I would like to never be perceived again thanks

I’m disgusted by my own existence, by what I let my own brother do.

I knew what going home entailed and went regardless.

I deserved to be masturbated to. I saw where his hand was and said nothing, dissociated, thought at least he’s not touching me.

I’m only ever going to be attractive to him. I deserve this. I’m just a sexual object.

I’d like to never be perceived as sexually attractive again ever

i will say is seeing people unironically go 'gale's arc is about how bad he is at communicating' is just the funniest fucking thing i have read in my entire life and i haven't laughed that much at something since the early access conspiracy theories

one of my housemates is so fucking sensitive it turns me into a person I do not like

I only watched the first four episodes of season four and have only the vaguest notion of what happens in the rest of it. And I've been told that I misread what was going on and that that's not where the plot was going. But.

I cannot get over the wasted potential of not having Vecna's Curse target, specifically, people who feel guilt over being responsible for another person's death. (Even though they're not, actually, responsible.)

Like. Apparently what was going on with Chrissy was an eating disorder. I misread the coding on that hard in the early episodes, and thought that she'd recently been to Chicago to see Jane. And if she had...apparently Jason was also super religious? If Chrissy had had an abortion, because they'd been having sex, then that makes a whole thematic reinforcement to his hypocrisy and whatever half-baked point the show sort of made gestures at making about the Satanic Panic.

Then there's Fred and his friend. Whatsisface in Pennhurst, the older Creel, and the baby in the house he ordered the bombing on. Max and Billy. Nancy and Barb. (Hell, Steve and Barb if you really want to play to your audience.) You could even use that to tie in the adults' storyline - we haven't heard about Hopper's guilt over Sara in a minute!

And all of that would dovetail nicely into motive. Because apparently "Vecna" is, in fact, Henry Creel, is in fact Experiment 001? Who [something something something] psychic powers [something something] horrific child abuse [something something something] massacre at the Hawkins lab [something something] Always Chaotic Axe-Crazy?

But it would make so much sense for a child who'd been ripped from his family, survived awful mistreatment in the name of the greater good, and been witness to the deaths of other kids just like him due to the actions of people who didn't seem to care, who didn't seem to see it as their fault, to be lashing out at anybody he perceived to be like those people.

It would have made sense. It would have been a reason. It would have drawn a throughline from the Big Bad's motivation through to Our Heroes and their actions. It would have given them so much room to work with consequences of the earlier seasons coming back to bite Our Heroes, and could have gone in some really good directions about exploring survivor's guilt and whether these characters really were responsible for any of the deaths they take as their responsibility. And also about institutional hurt and how sometimes, people who have no other option and no way to reach the people who actually hurt them will just aim their pain at anyone in reach, anyone who looks enough like the person who hurt them if you squint and hold your tongue just right, and how, to make actual change against the systems that hurt people, we all need to keep in mind who the real enemy is. It could have been so good.

Imagine wishing at the best medical malpractice and at worst medical trauma on already traumatized individuals over syscourse jfc

hey tumblr, why are pro-Zionism posts/accounts popping up on my following feed? When I'm not following those accounts, nor have I interacted with any of that shit?

Just got told that my abusive father will be here for Christmas - and like, fine, whatever, I can't expect the family to cut him off, it is what it is - but (and here's the kicker) I was then sternly told that I will speak to him and be friendly.

when will said it was "strange knowing who it was this whole time" and "he's hurt, he's hurting, but he's still alive" was he not talking about henry? am i insane? did i misinterpret that scene? why are we acting like will is connected to anyone other than henry bro what is Happening 😭

that was henry that shaped the mind flayer into that spider-like form and it was henry that used it to possess will and it was henry's thoughts that will was experiencing against his will and it's henry that he's still feeling because the connection/"vecna's curse" hasn't been broken. they physically extracted the mind flayer from will's body, yes, but his connection to henry was never broken. henry can't exercise complete and total control over people without the mind flayer's power, which is why will has free will over his body but his mind remains connected to henry.

the characters, and by extension the viewers, thought it was the mind flayer behind everything, because they didn't know what season four revealed to us.

henry wanted to control will's mind and body—a complete and entire violation of everything will is. that was Not the mind flayer, and they tell us that more than once. with all love and respect what are some of you on about because you're starting to make me feel like my memory is genuinely broken or something lmao like i thought.... the big reveal was that it's always been henry? they literally say that? eleven, henry, and will all confirm it? the mind flayer was not a separate entity acting alone... thus will has beef with henry most of all because henry's violation of his mind and body is still ongoing... Where Are You Guys Getting Your Information From 😭 hELP

will's rape—because that's what possession is, he never consented to having his mind and body controlled by anyone else—is an important part of stranger things; both to the general plot and will's character. to say that will only has beef with the mind flayer and not henry is reducing what henry did to him and reassigning blame that very much falls on henry's shoulders. henry was controlling the mind flayer and henry is the one still in will's mind. henry used the mind flayer to have control over will. henry and will are connected. the show literally tells us that over and over again. when you decide to needlessly reassign blame, not only are you misunderstanding and misconstruing the plot, but you're also... not understanding what happened to will at all. like, what really happened to him and how that's used in the show.

henry very likely was the one that kidnapped will. henry is the one that will has a psychic connection to. henry is the one that raped will / possessed him if you prefer that term instead and used the mind flayer to do it. henry is the one that will still knows like the back of his hand, because henry is the one that's still in his head. it's not the mind flayer. it's henry. please stop saying that will doesn't have more than enough reason to want to kill his ass. please!!!

fun fact 12 step programs were developed by two white christian men in 1930s america

i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

stupid stupid drama, but I really hate when people call me "girlie" & "baby girl", particularly strangers. like Don't. I don't give a singular fuck how "gender neutrally" you mean it. You don't fucking know me like that.

this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead

I keep having thoughts like "final girl sqx" "sqx actually has all the hallmarks of a silent hill mc" "what would sqx be like as a dbd survivor" and I think I've figured out what to do here. I should just dress them up real pretty and then plop them down in an endless forest inhabited by ravenous beasts that range from pitiable in their nature to things that hunt just to feel a life shatter between their teeth. And then take detailed notes on whatever comes from that.

Gosh the new messy state (always been complicated, the motive is just different) that my relationship with my parents has entered a few months ago has finally decided to combine with the patterns of behavior and paranoia that became the pattern of thought and behavior from my childhood and teenage hood, and now I've been stuck for over a month in the same old cycle of self sabotage with the added factor of anxiety and fear that makes me terrified of taking an action and fucking things up.

And like, who am I gonna tell this shit? This happens all the time, the motives just change. So really, whose even gonna want to hear me talk about the same old shit of how I feel frozen and terrified of acting the wrong way, just because the motive is different. People have it worse and still can act, but no, Alex is always getting stuck in their head, he's always terrified of fucking it up on accident so she goes and fucks it up on purpose or does nothing in an attempt of making people leave. Cause that's what they deserve. Fucking hell I was a kid when I made one stupid decision towards myself and this is the outcome. What the fuck man?!?

|| The feeling of being able to post 💙Connor💙 and not feeling guilty about it oh my fucking gods I'll only look at the bright side of this situation like thank fuck i am allowed to feel happy

HHHHIIIIIIIMMMMM 💙💙💙

Okay some people talk about asexuality in a way that makes me really wonder about their views on allosexual people too. Like. Some of the things people are saying or writing are so weird. This is too vague, oh well. It's the framing of one-sided unwanted attraction or unwanted romantic/sexual actions like they're worse, so much worse because Alastor is ace. Like, you know harassment is still bad even if the victim could be attracted to the perpetrator, right? Even if they are attracted to the person harassing them, it's still horrifying.