#i will NEVER do anything with anyone's info (i deleted all the requests) but it gave me people's names so... yeah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

infitsovermisfits · 2 years

Note

idk if you’re taking requests rn but if they are could you write an eddie imagine where the reader plays bass in another band is outwardly really intimidating but once he somehow gets to know them they’re really soft and enjoy nerdy things, idk but hopefully you can figure something out lol

Hi! So sorry this took me so long to do anon ;-;

info: this was my first request ever?? fun! I had fun writing this sorry it took me about a week :p working on other things and I'm a little unmotivated but i like this... kinda. It went through a few idorations at one point i deleted all 2000 words because it was just really shit. switched perspectives and made it better ;P. it's.... it's okay :) thank u for the request tho anon!

WARNINGS: gender neutral reader, jason being an asshole and bullying reader,, Eddie being sweet- maybe ooc i really don't know, nerdy stuff. enjoy ? ;P

MASTERLIST

With a sigh, Eddie walked through the all too familiar, empty halls of Hawkins High, eyes flicking over the bright murals on the wall. There was a box in his hands, containing things he had to bring home so he could finish his most elaborate DnD campaign yet. He'd even committed to cancelling a few pick-ups after school so he could do as much work as possible, though he never got around to finishing. He needed this done in time for tomorrow evening. He hummed to himself quietly as he walked towards the exit, that hook from the Welfare song looping again in his head again as he turned the corner. He walked forward, then stopped with a slight frown. This wasn't the right way... How had he missed his usual turn? He'd stayed in this school an extra two years and still somehow got confused with the layout. If there was anyone to see him, he'd likely be embarrassed- but something else caught his attention.

There was music, not in his head, but playing gently through the hall. Through the music notes on the walls around him, he deciphered this was the music corridor, and that the school band was playing... But there was no brass- just the faint sounds of drums, a bass and a guitar. That piqued his interest. Slowly, he walked towards the sounds, mentally raking through the catalogue of songs and cords he had stored to try and figure out what was playing. He found himself outside one of the new practice rooms. He stood on his tip-toes to see through the window at the group inside.

He'd seen you around a few times- he'd said hello and gotten nods or small 'hi's' back from you occasionally, considering you were an outcast too, but he didn't know you could play bass. As if transfixed, he tilted his head, focusing on you. Your nose was scrunched in concentration, but you were beaming to yourself as you played along, shaking your head to the beat of the song. When a particularly challenging solo came up for you, you set all your focus on your slender, practised fingers plucking at the strings expertly and grinning. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

His hand lingered over the door handle to the room but didn't touch the cool metal beneath his fingertips. He allowed himself to stay there for a few more moments, before deciding he was being entirely too creepy watching you like this. With a resigned sigh, he moved to stand next to the door, appreciating the music from outside and leaning against a wall. He'd tell you after practice how well you did, and hope his natural charm would help him along to asking you out on a date.

As the song came to a finish he turned to look at the door expectantly, only to hear chattering and laughter inside. He smiled to himself; he couldn't make out what anyone was saying, and he tried his best to try to match which muffled voice was yours. As the door opened he straightened, the voices coming in clearly,

"-and I'm telling you if you play like that tomorrow, we're bound to win," The drummer said excitedly, turning to you as you were pulling a jacket over your shoulders,

"Yeah- if we're even allowed to compete- George's an asshole for not coming to practice today," The sound of your voice made him smile, and he could faintly see you from where he stood. The three band members hadn't noticed him yet, "Shit- what the fuck?" You muttered, shaking your arm. You appeared stuck in the jacket and the wires to some headphones around your neck. The bass you had been playing was sitting, propped up on a stand within the room- you weren't taking it home? "How did I even-"

"Look, we're gonna run," The other guitarist piped up, moving past you and the drummer, "See you tomorrow!" They said as they rushed out of the room, their voices fading away as they left. Eddie glanced at them, blinking to himself. They hadn't seen him- he'd never felt so sneaky in his life. He moved forward, watching you as you groaned, a string of curses leaving your lips as you removed the headphones, setting them on a chair and attempting to untangle them, then proceeding to try to wiggle out of the jacket's arms,

"I can help you if you need!" He spoke up. You winced at the suddenness of his voice and he grimaced, not intending to scare you, "Sorry, I was walking by and-"

"I got it," You said sharply, sighing as you unplugged the walkman hooked to your hip and quickly untangled yourself. You did give him a slight reassuring smile, before quickly putting on your jacket. You disappeared into the room, snatching up the headphones and putting them around your head to rest on your neck,

"Oh. Right..." He said awkwardly, moving to stand in the doorway so he could see you better. You grabbed keys from a nearby surface, hair and loose clothing swinging with your quick movements, "So I was walking by the rooms and I heard you guys practising and I thought-"

"Cool! That's nice," You said, giving him a tight smile as you quickly moved towards him. He moved out of the way, watching you lock the door quickly,

"You haven't even heard what I had to say," He said with a small laugh. He quickly followed after you as you started walking quickly,

"I'm really sorry," You said, turning your head to look at him following you, "I've got a ride to catch- I really need to get home," You gave him an apologetic look, and he nodded,

"That's alright! We can walk and talk," He assured you, managing to keep up with you almost jogging through the halls by taking large strides, "I heard you playing; you're really good," He said,

"Thanks. But we just practice-"

"No, no. I meant you," He said and grinned at the breathless 'thanks' that left our lips, "I mean, your band was great but you really-" You were at the exit already. You almost stumbled into the door, your bag falling from your shoulder and hitting the glass,

"Shit did they lock it?" You hissed, struggling with the door for a moment,

"It's-" He watched you struggle for a moment, seemingly not hearing him, "Hey- it's-"

"What?" You asked sharply, in a meaner tone than intended, turning to cast him a slight glare,

"It's a pull door, not a push," He said, pointing a finger at the sticker. You quickly pushed it and grimaced,

"Fucking... Of course, it is," You huffed, "Sorry for yelling," You said sharply, adjusting your bag and quickly running through the door and down the stairs, "I'll see you around!" You yelled, and he watched you curiously as you yelled apologies to a black van that had begun driving off. As you approached, it violently stopped, and you pulled the side door open and disappeared inside.

"Damn..." He hissed to himself, frowning softly. He hadn't asked you your name before you left. He'd have to ask you next time... Or whenever he saw you next. One thing he did know was that you'd affected him somehow. Maybe you cast some magic spell because he hadn't felt his heart race like that for another person in a while. And so his quest to earn your affections began...

He realised he was being awfully quiet this lunch period, watching you across the room. The band members from the other day weren't there with you, and his mind fumbled for reasons why you were sitting alone at the corner of a table, picking at the lunch in your tray with a plastic fork. You were bopping your head to some music- your hair covered the headphones well. Subconsciously, he kept a wary lookout for any teachers coming to take them from you,

"Helloooo," He snapped back to his table, "Earth to Eddie?" Dustin said, looking at the older student quizzically, "What the hell are you looking at?" His newest recruit asked, and his friend Mike looked over in the direction he had just been. With an annoyed grumble, Eddie picked at the food in front of him,

"You've been quiet all lunch," Gareth asked, "What's happening, dude?" His friend asked. Eddie grimaced, before smiling at them and putting his hands together,

"Gentlemen," He addressed, "I may have just spotted us a new recruit," He said, raising his brows, "See they-"

"You speak like that to your mother, Carver!?" The yelling made him forget the words on the tip of his tongue as he looked back at you, now standing and furious. In the absence of his watchful gaze, you had been surrounded by the basketball team and were glaring furiously at Jason,

"Don't bring my mother into this," He shot back, standing from where he had taken a seat next to you. The whole cafeteria was now watching you intently, whispering amongst themselves,

"Aww, or what?" You taunted, "You gonna go cry to your mommy?" You pouted, smirking devilishly and cackling as his face grew red. Before you knew it, the tray you had was grabbed and thrown at you, and you yelped, the cafeteria erupting with noise and yelling.

The last time Eddie had moved that fast was last Saturday when he thought the cops were gonna bust him for selling to whatever buyer had heard of his business. He thought he'd die, tripping over multiple tree roots as he raced back towards his trailer and hopped through his window. He was a coward- and even though pissing off Jason was just part of the job now, he'd always bail whenever he'd get challenged to a fight. So why now, when he knew he'd gain nothing, was he weaving through the crowd to come to your aid.

How foolish he was to think you needed anything. He saw it before he heard it- your hand quickly moving through the air and connecting with his cheek in a powerful snap that sent Jason reeling to the side. As the crowd now surrounding the spectacle burst into cheers and chants, urging you to fight, he managed to slip past them and grab your arm, pulling you away to safety and losing you in the mass of students, faintly hearing Jason yelling threats at the two of you.

Your hand was warm in his. It was soft. It fit in his perfectly. If he wasn't so focused on taking you to safety, he'd kiss your knuckles and introduce himself like the gentleman he was. Once you were safely out of the crowd and in the far less busy hallways, he felt your hand getting yanked from his. He turned sharply, seeing you frowning as you pulled at the scraps of food lingering in your hair and sticking to your clothes,

"Ugh, Jesus," You muttered, "Gross..." You hissed,

"Hey," He said, "I can take you to the bathroom and give you my jacket," He offered, already preparing to slide it off his shoulders,

"No," He was frankly stunned by the short reply. Your voice had dropped slightly, and you were clearly distressed, shoulders shaking, "I... Just leave me alone, okay?" Your tone was soft with him again, and as you looked up at him from under the hair that had fallen over your eyes, he looked sympathetic,

"Alright," He held up his hands apologetically, "But just so you know uh... That slap was really badass," He said, smiling at you, "I mean wow I'm sure everyone in Hawkins High heard that," He added, smiling wider at the weak laugh you gave,

"I'm pretty sure there'll be a witch hunt if they find me. They won't stop till they have my head on a stick and all," You sniffled, eyes shimmering with tears,

"Right... Well, I know a cosy little spot out in the forest that I could take you to?" He offered, watching you, "Hey," He coaxed gently as he saw you looking off. And when your eyes met his, he felt his heart melt in his chest, "C'mon. I don't bite," He added, and you laughed again, fixing the strap of your bag and walking closer to him.

You were quite the whole walk across the soccer field and kept looking around fearfully. Eddie couldn't help but feel sorry for you- he'd like to know why you were sitting alone today. Why Jason had chosen you as a target. If this usually happened... Why you were this quiet...

"Right here," He said, motioning with his hands to a stray picnic table in the centre of a clearing. Looking back down at you, he saw you pushing your hair out of your eyes to see better. There were tear tracks going down your face, and your eyes were wide as they looked around the area,

"Cozy..." You confirmed, nodding your head. As you turned to look at him, he smiled, motioning for you to walk forward. As your eyes left his, he allowed himself to frown worriedly, watching as you warily approached one side of the bench. You set your bag on the bench and pulled your legs over the wood, sitting down and putting your head on your arms. He walked closer, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and looking at the thick leather one in his arms. He moved closer to you and gently tapped your arm. Your head shot up to look at him, and he motioned with the jacket,

"For you," He said, placing it carefully over your shoulders, making sure his rings wouldn't get caught in your hair. He patted the shoulders gently, before circling around the bench, "Where's the rest of your band?" He asked curiously, turning his back to you as he walked slowly, not sitting down at first. He walked further into the clearing, glancing at the orange leaves that fall brought along, "I noticed you sitting by yourself and uh... I was gonna come over and invite you to sit with us," He smiled, turning to look at you. Your eyes were still wet and you were looking off into the distance with a misty, far away gaze, "Uhm... Your music! I was supposed to ask you yesterday but you were in a rush," He said, smiling as he began to slowly pace, "I thought you were really great- you played phenomenally up there," He beamed. Your face didn't change at the compliment, "Where'd you learn how to play like that? Did you get lessons or teach yourself?" He walked back over to the bench, "I tried to teach myself how to play at first but I needed more practical lessons-"

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Your voice was raspy slightly as you spoke up. He blinked, freezing where he stood, one leg over the seat on the bench and his lips parted. His eyes fell to the headphones in your hands, which you pulled off of your head. Right... He gave you a smile and sat down across from you, tapping his hands on the wood,

"Yeah, just uh... Hi, my name is Eddie Munson," He said, reaching a hand out across the table. You set your headphones around your neck, moving a hand to pause the track playing through the device. He could hear it- the same solo he heard you play yesterday. Your hand slid into his and squeezed as he shook your hand,

"Hi Eddie," You greeted, letting his hand go and dropping it to your lap. Your gaze fell to the numerous scratches and crude drawings that marked the wood as you told him your name. He nodded, saying hello back,

"Thought you should know the name of your saviour," He joked, but it didn't seem to land with you as you nodded your head and avoided his gaze. He shifted so both his hands were on the table, one outstretched and the other bent so he could rest his chin in his hand and gaze at you. He felt a warm sensation fill his blood at the sight of you transfixed by the rings on his fingers. Wiggling them, he spoke up, earning your attention again, "You can come here whenever you want," He assured, "Almost no one knows this is here so your safe from the hunting party," He smiled at you reassuringly, watching you nod along.

He still watched you curiously, head tilted to the side as you sat in silence. From the ground shaking by his foot and the way your left arm was moving, he guessed you were tapping your leg anxiously. With a small sigh, he glanced around, looking at your bag and looking over the pins on it,

"So," He spoke up, "You were playing bass yesterday, right?" He asked, and you nodded, "I wanted to tell you you did amazing," Your eyes lit up at that, and a small smile ghosted your lips. There it is, he thought,

"You did?" You asked in a small voice, and he found his heart beat a little faster. He nodded his head with a small hum

"Yeah- I mean, you're basically like Geezer dude,"

"You listen to Black Sabbath?" You asked eagerly, your eyes shining with excitement,

"Are you kidding?" He grinned, "Of course, I listen to Black Sabbath, they're the greatest band ever. I was asking you before if you're self-taught or did you get lessons?" He asked, leaning forward curiously, "Or are you uh... Naturally gifted?" He asked, and you laughed softly,

"I see, I see," You nodded, moving your hands to pull his jacket over your shoulders more "You trying to steal my secrets, Munson?" You asked playfully. His brain stops functioning momentarily and all he can do is let out a small chuckle until the words can form in his mouth. He has to shake his head and collect himself, and when he does, he finds the smile on his face won't leave,

"Ahah- yeah, I... I'm always looking for tips on how to play better myself," He said, smiling, and you nod along,

"Right, right," You said. You begin with a small sigh, "Well, I've always enjoyed music. Listening, playing, singing. It's cause my family's super musical. My mom was in choir and band and my dad had his own band years ago. He's who gave me my sick taste in music," You said playfully, "Mom doesn't mind it but it's 'not her favourite'," You made air quotes, "She's still super supportive and encouraging of me though. We always had this huge piano at home and she'd play it occasionally. Apparently, when I was a baby, hearing music was the only way to get me to sleep," You smiled at him, "When I grew up, she'd let me sit with her and eventually taught me how to play that. Then my dad gave me his old bass and he's been teaching me," You explained

"Woah- so you're still fairly new?" He asked, curiously,

"Well, I wouldn't say fairly new. I never entirely got the hang of guitars because my hands are too small and dainty," You said playfully, moving your hands out in front of you to show him, before wiggling your fingers. Your nails had bits of black nail polish chipping off of them, and there were exactly three rings on your hands- two on your right, one on your left. One was on your thumb, the other on your middle finger; one was on your other middle finger. He wouldn't let his mind wander to how skilled they must be if they can play the piano and bass. He sucked in a small breath and glanced back at your face when you snatched them back, "So my dad thought I'd play better on bass. Once I got the basics down, I'd just practise whenever I had the time. Sometimes I'd... I'd put on the radio and try to play along to any song- even if they didn't have a bassline," You said, before glancing away, "It sounds lame but it's fun-"

"I don't think it's lame at all. It's cool" He said quickly, "It's your way of learning, and helping you get better," He said,

"Yeah?" You smiled, reaching a hand into your bag. He watched your movements for a moment, before speaking up again,

"Yeah, defiantly," He spoke, "You know, I play the guitar too," You looked up at him again, and he held your gaze. In his peripheral vision, he could see your hand moving in the bag, blindly searching,

"Hah- I play bass, not guitar, there's a difference," You said with a sly grin, and he laughed,

"Of course, yes, I'm sorry for offending you- oops," your bag falls over the end of the table, contents spilling on the brown leaves. He instantly bends to help pick up your fallen things,

"Hey, it's fine I've got it," You assured, setting the bag on the table and moving away from the seat to pick things up,

"I'll help," He assured, glancing at you and nodding. You let out a small sigh, but he could see your smile return,

"Thank you so much," You said gently, your hand brushing against his rings as you picked up your books,

"Yeah, no problem..." He straightened, looking over the book you had taken out from the library and plucking a leaf that had come between the pages, "I didn't realise you liked Tolkien," He commented, giving you a look as he held up the copy of 'Lord of the Rings',

"This? Oh yeah- my little brother got it from school and told me to read it to him as a bedtime story but he got bored of it so he returned it before I could read the rest. Think I made it about thirty pages and he was out," You laughed, grabbing the book from him, "I kinda got hooked. Now I just wanna finish it by myself,"

"Haha- right. I get that. It is long, but the details-" He gushed,

"Right?" You grinned, fixing the placements of your school books inside the bag, "All the details he puts in- it's so vivid. It's like he went to Middle Earth himself!" You smiled. He nodded. It was already great enough that you shared a similar music taste, and were in a band, but now that he knew you had an interest in fantasy? He must've done something to appease the big man above because God, you were perfect. The conversation shifted between your shared interests, band, music and fantasy, and that's when he found out you were interested in DnD,

"Hold on, hold on- Dungeons and Dragons?" He asked,

"Yes! Played it at summer camp once and I loved it and- oh my God you just jogged my memory!! Can't believe I forgot about that game," You sighed, "I wonder if anyone still plays it," He stared at you with wide eyes momentarily, "What?" You asked with a grin, "What??" You repeated as he said nothing. He had only brought it up because he felt a strange object beneath his shoe, and when he'd picked it up, it'd been a red and black D20. You had it between your fingers, picking at the mud with your fingernails. He then spread his arms, leaning back and gesturing to his shirt. For a moment you stared confused, eyes flicking down to his chest, "Oh my God!!" You exclaimed as it clicked,

"Yeah," He laughed,

"What the hell- how have we never met before??" You grinned excitedly shifting forward, closer to him,

"I mean I tried yesterday-"

"Shit, I'm so sorry," You gasped, "I-"

"It's alright, you needed a ride, I get it," He smiled, watching you,

"Hold on- what's the time?" You asked worriedly, glancing at the watch on his wrist,

"Mmm, four twenty-eight," He said with a surprised infliction in his voice. He was late to the Hellfire meet up,"

"Fuck!!" You exclaimed, "I have- my band- ugh," You stumbled as you quickly got up, "Shit, shit," You hissed, and he quickly stood too,

"Hey, it's fine," He said quickly, "I c-"

"No! It's not-" You sighed, "Sorry for yelling again, it's just that I have- we have 'Battle of the Bands' tonight and we were all supposed to go and now they're probably gone without me-" You rambled, dropping your bag on the ground and groaning as you picked it back up,

"I'll drive you," He said quickly. Eddie had two priorities in life: listen to good music and don't get caught by the cops. Well, maybe he had more but at this moment, seeing you so nervous made him determined to get you there,

"Wha...?" You questioned, stopping to push hair out of your eyes, "You don't even-"

"Where're you playing?" He asked, taking out his keys and twirling them slightly, the many keychains rattling in his fingers, "Come on- tell me on the way," He said, leading you quickly out of the clearing and to the almost empty parking lot.

Your band members, although angry at your lateness, had calmed when you arrived with Eddie no less. He stayed in the crowd while you played, and you kept making eye contact with each other throughout the show and grinning like idiots. Somewhere in his heart, he knew he'd be bound to you forever. He was willing to drive you to any show you wanted if it meant seeing you so happy and free, playing like you did tonight. And it was a good thing he kept the dice you'd dropped in his pocket so he had the chance to give it to you when you next saw each other. Then again with one of your rings, then again with a necklace, then with various guitar picks. And so forth until you playfully relented and agreed to date him.

Then he didn't need a reason to steal from you anymore. He only did it to piss you off.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things season four #stranger things 4 spoilers #st4 #stranger things spoilers #stranger things season 4

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sysmedsaresexist · 1 year

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We aren't active on syscourse tumblr anymore, or sysblr in general (just follow a few blogs we like or consider friends), so could you summarize the whole Weskcourse thing?? Who are they, what happened? Also, are you JAS? (I assume the acronym is Just-Another-Syscourse but one can never be too certain! - Prime

UHM, yeah... I can do a dirty, barebones type thing, it's been a week of stuff

Yeah, I'm JAS, justanothersyscourse

- I got put on a blocklist with a couple others, and someone who shouldn't have been on it (this someone was replaced three times with more people who shouldn't have been on it when they received pushback)

- I reblogged the blocklist with a meme because blocklists are dumb, and we ended up going back and forth about whether blocklists were any good and how they were maliciously putting people on it (the last person put on the list was DEFINITELY put there maliciously because of a post they THOUGHT was vagueing them). The blocklist and all arguments are now deleted from OPs blog, but still on mine if anyone wants to go back and check

- weskcourse jumped into this entire argument randomly with this cryptic shit about how I ruined their life three years ago by breaking their DNI (I wasn't on tumblr then, but I was also apparently LISTED in this DNI??), and then I, APPARENTLY, refused multiple requests to take down this post, and blocked all their accounts so they couldn't "bother" me anymore

- I (shockingly) gently (clearly I have trouble with that) explained that I had no idea who they were, or what I might have done, and I have only ever had two people blocked, and I very frequently engage with people who ask me to change or remove posts to figure it out, but if they could show me the post, I would own up to it and apologize

- They changed the timeline to under two years ago, and provided a post I had made about a screenshotted DNI. It's here if you want to scroll, but it was a completely normal DNI with no identifiable features, and it really wasn't anything even interesting? The last point was, "DNI if you think alters can't have disabilities the body doesn't," and I posted it with, "What kind of disabilities?"

(their current DNI was the exact opposite of all other points, for example, the original was DNI pro ship, and weskcourse's current DNI listed them as being pro ship and pro non contact, etc)

EDIT: I did own up to the post and apologize, in case anyone is wondering

- after the post, I received an anon saying, "no, I remember this, you said mean stuff to me about using the word 'cripple'", which immediately jogged my memory, and I pointed out that THAT was from a completely different blog, in regards to the post-- they were mixing me up oops-all-syscourse (not to be confused with the new blog, oopsallsyscourse), and I provided screenshots of the back and forth THEY had been doing about alters with disabilities

- weskcourse then explained (despite the above) that my post had lead their stalker to them, despite it being actually pretty tame and having no identifiable information

- said stalker then randomly showed up in all this professing their love and devotion to me and threatening to leak weskcourse's info

- stalker posted his IP, which was fake-- it's a private IP anyone can use to login and adjust the settings to their router, so that was dumb

- stalker then posted an address that doesn't exist in Canada's postal code database, which weskcourse immediately reblogged with, essentially, "yeah, that's my address" and then started telling everyone and their mother to kill themselves

- stalker started sending me ask after weird yandere ask and I'm rolling my eyes

- when it was pointed out that the IP was fake, the stalker blog immediately disappeared, and it's up for debate whether it was reported and removed, or the person deleted

- another blog VAGUELY and strangely involved in this (not sure if they want to be mentioned, but it raises eyebrows based on the above) received an anon with the stalker's Discord About Me, but never posted it.

- now this random 3 day old blog, ALSO has that about me, and these random chats with everyone in weskcourse's life, and claims to share a server with stalker

- Stalker then tried to join MY server but was instabanned before anyone even told me it had happened

- I made a vague post about cops and weskcourse deleted

The end

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lindszeppelin · 4 months

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But that anon wasn’t actually threatening to expose [redacted]. They were never going to tell you or anyone where she went to school, and I didn’t even get the impression they actually knew themselves. That was the entire point of them setting you up like that. To see if you’d go along with it just hoping you’d get the information, and go along you did.

If you wanted to call them out why wasn’t your first and only post about it “No. I don’t want that information and this wrong.”? Not you following their instructions by vague posting in exchange for info. What was the plan if it wasn’t bait and they proceeded to send you her school as you requested? It would’ve looked real bad on your part if you only cared to call them out after getting the private info you wanted. Or you could’ve just not enabled it at all by deleting the first anon, but you didn’t do that either.

You say you saw through the ‘plan’ but I don’t think so when you seem to have glossed over all that ⬆️ completely.

I like you, more than that other girl at least. But admitting you got caught up in a feud with someone and regrettably fell off the moral track in the heat of a moment would be more admirable than making up stories to cover your ass. My sincere advice: own up to your fuck ups. It’ll serve you better in life than running from them.

first of all you clearly did not read my entire message and it's not up to me to give you the cliff notes version. i explain everything in my post. go read it. i did not gloss over anything, which is disingenuous to say. read my post in full.

it doesn't matter if they actually knew or if they didn't know, and like i said, i knew they did not know her information. but if you took the time to read my entire post then you would know that. the fact that they played this game is enough for me to know the kind of shitty person they are and that was enough for me to attempt to expose them for the horrible asshole they are. i did not fall off of the moral track when my intentions were all about morality. and thank you for the unsolicited advice that is not needed, talking to me as if you know me when you don't.

also, making up stories? go fuck yourself, i spoke nothing but the truth and it is not my problem if you don't believe me.

#lindsay's anon asks

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amitheasshole-unofficial · 11 months

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Welcome to AmIthe Asshole, tumblr edition

The aim of this blog is to provide an alternative to using reddit for those who don't want to use it but still would wish to utilise it in some form. Here, it will work similar to the subreddit, albeit with a few tweaks.

Please be aware, this is NOT an official blog or monitored by the mods for the actual r/amitheasshole subreddit. Any inquires to do with the actual subreddit should be brought to them.

Here is the code for those responding to posts, either through reblogs or comments:

YTA = You're the asshole

YWBTA = You would be the asshole

NTA = Not the asshole

YWNBTA = You would not be the asshole

ESH = Everyone sucks here

NAH = No assholes here

INFO = Not enough info

How to submit and rules are below the cut.

How to submit:

Go to the top of the blog, you should see a little envelope icon on mobile or three dots for website. Click on this and an option should come up to start writing your submission. For general ease and consistency, it would be preferred to stick to the format of the reddit posts, with a large bold header proclaiming the main question and then detailing the situation underneath. For example:

AITA for telling someone to eat dirt?

So I was walking to the store by myself, when someone came up to me and etc...

For tags, please include #aita and any other tags you deem relevant, such as #family, #friendships and so on.

Rules:

The same rules from the subreddit apply, which are listed down below (albeit with some reddit-only ones, like upvote rules, removed):

Be civil

Accept your judgement

Never delete an active discussion

No violence

Post interpersonal conflicts

No shitposts

Do not ask for advice

Updates and META posts are restricted

No partings/relationship/sex/ bodily autonomy

This blog is not for debate

No revenge stories

No medical conflicts

If you want further details, the subreddit explains these rules more precisely. It may be that in the future I'll copy those descriptions down too for a separate pinned post, so look out for that first.

There are some extra rules regarding tumblr. For one, you don't have to give your thoughts on a post if your reblogging it, it may be just to spread awareness to the post. However, if a post has recieved multiple reblogs with no reply, it is better not to reblog unless you are adding to the conversation.

Second, please do not harass anyone in these posts. If you believe someone is at risk of harm to themselves or others in any way, they should reported to tumblr staff appropriately.

That should be all for now. If you have any questions or requests that are not AITA submissions, please do send an ask. It can be anything from getting help for submissions to suggesting edits to the rules.

Thank you for reading!

#reddit #r/196 #aita #do reblog to let others know about this

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answrs · 6 months

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odd request from me perhaps, and likely not one that anyone can help with, but does/did anyone who follows me (or maybe in the tags) used to read fic on a doctor who fansite called A Teaspoon and An Open Mind. This would have been around late 00's, probably early-mid '10s.

narrowing down anyone that fits the bill I'm specifically looking for anyone who by chance downloaded or otherwise has a copy of any of the fics by a user that went by MM (I don't know her actual username. one of the M's was likely Margaret, possibly Miriam?)

her works focused on Ten and Donna (almost? she did also love Jack) exclusively, and in one particular fic to fix-it the season 4 finale Donna coughs up a brain, ood-style, which then in turn becomes the original ood hivemind. another involved space whales (though I doubt the illustration I made for her was posted with it, which is probably for the best :') - it was around the time Alpha Sapphire was released and I was a tween so it was very. uh. Heavily Based™ on kyogre, oops.)

anyway after several computers and at least two regretted Delete Everything You've Ever Made Or Enjoyed And Be A Real Adult™ Depressive Episodes, she's been admitting that she wished she had any of her stories left besides a little printed out crack drabble that escaped the shredder the other, chaptered printouts got. I've not been able to find anything with what I've got since I never used the site myself and don't even know more than this. the new specials have brought up the regret feelings again and I'd like to help see if I can do anything for her though.

just putting feelers out in case anyone can help me find them for her, or direct me to like. anything at all. even just a name (of the site, of the username, of the fics, honestly anything) would be appreciated. obviously my bare-bones-at-best info has been... not particularly helpful in finding anything. :<

#doctor who #tenth doctor #donna noble #fanfic search #doctor donna #idk tags to use for this I'm so sorry #teaspoon and an open mind #a teaspoon and an open mind

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devis-fixations · 1 month

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Regarding requests!!

Hi hiii!!! Always dreamt of doing requests like these on tumblr but never had the guts... so here I am now!!

I'm open for requests at all times!!! (Also open for regular asks, idk) But pleaseee if you wish to request ANYTHING do take care to read the rules below ok? I will delete your request if it breaks any rules :/

(btw if you're looking for fandom friends I am open for messages I think ^^)

>FANDOMS THAT I'LL ACCEPT REQUESTS OF (will be updated with most new media I consume :3): -Kakegurui -Steven Universe -Genshin Impact -FNAF -Cookie Run Kingdom -MLP (G4) -Homestuck -Eddsworld -Star vs the forces of evil -Gravity Falls -The amazing world of gumball -Total drama (most of the series) -Danganronpa 1 and 2 (not v3) -Hazbin Hotel (maybe Helluva too but depends on the request) -The Owl House

>Please do/you can:

-SPECIFY if you want me to use/make my fanon designs, or should I keep them relatively similar (If you won't I'll do as I wish)

-USE MY ART AS A PFP OF YOUR *PERSONAL* ACCOUNT, BUT THE SIGNATURE CANNOT BE MOVED/REMOVED EVEN IF IT'S SHOWING ON THE PFP + CREDIT TO MY ACCOUNT MUST BE SOMEWHERE VISIBLE

-request me to draw your fandom ocs, including oc x canon type stuff

>Please don't/you can't:

-request me to draw your personal, non fandom ocs due to the nature of this blog

-request art featuring NSFW/ANY fetishes or kinks/heavy gore (pastel/candy gore should be fine tho)

>Additional info:

>I'm not obligated to do your requests but I'll try my best

-Pls do not rquest multiple things at a time, it could be overwhelming...

>I won't draw some ships/characters if I dislike them (tho there aren't that many I think) or if my preferred ones come up in the request/ask box

>Requesting one character, ship with two people (including oc x canon, idm) vague stuff, specific but simple stuff and rarepairs will make me want to do your request more (also if the request has my fave(s) but you'll have to figure em out yourself based on my posts :3)

>This is for anyone but mostly the MLP ppl, YOU CAN TOTALLY SEND ME YOUR FAN REDESIGNS, I LOVE THESE SO SO MUCH, I WANNA DRAW EM PLSSS!!

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lividmorris · 2 months

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ASK & REQUEST BOX INFO

I figured I’d put this out here in general as well so people know my boundaries when requesting/asking things in our box !!

No I will NOT do anything NSFW, if you ask something along those lines your ask will be deleted.

If you want something suggestive that is fine, however you may only do so if you request it not anonymously. Due to my own comfort I don’t particularly like drawing suggestive things for minors as an adult is all 👍 so please respect that.

Never ask for something problematic, especially ships. If done over and over we will end up closing our box for some time and only take requests on our OTHER platforms.

If you sent a ask in already please be patient with me, I have a life outside of social media that I have to attend to. If it’s a simple question where I don’t have to draw anything then maybe yeah I might be quicker, but art takes TIME.

Keep in mind that I only take requests through our ask box as warmups typically, the pieces that come out aren’t always going to be the same quality as a previous one. This depends on many things but mainly my mood and how busy I am 👍

Our box is not a way to get content like a commission from me, if that is what you want please DM us privately so we can talk to you about it. It is also not a way to get free art of any ocs, if I ask for some to draw this is fine otherwise do not ask.

It’s completely fine to fill our box with questions of how we do things, AU questions, memes, pictures or just things you want to tell me !! It doesn’t ALWAYS have to be art related though that is my main focus

I want to state too I’m incredibly grateful that so many of you actually send me things, I just wanted to set some boundaries and rules before anything got too out of hand. This is both for my sake and for anyone else that sends me stuff through our box.

If any clarification is needed please comment or send a question to our box and we will answer you back as soon as we possibly can !! Thank again for being patient with me and for all the kind words on our posts as well 🙇

#reqs open #doodle requests #requests #send me doodle requests #my asks #asks

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uwoo97s · 3 months

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uwoo’s info

࿐

this is a writers blog !

most things i write are for (poc) . UNLESS stated otherwise. but anyone is welcome to interact with me i do not mind <3 i’m very welcoming and kind!

if you’d like to be mutuals never hesitate to ask!! i’m always open to making new friends :)

to anyone new! this is not my first time writing! i had another blog before this that i accidentally deleted while clearing data :(

i write for idols ! ( mostly , nct (dream) & txt , enhypen ) however i don’t write smut!! the closest i will do is suggestive.

my writings and everything i type are all lowercase intentionally!! unless i’m writing a mini series or story!

most of my works are drabbles!

i’m always happy to fulfill requests!! however only send in writing suggestions when requests are open!! both other than that you can always send in messages i will surely respond!!

most of my work is also built around yandere/unhealthy tendencies, unless stated otherwise! each pieces i write will have warnings ahead if anything is to be looked out for :)

i do only write fem povs , or not specified gender! i cannot write male povs as i have never done so :(

everyone here is referred to as uwoo’s blossoms!

if you ever want to be tagged in upcoming announced stories just send in a message! and if you want permanent mentions just let me know!

#uwoo’s blossoms🌺#ᝬ — navigation

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bunny-rambles · 2 years

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Can you pinpoint the specific reason you feel worse despite posting something? Or is it just this feeling that something is wrong and such? I guess a few other questions to ask yourself is if you actually want to write still or if you’ve just been clinging to the last thing that gives you any amount of serotonin because you need something to keep yourself going and it’s one of the few hobbies you have left.

I ask cause I went through something similar back in highschool and I’ve stopped writing all together ever since. It could be that forcing yourself to cling to something when deep down you actually don’t want to do it is the reason you feel worse because it’s ignoring what you really want to do. Writing was an alternate source of stimulation I had to listening to my teachers and a hyper focus of mine from adhd. Once that wore off I began to stop writing but I clung to it because it was all I had for so long. Eventually though I had to let go and just allowed myself to exist without having a purpose or goal to fulfill. In the current reality we live in everyone is expected to live for the sake of work and even a fun hobby can become work at some point.

I’m trying to get back into writing though I haven’t made any progress but that’s for me. There’s probably a different reason you feel worse and the paragraphs I wrote will end up pointless but I guess it’d be good to keep it in mind for future reference? Idk though I’m not a therapist yet.

I do have a bit more to say but I’m not gonna add them until I know more about how you feel (only if you’re willing to) and everything because I could be thinking in a completely different direction than what you actually meant.

If it helps though I loved your writing as always. Your writing has always flowed really well especially in terms of dialogue and your characterization is on point. Your descriptions are a great balance in being, well, descriptive, but never going overboard, which something many writers struggle with I think. Your explanation of Scara’s backstory for one is kept short and to the point while allowing empathy to show because it’s something that would make anyone feel bad without going too deep into specifics. Believe me when I say keeping that balance is something I really struggle with even now. There’s a lot going on that I want to talk about immediately but making someone read through so many paragraphs would just be torture and there is a plot to get through so there’s no time. Honestly, I’m rather jealous of how smooth and easy it is to read your work, I wish I didn’t feel the need to info dump everything.

I don’t have any new cat photos unfortunately since I’m typing this on my iPad otherwise I’d definitely send some to hopefully make things a bit better.

Been a while since I wrote such a long ask but I guess it was a long time coming. Something I’ve been meaning to suggest is if you would consider answering requests and such with an alternative method? It might be easier on you and help with answering things quicker than before. You can still write full five of course but there’s nothing wrong with finding something that makes it easier on yourself. It could be what you need too!

Now I’m actually done, geez! Hope this helps a bit and you feel better soon, sorry for making this so long!

-🐈‍⬛ anon

deep breath

alright, let’s dive in, shall we?

it’s since been deleted but what I posted wasn’t entirely about my writing. these past few weeks my mental health has been declining rapidly and this week seemed to be the culmination of it all. I thought perhaps doing something I loved would take my mind off things.

Posting something almost always makes me happy. I love writing and I get happy seeing all the reactions to my work, but yesterday I just felt so much worse. That piece was something I worked on for a week. Usually, I write the piece in a few hours when I’m feeling inspired. I hate rereading my work, because then I’ll constantly be looking for anything bad and then deciding I hate it. When that happens, the piece becomes unfixable in my eyes. And that piece continued to feel unfixed even after I posted it. In my head, it could always be better.

So now, I don’t really like that piece. Maybe I’ll reread it one day and think something like ‘damn I wrote that?’ In a positive way, but for now I can’t find it in me to do so.

You bring up some valid points, but you’re half right. Writing when I’m uninspired sucks and that’s when it becomes really unenjoyable. I am slightly regretting having my creative work be used for something academic because this isn’t a switch i can just turn on and off at will.

But I love writing. I love weaving together a world with flowery worded passages, feeling emotions through carefully structured sentences. It’s cathartic. In person, I struggle to ever get my point across when I speak. Here, I can choose what I get to say, and make it beautiful. Comforting others along the way is a massive bonus, and something I cherish deeply whenever someone tells me that. That passion is probably never going away. It’s just a shame inspiration doesn’t hit nearly as much as it used to.

Now onto your really kind words that made me cry last night. I’ve never really had such an in-depth reason from anyone as to why they like my writing. Especially a piece I’m not exactly fond of. I’m surprised by most of what you said. I think I struggle the most with making pieces flow. I always think sometimes my sentences can come off as really stiff if that makes sense? Like if I write a character doing something and that’s the whole sentence, that feels far too stiff but I have no idea how to change it without being too, um what’s the word- pretentious? over the top, but not quite? Basically I never want to be too much (exactly like what you said).

You can completely disregard this, but here’s a little tip in creating anything, maybe not just writing silly little stories for pretty little men - less is more sometimes. Show, not tell. If a character is upset, yes describe what they look like/what they’re doing, but try to maybe focus on how to put their emotions in words that might influence what they do next. Or backstory, how the character acts tells people a lot more than just straight up saying ‘this character has been through this’. And ugh, this is a personal pet peeve of mine, don’t make your character a consistent victim or make them too overpowered. Balance is everything for a good character, even for someone as faceless as a reader. I struggle a little with this in terms of my oc’s (in my head, I’ve never ever written anything for them bc they’re not balanced and I hate myself for it;;;;).

I went a little off track there. But basically, don’t just say what someone’s doing or blandly describe someone’s backstory or how the scenery looks. Use interesting words that weave together nicely that don’t have to be concrete in meaning. Your readers will figure out soon enough what you meant and then that passage will be clearer. Make sense? Maybe not. It’s difficult to utilise, because how else would you understand a character if you didn’t know the ins and outs of them, like their backstory? Patience and unrolling a story with nice timing. Take things slow, your readers are going to be with you until the end of the journey. You don’t need chunks of text right at the beginning or middle to explain someone’s motivations. Just subtle hints here and there are more than enough. Who knows, maybe what idea your reader gets might be far more interesting than what you yourself might come up with.

You don’t have to listen to any of that advice btw, I just really like subtly and nuance, it’s just my personal style.

Anyways-

Alternative method? I’m afraid you’ve lost me. When you can, could you perhaps explain what you meant? I’m trying to think of something like that but my minds going blank, sorry;;;

It’s okay, I still have your wonderful kitties to look at from last time, I love them dearly 💞

Thank you for this ask, it was nice to read last night when I wasn’t feeling my best. Sorry if any answers came off blunt, I’m incredibly tired and I’ll probably head back to sleep after this. But yeah, your words were very nice to read, those compliments especially - I never really see my writing in the way you do, so seeing a different perspective is really surprising,,, and sweet 💞

#bun speaks #🐈‍⬛ anon #thank you that was really sweet <33

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dritaincorporated · 2 years

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Jutoh could not start the epub checker

Select a book cover design from Jutoh’s template, or create your own cover design with the built-in cover editor. Create your project in seconds from existing files using the New Project Wizard or create your book from scratch using the built-in styled text editor. But the book seems fine as is.Jutoh makes it easy to create ebooks in popular formats that you can sell on many ebook sites. If anybody else can tell me what to put in the manifest to avoid this issue, I’ll appreciate it. You can even choose to overwrite your custom epub with the Meatgrinder version, but it’s not the default. It appears that you can do the uploads in whatever sequence you like, and there’s helpful text to walk you through it. I’m sure it’s possible to put it into the manifest, but I’m not sure how. Since I wasn’t doing anything fancy, I just deleted the file and re-submitted. I don’t think anybody else cares about that, actually. Smashwords had an issue: “File ‘META-INF/-options.xml’ in EPUB not listed in manifest!” I uploaded an epub that passed epubcheck with no errors or warnings. Useful info: I created the ebook in Jutoh (since Scrivener always makes a mess). So far the Smashwords upload is just slightly iffy but is probably working. Has anyone tried this yet? How well does it work?įortunately I had an ebook just out of KDP to play with. They will still need to meet certain requirements, some of which are so they can be distributed to the ebookstores (they don’t like you mentioning the competition). In any case, files uploaded to Smashwords will need to comply with the Style Guide. The last 3 were the most popular by far, and to be perfectly honest there are at least 2 names on this list that I have never heard of before. A survey of the tools used to make the Epub files returned a surprisingly diverse set of answers, including: There was also a few Epubs which reportedly didn’t look as good as the Epub which come out of the MeatGrinder. Apple in particular requires the ebooks to pass EpubCheck. That is a sign that the ebook is not well made, a detail which is both embarrassing and a aserious issue which will hinder that ebook being sold in all the ebookstores. Mark reported that nearly a third of the test Epub files failed EpubCheck and thus doesn’t comply with the Epub specification. SW Direct was tested over the weekend and while many of the Epub files looked nice quite a few also failed Epubcheck. Support for samples is also planned.Īnd even in all this good news there is a few serious issues. Luckily future plans include allowing for authors to upload PDF, Kindle, and other formats. But one thing that the second option blocks is the ability to sell in multiple formats, and if an author only uploads the Epub they’ll also lose out on the samples which would be available to any ebook fed through the MeatGrinder. That second option is going to open up a lot of possibilities for making use of the finer aspects of Epub, which starts at dropcaps and ends with Epub3. The automatic process is all well and good, but given that we often make a good quality Epub anyway it is galling to watch a poorer quality file be be distributed to iBooks and other ebookstores.īut with Smashwords Direct, the gall is gone.Īuthors and publishers can now upload an Epub file and either use it to replace the Epub which had been produced by the MeatGrinder, or, and this is the good part, they can upload an Epub for a new title and not have to make the DOC file to feed into the MeatGrinder. A lot of us take pride in the ebooks we make, and it bothered us that we had to make a DOC file which would then be automagically mangled into a dozen different file formats. Smashwords Direct had originally been announced late last year in the response to the requests from quite a few authors, publishers, and ebook pros (myself included). In what was perhaps the shortest beta test in recent memory, the ebook distributor/retailer Smashwords has just officially launched their new Epub only distribution channel.

#Jutoh could not start the epub checker

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amindofstone · 3 years

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A pirates treasure

a/n: I am in love with a broken character. I am in love with a man that has “death” tattooed on his fingers. I am in love with a freaking 2D character that has the name “Surgeon of death”. Call me crazy but hey, the owner of a heart was never able to choose in who it falls in love. Yeah, to put it short I am in love with a character that barely has any romantic, lovely or sweet traits but still gets me screaming at 2 am whenever he appears. I am in love with Trafalgar D. Water Law.

a/n edited: My attention was drawn to a huge mistake of mine. I really don't want to justify my mistake and just delete it as if nothing happened. So therefore I'll do a quick explanation.

As you can see I used the picture above as a "cover" for my imagine without making any researches about the artist of the amazing work. I got the picture send by a friend with the request if I could use it and so I did without thinking twice. I should have done my job properly by finding the artist and asking for permission but I didn't and simply neglected that. And I'm truly and really sorry for that and genuinely apologise from the bottom of my heart. I hope I'll be forgiven. The picture used was that of the artist @666deaddash999 that has a blog here on tumblr and definitely should be seen. And again my apologies.

a/n edited pt. 3.: I am in f***ing tears. I don´t deserve this much kindness. This artist, the dear @666deaddash999 , is truely an angel. I really am garteful for being allowed to use it. Like damn they even liked my fic!!! I am in tears and emotional AF!! Anyways have a nice day and thank you for reading my work!

Genre: anime imagine? One Piece imagine?

Character(s): Trafalgar D. Water Law x Rose (reader)

Warnings: Maybe grammar or spelling mistakes. (I genuinely apologize. English is not my mother tongue and I´m really trying to improve. So please be so kind and have mercy)

Words: 4257

Info: Keep in mind that the words in italic are Rose (reader) train of thoughts.

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. This took me a lot of time. So please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture used is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner. !!!

◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇

"Are you insane?! Can you hear what you're saying right now?! No! Do you know what you're saying right now?!", asked the now furious woman. "She lost her mind Marcus. Your daughter lost her brain on the way back home!!", the woman with the probably most expensive tiara on her head was running around the salon while making sure her husband understood her point in their daughters failure. "For the sake of sanity Marcus say something!!! Won't you?!", the woman yelled at her husband who was sitting on his chair in front of the chimney. “I regret the day I gave birth to you? I regret those nine months I carried you. I did not give birth to you so you can end up like this! This is not what we taught you!”. The king was clearly overwhelmed by the whole situation that had to happen two weeks before the king and his spouse from the neighboring island would come. Right at the moment in which he and his wife decided to make their daughter marry their son. The king who usually was always in a good mood and had a smile on his lips was now the total opposite. He was sad and felt lost. He didn't know how to cope with the situation his wife; or rather life confronted him with.

With a hand covering half of his face and closed eyes he focused on his breathing and just let his spouse calm down first before he spoke what was on his mind. He kept telling himself to breathe in and breath out when the queen’s next words made him stand up and leave the room.

"You traitor! How dare you sit there like you're the victim, you disgrace! You disgusting piece of shit! Where did you leave you honor and pride?! In the bed of that scum?!", the words of the mad woman made the young royal look up for the first time she entered the salon. The princess, the third daughter of one of the most powerful kingdoms, was in tears. A hand covering her mouth with the hope to keep her screams of pain inside she just let the tears stream down her face. “Look what you did you cheap piece of shit. I am disappointed in you. No wonder I never was fond of you and your existence. You are absolutely not capable of anything in this world. And Marcus calls something like you his beloved daughter. Get out and get back to your chambers. I don´t want to see you out of your quarter before the royal family whose son you´ll be marrying will come. You heard me! And I dare you to start another tantrum about the marriage or else I make you regret existing.”, Rose nodded and left the salon without a word.

On her way back to her quarter her brother, the crown prince, saw her and wanted to stop her and ask what their mother said, but she didn´t let him touch her or talk to her. He wanted to hold her and comfort her since he knew how their mother can hurt one with her words but she didn´t let him come closer. She silently left him behind and ran to her save place so she could cry out loud with the hope of getting rid of the pain in her chest. She cried and cried until her maid came with her dinner. The maid tried her best to make the young princess stop crying and eat something but she couldn´t make it. When the food she brought her got cold she tried to at least make her calm down but to no avail. Before the sad maid left the princess alone she took the food she brought her and asked her with pleading eyes if she could do anything for her. The maid thought that she won´t answer her while still shedding tears when the princess who was sitting on her bed looked her in the eye for the first time since she entered her chambers. The maid gave her a genuine and friendly smile while telling her that she´ll do anything for her. But the words of the princess made her stop smiling while the little spark of hope died down. “Kill me and put this miserable life of mine to an end.”, the maid did not know what to say so she left her chambers with a soft apology and a deep bow.

Silence.

Suffocating silence took over her chambers after a while when no sound of her could be heard anymore. Her throat was sore from the hurt screams that left her. Screams she tried to suppress with a pillow or her hand. Screams she held in for weeks. If her throat wouldn´t be hurting by now and if she had just a bit more energy she would be screaming more. She would be screaming from the top of her lungs while trying to get rid of the pain in her chest that seems to be clinching onto her for dear life. Her heart was aching. Her soul was helplessly trying to understand what was happening right now while her brain stopped functioning. She was lifeless. She looked like a corpse sitting on a bed. She didn´t move an inch or dared to breathe aloud. When someone would have entered her chambers they would have thought a doll was sitting on the massive bed and not the princess. The princess the whole kingdom loved for her genuine smile and friendliness. A princess that was loved by ever person that saw her because of the kindness she holds in her heart and eyes.

The princess. A young lady whose beauty was known all over the world. Whose kindness anyone knew and mentioned. A young royal with a genuine heart, a heart as pure as that of an angel. A young royal in the age of 19 that was able to make any person walk over broken glass if they could make her smile. But what happened to her? A young lady who used to walk around the kingdom with a smile upon her lips and a childlike playfulness. What happened to the girl that used to be the happiness of any person in the palest and the kingdom?

Rose, never thought that the day would come she needed to be told how beautiful life can be. She never thought that the day would come where her siblings and maids would have to come and tell her that life is full of love and happiness

Isn´t it funny how fast a person can change? How fast the happiness of a person can be taken away from them. Isn´t it funny how something that is supposed to be good can break a person and ruin their whole life? How can something that she was always told about as the most beautiful and powerful thing on earth break her and be the cause of her pain. Why does it carry so much pain and tears when it´s supposed to be the reason a human lives? This doesn´t seem logical to her. It seems like all the things she was told were lies. Lies and lies told one after another. Why did they lie to me?

Rose was freezing. The dress she was wearing at the moment was obviously not able to keep her warm anymore. She needed to change. She needed to take a bath. But she had neither energy nor motivation to do anything so she kept sitting there while looking out of her huge window. Her window was wide open and let the fresh but cold wind of the spring night enter her save place. Her curtains were waving more and more due to the slowly stronger getting wind. Just when she thought that she calmed down a bit, she suddenly started to remember the words of her mother. Words that were sharper than any knife or sword. Words that cut her heart into pieces. Disgrace, she said. Disappointment, she said. She regrets giving me live, she said. And again tears fell down her cheeks. Tears filled by pure hate towards herself. She hated herself. She hated her body and wanted to die. The couple that used to shower her with love now hated her. Slowly more tears started to stream down her face while she tried to muffle down her soft sobs by putting a hand over her mouth. The cold wind that entered her chambers through her open window and door to her terrace stopped by now only to be replaced by rain. It seems like the sky was the only one that understood her pain and cried with her out of empathy. Day, weeks and now months passed and a forbidden longing accompanied her through her lonely days filled with regret. I wish I never went to the harbor with my maid. I wish I could erase that day from my life and memories.

When she thought that the pain she felt couldn´t get worse a person called her name with so much love it hurt her. She was confused and scared at the same time. With panic written all over her face she looked around her chambers only to be greeted by a tall man who entered her bedroom through her terrace. Slow steps were made as if he knew that she´d be overwhelmed by his sudden presence. She couldn´t see his face but knew that he was looking straight into her eyes. Just when he was about to enter her bedroom he stopped at the door of her terrace and allowed her to hear his voice. A voice that was able to get her weak and lose balance and fall on her knees. But luckily she was now sitting on her bed in the same position since a few hours now. “May I enter?”

A soft whine erupted her sore throat, while her heart started to race. As if she ran from one side of the island to the other. She couldn´t believe her eyes. She wanted to scream his name and jump in his arms. She wanted to kiss his face, hands and shower him with all the love she felt for him but she didn´t move but gave him a small nod that allowed him to enter. Am I imagining this?

His hat he seemed to love so much and that turned into his signature got recognized by the heartbroken princess next to his sword that accompanied him through every fight and battle. But his clothes changed into something she thought he would never wear. It changed into something elegant but at the same time simple. A black long cloak was loosely hanging over his shoulder that was decorated at its collar with a thick pitch black fur. Under the cloak she could make out a white wide loose shirt that gave away a beautiful sight of his toned and tattooed chest. He looked like a sculpture that was awakened to life. She couldn´t believe what she was seeing. She was staring at his face, his hands, his slightly wetted clothes with the hope that her eyes were playing a stupid game with her heart. She couldn´t look away while all this time he was slowly coming closer to her and the bed she was sitting on. Just when she realized who was standing in her chambers she quickly tried her best to pull herself together and speak in a half decent steady voice but sadly to no avail. “Don´t come closer and get back to the place you came from.”

She tried. She tried her best to talk in a convincing and steady voice but she failed, miserably. Her trembling voice and body betrayed her. Her hands that were holding tight onto her sheets betrayed her. Her knuckles that turned white from the pressure she put on them betrayed her. But most of all it were her eyes and tears that betrayed her. Her whole body screamed to be touched by him. Her hands longed for his warmth. Her heart screamed to be consoled and her eyes gave away all of the love she had for him. She shouldn´t be able to cry anymore thinking about the whole day she only cried but unlike a few minutes ago she was now shedding tears of pure joy. “Are you sure that you want me to leave?”, the man in front of her asked her to not only convince himself that this is what she wanted but also to give her the chance to rethink her choice, but the black haired woman nodded what she instantly regretted.

Regret. What a simple word to use when it hold so much emotions and thoughts.

The moment she saw him make a step back and put a distance between him and her, a quiet pleading to not leave her left her lips that made him instantly drop his sword. The sudden sound of his falling weapon surprised her and made her look down to the place it fell. She wanted to ask if he was doing fine when the next move of the man that ruined her life shook her to death. Everything happened in the blink of an eye. He took of his hat and threw it somewhere she couldn´t make out only to get on her bed and connect their lips. She didn´t wanted him to kiss her. She didn´t wanted him this close but still grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer. Rose´s hands were trembling while her tears still didn´t stop falling. It felt like a dream, a dream come true when she remembered her mother’s words and pushed him away from her.

Trafalgar D. Water Law.

What or who gave you the permission to enter my live and turn it upside down. The tears that were falling down her cheeks were that of pure happiness to have him in front of her but slowly with her mother´s words coming back to her mind they slowly turned into tears of pain and fear. Law wanted more. He wanted to kiss her more and hold her. He wanted her all to himself. He took her hands, that were still holding onto his shirt, in his and kissed each and every finger of her one by one. “She´ll kill you.”, she said with a quivering voice with the hope to make him understand in what kind of situation they were but he didn´t care at all. “She said she´ll execute you in front our nation.”, but still the pirate didn´t care. In fact he intertwined their hands and started to kiss her all over her face. “She called you so many names and said that she´ll kill any person you are close to right after she killed you. Law are you listening.”, she kept telling him what her mother the queen said but her lover didn´t seem to care. But to make clear that he indeed was listening to her he nodded and hummed in her ear before he made his way to her neck. But before he could place his lips on her skin again she said something what made him stop in his tracks. “I´m getting engaged in two weeks and married next month.”, just when she thought that he´ll get made and push her away she heard a soft chuckle before he laid her down and get back to kissing her while making sure to leave marks here and there. She felt pathetic. She felt horrible. She felt like agreeing to her mother’s words that she is not worth being a royal or a princess. “Law, don´t you understand in what situation I am right now? I feel like I´m a joke to y….”.

“Am I a joke to you? Are my feelings a joke to you?”, Law stopped her midsentence just to leave her with a question that made her rethink all the thoughts she had in the last weeks. But she had no time to think because the man on top of her stood up and left her bed. Panic overcame her and she started to breath quickly. “Please don´t leave me. I beg you Law. I don´t know what to do without you. Please!”

If the princess could see the man’s face at this moment she would have seen his genuine smile of pure happiness and relief. “Who said I wanted to leave you?”, said the tall man and made his way towards her door just to lock it. No matter where he went Rose followed all of his steps around her chambers. He closed the window and the door to her terrace while also making sure to close the curtains. If her maid did not came to light the candelas on her nightstand it would have been pitch black and she wouldn´t be able to see what the pirate who sneaked into the palace would do right now. He took of his shoes and placed them neatly next to the armchair in front of her chimney. Slow and carefully he took of his slightly wet cloak and put it over the backrest to dry. While she wondered if he wasn´t cold with what he was wearing she realized a bit too late that he took his shirt off and went to light up some other candelas in her room while giving her a full display of his tattoos. How on earth could someone as beautiful as him fall for me? What happened that made him love me to an extend he came all the way to the palace to me? Do I deserve this much love? Rose was looking down to her hands that lay on her lap when she felt the bed shift. She didn´t dare to look him in the eyes. She felt cheap and used. How can I marry a man that I don´t love? How can I get married while fully knowing that I gave away the most precious thing I had to a pirate that told me he loved me? I am being the naive and stupid woman my mother called me. “Do you regret losing you virginity to me?”, the sudden question of the criminal she fell in love with surprised her and made her look up to him with widen eyes. “Do you regret letting me be your first kiss? Do you regret letting me lay in your arms?”, Law took her hands back in his to intertwine them again. An act he does without realizing it by now. He was used to place her hand in is. He wanted it and needed it. He wanted to feel her and her warmth. He needed a reassurance that she really was sitting in front of him. He needed something that made clear to him that he wasn´t dreaming and really was beside her and not in his or the strawhats ship sleeping.

“Do you want to marry him? Are you fine with your parents marring you off to someone you don´t love neither know?”, the princess was overwhelmed not only by his question but also by his eyes which were filled by sadness. His grey eyes that usually had something playful and fierce in it. His eyes that used to always soften whenever the landed on her who was his lover, his woman, his absolute everything. The princess placed her hands on his face and caressed his cheeks. If only she knew what that little gesture did to him. If only she knew how much control she had over him. If only. “Trafalgar Law. I gave you everything I had. I let you be my first love and my first lover. I let you be my first kiss and my first time not for you to ask me if I regretted it. Law I love you. Although my miserable live won´t allow me to be with you I can assure you that I would throw everything away only to be with you.”, Laws eyes were closed. He couldn’t think properly anymore. His heart was racing. His mind was an absolute mess. He wanted her close to him. He wanted to feel her. He needed her so he sat her down on his lap and leaned back. With his head resting on the headboard of her bed and the royal lady on top of him he tried to calm his heart down and make it stop racing. “If I wouldn´t be a doctor I would have thought I was about to die whenever I had you near me.”, the young princess looked at him with concern in her eyes. “At that time I couldn´t understand why my heart was racing or why I felt like I was getting crushed. There was always this feeling of something or someone putting a huge amount of pressure on my chest whenever I thought about you. And whenever I had you close to me I felt like I was drowning and losing all my powers. But now I know that it´s alright to feel like this because this is how it´s supposed to be. Because today I know that it´s because I love you.”, Law was not someone that spoke out loud about his feelings. He wasn´t the type of person who shared his thoughts but when he did he was able to blow any person away. The words of her lover made her heart race while guilt over came her. “Stop. Please stop.”, begged Rose while hiding her face in the crock of his neck. She knew that she was hurting him by telling him to stop. She knew that she wasn´t supposed to react like this but what could she do, she was promised to a prince of a neighbor island. She shouldn´t be kissing him or hugging him. She shouldn´t be laying in his arms while he told her how much she meant to him. She should be sending him away like a worthy daughter and princess should do.

“Do you want me to leave. If so than just tell me and I will leave you alone tonight. I really don´t have a problem with that. I can´t bear seeing you sad, my love. I will come tomorrow. Would you like that?”, hearing his words made her look up and see his face to make sure he wasn´t playing with her but no, he was serious. He was smiling down to her while caressing her cheek. The look he gave her broke her heart. She knew he loved her. No matter how many times she told herself that she meant nothing to him her heart told her different. “This is not how it works, Law! You are such a fool. You idiot! I just told you that I´m promised to a prince and here you are telling me that you will come tomorrow if I don´t feel well. What is wrong with you?”, tears were falling down her cheeks. Thinking about the amount of tears she just shed today makes one wonder how she is still possible to cry more. Rose hit him a few times on his chest before she left his lap and sat down next to him. She couldn´t bear being this close to him so she tried putting some distance between him and her when Law laid her down and hovered above her.

“Tell me what is wrong with you? Do you really think I let your parents take you away from me? Do you really think I let some random bastard marry my woman? I am a pirate Rose. If I want something I get it and when I have it I won´t give it back. Do you understand?”, Law spoke in a soft tone but one full of power and determination. Rose didn´t know what to say so she simply kept quiet and kept listening to him. “You are mine. My treasure. My property, You are mine all alone and I don´t share what is mine. And if anyone is so foolish to try to take what is mine I won´t hesitate to cut off their heart.”, the dreaded pirate spoke in his calm but deep voice and made the woman underneath him stare at him without daring to move an inch. “Now tell me do you really thing I let you get married to anyone that is not me?”, Rose was numb. She was awestruck and speechless so Law took the matter in his own hands and took her face in his hands and shook her head in a playful manner. He knew that his words took her by surprise what could he do? It was her guilt that he was head over heel in love with her. “No, my darling. I won´t let go of you. Just wait a few more days and wait for me. I have a little plan to get you out of her.”, the last words the pirate spoke made her widen her eyes. Law indeed loved the effect he had on her. The princess wanted to say something but the pirate didn´t allow her to speak up. He placed a short kiss on her lips before he slowly started to unbutten her dress. “Law?!”

“You can´t imagine how much I missed you. Please allow me to show you how much you mean to me, my dear. Hold me and show me that your presence is not a dream. Please allow me to love you.”

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roll-da-credits · 2 years

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The future of this theater (srs announcement timeeeee)

Where to start?

(Ps this is going to be so if any of you are lazy to read I suggest to scrollllll to where the bolded parts are in they're the important points)

I'm sure many of you had a feeling this was coming to be honest.

For quite some time now, I haven't been that happy about this blog, I haven't had the motivation to continue writing here. I've all but lost interest in almost all of the animes I write for.

Added with the fact that my Comics (DC and Marvel) obsession has just started to resurface again (thank you DC vs Vampires and Moon Knight) I've lost most interest on writing for anime in general (except One Piece but I'll touch on that later on).

I have decided to leave this blog. I'm going to do some requests that I really like, the others I'll clear out, and then I'll leave for a different blog.

I'm planning on making a Comic centred account where I'll be writing for characters centred around the Bat Family, Daredevil, and Moon Knight. If anyone would like to know the name of the account (which already has a few fanfics in its drafts) don't be afraid to message me!

Now that doesn't mean this blog will be deleted or anything of the like. I will be leaving this blog as is so that if any of you would like to revisit my works or anything like that you can do so as please.

But I will no longer be active on this blog starting at around mid June, since there's still some things I want to post here!

If I'm being completely honest my last ditch was the Valentines day event. Which.... yeah... sorta did help me get back my groove, but also gave me a feeling of intense burden. Like oh these people really want their fics and I'm just here doing nothing.

So, for the people still waiting on their valentine's fics requests. I regret to inform you that they're never coming :( What can I say I get bored.

Anyways, extra info I don't know if I will end up doing this or not but I will (maybe) be making a different One Piece centred account and if you guys want to see that too hmu!!!

And that concludes the announcement.

We here at Credits Theaters wish our (newly) 500 strong audiences the best of times during our two year stay. We hope our archived films will keep all of you entertained. Until the next time, we open our curtains once more.

(thank you for 500 followers btw it literally just hit after I finished making this lmao)

#my hero academia #credits~talks #attack on titan #boku no hero academia #bnha #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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cathyparrlyn · 4 years

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A warning to Tumblr and Discord users in the Six and WATT fandoms

Tw for stalking, guilt tripping, deception, suicide, death threats, and hate anons.

In the beginning of summer, there was an incident that showed the true colors of some of my former friends, especially one who has proven themself to be hostile and dangerous multiple times. I stayed quiet about this for a while as I wanted to forget the drama and the pain they caused me and my friends, but recently I’ve found out that they have continued to hurt many of my friends, claim a minor who was a victim of the situation had attacked them, and more. Because of such dangers, and because these people are present in both the Six and WATT fandoms, my friends and I found it necessary that we share this story as a warning to others.

On May 11, the Parrlyn Discord server was created. I, being an acquaintance of the server owner, was one of the server’s mods who would talk to everyone and work with the owner to make it a safer place. This server ended up being how I first became close with the person who caused so much drama: @Chess-exists (Chess).

Chess and I would talk on both the Parrlyn server and dms, and I soon joined other servers at their request. We considered each other friends, but they also set off many red flags. Some of the major of these being Chess lying about hacking into the Sixcord and deleting the server because “all the mods hated them”, claiming they can cry when ready and wanting to pretend someone on the Parrlyn server was dead to prank another person on the server.

In mid-June the Parrlyn Discord faced the 3rd big incident that has happened on the server. Someone jokingly entered under Moan-Jeutas’s (Lizzie’s) username, said “I’m 12, don’t attack me !!” and left when they noticed people were beginning to panic.

I was offline whilst this happened, and when I came online shortly afterward I found a few people panicked. Instantly, I was asked by multiple people to call them. I texted some of them while going on call with a friend of mine who is a young minor, @lakes-other-sixes (aka Lake), who was crying. I was then informed by Lake that they knew who had entered the server with Lizzie’s username. At the same time, a friend outside of the server had confessed to me through DM about being behind the Lizzie account along with one other person. They profusely apologized and explained what had happened.

Although my friend had made a mistake, I would like to give context of why they ever thought of the joke in the first place. When they were temporarily on the Parrlyn Discord, it was just starting out, with about ten people including us and nobody who had admitted to being triggered by Lizzie’s writing.

This friend and I constantly talked about Parrlyn fics together, and one of the things we mentioned was Lizzie’s Carrie AU and how I would have liked to talk to her about it but didn’t want to bother her as she disliked the ship. The friend and I had both been going through personal issues at the time, I will openly state that mine was how my uncle died not even two weeks before this happened, and they thought a small joke could cheer us both up.

So this friend and another person thought it would only be an innocent inside joke between friends to pop on the server and mess with me and some other friends. They had no idea how big the server was or that people were triggered by Lizzie and left immediately.

The joke was wrong, and we all have acknowledged that. They both deeply apologized for it to me and some others. They wanted to fix things with the server, but there was one problem; our friend Lake knew who they were.

Lake is an extremely sweet kid. They were never a part of the joke, but were extremely scared that if the people’s names were released then everyone on the server would hate them. It was to the point that they were crying on the phone to me for about half an hour because of the situation. Because of this, me and the friends figured it would be best to apologize anonymously; not for their sake, but for the others who were scared. So I talked with the server owner and made an announcement sending an apology from them through me.

This is just our side, and I know some will disagree with the decision we made, but I was informed that someone had talked to Lizzie about it and that she knew about the situation and the anonymous apology. We kept it anonymous because we would never want to put any kid into the panicked state that Lake was in, and I will take any responsibility if it means I kept a kid from anymore serious panic. I have also apologized to Lizzie formally, as well as getting consent from her to use her name in this post and offering to answer any questions she had, including giving her the names of the people behind the account if she wanted them.

This mistake from my friends, which they had apologised for, was what led to Chess showing their true colours.

A few minutes after I posted the apology announcement, I was instantly added to a separate group chat titled “Smack a bitch” where Chess and their friend, Aine, had requested the name of my friend behind the account. This chat was highly inappropriate and hinted they would possibly send them hate and I didn’t approve of that, so I said no and left. I then later got a message from Lake that Chess was now interrogating them to spill who was behind the account.

Not only had this bothered me since Lake was young and was open about their anxiety, but also nobody but me and Lake’s former partner had known that they knew who was behind the fake account. They were extremely nervous and asked for help and I said I would talk to Chess for them since it made them uncomfortable.

When I went to talk to Chess, I told them to stop interrogating Lake because this was giving people more stress and I wouldn’t talk to them if they continued. They refused and asked me to “back the fuck up”.

After this conversation, I thought it was over. That was until 3 days later when one of my friends behind the account got hateful anons and death threats over the situation.

These anons were alarming, so I went to talk to the server owner about them. After a long discussion, the server owner confessed to Chess telling them everything they had done to find my friend.

This next part might be triggering for some, just a warning about stalking. (Ends after the screenshot)

Chess had confessed to stalking both my Instagram and Tumblr by going through them and making a suspect list of mutuals I interacted with so that they could interrogate Lake, a 14 year old, into saying who was behind the account.

(Note, none of the people mentioned here were either of the people behind the account)

After I sent the message telling them to stop the interrogation, Chess made Lake swear not to tell me anything else, got them and Aine on voice call, and guilt tripped them into feeling forced to agree to be interrogated on who the person was.

After Chess had successfully got the name of one of the people behind the fake account from Lake, they told the server owner and a few others the name of the person. One of whom was @herequeerandreadytokickass (Lex). Chess had also confessed to Lex about wanting to send anons to the person behind the account whose name they had found out. Lex had not only told me this on call, but also told me that the “friend” Chess was referring to in the hateful anons was me.

Utterly disgusted by their actions towards the situation, I blocked Chess. That was it. I explained to my friends why I blocked them and told them that they could still be friends with Chess, and I left the Parrlyn server to avoid drama since I figured Chess needed it more than me and wouldn’t hurt anyone else after this.

Chess was very upset that I blocked them without talking to them, and I refused to unblock them since they made me uncomfortable by this point. They then told a few friends they were framed for the anons even after previous confessions that they had sent them, and the fact that the anons only pointed to them.

One of the people Chess talked to was Lake, who then tried to find who sent the anons. After I found this out, I called Lake and we both shared our sides of the story. This is when Lake told me how Chess guilt tripped them, but also figured out that Chess had lied to them about how they found out Lake knew. Chess had blamed it on me telling someone, when Lake’s former partner confessed to telling Chess that Lake knew.

This new information caused Lake to become extremely panicked. They were already dealing with stress and just found out they had played a small part in their friend getting sent anon hate and death threats. Chess lying had triggered them more. I talked to Lake and helped them calm down and they decided to block Chess as well.

Chess didn’t like this. They immediately began to spam Lake’s user on a server and also had three friends ask them to unblock Chess.

Not only was this disrespecting Lake’s mental health and decision, but one of the people who dmed Lake had angrily blown up at them. This was @flat-dr-pepper-chasers (Robbie).

By blowing up on Lake, who was dragged into this situation and emotionally manipulated, Robbie caused Lake to panic again.

Soon after this, I got notified that Chess was so mad at Lake, that they deleted a server collaborative fanfic because it was Lake’s “pride and joy”.

Lake had now been through so much and they didn’t tell me anything until it was necessary. I had received all this info from another source because I was an ex-mod of the server and a person involved in the incident, but Chess began to blame Lake and continued to hate them.

I couldn’t take it anymore when I found out that Chess, a 16 year old, deleted the fic to spite Lake, a 14 year old who they had until very recently viewed as a friend, when Lake didn’t do anything. I knew I couldn’t let this slide or more people would get hurt, so I rejoined the server as a mod again, kicked Chess and explained the situation so everyone knew what was going on.

Do to a limit on screenshots the next part of the post will be reblogged by me, might take a second though to add in the screenshots.

#six the musical #we are the tigers #watt #discord #warning #callout

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beetleboo · 3 years

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long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked.

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

#beetleposts #miserytag

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