#i'm also like unemployed so i didn't pick up either of them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

papirouge · 3 months

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guys I'm so conflicted rn :/

For those who wouldn't know, I've been jobless for a while and money has been seriously lacking

I've been steadily looking for a job since january and passed a bunch of job interview. I just got a proposal for a temporary job but the pay is very low...

Lately I've been prepping up my comeback (YouTube + website) and I've been committed these last few weeks to rehaul my entire 'brand'.

Despite money lacking, I really appreciate having this free time to do things that really mattered to me and that may previous 9-6 job didn't allow me to. That's why I'm very wary of picking this job with a very low pay (so pretty hard to save money), no remote work, and a taking significant part of my time (at least my previous job paid quite well so it was worth it...). I feel like it's a lose-lose situation...

I also have a bunch of other interviews for better paying job (allowing remote work) I'm still waiting for their feedback but there's no guarantee I might get selected so it's a risk to dismiss the current proposition for potential jobs...

I asked the company who made the proposal to leave me room until Wednesday to give them my answer

relevant note : I'm not looking for a permanent job right now bc I plan to do a training to access a new profession that I could do entirely on remote (I did a benchmark of job offers lol). This training asks 💶 so I either 1)need a job to save 2)ask for a government financial aid (if I stay unemployed) which might take time and I'm not sure my application to be accepted

#sorry I'm not one to share personal struggle like that but I really need your help 😔#I will also pray ofc and if you could also pray for me i would be very grateful 🩵🩵#personal

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silvermoose · 1 month

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Fanfic I wrote for The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. Originally posted on Reddit, then Ao3.

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Being able to be openly affectionate with Ashley was one advantage to quarantine, Andrew had to admit. Even when their parents lived with them, their mom was always giving them disgusted looks, or making snide comments to them. Now he didn’t have to watch over himself, trying to be cautious about every interaction they had. He could interact with his sister without feeling judged about it. Everything felt natural, and he could be himself.

This changed after they started having sex.

He became much more self conscious, in a way that he never was before. Even buying condoms had become an ordeal. In his past life, he would just pick some up when he got cigarettes. He didn’t care who saw him, because he didn’t care if anyone knew that he was getting laid. It was different now.

He tried not to go to the same place twice, and never went with Ashley, lest someone realize how similar they look and make the connection. Each trip had him on the brink of an anxiety attack. They had discussed other options, but getting a prescription for the birth control pill would start a paper trail, and the consequences of pulling out were too dire. So instead Andrew dealt with the fear and shame of being found out every time he went to the pharmacy. He also stocked up on pregnancy tests out of paranoia; It got to the point where Ashley was used to just taking one every few days as a matter of routine.

“You know how that’s not how it works, right?” she said the third time, as she handed him the test with one blue line. “It doesn’t show you the moment you get pregnant, it only shows after a few weeks.”

“It’s either this or your demon trinket, and I’m not sacrificing anyone else if I can avoid it,” he said. He checked the box to confirm that yes, a single line meant ‘not pregnant’.

While She didn't mind at first, it got tiresome after a while. So she stole a pen from the front desk while Andrew was out. When it was time to take another test, she drew an extra line on it.

“Hey An-dy,” Ashley sang to him, holding out a test with two blue lines on it.

Andrew puked. Violently.

“What the fuck, Andy?” Ashley screamed.

“You're pregnant?? How did this happen? We were so careful! Ashley. I don't think we can do this.”

“Well, then it's a good thing I'm not actually pregnant, Asshole. It was a joke. I drew on the extra line.”

It took a minute for Andrew to register what she had said.

“What? What the fuck, Ashley, why would you do that to me??”

“I didn't think it would make you puke! Did you ever puke after having sex with one of your floozies??”

“It's not the sex, Ashley, it's the thought of having a baby!”

“You think I'd be a bad mother.”

“No, I think it's a bad idea to have a child when both parents are unemployed, on the run, and oh yeah, they’re siblings!!!”

“It's not like anyone knows”

“Really, Ashley? You think that no one ever looks at us and sees how similar we are? Which features we share? The same mannerisms we have? That’s bullshit.”

“Is that why you never show affection to me in public? That you won’t kiss me or hold my hand? You’re afraid some stranger will judge you?”

“If they notice us enough to judge us, they notice us enough to report us, Ashley.”

“We’ve been out in public a lot without anyone saying anything!”

“Not while we were fucking! Going out in public is hell. All I think about is people seeing through me, realizing I'm the freak that fucks my sister. And when I'm alone with you, I feel better. I feel happy. I feel like I’m home. I reinforce that they’re right .”

“Oh, so I make you a freak?” She yelled, more angry than hurt.

“Ashley. Leyley .” he said gently. He embraced her and kissed her hair. “You don’t make me a freak. You make me happy. I can’t live without you. But I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. It seems inevitable that we’re either going to get caught and arrested, or killed, or something else, but we’re going to be separated, and I don’t know what I will do with myself if that happens. I don’t want to lose you.”

“And I don’t want you to leave me.”

He closed his eyes and held her tighter.

“What do we do, Leyley? To be free?”

“Let's ask the trinket,” Ashley suggested. “We still have one vision on this thing.”

It seemed like such a big ask. Up until this point, the trinket had primarily worked when it wanted to. But it was right about the hitman, it had been right about them sleeping together, so he agreed to give it a shot.They slept together that night with his arms wrapped around her, holding the trinket between their hands.

Robbing the pharmacy was easier than it had any right to be, but that was the advantage of having demons on your side. The place was remote and had only one pharmacist, so when they went in Andrew simply locked the door behind him while Ashley held the gun to the pharmacist.

“Don't be stupid about this, and you can live,” she said. The pharmacist nodded. “We want sectional. All of it.”

“Sectional? Is that what it’s called, Ashley?”

“ Leyley . And yeah, something like that.”

“Something like that? Seconal, Ley. It’s Seconal.” He shot Leyley a look, but she only smiled and blew him a kiss in return.

The pharmacist brought them their entire stock of pills, which wasn’t a lot, but would be enough. The Graves then bound and gagged the pharmacist and left him behind the counter, a rare act of mercy for them.

In the car, Ashley popped open one of the beers they had bought earlier and handed it to Andrew.

“Not while I'm driving!” He said, and tried to wave it away.

“What do you care? The vision showed we’d arrive safely.”

“I need to be able to chisel properly.”

“Why? Does it matter how nice it looks?”

“You know what? Fuck it, you're right.” Andrew took the can from her and took a swig.

They had a good buzz going by the time they arrived at their destination. Ashley was initially against the idea, but Andrew convinced her that if it was in the vision, they should do it that way. Plus, since their parents' bodies were missing, there was no actual grave. No Coffin. Just a tombstone with the word GRAVES on it, with their parents names and dates of birth below it.

Andrew chipped away at their names and dates of birth as best he could until it only had “GRAVES” on it. It looked alright, considering how much alcohol he had. Ashley laid out a blanket over the area in front of the tombstone, and they sat down on it.

“Okay,” Andrew said, as he poured the pills into two piles. “I guess it doesn’t matter how much we take? So we’ll each take half. Then lie down and stay on your back.”

“On my back so we can go out with a bang?” Leyley teased.

“I'm serious, Leyley. If you puke everything up, it won't work.”

“Being on my back will stop me from puking?” she asked. She took the pills and followed it with some more beer.

“Yes,” Andrew lied. The reality was that if either of them threw up while on their back, they would choke on it; being on their sides meant they might survive the ordeal.

“Leyley?”

“Mm?”

“In your vision, what was death like?”

“Peaceful,” Leyley said. “It was just us, here, then a feeling of warmth and heaviness. I woke up from the vision with a sense of peace.”

“I hope that means hell is nice,” Andrew said. “Look up at the stars with me.”

“Very romantic.”

“It is, actually. Author Mary Shelley supposedly lost her virginity on her moms grave. Romeo and Juliet died in her family’s crypt.”

“You always knew how to bring the romance,” Leyley said, her voice somewhat unsteady. Romantic, not romance, Andrew almost corrected, but now wasn't the time. He was starting to feel dizzy and didn't want those to be his last words to her.

“I love you, Leyley.”

Leyley didn’t respond, and Andrew didn’t want to risk moving his head to look at her. Instead, he reached his hand out to hold hers. He felt his muscles grow weaker and weaker, and he couldn't keep his eyes open. As his breathing started to slow, he felt himself overcome with a sense of peace and calm.

#fanfiction #fanfic #the coffin of andy and leyley #coffinposting #gravecest #coffincest #andrew graves #andrew x ashley #gravescest #ashley x andrew #tcoaal #angst #gravesposting

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eleni-cherie · 10 months

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ok nobody's gonna see or care this but I'm gonna rant bc I am sick of my life and maybe someone can relate: so long story short, I'm a 27 year old graphic designer who was working 2 years at a big e-commerce shop until the new asshole supervisor didn't want to continue my contract that expired bc of his hurt ego bc I (along w pretty much everyone else bc he liked to pick fights w ppl from all departments bc he got into everyone's business) dared to argue w him BC HE KEPT CHANGING HIS MIND EVERY TWO MINS AND KEPT CONTRADICTING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME. so I lost my job last October and ever since I'm unemployed. I live in germany (Berlin) so I get unemployment money, but it only lasts for a year and it's already the end of July and I still can't manage finding a job although I've probably applied to 90 jobs by now of which only about 10-15 turned into job interviews - or the new trend "getting to know you meetings". of which only 1 invited me for a 2nd interview. now I get there's sadly so many designers, the job market is kinda oversaturated and for one job probably 20-30 ppl apply. but then sometimes this isn't even the problem. I had an interview for what seemed to be my dream job so I was super excited for this but then when I met the two guys doing it, they were very underwhelming. I mean little to no reaction to what I was telling them about myself and at the end they only asked 3 quite superficial questions. that's it. meanwhile others for companies I'm less suitable for, ask me like 20. then there's this other case, where they give you tasks and I don't mind tasks but one time I'd have needed the whole creative suit for them and like - hello? I'm unemployed and don't have the extra money to spend 60 euros every month on Adobe? I only an old Photoshop Version and that's it. then another time they gave me tasks that were only 40% graphic design related (but very vague descriptions/no real info) and 60% marketing/copyright related and like sorry, but I only have basic marketing knowledge and I'm not a fcking ad writer? there's this trend nowadays, they say they want a graphic designer but what they really want is a graphic designer / marketing expert / social media manager / copywriter / photographer / editor / etc. but still w only a graphic designer salary, so they don't have to pay five different ppl. like FCK YOU!

and thing is, in my desperation I even applied to random jobs (which said "No experience needed" in the description) like vendor or barrista. even in a copyshop where I thought I should fit in bc of my knowledge of print products, but either no response at all or I "lacked sale experience". bc Idk how it's in other countries but here you need a certificate for anything. even for a shop vendor you need a 3 year long apprenticeship. for a moment I contemplated going freelance or self-employed but a) I got no fcking clue how and what I have to do and b) taxes and insurance system in Germany is insane, I read an article and was overwhelmed.

So yeah, I'm getting fed up and sad and mad mostly also very anxious about my fcking future bc it honestly seems like I'll end up just moving back to my parents at this point. idk what to do anymore. I try and try and try, but nothing happens and I'm just done. the pressure is overwhelming and the sad thing is, I purposely decided not to visit my relatives/my grandparents this summer (the live in greece) thinking I "might find a job" and even if not, I don't have the extra money for plane tickets! they're extremely overpriced. and it's sad bc whenever I talk to my grandparents they say they miss me and how they're worried about me being unemployed. and my grandparents aren't the youngest anymore either (83 and 89) and I haven't seen then in a year, so that only saddens me more on top of feeling like an overall loser.

#young adult #adult life #real life #work life #personal rant #feeling lost #feeling depressed #Greek #i need a job and money #jobsearch #job seekers #the universe hates me #self pity

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crazycrackersworld · 2 years

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19 years ago I couldn't fall asleep either, I was in a hospital with my then wife, in the morning she would arrive......my Callista.

I had, had her name picked out for years, even before Katana was born, but of course Katana being named anything else would have been wrong, no,. The Prettiest One...that name would have to wait.

She was so beautiful, form the moment she came into the world, just so damn beautiful. I remember I was beyond excited, beyond happy, I was just filled with so much joy and hope for the future, happy that Sheena had a daughter. Happy that my family seemed to be headed for.....a bright future.

And now 19 years later I cannot fall asleep again, for all the opposite reasons. I was a good dad, better than good, I remember doing her hair in the summer, or before school during the school year and I remember taking her to the library in the summer for story days, when I was unemployed during the first separation, and got to spend all day everyday taking care of her.

And even 3 years later after the actual final divorce, I was still a good dad, maybe better than good. I would drive from Milwaukee to eustisford early in the morning to see her or the other kids get awards only to turn around and drive an hour back knowing I had to work that day. And I drove up there on days I didn't have them to see cheerleader practices or cheerleader performances or science fairs and all of that.

And then about 4 5 years after the divorce was final, I kind of just snapped I had some sort of a breakdown I stopped seeing my kids I was unable to keep a job for very long I've screwed up a lot of opportunities I didn't know how to fix myself, and I didn't know why it took that long for me to break, that should have happened like right after the divorce.

And I'm not going to put blame on anyone but myself, but my ex-wife did kind of help the breakdown, 5 years of back and forth and up and down and giving me false hope that maybe we had reconciliation and the future ahead of us only to always pull the rug out from under me. And I don't know maybe someday my kids will look back and understand what was going on understand just this year nonsense of it, but if they do it'll probably just make them like me even less cuz they'll probably just wonder why I kept falling for it. And they never will realize that they were the reason I kept falling for it, that I just wanted them back in my life full time. But the decisions that I made any emotional pain that I went through that 5 years ended up with me going off the rails to the point that I never see them, and I don't think they have any desire to ever see me again.

I miss my little girl, I miss her so much the tears started probably early Saturday afternoon and they have continued all the way through till now 1:00 in the morning. And I'm having a hard time falling asleep, because part of me doesn't want to wake up again, but also because every time I close my eyes I see her. So I don't want to close my eyes and it's hard to fall asleep with your eyes open.

My heart is so terribly broken and I feel so utterly alone, and I'm getting very tired of it. Every one I love leaves me everyone, and I'm getting very tired of just keeping my head up.

I won't hear from her today even though I will try to reach out with a happy birthday but I know I will get no reply. So I guess I'll just say this to put it out there, happy birthday calista, I love you, I have never stopped loving you and I never will. I think about you everyday, you are in my heart and my head everyday, I miss you, and I am so sorry that I failed you. And I have come to the conclusion that I will never be forgiven, but maybe I don't deserve to.

#happy birthday calista #callista #i miss my daughter #i fucked up

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heybaetae · 2 years

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god, i feel your every word… with current friends i've known my whole life and someone who i've met a few years ago. and exactly like yours, they assume since i don't go out i don't do anything worth while or i can't be tired or exhausted. it's hurtful cause you're better than me cause you have to leave your house everyday? for example, i don't drive. they pick on me about it like that's my only way to have freedom. my friends never ask about me either so i kinda just fall back and don't ask. ironically, i just ended a friendship because he thought if we couldn't go a few weeks without talking meant i don't care, meanwhile i'm just battling my depression :) tbh i used to apologize for being distant because my mental health is shit and i have periods i just don't talk… and when they decided that i didn't care cause of it, i didn't apologize. i'm just done apologizing for my health and doing what i need to be okay. it might be petty but honestly if they don't ask about your day or how you're doing, i wouldn't either since like you said, they never do. let them figure out why you suddenly switched up. treat them how they treat you. you deserve better

are we the same?! I don’t drive either and I think that’s another factor into why some people assume I’m just rotting away in my room lol. no? I’m not going out because there’s still a fucking pandemic that everyone decided was over but ISN’T and my depression around the fact that life will literally never be normal again because people don’t care anymore makes it very difficult to feel motivated to bother learning, see people, go anywhere, etc. i’m also just…exhausted regardless because i have a sick dog (who only one friend bothers to ask for updates on) that i’m closely monitoring all day and trying to nurse back to better health and that’s very tiring mentally and emotionally. ALSO my sleep schedule is bad because i’m manic and have anxiety and don’t get a lot of sleep anyway so like…to assume i don’t have anything on my plate without ever checking in on me just feels really shitty. i can be unemployed, at home 24/7, and still hanging on for dear life with all the stressful shit i’m juggling with a mental disorder 🫠

#ask

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