#i rant abt stuff bcs i need to say some things into the void
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So… what do y’all do when you wanna do a bajillion things but you can’t settle on which thing to do so you just kind of end up doing nothing?
… lissen I’m still only recently diagnosed with adhd so I still don’t know how to work with it… I wanna draw so many things, wanna make merch, comics, I wanna write a fuckton of silly cringe fanfics… I wanna make videos? Like maybe youtube videos rambling abt stuff while drawing but then I don’t know if anyone would even be interested in that, and besides I haven’t done video editing in…. Probably close to 20years? What program should I use? Anyone got any tips on that?
I also wanna make stuff, lil bead things like these guys I made a while ago for example
I also wanna try doll customization cause it’s kinda only been the last decade or so where I’ve allowed myself to like dolls… reasons for that being … uh… gender stuff… it’s like only now in my life, around 30 have I finally gotten somewhat close to getting a grasp on my gender and sexuality, and I never even really realized before that this was something I had a problem with? Which probably makes no sense tbh…
I also wanna do sculpting and even paint, after art school teachers made me feel like I should never paint again bcs idk man I wasn’t up to their standards 🤷
And… I wanna do all this stuff but not only does brain say ‘adhd my guy’ but there’s also my increasing health issues that… I mean I’ve always had them but I guess getting older makes it harder and harder to constantly deal with them… and that’s another thing I never really realized was so bad until back when I was in Japan in 2015-2016 as an exchange student and would have to go to the hospital increasingly often bcs of pain nobody could diagnose… aand then I was shamed for it bcs having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night sometimes was a huge hassle to the dorm staff, idk I was a problem…
Since then I’ve had two operations and will probably need to have more in the future. Also, amusingly, when I finally got diagnosed I was looking at the list of symptoms, all of which I could relate to in at least some way, but the ones that stood out, for some reason, were ‘constant exhaustion’ and then below it was ‘insomnia’ and… maybe I’m not actually lazy when I’m tired all the time? But y’know, I don’t really wanna use a chronic condition as an excuse to just do nothing, plenty of ppl have chronic problems but still do stuff with their life… but when I think like that I also remember this isn’t a ‘pain competition’ or something like that and different people just have different capabilities to deal with chronic pain and such… idk, I honestly think I’m still trying to come to terms with the realization that being exhausted and in pain all the time probably counts as some kind of disability….. but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say I’m disabled bcs I do also have good days, you know? I should probably try harder to just DO things?
Ahem, it’s like 9AM and I haven’t been able to sleep and stuff hurts… I just wanna go do something productive but instead I’m whining on here which I probably shouldn’t do bcs this is the internet and strangers can see what you post and maybe use it against you but also sometimes you just really wanna rant into the void… or maybe more like semi-void cause idk, maybe someone reads this and can relate or give advice or just talk or something? Buuut you suck at talking… then later you feel embarrassed about your tired rambles and probably end up deleting them and just bring them up in therapy later like you should…
Anyway, until this embarrassment pops up I’m probably gonna try to find some painkillers and go draw or something -3-
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okay so i gotta talk abt castlevania s4 and how it was relevant for me, and if you haven't seen it, this is gonna be spoilers all around, and if you dont want to read an overshare of a rant of mine, just skip this post, i love you still
i've been having the worst year out of all years of my life, including the year i was in a coma for like a month and a half. my mom was hospitalised and operated on bcs shit got seriously fu*ked up in her head, and me and my sister rushed to her from countries A and B to country C to take care of stuff. she got better, but, some 20 days after that, i went back to country A, and my sister to country B, when only my sisters intuition that sth was wrong made it possible to discover that our dad had a serious brain stroke in B. mom was in physical therapy in C, and i was stuck in country A bcs i wasnt yet vaccinated and i have 2 of the high risk diagnoses for covid and country B is like, the worst abt everything, especially healthcare. so i couldn't get to him, and my sis was left alone to deal w/ stuff before mom also came, and i lowkey fell apart a bit, bcs anyone who knows me, knows how attached i am to my dad.
so while waiting for news abt whats gonna happen, i stayed w my bff for some days. and i went and lit candles in a church bcs i knew it means a lot to my dad, and eid came and we all spent it together, and then i sat down one morning when i woke up at 6 and couldnt sleep so i was like. huh. i rmbr being excited abt castlevania s4. lets watch it, how much worse can it get?
and the thing is, they set up s3 in a way that made it pretty obvious how it could go. Alucard slaughtering the twins was a very cliched setup for him to turn Evil Like His Dad, and i was rly worried thats what was gonna happen, and Trevor and Sypha just had a huge disappointment happen and I was worried they would have relationship issues and i was just like "fuck. They're gonna make everything awful, aren't they?", but i was v numb and v tired and v commited to watch it. So i did.
And guess what. Guess fucking what. They didnt. They fucking didnt make everything awful, in fact, they made nothing awful. They made everything fucking happy. Alucard talked about his issues with, or more like at Greta, who is amazing and i will love her to death. He doesnt turn bad or evil, he just kinda. Grows up. And Sypha and Trevor talk, communicate, healthily, and there is no cheap thrills in their relationship. And Hector and Lenore are as fucked up as they can be, but he lets her die, which was the only fitting fate. And Carmilla gets to go out as a badass she is, knowing she would lose, but still giving it her all. And my favorite vampire lesbians survive and are still together (and holy fuck how awesome is Striga in that day-armour holy fuck). And you know what the best part is?
They all get a fucking happy ending. They all get a fucking happy ending, omfg, i haven't seen that in such a long time! A proper fucking happy ending, where the story arcs arent fucking tragic just because of a drama element, nope, no sir, if someone died, it was the best thing for them when alternative is taken into account.
And they could have gone the other way. They couldve made it realistic, and tragic, and just plain fuvking stupid. They fucking set tge scene for that kinda ending. But they didnt. They made them all happy, and together, and laughing, and just.. fucking wholesome, as much as sth gory as castlevania can be.
And i was just. So happy? Like, i cried af, and my bff was like "no spoilers" and i didnt say anything i just cried and felt kinda optimistic abt the future. So yeah. I just wanted to say that i'll never forget how in the worst period of my lifw so far, i went in expecting to be hurt af, and i wasnt, bcs someone said "fuck all this shit, thwres enough sadness and meaningless death in the world, lets have everyone happy and hale and awesome and alive and give them a happy ending". And its a bit ironic how that phrase has been synonymous w d**ney, and yet i havent seen one thing from that shitshow give even half a thought to the notions of "character development" and "happy ending" as much as Castlevania, an r-rated gory fucking cartoon did.
So. I just. I love castlevania s4 so much, im smiling even as i write this. And its a good memory from a v bad time, and i just. Appreciate the decisions the writers and creators and producers made about it more than i xan ever say.
And yeah, this is biased, and personal af, but honestly idgaf, we can talk abt colonialism and feminism and all that sometime else. Bcs this post exist for two reasons only. No. 1, for me to get some things off my chest in my usual way of identifying w a piece of media up to an unhealthy amount, and 2., for me to say that we all deserve a happy ending here and there.
#effervescentdragonrants#castlevania#castlevania s4 spoilers#i rant abt stuff bcs i need to say some things into the void#the most important thing is#i love castlevania#personal#but also not#whos counting#basically me ranting
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Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡
YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p
as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D
ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)
* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3
* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol
* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing
* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment
* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable
* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself
* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3
* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D
* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.
HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd
* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before
* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics
* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.
* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)
* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3
* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm
* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3
* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D
* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc
* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.
* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj
* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask
* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns
i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U
if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj
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Hiya hiya, it’s time for me to properly talk abt LRTN - because I’ve talked about it here and there but nothing clear and concise abt my situation and my plans to continue etc, and in general it’s been on my mind. This will be 99% just explanation of my past, uh, over half a year though because this has also affected my friendships with people outside of this too and just, idk, I don’t like saying I feel like I owe an explanation bc I rly don’t, people have been kind and understanding and I appreciate it.
But I want to explain so if you wanna know why I haven’t been writing or answering messages, you should probs find the answer under the cut!!! Warnings though that I’m gonna be talking abt rly personal stuff and some kinda heavy things too, so no need to feel pressured to read! This is meant for those who want answers and not as a plea for attention or anything ^^;
Anyways....
I feel like I should start with the fact that most people following me and LRTN probs know already, but I have struggled with mental illness for.... a long time, half my life in fact. It isn’t something I came here to talk about, but it is related to tons of abuse from multiple sources etc. So please keep an open mind reading!
Anyways so over half a year ago, in November 2017, first of all NaNo happened. I could balance that out with LRTN, at first, but then in the mid of the month I started this uh, work practice experience thing. My vocabulary in English fails me here but, basically, it was this government funded project to help young people get into working life/back to “”””normal life”””” so basically rehab work. It was in a flower shop, owned by my grandma’s friend.
The work experience itself was incredibly pleasant, I loved the job and I loved my boss and she was rly nice to me all the time. But it was time and energy-consuming. And another problem with the work was that - as most of u probs know, I’m a trans guy. But I’m not out to my grandma yet bc she’s very religious and my mom has been so worried for my safety so... Anyways, so I couldn’t obviously be out in the workplace either. And my grandma would visit daily and it was mentally really rough for me.
To also explain, I have bad agoraphobia to begin with. I’m deathly scared of public spaces, wide places, strange people, talking to people and 99% of the time I can’t even go outside alone. Which was what this work was trying to give me rehab for. And it helped, it really did! But my grandma.... made it so much more difficult to manage my mental health bc it was an extra stress factor constantly. She has a way of words to make me feel useless too so, I kept feeling inadequate constantly when she was there and like I was doing things wrong.
Anyways!! That’s for the work part! But also, in the beginning of me starting work there, my friend’s dog who I had taken care of a lot and who was a huge part of my life, passed away sadly. I started seeing nightmares every night and losing sleep rapidly. I used to sleep 8-10 hours each night, but back then I started sleeping 4-6 and that’s continued up to this day and it’s been.... completely exhausting me. I’ll probs talk abt that more in detail but. To continue to this situation:
So, all in all, there was way too many things going on at once that November-December. Add onto that the holiday season which had a lot of relatives - a lot of my grandma too - and it has always been a bad time of the year for me. I managed to hang on by spending time with friends - a friend came to visit me for almost two weeks and that helped me keep myself together.
But also, I was supposed to look for another place to work at through this whole time, because my grandma’s friend had promised to take me only for the Christmas season bc after that she just wouldn’t have work for me due to a quiet season. I did apply for a few places but.... I couldn’t bring myself to put myself completely to it bc of all the phone calls which scare me just as much as going outside.
Anyways, Christmas comes and goes, I’m still somehow hanging on, and then we go on a trip with my friends. It was an amazing trip, I had fun with them, most of them live in other cities so I don’t see them often so I loved seeing them....!!
And then I went back home. Back home into my messy apartment, where I realized I’m almost always alone. And I had a huge breakdown. I stopped eating properly for a while - I can’t exactly give proper dates after this bc it’s been kind of ongoing with various intensity after that..... I go through periods of not eating, I haven’t been able to start sleeping bc I find it so hard to go to sleep, I keep waking up from nightmares - nightmares of various subjects, not rly abt by friend’s dog even but just... all sorts of bad things.
And I haven’t had the energy to talk to anyone, keep up any relationships. There’s only one group chat where I talk daily, the group of friends I went on a trip with who I’ve known for years now. And even to them, I don’t talk privately! It’s only the group chat! Other group chat I talk semi-actively in is the group of friends in my city, who I go to shop with etc but... Again it’s only semi-actively that I manage to talk there either.
As you may guess, I couldn’t find a new place to work in the beginning of the year. After the trip, I went through weeks without answering any phone calls - my therapist helped me call off the rehab work bc clearly it wasn’t the best option anymore. But that sparked all sorts of money problems that have plagued me since then, and let’s just say things haven’t been great on that front.
Middle of all of this, I did figure out I had a huge fear of silence, so I need to constantly have videos, games, music, something running so that there is noise. I also need to have something to do to distract my thoughts even further or I’ll start to spiral into negativity.......
I do go through periods of creativity, but it only sparks on the drawing front. So to get on the topic of LRTN! I haven’t written anything proper since November. I’ve started a few background stories for DnD OCs and I can’t even finish those! I write maybe a page and I have to drop it bc I can’t stand the silence, having only me and music and no video or game or anything. (As for why I don’t watch vids while writing, I can’t concentrate on writing if I hear like, speech or smth similar. I can’t listen to rap either when writing bc it’s too distracting.)
But kind of with writing and esp with LRTN has been the problem that, the longer time goes on, the more daunting it feels to return to it!!! I’m already in the spot that I would need to reread LRTN to continue writing it (to remember all the plot things planned and the characterization etc) and!!! I do plan on doing that!!! But I can’t, I just can’t take the silence while I’m reading so I’ve kind of been putting it off and off. For way too long. I’m trying to figure out a way around this, but I DO MEAN TO RETURN TO LRTN!!! That is certain!! I do intend to finish it, I need to get the story out after planning it for so long!!!
But that’s kind of the status quo on the LRTN’s part, I want to continue and with each kind comment my heart just keeps breaking bc I just want to write it so bad!!!! I want to continue!!!! But I’m just so stressed out from the loneliness and silence that I can’t bring myself to write!!!
But yeah I’m not saying this seeking answers, this is my personal problem and no one needs to feel bad abt any of this or feeling like you’re pressuring me. All the comments are rather just so kind and inspiring that I feel like the luckiest guy from time to time. So thank you to everyone, the commenters and ALSO ESPECIALLY FRIENDS who have been so understanding and nice and been by my side even when I’ve locked myself up from everyone just to cry and weep over how much I suck....
Anyways to kind of give a status update on what this breakdown has even been abt and why it’s been making me distance myself, it’s bc I’ve been dealing with feelings of worthlessness, fearing abandonment and also just not having plain energy to answer and then feeling like it’s scary to answer after so long has passed without me saying anything. I feel like I’m constantly late.
Also, to current situation, my mental health has been on the rise, which is why I’m talking about this in the first place bc I have the energy to explain properly! On the... life front though, my life has been kind of a void of me waking up, playing mobile games, not eating much, not sleeping much, and kind of being just a messy waste of space. My apartment is a mess, my financial situation is even more of a mess still bc the depression is making me waste any extra money on stupid stuff and then me sacrificing food and such to save money for rent etc. I was also declared “unfit to work” by the government on another paper but “fit to work” on another so now I’m kind of in the space where I’m not actually capable of working fulltime by my health but also being forced to work bc I don’t have the ~right diagnosis’~ to not work.....
SO!! It’s been kind of a whirlpool of stress!!! Anyways idk how to end this huge rant, thank you if you read all of this and I hope this shed some light on the situation????
If u ever wanna reach out to me, I still don’t answer private messages well but you’re free to try and I’ll try to answer to my best abilities, but I feel like asks are the easiest way to reach out to me right now bc those I do get to eventually bc they don’t feel as personal and so scary for my socially anxious mind, idk!!! But thank u for reading, for understanding and for caring abt dumb old me!!!!
#urpo talks#long post#under the cut at least#idk if mobile tumblr still works well with read more's#ANYWAYS there u go a way too long of an explanation#i've been sweating and crying a bit too much so i'll have to idk get water and chill#but feel free to reply or send asks or smth if u have anything to say#and i'll read them and hopefully answer them too!!
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Who is your favorite OC? Pls share their backstory I must know👀
to be honest it’s totally Devon. I’ve had him sinceee about the 6th grade, and he’s been concrete since about 7th grade (I’m almost a junior!). He’s so important to me :’). Whenever I feel sad I just work on him or write about him and it cheers me up real fast.
haha his backstory is a loooong, complicated mess. I literally went on an 1.5-2 hour rant about his backstory at a sleepover once, it was ridiculous how long it took for me to talk about him. I actually wrote a response for this ask yesterday, but it got deleted I hate my life. It was soooo long because I wrote it in the way I speak. You’re probably getting a lot more than you bargained for :’). I’ll put it below the cut so everyone else doesn’t suffer.
im gonna use bullet points bc i like them and theyre shorter
note: universe is like. sci-fi. there’s space stuff you know
full name: Devon Mateo Westmore
born: August 16th
a leo!!! do with that what you will
as far as parents go, they’re kinda dicks basically
Devon was a complete accident and he’s kind of treated as such
they’re pretty neglectful?? they really dont give a crap abt him frankly
they’re more interested in making bank with their jobs and turning up
has a sister who’s like graduating or smthn. she’s old. her name’s Lucía.
she also could give less than a crap about him and had a similar experience with their parents; just wants to be free and have no attachment to this rando baby
is a total Problem Child™ during school because of his messy life, just wants attention and love really but never really gets it
universally hated by teachers all his life
high school is especially rough he is a disaster
he’s basically like party all day every day bitches bc is parents are never home/probably wouldnt reprimand him for going out anyways
he drinks a lot, does drugs
he bangs a lot of people irresponsibly. A LOT of people.
is a player tbh he will flirt with anyone. very pansexual.
makes a lot of (bad) friends 2 fill the Void™ and does a lot of illegal things
anyway fast forward to when he’s like 17-18 and school’s like yep time to graduate!! and hes basically like
but he does graduate in order for the story to move forward
but now he’s like careers????????
all he’s kind of enjoyed is music throughout high school but he’s like thats not what i want to do.
yolo, he probably says to himself one day. I’ll just join the military and become a space pilot because thats what I wanted to do when i was 8
so BASICALLY i haven’t figured out how I want this space military to work but he ends up in like an academy (he’s like around 19ish) or smthn
this is where he starts to like chill tf out tbh
he discovers that he likes this a lot?? and he’s like dedicated to it???
a lot of like. coping happens and he has to figure out what kind of person he wants to be and recover™ himself
but yah he does well and he ends up being valedictorian nice going m8
basically if you’re #1 in your class you get the opportunity to go to this like. school/training thingy. and it’s very exclusive but if you like graduate from their you’re like. set
its like harvard except you could die there
yolo, he thinks in yet another life decision he really shouldn’t be taking lightly. I want $$$$ so i’m about to make that place my bitch
he does not make that place his bitch
he suffers so much
by the end of the year/2 years he’s there, he does pretty well
He makes a bunch of good friends, and he gets a ton of experience. he’s really good because of it, as to be expected
while there the top of the class is this girl and her name is Adella
shes my daughter
Devon likes her but she’s like super stand-offish and he’s a party kid so he’s like
“hard pass.”
but he has like mad respect and he thinks she’s chill
the feelings mutual
anyways like RIGHT before they graduate she gets recruited to this special program because she’s top of the class and like disappears he never sees her again
sike
but not for a while at least……………
so like fast forward he’s like 23 maybe
he’s got a good job, he’s living it up really?? he’s just like pretty happy all around he has a life, an apartment, friends
he gets an email from this girl and she’s like yo
I’m Tamara, my mother passed away recently but I discovered that our parents are apparently siblings?? I never knew I had a cousin, I heard you live in the area and I was just wondering if you wanted to get to know each other
and hes basically like damn if i’m about to pass up this chance!!!!!!!!
Tamara works as a programmer literally one (1) city away
basically they just?? end up getting along really well?? Devon spends a lot of his off days hanging out with her
he’s so ecstatic to finally have someone who’s his family like she treats him like a little brother
probably Tamara also has a younger sibling, their name is Calix. they work as a doctor and dont see Tamara often but the two are close regardless
they’ll be important later but for rn they’re not relevant
anyway, at some point they make plans for Devon to meet Tamara and he ends up at her work
and she’s chilling with this guy who is absolutely
fucking
gorgeous
Devon’s sure he died, right there, behind a goddamn cubicle,,
he’s frantically trying to think up something suave to say (are you the only tennessee no– wait–) when Tamara notices him
she introduces him to her hot friend, his name is Shay
Devon tries to play it cool
“Hey would you mind if Shay came w–”
“NO NOT AT ALL I WOULDNT MIND”
they go out for lunch
he chills out a little bit on the way enough to be his usual self
Shay mistakes flirting for good-natured joking
Devon suffers
They exchange numbers
cue pining
Shay continues to be oblivious
He has to be told point blank by Tamara whos like “Please, for the love of all that is good, fuck him go on a date with my cousin.”
“Has he been asking me on dates every time he takes me out?? every time??”
I love Shay so much u dont even know
Shay is basically a really pure and happy person, literally nothing can get him down ever he’s just trying to live his best life
he’s everything to Devon, he’s so sunshiney and nice and Devon has just been through some stuff and his life is going well and now he has been blessed with this beautiful, perfect boy….,,,
it’s not like Devon has never dated anyone before, most of his relationships have been purely physical but he’s been in romantic relationships w people
but this is like. it he knows it.
they date for about a year, everything’s fantastic
and then
things are heating up politically, and Devon’s in the military so they need him somewhere else
right now everyones living in like?? around india somewhere and they need him in like. canada.
hes understandably upset
he’s gotta move. acROSS THE GLOBE.
he’s not going to break up with bae but they’ve got to talk through this like Adults™
so they talk through it
and Shay’s basically like
“fuck no, i’m moving with you idiot
did you think you were just going to move away from me bench?? sike”
they move in together
I used to have their apartment layout drawn up on homestyler but they reset the system and it’s gone into the void so i’ll have to remake it :’)
so now they’re moved in which is super great everything is popping
remember Calix? they’re relevant again
basically, Calix has been dating this girl for a while now and they’ve gotten serious but their relationship is not working out because she is a mess tbh and they love each other very much but they are not good for each other
Calix isn’t emotionally receiving or helpful he’s very blunt so they end up splitting up because she doesn’t need a relationship
Said girl is Adella
Adella is a mess basically
the program she was recruited for made her very successful, very well known in her field and in a lot of ways, among common people
but downside is there was a lot of government dirty work she was kind of pressured into doing
there’s also a lot of hush hush skirmish’s that have been occurring that she had to stop
she’s been struggling with depression for a lot of her life and she has PTSD so when her contract is up she decides to take a break™
her and Calix’s relationship kind of falls apart but she’s friends with Tamara and she’s like I need to leave somewhere and get out of this messiness, i’m going to move back home (Canada)
Tamara is like
LIGHTBULB DING DING DING
she doesn’t think that Adella shoudnt be on her own, she wants someone to supervise her and make sure she doesnt accidentally starve or smthn
she has the best intentions but she kind of tricks Devon and Shay tbh
“Hey you guys got an apartment with an extra room?? Can you take in my friend for a while, she’ll pay rent, she has a job she’s just trying to find a nice place to live but she needs to move to the area rn”
the two of them are like “yeah sure lol sounds legit tammy we ly
Adella shows up on their doorstep with the intention to live there for like 2 years
cue Shay internally flipping his shit over this lowkey celebrity whos going to LIVE in HIS APARTMENT DEVON DID YOU CLEAN THE KITCHEN
Devon is not phased
he knows Adella from school so he’s just kind of like hey its u whats banging girlie
he basically just treats her like normal and she is so appreciative
basically they become SQUAD i love them and thats the beginning of my story and thus ends background
i’m sorry this was so long i tried so hard but i got carried away. double sorry for taking so long I have like 3 end of school projects due rip me
Thank you so much for asking!! I can’t tell you how much it means to me :’)) If you made it this far through my story I applaud you. thanks for reading!!! Feel free to message me if you have any questions
#ask#mine#im shook this happened im still dazed that anyone cares about my garbage children#i love my son so much#cheater157#my ocs
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