#i’ve reached me end
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Can you draw Jeverus?
i genuinely thought this was a typo for jegulus at first 🤭
tbh i’m not really a james / severus fan anyway, buuutt i’m not drawing marauders anymore (at the moment at least. in the future? i’m not sure)
#i’ve reached me end#and cause i’m feeling petty you can all blame that on the nasty people who got reallly really comfy in my askbox#and ruined the fun
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hi 🥺
#guys don’t throw stones at me#BUT I’M BACK!!!!!!#mainly because I’m finally reaching the end of the semester and I started missing this blog especially with the holidays nigh#I haven’t written something in ages and I was getting so nostalgic with my old stories#I’ve just got exams to get over but I’ve been keeping up well so I’ll be back soon!!!#ik loads of people are still excited for to turn a bad thing good so I’m definitely writing that very soon#I’ve had at least 1/3 of the third chapter written but I haven’t visited the doc in a while#also I’ve decided to finally let my boyfriend read some of my stories so it’s really him who brought me back to writing#everyone shall thank him ❤️#sammy files
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I’m a simple man. I think about Boston and Nick for more than three seconds and I’m filled with so many emotions that I need to lay down for a while
#only friends#bostonnick#I’m done with that cursed series but the cursed series isn’t done with me#thankfully I’ve reached such a point of delusion that Theeee post-canon bostonnick fic has become canon to me#so I’m content w the (fake) eventual ending#doesn’t make it hurt any less
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hate to remind y’all of this but louis really is just A Man™️
as are any other male celebrities you like. just mf dudes.
#celebrity worship dying between me and the mutuals and i’m loving it#‘fuck love island worst show i’ve ever seen end love island’ *hangs out with love island aus castmates*#*flips off israel flag but still eats his maccas like it’s not been on the boycott list for months*#doubtful he’s checked out the boycott lists or anything like you wanna pretend you’re actually an anarchist for once? do more white man!!#would i still [redacted] absolutely BUT he IS just a man#ideologies that should coexist: celebrities are just people + celebrities have reach and power every day people do not#and if you have a position of power/reach it doesn’t mean you’re excempt from x responsibilities and the like!#watch people accuse me of hating him again because i don’t kiss his ass 24/7. oh brother#alex talks
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#a friend just dropped dead yesterday#and today the ex friend who did all that fucking insane shit in november#(or like arguably has continued to do all that shit) fucking reached out#& offered an apology in a way that felt like. idk#deeply insincere. or i think more accurately as a ploy#& i responded ‘eat shit’#(and i’m feeling weird about that but to have someone absolutely rip apart years of friendship in an extremely traumatic way is just like)#(not gonna fly for me)#but idfk how to grieve these unsatisfying endings#(& i’ve felt so haunted bc we just passed the 6 month mark of hearing from another friend who just fucked off and dropped everyone#)
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I just wanted to show y’all my scrapped January Scaller drawing.
I loved this book so much and really wanted to do something for it. But for the life of me I just can’t get this drawing to work.
#my art#ninelivesart#art#procreate#digital art#art 2024#drawing my reads 2024#ten thousand doors of January#January scaller#this is why I wanted to practice backgrounds this year#but I just suck at them so bad it ruins the drawing and makes me not want to work on it#I ended up cutting out the background and focusing on the door#but I still hate all the color rending I did#this was actually the second book I read this year#so I’ve given it another go multiple times and reach the same conclusion each time#throwing in the towel
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.
#this is extremely dumb but i cried today listening to a song#imagining a neverafter animatic of an ending#that is yet to happen and only imagined and probably wrong#also i ahve no idea how i’ll go about making that kind of animatic i’ve got in my head but#i’m in this bad habit right now of#associating every song i like with neverafter#and i just. i can’t quite imagine a “good” way of neverafter ending without some wild sacrifices#which means i’m associating every sad song with it#and imm making myself tear up for something that won’t ever happen#anyway i’m leaving that partial lyric that really hit me here:#“just as much as I mean something#everyone’s existence means something#and I want to hear it#I want to hear it#that voice reaching out towards tomorrow#so that someday when I’m reminded of today again your smile won’t fade#so that—before I disappear—my days with you won’t fade#I’ll leave this here”
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Back at the house with knots in the wooden ceiling. :,)
When I think of jorvikpov and MC’s cottage I think of the knots in the ceiling and the lonely moon shining through the window. It wasn’t always that way. I stayed in this house for the first time in winter 2022. Late at night I would look outside at the moon and stars & then up at the ceiling, just barely illuminated in the pale blue moonlight, and I would feel something still half undescribable. A deep longing for something I couldn’t place and yet the feeling that I was right at home. I think that’s the feeling jorvikpov is made from.
I think maybe I’m beginning to understand what it is I long for. What it is that feels like home.
It makes me emotional that jorvikpov is coming to an end, but I think I’m ready. I think it’s time. I think when I’m done, it’s going to have changed me not in ways I wanted or expected it to but in ways I desperately needed and in all the ways it ever could.
When I’m done, I will be ready to let it go.
#mine and jorvikpov MC’s journeys are in no way the same#but in many ways they mirror one another#and run along parallel tracks#I think mine will be over in the same way and at the same time as theirs#and then we will keep living our separate lives. like a friend you knew for a time#I will not know what they do in their after#I can only help them reach the ending they deserve. like they have done for me#and yes it is soon. scarily so.#it’s becoming hard not to post specific dates and numbers#and I’m realising that there are things I’ve written about for the very last time#and it’s. hard. to not go on main and be emotional about it but i AM#but i know there are people that read it and i never want to say right out what’s coming or what’s not#I want all of you to be as delighted to see the story gradually unfold as I was when I felt it fit into place#and as I am every time a new chapter is written#also when I’m done and have posted everything expect a really long emotional post#because I WILL be emotional#I’ll probably cry a little tbh#z talks
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in every scene / it’s me & michael.
#myart#seaquest dsv#lucas wolenczak#benjamin krieg#ok guys i’m not joking when i said in company of ice and profit has done things to me#i’m like affected deeply.#i know no one in the entire world cares but i’ve been thinking about ben and how tragic he is for 3 weeks straight.#i say this as the number one found family anti but THEY WERE LITERALLY CONFIRMED IN SHOW AS BROTHERRSSSS ARE YOU KIDDING!!!!!#and lucas was still there to reach out for him at the end no matter how far ben had gone because of that.#I LOVE YOU MAN. YOURE MY FRIEND. ARGHHHHH#despite lucas just coming back to a world thats unrecognizable and joining the navy and losing bridger and having so much in his life.. UGH#whatever. i’m playing it off like i’m normal and chill.
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die eigentliche Frage: wie viel Duolingo muss ich noch machen, bevor ich hoffen kann, hier auf Deutsch zu schreiben?
(viel mehr, bevor ich etwas Interessantes sagen kann! aber die Katze sitzt jetzt auf mir, was nicht interessant zu hören, aber ganz angenehm zu erleben ist. 😽)
#lol i need 2 know SO many more words.#like. great that i have now solidly incorporated ‘Zeichentrickfilme’ in2 my working vocab#but uh#pace our friend Duo i gotta say i’m not sure how much use i’m gonna get out of that one#vs i still dk how 2 say like. ‘depressed.’ ‘genderqueer.’ lol#at least thx 2 C— i’ve got ‘dicke Katze’ down. Kaffee- und Katzeklatsch: ein Blog#also like. do i gotta caps properly in a blog context. like i will if i have 2 but like. does not spark joy#everybody wants 2 teach you standard orthography which is great but like. some of us want 2 understand the stylistic impact of rulebreaking!#anyway. in unrelated conclusion it IS maddening that i know basically 0 swedish BUT when i reach for eg ‘nothing’ i sure do end up at#‘ingenting’ before ‘nichts.’ similarly ‘och’ before ‘und’ sometimes. deeply unuseful!!#however i guess maybe someday the like. 2 phrases i remember will come in handy 4 me#‘du är vacker. jag vill knulla dig i röven. vill du också det?’#one can only hope 😇#anyway. peut-être que demain je bloggerai en français. qui sait#my mission‚ should i choose to accept it: bastardizing ALL languages i only half-remember 🤘#in conclusion i vaguely remember that in the construction ‘something Adjective’ you caps the adjective but not why lol#i mean i assume it’s for Substantive Reasons but like. if it’s modifying a pronoun why is it a substantive. however.#ours (whomst suck at deutsch) not 2 reason why‚ &c.#right. okay. good morning!!
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I made a post bout the skip button ending a while back and I deleted it a while ago but I desperately wanna redo it cause I’m interested in what others think but man I cannot find the words for it at all lmaoo
#delete later#LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED IT#I rlly should have saved a reblog to drafts before deleting it#but basically it was along the lines of#a person who feels trapped in a situation may see a solution and just go for it-#-before trying to find other solutions. and most of the time that solution might not be an actually good one#I still feel like I’m wording that wrong though#the concept of stanley seeing the skip button as the only means to escape this ending#and not directly as a way to truly hurt the narrator#because stanley is the one trapped in that room/in the parable#and in times of feeling trapped you may reach for an option that feels like your only hope#or a solution that gives you back some sort of control#so I think the portrayal of the skip button and the zending kinda speak to this idea in an odd way#the feeling of being trapped and seeing a way out and going for that without thinking#though in the end this is me very heavily projecting my own stuff onto these endings#because I’ve been in that position before a few times and I know what it’s like#it doesn’t mean your bad for doing it but I think some people don’t understand it well#it is essentially just me explaining rash decisions in serious situations#yeah stanley should have waited with the narrator but in moments of uncertainty-#-people react in their own ways. idk shrugs I still don’t know if I’m making sense or not#maybe I’ll just keep it here in the tags lol
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“they’re gonna revive gojo”
I say delusionally as I look at the new chapter with delusion holding my phone in my delusional hands as I stare as the screen delusionally.
#Cause shoko brought back yuji why can’t she bring back gojo?#I’ve reached it#I’ve reached the end of my sanity#This is the end for me#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#intp rants#jjk manga spoilers#it really was gojover#Time to cry myself to sleep#Oh well#lets hope hajime doesn’t die
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TW suicide
my biggest conspiracy theory is that suicide helpline/crisis lines are purposely obtuse / useless, so that you’re so baffled by their advice that you forget that you wanted to die in the first place
#this is mostly a joke#i mean they are useless#but i actually genuinely think they’re being helpful#have you tried having a bath#is my 13th reason why tbh#the fact anyone who’s ever used one knows the go to lines tells you everything#have you tried having a cup of tea#crisis line#samaritans#shout#tw#helpline#conspiracy theories#mental health#mental heath support#camhs is arguably the worst one#when i was 13 and in the school bathroom they asked me if i’d had a cup of tea#oh yeah let me just pull my kettle out me backpack#🥲🥲🥲#camhs#it’s a joke#this was inspired by a tweet#but i’ve always thought it#baffling#terrible advice#this is in no way me discouraging anyone from getting help#if you’re struggling pls reach out to someone#these places may not be perfect but they do help a lot of people#and at the end of the day that is the most important thing#reach out to someone
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vent/rant in the tags🤪
#my mom got breast cancer in the beginning of 2020#and i found out that i have the BRCA gene#so i decided to have preventative surgeries#i just had a double mastectomy and it’s probably the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my entire life#i hate relying on other people i’m a very independent person#so having to rely on people to help me while i’m healing and having to slow down is so hard#i feel like a burden all the time and it’s honestly the worst part#i’m healing really well and i’m really grateful for my amazing doctors and that i have people to support me#but it’s still really hard and i’m having a tough time#i also have amazing friends who are checking in on me and helping cat sit for me and whatnot#but some of my good friends haven’t checked in on me and it makes me sad#i also haven’t posted anything about this or much about what’s going on in my life to any of my socials#i’ve gotten way less social over the past 8 years in college and grad school#but even so some of my good friends knew and didn’t check in#and that makes me the most sad#i could go on but i’ll end there#if you have BRCA and/or are considering a major preventative surgery please don’t hesitate to reach out#i would be so happy to share my experiences or just chat and make friends
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Cozy rooms can be a double edged sword cuz one hand it is my sanctuary but on the other hand it relaxes me so much I never wanna move unless necessary
#making your room into your sanctuary takes some serious time and I’ve been here for almost a year now#and rn it’s just me trying to donate more clothes that I never bought but ended up in my room cuz I don’t need them#and so I can get rid of the dressers cuz I hate having so many bits of furniture I don’t want#but at least my grandma wants to empty tf out the garage so I can get some of my stuff that got chucked in there#😭😭 I’ll finally be able to use my rengoku and Tengen mugs again#and I can even reach the 4 candles I know someone stuck in the garage when I left them in my room#ooo and I can find the vinyls and maybe hit up a thrift store to see if anyone’s donated a record player#but that’ll probably come after I get myself a dvd player and a stand to prop my tv on#cuz for some reason my tv has this little ball sack of a recover point that juts out under the tv#and I don’t think any dvd player will fit with that thing in the way#but yeah she wants to empty the garage and I want to get rid of shit too so we’re gonna be having a garage sale soon I hope#and I even suspect that someone threw my kpop posters in the garage too but most of them were in the tube except maybe 1 or 2#so I think they’d be safe for the most part but if not I’m gonna be mad that they got ruined when people know how easy it is to ruin posters
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Getting a haircut tomorrow and i’m excited :)
#i’ve been getting my hair cut short for a while now and i’ve really gotten used to it#it actually bothers me now if my hair reaches shoulder/collar length#but yeah i’ve been putting this particular cut off for a while now since i didn’t like what the hairdresser did last time#this time i am equipped with better vocabulary so hopefully i end up with what i want#then afterwards i’m treating myself to very very spicy noodles :)#zippy speaks
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