idk i guess my philosophy when it comes to damien and mark has always been like.....damien isn't a bad guy, really, i do think he has good intentions most of the time, but given the environment he's in and how much money and power he has access to, it makes sense to me that he'd occasionally stoop to underhanded or scummy methods to get what he feels like he needs or deserves. meanwhile mark is also not a bad guy—though he certainly tends to be more selfish than damien—but he's been severely hurt and has never been properly supported through all of it due to a combination of the time period he's in, the people he's around not fully understanding him, and his own self destructive tendencies. oh, and house entity also. that's very much a factor here.

okay so 2.8. overall thoughts on rachel's introduction.

rachel not wanting a fifth person to join the team is ostensibly about the money she would lose from it, but it's more importantly about the fact that, as a disabled girl deeply unwanted by society, she has absolutely no trust in people. she can tolerate brian, lisa, and alec for the sake of the security and stability, but she doesn't trust them beyond the bare minimum. a strange person being brought into her house is deeply scary. she's used to every single new person she meets being a threat, someone with motives she can't read expecting her to operate based on arbitrary rules she can't understand. and because she has been taught that the only way to keep herself safe is to hurt people before they can hurt her (everyone will always want to hurt her), her immediate reaction to taylor Being There is to sic her dogs on taylor with hopes of scaring her off & securing her environment again. rachel autism lindt <3

brian is the second person we see breaking out the not-so-repressed violence and anger in this scene. he clocks rachel in the face, he says

“I fucking hate it,” Brian growled at the girl, putting emphasis on the swear, “When you make me do that.”

and he does some yelling about God Fucking Dammit. i think the crux of brian is that he consciously fervently does not want to be like his abusive stepfather, but the only alternative he's been taught was by his father...who is, unbeknownst to brian, also abusive. he's been taught that masculinity = good + mandatory and strength = masculine. his vision for himself as a Good Man who Takes The Lead and Cares For People involves stifling his 'weak' emotions and running himself ragged. he's not even very good at repressing himself compared to the other undersiders, so he's prone to outbursts like this sometimes--where, regardless of whether or not the violence he's engaging in is rationally justifiable, it's immensely charged w/ undertones of reminding him of exactly who he wants to avoid being.

it is Fully Understandable why, as a 17yo w/ zero training in conflict deescalation, the only way he can think to solve the matter of rachel violently siccing her dogs on someone is socking her. but "i fucking hate it when you make me do that" is still eerily reminiscent of some things his abusive stepfather has likely said to him before. he doesn't Want to be like that, but he doesn't know how to let himself be anything other than that.

(this situation w/ rachel and taylor sucks for him, ftr. he was so genuinely elated that he'd Acted Normal Enough to snap up this cool addition to the team, a girl with a good power who actively thinks along the exact same rational lines as him. which is important, because he needs the undersiders to succeed so that he can care for aisha like he feels he needs to. and then rachel busts in ruins what he's viewing as this great success by attacking taylor to drive her off. brian laborns bad day. rachel lindts bad day. tayor heberts bad day. lisa wilbourns deeply stressful day. alec vasils depression slump day.)

AND we get to watch taylor be violent and angry as well. that one is very simple there's not much to say about it. she's full of violent repressed anger (it's why she imagines beating the shit out of emma & co when she's being bullied in the halls prior to meeting the undersiders again), she usually holds it back because she recognizes that it would just cause the system to fuck her over more in the long-run, and here she realizes that there's no consequence of fighting back and proceeds to whale on rachel.

(i think that the reason she's primarily violent with her own human body here instead of w/ the bugs is because her usage of the bugs is frequently a form of dissociation--and here, rather than having to dissociate her way thru a violent situation, she's finally allowed to confront it head on and fight back w/ hands and feet As Herself. sucks and traumatizing to be attacked by dogs, but cathartic to be able to fight back.)

meanwhile: lisa is presumably vividly imagining slamming her own head into a brick wall and alec (badly depressed, seen far worse) doesnt even care with all the shit he's got going on

do you think Dean has survivor's guilt? I'm thinking mostly of 01×12, but I'm also wondering if there's a running theme there that I don't remember

Yes, I do. In fact, I think Dean blaming himself for the outcome of traumatic experiences he couldn't have changed or that aren't his fault is something that happens very frequently, because Dean has a very overactive sense of responsibility—primarily resulting from his parentification (and the people in his life don't always help—sometimes they do, but they also sometimes feed into it).

1.12 "Faith" sets the stage for the entire theme. Dean struggles to deal with Layla not being healed when he is, and how horrible it is that a man died in exchange for his life. At the end of the episode, Dean stops running from the reaper, planning to let it kill him so Layla can be healed, but it doesn't happen because Sam disrupts the ritual before Sue Ann can complete it. (Kya has a great gifset here). What tends to co-occur with Dean struggling with survivor's guilt is the idea that Dean has a job—a responsibility, even—to the rest of the world. This is both why he must survive, and also something that weighs him down with even more guilt in a vicious cycle.

DEAN Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me? ROY Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN What did you see in my heart? ROY A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

I've written about Dean's survivor's guilt in the context of season 2—how 1.12 and John's sacrifice in 2.01 are primary motivations for Dean making the demon deal in 2.22. We get dialogue from Dean in 2.04 actually apologizing to Sam for John's death, because he blames himself even though it wasn't his fault and none of this was his choice.

He also blames himself for Sam's death in 2.22, even though that also isn't his fault. The parentification aspect of all of this is screaming loud in the following dialogue from Dean in 2.22:

You know, when we were little— and you couldn't been more than 5— you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, "Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know." I just wanted you to be a kid... Just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you... Keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me. It was just always my responsibility, you know? It's like I had one job... I had one job... And I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry. I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that?

Dean even as a child felt responsible for Sam, and even for John. We see John blame Dean for his own failures as a father in episodes like 1.18 "Something Wicked" and 1.21 "Salvation", and we see the impact of that tendency reflected in how Sam sometimes treats Dean as well. Hell—we have indication that even before Mary died, Dean was "cleaning up [John's] messes" according to Sam (5.16). We see John apologize for Dean having to take care of him in 2.01 instead of the other way around—an acknowledgement that he knows this has been a source of harm to Dean for a long time... but it's too little too late—and ultimately is ruined by John's next actions, leaving Dean seething with resentment toward John for seasons to come even as he grieves and blames himself for John's death.

Dean's guilt for things that aren't his fault is further explored in episodes like 1.18 "Something Wicked", 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" and 7.04 "Defending Your Life", where Dean is confronted by his guilt over Jo's death, and feeling responsible for Sam being a hunter, which is absolute horse shit despite the fandom also trying to insist this is the case frequently (see my tags #sam the hunter for a start). He blames himself for Kevin even getting involved with hunting to begin with. Dean blames himself for the havoc Michael is wreaking (14.03, 14.06, 14.14). Dean also blames himself and feels horrible guilt for torturing souls in hell, despite the fact that this happened under extreme duress and literal decades of torture and psychological conditioning—i.e., Dean had no actual choice—he's just presented with the horror of being made to feel that it was his choice when it was deeply and torturously coerced. The very worst part of Hell for him was that he tortured other souls, and I don't think he ever recovers from the guilt of that. He clams up about it after being called weak and pathetic for being guilty about it and then he never speaks about it ever again.

Dean certainly isn't the only one with these issues. Sam, Dean, and Bobby's survivors guilt is all explored simultaneously in 4.02 "Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester" when people they couldn't save like Meg Masters and Victor are brought back by a curse.

DEAN It's my fault you're dead. I left you [Victor] behind. And the minute I heard about that explosion, I thought, "I should have known." I should have protected you.

This whole episode implicates hunters as a whole with serious survivor's guilt for the people they can't/don't manage to save. Multiple hunters die in the beginning of the episode, killed by the people they're haunted by not saving. This is a natural and understandable result of the work itself. You just barely don't get to someone in time, or you make a choice with an outcome you didn't forsee at the time, or you weren't fast enough or strong enough, or you dodged left when you should have dodged right, or you should have stayed, or you "let" the monster get away and it killed again. You are in a line of work where you are probably always left thinking, "If only I had done [insert hindsight judgement here]". Bobby blames himself for the deaths of two kids in 4.02. He blames himself for his wife Karen's death (3.10). Sam blames himself for Ava (2.11) and they all accept blame for the Devil's Gate even though that wasn't their fault either (and other hunters throw the blame on all of them too) (3.01).

The thing about being a parentified child is that you are, by definition, held responsible for things you are not equipped or qualified to handle—things that are too much for you, that are not actually your responsibility, and that are/were entirely out of your control. Combine growing up being blamed for things you did not actually have the power or authority to make happen or prevent from happening, with the overall tendency within the line of work hunters are in to feel survivor's guilt, and you get Dean. Add in that Dean cares deeply for other people—even strangers—and therefore feels an extra empathy when people are harmed for these things he thinks he could have prevented. You get someone whose moments of suicidal ideation are usually deeply connected to survivor's guilt or guilt more generally.

Henry cannot be killed as the solution to his violence and here is why:

Killing is the last resort only if there is definitively zero other ways to stop them/in time. But that isn’t true. In fact, it has been established in the show how.

In the scene where El seeks solidarity with Henry, he refuses it. But he does so in a very specific way. For one, I noticed that he did not correct her when she called him a monster/referred to his current state as bad despite the very easily (and personally, expected) opportunity to do so and respond to her “you can change” words with “I don’t want to”. He didn’t do that. Which means that he does not definitively stand by being this way. In fact, he even puts it back on her and insults her for making him this way. He says that she is the monster. She is the monster for turning him into this. He agrees that what he has become is bad. 

More importantly, though, is the glimpse of how he thinks about the situation. He says about Papa, “He was no monster. He was just a man.” He blames El because she has powers. He blames her because she hurt him - but more importantly, he blames her because he refuses to give Papa and other regular people the power of being able to hurt or affect him. He refuses the idea that Papa affected him because that would mean admitting weakness to someone without powers - admitting pain. Even in shifting the blame to her, he doesn’t talk about vengeance or pain. He merely tells her that she provided his means. But not his motive. That is what she was referring to. Not that he had slugs on his body and was surrounded by red smoke, but that he was someone who was willing to kill so many.

I would also like to note that we have no proof that he enjoys the killing. If he doesn’t, that’s self explanatory for him to be neutral/coping. If he does, that creates its own ideas about things he’s said that have yet to be fully explained. He said that he keeps them “in here” while tapping his temple, representing his mind. He ‘keeps them with him’. He also says he remembers everyone he kills. He does not specify whether it is remorseful or not, but it does show that they are not insignificant to him. We know and even see him looking through to pick the perfect target when he first picks Patrick. And we have no confirmation that he means he truly means he absorbs them, but it would make sense given the nature of his powers and attacks - taking over their minds before “keeping them with him”. This is also supported by his repeated statement, “join me”.

Another yet to be explained line of his is the repeated, “Your suffering will end” comments. We primarily see him target guilt, but as Max puts it, he targets people with something in their life that’s hurting them and the final killing as mercy. He hurts them for 5 days before he overtakes their psyche to hurt them the most - then tells them that it’s okay. He will make the pain stop. One fascinating thing about him is that we know his motivating traumas and mindset but not precisely how they motivated him. Because he expresses contempt for humans - specifically his traumatizers - but he also says that “everyone is just waiting. waiting for it all to be over”. And his manner of killing and the things he says directly as he actually kills them are somewhat contradictory. 

It makes me wonder, too, about his preference of victims and their trauma. We see him choose, as I said. Is it based in who he wants to absorb? I’m getting off-track in my fascination with his mind. The point is, though: he is an abuse victim who unfortunately has not become a cycle breaker due to his refusal to process his trauma. And this is how he is framed - specifically by El. He has common experience with El in the lab and Will outside. El doesn’t understand his initial motives based in his family because she was born in the lab. Will does not have the lab trauma that exacerbated Henry’s harmful ideas but he does have the same trauma basis (though he responds to it differently than Henry did). But there is also the factor of Henry’s traumatization of Will directly. El does not blame Henry, she blames Papa. And Will has a very complex relationship with him because he has no relationship to Brenner. He only has his trauma from Henry in combination with his commonalities to him. He even states, though, that his view of Henry doesn’t change knowing that he’s from their world.

This all to say, killing is not the only way of stopping Henry. We know what the issue is even if we don’t fully understand his motives. He refuses to process his trauma. If El and Will specifically can help him to do that - maybe a focus on Will since El has tried already - they can convert him. I’m curious to see how Will’s view of Henry develops and maybe changes, not necessarily in terms of forgiveness but still a change in perception and perhaps some humanization, especially given Jamie’s comments on finding more out about their “history” in season 5 - a phrasing which, to me, implies mutual events and not just why Henry targeted Will.

In conclusion, killing Henry cannot be justified by our characters as anything celebratory or minimized because it not only villainizes them for their willingness to kill an already humanized character but it justifies violence as a solution under the condition that you view your opponent as black and white rather than acknowledging what the situation is: abuse survivors in solidarity who took different paths to an extreme extent that now conflicts with one another. And that is entirely different from the idea of “evilness” (especially when we have some of these abusers like Brenner as established characters as well).

I think it’s time for a RANT

Why is it Elain’s responsibility to reject the bond with Lucien?

Here is an example from my own life--when I was a kid, I grew up in a lot of different places, but primarily in countries, where engagements did not exist. There was no concept of an ‘engagement’. There was no dropping on one knee, no formal proposals, and certainly no ring or other expensive jewelry. Men asked women to marry them, hopefully it was a ‘yes’ and then they maybe planned a wedding celebration, if there was enough money. And if not, then they went to to justice of the peace, signed a paper and went home to celebrate. That’s it.

So, once I moved to the US, for the longest time, I couldn't understand the concept of engagement. Like what was it for? Why the waiting period? If you want to get married, just marry, and that’s it. (There was also no 40K weddings where I lived that you needed to mortgage a house for, to afford). It was just a weird cultural thing and it took a while and acquaintance with the US culture to begin to understand.

Why would Elain, who grew up a human, and has no knowledge of bonds, and places no importance on them (much like Nesta, mind you) be the one who should be dealing with this bond fiasco?

Just because Rhys explained it to Feyre, doesn’t mean that Elain is aware of everything that this stupid bond entails. Does she know that Lucien can potentially go insane or some other dramatic thing like that? All she knows is that she doesn’t really like him or want him, he is part of the reason her engagement fell through and she was rejected, and she clearly doesn’t feel pressed by this bond. She isn’t feral, she doesn’t miss him, she isn’t going crazy if he is hurt (or feels it at all)--none of the ‘normal’ bond emotions and cravings apply to her. She is also desiring another male, and doesn’t care that Lucien is even in the same house when she engages in a romantic interlude with this other man. 

Of course it beckons the question as to what is wrong with their bond, but that’s a whole different conversation.

But, let’s ask this--if Lucien is so invested in this bond (which he clearly isn’t, since he is shacking up in the human lands with 2 other people), then why doesn’t he sit down with her and explain it to her? Why does he not offer to court her? She comes from a certain background, where it’s clear that there are  formalities that have to be acknowledged and followed around engagement and matrimony. But does HE know about any of it? Does he try to find out how courtship/engagements/marriages work in the human lands? Doesn’t seem like it. Yet, the expectation is that Elain spends hours in the Library poring over tomes, learning about the bond.

So, if we are asking the questions ‘well, why doesn’t Elain reject the bond? why doesn’t she give Lucien a chance? why doesn’t she learn more about it?” then why are we not asking the same questions of Lucien--why doesn’t he take her on a date? Yes, she could decline, but then, at least he tried! Why doesn’t he ask Feyre, for example, to talk to Elain about the bond and how to operate within its confines? 

Why do readers, and characters, have this expectation that ‘Elain should deal with the bond’? Elain is not obligated to make Lucien, or any other male feel good about themselves, or make them comfortable, or not hurt their feelings (though again, I don’t feel like she is hurting his feelings, because he doesn’t seem to care). 

Elain was brutally rejected by her fiancé, in front of a crowd of people, she was also thrown at this other male that she doesn’t know anything about and isn’t attracted to. As far as we know, she was also called a ‘mistake’ by another male, to whom she is clearly very attracted. Her brother-in-law, unbenounced to her, has made all these detrimental decisions about her life, without giving two thoughts about her or her wants. Did anybody care about Elain’s feelings? Elain is expected to be nice to Lucien? Why? Because he is a nice guy? Do we, as women, go out with every ‘nice guy’ that asks us out? No. We should have a say to whom we offer our affections. And we are not obligated to make any and all ‘nice guys’ feel good, and acquiesce to their desires, at our own expense.

 Elain should not be expected to traumatize herself further, by entangling herself in some bond-related brawl, with indifferent Lucien, and freakin’ Beron snapping at the heels, and power-hungry, politically motivated Rhys, and the pining Azriel. The bond is not her thing. The bond is not her responsibility. She can do whatever the hell she wants--ignore it, accept it, reject it, breaking it, because the onus should not be on her, as a female to please all these males around her and offer them an answer. 

Nesta had the bond actually snap into place, and still she didn’t want to acknowledge it, standing in front of angry, puppy-eyed Cassian who is melting with love for her, and she is enflamed by love for him. And she was basically ‘yeah, I don’t want it. I am calling in the bargain! I don’t care. I wanna go be with my girlfriends! We are not discussing it.”

Feyre, while clearly in love with Rhys, who is also badly injured, leaves him in the mud in an Illyrian training camp and demands to be hidden, because she can’t deal with the bond. 

Yet Elain, who is barely a participating party in this fiasco is somehow expected to make firm declarations and quick decisions. 

Hey, but that’s just me. 

Hi here's my money for that Barry and Len "guilt versus shame" essay. Thanks! 💰💰💰💰💰 (I drew the dollar signs on the bags myself. I'm crafty)

Anon when I said essay, I meant essay. But alright. Here you go. for you and your hand-drawn dollar signs. Come, take this journey with me. (A journey of character analysis for fun—please, no one take this as reliable psychology.)

As I said, I consider the main conflict between Barry and Leonard not one of good versus evil, but of guilt versus shame. Specifically, the difference between them is that Barry is a character motivated by guilt, while Len is motivated by shame.

(And to get this out of the way - I’m not talking about sexuality, but how Barry and Len relate to the world and other people. I don’t think Len is the least bit ashamed of his sexuality; Wentworth Miller has always said that Len is someone who knows exactly who he is, and I think that’s true).

A more accurate way of talking might be to say that guilt-driven characters are motivated by love, while shame-driven characters are motivated by respect.

I’m going to start with Barry, because guilt-motivated characters tend to be much more straight-forward than shame-driven characters. Barry grew up (with some bumps along the way) in supportive, loving homes. His parents, and later Joe, always treated him with love, which allows Barry to love himself and other people.

Treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can afford them, and they’ll always have that basic core of respect to fall back on in the face of outside adversity. (Barry is remarkably hard to ruffle with insults—antagonists always have to target the people he loves, because he just… does not rise to the bait when it’s just his own pride on the line.)

This kind of early exposure to love and respect are fundamental to being able to feel guilt about harming others later in life. Barry was raised to respect and love other people (in the general, “love your fellow man” sense), so he would feel guilty if he hurt someone innocent. The core sense of self-respect and self-love that Barry developed in childhood means Barry’s sense of self can always take the hit when he feels guilty about hurting other people.

Guilt makes us feel, temporarily, unloveable. But because Barry was raised to feel fundamentally deserving of love, he can afford to feel briefly unloveable when he hurts other people—it just means he needs to make amends, and then he’ll be worthy of that love again.

That’s why Barry’s a guilt-driven (or love-driven) character: when he interacts with the world, the thing he’s most afraid of losing is love. He’s never been put in a position where he feels like what he’s missing is respect.

And that’s where he and Len differ. Len’s not guilt- or love-driven; he’s shame-driven.

Len appears to feel zero guilt for hurting innocent people, at least when we first meet him in season 1. And the reason for that is Lewis. As I mentioned, love is a prerequisite for guilt. And unlike Barry, Len wasn’t brought up in a loving home. I highly doubt that Lewis’s love for Len was ever freely given, even before he became physically abusive. And if it was, that sense of self was absolutely ripped away from Len when that abuse started.

As I mentioned, treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can give them. By withholding that love, Lewis taught Len that he was inherently worthy of neither love nor respect. Raised in that environment, where violence was the way Len saw power exerted over others, the natural response was for Len to seek out respect, not love. He had nothing to gain from loving others—and therefore, from feeling guilt—because he’d already been taught he could survive without love. What he couldn’t survive without was respect, because disrespect meant becoming the object of violence—first from his father, and later, from the criminal justice system.

(Prison is a conversation for another day, but suffice to say, the dehumanizing treatment incarcerated people face parallels that childhood lack of love, robs them of the self-respect and self-love they need to have healthy relationships with other people, and increases the likelihood that they’ll commit violent crimes, not reduces it).

So Len did whatever it took to survive, and survival meant accumulating respect. There’s an obvious cure to this obsession with respect, of course: 1) love, and 2) safety.

Now, as eager as I am to jump into how Barry helped Len break the cycle of violence, Barry’s not the source of love I want to talk about here. Barry comes in later; when I talk about the love that saved Leonard, I’m talking about Lisa.

Because, listen—I’m as exhausted as you are by the trope of “female loved one is male character’s humanity,” especially where, like in some of the Flash comics, it means killing off Lisa to make Leonard a more ruthless (and, I guess the the theory goes, interesting?) villain. But Lisa isn’t just some crack in Len’s armor; she fundamentally changed Len’s life when she was born.

Len was already somewhere between thirteen and sixteen by the time Lisa was born; for the sake of convenience, let’s put him around 15. (For some more detailed meta about the Sniblings' ages, check out this excellent post by @coldtomyflash). If Len was five when Lewis went to prison, and ten when Lewis came out a much more violent man (see: everything I said about prison earlier), that means Len experienced several years of incredibly traumatic treatment before Lisa was born.

He and Mick were in juvie together at least once when Len was still young enough to be “the smallest kid in there,” and Len was nearly killed. Mick saved him, yes, but the experience had to further numb Len to guilt and reinforce that violence and respect were the only real paths to survival.

And then, Lisa. Len clearly, canonically loves Lisa from the moment she’s born. We know nothing about either of their mothers (and it is pretty likely, given the 15-year age gap between them, that they have different mothers), but they’re clearly both out of the picture—Lisa says Len raised her. Len raised her! Fifteen years old, three years away from being free and clear of Lewis’s house forever, and Len stays to raise her.

Lisa is absolutely the one person keeping Len from sliding fully head-first into the path carved for him by Lewis and reinforced by the prison system. He is still primarily shame- and respect-driven—we see him kill people without any guilt, hell, he tries to derail a train with children on board in season one just to see what Barry will do.

But Lisa taught Len that he’s deserving of love and capable of loving others, and because of that, Len cannot, will not respect Lewis for his violence he rains on them both.It leaves open a door in his mind: Lisa doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, which could mean, if he could ever afford to consider it, that he didn’t deserve to be treated that way, either.

It’s why Barry is so unbelievably smug at the end of “Family of Rogues.” He’s figured it out; he wouldn’t put it in terms like guilt and shame, but he’s cracked it all the same. He always knew Len was like him, was someone who had been forced into violence by his circumstances, and now he has proof. Barry is remarkably unconcerned that Len shot Lewis; he’s briefly surprised, sure, but by the end of the episode he’s visiting Len in Iron Heights and goading him about the good in him.

And that’s where Barry comes in. He’s the crucial second ingredient to that cure for shame—he’s the safety.

He blazes into Len’s life and praises him for things no one else ever praised him for: for his morals, for his mercy, for the way he loves Lisa. He gives him an acceptable out to stop killing (he appeals to his vanity, says he’s good enough at what he does that he doesn’t need to hurt innocents, and they both know it’s an excuse), and he makes it clear that he respects not Len’s capacity for violence, but his desire to escape the need for it.

He also offers Len protection to start making that transition. Len knows, even if neither of them say it, that Barry would drop everything to help him if he called. When Len’s reluctant do-gooding puts him in harm’s way, like with King Shark in ARGUS, Barry does drop everything. He gives up a tool that could save Iris’s life to save Len’s instead. This is not me hating on westallen at all—Barry’s sense of obligation to Len is just that strong. He knows he’s put Len on slippery ground by helping extract him from the safety net he’d built himself out of violence.

And that’s Barry’s guilt drive in action—because yeah, he loves Len. He cares about him, and he respects him, and that’s love to Barry. He just wants to give Len the chance to love people that way, too. And in the end, Len, despite all his misgivings, ends up letting him.

can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998. 

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him. 

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin. 

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...) 

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time. 

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right. 

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

Another explanation for Chloe fans: as the-grey-tribe recently wrote, since the feminist movement was primarily formed to combat male abusers, a lot of feminism is adamant on "never giving people who oppose us a valid reason" (since that reason could then become an excuse for abuse). But if being a mean girl/female abuser is wrong, that gives others a valid reason to punish women, which might become abuse. So Chloe fans can't let anyone, creator or fan, have good reason to punish a teenage girl.

Yeah, it probably is some over-the-top feminism to some, I still see some people use "boss babe" unironically, after all (look up some info on “multilevel marketing” to discover how this term is used to manipulate and take advantage of women). However, the Miraculous Saltdom just generally cries "misogyny" like the little kid who cried "wolf" in that one fairytale, so I take all of their sexism-based arguments as using hype words to shield themselves from criticism. "You can't get mad at me for being unreasonable, because I'm fighting for feminism!"

As such, I still don't think that most Chloé apologists are in it for some actual social justice clout. If there's an actual motive other than just wanting to manipulate media and using any rhetoric to do so, it would probably be an age thing. A lot of Chloé apologists can't shut up about how Chloé is "fourteen years old". In fact, just a few days ago I, once again, saw someone screeching how that was all the reason needed to give Chloé a redemption. Because the younger you are, the more your sense of self is in flux. That's how it works for a real person (if you ignore the fact that most serial criminals started as nasty kids).

But Chloé isn't a real person.

Miraculous characters are fictional characters. They're not real people. Chloé being 14 doesn't matter, because Marinette is 14 too. It's a kids' show, so the characters are kids. They have some #relatable #kidproblems, but the rest of the time their age isn't a factor. Why on earth would Fu give the Miraculous to 14-year-olds? Even if he was purposefully not picking adults who are more powerful with a Miraculous and therefore more difficult to stop if they went rogue, he could have chosen anything in the 14-17 bracket (or even higher depending how “adult” is determined here). You guys know I waste no chance to dunk on Fu and what a crap mentor he is, but I have never brought up him choosing 14-year-olds to protect Paris, because I don't think it matters.

Master Fu chose 14-year-olds because kid protagonists are relatable to the target audience. In Naruto you can be a ninja when you turn 12 not because the world is a crapsack world with child soldiers and every single ninja is a child soldier instead of just the very specific kids traumatized by their experiences, but because kids wanna see kids as the protagonists in their shows. The reason Marinette and Adrien's romance is being depicted as a Miracle Romance ala Sailor Moon, where they'll totally stay together forever once they get there, is because Miraculous is fiction. In real life, you're very much not likely to stick with your middle-school sweetheart, in fiction, the universe itself revolves around that relationship.

Even when someone analysing the show is talking about how realistically Miraculous often portrays the teenage struggle of figuring yourself out, I feel like it's missing a very important point. This point is that Miraculous is a fictional, fantastical, story. Some parts of it are purposefully designed to be relatable, but others are pure wish fulfilment or exist solely to move the story into a certain direction. Arguing that something is 100% acceptable because it's realistic for kids, and then simultaneously turning a blind eye to everything in the show that spits in the face of age-based realism is a biased way of looking at the show. Max programmed a fully sentient A.I. at fourteen, Adrien is the most popular celebrity in Paris, despite just being a barely-teen heartthrob. You can't just decide the line suddenly goes here, where a show about kid characters has a kid villain. If some of these things are okay because it's just fiction, then all the things about the characters should be okay because it's just fiction. Media analysis is specifically discussing a piece of media based on it being a piece of media, not a biography of the teen experience.

This is why I'm one of the people not in a hurry to get to the Ladynoir reveal or the Adrinette get together. I can accept that Miraculous, as a fictional story, is drawing out the big changes in its status quo because they haven't yet utilized the status quo in all the stories they want. I can see the clockwork gears and watch them move, I'm not staring at the clock face waiting for a specific time to come.

This is probably also why I'm so fine with Chloé and Lila being villains, and cartoony villains at that. Sure, it's maybe not realistic that they're so vile (as hinted before, serial killers weren't nice kids either so I still argue that even in the name of "realism" it checks out) or get away with stuff so easily, but it sure is consistent with their characterization and the fictional universe they live in. This piece of media is sticking with what has been established earlier in the series and that's good. That's how a piece of media is supposed to work, because it shows that the creators care enough to keep track of their characters and world building.

Ive been reading some debates on whether or not Dick has LoA training because of the Vengeance Academy stuff and was wondering what you thought about that. Do you think this counts?

Yes and no? I mean, lol, it depends on your purposes for exploring this train of thought.

Thing is, I personally think it would be a mistake to view “League of Assassin training” as some complete singular thing that you either have or you don’t have, like a specific training regimen or course work for lack of a better analogy, that you either make it to the end of and have in its entirety, or else it doesn’t matter.

And I also think that part of the reason for viewing it this way is fandom’s tendency to try and rank the Batkids, according to a lot of various arbitrary variables like skillsets they do or don’t have.....which, if you’ve followed me long enough, you know is something I heavily disagree with, the trying to rank them in skills or competency in general.....as I tend to be more interested in ways this found family that I do ultimately gravitate towards for their ability or potential to be actual FAMILY, can like.....work together and come together rather than so constantly be pitted against each other. Like yeah, I’ll rant to Kingdom Come about times they’ve been pitted against each other in terms of my feelings on those specific instances or how the dynamics played out in them, but that’s in terms of scenes or stories that already exist....for the most part my thing is not really looking to INCREASE the divide between the characters, but rather the opposite.

So like......my point here is I’ve mentioned the League of Assassin training Dick likely has from his time at Vengeance Academy myself, but not in the interest of like......adding to his ‘rankings’ within the Batfam or being like anything the others can do he can do better, as frankly, I don’t think the time Dick spent at VA puts the training he got there as directly comparable to the time Damian or Jason or Cass spent with the League or League trained tutors....but that’s not really my aim in exploring that line of thought. Rather, I look at what League training Dick might have as being more a possible source of insight into experiences his siblings have.

After all, the thing about the League of Assassins is they’re very good at what they do, but what they do isn’t inherently all that different from any of the other hand-to-hand combatants throughout the DC Earth. I mean, depending on what continuity you go with, in most of them Bruce himself trained with the League or various League affiliated teachers before he came back to Gotham to be Batman, and he just sorta took what worked for him and put aside all the more lethal applications of their training and knowledge. But his own training methods when teaching Dick and the other Robins and Batgirls no doubt included more than a little overlap with League skills and training, because not all of their knowledge and expertise is STRICTLY lethal....as Bruce himself has shown, and later on Jason and Cass and Damian....most of what they can do can just as easily be repurposed for non-lethal combat. So in a lot of ways, depending on your interpretation of things and what angle you’re going with, all the Batkids can be said to have some degree of League training.....the same training Bruce himself had.

So when I talk about Dick having League training from his time at VA, Ilike I said, I’m talking more about insight, things he could glean from having firsthand knowledge not just to various League techniques or skills, but also League training methodologies and mindsets. Dick was only there a few weeks, at most maybe a couple months, and the thing is....you can pack a LOT into fairly short term experiences. That’s what boot camps are, essentially, and that’s how I viewed VA....a short term but extremely rigorous and intensive boot camp for prospective League recruits, as Shrike used it to put potential League candidates through their paces with little regard for their health or longterm prospects if they couldn’t make the cut. I called them prospective League recruits but its important that the kids weren’t recruited into VA itself first....they were literally kidnapped off the streets like Dick himself, and forced to prove themselves daily in their training and the missions Shrike set up to advance that. And all of that can be extremely motivating and act as a pressure cooker that packs a ton of training and skill acquisition into very short periods of time......BUT.....that’s not ever going to measure up to all of that being equally in place and acting as a pressure cooker when training Jason, Cass, Damian, etc over even LONGER periods of time, y’know?

BUT. Equally true is all of that is never going to measure up directly to the still extremely intensive and longterm training Dick himself received OUTSIDE of VA....just one on one with Bruce, training with the other Titans, hell, this is a guy who was an acrobat on the world stage before his parents died. Every day of his life he’s been training intensely. VA isn’t just a footnote compared to the lengthier League training some of Dick’s siblings underwent, its a footnote in the overall tapestry of Dick’s own training. And I have extreme reservations about the way League training is referred to as something various Batfam members have in addition to or on top of their other training as reasons for why they’re an even better fighter, etc....same as when Talon training comes up for Dick in AUs....when like......Bruce, Dick and the Batfam overall have never NOT ultimately defeated the League and the Court of Owls every time they come up against them.....so why does assassin training so often get regarded as this ‘leg up’ over the Batfam’s primarily non-lethal approach to combat, as though its a superior skillset? If its inherently superior, why do the assassins keep losing to the Batfam, I’m just saying. So on that front, the idea that “was trained by assassins” is innately translatable to higher elevations in the eternal quest to rank the Batkids, like.....just does not work for me and that specifically tends to be where people lose me here, not whether or not Dick has this training at all in the first place.

Another way to look at things here is like....let’s take one specific skillset: Dick’s use of escrima sticks in his fighting. Now, this DIRECTLY hails back to his time at Vengeance Academy. It was a literal plot point, that VA is where Dick first trained with escrima sticks and discovered an affinity for them. Once he was back with Bruce though, he didn’t do much further with this while Robin, but upon becoming Nightwing, he picked them up again and RENEWED his training with escrima sticks, becoming extremely proficient with them and making them his signature weapon. 

Now, is Dick’s status as one of the best fighters with this particular weapon because of his several weeks boot camp when he was ten? Again - it just depends on what you mean by that specifically. If you’re asking did he gain the proficiency he’s known for with that weapon AS a ten year old during that short span of weeks - hell no. His proficiency comes from the intensive, regular training he does with them here and now, as an adult, over a course of years, still constantly growing and improving day by day. BUT at the same time, you can ask the same question and examine it through the lens of “would he have ever discovered and explored and FURTHERED his affinity with this particular weapon if not for his time training at VA”.....the answer could still very well be no. Thus his training there matters, its just its not the only thing that matters, and the context and qualifiers that go not just with this question but the reasons for asking that question and the purposes you intend for the answer.....all of that matters too.

So to circle back.......do I consider Dick’s time at Vengeance Academy to be him having League of Assassin training?

Yes, but I must specify that my reasoning for that, and for exploring that line of thought, have absolutely nothing to do with my view of Dick’s overall status as a fighter, and everything to do with my view of him as a brother.

I think Vengeance Academy was tough and brutal, and did a lot to increase and hone Dick’s skills in various areas over an extremely short period of time. I think that it absolutely left an impression that shaped his training and fighting in later years whether in terms of preferred weapon choices or even choices he makes in the heat of the moment, like Last Laugh (which I think absolutely built upon Dick’s feelings about having once stood over a similarly unrepentant and mocking Two-Face years earlier, gun in hand, poised to make a choice.....as well as Dick’s awareness of how many times Two-Face, like the Joker, has busted out of jail and hurt and killed more people since that time).

But I also think that Dick would still be one of the foremost fighters in the DCU even without his time at VA, and that his short time there is not anywhere close to being the reason he’s at the heights of skill and aptitude that he’s reached over the course of years and years of rigorous, intensive training.

So while my answer remains yes, he has League training and it matters and counts, my reasons for bringing that up will never be because I think it adds to his status or reputation as a fighter, or is necessary for him to be as highly regarded there as he is.....but more for what his time at VA, his firsthand experiences with their approaches to training, the methodologies and ideologies they train kids with, what all of that gives Dick in terms of insight to members of the League, and to those people League members have trained, like his siblings.

One thing I’ve long wanted to see fandom explore more in the context of Jason’s views on killing is the fact that so much of that was shaped while he was in the pressure cooker of being freshly resurrected, traumatized, still an impressionable teenager, with feelings of obligation towards the League for the Pit’s rejuvenation of his mental faculties, taking him in and training him, and like......feeling isolated and abandoned by everyone else who’d previously known and loved him, thinking that he had no one who really cared about him, and that not only was he dependent on the League for his survival at that time, but like, he owed them and he was that much more open to being persuaded of their way of looking at things. 

And thing is, in terms of like, scale and shit, Dick’s experiences in Robin: Year One and his own mindset at the time and how vulnerable he was mentally and emotionally, they’re not the equivalent of what Jason was going through but like I’m always saying, when you stop looking at trauma in terms of arbitrary rankings and stop pitting what the various Batkids have been through against each other’s experiences and just like......look for potential common ground, this opens up SO MUCH potential bonding, insight and understanding between the brothers and positions Dick to be so much more capable of intuiting even a sense of what Jason went through at the time and why he was clinging so desperately to things he may or may not have actually believed in (at least so strongly) if circumstances had been different, etc....but you get what I mean, I think. There’s so much that can be done with this angle, that’s opened up entirely just by virtue of Dick having SOME shared experiences here.

Because while like I said, in terms of actual training, Bruce has a lot of the same skillsets and knowledge the League does, and his own history with them, its the MINDSET that’s so key here. The one thing that sets Bruce and his experiences when he was a young man with the League and League affiliates apart from Jason, Damian, Cass, etc.....is that Bruce went looking for training, and never was without resources or options. The League-trained Batkids though were either approached (or ‘approached’) by the League at key low points of extreme vulnerability in their formative years, when they HAD no other options (or felt they didn’t) or else were just outright raised by them like Damian or Cass, with no knowledge of anything else until they left or escaped. And that puts everything through an entirely different filter, because its that specific element of vulnerability, of having no one else to turn to or anything else to cling to or put your faith in, that renders you particularly vulnerable to being influenced or exploited by those who seem to hold all the cards there.....and its a shared insight that Dick can have into various of his siblings BECAUSE of his League of Assassins training, as short as that might have been, because of the specifics of why it was so intense and influential despite how short a time it was.

So. In conclusion: 

Does Dick have League training because of his time at VA? My answer is yes, but not if the follow up is anything in the vein of “and how does this factor into which of his siblings he can or can’t beat while sparring.” In that case my answer is yes but YAWN. If however the follow up is along the lines of “and can this open up tons of doors for potential conversations, bonding, trauma-unpacking or camaraderie with siblings due to their own histories with the League and its training methods and teachings and mindsets” then my answer is YES GOOD NOW LET’S HAVE SOME MORE OF THAT PLZ.

CSI Musings

Season 6, Episode 3: "Bite Me"

I rewatched “Bite Me” last night, and I’ve been thinking about the conversation between Sara and Grissom in the bedroom at the victim's house. Given that we have zero context for the somewhat pointed exchange that Sara and Grissom have while supposedly talking about the case but seemingly actually talking about their relationship, I’ve decided that to the extent this conversation is about their relationship (which it may not be at all), I interpret their exchange as taking place in a broader context where the two of them having been discussing living together and Sara has been the one to be hesitant to take that step. My reasoning and rambling thoughts below.

***

To start the scene, Sara seems to think it’s totally normal that the husband and wife may be sleeping in separate beds. She also appears to be the first one of them to relate the situation at the scene directly to her and Grissom’s relationship, by listing insomnia and working at night as reasons for separate beds—both of which seem like reasons she and Grissom would identify with. (Another good reason not on her list might be being in a secret relationship that cannot be revealed to one’s coworkers/surrogate family, just saying.) It seems somewhat weird for Grissom to respond to this comment from Sara that gives a lot of space to each of them in their relationship with a statement basically saying, "Hey I need space."

In other words if Grissom's comment that "maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn’t breathe" is about him, the subtext of the exchange between him and Sara essentially goes: "There are lots of reasons to have some personal space away from someone you otherwise want to spend time with." "We spend too much time together, I need more space." Sara essentially is offering up reasons for two people in a relationship to have private spaces and experiences, and if that's what Grissom wants from their relationship, it seems weird that he would respond antagonistically rather than with agreement. Unless Grissom doesn't want to be with Sara at all and so is upping the ante in their conversation, which I think we can take off the table not only because of how much he clearly loves her and has previously shown us he wants to spend all of his time with her, but also for reasons discussed more below about where Grissom is on his romantic journey by the time we get to Season 6.

So I interpret Grissom’s comment that “maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn’t breathe” to not actually be about him, but rather him implying/questioning whether she feels suffocated. He’s using “he” here because he’s ostensibly talking about the husband, who may have killed his wife and needs a potential motive. But Grissom doesn’t look at Sara when he says this line, which to me makes it seem less likely he’s telling her how he himself feels. If he really felt “suffocated” it seems to me that he would want on some level to push her away, but keeping his eyes averted makes his comment less assertive. (It also stops him from having to see her response, which would make sense if he’s feeling vulnerable and is afraid that she might confirm his fears in her expression.)

Sara seems sort of annoyed by Grissom’s comment, but doesn’t seem particularly affronted or caught off guard. She almost rolls her eyes when she turns to the nightstand, as if he had brought up a preexisting point of contention. I would think if my boyfriend that I also worked with constantly and had been in love with for years but just started finally dating said he couldn’t breathe around me, I would be pretty upset! But she takes Grissom’s comment in stride, and then chooses to continue the conversation by saying “you don’t have to sleep in the same bed to have sex…or romance.” I read Sara’s comment about sex and romance to be focused on the “romance” part more than the “sex” part, given the way she pauses before she adds “…or romance.” Again, maybe I’m just overly emotional, but if my boyfriend had just said he felt suffocated by me I wouldn’t choose that moment to push the subject further by talking about how much romance we could have in our relationship.

My read is that she emphasizes romance here because the question of what her and Grissom’s relationship is all about is a larger topic of conversation between them at this time: if they’re not living together does that mean it’s just sex between them? Clearly Sara doesn’t think that has to be the rule. But Grissom is afraid that she doesn’t want to live with him because she’s feeling suffocated and like she can’t breathe. Sara is trying to reassure him that they can still be romantic even if they’re not living together. And it seems to work, because their final exchange before Grissom leaves is lighthearted and has none of the angst you would expect if they were fighting because one of them actually felt suffocated. It makes more sense to me that it is the fear that one of them feels suffocated that underlies this exchange.

This all begs the question of whether/why Sara might be hesitant about moving in with Grissom, particularly given that from what we’ve seen she’s been the more aggressive one in their relationship and he’s been the one holding back. But I actually think it makes a lot of sense in this particular moment. Sara desperately wants a relationship with Grissom, but she’s already given up her life for Grissom once (in moving from San Francisco to Vegas) and then had him ultimately reject her after giving her what would have felt like a runaround. She’s never really had a home, and she lost the only one she had before in an incredibly traumatic fashion. The idea of living with Grissom and building a real home together would likely be as terrifying as it would be exhilarating.

It also makes sense to me that Grissom would want to live with Sara basically as soon as they start having sex. We know that Grissom is not one to have sex without love, so it would be important to him that their relationship be explicitly defined as one based in love (romance). Living together is a very clear step indicating that a relationship is not just about sex, but is about the larger connection and partnership between two people.

Also, Grissom has already fought through his fear of being with Sara in Seasons 4 and 5, and I believe that by the time he chooses to be with her he already knows that he wants to be with her in every way forever. He enters their relationship knowing that it was coming, and having time to prepare himself emotionally for what it will mean to actually be with Sara in real life, not just in his fantasies. Sara, on the other hand, has finally gotten what she’s desperately wanted in getting to be with Grissom, but is only now in the stage of actively having to fight against her own natural inclination to protect and guard herself against the vulnerability that comes from a serious, long-term relationship because actually being with him is only now real. For her, he had pushed her away for years despite clearly having feelings for her, and she had far less warning that the dynamic of their relationship was going to change when it did in mid-Season 5. Obviously she is very happy (they have sex and romance!), and I don’t think her hesitancy to move in together lasts very long. But it makes sense to me that it might take her a moment to get to the point of being comfortable fully entwining their lives for reasons that are not ultimately about Grissom or their relationship really.

I also think it’s noteworthy that this is one of multiple episodes in a row in early Season 6 that Grissom and Catherine primarily work the case together, and Grissom and Sara spend only a small amount of time together despite them both being on the case. This is a contrast to the back half of Season 5 when they’re on nearly every case together (granted, Graveyard is small in that part of Season 5 with half the team gone, but with the addition of Sofia Grissom still wouldn’t have needed to basically only work with Sara the way he does.) If I remember correctly, in much of later Season 6 and Season 7 he and Sara work together all the time again. I’m so curious how the original Gum Drops script and reveal may have led to later Season 6 episodes that could have explained this scene in Bite Me, and the overall Sara-Grissom dynamic in early Season 6.

(Also y'all, their little flashlight hellos to each other at the beginning of this scene are THE CUTEST.)

This scene, where Lee Gon and Jeong Tae-eul walk up to the church and open about about themselves and their respective loss (of their respective mothers) is incredibly moving, sweet and also ends up making my heart ache. It also foreshadows the remaining episodes. Lee Gon begins by opening up about why the church is important to him, telling Tae-eul about his parent’s love story and his mother’s early death. Tae-eul points out how Lee Gon takes after his mother, who like him was also a scientist. This is actually more bittersweet than I think one at first realizes. Her comment about how he takes after her is especially moving since he is an orphan. Lee Gon’s mother died when he was very young so he probably has close to no memories of her. So Tae-eul stating that he takes after her - that there is still a connection between his mother and him, is very sweet. Tae-eul then remarks about how they have skipped a lot of things (which they did because there has been a sense of urgency and foreboding in their relationship during the drama). Then Lee Gon simply waits, giving Tae-eul space to open up if she wishes to do so. This is somewhat related to what I write earlier about how Lee Gon’s emotional openness creates a space in their relationship where Tae-eul can open up emotionally. She does so, telling him that she still to this day wears her mother’s Taekwondo belt - implicitly telling him how her mother’s death affected her deeply. Their relationship in this scene is very comfortable, they are at the same “place” so to speak emotionally. They have no trouble opening up to each other and even though they have skipped a lot of things they know each other well. This will be in contrast to when Lee Gon travels in time and meets ‘Jeong Tae-euls’ who don’t know him yet. 

However the most significant and saddening foreshadowing comes next. Time freezes and Lee Gon is reminded of how high the stakes are and the verse of poetry which Lady Noh is heard reciting is about how a promise to return might actually be a plea to be remembered. This is absolutely heartbreaking and the certainty we might as viewers have felt earlier, trusting (like Tae-eul) that Lee Gon will always fulfill his promise and come back to her might have now been rattled. We know at this point in the drama that Lee Gon will do whatever it takes, even if it ends up costing him his life, to protect the parallel worlds from Lee Lim. We have seen Lee Gon earlier with no hesitation put himself in the line of fire in episode six during the military conflict, simply stating that it is his duty to do so. He has also referred to it earlier in episode two. The emphasis on the role of the Royal Family to stand between the Kingdom and its enemies illustrates for us its most important role. So Lee Gon in his role as the King (which is not only a role but is his identity) is very bound by the idea of duty which entails being what stands between the people in need of protection (here the two worlds primarily) and evil (his uncle and the breakdown of the universes). The Four Tiger Sword inscription has revealed to us and him that his role is to become the Sage, and no matter what, set things right. Other people have written about how Lee Gon in the beginning of the drama is basically only defined by his role as the King, a consequence of becoming an orphan early and having a traumatic past. Resulting in that he hasn’t been able to connect to many people. There is still a sense of distance between him and Lady Noh and Jo Yeong due to how they must relate to him as the King and how he must relate to others. He is a King first, person second. We see this in the beginning by how Lady Noh is continuously emphasizing his duties and in how Jo Yeong’s main priority is to protect him. Of course they still view him as a human being and family/friend as well. One could argue that it is the fact that he is an orphan of traumatic circumstances, suffering from some survivor’s guilt and brought up as such a King is what makes him prepared to give up his life in the end. It is pretty dark and one can even speculate if Fate itself has played a role in creating those circumstances. In episode four we see Lee Gon remember his father and their discussion about the duties entailed to being the King, this conversation reveals to us Lee Gon’s motivation for his actions. He is driven by the sense of duty which comes with being the King but also by love (be it for his father, Lady Noh, Jeong Tae-eul, Jo Yeong etc.). As we will see in later episodes the flute and Fate will only allow him to return to the Night of Treason to stop Lee Lim, it is never possible for him to, for example, save his father or even as we see later save his uncle (Prince Buyeong).

Here however in this scene, we can easily deduce that what the person Lee Gon wants most of all is to be with Jeong Tae-eul - to have her by his side. She is someone who first and foremost views him and loves him as a person. They are at the church to pray but the visual clues, them standing in front of the church as if they where about to get married and him bringing up his parents’ love story reveals his deepest desire. The former is also a clue to the fact that they will in the end be able to find each other and come together/marry. The reason Lee Gon breaks down here, I think, is because of his worry about what the future will bring. It is scary seeing your loved one be frozen in time when you have realized that it might become permanent. He is also starting to put together what must be done. The poem and his reaction is a clue which tells us that he is starting to realize that he will probably have to break his promise to Tae-eul in the end, to save the two worlds, and that they might be separated forever. So what does this orphaned King do? He does what he always does - he pulls himself together and puts on a brave face (we see this more in episode 13) and tries to figure out what he must do to set things right and to be there for the people he loves.

I'm not a huge fan of the "Kama is a trauma victim" interpretations, because I think it draws too many comparisons between her and Sakura. So let me kind of discuss why I feel that Sakura and Kama are different, and this should hopefully express why I don't like the fact that she is a Sakura face.

The first thing to discuss is actually the Beasts themselves. So far, the Beasts can be split rather neatly into two categories: one category are Beasts which are inherently Beasts, such as Primate Murder/Fou and Kiara. There's nothing that serves as a catalyst for them becoming Beasts, they simply are. The other category are Beasts who DO have a catalyst experience: this being Tiamat, Goetia, and Kama. (I don't know where to put Vitch here, simply because it seems like she could be a mixture of both and I'm waiting on LB6 to help clear things up in that regard. In addition, I'm also not including Doman in this list because I haven't seen a translated 5.5).

Tiamat's rejection by her creations and her subsequent destruction and banishment catalyzed her transformation into a Beast, Goetia's exposure to the vast evils of humanity catalyzed his transformation into a Beast, and Kama's incineration at the hands of Shiva catalyzed her transformation into a Beast. You could argue that all of these were traumatic experiences, but you probably wouldn't argue that the first two are trauma victims, and I think it is the same for Kama. Her trauma is a motivating factor behind her motivations in general, but it doesn't define her as a victim in the same way it did Sakura, who mainly suffered until she decided to fight back.

Fundamentally, I don't think that Sakura could ever become a Beast, even if she would become a threat to humanity (which is the case in Heaven's Feel). Sakura primarily lashed out at the people who hurt her, and was otherwise influenced by Angra Mainyu. Like Medusa, she's "fundamentally a good person, turned into a monster by the cruelness of fate". Kama isn't like that, especially when you consider the Mara aspects which F/GO doesn't seem to have a consistent way of writing which are either another side of Kama or...just Kama???

No really I wasn't joking that F/GO can't make up its mind.

ANYWAYS, the existence of Mara does make a difference. Kama/Mara is both the positive and negative aspects of love, so in a sense, unlike Sakura, Kama/Mara was already something of a monster or a demon i lasnherently. Sakura doesn't choose to try and end the world in HF (at least not to my knowledge, it's been like 8 years since I read F/SN, its a long VN man) while Kama does. This is part of why I never liked the Parvati / Kama Sakura dynamics: Sakura doesn't HAVE evil or good sides; Sakura is Sakura. Sakura, unlike Parvati, doesn't have an aspect to her that's destructive (like Kali, not that this is ever even remotely recognized in F/GO) and unlike Kama, doesn't have an aspect to her that's inherently evil (like Mara). Sakura also has an anchor in her life in Shirou, which helps her process her trauma in a way Kama doesn't.

Where Sakura's actions can be viewed as not inherently her own, that the influence of Angra Mainyu caused her to do things she never would, Kama's actions in Ooku are entirely her own. She is the one who willingly chose to become a Beast, who hated herself and her own role so much she wanted to destroy love amongst people, and those actions do have consequences. And likewise, Sakura was a character who DID have to capacity to heal on her own, thanks to the people around her who cared about her. Kama doesn't have that, and likely never would if it wasn't for Kiara being able to see into the depths of Kama's soul. While there will always be this outright tension between the two, Kiara DID see the value in her relationship with her Master, and if such a relationship ended up changing the way Kama felt and moved her away from being a Beast...well that probably helps Kiara too.

I'm not sure we'd be having this conversation if Kama wasn't a Sakura-face. The truth is, we don't know if the ending of Ooku was written by Minase, Nasu, or Minase and Nasu, although personally I lean towards the very last one. It does read a little harsh, and I don't like the way Parvati is written (by GOD girl you are DENSE), but I can kind of see what Nasu writing shines through. Ultimately, I think there is a limit to how much one's own personal experiences can justify their actions; being a Beast I do believe, in Nasu's eyes, does cross the line. There wasn't an ending to Nasu's story that wasn't ending with the defeat of Kama, and the end of all Beasts is that: defeat. Despite all of that, Nasu IS giving Kama a second chance, in a way he hasn't given Tiamat or Goetia or Fou (or maybe has on the last two, we'll never know because like Binding of Isaac: Repentance, LB6 isn't coming ou-...shit can't use that one).

To wrap up...Kama isn't Sakura. She never was, and we should probably take more time to view Kama as her own unique character, and looking at her actions a bit more objectively as a result. Also Nasu does have his bad moments writing women.

howdy hey! i’m clem and i’m the mun of kangmin cal lee! 1/2 of the junior prefects in geumseong and your president of the transfiguration club!! i’m super glad to be here with my baby and i can’t wait to plot with you all!! i’ll leave some facts about him as well as plots under the cut!!! if you want to ever hit me up, my twitter is @hclywould and my discord is iloveyeonjun#2510!! otherwise, like this post and i’ll hit you up to plot!!!

ABOUT CAL

born in jeju-do and lived there until he turned around 8 to 9 years old to two muggles / no-majs. 

moved to california (haha) do to more family opportunities there. not only that, but they wanted to see how he would do in a new country!!! he goes by the name calvin. 

funny enough, not too long after they got him into school, he discovered his magic and started getting weird looks from other kids in his school because of it! pretty soon, they all started rumors about him and he felt very alone there

after they got him out of that school in hopes of trying to figure out what was wrong with their song, a wizard from the school of ilvermorny stops by their houses and helps give his famiy information on who cal is and about the school. wanting the best for him, they enrolled him into the school. 

wonderful! he’s in an environment surrounded by other people like himself! surely that means that he’ll be in a better mental state, right? not quite. thanks to the fact he revealed that his parents who are no-majs, a group of kids at ilvermorny started picking on him because of that. so much so that they pranked him and essentially humiliated him in front of the entire year if not the entire school. the leader essentially traumatized him enough that it becomes his boggart. 

desperate to move back home, cal goes to his headmaster and asks if there’s possibly a school of magic he can transfer to in south korea. they find one in the city of seoul, talk to his parents about it, and moved back there!!! and there, he worked his damned hardest to excel in magic (except in herbiology teehee) to prove that he was more than just a muggleborn wizard and that his magic is his own. 

around this time, he also decided to go by the nickname cal, half of his english name so that he could remember all the pain he went through and use it as motivation to work hard. trying to make something better out of it!!!

enrolled into mokseong (house geumseong haha house pride) with outstanding grades with a transfiguration major and a minor in muggle history.

has been trying to succeed more and more ever since. that’s why he’s a prefect and the president of the transfiguration club!!!

personality wise? easygoing and charming!!! will try to find a way into your heart, platonically or not! will tease you just to get closer and make u laugh (or be pissed w him he is not afraid) 

very intelligent and analytical. he wants to learn a LOT and in some situations, it’ll just be him being nosy bc he wants to know more about a person. 

though he’s always trying to be a good role model, if u mess with him, he will prank u!!!!

outside of campus, you’ll usually find him at madame menageries, asking madam about what she knows about each class and information about students ... sometimes at joyful jokes because prankster 

PLOTS!

with depth 

you are his rival! you essentially cannot stand him because of the fact that he’s gotten more achievements than you. no matter who you are and what your family is, you try to find a reason to doubt whether his achievements were earned for him. and a part of you is still trying to find something to be better at than him. (0/1) 

cal is secretive when it comes to talking about his past, but he seems to be open about investigating others and wondering about theirs. it’s almost to the point where you want to do the same to him, not only because it’s bothering you how he does it carefree to others, but because you are genuinely so curious about his reasons. he finds it charming that you wish to know more about him, but he finds it annoying how insistent you are. (0/1) 

cal should’ve been more aware of who he was throwing pranks on because the moment he threw that he threw a dungbomb at you and he saw the way you react, he knew it was over for him. and though he tries to act all buddy-buddy with you about everything, you still want to get back at him for such a childish act!!! (0/1) 

in contrast to the last four plots, this plot is more adoring of cal. you admire him and his resilience as well as how hardworking he is. you do recognize that sometimes he can be a bit much, but you can’t help but feel as if he’s someone to look up to!! you don’t even have to be close to him to know that he’s wonderful!!! (underclassman to junior, 0/1) 

while cal dares not to play the sport, he has a fascination over quidditch. specifically, how the players act with it. though not a player, he is a fan and he is willing to give advice to people who are new to the game or are now taking an interest in it. dare he say it, he’ll be face paint kid and even give you a test to see how well you know it. (0/1) 

transfiguration is your weakness and you wish to improve on it. why not go to the help of the transfiguration president? he’s always willing to help those who struggle at what he’s best at. (0/1) 

having muggle parents and essentially “lived” as a muggle for part of his childhood, you wish to know more about his experience as living in that environment. whether you wish to share similar experiences or learn more about it for an assignment, you go to the young geumseong student for help. (0/1) 

though cal is essentially easygoing and carefree, he is still a prefect and will hold that responsibility. so if you’re a troublemaker geumseong student, even if he’ll sometimes tag along with your mischief, know that you will be given a warning from him. (0/1) 

you want to dye your hair a new color and you go to him, a colovaria master, to ask him for advice on which color you should try and if he can put that color on you!! just to be safe!!! (0/1) 

though he’s very vocal about how he is proud of being in geumseong (esp bc of professor aurora song saying she’d be in that house), he does like hanging out with hwaseong students. specifically you because you’re his partner in crime when it comes to pranks! yes you both frequent joyful jokes together. (0/1) 

EX PLOTS!! it’s very clear that cal is the charming type and he’s even charmed his way into some people’s hearts~ but of course, love isn’t primarily his main focus now. so naturally, he’s gotten with a few people and you could’ve gone for a few months, but one’s thing for sure is that there’s reasons as to why you are split, heavy or not. (1/2) 

OTHER, NONSPECIFIC PLOTS! 

freshmen he can call freshies, but in an endearing way... even if you are annoyed or honored. 

fellow quidditch fans!!!!

prefects!!! esp upperclassmen who like doting on him (or teasing him... he’ll take either) 

in contrast to that ^ upperclassmen who don’t really like him that much 

fellow members of his extracurriculars!!! transfiguration (haha flex), duelling, ancient ruins, magical creatures, and defense against the dark arts!!!

if you are in magical creatures, please pull him away from the niffler bc he’d probably try to baby it even though IT’S A CREATURE!!! THAT CAN STEAL HIS MONEY!!!

ilvermorny alumni!! even though he attended one year!! maybe y’all can bond about your houses

he’ll also bond with hogwarts alumni, but he’ll make fun of your accents. 

bilingual, so go to him if you need help speaking either korean or english!!! or even if you want to speak konglish to him. 

bubble tea friend!! or really, people who just like madam. he loves madam. 2nd mom. 

more to come when i get a brain to think fo more!!! 

There's a lot of things about Borderlands 3 that makes it kinda a garbage game. And all of those things are valid and true but a aspect of bl3 that deeply bothers me isn't something I've really seen people talk about?? Maybe they have but I missed it but I want to say my interpretation. (Also like, spoiler warning throughout all of this post)

To start off with: hi, I'm a autistic afab nonbinary person and this is relevant for this little rant I'm bout to go on.

I want to begin by stating why I love this franchise so much.

Borderlands, whether you like it or not, is INCREDIBLY queer. And not in a coded kind of way, it's just flat out gay as fuck. And that means so fucking much to me. Borderlands 2 was one of the first times I ever felt fully represented in a game. Zer0 being this dumbass making Yugioh references and generally being a fun garbage boy and also being nonbinary meant a lot to me and I adore him to this day (nonbinary people can use gendered pronouns fuc off). And getting more and more into this series and finding out that basically every character was on some level queer was really cool to me. Maya being asexual and most of the characters being attracted to multiple genders so honestly and off handily was so refreshing and amazing to get to play through. The casual mentions of a woman's wife or some man's husband in the echo's you find or Moxxi talking about her ex girlfriends was one of the reasons I loved this so much.

Another thing I loved particularly about Borderlands 2 was how feminist it was. I can not tell you how quickly I lost my shit at Mr. Torgue talking about the friend zone being misogynistic(it is btw). And the repeated jokes about fully murdering men for being rude to women was some of the highlights of my first playthrough. Punching a guy till he explodes because he disrespected a sex worker?? Fucking immaculate.

SPEAKING OF SEX WORK.

Mad Moxxi is a icon. She is a mother of MULTIPLE children, a survivor of rape and assault and a fucking bad bitch who runs a now intergalactic titty bar. Getting to have not only a sex worker be respected in a narrative, Moxxi is fun and a genuinely complex character who isn't defined by her job or her appearance. She is emotional and strong and funny and flawed but amazing person.

And then there's the way the male characters a represented and treated. I'll be honest here, I haven't really played Borderlands 1, mostly because have been spoiled by auto pick up and also I just didn't feel like it. So my idea of most of the men are based entirely off of Bl2, the pre-sequel and Tales. Anyway, Mordecai in particular is a character I really liked upfront. I love how a lot of his motivation and character is driven by his love of animals and Bloodwing. He's kind and though troubled knows when to get his shit together and be there when he needs to be. His casual "are you okay?" After the latter falls in the Arid Nexus was such a nice moment and the way he genuinely tries to be there emotionally for all of the people around him who he cares for is so fucking rare to see in a male character. And his arc of giving up alcohol to focus on being a better bird dad and you getting to help Brick make Mordecai a special gift to celebrate his sobriety is so amazing and I'm so proud of him.

Mr. Torgue is my dad and I love him. As mentioned, he is normal and believes that the friend zone is absolute garbage talk is ICONIC™ and the best scene in that game fight me. Torgue is a crybaby. He is an emotional person who is not afraid to express his pain and hurt when people are mean to him. He respects women and loves unicorns. The fact that is physical appearance is a big muscle guy who screams but is the literal opposite of toxic masculinity will forever make him the best male character of all time and I love him and he is my dad.

Roland was a character that I was never in particularly attached to but I still respect him and did enjoy his presence. I really appreciated his leadership style being primarily based on empathy and logic as opposed to him being a big meanie man with a HUGE dick who yells at people. I always really resonated with the echo from Tannis talking about how she came to Sanctuary. Roland going out of his way to bring Tannis to safety while completely respecting her autism and struggle with socializing really made his death hit harder when Tannis was very obviously distraught by losing him. It really seems that Roland was the only one who didn't treat her differently. And as someone who's autistic, finding people who legit 100% understand and respect you and just let you live the way you want/need to is kinda hard and those are the qualities I'd personally want in a leader.

Angel is also a big spot of affection for me. Handsome Jack being a irrefutably horrible person who Angel flat out says gaslights people and killed her means a lot to me considering 99% of Bad Parent stories end with "I forgive u" getting to see an abusive victim take that narrative and say fuck you was powerful and meant a lot to me coming from my own abusive home life.

There's a lot of other things I love about Borderlands but if I keep going I won't stop lol so let's get into why Borderlands 3 makes me so uncomfortable.

One of the main things that bothered me was the sexism. Its nothing too horrifying but given how feminist bl2 was it was really shocking and a bit hurtful the number of times women are called bitches or made to seem crazy. If you recall I brought up how you punch a man to death for calling a woman a bitch? Yea no, in this game we mock women for having boundaries and opinions because lol she's just a CRAZY BITCH who just needs to stop acting so hysterical am I right guys?

Yea the whole mission with that stupid bear thing and his ex robot girlfriend made me insanely uncomfortable and upset. I kept waiting for the gotcha moment where it says actually this bear guy is a dick and he shouldn't use language like that but no we just,,,,,, are supposed to laugh along. I hate it.

Even though Borderlands 3 is still very much queer, this game introducing 2 new trans characters as well as a whole DLC about a gay marriage and one of the playable characters being a lesbian there was this some shit that bothered me.

The mission where you crash and ruin a lesbian wedding.

That mission made so upset and uncomfortable. I hated how traumatized and hurt Tumorhead was as I murdered her family and wife. I hated how unfulfilling the mission was where PLOT TWIST the lady was actually a spy or whatever. I hate how there's a mission about ruining some poor psycho ladies wedding. I would've much more preferred a mission where Idk Bloodshine asks you to help her kill a spy who's causing problems and then fucking go around Promethea collecting wedding decorations or something. OR MAYBE JUST NOT A MISSION WHERE YOU KILL LESBIANS FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

I'm mad, anyway.

I also hated how Tannis was treated in this game. Under absolutely no circumstance would Doctor Patricia Tannis ever willingly take up a position of leadership. She is a severely autistic woman who gets nose bleeds from talking to people she wouldn't just be like "I'm in charge now pls talk to me!!!" Fuck off. And the joke about her dating a minecart isn't funny. The whole thing with the chairs, though funny in its absurdities was still a very important and powerful moment of character exploration. Tannis is insane. She is traumatized and hurt and in a moment of severe torture, she humanized some inanimate objects to cope. Tannis crying over the echo over Phillip is a heartbreaking moment of true vulnerability. It is also funny, because that's how good dark comedy works. It can be both hysterical and emotionally ruining at the same time. So what exactly does Tannis divorcing a minecart mean? What is this saying about her character? Why is it funny? Because lol lol reference??? Again, fuck off.

I hate how the Calypso twins childhood is handled. Troy implies it was horribly abusive and traumatic. But when we met Typhon whatever, he acts like it wasn't that bad??? He acts like he just didn't buy his kids the latest iPhone and oh no whoopsie now they're evil, my bad guys. It feels super weird and I don't like it.

Speaking of abusive parents. THEY DID MY GIRL ANGEL DIRTY SO BAD. This was literally when I decided I hated this game. Angel being the one who killed her mother and not Jack was fucking horrible. Especially after the literal foreshadowing in borderlands 2 implying he did. The fact that Jack is treated like a fearful man making what he thought was the right decision was insulting. I get that MattPat manipulated the fandom into thing Jack is a uwu bean but fuck you, you're the writers and you should fucking know better. Handsome Jack saw his daughter had power and turned her into a living battery for him to use as he saw fit. He was not scared and he was NOT right. Fuck you and fuck you for framing child abuse as chill and ok if your spooked enough like that. And the mission directly contradicts the echo's in Get To Know Jack. If Angel killed her mom why does she ask Jack where her mommy is when he's putting her in her chambers?? Why is it in the echo Jack is aggressive and forcibly and hurtfully makes her go into her chambers but in the memory, he's quiet and passive about it?? That's literally just flat out bad writing. Also fuck you.

Anyway,

I think that's really all I wanted to say about this topic. Obviously, there are also things that suck about bl3 but I'll try to chill and not make this too long.

I mostly wanted to make this to see if people cared/are bothered by the same things I am. I've seen how some of the fandom treats the more emotional and gay aspects of this franchise(the people throwing a fit over Amara, the friend zone line, not respecting trans peoples pronouns, sexualizing and being gross about Moxxi)

Anyway that's it byeeeeeeeeeeeee

I hope this question isn't too stupid, but you're one of my favorite writing blogs so I'll give it a shot. I want to write a FanFic based on the 1971 version of Willy Wonka. I wanted the story to tell Violet Beauregarde's story, the one that turns into a blueberry. However, I have SOME questions as I'm fairly new to FanFic. 1). Am I better off focusing on each kid's perspective, going back and forth? Or is it good to narrow my focus one one character? 2). Can I give them a character arch, li

(2/3) like Violet's really mean in school but she becomes kind after her experience at the factory. Is that too cliche or predictable? 3). Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that. 4). What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche. Yikes

(3/3)  Yikes! Super sorry this ask is long. And I'm even more sorry if my questions were lame or you've covered them before. :P. I can overthink at times, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing. I'm such a perfectionist storyteller, it's not even funny. I hope my questions aren't bothering you. You're one of my favorite writing blogs, so I figured I could come to you. I apologize in advance for wasting your time. You DO NOT have to reply at all if you don't want to. :P Thanks, have a great week

First and foremost: this is not a stupid question, you are not wasting my time at all. This is actually a rare treat for my blog because I don’t get many asks that don’t involve blindness, though I usually know better how to answer those than I do other questions. So, here we go:

Are you better off focusing on each kid’s perspective, going back and forth? Or is it better to narrow your focus onto one character?

The general rule of writing is to simplify. If two background characters serve a similar purpose, just combine the characters, for example. Slimming down extra scenes that don’t contribute to plot or character development.

However, that advice is meant for people publishing novels, working within an overflowing industry, dependant on sales and royalties. They have to meet whatever industry standards are, like word count or POV types. They have to find someone willing to take them on as a client because they love that book.

Fanfiction is not bound by such nonsense. Fanfiction is a beautifully lawless land where capitalism cannot influence it. What defines what you do with fanfiction is if you enjoy reading it, and if you have the steam to continue a long project.

Some people easily write 200,000k fics within a matter of weeks or months (or in my case, just once, two years). Some people work best with short fics. Both (and everything in between) are wonderful.

So, how much steam do you have for this project? How long do you think you can carry it and still finish it? Because that defines how big you should plan to make this project. If you don’t think you can write a long fic, then maybe just stick to one character.

A compromise between the two is to focus primarily on one character, and examine the other characters more briefly. This could be done in just a single POV chapter, or a handful. This could be done with the characters connecting and seeing the side character through your main character’s eyes, seeing how they’ve changed.

There’s no wrong answer. This fic is for your enjoyment primarily. No matter what you write, it will appeal to at least a few people, if not crowds. But your fun comes first, both literally and figuratively. Write for you, write to explore the story for yourself.

Can you give them a character arc like Violet’s where she becomes kinder after her experiences in the factory? Is that too cliche or predictable?

I wouldn’t call it predictable, because I’d expect everyone to go into completely different directions because they were all such unique and individual people before they entered the factory, and they were foiled by their own quirks.

Violet was mean and fake, she was demanding. I don’t know how much I want to speculate on the plotline you have going for her, how you’ll develop her to make her want to be more kind.

But I would love to speculate on the others.

Agustus Gloop? 

I feel like his experience in the chocolate river and almost drowning would make it hard to enjoy chocolate ever again. I think it would be a long time before he had any sweets. Also, because of his weight, I imagine there’s got to be some body-image issues hiding under the surface. I’d also put money on him being bullied, and him acting out against the students who bully him and because of his size he is more intimidating, but that doesn’t stop people from saying things behind his back.

I imagine the chocolate thing is a form of self-comfort. Maybe he turns to other foods to over-eat with to cope. Maybe eventually he figures out that this isn’t helping him. Does he try to replace unhealthy foods with healthier ones? (idk, I have a personal turn off on getting into the concept of dieting, so I’m not going to dig in much there).

I’d like to see him learn to love himself, develop some body neutrality, that his body doesn’t define who he is or what his worth is. That he becomes okay with who he is as he grows up. People who are happy and comfortable with themselves are generally nicer and easier going than people who aren’t. Maybe with some self-love, he’ll be kinder to others.

Veruca Salt?

Okay, I have a confession. My brain thought of her when discussing Violet. I haven’t seen either of the films in years.

Well, let’s thank Wikipedia everyone, the greatest gift of the internet.

Veruca does come across as a spoiled brat. Her parents shower her in material objects, which might mean something. I have a close friend who hates people buying things for him or giving him gifts that cost money. This has to do with a parent buying him things out of guilt after episodes of emotional abuse. I asked him a while back what he wanted for his birthday (I meant baked goods, I bake or cook special meals as birthday gifts for my friends. A has asked for chocolate chip cookies for three birthdays in a row now. Several friends ask for cookies for Christmas). Anyway, my friend had a panic attack and couldn’t respond until an hour later.

Maybe there’s something to that.

What does she think about money as she grows up? Does her love language continue to be gifts? I think it might one day be quality time. Maybe it is now. It’s common for rich parents to be absent and barely spend time with their kids because of work and extravagant social lives that sort of money gives them access to, meaning they barely have time in the day to spend with their kids. Maybe gifts are the only way she can make sure her parents still care, the only way she can get their attention? 

Mike Teavee?

Apparently in the movie credits his last name is spelled Teevee. But I’m obsessed with tea (and this is the point where I remember my tea and wonder if I’ve let it go cold because I got too focused. Nope, it’s still there). So it’s Teavee here.

Wikipedia describes him as a young boy who only watches TV, nothing but TV. He’s especially interested in cowboys and Western films. He comes across as a know-it-all. He’s easily annoyed but gets along with others.

Anyone have a guess at where I’m going with this?

Mike is neurodivergent. I mean, that’s my new headcanon. I lean towards ADHD because that’s what I project, but like everything else, his interpretation is in the eye of the beholder. Every viewer sees something different in him.

Some common ADHD (and autism) experiences beyond having a specific interest is how others react to your special interest. You get used to people getting bored when you talk about your interest for the thousandth time, but it’s still important to you, but not to someone whose opinion matters to you. RSD is probably common.

Wikipedia says he’s described as lazy in the books? Common ADHD “symptom,” or rather something that outside viewers label as laziness. Really, he just doesn’t have the motivation to do any of those other things.

And Charlie?

Did anyone think I wouldn’t have any thoughts on Charlie, our hero and protagonist?

Oh no, I have thoughts. Charlie goes to great lengths to set his family up comfortably, he becomes generous with his money. He also knows nothing about running a factory. I’m hoping Willy Wonka gives him some help there. But I bet adult Charlie is a stressed-out workaholic who tries to do everything and thinks he has something to prove, that he’s not just some random lucky child, that he can do this. Charlie totally gets a work-related anxiety disorder.

Those are my thoughts. I still think giving them Violet’s arc isn’t cliche or predictable, but rather completely different from what you think would happen to all those kids.

I mean, maybe a few of them are still little jerks in their adult lives. There’s no one road to grow up on, even if you’re four strangers who shared a similar traumatic experience.

Why does she try waddling away after her blueberry transformation and the Oompa Loompas are singing/dancing around her? They're trying to help her, and I don't really get why she'd do something like that.

They strange looking short men she’s literally never talked to, never seen or heard of before today, who’s already taken away two children by this point, all while singing a song about what terrible children they were.

And she’s scared because her body is doing something strange and scary and awful. She’s scared. She doesn’t know what to do. What will happen if these strange men take her away? She doesn’t know what happened to the other kids.

And they’re not really communicating they want to help, just singing cheerfully about how awful children are.

What are tips to better understand the characters I want to flesh out? I guess it circles back to the last question, understanding their psyche.

A lot of it is just watching real-life people and wondering why they are the way they are. Listening to their reasoning and what they tell you about who they are and where they come from.

I know people who grew up like Agustus with using over-eating as a way to self-comfort, and the bullying they experienced. I know that if a kid was physically bigger than his bullies, maybe he’d fight them to make them stop and leave him alone. People who go through that journey of learning that their body doesn’t define who they are, accepting it because it is theirs and it takes care of them.

(Which reminds me of a post I like that pops around here and there, that positive body image should be about more than how “sexy” your curves make you look. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy to be treated like a person. A person shouldn’t have to be sexy at all if they don’t want to, especially not all the time, and especially not a child. And there are a lot of obese children in the world who don’t have any positive body image messages designed for them)

I learned what my friend’s love languages are and why they have them and what they mean. Which is why I have that theory for Veruca.

Mike is just self-projection and listening to other neurodivergent people when they describe their life experiences or listening to their theories when they say a character is neurodivergent too.

I won’t lie, my theory on Charlie is based entirely on the Avatar: the Last Airbender fandom’s common head-canon that Zuko becomes a workaholic after he becomes Firelord. There might be some canon material in the comics that supports that, but I’ve never seen it. I think Zuko and Charlie have a similar vibe and that those three years Zuko struggled, and Charlie’s entire life before the factory make them both feel like they need to be perfect and do everything right to prove they deserve the job they’re given and that their backgrounds don’t define their worth.

Thank you so much for your ask anon!

And again, you are not a bother. I enjoyed digging into this movie I’d never thought in depth about until tonight. And you’re not alone, lots of writers are overthinkers and perfectionists. You are in good company. Our writing and fanfiction community welcomes and loves you <3

And thank you for your kind words! I’m so happy that you love my blog so much <3 It made my day to read that

Take care anon, and good luck in your writing :)

Motherland Fort Salem 1x07 - Mother Mycelium

Here we go again, here are my thoughts on that week’s episode.

The opening scene

First of all: the opening scene. It was pretty obvious that the episode would start with that but wow. The confrontation between Scylla and Alder, the illusion, the tension. It was intense and that’s why I loved every second of that. If I’m not wrong, this scene was also the first one where we got a glimpse of the Spree’s motivations. Now it’s starting to make sense. They are primarily opposed to the conscription but they are targeting civilians because they are the ones they actually hate. They think (and they might be right) that the hunt is not over, just different now, and all witches should be free of the humans. Now, we can actually identify with them and understand their motivations.

Abigail

I knew from the beginning I would like that character and I was right. How could you not?

Abigail at the beginning of the season every time Raelle did anything:

Abigail since ep 1x06 every time Raelle does anything:

She’s so supportive and that’s so beautiful. A real link is creating between Raelle and her and I’m here for that. I think sooner or later Raelle is going to push Abigail away because she feels smothered maybe? Deep down she’s glad that Abigail cares about her, but she’s been so used to rely only on herself that she will probably have a hard time believing that someone is willing to throw themselves under the train for her.

Honestly, some people say and/or wish Raelle is going to take responsibilities and become the head of the unit, but I wouldn’t mind if she didn’t. I think Abigail is a great leader because she’s devoted and protective, even if she doesn’t admit it.

Also, in this episode, we’re starting to see Abigail’s convictions crumble. Adil will be the element that will make her question the army more and more. He’s already started. He’s here to defy the idealized picture of the army she has been fed since she was born and prove there are always different sizes on a war. Not one, not even two, but many sizes and more often than not, innocent people, civilians suffer. Some people said they didn’t like the show because they thought it was glorifying the army. I don’t know where they got that impression from. Maybe Alder, but for the rest, I don’t really see any idolization and it was pretty obvious considering the angle the show was taking right from the beginning that there wouldn’t be such thing. Now we know there won’t be any.

To close that part about Abigail, I would love for her to develop a really bond with Augustin and whatever that other guy’s name is. It doesn’t mean I want them to have a romantic relationship (pretty easy to guess Adil will be her love interest) and I’m not even talking about friendship without sex. They could be friends with benefits. I’d just like to see her develop a meaningful friendship with them beyond sex. Just a personal wish.

Tally

We didn’t see much of her in that episode. I was disappointed, but that’s often the case in TV shows, not all characters can be at the center of each episode. Nevertheless I enjoyed that scene in the forest where Raelle tried to confront her. She will probably discover the truth soon, because Tally will tell her or in some other way. It could happen in the last episode, it would be one of the cliffhangers of the finale and would be pretty interesting in fact.

Raelle

I hadn’t commented on that so far, but I find it really interesting that her magic is based on speaking instead of singing. That’s a nice callback to paganism. But that’s precisely why I wonder why the girl said it was “pagan nonsense” or whatever. Their way of life is pagan. They celebrate Beltane, which is a pagan celebration, they refer to “the goddess”, which is probably the Triple Goddess (also called Hecate), they honor earth (Adil did in that episode). They are the definition of pagan witches, so I don’t understand why that girl would say that.

Now, that scene where Raelle fixed Khalida. She knows something is wrong and we know it too. It’s very clear that despite what Abigail said about Raelle being powerful and getting better, something unusual happened. Or didn’t happen precisely. Maybe the mushroom has something to do with that? Maybe Khalida is not really cured? That last guess doesn’t seem very likely to me, I think she is cured. But maybe that thing that was poisoning her got scared by Raelle and went away somehow, maybe it will infect someone else. But for me the best lead is the mushroom.

Scylla

It was pretty easy to see even before Anacostia said it that she was starting to have regrets. Her tears were for Raelle, for the shock of what Anacostia just did to her, but also for the realization of what she had done. Speaking of what Anacostia did to her, I wonder if they will treat it later. I don’t know if she’s the only witch able to do that in Fort Salem (I will speculate on that below), but there’s no doubt that being the victim of such invasion must be traumatic and Scylla might and should suffer aftereffects.

Raylla reunion

That. Scene. Was. So. Intense. Like, I said the opening scene was, but it was nothing compared to that one. Kudos to Amalia and Taylor. Their acting was on point, I almost cried. This was really, really impressive. I wish Scylla had told the truth, but at the end of the day, maybe it’s better. Raelle and her have such a special bond, I think that it will have more impact when the moment comes that Scylla told her that she loves her and she wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, instead of telling her what she had done and add something like “it was for the good of our people” or something like that. And I think Scylla understands Raelle very well and knows what will be efficient when the time comes. Raelle will be pissed when the truth comes out, but in my opinion she will be more inclined to take Scylla’s side (Scylla will probably not stay with the Spree much longer once she's out of this imprisonment and her side will be her own side) with what she told her. Once again, kudos to both of the actresses for that heartbreaking but beautiful scene.

But also, I'm not sure what was their purpose when they brought Raelle. Of course they wanted to weaken Scylla (Amalia confirmed it) and it worked, but did they have other intentions? Maybe Raelle wasn’t just a tool and she was also one of the goals. When she knocked everybody out during training and Izadora briefly talked to her, she said something like “let the army make you stronger”. It’s clear the army is very interested in Raelle, and for good reasons. What if they were trying to make sure she lays on them so that when the time is right, they can use her? They probably want her on their side, because she’s powerful and because she expressed her hatred, or at least her dislike toward the army, and it makes her dangerous. So maybe they have a plan and for that, they needed her to see Scylla without knowing who was holding and/or to be weakened and confused (what is real and what is not? did she dream? is she crazy? it could lead to (self)isolation and thus vulnerability), so that they can “come at her rescue”.

Anacostia

She will be a key element, there is no doubt about that. We can easily guess that sooner or later, probably not in season 1 but maybe in next seasons if the show is renewed, there will be a rebellion inside the army. It might be small with just Raelle, Scylla and a few others. Or it might be big. Like really big. My guess is that it’s going to start small and then it will get out of hand and there will be an actual mutiny against Alder and the established power. Some rebels might join the Spree, although I doubt it (if they do there are going to be few of them), some might just create their own new group, and that’s where it would become interesting, because then, people like Scylla who joined the Spree out of frustration and desperation might find something closer to their aspirations in that new group. Anyway, I’m drifting away.

If what I’m hypothesizing happens (not a very risky theory, but still), Anacostia will have a very important role. We knew at some point she would doubt Alder, and here we are. It was also very likely that sooner or later, she would have consideration and empathy for Scylla, and here we are. She had probably already noticed here and there that some of the things Alder was doing were not right, but now she’s slowly starting to realize that Alder’s is misusing her power. Or maybe she’s not there yet, but she will be. And I think that what Alder told her really hurt her. Not because of the words she used, because yes, it’s true and pretty logical that as an orphan, Anacostia has “a soft spot for orphans”. But the tone she used and the way she looked at her... Well, all that wasn’t very motherly, friendly or even sympathetic and I think Anacostia noticed the difference compared to the way she usually talks to her.

I will write it in the part about Anacostia, but now it’s about Alder too. I think one of the reasons why she reacted this way is because she’s freaking out at the mere idea of losing Anacostia. There might be personal feelings involved and of course she’s not stupid, she knows she’s on the edge and you might say “everybody wants her head”, so she doesn’t need to have one of her most loyal soldiers against her on top of that. But I’m pretty sure there’s something else. As I said above, I don’t know if Anacostia is the only witch able to do what she did with Scylla, but probably. While watching the episode, I was wondering if each witch had a special ability, but I don’t think so. They are better in different fields, just like every average human, but I don’t think they have “special attacks”. I think Anacostia is an exception. Beyond the fact that she’s super powerful, she has a gift. There’s a reason why Alder took interest in Anacostia above all the other orphans she raised other than the fact that Anacostia is completely devoted to her and very talented (I believe Alder complimented her on that in the scene where we saw the orphans). By the way, the devotion is starting to crumble and that’s probably what pushed Alder to react that way. Anacostia is probably some sort of “special weapon” for her, and she understands she might lose her. Alder showed up to interrogate Scylla herself, but Scylla didn’t talk despite her attempt to make her. She was already here, so why didn’t she infiltrate Scylla’s spirit herself? Probably because she can’t. She must be more powerful than Anacostia, but she can’t do what she does and that’s (one of the reasons) why she needs her and she was so upset when she saw Anacostia show signs of weakness.

Khalida

That little girl is crazy talented. The character, but also the actress. I don’t know how old she is, but an experimented and very good actress like Lyne was impressed (she talked about it in After The Storm). She said she had a very strong presence on set and I’m not surprised because it shows on screen. I can’t wait to see what will be her role in the next episodes. But seriously, can you imagine how powerful she is? She put Alder on her knees, both metaphorically and literally. I’m really excited to see what’s next.

Other questions, assumptions, thoughts, etc

When Izadora slit that girl’s throat? Disgusting in more ways than one. Can you imagine how f*cked up you have to be to do that kind of thing. And yes, she’s a bit creepy, maybe not all instructors would go that far, but it shows the kind of people the army is creating or at least letting fight in their rows and teach. Also, the fact that they could knock Raelle, Tally and Abigail out so easily was disturbing too. They’re only in their first year, we can guess older and more experimented witches might be able to resist or at least feel it, but still. Can you imagine what kind of power teachers and instructors have on you if they can do that?

This is kind of creepy that these old ladies are following Alder everywhere she goes (and hissing when she’s pissed). Don’t get me wrong, even if they don’t have any lines, I think that’s great that these old actresses got these roles. But story-wise, that must be strange for people around Alder. I guess they have to be near her for the spell to work (maybe it was explained off screen and I just didn’t see/hear it).

Witch daddy talked about revocation of the accord? That’s getting serious! It will be very interesting if it gets this far.

Did Khalida knew Raelle’s name because of the linking? Or is she some ancient entity / old wise lady in a child body? That was a bit disturbing. I like the character because but she is kind of creepy and have a strange way to speak and interact with people, even her brother.

How is Adil able to use magic? I thought only women could in witches lineage. Or maybe it’s true only for some ethnies or not for others?

There was a shift for two characters in that episode, Abigail and Anacostia, and I can’t wait to see where it leads them.

We didn’t see Bridey :( I hope she’s going to be back soon! But I doubt it, because it seems that time gaps between episodes are pretty long (or not always, because I don’t think Scylla has been sequestrated for that long, but I might be wrong) and we didn’t see her once in that episode while she was following Abigail like her shadow in the last one. But I’m hopeful, she might be back as a soldier and not Abigail’s bodyguard.

What will happen to Scylla now? They have a location and there will be an attack, but on a more personal level, they know that she murdered civilians. Will they keep her alive to get other information? Are they planning to kill her as soon as the attack is over? I’m a bit worried.

I will conclude this long as* post by saying that this mission is gonna be a disaster. Tally feels guilty, Raelle puked just before leaving the base and she’s very disturbed after seeing Scylla, Abigail is not focused because she’s bothered by what Adil told her and she's worried about Raelle but also probably about Tally because there’s no doubt she noticed she was avoiding Raelle. It’s going to be a mess.