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dongiovannitriumphant · 2 years

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do you have any more pics from The Ball? it sounds like so much fun🐣

I've been drowning in pics and tags over on insta that I forgot how my tumblr by comparison is completely devoid of material, so in short: yes i have loads!! and it was so much fun! I am now going to evily use your kind ask to make a massive photo-heavy post going through the main parts of the trip, but first here's the official group photo at the middle of the night:

it was in an actual georgian era assembly room so it was massive and beautiful, w a tiny orchestra and a dance masster who called the start of the dances so everyone felt confident in what they were doing. The vibes were immensse and so supportive and positive, im a little introverted idiot nerd and even I felt the urge to ask random strangers if they wanted to dance, the vibes were just that welcoming.

Most of the dress-wearers had slaved over their own dresses to fit them into the specified dress code of 1890-1902, so there were ome AMAZING gowns!! I swear mosst of my interactions with people just started w me gassping and going oh my god your dress is amazing did you make it yourself(and the answer was always yes)

if you want to see picss of all the fits, this album has almost everyone

below the cut, personal pics with my squad because this wasnt just a ball but a whole intense weekend

So first of all, THIS is where we were fucking staying, a three story georgian mansion converted into an airbnb, fully equipped with a long-table dining room, a fancy study and a lounge. It was fucking INSANE and we were 13 people staying there, only 5 of which I’d even met before so it wass absolutely wild, but we extremely quickly all made friends and essentially it was such a good vibe of people having doors open to their room so you could alwayss stick your nose in and say hi, see what they’re doing and so on.

This was sort of the usual vibe, me pissing around in my dressing gown on the staircase, constantly bothering everyone else lol and yes im holding a glass of whisky because for those of us who drank, we were absolutely a daydrinking household and it was great

City itself was also just inssanely pretty?? Completely stuffed w fancy georgian houses, unhinged

here’s me and a new friend walking to the ball, waiting for the insane drivers in this city to calm tf down so we can cross

The hallway in the assembly roomss with people milling about, it is in normal dayss a museum hence the ssignage, which tbh just makess it so cool that we actually get to vibe there!!

condolences to my friend for this bad picture of him, but aside from dancing a lot of the ball was also just eating, drinking and socializing. The atmossphere was incredibly welcoming and I got to know so many people just by complimenting their outfitss or them complimenting mine. It’s like the vibe of a nerd convention but everyone also i dressed to the nines

After party vibess in the lounge, I have no memory of having the fez put on my head or who brought it with?? but u know, happens

And here’s most of the gang the day after, milling around town waiting for our respective trains. It was such a journey and an abssolutely wild time.

#the over active spleen #ballposting #i should prob also note that me attending this thing was something i figured out 1.5 months before it happened #ssomeone in the group hopped off of the ball and my friends were like viktor plss come you can stay with uss!!#and ssince ball + airbnb would be 260 quid(YIKES) i was extremely hesitant #extremely fortuitously a writing commission came along just after this all got dropped on me which could cover the whole thing #so i said yes to the writing comm and ssaid to myself this is a once in a lifetime thing #and said yes to go and i do not regret a single fucking ssecond of that

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chronicallywasting · 3 years

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Minor spoiler warning for things im working on below the cut!!

[Long post]

So lets start of with the story. At first it was gonna be how an enderman and an axolotl hybrid would interact. Sort of inspired by @ nachosforfree's one oc poat with a piglin and an enderman (i dont wanna tag lol).

The character Aether (who i named myself after) was originally from a different story, which one of my first artworks on here is from.

Ester was an entirely new character at the time, meant to be the companion of Aether, who already had an existing personality and backstory.

AETHERS DEVELOPMENT

Aether's original design was sort of meant to be an avatar for a fnaf fan comic i was working on. The avatar was just for authors notes and qnas and was in a much more cartoony style.

After I dropped that, I took that character (who was named Auden at the time) and turned it into Aether. (Fun fact: Aether originally used she/her pronouns, which is present in theur backstory) You can still see the original character at GoldSad-OnO on deviantart, my abandoned account.

At this point I had tuned Aether into a phantom. They sported my black and white hoodie, some oversized jeans, and a fnaf puppet mask (which I still plan on using for certain things) no skin or hair was shown.

After I got into dsmp, I wanted to turn them into a dsmp-sona. They were introduced as an axolotl hybrid then. I also wanted to have them have did (or another related personality disorder) obviously planning on doing plenty of research as to not misrepresent people with said disorder.

It was then theyre original backstory was created.

They were from a wealthy family underwater, and was an only child. Theyre father left when they were 6 and their mother was killed at a party 2 years later.

Aether was originally around 14, but after some development, was aged up to be an adult.

(Around this time I also used the same character, minus the system, as a character in a vent world i created)

After a while, I dropped the system aspect of them, and developed their character even more.

They were no longer a dsmp sona as well. I gave them the story before I created Ester after that development.

The story was about Aether and an unnamed character (i forgot the name) a deer hybrid who fell in love and wished for immortality but didnt get what they wanted.

They were cursed, one of them gaining immortality and the other being reincarnated with any and all past memories integrated into their minds untul they found each other, where they would switch roles and the process would start over again. This would happen until they fell out of love and moved on.

When the 1.17 update came out, I had created Ester to go along with Aether, dropping the previous story.

Aether was given theyre original backstory back, mixed in with themes of reincarnation.

Theyre backstory looked a little like this at this point:

Aether was raised as the princess of atlantis, an underwater city full of merlings and fullbreds (Ill explain those terms later) with their sisters, Adrian and Savannah. They lived a fairly normal life, as normal as it can be with an absent father.

Around the age of 14, their mother was killed at a banquet held for the people. They and their sisters escaped unharmed. They started gaining memories that werent theirs, learning they had lived hundreds of times before.

The beginning, before this reincarntaion process, was the first monster-human hybrid, a phantom hybrid. The hybrid was alone and asked a witch to give them friends, and so the witch became a friend.

The hybrid found some other nocturnal hybrids that they she made friends with, leaving the witch behind. The witch felt betrayed and cursed an eternal life spell- with a twist.

Now, Aether raises theyre younger siblings, and met Ester in the nether, where they were getting attacked by a piglin.

As of currently, ive scrapped that (or the most part) and Aether had become the god of the sky for my current project :)

ESTERS DEVELOPMENT

Ester is a fairly recent character. He's stayed the same for the most part- in terms of both character design an personality. He's kinder, and dislikes a newer character, Teleb (king of the end)

His character formerly was a bit flirty, and had liked Aether as more than just a friend.

He's the former general of the Ender royal guard and close friend of the queen of the end.

I havent done much for his character, and dont plan on doing so in the future. He will still be a character, but will be played by someone else ;)

TELEBS DEVELOPMENT

Teleb is more recent than Ester, created as a way to create conflict in the plot.

He was manipulative and had cheated on his wife, the queen, more than once. He wanted total control and hadnt cared for his child at all, only wanting a powerful heir. Overall, he was a horrible character, and meant to be so. He wasnt meant to gain any sympathy points from anyone, as he had no redeeming qualties.

The only major design change was his eyes going from purple to green.

Now, (hopefully) his character will be having more redeeming qualities, and maaaybe have some pining over mx. sky god over there

PAST STORY AND ITS LORE

The past story, going fro RE:➡Silent since June➡current form was a story with the main characters being Aether and Ester. Esters goal was to find the missing prince and Aethers was to find a home for them and their siblings.

It had many different species in its lore, including merlings (aquatic hybrids), quadrupedians (four-legged mammal hybrids), avians (flightless bird hybrids), elytrians (hybrids with wings that can fly), enderians (hybrids of end creatures), insectoids (hybrids with insects and arachnids), netherspawn (hybrids of nether creatures), mobspawn (monster hybrids), shifters (hybrids that can shift from an animal to hybrid to other animal/human/mob), and fullbreds (non-hybrids).

Different hybrids had their own civilzations and sub species. Shifters could only shift from one speices to another and had sub groups (ie. Dolphin shifter, Hoglin Shifter, Spider Shifter, etc.)

INTRODUCTION OF THE NEWEST VERSION OF THE STORY

This story has been revised, now taking the for of an smp :) it will be called the Passivesmp and will have multiple elements of the past story integrated into it. Hopefully, itll use the origins mod for extra detail and will be story-based.

There are some pre-existing characters that will need to be played, me taking on two of them: Passive and Aether.

The other pre-existing characters that need played are Teleb and Ester. Some extra roles are "the queen" and "the prince".

There wont be any applications of sort as i will ask friends i know if they wanna join. Instead of streaming it, it will be posted on my youtube channel which currently has no videos on it.

I wont tell any parts of the story ideas I have, as i want that to be a surprise. I hope to see you then!

#minecraft #minesona #my writing #dsmp #long post

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shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years

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lion tamer izzy stradlin x reader

+++++++++

a little break from motionless and def leppard lol. i havent written for izzy in a while but he baby so here you go, have something cute. i have two more lepp fics coming out in the next couple days though so enjoy

she unedited lol sorry if there are mistakes

song: caffeine cold by fall out boy

Edit cause I forgot to add:

Tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

"come on iz, youre last."

i sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the backseat of my car. i swung his arm over my shoulder and tried to distribute the weight but it wasnt really working. he was basically dead at this point, stumbling around as i walked us to the door. we had all gone out to celebrate the new album release and they had all drank a little too much. i of course was left as the designated driver per usual since i didnt really drink, nor did i usually mind. tonight however was a task, like herding kittens, each member getting side tracked at something new as i tried desperately to get them into their houses or hotel rooms and into their beds. Izzy of course was last, letting me stay with him while i was in town for the release party and start of the press tour.

"youre really good at this."

izzy complimented, a long string of words pouring out of his mouth as i unlocked the door and shoved his keys back in his jacket pocket.

"thanks iz, someones got to be or else you would be on the floor more often."

just as i was closing the door he moved forward without me and tripped, dropping straight to the ground. i sighed as he rolled over and laughed.

"like that."

i pointed out. he kept laughing as he sat up, taking the hand i offered to him. instead of getting up though he just pulled me down with him, me dropping to my knees with a loud thud. he giggled some more at the exasperated look on my face.

"now youre on the floor too."

he laughed out, poking his finger at me. i rolled my eyes and stood back up, walking around him, pushing my arms under his and lifting him to his feet.

"woah."

he said a little stunned that i had just dead lifted him off the floor.

"have you been working out?"

he questioned as i turned him and put his arm around my shoulders again.

"yeah, its called moving five drunk toddlers around."

he sent me a sleepy smile as we finally made it down the hall.

"that sounds like a lot of work."

he said matter of factly, dropping the bottle i didnt know he had onto the soft carpet of his bedroom floor.

"you have no idea."

i grumbled as i leaned into him and pushed him to the bed with my shoulder, watching him roll onto his side and his hand drop to his stomach.

"oop, nope, hold on."

he said standing quickly and dropping in front of the trash can by his nightstand. i looked to the ceiling as he threw up, cringing at it. i looked back down when he inhaled deeply and he was already on his way back to standing.

"okay sir, time to brush your teeth now."

he whined as i helped usher him to the bathroom.

"do i have to?"

he protsested as i squirted the toothpaste onto the brush and wet it, handing it to him.

"yes, if you dont i will."

he dropped his shoulder and stuck the brush in his mouth, moving it around and leaning in to look at himself in the mirror. as he pushed it around his gums he grinned widely at himself, the bubbles around his mouth making him look like a clown. i shook my head at him.

"dont forget your tongue."

i reminded and he turned to me to stick it out, closing his eyes and brushing down it.

"thank you."

i said, crossing my arms over my chest and he bent down and spit into the sink, holding his head under the faucet so he could rinse his mouth out. when he stood back up he sent me another sleepy smile, dropping the toothbrush onto the counter.

"now what?"

he asked like a giddy child. i placed my hand firmly at his back and pushed him back out into the room.

"now you go to bed."

i said a little hopeful. he pouted at me in return.

"aww but y/n i dont want to go to bed. the night is still young and so are we."

he said, plopping down on the side of the mattress.

"we'll still be young in the morning when you get up. in a pain and possibly hungover but young none the less."

he frowned at me as i moved to take the denim jacket off his arms.

"do i get to take your clothes off?"

he asked, wiggling his eye brows at me.

"no, now take your shirt off, i dont even want to know what it is you have down the front of you."

he looked down at it confused before shrugging and doing as told.

"anything else you want me to remove?"

he said reaching out for my hand and holding it, looking up at me intently.

"shoes, off."

i demanded and he smiled widely at me, kicking them off.

"pants too?"

he said seductively. i rolled my eyes.

"only if you dont want to wear jeans to bed but you had better have underwear of some kind on this time izzy stradlin or i swear to god."

he laughed before standing up and undoing his pants, and there it was, of course he wasnt wearing any. i groaned and turned around.

"oh come on y/n its not like you havent seen it before, you practically lived here for three months."

i shook my head and went to his dresser.

"i know that izzy but that doesnt mean you have to just have it out all the time."

i shook my head and grabbed him some underwear and pajama bottoms, tossing them his way. i didnt want to look but it was kind of hard to miss, he was standing fully nude now in the middle of his bedroom, hands on his hips in fully glory.

"get dressed."

i demanded, making him laugh again before doing as told. i crossed my arms over my chest as he fumbled around to get dressed, plopping back down onto the bed when he was done.

"better?"

i asked a little annoyed, walking to him and trying to tuck him in. getting him under the covers was more of a task than i thought it would be.

"wanna join?"

he asked, raising a brow and smirking at me.

"no thank you, i have my own bed in this house."

he grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. i caught myself before i could fall into him and was face to face now. he smelled like vodka and mint.

"please? itll help me sleep better knowing youre here."

he said, pouting. i sighed.

"fine, but im only doing this to make sure you dont vomit in your sleep and kill yourself."

he smiled widely before scooting over and letting me in, me kicking my shoes off first and readjusting the dress i had on. before i knew what was happening he was snuggled into my side, face pushing into my neck and arm around my waist. my eyes got wide as he got comfortable.

"iz?"

he hummed in response.

"what are you doing?"

he just shushed me. a minute later he was snoring softly and i was left there in the dimly lit room defeated.

°°°°°°°°°

when i woke up i could smell something burning, making me jolt upright. izzy wasnt in the bed next to me like he was last night and it was only ten thirty. i found that odd given that we didnt even go to bed till almost four. i stood quickly, flattening my dress down and making my way down the hall to the kitchen. i stood in the doorway dumbfounded at the sight in front of me. there was izzy, smoking a cigarette and cooking breakfast. bacon and pancakes by the smell of it.

"morning sunshine."

he said fairly chipper, taking a sip from his mug. i raised a brow, pushing my bra strap back up onto my shoulder.

"morning."

i said confused. i stood and watched him flip the pancakes.

"you just gonna stand there all morning or are you gonna come eat?"

he half laughed at me, looking up with light eyes.

"uh yeah, sure."

i said slowly, trudging to him and taking the plate he offered up.

"drink?"

he asked, picking up the second mug that was on the counter. i took it without think and went to the bar. as soon as i took a sip i cringe.

"what the hell is this izzy?!"

i asked setting the plate down.

"orange juice and vodka."

he said matter of factly and i just sighed in defeat. no wonder he was so happy. that asshole still had alcohol in his system and was just adding more.

"you are gonna feel like shit later."

i noted, walking to the sink and pouring it down the drain. he sent me a wicked smile and cheersed me before taking a drink.

"i promise its nothing but coffee for me after this."

i sent him a disapproving look.

"sure it is."

he finished stacking pancakes onto his plate and joined me at the counter, sitting in the bar stool beside me.

"so, how did you sleep?"

he asked, resting his leg against mine comfortably.

"fine."

i said shrugging. he sent me a weird.

"you were in bed with me and just slept fine?"

i laughed at him and shook my head, pouring syrup on top of my food.

"well it wasnt exactly fun. you were so drunk it was a task to even get you into pajamas, much like last time you werent wearing anything under your jeans which i dont appreciate."

i said sternly and he smiled to himself, nodding like he'd accomplished something.

"yeah i forgot about that."

he said proudly. i rolled my eyes, taking a bite.

"well youre wearing some now and thats what really matters."

i said and he laughed.

"no im not."

i looked up at him with wide eyes.

"when i got up to pee earlier i realized i was wearing them and took them off, fuck that."

i sighed deeply but didnt respond. i just shook my head and kept eating.

"do you like it?"

he asked and i raised a brow.

"breakfast i mean."

i nodded.

"yes its very good."

he smiled widely at me.

"great cause its my apology for last night."

i looked at him confused.

"i know im a handful when drunk, hell i know we all are. you always take care us though, so i guess its a thank you too."

i smiled at him.

"thanks izzy."

he leaned over and nudged me with his elbow.

"dont mention it."

#wattpad x reader #Izzy Stradlin #gnr #imagines #one shots #241

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rpgwrites · 4 years

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10 Questions

I was tagged by @cdrkateshepard, @natsora, and @mrscullensrutherford Thank you all for tagging me!!

Tagging: @ljandersen, @ripley95things, @obvidalous, @wickedwitchofthewilds, @that-wasnt-so-bad, @pip-n-flinx, @fogsblue, @starsandskies, and @naromoreau, with no obligations. Only if you want to do this.

Questions by @cdrkateshepard

1. How old were you when you learned how to drive?

I was 22 when I started to learn. I don’t currently have a licence, my learners isn’t valid anymore so I should go for it again in the future.

2. What’s your favorite drink?

Like beverage? Coffee!!

3. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Germany. I have Dutch, Netherlands, German, and French blood apparently. But I was always really interested in the German side and since I heard I was part German it has been my dream to go there. And my great great grandfather (I think) came from Germany

4. If you woke up tomorrow and had a tail, what would you do?

Hmm... I’m not sure. Try to see if I can use it?

5. How many languages do you speak?

2. Afrikaans and English. I could’ve speak a little bit of German but I forgot most of it.

6. How many do you want to speak/learn?

Hmmm.... I don’t know. German is one. Maybe Italian too?

7. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Oh there’s many. For one sometimes people seem to think a certain group of people is the same, that’s not always the case.

8. Would you go to space if given the chance?

Nope! I like being on the ground. I have a fear of heights lol.

9. Recommend a movie?

These days I don’t really watch movies. I can’t seem to sit still long enough to enjoy the movie. So maybe The Lord of the rings? I know most have seen it and it’s not new but I can’t think of a movie to recommend. Plus I enjoyed it when I re watched it a couple of months ago.

10. What thing that’s popular to hate do you secretly love?

I don’t really think there is something. At least nothing I can think about.

1. Preferred breakfast.

Toast, bacon, egg, sausages, mushroom, with cheese. Yes, this would be a breakfast I’d be cheating with.

2. Favourite mode of transport.

Can walking be one? I like to walk around depending on the neighborhood.

3. You have $500 in your pocket, you have to buy a gift for a loved one, what do you buy and why?

Depends on who it is. And I’ll check up on what they would really like to have.

4. How are you holding up?

Generally? These days it depends on what time it is during the time. But honestly not that great. Right now, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time.

5. What do you miss doing right now?

I don’t know? Maybe spending time with my niece.

6. Recommend a song / book

I can’t think of something to recommend right now. But I’m really enjoying this book I’m reading Six Wakes by Mur Lafferty. It’s so mysterious. I think I told you @natsora how much I’m enjoying this one.

7. Favourite footwear?

Tekkies. Well I guess most would call it sneakers. Here in South Africa we call them tekkies.

8. Post a link to the latest piece of media you’ve created or posted.

The Path We Take - Last chapter that was updated is Chapter 16

9. Anything you’re eager to work on?

Yes!! So much. I really like working on this Dragon Age fic but today I realized I’ll need to cut down on my writing. These last few days I’ve been getting so excited over the Benefactor fic I’ll work in the future. Might be still a while but I’m so glad I’m getting excited over this.

10. Favourite snack.

Fruit salad.

Questions by @mrscullensrutherford

1. What is your style? Writing, art, personal?

I write but I guess you can say art too, in a musical form. I sing, but I kinda stopped singing. Don’t get me wrong it’s one of the things I’m most passionate about and I miss it so much. But I needed a break from that among other things. I’m not sure when I’ll get back to that.

2. How do you contribute to fandom?

I write and read. As for reading, I kind of feel bad about that. Because I can’t get to everything anymore. So now I’m only keeping up with a couple of fics.

3. What song best describes your personality?

I don’t think I really found a me song.

4. What hobbies do you have?

Write, read, sing, etc.

5. Who encourages you? Who do you look up to?

No one? The things is everyone has their flaws and by not looking up to someone you won’t get dissapointed. Okay, that sound negative I know lol. But we’re all different and I just want to be my own person.

6. Do you have a favorite OC?

No. I can’t choose. I love all of them very much for very different reasons.

7. Who is your OTP?

My one and only OTP is F!Reyder.

8. What do you find encouraging about the next year?

Nothing. Last year I hoped this year would be better. And that hasn’t exactly happened. I don’t mean with everything that is going on around in the world. That sucks. But with my personal life. I just want to take it one step at a time.

9. How do you decompress?

These days I’m having a hard time to decompress. I try to keep my mind busy. Writing sometimes help.

10. Top 5 Video Games. Series count as one.

Mass Effect

Dragon Age

Skyrim

Assassin’s Creed

Border lands

My questions to the people I’ve tagged.

1. Tell me something positive.

2. Are you happy?

3. Do you have pets? If you do, share some pics of them!

4. What is your favourite colour?

5. What time is it?

6. Give me some advice.

7. If you were an animal, what animal would you have been?

8. What is your favourite genre to read?

9. What is your favourite desert?

10. Do you like hiking?

#10 Questions

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trickstarbrave · 5 years

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sigyn is here, and i know it. i can feel it. and loki is too but hes taken a step back for a while as have i, and i think i know why he did.

he was waiting for me to be ready for sigyn.

she came last night. i was just doing my thing (and also ended up not sleeping enough lol), trying to look for stuff to connect w norse polytheism in the tags. and i saw her name. and i just felt the urge to know a lot more for the first time. now dont get me wrong i havent been ignoring her, i know her and accept her as my god’s wife after all and all shes done for him. the love she has shown. i just never felt the draw and urge.

well she came. hence my question for stuff for her and even UPG (which yknow if you still wanna share, im still open). she kinda just let herself in quietly. not as loudly as loki, shes still just.... kinda here. i can feel her. not too close and not too far, almost radiating and moving and getting........ all up over me. its hard to explain my god sensations so we’ll leave it at that. she hasnt said anything yet but its been hard for my godphone lately.

i was in class today, as i usually do and listening to music that goes hard, that is angry, and just doing what i do best: living in the anger in my head, feeling it, thinking of situations. i was thinking about spite, about rage, about the world. and normally i just let that sort of thing burn me up, the adrenaline is the fuel in my body. but this time it sort of built up and.... faded slowly. like telfon it wouldnt stick, it just sort of slipped off during the rly serious emotional peaks and i found myself.... not needing it. not needing the self serving rage.

not like she was pushing me to not feel it because Anger Is Bad, that wasnt the vibe at all. the anger was there, it just wasnt spiking, it wasnt peaking, i wasnt burning myself up from the inside in rage. i know that happens, and thats not wrong either, but festering in nothing but anger in my own head, rage, fantasies about power and retribution.... at some point it stops being healthy. at some point its just bad.

i knew months ago something was wrong. there was a prof who in reaction to a terrible letter left on her office building responded with patience, who took it as a point to learn, to communicate to her students and peers and colleagues. who took it as a point to apologize, even though she wasnt in the wrong. she was humble, she was kind, not guilt driven just...... patient. and i realized going home i didn’t understand it. i had forgotten what it was like to react with anything but rage. i had been seeped in anger so long i forgot how to respond to things with tragedy and malice with anything other than just. rage. rage that was consuming. rage that was blinding. hate that clouded your eyes and soul with no gain or goal. anger that was self serving and self destructive. anger that had no limits. and i felt..... bad. i felt wrong. i felt upset. how could i not understand her? how could i have forgotten genuine compassion and love and education? how could i not see you need both patience and directed anger to make a change in the world?

you cant simply destroy things when you dont even know how to rebuild them better. you cant. its foolish to think so. its foolish to think thats the answer. its foolish to think its more important to hate my enemies twice as much as they hate me than it is to love my communities and families twice as much as their hate. i cant hate them more than they hate me. i cant hate them so much that they burn up from it. and when they are gone, they will have succeeded in making me forget how to love. making me forget how understanding feels. making me forget what its like to not live always in defense, always in fear.

loki taught me its okay to be angry, to not bottle it up. but all im doing rn is letting it burn out of me from the inside. ive forgotten long ago how to rebuild, how to genuinely laugh at my foes, how to pick my battles, how to let go and heal inside. i forgot. so he brought me someone who probably taught him how to do all that

sigyn showed up rn i think bc im ready to... start a life. move out. move in with my girlfriend. make decisions about the rest of our lives together. work towards saving for engagement rings. work towards saving for a wedding. and i cant... do that if i cant move on. i cant do that if i forgot how to build. i cant do that if i cant let go, if i cant stop burning myself up as kindling for my own rage. thats not healthy. thats not right.

i thought my reading was abt my trauma, how i have been struggling with it and thats whats been getting in the way of my spiritual side and causing trouble for me consciously. and it probably has. but its kinda just hit me that its my anger. its my rage i have cultivated with my own being in the fire instead of outside it. there is no way destroying myself to destroy my enemies will ever end well for me.

this is getting rly long and im also very sick today, and sleep deprived, but thats the little Journey i just went on in less than 24 hours. i have a long way to go but. i feel lighter. loki is a god of anger and change and revenge but also he is not burning fire. hes air. he fans the flames just as often as he gives a gentle cool breeze. its about the balance. its about seeing and understanding myself and what i need. and i think im ready to learn

#religion i guess #dad #loki*#norse polytheism #norse paganism #sigyn*#sigyn #loki

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

Text

haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go.

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever. another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

0 notes

inside-my-birds-eye-theories · 6 years

Text

I was tagged by @wasnt-expecting-that , thank you Shell!! here we go! :)

Name: aneta

Nickname: anet, aneťák, gabriela, anetka, gůgl, gábina, áčko,,, idk i’ve had a lot of nicknames, these are the frequently used lol

Gender: female

Star sign: sagittarius

Height: 163 cm / 5’4

Sexuality: i’m pan! (:

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw, the Nerd

Average hours of sleep: 2 years ago, i could give a proper answer, bc i still knew what a regular sleeping schedule was. now it varies from 30 minutes to 16 hours lol

Dog or cat person: i love dogs w everything, i’ve had both doggos and kittos, but i gotta say that cats are freaking smart?? they've used their cuteness to befriend humans for their own personal gain and now they think they're gods or something. cats are just too awesome lmao

Blankets you sleep with: i have a fluffy white blanket, but i mostly just sleep with….. the thing called peřina in czech lol. - okay, google translate says it's called featherbed in english, so we’ll just go with that lol

Dream trip: somewhere where i can see new stuff, where i can be fascinated, educated. museums, cinemas, concerts, sight seeing,,, anything inspiring tbh, but also i love trains?? this is kinda random, but i forgot to get off the train yesterday and it actually made me happy that i can be in the train longer. sometimes i love the train rides more than the destinations lol

When you made your blog: i think march 2016

Why you made tumblr: uuuh, i had been seeing some funny screenshots and fandom stuff and it just looked like a weird site where u can do and say anything, so i just thought ‘why not? the worst that can happen is that i’ll have another inactive account somewhere on the internet.’

Reasons for your url: i wanted my url to have something to do with TOP (bc that's the majority of this blog anyway) and Be Concerned really moved me one night. I don't wanna make this super long, so i'll just say that ‘disappearing inside my bird’s eye theories’ is what i do a lot of my time and it's kinda a part of who i am (i’m an INTJ and a maladaptive daydreamer, it fits both of these things well)

Ten followers you’d like to get to know better: guys, i’d LOVE getting to know better all of you! So y’know,,, say i tagged you if you wanna do this. I’ll be happy to check your answers! C:

#tag game

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duboisvu · 5 years

Photo

Chat

ViciousSae has joined the chat

TreDubois: hi

ViciousSae: hey boo

ViciousSae: hru

TreDubois: i'm well and you?

ViciousSae: im good

ViciousSae: do u remember me?

TreDubois: you seem full of energy

TreDubois: karrinah?

ViciousSae: i ma XD

ViciousSae: no

ViciousSae: XD u forgot me

ViciousSae: well i have pics of us maybe u will remember

ViciousSae: do u wanna see them?

TreDubois: ok

TreDubois: in your album?

ViciousSae: no

ViciousSae: its save on my pc

ViciousSae: let me get them

TreDubois: ok..where you gonna post them?

ViciousSaeViciousSae Add Friend: on my private page

ViciousSae: hold on

ViciousSae: [Link]

ViciousSae: thats them

ViciousSae: look

TreDubois: i don't follow links

TreDubois: that's how you get hacked

ViciousSae: oh its a imvu page

TreDubois: so...how abou this. you can either submit them to my tumblr

TreDubois: or

TreDubois: post them on your feed and I'll check them out

TreDubois: you can also tag me on twitter

TreDubois: or upload them to your album and I'll check it out

TreDuboisTreDubois : it's hacking season and I don't remember you

ViciousSae: oh my bf will get made if i post a pic of me and another boy

ViciousSae: thats why i send it like that

TreDubois: are we have sex or something?

ViciousSae: yes

ViciousSae: XD thats why i cant post them

TreDubois: you got tumblr, or kik?

TreDubois: i just got on MeWe

ViciousSae: nope

ViciousSae: i only play imvu

TreDubois: no instagram?

TreDubois: you sure it was me?

ViciousSae: yes it was u

TreDubois: so what's up little mama?

TreDubois: you got a bf now?

ViciousSae: yes

TreDubois: cool!

ViciousSae: thats why i cant post the sex pics

ViciousSae: he will get mad at me

TreDubois: oh well

TreDubois: did I do a good job?

ViciousSae: ofc u did XD

ViciousSae: i wont of invite u back today if u wasnt

TreDubois: so you want another go?

TreDubois: how old are you?

ViciousSae: im 1

ViciousSae: 18

ViciousSae: XD

TreDubois: so you were 17 when we banged?

ViciousSae: yes

TreDubois: well here's the deal. i have a strict no minors rule so that's impossible. also, I don't deal with people under 25...so again...not believable

ViciousSae: wym?

TreDubois: it means we didn't bang

ViciousSae: well the pics say otherwise

ViciousSae: XD

TreDubois: you'd have to post them for me to believe you, and you're not doing that so i feel like you're trying to game me

ViciousSae: i told u i cant post them

ViciousSae: ughhh

TreDubois: i'm sorry. so we'll just have to start over as friends

ViciousSae: yep

TreDubois: how's school going?

ViciousSae: im not in school

ViciousSae: im working

ViciousSae: z

ViciousSae: wow u relly did forget me

TreDubois: no college?

TreDubois: it had to have been a long time

ViciousSae: yeah im in college but im working too

ViciousSae: college is fine ig

TreDubois: i'm surprised you have no albums

TreDubois: that's strange

ViciousSae: yeah i dont post

TreDubois: you don't save anywhere either

ViciousSae: nope

TreDubois: well i'm sorry but I can't click the link. i've been hacked once before and no more for me

ViciousSae: oh well its a imvu page and its oki

TreDubois: ok

TreDubois: so what you up to?

ViciousSae: just chilling

ViciousSae: and you?

TreDubois: decorating a room

ViciousSae: nice

TreDubois: yep

TreDubois: you got any kids?

ViciousSae: yes

TreDubois: sweet how many?

ViciousSae: irl u mean?

TreDubois: nope on the Vu

ViciousSae: oh i have 2

TreDubois: nice!

ViciousSae: yep

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri has joined the chat

TreDubois: So Sae..this is my wife Capri

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Helloo

TreDubois: i figured you two should meet

ViciousSae: hey

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Hru?

ViciousSae: im good and you?

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Doing wel, heard quite a bit about u lol

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Well*

TreDubois: lol

TreDubois: you did?

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Oh yea

ViciousSae: u did o_o

ViciousSae: XD

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Ur the talk of the town today lol

TreDubois: hehe

TreDubois: this is a nice room!

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: It is!

ViciousSae: ty

TreDubois: is your bf online?

TreDubois: i'd like to meet him

ViciousSae: hes offline atm

ViciousSae: ill invite u when hes online

ViciousSae: ill love for u too meet him

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Can't wait!

TreDubois: cool!

TreDubois: that would be awesome

ViciousSae: yee

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Hm, I suppose we should just cut straight to the point..pictures huh? Lol

TreDubois: noi

TreDubois: chill

TreDubois: omg no

ViciousSae: XD

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Lol

TreDubois: bahahhahaha!

TreDubois: there are no pictures

TreDubois: lol

ViciousSae: i dont want your bf to get in trouble

ViciousSae: lol

TreDubois: first..husband

TreDubois: second..no trouble

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Lmao he's not the one in trouble from wha I've heard

ViciousSae: roght forgot

TreDubois: if it happened it was before her

ViciousSae: oh ur married now

TreDubois: lol

ViciousSae: nice

TreDubois: so...no trouble

TreDubois: lol

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: lol exactly

ViciousSae: lol

TreDubois: we're all friendly here

TreDubois: geez...the pregnancy hormone

TreDubois: hormones...

ViciousSae: brb

TreDubois: eat a snickers would you

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Lol oop wha can I say?

TreDubois: lol

TreDubois: tyt

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Tyt

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: And no snickers lol

TreDubois: oop

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -grabs pickles-

TreDubois: i see draws on the floor

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Ohh snap

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Did we interrupt? Lol

TreDubois: i was invited here

TreDubois: lol

TreDubois: i have no clue

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -facepalms- crap, duh lmao

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Oo pizza

ViciousSae: back

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Wb

TreDubois: wb!

ViciousSae: ty

ViciousSae: i have not put anything up here yet

ViciousSae: ty

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Yw

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -grabs pizza box- u mind if I have a slice or three Sae?

ViciousSae: sure

TreDubois: i feel your decorating pains trust me

TreDubois: lolo

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Lol same here, hate decorating unlike this guy

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -eats some pizza- are there any pineapples here by chance?

ViciousSae: lol

TreDubois: ewww

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Lol so no pineapples?

TreDubois: pineapples

TreDubois: yuck

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Shut it Dubois! lol they're amazing

ViciousSae: z\

TreDubois: gross

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Hater

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -sticks tongue out-

TreDubois: oop

TreDubois: sorry if i'm boring you

TreDubois: lol

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: -packs a to-go box- I'll have to head out now, it was nice meeting you Sae!

TreDubois: ok

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: See ya on messenger hun

TreDubois: ttyl!

TreDubois: ok

ViciousSae has left their session. This session will automatically close in 2 minutes unless you load one of your own rooms

Guest_hottiegotswagcapri: Ttyl!

#IMVU

0 notes

shhh-no-ones-home · 4 years

Text

speechless chris motionless x reader

+++++++++

wow this is so long, oh well, lol

hes mad cute

song: addicted to love by robert palmer, covered by Florence and the machine

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @ryansitkowskiswifey @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee

+++++++++

i watched chris nervously step closer to where ryan and i were standing. he had been acting a little weird lately and i couldnt quite figure out why. the last couple times we had talked he was fidgety and tripped over his words, which was weird for him. normally he was very intelligently spoken and moved with such swagger around people. almost like he was trying his hardest to impress everyone.

"hey ryan."

he said quickly. i frowned.

"im here too ya know."

he looked down at me and let out a nervous laugh, one that came out a little too loud.

"right, hi y/n."

i huffed out.

"hi chris. hows it going?"

"uhh..."

i raised a brow.

"ya know what, ive gotta go."

ryan and i exchanged glances as he quickly walked away from us, avoiding everyone's gaze and staring intently at the ground as he moved. i turned back to ryan.

"what the heck was that?"

he just shrugged at me and took another sip of his beer.

"beats me, ive never seen him like this before, even around like girls he likes. surely it couldnt be something like that."

i kicked the rocks under me haphazardly.

"what do you mean?"

he set his empty bottle on the ground.

"well normally when he likes a girl hes all like suave and shit, making jokes, getting her to laugh, small touches, flirty and shit. like theyve been best friends forever."

i raised a brow.

"but hes never acted like this. its almost like hes super nervous about something."

i crossed my arms over my chest and looked in the direction he had walked off in.

"hmm, maybe we'll just have to get to the bottom of this one then."

he laughed at me and nudged my arm.

"yeah, you have fun with that, i dont wanna be lumped into this one. i learned my lesson last time you tried to drag me into one of your crazy ideas."

i looked at him and frowned.

"it was not a crazy idea."

he sent me a look.

"yes it was, we were locked in the dressing room for almost an hour. no one could get us out and we were almost late to our own show."

i let out a nervous laugh.

"okay, youve got me there, i forgot about that one."

he patted my back lightly.

"yeah, ill see you later. try not to get yourself in too much trouble."

i watched as he started walking away from me towards the venue.

"ill try my hardest."

now i needed to come up with a plan. try and figure out why chris was acting all weird and shit. and i needed to do it fast, like before dinner. i walked quickly to the bus and went straight to my bunk. i scrolled through my phone for ideas, trying to brainstorm how to get him to talk to me. hell i was even looking at those stupid snap chat stories about how to tell if someone has a crush on you. nothing was helping though. then ricky walked to the back of the bus.

"rick!"

he jumped and clutched his chest.

"jesus christ y/n cant you give a dude a break every once in a while?"

i laughed a little and jumped down from my bunk.

"absolutely not, but i have a question."

he looked at me annoyed.

"what?"

"do you think chris has been acting weird?"

he raised a brow.

"not around me he hasnt. why did you say something to him?"

"well, no, thats why i was asking. everytime hes been near me for the last like week and a half hes been super nervous and cant talk right. its super weird for him to say the least."

he shrugged.

"i dont know, i havent noticed anything like that, you could go talk to him about it if you really wanna know whats up though."

i stroked my chin and thought.

"i guess youre right, given hell actually talk to me."

i looked up at him.

"thanks rick, ill see you at dinner."

i grabbed my jacket and made my way to the front of the bus and as soon as i was reaching for the door handle to leave it swung open and there was chris.

"oh, sorry y/n."

he stepped back to let me out, i reached for his hand before he could walk onto the bus after me though.

"hey, can i talk to you for a second?"

he looked worried.

"uh, what about?"

i sent him a look.

"just come here."

he hesitated.

"please?"

he sighed.

"okay."

i pulled him to follow me around the other side of the bus.

"chris is something wrong?"

he raised a brow.

"no?"

i crossed my arms over my chest.

"are you sure? cause youve been acting really weird lately."

he let out a nervous laugh.

"so you did notice."

"yes?"

i said hesitantly, dropping my arms.

"look, its nothing, just dont think about it."

i reached for his hand but he tried to pull away. i grabbed it anyways and sent him a look.

"dude, why are you so sweaty?"

he pulled his hand out of mine and shoved it in his pocket.

"look, just leave me alone, its nothing."

he pushed past me.

"chris you can talk to me!"

i called after him but he just kept walking. i stood their defeated for a second before something clicked. if he wasnt gonna talk to me then i was gonna get him to talk to someone else.

---

"dude are you alright?"

i heard aj say from the other side of the cracked door. chris just groaned.

"why does everyone think im not okay?"

"i dont know man, maybe cause youve been acting weird."

"i have not."

i pressed my back firmly against the wall and whispered "yes you have." to myself.

"come on man, somethings gotta be bothering you. is it y/n?"

"why the hell would it be y/n?"

he said defensively. so it was.

"so it is y/n."

aj said mater-of-factly. chris just sighed.

"can you keep a secret?"

i raised a brow, assuming aj just agreed with him but didnt say anything.

"she just does something to me. i didnt think about it before but she did, this thing, like two weeks ago and i cant stop thinking about it. and not to mention the endless flirting. its getting to me. bad. i think im in love."

my eyes went wide. i wish i knew what it was i did that drove him so mad.

"dude she flirts with every one, thats just how she is."

"i know aj but it was different. i see how she flirts with everyone else and it wasnt like that. it was nice, and genuine."

his voice dropped in volume. he seemed smitten.

"she makes me weak man, my hands get all sweaty and i cant think straight when shes around. i dont know what to do about it."

i breathed deeply and put my head in my hands. if only he would just ask me out.

"and what about the thing that she did? that started all of this?"

my head snapped up. god bless you aj for asking the important questions.

"yeah, i dont even really know what it was. it was just her, like actually her. her personality and the way she just moves. it was unlike anything ive ever seen before, like a curtain had just dropped."

fuck. i knew exactly what he was talking about. i had a tendency to make personalities for different people, act how they wanted me to act and cater to their personal needs. but when i was around him it felt like i didnt have to do that anymore. he dropped his facade for me and i kinda did the same back, we had gotten so much closer up until that point and he saw me for who i really was for the first time ever and that was rare.

"maybe you just like talk to her or something."

i laughed a little to myself that you could barely hear.

"how the hell am i gonna do that? i cant even get words out when shes in the same room as me."

i pushed off the wall and started pacing around the hallway.

"well come on then."

i froze and turned around, walking quickly to the door again. i watched it swing open and aj pulled chris out into the hall, the two of us running into each other.

"shit!"

i said as i fell into him and he tried to steady me.

"are you okay?"

aj laughed.

"look, its perfect timing."

i looked up at him as he winked at me and walked back into the room. chris let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his neck.

"sorry about that. uh can i talk to you y/n?"

i looked up at him and nodded.

"yeah, sure, whats up?"

he took my hand in his and walked a little further down the hall so we werent near the door anymore.

"you asked me earlier what was wrong and i told you nothing but i lied."

i inhaled deeply.

"okay?"

he held both my hands loosely.

"ive been acting weird because i dont know what to do with myself around you. you drive me crazy in such a good way and i cant think straight. my knees get weak, my hands get clamy, i cant eat, i cant breathe."

i pulled one hand out of his and put my finger to his lips to shush him.

"chris you dont have to do that."

he took my hand away from his face.

"but i do. i love you y/n and its killing me."

i bit my lip and just stared up at him. he squeezed my hands.

"please say something. reject me, gratify me, tell me im not crazy, just say something."

i reached up and grabbed his face, pulling him down to me and kissing him deeply. then i heard cheering from behind me and let him go to see who it was. it was aj. i turned back to chris and we both just laughed.

"that enough words for you?"

i asked as i felt a blush creeping its way up my face. he nodded.

"yes. god yes."

he pulled me closer to him and kissed me again. when we pulled away we just smiled at each other like idiots.

"y/n will you be my girlfriend?"

i smiled at him and nodded.

"id love to."

#wattpad #x reader #chris motionless #miw #unedited #one shots #imagines #166

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