#the other day i sat in q chair and felt myself contort i hate it. i want to make my body stop doing all of that!!!
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You know when your anxiety is so bad it's physically obvious :/
Yeah I have no idea how to unlearn that
#rant#was Harshly reminded recently that i still hunch my back and tilt my head like igor and try to look small#and do a fake smile that looks awkward (but pitiful so im hopefully not attacked more)#when im in an even remotely emotionally vulnerable sitatuon with new people#its so ugly. i know its ugly. i know if a stranger saw me theyd say HEY relax! stand up straight its okay! youre safe bro!#but here i am :c i swear i look normal and even sociable and confident when i am with safe friends or alone#but yeah i had to talk to some strangers ane be on public and i physically felt my body contorting to look small and twisted up almost like#its curling inward like a turtle. and even being AWARE of it i could not stop it#i do it in videos when nervous too. my shoulders hunch and my mouth starts moving only one side of it#so i talk in a peculiar way that i personally find so ugly and awkward but seems instinctive when strangers are looking#the other day i sat in q chair and felt myself contort i hate it. i want to make my body stop doing all of that!!!#but i dont know how!!!#i already have fairly low anxiety its not even like im real anxious! its just a physical ingrained habit from almost a decade ago!#when id feel Too Big then have public panic attacks. so i got super physically locked down and tried to phyiscally hide#to try and keep the panic attacks from being as highly visible
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