Bottled up/Love

I understand that expression now, ‘bottled up’. It has to be a bottle because when bottles are shaken pressure mounts inside. You’re corked. I have full ability to get my words out, and to put them on paper, or in music, or maybe relay them to a therapist, but I don’t. I subconsciously refuse. It’s so awful, but it’s too pathetic to be valid. What I like about poetry is that sometimes you’ll stumble across a poem that perfectly encapsulates a specific feeling or thought you’re experiencing. And I’m not talking about “I love you” – which the most unobservant person will realise is the message of every song, poem, book, movie, speech, everything – but “I am sitting in an unknown café while it’s snowing outside, and everything feels perfect and good in this moment even though I am only sitting in a café alone” like in Bukowski’s “Nirvana”. Or “Everything is too much or too little and, for a while, I don’t want to concern myself with anything, especially anything man-made” like in Dionne Brand’s “I am giving up on land to light on”. We studied that poem in my English class and the only thing anyone could talk about were the anti-colonial themes, but it can be so much more than that.

Do you know how isolating it is to hear “I love you” in every piece of media and art and song when you’re not in love and have never been in love? I don’t pity people who have had their heart broken because there are a million heartbreak songs and a thousand movies about breakups. There are no songs about never having felt love. There are no songs that capture those specific feelings. It’s either “I love you” or “I loved you”.

Even this essay-poem-disaster has become about love. God.

I feel like I’m speaking a different language that only I speak. I can only translate it through songs and poems – sometimes book characters – but that’s at best a half-translation. Maybe a line here or there will cover a side feeling, but never the heart of it. I imagine that if you’re in love, any old Shakespeare sonnet will do pretty well. Do you know “I Am A Rock” by Simon and Garfunkle? That’s the closest I’ll come.

For example, angsty love issues aside, I really want to leave my home city. My home city is beautiful, I love my family, and I’ve loved growing up here. (‘Love’ in this context is okay, for your information.) But I yearn to leave, and see other things, and get away from all the people I love. Maybe in Barcelona I’ll find whatever I’m looking for.

Woodhenge on Lantic Bay #bliss #seaside #iamarock (at Lantic Bay) https://www.instagram.com/p/CgHiUgKjPQv/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#simonandgarfunkel #greatesthits #mrsrobinson #foremilywheneverimayfindher #theboxer #the59thstreetbridgesong #thesoundofsilence #iamarock #scarboroughfair #canticle #homewardbound #bridgeovertroubledwater #america #kathyssong #elcondorpasa #bookends #cecilia • #vinyl #vinylcollection #vinylcommunity #vinylrecords #vinylcollector #vinyladdict #vinylporn #vinyljunkie #vinyloftheday #vinylgram #vinyllover #vinyligclub #vinylcollectionpost (at Bensalem, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfZI7SzueAm/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

It’s nice out. Why not look for things to write about? My Dad planted this bush when I was a kid. This beautiful flowery bush comes and goes every year. Some of the flowers are getting old now. I never really noticed how beautiful old flowers are. The Rose Though she has dried, and withered, and died, still maintains her beauty Though the sun beat upon her, and the rains poured with great force; The fragrant, luxuriant, beauty of the Rose persisted. Even after her life has passed, she has left behind the rustic, yet still regal beauty of her existence. The tinges of yellow mingle with her petals like strawberry blonde hair. Passerbys glance to notice her final gift to share: The beauty, the memory, The Rose. #Poem #Roses #Flowers #InMyBag #SummerNight #ItsNiceOutside #BrooklynSummer #SummerInNewYork #IAmARock (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn)

2021.01.05: I am a rock - riverside, CT #iamarock #rock #faceintherock #newpetrock (at Riverside) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJqze0BlUVX/?igshid=nxedd3ab7u80

Inktober 2020 Day 14. Armor. Simon and Garfunkel's "I am a Rock" plays in the background. #inktober #inktober2020 #armor #rocks #inktober2020day14 #ink #inkbrush #inktober2020day14armor #inkwash #rockarmor #iamarock https://www.instagram.com/p/CGUeJ7dFxqQ/?igshid=29asgn73i8a

I have my books And my poetry to protect me I am shielded in my armor Hiding in my room, safe within my womb I touch no one and no one touches me I am a rock I am an island And a rock feels no pain And an island never cries. #iamarock #cairns #cairnsofinstagram #cairnsutah #simonandgarfunkel #itsafrogslife #rocklover #nature (at Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/CFaNtiCBm7F/?igshid=109xfxqamhpeo

On the lookout. Effie. #iamarock #bayside #beachlife #love #salty #dog #rescuedog #chihuahua #jackrussell #terrier #terriersofinstagram #chihuahuasofinstagram #chihuahuaworld #dogsofig #beautiful #nj #lovewhereilive #monmouthcountynj #nationalpark #outdoors #gatewaynps #rock #ontherocks (at Gateway National Park, Sandy Hook)

Focus is needed to achieve anything with purpose. In modern life there are so many distractions that take away from us being serious about our goals. COMMENT below “I AM FOCUSED” ✨✨🌞 . . . . . #roma #wordsofwisdom #god #covenant #miracle #wordoftheday #poetry #lifequotes #writing #bible #french #blessed #brooklyn #therockchurchbrooklyn #diosesbueno #iamarock #quotes #quoteoftheday #inspiration #love #republicadominicana #nyc #writersofinstagram #oneinlove #words #venezuela #life #jesus #imarock #motivation (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2v87r2F6bj/?igshid=fh8xttfz0quj

#workaholic #iamarock #simonandgarfunkel #writing #novel #kabbalah #norest #friday #writersofinstagram #writerslife #stephanieeden #fuckoff (à Paris, France)

Palm Sunday Times Square Come join us!!! #therockchurches #therockchurchmanhattan #wegotothesamechurch #iamarock #PalmSunday https://www.instagram.com/p/BwPLrH6g76K/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=laly1wo2hgee

“I am alone
Gazing from my window
To the streets below
On a freshly fallen, silent shroud of snow” #simonandgarfunkel #iamarock #songlyrics #musiclover #music #instapic #instagood #cute #happy #love #goodmorning #home #blackcat #Instapet #Animals #Mypet #petsofinstagram #rescuecat #pnwcats #cat #catsofinstagram #instacat #catlife #Catlover #sadie_sexy_lady https://www.instagram.com/p/Bti3GFggVnT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1joo107w6g8g5

Don’t talk of love… Well, I’ve heard the words before, It’s sleeping in my memory. I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died. If I never loved, I never would have cried. I am a rock. I am an island.

It’s nice out. Why not look for things to write about? My Dad planted this bush when I was a kid. This beautiful flowery bush comes and goes every year. Some of the flowers are getting old now. I never really noticed how beautiful old flowers are. The Rose Though she has dried, and withered, and died, still maintains her beauty Though the sun beat upon her, and the rains poured with great force; The fragrant, luxuriant, beauty of the Rose persisted. Even after her life has passed, she has left behind the rustic, yet still regal beauty of her existence. The tinges of yellow mingle with her petals like strawberry blonde hair. Passerbys glance to notice her final gift to share: The beauty, the memory, The Rose. #Poem #Roses #Flowers #InMyBag #SummerNight #ItsNiceOutside #BrooklynSummer #SummerInNewYork #IAmARock (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn)

Un mot du jour pour tous 😊🙏🏻

That time you never got home and came to work with a guy's shirt... #irockeverything #iamarock #ismirk #iphone #iplay #igame #iplaid #iamgroot