#i'm planning to stay up for a while
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most active muses tonight:
1. christina carpenter
2. billy l.oomis
3. stu m.acher
4. bree armstrong
5. juniper thompson
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Formal Hiatus
Mkay, things regarding my hand health have gotten a Bit more rocky and "i have no idea what's going on this may not even be rheumatoid-related at all anymore" and we're going to be doing a lot of prep work for my family to come over in July this later portion of the month
So I'm going to formally announce my hiatus on this blog/story for a while. I have no idea when it'll be lifted. Best case scenario, sometime around August, but please do not absolutely count on it and hound me if that time comes and it doesn't happen.
I won't be gone from the internet by any means--I will occasionally reblog stuff on my personal blog, I post adopts and commission work on my personal twitter and may do some CotL doodles now and then.
But I need to formally set this blog into a state where I am not obligated to worry about it and can focus on my own health and helping my family for the time being.
Please do not pester me about the AU, ask me things about it, etc. on my other accounts. Respect the fact I need a break and some space. Thank you.
#i haven't lost interest in the story or anything by any means#but certain things have popped up basically to the point where i gotta be choosy about how i spend my free time#we're going to have to clean my nana's house for my immediate family to stay in since it's been empy for like a year#and we were planning for that the latter portion of june so#best i not have any other obligations aside from commission work#(also psst if you like my art and wanna support me while i'm away then check my commissions out)
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UGH.
#went on my first real work trip in FOUR YEARS yesterday. had one meeting.#woke up this morning and was getting ready for a day of stuff with another one tomorrow#only to find out that one of the only five other people in the wednesday meeting just tested positive for covid#and another had found out she'd been separately exposed as well#so today turned into doing all my meetings on zoom and rearranging travel plans#and now instead of a professional thing i'd been really looking forward to and then a fun weekend add-on with the fam#i'm flying home late tonight to isolate in our third-floor guest room while boyfriend parents etc.#at least we got credit for his and bébé's last-minute flight cancellations#and we decided to leave the dog with the sitter that had already been arranged to just have one less thing on the collective plate for now#but UGH#and what's extra infuriating is that i am probably fine. i got boosted just a few weeks ago and wasn't like hugging anyone or whatever.#but you just don't know and when there's an actual case it's reason to be actually careful#and i'm just so exhausted and bummed about a lot of things already and had so been looking forward to this whole trip#best laid plans#as they say#anyway cross your fingers for me and the battery of rapid tests i'll be taking this weekend#and in addition to staying negative i'm also very concerned about whether anyone will be comfortable will me at thanksgiving#so that's a whole other thing#UGHHHHHHH#fucking#coronavirus
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i know this is mostly just my preference and my protective nature of mickey but it's like uncomfortable for me when people write him new oc partners. and it's so weird because usually i'm someone who does like to mix and match and see how different people fit together etc not necessarily with ocs that's less my taste but still with mickey it's like absolutely not. he knows where he wants to be
#i haven't read fic in so long but since i'm back in a shameless swing i'm looking at some i bookmarked to read forever ago#and this one i like so far and it's a reimagining of later seasons but written during the early seasons you know#and the author gave mickey this boyfriend and my god. like it is personal preference i can't see mickey with anyone other than ian#even though i can see ian with other people mickey is a one trick pony for me.#so i'm already eh but this guy is written like specifically to annoy the hell out of me.#will i persevere for an otherwise interesting fic? yeah. will my stomach hurt while i do so? undoubtedly#will i stay up later than i should and was planning to just to get to a point where mickey breaks up with him in the course of getting with#ian and therefore not having to sleep on the knowledge that this guy is still there in the fic? maybe#ignore me#mickey milkovich#shameless us
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my deal is that I like people, but I also like Me Time, and a lot of people don't seem to get that
#i'm one of those introverts that extroverts well#but i have a very limited social battery#we need to plan like at least two weeks in advance#I can then prepare appropriately for Less Me Time#also i'm a workaholic#so that means while i can stay out fpr a drink#it's limited to one#as then I'm going home okay#although tbf work is taking up too much of my life atm#working on easing that back (hence the revenge arc)#it affects my mood and i don't like that#and then it affects me physically..... 🙏#but hey#i stand by the assertion that labwork is meditative#I just need to set better boundaries; i work too late 🤣#sksksk i'm very sleepy on the train home and very much looking forward to my quiet evening in <3
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.
#went out on the town tonight to the so-called sketchiest area (i find it delightful)#met some friends at a café and then we strolled for a while#ended up at a cute french bar and drank orange wine#then headed to a famous noodle place and bumped into some other people they knew who joined us#the five of us ate noodles and i had an intense conversation with a mexican woman#we were discussing the way the complaint about 'immigrants not learning the language' can be understood two ways#as an american i'm very sensitive to that phrase because i'm accustomed to it being used as a subtle indicator of anti-immigrant sentiment#and here in germany it's unfortunately often used that way too so i always look closely at anyone who says that#but she pointed out that in mexico you kind of just do have to learn spanish if you want to live there successfully#so when she hears germans saying 'immigrants should learn german' she just thinks 'well yeah of course we should'#and i said yeah fair point#i think two important distinctions are 1) why did the immigrants in question come to a different country#and 2) how do we treat them when they don't learn their new country's language very rapidly#because i may be a hypocrite but i'll be honest:#i feel very differently toward a rich white american who comes to berlin 'because it's just so cool'#and doesn't put much effort into learning german 'because everyone speaks english anyway'#than i do towards a refugee who comes here fleeing death and already speaks e.g. both arabic and english#i'm inclined to give the latter a lot more leeway#sure they should do their best to learn german soon if they're planning to stay here for good#but i personally refuse to judge them in the slightest if they take a little while to make that happen#cosmo gyres#personal#language#immigration
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<3
#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am#determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from#it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life#i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE#like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band#and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood#the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN#i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now#to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it#and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now#and i think that means it is going to happen someday#i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out#but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with#i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done#in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams#and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this#i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves#so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now#and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time#even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense#and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways#i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah#starting a band is only the most recent example#belle speaks
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started a rvb rewatch and I'm remembering the pain of just how little there is to work with when it comes to ct and her personality while simultaneously being reminded about just how deeply she and wash mirror one another
#she and wash have a lot of symbolism going on w red and blue lighting that i just never picked up on fully#ct is the type of character who easily shows her anger and frustration#wash is the type who lets his anger boil underneath the surface and doesn't outwardly express it until its already too late#ct often lashes out verbally vs wash lashing out physically#ct worked w charon bc she was hoping to make a deal to stay out of prison#wash made a deal with the chairman to get out of prison#ct died trying to do the right thing#and wash planned on dying to do the right thing#there's also them being “the worst fighters”#ct went toe to toe against lina for a bit. wash went toe to toe against e-tex for a bit#ct is openly very sus#wash tries to make himself /not/ sus#oh there's also ct knowing exactly what tex was while wash tells alpha that tex was confusing#wash cares about the rules/protocols when it comes to people getting just punishment. ct cares about ppl getting just punishment#they are at their cores the same#gdudfghghti I'm having so many feelings about these colorful halo guys#anyway i stand behind my hc that ct gave tex the data bc wash was waaaaay to obvious#and that ct wasn't sure if she could trust tex in the slightest to do the right thing with all of that data#she had to have faith just like wash had to have faith in caboose and the reds in s6#their decisions to have faith did end up backfiring on both of them though#ct obvs got killed by tex and wash got thrown in jail bc caboose didn't turn epsilon over#oh and wash stole church's identity and ct got her identity stolen by the innie leader#the comparisons are endless I'm going to stop now lol#ct is more or less just s8 wash#edit to clarify on the hc bit: i don't think ct trusted tex as a person but bc of what she knew about tex she believed it was important to—#give tex the choice to make a decision about what to do herself. and she trusted that tex would do right by alpha if nothing else
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I think MCR might be my longest standing interest this is probably the longest I've ever been in a fandom
#a couple months over a full year now#feeling very strange#I'm assuming I'm gonna stay in this fandom for a while#at least for next year i swear#which means next year's halloween will be the third year in a row i dress up as something MCR themed#cause I'm planning on doing nurse gerard#unless i change my mind and do something else#but it'll probably be nurse gerard
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REGARDING MY COMMISSIONS
Just wanna post regarding my commissions since I've been asked about it a few times. I replied I'll announce it when it's reopened and people might've felt hanging as that announcement post still wasn’t made for a while now; because I haven't reopened yet. ^^;
There’s a commission queue that gotten clogged up due to having to shift most of my attention on something that suddenly came up IRL. (Maybe I’ll mention what it was specifically in the future.) It was kinda financial thing too, and I underestimated the work to be done; so I thought it’s the better decision not to do refunds with intention to still finish the orders regardless.
Well turned out it was not the better decision. Everything’s only just’ve gotten significantly better last month so I'm getting a much better hold of the commission queue too. Though I have to refund two pieces because my laptop can’t handle the file size anymore.
I cannot stress how thankful I am to the patience of these clients! Pretty sure I'd getting an ass-whooping if I was less lucky. 😬
Maybe I’ll do mini commissions when I’m like 75% clear on the commission queue, things that will only take 3-5 days to complete, to help pay online debt faster. 🤔
So, yeah, I’ll announce when any commissions are up again! Thanks for reading!! If you’re one of the clients on the mentioned queue who hadn’t had their order completed and would like to ask for a refund as well, DM me and we’ll see what we can do!
#Some of the commissions will have a price increase though. They really need to.#And like I really would love to have the time to open requests too. Those were fun.#Nasty experience man I am only ever take one commissions at a time after this queue#my shiz#my text#commission deets#I'll thinking of removing some of commission types I offered before#Like the minicomic and the sketch-type commissions#Replace it with chibis and simple YCH#no wait... sketch type commissions do usually take only 3-5 days if the details isn't..well...too detailed#So sketch-type commissions might still stay up#I don't know if I can do comic commission like the more detailed one until I get this laptop fixed#So the comics that aren't doodles or chibi-like won't be back for a while in general#Which sucks. The feeling of the pay-off after making one of those relatively bigger comics was really nice.#And I mean like it's even a bummer that I'm planning on doing commissions full time! I actually forgot I was planning that! wth#Yeah I gotta finish this queue ASAP so I can reopen commissions so I can get this laptop fixed. lol#Wait no wait perhaps I should push the idea of making commissions full time further back so I can stay with my current jobs in the meanwhile#Really don't wanna get a double whammy on the bad decision thingy. :/#Bruh why do keep typing stuff at 3 am my brain can't keep up with my own thoughts this late.#Oh wait. I remembered why I was considering removing sketch type commissions.
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I've only been up for twelve hours and I am so tired
#charlie babbles#plan for tonight is I stay up while mom sleeps/naps#because I don't feel safe having no one awake#and then I sleep for a bit#and every so often while I'm awake I go downstairs and sniff for burning plastic smell#when mom's awake she'll just check the stairwell 'cause she can't go downstairs#I turned the furnace off so if the smell doesn't go away or gets worse I can tell neighbor it's definitely not the furnace#and we're just gonna hope for no fire!
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imagine your f/o being a welcome distraction from the work you're currently doing (and maybe being annoying in their bid for your attention - but they're cute so it's fine)
#my favorite war criminal <3 would be more on the annoying side to try and get me to smile#she would lay on my bed next to me and shift so that she was leaning on her elbow watching me do whatever#she would either crack jokes to get my attention on her since i wasn't enjoying whatever i was doing or get more handsy w me#she would take my hand in hers and mess around w it which would lead to her trying to put her head on my lap and push what was on it off me#eventually after telling her to knock it off she would huff and sit up so she could put her head on my shoulder and watch what i was doing#she would wrap her arms around my waist and kiss wherever she could reach while pulling me closer to her to try and get my full attention#it would work after a few seconds and her plan a success (it always works but sometimes i make her work for it more)#corporate necromancer would sit next to me and start asking me about whatever i was doing#she knows that i have a hard time listening/responding to people and concentrating on what i'm doing so she does that to get my attention#even if i get a little mad at her for doing that she just wants me to take a small break and spend time w her#so we talk about whatever while we hold hands and one of us has our head on the other's shoulder#she always gives me a kiss before letting me get back to work and stays a while before she has to get back to her own work#director cat ears would sit somewhere near me and watch me in silence until she asked me if i wanted to hold hands for a little bit#at first i would try to take notes/read a textbook or work on my laptop trying to ignore the urge to set it to the side and forget about it#i would eventually give up working one-handed and turn my full attention to her and probably ask her how her bureau work was going#she couldn't really say much besides if it was good or bad since most of it was classified but she'd shift the topic to what i was doing#f/o imagines#imagine your f/o
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‘being one of the only people in your entire area actually still taking the pandemic very seriously and following safety measures while every single person around you rapidly decides they completely no longer give a shit’ moodboard
#my bastard in hell i have fucking health conditions#maybe you want to gamble your shit but I simply cannot take those risks dude#and it is increasingly hard to interact with literally any other human being when it seems like we both live in alternate realities#AND if they won't even give the basic respect of just being careful around ME#just a basic 'okay I know we apparently disagree somehow but at least while you're around me could you take these precautions#to help protect me' then it's immediately just *deeply personal reason against it* *argument entirely based on how the person#feels and not any actual current data or pandemic statistics* *random personal anecdote* *reckless nihilism based in#reasonable and understandable exasperation but still missing the point and not ultimately practically helpful in terms of genuinely preventi#ng things from getting worse and simply worsening the conditions that foster the nihilism and exasperation in the first place* *ableism*#*the weirdest fucking argument you've ever heard in your life* *some other entirely personal sentimental reasoning*#*some argument that basically boils down to the fact that they don't trust or respect or care about you and your boundaries or health*#like gHHHGhhhhhhhhhh#JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME AND WEAR A MASK FOR 30 MINUTES whY does it have to be a debate WHY is that SOO hard#also people I know keep planning stuff and trying to force and guilt trip me and others in my household to go do stuff with them#and are like planning vacations and all this stupud bullshit and now I'm constantly having to put up with it and seem 'mean' or whatever#one of my roomates is fine but the other one is more emotionally volatile and definitely prone to being pulled in by being Lonely#or wanting to do stuff with loved ones and compromising on safety because they're being manipulated by the people around them#into feeling like they're being a burden by asking people to wear masks or etc. so its a constant trust issue where I have to just desparate#ly hoep that when left on their own they're ACTUALLY going to stand up for themselves and stick to their beliefs#and not just like come home and lie about following sfatey measures then secretly give me covid or something.. hhh... WHICH wouldnt be a pro#blem if EVERYONE on the earth wasnt just acting like the pandemic is over and deciding to be reckless - because then it's a matter of#social conformity and peer pressure and following the Culture instead of the data and even people who were safe before will see everyone aro#und them taking things less seriously and decide maybe now it's reasonable to do the same thing themselves or etc. etc.#and it's like... nothing with the VIRUS ITSELF changed lol.. the response changed and the culture changed but the part that matters is the#SAME....the virus isn't looking around like 'hey people seem more chill about this now - maybe I should just relax a little bit and not#infect people for a while. i really dont want to get in the way of their pool party summer vacation and all of that. i'll just step back'#HHHHHHHHHHHHH anyway.... oi am goin inshane lov...........#covid mention#covid tw
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So some speculative projects:
Doing some digging for SEO purposes, I found out that there's general interest in even bigger d20s than what I already make.
The blue is the standard size (mine are 22mm), the glittery one is 30mm, which is a relatively normal large d20, but the white one (made of paper) is 50mm!
(I kept seeing 55mm mentioned, but I had this one on hand back from when I was choosing fonts for the then new masters.)
Like heck! It is big! It still easily fits in my hand, but it's so much bigger!
I'm.. so tempted. It's such a satisfyingly large d20. Getting it printed will be its own adventure.
Speaking of adventures, do y'all need somewhere to keep track of yours? I may have something for that!
Some dicey notebooks (as in the pattern, not the quality)
The top one is the first prototype I got but it wasn't the best quality so I shopped around for a bit and found the nicer, larger one with lined, perforated pages! It has a nice matte hardcover with nice, thick black textured paper as the cover pages
And like I'm not going to show my chaotic notes I took from the commissions I did leading up to Christmas, because those are mostly just the lessons I learned along the way and it's just a chaotic mess..
But I honestly really like how they turned out.
I have these pretty much ready to put up in 10 different colors.
They would be print-on-demand but mine arrived within a week so it's not too bad.
I may also do some other patterns or artwork on the covers if there's interest!
#some speculative shop things#i honesty really love the quality of the larger notebook that i chose#theyre also less expensive to produce which is wild#because the smaller ones dont stay open very well and the text block was very roughly cut#meanwhile the larger ones sit flatter and have a nicer cover and have cleaner cuts on the text block#i actually tried to soft launch the notebooks a while ago on the shop but i dont think the listings were that great#that yellow one is my favorite of the ones i made and the brown is my second favorite#and i am using the yellow one we made stencils so i can use it as a weekly planner#also I'm intrigued by the idea of doing the bigger d20#i just need a few people to enable me on this one tbh and I'd gladly do it#i even have a plan for how to get hopefully decent prints of it in parts so we can use the fdm printer G has#it would only work at this larger scale because thr way I'm thinking is face-by-face which would take some assembly but I'm fine with that#if it means theyre less likely to end up warped or have a ton of support to deal with#he has an ender 3 pro and i bought filament for him to use for prototypes like this#it's definitely been helpful to have at least some ability to have things 3d printed#I'm lucky i ended up with an engineering nerd who loves to do stuff like this
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I know this is never going to happen but just ONCE in a romance novel I’d like it if the heroine who gets a surprise pregnancy (bcs they don’t have birth control or condoms for some reason) chooses to terminate instead of her controlling, super wealthy boyfriend’s big head demon baby (that she can’t tell him about) and like, fleeing the country to be a single mom in poverty and avoid whatever consequences will politically arise from her having said big head demon baby out of wedlock.
If you’re meant to be you can have another one after y’all get married, like why is this your first choice?????
#and then they never face any hardships while on the run heavily pregnant w/ 0 money and then w/ an entire child#why is this part of the romantic fantasy of the readers???????#i'm reading this one where her yandere fiance coerces her into having sex before they're married while she's planning on leaving him#(bcs she knows he's going to leave her for this other chick once she shows up)#and then Whoops I'm Pregnant And Now I Can't Leave Him Even Tho This Is Going To Make My Life Infinitely Worse#girl just get rid of it???? he doesn't have to know???????? NO ONE has to know except for you and the doctor?????#(also it's not so subtly implied he got her pregnant on purpose to force her to stay with him bcs he views her as property)#also also this is about I'm a villainess but I became a mother. and also low key the villainess lives twice
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not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine
#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you#she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them#she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even#change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake#and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy#like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip#but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over#just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat#it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have#cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me#like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff#but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him#with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him#god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it#having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly#much less play with him or take care of him#it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going#slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW#fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet#and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up.#rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell#i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE#AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH#sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more.#i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it#ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth
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