RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 5 "Pumpkin Patch" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

The theme was "Let Them Eat Cake," so my dad bought me this foreclosed McMansion down the street, and, like, 500 of my closest friends came dressed in 18th century attire, and, oh, the pool was filled with this, like, caviar slurry. And then at midnight, we just burnt the house down. When the firefighters came, they were actually strippers, and they put out the fire with champagne.

So walk me through this, honey.

Well, as you can see, every pumpkin in the patch is artisanal.

Then we move past the ice sculptures of demonic peeing cherubs, and yes, they will all be peeing vodka and Red Bull.

I'm sorry. Corn maze?

It's just that doing an exact replica maze from The Shining would have taken us way over budget on man power alone.

I told you money was no object.

Well, apparently, one of them died or something.

Do you have any idea what's at stake here?

Okay, well, it's not my fault that some guy died in the '70s.

I am tired of your sad-sack, I'm-a-total-downer-all-the-time schtick.

I'm over it!

Oh, my God, why are you so depressed?

Why do I have to be the homely one?

Just a second, nutbag.

God, do I have to spell it out for you?

You're a weird, psycho lunatic who's gonna end up in an asylum somewhere, staring at a wall, trying to nurse a watering can.

That's it! I can't take this anymore!

That is such a Mary Todd Lincoln thing to say.

You scream "I'm done with you" kind of a lot, and yet you're still standing here.

I think you know you have a good thing going.

You get to bask in my starlight as I do all the work and you get to grumble behind my back about how disrespected you are.

There's the door.

There's the door, bitch!

You did not deserve to be spoken to like that. Ever.

That is bollocks!

Clearly this fake kidnapping is a play to get the sympathy vote. So Gone Girl.

This is the biggest candle night of the year!

I hate you right now!

Halloween is the greatest night of the year. Greatest night. Because on this night, even kind of shy, kind of homely girls dress up like total sluts. I mean, every costume is just a slutty version of something. Slutty teacher, slutty nurse, slutty nun. I saw a girl last year dressed as slutty al-Qaeda!

See, Halloween it's a night for dudes with killer bods to walk around with our shirts off. And it's totally appropriate, as long as we call ourselves gladiators, Chippendales.

I have no idea how you got into this college.

Look, we'll just hang out and play charades!

This cannot be happening!

Hey, what about Black Hairy Tongue Disease? I mean, does nobody here care about Black Hairy Tongue?

What about my pumpkin patch?

I blame you for this.

[NAME], nice boobs.

Join me in saying you are not afraid!

Just baking some cookies for the neighborhood trick-or-treaters.

Uh, they're toenail cookies.

Pink fur coats worn in all weather, my idea. Flapper dresses made out of feathers, also my idea. Oversized sunglasses worn everywhere, my idea, my idea, my idea!

So why are you baking toenail cookies and giving them to children?

Okay, whose side are you on?

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm what you call

a "switch-hitter."

Wait, are you bisexual? Because that's what "switch-hitter" means.

Do you mean "double agent"?

What are you writing?

Do you know how big Halloween is in the candle community?

Is this an ant farm?

There's a mom ant, Deborah, who mostly just lies around and she has about 100 husband ants, who come around and give it to her good, which she really enjoys. And then there's about a million sterile daughter ants who feed her and are her slaves. So, an ideal family.

She'd win. And then I'd beg to be her second-in-command, while quietly pull the strings behind the scenes like Dick Cheney.

This plan involves a lot of circuitous logic.

Oh, my God! Those are, like, $100 each!

They're the highest quality candles that can be purchased retail.

What a brilliant and revolutionary idea.

Are you cheating?

This is a clear violation of the honor code.

You must be new here.

Who are you calling?

I'm gonna get you fired.

At least you wore something nice today.

Remember to smile for your mug shot.

I'm burping uncontrollably like Robert Durst.

They'll know I'm guilty!

I'm next in line and in charge here.

You can sum up my viewpoint on this with one word; indifference.

We are her only hope.

Sometimes, in order for a person to achieve their full potential, they have to do things on their own.

I am in charge here!

I love that you're a man.

This is the most sensual song ever written.

We need to do this right now!

I just saw her boobs.

Oh, a salad date is, it's like, it's more casual than dinner, but more formal than coffee.

Whose pants are these?

You know, you're a human being with feelings and needs, right?

Enough about me and my confusion and sad dead feeling inside.

It just really hurt my feelings.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure my so-called friends are the ones that turned me in so I'm just feeling, like, super alone right now.

Man, I am your biggest Instagram fan!

I just think you are a style genius.

I will never be able to repay you for the kindness you've shown me in here.

Besties for life, I say.

Your bail's been posted.

I knew you'd bail me out.

Can I just say what a relief it is to be able to share it with somebody and not feel judged?

You know, I mean, all my girlfriends are like, "That's immoral." "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Ashamed? What the hell you got to be ashamed for?

You should be proud.

I could've lost my job.

I mean, it lasted, like, 45 seconds, and the whole time, it just felt like I was getting stabbed in the abdomen.

I tied him up and I kept my uniform on and proceeded

to read him his rights. My favorite being "You got the right to remain sexy."

Give me some!

You know he's sexy!

That was one of the best nights of my life.

Well, I've already contacted the police department, despite the fact that a person can't be considered "missing" until at least 72 hours has passed.

That's morbid.

I've already hired an investigator.

What, are you two a couple now?

What the hell are you doing?

You sold me down the river, bitch.

Wait, Gary Coleman's parents stole his kidneys?

I would never say that, because I'm pretty sure that never even happened.

Why does ratting me out sound like exactly something you would do?

You know, I've never thought of myself as a killer, but I am seriously considering ramming this pick into the back of your eye socket.

Maybe you'll get your head sawed off.

You have cameras in my room?

I have eyes everywhere, bitch.

The name of my future perfume is Revenge.

How is that something you just happen to know?

That is stupidest thing I've ever heard.

What's the password?

I just can't eat any more of these.

This ain't The Marriage Ref! This ain't Judge Joe Brown! We ain't on the Maury Show! We ain't standin' in line trying to get tickets to Dr. Phil! I am not Steve Harvey, people, and this ain't the Family Feud!

I'm tryin' to catch a killer.

Help me get the spy gear in the car!

How can you promise?

We're in a maze, you don't know where you're going!

I always knew it would come to this.

Why are we doing this right now?

I forgot the flashlights!

What am I supposed to do with this?

This is so creepy.

It smell like booty in here.

I'm getting a nervous feeling in my stomach.

I might start farting. If I cut some, you promise not to tell anyone?

Oh, my boob!

Stay where you are! I'll come and get you!

Ooh, this is nice.

It's really beautiful.

It looks like you just crossed some stuff out and wrote that in in marker.

Okay, can we talk about that for a second? Because it just happened a few hours ago, and I'm still really traumatized.

I need some cheering up right now.

Excuse me, darling, I'm exhausted.

Wait, we need to hear what happened to you.

Just wondering where you find a house with a pit. The market for them would be pretty limited.

Did you escape, or did you kill him?

I've always had a thing for bad boys.

That got way out of hand.

South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999); The “TV Show: The Movie” that Pushed its Source Material into the Future

There was a time where “TV Show: The Movie” movies had broken into the mainstream, and not always for the better. Starting around 1998 with the release of “Rugrats: The Movie”, which went on to become the first Non-Disney animated movie to gross over $1,000,000, company executives and Hollywood producers alike took note and suddenly a big-budgeted wild fire tore through the vast forest that was television; “Recess: School’s Out”, “Hey Arnold! The Movie”, a trilogy of Pokémon movies, “The PowerPuff Girls Movie”, “The Wild Thornberry Movie”, “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, even the most obscure cartoons of the time like Disney ‘s “Teacher’s Pet” took a try at becoming the next box-office phenomenon. From 1998 – 2004 alone, 15 movies were produced based on television cartoons, almost all of which were just clear cash-grabs to capitalise not only on the brand’s popularity, but the success of "Rugrats: The Movie", and most often, the quality reflected the profit. Whilst a majority of them did make back their budget and then some, barely any were competing with the numbers shown by the Rugrats a few years prior.

  I feel that was because audiences quickly grew accepting of what the quality of the majority of these films would be; just nothing more than a feature length episode of the show that didn’t take any advantage of what the film medium could offer. Regardless however, at this time, “South Park” creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, not being one to not just aboard an opportunity to cause a ruckus in the media, took it upon themselves to bring their ever-so controversial cartoon about the residents of a small Colorado town with a vast catalogue of bad language to the big screen.

  In 1999, the two released into cinema what I still believe to be one of the boldest and most important steps the South Park series had to take in order to be where it lies today; By taking everything that worked about the show, and using every advantage the film medium could give to make one of the most simultaneously funny, vulgar, offensive and yet smart animated films ever made.

  After their favourite Canadian TV starts Terrance and Philip release their feature film debut “Asses of Fire”, young South Park residents Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny (all voiced by Stone and Parker) become fixated with the movie’s offensive language, with the starts often referring to each other as “Pig Fucker” or “Uncle Fucker” When this language interferes with the boys’ lives, primarily when Cartmans tells his teacher to “suck my balls” or when Kenny kills himself trying to set his fart on fire like Terrance and Philip do in the movie, the parents of the town start a protest group which starts as an attempt to get the film banned in the United States, that very quickly spirals out of control and leaves Kyle’s mom arresting the controversial duo and becoming President Clinton’s Secretary of Offence as the country declares war on Canada. With only two days before Terrence and Philip are executed, the children of South Park quickly scramble to find of a way to show their parents that they’ve got too far, whilst their deceased friend Kenny also tries to warn them of how the day of Terrance and Philip’s death was prophesised by Satan himself to be the day he returns to bring 1000 years of darkness unto the Earth.

  As you may have been able to gather from that plot summary alone, there are a lot of views and themes going on throughout this movie’s short 76 minute runtime (a length I personally believe plays well into the “Bigger, Longer & Uncut” subtitle of the movie. Aside from the obvious circumcision joke) Perhaps the film’s biggest statement is not-only ironic but contradictory method the children’s parents have in tacking “Asses of Fire” and its obscene content. Rather than taking more interest in what their children can and can’t watch for example, they instead feel the need to put the blame not only on the creators of the movie, but their country of origin instead (perhaps also a metaphor for the blame people put on a country rather than just those responsible. This film did release a year after the 1998 United States Embassy Bombings and does feature a deceased Saddam Hussein as Satan’s emotionally abusive lover after all). These parents getting radical over obscene language could also clearly stem from the controversy “South Park” itself was facing at the time with parental groups during its original 3 season airing, back when the show’s animation was the cardboard cut-out equivalent to an early 2000s flash animation on Newgrounds.com. This point is very interesting to me as not only does it act as Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s “meditation” so-to-speak about all the attention they had created for their show, but it also marks them doing it in a much more mature way

  At least, as mature as a show like South Park can be.

  Rather than have the victims of their cynicism be wild, screaming idiots like the earlier seasons of the shows often portrayed them as (still to a funny extent, mind you.), the movie often portray the antagonists, such as Kyle’s mom, as being so self-sure that they are completely blind to the true consequences of their actions. A perfect example of which is seen in the musical number “Blame Canada”, which has a chorus consisting of the protesting, parents chanting:

  “Blame Canada

  Blame Canada

  We need to form a full assault

  Its Canada’s fault!”

  That’s another thing I failed to mention. This film is a straight up comedy-musical. Decades before they showed many their talent at catchy musical writing with their Broadway show “The Book of Mormon”, Matt Stone and Trey Parker wrote a grand total of ten original songs, preforming almost all of them as well, for a South Park movie of all things. Regardless, almost every song on the soundtrack is hilarious and ridiculously catchy, with some of my personal favourites being the before mentioned “Blame Canada”, as well as Terrance and Philip’s lead single in the movie “Uncle Fucka”, Principal Teacher Mr. Mackey’s lesson on alternatives to swearing “It’s Easy, M’kay” and Satan’s solo number “Up There”, which hilariously is the only original song on the soundtrack to have no swearing despite it being performed by the prince of darkness himself.

  Despite the before mentioned accolades, there are a few gripes I have with the movie that keep it from being the almost perfect movie I feel it so desperately wanted to be. For one thing, the entire “Satan will rule the Earth upon T&P’s death” subplot only really added up to Satan standing up to Saddam and his emotional abuse he gave (again, something pretty funny for the prince of darkness to endure), and that school teacher Mr. Garrison’s hand puppet, Mr. Hat, replaces Saddam.

In fact, almost the entirety of the ending does feel very rushed.

On the night of Terrance and Philip’s broadcasted electrocution, complete with a pre-show performance by South Park resident Big Gay Al, the kids with the assistance of a small French child known as “Ze Mole”, whose accent and extreme hatred for God make him one of South Park’s best one-off characters, attempt to save the Canadian comedians, only for an ambush by the Canadian Army and a resulting firefight to result in their death, unleashing Satan, Saddam and all of Hell onto the Earth. In almost no time at all, Satan realises how Saddam has used him and casts him back to the fires of Hell, calling off his attack in the process (Oh, and Kenny’s face is finally revealed. Surprise! He looks just like all the other characters in the show except with blond hair) Sheila and the parents realise how they went too far and all is forgiven as the town reprises the opening song. All of which take place in the span of 5 – 10 minutes. Whether this was due to Stone and Parker not having any more funny material, wanting the film to conclude with the same cheeriness of the opening (hence the reprise) or just simply not knowing how else to end it aside from, well, ending it.

  Regardless of an ending that could have done much more than what it did I fell, the rest of this movie is almost flawless. Some may complain about the crude, cardboard cut-out artstyle and the resulting stiffness of movement, but honestly, I think it just adds so much more the film’s crudeness. Aside from that, almost every single joke, from the recurring gags from the show to what is newly presented, had me having at very least a snort and at most uncontrollable laughter. All of which is captured by the amazingly funny music and solid performances, even from the most unlikely of celebrity cameos, such as George Clooney as the doctor trying to save Kenny’s life. This film, like the show, is definitely an acquired taste. If you’re willing to possibly have your beliefs mocked however, you just may find something in this almost perfect TV-to-movie adaptation.

Halcyon Drabbles

Prompt: Ana and Kamilah playing Zero Dawn Skyrim - @smolviolin (Hope you’re feeling better :3)

-

Ana vaulted over the back of the sofa and landed neatly beside Kamilah with a loud, satisfied sigh. She tore open the big bag of chips in her hand and fed the first one to her wife, whose eyes were glued to the screen despite the lack of excitement on it.

"Come on, Milah," she said. "You've been stuck here for what? 10 years?"

"I have to get her face right," Kamilah retorted as she adjusted the size of her character's jawline.

After returning from a tiring and long deployment, they had chosen to become couch potatoes with their PS7, playing Skyrim Remastered Ultimate HD: Platinum Edition. Kamilah planned to play as a spellsword as always, though she had chosen a Breton this time, over her usual Altmer. Ana herself preferred to be a Dunmer archer, picking off enemies from afar while silhouetted in shadow. Charging aggressively into groups of enemies with lightning crackling and sword swinging was just so tactless compared to the artistry of the bow. And Ana loved telling that to her wife. Constantly.

She was lucky Kamilah didn't actually wield magic.

"Why do you even care about the face?" Ana said, chewing on a chip. "It's going to be hidden under a helmet like…all the time anyway."

"So? I like knowing she looks good."

Ana hummed with a smile, contenting herself with even more chips. There was no need to prod at her too much just yet. Oh, the fun had only just begun.

She had to bite her lip when Kamilah was done, earning a quizzical glance as the Dragonborn was led towards the group of Stormcloak prisoners.

"You started this war," General Tullius told Ulfric. "Plunged Skyrim into chaos. And now the Empire is going to put you down, and restore the peace."

A train whistle sounded in the distance.

The soldiers and prisoners looked up at the sky. Ana shoved three chips into her mouth to muffle the giggles when Kamilah narrowed her eyes.

"What did you do," Kamilah asked slowly.

Ana hummed a vague 'I'unno', pressing her lips together as she chewed. Not getting an answer any time soon, Kamilah turned back towards the screen to watch the execution begin. The first Stormcloak soldier was forced down onto the executioner's block, and soon lost his head to the axe.

"Next! The Breton in the rags!"

Another train whistle.

"Ana…" Kamilah intoned as a giggle finally escaped Ana's lips. "If this is what I think it is…"

"What, you'll chop my head off?"

"I'll burn your Beyoncé collection."

Ana gasped theatrically. "You monster!"

"To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy."

The Dragonborn walked forward, and was pushed down onto the block like the soldier before her, getting a grisly view of the finely rendered head lying in the wooden crate. The screen turned upward towards the black-clothed executioner, and then came yet another whistle, this time accompanied by a blue tank engine flying in the sky.

"Ana!" Kamilah exclaimed, throwing her head back in disbelief. All she got in reply was uncontrollable cackling.

"What in Oblivion is that!"

Thomas the Tank Engine flew to the top of the watchtower, sending tremors through the ground when it landed. It whistled and a Dragon Shout shook the area, just as Ana's full-blown cackles shook Kamilah's eardrums. She slapped at her own thigh as well as Kamilah's, utterly amused by how ominous Thomas' eternally smiling face was, as it made black clouds swirl in the skies above. More whistles, and Kamilah groaned, resigning herself to her fate when control was returned to her.

The Dragonborn ran for her life, looking for shelter in a nearby tower. Halfway up the rough stone steps, the wall was knocked down, and a gout of flames blasted past the Dragonborn’s face. An aggressive train horn blared through the speakers.

"I hate you so much," Kamilah said, jumping over the fallen wall and making her way to Hadvar.

"Love you too, babe." Miraculously, Ana managed to keep from choking while she laughed and ate and spoke at the same time. It was lucky that she had swallowed her mouthful of chips properly when Thomas landed right before their eyes, smiling as it spat flames at the terrified NPCs. Because it was then that Ana well and truly lost it.

"I can't take it!" Ana guffawed, rocking back and forth in her seat. She looked over at Kamilah, who was wearing a smile despite her vocal disapproval. "It's a fucking train!" Tears starting welling in her eyes as Thomas took to the air again, flying off to wreak even more death and destruction upon the village.

Ana managed to keep Kamilah playing the modded game by swearing to uninstall it soon, and by feeding her wife as she continued playing. Kamilah even gave a few chuckles as they played through the night, encountering more dragons-no, trains as she went on. And though Kamilah admitted to finding the mod amusing, she still wanted it gone, and supervised Ana as she uninstalled it with a grin still on her lips.

Their gaming retreat went on for a few days, the women taking turns to play on the console, and sometimes teaming up in multiplayer modes. Then one day, Ana fired up Skyrim again to play her Dunmer archer. Itching for something ridiculous to do, Ana decided to make a save before aiming her bow at Nazeem 'from the Cloud District'.

The guards promptly came after her, giving Nazeem some backup. The crowd became a little too much for her archer, so Ana decided to pull out the Dragonborn's unique ability.

"Fus Ro PRRRFFFFFTT"

Ana paused, before laughter started bubbling to the surface. She switched to third-person view and shouted again, watching the Dunmer turn around and fart mightily at her foes.

"Oh my god!"

She farted again and again and again, with enough laughter spilling from her lips to earn her a free pass to an asylum.

"Milah I fucking love you!" Ana yelled to her wife in the study, before going on to fart all of Whiterun into Oblivion.

-

Mods mentioned: Thomas the Tank Engine, Animated Fart Shouts

STH Chapter 88

Chapter 88: Offend Translator: StackThatCoin  Editor: AntiGod An ear-splitting noise of slicing was heard coming with the old man, loud and echoing in the emptied and spacious hall. Six dark swords were seen spinning slowly in a circle behind the old man, forming a perfectly round circle of swords. Invisible sword energies were shooting out from these swords, scratching on the pitch-black floor of the hall and producing a large amount of sparks. As the old man kept striding forward, fire sparks kept bursting behind him. The noise was so loud and jarring that it made those who heard it feel pain in their ears, and make their head spin. Just like Nie Baihong, this old man was also a Human Immortal of Gold Core realm, a Human Immortal with an extremely formidable cultivation. As a matter of fact, the six swords behind him were not real swords, but a strange sign formed from the leaking Core Energy from his body. It was similar to the footsteps left by Nie Baihong on the surface of the water, an external sign where a Human Immortal attracted the power of the Dao that existed in the natural environment. However, compared to the strange sign caused by Nie Baihong, the six swords appeared on the back of this old man had a stronger offensive strength, aggressive and menacing. If not because the floor in Heaven's Will Palace was protected by a formation, at least half of the hall would be dismantled by this old man. Haoying Xiong and the rest hastily rose to their feet when they saw the arrival of the old man, each addressing him as 'Elder Qin'. Haoying Fengying also bowed and greeted the old man hurriedly while secretly whispering at Wu Qi, "This man is Qin Xuewen, the Elder of Punishment Court and the youngest brother of current Clan Leader of Qin Clan. He is the Great-Uncle of Qin Qingshui, who is the Chief Supervisor of Scouting Office's Central Wind Guard, and he is cultivating with the 'Raging Thunder Sword' of Heaven Breaking Sword Sect. Bow your head and greet him quick, delay no more!" Haoying Fengying dared not to raise his head. He compressed his voice into a tiny thread and transmitted into Wu Qi's ears. The Great-Uncle of Qin Qingshui? Wu Qi suddenly recalled the long horse face of that man. He could still remember clearly that during the day when Lu Chengfeng was ambushed, how Qin Qingshui gave out the order to capture Lu Chengfeng and wanted to interrogate him. Qin Qingshui was definitely not Wu Qi's friend. Thus, it was obvious that his Great-Uncle wouldn't have any favorable impression on their first meeting. Wu Qi bent and bowed deeply towards Qin Xuewen, smiled and said, "Wu Qi offers greeting, Elder Qin. It is an overpraise to say that Wu Qi is an excellent talent. Wu Qi is just an ordinary martial art practitioner, joining Heaven Breaking Sword Sect is just to seek an opportunity. I'm not worthy of such a compliment." Qin Xuewen walked slowly in front of Wu Qi, and suddenly placed his palm over on Wu Qi's shoulder. He let out a loud laugh and said, "You deserve it. When I was on the outside just now, I heard your conversation. A five feet tall Nascent Embryo, able to keep thirty percent of energy… This proves that you have an excellent talent in cultivation. My focus on cultivation is the Raging Thunder Sword, a variant of Gold elemental sword technique. Your elemental affinity is Water, and as Gold gives birth to Water, I'm the perfect master that can teach you!" An invisible force of thunder suddenly burst out from the palm on Wu Qi's shoulder and rushed into his body, flowing through his meridians and rampaging within the body. With Wu Qi's current cultivation, although the force of thunder couldn't cause any risk to his life, yet it was more than enough to injure his meridians and even damage his foundation of cultivation. If thing got worse, this thread of thunderous force could even shatter his meridians into pieces, putting an end to his path of cultivation. Wu Qi was greatly shocked. Without hesitation, he took a few steps back. However, Qin Xuewen was like a shadow. Even though it seemed like he didn't move at all, his right palm was still tightly on Wu Qi's shoulder, and he followed Wu Qi's movement and chased up a few steps. A loud laugh came from his mouth as he said, "Be obedient, Wu Qi. It is your fortune to have me, the Elder, to take fancy to you. Now, kneel down and kowtow before me, and then you'll be my apprentice!" After finishing saying that, Qin Xuewen exerted more force into his right palm. Every single piece of muscle on Wu Qi's body started to shiver. The force of thunder was raging and surging wildly in his meridians, causing all his viscera to vibrate at an extremely high frequency. The powerful electric current was moving back and forth within his body, causing Wu Qi to twitch and struggle. The short hairs on his head were now all standing up, and a few dazzling sparks suddenly burst out from the tip of his hairs. Haoying Xiong and few others were looking at how Qin Xuewen pressing his palm against Wu Qi's shoulder, yet none of them dared to make any noise. A Human Immortal of Gold Core realm had struck and wanted to kill an apprentice who newly joined the sect. Although the apprentice was backed by Lu Chengfeng, a Duke of Great Yan Dynasty, yet who dared to say a word about it? Lu Chengfeng was merely a rookie who just inherited the title of Duke. If Wu Qi was backed by Yu Xuan or other people with similar backgrounds, people might think twice before hurting him. As for Lu Chengfeng? It was still far from that degree. A bright gleam was seen shining from Qin Xuewen's eyes. He stared straight at Wu Qi, who had his body trembling endlessly, and said with a faint smile, "Why do you still not want to kneel and kowtow? You know what? Having me as your master will bring you a lot of great benefits. The Raging Thunder Sword technique is the fiercest and strongest technique of Heaven Breaking Sword Sect. I don't care what grade of apprentice you are, I'll teach you the essence of it straightaway, isn't that enough?" Wu Qi's body had become stiffened, shivering uncontrollably under Qin Xuewen's palm. He felt as if his nerves and his corporeal body had been separated. No matter how furiously he roared in his mind that he wanted to take control of his body, he couldn't move even a single finger. His eyes went wide as he stared at Qin Xuewen. His eyeballs were slowly protruding from the sockets. It seemed they were almost ready to burst out from his eye sockets by the powerful force of thunder. "Kneel down, kowtow, carry out the ceremony of accepting me as your master. Don't tell me you are not willing to do it?" An unhappy expression emerged on Qin Xuewen's face. He sneered and said, "Am I not having the qualifications to be your master? Or, you think that I am not qualified to teach you? Hmph, don't you think that with that tiny bit of innate talent of yours, you would have a great achievement in the future. In my eyes, you're no different than an ant!" Wu Qi opened his mouth and wanted to let out a few words of cursing, but as all the muscles near his throat were numbed by the electric current, he couldn't roar out a single word. He kept staring straight at Qin Xuewen's face, and only an indistinct sound of airflow could come out from his throat. Blood started to flow out from his seven apertures, dripping down onto his fair skin that looked offending to the eyes. Haoying Xiong and few others still remained in silent. They had no courage to say a word, their heads bowed, as they didn't even dare to look at Wu Qi's face now. Even for Haoying Fengying, who had agreed to form an alliance with Wu Qi, was bowing his head, looking at his own feet quietly. The so-called alliance, the so-called code of the brotherhood, when they were faced with the mighty pressure from a Human Immortal of Gold Core realm, they were nothing more than a fart. Qin Xuewen laughed, a pleased laugh it was. Wave after wave of thunderous force kept bursting out from his palm, rushing and squeezing into Wu Qi's body. While laughing, he kept scolding, "You're really not giving face to me. I've agreed to accept you as my apprentice, yet you just keep your mouth shut and don't even give me a single response. Wu Qi oh Wu Qi, how should I teach you? Who is the person that gave you such an arrogant attitude, and not show any respect to me?" *Crack* A sound of cracking rung out. Qin Xuewen suddenly clenched his palm, and the tremendous force exerted by him immediately caused a dozen of cracks on Wu Qi's shoulder blade. Wu Qi was struck by severe pain, and it brought a darkness into his eyes. The innate energy flowing in all his twelve principal meridians and eight extraordinary meridians instantly came to a halt. They clogged up in a few meridians found on Wu Qi's left shoulder, causing the meridians to swell like some chicken intestines, expanding and protruding on his skin. It made his shoulder looked bigger. Wu Qi stared furiously at Qin Qingshui's face. He swore in his mind, no matter what background did Qin Xuewen and Qin Qingshui have, no matter what kind of a prestigious clan that Qin Clan was, he swore that he would kill every single member of Qin Clan. This was the second time that the member of Qin Clan was trying to kill him without any reason. The first time it was Qin Qingshui, but too bad he failed in doing that. But this time, it was a Human Immortal of Gold Core realm who struck personally! The innate water energy was still flowing slowly in the water meridians found in both arms, continuously swallowing and absorbing the thunderous force that rushed into his body. Among the Five Elements, Gold element gave birth to Water element. The Raging Thunder Sword technique which Qin Xuewen was cultivating with belonged to a variant of Gold element sword technique. Thus the thunderous force unleashed by him was a kind of Gold element energy. The innate water energy was now absorbing these thunderous force bit by bit, and turning them into Wu Qi's cultivation. Using his water meridians as the core, Wu Qi's blood had formed into two gigantic vortexes, that kept transforming the thunderous force and storing them into his water meridians. This was a cultivating technique that was completely different from those orthodox cultivating techniques. Although Qin Xuewen had formed his Gold Core and he owned an Immortal body, he still couldn't discover this miraculous transformation in Wu Qi's body. For those who were cultivating with Scroll of Stealing, no matter he was a grand thief or petty thief, he would be an expert in concealing his aura. If what he did could be easily found out by others, how was he going to steal the profound meaning of this world? It was all because of Wu Qi's body, which kept transforming the thunderous force, that allowed him to endure the torture and not get himself killed. If it was any other cultivators of Xiantian realm, having faced with the murderous struck of Qin Xuewen, their viscera would have long been burned into ashes by the electric current. "It seems to me that you're not willing to accept me as your master. You don't want to learn the profound technique of Raging Thunder Sword?" Like a cat toying with mice, a teasing smile appeared on Qin Xuewen's face. He liked to see how people struggled in a miserable situation, and he loved to see the despairing expression on other's face. Wu Qi was able to endure the torture for such a long time, this had brought him a psychotic feeling of enjoyment. The longer Wu Qi could last the better, as Qin Xuewen loved to play tricks on one slowly before killing him. "So, you're not giving any face to me, the Elder? Tell me, who exactly gave you your arrogant attitude?" Qin Xuewen let out a loud laugh. Haoying Fengying, who had been standing aside quietly for a long time, gathered his courage and raised his head carefully. Using a low voice, he said, "Elder Qin, Wu Qi is here because of the order from Princess Zhang Le." Qin Xuewen furiously turned his head, focused his vision and unleashed an invisible sword beam, striking Haoying Fengying and knocking him back nearly one hundred feet away. The swift and forceful sword beam sliced through Haoying Fengying's body, bringing away a dozen streams of blood arrows. Qin Xuewen roared angrily, "Who are you? Who gave you the audacity to interrupt me? What a manner-less dog!" Qin Xuewen's curse was foul, and it actually hit on Haoying Xiong as well. Haoying Xiong was so angry that his face darkened. If Haoying Fengying was a dog, didn't that also mean all the members of Haoying Clan were dogs as well? Although Haoying Clan had just risen during the last few hundred years, someone from their clan was one of the Nine Senior Ministers. Their clan was one of the top prestigious clans of Great Yan Dynasty! Haoying Xiong tilted his head up and gazed at Qin Xuewen. He strode toward Haoying Fengying, brought out a pill that healed external wounds and helped Haoying Fengying stop the bleeding. While busying doctoring his junior, Haoying Xiong said with a deep voice, "Elder Qin, I'll report to the Elders in my clan regarding what you had said just now." Qin Xuewen's eyes widened. He sneered while saying, "Oh? If that is the case, then you'll join him and lay on the floor!" Qin Xuewen retracted his right palm. Using it, he formed a sword gesture and pointed toward Haoying Xiong. However, Qin Xuewen never expected what would happen next. Right after he retracted his right palm, Wu Qi had moved. Using the quickest speed possible, and a secret method in Scroll of Stealing that would hurt his own blood essence, Wu Qi forcefully swallowed all the thunderous force in his body. As there was no more thunderous force that came into his body, he immediately regained the control over his body. He glared at Qin Xuewen furiously and took out a thick stack of Explosive Talisman from his storage ring. During the past few days, Wu Qi had purchased these talismans from Yan Bugui with a hefty price. They served the purpose of self-protection. Ji City was a place where one was vulnerable to get into trouble. As Wu Qi had inherited the basic instinct of Wu Wang, which he always equipped himself to the teeth, so Wu Qi waited until Lu Chengfeng had inherited the title of Duke. He then immediately used the gold and silver he obtained from Little Meng City and bought himself two hundred Explosive Talismans. The thick stack of talismans in his hand right now contained all the two hundred Explosive Talismans he owned. Using the quickest speed, he shoved all two hundred Explosive Talismans into Qin Xuewen's waist belt. After that, Wu Qi circulated all his innate water energy and exercised the escape skill of innate water. Within the time it took to blink an eye, he had fled to a distance of over few hundred feet away. Then, Wu Qi formed a finger gesture and shouted loudly, "Burst!" A miserable shriek, together with a loud boom, filled the scene instantly. The main hall of Heaven's Will Palace was enshrouded in a dazzling explosion. Under Wu Qi's divine sense, two hundred Explosive Talismans exploded at the same time. Previous          Main Menu          Next Click to Post