ugghhgggh why can't i have a stable opinion on other people or myself

here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.

heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”

Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”

TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”

Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”

Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”

Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”

Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”

Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”

Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”

Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”

I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”

Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”

The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”

Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”

Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”

Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”

Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”

Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”

Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”

The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”

Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”

Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”

Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”

Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”

Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”

Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”

This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”

Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”

august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”

I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”

Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”

Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”

Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”

Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”

Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”

Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”

Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”

Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”

I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”

In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3

rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go

→ tagged by: @bnha-homeroom

→ tagging: @wesparklebitch @bakutae @cellotonin @bnhcs @jojosmilktea

look it's asking for only one character. and it's not specifically asking for a bnha character. you can't expect me to choose one and not feel bad because the others deserve love too gjsbf so i chose two i wanted to do all of them but that's too greedy of me tksbd im sorry :'<

warnings: this will be long. that's it.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

quiet duo™

it I met someone like shouto I wouldn't even like him at all

but there comes my considerate and civil treatment to all even with my resting bitch face

i watch everyone from the back so id notice if this man is having a hard time with socializing

me too boi we can be both antisocial

but tbh it'd be a quiet relationship with an occasional me screaming from emotions because that's how I am

we're both going to be uncomfortable with pda at first because tbh i only do that when I'm sleepy but it's ok we gotta take baby steps sometimes

but that doesn't mean I won't mother him and we all know this baby is touch starved so yes im going to give u all of the love u deserve

"get some rest pls you've been training for hours"

"i made your favorite soba, take a break bitch"

istg I'm a mother not a girlfriend

"let's both annoy enji and use his credit card until he's broke"

I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF YOUR SHIRTS AND HOODIES BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE NOW

like damn id be giddy if he ever looks at me with those cute confused eyes for help with simple things or if he looks at me and ask if he's doing it right

mother mode level 1038104729

also damn id give him every food I can make like I don't need to stress bake to bake him some sweets or whatever

he'd probably do the same for me since I tend to overwork myself when I'm into things

but,, honey,, I don't want you to burn the kitchen

like yes pls pull me away from my textbook because I really don't understand a thing and even if I don't I'm sure my brain will still make me go read it over and over again

im never good with listening to others comforting me

like yes thank you very much but words are never a big impact to me after hearing it so much from people who don't even care anymore

so I'd appreciate his silence when I'm sad and he'd just hug me for comfort

he understands that all I need is someone to keep me on the ground, not force their words upon me

tbh I'd be more sleepy when I'm around him

he's the right amount of warm and cool, he's perfect dkfks let me just rest on his left side for warmth or his right side for some cooling off and boom. sleep.

there wouldn't be much of a fight tbh

I'm an open minded person and even if I don't agree with someone's opinion I wouldn't give a fuck

it's probably going to take the both of us long before we both open up to each other because we're both secretive but it'll probably be me who'd give in first

he'll probably catch me in my sulking mood and ask

I may be a mom but I'm also a dad

I'd fight bitches who think bad of shouto I WON'T HESITATE BITCH

he has to stop me physically from attacking a mutt because these claws are ready for some scratching

we're so similar yet so different at the same time lmao

that's all :D

LERO-RO

have you heard of this man's voice??? have you heard of this man's voice??

because what the fuck

i will not be able to not be in awe whenever he speaks and im sure my stupid self wouldn't be able to stop staring

like please talk to me more

speak with your morning voice pls

bless my ears

bless my fucking soul

idk man how did i end up with him?? im stupid and he's smart and im clumsy and he can kill a bitch for just two seconds??!

pray for me because this man is going to tease me for being 5"0 and he's a fucking tower pun intended

he's probably going to end up teaching me how to use a shinsu because— and I quote— "you're going to end up dying without me" but it'll be a bad idea because there's no guarantee that I won't use it to prank him or mess with people who irritate me :D

he's stressed™

"nO. you can't beat up another admin"

"i swear to fucking god if u do that— oh fuck u"

"please do"

like how did you end up with a quiet evil little bitch like me? go get yourself an angel because you're an angel yourself, we don't fit man

but he's also a sweet mf uwu he'd end up mothering me instead of me mothering him

but it's gonna be nice to be pampered y'all can't understand the pain of being a mother to everyone

and yes we're bam and khun's parents now

excuse me while I climb this 6 ft tree

he probably loves cuddling me from behind and placing his chin on my head

"I'm not a furniture go get your chair"

he's an test admin, he's gonna be stressed and tired of taking care of a bunch of children so it'll be my turn to smother him in love uwu here's your favorite food, a massage, a tea, some cuddles, and a warm bath for u and only u

I can sleep on him so watch me ask for a piggy back ride just to sleep

and he can't deny me of that ride because I'd look sluggish and tired and sleepy and no one can say no to my face

ill kith his two moles uwu

honestly, we'd probably have petty arguments sometimes because of my idgaf attitude while he's more of a respectful + polite + appropriate person

let me have my freedom pls I don't like being uptight :((

and there goes my insecure ass because no, this man is too good for me, and im just stupid for giving it a try

and masking my emotions wouldn't work with him

he's gonna see it from miles away and he's going to confront me about what im upset about and he's going to blame himself for it because that's just how it is

but it's ok, it takes two for a relationship to work

we'd reassure each other from our insecurities and we'll be ok

he's probably going to treat me. like I'm some cat or something which I am

I'm pretty sure he'd be weirded out by my weird habits like yes I can sleep everywhere unless it's noisy and yes I stress bake and yes I drink coffee but still fall asleep and yes I love food give me food

he's an observant man, he's going to notice how I say no to thing even tho I want to say yes because I don't prioritize myself and he's going to scold me for it

we probably have a "us time" every so often because we both need to rest and just enjoy each other's presence

in other words, shouto and leroro deserve someone better than me :'D

Linguistics: Chapter 2

 Sparing Day

Summary: Ema is a linguists specialist who works at the newest SHIELD facility in upstate New York. She has been through a lot of hard times. Soon she meets a super soldier with a metal arm that she can't get enough of and the feeling is very mutual.

Paring: Bucky X OC (Ema)

Warnings: language and fluff

Rating: PG-13

A/N: Please tag and re-blog so I can share my work with others. I appreciate any comments. 

(Present Day)

The morning sunlight flooded into the windows of my two-story apartment. Washing the night away with its' warmth and glow. It found me once again, on my living room couch. It was nothing new for me to experience a broken sleep pattern. Just like many nights, I had returned home wanting more in the pit of my stomach. But not knowing what this want was, it gave me a sense of anxiousness that often caused nightmares.

I woke to the sound of my own scream echoing through the room. In my dream I had relieved my past, the one consumed with a H.Y.D.R.A agent that I had barely known, being killed in an explosion and then appearing in front of me, standing in my small office in the compound. Blood dripping from the ceiling. Try to get a grip Ema, I told myself as I began to slowly control my breathing. Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door. "Ugh, one moment," I called out as I pulled myself up and off of the couch. Girl you know you probably look like shit after that dream. Why do you keep having them anyway. . . I looked out the peephole only to discover Steve, damp from his morning run. His white tee shirt hung on him perfectly and he wore a pair of gray sweatpants. Over the three years I had been here, Steve had become the older brother I never had. I unlocked the door and moved to my kitchen to pour two cups of coffee. 

"Ema," I heard him call out his voice full of concern.  "I'm coming in."

"I figured you were, so come on."  He entered I handed him one of the mugs and gave him a sleepy smile. I sat down on the bar stool and he sat across from me.

"Another rough night, Ema?" His blue eyes flashed concern as he sat down at my bar and began to drink his coffee.

"You can say that. Just another stupid nightmare. It's your fault.” I have them since you told me I had to start training with you all.  I smirked at him as I sipped my coffee. He huffed and gave me his Cap glare.

 "You know I'm putting you in advance training agent because we need you out on the field soon so you got to learn the basic fighting skills."

"Basic? You must mean the kick ass and take name skills.”

“Hell yes.”

“Ok, yes I know, Cap." I said in my best southern accent as I rolled my eyes at him. Steve let out a hardy laugh.

"You know that southern charm of yours isn't going to work on me."

"Well you know you can take the girl out of the south but not the south out of the girl," I said interrupting with a giggle.

"You're not getting out of sparing day. So be there 8:30 don't be late Jones," he smirked as he finished his coffee, placing the mug in the sink and walking out the door locking it behind him.

I looked at the clock. Dammit! It was already 7:30. I quickly ate breakfast, before going into my bedroom to change. As I got dressed in my tank and shorts I came to the realization that the only ones today are going to be Natasha, Steve, Bucky and myself. "Ugh," I groaned. Steve and Natasha know I have a  major crush on one Mr. Bucky Barnes. How long has this flirting game been going on between the two of us now? A year or so.  I looked at myself in the mirror pulling up my shoulder-length brown hair into a high ponytail. Maybe Steve will have mercy on me and pair me with him today, but not likely. I grabbed my keys and gym bag off the counter and headed out to my car to make my daily drive the compound.

I scanned my ID badge as I walked into the compound's gym. Weights, punching bags, sparring mats, and kickboxing dummies lined the gym area. I picked up a towel and water as I scanned the room trying to find Natasha. As usual, she was in the middle of kickboxing. I walked over to her and placed my blue duffel on the bench beside her.

"Good morning Ema. How are you?" she asked as she continued her brutal attack on the dummy. I leaned against a boxing bag with my arms crossed beside her.

"Oh, just fine. But I just hate sparing day." I gripped letting out a small huff. "I know that Cap says I need to learn advanced fighting skills but, I also know who you and he are going to pair me with." Please pair me with him. No don’t I mean yes do. UGH!

Natasha stopped and looked at me with a slight smile, her hands resting on her hips. "I've seen the way you both look at each other. You both like each other. I just wish one of you would make a move already. In fact, it’s starting to get old."

"I know. I mean yes he is handsome," I giggled "but he is never going to ask me out so just drop it please." I pleaded.

"What are you waiting for? Superman? You need to take a chance here Ema. Time to let go of the past." Fine, I know. 

As we talked Steve and Bucky came into the gym placing their bags down close to the exit. Bucky wore a black a line shirt that shown his muscles beautifully and a pair of gray sweatpants that hug slightly below his hips. My mouth became dry as I bit my lip googling him. The room felt like it had become at least twenty degrees hotter.  I pulled on my tank a little trying to get some air.

"You ok?" Natasha questioned me with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh yes," I said trying to get my composer, "I ugh, just think the temp of the room just went up. Is it hot in here to you?" 

Natasha looked at me and laughed. "That is it, I am going to find a way to set you two up, especially since you are overheating and he hasn't been able to take his eyes off you since he has come in." I picked over my shoulder. She was right, Bucky was staring at me with a slight smile talking to Steve. I felt my facing getting red.

"Come on. Warm up." Natasha pulled me along to the sparing mat for our daily warm-up routine.

(1 Hour Later)

I found myself flat on my back again. "Your getting distracted," She teased as her green eyes fixed upon me. "Focus!"

" I'm not distracted," I hissed.

"Sure that's why I've been able to put you your ass on this mat for the last three rounds straight." Down again I went with a thud. "Now four." She laughed. I looked over to the right to see two Greek gods sparing about 75 feet away from us. Hince the distraction.

"No just ugh I'm just taken in the view." She laughed loudly causing Bucky to look my direction, his eyes now fixed upon me. Apparently that all it took for his match to be over because he landed with a thud with his back against the mat. Look away now. Look.  Away.  Now. My eyes were still glued on him. I just got caught checking him out. Oh god, help me.

"Would one of you just make a move already!." Nat said a little too loud for me as she helped me up off the mat.

"I have no idea what you mean," I mumbled as I bit at my fingernails.

"You're not a good lair Ema." I gave her a dirty look. Nat just smiled and began laughing at me.

"Don't worry you know he is a gentleman." 

"I'm so glad you find this amusing." 

"Settle a bet would ya. Which one of us are you staring at?" I heard his voice boom over the radio toward us. Oh lord help me. 

"Why would she stare at either one of your two losers?" Natasha yelled back teasing them.

"Smug aren't ya," I said loud enough for Bucky to hear. He just shook his head giving a chuckle.

"I'm going to the whatever is next and then maybe to shoot myself," I giggled. Now he had to be giggling. I don't giggle!

"You'll thank me for this later,” she said as she walked toward Bucky.

Oh no, no NAT!  I should have seen that coming. Before I could get the words out I heard Natasha talking with Bucky in Rusian, of course, one of the languages I was not fluent in.

"Ты перестанешь пялиться на нее и просто пригласишь ее уже?" (Would you stop gawking at her and just ask her out already?) She said quietly motioning to me with her head as she spoke.

"Откуда ты знаешь, что она пойдет?" (How do you know she would go?) He responded quietly.

"Поверь мне, она будет." (Trust me, she will.) 

"Хорошо, возможно я буду."  (Okay, maybe I will.) Bucky stated with a lopsided smile.

Natasha turned back to me and gave me a smile. "Problem solved," she said with a wink and walked over to Steve.

"Ok, so here is the pair up for today's practice," Steve said as he began wrapping his hands with boxing tape, "Nat and I need to work on advanced karate techniques for the next mission. Buck, you're with Ema. She needs to begin her advanced training."

Bucky gave a slight smile and began walking up to me not taking his eyes off of mine. My throat became immediately dry. I backed up stepping on the sparring mat behind me. "Um, so what did she tell you?" Maybe I could get him talking that way I can catch him off guard.

"You know, I would enjoy answering all your questions but now is not the time Doll," he teased. Bucky's eyes were now on my legs with a mischievous grin.

"Hey Barns, I'm up here" as I pointed to my face. I knew he was going to sweep my legs out from under me. He just gave me a slow chuckle.

"Do you really think you're going to win, Ema?" He questioned his blue eyes shining. No not really.

"No, but I was just hoping that my southern charm would help me out." I said as I tried to kick his legs out from underneath him. I failed miserably. Great. Come on you know this Jones.  With one firm kick, I felt the mat on my back as I was being held down across my waist with a cold metal arm with one Bucky close to my face.

"Let me up you big ox!" I teased with a slight smile trying to nudge him off of me.

"Big ox? That's a new one on me Doll." He laughed getting up and then offering his hand to help me up. "You are a tease," he mumbled under his breath.

I just shook my head and smiled. "And you're a flirt," I said looking up at him through my eyelashes. Another chuckled echoed through Bucky's chest. He stepped back and got into a ready stance. 

"Come on, try it again.”

We worked together for several hours. By the time it was over, I was out of breath and wishing he would ask me out. We sat down together on the bench by the door getting our breaths sipping on water. Maybe I should just ask him out to a movie. I mean we have gone together as friends. Yep, we are good friends. Breath.

"So, Ema I was wondering if you would like to get dinner sometime?" Bucky said a little shyly. Did he really just asked me out. "Tomorrow night," he continued. "Would seven be ok?"

"Sure. I would really like that. Call me or text me with the details." Bucky squeezed my hand. I think I felt electricity go through me. I got up to leave but turned around. "Hey Sergent, be on time. I’ve been kept waiting long enough." Oh damn. He looked at me and gave me a gin.

I walked out the gym door as I heard him quietly say "Yes!"

@catsandbooksinafarawayplace

@jewelofwinter   @teamcap4bucky @babyinatrenchcoatlover @verygraphicink​ @kombatfather1796

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: how much you got on you rn Ronnie: enough for me Ronnie: you aint piggybacking Joe: enough for me then Joe: not suggesting you send it first class Joe: 'less you know how to do that Ronnie: I do but in what world mckenna Joe: however much you reckon you'd need to do it Joe: i'll double it Ronnie: use that ingenuity for your own score Joe: yeah whatever Joe: all chat Ronnie: like ive got anything to prove to you Ronnie: least of all how well i can be your bitch when you holler at me Ronnie: cry is more accurate Joe: fuck sake Joe: forget about it Joe: it's a stupid idea Joe: you gonna give me a better one Ronnie: not one for the scrapbook was it cunt Ronnie: dry your eyes & do your own running Ronnie: you need me to hold your hand everytime now Ronnie: big enough to take it go find it Joe: ha ha Joe: like I'm running anywhere Ronnie: this where we play doctor yeah Ronnie: you tell me how bad it hurts & I make it better for you Joe: exactly Joe: now we're on the same page Ronnie: nah you think you can tear out some pages & spit ball em at me to get my attention but why should I give a shit bout these playground games boy just 'cause you heading back home to your mammy Ronnie: im sound Ronnie: dont care how loud you're crying she's the one who's gotta show up for that Joe: i don't want yor attention Joe: i want some heroin Ronnie: maybe she's still got old school connections Ronnie: find her little black book son Joe: maybe Joe: one of you could be useful like Ronnie: wounded & bleeding Ronnie: shit junkie you are house full of people to shake up & shit to steal but you coming to me Joe: just looking for that big sisterly advice Joe: obviously Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: you sound like the littlest one what is he 4 like Joe: feel it Ronnie: trying to make my heart bleed now yeah Ronnie: grow a fucking pair before it really hurts Joe: if you wanted to scare me you shouldn't have given me the gear Joe: realistically too late anyway but who wants to hear or think about my idyllic childhood yeah Ronnie: if you couldnt hack it you shouldve cried off then Ronnie: save the tears now Joe: and i thought i was the only one with obsessive thought spirals Joe: when i get some i'll remember to feel good about how much you miss me Ronnie: like youre special baby Ronnie: please Ronnie: weve all got mad minds hows that not clicked in yours Ronnie: how many kids shes squeezed out & you reckon were the only self medicating Ronnie: hit up another sibling to fix you Joe: am though Joe: she's always told me Joe: ⭐ boy Ronnie: talk her up with that foreplay Ronnie: be good for £££s Joe: no tah Joe: not my type Joe: and it's only ever worked on you Joe: but you've given me another idea so cheers Ronnie: i dunno whats funnier that youre trying to tell me you dont wanna slip your mum one or you reckon you know what works on me Joe: lemme know when you work it out Joe: 👍 Ronnie: let me know when youve stopped playing happy families Joe: you reckon i wanna be here Ronnie: didnt see no fingernail marks on my floor or walls Ronnie: still reckon you were dragged though yeah Joe: check your thighs Joe: ain't all perks being the favourite 💔 Ronnie: [sends him pics cos that bitch haha] Ronnie: grow a pair whipping boy Ronnie: before she says jump youre on the ledge Ronnie: its pathetic mckenna Joe: see Joe: ain't been that long Joe: only feels it, babe Ronnie: you'll need all that sweet talk for the local dope dealer Ronnie: but if you wanna think of me when you're turning tricks for them it'll go easier Joe: lovely as that'd be Joe: not in progressive london now Joe: gonna have to pay like the rest, worst luck Ronnie: go beg for your pocket money then kidda Ronnie: before she picks a new fave Ronnie: younger & prettier like Joe: nah Joe: we want her to Joe: remember Joe: then me and more importantly my student loans can come back Ronnie: bullshit if you wanted her to you wouldn't have gone Ronnie: you love it Joe: can't just go way uni and never come back Joe: send out a search party Ronnie: use your ⭐ as a beacon cant they Joe: let's hope not Joe: i come here Joe: keeps 'em away rest of the time Joe: yeah Ronnie: if you want em to fuck off commit to it Ronnie: stop being such a pussy Joe: ain't that easy Ronnie: find a ditch to lie down in Ronnie: it ain't hard Ronnie: youre a junkie motherfuckers don't support that Joe: far as they know Joe: i ain't Joe: let 'em catch up Ronnie: do it yourself if you wanna slam the door Joe: see how this goes Joe: not really thinking about them right now Joe: you know Ronnie: youre on one about that lot constantly Joe: just on one constantly full stop Joe: why else would i need the shit Ronnie: dont need to go that hard playing doctor baby Joe: 💘 Joe: you always know just what to say Ronnie: not used to you talking Joe: i know i know Joe: in an ideal world neither of us would be here Ronnie: like not born yeah Ronnie: but she cant keep her legs closed Joe: such a dreamer, you Ronnie: not the one who cant get high without their hand held Joe: n'awh Joe: that's the dream Joe: so romantic too Ronnie: yeah im living it loads of gear close & you far as Ronnie: greedy prick Joe: miss you too baby Joe: in a bit tho, gotta go pick up Ronnie: fuck off soft lad Ronnie: you miss me spoon feeding you Ronnie: you cant talk to me with a dealers cock in your mouth I know Ronnie: multitasking hard enough pretending not to be junkie scum yeah Joe: sure the whole mummy kink ain't your thing Joe: i'll try and get involved but kinda a mood killer Joe: which is kinda rude, know you don't want me to score Ronnie: thats all yours but I'll try anything once Ronnie: 'cause a whinging dope sick baby is really a turn on for me like Ronnie: just gotta keep that going Joe: no judgment here Joe: gotta do what you gotta do Ronnie: you gotta Ronnie: im sound Joe: and i'm happy for you Ronnie: lie to them don't lie to me Joe: alright Joe: will be a bit when I get mine but still Joe: you don't have to be here so Ronnie: you dont Ronnie: grow up & cut the fucking apron strings Joe: you've stopped being helpful for the day? Joe: right then Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: not flying over to fuck you cos your ma aint in the mood & thats as helpful as it gets Joe: why not Ronnie: youve got another sister Ronnie: see if shes into it Joe: but you're so special yeah Ronnie: but shes a good grooming age Joe: leave it out Ronnie: or what Joe: or what Ronnie: asked you first joseph Joe: alright veronica Ronnie: alright weak cunt Joe: probably Ronnie: pick up before you make me sick Ronnie: jesus Joe: waiting on the man Joe: as per Ronnie: if id known rattling had made you shit out your whole spine id have sucked his dick for you & sped things along Joe: so sweet Joe: one of the many things I like about you Ronnie: list just gets longer the longer youre away yeah Ronnie: dont come back & maybe you'll fall in love Joe: i know you want that less than you want me back Joe: don't lie Ronnie: you care what I want now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: only when it benefits me too, darling Joe: junkie scum 101 Joe: was on my timetable like Ronnie: theyve really done a number on you if youre on your knees for my truth Joe: who Joe: mummy dearest or my school Ronnie: take your pick Joe: ain't tryna hide it Joe: just doing my bit to be the whiny baby you want rn Ronnie: cheers then Ronnie: nailed that Ronnie: tell your ma i finally get how she feels 'cause its too late to get you scraped out Joe: 😂 Joe: on it Joe: assuming i ain't 'bout to get kneecapped Joe: or worse Joe: stood up 💔 Ronnie: i'll cross my fingers for raped & robbed Ronnie: standard Joe: you know i ain't gonna have that much of a good time without you 💘 Ronnie: stop trying to make me say I hate you so you can rub one out Ronnie: i dont do sexting Joe: worth a shot Joe: just killing time here Joe: trying not to puke Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: like that attempt at enthusiasm Ronnie: you really know how to make a girl wet what can I say Ronnie: gotta romance my dealer out of want instead of need now Joe: thought I'd return the favour Joe: just how I roll Ronnie: course you do golden boy Joe: you ain't that mad about it Joe: i know Ronnie: i aint as fucking thick as you so again course Joe: true Joe: [time for drew to show and not deliver] Ronnie: made up about all these compliments Ronnie: who knew you could be this much on my tits from this distance Joe: just that good Joe: obviously Ronnie: you aint shit Ronnie: don't lie Joe: whatever Joe: can't touch me now Ronnie: only your ma is turned on at the sight of you Ronnie: but she will Joe: alright Joe: cba rn Ronnie: how are you still crying Ronnie: did he not show Joe: he did Joe: but he was about 12 and had no gear Joe: got enough tranqs to knock out an elephant but still Ronnie: when i told you to hit up your siblings i meant the freckled one not one of the toddlers Joe: yeah right Joe: like he knows a great smack dealer, even if we did talk Ronnie: hes a coke head Ronnie: give him 5 Joe: nah Joe: opposite direction Joe: only way is up Ronnie: whatever just get on a plane Joe: yeah Joe: i'm gonna Joe: fuck this Ronnie: ill be waiting with shit that aint a fucking joke Ronnie: you can owe me Joe: yeah? Joe: good Ronnie: don't talk me out of it Ronnie: christ you're annoying Joe: 🤐 Ronnie: only want you back on your feet so I can kick em out from under you myself Joe: hot Ronnie: like you said, it ain't been that long Ronnie: you know I am Joe: yeah Joe: where was this distraction when I really really needed it tho Ronnie: baby when have I ever been good for you Ronnie: selfish to my core Ronnie: we're here for me Joe: works for me Ronnie: just get to the airport & stop fannying about Joe: I've already taken 'em so hold on Joe: no packing now never mind going through customs Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: i had to Ronnie: when then Joe: still today Joe: just later Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: call me Ronnie: maybe i'll answer if it ain't too late Joe: can i call you now too Joe: i gotta stay awake Ronnie: I'm good but no guarantees I'm that good Joe: they ain't kicked in that good yet either Joe: just keep my eyes on the road yeah Ronnie: how much did you pay for baby aspirin mckenna Joe: was cheap as fuck at least Joe: just a kid Joe: barely broke a 50 for all of these so Joe: [photo] Ronnie: not as green as you feel yeah Joe: want me to bring some back Ronnie: too late to rob the boy now Ronnie: & you'll take em yourself before you see me I know you Joe: yeah Joe: i will Joe: but had good intentions, babe Ronnie: take em to church Ronnie: what use is that shit to me Ronnie: gimme bad ideas or don't come around Joe: got plenty of those come on Ronnie: like what Ronnie: come on Joe: what Joe: tryna focus here Ronnie: you wanna stay awake Ronnie: play the game Joe: alright Joe: yeah Joe: you gonna come back to mine Joe: flatmate's gone home Ronnie: are you gonna make it worth it if she's not there to kick in the teeth Joe: won't need to miss her once I'm back Ronnie: fucked her yet? Ronnie: we could do it together Ronnie: I dont normally slip one to virgins but I already made the exception for you Joe: no and funny Joe: keep me as the only exception Joe: how else will i feel special Ronnie: keep hitting up preteen dealers that'll help Joe: he was pretty Ronnie: if im ever in the area like Joe: i wish Ronnie: you & your ma both Ronnie: my turn to feel special Joe: weird ain't it Ronnie: for me Ronnie: you love it Joe: nah Ronnie: not a question Ronnie: you do Joe: don't Ronnie: liar Joe: maybe from you Joe: I'll allow it Ronnie: those pills better be kicking in Ronnie: if youre chatting this much shit sober you can stay in ireland Joe: 😂 Joe: they are Ronnie: book a flight Ronnie: i ain't your ma im not doing it Joe: lemme get home, like Joe: be more obvious you're tryna kill me Ronnie: what im trying to do Ronnie: you gonna call that your home now Joe: you know what i mean Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i know youre full of shit, mckenna Joe: nah Joe: just bars Joe: make it up to you Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: x it as many times as fits Joe: k Joe: prove it when i see you Ronnie: you reckon Joe: not a question Ronnie: nah just bold claims for someone who still fucks like a virgin & has to check in with his ma Ronnie: can you without her permission Joe: get the slip signed if you're so worried Joe: chill out Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: couple of chewable vitamins & you're chill yeah Joe: you said you got loads Ronnie: I said enough Ronnie: & that was before babysitting you Ronnie: you make me need to spike every vein Joe: need Joe: want Joe: same diff we both know it Ronnie: not trying to make it matter baby Ronnie: put any words in my mouth you want Ronnie: or need Joe: here Joe: wish me luck on telling 'em i'm off Joe: or don't Ronnie: i'll do it for you Ronnie: point me at the relevant mckennas Joe: even stoned Joe: know that ain't a good idea Ronnie: pussy Joe: love u 2 Ronnie: 💋 Joe: [suitable amount of hours for the shit to wear off to a manageable level, avoid the parents and get out on the sly] Joe: [airport photo] Joe: tada Ronnie: we reckoned you'd bottled it Joe: taken a poll like Ronnie: yeah know you like to feel special Joe: warms my cold dead 💘 Joe: honest Ronnie: walk your corpse to me then Joe: and she says she don't sext Ronnie: you wanna be the only exception so bad or what Joe: you know how bad i want it Ronnie: dont leave again & maybe I'll buy it Joe: being dopesick was almost a nice distraction from thinking about you Ronnie: that warms my 🖤 Joe: thought so Joe: nothing does it quite like me being near-death yeah Ronnie: i do like you pathetic Ronnie: but don't think that any of it comes close to me yeah Joe: you saying you're better than heroin Ronnie: im saying you think you were hurting earlier Ronnie: ill show you pain Ronnie: all you have to do is fuck off again Joe: i won't Joe: i need to be there Joe: with you Ronnie: leave me & I will fucking break you Ronnie: i mean it Joe: i know Joe: i'm not gonna Ronnie: how did you get out Joe: parents weren't in but i said a uni friend was in a car accident and they couldn't get hold of his parents Joe: going hell anyway Joe: and someone on my course was hit by a car so if any of them are that concerned to go snooping Ronnie: thats beautiful Ronnie: you're not as much of a useless waster as youve sounded for most of the day like Joe: steady Joe: was almost not an insult Ronnie: who isn't turned on by a good lie Joe: only when I lie to you Joe: got it Ronnie: don't you fucking dare lie to me Joe: couldn't if i wanted to Ronnie: think about what kind of welcome back you want Ronnie: 'cause I can be nice or not nice Ronnie: its on you & what you say to me Joe: baby Joe: already told you I basically missed you more than heroin, how nice can one boy be Ronnie: you wont be saying that when I hand the gear over Joe: yeah i will Joe: been on you longer Ronnie: its fucking good though Joe: yeah Joe: ain't gonna say otherwise Ronnie: paid more & got better so you won't wanna leave Ronnie: dont have to rely on pretty preteens around here Joe: you know i didn't wanna leave in the first place Ronnie: i know you keep saying it like it makes a difference Joe: tell me what will and i'll do it Ronnie: i'll burn your passport that will Joe: burn my passport Joe: that's what you want? Ronnie: what do you have to go running to them for Ronnie: that's what I wanna know Ronnie: what the fuck is there for you Ronnie: cant even get a fix Joe: nothing, never has been Joe: it's obligation though Joe: you get it, i know you've done some shit just 'cos charlie wants to Joe: or 'cos bronson need it Ronnie: that's different Joe: why Ronnie: I ain't going round bullshitting how much i hate 'em on the one breath & in the other dropping everything for the pair of 'em Ronnie: ride or die is that Joe: okay so it is different Joe: it's more complicated Ronnie: fuck complicated its black & white Joe: nah like Joe: whatever i reckon about them Joe: i still owe 'em Joe: for now Joe: debts to pay like Ronnie: how ain't it been paid Ronnie: they ain't done you right since you were a kid Ronnie: if ever Ronnie: a roof & food that's easily totalled Joe: i dunno Joe: shit ton of interest Joe: learnt from the best debt collectors in liverpool, like Ronnie: write it off Ronnie: is when youre dead Joe: tell 'em that's my payment plan Ronnie: talking it out is your first mistake Ronnie: when the fuck has that worked on anyone who comes to collect Ronnie: dont even buy you time just makes you look a doss cunt more than you are Joe: maybe i can convince my da but you know she's biased Joe: all i have to do is get uni done and they can tick it off as a success Ronnie: i dont know jack about her Ronnie: how i want it Ronnie: if i aint read it off a file as a kid i don't need to hear it Joe: yeah Joe: but i ain't telling you i'm golden boy 'cos it seems cool am i Joe: whatever i'm gone now Ronnie: you're telling me 'cause you wanna trade wounds since I won't have your stories off you Ronnie: burn it into your arm deeper & maybe I'll pay attention Joe: you know it ain't about you, babe Joe: anyway, if we were still being nice I'd tell you none of the usual shit works to get you outta my head so thanks for that one Ronnie: ive been saying all day it's about her & I ain't competing with your fucking ma alright Ronnie: she smothered you poor baby Ronnie: you wanna try neglect its real easy Ronnie: feels better too Joe: you're the one who keeps bringing her up, yeah Joe: you want me to be that cunt Joe: easy Joe: I bet it was better, lucky you Ronnie: youre the one who ran home to have her tuck you in again Ronnie: youre that cunt Ronnie: mama's boy Joe: fuck's sake Joe: yeah alright Ronnie: you're the cunt who has the nerve to come crying to me when your mommy would shoot you up if you asked her to Joe: you reckon Joe: considering her dad was and she don't even hate yours as much i'll go with a no on that one Joe: plenty of sad stories I've heard and you ain't need to Ronnie: I reckon golden boy Ronnie: loves you as much as I love gear yeah Ronnie: & not trying to throw another baby away so you're welcome for the free pass Joe: cheers Joe: feels great Ronnie: you gonna cry again mckenna Joe: if i do i'll send you photos, don't worry Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: send me some either way Joe: you're a headfuck you know Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: dealer said it last time I fucked him Joe: you want fresh line Joe: 👌 Ronnie: give it to me then Joe: give me the flight to think of something you ain't heard before Ronnie: it ain't long enough Joe: fair there's plenty of shit i can say that you ain't heard for real before Joe: but it'd be a copout so i'll keep trying Ronnie: like what Joe: how many of your brothers you fucked lik4 Ronnie: don't reckon freckles is interested Ronnie: leaves me the gay & the kid Ronnie: what about your sister that'd be hot like Joe: they're all kids, just so you know Ronnie: no they ain't Ronnie: i know you lost your virginity to me but don't reckon they're waiting Joe: you wish Joe: hopefully just on the first count Ronnie: you're a sick boy Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you too baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: thats not some shit I ain't heard before Joe: just truth though Joe: no lying Ronnie: feels like one Ronnie: I'm good Joe: what you want me to say to that Ronnie: say what you wanna say Ronnie: again not your ma Joe: i'm good then Ronnie: truth or lie Joe: lie but not a big one Joe: true once i'm off this plane Ronnie: you out of sweeties or they're just that sugar free Joe: i'm trying to time it just right Joe: then i can actually just a decent amount and not be in a coma for you Ronnie: alright fuck Ronnie: you win Ronnie: nobody's said that to me before Joe: i mean it Joe: i want you first Ronnie: don't say this shit when you're on the wrong side of a plane ride Ronnie: jesus mckenna Joe: gotta make sure you miss me too Ronnie: you're such a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: you still want me though Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: why Ronnie: what do you want me to say Joe: you don't have to say anything Joe: but I ain't gonna shut up about how I ain't been able to get you out of my head this whole time Ronnie: yeah you said im a headfuck Ronnie: more than your family & the gear Ronnie: I'll take it Joe: better though Joe: you know Joe: so I'll take it and all Ronnie: you're a headfuck Ronnie: what are you being nice to me for Joe: you said it could go one of two ways Joe: you want me to be mean Ronnie: I want you to be here Ronnie: but you ain't Joe: I'm coming Ronnie: & I'm waiting on you Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I know Ronnie: I hate you Ronnie: I'm losing it, do you know that Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: what am I gonna do with that Joe: I don't know Joe: what do you want me to do Ronnie: what can you do Ronnie: can't even score by yourself Ronnie: worse than a fucking kid Joe: was desperate Joe: and it was your idea Ronnie: thats how it is every time Ronnie: you don't have any fucking idea 'cause I'm here cupping your balls & wiping your arse for you Joe: you've been giving me an easy ride of it yeah Joe: alright Ronnie: youre gonna try & call bullshit on that yeah Joe: nah i just had no idea you were being so generous Joe: would've got you a keychain at least Ronnie: fuck you Joe: you too Ronnie: get one with sharp edges we can make a blood oath or some shit Ronnie: maybe after you'll grow the hell up Joe: sure Joe: it's my speciality yeah Ronnie: cutting's more mine but you can have it Ronnie: same old shit gets boring yeah Joe: we can share Joe: she'd be proud Ronnie: my aspiration in life Ronnie: cheers Joe: obvs mine too Ronnie: you brought her up then not me Joe: reckon you owed me that one so Joe: even Ronnie: 💋🖕 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: say that again & you'll be swallowing teeth Joe: don't worry, that was hot Joe: you won it back Ronnie: go to hell mckenna Joe: you wanna be with me forever Joe: 💘 Ronnie: just reckoning you'll get there quicker than you will this fucking airport Joe: just be glad I didn't try to get back in at rush hour Ronnie: be glad im still waiting Joe: ain't gonna waste words on it Joe: show you Ronnie: 💘