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radfemnotfemme · 2 days

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Hi! I see you're a radblr and a lesbian, which is great, because I'm trying to understand something but I feel like I'm biased (I'm hetero) and can't see the lesbian perspective properly. I'd like to ask this to my irl lesbian friend but I'm too afraid of sounding rude. I hope you can help me understand better!

So. Let's forget about personality (which is the most important thing for sure) for a second and let's talk about physical attraction only. Lesbians like women. Lesbians do not like men. So it's reasonable to assume they are attracted to the female body characteristics which differ from the male body (like breasts, large hips, female genitals, etc) just like hetero men are. Ideally, the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be, right?

So, why are many lesbians attracted to the 'butch' type? From my (biased) perspective, butches are like tomboys, so they seem to want to appear less traditionally feminine (example: short hair - not a male characteristic per se, but it is associated to men because most men have short hair; we could discuss this theoretically, but the social bias is undeniable and no one can escape it). Butches share many characteristics (like style, mannerism, etc) with men, to which lesbians should not attracted. But this is disproven by evidence, since many lesbians like butches! Help. I'm terribly confused.

Hi there, thanks for the question! You mentioned that you understand that lesbians are attracted to female body characteristics (such as breasts, wider hips, female genitals.) A woman has these female characteristics regardless if they’re butch or femme. Butch women may be masculine on the outside appearance or through personality, but at the end of the day they have female sex traits that those who are only attracted to males would not find attractive in any capacity. Butches may try to “hide” these bodily female characteristics, but when in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone you’re going to see what their body actually looks like. Short answer is: butches are females, men are males. It’s entirely possible to be attracted to masculinity but find male sex traits (such as no breasts, deep voice, beards, or penis) revolting or not attractive. Straight women who are attracted to feminine men are not homoSEXuals because of this, just as a lesbian isn’t heteroSEXual for liking butches. Same stuff for masculine gay men who attracted to feminine gay men.

You said “Ideally the more feminine the trait, the more attractive it should be?” which I disagree with. Femininity and female have no correlation at its core, as one is of a biological basis and the other is of a societal basis (though they tend to align, I believe masculinity is the natural state of all people anyways and girls are socialized to be very feminine.) ‘The more female a trait, the more attractive it should be to a lesbian’ is a better phrase, but femaleness comes in all sorts of appearance so it doesn’t really indicate anything or make much sense. You brought up short hair as an example of the similarities between men & butches, which i will agree on, but once again, this doesn’t erase the simple biological difference between a man and a butch. I actually happen to be a butch in a relationship with a femme, so i’m going to offer both my viewpoint, and hers:

As a butch who’s generally only attracted to femmes, I used to not be attracted to masculine women or butches. I still am not for the most part. It took a lot of unpacking internalized homophobia & heteronormative social standards for me to understand why. Everyone is raised to believe that the masculine belongs with the feminine as a child, and gay children are not exceptions to this. I think it’s been ingrained in me since a child that the type of person I should be attracted to is a feminine person. I’ve known since childhood that I was not feminine in the way my female peers were, as I’ve always been pretty masculine. When in elementary and early middle school, the boys I “liked” have all turned out to be feminine gay men (lol.) I never really was attracted to these boys of course, but I was attracted to femininity in females and it was the best I thought I could get. I thought that since I had to be with a boy, I would logically just be with a feminine one. When I understood that being lesbian was an option, I never looked back. It’s hard for me to unpack that me being attracted to a masculine woman isn’t me being attracted to a man, and I know this subconsciously is why I say i’m not attracted to butches much at all. I could possibly be attracted to a butch, but i think socialization has its claws gripped into me (and also just a mix of the fact that femininity is my personal preference in a lady.)

I asked my femme girlfriend her thoughts on this, and this is a summarized version of what she had to say (she thought I was asking about myself):

“[A butch] may be mistaken for a man, or be read as a man at first glance, but when you take a closer look it’s undeniable that you’re a woman. Your eyes are beautiful and feminine, you have a gorgeous feminine body & chest. Your hands are soft, small, & delicate (and no i’m not trying to poke fun at your insecurity i’m being serious) When you smile it’s even more obvious that you’re a woman. I am attracted to your masculinity of course, I love that you have muscles, the way you dress, [redacted personal hobbies], your short hair, how in control/dominant you are. I also love your curves, your soft voice, and smooth skin. & you don’t have the personality of a man, you just pick up hobbies and mannerisms most women are afraid will make them appear “manly.” You actually convinced me to start doing [redacted personal hobby] that i never even considered before because I thought of it as something that boys or men do and now I really enjoy it.”

Sorry if this is a bit of a word vomit or not comprehendible, but i wanted to explain as best as I could lol

#rad fem #radical feminism #radblr #female separatism #terfblr #terfsafe #gender critical #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact #radical lesbian

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bullet-prooflove · 10 hours

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Coy: Dean Archer x Reader

Tagging: @kmc1989 @helsinkibaby @hufflepuffgirl @mimi-8793

Releasing early as a birthday gift to my babe @mandy426

Dean found out his wife was cheating on him when he discovered he had syphilis during a routine medical check. He tells you that after you've been trapped in an elevator together for over three hours. He’d exhausted all of the small talk options after the first two so now the you’re digging into the real stuff, the stuff you don’t even tell your best friend because you’re terrified they’ll murder someone on your behalf.

You’d already disclosed how you found your husband fucking another woman on a sheepskin rug in the cabin you owned together. So it was his turn and well that’s apparently that’s the secret he chose to disclose.

“It’s gone now though right?” You say gesturing towards the lower half of his scrubs and he gives you an offended look. “You’re not just walking around sowing your wild oats…”

“One, that would be horribly irresponsible if I didn’t get treated and secondly I do not ‘sow my wild oats’.” He says making bunny ears with his fingers.

“I just assumed, an intelligent, attractive man like yourself would have a busy social calendar.” You say, tucking a stray strand of hair back behind your ear.

“Yea, Netflix and medical journals.” He responds before backtracking. “Wait you think I’m attractive?”

“Dean, don’t be coy.” You say, kicking him lightly in the knee with your shoe.

“I’m not.” He tells you, his cheeks colouring as he tilts his head back towards the ceiling and closes his eyes. “I can’t remember the last time someone told me they found me attractive. It’s usually grumpy, egotistical…”

He laughs before he tips his head towards you, his eyes meeting yours.

“I’m not selling myself am I?”

“Do you feel like you need to?” You ask him and he frowns before he shakes his head.

“No I…” He trails off before he looks at you a little differently. “I’ve never felt like that with you, it doesn’t feel like trying. Hell I’ve just told you I’ve had syphilis so I think we can discern I feel pretty damn comfortable around you.”

“Yea.” You say with a sigh, tucking your hands into your pockets. “Comfortable.”

“I’ve said something wrong.” He says quietly. “I didn’t mean…”

“No.” You say softly, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s just, I’m not the girl that gets the guy. I’m the weird one that cuts up bodies in the morgue.”

“You do a valuable job, we learn things from that, people get closure.” You give him a look and he realises he’s doing it again, saying the wrong thing. “I’m not explaining myself well.”

“No you are.” You say with a smile that doesn’t meet your eyes. “I understand perfectly.”

Silence falls between the two of you and now it’s his turn to sigh because he’s never been good at communicating, not when it comes to the important stuff. Up until three hours ago you were just a colleague, the woman he had a thing for. And now…

“I’ve always thought you were beautiful.” He tells you because you took a risk and now it’s his turn. “And it has been intimidating actually, because you’re also smart and funny. The perfect package.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

He can tell you don’t believe him, why would you? You’re ex-husband spent years lying to about his affairs. He knows how that feels, how it erodes at your self-worth. He also knows that sometimes actions speak louder than words.

“I mean it.” He tells you, his fingertips tilting up your chin so that he can look into your eyes. “I never thought I had a shot with you.”

“We’re idiots aren’t we?” You say softly as his thumb traces over the apple of your cheek.

“We are trapped in an elevator.” He agrees, his nose trailing along the length of yours. “And I’m terrified what other secrets I may end up spilling if we stay in here any longer.”

“You wanna do something other than talk?” You ask him and he smiles against the corner of your mouth.

“Yea.” He whispers, his lips brushing over yours. “I think I would.”

Love Dean? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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#dean archer #dean archer x reader #steven weber #one chicago #chicago med

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raybug-theradfem · 17 hours

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Its not a normal female experience to hate being seen as a girl by society this much, and to feel so trapped living as a woman. It's also not normal to hate men and trans people this much, do you think perhaps such hatred could come from jealousy? I feel like you might be a lot happier if you transitioned. Imagine dressing in men's clothing, and being called a guy by your freinds, imagine people who are attracted to men finding you handsome, imagine people complimenting you as you slowly look more and more like a cute boy. I feel like you'd be a happy boy, you'd be a sweet boy, you'd be a handsome boy...

I don’t hate being seen as a girl. I hate being seen as less of a person for being a girl. I don’t hate trans people, I hate the restrictions of gender. Women can wear boys clothes and vice versa. Why would I be jealous of the sex that goes bald in their 30s? I enjoy thinking with my brain and not my genitals thanks. I would not be happier if I transitioned because I am not trans, I am a girl. Being called a guy by my friends or any of those other things you listed do not appeal to me because I am a girl. The ending of your message sounds like something a creepy man in his basement would say trying to groom someone. You don’t know me, why do you feel like you know how I would feel? Trying to convince me into transitioning by giving me compliments is really weird, that’s a tool of grooming (I know from my past). The fact that you can’t see a girl being happy existing as a person without restricting herself based on her sex or changing her appearance to be respected is a you problem.

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #terfsafe #radical feminists do interact #terfblr #girlblogging #misandry #this is a girlblog #transgender #why are you weird #this is not normal #fan mail

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lhomura · 18 hours

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Its not a normal female experience to hate being seen as a girl by society this much, and to feel so trapped living as a woman. It's also not normal to hate men and trans people this much, do you think perhaps such hatred could come from jealousy? I feel like you might be a lot happier if you transitioned. Imagine dressing in men's clothing, and being called a guy by your freinds, imagine people who are attracted to men finding you handsome, imagine people complimenting you as you slowly look more and more like a cute boy. I feel like you'd be a happy boy, you'd be a sweet boy, you'd be a handsome boy...

You can acknowledge my problem is because of society, not me.

Why do I have to change myself in order to be treated right?

I feel trapped living as a woman because of the way I am treated for it, not because I am a man deep down. I will always be a woman.

I have identified as a trans man at a young age, I desisted eventually and am so glad I did not go through any medical transition.

The only things I have posted about myself personally (other than talking about abuse) is that I dress masculine, have short hair and dislike the way I have been treated as a woman. All of that must make me a man?

I am already a cute, happy, sweet, handsome woman.

#radblr #radical feminists do interact #trans exclusionary radical feminist #radical feminist community #radical feminism #radical feminist safe #god forbid a woman has short hair dresses comfortably and dislike sexism

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nicercymybeloved · 3 months

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Very attached to the idea that if Percy had been a woman she would have been named Ariadne. Like, I know that Persephone is a popular fanon name for female Percy because it's a nice way to keep her nickname. I've also seen Andromeda used by some because she lives a long life with Perseus in the myths. But Sally would have at least considered it right? Because Ariadne's a popular female figure in mythology, linked to both Theseus and Dionysus, two other famous figures in mythology. She was a clever mortal princess who was dealt a bad hand because her father's arrogance allowed him to think that he could get away with defying a god, just like how Poseidon's arrogance allowed him to think that he could get away with breaking the pact he made with Zeus and Hades. And in the end, Ariadne survived both her family's legacy and Theseus's abandonment, becoming Dionysus's immortal wife in both the PJO universe and in many retellings of the myth of the Minotaur and Theseus in real life. Ariadne got to live out her happy ending just like how Perseus did in mythology, which is the main reason why Sally even gave Percy the name Perseus to begin with. Am I delusional to think that Sally would have given a female Percy the name Ariadne? Who the fuck knows. But I'm so attached to the idea that it literally just supersedes any other name I could have come up with

#if i am just let me believe. i'm just very attached to the idea of little 12 year old ariadne “ari” jackson meeting mr. d and being like #'wow. this is the husband of the woman i'm named after. why couldn't the gods at least let me think he was attractive'#'because dear god the way he's presenting himself is such a let down. ariadne girl i am questioning your taste'#oh my god percy would so drag this man and mentally just question everything when he finally brings homegirl up in titan's curse #also this may or may not be related to the lesbian nicercy canon divergent fic i'm constantly just writing in my mind #already re-imagined their interactions at percy's birthday so many times and god its so romantic in my head #pjo #female percy jackson #percy jackson #lesbian nicercy canon divergent au #yuri's ideas

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jyndor · 1 year

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cait’s 31st celebration

@ne8ula requested one of ur top 5 movies | el laberinto del fauno/pan’s labyrinth (2006) dir. guillermo del toro

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caruliaa · 6 months

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just bc im a lesbian doesnt mean tht i wont at times become deeply entranced with the beauty of male actor or character. it just means i wld rather be locked in a room with a man with a knife than do anything romantic or sexual with one

#NO OFFENCE TO MEN AS PEOPLE THAT EXIST. but also i shldnt have to say tht after saying this yk #also b4 u say ooh ur aro tho why do u need to specifcy u wldnt do anything romantic w a man when i wldnt with a woman either #i am actually pretty romance favorable. like i would be in a romantic relationship with a woman if it wldnt ruin my life #with how it is rn . i think i like and want all the parts tht make up a romantic relationship i just dont experince romantic attraction #but anyway i was here to talk abt my sexuality not my romantic orientation #this post was originally like 'im remembering why there was such a huge overlap with my og major starkid hyperfixation #and me identifing as bisexual' but the thing is is the main main guy from starkid i remember being attracted too #was infact . rob. and thats aged badly bc of it being revealed that hes a fucking creep since then #but also just now not that we should ignore tht but regardless of that i just. dont see it at all #maybe it is that news subconsiously turning me off him but i really dont see that much what i liked abt his appearance #but who rly inspired this post to me is infact . jeff blim ? which is suprising just from the fact tht i dont ever remember #having tht big of a crush on him with that og starkid hyperfixation. but well he is a very beautiful man . giggling a little bit. sorry .#also becoming a bit obsessed with joey richter but thts just standard lesbian obssesion with a weird little man #not attractive to me im just obssesed with him. hi #also posting this now so when i finally watch the fnaf movie i can rb it abt josh hutcherson #anyway. does anyone read these tags do these long rants i go on like. turn ppl off of my posts. sometimes i wonder #flappy rambles

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hana-no-seiiki · 1 month

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??!?!??

I’m this 👌🏽 close to losing it

so fucken close 💀

#this is so painful when i literally question why i’m not as attracted to men as i am to women #like a man could literally treat me like a god in a relationship but i would still want to be with a woman #like jfc i grew up with mlp #barbie #regularly watch devil wears prada #and simp for women #but this still happens??#atp im giving up on defending myself #hns.txt💬

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kafkaguy · 2 years

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havin a gender crisis at the train station lol #epic

#reading some lesbian comics and marvelling at the butch experience.......... and then also going into Brain Explode Mode bcos #of how similar it is to the transmasc experience #understanding why so many trans dudes are like 'oh what im just butch or a very masculine woman'#and butches are like 'oh what if im a trans guy'#THE VENN DIAGRAMS BRO. INTERSECTIONS AND CONNECTIONS AND SHARED EXPERIENCES #we are FRIENDS but also its making me feel all . What If She Pronouns. What If More Nonbinary Than I Thought...#cos the thing IS as a bisexual i do feel like my sexuality and gender identity are so intertwined its sometimes annoying #so i cannot think of it as like Ah Yes I Like Men Therefore Im a Homosexual #its a like. i like EVERYONE therefore i am EVERYTHING cos ALL my attraction feels Gay with a capital G #im gay for women im gay for men im gay for everything in between and outside #but i dont see my attraction to women as attraction to the opposite gender cos i dont see women as Opposite or necessarily separate #and vice versa i dont see my attraction to guys as . excuse the outdated language - 'same sex attraction'#because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow?#the binary is fucked identity is everchanging and ever molding and i am just a little wavelength of light floating through space #THEREFORE. idk where i was going with this #i just think that queerness and humanity are so much more complicated than any of us realise #and sometimes it is so frustrating and tiring seeing other people like me and wjth the same experiences as me #being so conservative and so assuming and trying to generalise something so personal #i am not Doing Trans Wrong . there is no wrong to be trans imo #and i also think we need to be kinder to detransitioned people + transmasc lesbians / transfem gays + nonbinary bisexuals ok thanks bye

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natjennie · 1 year

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don't feel lesbian about a middle aged man challenge... failed 😔😔

#why do his bts pics all look like this #anyway. feeling lesbian about Ben Willbond I'm sorry #no yknow what. I'm not sorry.#isn't sexuality so weird. like I feel distinctly lesbian about him #he is a man I am a woman. and yet? I am attracted to him in a gay way #shhh don't make fun of me for this I'm telling you guys in confidence

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woolydemon · 3 months

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i am so apathetic to popular male transformers characters, but i have a simple trick to make me care abt them: i turn them into robot women then i suddenly start seeing their appeal

#grimlock would be so awesome as a butch woman. DO YOU HEAR ME DOES ANYBODY HEAR ME HELLOOOO #also crazy in depth conversation i had abt this made me think abt why i get rlly. apathetic abt popular tf characters #esp when i realize all the popular characters im Whatever abt are all men #but i always have interest in the female ones and also the niche little weird guys #you are looking at rare scrounge fan. rare wheelie fan. and Number 1 Fan of Blurr*#*when hes a dorky weird anxious guy. yknow the ones ppl dont care abt bc hes “annoying” and “ugly”#i dont give as much of a shit abt the handsome cocky racer blurrs #i realize. because tf fandom has a weird thing abt only caring abt how attractive a character is #and tends to gravitate to male characters for that aspect #like lets be real here. there is such a high priority in this fandom for what characters look best in porn. im right.#and ppl love the yaoi robots for that.#and i. am on the aroace spectrum. and do not find as much attraction in men (though i do sometimes. just less so)#so this doesnt appeal to me #so i find myself so incredibly apathetic or a hater to a lot of the tf fandom bc of this #in turn i do not care so much for the popular characters or straight up see them as red flags (admittedly im a bit irrational for this tho)#a lot of times i get a feeling like “ok whats so special abt this guy. its just another conventionally attractive man" it feels boring to m #so that might explain why i become more interested in these characters if they arent men #this is all being said from a nonbinary person that leans more transmasc btw. just noting that.#rando thoughtz

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lesbiansanemi · 3 months

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Gay trans men be normal about women challenge. Especially trans women and lesbians

#why are they so misogynistic. like why. lol. lmao even. it's infuriatingly hysterical #and not just misogyny in general #the TRANSMISOGYNY??????#lord. god. dear fucking jesus it's goddamn horrendous #also genuinely one of THE MOST lesbophobic groups of ppl i have ever had the displeasure of interacting with #the disdain for women hidden behind 'well i'm not a woman nor attracted to them uwu it's okay to talk about how awful and gross and terribl #they all are. also i will accuse all of them for being either transphobic or a misandrist or both if they confront me about this'#'because i am trans and a minority group so therefore i can never be wrong uwu'#insane behavior #the way so many of them view afab nonbinary ppl as Women Lite because if you're not a binary trans man who wants to pass as cis perfectly #you are irrelevant and can have no opinions on trans topics or experience transphobia or identify it #crazyyyyyyyyyyyy #don't even get me started on the 'transandrophobia truthers' just admit you can't handle trans women being the main topic of conversation f #for once. not even in discussions over their fucking oppression #and don't even get me started on the internalized shit. like not just the misogyny but honestly this weird brand of transphobia #and homophobia too. it's fucking wild #once again. lol. lmao even.#sorry i saw some stupid shit this morning (and it's been building for a while) and I want to bitch. i'm tired. i'm so fucking tired #it's such a trend i have seen in this group of ppl #OBVIOUSLY i know they are not all like this but GODDAMN a lot of them are #and any time someone tries to point out any issues with the community they're just accused of being a bigot. whatever x-phobia is convenien #to cry at the time #okay i'll shut up now #kaz rambles

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vvolkulja · 9 months

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hate how im not ugly and can be considered beautiful up until im compared to any other woman. especially those with a thin light frame. and my face looks just almost "classically" beautiful, almost, if you squint and i stand alone. my body too. literally can only compete because im busty which isnt even a plus because what else is there if i wasnt.

#i sincerely doubt anyone would consider me the most beautiful and attractive woman in the world #im not even among the top no wonder i got cheated on #i hope im reincarnated at least as someone with a naturally light frame #god why do i even care. it doesnt matterrrrrr #im ranting because im on my period and body dismorphia is kicking in #especially hate how i rediscovered the pic where i was skinny i looked better tbh. hate it.#i just want to feel like im enough man which i am but made the mistake of comparing myself to other women. again.#moje

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dairogo · 2 years

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Berthold Hawkeye, having just finished his life's work, the theory of flame alchemy: Now, how to make sure that my research outlives me but is only passed on to someone worthy

Flashback to his [intellectually remarkable but politically naive student who left in a huff when Berthold refused to take action to help the corrupt, military-led country they live in] flirting with his [quiet, capable and strong-of-conscience daughter who reminds him of his dead wife because she doesn't shy away from hard things she doesn't like].

Berthold: now that's a canvas I can work with.

#B: he reminds me of when I was younger and charmed a woman into estrangement from her family #B: I am also a very attractive man #B: Riza? why would she have opinions about this?#Berthold Hawkeye's A+ parenting #secret shipper with an agenda #just like Grumman tbh #Berthold Hawkeye #Riza Hawkeye #Roy Mustang #Royai #young Royai

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musical-chick-13 · 5 months

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Fandom be normal about bi women challenge (impossible. apparently.)

#look. I too am tired of (white) men getting praised for the bare minimum #but you all do realize that sometimes women do genuinely fall in love with men right #that women are capable of making their own decisions about who they date right #this is one of the reasons that I hate the 'genuinely I hate every single individual man' rhetoric #because so many times it goes hand in hand with this infantilization of women who are attracted to men #it's like 'oh these poor girls trapped in their attraction to men' and then like...treating them as if they are incapable of making informe #choices? like they're just inherently doomed to gravitate toward awful men because they Don't Know Any Better and are #Brainwashed By Society??? please tell me you understand why treating women as if they are too stupid to make their own decisions #is just misogyny again. you understand that right. RIGHT.#'why would you CHOOSE to date a man instead of doing the RESPONSIBLE and PROGRESSIVE and REVOLUTIONARY thing and date a woman!'#because sometimes. women fall in love with men. you can't. you can't will love into existence. you can't control who you fall in love with.#and people-if it's feasible-tend to want to commit to someone they have actual feelings for. what's not clicking here.#(and yes obviously this is a niche-queer-spaces-specific problem people don't have discourse about this in this way irl like the #general population isn't telling me I should only ever be attracted to women and date one solely For The Cause they don't want me #to be interested in women at all. that doesn't stop me from being annoyed every time I see said niche-space-specific ''''take'''')#it's especially confusing to me when BISEXUAL PEOPLE are like this about other bisexual people. like you of all people. should know #how maligned we are from multiple conflicting angles #In the Vents #biphobia #like I know I talk SO much about women and how I want to marry one but that genuinely is just because historically I have been more #attracted to women than men. if I meet a man I click with and fall in love with then hell yeah I'm gonna date him and be happy about it.#I'm not opposed to that outcome at all. but heaven forbid I ever say that lmao

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epicdogymoment · 9 months

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once again rubbed the wrong way by friends who unintentionally reveal that they dont really engage with my masculinity in any real way and see me as nonbinary (female-lite)

#leologisms #...................i need more trans friends. in real life #its so frustrating. your gay friends knowing youre transgender but still being able to tell that yeah. they really do just see you as #female-lite. and pushing back by overcorrecting the other way. but im NOT a trans man! and im not a woman either! and the label #nonbinary doesnt fit me even if other people might understand my identity best as under that label. im just transgender. none of #your business. but hearing people say 'well thats why you dont date men' and 'ugh i hate men' etc while i KNOW what they mean #the fact that theyre ok just saying that around me. TO me. a bisexual transgender. feels so bad.#not only am i not masculine in their eyes theyre also telling me that to them masculinity is inherently. dirty. dangerous. but thank god IM #not like that right? hahaha!!!!! thank god i would never be attracted to masculinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#.........god. anyway. the thing that prompted this happened a few days ago now and it was just a throwaway comment #but my awful brain loves latching onto those. so whatever.

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