#idk where im going but i cant stay here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wittyboldsoul · 1 year

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#idk where im going but i cant stay here #sammy #Sam Winchester #i walk a lonely road #dont know where it goes #spn #read between the lines #its a journey i have to take alone

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skunkes · 16 days

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im not going to lie to u i hate change and have always been incapable of having goals on where to live within my own state much less a completely different one but 26 years of this horrible weather that only gets worse has me semi considering moving out of texas. Somewhat.

#i hate change so much that the politics aren't enough to make me leave the only place ive ever known. but the heat might be.#sucks bc ive been wanting to be more active and go to the park and such! but its still 95° at 2 am.#talkys #anyway i still dk where id live or how id live there also every state has its own weird different Bugs and I like buying #an entire garbage bag of pan dulce for $6 so i guess ill just stay here #idk how id survive without knowing anyone in the whole state...or without being able to go to mexico for medical emergencies...#but i cant take it anymoreeee #idk how im going to do anything this whole summer when my room is an oven #i need to like find a career that wld have me move out somewhere ykwim #like...tell me where to go and have a job ready for me there...

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated

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synthshenanigans · 2 months

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there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)

Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos

#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn #also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw]#but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter #as for the shipping thing #i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man #my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it #also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it #im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around #this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes #tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small #place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart]#I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense #or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner #ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good #just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways #again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like #just be groovy #sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now #im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place #again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in #its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in #im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol #idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here #again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again #also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense #shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol #moss rants #[atlas asks]

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ghosts-of-love · 3 months

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i love my friend so much but i don't like being a third wheel anymore i don't think

#just like. i was a third wheel all the time for a year and then their partner moved out.#but that means that its more pronounced when one of their partners is visiting #the the boyf stayed for the first time this weekend and ive not known how to exist really. physical affection feels off limits #but my friend is fine with it so has continued but it feels really awkward to have them be sitting in their boyfs lap while holding my hand #idk idk i think its because i basically have 1 person who im able to be physically close to #its then a bummer when theyre here but feel far away. on account of the presence of Some Guy.#sometimes i worry that im in love with my friend because several people have asked me if i am but i dont think i am #like i love him and we understand each other deeply but like. in terms of wanting to go on dates or have sex im like. no not at all.#but also recently ive been feeling like that about a lot of people. where i want to be close to them. but i cant tell if i want to have sex #with them. like fully how do you know?#i think my problem is that i would just die for my friends.#and people dont understand that bond ig

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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🐇🩹🚪

#i hate myself real bad today.... like it's this constant gnawing feeling in my stomach nd chest #i am such a fucking burden. i am deadweight weighing everyone around me down. im such a fkn pathetic failure #our living situation is rlly bad nd unhealthy nd toxic. im the only one who can disconnect nd shove it all down nd wanna pretend like nothin #but my sister nd my mom are going insane like they cannot stand it anymore. nd they're also getting super depressed so im worried #my mom's been trying to apply for appartments bc she's been on waiting lists for several years so she can actually maybe get one #so they were thinking that my mom nd my sister can move nd me nd my sister can live here #she even found an apartment close by that she would actually get!! so they could move!!#however...... you're not allowed to put more ppl on this contract so if my mom moves me nd my sister can stay here :/// so she cant move....#cant** stay here #she cant move at all unless my sister nd i have our own places...#my sister has a job nd is an actual responsible adult. so she wont be long until she fixes that #but me???? im 25yrs old... never had a job. cant even graduate highschool even if i try. i have no fkn idea how to survive on my own!!!!!#im just a fkn burden on my mom. i keep her down. i chain her down nd keep her feom being free #im such an awful daughter. im such a bad person. im so worthless. i hate myself for hurting her #i hate seeing her so sad nd depressed bc she wants to get out of this situation so bad #and *im* the one keeping her here. im the reason she cant feel better. bc im a pathetic fkn 25yr old who lives off of her mom like a parasit #ooof i ... i hate myself more deeply than i ever have. how can i do this to my own mom???? why am i so useless????#idk what to do. idk how to move out!! where to?? how do u get a place to live??!?#atp i'd even take living with someone else. like renting a room or smth. just to free my mom of the curse that is me #but idk how to find anything like that bc im completely and utterly incapable nd useless #i feel so bad for my mom.... i know she doesnt want this but it makes me wanna kms even more #if im dead i cant weigh her down i cant ruin her life!!!! if im dead she'll be free of me. im nothing but a parasite she deserves to be free

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girlwithfish · 4 months

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my ex saying dont i want to like reconcile w him bc well probably be at the same shows around here is crazy. fuck you lol

#yeah dont bring up another thing ur ruining for me thanks #like id still go if like ie alex g had a show here but im constantly going to be anxious about running into my ex any where in this fucking #state lol #Like i literally moved back home to a diff city to get away from him and bc he wouldnt leave our apartment and wanted to stay there #and then the stupid mf gets hit by a bus and ends up movimg back w his family any way and leaving the apartment and now hes #closer to me /still in a diff city but way closer than raleigh and we both cld def #run into each other in charlotte maybe. idk it freaks me out lmfao #idk he cant hurt me anymore bc im not his girlfriend but jts just like. jesus #he ruins everything 🫶

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mariatesstruther · 8 months

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an au where tommy was only stopping in jackson temporarily on the way back to joel but he met maria and got so head over heels he couldnt bring himself to leave 😭😭😭😭😭

#maybe jackson gets attacked and she gets hurt or the walls get fucked up #a week before hes supposed to be going #and he just cant do it #he knows in his heart that joel and tess know how to take care of themselves and have eachother #and as much as he misses joel he also knows theyre not on good terms anymore if theyre on really any terms besides let me know you’re alive #and heres this woman in front of him that is beautiful and dedicated and perfect #but is drowning #shes just lost her father and she has a town to run and she clearly has chronic pain that nobody has noticed because theyre all too busy #asking her to fix shit #and now their walls are busted and the only other man in town with contracting experience is a misogynistic asshole #so he decides to stay #he keeps tabs on joel from the radio and tries to become a man maria could see herself with #maria is like ?????? dont u got other things to do cowboy #why are u always here and being helpful and charming like im busy #pls get out of my face before i fall in love with u #tommy is like :) no i think ill stay right here maam #au #idk where this came from or what to call this tbh #tlou #tommy x maria #tlou au #tommy miller #maria miller

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risingsunresistance · 1 year

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#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said #but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard #every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT'#he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project #how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year #i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again #drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it #cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(#i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard #i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to #i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol)#i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him #it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up #but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough''#so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa #idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me #idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh #chat #tw death

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vaugarde · 2 years

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also for screenwriting im basically like adapting and heavily rewriting natch and wisp’s story for like a 50 minute screenplay (partly having trouble bc i didnt care for natch’s original story and theyre now humans in an emotion driven magic realism setting about bigotry instead of the convoluted fantasy story they were in my head) and like everyones asking abt the characters and where i got the idea and i dont have the heart to say that they’re former kirby ocs that have been retooled to be their own thing twice now

#i mean i dont have to say that at all actually but its like wild to me... theyre furry ocs #ppl seem to really like them and are interested and giving genuine constructive criticism tho so i do feel ok abt the story #just abt the pacing and ending is where im like. augh #fun fact i did have them as humans the first time i retooled them just really fantasy setting #the main plot is taken from like a personal part of their arcs that appeared in their original story and are basically front and center #im sad ill have to cut most of my ghost lore for time as well as the thing that made them most fun to write for the sake of the ending #but whatever #general theme is like. trying to live in a world that oppresses you and you cant escape the oppression bc its ingrained in society #but still trying to find ways to cope and thrive rather than just shut yourself off from human connection entirely #and themes of like. toxic friendships and learning to let people go and move on from your pain #their original story talked more abt abuse and moving on from toxic family to live yourown life and theres still that here #but more of an emphasis on the fear of living as a marginalized person in a conservative community #bc like. idk. i kinda wanted to write that bc ough. hm. yeah #also natch wont be redesigned as a human like official this is just like emery screenwriting class au #shes still a little kitty cat #echoed voice #and she'll probably stay in a fantasy setting about ghosts and souls and magic

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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want to write in my journal but im sleepy and dont wanna but i do but i dont. if i could write and lie in bed i would but i cant. typing long thoughts on my phone has become insufferable. gosh i wanna go to bed. but i know i wont lollll

#smth smth im finally getting the experienced i want but i end up comparing them to everyone else anyways. social media is a curse #im glad to be picking up habits like eating healthier and going outside more and hiking and biking and that my study abroad experience is #my own and i cant compare myself to others but yk. but yea i just. need to continue more with things that ground me and spend more time #living than be on my ohone. unrelated but i wanna buy these sauce bowls i saw at shilin ys. and try a few food stalls there. also my hair #is growing out weird and its grey but the roots are brown and i like my hair but i dont and i feel like i just keep changing my appearance #in order to like... run away from myself and that ive lived my whole life trying to affect as few ppl as possible and like. look at where #that has gotten me. like im fine but i can be so much more and. yea. idk. i want to stay here but im not sure if i should and i can but #man. idk. yea. thats all.

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consciouschunkofmoss · 2 years

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yoo how do i tell my father who is very much as stubborn as one can get that i dont in fact like google and dont want to use anything from it specially google drive because i think its pretty fucking disgusting to have to give this much information about myself solely so then i can store files to a place which ill forget about in less than an hour that will most likely be monitored by google too 💖