#i’ll take my leave now
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#I’ll take my leave now#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#bnha manga leaks#bnha 408#all for one#mha yoichi#or…his hand at least
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idec about anything i am just overflowing with joy of seeing jai kell there. he was on screen for like 30 seconds but that was the only thing i cared about 👆👆👆👆👆
#also ahsoka’s psychometry was cool and a few other things but im excited for more#there was a teeny tiny antisemitic trope in there but it wasn’t really noticeable unless you actually looked for it#and i’m sure it wasn’t on purpose or meant to imply anything or that anyone even noticed it in production#but still was there. so. yikes#but that was actually pretty good!! you could easily cut out like 10 mins from each episode because some scenes just dragged on#and got boring for a bit but it’s alright#not unbearable#but it gets you all excited to see everyone again so ‼️‼️‼️#i’m pretty happy with it yeah#loved a lot of it.#and listen kanera has my whole heart but hera and ahsoka should KISS 🗣🗣🗣#i’ll take my leave now#star wars#ahsoka#oil.#jai kell
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Been a hot minute since I’ve posted art here is Jack mewing
#I’ll take my leave now#dayshift at freddy's#jack dsaf#dsaf#jack kennedy dsaf#dayshift at freddy’s jack#dsaf jack kennedy#dsaf jack
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The tumblr sexyman descendants trend but with AM and it’s just this horrific malformed blob of flesh.
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can i lie on the floor too
Of course you can! It’s girl time
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the best and worst tweet i ever made
#i’m literally so funny please#it was so outta pocket but it was necessary#i’m sorry ksbdjsndjdn#i’m a better comedian than the joker#i’ll take my leave now#steve harrington#eddie munson
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if you’re writing james & sirius in a way that atleast one person doesn’t ask ‘are those two dating’ then sorry but that’s actually two random OCs with familiar names
#sirius black#james potter#i am having all the thoughts tonight aren’t i#but this is just canon tbh#i’m reading a james/remus fic where r asks j if him and s are together#and it hit me. how right thwt felt.#every new person (and some old) need to do that#bc u never know#bc they’re closer than actual partners#but yeah#this is a litmus test for writing accurate james & sirius#if u care ab that sort of thing ofc#if not—go wild but use the ooc tag#mighty helpful that one#anyway yeah i’ll take my leave now#pen’s notes#edit: just saw that the fic is from 2015 and suddenly it all makes sense
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SOLA — Her Innocence, Sola— the anti-innocence— turns to face you. In the distance, you hear the tattoo of propellers, turning, sucking all the air. A strong wind whips her long, dark hair around her face. Her simple black gown billows behind her. The same gown she wore the day she resigned.
She has your eyes.
“Hi, Kim,” she says simply. “You don’t look well.”
PAIN THRESHOLD — Her voice is so familiar, and yet the moment she stops speaking, you cannot recall its sound, no matter how hard you try. And you have tried. Innumerable times.
AUTHORITY — What makes her think she would even *know* the difference between you looking well or unwell? She’s being presumptuous. She doesn’t even know you.
INLAND EMPIRE — She never will.
“I’m doing great, actually. Never been better.”
“Hey, I’m trying my best.”
“I’m *not* well. I’m so fucking unwell. I can’t take it anymore. Please, help me…”
“I’ll live.”
SOLA — “Hm…” She smiles apologetically. “Well, that’s all we can really ask for anymore, isn’t it?”
EMPATHY — She wishes more than anything that this was not the case. That you could ask for the world and have it.
RHETORIC — She tried to give it to you, and this is how you repay her? You’re gonna be in *deep* shit trying to explain that insignia you stitched onto her jacket.
“Um, about the jacket. It’s not what it… well, no, it *is* what it looks like. But I don’t— it’s— there’s nuance.”
“Is that really all you have to say to me?”
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Where are you going?”
SOLA — Her Innocence looks away from you, toward the wind. “Away,” she says, her voice distant and strange. “Yes… I’m stepping down, you see. The world doesn’t need me. It never needed me, really. It’s best for humanity to think for itself. No… it already *does* think for itself.”
She turns back to you with a small smile. The thought brings her peace.
PAIN THRESHOLD — But what does it bring *you?* She’s leaving you forever. Abandoning you for lofty ideals.
AUTHORITY — Let her go. Let her see how little you care. Don’t give her any satisfaction.
HALF LIGHT — Stop her. You won’t be able to live without her.
VOLITION — You have already lived almost all your life without her. You don’t need her. You have *never* needed her.
“What if the world *does* need you? Who are you to make that decision for the entire world?”
“Fine. Go. It’s none of my business.”
“So you’re just going to leave me behind again.”
“Please, don’t go. *I* need you.”
SOLA — “What else is an Innocence appointed to do?” Her smile turns wry. “You see? This is why I’m stepping down.”
Distant propellers turn and turn in endless circles. She glances toward them.
YOU — “Fine. Go. It’s none of my business.”
SOLA — “I suppose not.” Her voice and her face betray nothing. No sign of remorse.
YOU — “So you’re just going to leave me behind again.”
SOLA — “That was never my intention,” she says softly. “Surely you know that.”
INLAND EMPIRE — You will never truly know. No one will.
SOLA — She stares out at the horizon through the tendrils of hair that almost seem to threaten to swallow her. Her expression is strange and ambiguous, shifting every time you try and look directly at it.
YOU — “Please, don’t go. *I* need you.”
SOLA — She looks at you, and her eyes are full of what might be genuine sadness. But they could also be full of anything else.
“Oh, Kim… You must make do with what you have. I don’t know what else you want me to say…”
RHETORIC — What?! There are a million other things she could say! Forty-one years worth of possibilities! She could say *anything!* Anything at all… Even if she’d only left you a single word, it would be better than this…
VOLITION — It’s pointless to wish. Please, no more of this. It’s too sad.
“You could say that you’re sorry.”
“Say that I turned out all right.”
“Say that you’re proud of me. That you love me.”
SOLA — “Then I’m sorry.” She closes her eyes. “It was terrible of us to leave you alone.”
Her voice is utterly calm and emotionless.
PAIN THRESHOLD — No… Wrong, all wrong…
YOU — “Say that I turned out all right.”
SOLA — “You’re a good man despite it all. That is all I ever hoped for you.”
Again, there is no warmth to her words. No conviction.
VOLITION — Lieutenant… Please, don’t do this to yourself.
YOU — “Say that you’re proud of me. That you love me.”
SOLA — “I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. You wear that jacket well.”
Her eyes have nothing behind them. A pair of two millimeter holes in the world.
“I love you.”
PAIN THRESHOLD — Your lungs seem to constrict at her words. Your chest hurts more than it’s ever hurt. This wind is hard to breathe in.
YOU — “No! Don’t you fucking get it?! You don’t love me!”
SOLA — “Then I don’t love you.”
YOU — “You should be *ashamed* of me!”
SOLA — “Then I am ashamed.”
YOU — “I betrayed you! I betrayed everything you stood for! I’m a fucking cop!”
SOLA — “Then I am betrayed.”
She proclaims it as dispassionately as she proclaimed her love.
YOU — “For god’s sake, *say something real!*”
SOLA — She just looks at you. The propellers keep on turning.
DRAMA — She can’t speak for herself, sire…
LOGIC — Of course she can’t. Of course…
PAIN THRESHOLD — Your lungs feel like they could collapse. Empty, crumpled, dark. Hot tears prick your eyes for the first time in what feels like a long time.
SOLA — “Do you understand now?” she asks gently.
LOGIC — She cannot speak for herself because you do not know what she would say.
There are many memories that you have been slowly recovering, little by little. Your mother will never be one of them. Her, the revolution, the aerostatic brigade— they all died before you could even comprehend loss.
AUTHORITY — You did not become a detective so that you could find your lost mother. You became a police officer because you did not want to end up like her.
VOLITION — She can neither forgive you, nor condemn you. She is dead, Lieutenant. She can only be what you make her.
RHETORIC — You’re asking your own echo for answers…
SOLA — “Humanity must think for itself,” she says again, turning again toward the wind. “What point is there in asking me where to go from here? I’m a failure. We all failed…”
RHETORIC — The revolutionaries failed their children, and the children are failing their parents, and all of them are dying, dying, dead… What’s the point in any of this anymore? I cannot argue in favor of any of it.
VOLITION — There is a point. There is a way forward. But you won’t find it here, Lieutenant.
“I hate you. You made me everything I am and then you just *left.*”
“I miss you… How is it even possible to miss someone you never met? It’s like someone ripped a part of me out and all I can do is bleed.”
“I don’t know what I am. I need you to tell me what I am.”
SOLA — One last time, she turns back to you. She slowly bridges the gap between you and reaches out a hand to cup your cheek. Her fingers feel like your own.
“You are whatever kind of animal you choose to be,” she says, so quietly that you don’t know how you can hear it over the distant roar of engines. “I cannot make that choice for you.”
EMPATHY — She died hoping that you would grow up with the freedom to choose to be whatever you wanted. Instead, the world that raised you hardly let you dare to want anything.
VOLITION — But you can still make a choice. Humanity can still think for itself.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#swap au#should i tag sola? i kinda doubt i’ll ever need to use that tag again LMAO#anyway um. yeah.#tbh as fun as the swap au stuff is i wasn’t all that interested in it until my brain was like. SWAP DREAM SEQUENCE#and now suddenly i have like. lore for swap kim.#his breakdown isn’t bc of a breakup it’s over a crisis of identity#at first when he wakes up and starts inspecting stuff like his jacket and his notes#he starts finding out things abt his mother (a revolutionary aerostatic pilot who died and passed down the jacket to him)#and at first he’s like ohh i see im investigating her disappearance!#but he’s not. she’s dead. she died when the moralintern crushed the commune#kim grew up resenting both his parents for dying in a failed revolution#leaving him to grow up alone as a gay disabled seolite orphan#he became a cop and drank the moralist koolaid bc he didn’t want to be like his parents#and also bc he wanted to not be so powerless (and to be able to take shit out on other ppl just like canon kim)#but also just like in canon his experience in the rcm was just more of the same shit#he felt constantly humiliated and like a hypocrite and just compartmentalized hardcore#then he came to martinaise and saw the scars of the failed revolution and finally just snapped and broke down#he doesn’t even know what kind of animal he is other than he doesn’t want to be it anymore#so he pulls harry’s epic mind wipe binge and etc etc#anyway. coughs
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Buckle up lads, I’m about to have what I can only describe as a category 5 autism event.
(long post incoming)
so there’s this song by Will Wood called Against the Kitchen Floor, and besides the fact that it slaps hard, it reminded me way, way too much of what I view Kallus’ and Zeb’s relationships to be like (at least from Kallus’ point of view)
There’s several lines I really want to highlight, but on the whole the song fits excellently. Long analysis of lyrics and heavy conjecture under the cut!
Lord knows I owe you more
Than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody
But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects
Bottom shelf erotic products like me
I like to think that Kallus probably has little to no idea how being a normal human being works because he was with the Empire so long. He and others have been used as tools for so long that their sense of self worth is highly diminished. As such, when he enters a relationship with Zeb, Kallus doesn’t know what to do or even if Zeb truly wants him because he’s himself. That’s also reflected in the next line ‘So I could hold your hand but, keep you at arms length’
I swear, I'm really trying
It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me
I swear, I'm really trying
Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet
This line also fits really well with what I was taking about above. Kallus wants to love Zeb, but he doesn’t think that he’s human enough or deserves it.
…I only know that I'm still lonely
That morbid sort where even company can't cure me
And the more you reassure, the less I trust
This one is a bit self explanatory, but I’ll do it anyways :). The more Zeb assures Kallus that he loves him, the less he believes it, because he views himself as a charity case. He’s incredibly lonely, but he can’t bring himself to love the one person that truly loves him back.
The vertex of my redemption arc
The searching on that virgin heart
I'm catatonic in your arms
Crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"
This is one of The Big Ones. Besides the point that one of the lyrics is literally ‘redemption arc’, the last part fits almost too well with the Purge of Lasan and Kallus’ role. Yet, Zeb is literally the vertex of his redemption arc; he’s the one that pushed Kallus to ask questions about the system he was a part of.
I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
Don't say "I'm sorry, but this can't go on"
I know you've got scars of your own
But hide my knives before you go
I'll either live or die alone
This is the second Big One. Zeb is just as scarred as Kallus is (maybe even more so) and Kallus helped create some of those scars. The guilt he feels is immense, and the line ‘Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours’ fits so well it makes my chest ache.
I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress
I promise, I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible
I swear, I'm so fucking sorry
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all
But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all
Again, Kallus wants so badly to love Zeb, and he wants to prove that he can be human enough to return Zeb’s affection, but he doesn’t believe that he is or can be a good person after everything he’s done. Nevertheless, he still decides to try his best
(@seth-silver-ink)
#This was the thing I was talking about yesterday#Now that I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself I’ll take my leave#star wars rebels#sw rebels#swr#agent kallus#alexsandr kallus#garazeb orrelios#zeb orrelios#kalluzeb#will wood#against the kitchen floor#character analysis#I might make art for this sometime idk#Also I welcome other analysis of lyrics! I like hearing what y’all have to say
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my ship is setting sail figuratively and literally
starting hrt at sea call that transatlantic
anyway this is my last unadulterated by estrogen femboy friday i suppose 🏳️⚧️
thank you all for existing and i love you 💕
#femboy#196#femboy friday#r196#r/196#alcoholic femboy#nonalcoholic femboy#this is a big fucking deal to me cos i spent near two decades thinking i’d never be here#and now it’s in front of me and i am starting and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#i’m going on a cruise btw i have queue set up to drip feed you all for added serotonins#maybe i’ll take some pictures on the boat or in the bahamas if i work up the courage :3#please leave me nice notes so i feel better about myself it’s my first photo in forever :c#wifi is expensive on cruises#pictures of me
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is it gay to be so overwhelmed with emotions by thinking about someone you care about so much you almost want to pick up writing again
#- but also it’s night time and you can’t fall asleep even though you need to get up early#and you’re just stuck imagining the lines you want written down#so your only options are to do it now while they’re still there#or not and then forget all of them in the morning and cry#hi i’m the gay one help i haven’t been in this state in a while#i’m just in that state again somehow i guess#probably because i never got a chance to tell this person how something so small for them meant a world to me in that moment#i hope i’ll be able to tell you all that myself in a more direction way but i love you so much you mean the world to me#okay i don’t actually want to scare you off by saying that but knowing what my mind is imagining for this you’d think that yourself anyway#i should probably stop taking now it’s way too late and i’m being tooooo emotionally vulnerable rn#hi guys sleepy night time frab here i’m the (other) emotion + vulnerable one#don’t you love to see it#i wonder if anyone is still down here reading these tags#hi if you are! send aaaa hmmm send a little ‘£; e’ if you read to this point#also why r u still reading? weirdoooo /jk love you#but really don’t be down here too long i’m sorta bleeding all my feelings out right now#because i’m so bad at expressing myself directly and as soon as i want to#ugh i’ll leave now i’m lonely and talking to myself too much again#night night everpony#frabrant#wonder if i’ll write more again… ok i’m LEVAING now gah
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I’m sorry for the lack of original posts… it will continue to happen. 😔
#ash rambles#shut up ash!#i am fully aware of my lack of original posts#or lack of art thereof#lately ive kind been focusing a bit on my original content#while also taking a few steps back from social media#or… fandom stuff anyways#i don’t think i can keep a consistent schedule of art#cause then it starts turning into a chore and then i’ll no longer wanna work on it#(kinda why i haven’t been doing much requests honestly…)#i’ll most likely get back into doing fanart when i’m back in the mood i guess#😅#anyways#some new episodes of stuff to look forward to#new camp camp episodes~ 👀#last two episodes of murder drones coming some time after that im guessing…#so yeeeee#anyways i’ll leave ye be for now hehe
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I need everyone to manifest the girl is 301 moving out before Valentine’s Day cause I really don’t want to move to another building I don’t have it in me 😮💨
#my landlady says the tenant has been wanting to cut her lease short#her lease ends in May but I’m praying she leaves sooner#deadass she should move out like next month#i am PRAYING#it’s a corner unit so only one neighbor#endless amounts of windows#i hate that the balcony faces the house next door but I’ll take that#the unit below is an Airbnb and if there isn’t anyone there i don’t have to worry about downstairs neighbors#not by the street so less noise on that end#this is a light in my time of darkness 😭#do ur magic sisters#now that’s what i call blogging
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me when I write poetry to cope with my bitchass teacher
#I think. I should seek help for these problems. Maybe. Juuuussst maybe#Will I though? No!!! Asking to see a therapist is like ….idk I feel like my parents would take it as like#“Hey you guys fucked up so bad that I have mental issues now love you !!!!”#And I’m not very good at asking for things#I get scared asking to leave the house without more than three days notice for fucks sake!!!!#Despite my very….outward nature here I’m actually extremely timid and afraid of everyone ever#It’s just here there isn’t much consequence to it. I don’t have to hear your voice or look at you#It’s just text on the screen#It’s easier. So much easier#vent#Also to add to the therapy point#I also feel like I’m gonna get hit with the “what are you depressed about” / “you don’t have anything to be depressed about” line so hard#That I’ll actually consider doing something drastic cuz I’m tired of this bullshit#I do it to myself too! That’s how bad it’s gotten!#I know I was joking about the “s.k trauma deniers” but people don’t normally get so terrified in a usually safe environment like that!#I KNOW there’s stuff up with me it’s just very hard for me to go out and do smth about it cuz it’ll snowball and ruin things
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#idk i’ll probably just take an unofficial break#bc that’s basically what i’m doing anyways#idk i’m kinda just popping in and out currently so idk if i wanna just leave for a while again?#idk my last few breaks didn’t really work soo idk 🤷🏻♀️#idk ignore me i’m attention seeking 💁🏻♀️#i don’t think ppl actually care either way tho imao#i’m just bored of everything imao#and i just can’t be bothered with this acc at times#it’s just sitting here and i never use it properly so ehhh#could restart and make a new one but cba bruh#i have like a million accs that i don’t fucking use so there’s no point remaking my main tbh#if i don’t use my sides i keep making i’m not gonna use my main imao#unless someone can convince me of a reason to stay then idk i’m thinking of just disappearing#no im not isolating myself what are you talking about??#not that i even talk to ppl when i’m not isolating myself so it’s all the fuckin same#you’d never know the difference#idk i need to fix my life bc all i do is fucking doomscroll and i’m reallyyyy trying to cut back on that#so therefore a break#but again every time i take a break it’s just not enough? idk#i’m also not using tumblr as a metaphor for something else like what who said that 🙂↔️#anyways whatever#shutting up now 🤐#delete later?
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Me and the onslaught of autism group chat trying to all join the cultural improvement committee at work 🤪😈
#work chronicles#3 of us against a bunch of NTs. what could go wrong? /s#oh well I already got my letters of recommendations for this place. can’t take it back now bitches!!!! >:)c#they will likely not listen but can’t say we didn’t try#if they don’t at least hear us out that will be the last nail in their coffin on if I will leave them a pos or neg review on Glassdoor tbh#they’re asking for reviews and ooh baby I’ll give you one
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