#i want my old jobs back
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i just wanna go back to toronto you guys i just wanna go back to the way things were
#i want my friends back#i wanna go back to uni#i want my old jobs back#sure it was hard sometimes to balance everything#but i had so many friends i spent my entire degree with within walking distance#i was respected and valued at work#i was studying things im truly passionate about#i was in a place where i wasnt afraid of being stabbed#the premier was a dick but at least he didnt do the shit danielle smith does#im having a bad night#i wish this depressive episode would end#it started when i had to move back here and nothing has alleviated it#and everyone keeps telling me to just get used to hating my job#as if thatll make anything better#all my friends are gone and im in a job i hate and this city is so hostile to human life#its affordable but was it worth it if its bringing bad ideations back#i wanna go back to toronto#or at least out east#i cant fucking take the prairies any goddamn longer#vent post
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ok so I KNOW im annoying about how much ooc shit bothers me, I KNOW. y’all have come after me for ranting about it several times, HOWEVER, one ooc thing i will always accept is post-s11 ian as an emt. is it logical? not really. is he a felon? yup. but i still have hope🙏 like everytime anyone has ever done a fic where they explain ian becoming an emt again the logic is so flawed but i do not care because i desperately need emt ian back. if i ever see ian referred to as an “ex emt” in fics i will cry JUST LET HIM HAVE THAT FUCKING JOB UGHHH
#emt ian my love#i could talk about him as an emt for hours because it means so much to me#it was so perfect for him#i get that emt ian being fucked up led to gallavich so i’m happy about that but i also want to pull my hair out at the thought of it#like wdym he worked at amazon… hes an emt#i honestly just wanted him to have an ending that somewhat honored his storyline from s1-7#like in s6 when he said that being an emt brought his old self back#…and then in s11 where hes worried about money and out of a job#it’s realistic unfortunately but i WANT HIM TO DO WHAT HE LOVES AND LIVE UP TO HIS POTENTIAL#shameless#ian gallagher
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“white mourning.”
#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’#jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice#judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice.#she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry#he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as#he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back.#he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb.#planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco#you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen#his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but#jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control#i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation.#but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse.#i relate to jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late#my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone.#kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon#disco elysium#de fanart#jean vicquemare#disco elysium fanart#jean heron vicquemare#jean posting#illustration#de#artists on tumblr#my art#I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!!#i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings#my little maiu maiu
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You
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#the war within#In the tags of one of my previous anduin pieces I talked about that feeling of looking at old pictures of yourself#and wondering where they went#what happened to them#the pain of wanting their joy and happiness back#is that child still alive within you? can you revive them?#Or are they dead#tbh I feel like a large part of maintaining happiness as an adult is finding ways to indulge the child within you#at some point it is no longer your parents job to care for that child but yours.
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Hello! I was wondering if you’d be willing to take commissions someday 👀. No pressure tho! I just love your art so much
The short answer: "not at the moment, but it is very possible in the future'!
The slightly longer answer: I would have to figure out a good pricing and payment system! PD-MDZS is also where most of my free time goes, so until my life settles down a bit, I would be on the slow side to complete them.
#Ask#Even longer answer: I technically do - but it's been people I know irl asking and handing me physical money/bank transfers.#I'm working on one right now but the tricky part with pricing is that they want the physical copy of it - which is different to online comm#Fun fact: I have gotten a fair amount of commissions from a local hobbiest quilting club.#They show me their pintrest inspiration board and tell me size specifications and I draw out patterns on parchment paper.#I am probably being undervalued by a group of 50-60 year old women but they call me handsome and say I'm doing a good job so...#There was also someone a while back who asked about a tattoo design and I was *so* enthusiastic but I just got too busy to commit.#I truly do appreciate people asking - It is *extremely* flattering that you like my art enough to want to commission something!#I will re-examine my situation in a few months! Someday really is the keyword here; I think I'd have a lot of fun with it!#(All the money would go back into buying more artbooks and supplies too! What a dream!)#Through this blog I've gotten to know a few people who do commissions for a living who I will probably pester for pricing advice#Time really is the only barrier for me right now B*(
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the s4-5 team is interesting because they operate very different from cameron chase & foreman for a few reasons. 1) they're all more sympathetic towards house's style of risky, illegal medicine based on the world's most rational thought processes (especially kutner, who thinks its rad as hell) 2) they got hired in a cutthroat environment and were weeded out systematically so theyre both closer than the og team and more invested in psychoanalyzig each other
#house md#i love them i want kutner back#also thirteen & kutner just run with houses sense of humor which makes it really funny#like ''the girl is stressed about spelling homework. in my scenario shes 8 years old''#and ''say one thing to save your job'' ''i love you''#taub and foreman are taub and foreman <- i like them
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Techno imitating Phil and his iconic “Hey mate” line during MCC5
#Technoblade#Philza#Phil#MCC#Emerald Duo#subtitles#I'm making a highlights compilation of Techno's old MCC vods#but I'm posting this now because these two are my favorite#and also the current highlights compilation for MCC 5's vod is 13 minutes long#so it's going to take a hot minute for me to figure out how / where I want to cut that up#or whether I want to compile it into something shorter#I don't actually know if I'll subtitle that whole thing#Ideally? I'd love to#realistically? I don't have the time and also my back neck hands and eyes are killing me#I'm on the computer all day for work so even the video editing stuff is a pushing it a little for me#I wouldn't mind getting paid by a CC to do this kind of clips stuff officially#but I don't think any of them would actually pay a fair wage#and idk how many hours a week that would be#still. something I am considering#I work for a nonprofit rn so I'll probably get a second job sometime eventually#but before this current job I worked 5 jobs and god forbid I ever have to do that again#that was a very rough 2 and a half years#anyways enough personally chit-chat in the tags I hope you are all doing well#and if you guys have any opinions on whether you want one shorter compilation or 2 longer compilations lemme know#Subtitles#Edited
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felix being referred to more or less exclusively as "your soldier" in-game speaks to how little the writers put into his character beyond his noggin full of sith secrets & his relationship with the consular; still, i do find it kind of sweet and funny, in a way. he's not a republic soldier, not even your personal bodyguard; he's your soldier. the consular is a small nation-state in and of herself
#accurate.#felix iresso#swtor#jedi consular#open tags for My Rant:#going back through rishi and doing the cute little holocron quest got me brooding - as i often do - on my best boy felix#that the writers could not think to give him anything in KOTXX that wasn't Torture Angst is deeply shitty but a little understandable.#all the other consular comps kind of have a way forward that isn't consular-related when the consular goes away#nadia has the jedi. zenith has balmorra. tharan has his old illustrious career. qyzen has little baby clan and also his religious directive#meanwhile felix isn't involved with your order or a supergenius or a politician or even someone with a lifelong goal#he was a guy doing his best at a dead-end job that turned into a far more enjoyable but still lowkey dead-end job#i would argue they could (should) have sent him to ossus but i can see them balking because Doc was already there#that's a little narratively redundant especially bc Doc has an extremely useful set of non-martial skills you would want to center#when telling a story about survival and persistence against the odds like with ossus#(also he was in the group of companions second-closest in proximity to the emperor in base game)#HOWEVER.#because i am immensely sexy and cool and have a huge brain i think i've cracked it#the way to give felix a compelling story post-consular is to put him the fuck in charge.#no longer your soldier or anyone's. his own. maybe even in charge of a large group of people in need of someone to follow#considering he used to be really good at that#a group like...idk...maybe the rest of the people incarcerated on his prison colony?#much to think about.
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I don’t typically like when star trek characters reference legacy characters just to talk about how great and perfect they are but I do like this route where even though Tuvok calls him a great visionary in the end he brings Spock up to say he argued with him. I think this is the way of the future. Lean in. Star Trek characters should say things like ‘An old man cut me off in space traffic the other day. I think it was McCoy?’ and another should nod and shake their head like he’s always doing that shit
#'I met Jonathan Archer and he smelled like wet dog?? Seemed nice though.' <- more stories like this#Also since Janeway idolizes ppl like Sulu I want her to occasionally bug Tuvok for more stories about working with him after she finds out#that they were alive at the same time on the same ship and have Tuvok begrudgingly tell her I don't know...we didn't talk much and I was#busy at the time...one time Kirk sneezed on the bridge. It was quite loud.#<- what he doesn't say is that Tuvok had a handkerchief but did NOT give it to Kirk bc he was concerned about being called a suckup again#Tuvok what do you MEAN you 'spoke out against [it]'??? You aren't a politician??? HEHEHE did you write an open letter???#Tuvok old man moments...Tuvok's children cringing: dad please DON'T bring up your initial opposition to the Klingon-Federation alliance#Tuvok's low estimation of Klingons...B'Elanna..you sit back. I'LL get him!!!!!#I mean everyone in star trek ever like every non klingon character has a low estimation of Klingons for Some Reason*#*You Know.#but I'm a Tuvok girlie so it's my job to rake him across the coals for it from time to time v_v#-sniffs and salutes- gotta kill that old man for my babygirl -fires a cartoon canon at him and he flies into the sky and becomes a star-#love you Tuvok <3#Tom I smashed with a mallet#cartoonishly large for whimsy but just overall more gruesome
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I don't wanna update my resumeeeeeeeee
#on that note i don't want to get a new headshoooootttttt bit mine is four years old 😭#possible job interview for something that would really be ideal and could save me from having to move back in with my mom#but the price is updating my resume TONIGHT#gonna go on a stress walk then get it done
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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sorry for being active
logical... i think I'm annoying you too much /especially with my bad English/, and if you don't want to answer, that'll be fine ^^` in any case, thanks for your attention! i'm probably overthinking this, but...
the last question was, what is Crippled (and the others for that matter) afraid of? I understand that all the hounds lived in a pretty terrible place, but what about simple, almost human things like darkness and loneliness? Surama seems quite fearless to me, despite her dislike of the dark, unlike her brother (okay, he's just quite active), and Iacar is reliving the past. of course, they worry about each other, I think, but... hey, admit it, who is afraid of thunderstorms? :)
sorrysorrysorry ^^`
English isn't my first language either (terveisiä Suomesta). It's just that I'm wary.
I do not currently live in a creative enough environment nor life situation where I can reasonably sacrifice several days out of my week into such a demanding creative work, alone, without burning out.
And every time I so much as casually mention Wurr online, there's usually at least one person who'll come and let me know how tragic it is that I've "decided" to "abandon" my "great story and characters". (Or, in one case, how irrelevant and pathetic I am as a failure of a person. Fuck that one, though.)
Like, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown because of health and livelihood issues back in last spring that I'm still occasionally dealing with (one's systolic blood pressure is definetely not supposed to stay over 190 for long), and I just don't want to be dealing with the people sending me obituaries for my comic on top of that right now.
Like, maybe, maybe, if I one day move closer to Tampere to have my Brainstorm Buddy in my reach regularly again. I miss having creative company.
But right now? I'm just tired.
#wurr#also. like. geesh I'm going to have to figure out some rewrites to parts of the comic's story if I want to ever make a satisfactory job#at finishing it#like nothing major but I started the comic over 16 years ago#i was basically a teen back then#and there are parts of writing that 'grew up on 90s cartoons'-teen me thought were just how stories were made#that I didn't question back then but have definetely very much grown out of as a 36 years old adult person#like... I'd need to un-foreshadow something I already foreshadowed but never felt actually interested in myself#(except you can't un-draw something you've already drawn so far back so I'd have to figure out some kind of twist to make that foreshadowing#feel earned and fitting even if I take away the thing being foreshadowed and make it into something else)#but right now I want to not spend my time angsting about the comic I haven't had the mental energy to work on for few years#and focus on things that make me happy and don't actively make me feel bad#i have a full time day job now anyway#I'm not drawing any kind of comic untill my life is on firm ground again#the meds and the income are helping but it'll take time to even out after the two years of joblessness and mental health strain
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Suddenly hysterical (in a bad way????) Okay???
#solution to hysteria is always shower. always#i already made dinner so ill eat after#and maybe itll be ok..??#is this bc i had a caramel macchiato this afternoon#i never buy fancy sugary coffee#its like. a rare treat for me#i usually just go for americano or flat white. im v boring ik#BUT I SAID. oh no a trear#but that was like FOUR HOURS AGO#why am i AHHHHHH now#(this week this week this week is sm im going back to my parents house. ew. might be finding out abt that job#my boss comes back from vacation. its just alot all at once and i rlly just wanna nap#AND i didnt end up going thrift shopping today bc i got sad again and embroidered for like 4 hrs instead#what i really want is to go to the el cheapo thrift shop that isnt bougie but like dirt cheap like a proper secondhand store#i cannot get there by transit its technically in mississauaga#so i would need to borrow my mother's car#which means she would want to come#which means i cannot shop in the men's section for fun patterned button downs#BLEGH BLEGH BLEGHHHHHHHH#do u undersrand how much i want fun patterned button downs and also an old man blazer#NOTHING IN THE WOMENS FITS MY SHOULDERS PROPERLY OK#the duality of fran#if i could wear mens pants with my hips i WOULD
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i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before
#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS#one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know)#and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed#and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection#not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me#and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut#for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME#JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG#WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE.#IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE#IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE#Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it#even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST?#i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck#like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!!#whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it
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Chat i gen might just quit dunkin i cant anymore these fucking people /srs
Anyways im finally gonna get my nails done and im stuck between these two nails (for the 1st one i’d make the color red instead of black)
#squish the goober#i actually was so hopeful that i wpuld enjoy this job#but instead i got stuck with a bunch of people who were bullies in highschool (including my bully)#and the customers today#oh my god#normally i’d yell back or argue with them but my co workers drained me sm i let some 40 year old dude call me an annoying little bitch#/srs he actually said that#and its all because i asked ‘oh who?’ when he said ‘THEY said it didnt have enough xyz)#im just so done#i dont want to deal with customers anymore#i just want to sit behind w computer and work#this job would be bearable if it was just customers but its my co workers to!!#they all only like eachother!!
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