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#i worry sometimes that i do it too often

yardsards · 8 months

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hot take but you all NEED to stop telling people to kill themselves.

yes, even *those* people. i don't care if you're talking to some monster who puts live puppies into a wood chipper for fun, don't say that shit.

because mx. puppychipper isn't gonna be affected by your words.

but you know who might be affected? some innocent third party reading the words you said on a public website.

because telling people to kill themselves says "suicide is a punishment for being a bad person. bad people, upon realizing they're bad, should simply commit suicide instead of working to atone for their actions."

and that is NOT a message you wanna be normalizing to anyone, but ESPECIALLY people with depression (who, let's be real, make up a higher than average chunk of this site's userbase). whose mental illness is already telling them that 1: they're an inherently terrible worthless person no matter what they do 2: death is an appealing option.

is reading "kill yourself" once or twice gonna make them do it? nah, probably not. but reading it multiple times a day every day is gonna make their mental health worse. it's probably not good for your mental health to be saying that kind of thing, either.

just knock that shit off. the world is already so hostile to people with mental illness, and managing mental illness and unlearning unhealthy thought patterns is already so difficult. you don't need to be out here making it worse.

#eliot posts #suicide mention #animal abuse mention #i guess #ive said similar before and i just said this in the tags of another post but it deserves its own post #i am fucking TIRED of reading this shit so often #i frequently block people for saying it #sometimes i report ppl over it too if they're shitty in other ways too #i luckily don't have the ''i'm a worthless piece of shit and deserve the death penalty'' flavour of depression #but i do have the ''life is endless suffering and i want to euthanize myself'' variety of depression (or. technically bipolar.)#and reading the phrase kys Feels Bad Man w my mental illness #and i have froends w the first type and i worry about them #and one of em has told me it does affect them quite negatively to read kys #so yeah! fucking stop it!

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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I just heard this ad that says therapy is just "learning how to love yourself," and quite honestly, I disagree with that sentiment. I think it puts uneeded pressure on people to "love themselves."

I don't think you need to love yourself to benefit from therapy, and therapy shouldn't just be "learning to love yourself." It certainly is beneficial for some people to learn skills that we call self-love, like setting boundaries, hygiene that works for you, eating full and balanced meals that you enjoy, for instance, but that doesn't need to include this air of being in love with yourself.

I think therapy is about learning how to live with yourself. You don't have to love your flatmates (for example), but you often respect them as people. So, you'll clean up after yourself, and you'll communicate with them, and you'll even make small talk with them. That's kind of how I see therapy. You don't have to love yourself, but you often need to learn how to respect yourself, and I think those are slightly different things.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #i will be open and say i often don't love myself. but i'm learning how to respect myself so that maybe one day i WILL love myself...#...and i find the whole 'LOVE YOURSELF' to be daunting and scary because it's not where i'm at...#...and i worry that the 'LOVE YOURSELF NOW' attitude will only push people away from therapy because they're scared of that...#...it's scary to love yourself when you never learned how to do that. it's foreign and unknown...#...so you take babysteps. and if you never learn to love yourself that's fine #this isn't me saying that loving yourself is bad either. just that i don't agree that that is the WHOLE of therapy...#...and i don't think it's responsible to boil therapy down to just that #(it doesn't help that it was a betterhelp ad. which. yikes 😬. but i see that attitude elsewhere sometimes too)

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kwillow · 4 months

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What if I was really good this year and I gave Ambroys really big puppy dog eyes and asked for just ONE little kissy kiss for Christmas? 🥺👉👈

Would it help my argument if I said I was curvy and hot? 😂 /LH /J

I'm going to talk about his actions in reference to a "someone" instead of "you" because it'd feel mean to address Ambroys' douchebag behavior to a "you."

I'd say context matters more to if he'd grant a kiss to an asker than how curvy and/or hot someone is, really. His own attraction and the person themself would matter less to him than the reaction he'll get from others.

If he were alone and in a generous or lonely sort of mood, then sure, why not. It's an easy way to get a hit of positive attention. If he felt the asker would be more liable to do him more favors if he held out, then he'd tease a kiss, but say maybe later. If he were alone but low on patience and out of fucks, and he didn't feel like putting effort into even a seconds-long performance of romance, he would give little more than a sneer.

If an old flame of his were around, then he would grant a kiss to someone else in her view, to make her angry and jealous. If a new flame of his was there instead, he'd mock the asker to his current elbow ornament, to make her appreciate his fidelity to their relationship (that probably won't last more than a month anyway, but still).

If he were in higher company, the sort of high-status serious-minded men and women his father reluctantly introduces him to, he might just have the good sense to brush someone like that off with a scoff and a smirking joke at their expense. Or he might do it anyway to get his father's attention for a minute or two.

If he's in the company of a bunch of braying lads, he might lean in for a kiss then dunk the poor soul at the last minute to get a laugh from his bros. There's nothing funnier than someone who thinks they're in his league, right fellas?

Any way it panned out, kiss or no kiss, he probably wouldn't remember who the asker was ten minutes later. After all, does an actor remember an individual person in the crowd of a performance? Nah - they just remember the applause.

#I normally answer these romantic fantasy type asks hedging in the way I think the asker wants bc I don't want to ruin any fun...#but I worry doing that too often has led to an inaccurate picture of Ambroys' character #you're quite welcome to imagine him being kinder and/or skankier in the playground of your mind of course!#but sadly I'm not much of a romantic and neither are my characters (except Theo sometimes. rarely. when he's not being... like that)#asks #text #ambroys

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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wait omg.. ur fr not updating ur fanfics ever again?!? HEARTBREAKING... BUTT... does that possibly mean u can spoil everything (slowly ofc)

EXTREMELY LONG BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE:

so...i'm not going to say ~never~, my friend. i promised myself during my uncle nina self care era, that i would *justin bieber vc* never say never, because setting strict, set-in-stone regulations and rules for myself is why i am not writing anymore...which, yes, as much as i enjoy my fanfics/updating them, for the sake of both my physical and mental health, i think it is in my best interest to not update my fanfictions right now. i'll explain as much as i can down below.

so...this is going to be a very, very long post. i know that i had an anon on here that told me that they look forward to when i post long, indepth things, however, i am going to say that this isn't like a fun hc post or anything, this is just a lot of information...about my blog and my fanfictions, how i have been feeling and what i'm thinking about doing moving forward from this point. a lot of it is stuff that i've written about a lot ( stress, writing, etc. ) but i think it's important to read, mayhaps? just to keep you in the loop/informed on stuff.

long story short tho: i am not updating my fanfics rn, that's not to say i will not be writing/doing ncu stuff and it does...thank god...mean that i can now slowly spoil things...In A Controlled Manner.

to jog your re(memory), lmao, i was very unwell writing peppermint.

we know this...we don't love this.

what i did love was writing peppermint when i was but doing all that formatting, writing more in one update than some people write in entire fanfictions, forcing myself to be consistent...it was...at times very frightening how unwell i was. especially mentally. i just...i was not well equipped for the stress that came with having a moderately successful fanfic. being perceived at that level, with how severe my social anxiety is...it was not good for me. like it was fun because it was cool to see people so invested/get so much high praise for the things that i was writing but...idk. i am very introverted. ravenstan is me because i try to be really cool but i am a fake and a fraud lmaooo.

but yeah, too much upkeep and while 99.9% of the negativity around pep and myself was self inflicted...i will say...especially after 10, i did get some very...Intense...reactions to my fanfiction. like, very, very intense in a way that i was very offput by it and also worried about how the things i was writing were affecting your real lives. which, on top of how i was doing ( not well ) was not something i wanted to have constantly on my shoulders. please friends, remember, you are not responsible for how other people perceive your work, so long as you tag it accordingly, are authentic to yourself, and respectful to others. or so i believe, at least. idk. this is so long, i'm sorry.

speaking of peppermint tho...i am going to be so honest. i...do not think i'm gonna update it or keep writing it. i know that kind of sucks but the Peppermint Period of my life, i hope, will be over soon, lol. which i LOVE pep, but there is a lot of dark, negative energy associated with it, i tried to write it a million times and can't -- which, fun fact, the last stretch of peppermint is the stan self healing/self care arc ( which i love, i love u so bad pep!stan, my baby, my angel ) and the reason i could not write it...is because i was never in a positive enough headspace to write it.

like...i was not healed enough to write the healing arc. thats...oof.

i also just...don't feel super good about writing stuff about the boys in hs as an adult lady, like? they are 18 and all, but idk, it does not make me feel good things, its just not that relevant to me and the only reason that they were in hs in pep is because all of the relevant tiktok lore surrounding style was senior year hs stuff. but i really just prefer writing the boys in rm/in college/doing adult boy stuff. thats a lot more in my wheelhouse and i feel way better doing that tbh.

a final pep thing that ties into the last part of this ask is YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT PEPPERMINT. i will spoil everything, like i'd prefer to do it in parts so if you want chapter 12 first i can tell you all about that. i don't have a ton of stuff written out in action...but i have...a fuck ton of dialogue. like nearly all of the dialogue for peppermint is written. ( if you want i can even take the dialogue and write it in sort of stage direction type formats with the actions to make it flow a little better -- i just can't write Chapters )

so yeah, ask me anything at all that you like about peppermint, but i can't spoil the entire fic in one ask...slow pace, please, haha.

okay, rm i do actually care a lot about. i also don't know if i in good concious can write chapter updates for it, but i can give you very detailed asks about it and give you what information i do have about it...also in small pieces. like someone asked me what happened to the ex-cd guitarist...and i can give you that information very soon.

i know it is kind of a bummer to not be able to get updates, but like, when i tell you i was seriously unwell...like it was really bad my real life was getting fucked up because of my online life which is whack.

but yeah! you can also ask me rm stuff! i kind of want to do it as sequencially as i can just so it flows a lot better like, idk, maybe start w/ ravesey hate stuff and move chapter to chapter, answering hc things in between? that feels right to me? but yeah!!! you can ask me what goes in the next chapter? if you want? or the next two/whatever is left of the hate...i don't have a ton of dialogue but i do have p much the whole situation blocked out? ish? lmao rip.

also!!! if i give you any scenario and you would like me to write in more detail or if you'd really like to see it in writing, you can totally leave me a request and if i feel up to it at some point, i will write it up. i also may just feel funky fresh and want to write it one day and randomly post it. lmao just be ready for anything tbh.

BUT YEAH!!! no i will totally give you rm spoilers and stuff!!! but again, i'm gonna try and not give you too much at once...v slow. in that way, ik its not the same as getting my full-fledged chapter updates, but it could hopefully still be exciting because you'd be waiting to get my content and it would come out quicker? which is still neat i think? my way to keep updating you without disappearing or like straining the shit out of my heart and brain.

okay, also, on ao3, as far as Big Writing goes...i'm not sure if i'm gonna post anything actually updatey on there again. it was just too stressful for me yall. i dont even want to make a seperate chapter post of explaination because i really don't want my fic to sit at the top of the tag for days and garner attention or like...wake to people waiting for pep or rm who think they're getting a new chapter, just to get told that i don't really feel safe updating them anymore. way too much attention which is what...drove me to this point tbh.

again, i like tumblr. i like the intimacy. i like that you guys can anonymously send me stuff and for the most part, i like that i can be sort of anonymous on here too...whilist you know, still being able to share stuff on here with you about my life. which...that's also a thing i was gonna mention at the end is, because i'm in education and kids are super nosy, if something happens, i will have to self destruct this blog and i'm sorry.

i am being so serious like if a kid finds my fanfiction tumblr, not only will it be embarrassing/unprofessional, like i am very worried that i could lose my job, slash not do the thing that i love the most in the world next to writing. :( i really do not want the thing i do in my free time to effect my outside life, which, again, is largely why i am doing this to protect myself lmao. like i am seriously considering like deleting anything that has to do with myself at all because of that. i tag my posts as accurately as i can to keep myself and all of you safe. please, please be mindful. please make good choices.

in vein of staying anonymousish ( tbh this is so much information that i ALMOST was going to post this as a voice message but i was not sure putting my human girl voice associated w/ this blog tbh ) i lowkey might nuke the twitter...i don't like it on there, lol. the cancel culture is frightening ( which is not to say don't cancel me if i'm being weird like please do that lol ) the people on there are really intense, i don't like the in fighting...i am on my tumblr because i feel safe here and i like all of you and i like answering your questions.

tbh, rp if you're reading this, the only reason i actually have the twitter is bc riley and i chat on there which, tbh, i might just bully her to use the dms on here or like licherally give you my personal phone number, lol. like we are internet married and talk constantly and i want to delete my twitter so bad it's not funny ESPECIALLY THE VIEW COUNTER LIKE THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKED UP I HATE IT.

kind of why i don't like ao3 either bc the hit count thing...really fucks w/ my mental health. the stress of being boxwinebaddie on there is also a lot so...okay...last segway...i do lowkey want to Actually write tkak...WHICH I KNOW NO ONE BUT ME CARES ABOUT BUT LOL THIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT BROTHER!!! its just funny bc this always happens where i can't write a fanfic i'm writing and then get excited abt some weird concept i have and start writing it and then stop again. so if i am writing tkak, please know it might not finish and i might just talk about it in ask memes.

orrrr write it in my google docs and link you or post screenshots. tbh i am very glad to be away from the ao3 layout like its so fucking ugly. the google docs are so much easier to read in my opinion.

for writing/future fanfics tho...as weird as it is, i don't think i'm gonna attach my name/user to my future fanfics. like you guys can know about them on here as long as we are chill about it. i just get too much anxiety about my association with my account and it getting too hectic again. so if i post tkak, i will probably do it on a different ao3 account ( you guys will know ofc ) and if i post one shot type stuff...i might do it also on a burner account or anonymously.

i actually ALMOST posted remember anonymously because of how stressed i was about it being negatively perceived/it being weird or people being mad at me for not updating pep. like i am very stoked you guys liked it but i seriously almost did not attach it to my name.

so if you see stuff that looks like its me floating around the style tag or in the other south park tags...its probably me. idk drop me a weird code word thats not too obvious and i'll send you one back, haha. i'm sorry i know this is complicated i just...i need to distance myself from this like, when i tell you i needed therapy for this...a mess.

but yeah! i hope that all makes sense! by all means ask me about pep ( literally anything abt pep but try to start small and build up ) and rm within reason and i will get back to you! it is extremely freeing for me to be able to talk about stuff because it sucked so bad to sit on all this info and just not be able to talk about it? like AAAA??? like thats why i was forcing myself to post stuff bc i wanted to tell yall stuff. and i would rather post you well thought out ask memes and dialogue that i feel happy abt then rush out terrible updates and grow to resent my fanfics like...no thank you.

i honestly feel like i have really fun ideas and am ( pretty ) good at coming up with complex lore/interesting hcs and shit, but i'm just not good at waiting, not good at keeping secrets and not good at being consistent...this is what i feel happiest doing, ig. hopefully this is rockin and rollin with you. i'm sorry this was a lot.

closing note is...i love you all very much. thank you so much to all of your for supporting as my identity as a writer has adapted, supporting my multiple works/promoting my personal health, advocating for me, being kind...i could not ask for better readers. again, i realize this is not the most fun information, but i have to take care of myself and this is the only way i know how. while also doing the thing i love, which is talking about my fanfics/writing/sharing my stories with all of you.

you are welcome to click off if you want, but if you are willing to ride the ride my friends, i promise to keep it cute on here. <3

thank you for everything, my darlings, and from whatever hurts or harms you, past, present and future

i hope you heal :),

uncle nina

p.s. if possible, if we could not distribute this post or rb it or anything like that i'd appreciate it. you can message me or write to me in the comments but i would like to maintain the liberty of deleting this post or editing it as i need to in case something happens. tysm.

#ncu update #nina speaks #idk that the tag is i actually think i might make an elaborate tag system so u guys/other people can read my blog #and find specific info abt parts of my fics or chars and stuff #but yeeeeeah i don't want to write right now i do not feel good i do not fuck w the energy i felt after i wrote pep for a while #like i already get sometimes overwhelmed on this blog i dont want to go back on ao3 which is already slow and seriously stressful #you can ask for spoilers tho! please do it in small sections! i am just one person and my fics are very lore intensive #i spend a lot of time on my asks i cannot do too much at once unfortunately #if i post stuff on ao3 again i would rather it not be attached to me ik thats kind of lame but it was mega stressful yall #it also makes it so if people enjoy my work it has nothing to do w bwb and this blog and i can start fresh #if u drop me a code tho i will get back to u haha just if u think its me out there please do not start shouting my name looool #hope this makes sense and hope you heal #sorry this was so much i needed to get this off my chest #you can also ask me questions abt this post it was really ocnfusing i tried to say as much as i can #but i am very tired...which is also why i cant really update bc i am working often and very very tired lmao #just be paitent w me if you can and you always are so i'm not worried ily so much thank u thank u thank u #none of this is spelled right ill fix it later...v tired rip

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weaselmcdiesel · 1 year

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Hihhihi I was gonna go to bed but then I saw you sent me and ask and went from !!!??!?!? to <3!!!!!

just wanted to say you've made my day/night (not just because of drawing buff grian bc of me) but the fact that your my favorite artist and you sent me an ask!!!

anyways I'm rambling sorry <3

WAAA!!! I was about to go to bed n I saw your ask n now I’m excited ^^<333 I’m very very flattered thank you so much!

#I see you in my inbox often you deserve an ask at least paha #Sometimes I get anxious about sending asks but I try to do it more^^ bc I realized there’s few people who don’t enjoy an ask<3 #weasel speaks #asks!#Thank you again you’re too sweet ^^<3 and ya werent ramblin no worries!#ramblings encouraged here hehe

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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me giggling and kicking my feet whenever i see the "(THIS IS A VERY LONG ASK)" message right before the read more 😍

AAAAAAAA!! PLEASE!!! literally I!!! was giggling and kickin my feet when I!!! got This ask message!!!! you are so sugar sweet, my darling!

( also, i really needed this today; the other guy who does my job is out today [ smh ] so it's only 9am where i am but i'm on my Second Cup of coffee because i have to cover a BAJILLION classes today...cryin )

no, this is seriously made me soooooo happy!!! bc i get worried that the messages are too overwhelming & i'm throwing way too much at you at once, so its very validating to know you like them so much!!! c:

i literally LOVE LOVE LOVE writing them -- i'm sure u can feel the passion which tbh is more like criminal insanity oof -- i think they're so fun and its nice to share something i love with people i love!!!

AKA all of you :)))) <3333

rlly the reason they're so long is bc i have mental problems, ofc, we already kno this, but also i feel like its important that, if you guys take the time to ask me stuff, that you get all the information i can give ya!

because you deserve it and i don't want you to feel confused ever. xx

( my storylore gets rlly complex/weird...so it can def be Perplexin rip )

i actually only like answering questions when i feel Strongly abt the answers ( which is why i held off on answering all the tkak/tsot questions until right now which...thank god bc theyre Girls now, lol!!! )

i also put a lot of love and my heart into those answers, honestly, its kind of a vulnerable thing to put urself out there like that: so it makes me feel really seen and treasured when you guys send me excited anons about receiving all my insane feelings and thots abt my fics!

which needless to say my angel, and all my angels, thank you for being fans of my fictions, interested in my crazy lore, waiting for my stuff and cherishing my cracked out ask answers. everything i do, i do for you my loves! and i am glad that my answers aren't Too Much.

-uncle nina, who again, really did need this today <3

#this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside #thank you baby #i am literally dying today the children of the corn are being so loud like brother i have a MIGRAINE CHILL OUT #anyays love them but oh my god i was going to bash my head in with a rock when i got this lmao #IM GLAD YOU LIKE THE LONG MESSAGES I LITERALLY GOT NERVOUS THAT THEY WERE TOO INTENSE #but like if u ask me specific qs i want to make sure u get detailed and specific answers bc i want u to have Content!!!#idk u deserve everything i can give u and i really like detail so im glad u guys also really like detail!!! i am Passionate okay #esp now that im writing a lot less my ask memes are my way of giving yall little stories/info abt my fics even when im not upHating #but yeah i like to be thorough and im glad you like that bc its hard for me to write short answers...i am a kp girl sometimes and like INFO #thank u for being excited abt my stuff that makes me excited abt writing my answers i feel so validated #idk i often get worried that the stuff im writing is weird or im spamming the dashboard so the fact that u Want them is cool to me #basically i love u i love u i love you THAAAAANK YOU BABES #ALSO IF YOU SENT ME A MESSAGE ASKING ME TO UNDIVORCE RAVESEY HAHA NEVER!!!#just kidding lmaooooooo!!! i will do it and i see them its gonna take a second to block out all that dialogue #hang tight besties #BUT LEGIT WHEN I TYPED THAT BEING TKAK MESSAGE I WAS LIKE THIS IS CRAZY I GOTTA DELETE THIS but just for u it can stay #side note sorry i'm being insane on pinterest i'm having a lot of feelings abt the tsot toxic yuri smh

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combinado · 9 months

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Man, I wish there was some, uhhhh, respectful? way of addressing others when talking in tags in a reblog of their post (so, when it's not really directly talking to them, but still being aware that they will probably see it). Or just addressing them in general.

Because just the username may feels weird - especially if you don't know the person already. "tumblr user %username%" is even weirder and has a somewhat ironic (?) flavor - kinda like calling someone else by their full name when usually just the first name is used. And "OP" feels too faceless. (Sure, others may have other feelings about those options - I'm just explaining why I personally do not like using them. And I do not mind much when others use those options for me - for me it's mostly just the matter of wanting to express my own respect for others.)

Idk, I guess I basically just want an english equivalent of "%username%さん", haha.

#recently i've been told that i worry too much about being polite and respectful to people #but idk man it feels important to me #words/phrasing and the way you talk to others in general do matter #though sometimes i also worry if i don't come off as stand-offish and aloof because of that #especially when talking to new people where i more often than not default to that respectful politeness #talking to the ppl im already friends with and feel relaxed around is (or at least may be if so desired) a completely different matter lol #0r19 #misc

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