#idk what happened to hte quality | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m0use-brained · 6 months

Text

my (super)ordinary life!

as some might know its about two college boys renting an apartment together(by chance) and dealing with the ghost of a Victorian boy who was murdered by his nanny. the story follows the protagonist Xavier who is a "realist" and skeptic and doesnt believe in ghosts at all. his roommate on the other hand dallas is a firm believer and a medium. the little Victorian kid Arch whos trying to get the attention of xavier due to him looking so much like his best friend in life falls short in doing so through little antics. The two go through college with unexplainable things happening(well dallas tries to tell xavier its the ghost with xavier not believing him) until xavier has enough of bad things happening and finally folds and lets dallas do whatever he needed. they go through alot to finally talk to arch(buying equipment is hard when your in college) and THEN try to solve the mystery of who killed arch, to let him feel at peace and not restless anymore

Government kids??? no name yet- haeaawdjhnThree kids (17 yr old girl, 14 yr old boy and 10 yr old boy) who are all siblings to this last group of people with magical powers end up loosing their parents due to the new government that was implemented recently. But the world for like more then a hundred years now have passed their reign over magic. now magic is only within their brightly colored hair and eyes(bald ppl dont exist). Along with some people having animalistic qualities and other- fanstay qualities. they are still so very human in the aspects of no one has magical powers but they have some extra points towards things like strength if they were a werewolf or something. (they dont change under a full moon they are stuck in the half furry state). anyways. the three kids end up trying to not get captured by the government running all over the place. they go to highschool for a time, then make friends and go to the friends house. a friend dies. some within family drama happens and the oldest sibling fights with the middle child. the oldest gets captured first. the two other siblings go with their owl caretaker(who barely shows up within the story). the youngest seems not to happy with this and escapes to a village somehow untouched by the government and learn about his herritage(somewhat hes like 10). oldest goes through hell to escape and find the middle child and the youngest. turns out hte owl turned the middle kid into the government and winter finding out oliver isnt with the middle she saves the middle and then says a brisk apology as she is on the hunt to find her baby brother. tension between winter and rodger rise but winter is preoccupied with saving oliver. oliver makes frineds with this young girl and her dad and those two help oliver go into the biggest city to try and find winter and rodger. winter and rodger are one step behind as they get into the village. rodger finds out about their family but winter couldnt care less as she is tiredlessly trying to find oliver. its way to much i know and i left out funny goofy government villans that are clear ripoffs of team rocket but in my own funny way...

Super hero esk story?? idk i called it Switcheroo but thats kinda silly.the protagonist is the top villan's son who goes into the top hero school. (the mom sees how influcened he is to do crime but wants the best life for him. she wants him to choose after also being influenced by what their society deems as noble and good) Zero(protag) dorms with a girl(filing mess up) who is the daughter of number 1 heroic(hero system is different here too) bull's eye. on the news they find out the 3rd heroic on the ranking chart gets kidnapped by zero's mom??? and zero goes to talk with her about it as hes grown attached to the girl he dorms with and saw how upset she'd become. the mom denies it and says this was all a publicity stunt from bull's eye to gain more money and fame. zero says to out them. the mom cant. because no one will ever trust the villains. even if they did what would it do. strike fear into people that even hero's are corrupt and evil will always win? they needed to do something. zero tried to tell the girl but she couldnt believe him. they have a fight. zero ends up trying to do everything in his power to make it up to her. humiliating himself infront of the whole school(but he doesnt care). she accepts his apology and makes sure he isnt injured. he does get in trouble but thats not the point. she hears him out and admits to things shes seen as a kid ever since her parents divorced due to money problems. the premise is they have to take down the two top heroics from inside their ogranization or making them quit by them messing up every save. (prank them so hard they quit). (i dont know the ending yet akjwdnajkw) -

The Moon's craters

a bunch of billionares go to the moon(or a planet that looks like the moon whatever man) and colonize there. hundreds of years pass and the world is sci-fi and dystopian esk?? the poor live in slums and the rich live near the sky!. people who live on the moon have adapted to look different. and the story follows one poor boy on the moon. hes loved the moon but hated the system. classic. so one day he sneaks on a ship that travel's to earth. there he's traversing through earth to see if it was better then the moon. in fact it is not. its more- kingdom esk?? ever since a war that happened long ago.(they still have tech and use alot of it they just enjoy the structural build of kingdoms) protag finds a prince(after getting a job as a servant) and tells him about the moon and stuff. the prince is grossed out but interested in the rich people's fashion sense and taste. he agrees to go with. he litterally just runs away with like a shit ton of money and buys himself a ticket to the moon. goes to the moon they find out theres a war gonna happen cause they cauiught the protag "kidnapping" a prince??? protag is wanted. best friend sidekick doesnt give a fuck????:? so they get a trip to a different planet to escape it all. find out they are super underdeveloped and the moon have been taking that planet's orphans for testing!>?!?>! they rescue one orphan from a new shipment of orphans about to be sent out. (thats all i have so far lmao) -

SpaceBoots

this follows like a ground of people going about space. spaceboots SB(hes got big ass boots), SpaceGloves SG(shes got big ass gloves), Chat(robot guy who talks like zane from lego ninjao but has the brain compacity of a twitch chat), Hat(he wears hats idfk), Shirt(wears beeeeeeg shirt. the hyper cute person of the group). Dress(guy who loves fashion) along with shirt's cat Skrible(very poorly drawn cat who uhm... cat) i forgor most of the plot but like SB uses his mom's ship to do random things through out the galazy and goes on quest. something is wrong with the spaceship i think and they have to get new parts on planets they havent ever been through. they find out more about- the mom and other family i think while getting parts from people who seem to know their parents and shit? aughh i loved their characters so much ajshdakjhwd

#MB writes #story ideas mb

6 notes · View notes

ihaveastorminme · 4 years

Text

oh i the opening shot reminded me of Twilight lmfao. i loved the music during the fight the.

is it bad that i kind of feel sorry for the moster?

NOOOOO BAMBIIIIII T_T

the wig is fucgly af - but we knew that. im kind of disspointed that im missing out on henry cavills lovely curls actually.

RENFRI !!!!!!!!!!! I love her - hers was my favorite tale in the first book.

lol people dragging Gerald about his clothes is hilarious. It would be more so if it looked like he’d earned it. i mean, his clothes seem fine to me, idk. also while i appreciate the costumes, i don’t think he needs the huge shoulder pads, i mean he is ripped all on his own he doesn't need to be made to look more imposing.

god i hate Stregobor. they really ‘whitewashed’ his grossness. and this whole tale really. in the book Gerald was far quicker to call out the sorcere’s bullshit, for one. quicker to point out the political side which here is vaguelly hinted only (and it matters because you can immediately tell that there was an interess to killing renfri, to take her throne, not because of the ‘cursed’ bullshit. she would not be the first queen to be cruel. that was not the reason they wanted to get rid of her.). Gerald was also quick to point out the sorcerer’s insidious lies, his gross sexism. He wasn’t bored with them like in the show - but genuinely annoyed, irritated by them. when that tale came around in the book it was the first moment i genuinely started to *like* gerald, actually. like, before i did too but that was the moment i started to enjoy myself in his company. And Renfri too was more brutal than this ep makes her out to be - at least it seemed like that to me. (with reason! the whole question of ‘is evil born or made’). it’s why their story was such a favorite of mine: there was a genuine conflict in it - and it showcased better the cost of not making a choice (for gerald). i mean, if it were me i would kill the sorcerer cause he’s gross and its obvious, but i can’t deny that Renfry was freaky af. dont get me wrong tho, i still love and support her 100%

ciri is very sheltered, huh. i know we’re not going to see her first meeting with gerald, which dissapoints me a bit. it was very cute in the books.

gerald’s ‘let him live and just move on with your life’ seemed especially shitty to me. why should she forgive her hunter, her tormentor? why would that make her a mosnter? this is insane to me. he should have been brought to justive for what he did to her and so many others like her. he DESERVES to die. in the books at least there was some doubt - not on this but on whether the girls really were cursed. but here there is none.

dont get me wrong - i get why gerald doesnt get invovled: he’s not some assassin, that’s his point. but the ‘right and wrong’ of the situation is far more simple than what he makes it out to be. and the choice he resents are not the only choices. nor the only right ones, or just ones.

side-note - i can’t wait to meet Yen

cursed girls that were supposed to end humanity. why is it always girls?

gerad is lonely af huh.

oh i really love renfri’s music. so lovely and sad.... T_T I DONT WANT HER TO DIE

this escalated quickly is the theme of whatever is happening in Cintra. it’s supposed to be emotionally hard-hitting but its missing the mark cause it all happened so fast. and it lands somewhat on hte wrong side of melodrama? idk ...

I liked the fight as far as choreography when but they really failed to show that which i was most impressed by in the book: this unstoppable quality of their clash. gerald did not clearly have the upper hand - it was a fight to the death for both of them, and it was clear from the start that it would be because neither could shy away from their nature, the unwillingness to bend, to compromise. it was over before it had started, in a way. and it was why it was so tragic, to me - like that saying ‘unstoppable force and unmovable object.’ here its just a fight. i guess they really had to show how good gerald was with a sword. meh

how quick of this gross wizard to assume that Renfri only earned the loyalty of her men because of magic. that fucker!

the way they made this happen paints Gerald in even worse light tbh - maybe this was the idea. idk . the whole thing is just deeply sad. i was so so sad when Renfri died in the book and im even *more* so here, because she clearly deserved justice. here there was no doubt of it at all. and instead of makeing Gerald look as someone who did not want to take part in one revenge or the other (while still beliving that Renfri had her right to it), it makes him seem like some shirtlord who doesnt think a girl robbed of her birthright and who has been raped and hunted, deserves her justice. especially because they dont mention that Renfri would have killed everyone in that twice mentioned marked day, until stregebor came out of his tower.

#the witcher #the witcher spoilers #the witcher netflix #1.1

4 notes · View notes

haeroniel-doliet · 6 years

Text

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things.#honestly noneed to read

11 notes · View notes

iridescentraindrop-blog · 7 years

Text

blue; a real life story

hey so um i just started a tumblr ! i don’t really know how this works but there’s a lot going on in my life and i really like writing so i decided to look at what’s causing me stress and stuff and there’s this guy i really like and im also a guy and he really doesn’t like that so this is just something that happened in my life idk sorry. names are changed obviously and sorry if the made up names are reallybad idk and this is pretty low quality but i really just wanted to vent and talk

Blue was the color stretched across the sky after sunset, dotted with lights far away. It was the color that could never be reached and that stares back on the shadowed figures below it. It was the color of the wish that would never reach my hands.

Blue was the color of Amir. He looked so close, as if I could reach up and take that light from the sky. But the clouds slowly parted and he was an ocean away again. He never stayed long and I didn’t know if that was what I wanted.

I had always wanted someone who could take me wherever their wind blew- someone I could laugh in the sun with. It was what everyone wanted.

I never expected the path there to be so difficult- I never expected to find nobody with me.

It starts underneath the rain in New York City. Laughter spills out from underneath the ceiling of the Grand Hyatt. Mrs. Nilooban quickly performs a head count, and then shouts: “Let’s go, Woodrow!” Enthusiasm courses through everyone as we leave huddled together.

Water starts to trickle from the azure blanket that covers us. “Shit”, he mutters underneath his breath. I laugh.

“Language, Amir. Didn’t you bring an umbrella?”

He lights up suddenly. “Yeah! Thank you, Matt Zhang!”

I shiver in the cold- not only because the drops of water are unwelcoming- because of the way he says my name. My full name. It’s so different. So weird. I shake my head, forging onwards.

He props up his black umbrella against the blue drops, shaking it as if he was fighting a demon, and I laugh. He stares back at me, and he motions for me to come forward. I gladly accept.

The rain falls down quicker. I shiver forwards and use that as an excuse to step closer to him. He leans the umbrella over, and I can only hear the rhythmic noise of the rain. Another person steps over, and the side of my head is exposed to the cold. I scowl and push them away.

Amir laughs at my action. “Matt, chill”. I huff. The cold is something I don’t want to face. I step closer to him again, and he gives me a confused glance, but accepts the motion.

A girl ahead of us in her grade shouts out: “Amir has an umbrella!” Suddenly, heads turn to us. I want to melt into the ground and become the rain as the girl steps up and hugs him. She doesn't notice me- but that’s fine. I step closer to Amir.

He gives me a half stop it/half joking look and says, “Matt, I’m not even kidding. Chill.”

I don’t want to chill. I want to stand next to him underneath the black umbrella, but he’s no longer alone. I run forwards into the rain. My suit is getting wet, but that doesn’t matter to me.

Eventually, I give it up. There’s a small kingdom settles underneath his umbrella, and he stands tall above it all. He smiles back as I slowly re-enter the shelter. The whole crowd squeezes forward into him. “Man, this is so gay.”

I stop for a second, and I know I shouldn’t. An upperclassmen bumps into me and glares, readjusting himself underneath the umbrella. Everyone moves forward, the cars continue to race down the streets of New York City, but I’ve stopped.

Amir looks strangely at me, a downcast apathetic expression plastered on his face. “What’s wrong with being gay?”

He looks away briefly. The advisors have gone ahead, and everyone else has left the safety of his umbrella to run into the bus.

“What’s wrong with being gay?” I repeat my question. His coffee eyes stare back at me as he slowly forms an answer.

“I don’t know- I just guess it would be so, you know, awkward if one of us was gay and crowded underneath that umbrella- you know, so close to us.”

I ignore the fact that there were girls underneath that umbrella too- and suddenly that’s not awkward to him. I step up silently.

We sit down quietly, and I point to an empty three seater. He nods, and I get in first. He always demands the outside to talk to everyone, being the Popular Nice Straight Boy he is. The same girl from a grade above us comes to smile at him, and he offers a polite smile back. I clench the grip of the seat, but I don’t say anything.

I don’t think I could ever say anything.

“Why would it be awkward? I mean, you don’t even know if you’re straight or-”

He stops me with an icy tone. I’ve never heard his voice as fierce as it sounded now.

“No, Matt. Shut up. I like girls, ok?”

I stare back at him, just as emotionless as he is. He doesn’t understand what’s going though my mind, the galaxies forming and being destroyed, the paths my thoughts course through. There are a million things I want to say to him right now.

I don’t say anything.

We’re quiet for 30 minutes, but it seems like an eternity. A boy in our grade pokes his head forward- Alec. I remember his name. He is a Popular Nice Straight Boy- not as a popular as Amir was, but he was definitely a lot more kind. He stares at me, and notices I’ve been silent for the whole ride.

“Matt, are you ok?”

“I’m thinking of quitting the club.” His eyes open wide- I’m a legend to him. I was the representative for Model UN to him, and his mouth is agape. He doesn’t register my words for a bit.

Amir suddenly turns around, like everything was just ok. “What, Matt? Quitting the club? Why?”

“It’s not like you would care or anything”, I mumble. He’s now not talking with the flirty girl from earlier, who pouts in her seat. I relish in her feeble attempts to regain his attention, but now I’m focused on his eyes.

I don’t even know why I said that earlier, but I can feel the decision in the moment. “Because,”. I answer simply.

“Because of…”

I don’t know what changed in my mind to tell him this, but my eyes are now empty oceans. “You. I hate you.”

His eyes widen, and he turns around briefly. I open my phone, pretending to be distracted by whatever’s on the screen, but a minute later he turned back.

“I’m really sorry for whatever I did, but- I don’t- can you tell me why you hate me?”

I laugh. I doubt he forgot about the conversation we had earlier. Maybe he was avoiding it. Maybe I’ll never know. “Are you serious, Amir?”

He pouts in a frustrated manner, but it’s not as cute as the other times. “Well, I can’t help if you don’t tell me. Why would you quit the club? You’re good.”

I stop him. “Why would you care? Can’t you just find another partner?”

He stops. “Well, yeah, I’ll just find another partner, but-”

I laugh at how dumb he is. “Find another partner. Can you get more insensitive? I guess I’m just replaced in a moment. You really think you could have gone as far as you have now with somebody else?”

Amir is ambitious. He sees success. His older brother went to Exeter, one of hte most prestigious private high schools in the country. Now he hungers after it too- MUN is his ventilation for success. It’s how he shows he can win.

But he knows that he cannot speak in front of a crowd without stopping, pausing, or messing up. He didn't like to admit it before, but he needs me to win. He knows that he would be a crap individual delegate.

“No… because other people don’t know much about MUN as you do, so I don’t have to teach you as much…”

“Teach you as much?” I laugh again, but really there’s an undefeatable storm in my heart. “How many times have you spoken today, Amir?”

“Well… “ He knows he can't discuss it, and huffs. “Yeah, I need you to win- I don’t think I could have won this without you. Actually, I know I couldn’t have won this without you. So please don’t quit.”

“So you only want me because you want to win?” The storm has turned into a hurricane. “Are you serious, Amir?” Every part of me is saying turn back and tell him that he was right, that he’s better. But he’s just a boy now, and he’s not enough to sate my hurricane.

“No- I feel like you’re turning everything I say to make me look insensitive! I’m sorry, Matt, I really am. But I just want you to tell you why you hate me so much.”

I want to tell him. I want to tell him, I hate you because you’re homophobic, and I hate you because you make me love you when I know I can’t have you.

It comes out as me ignoring him and pulling my phone up to my face. 2048, the game reads. I don’t care. I mindlessly swipe as the number stack up. A new one forms every time they combine.

Ironically, this is how my hurricane is getting bigger.

“It’s because of two things. One, you can’t change. I don’t hate you for that.” I pause, wondering how to describe it. “I hate myself for that, but you’re related to it.” He nods. I’m sure he doesn’t understand what I’m saying, but he wants to listen- at least I think he wants to. “One thing- you can change. You did it today.”

“Today? When? During committee?” I shake my head. “When we were walking back after the session was done.” He pauses. Mrs. Nilooban shouts “5 more minutes.”

“Matt.” he says simply. I turn to look at him, and he winces backwards from the expression on my face.

“I know I can’t stop you from quitting, and I know I can’t stop you from hating me- although I wish I could. But please, tomorrow, can you try? You’ve already come so far. Please.”

Of course he wants to win. But it’s some form of an apology. I nod mindlessly. The bus stops, and we’ve finally arrived. The chaperones smile at us, exhausted but still proud. I thank them and we exit the bus. A car pulls up, and waves at Amir. He’s going to leave soon.”

“If we’re in the same committee in JAMUN- the next conference, I swear, Amir- I’m going to beat you.” JAMUN is single delegate. I won’t be there to help him then.

He nods simply. “So you’ll try?”

I question myself- if leaving something is worth it for him.

I have my answer.

“I’ll try- but not for you. For me.” He lights up, and offers a weak smile. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow, Amir.” He walks away into the night and closes the car door. I stand there, awake.

When I get home, I try cutting for the first time, and I cry into the bathroom.

We win tomorrow, but it doesn’t matter to me.

Nothing seems to matter to me anymore.

#creative writing #writing #my writing #first post #iridescent #blue #model united nations #model un #story #writing doodles #writers on tumblr #writers

0 notes