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#i'm getting depressed I should get to bed
melanieph321 · 17 hours
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Ruben Dias x Reader - Fix You Part 4/10
+18
Part 5 and 6 are out on my Patreon!
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Summary - Reader is hired as Ruben's assistant nurse after receiving head trauma during a football game. He has fallen into a deep depression on his road to recovery and does not accept much help from Reader as she only reminds him of how incapable he is.
Enjoy!
He should have never given you a day off, Ruben thought. You had been gone for hours, without telling anyone where you went. Ruben woke up that morning to an empty apartment. Okay, Max was there but he was an early riser and always went out for a morning run. You, on the other hand, wasn't an early riser. You'd wake up around the same time Ruben did. He would listen to your footsteps puttering around the kitchen while he lay in bed. By the time you knocked on his door to give him his shot, Ruben had been awake for hours, thinking about you and how he would do anything to feel your hands against his face again.
"Do you think she's gone missing?" Ruben asked Max.
"I thought she said that she had an audition this afternoon?"
"A what?"
"An audition. She's an actress, you know? A really good one too."
"Y/N, an actress?" Ruben found it very laughable. Actors and actresses possessed the skill of lying to the world. That night, looking into your eyes as you held his face, Ruben saw nothing but the truth in them. The truth that you were indeed the most breathtaking woman he had ever seen.
"Yeah, apparently she's studied at one of the best acting schools in London."
"Oh, yeah? Then how come I haven't seen her in any movies?"
It was a slow day in the park. However, Max refused to bring out the tennis balls. Despite the surgery, it was obvious that Ruben's conditions had yet improved. He feared that it was getting worse. And with that thought his creeping depression would return to him with the thoughts of never playing football again. That, and the fact that going blind forever meant never seeing your eyes again.
"I dunno, she said something about the movie industry being misogynistic and unfair to women." Max explained.
Ruben snorted. "Sounds like excuses to me."
He was an asshole at heart. Ruben knew that. But you didn't, or at least pretended not to notice. It's the reason why he hired you. You had an attitude like no other, an attitude that was reflected in your snapping tongue. Whatever Ruben put you through, no matter the insult, you always looked at him the same. Not with pity like his mother. You looked at Ruben as if you could see right through him. See through the pain in his heart and the many many failed attempts to better himself. You gave him the illusion that he might be good enough for you. However, the whole world knew that he wasn't. Not with his broken mind.
The sun had gone down by the time you got back to the apartment. Ruben and Max returned from the park hours ago. You had missed dinner and Ruben didn't like that. Did you have dinner somewhere else? With someone else? If that was the case, the two of you really needed to talk.
"Ruben?"
It was right on cue that you knocked on his door. You had made it a habit to check on him before you retreated to your own room. Ruben would never admit it, but this was the favorite part of his day.
"Come in." He said, sitting up in bed. He perked up even more seeing you appear in the doorway, your face painted with makeup, wearing a tight black dress that hugged your shape in ways that struck his sinful imagination. No bandages covered his eyes during these hours and luckily you wore a coat over your naked shoulders, preventing Ruben from completely losing his mind at the sight of you.
"Hey, I just wanted to check on you." You said.
"Well, like all the other nights you've checked on me, I'm still alive."
His cheesy comment made your smile fade. Good job Ruben, he thought. Even in the dark he could see your distaste for him.
"I mean, do you need anything before I go to bed?" 
"No."
"Oh, okay."
You lingered in the door frame, perhaps feeling forced to make small talk. "Max told me that you guys went to the park today, did you have a nice time?"
"Yes."
"Good."
An awkward silence followed. If you would only step a little closer to the bed so that he could see you clearly. Ruben's vision got a bit blurry where you stood, since his eyes still needed time to adjust, even to the dark.
"Did Max let you exercise again?" You asked.
Ruben snorted. "No." 
"I'm sorry about that."
Perhaps you felt guilty ever since his little fumble in the park, where Ruben's heart topped the average rate. Max refused anymore advanced brain exercises after that. The reason for Ruben's newfound restlessness. Nevertheless, he didn't blame it on you.
"It's not your fault." Ruben said, looking at his hands. "We'll start again in time."
You nodded. "You will get better in time, Ruben, your doctor said so himself."
You had started taking him to his weekly appointments. Although you were much better company than Ruben's mother, he didn't like the look of pity that you gave him as the doctors would pin all those needles in him to run their many many tests. You would never see him for the man he really was, a football player.
"Where were you?" Ruben asked, pleased to change the subject.
"Erm...out." 
"Out with who?"
Your arms folded. "Why do you assume I was out with someone?"
"You were out alone?"
"Yes, yes I was. Believe it or not."
"Why were you dressed like that?"
You looked down on your dress. The light from the hallway reflected off of the little specks of glitter, putting dots on Ruben's walls, making it look like little stars roamed above their heads.
"What's wrong with the way I dress?" You frowned.
"Nothing." He shrugged. "It just looks like you were going on a date or something."
"And if I were?"
"What?"
Ruben's reaction made you smile. "Yeah, if I did in fact go on a date, what's it to?"
"I don't....." 
He choked on his words and you laughed.
"Relax Ruben. I'm only dressed like this because the audition I went to required it."
Of course, he thought. Max told him about your acting pursuit, although he still doubted that you were a good one. However, Ruben was curious. "How did it go?"
"Shit." You sighed and to his surprise stepped into the room. "The directors wanted me to run lines in a scouse accent. Like, who even knows how to do that?"
Ruben laughed. He thought about the many times he had been scolded by the Liverpool fans. He never managed to understand a word of what they were saying to him. He doubted anyone knew what they were saying, not even themselves.
"All I'm saying is thank God for this job, otherwise I'd probably be on the street begging for leftovers."
"I'm sure you'll get your breakthrough." He said and really meant it. If it wasn't in your heart to work for him it could turn ugly very quickly.
"I dunno?" You sighed and to Ruben's surprise, felt comfortable enough to take a seat on his bed.
His legs stirred under the covers to distract him from the blood rushing to parts of his body that he really didn't want to come alive right now. Luckily, the room was dark and you sat on the foot of his bed. Nevertheless, your silhouette was enough to send him off. You were beautiful beyond the light, and if he was ever given the pleasure to touch you one day, he'd forsure make it memorable.
"Ruben?"
Fuck, he thought. You must have caught him staring.
"Yes?" He replied, cupping his groin under the covers.
"I want you to be honest with me."
Fuck.
"Before I go to bed...."
Yeah, he's done.
"Of course." He said, clearing his throat.
"Do you need my help getting to the toilet?"
"Pardon?"
You avoided his eyes out of cheer embarrassment. "You know...." You said. "To help you pee?"
If only God did drive-by's. "No, Y/N." He sighed. "I'm good to go on my own if I have to."
"You sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. It's my body, isn't it?"
"I'm just saying. Last time..."
"Last time was a first."
"Right." There was a hint of a smile on your face. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
Ruben's heart sank, seeing you leave his bedside. "Y/N?" He exclaimed, stopping you at the door. 
You turned around, eyebrows raised. 
"Erm...you look beautiful."
Your face lit up. "Thank you."
"Yeah, um....goodnight, I guess." Ruben was quite desperate for you to leave.
"Goodnight Ruben."
He fell onto his back once the door shut. And an odd surprise awaited him as he slid a hand down his sweatpants. Ruben had been told that parts of his body could remain permanently affected by his injuries. Like the next man he wondered if that meant his abilities to perform in other places than just the football pitch, and unfortunately the answer was, yes. Like the next man Ruben had tried watching porn in all kinds of outrageous themes. However, nothing had done it for him. But now here he lay, with a full fledged erection and one person on his mind. 
As he began stroking himself, Ruben thought of stripping you of that dress of yours, touching you in ways that would pleasure you to a point of rapture. Oh how he would love to rip you apart, to hear you moan his name.
"Fuck."
As much as he wanted to make the moment last, Ruben was too horny to maintain a steady pace. He stroked his dick like his life depended on it. As if his mother could burst into his room at any minute.
"Shit...." 
Ruben ground, succumbing to his own temptations. He felt pathetic afterwards. Like an animal unable to control his urges. Nevertheless, he made a promise that the next time he came, it would be inside of you.
Part 5 and 6 are out on my Patreon!
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eilooxara · 1 month
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bleh
I know useless yearning is my brand™ but it would be nice if I fell for someone who's actually interested for once
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...
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miafi · 3 months
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.
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hotelbitches · 4 months
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i miss my friends tails
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maraeffect · 10 months
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okay today was like the first time since surgery that i've been able to exist as a human outside my house!! and i had a great time even though i am PAYING FOR IT. HEAVILY 💀
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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well oops now I feel bad again. I need to stop having thoughts probably
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blujayonthewing · 6 months
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there are A Lot of factors around me feeling increasingly Nothing around/ about christmastime over the last several years but one of them is undeniably the fact that it's, like, 45 outside and is forecasted to remain so for the majority of the month
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raveartts · 5 months
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I kinda wanna ask my brother for the cintiq back, idk why but I feel like maybe I'd wanna draw if it's in a different format?
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fraddit · 1 year
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Hate being my own zoo keeper and being responsible for my own enrichment.
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anothermonikan · 6 months
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I think I am what the kids call 'Bad at the game'
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magdaclaire · 10 months
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i don't have my third class today how should i celly
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novagrippia · 1 year
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.
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fairymint · 1 year
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I can finally say that we're done 100% with moving! Not sure if I'm lifting the semi-hiatus yet, but my activity will increase. we've been gifted one chair, so that's one source of back support....but it'll be ideal when we get a couch, that way we can both sit in the living room comfortably.
When i'm alone tho, streaming's possible again! Just needed a comfy chair for that.
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yeahlikethebird · 11 days
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#it's 1am and i'm depressed and don't want to go to bed#there's such an unbelievable amount of century-defining tragedy and horror in the world rn#and i know that’s always true but jfc we know about so much more of it simultaneously now#like i'm supposed to be chill and functional in the face of war pandemic climate change forever chemicals micro plastics and fascism?#and and and?#i'm supposed to smile and ask follow-up questions when people tell me about vacations to Hawaii#rather than shaking them and saying holy fuck stop doing that please learn about the ramifications and historical context of your actions#i'm supposed to smile and give a measured response when a new coworker asks my other coworker and me#when they can/SHOULD use generative AI *for work purposes*#rather than screaming and throwing articles at them about the environmental impact of LLM bullshit#and that's all large scale#that's not getting into the fact that there's a growing family chilliness over refusal to communicate about I/P shit#or the fact that my mom is dying slowly and hates it and is worsening her relationship with my siblings little by little#or the fact that I'm peeling away at my sanity trying to process a divorce and get healthcare for my cat and dental care for myself#or the fact that it takes hours of research to find DISH SOAP THAT DOESN’T KILL THE MICROBIOMES OF THE LOCAL WATER SUPPLY#(10/10 recommend 'blueland' for that if you're reading btw)#like i'm painfully aware of the back-patting level of efficacy that i have for buying different soap and going to the farmer's market#but there's only so much i can do so i have to try to do what i can right? but it's so little and everything is so much#and my mental health is a mess; the fact that my particular neurotype is known to get more volatile with age scares the shit oit of me#like it's this bad at 33 and it gets WORSE?#my job is great for personal privilege but so *so* meaningless and redundant#and how tf do i look at all of this and not feel fucking hopeless?#i can distract myself with my garden but the candide approach was myopic even in the 17th century so it's hard to justify now#I'm so tired#just... fuck man#tag rant#i should delete this but I'll forget if you read this far i hope it wasnt damaging to your mental health#i just had to let off the brain scream pressure somewhere
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mxalmighty · 2 months
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The Great Almighty Apartment Deep Clean of 2024
is officially underway. My bathroom is the cleanest gd place in this whole building now. It's like stepping into an entirely new universe.
I did that. Me. All by myself. /proud bean
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