think like him.
WARNING ENDED … :) life is beautiful again :)
I will show you an email I wrote Charles last summer. I promised that I will tell him about all the girls I liked hahaha so I might have to write him an email about you.
“Charles,
Sorry, I think I mis-sent you an empty email.
I wrote something on my journal again, and mentioned your email. What I realized then was that I did not read your writing carefully enough until I copied some pieces down. The last piece talking about changes reminded me so much of our class together in Beijing, and also enabled me to generate some new thoughts about Romeo and Juliet. Chance, we have always talked about chance. Everything that happens is accidental and unintentional. I wrote that "our encounter(meaning me and Christina) is just an accident then. Nothing more special than you missing the morning bus, me spilling hot water on my tray, and that scientist who discovered urea in his lab."
What we have talked about in Beijing revived, and is now growing again in my body.
I described you as following:
"He is slightly heavier(emotionally), maybe due to all the experiences he had. Every time, when this lonely, miserable man talks about love, he tries to pretend to be an indifferent narrator, like the one in Camus' book, of his own stories, but if I look closer, I can always find the sparks and frustration behind his glasses, in his weary eyes."
I hope that you will keep sending me your writing. I will definitely get a copy once it gets published.
Love,
Amanda”
August 16th 8.45 AM
I felt super tired today. I guess I can be an introvert, cuz I can really use some me time to recover. I hung out with Amanda, it felt the same as we were still in middle school. Or maybe it was different in some ways. He asked me when I got my ears pierced, and laughed when we recalled that I had horrible bushy brows. I guess we all changed but we still kept something that we had in middle school.
It was strange. He is from my past, the part I don't like facing. But I choose to see him once a year for some strange reason that I don't know how to explain. It was chill and made me very tired and lost.
I ate so much lol, too much really. I haven't ate so much since university or even grade 12. I felt like I was 15 again, my eating disorder and shitty feelings all came to me and I got exhausted.
Now I'm playing Nell's albums, and they really are kinda healing. I knew this band from you and I appreciate it. I mean I don't understand a word but hahahha I think it's really good!
Anyways I'm gonna sleep now, god my ex was being real tiring... I just wish I could go back to my lab life and hang out with my teammates and you so my life will be much more cheerful lol
Tons of loveeee❤️❤️❤️
August 18th 926AM
Bong bong bongggggg
Ok so I cleaned my brother's piss and shit like 3 times today. Great time :)
Every time you told me you "talked" to you parents, I got a little worried. I don't know my words mean anything to you, but you are a good human being and you don't need plastic surgery physically or mentally. Everyone is fucked up in their own way and your way is kinda beautiful.
I've been watching Skam season 3, and you have to watch it lol.... I mean I highly recommend it. My ex girlfriend(Alex so the one before crazy Boxin) said I would love it and turns out she's right again lol. I guess it can be super relatable to any millennial who's trying to find who they are and what all the big words (aka. Love religion sexuality etc) mean. One person commented on this show and said something like "Love, especially young love, isn't really about getting wasted, smoking, or getting corrupted together in any way, but is about secretly listening to all his/her playlists" and beautifully sensitive things like that.
It's a super relatable show to me. Sarah (Addy's gf) and I got a bit drunk and went out to pick up sushi together on that Friday night we met. We talked about how for the longest time none of us knew how to explain homosexuality with Darwinian's views on evolution. We both had this panic phase for a very very long time, fighting it every time we open our biology textbook and even thinking about ATGC bases in genetics class. They talked about the exact same thing in Skam! Also so many other cute things I can't spoil... for example the main characters are super hot like I would date one of them lol
I miss you a lot and I hope every day gets a bit easier for you with your parents :)
Love,
Yang
August 23rd 3.20 AM
It was nice to talk to you again. I sometimes wonder if you forgot about me already hahahha clearly you haven't.
I don't wanna be overly positive. To be honest, I don't like overly positive people. All my friends are fairly positive, and we believe in good things. That doesn't mean we are TOO positive though?
It really hurts me when I can't help people I care with their confusion. I really can't practically help you and I think talking too much about it is utterly annoying and meaningless. I do believe in you though. It's different from the way your father believes in you, because he probably also finds it hard to accept "failure"(meaning anything other paths other than his expectation). I was talking to one of my ex girlfriends Alex, and she said something really smart like "people always feel obliged to pursue happiness, thinking that that's the only way to live. In fact, you have to make so many choices every day, and it's not easy at all. Most of the time you don't necessarily make those decisions for your happiness, but you're just doing it for living, living at this moment."
She's real deep lol, but it makes sense right? I trust you because I don't think you're hopeless. My cousin Wei is confused and hopeless. You're just confused. I'm confused too. Well fuck who isn't confused? Baby steps baby steps....
I'll be your support, I'll always be your support when needed.
Moving on. I never thought taking care of babies would be so hard and tedious..... my siblings both weigh 5kg now... it's arm day every day. Most importantly, it's my last year of being a teenager, I should be clubbingggggggg instead of being a part time nanny.... I guess you're being a part time nanny+chauffeur too😂😂😂 why do bad things happen to good people!!!! We used to say that a lot when there's a rush at PF. Good old timessss.
I got a bit confused a few days ago about my ex girlfriend. It's crystal clear that I don't wanna get back with her or have any emotional connection with her. But what about sleeping with her? We dated for three years and one thing I enjoyed was sleeping with her. I guess I'm still super young, so sleeping with someone consistently for three years really trained my brain to think of her as the default when it comes to intimacy. I have mixed feelings about offering my room to her. I told myself that I won't bring any girls other than my future girlfriend home to sleep over lol unless they are my friends. I don't wanna be friends with Boxin, I don't wanna be anything with her. Maybe friends with benefits minus the friend part. I don't even know if I want that, but people get horny it's human nature and people like convenience.
I tried to explain, not because I think you expect anything from me, but I expect myself to be focused. There's nothing wrong with fucking around, I simply like giving one person the special attention. Sartre and Simone fucked around their entire life, but there's only one Sartre to Simone and vice versa.
About school, we can always study together if you want, I'm a good study buddy I think. I could probably study Econ with you if I haven't forgotten all about Micro.
Turns out that I'll have to cab back to UBC on the 3rd, but somehow I liked it this way. I don't wanna owe her anything lol or I'll just bus back cuz I don't have much to carry anyways
I'm going for a walk. The typhoon could hit the city at anytime but I miss getting soaked. It's kinda EMO so you probably get it hahahah.
Love,
Yang
0 notes
Text
Some thing I found
The meaning behind my url: I’m ollie, otters are cute ;3
A picture of me: um no
How many tattoos i have and what they are: none but I want so many so bad
Last time i cried and why: Like last night because of my every dying social life and inability to want to move on in life
Piercings i have: industrial right ear, two lobes left ear and my nose
Favorite band: Scouting for girls / Mayday parade
Biggest turn offs: Manipulative people can go fuck themselves
Top 5 foods: Icecream, burgers, waffles,
Tattoos i want: Literally all of them but only black and white
Biggest turn ons: Masculinity for dudes and just a nice chick for gals
Age: is just a number ;)
Ideas of a perfect date: Stargazing, not too conversational so anxiety isn’t too bad, and enough depression to lighten the mood while also being hella romantic
Life goal: The perfect bae <3
Piercings i want: Idk I always change my mind with this but rn I love the idea of getting my nose pierced again
Relationship status: Single af <3 :’(
Favorite movie: Hate this question, next
A fact about my life: I hate it in a first world problem kind of way
Phobia: The dark
Middle name: Jon
Height: 6ft
Have u had sex?: Whaaaaat, totalllyyyyy ddude (no)
What’s your shoe size? Like small, idk
What’s your sexual orientation? I like girls, I really like guys, and sex isnt on my agenda so like bi/asexual
Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? Whisky is what I live for but the only drugs I take/smoke is our lord and saviour jesus christ can I get an amen
Someone you miss: Idk, I’m a moving on kind of guy
What’s one thing you regret? Not coming out sooner and being a pathetic piece of shit all my life
First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: CHRIS PRATT
Favorite ice cream? Literally all of them, but rasberry ripple is the go to bae
One insecurity: My body/personality and how it looks to other people
What my last text message says: Kek
Have you ever taken a picture naked? Not sober at least
Have you ever painted your room? Only watched, im too lazy for that shit
Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Like as a dare in primary
Have you ever slept naked? Like 90% of the time, its so much better than pjs I swear
Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? I hate dancing
Have you ever had a crush? Literally everyday of my life I love too easily
Have you ever been dumped? On christmas as a lil baby lmao I cried so hard
Have you ever stole money from a friend? I havnt payed back this one guy for like 2 or so years so I guess
Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? Ew no im not a slut
Have you ever been in a fist fight? Lol ye
Have you ever snuck out of your house? Im too good to sin
Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Well Seeing as though masculinity is a turn on, literally every straight guy crush ever
Have you ever been arrested? Lol nope
Have you ever made out with a stranger? Like 99.9% sure I havnt
Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yeah, I do have SOME friends wow
Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? I ran off one time with 2p because of my step dad
Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? Theyre all like 80 and dying… so no
Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? Nah
Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Like a sleepover thing yeah, but never that far
Have you ever seen someone die? Myself in the mirror everyday
Have you ever been on a plane? Yeah
Have you ever kissed a picture? Lol no you can miss me with that gay shit
Have you ever slept in until 3? Nah, I wake up way too early
Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? Literally all the time, love that is
Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Literally my whole childhood… my only friends
Have you ever made a snow angel? Like once and it was shit, never again
Have you ever played dress up? Omg yasssssss <3
Have you ever cheated while playing a game? Literally all the time I’m such a tryhard omg I just like winning board games im way too competitive
Have you ever been lonely? Literally my life in one question
Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? Not until sixth form, then all the time
Have you ever been to a club? As a school thing yeah, but nah in general
Have you ever felt an earthquake? Slept through all the minor ones we get lmao
Have you ever touched a snake? Yeahh boi (the animal and the hoes)
Have you ever ran a red light? Lmao I hate driving, and barely un-stall enough to reach lights
Have you ever been suspended from school? Nearly but nah
Have you ever had detention? Lmao constantly in lower school
Have you ever been in a car accident? My step dad nearly span off the road once when it was icy and beat me up for laughing at him lmao so kinda
Have you ever hated the way you look? Like all the time, yeah
Have you ever witnessed a crime? I stole a pencil from a friend once, and he stole one of mine the next day and I watched, so yeah pretty hardcore
Have you ever pole danced? On a bus, like all the time
Have you ever been lost? Lost in life, yes, lost at tesco, all the time, lost in general, thats the only reason I have a phone
Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? Probably, I dont get out much tho
Have you ever felt like dying? When the depression hits hard ye
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Lol too much
Have you ever sang karaoke? Like once as a kid and it was the witch doctor and I ran off the stage crying but got a certificate fuck yeah
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? I’m still alive :^)
Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Probably
Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? Not sexually, but I’ve stayed round cousins houses before so suppose so
Have you ever kissed in the rain? Miss me with that gay shit
Have you ever sang in the shower? Every damn time boi
Have you ever made out in a park? Bringing up relationships every other question hits me real hard
Have you ever dream that you married someone? Lol nope I aint that much of a faggot
Have you ever glued your hand to something? Itself I suppose
Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Nah, 3 spoopy to even try
Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? Like only underwear yeah in primary bc I lost my clothes after PE lmao
Have you ever been a cheerleader? I would love to be but nah
Have you ever sat on a roof top? Think I have, probs
Have you ever brush your teeth? literally kys, someones running low on questions huh
Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? All the time, and theres never a better time to get a cheeky hug out of someone and snuggle up to them because I love that gay shit
Have you ever played chicken? Lol yeah, bring me death
Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Nah, dont like swimming bc body issues and that shit so dont even go near
Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? Lol nope, for that you’d have to be hot
Have you ever broken a bone? Nope
Have you ever been easily amused? Literally all the time, I used to laugh at the word spoon like the fucking retarded child I was back in ye old days
Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Idk, doubt it
Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? Yeah hahaha
Have you ever cheated on a test? Every language test ever hehe
Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? Im so bad with names, these two guys I knew as mario and luigi (from the mario games) because they looked just like them for literally 3 months before getting to learn their real names
Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? Every one of my crushes hell yeah
Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows. Idk ask away lmao I love giving away random personal info so as long as its not toooooooo bad like real bad then I’ll pretty much answer anything
@darkcove
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
xxxbokuxxx
AI xxx
caberzatto
kiss the cook
fumi1101
よろしくお願いします📷
basicallyraha
random guy from instagram that's now on tumblr
firehousefreak911
Firehouse freak