#i think i might…have been a victim that night…but i cant remember….i probably said yes….but i was so fucking drunk…..
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on sunday i had literally the worst night of my life and i cant even fully remember it. and i thought i was in the clear?? that i was FINE?? but apparently one of my bar guests/general-manager-of-the-bar-next-door saw me on that worst-night-of-my-life and tried to get me a ride home so i wouldnt end up experiencing the w.n.o.m.l. and i DIDNT take the ride home. i just found out today after seeing him that he tried to stop what was happening and i was so drunk that i didnt let him. and now instead of like disgusted and feeling secret shame i now get to feel disgusted, PUBLIC shame, and PUBLIC embarrassment. like i dont even remember everything that happened. i dont know how im going to get myself out of it. AND there was a witness?? a witness who loves me and cares about me and respects me and who i didnt love and care about and respect back enough to let him get me home safely. and i also thought i was in the clear bc i was like 20 mins south of the entire area where the people i normally see hang put. why was he there. why didnt i let him get me home. why did i fight him. why did any of that happen. why cant i remember everything. why did i do that. why why why why WHY DIDNT I LET HIM HELP
#abt me#frankiesworld#personal#personal rant#im sorry#im all over the place#trying to piece things together and feeling sicker every time i connect more dots#and remeber more things#but its my fault#i should have gone home when i ordered my uber#i shouldnt have canceled it#i shouldnt have stayed#if i left when i wanted ti none of this would have happened#i wouldnt have seen him#and none of the rest would have been able to happen#and none of it would have. why didnt i go home. why did i stay#why did this happen to me#i didnt deserve this. i didnt want any of this to happen. i didnt want him to see that. i dont want to talk about it with him later#fuck#i think i might…have been a victim that night…but i cant remember….i probably said yes….but i was so fucking drunk…..#…i dont even really remember…..#personal vent#vent#trauma vent
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What is a happy ending?
So someone (looks sternly at @rondoel) thought giving me insight in a certain OC of theirs and making me feel things is an okay thing to do. That I won't proceed to write a heartbreaking epilogue to my two part Virgil king story. This one not as long. But still. Enjoy:
What is a happy ending?
"Why happily ever after?" King wondered aloud as He studied their latest piece of art.
No one had ever answered that question for Him. Not in a meaningful way at least. And it never truly stopped bothering Him.
"Your majesty?" Anxiety asked carefully. Probably not sure if he had been meant to hear. King wasn't so sure Himself.
Oh well. He might as well finish the thought. Something interesting might come from it.
"Happily ever after. It's so... boring. Why does everyone like it so much?" He had wondered so often...
Anxiety shrugged. "Princey loved that crap. He hated it when I called out the flaws, though he could be just as bad with plot holes.
It's not realistic at all and... well boring is one word for it." His tone and face could almost be mistaken for dismissive, but King could swear He spotted fondness in the upturn of Anxiety's mouth and a slight wistfulness in the shine of his eyes.
King however was more interested in this more nuanced perspective on the story trope. Answers at last?
Anxiety noticed his king desired for him to elaborate and immediately started fidgeting as he tried to find the words to express his thoughts sufficiently.
"I suppose... everyone thinks that's what they want?" His nerves turn the sentence into a question. "When they are little it's an easy goal. You find the one who'll make you whole, or defeat the villain, or both. And then nothing ever bothers you again.
It's not how life works though... and growing up... I think everyone still has a part of them that wants to hold on to things being that... simple..." Anxiety trailed off and looked up at king curiously. His face strangely focused as if he was looking for an answer himself.
"Simple?" King urged wanting to hear more. Anxiety was so close to making sense. So close to bringing about that wonderful feeling when curiosity was sated. A story complete at last.
"Um... yeah... I mean even I feel a little... I don’t know... it feels right?
When you do the right thing, even when it's hard and you get the stuff you want anyway. And when people who hurt you don’t win. You want the world to work like that. If not for you then at least for the servant girl, who just wanted a night off, or the waitress who just wanted to buy her father's dream restaurant. Hard work, kindness, patience... they should be rewarded right?" Anxiety explained. Sounding frustrated. "And..." he let out a resigned sigh before straightening up and continued more decidedly. "Since the world doesn't work that way... why not escape somewhere where it does?" It was passionate. Perhaps in defense of Roman's favorite thing in the world. Then that fight and righteous defiance fell away in favor of a nostalgic fondness. "Thomas did it all the time growing up," Anxiety sighed before returning his attention to the painting that had prompted the question. A Father's Day movie night.
Hugs and snacks and movies with happily ever afters galore. All of Morality's favorite things.
King had to admit it had... stung to discover that Morality had taken up the role He'd given him even after he betrayed everything that title stood for.
Had he ever felt even the slightest bit conflicted when hearing Roman calling him 'Padre'?
Or was it supposed to be fine, since he thought Roman was the only half of Him who felt attached to him that way?
Had it truly never occurred to him that while he took in the confused Roman, he left behind a disoriented and heartbroken Remus who didn't understand why daddy was ignoring him.
What had he done wrong?
Why did he never get bedtime stories or hugs from dad? Why was he shoved away, scolded, ignored?
Why was he not allowed to play in the imagination with his brother?
The last thought had plagued both halves for years.
Even Roman who had stopped admitting to it to please Morality felt conflicted during story times and hugs to this day.
Telling Thomas that he didn't want anything to do with his brother had hurt more than the bump on his head...
But all of that was in the past. They were gone and their unresolved issues were a waste of His time. He had berated, tormented, Anxiety over this. He would not fall victim to such sentimentalities Himself.
"I see... escapism then?" He muttered, trying to get back on topic and not to show the... somewhat emotional turn His thoughts had taken.
Like His halves, His 'Padre' was gone. He probably never existed in the first place.
And Morality would pay for that betrayal and the way he abandoned Remus and how he made Roman fight to earn his love, only to abandon him as well. His suffering had only just begun.
Not because it still mattered. But... any excuse to justify and fuel His wrath even a little bit more was good enough for Him.
He'd probably avenge slights against his minister simply to feign kinship and watch the traitors squirm under his rule just a bit more. Not that he needed a reason to do anything. But justified rage was so much more satisfying to set loose. Because the targets would feel, deep down, they brought this upon themselves.
"Yeah... there's enough crappy stuff going on in the world right? Thomas... wants to use his talents to make people smile. And while that's cheesy, it's also... well it's him," Anxiety shrugged. King hummed in agreement as He framed the picture and put it away. He'd barely paid attention honestly. The answer was satisfactory. But there was a new question on His mind. As He mused over His minister's attachments to His enemies and how to sever them He recalled something intriguing about his recent behavior.
Anxiety had been pulling away from Morality. Why? What had caused a crack in 'the bestest most dynamicest duoest duo'?
And was this something he could use to forge an allegiance. Or to hurt Morality as deeply as He'd been hurt. Or, ideally, both?
King smirked to Himself as He laid a gentle hand on Anxiety's shoulder. He asked about a drawing of the young side and Thomas. He was pleased to note that His minister no longer shrank away every time He moved in his general direction. He might not be comfortable with His touch yet, but he was getting used to it. Something that would surely get to the others who still tiptoed around Anxiety's boundaries.
Maybe, at some point, he could be made to truly see things His way. To see the traitors for the villains they were. Just the thought of the chaos that this realization would unleash... It would be magnificent.
Morality had forgotten something important about 'happily ever after's.
Bad guys don’t get them. And the victor is always the hero.
It was only right that King reminded him of the shadow side of his favourite ending.
By making him live it.
Virgil knew that it was a bad thing that he found himself enjoying talking about his memories to the king and watching them turn into pretty cool paintings.
He was Anxiety, this was definitely a crisis. He can't relax now, not around the reason of said crisis... but if he doesn't relax a little his thoughts might do something really bad. And if he doesn't do whatever the king wants, then the king might do something bad.
So he had to balance on this weird edge of anxious, but cool with it.
The others were counting on him. To stay safe, to keep it together, to keep King distracted, to find a way to get him to lay off a little...
"Worthless." And... the thing is back.
"Dude, seriously, not now!" He snapped at his... shadow.
King just looked on intrigued. Great. Now the shadow had King's attention.
"Failure," it hissed. Right... King is not his biggest problem right now.
So far the shadow had only been mildly annoying even quiet for the most part. But clearly anxious thoughts made it remember it could be a pain in the behind. And worst thing is it got to Virgil even more because it laid out his true fears for King to see and use against him.
"You... you are just... you're just a thought. You can't hurt me." Virgil insisted.
Thomas could deal with his irrational fits. Surely he could manage this thing, right?
"Monsssster," the shadow hissed. No he didn't think that anymore!
"Guardian!" Virgil bit back. Patton said so, Logan said so, Roman said so, Thomas said so... why cant he just believe them?
He found himself struggling to breath again. The thoughts... they were real now... what if they could hurt him...? Can he die? What would happen to Thomas?
"Begone!" Virgil snapped out of his near attack at the sudden outburst from King.
What...?
He looked up just in time to see a flash of metal and shadow's dissolving figure.
"It'll reform later," King muttered as he sheeted his sword.
"It became too bothersome. You should not let your creations have power over you young one. You are their master, don't forget that," he instructed calmly, not looking at him.
Did he just...?
"Return to your business now, I find that I am in need of a break," he then declared as he walked away, still not looking back.
"But..." he came to a halt. "Should you wish to finish our gallery... I might be willing to indulge your presence later."
Virgil didn't quiet know what to do, so he bowed, just in case the king could see it somehow. "Y-yes my king. Thank you," he stammered hurriedly.
When he looked up, the king was gone.
And Virgil ran. He needed to find Lo and Pat before the shadows returned.
His thoughts were a confused mess... he hadn't imagined that right?
King had really stepped in to save him instead of letting Virgil's punishment, gift, curse, whatever run its course...
And then he left it up to Virgil to decide if and when they'd finish up.
There was probably some messed up reason behind it... but still.
Virgil wasn't stupid though. Even if saving him had been a purely noble impulse, King hadn't undone his 'gift' to make sure it wouldn't happen again. Telling him to put his foot down with 'his own creations' didn't really count.
King still messed up real bad and would have to do something pretty impressive to make up for all of that.
And Virgil was pretty sure that it wasn't just his pessimism talking when he thought that the king was no where close to wanting to make nice with any of them.
Or not for the right reasons anyway.
He shook his head. He can worry about all that later. Right now he has to find the others. Before King runs into one of them.
Virgil's trip down memory lane might've been deemed 'entertaining' or whatever, but he hadn't be around for whatever had happened to make the king be out for blood in the first place.
He didn't want to find out what King's idea of 'having fun' was when it came to Pat, Lo or even Janus. Whatever they did, it was still his duty to protect Thomas. Physically, socially, mentally and emotionally. Whether he wanted him to or not.
And not even King was going to stop him from fulfilling his purpose.
@antiredhuman you wanted to be tagged if I wrote more for this au so here you go! Hope you like it!
#ts sides#sanders sides#king au#honestly i think Thomas is having a burnout#everything is too complicated to think about#and he escapes in a mindset of when things were easy#but he cant not have anxiety#it makes sense
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WARNING LONG POST HEAVY SPOILERS
Episode4. Play back rewatch
*Open scene Montrose
*Drinking. Going through the memories of his mind
He drinks and still he remembers it all
*God Smites Eve
*2:12 "Give this to tic protect our family" GEORGE
*The Order of the ancient dawn
*You might be all Tic has left
*"Smells like Tulsa
*Bitcx better have my money
*Christina glides through cars
* Black arrow (nods it off)
*leti was ready
*Bitcx tried to walk in like she own the place
*the protection spell works 'akirum
She seemed impressed and snide
*your money (leti realizes where the money came from
**L: "You want something in this house. Something to. do with Atticus"
**Ct: "Dont let the men fool you into thinking its Always about them. "
**His blood may have power but thats only because itus spelled it that way. Hes Not Special. Not really
Christina is a Snitch
*"If he keeps operating like this hes going to get you killed "Again"
(she looks sincere) (im telling yall xtina did this before)
* "I dont want that. Or this house. I just want the orrery"
(To discover a world of first) (chritina dont lie withold yes)
You can get the Fuck up off my Porch
Call me
*Hippolyta calls her daddy... She has the Orrery
She smart as hell
*The new comic diana drawing..outta this universe
Moves and predicts the relative position of planets
*leti tells tic about tina paying for house
*Tic with holds information from leti
*knows tina used tic to kill father
tic was go kill her then just leave
Lil boy with Coke bottle glasses ( just like tic but not tic
*two sets of pages still exist
*the orrery is the key
(using the orrery to go into another world to find his pages)
Titus kept it hidden
*Casting spells to protect
*ask ya daddy " i dont want yall involved"
(Sound like his daddy when they saved him)
They in the back
Every time i tell you to do something yo do the opposite
*" how you kno its 34 lodges"
*"I cant help you kill yourself. You cant see this game she is setting up for you to play"
(Montrose and Christina have done this before.. I cant wait till the final. I need to kno)
*"Looking for answers you already have"
Boston
*"I know where to find that dame vault"
Christina plays hide and seek for the first time
Christina screaming "Im safe."
The police arrive for her to take her to ...
Lancaster
*She didnt mention leti being in the house specie or tic
Says convince "hyrum"
*she knows there is someone in the closet right away
*xtina says time machine
* " let "negros" move in..(vs niggers) cocky
Take my lodges
*did i miss your initiation into the order..
No cunts allowed
The silent fight
Let go. You told me to let go
Hyp suspicious
It so happens to be at a astrology museum
Tree
Ruby walks into Marshal fields
"Work like kobe just to shine like Russel"
Sees Tamara
"Yes yesterday"
"I applied on a whim"
Boston
Lights of the universe
Leti's face watching rose go with the guard
*"u kno y they call me tree"
"Shouldnt i already kno that since we fuc in highschool simore" rolls eye at that liar
True story: Harriet chariot
*MY MAMA NAMED THAT COMET
*Many artefacts Titus was giving in exchange for striping away everything they knew
(Stolen after killing, probably raping and enslaving the native people)
*tree hints at Montrose being gay to tic
Tic questions how mon knows the guard
The vault
*Christina pulls up goes around the gate
(William comes out 30seconds later, yes we kno the skin change happens in seconds seeing ruby change, BUT HOW IN THE HELL did xtina put on a whole suite down to the tie that quick)
Do they not kno william cuz then lancaster wouldnt have known it wasnt xtina when he dies.
She kick they ass
*William says i have a Date
Find a way to open it
Montrose finds the moonlight
How old is this museum
*"This is some journey to the center of the earth type shit"(name of book coke bottle kid in library was reading)
3tunnels
Ever the tide shall rise
Map of titus voyage's..
No telling Letitia fuc N lewis No
Dont help me
Yellow
*Based on adventure novels the tunnels should be based on the map.
*How you know he raided Diana
"I read a damn book
*1810 it was built
Established the sons of Adam 3yrs later
*Whats down the other tunnel?
The lantern being there
Ruby drowning her blues away to a half empty bar
Is copper considered a yellow
Voluptuousness
*I cant afford another one
Blues eyes got ya tab tonight
*A nod. A gulp
*"May i join you?" They dont sit
Keep my glass full"...
*Yall white boys dont come to the dark side for modesty (demanding woman
* i can buy my own drinks ( pride)
Take a bit more to impress me White Boy
*Never insult you to make you a kept woman
* promise me the world to lay with me
*a promise i can keep
(All she needs is the orrery & she literally can give Ruby Many worlds)
The way they look at Ruby
*20min of walking
Walking the plank
Tic brave
Tf me 1st
Learned how to lie
*juneteenth
* "FREEMEN WERE NEVER SLAVES"
She out there
Spider senses
Tic has training
Booby trap
Big fucking deal
The bored starts to disappear
Jump pop
Better catch me Boy. (I got ya kid)
Now they can run shuffle
Montrose knows the combination
Jessie owens
*The tide rising.. Less than an hr
Ruby "got there 1st, shoulda been me but i let Leti distract me"
They sat there all night
*"Whoes leti"
(i dont think Christina knew leti Nd Ruby were sisters before that moment based on willtinas expression
*"my half sister" (willtina Gulps (becoming a signature
* if i was in your skin i wouldnt even have to run"
*what to do about it?
William with them eyes.
*"Better stop looking at me like that, It Aint happening
White Boy"
I Put a Spell on You plays
Ruby want it
(Im more than sure this is Willtinas 1st time, also wonder if so as a woman. Possible leti was a virgin)
Willtina looked confused by the blood. Primal reaction
Ruby in control
William excited, whoa lip biting
The mark of Cain. Big Dic Energy
*" How you kno so much about the sons of adam?"
* george gave me the bylaws i burned it
My brother said protect the family. His dying wish
(Was to give Tic the book, but you cant tell Montrose what to do with his son)
Closing Pandoras box once Nd for good
You wont stop
*Leti finds the neighbors body who went missing
*Chicago to Boston 14hr drive
(They walk 20min to the plank maybe another 20 to yahima)
*sees elevator come down, looks familiar
*Epistien was apart of the order prob chasing the pages... He was missing an arm
This might get dangerous
*he was kidnapped. I Died.
*"not the center of the fucking universe"
Leti can swim too
*Fatherly advice
Ya mama was complicated too
*all that fussing is loving
*Epstein day look like he was missing an arm and like a drowned victim
I don't think Christina knew about the tunnels or at least she knew that she couldn't open them
Black folk dont watch bones come alive & just stare
*reaches. (Back the fuc up
* they have the same symbol on their stomach. The Regeneration spell
*yahima Woman man two spirit
*had no reason to distrust him
ALWAYS HUNGRY
*he killed them all (stole they shii) enslaved
Tic look like Will Smith as a fish in shark tail
*she dont know my spirit
Montrose Takes pages anyway (i think knowing booby trap)
. Grabs yama
*montrose drops the pages purposefully
Like damn leti. Grabbing for her
The kiss. The scream. The knockout
*how did they get back without woodie
*is that your dad's atlas
*devon county circled. Ardum reaper. Hyp makes a detour
*siren. Ill figure out how to help her talk
*"You were brave boy. Grew to be a good man spite me"
*he already had the plan
Damn montrose
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LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2
Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.
I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...
Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.
OPEN GANG WARFARE
I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.
A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)
Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.
I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.
Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.
It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…
I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...
ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE
Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.
So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.
Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!
And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.
I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...
Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...
But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.
No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.
Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).
What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.
So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.
(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)
LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE
Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.
it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”
When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...
(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)
Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?
I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.
Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...
And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?
And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.
It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.
What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…
LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF
We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.
In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.
At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.
And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.
Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!
The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.
And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…
I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.
I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.
LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM
Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.
When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!
And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…
A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…
What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.
This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.
Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3
#Skam France#skamfr thoughts#3x05 thoughts#heartbreak 2 of 2#elu#well yep that definitely almost broke me#skamfr goes for the jugular#so much changes when you#actually have to witness the#anguish on someone else's face#axel I am just floored
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Class 1-A vs. Tickle Might: Part 1
<< Prologue (in case you’re wondering what’s going on) :: Part 2 >>
(A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who offered their kind feedback, especially @gigglingknight ! 2.7k words and 4 kids - Mineta’s not getting back up again - down, 16 to go! Hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think - favorite scene, constructive criticism - your feedback will keep me awake at night to write part 2!)
The forty combined eyes of class 1-A were locked on All Might as he leapt gracefully from the wall of the training grounds, passing overhead and descending in a lazy arc into the mock city before them.
“He moves like a missile,” Momo said thoughtfully. “You would think such a big person would be less aerodynamic.”
Other students were less calm. “He’s gonna kill us all!” Mineta yelled. “I won’t get to enjoy my summer break at all!”
Hagakure clung to Ojiro’s arm. “Guys, I bet Aizawa-sensei sent him to beat us up before training camp. He probably thinks we won’t cause as much trouble if we’re all in full-body casts!”
Ojiro laughed, but he too was looking at the cluster of buildings in obvious dismay. “All Might’s the number one hero, he wouldn’t just indiscriminately fight us. I think.”
Even Aoyama’s sparkle was a little dimmed, his eyes wide in alarm behind his visor. “Mon dieu, didn’t you see what he did to Bakugou and Midoriya? His smile was as twinkling as ever, but… it was scary!”
“And he’s at full strength this time,” Satou added, his big lips pursed.
Those of them who were afraid edged closer to one other, clutching at armor and fabric and hands as if hoping they would fuse together into a single pro capable of taking on the Number One Hero. A select few, though, prepared to rally.
“It’ll be all right, guys!” Deku was smiling. Of course he was. “There’s a lot of us, and we have more experience using team attacks now! I’m sure we can impress All Might and Aizawa-sensei!”
Iida frowned. “Won’t it be easier for him to find us if we all stay in a group?”
“Maybe, but I feel safer with you guys!” Sero said.
“Yeah!”
“Let’s come up with a plan!”
A familiar snarl filled the air. “You extras can plan all you want!” Bakugou announced. “I’m going to face him head on! The only thing that would make me surrender is having to listen to you idiots for another minute!” He spun on his heel and stalked off, quickly disappearing behind the piles of concrete.
Kirishima grinned. “Guess I know what I’m doing, then.”
Mineta howled. “Just let him die! He’s really annoying! And if you get caught in the crossfire between him and All Might there’s no way you’ll survive.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, but I can’t just let him go in alone! And besides, what could be a manlier last sight on Earth than those two going at it?”
“I’ll come too,” Mina said, bouncing up and down on her toes. “I want to watch! And maybe I can get some surprise attacks in with my acid!”
The two of them headed off together after Bakugou, cheerily waving a goodbye to the rest of the group. Kaminari waved back at them like it was the last he would ever see of his two friends. Jirou scoffed and turned to look at the two planners left in their group. “Let’s call them the distraction, then… Momo, Midoriya, do you guys have any ideas?”
Bakugou’s arms throbbed inside his gauntlets.
The wounds from his finals match had been healed by Recovery Girl - the old hag had been surprised that he’d been hurt so bad, even though Deku was in the next bed over with a shitty bruised spine, as if he wasn’t just as dedicated to winning even if it means shattering every bone in his damn arm – but the memory of just how much it hurt was still in there.
He almost wished Kirishima was here to guard his back. Shitty Hair could take a punch, at least. Maybe even one of All Might’s. But he didn’t need him to win. All he needed was the chance to get in one good blow of his own this time –
A sound behind him. He whirled around, one sweat-filled hand slinging behind him with even more force. As soon as he could see his target, he would –
Something closed around his wrist. A sudden jerking sensation as his arm was pulled upwards, and the explosion seared harmlessly into the air.
All Might was holding him suspended by one hand. Like a freaking ragdoll. “Ah, young hero! I might have expected you to come face me head-on.”
Instead of replying, he tried to blast the man with his other hand. It joined the other above his head just as quickly, held in that same massive grip. “What are you doing? DON’T RESTRAIN ME, YOU SHITTY – let me fight, old man!”
All Might propped his free hand on his hip. “A brave face, huh? You must really want a rematch. I think your sleeveless uniform’s really going to put you at a disadvantage in this round…”
He cocked his hand, fingers spread stiffly for a grab or chop, and Bakugou wasn’t afraid, he wasn’t, but that didn’t keep his body from flinching, a fruitless attempt to protect himself from the painful blow.
His captor paused. “Young Bakugou, are you – are you frightened of me?”
“No.”
He lowered his arm enough for Bakugou to get his feet on the ground – still up on his toes, but at least he wasn’t hanging there like a sack of meat. “My boy, I must say that I’m very sorry about the end of our last battle. I wouldn’t have stopped you so forcefully if I didn’t think you were about to seriously injure yourself.”
“I’m not fucking afraid, okay? Just hit me already so I can hit back.”
All Might looked unconvinced. “Ah, that’s… good, young hero! Such an indomitable spirit!” His smile grew impossibly wider. “Besides, you won’t come to any harm today!”
“Oh yeah? Then what the fuck are we here to do, talk each other into submission? And what do you mean, I’m at a disadvantage because my uniform doesn’t have sleeves?”
“Ah, yes.” All Might cocked his hand again. His fingers were wiggling this time, and somehow this spiked Bakugou’s apprehension in an entirely different way. “Allow me to demonstrate.”
He’d never put much thought into a costume redesign, but as All Might’s evil hands came in contact with his bare armpits he decided that he needed more armor. Immediately. “W-whahaHAT! THE HEHEHELL?!” His palms were sparking uselessly into the sky, face bent into a helpless grin, and shit he was glad that none of the others in his class were here right now.
It was a relief, almost, not to be thrust into another bloody fight with his hero, but that didn’t stop him from kicking and screaming bloody murder, still on his tiptoes as he strained for some leverage to protect himself. All Might was chuckling. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you smile, young Bakugou! A very good imitation of my trademark, but perhaps we can do better!”
“NOHO – nowecan’t – AHAHA!” His entire torso was helpless under the attack, and his face hurt from smiling so hard. It wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it anymore. “OKAY nonONO not thaHAT just fucking STOP I GIVE I GIVE!”
All Might let him down gently, giving one last triumphant laugh as he patted Bakugou on the back. “An admirable effort, my boy.”
“I didn’t even do anything,” he mumbled into the ground. Was he still grinning? He was, like an idiot. He was an idiot. This was terrible.
Footsteps skidded into the street. “Bakubro, we heard you screaming – laughing? – oh shit, he’s here-”
Bakugou forced his head up. Kirishima and Mina. They’d probably followed him in.
He snorted. “You’re next, morons. Better run if you’re ticklish.”
They’d worked three-quarters of the way through a plan involving Sero’s tape (just. So much tape), Tsuyu’s mucus secretion, and a titanium bondage set from Momo when an explosion roared through the air.
“Kacchan,” Deku gasped. His theory was confirmed when the explosion died down only to be replaced with cursing at only a slightly reduced volume. And then there was the screaming.
“Such darkness,” Tokoyami intoned. “It will swallow us all.”
The screams continued, Bakugou sounding truly desperate. “OKAY nonONO not thaHAT just fucking STOP I GIVE I GIVE!”
Mineta fainted.
The racket tapered off at last, All Might’s laugh echoing tinnily in their ears as they all shivered. “Do you think he’s still alive?” Uraraka whispered. “Man, this is scary.”
Deku’s mind raced. The other students were thinking frantically too, but he had two pieces of information that no one else knew.
The first: In all the videos he’d seen of All Might, he’d never heard of him making a villain beg for mercy. All Might preferred to harm the villains he captured as little as possible, making it easier to the police to detain them without having to provide medical treatment and having the added effect of minimizing property damage.
The second: He’d grown up with Kacchan, who had never been in the habit of screaming in anything other than rage. The only thing that had ever made him howl like that had happened when they were little, and it was – it was –
Oh.
“Midoriya’s about to faint,” Todoroki said.
“Deku?” Uraraka shook him. “What’s going on?”
He swallowed. “We need to split up and hide. Now.”
The class looked at each other in alarm. If even he couldn’t maintain his determination…
They were all going to die.
“We’re not going to die!” Mina gushed. “This is so fun! This is fantastic!”
She and Kirishima were sprinting away from All Might as fast as they could, taking corners at random in hopes that they would lose him. “Yeah, if we can make it back to the others, they’ll definitely be less scared!”
“Are you certain of that, young hero?”
They both skidded to a stop, but Kirishima still crashed into All Might’s massive chest and rebounded onto the ground. Mina shot past them both with a shriek. “All Might!”
The man crouched over him. “I was surprised not to find you with your friends, young Kirishima.”
“We were trying to find Bakugou,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “Mina and I are really bad with directions though, so we got lost until we heard him screaming.”
“It seems you arrived at the perfect time to become my next victim,” the hero intoned, and wow that smile was the most ominous thing he’d ever seen now.
“I – haha –“ Kirishima spluttered, before remembering that he had a quirk. “Ha!” he exclaimed, activating his quirk and feeling immensely relieved as his skin hardened to a rock-like texture. “There’s no way you can tickle me now!”
“It will be more difficult,” All Might mused. Suddenly, he yanked one of Kirishima’s boots off. “I wonder, do your palms and soles harden as well?”
Kirishima, who’d had his quirk for all of twelve years, suddenly couldn’t remember. He glanced frantically at one of his hands and mentally cheered. “Ah, they do.”
All Might frowned, as much as he could frown. “If all your skin hardens, it’s pretty surprising that you can move at all…” Taking Kirishima’s foot gently in his hand, he rotated it right and left. “If this works, then…”
Kirishima felt something brush against his ankle, and without thinking, snickered at the ticklish sensation.
All Might’s grin came back in full force. Hesitantly, Kirishima offered him a weak smile. “Uh… maybe I just have a really cool quirk… and tickling definitely won’t work on me?”
Turned out, his ankles were traitors. A few scratches from All Might and he was already giggling frantically, his other foot drumming against the ground as he tried to roll over and crawl away. Even worse, as he lost focus his quirk began to waver, and despite his effort of squeezing his eyes shut and trying to will the laughter away he could feel his protective shell softening around him.
“Not so tough now, young hero,” All Might teased, and Kirishima groaned internally at the joke as his torture became a thousand times worse. The soles of his feet, the soft skin behind his knees – even squeezing his calf produced a new wave of laughter from him.
He couldn’t take it. No wonder Bakugou had been collapsed on the ground. “Mihihina…. MINA, HELP!”
A pair of pink arms wound themselves around All Might’s neck – Mina, jumping on his back. “Hi! All Might-sensei, can I go next?”
The tickling eased up a little as All Might turned his head to smile at her. “You know, my girl, this is technically a test.”
She pouted. “I know, but… tickling! I already failed my practical anyway, so I’m sure I’ll have to take the remedial classes. I might as well relax and have some fun while I can instead of running! Right, Kirishima?”
Panting, he considered this situation. This was definitely more fun than a fight, and it was really nice after the nightmare of preparing for finals. “Heh… yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I can hardly refuse such a polite request,” All Might proclaimed grandly, “but first, I need to hear a surrender from young Kirishima here!” He reached a hand up to scratch at Kirishima’s ribcage, the boy squeaking as he tried to bat it away.
“I could help,” Mina offered slyly.
“No, yOU CAHAN’T!” Two pairs of hands hovered over him, Mina reaching over All Might’s shoulder with her evilest grin. “Wait, wait, I give!”
All Might roared with laughter, offering Kirishima a hearty embrace as he wobbled to his feet. “A smart decision! She’s very determined!”
He glared half-heartedly at Mina, shaking his head with a rueful grin. “I’m going to get you for this.” He turned to All Might. “Do we get to watch the others?”
“You do have to leave the training ground. However, your Aizawa-sensei’s in the evaluation room. If he permits you to enter, then you can watch with him!”
“Cool! I’ll see you there, Ashido.” He looked around. “Which way is the exit again?”
As he left, Mina prepared to jump off All Might and take off – she felt like running at least a little bit, after seeing how wrecked Kirishima looked. But before she could so much as loosen her grip, All Might spoke in a decidedly villainous voice. “Well, young Ashido, this means it’s your turn now.”
He grabbed her uniform and yanked, and the next thing she knew she had tumbled over his shoulder and straight into his arms with a surprised shout. He dropped to the ground, cross legged, and released her unceremoniously into his lap. “Wow, you move… really fast, sensei!”
All Might chuckled. Evilly. “You said you wanted to relax, young hero? Perhaps you’d like a massage?” His fingers dug into the muscle at the back of her shoulders, and she found herself squealing with laughter as they hunched up instinctively. “Hm… you don’t look very relaxed. Maybe a different technique?” Said technique was a light massaging of her ribcage that had her curled into a shaking ball, giggling her head off. “This seems a bit harsh… are you really having fun, young Ashido?”
“Yehehes!” she giggled, burying her head in his shoulder. “Lohots of fun!”
His breath stirred her hair as he huffed with laughter. “All right, then.” He continued happily, paying special attention to her neck when he discovered that tickling her there produced actual cackles. She lasted for nearly three minutes before slapping at his hands and gasping breathlessly for mercy.
All Might waited until she caught her breath to move, standing them up together. She jumped onto him once more, offering him a hug from the front this time. He returned it slowly, a little surprised but pleased nonetheless. “You’ve had your fun, young Ashido! I hope you’ll apply as much dedication to attaining mastery of your studies!”
“I will”, she promised, climbing to his shoulder and somersaulting off to the ground. “Thanks a lot, All Might-sensei! It’s really nice of you and Aizawa-sensei to do this for us!”
He had to point her in the direction of the exit as well. She left with a cheerful smile, and he smiled in return as he cracked his knuckles.
Time to find his next target.
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“You know disgrace isn’t that bad. Once you settle into it.”
SO. I was watching TV one day and as I was flipping the channels, I saw an ad for a new show, ‘American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace’. I was sold just on the fact that it said Versace, I love fashion; and crime, (if you know me, you know I love crime) and then I saw Darren Criss. That’s all. I had to watch it. I did a bit of research and found out that he was playing the killer, and I had no clue that Versace was assassinated. So I began watching it, and the premiere episode itself, I was hooked; I knew I’d be dedicated and watch religiously. My mom watched it with me too, because she also likes crime (at times, when I’m not forcing her to watch something like Hannibal while eating dinner).
Anyway, I missed the second episode itself <rolls eyes> So much for being ‘dedicated’. I went to my best friend’s house the day after the 5th episode aired, and I made her watch. She was hooked too, so we watched the first two episodes together. I realized then, that TV was censoring out some important scenes that added to the plot line, so I switched to watching online. But yes, bottom line, watch it online, make sure you have subs, or earphones on with the highest volume. None of the characters speak very loudly.
I dont even know why this paragraph is here, I apologize.
NOW, COMING TO THE ACTUAL SHOW.
It was brilliant, I thought. Like, really. It is based on the book ‘Vulgar Favors’, which I really want to read now after watching the show.
The gist of the show, in my words:
The first shot is set on July 15, 1997. Gianni Versace is currently in his Miami house (mansion) and he goes out to buy some newspapers. The mansion faces the beach by the way, and the show was shot in the actual Versace home. As he goes back home, he is shot by a man (Darren Criss) and collapses at the gate of his house. A man (Antonio, his partner, played by Ricky Martin) comes out from the house and screams for help to the bystanders.
Criss, who plays Andrew Cunanan (the killer, and part of, apparently, one of FBI’s biggest failed manhunts), is an unreliable narrator, to say the least, making up stories to tell each person that he meets throughout the episodes. The plot, as such, goes backwards, and shows all the other murders that Cunanan has committed, along with character backstories.
Thats the gist, and I have a lot to say about the show, so get some food or a beverage (no alcohol, kids) and sit if you want to actually read through this whole post :p
Okay, first off, the casting. I cannot cannot cannot get over the casting on this show. I will insert pictures to prove that the casting was impeccable and almost scarily, uncannily similar to the real people. I will talk about the casting as well as the characters themselves here.
Young Andrew- Darren Criss as the older Andrew- the real Andrew Cunanan
Edgar Ramirez as Versace- the real Gianni Versace (is this not freaky)
The real Donatella Versace- Penelope Cruz as Donatella
The real Antonio D’Amico- Ricky Martin as Antonio
I HAD TO INCLUDE THIS PICTURE BECAUSE LOOK.AT.THE.SIMILARITY.ITS.UNCANNY.
//// Andrew Cunanan is the main lead of the show, not Versace, as the title might suggest. But the reason for the show being named after Versace makes sense, because that’s the incident that finally brought Cunanan into proper notice, and what pushed him over the edge, maybe. Darren Criss, I cannot explain in words how good his acting was. His charm, his little dimples, his attire, the way he spoke, everything seemed to match 100% with the details given about the real Cunanan, as given by his family and friends.
His character, from the very first episode, is shown to be charming, intelligent (IQ of 147) and subtly at first, but then clearly- a prolific liar. He lies his way through things, he seems to have suffered from antisocial personality disorder, which according to what I read, causes the lack of empathy, which is exactly what Cunanan has. More on this later. He lies about his personality (he says in the first episode, ‘I tell people what they need to hear,’ insinuating that he told gay people he was gay, and straight people he was straight. He was, in fact, gay, and also an escort). He tells his friends, Lizzie and another guy (unnamed) in the first episode, how Versace invited him to his Opera show. This scene, set back in 1990, is explained further, as we see that in reality, Cunanan had faked an Italian background, just to talk to Versace. But he really did go to the Opera, and that night was what made Cunanan do what he did, which is explained in the last episode.
It’s also cool how they added some small details, to add to his character- he ends up eating in times of distress, or after a killing, or before a killing. He always tells people the same lies- this really stood out to me, because its hard for someone to keep up the same lies all the time. It was always that his father owned pineapple plantations in the Philippines, and that he was writing a book, and that he had a lot of money from all his clients. He also always tells people he is better with older men, and not people his age, which shows as the show progresses, how many older men he has as clients.
Cunanan essentially started his killings way before Versace, killing 4 other people. I get the feeling that the smallest of things were what triggered him to kill.
Jeff (Jeffrey) Trail, the first victim, was his close friend, and an ex- US Navy Officer. They got into a small fight, and Cunanan killed him with a hammer, in front of their mutual friend, and Cunanan’s ex-love interest, David Madson, who is the next victim.
David tells Cunanan that they cannot live a happy life together, not after what he did to Jeff, and Cunanan tells him ‘We could have been happy’, before shooting him. Cunanan really did love David though, which is clear till the very last episode.
Lee Miglin, the third victim, had probably the most horrific end. He was a 70+ year old famous architect, one of Cunanan’s clients, who tells him that their relationship cannot be real, and indirectly says that finance is the key point in their ‘relationship’, if thats even what it can be called. Cunanan, as revenge, or for whatever reason, gags Miglin’s face with duct tape, throws bags of cement on him and uses a hacksaw to kill him. He kills and leaves the body in the garage, after placing several gay pornographic magazines around him, to prove to the world that Miglin was not who he said he was. Possibly, I think, because Miglin says their relationship cannot be ‘real’ (because he was married to a very successful businesswoman), and Cunanan knows that the world doesn’t know the real Lee Miglin.
The fourth victim, William Reese, was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Cunanan kills him and takes his car to go to Miami. Cunanan is polite, even in the case of a killing. He asks Reese- ‘Is there a downstairs? Can I lock you in there?’ He may have hesitated for a moment, but makes his decision to shoot him once Reese tells him that he has a family that he would like to see again. Its possible that Cunanan made up his mind, because of his strange and strained childhood.
Gianni Versace, the final and the most famous victim. He, on the night of the Opera, tells Cunanan that they cannot be together, and that rejection finally pushed him to the edge.
What is so different, in a very strange way, is that you cant help but empathize for Andrew Cunanan. Yes, he was a serial killer, but some scenes honestly just b r o k e my heart. In one episode, where him and David are on the run, he sits in a cafe, listening to the live singer there, while David is in the bathroom. The woman sings about who will be home when you call, will you have someone to go home to; and Cunanan sits, in the middle of the cafe, and just silently cries.
Another scene that made me want to punch something (out of sadness and anger both) is in the last episode, where, Cunanan, currently hiding from the police (after Versace’s murder), calls his estranged father from a payphone, and tells him that he is in trouble and that he needs help. He sobs while talking to his father, and the father promises him he’ll be there in 24 hours, and also tells him, ‘Men don’t cry, remember?’ By the time Cunanan goes to his hideout (a houseboat) after packing his bags, his father is giving an interview on tv, insisting that Cunanan isn’t gay, and can’t be. I wanted him dead.
There are some scenes from his childhood, where the father (Modesto), treats Cunanan, the youngest of four siblings, like a Prince, and on the side, calls him out for ‘not being a man’. Modesto keeps calling him weak because Andrew cries. He blames him for being weak minded like his mother and calls him sissy, slaps him and says ‘be a man’ and repeatedly telling him, ‘you don’t have it in you’.
(sorry about the blurred face, I panicked)
Some iconic scenes of Andrew Cunanan- (THE FIRST 2 ARE LINKS PLEASE OPEN THEM)
1. Pump up the jam– Till 45 seconds. This scene is right after the murder of Jeff Trail, and you can see how he has no empathy. This is my all time favourite scene from the entire show, I think Criss is genius.
2. Gloria– Till 45 seconds.
3. All the scenes where he dances in parties and/or other places too
Lastly, there are two more iconic scenes I’d like to talk about. Last episode, he watched as the news channels talked about him being the only suspect in these murders on TV, and a bottle of champagne pops open while he’s watching. He laughs in shock, and ends up laughing his head off, clutching his stomach. I found that scene genius.
And he eats dog food out of desperation in the last episode, because he is holed up in that house boat for days. It was so sad, but so real.
The last few minutes of the show have live coverage of the hunt for Cunanan, broadcasting live how the police is going into the house and everything, and the last thought that Cunanan has before he shoots himself is- ‘I’m so happy right now’, which is what he says to Versace the night of the Opera.
Now, lastly for my lecture on Cunanan, I think Darren Criss was genius, and I think he fit the role perfectly, and I’m not saying it just because I love Darren Criss (I love him, if you can’t tell already), but genuinely, he moulded and fit the character to a glove. I read a lot about the real Cunanan, and I think the show did complete justice to him. Ryan Murphy, thank you for this show.
NOW. THINGS OTHER THAN CUNANAN THAT I LOVED:
// The show dealt with real problems such as homophobia; as seen in the case of Antonio, Versace’s partner, who doesn’t get any understanding from the people, or even Donatella, about his love for Gianni; they lived together for 15 years but there is still no consideration for their relationship. The most harrowing scene is when the priest at Versace’s funeral service let’s everyone kiss his hands except Antonio. This leads Antonio to attempt committing suicide by overdosing on pills.
There is a scene in the last episode where Ronnie (one of Cunanan’s friends and fellow druggie), gives the police some statements. All his lines have a sinister undertone, and gave me goosebumps, showing the real situations back then in the 90’s.
“You were disgusted by him, long before he became disgusting. You’re so used to us lurking in the shadows, and, you know, most of us, we oblige. People like me, we just, we drift away. We get sick, nobody cares.”
Here, he is talking about how the police, and society in general, never cared for the homosexuals, and how they never gave them a second thought. He speaks for the entire LGBTQ+ community back then, I feel, when he says this, talking about how nobody cares about their condition.
There is a scene in the beginning of the show where the FBI has flyers printed with Cunanan’s details, but doesn’t actually distribute them, because they think its unimportant. They also don’t listen to the local police officer, a woman, who insists that they check all the gay clubs around Miami, seeing as Cunanan was a gay prostitute, which the FBI dismisses. Turns out, that is where he goes most frequently, and the police could have caught him earlier, but didn’t.
Versace and Antonio being partners is also treated as a huge deal, along with the fact that they had escorts frequently visit the house.
Ronnie also tells the police: “Andrew is not hiding, he’s trying to be seen.” This is one of truest things said on the show, among several others. Cunanan is desperate for attention, and doesn’t want to be hidden in the shadows, he wants the world to see him. Everything he does, he does in plain sight; he uses his real name and identity, never tries to hide it, almost as if he wants to be caught, and the world would know who he was. He always tries to be the center of attention, whether it was in school, college, or later in life. He uses his real name everywhere he goes, and in a pawn shop, he gave his ID, but the woman never paid attention, because the police never put out the notice for until after a week of the murder spree. There is also a scene at a party at a gay club, where amidst the loud music, a guy asks him what he does, and Cunanan replies, “I’m Andy. I’m a serial killer.” He also calls himself a stockbroker, and several other things. He reveals his entire name as well. The guy laughs it off, not knowing anything about manhunt, because it was still not out in the media.
He always wanted to be (and was voted in high school) ‘A name to be remembered by’.
// I loved how the show took its story backwards. The first episode began with the last killing, and each episode showed flashbacks with Cunanan’s older victims and their backstories, adding so much clarity to the plot. It was different, and something I’d never seen in any show before. It really left an impact, and made sure you didn’t miss the next episode, because you’ll have to watch it to know what happened earlier. I also loved how the last two episodes were when we found out about Cunanan’s childhood, showing us why and how he became what he was.
// The scenes with Modesto, Cunanan’s father, were so frustratingly good. I hated the character with all my heart, which was obviously the intention. There is a shot with Modesto telling Andrew about how his mom was sick, and he was the one who took care of him when he was growing up. At this point, Modesto gets Andrew a car. Andrew closes the car window and the moms reflection shows up, perhaps symbolic of how he cut her out from his life, piece by piece, memory by memory. I’ve inserted the screenshot of the scene here:
// Another character I loved was Mrs. Miglin. Her acting was so real. When Lee dies, she refuses to look at the body, or to hear anything that the police had to say. Whether she knows about him being gay is unknown to the viewers. Her reactions to the public wondering if she was even sad about her husbands death were brilliant. She always has a made-up face, looking calm and normal, and a few days after the death, she removes the makeup. If people see her makeup coming off when she cries, she wonders about their reactions, which is why she kept a cool, composed face until now. I found this entire sequence brilliant, showing how the media and the public generally portray and see celebrities, and never leave them alone in peace.
// Cunanan’s best friend, Lizzie, gives a statement on television, in the last episode, when he is in hiding. To me, these are the words that pushed him to surrender and kill himself. I think the fact that the words came from the only person who loved him in the entire world really made him realize how much trouble he was in, and that he saw no choice but to kill himself. This is what she says: “I know that the most important thing to you in the world is what others think of you.” This is so true, considering the fact that he always wanted the attention, and constantly wanted people to know things about him, and the fact that he needed to get feedback and know what people thought of his actions and his background.
He feeds lies to Versace as well, about him writing a book, and that he was going to publish it soon. Versace believes him, and tells him about how he needs to finish writing the book, and that he was sure it’d do well. Cunanan asks Versace if he could be his protege and help him out, but Versace declines politely, telling him he didn’t need any assistants right now. This also adds to Cunanan’s rage against Versace.
// You can see how Andrew got the compulsive lying. Modesto, in the last episode, while being interviewed about Andrew, lies on tv saying they discussed movie rights to his life story and that they’re talking to several studios about releasing it soon. He was also the one who taught Andrew to always be polite, and to be good mannered. It is shown in the last two episodes where Modesto gives him books about manners, and even sends him to a prep school.
Now, coming to small descriptions about the other characters. Small, I promise. Promiseeeeeeee.
Gianni and Donatella Versace- Both these characters were well rounded, and wonderful actors. Edgar Ramirez and Penelope Cruz did a brilliant job in portraying the Versace siblings. The fights, the affection, the remorse, the love, everything was so real.
Antonio D’Amico- Ricky Martin!!!! I also watched the show because I saw his name in the cast :p* His character was such a sad one. He was never accepted by society, as Gianni’s partner. Donatella hated him and said that he never gave Gianni anything, no family, no kids, nothing, and if he had, she would have had some respect for him. It was also speculated that he gave Versace HIV, which wasn’t true in the end. Antonio was really nice, because he really loved Gianni, and he proposes to him too, saying they should get married, and forget the world around them.
David Madson- Ohmygod, my poor heart. David was genuinely the sweetest guy, and it felt like he ignored the voices in his head saying bad things about Andrew, because he really liked him. It was almost as though he had Stockholm Syndrome when practically kidnapped by Cunanan. He had a chance to escape from the bathroom (in the cafe), but he chooses to come back, showing that maybe he still had a soft spot for Andrew. His childhood and youth was sad too, and the strained, but very happy relationship with his father plays in the back of his head when he is shot.
Jeff Trail- His character was also so so sad. He was gay and in the Navy, which was something that was unacceptable at the time. The Chief in the Navy gives out handbooks to all the officers about informing higher authorities if they knew that someone was gay. One night, Jeff is seen comforting another man; the next morning, the books are handed out as a warning. The man, after being beaten up, tells the Chief all the people that he knows are gay, and he mentions a man with a tattoo, meaning Jeff (no one knows). He tries to cut his tattoo off but stops because of the very apparent blood, and later tries to hang himself, but stops.
Lee Miglin- An old man, who is very well known for his architectural abilities, has some secrets. When his wife is out of town on business, he calls his escort, Cunanan. Explained above^^
Extra admiration for the young Andrew Cunanan, he was genius. He took on the smallest of details that Darren Criss had in his character; things like a small smile, a smug look, and the polite charm of someone who you would never have thought to be a psychopath.
‘What if you had a dream your whole life that you were someone special but no one believed it?’
// Andrew Cunanan //
Here are some very cool articles and videos that I found about the whole incident.
1. Facing death
2. Five lives cut short
3. Video (Who was Gianni Versace’s killer?)
Here are some screenshots I took from the show, that I liked.
These are both from the last episode, the one on the left is after he hears on the media that he is the only suspect, and the one on the right is of him eating dog food.
Sorry for the bad quality, but this is one of my favourite shots in the entire show.
// The entire show was shot beautifully, and the locations were shown in all their grandeur, especially the Versace mansion. The characters all looked the part, and certainly played the part. I found that adding subtle hints of symbolism in the episodes really made a difference.
Thats all :p* I hope everyone who reads this enjoys. I don’t even know if anyone will read this but I really wanted to talk about the show because it impacted me so much, and the characters really shone. Simply brilliant show. I would highly recommend it to everyone. There are a few scenes that are a little hard to watch, but you’ll get used to it.
Bye now 😀
P.S. Darren Criss said this in a first look video I found, I think it encapsulates the entire show:
“Truth is, you know, fear and prejudice, unfortunately, is always in fashion.”
ACS2: The Assassination of Gianni Versace "You know disgrace isn't that bad. Once you settle into it." SO. I was watching TV one day and as I was flipping the channels, I saw an ad for a new show, 'American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace'.
#acting#american crime story#assassination#crime#darren criss#death#fashion#fear#LGBTQ#prejudice#review#serial killer#tv#versace
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EPISODE SIX A&B
“Honestly this game is starting to heat up and I've already set up all my pieces its just time to play with them.” - aria
HOH: Brianna
UPSIDE DOWN: Josh C & Nick
NOMINEES: Nathan & Nash & Jev
POV: Brianna
FINAL NOMINEES: Nash & Jev
EVICTED: Nash (9-0)
HOH: Joshua
UPSIDE DOWN: Josh C
NOMINEES: Brianna & Nathan
POV: Emma / DPOV: Jacob
FINAL NOMINEES: Nick & Nathan
EVICTED: Nick (4-3)
JOSHUA
i think i should be safe this week! well that's what brianna told me.. so hopefully she doesnt alivia me and put me up. other than that monty going home was ideal for me i think, yes i liked him as a person but he definitely didn't trust me as much as joey might. and he was a duo with nick so like.. he had to go ewp. nathan and nick were probably the votes to keep him. hopefully jury is at f11 which could possibly mean a double, which could possibly mean im fucked! :D
EMMA
I think its a high chance of me getting nominated i mean i got the upside veto but its like still i hate and love this game im having fun meeting people i love joshua play with jev again been fun i love aria i love jacob i love and miss gina and saira but its outside reasons why i cant focus however today is the very first day that i havent felt depressed but im scared of it creeping up on me again this game has been so confusing these people are so quiet yet so cracked it makes me frustarted the fact that the alliances or supposed alliances are all people who played in pasio or bbdanganronpa idk if its true but if it is it feels like i got no chance of winning the game alot of people are pretty outsided to me i like to think i got a good social game but i aint some social goddess idk its gonna take for me some dark magic for me to survive or have a chance of me winning this game at this point also the nathan thing i am pretty sure i go to him more then he comes to me and also im pretty sure if he and monty were final noms i would probably kept nathan over monty uwu but damn the victim card isnt cute like i been there done that games are fucking hard but u need to pick urself back up if you want to do well like damn nathan i hope ur okay its hard but he could probably do it if he tries i just guess i need to tell him that i dont want him to feel isolated.
JOEY
Sooooooo..... TANK BOWL SZN is still on. I threw yet another competition, but I’m literally so fucking safe this week, all I have to do is just relax, let Brianna take some blood on her hands, and hopefully Nash or Nathan go home this week. Nash and I don’t talk, but that’s what half the house has said. I need Jev here as a shield. Nathan I also need gone since I think he’s tryna manipulate me, and honestly, I ain’t here for it. Literally, if I have to get rid of Nash or Joshua myself, I’ll do it.
NASH
like... genuine congrats to brianna for making moves but i also think this decision was a bit of a choice? getting nathan out would be a predictable move, yes, but hes also messy/chaotic so i don’t see why i or jev would be seen as bigger threats than him? idk....
BRIANNA
https://youtu.be/YxxaFmBTQXc
ARIA
well. Perhaps its been a while HBFSDJF oopsie whoopsie,, so yeah this is going to be realllllyyy long but ive been doing a lot!! and yall deserve to know the mental olympics ive been going through these last couple weeks so its time for bullet point time!! ALSO I MISS SAIRA GINA MO AND MONTY A LOT BRING EM BACK
-in the stab comp, josh c has some sort of connection with jev and emma because they both stabbed him when they've both told me they liked him, so he threw
-joey finally snapped and made the alliance between me/kiki/joey/bri
-kiki is in a GREAT position but wbk (kiki jev joshua have to be together in some sense)
-joshua takes a shot at monty/nathan,,,conviently leaving nick the person WHO EVICTED SAIRA alone,,,inch resting
-joshua heard someone said his name, asked monty who ratted out josh, asked jos who ratted nathan- which leads to a nathan/joshua fight
-nathan ratted out the nathan/monty/nick alliance first
-joshua good at comps
-nash and emma(?) won something from the ud
-nick then leaks the alliance to me,,,after the veto is announced
-nick hinst at going after jacob
-nick warned me i was being grouped with bri/jacob
-whole house considers bri/jacob a group
-NATHAN WINS VETO FUCK YEAH
- jacob leaks kiki/nash/joshua/jacob alliance
-emma feels close with nick (REMEMBER THIS)
-jacob AND nick told nash gina was after them
-leaked to jacob nick is after them
-josh acted like he didnt know nash was connected?? is it a front???
-BRIANNA WINS HOH YASSSSSSSSS
-jacob tells me and bri nash has a dpov (might be fake)
-nathan blows up and clocks the majority thing and pisses everyone off
-i come up with cracked plans that WILL NOT be shared
-JOEY RECORDS CALLS!!! REMEMBER THIS!!!
-joey wants to go after joshua on live night
-joey feels close ot nick
-nick comes to me with a plan of voting out nathan with joshua/kiki so jev and nash come after bri and take her out weakening jacob
-using that knowledge i convince bri to veto nathan :)
-nick is super close to kiki
-talked to joshua josh nathan emma nick who are all evicting nash
-nathan wants kiki out before joshua
-nick thinks jacob leaked the everyone but... alliance
-nick wants to take a shot at jacob live night
So here we are. I somehow have no blood on my hands and someone whos very connected with major players (jacob and nick) is leaving :))) literally this week turned out so well im still squealing that the rumored "dpov" didnt get used fhbasjfd like when i saw the time limit passed i jumped around my room and squealed But!! the next big thing is where do i go from here. I THINK me bri and jacob are all safe in live night bc jacob's dpov can help if we're in trouble so im feeling kinda confident for the three of us, and then for some reason nick trusts me?? like a lot??? so i can get information and the perspective of the other side whenever i need it. Not super sure where to go from here but i want to keep the "sides" even so if someone like joshua/kiki/jev could go next that would be great although it probably won't. Honestly this game is starting to heat up and I've already set up all my pieces its just time to play with them.
Also kinda want to address that people in this house think that bri just ruined her game by doing that but i think i made a good point when i wrote this in my dr-
"You have a clocked group but you don’t want to take a shot at them because you might have “connections” within that group and think you can be the last person standing but at the end of the day they’re always gonna choose each over over you"
and i think Bri just broke the expectations of sheep being taken to the slaughter and rewrote her own destiny and im proud of her, shes literally the SWEETEST human being ive ever met and the rest of this house is NOTHING compared to her. This is @ someone btw you know who you are :)
and thats on pewiod <3
JEV
So just a little recap of the week, I wasn't surprised to be nominated in the slightest. It kinda bugged me that Brianna brought social interaction into her reasoning for nominations since she doesn't seem to be very responsive in PMs to anybody but I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I just hope me and Nash can survive this week because I don't think either of us deserve to leave over Nathan. Being called out by Nathan earlier this week really annoyed me since he was literally grasping at straws to throw anybody but himself under the bus then had the nerve to say he isn't a messy player... girl the delusion but hopefully he'll leave this week, that's if Brianna is smart and doesn't use the veto on him. He's loyal to nobody but himself and he's proven that this week with his house meeting.
KIKI
im super excited to make jury.... hopefully ill be able to make it this time longer... i seem to be cursed with horrible situational circumstances lately JDJEIDJDJFKD. anyway as of now my strategy was just to lay low until jury but i think i might continue that for a while... try not to win hoh. i have a finger in every pie as of right now and am in an alliance with everyone in the cast but nathan.... and in doing so have hopefully reduced myself as a target in the eyes of others.... kiki is a master of psychological manipulation. for the live night im banking on that to keep safe but i do tend to be good under pressure so if need be i can count on myself and probably even my closer allies such as joshua and nick to help me out if i end up in a sticky spot. shakes ass in here for the hosts. thats all thank u
ARIA
https://youtu.be/wekzYKEGI-8
HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJtu5a78U8c&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=7&t=0s
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