is it friday yet ..............

my "ask my oc anything" post has 64 notes yet theres not a single question for him /squints

todays orv mood: standing at the water dispenser under my dorm building waiting for my instant noodles to cook just pacing in circles and swearing

Me thinking too much about lightsabers and rambling about it to friends in a discord server and going in depth on how they probably work for Sith and Jedi:

My friends:

mmmmmmmmmm self esteem doko

i swear stress makes my head hurt so bad like my jaw hurts my temples hurt i feel sick and dehydrated even though i’ve drunk plenty of water. feel like i’ve been squinting for hours. all because i tried to plan something for halloween. i want to cut my face off.

someone kill me, just straight up put me down. my annoying former coworker returned as a volunteer and he annoys me under the best of circumstances but. literally I just said that I don't do dishes that often (meaning not often enough for it to have fucked up my name tag), and he was like "I think it's weird that you would admit to not doing your job" like bitch that's not what I fucking said but okay. And then I was like well I do them sometimes when it's needed and he was like "um..." in that "no you don't way" and said "there were a ton of dishes in the sink when I got here" yeah because I was fucking taking care of birds all day, dipshit! I was feeding our incubator birds every 30 minutes, I did literally all of our outdoor dishes (there was a mountain when I got in today!), I helped catch two very full adult bird outdoor flight cages for weighing and release, I went to release some hatchling turtles, and did all the other miscellaneous cleaning tasks that pile up when feeding hummingbirds. Sorry I didn't have a spare second to do the fucking inside dishes!

sob sob i wish the dashboard fixer worked on my laptop

starts rocking back and fourth because all of my favorite musicians are dead or retiring/retired and i cant see them live and ill never see them live

i literally am the manic pixie dream girl your father warned you about and will make you worse

hi hello I oops look at all these hearts

🧡💚❤️‍🩹 and whatever heart emoji means that I would happily vibe in your vicinity - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

Limey I'm slow blinking at you can you feel it can you feel the (teary) slow blink vibes (which are actually just thinly veiled "wrap fren in blanket and curl up around them" vibes) I'm radiating them there's no escape they're coming

(barely holding back tears) you're lucky there's (albeit a small one) an ocean between us bc if it weren't for the laws of spacetime you'd have one hell of a time trying to pry me off of you ;v; <333

You know when your anxiety is so bad it's physically obvious :/

Yeah I have no idea how to unlearn that

I’m so tired so I’m just gonna say I fucking hate every single allistic who tries to “understand” us autistics like we’re some kind of animal I fucking hate allistics who provide performative “accommodations” that they literally say “won’t work for everyone” (by which they mean they’ll only help people who can easily pass as allistic without even trying) and most of all I fucking HATE autistics (and allistics) who don’t need that much help or accommodations who act as if their experiences are the norm and tell other autistics that our experiences are fake, not real, invalid, overreactions, ridiculous, and stupid just because we can’t fit into the perfect little box of “sweet uwu girl who just likes to talk about her special interests sometimes and displays barely any autism symptoms” (no hate to people like that. but it’s so so SO fucking tiring to see people act like they’re being “progressive” by acting like every autistic person is a young white teen girl who displays like 2 autism symptoms at the most and only shows them when it’s convenient)

Above all, I fucking hate every allistic who has ever said “just try harder I don’t mind if you mess up” and then proceeded to guilt trip and get upset at autistics for not being able try harder because autism is a disability, not something we can just turn off whenever it’s causing problems.

ending the day with the same anxiety I’ve been massively struggling with almost all day now and it’s so bad I’ve basically starved myself today and not drunk anything either. it’s just another shitty day on top of one of the shittiest weeks I’ve ever had. and now… I’m starting to genuinely think I deserve this…. im obviously such a crappy person that I deserve all of this… and I don’t even care to take care of myself anymore because what’s the point, you know?

*pause moment* hey why the fuck did I just realise that during high school, I felt like a fair number of my peers (from outside my friends group) treated me somewhat more "softly" or like a child than they would've done with other people. and why was that

i keep thinking like oh i'll take this weekend off bc i went to philly last weekend and the weekend before that and then my friend sends me a message like "there's this block party happening saturday and this person might be there" and i made a fool of myself in front of that person when i met them for the first time because i got too crossfaded and forgot to act like a considerate person like you know when you forget that the things that are happening to you are real so i want to make a better impression and then another friend says hey who wants to have a picnic on sunday and i think hey i could make babka then (2 day recipe) and suddenly i'm like well guess i'm booked for this weekend too