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stardew-saloon · 3 years

Note

Weird headcannon request: what would your favorite villagers do in an apocalypse

Listen listen listen. I fucking love anything to do with the apocalypse, especially when zombies are involved. So I’ll write about that !!

This one took a while, sorry ! I wanted to include at least all of the bachelors, and then bachelorettes in another post maybe if I’m not lazy.

Also I follow someone on my other account and I really liked how they like, used different colors to highlight names, so I think I’m gonna do that ! It’s just cute okay :)

Bachelors in the Apocalypse

Alex

Alex thinks of himself as the most ready for the apocalypse. He’s got what he and his family need to survive for months. Food, weapons (Mostly just old baseball bats), clothes, and the Will to Survive.

The zombies probably come from Zuzu city. City people are dumb and get infected right when the virus hits. Everyone in SDV is safe. For now, at least.

Alex, unlike the other villagers, refuses to interact with anyone but his grandparents. He keeps contact extremely limited with people. The only time he ever interacts is when he goes to drop off cookies at Haley’s house, per Evelyn’s request.

He does miss his best friend, though. He misses everyone. He misses that time where he didn’t hear zombies going around the town, banging on doors and smacking their heads against windows. It sucks!

Alex takes a number of zombies down. He’s easily one of the toughest bachelors, plus he’s super strong. He wants to eventually take out all of them, make the valley a safe haven like it used to be. There’s still a long ways to go, but he’s slowly making progress.

His grandparents, especially Evelyn, help out by cooking for him and others. Alex helps out other villagers by dropping off little care-packages. It’s cute! It’s also his way of keeping in contact with everyone and making sure they’re okay.

Alex is the one in a zombie apocalypse movie to survive until the end. He makes the smartest choices and keeps his family safe. He can’t afford to lose anyone else.

Harvey

As a doctor, Harvey’s first thought when he hears about the zombie apocalypse is that he needs to find a cure.

And so he tries to. For about a week. Maru is in the office with him for a while, going back and forth from her house to the doctor’s office. It’s tough experimenting on zombies and it feels.. wrong.

Even though they’re a zombie, Harvey knows that there’s a person in there. Was a person. So he gives up on the cure and instead focuses on keeping the citizens healthy.

Harvey is a goddamn tank. Were he to be partnered with Alex, the zombies would be gone within two days. However, they have different concerns. Alex keeps the zombies away from the valley, and Harvey keeps them away from houses.

They have a good system. Harvey goes around the houses to do checkups, trying to keep some form of order in the new world. He makes sure the oldies stay healthy, despite being cooped up, and that the people that are out fighting stay un-zombieified.

I think Harvey would almost last to the end, but makes a careless mistake and gets bit. Fortunately, a cure comes around! He still did research on the zombies during the apocalypse, and his notes came in handy.

Elliott

You’d think by now that Elliott would be used to being cooped up in his house. He’s practically a hermit! The only time he used to go out was to sit by the ocean or see Leah at the bar.

Now that he has to stay in, he doesn’t like it. It’s the same as all of us with quarantine. Elliott never went out much before, but now that he can’t, he wants to.

He feels like dying of boredom within a week. Fortunately, the sense of impending doom creates a good writing atmosphere. He finishes at least three books during the span of the apocalypse.

However, Elliott isn’t very smart about his survival. He either forgets to eat the food that Alex drops off, or eats it before the week is up. It’s tough.

Eventually, Elliott decides he can’t survive on his own like this. He feels like he’s going mad. It makes for nice poetry, but for now, he needs to prioritize his health.

So he makes his way to Leah’s! He figures it’s probably a good idea. Nobody ever said that you couldn’t hang out with friends, or stay with them.

While going to Leah’s, he’s not very careful with avoiding any zombies. He’s not attacked, but he is followed. Leah let’s him in of course, and then end up holed up in her house. She’s lucky enough to have the forest near her house, so she can rely on that.

Elliott probably trips up somewhere and ends up dying first, joining the rest of the zombies. He’s not very good at being a zombie, though. Which might be for the best! He doesn’t run around very much and usually just hangs back by himself.

Sam

Sam thinks he’s going to be good at the whole apocalypse thing. He’s like “I’ve played enough first-person shooter zombie games to know how to fight them off.” Then the second he’s put into combat, he falters and doesn’t know what to do.

Lucky for him, Jodi is good at fighting. Kent knows how to defend the house. Vincent knows how to ask dozens of questions about what’s going on.

And Sebastian knows how to sneak into Sam’s window at night when they haven’t seen each other in a while. They still try and keep close, but most of their conversations are over the phone. It gets lonely, sometimes.

Sam isn’t necessarily smart about the apocalypse because he doesn’t need to be. He feels bad about relying on his parents, but you would too if you had his kickass parents.

He knows how to keep Vincent safe! Vincent is taken out at least once a week, mostly to see Jas. He misses her a lot. Sam likes to see Shane, too! He misses working with his buddy, even if his body was a grouchy alcoholic that waved him off whenever Sam got within ten feet of him. Good times.

Sam really wants things to be normal again, so he tries to stick with Alex whenever he sees him out. They’re good at fighting, but Sam is very chatty and often gets distracted by other things.

Other things are usually Abigail waving out of her window and whisper-shouting for Sam. Sometimes she’ll whip out the Samson!!! just to get his attention. It usually works. Alex will take a minute just to tease him.

Sam either survives until the end of the apocalypse, or dies about halfway through while on his many night trips to see Sebastian and Abigail.

Sebastian

Apocalypse? He doesn’t even know her.

Sebastian’s life is literally the exact same. Aside from hearing less people upstairs, nothing has changed about his life. Demetrius is upstairs working on a cure or something (Seb tuned out the second he started talking) and Maru goes off with Harvey sometimes.

He heard Robin say something about building a wall or something to keep the zombies out. He wasn’t planning to help very much, seeing as the others mom and some other villagers wanted to help out. Really, the only place the zombies are coming in is through the tunnel for the bus, so if they block that off, they’ll be fine.

Sebastian is more focused on other things. Like staying in contact with Sam and Abigail to make sure that they’re still kicking. Demetrius doesn’t let anyone outside of the house, so Sebastian sneaks everywhere, whether it’s outside to go smoke or to see his friends.

He’s pretty good at fighting, though. He can defend himself a whole lot better than Sam, who he thoughts would have more experience. They both thought his video game theory was true because they’re both dummies.

Those few times where Seb does get out of the house, he’s like a zombie killing machine. It’s too bad he’s doesn’t do it very often. He’s good at sneaking around, too. Those years of tiptoeing around the house to avoid his stepdad yelling at him are really paying off.

Honestly, the whole apocalypse could end and the zombies could dissapear, and Sebastian would have no idea. He'd still be down in the basement, messaging his friends and working on his coding.

Or, for a worse ending, zombies could storm his house, saving him for last, and he wouldn’t know until it was too late and he was surrounded by a horde.

I think Seb would end up surviving, though. He’s not necessarily good at the apocalypse, he’s just good at avoiding it.

Shane

When Shane thought about sobering up, he never imagined he’d have to do it like this. The apocalypse is pain in the ass for him.

He stays with Marnie and Jas, rarely leaving the property. He doesn’t like being holed up inside for so long because then he’s just alone with his thoughts, so Jas keeps him going most of the time.

As much as he hates to admit it, he misses his old life. He hated being employed at Joja, but it gave him something to do. And yeah, he misses his annoying coworker. Lucky for him, he gets to see him one a week when Sam and Vincent pop in.

Shane can act like he’s annoyed all he wants, but now? It’s he apocalypse. Why should he be so bitter?

I’m not going to say that the apocalypse changes Shane’s attitude, but he definitely has some revelations about himself that he wouldn’t have had under different circumstances.

Shane doesn’t like fighting zombies. Not as much as Alex does, anyways. But he still helps him out if it’s ever necessary. Shane is infinitely better at defending than he is attacking. He makes sure to keep the zombies away from their house, and the town in general.

Sometimes, Marnie will ask him to deliver stuff to Leah’s house, or Sam’s since they’re awfully close. It feels like a job to him, so he actually enjoys it. He’s surprised to see Elliott at Leah’s and immediately assumes they’re banging. He doesn’t ask any questions, though. He doesn’t care.

Shane probably ends up dying after a tiny mistake that could’ve easily been avoided. He doesn’t see it as that bad, since Jas is still safe. That was all that mattered to him, really. He either dies after a few months, or an entire year into the apocalypse. Either way he does not go down easily.

I would like everyone to know that I wrote these thinking that Lewis holes himself up in his house and does not help anyone out, so they kick him out and elect Alex as mayor. It was a silly thought I had, but then I just went with it.

Alex for Mayor 2020.

It’s not necessarily like, an official position, but they all kinda trust Alex to protect them, so he just assumes the position. He’s not the smartest, which is why Penny was elected to be Vice-Mayor (Alex’s words). They do a good job running the place.

Anyways that’s all! Hope you enjoyed! Sorry this took so long, it was a lot to write hah.

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whirlybirdwhat · 3 years

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Heyo~ I just wanted to say that your fanfics have inspired me to write my owns, they're so good!!

But my writing isn't nearly as good, do you have any advices for this starting writer? <3

oh my gosh anon !!!!!! im ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ !! im so glad they inspire you, and I wish you all the best on your writing!!! you got this, and please link them if/when you post!!!! 👀👀👀

as for advice - i got a few things!

first off, your writing is yours, and - especially in fic - there isn't necessarily a type of 'good' writing, just different skill sets! for instance, i find that my weak point is dialogue, while im great at worldbuilding + emotions. another writer might be the opposite, but it doesn't mean my writing is 'bad' and theirs is 'good' or the reverse, simply that we have different strengths! as you grow as a writer, you will find your strengths and learn to grow them, and your weak points! there is truly no standard, so don't put yourself down!!

moving on to more advice however - (EDIT: theres a tldr at the bottom because sorry, i rambled a bit!!)

1. write. it doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter how! I have written fics on sticky notes in the middle of class (whiskey peak chapter of esom) on discord in the span of a few hours (make a choice (turncoat hero)) and in my notes apps (the ace/yamato fic i posted)!! if you learn to write anywhere you please, this will keep ideas from leaving your mind, and allow you to get into the zone that there doesn't have to be a set time to write!

2. length never matters for a fic. If 100 words is all it takes to write what you want to write, then 100 words is all it takes! don't let the general adoration for long fics to scare you off from writing, and write what you're comfortable with. I know writers who only write chapter fics, and writers who will only write one shots (then there's me, who tries to do both at once lol.)

3. when i am lost with the plot of a fic, the first thing i do is draft an outline of what i want to happen next. this is just a simple bullet point outline, in the general fashion of, say

- luffy gets a different hat post pirate king

- monkey steals hat

- luffy calls for zoro

- zoro sleeping?? sanji kicks him then fight

- the monkey is revealed as the red haired pirates monkey

- shanks shows up "miss me anchor?" party time

brief, follows a simple set of actions, perhaps one or two lines that i thought of while writing, and gives me a skeleton to follow so that when i lose myself in a fic i know where i can go next. Some people find it useful to do this at the beginning with a super detailed plot, and others never write a outline at all! it depends again on how you grow as a writer, so don't be afraid to try different things out when you approach a fic

4. stuck on a part? writer block? can't focus? get up drink a glass of water, and get back to writing! i find this helps me get refocused on writing when i am stuck, a little body 'wake up' as you will.

5. never EVER delete a scene from a fic. never. NEVER. move that scene to another doc, put it in a 'scrapped writing' folder, idc, but never delete it entirely. it helps you grow as a writer, and you can always put the scene back/reword it, etc. i cannot count on my hands how many times i have reworked a previously scrapped portion of a fic and came out the better for it!

6. having multiple wips is okay!! celebrate it even!! i always have at least five docs for five separate fics up on my computer at all times so i can shuffle between them when writing and write what im inspire for in that moment. its okay if you never make headway on one of them, as long as the ideas keep flowing

7. want to get something out quick? word wars are your friend - set a timer for 15 minutes, and write as many words as you can. this is especially fun if you have someone doing it with you, so you can compare counts at the end and share your story!!

8. writing, like all art, takes time. and, generally, there is a chance you will write faster when you first set out to write then you will later, because later, you will be more conscious of your word choices and be more deliberate and careful in your plot, rather than just churning out works. It's okay if you don't churn out 5k a day - writing is not an obligation!

9. have. fun. im serious! write what you want to write, even if it seems no one will love it or like it or want to read it - write what brings you joy, what makes you smile, even if it's something that's been done a thousand times before!! this is what fic is, for your own personal enjoyment. Additionally, do not be discouraged if there's a low amount of reviews for something you put your heart and soul. it sucks ass, yes, (i have a couple fics i love which have only gotten like, a quarter of attention of some of my other fics) but ultimately, the idea you wrote down is one you want to see in the world!! it doesn't quite matter what anyone else likes.

10. grammarly, word counter, word, etc - anything with a spellcheck is your best friend, and will generally catch things you miss if you cant find someone to proofread for you. additionally, if you want to be more critical of your fic, look for friends tto give constructive critcism, but know that you absolutely do not have to accept it from any stranger online unless you asked specifically for it.

11. fanon is fanon and popular headcanons are popular headcanons and both are absolutely not canon. you do NOT have to follow it if you do not want to.

12. read!!! i read a lot of fic, a lot of published books, and each has something i really enjoy and apply to my own fics.

13. to reiterate again just... write. write and write and write. i have over 300k posted to ao3 rn, and more in my docs. you will not improve your writing to any standard that you set for yourself unless you write!! always practice!! learn from your mistakes!! grow!!! you will improve with time, i promise, just go out and write what makes you happy anon!!

tl;dr have fun, write a lot wherever and whenever, and write for yourself before anyone else. you will improve with time as a writer the more you practice, and it doesn't ever matter how long your work is.

if you want more specific advice on formatting fic/general rules/ your first time posting, feel free to send another ask!! but for now, i wish you the best of luck anon and a very 👀👀👀👀 at your future fics!!!

#that was #so much rambling i am sorry but i do hope its helpful!!#whirlywhat #whirlyanswers #advice #writing #fic writing advice #fic advice

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allkindsofplatinumandpercocet · 5 years

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Writing Reflection 2018

I was tagged by the amazing @shark-myths, whom I adore endlessly.

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: This is a tough one because I updated a lot of in-process works so… let’s just call this stories I at the very least updated: that answer is 9 Wow. I kinda suck.

2. Word count posted for the year: 61,975. And again… I kinda suck.

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting) We are including updates on here, okay?

Choking on their Halos( Update)

That Ultra Kind Of Love

And In The End, I’d Do It All Again

Drunk On Rosewater (Update)

It’s Our Time Now

Why That Looks So Unique

Lead Me Home (Update)

I Feel Too Much

When Christmas Comes This Time Each Year

4. Fandoms I wrote for: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! At The Disco, Original

5. Pairings: Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump/OFC, Patrick Stump/OFC, Pete Wentz/Patrick Stump/Other, Frank Iero/Gerard Way

6 Story with the most: The most… hits? Kudos? Anything? This year t was probably And In The End, I’d Do It All Again

9: Work I'm most proud of (and why): Oh Gosh… It’s gonna sound weird but Lead Me Home, despite having one comment and an absolutely minuscule amount of hits. Then again, it is an ofic, so. Second to that probably And In The End… I LOVE that story and the emotions it brings with it, right along with its remix.

10: Work I'm least proud of (and why): Almost all of them, in a weird way. It was a really bad year for me, writing-wise and I don’t know that I gave anything it’s proper attention and energy.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From And In The End….

“How much does that ridiculous prank earlier have to do with your sudden need to mark me like you are a dog and I am a hydrant?” There was humor behind Patrick’s words, dry as they were; his voice was trashed. There were probably about ninety-seven things that he should have done after the show, number one drinking more fucking water, and maybe some tea, but Pete had other ideas and Patrick had never been able to say no to him. It was a fault, and he knew it. The chuckle against his neck was warm and rich, one of Pete’s rare real laughs. They were like his smiles; when they were genuine, Patrick could swear that there was not a damn thing wrong in the world. He was seeing them less and less these days.

“You caught that, huh?” Not even a hint of shame, absolutely none; quite the opposite, actually. That was his Pete. No, not his Pete, never his Pete. Lauren’s Pete. The gold band around Pete’s finger, cold even now as it rested against Patrick’s thigh, was a constant reminder of that.

“Of course I did, a little credit please.”

“Your ass isn’t his to touch.” The explanation was simple and soft, the humor went out of it quickly and replaced with an uncharacteristic seriousness that was especially sobering. Patrick hated it and squirmed away, filing the last, stolen moments away until next time, even if he told himself there wouldn’t be a next time.

“My ass isn’t yours to worry about.” And there it was, the truth that they always danced around, laid out cold and quiet. It hung in the air heavy and thick between them and Patrick couldn’t look at Pete as he wriggled out of his arms to find his pants.

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received: Oh God…. I am always absolutely floored by every single review, literally. But I think @folie-aplusieurs comment on Halos kind of blew me away, seriously.

13. A time when writing was really, really hard: All year? I was stuck in a horrid job for six months, working 60+ hours a week for a 40-hour salary, not taking care of myself and pretty fucking overwhelmed… i wrote nearly nothing in that time span because I could barely get it together to get out of bed. I’m sorry about that.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I think, probably Remix Patrick from It’s Our Time Now. I was already so familiar with this universe and its inhabitants, but for some reason he struck me as so starkly different when he wasn’t so very sad. I love him.

15. How did you grow as a writer this year?: I think I probably regressed, so….

16. How do you hope to grow next year?: I have a set time to write, hopefully every day, but at least three times a week, and I am attempting to track it. I am not, however, beating myself up if I miss something because that does no good to anyone.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Oh God… @laudanumcafe, @das-verlorene-kind_d, @sn1tchesandtalkers, @a-smile-like-that @shatteredmirrors-and-lace23, @folie-aplusieurs, @secretstudentdragonblog, @the-chaotic-panda.… I know I am missing people but the entirety of the Birb Pack.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Not really, no. Music. Does music count?

19.Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Be kind to yourself. Words are fickle and may not always do what you want. If you aren’t taking care of yourself, the likelihood that anything else can flourish is slim. HOWEVER…. Sometimes the opposite is true. Use what you have, take from reality and expand on it. Take risks and don’t be afraid of them. DON’T LOOK AT YOUR STATS.

20.Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I am hoping to finish Halos (Finally!!!), as well as continue Sweet Baker Boys and The Angel and Reapers. I ahve a remix to continue remixing and a hooker to be nice to. As for new projects… I’ve a bleach blonde boy to play with, an accidential pimp, and a few more bouncing around in my head. You probably haven’t seen the last of the Hallmark family either. And Grace… she will get more as well.

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. Literally everybody, okay?

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goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years

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The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 28 - 29

I honestly don’t know how it can get worse from here.

So they start the real official meeting that Rowan called in Rolfe’s office, and Aelin wastes no time making me want to rip my eyes out.

[Rowan’s] face—oh, gods, [Aelin]’d missed that harsh, unyielding face

Back to Ratlin (that’s what I’m calling it from now on) splooging I see. Great. Can’t wait for multiple paragraphs of Aelin busting a nut at the thought of Rowan’s peen while SJM insists these books have a plot.

Aelin decided she didn’t particularly give a shit who was watching and rose up on her toes to brush her mouth against [Rowan’s].

UHHH WHAT THE FUCK AELIN. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT MEETINGS THAT’LL DETERMINE IF ROLFE JOINS YOUR WAR EFFORT OR NOT YOU CAN’T JUST - oh forget it, I’ll just sound like a broken record.

[Aelin] just prayed she’d be able to warn Aedion before he ran into his father - who was now sitting two seats down from her, gawking at her as if she had ten heads. Gods, even the expression was like Aedion’s. How hadn’t she noticed that this spring in Wendlyn?

My monkey brain is having feels because I’m sucker for the “child is spitting image of their parent” trope..... bad monkey brain.

“And who would verify the word of a nineteen-year-old princess?” [Aelin] jerked her chin at the wax-sealed tube. “Murtaugh Allsbrook would. He wrote you a nice, long letter about it.” Rolfe picked up the tube, studied it, and chucked it in a neat arc—right into his rubbish bin. The thud echoed through the office.

LMAOOOOOO YOU GO ROLFE!!! SLAY THAT BITCH!!!! I mean considering all the shit Aelin put him through I don’t blame him not wanting to align with her.

Rolfe let out a low laugh. “The talk of young idealists and dreamers.” “The world,” Aelin said, “will be saved and remade by the dreamers, Rolfe.”

See, this is the kind of shit I would be getting excited about if this was a good series. Sounds like something straight of Les Mis. SJM can come up with some good quotes, but if I don’t care about the horrible characters and there’s no plot, why should I give a shit?

Aelin purred, “Do you want gold, Rolfe? Do you want a title? Do you want glory or women or land? Or is it just the bloodlust that drives you?”

Oh my god, SJM is a furry!

Looks like you bid on the wrong horse [Rowan],” Rolfe crooned. He flicked his eyes to Dorian. “What news did you receive?” But that wrong horse [Rowan] cut in smoothly, “There was none. But you’ll be glad to know your spies at the Ocean Rose are certainly doing their job. And that His Majesty is quite an accomplished actor.”

Jesus Christ this writing

Dorian said coldly, “For a petty grudge, you’d refuse to consider allying with us?” Aelin snorted. “I’d hardly call wrecking his shit-poor city and ships a ‘petty grudge.’”

T-this... this can’t be. I am reading Empire of Storms by SJM, right? Aelin? Having self awareness? In my SJM book? Well, it’s more likely... to never appear again.

Rolfe tells Aelin to go fuck herself and that scene ends, permanently establishing Rolfe as one of the few Well Written Characters. I want him, Darrow, Manon, and Gav to leave this shitty series and go forth to a better one.

Aelin hit the narrow hallway, a wall of muscle at her back and by her side, and faced another dilemma: Aedion.

I smell Aedion daddy issues angst over the horizon. Also, are the ‘walls of muscle’ supposed to be Rowan and... the other Fae??? God SJM stop jerking off to your own characters for 5 minutes please.

Aelin made it all of three steps down the hall when Gavriel said behind her, “Where is he?” Slowly, she looked back. The warrior’s tan face was tight, his eyes full of sorrow and steel.

Damn, I just feel really bad for Gav. Keep in mind I don’t remember why he left Aedion (if it was revealed previously) but I’m hoping SJM actually uses him and makes him a good father, this series is severely lacking in good parental figures.

But Aelin sucked on a tooth

“You don’t get to decide when and where and how you meet him,” Aelin said. “He’s my gods-damned son. I think I do.”

Nooo SJM I’m begging you I like Gav please don’t make him a toxic fuckboi pleeeeeease

Aelin just tells Gav not to order her around and that scene ends...? Okay. I hope SJM is implying Gav calmed down and respected his son’s boundaries. I just want one character to stay good and pure and to be a good father is that too much to ask.

Later Aelin goes to have a chat with Dorian.

“It seems you and I are currently without crowns, thanks to a few bullshit pieces of paper.” Dorian didn’t return her smile. The stairs groaned beneath them as they headed for the second floor. They were almost to the room Dorian had indicated when he said, “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

I mean, Dorian, you seem like a good king who would fight to defend his people. You deserve to be king. But Aelin? Yeah if she was queen her kingdom would be already burnt to the ground, so you’re half right.

They have another meeting where Rowan/Dorian share more information about the witches.

“Manon Blackbeak,” Aedion mused, “would be a valuable ally, if we can get her to turn.”

NO NONO NO NO KEEP MANON’S BEAUTIFUL SELF AWAY FROM AELIN’S CRUSTY ASS I’M BEGGING

It was never-ending, [Aelin] supposed while they dined that night on peppered crab and spiced rice.

Reading this as a Cape Bretoner was a mistake. Now I’m hungry for some good seafood..... mmmm, battered fish and chips.....

And [Aelin] was to be given nothing more than obscure commands by long-dead royals to find a way to stop it, nothing more than gods-damned months to rally a force against him.

Gods-damned is a stupid word and SJM should feel bad for abusing it. Aelin decides to make sure Rolfe’s hand maps work and the chapter ends. Next!

Too many animals loitering about the streets at this hour would attract the wrong sort of attention. But Aedion still wished that the shifter was wearing fur or feathers compared to … this.

Greaaat are we gonna get Aedion slut shaming Lysandra? Just what I wanted....

He glanced at the delicate gold chain dangling around Lysandra’s pale throat, tracing its length down the front of her bodice, to where the Amulet of Orynth was now hidden beneath. “Admiring the view?” Aedion snapped his eyes up from the generous swells of her breasts. “Sorry.”

The only reason Lysandra is wearing the Amulet is so Aedion can drool over her boobies. I’m right and you all know it.

“Rowan claimed Rolfe would find the amulet interesting enough to go after it.” “Rowan and Aelin have a tendency to say one thing and mean something else entirely.” Aedion heaved a breath through his nose.

Aedion actually criticizing Aelin?? What the fuck is going on??

Lysandra gets pissy when Aedion points out she’s tired. Not even to condescend towards her, he’s actually concerned, so calm down, Lysandra. We get an ““““explanation”“““ for Lysandra’s shifting powers.

Each shift took something out of Lysandra. The bigger the change, the bigger the animal, the steeper the cost. Aedion had witnessed her morph from butterfly to bumblebee to hummingbird to bat within the span of a few minutes. But going from human to ghost leopard to bear or elk or horse, she’d once demonstrated, took longer between shifts, the magic having to draw up the strength to become that size, to fill the body with all its inherent power.

Better than nothing, but... how does shifting into bigger animals exhaust her but shifting into smaller animals doesn't? Each time the mass of her body is changing, so shouldn’t shifting in general exhaust her? Btw, read Animorphs, it’s a great gritty series that deals with shifting powers way better.

Aedion, however, stiffened slightly as those steps grew closer, and he found himself staring at the son of his great enemy. King, now.

This is confusing as fuck. Stop referring to Dorian as king and use his name so we can understand who Aedion is staring at, thank you.

[Aedion] reined in his scowl as he said to the king, “So, you and Whitethorn didn’t kill each other.” Dorian’s brows scrunched. “He saved my life, nearly got himself burned out to do it. Why should I be anything but grateful?”

Great, now we have to add Rowan splooging that isn’t from Aelin to the list.

He did not resent what she had been, what she portrayed now, only the monsters who had seen the beauty the child would grow into and taken her into that brothel. Aelin had told him what Arobynn had done to the man she’d loved. It was a miracle the shifter could smile at all.

What the fuuuuck why is Aedion portrayed as ~noble and amazing~ for not judging Lysandra based on her past? It’s common human decency to not judge people for things out of their control!! Does SJM not understand how humans operate?

Aedion tells Dorian to fuck off and he leaves, and Lysandra gets understandably irritated by Aedion being a dick.

“He stabbed Aelin. If you knew him as I have, you wouldn’t be so willing to fawn over—”

1. Dorian was, to my memory, being controlled by a demon thing when he stabbed Aelin. He was not in his right mind, and did not have control over himself. Stop holding that over his head, you prick.

2. Aedion you were an asshole too! You tripped Dorian and sent him falling into a thorn bush when you two were walking in HOF. You fucking judgemental asshole, I cannot believe I ever liked you.

Aedion’s like “b-but he was an arrogant kid” and Lysandra, being voice of reason, is like “Um, we all were as kids Aedion, including Aelin” and we litERALLY GET THIS

“I don’t care if he was as arrogant and vain as Aelin, I don’t care if he was enslaved to a demon that took his mind. I look at him and see my family butchered, see those tracks to the river, and hear Quinn tell me that Aelin was drowned and dead.” His breathing was uneven, and his throat burned, but he ignored it.

JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST. Okay, I’m not saying Aedion isn’t wrong to be weary of Dorian after what happened to his family at the hands of Dorian’s father but this is literally Aedion going “It’s only okay to be a dick if it’s Aelin! Everyone else is a bad ruler and should bow down to her uwu”

FUCKING HELL. I’m willing to bet if it had been Aelin mind controlled, Aedion would be jumping through hoops to justify her actions and convince everyone she couldn’t help herself. Assdion has no character outside of being a dick and kissing up Aelin’s ass. I fucking hat this character almost as much as I hate Aelin.

Aedion braced his palm against the wall again and leaned in to glower in [Lysandra’s] face. She did not yield an inch. “There is an order and rank in our court, lady, and last I checked, you were not number three. You don’t give me commands.”

(...) And the last I checked…” She poked his chest, right between his pectorals, and he could have sworn the tip of a claw pierced the skin beneath his clothes. “You weren’t pathetic enough to enforce rank to hide from being in the wrong.“

*Mortal Kombat voice* FINISH HIM

His blood sparked and thrummed. Aedion found himself taking in the sensuous curves of her mouth, now pressed thin with anger.

W.....

YOU TWO ARE ARGUING AND ASSDION SUDDENLY HAS A BONER OVER HER MOUTH. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS HEALTHY IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM. This is nearly as bad as the “kissing a spouse during an argument instead of solving the problem” trope.

By the way, Aedion is demoted to Assdion. Aelin to Alien, and Rowan to Rowboat. I hate these characters so much.

Lysandra backed away a step, too casual to be anything but a calculated move. But Aedion tried—for her sake, he tried to stop thinking about her mouth—

WHAT THE FUCK DOES SJM THINK ALL MEN ARE HORNDOGS WHO WANNA FUCK 24/7?? This is an incredibly upsetting and inaccurate stereotype! It’s not goddamn hard to not think with your dick for five seconds jfc

Too soon—she wouldn’t want a man’s touch for a long time. Maybe forever. And he’d be damned if he pushed her into it before she wanted to.

Are you sure about that? Because a minute ago you were nearly cumming at the thought of her mouth.

Subject changes and Assdion asks if his father wanted to see him.

“[Gav] nearly bit Aelin’s head off when she refused to tell him where and who you are.” Ice filled [Aedion’s] veins. If his father had been rude to her—“But I got the sense,” Lysandra quickly clarified as he tensed, “that he is the sort of male who would respect your wishes if you chose not to see him.

*sniffles* Gav deserves to be a good father.

“What would you do?” “I can’t answer that question. My own father…” She shook her head. He knew about that—the shifter-father who had either abandoned her mother or not even known she was pregnant. And then the mother who had thrown Lysandra into the street when she discovered her heritage. “Aedion, what do you want to do? Not for us, not for Terrasen, but for you.”

I would be having feels and starting to ship them had we not had a whole scene dedicated to Assdion being a dick and nearly kissing Lysandra without her consent sooooo

[Aedion] bowed his head a bit, glancing sidelong at the quiet street again. “My whole life has been … not about what I want. I don’t know how to choose those things.”

A little late there to make me feel sympathetic towards Assdion, SJM. You CANNOT have Assdion act as an Aelin worshiping prick and then turn around and expect me to feel bad for him.

Assdion asks Lysandra to come with him to meet his father the next day and then splooges about how much he apparently cares about Lysandra. I don’t care.

From the shadows of his hood, he monitored the alley ahead, the shadows and shafts of moonlight, bracing himself. They’d picked the dead-end alley for a reason. The girl realized her mistake a step too late. “Oh.”

The girl is Rolfe’s barmaid. She immediately leaves and they suspect she’s Rolfe’s spy. Finally, I am free from this god awful chapter.

#the worm talks #the worm reads: eos #anti sjm #anti tog #anti eos

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weregonnaneedabiggerblog-blog1 · 7 years

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South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999); The “TV Show: The Movie” that Pushed its Source Material into the Future

There was a time where “TV Show: The Movie” movies had broken into the mainstream, and not always for the better. Starting around 1998 with the release of “Rugrats: The Movie”, which went on to become the first Non-Disney animated movie to gross over $1,000,000, company executives and Hollywood producers alike took note and suddenly a big-budgeted wild fire tore through the vast forest that was television; “Recess: School’s Out”, “Hey Arnold! The Movie”, a trilogy of Pokémon movies, “The PowerPuff Girls Movie”, “The Wild Thornberry Movie”, “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, even the most obscure cartoons of the time like Disney ‘s “Teacher’s Pet” took a try at becoming the next box-office phenomenon. From 1998 – 2004 alone, 15 movies were produced based on television cartoons, almost all of which were just clear cash-grabs to capitalise not only on the brand’s popularity, but the success of "Rugrats: The Movie", and most often, the quality reflected the profit. Whilst a majority of them did make back their budget and then some, barely any were competing with the numbers shown by the Rugrats a few years prior.

I feel that was because audiences quickly grew accepting of what the quality of the majority of these films would be; just nothing more than a feature length episode of the show that didn’t take any advantage of what the film medium could offer. Regardless however, at this time, “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, not being one to not just aboard an opportunity to cause a ruckus in the media, took it upon themselves to bring their ever-so controversial cartoon about the residents of a small Colorado town with a vast catalogue of bad language to the big screen.

In 1999, the two released into cinema what I still believe to be one of the boldest and most important steps the South Park series had to take in order to be where it lies today; By taking everything that worked about the show, and using every advantage the film medium could give to make one of the most simultaneously funny, vulgar, offensive and yet smart animated films ever made.

After their favourite Canadian TV starts Terrance and Philip release their feature film debut “Asses of Fire”, young South Park residents Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny (all voiced by Stone and Parker) become fixated with the movie’s offensive language, with the starts often referring to each other as “Pig Fucker” or “Uncle Fucker” When this language interferes with the boys’ lives, primarily when Cartmans tells his teacher to “suck my balls” or when Kenny kills himself trying to set his fart on fire like Terrance and Philip do in the movie, the parents of the town start a protest group which starts as an attempt to get the film banned in the United States, that very quickly spirals out of control and leaves Kyle’s mom arresting the controversial duo and becoming President Clinton’s Secretary of Offence as the country declares war on Canada. With only two days before Terrence and Philip are executed, the children of South Park quickly scramble to find of a way to show their parents that they’ve got too far, whilst their deceased friend Kenny also tries to warn them of how the day of Terrance and Philip’s death was prophesised by Satan himself to be the day he returns to bring 1000 years of darkness unto the Earth.

As you may have been able to gather from that plot summary alone, there are a lot of views and themes going on throughout this movie’s short 76 minute runtime (a length I personally believe plays well into the “Bigger, Longer & Uncut” subtitle of the movie. Aside from the obvious circumcision joke) Perhaps the film’s biggest statement is not-only ironic but contradictory method the children’s parents have in tacking “Asses of Fire” and its obscene content. Rather than taking more interest in what their children can and can’t watch for example, they instead feel the need to put the blame not only on the creators of the movie, but their country of origin instead (perhaps also a metaphor for the blame people put on a country rather than just those responsible. This film did release a year after the 1998 United States Embassy Bombings and does feature a deceased Saddam Hussein as Satan’s emotionally abusive lover after all). These parents getting radical over obscene language could also clearly stem from the controversy “South Park” itself was facing at the time with parental groups during its original 3 season airing, back when the show’s animation was the cardboard cut-out equivalent to an early 2000s flash animation on Newgrounds.com. This point is very interesting to me as not only does it act as Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s “meditation” so-to-speak about all the attention they had created for their show, but it also marks them doing it in a much more mature way

At least, as mature as a show like South Park can be.

Rather than have the victims of their cynicism be wild, screaming idiots like the earlier seasons of the shows often portrayed them as (still to a funny extent, mind you.), the movie often portray the antagonists, such as Kyle’s mom, as being so self-sure that they are completely blind to the true consequences of their actions. A perfect example of which is seen in the musical number “Blame Canada”, which has a chorus consisting of the protesting, parents chanting:

“Blame Canada

Blame Canada

We need to form a full assault

Its Canada’s fault!”

That’s another thing I failed to mention. This film is a straight up comedy-musical. Decades before they showed many their talent at catchy musical writing with their Broadway show “The Book of Mormon”, Matt Stone and Trey Parker wrote a grand total of ten original songs, preforming almost all of them as well, for a South Park movie of all things. Regardless, almost every song on the soundtrack is hilarious and ridiculously catchy, with some of my personal favourites being the before mentioned “Blame Canada”, as well as Terrance and Philip’s lead single in the movie “Uncle Fucka”, Principal Teacher Mr. Mackey’s lesson on alternatives to swearing “It’s Easy, M’kay” and Satan’s solo number “Up There”, which hilariously is the only original song on the soundtrack to have no swearing despite it being performed by the prince of darkness himself.

Despite the before mentioned accolades, there are a few gripes I have with the movie that keep it from being the almost perfect movie I feel it so desperately wanted to be. For one thing, the entire “Satan will rule the Earth upon T&P’s death” subplot only really added up to Satan standing up to Saddam and his emotional abuse he gave (again, something pretty funny for the prince of darkness to endure), and that school teacher Mr. Garrison’s hand puppet, Mr. Hat, replaces Saddam.

In fact, almost the entirety of the ending does feel very rushed.

On the night of Terrance and Philip’s broadcasted electrocution, complete with a pre-show performance by South Park resident Big Gay Al, the kids with the assistance of a small French child known as “Ze Mole”, whose accent and extreme hatred for God make him one of South Park’s best one-off characters, attempt to save the Canadian comedians, only for an ambush by the Canadian Army and a resulting firefight to result in their death, unleashing Satan, Saddam and all of Hell onto the Earth. In almost no time at all, Satan realises how Saddam has used him and casts him back to the fires of Hell, calling off his attack in the process (Oh, and Kenny’s face is finally revealed. Surprise! He looks just like all the other characters in the show except with blond hair) Sheila and the parents realise how they went too far and all is forgiven as the town reprises the opening song. All of which take place in the span of 5 – 10 minutes. Whether this was due to Stone and Parker not having any more funny material, wanting the film to conclude with the same cheeriness of the opening (hence the reprise) or just simply not knowing how else to end it aside from, well, ending it.

Regardless of an ending that could have done much more than what it did I fell, the rest of this movie is almost flawless. Some may complain about the crude, cardboard cut-out artstyle and the resulting stiffness of movement, but honestly, I think it just adds so much more the film’s crudeness. Aside from that, almost every single joke, from the recurring gags from the show to what is newly presented, had me having at very least a snort and at most uncontrollable laughter. All of which is captured by the amazingly funny music and solid performances, even from the most unlikely of celebrity cameos, such as George Clooney as the doctor trying to save Kenny’s life. This film, like the show, is definitely an acquired taste. If you’re willing to possibly have your beliefs mocked however, you just may find something in this almost perfect TV-to-movie adaptation.

#south park #movies #movie review #blog

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jaxxonpollux · 6 years

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notes for vivien during her leave of absence

i’m writing this mostly to talk myself down from going crazy. i don’t know what my problem is. you’d think i’d be able to handle a girl being gone for a week; and i mean, i definitely COULD, if you had said something like “hey, i’m going on a yoga retreat for a month, toodles,” not just disappeared. it’s the unknown that makes me feel nuts, like the possibilities that just bore into my head. i’ve written a mental list like a million times wondering what could have happened, trying to figure out the most likely possibility. we talked about trump. you went to do laundry. then nothing. and i definitely have a void, and i keep feeling like i should do something. write a letter. hop on a plane. call you at various times of the day (maybe you dropped your phone into the couch and just can’t find it?).

at the same time, i do recognize how pathetic it is. it’s like, symptoms of a guy just after being dumped. sending constant affectionate support messages and all that, whiny messages. “miss you, sending my prayers! sending good energy! hope all is well” i honestly hate being that way, even if the feeling is genuine. i want to be more stoic, aloof, nonchalant, casual, not fretting and biting my nails and whining and moping and all that. maybe they’re just thoughts i should keep to myself. maybe there are a lot of things i do and say i should just keep inside. i don’t think they’re very flattering. they’re all things i wish people would do and say for me, i think, which is why i do them, kind of like a “treat others the way you’d like to be treated” mentality. it really is sorta gross. i just need to be affectionate in more subtle ways. here i am again, stuck in my own head.

i do hope you’re okay. and i hope you realize i’ll understand no matter what’s going on. even if it’s a situation that like, sucks for me, like you got back together with b or something. which is something i half expect a lot of the time anyway, even though i really don’t quite know how the two of you get along, what the story really is. i’m just always ready for it. in any case, i’m still fine with being a platonic friend, i mean, we do really get along, you have to admit that. even if we’re not meant to be together. “meant to be.” another strange term for a strange thought. i know i was thinking about stuff like that a lot before you were gone, whether or not you liked me the way i liked you. always this fear of my affection being reciprocated. or like it rapidly started to wane after i came back from miami. i don’t know.

the same thing happened with ainsley, my disney channel girlfriend? i went to see her in plano, we were stuck in bed with each other all day every day. we’d go to the museum and she’d just want to go back home and lie in bed together again. we’d go to a movie, i’d feel a little sick, and we’d leave early, go back home and lie in bed (i think the movie was the grudge 2. didn’t miss it). and we’d be in bed all day under her parents watchful eyes, it was a little embarrassing really! but i remember she had her head in my lap in the backseat when her mom was driving me back to the airport, when i was leaving. i had her listen to mad rush, by philip glass on my ipod, she nearly fell asleep. it was appropriately sad, and sweet. it was a real Boyfriend and Girlfriend thing to do. it felt like the type of scene that belonged in a normal long distance relationship, the longing creeping in just as the good part came to end. always in contact with each other, feeling as much of each other as possible while we could, so we could save the feeling until the next time.

she broke up with me about a week or two after i got back to ohio. and it makes you really reflect back on everything with like, extreme paranoia. like if she was thinking about it the entire time you were together, or if she was just putting it off and ignoring it. was she thinking about it when we had sex in the shower? was she thinking about it when she was showing me old acting videos she did as a younger teenager? at the movies? at the museum? maybe staying in bed all that time, spending all the time together that we did, the closeness, maybe it was just her saying goodbye. and that’s the kind of thing that drags around behind you for years, not the breakup. all the wonderings and questions without answers. it’s probably why i still think about her, even ten years later. just in reflection, not in a pining tortured way. but wondering what it meant for me, how it shaped me, what it really meant. another one of those “mysteries of life,” or something.

i felt like coming to miami was the beginning of something. but maybe it was the end. shows how intuitive i actually am, huh? pisces boy, head in the clouds. sweaterboy, always trying to please, never thinking of himself. at the very least, that memory of staying with you in that hotel room is gonna be with me for a long time, no matter if it was the beginning or the end. even if you decided you’re done with me, even if you’re with b again, even if you’re locked up in an insane asylum, even if your head got lopped off, even if you’re an alien and had to go back to your home planet, that weekend meant a lot to me. i don’t know how many weekends you’ve had like that with other people, probably loads, but it was special for me. and i’m gonna be in my deathbed looking at my palms, trying to remember what you told me about my lifeline being so long, or my love line disappearing into nothing.

anyway, what else should i write for you? i had to go to work in about an hour, so i have at least another hour of writing, huh. we’re getting all that focaccia ready for trump tomorrow. we also have a small plate up for about 370 people, and i have to make my “famous” giant lavash crackers for the trump thing too. apparently they split up the culinary folks into two different teams for the trump thing, since we’re all gonna be trapped in the battelle ballroom all day to prepare for it. i’m on the team headed by “chef frank,” who has been described to me as our “corporate chef,” i.e. the boss of my boss. visiting to be in the presence of the president. he’s a very judgmental, pig-headed italian man, but luckily i have an agreeable personality and kiss his ass enough that he doesn’t bother me. my coworker, however, ambyr, goes ballistic whenever she hears he’s in the building. ambyr is like one of those millenial names we were making fun of, isn’t it? jaxxon. madeighsonne. anyway, it’ll be a hell of a day on friday.

i finished all of mad men too. i was SO happy pete and trudy got back together, honestly just happy for trudy. i have a crush on trudy, especially late-game trudy. don’t judge me. and pete was honestly still pretty weird and pathetic, i wouldn’t have gone for it if i was her but EH. pete was doing ok with that real estate girl but he kinda botched it by being a workaholic, she had a short attention span it seemed.

what else? glen and betty was creepy and semi-sweet at the same time, as usual, with him all like “YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN MY BITCH >:)” and betty like “:) no no :)” like not really that aggressive and probably totally down for it under different circumstances. anyway, i’m sure glen died at war, and poor sally! just got dumpstered on, that was the real shame. betty just fading off into cancer town. bobby never got to grow up. harry never got to have any character development either, just stayed terrible. ken kind of turned bitter? with his eyepatch, that reminded me of you too.

and then ol’ don. kind of upset that stephanie didn’t stick around and have a whole litter of his babies or whatever, and i was half expecting don to be swept back into that traveling bohemian millionaire genius group again. instead he ended up at a hippie retreat. was the implication that don wrote that hippie coke ad? for crummy mcann? i was kind of expecting him to die tbh. shrug, well good for him, i guess. bert ghost was sorta odd, i didn’t realize don even gave a shit about bert.

and joan had a sad ending too!! oh UGH i was SOOO upset when they introduced her old man “boyfriend” like in the last few episodes, i knew it as soon as i saw him. like oh great, here comes the last minute savior for joan right at the very end of the show, what a stupid cop out. glad he was muscled out at the last second by joan’s massive business dong. she has bigger fish to fry! and then she goes and asks preggy to be a partner with her, and preggy goes and says NAH at the very end. i was like, so what the hell happened to joan then? hopefully she just got to be a millionaire the rest of her life and moved to paris or something.

preggy and what’s his face romance was sort of contrived. and a long time coming. like good for you guys, eye roll, you young idiots. who else? i guess that was everyone important. oh, yeah, roger shacked up with megan’s mom, i don’t blame him, she was pretty hot. i love a bitchy woman. roger’s daughter kinda depressed me, on that stupid hedonism hippie commune. whatever. and yeah, megan became washed up just like you said. she basically like never even acted at all when she moved out the california, that whole thing was a huge mistake.

i guess that’s all for now! mad men wise. i’m at a loss for what to watch next. i think there was some show i told myself i was gonna have YOU watch, but i can’t remember what it was now. it might’ve been something you’ve already seen.

i do hope i hear from you again soon, and i’m not still writing stupid posts like this a month from now. but we’ll see. i really miss talking to you. if i don’t hear from you before the weekend, i think i might just keep your birthday present here with me, for fear of it getting lost out in the world. i don’t even know if you’re in miami right now. but there’s a lot of sentimental stuff in this box, and i’m putting a lot of effort into it, because like, the plan was for you to have an ENJOYABLE birthday for a change, right? like, i thought maybe i’d order you some wine and we could watch a move over the phone and just have a regular date night, not even think about birthday stuff. and you’d just have this big box of random little surprises that i’d have spoiled you with. and it would just be nice and not a headache.

i think you’ll be 31? sorry if the number makes you cringe. honestly the attitude you have towards aging really makes no sense to me. it must be a woman thing. like, i understand feeling like you’re not fulfilling your goals on a healthy timeline, but i feel that like, every ducking day, and i don’t think that’s what bothers you. i think you just don’t wanna feel and look old right?

i’ve said it a million times, but you’re so beautiful to me, and you will still be beautiful at 31. or 35, or 45, or 99. you have all these wonderful features right now that are so attractive, your big blue eyes, your tiny blushing nose, your incredible nefertiti neck, your scrappy scarecrow straw hair. your legs and thighs are so soft and luscious and warm, your butt is full and round and really cute, you’ve got bones that point and poke out at the shoulders and elbows and things that remind me how small your upper body is. your voice is still my favorite ever. and when you get older, you’re gonna still have a lot of these things, you know? they might be different, but they’ll still be beautiful and wonderful and You, and you’ll have brand NEW features too that’ll be just as endearing. i always think of like, creepy old men staring at old women licking their lips like “mm-mm she’s a looker,” and wondering, wow, i guess an old man’s tastes really change as he grows older too. or like, they just appreciate things more, or they know what beauty looks like even when it gets kinda wrinkly and gray.

plus, knowing you, you’re gonna keep things up as high as possible for a very long time. you’re not just gonna attract older men, you’ll have like, college guys trying to climb up and mount you when you’re 60 years old. you’re gonna have the air of like, a whorehouse madam, no longer in the game but still incredibly sexy and intelligent, with every single trick still up her sleeve and too much dignity to ever use them except in extreme circumstances. smarter than any man you’ve ever encountered, and always ready to swing the dagger. you’re going to be different flavors of beautiful every decade that passes by, and i never want you to feel like getting older is a detriment. biological clock bothering you? uh i’ll come knock you up right now if that’s an issue, i’m down for it

maybe things get out of hand at 6am, i’ve been up all night. gotta get ready for work in about 20-25 minutes. please be safe, please come back. i promise not to wait forever, but you’ll always be a part of me now.

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infinitehouseofbooks · 7 years

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5 YEARS OF INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS COUNTDOWN – JANUARY TO JUNE 2014 RECAP

INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS turns 5 years old in April of 2017. Due to a massive failure with the blog’s previous hosting provider, all blogs prior to February 2015 were lost. However, the administrator has the original assets on file and a calendar of featured content. As a lead-up to the anniversary, features will be released on the fifth of each month that chronicle a period in the blog’s past and some of the highlights still worth noting today. This post is the fifth in the series. Enjoy!

Both INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS and sister excerpts site DISCOVER WORDS covered a lot of books in this six month period. In fact, for one month (May 2014), DISCOVER WORDS featured more content than INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS.

January: A Season Without Rain

You can still get this title for Kindle on in print on Amazon.

Here’s the original interview:

What initially got you interested in writing?

I guess you could say I’ve always been into reading and making the leap to writer was something I found natural. My first real push was as a teenager when I spent a summer inventing a role-playing game to play with my friends. It gave me a taste of how good it felt to tell an original story. I also found out that my imagination could run wild and by the end of the summer I was as curious as to how the story ended as my buddies.

How did you decide to make the move into becoming a published author?

I had sold a screenplay to a local production company. The money I made from it was some of the best I had ever known because writing had put it in my pocket. Shortly after the script, I met the person who would not only encourage me to novelize the screenplay, but who would go on to edit my work, effectively teaching me the mechanics I so desperately lacked.

What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

That everybody has an interesting, complex story to tell. Of course, nobody thinks they’re life or job is interesting but that is because they cannot escape it. Usually when you meet a writer you have loved they almost always fail to meet the expectations you’ve built up in your mind for them. I remember meeting Elmore Leonard. He was probably the most humble guy in the world, the complete opposite of his tough talking underworld characters. The only thing I want when someone finishes something I’ve written is to think, now that was one hell of a story.

What do you find most rewarding about writing?

Meeting the people at book signings or getting e-mails from readers. The first rule of writing for me is to entertain the people. I don’t care if you’ve won a Pulitzer or a Noble Prize, if you’re a boring writer, only the critics are going to love you. I rather I was reviled by the snotty literati and a champion of the people than have a bunch of worthless trophies sitting on my mantle gathering dust.

What do you find most challenging about writing?

Finding the time to do it. You make time for the things you love but some days it is like having another full-time job. Writing, of course, in hindsight seems magical. In reality, it is hard work and not for the undisciplined. I have been known to get up at 4a.m. just to write. Worse than writing is when the real blood is being spilled and you are going over your 7th or 12th draft of a novel you once adored and now can’t stand the fact you dared to think you could write it. I suppose it’s all worth it but it is a damn long road every time to ‘The End.’

What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

Believe what you are doing is important. If you have any doubt in yourself as a writer it will come through in your work. There should be no more harsh a critic of you than yourself. Like my editor once told me, it says written by on the cover-not edited. Once your little baby enters the world there is no taking it back. Do your best, always. If it is anything less, toss it in a drawer and start again.

Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting

about you?

I love to laugh, I love to make other people laugh, and I love a good joke, the dirtier the better. My favorite comedian of all time is George Carlin, but I was once kicked out of Social Studies class for listening to Sam Kinison on my buddy’s Walkman and uncontrollably laughing my ass off.

What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

Connect with me on Twitter @JoesBlackTShirt and on Facebook @ Author-Joe-Schwartz. Probably the easiest way to find my work is on Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/k3bjyk2 My favorite way to be discovered and read, though, is from the shelves of local libraries. I encourage you if I’m not shelved at your favorite branch ask your local librarian to add my work to the collection. For this, I will thank you when we all get to heaven.

February: The Outmate

This title is still available for Kindle and in print at Amazon.

Here’s more about it from the original interview:

What initially got you interested in writing?

I’ve never not been interested in writing. (Yes I know, double negative) I’ve been writing for so long I don’t remember NOT writing. It’s never been a choice for me- when the Muse hits I go with it. I enter a trance-like state that takes me over. I don’t eat for days, I don’t sleep, and I walk around mumbling. I bump into walls because I’m having a dialogue in my head. I honestly don’t believe the words that come out of my fingers in those trances are mine… I think they are some sort of higher power. That being said, when I have to go back and edit my work, that’s where I come in. That’s when the real writer comes out.

How did you decide to make the move into becoming a published author?

I never planned to write The Outmate. It just sort of happened. But when it did, I knew it was time to publish for the first time. I decided early on to self publish. It was not that I felt a conventional publishing house would not be interested. It wasn’t self-doubt. It was control. I am a control freak, and I wanted complete creative control over my novel. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone who had no idea who I am or what my story is telling me what parts of my novel to cut or change. Is that helpful or a hindrance? Is it arrogance? I am not sure. I did what I felt was the right thing for me personally, and I have no qualms now over my decision. It’s harder to market my book as a self published author for sure… but I’d rather know that the finished product is completely mine and told the way I want it told.

What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

I want them to lose themselves in the story just like I did. The most gratifying experience of my entire life was when my first fan came back to me and told me they understood what I was trying to get across, creating such dark and sexy characters. Readers might not agree with me. They might be disturbed, horrified, turned on, or any combination of emotions by the contents of my book. It is a rather shocking book and it’s not supposed to leave you with warm fuzzies. But when I hear from a reader who allowed themselves to get sucked in to my novel without preconceptions, it means the world to me. I believe we all have darkness within us and that there are many ways to express love if only you step outside the box.

What do you find most rewarding about writing?

The most rewarding thing for me is to know I’ve created a world that lives now in the minds of others. If I die tomorrow my words will still be here. I guess you could say this is my legacy. I have no children and I cannot have them for biological reasons… But I have my writing. That will never go away. In a way, it’s embracing immortality.

What do you find most challenging about writing?

Editing! Writing when the Muse is on your shoulder is practically orgasmic. You are so deep in the throes of your addiction to words that all the cares of the world fall away. Editing, however, takes focus- discipline- and some sort of attention span. Icky! I would much rather be lost in the Muse than edit, however I see the balance of doing both, as an artist, and as a human being. Sometimes we just have to do what we don’t like in order to be a well-rounded individual.

What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

The same advice I would give every time to this question, and I hope every writer out there would give when asked the same. Write! Do it every day. Sit down every day and write no matter if what you churn out is brilliance or crap. Hemmingway said, “There’s nothing to being a writer. You just sit down to a typewriter and bleed.” That’s so true. Just do it. Sooner or later the Muse will hit you like a freight train and everything will fall into place.

Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting

about you?

I would hope there’s lots people would find interesting about me besides my writing… (For instance I can cook! And sail!) But for now, I’ll simply say that I am the dedicated beloved of an inmate, and my story comes mostly from true-life experiences. Not all of them. I didn’t burn anyone’s face off or go on a massive crime rampage with a serial killer. Not yet anyway. But yes, I am an inmate’s proud woman. A lot of my hopes, fears, frustrations, and feelings while I wait for him went into this book. I hope when people read it they see that beyond the sex and the violence, there’s a lot of humanity, too. I hope it gives them new insight into the life of an Outmate. I paid my dues to see my work in print, and I wrote it as much for my sister prison wives as I did for myself.

What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

You can reach me and see more regarding the book via my website, www.theoutmate.com

Also you can connect with me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Outmate/

March: Snickering out Loud

You can still get this book on Kindle or in print on Amazon.

Below is a copy of the original interview.

What initially got you interested in writing?

I’ve always been appreciative of good grammar and reading great literary works since a very young age. I started this book as a thought, not necessarily as creating a book, about five or six years ago.

While performing clinical, scientific research, I published papers in scientific journals. Well, those writings aren’t as entertaining to read and write, but they did give me a substantial base for writing a story of my own. And boy did I have a great time writing this book!

How did you decide to make the move into becoming a published author?

It was at the behest of my publicist when she brought something up about dating. I can’t recall the full conversation, but it reminded me of having jotted down ideas and tips over the years. I would go back to the original document and add in tips and things that had happened upon my dating escapades. So gradually, over the years, pages were added. When I would discuss my stories with friends and family, they always laughed. It could be the delivery and my odd facial contortions that I create when telling a story, but I thought I might have something worth a laugh brewing on my computer.

What do you want readers to take away from reading your works?

That’s it’s okay to choose a dinkus to date, as long as you don’t continue to do so. If you mess up and don’t understand the signals being received so well, it’s okay. Learn from it, and laugh about it. The main thing I tell people that come to me for dating advice is to figure out a way to let it go and talk about it with your friends and family behind closed doors. Make fun of the situation and have a damn good chuckle about it all.

What do you find most rewarding about writing?

It’s very cathartic. And it’s amazing to be able to share your work publicly. It’s that impact words can have on people that any other form of communication just doesn’t quite have.

What do you find most challenging about writing?

The most challenging thing is to remove yourself from getting too inside your head. You can’t make everyone love your book and make everyone happy, that’s where your state of mind needs to stay. Don’t write for other people’s acceptance, rather write for yourself and your happiness.

What advice would you give to people wanting to enter the field?

Jot down ideas over a period of time, let it all simmer then come to a boil after a longer period of time. It’s like reacting in a heated argument with a loved one. You probably don’t want to say some of the things that immediately pop into your head. Get your thoughts together and start whenever you have a clear vision, not taking a gazillion different forks in the road because that will end up being frustrating rather than rewarding.

Is there anything else besides writing you think people would find interesting about you?

Hmmmm, I suppose my back story and where I came from, how I have created my life story. I worked on my family farm for about 15 years, and I still help every planting and harvest season. I mentioned it in the book, the first time I’ve been public about my IQ score, but having a substantial score and being in the modeling and acting world is kind of odd. Going from modeling, to published scientific author, to actor, and now writer is pretty cool. I’ve enjoyed my ride, and I don’t plan on it stopping anytime soon. I follow my heart but use my brain along the way.

What are the best ways to connect with you, or find out more about your work?

My website – http://www.jennysauer.com/ – or on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jenny-Sauer/149383945083393) or Twitter (@jennymsauer). I’ll make announcements there about the book and also guest articles I’m asked to write about health, beauty and of course, dating! Drop by and say hi, I’d love to connect!

April: Mystic Wolves

This book can still be obtained for Kindle, in Print, and Audible from Amazon.

May: There are actually issues with the records that are making it difficult to me to find any usable content in the old site e-mails. More content also appeared on retired sister site discoverwords.com that month than INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS had seen. Surprisingly, it seemed to be a rather quiet month… all the more need for the summer event to follow.

June: To Die a Stranger

This book is still available for Kindle and in Print on Amazon.

Jilly Paddock one was one of the authors kicking off a SUMMER OF PRO SE event, featuring a group of artists from Pro Se Press that I had begun to interact with and find myself with published stories alongside in 2015.

Join us next month to find out the recap for the second half of 2015 in the countdown to 5 years online in April 2017!

5 YEARS OF INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS COUNTDOWN – JANUARY TO JUNE 2014 RECAP was originally published on the Wordpress version of SHANNON MUIR'S INFINITE HOUSE OF BOOKS.

#infinite house of books #shannon muir

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