oh fucking. life update. my gf has started 2 imply that they may wanna fuck at some point which. is an unexpected development tbh

I. JJTS FINISHED WATCHING MONSTER AND HOLYYYYYYY FUCK

IM SO SAD THAT THIS IS THE END 🙁

SPOILERS!!

NO WAY JOHAN ESCAPED AGAIN BRO HE'S GONNA FUCK EVERYTHING UP 💀

ALSO TENMA IS SUCH A SWEETHEART WHAT THE HELL.. JOINING DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS HES A GEM I CANT BELIEVE THE LACK OF TENMA CONTENT AFTER ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT HE HAS DONE FOR EVERYBODY IN THIS SERIES

ABSOLUTE GEM OF A MAN I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT JIM WITHOUT SOUNDING FERAL AND CRINGE CRONGE (potential verbal appreciation post? It’ll probs be rotting in my drafts HAHSHD)

Also can we talk about how pretty Nina’s voice is when she’s serious, it really reminds me of nausicaa’s voice WHIHC IS A WIN WIN!

Really wanted to find out their real names

ALSO WHEN ROBERTO WAS ADOLF REIN WHATEVER??? THINKJNG ABOIT HOW GRIMMER WAS TALKING ABT HIS BESTIE OMG I NEARLY CRIED BRO.

THAT ALSO LEFT ME WITH MY JAW DROPPED BECAUSE NAW WHAT THE HELL HOW DO U EXPECT ME TO CASUALLY REGISTER THAT INFORMATION WHEN YOU DROP SUCH A BIG BOMB ON ME. AT LEAST WARN ME 😀

Johan being a menace to society (in the worst way possible) never fails to make me giggle

Adding on, Roberto is a meme of a character cos just when you think everything is going okay, he makes an appearance and suddenly you know damn well everything is not going okay anymore

ALSO I DIDNT KNOW GRIMMER WAS GOING TO FUCKING DIE??? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT

FRANZ BONAPARTA BEING SUCH A SISSY,, GOING ON A MF TANGENT OF HOW HE FUCJED UP LIKE YEAH NO SHIT STFU

wim being so adorbs <33

EVA AND MARTIN BRO THEY HAD IT GOING;;;(;;(::-6;;) WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE

Eva redemption arc I mean queen was lowkey killing it throughout the series.. sometimes questionable but otherwise ily (but I HATED how she treated tenma 😒)

NINA GETTING THE BEST SCORES GO YOU QUEEN YOU DESERVE IT

What was Johan and Nina’s mum doing bro- did that favouritism play a role in this outrage.. guess we’ll never know!

OH NOT TO MENTION MONSTER SOUNDTRACK SLAPS SOOOO HARD. SKIPPING THE OPENINB FEELS LIKE A CRIME. FULLY LISTENED TO THE ENDING IN THE LAST EPSODE BC YK I WANT TO GO OUT PROPERLY AND DAMN IT’S RLLY NICE? BUT I DONT THINK I WOULDVE BEEN ABLE TO LISTEN TO IT AT THE END OF EACH EP BECAUSE MAN THESE CLIFF HANGERS AND HOOKS MAKE ME GO FERAL FOR THE NEXT EP

WHENEVER “THE SEEDS OF TIME” STARTED PLAYING IN A SCENE I WOULD GET SO EXCITED IT’S PROBABLY MY FAV OST RN. OMG AND “Present” IT’S SUCH A CUTE OST AARGRGEGSGESHSGDFFEDD

THIS AJIME IS SO GOOD HOW COME I BARELY SEE OR HEAR PPL TALKING ABT IT… ???DEFINITELY TOP 3 BRO MAYBE EVEN TOP 2 (idek what my anime ranking list looks like 👹)

LUNGE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC REAL?? When he said he’d buy a beer for grimmer n they can talk about this whole case 💔💔

Nah Lunge was mad funny, his only personality trait was hunting tenma down,, then half way through the series he goes “I’ve made a fatal mistake 😗” n reconsiders his life decisions. The audacity,, and I was loving it.

Milan bro 😢 AND TENMA TELLING THE KIDS TO STUDY HARD AND NOT GIVE UP?? I NEED A TENMA IN MY LIFE.

DIETER IS SUCH A CUTIE PATOOTIE OMLLL

okay after some reflection johan saying "which one didn't she need" or stmhn like that at the end BAFFLED me. it made me really sad too

oh yeah HAHAHAHA johan being an iconic cross dresser. you can't tell me he wasn't rocking that outfit when he was with suk... also when he dressed as young anna HIS FACE WAS SO FUNNY "welcome back! :D" bro is so devious HEGHAHSDG

just thhnking about that tenma push up scene it had me giggling and swinging my feet OGH LET;S NOT FORGET WHEN HE WAS LIKE "good girl" TO NINA .... that's the stuff i want to hear frfr

on a serious note though, he's such a good father figure. this man would make the best father ever.. i've seen multiple comments saying that even johan saw him as a father figure and LORD DOES THAT MAKE ME UPSET :(((((

that nameless monster book spoke facts at the end tho, johan is such a beautiful name no joke

his hair looks so fluffy too

HAHA no how about the scream he scrumpt i was lowkey embarrassed like johan you can scream sm better than that.

idk why but he's so fine when he drops the ground- both times in the library and in the rain. i swear it's the hair and his back

yk this anime reminds me of that one tiktok sounds with the garden song that says "no matter where you are, everyone is always connected". it's quite cool to think about it holistically, but in a sense it's also so surreal, and even scary. this masterpiece is an extreme reflection of our world imo, with many elements of truth and reality. anyways i'll leave this kind of stuff for another post (draft lol). but honestly though, i really liked this series. maybe since it's older, it has that sense of authenticity?? not invalidating other anime series but idk. i really enjoyed it.

RAHAHGSHJDHFGHJG LET'S STAY TOGETHER BEING TENMA'S FAVOURITE SONG OMG THIS IS KILLING ME HES SO my heart is aching sm..

im jus reading about tenma's childhood rn :')

WAIT THETRS;S SOMETHING CALLED ANOTHER MONSTER?/ IS THIS A SEQUEL OR SMTHN... well yk what time it is then!

ENTRY #5&6: 07-08/07/2023

today's song: https://open.spotify.com/track/1LNGuCg01CHg9ErApmz92R?si=cnwQHC-YQwyfN-p2bheVTA&context=spotify%3Aartist%3A0PHf0oiic0xAnCrRuLTtHl

i didn't even feel like doing todays entry bc i feel like shit but rn im gna do it anyways to distract myself

yesterday, i did the same as the other days. i watched ice age 2 where they met ellie. watched more evolution videos. decided to try to get into paleoanthropology. decided to go to the museum and convinced my mom to buy tickets for me and my bro for the next day.

also researched abt university degrees w paleoanthropology majors... theres only two unis that offer that focus near me n both r kinda hard to get into... still... ill do my best to get into the harder one cuz i need the access to their library its not even funny . nonfiction books r so expensive . knowledge is expensive.

today, i went to the museum, walked around the bookstore, and ate hotdogs.

can i just say idek how manny managed to bag ellie. like this guy was always fumbling. what pisses me off is that this fictional woolly mammoth has enough charisma to manage to get two girlfriends in his lifetime while im still struggling.

anyways . i wanna type more but im too tired (my feet hurt!!!!!!!) so ur getting the short form of todays events.

went to see the t rex exhibit. if i was a tyrannosaurus i would be a guanlong me thinks... my brother wld be a xiongguanlong . looked at the other exhibits . had to leave the bird exhibit cuz it was making me hungry . looked at the dawn of life exhibit. left the dawn of life exhibit bc i was hungry. ate hot dog with fries. the fries has no salt . went back to previous exhibit. lamented the lack of hominid exhibits. went to see the colonizer exhibit. went to see inuit music/art exhibit. was very fascinated by it . went to ancient civilization exhibits . went to the ancient egypt exhibit. immediately left the ancient egypt exhibit after discovering that there were actual mummies n skeletal bodies on display . went to museum store . nearly bought book abt fossils and evolution before putting it down . nearly bought a toy penguin ring . went out of the museum . anti-covid protesters were outside n blocking the streets . my unserious brother took a selfie w them in the background holding up a peace sign w a straight face . walked to book store. bought book abt evolution history . walked to mall . waited for my mom n dad to pick us up. ate another hot dog . the fries had salt . mom n dad picked us up . home. Klee

also nui!diluc was w me today n he learned a lot me thinks :3 first time hes gone outside ! he nearly got eaten .

going to go eat snack now.

thats all.

additional notes: Kasuga "Osaka" Ayumu

HIHI - could you believe that i literally wrote an entire like multi-paragraph message for my phone to die as soon as i finished? ∑(ﾟДﾟ) - i wanted to send in a message since i’ve been inactive in messaging!! HOWEVER. i am going to basically rewrite everything again as i am DETERMINED TO TELL YOU HOW LOVELY YOUR WORK IS!! W(`0`)W

➖well, now it’s charging at least, let me continue 🧛‍♀️🧛‍♀️🧛‍♀️🧛‍♀️🧛‍♀️ - FIRST HIIIIIIHIHI IM SO SORRY FOR MY INACTIVITY ITS BEEN HARD TO SEND IN A PROPER MESSAGE :( BUT IM HERE AND SO HIII ~ HOW ARE YOU? did you eat, drink water, and rest well today? ~ i hope so!!

JAJSKSNKDJD OK SO HEKJDOSNSODNDKSKKDKD UPDATE I READ EVERY UPDATED / NEW FIC OF YOURS AS IVE BEEN KEEPING UP W THEM AND CAN I JUST SAY (again) HOW MUCH I LOVE UR WRITING?? EXCUSE ANY TYPOS SINCE IM GONNA WRITE A BIT LOLOL BUT OH MY GODODODODODO???

LITERALLY SCREAMING THROWING UP YOUR SHORT GF SERIES IS SO CUTE HELEPEPPEPE I ALWAYS FORGOT HOW TALL THESE BOYS R 😭😭😭 AND YOUR RECENT SINGLE FICS SOMEONE HOLD ME RN IM ABT TO PASS OUT FR OSJDKDJDKSKD THE NIKI WON HOON AND JAY I CANT LIKE WHEN I SAY I GENUINELY LOVE THE WAY U WRITE SO MUCH I MEAN IT LIKE OH MY GOD YOU WRITE THEM SO WELL LIKE ACTUALLY EVERY FIC I CAN LKTEEALLY IMAGINE THE SCENE PERFECTLY LIKE I HAVE AN ENTIRE IMAGE AND ITS SUCH A NICE FEELING LIKE SERIOUSLY YOUR DIALOGUE THE STORY?? UR A GENIUS FR?? LIKE ITS SO GOOD I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS KNOW THAT ILL LOVE THE STORY BEFORE EVEN READING ITLL ALWAYS BE SO SO GOOD BC EACH ONE IS SO UNIQUE AND WONDERFUL AND JUST AHHHHHHHHH ( can’t wait to see more ofc, tehehehhe especially a sunoo fic (о´∀`о) )

BUT YES I TRULY LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE SO SO MUCH EACH SCROLL IS LILE FILLED WITH ANTICIPATION AS I READ ALONG LIKE I BE GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET SCREAMING CRYING EVERYTHING EOJDKDKSKSK ITS SO SO GOOD AND SUCH A GOOD READ, I ALWAYS KNOW YOUR FICS NEVER FAIL TO CHEER ME UP IF IM FEELING LOW I LITERALLY GO:

（´-`）.｡oO -> ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

SPEAKING OF!! i’ve read the http fic you recced me!! your reccs are so sweet HEHDJSJS it was so good & i binged a bunch of fic recs you posted ~~ some of which i read already, and wholeheartedly agree with the recc!!!! basically, your writing & the fics reccs are so cute and sweet and i love them smsmsmsmsmmsmsmsmsmsms!!!

so i thank you so so much for that, truly!! keep up the amazing work, it’s so impressive and inspiring just how lovely you write!!!! like it’s so good frfr i keep saying that bc it’s JUST HOW IT IS SJNDKSJSJD - i don’t want to make this too long again!! 😭🫶 so i’ll end it off with pls make sure to take care of yourself!! - you work so hard, and me, including many others absolutely can see that & are cheering you on always!! ty for writing! it truly is a pick-me-up to an off day!! lolol (๑>◡<๑)

me ^

OH MY GOD WHEN I SAW TUIS i genuinely couldnt stop smiling. like wtf this has to be the longest and sweetest thing i’ve ever received T-T idek what to say but THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ALL THE COMPLIMENTS?? I FEEL SO APPRECIATED AND LOVED AND JUST?!2? GOD IM SMILING SO HARD THIS REALLY MADE MY MORNING :( THE WAY U REWROTE THIS TOO JUST FOR ME? I CANT IMAGINE HOW LONG IT TOOK YOU AND I HOPE YOU CAN SEE HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME AKAGISBSJS 😭😭😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶

THE FACT YOU CAN VISUALIZE EVERY SCENE AND THE DIALOGUE FROM MY WRITING?? GOD THATS SUCH A LOVELY COMPLIMENT LIKE AUGH IM ALWAYS SO WORRIED ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT SO THANK YOU T-T

I’M GLAD TO HEAR YOU ENJOY MY FIC RECS :0 YESYYES THERE ARE SO MANY INCREDIBLE AUTHORS ON HERE AND WE R SO LUCKY TO HAVE READERS LIKE YOU WHO GIVE BACK AND SEND US SO MUCH LOVE LIKE THIS <33

:(((( you’re literally the sweetest, NO THANK YOU for taking the time to write all this and make me smile <3 i hope you take care of yourself as well and have a lovely day, and i’ll have to write a sunoo fic soon jusy for you :,)

ILYSMMM, WHAT SHOULD I CALL YOU? MIOU? :00

Hi there! Found your blog and I love how you put in so much effort you put in to describe your ships. So... could you ship me with the boyz please?

Few facts about myself:

1) 98 liner, ENFJ-T, currently an undergraduate majoring in Human Resources and minoring in Psychology. Ermm... other than that I'm Cancer sun&moon with a Scorpio rising.

2) Personality-wise: I'm known to be very driven and ambitious. Able to multitask very well. I'm also family-oriented and loyal to a fault. Will stand up for my family and friends. To my friends and family, I'm like their pillar of strength where they go to if they need help or a listening ear. I can come off as aggressive in terms of work as I'm result-oriented. I'm the mom friend of the group, bubbly and can be loud most of the times. Could get moody as well. Lastly... I'm quite enjoy staying at home. Even though I love staying at home, I enjoy going out to arcades, movies, theme parks or cafes.

3) Hobbies: singing, dancing, listening to music, sleeping, watching anime and horror movies, reading, surfing the net, hanging out with friends (eating and chatting), gaming (mobile games), cooking

4)My preference in a guy... I would want someone who supports me in my dreams and ambitions. Someone who is driven and ambitious as well, family-oriented and protective over me (i'll be the same of course). Someone who listens and has my back at all times. Loyal, funny, witty and can hold any types of conversation with me (meaningless banter to deep psychological topics). I would appreciate someone who is affectionate and physically clingy at times. Someone down to earth and loves staying at home as well 🤣

Thank you and love your work!

HiHi!! Thank you sm for ur kind words and also good for u !! (Abt school) and I am a cancer as well 🙃 I hope this is ok !

In The Boyz I ship you with Sangyeon !!

The vibes y’all give off are so similar

I both give off really parent kind of vibes if that makes sense

You guys are really similar yet so different which is why you guys get along so well

We all know how caring Sangyeon is and he’s also really down to earth

He just fits ur preference so well pls 😭

Anyways

He supports u all the way omg

I feel like when you have some huge project, he will go even if he’s not allowed he just wants to see u do ur thing

Idek how to do explain this :’)

He’s really funny and y’all laugh a lot bc of it

If ur in a bad mood he will crack a small joke and give you that weird look he makes a lot when he thinks he made a funny joke (pls tell me yk what I’m talking abt)

OMG

YOU GUYS WILL SING TOGETHER

It’s so heavenly istg

I feel like u guys would have some interesting date ideas and activities to do together

One of them is where u guys pick songs for the other person to learn and sing/make a cover of (?)

Idk, just a cool idea ig

He’s really curious abt ur major and asks a lot of questions, be he’s genuinely curious

Oh and another “date” would be playing games all day together

lololol lemme join

Y’all’s relationship is so healthy bc it both really loyal and too busy trying to achieve ur dreams to focus on anyone else

Ok but he literally fits ur preference perfectly and idk what else to add 😭

Oh when one of u is angry it usually calms down after like 20 minutes bc u guys like to actually communicate or try to understand each other unlike some other people 🙄

U visit the dorm often and the boys love u sm

They literally joke saying ur the mom and sangyeon is the dad 😭

Sangyeon adores u bc of how cool and independent u are !!!!!!

When ur laying in his arms asleep or smth he’ll just stare at u for a bit and just think abt every amazing thing you’ve ever done

He’s just always thing about you !

Also he loves to watch u interact with the boys, he thinks is adorable and sometimes hilarious when ur arguing with the younger boys or the other 98 liners 😭

I can just imagine him laughing his ass off bc ur arguing with Sunwoo and Eric for being dumb

And then u usually argue with Juyeon as a joke bc ur the same age, he’s so aloof and u take advantage of it sometimes which makes it funny 😭

Sangyeon just wants to wife u up so badly 😩😩

Ok sorry this was so bad 😭 my writing has gone downhill lately

- Photo cr to rightful owners

You have worked hard this week, have a cookie 🤲🏼🍪😁😘

Awhhhah that made me day you’re so sweet :,D like H o n e s t l y I have had a rough week and I’ve been feeling down I can’t believe the niceness 🥺 like how did u k n o w

Real quick I need 2 rant abt—(feel free to ignore) some things on my noggin.

**Trigger warning** : Talk ahead of bigots not understanding Trans people, lgbt+ and other races

Idek where to start but...over the past few months I’ve made an amazing friend. At first, it being the south and her being a part of a culture that is known to be anti-lgbt and knowing how others around her talked I always assumed she was homophobic??

I know I shouldn’t assume, but here it’s a gamble. There’s actually a lot of racism, a lot of homophobia,etc. I’ll get into it later

So when she wasn’t and turned out to be really open we had some amazing talks and she was like the only person at my work who knew about my sexual orientation. Helped me feel welcome. Released a lot of tension.

One night it came to her when speaking to me that she should stop trying on/off with her ex(he’s controlling/cheats) and that she deserved better to be happy not with someone who caused her this damage. So she was so grateful for my advice.

But now she’s moving out of state to be with him...and soon my other friend(who was like a grandpa to me—this is very important because I don’t have a prominent connection with either of my grandads) is saying in a few months he plans to leave the country and am just assuming there’s going to be a lot of changes and that I’m going to be feeling so alone :,D not to mention, I feel so backstabbed that’s after all the advice and how much she seemed to be looking forward to being without him, she’s turned against her word and her best interest and went back anyway...I mean, I just want the best for her and she made the descision to move so fast I can’t see it ending well :(

And then in the midst of this there’s this coworker who I looked up to as a sort of mother figure type and she’s saying these homophobic things about how she doesn’t like this one singer cause he’s “gay” and mocking gay behavior all of a sudden :,D I thought she was going to be open minded but...I was wrong.

Then yesterday I hear that there’s been a shooting in a nearby town. Maybe 30-40 minutes away. Someone killed an innocent black man here. And now they’ve shut that whole town down and supposedly there’s a lot of KKK members around there and also in this other town... like legit there was a hotline for it back in the 90s that would spam call people living there. My mom grew up there and she said she saw a mass of them walking the streets a few times when she was little and that her neighbor was the dragon aka head of it. Now I’m paranoid that more shooting will happen and that there’s a lot of them who’ve passed on their ignorance over the years and that there’s even more than before they’re just hiding. I’m just thinking damn it could be anyone 🤮

To top it all off, I overheard a table who was having a bday party(which I honestly think it’s a weird conversation topic at a birthday party) but talking about trans people. At first they were complaining about having to wear masks (go figure). Anyways, This woman was like “it’s so fucked this world we have so many men turning into women now. They get their d***k and chop it up and sew it into this fake thing and it looks so w r o n g.” After that I just had to carry myself away cuz it pissed me off so bad like wtf there were children at that table too I feel really bad because they’ll probably grow up thinking that shit too 😔 and it ruined my night because I was already having to work a double shift to make up for this one dude who hasn’t been showing up.

So yeah...it’s a mess and it’s complicated. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life had such a pile of ignorance and intolerance come by all at once and so horrible too. I hate how so many people just can’t be decent human beings, how hard is it to not be homophobic, racist, or transphobic?? Any why now is it getting worse? What’s going on? Has anyone else experienced this lately? It’s crazy 😢

Anyways, sorry for my always long ass posts but I just needed to get this off my brain. Everyone have a safe day and remember to love others. Thanks @seiji-amasawa for the pick me up!! I really needed it ☺️

thanks grace ( @coffee-and-moo ) for the tag!!!

1. Nickname: lee!!! genuinely might like this nickname as much as my real name now

2. Zodiac: leo

3. Height - 5′2″ 

4. Hogwarts House - hufflepuff

5. Last Thing I Googled - what did trump to do transgender people (im doing a project abt transgender ppl and the prison system)

6. Song Stuck in My Head - number one victory royale, yeah fortnite we bout to get down get down ten kills on the board right now just took out tomato town—

7. Number of Followers - 33 which is more than i thought tbh

8. Amount of Sleep - not enough but i was lucky i was at home for school this morning so like 12:30 / 1 am to about 7:40 ig

9. Lucky Number - 7

10. Dream Job - I’d say maybe an author of some kind but if its rlly a dream job like a drummer / bassist / singer in a band

11. Wearing - old swim t shirt and pajama pants lmao (although once i leave im gonna wear jeans a flannel and my ✨women✨ shirt

12. Favorite Author - maybe rick riordan? amie kaufman?

13. Favorite Instrument - drums and bass <3

14. Aesthetic - dream aesthetic is like some mix between cottagecore vintage and alt/indie idek it rlly changes by the day. current aesthetic is just vaguely bisexual + plants

15. Favorite Song - im always a slut for fall out boy so prob something by them. current fav might be amsterdam by imagine dragons

16. Favorite Animal Noise - mm that lil rumbling sound dogs make when they’re happy and asleep

17. Random - my friend j texted me to say she was making me a pinterest aesthetic board and the recommended search was ‘bisexual book vibe aesthetic outfit’ and also my dog got sprayed by a skunk last night and it smells like weed in my house rn

I have to leave for school like right now so if we are mutuals you have been tagged in this. I may or may not come back to tag ppl later but fr this is for you.

i 100% agree! i got ton of anons telling me abt how bright is so straight acting & it grates on my nerves so much bc like... do they not realise how racist & homophobic that is? as an asian guy who likes guys, it's like you gotta fit into the western mentality of masculinity but then you're ostracised by your own community bc you're not "gay enough" or "man enough" and t's just... let us be lmao. bright has made himself vulnerable & told us he's not completely straight. let him be himself!!

rahul!! helloo!! idek what they want at this point. i mean i do, something for them to project every single one of their sexual fantasies on, and seeing 2 good looking guys in bright and win heightens that for them. but they're not getting enough!!!! they're not getting the bed scenes and the tongues down the other's throat scenes!!! and thats driving them insane bc they have no patience for anything else that isnt related to it!!! and bc they're not getting it on the show, they'll look for it in brightwin next!!

but, lol! even brightwin aren't tokening out fanservice or indulging them in excessive skinship!!!!!! so where do they go!! they turn to saying "well it MUST be bc bright's too str8!!! he looks too str8 and acts too str8!!!!" whilst not giving a damn about everything bright's said and done for the lgbt+ community, including saying he doesn't think he's str8, but do they care? nope. bc thats not what they wanna see or hear. and yet they remain ignorant to the homophobia and racism within their mindsets, and this idea of masculinity they project onto lgbt+ men of colour! and that does so much damage, so much!! and yet! they do not care!!!

hmmmmmm. HMMMMMM indeed.

I literally created this acc to say sth but also so my friends won't see this. it will probably eventually end up privated, but for now I'll just rant a little.

a few years back, when I was still 16, I had a little crush on this guy but I didn't rly believed that anyone would consider me as sth more than somebody to rant to or idk be the clown. so I kept it lowkey and continued to talk to him and maybe show him that I especially want to talk to him more. he just got meaner (he was a pretty edgy and sometimes rude individual even before) and started to avoid me then borderline bully me. I tried to convince myself that maybe he just doesnt know how to express feelings and it's his way, because sometimes he'd be kinda nice and genuinely tried making a conversation. there was even this one late night when me him and a few other friends were going around the town, they had bikes, I didn't. he offered me to kinda ride w/him on his bike but I had to lean on him to be steady, I had fun and my heart was going fucking crazy, he was making jokes. it was rly magical, but then the next day he started avoiding me again. he didn't talk to me but to my girl best friend at the time, we were rly close she and I, but I never talked to her abt stuff like that it wasn't that kind of friendship. they started to get close and she started to talk to me abt him more, sending pics and sc of their convos even tho we didn't rly d o t h a t. I was kinda embarrassed to tell her abt him so I just kept quiet, s t u p i d. I wanted to make a move (I was moving away soon anyway) but my fucking lack of self worth was in a way ofc. so I don't talk to him anymore, I think abt him from time to time, problem is it's happening more and more lately. and idek how he looks and i s now because he doesn't rly use his Insta or anything rly so I just have 2 pics of him and our old cringy convos. if I wasn't such a fucking coward and just talked to him and didn't care abt what would ppl say at least I'd have a closure,and wouldn't be writing internet diarys at 4am 2 years later. sometimes I can't even comprehend how much of a fucking coward I can be. what are feelings anyway, maybe I'm exaggerating and it were all in my head, or it's just typical teenage drama.

anyway gonna make a late night drawing session and draw him so my brain can maybe stop doing what it's doing???¿? this thing probably has many many holes, I didn't include many things, make grammar mistakes and everything else, because I'm tired.

thank u for coming to my TED diary

there’s not a lot I can say about s3 that hasn’t already been said (and articulated 200x better) but! here are some of my (albeit dumb) thoughts :~)

ep1 -isak leaning against the bathroom wall gets me EVERY time its such a powerful scene esp introducing you to s3 and tarjei..... spare some talent for the rest of us please -LiTeN gUtTeN fRa StRaNgEr tHiNgS -isak rly ties his pants w a shoelace...... -isak noticing even for the first time bc of his laugh.. whew.... also. i love this intro SOOO much bc its so non-monumental? theres no dramatic music or whatever but its not subtle.... like you know right away o shit love interest!! hello sir!! bc isak’s expression watching him :’) i could go on -isak is a bad liar HOWEVER this only applies to stupid nontrivial things e.g. the black sweatshirt. but when you look at him lying about like, his sexuality, he hides that shit well -”c00l” isak. i hate u so much -honestly all u have to do is look at even for .2 seconds and u can tell this boy has had a crush for a solid month bc he just looks awestruck (HOWEVER henrik’s acting is *chef’s kiss* bc its subtle enough to go undetected b4 you actually know eVEN SAW HIM ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL) -even isak and emma all sitting on the bench together is funny enough on its on but then a song called threeway comes on and like. julie sdshjsfdjfkjskd ep2 -there’s something so endearing about even’s handwriting idek what -i LOVE even’s video w mikael it reveals so much about him to us- how weird (ok we saw how weird he was w the paper towel thing but) and dorky he is? and his love of film! his view on love stories and how he sees the world :( but it also shows a lot abt isak because he saw even making stupid jokes about vladimir putin and was like yeah we about to fall in LOVE love -isak not using headphones to watch even’s video or r+j?? bde or general incompetence what’s the verdict guys -the isak watching r+j scene hits so hard like yall ever think about isak lying in bed at 3am staring at the ceiling probably thinking about how he’s never gonna get a beautiful world-shattering romance like that like ..... also him changing positions skam get out of my life go away ur too realistic -not to make this even more self-projection-y but isak simultaneously being the least emotionally vulnerable person ever but crying during r+j > -i made a post abt this already but even’s INTENSE staring vs isak’s “i have never looked anyone in the eye in my life” gets me it says so much about their characters -even said i see your bde move (asking me to buy you beer) and i raise u with my own (inviting you to my house after faking not having my id) -”if you listen to music” even is such a dick fsdjhsdff -when the message comes on...... i rlly do owe julie my life huh -”have you heard about my rapping?” “I have actually” have we talked about this enough????? 1. isak finally feels comfortable enough w even to flirt and his first move is to RAP for him jesus christ. keep in mind this is the same man who pulled that smooth af ibuprofen line w emma like...... 2. even has heard about isak’s rapping. either this means im-not-on-social-media even went out of his way to go thru homeboy’s instagram OR isak’s rapping is actually talked about. i- -the group chat messages. cant believe i forgot about the 2016 clown epidemic

ep3  -mahdi is a good friend and i love him. thank u -even wearing isak’s cap until he chucks it at him sjksfjsdjsd -how much yall wanna bet isak’s been listening to illmatic on repeat since last friday thinking abt even (even tho meeting sonja shattered his heart a lil) [also kinda an aside but i think a lot about how isak n even bonded over rap and how some homophobic lyrics in 90s etc rap might have impacted them? or how that little detail ties into julie’s story? e.g. halftime by nas, which is on illmatic] -whats worse. even staring into isaks soul wearing a size xs see-through white t shirt or isak staring at even for five (5) seconds before chugging his beer and immediately making out w emma. OR even crashing that party before it can start “i think you guys are bonding too much” cheesy ass shjhfsdhskdf -yall act like evak didnt invent hands. did even shaking isak’s shoulder telling him his apartment is nice mean nothing to u -im convinced robyn wrote call your girlfriend for this scene specifically bc how could anything fit so perfectly by coincidence -is anything better than egging isak on- even bech naesheim (2016) -idk if yall have read the scripts but i love the sock thing so much bc its soo true to how isak thinks and it makes everything so much more interesting and !!!

ep4  -i will never get over even sending isak bad seinfeld memes -even smacking open isak’s locker. first of all whew second of all u think as soon as he got into the stairwell he lowkey cried bc ow -parallel of isak saying “it’s 2016, why are you religious?” to sana vs. emma’s “it’s 2016, get out of the closet” to isak anyone :( -”takk sanasol!!!!” thank u isak for my life -I wanted to be with you aloneeeee -even’s face when he sees the pool like we get it youre a director -how many times do i need to say even is such a dick sjkfsd “does it look like i care about my hair?” “usually but not right now” like this would only work on isak i love soulmates!! -even just.. fully choking isak out ssdhgfd got em -when the first notes of im kissing you start ooh boy -even going in for the kill kiss and isak going from huh to oooo shit and pushing his lips out at the last minute. phenomenal 

ep5 -ngl as soon as im not in love comes on my heart goes uwu bc like!!!! that song the meaNING.... them......... i jus love this scene sm like theyre in their own little bubble and they both feel so comfortable and at peace :((  -even leaving isak comics about an inside joke of theirs like yall mind if i scream -isak feeling left out from the conversation and his friends whew i felt that... and having them talk about how gross it is to makeout with a girl w facial hair?? blease :( -taking stock of isak’s nicknames: issy k, isabell, izzy, baby jesus, -im not even gonna bother trying to articulate thoughts on Pause bc it’s a literal masterpiece. thank u tarjei henrik and julie for inventing television with this one  -MAGNUS SDFKJSDFJKDSHK "oooh my name is Jonas and I love idealism and reading klassekampen and I don’t like plastic and I skate on a skateboard made of sustainable wood and wear old clothes because new clothes are bad for the environment and I only drink recycled water” screAMMM -what i said abt pause also applies to pride ugh its such a powerful scene and!! the beginning of kicks to isaks stomach. honestly what i fucking love about this episode is how it goes from hell yea best day w even ever to crying in the street within one week (s3 had the best balance of angst and payoff thanks) -even’s Soft Party Flannel... forever tainted by this scene rip -not knowing why even kissed sonja keeps me up at night -speaking of. how used and stupid isak must’ve felt when he saw even completely unbothered, hooking up w his ex at this party?? whew :( -bros is one of my all time favourite clips solely bc of the music?? lift me up gives me chills and when hold my liquor starts i LOSE it -ep5 and 6 remind me of that quote “to see what your characters are really made of you have to break them” because julie rlly goes all in and god it hurts so good

ep6 -never have i ever seen insomnia portrayed as accurately as tarjei did here and i remember when i first watched the cantina scene i was like. winded bc its SO true to sleep deprivation whew -i really like that isak wasnt together with even when he reached out for help and came out to jonas. bc it was him, on his own, being strong enough to talk to his friends and then eventually he was confident and secure enough in himself to be in a good place when even started reaching back out!! -i have no idea what its like to come out to someone, to be afraid of your friends rejecting you, everything isak went through. but tarjei’s acting of when, like, you have something you KNOW you have to tell someone, and youve put yourself in the position where youre going to have to tell them, but youre terrified and eventually just force yourself SAY the words??  -and isak’s smile when he realizes jonas is gonna be his bro no matter what :’)))

ep7 -weirdly one of my favourite isak looks (black t-shirt grey snapback c-c-c-combo) -”what’s your name again?” have i mentioned i love sana and isak bc i love sana and isak -jonas truly is the best friend oh man. perceptive, thoughtful, loving, laidback, a friggen BRO. tbh i was wary of him in s1 and thought he didn’t treat eva well (tho I recognized he loved her a lot, he was just bad at being a boyfriend) but jonas in s3?? just goes to show how powerful your perspective of someone can change viewing them in a different role!! because while jonas was a crappy bf, he literally is SUCH an incredible friend and his actions and words and just! him! in s3 completely redeemed any illwill I had towards him :’) -maybe im a little gay (up there with other s3 comedy classics such as “thats a boys name”) -mahdi season WHEN ugh a legend -’when someone asks isak if hes going to a family party’ literally what other reason for living do i have if not to read the boy squad text convos -isaks locker finally opening and his smile at evens drawing whewwwwwww!! also even rlly is that guy who wont text you back but will leave hand written love letters in ur locker -also. another stellar look from valtersen -slutt a meld meg is a whole masterpiece like what other piece of media has the RANGE -eskild: play hard to get. jonas: no smiley!!! isak: nah fam im good B)

ep8 -this episode is BEAUTIFUL bc you feel practically euphoric?? like hell yeah theyre finally together!! isak is out and accepted and even is done with sonja! but theres also this unsettling undercurrent of worry bc you know deep down something isnt right? why is sonja calling isak? why is even acting kinda strange? whats going on? yknow?? -literally never going to get over 5 fine frokner :~) even is such a goddamn nerd and he’s the man of isak’s dreams can u believe!!  -sana’s little speech is SO important in so many ways ooo i love her so much -also have we discussed eskild making evak do a photoshoot for him. highkey those are my favourite pictures of ALL time u can tell even was like hm strange but im down while isak was more omg guys stop🙄 omg haha eskild i cant believe youre making me cuddle with even for a photo🙄 i cant believe ur making me snuggle this dude for a pic!!!! definitely would not have done this otherwise!!! -magnus only realizing it’s THAT even after seeing how isak looks at him. whew -isak is so brave i rlly love that kid! his text to his mamma <3 -no r*make will EVER nail text conversations like mari/julie did w evak’s this week thanks for coming to my ted talk. i'd quote the best ones but it would literally double the length of this post (ok ill cave. “hahaha shut up❤️” GETS me) -you dont know whats in store but you know what youre here for. hallo -isak running around oslo with even’s clothes looking for him :( his heart is so big he cares about even so so much -when Part II (on the run) comes on in the credits its like a kick in the teeth honestly

ep9 -ive already screamed enough about cherry wine but god it fucks me up -cannot put into words how much I love eskild and how good of a person he is, he just has so much love in his heart  -”wait they have waffles here? see ya” -this convo is why i love skam so much!!!! magnus giving insight and good thoughtful advice to isak was such a brilliant move by julie (also truLy heartwarming) bc like. magnus is a flawed layered character! he’s dumb and ignorant and not very careful with his words BUT hes also such a sweet guy. i genuinely dont think he would hurt a fly and him talking about vilde (in ep10) is ;-; bc he really likes her and respects her and wants to be a gentleman! hes so loving and just. yeah. also i wonder if isak and magnus (and vilde) ever talked about having mentally ill parents and lent on each other for support bc like....<3 [sidenote- this is why i HATE b***** like they absolutely massacred magnus’s character and magnus did not deserve that!] -det er bare slutt........ very cool of tarjei to invent acting here. also the character development makes me WEEP like at first isak lied and told his pappa it was over bc its easier to brush stuff off and say you were joking than be vulnerable especially about 1. having a boyfriend and 2. saying youve already broken up?? but then isak was like hey im done with lying about who i am bc i want my life to be REAL and he told his dad the truth even if it was hard and even if he was trying rlly hard not to cry  -isak reaching out to even<3 standing up for even<3 -o helga natt. another scene i genuinely cannot comment on bc u cant really put into any written language how magical and breathtaking and heartbreaking and powerful and brilliant this scene is. so. -jk. obvs i cant say anything intelligent enough to give this scene justice but probably the most stunning piece of television i have ever had the privilege of watching. even’s text breaks my heart every gd time (esp since we never really see this side of him before finding out he’s bipolar? his guilt, insecurity, feeling like a burden, being scared of losing everyone in his life because he thinks he’ll hurt them). the music is SO beautiful i cry real tears as soon as the strings start. also the brilliance of JUST o helga natt playing and no dialogue except for isaks one line? isak’s realization when he sees the cross. him RUNNING across oslo to go to even. the FLASHBACKS all going backwards in chronological order until them smoking on the bench. isak looking at the bench and not seeing even and u can feel his heart breaking and urs breaks too! but then he remembers the bathroom and he turns and theres even and whewwww. du er ikke alene<3

ep10 -minutt for minutt is THE most healing clip im telling u. and like.. seeing even depressed really is hard and as someone who was very very depressed for 4-ish yrs of their life it rlly hits me? like when youre in an especially bad funk and you cant get out of bed and youre just numb and exhausted and feel so shitty and u want to be alone but you really dont???? could go on but literally i owe henrik holm my life for his portrayal of even  -not to be a soft bitch on main but when isak tucks the blanket over even and it keeps getting pulled off his back so isak just. covers that spot with himself? -i do love that call between sonja and isak bc once again! a flawed (realistic) human being -and isak thinking its his fault even is depressed? it means a lot that sonja told him its no ones fault, even is just bipolar. and i wonder if isak felt that way about his mamma as well, guilty for her being ill, and if what sonja said made him feel better about that situation too :( -lowkey random but when isak is rambling really fast and he goes “maybe we’ll get bombed tomorrow and talking about all this is a waste of time” it continually punches me in the throat bc that is /exactly/ how i ramble and think like tarjei........ pls -like eskild said. there really is so much love in isak’s little grumpy teenage body<3 -isak no longer just passively accepting life as its given to him, now he fights for him and even!!!!!  -isak is such a forgiving person and seeing him able to just accept things and move on? incredible -i remember when i first watched ep1 i was like oooo even and isak are gonna be kosegruppa partners and thats when theyll first get together, cooking food or smth!! but lmfao after episode 3? kosegruppa whomst???? also hilarious vilde thought isak of all people would willingly sign up for kosegruppa just to go to revue parties -even and linn friendship!!!! -cannot articulate how mf heartwarming it is to see even smiling and being more himself after being depressed (also thank u julie for having ups and downs coming out of his depression- its so true to life having one day when youre feeling awesome and then the next you feel awful again for no reason and its SO frustrating) -I had to stop watching passe pa meg cause it made me toooooo crazy! it would just be like: “I like seeing you laugh” and I was like: *SCREAMS* -im the fucking master of lying 😤 -literally don’t know why isak and even ragging on kosegruppa is so funny but “did you think I joined to have fun” gets me every time -I SAW YOU THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL -also even literally radiating love @ isak watching get snarky w vilde on the phone bc it reminded him of the first time he saw him! even rly is that boyfriend who thinks isak being pissy is the Best Thing he has Ever seen -halla boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz -literally the glo up of isak telling his friends the order in which he’d bang them -No filter! wow I love symbolism -so nice to see the girls together for a lil bit :) -the boys hyping up mags while also telling him to be respectful awwwwww -take desperate to a whole new level- Confucius  -who’s going to show isak how to properly hold a beer can -literally evak banter gets me thru the day. thank u tarjei and henrik for having phenomenal chemistry + improvisation skills + making isak and even the dumbest nerdiest boys i have ever seen -biology partner. and friend. ;-; -even literally is the biggest stoner blease -isak’s talk with eva is just sooooo<3 and not to be emo on main but every single word of the last few sentences he says hit me so gd hard because i feel the exact same way in my BONES -livet er nå 💛

final thoughts :( <3 -this season is so special. it feels like one really long oscar-worthy movie or smth?? i cant even exblain, its just magical. ALSO very dear to my heart. -julie really said you guys have seen isak sad and alone and repressed for the past two seasons so heres him falling in love with the best person in the world and coming to terms with who he is and being brave and opening up and finally being happy and living a real life -this season definitely feels different from s1/2/4 to me editing or production or music smth wise? as in, its got a lot fewer aesthetic shots and the cinematography seems a bit different if that makes any sense???? I also think this is the season most focused just on the main (i.e. not many- if any? sideplots going on) -literally will never get over the thought, love, and detail put into this season. when i say there is literally nothing i would change about it, i mean it and coming from my nitpicky ass??? means a lot lmfao. the acting, directing, music choices, symbolism...... sublime -s3′s cold rainy autumn aesthetic makes me ACHE for fall and also nostalgic for a highschool experience I never had lmao?? also. all the nighttime clips >>> -don’t know what else to say except thank u skam for my life

@thaliatimsh​ - im so sorry!!!! a vague ‘riffing off of (tm)’ what i was saying? (trying to say) last night  - but Mostly// word splurge everywhere :/ - unsure if theres either a/t Clear or!! tbfh a/t of worth here, but yk :T :S !

thaliatimsh said: I thiNK you are RIGHT re: distance n i wonder. … why. Considering distance in gibson bein murdererererd scene… tins of mystery… (like a week previous MAX). I wonder. Why. Im not very good at bein clear anyway im. Fffff.

=> fgksdhfg, idk if youve had the same thought w this as i have, or mabs,, its lead to/from the same thought but like. Hickey’s plan was always probs gonna end/hinge a lil on cannibalism? [‘Lads Gotta Eat! People Made O’ Meat!’; Hickey’s Personal Sledge Hauling Song, 1847.] Ofc they all already know tht the cans are making them Weak & WEird™ .

so im Not getting confused!!! Just #FAx: at some point theyre gonna run out of food With Them, so Options~: 1) take tins proffered by crozier, 2) somehow they manage to find game! 3) boys were made for eating

So assuming tht no ones gonna keel over anytime soon, theyre deffo gonna have to kill /Someone/

Once gibson ‘runs out’ [[ :(( ]], they gotta go back to tins, or they gotta get another Body p much. ppl who CAnt be ate!: Hickey (ofc), Diggle (For Now/, until Armitage gets his HACCP qualifications), Goodsir (butchers are hard to train up, lads might get queezy chopping up their M8s)

Gkdsfhgk, distance as a food preparation method, a book by cornelius (EC) hickey !! - is what im TRYINBG to get to as my point !!! jfc, idek

but idk if thats rly necessarily a v strong (or tbf, Accurate) Take yk? i gotta think it over, & leave this pot boiling someplace else temporarily or smth

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[[i think,, what i meant w/ Deliberateness, as much as i like. ½ tried to articulate it there last night (& now having read over a lil of tht, have v little clue WHat Exactly i was trying to be saying there tbfh), is that Of Fckn Course// hickey is deliberately setting him Apart “DELIBERATE isolation of hodgson during that scene (plate, cutlery, separate space, different /meat/)” like u said!! But i think up Til tht point, its one of those weird cases where its not being Enforced~ as such? [tht might just be my own reading tho? Which are.. while Not ~Notoriously Off-Base? But often taking the ‘’wrong part’’ of a thing as the important element, or just straight up Confused, rip lmao]

Like /Like/. The Hodgester™ has just turned up into a place already filled w dudes who are all a lil asshole-ish & starving! - & enough of them are running from a hierarchy issue, rather than a deep abiding love for EC, i suppose? Uhm - && they all wanna Be There (for want of a better descrip/). So, i was ½ at it thinking(?) abt if it was mayhaps (originally) one of those things where u accidentally(?) isolate yrself from the rest of the group bc u dont wanna bother/intrude/dont feel welcome [The Sk00l Feelingz] & thru that slight gap you end up falling thru the cracks as twere & /Actually/ becoming Set Apart. 

&& like. Idk, on #mutineers side; hes just turned up! Hes Hierarchy!! & yk still,,, Officers/Men Divide~ the line drawn in the 6ft X 4ft ice-cave separating the messdeck & the wardroom ! which despite no longer /Rly/ being in place now, or honestly nearly as much as gone post-walkOut, has gotta be subconsciously embedded ? dunno [tbfh, im word vomiting rly Badly// now - i think u were & Are!! Right abt it, & yr fic Felt Right// abt it!! Which means it may as well be True & Canon & Real, etc: Often Always thinking abt the different ways of saying lieutenant, oof :( ] ]]

maybe what i mean is like; I'm Not Sure! (personally :S ) if it started out Accidentally, Deliberate Banal, or Deliberate Malicious, yk??

&& Whether its been a gradual progression, or happened much more Starkly when they decided to captainnap crozier, or spatchcock chicken gibson & other stuff? dunno

((i gotta [REally Gotta//] rewatch the last couple of eps, so i get the planning/timing etc right in my head? bc idr if the plan to marry tuunbaq was ‘hatched’ pre or post captainnapping, or if they were related At All -> do feel like the hermitage i mentioned going on has gotta be extended just so tht i can think things into #clarity, as well as actually watch the show again before making up shit, lmao)) 

--- thinking abt: 

possibly hodgester’s confession & inability to kill hickey in contrast w fitzy’s confession & offering up of his body? but idk what that IS or MEANS, or if its even THERE [yr talk of him as,, ‘the average mans james fitzjames’ is,, im Lov,, Truly Banger & Deeply Upsetting :( ]

smth poss to be said abt how Much// of what george says/dialogue is abt food & his big monologue is abt cannibalism & transubstantiation yk? Idk [hodgester, location: North Artic Circle, likes: etymology, religious guilt, languages, musical instruments, food & learning abt how its prepared :(( ] other than, yk, Mood, Big Same There Lads

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To Conclude, yr 100000% right, Magnus Manson Good Boy, Packed The Plates & Forks

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

i just came back from bmc

- jeremy's computer has a steven universe sticker

- jEREMY CANONLY WATCHES SU

- wHAT A WEEB I LOVE HIM

- jeremy actually put lotion on his hand when he says "im waitin for my porno to load"

- mICHAEL HAS A PRIDE PATCH

- hE ALSO SAYS "MY MOMS WOULD BE SO PROUD" CKDNCJDMJGVHCDN WHAT AN ICON

- Chloe's little "haha i like gay ppl" in more than survive mcndncbsjgjcbch

- jEREMY LOOKS SO SAD NEAR THE END OF MORE THAN SURVIVE JCNDNCNDJCJDG BBY LEMME GIVE YOU A HUG

- cHRISTINE IS ME IM KIN VCJDCHDHTGJ WE BOTH LOVE THEATRE, WE BOTH HAVE AD(H)D, AND SHE EVEN HAS MY PERSONALITY!!!

- PLUS HER NAME IS ONE LETTER AWAY FROM MY NAME IRL!!!

- not actually part of the musical but rich was spitting everywhere in the squip song jvjdjcjsjvorhcjdg ur doing amazing sweetie

- apparently the squip song jumps dIRECTLY INTO two player game???

- the way michael and jeremy say "is it really true,,,,, im your faaaaavorite person???" "yEAH!! :DDD we're neeever not gonna be a team" is so cute cjcncjdjvucbf idek why?? it just is and it can't really be explained through text im sorry!!!

- "what does it even taste like???" "G H O S T S"

- i ALMOST SCREAMED WHEN SQUIP APPEARED CBNSHXSKJVBCD MY FRIEND AND I HAD TO HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER FOR SUPPORT

- hE'S SO HOT I NUTTED ON THE SPOT

- also squip's outfits are all white vhjfjcsjlcdng that man is really out here lookin like rk900

- tbh i like jeremy's eminem shirt in this version better than in the og

- jEREMY DOES THE BEST FUCKIN POSE WHEN SQUIP TELLS HIM "no, stop" IN BE MORE CHILL PART 1 VHDHHCJSJCJG WHAT A MODEL

- squip looks so disappointed when jeremy tells brooke he has to meet up with michael

- ngl brooke is kinda,,,,, hOT when she dances in do you wanna ride cjcghcslchrhcb my bi ass was sweating the whole time

- i expected the beginning of be more chill part 2 to be more angsty but jeremy just sounded so confused ckjcjrghckeixehb me too jeremy

- "ohhhhhhh everything abt you is so terrible" "everything abt me is so terrible???"

- jeremy tucking himself into bed with his school clothes still on is a mood

- "jeremy are you talking to yourself???" "i,,,,,,, guess i am"

- squip kills eminem what the fukc

- SQUIP'S FACE WHEN CHRISTINE SAYS SHE'S INTO JAKE GJHOSBCKEBCGNCJ

- "wE GOTTA!!! GET STONED IN MY BASEMENT!!! :DDD!!!"

- i love my son michael sm

- LOSER GEEK WHATEVER IS THE NEW SONG THEY ADDED!!! IT COMES AFTER UPGRADE AND IT'S SO GOOD CJDBCSJCNSJCG IT GIVES YOU MORE INSIGHT AS TO WHY JEREMY WANTS TO BE POPULAR AND GJCHSCJRJCHSJF I NEED THIS SONG ON THE OFFICIAL SOUNDTRACK RN

- sO MUCH SHIT HAPPENS IN HALLOWEEN

- i want jeremy's halloween costume

- jAKE DRESSES UP AS THOMAS JEFFERSON FROM HAMILTON GJCJDKXBSJCGNX

- I FELT PHYSICAL PAIN WHEN CHRISTINE WHEN UP TO JAKE BUT HE BRUSHES HER OFF AND DOESNT EVEN RECOGNIZE HER COSTUME FJCJDJVJDJCSLNG MY DAUGHTER DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER

- rICH FUCKING FLEXING ON THE DANCE FLOOR

- rICH HIGH FIVED EVERYONE IN THE FRONT ROW SEAT CJDBCJEJVTHCGM MY FRIEND AND I WERE IN THE SECOND TO FRONT ROW AND IM SO JEALOUS BC GOD WE WISH THAT WAS US VJFJCJFJGKVJD

- jAKE DABS

- jeremy and christine making sounds at each other on the couch is a big mood and also thats something i have done irl

- JEREMY AND MICHAEL ARGUING IN THE BATHROOM BREAKS MY HEART

- MICHAEL IN THE BATHROOM SHATTERS MY SOUL GHWHDJEHCJENFJ BBY LEMME HUG YOU

- rich having actual s l o b b e r coming out of his mouth while screaming abt mountain dew red

- iN THE SMARTPHONE HOUR LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE CAST DRESSED AS FEMALES CMGJCJFJCJRJGH HOLY SHIT IM DECEASED

- "i know abt everyone but no one knows abt me,,,," "cool drink this!!"

- jeremy yelling at his dad makes me go :(((

- jEREMY'S DAD FINDING MICHAEL DOING DRUGS AND TELLING HIM TO STOP BURNING INSENCSE JCJDJFJEJVJTCJH

- "MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE!!!" I LOST IT CJDNJCDJHCHDFJ I LOVE MY SON SM

- jeremy's fight with michael (while he tries to get the mountain dew red) looks so fake cncjdhcjdbgbcfg thanks i love it

- "oh my god im totally bi" RICH YOU BICON I FUKCING LOVE YOU BBY

- rICH ASKS JEREMY IF MICHAEL IS SINGLE JFJCJJDJVJDBCHD RICH X MICHAEL IS CANON

- squip dying is just,,,,,, top 10 saddest amine deaths

- vOICES IN MY HEAD IS GOOD SHIT I LOVE MY CHILDREN (and squip,,,, my husband) SM!!!

- iN CONCLUSION IM GONNA DIE AND BMC KILLED ME BCBSHCJFJVHXHGHG

bonus:

- my friend and i got to sit in the second to first row so we had the Full Experience™

- that included watching everyone on stage sweat and spit everywhere jgjchsclwhcrbcgh

- iN LOSER GEEK WHATEVER, WILL R (jeremy's actor) LOOKED DIRECTLY AT ME AS I STRAIGHT UP CLUTCHED MY HEART AND WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST VJFBCJDJHCKDBG

- jeremy doesnt say kinky vjdbcjdgkchf this is so sad squip play michael in the bathroom

- ok this wasnt a script change or anything bUT SQUIP TRIPS ON JAKE'S CRUTCHES AND FALLS ON HIS ASS BHCGBHGFHGFXDSDF I LOVE HIM

- my playbill was signed by everyone except christine and rich aND IM RIOTING

- jk pranked vjxghcgdhfgit it isnt their fault or anything!!! i just couldnt get to them in time

hey thx for saying lgb instead of lgbt bc whenever i see lgbt in a post about strictly gay issues,,,idek it just feels Bad. so thx

ur welcome !! yeah thats why i didnt add it fasdf when referring to the community i use lgbt but when im talking abt smth that Only concerns gay issues like.... i dont wanna bulldoze over straight trans ppl u kno?? it bugs me too tbh bc even tho im not straight i am trans and sometimes i’ll see a post labeled as lgbt but then proceeds to make the assumption that everyone reading it is sga when like... that aint the case. its almost like the t on the end is just automatic at this point instead of ppl taking the time to actually stop and like... think abt what it stands for

ANYWAY IDK sorry 2 rant but !! ur welcome and ty for saying that fhasdf that post/its replies gives me a headache so im glad someone else gets why i said it fasjdf

Like... as much as I hate certain things theres no way i could ever be rude to someone for it

q - u? :)

 q: how do you feel about collaborations?

i don’t have too much of an opinion on it, to be completely honest. im pretty particular about what i like reading though, so if their writing styles differ too much i won’t be able to enjoy it really.

with that being said, i give lots of props to those who actually collab w others bc im so picky abt my writing and have extremely specific ideas and if details aren’t described exactly how i imagined it in my head it causes me so much anxiety and distaste for it and askfhaskjfhasfkja. so it must really be difficult and i rly respect those are able to achieve that type of teamwork i could never tbh

r: are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

the first writer that comes to mind is tahereh mafi. i know her style is def not for everyone and neither is mine so sajkfhaskjf. feelinggenious on wattpad actually wrote a post about why they don’t like her style and expressed the reason being is that its “written in a chaotic, hallucinating-ish, journal style that’s oozing and overflowing of metaphors” and that ppl may find its a “lump of metaphors and horrid imagery” n binch thats exactly why i aspire to be on her level someday asfjhsfjhasfk. but i love it so much tho!! and thats exactly how i would want mine to be described as tbh

another person that stands out is tabitha suzuma. i’ve only read one book by her, but i remember ppl on goodreads reviewing it and saying its like 418 pages of poetry. she brings out so so so much emotion and all of her characters (even the younger children) are so three dimensional and they honestly felt like real people to me. the story is so so traumatic and hard to read, but i, at least, went thru so so so many strong emotions and sadness and happiness throughout the entire book. not many writers can do that to me and i admire her so so so so much. she took an extremely taboo subject and made it so you actually feel for the characters involved. i wont mention the book due to reasons but if anyone is interested u can message me or w/e!! 

and lastly, i mention her literally every moment of my life and she really is my biggest muse ??? i guess but its nicole dollanganger. she a songwriter which is technically a writer so i think she counts. not many ppl have heard of her bc she basically just came from bandcamp. but she’s been described as being like lana del rey but with way scarier and more horrific lyrics. i listen to a lot of her songs when i write to keep me going tbh. but i wouldnt rec her music to anyone who can be triggered by v*ol*nce and etc!! so keep that in mind

ask me more fanfic q’s!!!

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

i love angsty bffs who are secretly in love with each other but are too much of stubborn and frightened buttholes they never say anything. so they always fight and get jealous and wow … im so weak for this d*mb shit. hmmm also practice kissing tropes and hurt/comfort and ajkdhaskfjasf. im boring ok i know this dont tell me

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

ok so theres not many that i CANT stand, but theres a lot i literally have no interest in. i rly am against anything obviously problematic or gross. so theres that. but in terms of just popular tropes that im not into ??? anything paranormal (which is hilarious bc i love anything else paranormal n that includes books but for some reason in fanfics i just ??? cant do it.) however there have been a few that i love so i wouldnt disregard a fic completely jsut bc it has supernatual elements. i wouldnt disregard a dystopian fic tho maybe. idk wuts wrong with my brain and why it chooses some things and not others aksjfhasfkasf. but anything thats not everyday boring basic ass shit i usually cant get into it rip

so yeah. theres actually way more bc im so so so so picky af to the point where its disgusting brtywgasfjk

u: share three of your favorite fics writers and why you like them so much.

IM CHEATING !!! ok so instead of writers im gonna go w three of my fave fics bc thats easier for me.

1. letters (things unspoken) was the first fic i ever read that i really, really loved. its super heavy and so so sad so be warned if u wanna check it out. listen i didnt just tear up reading this ok. i straight up sobbed like a lil annoying binch and it really really broke my heart and wow. it involves d**th so. and its monsta x fyi

2. when i get weary of the sky is unbelievable. i havent read it in such a long time so i even forget a lot of it but i remember it being so incredible and well-written and asofhasufohas. im not gonna try to get into my reasoning bc as i said its been quite some time since ive read it and i dont want to give it an improper description. but anyway its abt pentagon!

3. desperate inhales;; relaxed exhales is shortish but its so good omg. im surprised it wasnt written by me tbh bc the author has a similar writing style as i do imo. its everything i could ask for in a fic i think. and wow its actually a svt centered fic amazing. which is wild bc 98% of the fics i read are seventeen related but yet 2/3 of the ones i mentioned are writers for different groups oops

idk why but i feel embarrassed if any of these writer have a tumblr and follow me but prob not and idek why i care but im such a shy awkward bean afhjksjkaf