#i want to go home and pass out
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College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)
#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell#and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling#Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy#he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore#fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors#so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested#as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments#and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group#separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader#and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him#but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line#like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security#one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again#“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’#then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying#education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy#Trigun Uni! AU#because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#wolfwood#vash#Nai saverem#millions knives#lenssi draws#pen!
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pov it’s the night of December 2nd 2013 and you’ve just burst into your grandsons room to pick him up so he’s not down there when you blow up the world the guy who ruined your life is from because you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you let him stay down there with everyone else which is Really fucking weird because you thought even coming back here in the first place meant giving up forever on anything for the rest of your life but this goddamn kid stops you from blowing up the planet and now you’re basically permanently fucked because now you’re just gonna have to keep on living and it’s because you love him. and tomorrow morning you will be running from alien police with him
#i was going to just post a draft but i wanted something that felt more birthday-ish for The Day#i just think about the pilot a lot. rick thought he was going to just end everything there that night and when he was lying on the ground-#-afterward looking up at morty telling him it was all just a test in his mind he’s just like#Ohhhh shit. this is about to be so horrible. and little did he know morty was thinking the same thing#because they saw eachother on that night rick crashed in through the garage and they just looked at eachother#rick had seen other mortys everywhere previously but this was the first time he really Saw Morty#and they both thought#Ohhhh shit#bc they just Knew#rick and morty#rick Sanchez#morty smith#also do you think they just kinda spent the night outside in that place#like when rick passed out at the end of the cold open did morty not wake him up and he eventually fell back asleep#and they just stayed there. lol#probably not based off the fact that morty was sleep deprived in the morning#so he probably woke rick back up and they did some other shit that we never got to see#i like to think they maybe went to a gas station or something and got wrapped up in a little on-planet adventure#and it was super convoluted and dangerous but at a certain hour rick checked his several watches#and was like Oh shit morty w gottfa we gotta get you back home morty.#and he just ended whatever intense life threatening situation they were in immediately#and morty is like Rick WTF why didn’t you do that sooner we were gonna die!!! and rick cant come up with an excuse bc he really just wanted#to spend as much time with morty as possible so he just dodged the question and called him a stupid dumb dumb idiot baby#odiespeak
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I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.
#personal#tumblr stuff#vent post#spam bots#i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS#wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore#it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win#i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots.#tribble#the trouble with tribbles#a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place#but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo#also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog#i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you#because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now#(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real)#but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test#anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops
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just had the most terrifying experience of being followed
#it’s like 1:15 AM#i was walking thru the alley#but part of the alley i don’t like (weird vibes i never go there)#and i heard what kinda sounded like a moan & shuffling#but i was soooo tired and wanted to get home and not freak myself out#so i keep walking but i thought i heard the footfalls of someone running behind me#and then this weird shout? like not loud but like someone choking or strained or otherwise unable to get words out fully or annunciate?#and i glance back and see nothing#and i’m passing weird stuff too like. i don’t expect a lot from this city and i walk around even at night A LOT so it takes a lot to#unsettle me. genuinely. but i just keep moving and i swear i keep hearing similar vocalizations#and i get to the road and i cross but have to wait a sec because there’s a car#and i’m close to my house (going in through open part of fence)#and i turn around to kinda prove to myself that i was being paranoid only now i see someone walking quickly at me#like just about to cross the street#and i am walking FAST and so are they#and they shout again#and i was filled with so much awful dread#and i make it back to my house and kinda duck into the shadows and wait and watch#but they never passed in the alley. so it kinda spooks me that they turned around or stopped just bc they lost me#it’s like a 4-6 min walk depending how fast i go for a timescale#felt like eternity!
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My data wasn’t working for quite a bit and I ended up almost going insane
#I couldn’t load my bus pass and was freaking out teehee#this day is the worst I want to go home but I don’t want to go home#because my shitty stepdad is there#I’m suffering from allergies and every bad thought is piling up in my brain#I haven’t eaten lmao#I JUST NEED TO GET HOME IG#IDK ANYMORE#my posts
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The thing about dance rn for me is that I’m like “I know I should stay home but I rlly want to go to dance” even though I had class/rehearsal last night and have class/rehearsal tomorrow because I want non-company class but it’s still with the assistant artistic director of the company but it’s Different
#also bc I want to take it on pointe#and honestly there’s like a 0% chance of me actually doing what I need to do if I stay home tonight#so I probably am going to go and then just be so tired#per usual#my legs are sore af from yesterday’s Pt/class#but my feet looked rlly good in rehearsal so 🤔 maybe I am onto something#personal#I’m so ready to pass out in this Uber tho#the week of staying up till 1 rlly caught up to me all at once
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SKADJKAJFKSFSAA content warning: embarrassing moment during my dinner out... /lh
#so - my dinner party right? while eating - i couldnt help but notice the waiters that attend to our tables were... young and nice looking#SAGFHHJAHJGSDSAGAS LISTEN JUST LISTEN#one of them stood out to me - he just looked.. really good looking#i promise you i dont fall easily irl -- but this guy just caught my attention#he had the whole waiter outfit though it was more casual - i frowned noticing that he didnt have a nametag on like the other workers ASDDJA#everytime i passed by - i would glance at him and just.. idk appreciate him adjsahsjfksfs im so sorry if this sounds weird HELPLASDAWHA#he just kept visiting our table since there were many of us and i would just smile when he pops up#now when everyones done eating - he would pick up their plates and bro. he took one plate in front of me and i was not ready for it SDFGSHF#picked up the dish next to my sister and i was like ASDAHFJSDAGSD (BREATHE)#BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT WORST? (OR BEST?)#IT WAS GETTING LATE. THE RESTARAUNT WAS CLOSING UP AND THE WAITERS KINDA SLOWED DOWN WITH THEIR PACE#they were moving the chairs back in order. the guy i like decides to sit down. and hes there. just breathing#SUDDENLY HE STARTS TO REMOVE HIS BOWTIE AND I WAS LIKE.OH OKAY OKAY. OH#i thought that was it BUT THEN NOOOO HE UNDOES TWO OF HIS BUTTONS AND I SAW HIS COLLAR BROOO I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD#AND THEN WE WOULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WHAT KINDA FUCKIN WATTPAD STORY IS THISSSSSSSS#I WAS SO . EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO LIKE AKSJDAKJFS WHY IS HE SO FINE HHHRRR#i was legit praying to just think back to steven like i dont know how to handle this genuinely ahjdfksafhsfsa#what a day that was......#~ rambling#man i hope this never happens to me again /lh
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It continues to give me the warm fuzzies that basically every person at work has said they'll miss me. And it's not really utility, even if I'm useful; I am not in a critical position. There are many people who can do the things I do, even if the majority are less experienced. I'm not management, or a lynchpin, just a long-time worker bee.
But people like me, and I just handled a Crisis Situation well enough that the AD took the time to personally thank me, and my manager was like 'not only am I willing to be a reference you can use my personal phone number if that's easier' and even some of the newest additions said they're going to miss me on desk, and I just.
I love my job and my coworkers and it's really nice that the people there know it and love me back.
#I told mom about Crisis Situation#and tonight when dad got home she was like COME IN AND TELL YOUR DAD#and then both of them were like WHEN COMPANY COMES NEXT WEEK TELL THEM TOO#haha#I mean dad did follow it up with 'no you may not drive across the country alone we will figure something out'#I'm gonna work on him about it we tried the thing where all of us are in one vehicle#Tuesday screamed the whole time and mom wanted to kill her and also me#I shall remind him of that#I think he will probably come around#if I could convince someone to come with I would probably make it an actual road trip#'come to TX for the eclipse!'#'we will drive through the deep south and hit some Neat Shit and then go up the coast!'#like you could make that a fun drive#I'm not gonna do the long version if I'm solo tho bc my parents are convinced I will be murdered#which is silly; I have not infrequently been in Situations and strangers have been kind#also the odds of getting strangermurdered for no damn reason are SO low#and the incentives to murder Me Specifically are also very low#and if a white cishet-passing woman dies 90% of the time it's a romantic partner and I'm aroace so like#I really wonder what they're imagining is gonna happen#babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter)#tea writes tag novels
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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness
my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me
i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3
#mar.txt#still very much upset about losing him，but it's kind of faded for numbness now#still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was#he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone#he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all，his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were#getting my attention so i would come to him，then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make#it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to#take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to#move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything，he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it，but. he was purring，maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that，at least，he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out#that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even#despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his#entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?
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work was so shit today oh my god. the shift before mine didn’t finish their work so I had to do it which put me so far behind my own work that I had to stay for 40 fucking minutes after the end of shift to get it all done and I’m 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
send me good vibes besties bc I need some positivity or I will explode into a thousand wooden splinters
#meg speaks#and this is my 9th consecutive day of work with no break#and I’m so tired#and I just want to go home and shower and eat and pass out
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Me and my gf got into a bad car accident today
#turning left out of the pub parking lot#light was red for oncoming traffic#cars in both lanes stopped to wave us ahead we start pulling out to turn#i guess this big black truck didn't want to wait. hopped into the turn lane to pass all of them#hit me drivers side#we spun out almost into the intersection#i drive a little white car#airbags were smoking#windshield cracked#me and my gf are okay physically#like sore and everything our necks hurt but#emotionally it's horrifying because#if i had been a little further into the turn lane it would have killed#i would have died in a car accident on st. Patrick's day getting reubens by a big ass truck driven by a jamie lee curtis look alike#it was horrifying#i feel like I'd be using it as an excuse if i didn't go to class tomorrow but like. i feel like shit#just really really glad to be alive and safe#i hope those old fuckers know their impatience could've killed us#love you all go tell your people u love them#a good samaritan gave us a ride to the tow place and back home#but today has just been kind of a nightmare#bri ffr#ask to tag
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im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out
#self obs#i will delete this later but i just need to get it out#i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol#like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it#i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem#my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason#well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at#for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month#but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job#so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my#fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do#and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it#because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything#i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope#anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset#whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room
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im a little bit tempted to watch the Elvis movies but there are. so many. and ive heard they are so. terrible. and he didn't fully enjoy making them, he just... had to do it... bc he felt like there wasn't much of an option... and worst of all they are all so painfully heterosexual and i'm sure none of the couples ever communicate with each other properly. so you just sit there ripping your hair out and shouting at the screen "WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGG"
#but i want to get some inspiration... for my Driver/Officer K Greaser AUs...#the Elvis 2022 movie was so good even tho some things were incorrect#like. him breaking up with his first girlfriend Dixie when he became famous? that did NOT happen#Dixie broke up with HIM before he became famous because she wanted a husband who could work 9-5 and come home.#she didn't want to date somebody famous who was out doing gigs 24/7.#then when Elvis' mother passed away years later he called Dixie and she came to the funeral to support him#he wanted someone from his old life to comfort him. someone who knew him before he became a celeb.#FUNNER FACT the first time Elvis and Dixie were crushing on each other in school#Elvis was too shy to approach Dixie to ask her out so Dixie took matters into her own hands#standing in church and shouting to her friends loudly 'IM GOING TO THE SKATING RINK LATER!!!! BY MYSELF!!! CANT WAIT!!!'#'THE SKATING RINK!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE BY THE ICE CREAM SHOP DOWN THE ROAD!!! THAT SKATING RINK!!!'#'ILL BE THERE AT 4PM!!!!!!!!!' and elvis overheard and he was like oh shit#so sure enough Dixie shows up to the skating rink and Elvis already has his skates on#AND HE'S HUGGING THE WALL FOR DEAR LIFE. FIGHTING TO SURVIVE#and then she approached him and said uh hey do u wanna get outta here. and he was like GOD YES PLEASE#i think that story is so fucking cute#woof#oh here's another fun fact. when Dixie and Elvis were dating and Elvis was out on tours/gigs whatever#Elvis was the jealous one. Dixie did not care if women were gonna be all over him#Elvis was always asking her 'what boys are talking to you??? WHO'S LOOKING AT YOU. HM???'#and she's like 'bitch I am just going to school and church. you're the one surrounded by models' LMFAO
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I really need to go to bed but - I'VE DONE IT. I'VE FUCKING DONE IT. I'VE DEFEATED HAIR 😭😭😭
#cyberpunk 2077#my modding#oc: venatrix#MY GIRL HAS RETURNED FROM THE HAIR WAR#AND THIS IS ACTUALLY DECENT QUALITY#AND THE PHYSICS WORK#ugh i am so happy my girrrl#she is home 😭😭😭#the lenghth i go to for the blorbos i stg#more .. tomorrow ... when not overdue passing out#I just wanted to share my victory ; 3 ;#yeah im aware very black hair in a dark corner is not much of a preview but lmao i am exhausted an made do#actual proper showoff tomorrow#but this is 100% Ven vibes so im good#my ocs
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#TAGS TLDR YOU CAN NEVER TRULY GO HOME BUT DO YOU WANT TO?#writing a little for d&d and having feelings about this#it was really interesting jasper and i were working on some game mechanics and we kept getting stuck at weird parts and it developed into#this conversation where we realized we experience the world#in such fundamentally different ways. like specifically talking about how paranoia#manifests and stuff but even later in a broader sense like our experiences of time and everything is so different#and they'd be like 'well what if this is something that happened to lock' and id be like 'how could that be something that anyone would#experience' and they were like 'oh because i do'#(example here was my character not realizing he had been magically transported and filling in the blank with vague memories of travel but i#was like. are you not acutely aware of every single moment you are awake and in motion even if it is excruciatingly boring. and jasper#was like. 'oh...no. i could be transported from one place to another and if time passed i wouldnt even think about having traveled or not'#which was WILD to me but then we were like 'okay i guess this cannot be something that happened to lock' because i couldnt even fathom that#but like anyway idk we got weirdly deep dive-y about d&d stuff and personal lives and i had big feelings on it bc genuinely i feel like#there are facets and caverns in myself i have only ever touched in storytelling but particularly in this campaign#and i've joked a lot about Lock and other chars in this game being self inserts#but i mean it in a good way#like the ways we tell stories or experience a world we created together is going to be through an extension of ourselves etc#but it's interesting to me to consider the limitations that brings yknow? we all live by such vastly different sets of rules and#understandings#and im writing out some stuff now and im like. yknow.#lock can never truly go home. i can never truly go home. none of us can ever truly go home#home as shifting impermanence home as transience etc#2017 levi is back apparently but hes always been right
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I feel like such a captive to my mental health.
#went to the science museum with some friends for one of their birthdays and we wanted to see the space film in the dome#which the dome is a massive theater where the screen wraps around the ceiling and such#and we took some edibles beforehand to have fun and I didn’t even take like half#and it wasn’t even that but my motion sickness made the first ten minutes so unbearable that I had to leave#and I had an anxiety attack on the way home like the first real one in like months#it’s a great reassuring thing to have happen when I’ve been trying to work on my anxiety with actually doing shit and interacting w people#I feel like I failed but like the first part was good at least???#my mom gave me money to get lunch on the way back and I couldn’t even stop I was shaking and felt like passing out#godDAMMIT dude I was doing so good#anyway I’m gonna relax because I’m exhausted now and I ordered jimmy john’s so I didn’t have to go out#fucking anxiety#hmh
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