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#i need. more friends. similar w me
noxtivagus · 2 years
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AAAAAAA
#A FRIEND FINALLY MOVED TO MATERIA IN FFXIV OMG OMG#🥺🥺🥺 IM SO EXCITED TO ACTUALLY MEET HER IN GAME!!!!! SHES SO COOL J WNA BE HER FRIEND#I CANT PLAY FFXIV RN THO BCS YM#I NEED MORE STORAGE SPACE STILL SOBBIGNGNDNKS#mhmmm we're pretty similar so i rlly wna talk to her more ❕#i need. more friends. similar w me#😭😭 the cishets in my life r boring imo#like they're all my friends n i still love n care for them#but there's smth. more boring to me#she/her favorite color pink. only listened to like two song genres n several artists#JUST A PET PEEVE I THINK?? 🥹#i love everyone's individuality but#there's smth so much more interesting about people more weird. like one way i'd describe it is#their soul would have more varying colors#writers artists. ppl who have a wide range of music taste n interests in general#so. there's smth about simpler ppl that#they're special in their own way#but i can't help but restrain n repress myself a bit#i love most the ppl i can really be myself around. let those wings completely free#i'd love for the ppl in my closest circle to have a similar level of passion and creativity n intelligence n maturity as me#i know my strengths but not rlly in a way that i see myself as superior to others#i tend to trust more ppl who r intelligent. yk good at math n language n sciences n stuff like that#bcs that means we're pretty similar in thinking. intelligence#buuut emotional intelligence is equally as important to me. maturity. growth mindset. ability to accept faults n move past them#it's hard definitely but the mindset n the desire to improve is what matters. n the transparency n desire to communicate better.#n slowly work towards that#n. creative. writers. artists. yes. music. expressing ourselves through different forms of art#n maybe that's a lot. but i know ppl full of life and love like that exist. me n apollo. n the passion runs in our family i think#i'm far from perfect. i still struggle w a lot of things n mistakes i've made.#but rn im jsut thinking abt how. my love for life and myself n ppl have always kept me going.
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heynhay · 4 months
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redrew my old Romellura art that KD unearthed lolll
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kenmaiii · 2 months
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oomf right honestly drawing faves and ocs like ponies is fun :3. pretty slay for a first attempt i think
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bidokja · 15 days
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okay i know i said yeseo is dense but manages to make it endearing. but over 130 chapters in with him still being this like...not even dense really its more like he's refusing to learn or change his biased preconceptions about cedric, now im starting to wanna strangle him a bit.
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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my flatmate: yeah if i had a girlfriend i think i would be kind of controlling and manipulative rly i just want a guy to dress up and parade around like a ken doll im sure someone out there is into that
me (so horny im nauseous) i think i hauve covid
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heart-bones · 9 months
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about an hour and a half after getting home from work, I decided I didn't have the spoons to go to the bar and rave thing with new friend but now that it's been *three hours* since I got home, I do kind of wish I HAD gone to bar and rave thing with new friend.
🫠
There will be other times it's just, it's like ??? I'm alone all the time, want connection and to not feel lonely, but then I literally HAVE A CHANCE to not be alone, to be out with a friend, even a new one, and I'd rather stay home. Why am I like this.
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oatbugs · 1 year
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i feel extremely sorry for you if you are genuinely considering ending a great relationship bc your partner isn’t as “ambitious” as you’d prefer them to be. there is much more to life than school & work… & some people simply value other things, like more free time in their youth. like, you’re only 20? lighten up a little, girly… sheesh.
& for the record, adding “no offense to anyone who picked a diff path hehe!!” to the end of your rant didn’t make it any less offensive to those who chose not to/didn’t have the opportunity to go to school.
first off pls dont "girly" me, my pronouns are literally in my bio.
you found a way to completely misinterpret a personal issue(?) i am going through...amazing king 10/10 . i love my girlfriend To Death and she's so cool and so talented and she does in fact . know where she wants to go in life. and i respect that. the post wasn't abt literally anyone else except my girlfriend and I. it wasn't abt ppl who didn't choose to or didn't have the opportunity to go to school. it was about my girlfriend, who is literally applying for a degree at a university, by choice and opportunity. mein got . "lighten up" i have a wonderful gf and a wonderful passion for what i study...it's sad that u think that's sad.
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if u had never had the worry that you and a loved one are on slowly deviating life paths good for you but i promise u it isn't a form of discrimination💀
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moe-broey · 11 months
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One thing about me is. AAAAAA AAAAUGHHH AAHHHHGGHHGHHHH SHARENA JUMPSCARE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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figposts · 1 year
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jessica stanley, angela weber, and bella swan could’ve been one of history’s greatest girl groups but stephanie meyer hates women so. fuck me ig
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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ffxv makes me so emotional oh my god 🥹🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxv. ]#i love love love final fantasy so much like. video games in general i cld rlly ramble abt each of my interests for hours like i'm#v much ffxv mood rn. god esp that one story two years back i've mentioned it so much here atp but IT REALLY IS SO PERSONAL N#CRINGE???? IDK IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED A BIT but like embarrassed /pos like. it's me. younger me. n i'm still v fond of it.#..still makes me shy though but even more i finished writing that uh oneshot back then w noctis#childhood friends to lovers uhuh secretly in love but both think it's unrequited uhuh#why has that always been among my fav tropes.. I DON'T EVEN RLLY HAVE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? there's nothing irl that inspired it at all.#but then ^ that's also w my uhhhh original characters n then my wol too in ffxiv honestly n#even with other characters.. a v similar sentiment w claude n like lancelot or lucifer. ffxv / fe3h / gbf were my top 3 back in 2020#botw hades octopath acnh & other ff were games that i rlly rmb then too. but ever since ffxiv i haven't been able to play much other vgs 😭#the witcher 3. nier automata demo. code vein demo. genshin. hzd. rdr2. ac odyssey n lots more but god i've barely finished any#OH I NEARLY FORGOT.. I'M SO SORRY must be bcs i was listening to it earlier so i thought i already wrote it but kh3 yes#AAAA WAIT I'M RAMBLING AGAIN I WAS GNA WORK ON SOME STUFF BEFORE I SLEEP 🥹 sleep by 3 for more hours or by 4 so i can uh#get some stuff done before tmrrw? i will. do my best this week as quickly as i can so i can.. rest? my mind rlly needs a rest i think ><#yk what i can always write n do more the next day yeah i'll sleep no later than 3:30#i think i'm going back more to my old self again but i'll do my best to not isolate or distance myself too much i don't want to destroy#things even more like. in that. dream n. in the past when. i thought i was over it but i think those wounds r reopening#but i'm stronger than them n. fuck. it's the same as before n that's why i'm crying that's why i'm so afraid that's why it hurts so much#but i've written too much here. it hurts so much but even if it feels too similar to.. back then it's. not the same it's not the same#i've improved i've gone this far i've made friends i've made so much memories. but i'm so afraid that i'll fuck up again n#i think i'm like this bcs. oh ffs my dream told me basically that i really do think i already fucked up. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry#the past.. present. the future. too fast too much n it's just like before n that's. why i'm helpless to it. i can do better but this#i forgave them but maybe i haven't forgiven myself. entirely at least. so. the familiarity of this rn is keeping me frozen in place?#n then other stuff r so overwhelming too n fuck i don't want to think about this anymore i'll be fine i'm fine i can do this on my own#..no. i can't do that again. fuck i'm crying so much why does this feel the same as two years back#i'm sorry please don't forget me please don't leave me please tell me i didn't fuck up please don't tell me i did it again#i'm sorry i was doing better i was healing but i'm back to this again i know better but i can't do any more rn n i'm sorry i'm so sorry#fuck it i'll wipe away these tears. it feels so empty inside but i'll feel better somehow by the morrow. i don't want to be a burden nymore#i know it's bad n i don't want all my progress to be for naught but.. no i can't fuck this up again but i feel i alrdy have. i'm sorry. gn
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had one of them "quarterly work meetings" just now and what i have learned is that i am severely lacking in the genre of social script that dictates how to behave when first joining a group of people you will be working with regularly from that point on
#i think mostly my coworkers are all people who are fairly neurotypical and so they like. Know how to do this stuff i guess#n so i'm kinda just standing there. like a vampire. needing to be invited in for lack of practice w/these scripts#n like i briefly mentioned this in the tags of a post on my other blog yesterday but like i notice smth similar in my chem lab#it's like i'm missing the first scene of a script to a play but have the rest of it memorized blocked n ready to go#as Soon as i know that my entrance isn't like a disruption of the expected flow i'm fine!!! i can do that shit!!!!#and more recently i've been learning n mastering the opening scenes to the play of 'making online friends'#which is different from real life bc online friendship is asynchronous. realizing now that's why online/irl friendships differ sometimes#n this is also why i tend to be more actively inviting at the start of smth new like a class or semester#bc those are the periods when the ~flow~ is setting itself n if i can manage to integrate into *that* i'm good i can do this#but i don't know how to *slip in* to an existing current as an active participant. i just know how to observe n absorb#bc it's ~personal sharing time~ (lol) but like obviously being Neurodivergent(tm) i misread a lot of cues growing up#n so now the goal feels like 'transition seamlessly into thing so that you're not a despised disruption'#which is why i've become so grateful to the kinds of people who make active efforts to include new people#like. thank you communications majors. i love you communications majors. i owe you my life communications majors.#bc it's so!! 'i promise i'm not snubbing you it's just that my direct instructions were to work Here so even though you are three feet away#'literally on the other side of this wall i'm not gonna come out n initiate conversation w/you bc those are Implicit Instructions'#'/Individual Expectations that i'm too afraid of reading incorrectly but if you come talk to me i will be normal abt it i promise'#the worm speaks#like pretty frequently these days i find myself thinking abt that one post that's like#'yeah back in the olden days being a good host was a learned skill n it involved these sorts of specific things'#'like matching up n introducing guests to each other by saying 'this is x this is y you both like turtles :)'#like i feel like that's the Spirit of icebreakers these days but even if you have interests in common w/someone across the circle#it can be kind of awkward to cross the room afterwards to talk to them so you just end up talking w/whoever's nearest or no one at all
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portokali · 2 years
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there is. definitely a lot to be said about the merits of having the ability to turn off Shipper Brain Mode and enjoy a story without ever demanding a ship be canon or even shipping any of the characters. however there is something about a hint or a promise of romance in works that aren’t explicitly romantic that makes them somehow more tantalizing and interesting. anyway this post is about james and erin derrygirls where i had 0 expectations of their feelings ever being confirmed and simply entertained the idea of them as a what-if-james-likes-erin-lol on a completely different tab that was left open in my brain but when it Was confirmed in s3 and the way it was left unfulfilled but all the same promised absolutely has done numbers to my brain chemistry like the small and tender crushes of two kids living ordinary lives under extraordinary circumstances. something about that yeah.
#like sometimes i feel a lot of Shipping is all abt for the sake of shipping and so u can project a Whatever romantic ideal#which often has nothing to do w the characters presented on screen (or on page etc ykwim) and more abt fandom building a fanon around t#the ship and making it all abt coffeeshop college aus etc... like its more abt inside consumption and deformation of the original ship#to be sth it wasnt meant to in canon but what the fandom wants it to be. i dont rly like this kind of shipping#BUT when i see two blorbos and their love is real it touches my soul...... blease understand#like im SO HAPPY w how little screentime their romance actually takes up its EXACTLY as much as i needed in a story out of derry girls#any more wouldve been too much cause honestly theyre all just losers who dont pull and the story is abt friendship and coming of age anyway#but also..... the jerin story so so good and important to me fr.#no bad tracks. the way it happens so quietly and you can pick their feelings up by SQUINTING? impeccable#the way HE is whipped for HER (a must in a het relationship) but absolutely sees right through her bs and keeps it real always#the way james absolutely Knows and Sees erin for all of her and still oh god oh shit#disintegrating to my bare essentials im gone#cause erin diary girl erin erin the author erin the writer and james you should write that down derrygirl james my best friend james#the i can wait........ like literally so mature of them to realise theyre not mature enough yet but YET theres potential for sth#that they cant just fuck up w their teen bullshit!!!!!1GOSH. FABULOUS!!!!!!#AND the way everyone's parents mirrored the girls in the flashback episode and now erin and james seem to rather grow to be similar to#erin's parents aka a loving marriage and relationship that endured objectively A Lot and provided shelter n family not only to their kids#but also officially unofficially james too james who never knew his dad james whose ma kinda umm doesnt love him. lets be honest.#like theres n o reason for me to be losting my shit so mcuh over them except there IS.#except i am!#the fact that their ship name is jerin? erin with a j?? an absolute w for j community on top of everything#no bad tracks im telling you#the quiet tender kind of love that short of develops as a bytheway as an aside to the main story#as an of course id have a crush on you. of course it would happen. of course it's not going to be the main story#its not the end of it either its not even the beginning not really#you know im such a fool for you....... but now im feeling it even more......... etc#jerin#derry girls#derry girls spoilers
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idlegods · 2 years
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gravy got cheese now thats poutine !
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#text#etc#im HOMEEE phew uwu#i think i need to move to a freak compound bc honestly even at this age being around people who arent ''like me'' for like a social purpose#is soooooo exhausting and awful and yaaa i have determined i just dont wanna :3#and theyre not even mean or bad or anything but every bone in my body wants to gtfooo when im not vibing#and part of me is like nooo youre not even trying dont you want to have fun and be sociable and included and accepted?#and also like you wont grow and improve if you dont challenge yoursel!#but also like. do i REALLY need to challenge myself on this particular aspect of my personality??#bc tbh i feel like..... i dont wanna :3! like i have a small close group of friends and i dont really feel inclined to be like.....#purposefully making myself upset and stressed just to make some acquaintances or surface friendships#and ya maybe i would have more fun being social w them#but i also feel so alien compared to almost every other human being bc of both my general demeanor and personality but also bc of my like#lived experiences that have shaped who i am or w/e . that i just dont feel excited at the prospect of even attempting to deal w people#and explain and unpack who i am and why if im not already feeling like theyd not only understand but on some level relate#i need to feel Similar and if i do not then i simply must hit the bricks!! SAD!#oh well there are others in this world i suppose.#also i am having a fun time being sooo so cozy and relaxed alone in my bed now :3c
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somuch-4-stardust · 2 years
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we r on that fronting grind (day 410249309213383824 of hell please help me)
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transmaverique · 9 days
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gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic
see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo
like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.
(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)
(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)
#do you consider yourself transfem first or agender first on an internal level?#do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender?#< not trying to grill u or anything im genuinely curious#ive had similar convos w my transmasc and transfem nonbinary friends as well as like. my gnc binary trans friends#i am just curious bc. like i said 'binary' isnt a bad thing to be and frankly since u identify urself as agender ur not really the target a#dience here anyways?#the idea that theres no such thing as a binary trans person just#fundamentally misunderstands the extremely broad swathe of nonbinary experiences and treatments#my passing transmasc enby friends dont particularly feel touched by transphobia unless theyre clocked or unless our areas laws changed#but some DO feel like they r effected by exorsexism on a day to day by being assumed to be binary men and having the other parts of their i#entities erased#while others are completely comfortable being percieved as strictly men and moving through life strictly as men#which is sounds like. i would guess youd have a similar position since u exclusively use she/her?#like.. it sounds to me like your 'rich interior life' doesnt really have an outward effect on the way people percieve and treat you and the#way you react to it which is very different from my experience#binary doesnt mean your gender is 'simple' it just means that you are comfortable within a binary system even of you dont personally identi#y with it. and maybe this is a case of 'political identity vs personal identity'??#and all of this is FINE its just. literally every time i talk about my own unique positioning my transandrogyny or whatever gives me#people crawl out of the woodwork to tell me my experiences are not actually unique#do u see what my issue is? my own trans experiences are erased bc other people 'disagree' with . what. my perspective as an 'unaligned' enb#? when its like. literally none of us are gonna have the same needs or experiences as trans people#and if 'binary' works to show that you are fine and comfortable being percieved exclusively as a woman#and 'nonbinary' works to show i am not#i dont really see what the issue w using the word 'binary' is#like i said. its not a slur. its not a bad thing to be.#and tbh i think this insistence that 'unaligned' nonbinary ppls perspectives arent actually unique to binary or 'aligned' nonbinary ppls is#directly contributing to like. lateral bigotry coming from said 'unaligned' enbies. like if u put urself in my shoes for a second and u gre#up being constantly told you were either a cis invader who didnt actually have any trans experiences and that only people who want to 'full#transition' were REAL transsexuals then. youd be kinda jaded too right? and im sure you ARE kinda jaded lol.#anyways. sorry for rambling at you i dont have any more tags left lol
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toastsnaffler · 16 days
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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