oc-ref-tober 22: Siren!!! weird doing a ref sheet bio thingy for an oc with not much of a story and like no supporting cast but he’s weirdly developed for an oc with no (developed character) friends LOL

A good soldier

Chapter 5

Chapter 1 and Chapter 4

🐟 Synopsis: You'r little expidition with Lyle doesnt go quite as planned

🐟 characters: Quaritch Recom, Waynfleet Recom

🐟themes: same as the last chapter. A bit of cursing, roughing around but nothing serious.

🐠Note:Uhh im almost sorry for the little Quaritch were getting but i promise its not gonna be long. Love y'all 💙

Tagging: @babyduk213 💙

“Well if you reall ywant to help me with my research Lyle there are actually a few things we could do.” you say smiling down at your datapad, not really knowing what to expect the next few hours with him. “Actually we wouldnt even need to leave the grounds to conduct these. Some strength and dexterity tests would be in order as well as the usua-” you are abruptly interrupted by Lyle hitting you on the back and laughing out loud. “OH Y/N! We both know thats not why were out here. Now come on theres something i want to blow your little scientist brain with.” he says as he eagerly licks his sharp front theet.

Nothing about this makes your really excited. Neither the fact that youve been following Lyle for over twenty minutes through the jungle, that your shoulder still hurts from him hitting you and that he still refuses to tell you where you are going. Even your relieve about finally being gone from the dustfilled chambers of the compound seems to be blown away since you left both by Lyles rigorous speed but  also by the Pandoran Flora and Fauna for which you have to watch out every step your taking.

“I swear Lyle im not joking if you dont tell me where your going and how this has any effect on our scientific mission im stopping right here and now and let me get picked up by a helicarrier.” you shout at him having twigs and leaves stuck in your hair as well as sore muscles from trying to keep up with Lyles gigantic Avatar body.

“Oh dont be such a killjoy little scientist. I swear were almost there and you wouldnt wanna miss it. Even your favourit little Capitain comes here from time to time, its almost like our little secret.” he calls back at you, not even bothering to turn around, “ and if your really to tired to walk i can always just throw you over my shoulder again. Its what does savage Navi do with their woman anyway isnt it?”. 

As he laughs more then once about his own jokes, you give up trying to convince him. It was no use anyway threatening him and he probably even knew that no helicarrier would come out here just for you. 

Since Lyle clearly seemed to be eager on reaching his destination you start to wonder what that mysterious place might be. And sooner or later your thoughts drift of to Quaritch again and the fact that even he keot that place a secret. You almost feel something like jealousy again, about their sense of teamspirit in the phoenix project. They certainly seemed to be connected not just through their missions and training together.

You even catch yourself for a second thinking about life with them, as another Navi soldier fighting at the frontiers of PAndora when Lyles voice pulls you out of your daydreams.

“Well isnt that something worth your sweat!” he proudly exclaimed as you both enter through a small tunnel of purple leaves, what seems to be a big clearing with a big burned down tree in the middle. 

“Lopez and Prager discovered it on one of their little trips. You know you always tell us to get a bit more familiar with the local culture and i guess thats what we did.” Lyle grins at you.

Upon hearing these words you look back at him confused but once you get closer to the tree you realize that there once were Navi huts and building all around and inside it. Now taken back by the nature, overgrown and destroyed but still clearly visible with colourfull paintings and beads and even more of their culture hidden behind dirt.

“That wasnt you was it…?” you say as you stumble a few steps back realizing that you just discovered what seemes to eb the remainins of a small navi village.

“Oh sadly not no. No, as i said Lopez and Prager discovered it, already deserted by those tree people. We just set up a little outside base you know. Our basis on enemy grounds as you will. But thats not even the best, come on.” Lyle says proudly.

He almost has to pull you away from the tunnel, with you still being in somewhat of a shock. This was your first time seeing one of their villages for yourself, deserted or not. There was this strange eary atmosphere around the whole tree, you didnt notice it at first but now that Lyle dragged you along with him, around the gigantic treestump, you finally started to notice.

Rarely any birds could be heard across the camp and even the colourfull and almost always glowing Fauna of the jungle seemed to be dampened and grey.

Like it could be feel the life being erradicated in the village not sign of Life could be heard the further you followed Lyle. 

Hi, I'm feeling a bit confused/worried and I don't know who to talk about it to. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a month, so we're still getting to know each other, and we don't see each other in person very often because she lives an hour and a half away and I dont have a car, so we mostly text. She's a trans woman but her family isnt supportive (i think her parents told her she was lying to herself when she tried to come out) (1/5)

((  Today over text she told me she’s confused because she thinks she’s maybe “just a femish geeky guy” which totally threw me for a loop. I should say that I’m a cis woman, so I can only try to understand what questioning one’s gender is like, I try to be as educated + empathetic as I can but I know I don’t rly get it. That being said I know that despite being out to myself + identifying as bi for years there’s still this weird internal pressure to “really be straight” or “end up gay” —- (⅖) so I’m guessing that there’s probably a similar feeling people get with regards to gender identity?. I don’t know how long she’s been worried about it, but to my knowledge she’s been out to herself as a trans woman for sometime now, I asked her if there was a specific thing that made her wonder and she said no, but I’m worried that with the holidays and her family being less than great about the whole thing she’s having a hard time. — (⅗)   Also, she asked for breast forms for Christmas, so delved into researching how to get them for her, and today she said she’s kind of afraid of the idea, so I’m wondering if that is contributing to it. Mostly, I’m just worried she’s  having a rough time and I want to be supportive but I don’t know what is the best way to go about it. I don’t want to invalidate her questioning and being confused, but also from my perspective she really doesn’t seem like a cis guy, — (⅘)   and I don’t want to play into the larger transphobic culture that tells trans women that they aren’t “really women” and generally is shitty. SO that was probably tmi but basically I’m hoping for a trans woman’s advice on how I can be helpful and whether or not this is a thing other trans people experience. Sorry this is so long. (5/5)  ))

Hmm, yes, -that- feeling. Because I don’t know her personally I can’t really say with much certainty what’s going on, but there are a few likely things.

The feeling you correctly assumed exists is often caused by the trans narrative, that is the set of rigid stereotypes used to gatekeep transgender people, especially trans women. If you didn’t play with dolls, like disney princesses (they look for Ariel and i have a lot to say about that for another time), or aren’t exclusively interested in boys, you can get blacklisted from all the psych services in the area. I know a girl who forgot to wear nail polish to one (1) appointment and had to wait an extra two years to get HRT. Personally I fit the narrative pretty well and even I’m still terrified every time I have to go see my endo and get way more femmed up than I usually do and pretend to have a boyfriend.

The trans narrative is a huge source of internalized transmisogyny. When you have an unsupportive family you’ll often be told “well you didn’t crossdress as a kid”, “you would have said something sooner”, “you played with trucks a lot”, or similar things. Your girlfriend has probably spent a lot of time worrying if That One Thing means she isn’t ~really~ a girl. The narrative also applies to transition goals. If a girl doesn’t want this or that thing (especially a vaginoplasty) they are kicked out of the psych office and labeled an autogynephile.

It’s okay to question things. Yes, it’s possible that maybe she isn’t exactly or entirely a girl. Maybe she’s agender, a demigirl, bigender, genderfluid, or what have you. But trust me, there are no cis guys who question their gender a lot. They never have to and don’t want to. We don’t live in a world where being a trans woman is more acceptable than being a feminine guy.

One of the things which often gets in the way of a trans woman accepting herself is the idea that trans people “feel like a X”. It’s kinda hard to know what other people feel regarding their gender so how can you know if you feel more like how one group or another does? Ask her what she wants to be. If she could choose any gender for herself and have everything be perfect, what would she pick? Boys don’t want to be girls. Wanting to be a girl -is- being a girl. Also, yeah a lot of women, especially sapphic women, have transfeminine radar. Despite layers of false masculinity, you can’t completely hide your heart. None of my sapphic friends were surprised when I came out, but the boys (both straight and mlm) and my boyfriend had no idea.

About the breastforms, it’s okay to be scared. Every trans girl gets scared about presenting how she wants to. Buying women’s underwear for the first time, braving the mirror to try makeup, starting HRT, asking to be called by a new name and pronouns, it’s all very normal. Some trans women come out to themselves and rocket into their new image. Others crawl. There is no rush and if your girlfriend doesn’t feel ready then that’s okay. It’s never too late and she can take as much time as she needs to figure it out. That said, the first time seeing yourself with breasts is magical and she may need a little encouragement to get there.

-*Mod Star*