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isshebreathing · 3 years

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Sharing my first resus story, please be kind:

Bringing up our child pt: 1

We sat together on the sofa trying to avoid the heat. Both sprawled out in nothing but a tank top and underwear, her bulging belly mounted in the center of her body like a rapidly growing hill to climb.

I was the one who wanted to give birth to a child, she would have been perfectly fine with adoption, but I was so desperate to experience a pregnancy my weak heart could never support that she agreed to carry our child.

Pregnancy had been awful for Lizzy, I knew it but she never complained, she would never complain because she loved me that much. She sat up suddenly and asked for antacids, it wasn’t uncommon so we’d started keeping them all around the house like little candy jars. She chews two and sits up to get more comfortable, despite siting directly in front of the air conditioner and a fan I notice beads of sweat forming on her forehead. These hot flashes had been happening at night, she’d wake up covered in sweat, make her way to the bathroom and take a cold shower, then make her way back, to bed I’d sit with her in the bathroom and offer to get her ice or a cold washcloth but she always declined, “just need to wash the sweat off” she’d say.

She was usually so reluctant to accept help, which was why I was surprised when she asked me to get her a cold washcloth and some ice.

As soon as I got back panic began to rise in my throat, she had shifted from the sofa to the floor on all fours, panting as her body started to drip with sweat. “Call for help,” she said weakly, “I can’t get up.”

“911 can you please give me your address?”

“1217 east main st, my wife is pregnant and something is wrong, please send someone to help, she looks really bad, she can’t get up and she’s dripping with sweat.”

“Okay ma’am I need you to stay calm, is you wife breathing?”

“Yes she is, she’s on the floor on her hands and knees, she can’t get up, she’s breathing really heavily”

Lizzy looks up at me with pleading in her eyes and doesn’t try to reassure me, I know something must really be wrong.

“Ma’am I need you to give me this info okay”

My mind snaps back into the phone call as I realize the dispatcher is trying to get information from me.

“How far along is she?”

“Six months, she’s due in September, she hasn’t had anything like this happen before, please hurry, I have a heart condition and I cannot help her up”

“Ma’am they are coming as fast as they can…”

I panic further as Lizzy’s eyes roll back in her head and she face plants into the floor, letting out a horrific groan and violently seizing

“Oh my god send help now she’s having a seizure”

“Okay ma’am you’re going to have to be calm to help her okay,”

“Don’t tell me go calm down bitch, my wife and child are seizing uncontrollably on the floor, I will freak out as much as I can thank you.” I think to myself.

“Is she still seizing?”

“Yes.” I snap back, “Oh fuck how long has it been”

“Okay I need you to roll her on her side and make sure there’s nothing in her mouth that she can choke on.”

I grab her back under her bloated belly and heave her onto her left side, she continues shaking and gasping in a horrific noise, I pry her mouth open and sweep my finger through it as a sickeningly pale foam gorges out.

The seizing slows but she continues to gasp horrible breaths, desperate for air. Her body goes limp as she desperately tries to pull air into her lungs one last time. Her eyes glaze over as she stares off into something that I cannot see.

I push my two fingers to the side of her throat to confirm my worst fear, her heart has stopped.

“Fuck she’s in cardiac arrest, send someone now!” I scream to the dispatcher as I rush to the front closet to get the “just in case” kit that Lizzy put there after one of my episodes. “Unlock the front door” a large note says on top, reminding me to open the house for the paramedics that I pray would be here soon. A wave of appreciation for my wife’s continuing fear that I would suddenly drop dead washed over me.

I rush back to her and I see her lying there sickingly still and with a blank stare as her body rapidly turns a horrifying gray/blue color.

“Ma’am can you hear me? What is happening now?”

I realize I haven’t responded to the dispatcher since screaming about Lizzy going into cardiac arrest.

“She’s in cardiac arrest, we have a defibrillator and a breathing kit, I have a very weak heart, I need help now”

“Ma’am they’re coming as fast as they safely can, what is happening now”

I flip Lizzy on her back and try to stay calm as the mound of her belly turns the same sickingly gray/blue color as the rest of her body. I rip off her top and have a bashful moment as her milk swollen breasts flop off to the sides, distracted for a moment by how beautiful my wife’s full and soft body was. I put one AED pad in between her breasts and lifting her up gently to place one between her shoulder blades. Putting one on her side like is usually advised would risk the shock jumping over to the baby and forcing the fetal heart rate out of control. The shock had to go directly into Lizzy’s heart to try and convince it to start.

“Analyzing rhythm, do not touch patient.”

The wait seems like hours before it says “shock advised”

I hesitate before pushing the flashing button, a shock goes through Lizzy jolting her limbs in an unnatural form as the mound in her belly shakes.

“Check pulse, if no pulse continue CPR”

I stick my fingers below her chin and feel nothing.

“Fuck please send someone now, I have a very weak heart I can’t do much CPR”

The dispatcher replies but I don’t comprehend what she says as I lock both of my hands over her chest and push down as hard and as fast as my weak and pathetic body will allow me to.

“One and two and three and four…” I count to myself, it’s the only thing from my YMCA CPR class that has stuck. I get to thirty and I swipe my finger through her mouth again removing more yellowish foam that I now notice has red streaks in it.

I tilt her head back and pinch her nose shut, I can feel my heart weakly pounding as I cover her mouth with mine and weakly breathing into her as her chest rises, I repeat the action again, then frantically comtinue compressions “one and two and three and four and…”

The defibrillator pipes up with its computerized voice again, “analyzing rhythm, do not touch patient.” I feel weirdly comforted that I have this sentient machine by my side.

Another agonizing few seconds pass before the machine says “shock advised” as the machine is powering up I look in the orange bag my wife diligently packed never expecting it to be used to sustain her own life, I see an ambu bag attached to a mouthpiece and another little bag with a hose attached and a note that says “O2 concentrator” I connect the tube to my oxygen concentrator and turn it on I hear the loud air intake noise as I push “shock” again.

The shock is stronger this time, Lizzy’s body contorts again in an unnatural surge. I push my fingers into her corroded again and feel nothing. I stick the plastic piece into her mouth to keep her tongue out of the way and slip it into the mask, and then squeeze the bag as two deep oxygenated breaths make her chest rise more than my pathetic weak lungs could ever imagine.

I lock my hands in the center of her chest again and start compressions “one and two and three and four and…” I can feel my heart start to murmur and skip from the strain.”

“Somebody please help” I scream in desperation, the thought of losing both my wife and child slips through my mind as I pump her chest harder, fully prepared to kill myself in order to save them.

My head starts to spin as I fill her lungs with another breath from the ambu bag. There’s a ringing in my ears as I start my weak compressions again “one and two and three and four and…” I feel my body weaken knowing it will never be enough. “I’m so sorry Lizzy” I thought as I failed to keep her heart beating for either her or our child.

I feel a hand on my shoulder pull me back as a hand puts an oxygen mask over my face as I gasp to fill my useless lungs with air. Someone shoves a nitroglycerin tablet into my mouth and slips a pulse ox meter on my finger.

“That’s it honey, deep breaths, just like that” they say.

I weakly try to remove the oxygen mask and choke out the words “no, her, baby”

“They’re on it” the woman moves aside to reveal three paramedics surrounding Lizzy and working in a perfectly choreographed dance.

One woman pounds on Lizzy’s chest so hard her breasts and belly cave in as a sicking “huf huf huf” sound escapes her mouth with each compression.

Another man kneels buy her feet with a stethoscope to her belly.

“We have a fetal heartbeat, holding steady at about 100, baby’s very stressed though.

I am suddenly terrified for the life of my child. “Please stay alive baby,” I thought, “I will give my weakly beating heart to keep you alive”

I continue to suck up oxygen through the mask as I feel my chest start to open and my heart return to a normal pace. I notice Lizzy’s feet bending inward with each intense compression as they rock her whole body. I see another medic tilt Lizzy’s head back and slip a metal hook into it to force her jaw open and insert a plastic tube. She suctions up the blood and foam that had been blocking Lizzy’s throat, then hooked up an ambu bag and forced precious air into her lungs.

“STAND CLEAR” someone yells and I see them blast another shock through her heart. This one was stronger than the others and her body jolted and then hit the ground flopping uselessly like a rag doll.

I watch in a haze until the words “we have a sinus rhythm, let’s pack up for transport.” snap me back into reality.

The paramedic kneeling next to me says”we have your wife and baby back but they’re still in a lot of danger, we are going to take them to the hospital now. You are going to follow them, your heart rate is very high and your pulse ox is very low.

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lovingsiriusoswald · 5 years

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“Fragile, But Not Weak”

Part 5 - Her POV (Other parts here)

Characters: Kyle Ash and Delinquent!Alice

Word Count: 2051 words

Warnings: Mentions injuries, blood and catastrophic fires.

Tagging: @christmaswarlock, I hope you come back safe from your trip! Also @plumpblueberry, @midnightcradle and @bumbleberry-jamboree again because your comments really motivate me a lot aaaaa thank you guys so much!!

⊱ ──── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

The sun’s rays skim over my cheek, waking me from my slumber. Pain washes all over my body and my left thigh felt numb, barely able to move it. One lazy eye flutters open and I’m blinded by the bright light of the morning. A groan leaves my lips as I let my eyes adjust and a hand weakly brushes over the injury, feeling the sticky liquid stain the dress. Gotta change the bandages, before heading out to Kyle. I try to open my other eye, but a pounding headache stops me from moving any further.

The door bursts open, followed by a peeved voice yelling at me. “Dammit, Alice! You’re just as stubborn as King Lancelot!” Kyle walks over to me with a frown and scans my limp body, his mouth agape as he sets down his medical bag.

“Jesus, what the hell did they do to you.” He fixes the pillows and helps me sit up. “Word got out as soon as you crashed those disciples in the pub, I doubt that they plan on hurting you again anytime soon.” His explanation goes over my head, That happened? He loosens my clothing, before lifting the ends of the dress up. “Fenrir told me everything.” He removes the used bandages and pulls out the ointments and cleaning equipment, then started dressing the wound.

“He..called you?” My eyes followed his hands as I muttered in disbelief, trying to remember what happened last night.

“Yeah, wouldn’t have known that you were injured if it weren’t for him. Knowing how stubborn and crazy you are, I thought you’d manage to get out of the incident unharmed. I guessed wrong.” His eyebrows furrowed as the redhead starts stitching the wound, pain prickling over and over again.

“If it weren’t for him, I would’ve been dead..” Stunned, my voice hushes to a whisper as I start to remember what happened and realizing that Godspeed saved my life. I’m grateful, really, but..

“And that’s fantastic. You’re gonna live longer now.” His topaz eyes glare at me. “I’m assuming he’s gonna report what happened to his leaders and offer you to be under their care.” He pulls out a magic crystal that had been molded to the shape of a rod, then gently tracing the stitches to close the wound a little further.

“I don’t need more people worried about me.” Frozen and staring mindlessly as he finishes dressing the cut, then tugs the dress sleeves to show the few bruises that bloomed on my skin. He puts small dots of ointments on them, before placing an ice pack on whatever contusions it could cover. “I’m dying, Kyle. People shouldn’t have to—”

"Oh shut up with the whole ‘I’m gonna die’ antic, will you?” He grumbles and yanks my arm towards him, pulling me close enough to make me look at him directly in the eye. “You will live. I’ve been studying on the cure and I’ve been making progress.”

“My sickness has no cure.” I remind him.

“Not until I’m finished with my research.” He leans in a little closer and I gulp at the sight of his topaz eyes darkening. “Alice, I swear to God you’ll be catching these hands if you go against your doctor’s medication. All I’d ask you to do is not strain yourself because your lungs can’t take too much exertion; yet lo and behold! I hear you jumping over roofs, dodging bullets and kicking the Magic Tower disciples’ asses.”

“At least I’ll die in a cool way.” I joked and the doctor rolled his eyes.

“Now you’re just being annoying. If Cradle had a Best of Patients Awards, you’d be a close second to King Lancelot.”

“What category?”

“Most stubborn patient.”

“I’m honored.” I dramatically place my free hand over my chest and smile. He rolls his eyes and loosens his grip and started dabbing the ice pack gently on the bruises, the dark purple discoloration slowly diminishing with the help of magic. It never ceases to amaze me how medicine works well with their unique resource, it would’ve been very helpful if we had something like it back home.

But then again, it shouldn’t.

“I talked with Fenrir and gave him a doctor’s clearance for you to stay at the Black Army Headquarters. I’m recommending you to rest there.” He declares and I open my mouth to protest, but he immediately cuts me off. “As much as I want you to stay in here so you won’t get stuck between the dispute of the two armies, you need to be with other people who will keep an eye on you. I don’t trust you to look over yourself because the last time I did, you nearly got yourself killed.”

“I really, really appreciate you being all worried for me and wanting to save this pitiful life, Kyle. But I’m a lost cause.” I say softly with a heart wrenching in sorrow.

“All the more reason to try and find a cure.” He says simply and attends to the bruises and cuts on my knuckles. “Alice, its been three months since you stayed here and all you’ve done is work at the confectionery and run around being chased by soldiers. You live alone and good God, people don’t even know you exist. Try changing that life, would you?”

“You sound like a mom scolding her child for not going out and play like they normally would.” I scoffed. It was ironic how this drunkard lectures me about changing lifestyles.

“Then I’d have to mother you 'til you get sick of me and just do what I tell ya.” He smiles and helps me stand. “A carriage would arrive soon and send you to the Black Army Headquarters. I’ll help you get ready.”

“Now you sound like you’re sending me off to a ball or something.” I chuckled, in hopes of making the situation lighter.

I hated all of this. This feeling of pulling everyone down just for how uncontrollably weak I am. It was exactly the reason why I moved out to London, then ultimately deciding to follow that Rabbit down a magic hole in the ground and stayed in Wonderland.

Cradle is an oasis, literally magical and far better than home. People didn’t know who I was, but they treated me fairly and kindly. There were still less than five people who knew and they were more than enough to worry me, what if I hurt them by accident if they got too close? The Great Fire of Newcastle and Gateshead was already too much for me to bear and my sickness was a curse bestowed upon me the second the first drop of blood was spilled. If I hurt the people here as well — I know I will be forever damned.

The fire.

Dear God, the fire.

I swallowed a breath as I desperately pushed the thought away. My fists curl tightly to stop them from shaking and sank further down the tub. My eyes glanced over the small crack by the door to see if Kyle would be able to see me. Confident that he wouldn’t, I let out a shallow huff, the first hot tear rolling down from my left eye and I shiver in the warm water.

For a moment, the vicious blaze flickers to life again right in front of me and my body freezes. My ears started ringing as the disembodied blood-curdling cries of help erupts in the flames. The air around me was too hot but the sweat forming on my head was as cold as ice. “You witch! What have you done?!” My friend screamed at me. His pupils hauntingly shrank in fear as he rapidly burns to ashes, another explosion follows and shakes the building.

It was an accident. I told him as he disintegrated into nothing but bones. I didn’t know what—I didn’t want it to happen.

I felt a knot tightening around my throat as my fingertips lightly brush over my wound. 400 people injured and 53 killed, the newspapers said. The horrendous explosions of sulfur at the Gateshead warehouse was a spectacular historic catastrophe in the 19th century. No pieces of evidence indicated the origin of the fire and the cause of the explosion, the two inquest juries declared. Though theories of gunpowder presence and gas pressure were considered possible, there were no points that made it true.

No one knew. The ones who did died at the very moment the fire broke out.

How did you survive the great fire? The journalists threw countless questions when I stepped out of the hospital, still bandaged and too traumatized to speak. Do you know what happened in the fire? But I can’t tell them what I knew, despite the blinding rewards the town government offered.

They didn’t know, they will never know.

A knock on the door pulls me out of my daze, “Alice, you good?” I sat up as the door slightly opened more to let the redhead peek. I nodded at him and he closes it again, leaving the air cold once more.

No one will ever know.

Once I got out and dressed, Kyle helps me pack my bags. He reminds me of my prescription and medications, and my head bobs mindlessly all the while as my body moves on its own to pack my things.

The fire. Dear God, the fire.

Closing the bag, my body halts his hand lands on my shoulder. “The Black Army.. they’re kind of a ruckus. If you ever feel uncomfortable around them, don’t hesitate to send a letter and I’ll help you find a place to stay in somewhere near my clinic.”

“If you’re worried about that, why did you send me there anyway?”

“Fenrir.. I think he likes you.” His lips twitched slyly to a smirk and my face involuntarily scrunches in disgust. “But seriously, the poor lad’s worried sick about you.”

“Just great.” I murmur and attempt to pick up the bag, but my arms give out and I dropped it back to the ground.

“Let him help you, Alice. The Ace of Spades may be an idiot but I’m sure he means well.” He somehow effortlessly picks it up, before shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I don’t need more people worried about me. The fact that you and Blanc always did, it’s already enough to make me cry myself to sleep.” I chuckle dryly as I turn away from him. My eyes move towards the reflection over the full-length mirror and meet his worried gaze there.

“Just wait a little longer, I can help you. I promised you that since you first came here.” He stares at my hand, then sighed softly. Please, please stop worrying about me.

“I’ll wait. But if I’m at the edge, don’t try to save me."My hands clenched against my skirt.

"You’re such an idiot.” Kyle leans down to put his head on my shoulder. At this distance, I could hear his quiet, uneven breathing. “I’ve already lost someone important and I don’t plan on letting that happen ever again — whether they be someone from the other side of the moon or someone from the Black Army — I don’t care. I’ll make sure that anyone under my care is safe and alive and well. Especially you.”

My body stays still, letting him spill all of his emotions and thoughts one by one. Taking note of what words made his voice crack and of what hurt him most. I realize how greedy I’ve been and that gave me more reasons to stay away. I’m hurting Kyle and it’s hurting me just as much. I’m not someone important, yet he’s putting his heart and soul and tears for a cure. “You owe me a bottle for making me sad.” He laughs dryly and a smile grows on my lips.

“That, I can promise. Drinks are on me.” He finally lifts his head off my shoulder and I turn back to him with the brightest smile I could give, in high hopes of reassuring his worries.

“Great, next week?” A soft smile paints on his face as he blinks away the tears that had formed on his eyes.

“Pick me up after before sunset at the confectionery.”

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