#i need to go to a rage room
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sometimes i’ll think about dream crying on space to us and how people immediately spun that and called him manipulative and i get filled with so much rage
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i’m actually about to break something and it’s because my internet for some reason can’t handle being in a discord call watching a stream and opening a google drive at the same time
#i literally can’t take this anymore i’m so fucking mad right now this is irritating me an absolutely insane amount#i need to go to a rage room#i’m about to destroy somethjng
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#lauren rambles#i am THIS close to commiting a heinous crime#this office is killing me#I need to go to a rage room#I need to scream#I am too polite to these fuckers and let them run me over every time#I’m too people pleasing
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why tf is everyone a literal idiot
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i can't decide what enrages me more: the bullshit process of job applications or the bullshit construct of credit scores and credit cards
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its so nerve-wracking when u cant get ur anger out in the only way you know how bc now wtf am i gonna do? face my emotions? fuck
#cant vent art my way out of this one ladies#i havent done actual vent art in like years to be fair unless u count like just drawing ur favorite characters normally as vent art but i w#would consider that more as coping#but anyways ive resorted to just writing about it in a writing app i downloaded thats my only option and its driving me insane#i need to go to a rage room#(actual venting from here on sorry) (thank god for movable tags) (warning for potential assault i think)#i need something to numb this bc uhhhh LOL im losing it#losing it over smthing that happened 3 months ago on April First#spent the morning at a guy friends house#went in with gaming controllers and comics thinking we'd just be relaxing#came out questioning my life and what just happened LMFAO#i laugh but its been destroying me for 3 months now#right afterwards i went to a bowling alley birthday with my friends though <3#i just still feel so disgusting even though it was months ago and hes since apologized for it#it was so strange that day and for a few days after#i could still smell him on me and taste him#sometimes even now i can still smell him on me#i did a few weeks ago and it was so weird and i felt like i wanted to throw up#idk#its just a weird situation because some days i wont care and other days ill be crying over it and question why i let it happen#and other days ill be so pissed off about it like i can believe i let this happen after swearing to myself i wouldnt let it#fucking shaking in anger like holy fuck#its such a weird feeling#anyways#stay silly ^_^#- lorii rambles
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oh i would love to do that oh my god imagine the stress you could get out doing that
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I drew @mrghostrat 's Streamer AU Crowley :D
I kinda don't like how this turned out, but after The Great Art Block of 2023, I'm trying to recover with a sort of "any art is good art" outlook? Like, "I'm not too proud of this, but I'm proud that I am drawing"
So any art at all is a win right now 💪💪💪 (+ I'm so obsessed with And They Were Streamers right now it's unreal)
#love this fic sm#idk why his chair is so big oh god wait that wouldve been an easy fix#FUCKKK IT WAS ON ITS OWN LAYER#i rage closed the file without saving tho so i cant go back into a version with layers oops#lets say that its big cos he needs more room to sit weird#(falls off smaller)#ineffable streamers#good omens#crowley#good omens streamer au#and they were streamers
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Teeth are overrated anyway
+
"Congrats." Mal says quietly. She does, in fact, know how to have some tact, sometimes. "Heard you made the team."
Carlos rolls his head to the side so he can talk to something that's not the tightly curled space between his own knees. "I punched a kid so hard he threw up." he says softly. Like it's a confession.
"And? I bet that fucker deserved it."
"Not really."
In Mal’s expert opinion, they all deserve it. Every kid who shoulder checks them in the hall just because they're there, every girl who won't look at Evie while she crushes their test scores, everyone who comes to Mal when they want something and ices her out when they don't, they all deserve it. Every kid who's ever taken a sharpie to their doors to tell them how worthless they are, they deserve it tenfold, and if one of them took a punch to the gut while wearing practice armor, it's nothing compared to what Mal would do to them given half the chance.
"I promise you, they really did," Mal says. "You punched one kid. I've punched how many now?"
Carlos laughs. It's not funny. "Fourteen."
Right. Out of all the ways their families fucked them up, he got the obsessive kind of guilt tracking. Preventative evidence, because the adults who want them gone will totally listen to a timestamped, cross-referenced spreadsheet of all the times they've actually fucked up, instead of whatever imagined crimes they're actually going to get sent back over. The spreadsheet's very existence is incriminating, and it could be bad if it gets into the wrong hands, but anybody who's able to get into three layers of password-protected sub-folders deserves the hex they'll get for snooping, and will probably feel too guilty (hopefully) to use it properly against them anyway. It won’t matter. The adults who care about them won't be able to override the ones who fabricate crimes they didn't even do, and one spreadsheet, even with locked timestamps for every edit, won't do much against a royal word.
Whatever. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms.
"Fourteen," Mal echoes back. "That's a lot fucking more than one, and I'm still here."
His head makes a solid noise against the wood. "You're different. People like you."
Mal can't stop the scornful noise she makes at that one, but she can pick her next words wisely.
Tread carefully, fearless leader. There's no coming back from this one.
"I think," she says slowly, inching her way closer. "That you are severely overestimating how much people like me, fleabrain."
Carlos makes a soft noise. He's listening, which is score one for Mal.
"I'm not some perfect princess who never does anything wrong. Obviously." Fourteen classmates with black eyes and bloody noses. Fourteen people who won't speak ill of her crew again. "I just keep trying, and I guess the Auradonians here are too stupid to realize that we're a bunch of lost causes. Their mistake, right?"
"Right," Carlos whispers. "They're the ones who keep making mistakes."
Hm. It's the right energy, but maybe not quite the right words.
"We deserve better than their scraps," Mal says, low and serious and warming to her cause now. "We deserve at least as much as they give their own stupid children, and if their noble-born brats can keep fucking up over and over, then we deserve at least as many chances as they get. We deserve our place here, and if they haven't kicked me out after punching fourteen people. they're sure as shit not going to kick you out over punching one."
"Right."
Mal can feel the heat of Carlos's body next to hers now, so close they could be touching. "Of course I'm right. And besides, why would they let you on the team if they're going to kick you off right after? It'd be a drain on their time and resources, and they're not gonna waste energy on us if they don't need to. You're stuck on that team whether you like it or not, dumbass."
Carlos laughs. It's not exactly a happy sound, but it's closer than before. "I didn't want to join. I fuckin' hate organized sports."
"Ah, like how I didn't want to join the equestrian club, and Evie dragged me to the meeting under false premises and wouldn't let me leave without petting a horse?"
"Like that," he agrees, and finally tips his head onto Mal's shoulder. "I didn't want to do the second round of tryouts, but they're down a man since Aza broke his ankle, so Coach called everyone on the backup rotation in for a test scrimmage."
"Let me guess, some shithead tried to pull shit because you're tiny, and you rage slammed him into the fuckin' dust?"
Mal can feel the warm gust of his sigh on her neck this time, and it feels like what home must be for other people. "Yup. Pretty much."
Weird.
“I thought coach was all about controlling your power," Mal says, thinking out loud from a half-remembered conversation she’d had with Jay a few nights ago. “Guess he's some sort of filthy hypocrite who only means that for the big guys, huh."
Carlos shakes his head. His hair is a soft, static-y mess that sticks to her cheek from the friction. She's going to be pulling handfuls out of her mouth later, but it's fine for now. "Nah. He wants people who aren't afraid of full contact. Apparently he's playing some sort of psych-out game with one of the other teams, and he's pretty sure I'm unassuming enough that they'll never see it coming."
"So he wants you to punch more people?" Mal asks incredulously. She may be bad at teams, and organized sports, and anything that involves running for more than a few minutes at a time, but a school-sanctioned chance to punch people might be worth making a stink about starting a girl's team over. "Sounds like a fuckin' sweet deal to me."
“I—“ Carlos starts.
Somebody pounds on the closet door, and his mouth snaps shut so fast Mal can hear the click.
"Hey, if you two are done having a heart-to-heart in there, some of us wanna get to dinner on time!" Jay calls through the door. "Toss me out some shoes if you're skipping and I'll tell Verne you're both sick."
Mal shoves open the door without waiting, and is rewarded with a satisfying 'oof' as the handle hits Jay in the stomach. "We were almost done, dumbass. You can't wait five minutes for us to strategize the best way for me to get in on this school-sanctioned hitting people shit?"
Jay grins down at her, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "Nope." he says brightly, popping the 'p'. "Dinner waits for no man, and I'm not missing out on bread just cause you two decided it was the right time to have a gossip sesh in my closet."
"Ow," Mal grumbles, unfolding herself from the floor. "Fuck you, who told you that gossip sesh was a word people actually use?"
Jay steps back to let her out, still grinning infuriatingly. "Lonnie."
Mal's going to sneak into that girl's room and dye all her clothes pink.
No, she'd probably like that. Purple, then. An unflattering purple. One of those periwinkles that's so blue it doesn't deserve to share a name with the perfect purples that Mal herself wears. Perfect.
"I'm going to make you both suffer," Mal informs him. "I'll dye all your clothes black."
"Ooh, you think I'd look hot goth?" Jay shoots back, reaching past Mal to give Carlos a hand up. "Do your worst, killer. I already bribed your girlfriend. She said I'm her favorite model now."
"You did not."
"Did so."
"Nobody bribed me with anything!" Evie calls from the boy's bathroom. "Jay's a better model than you because he knows how to hold still, M."
"Nobody ever asks me to model," Carlos grumbles. Unlike Mal, he looks like he's comfortable standing upright, which is deeply unfair. "I'd be great at it."
Evie sticks her head out of the bathroom. She's holding a hot curling wand to her hair, but her makeup is already on and impeccable for their teacher-student dinner tonight. "That's because you're already my favorite, baby. No matter how many people you've punched."
Carlos flashes her a tiny, blink-and-you've-missed-it smile. It’s worth it. All the time in the world would be worth it to see that smile again. “Thanks, E."
"Yeah, for nothing," Mal grumbles, twisting back and forth until her back pops. "What am I, moldy fish heads? I just spent half an hour twisted up in a closet, I want good girlfriend credit too."
Evie laughs. "The fact that you call it girlfriend credit means you could never really stay in that closet, babe. You get all the girlfriend points."
#my fic#descendants#descendants fic#this is probably ot4#but it’s mostly#gen fic#mal bertha#carlos de vil#i have some thoughts about how this school actually functions and an unfortunate number of those thoughts are about sports teams#like how did we go from ‘have you thought about band’ to ‘he’s like my brain’???#what happened in between to get this sportsball team functioning as a team#so this is loosely my take on that#and also about the enduring need to sit in a dark room and not interact with people after stressful situations#like when u accidentally rage blackout and punch a kid and think you’re going to be sent back into exile because he started puking#just normal stuff y’know
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NOT CHETNEY TELLING FEARNE TO BREAK PERCYS WINDOWS LMAO. we gotta get fearney to one of those rage rooms!!!
#bells hells go out to a rage room together and then talk about their feels. i need this.#critical role#campaign 3#txt#mine
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I know I have been gone for the longest time I’m sorry let’s move past that for a second
Atla live action had me scratching my head in absolute bewilderment at 98% of the changes, screaming for ten minutes straight, laughing in absolute FURY, shaking my head bc why tf did you drag out this stupid fkin detail and leave out a million other details, becoming absolutely mute because I cant fathom forming words to describe the feelings I am feeling about what I just went through
There were positives don’t get me wrong but it feels like I’m in a toxic relationship, convincing myself the CRUMBS I was served made up for all the bad bits. I am literally in a fist fight against my nostalgia. Why did it get progressively more mind boggling as each episode went by???? My list of positives seemed to disintegrate in real time as I watched the directors and writers decisions unfold before my eyes. What. The fuck. Just happened.
Will I watch season 2 (if it even happens)??? Yes. Ofc. Bc seeing atla come to life in any way shape or form means I have to watch it even if I feel like I’m slowly increasing the pressure in my brain at times. My head is banging and I don’t think that’s cause it’s 5AM. My head is banging bc I don’t think I’ve ever had to hold in so much anger in my LIFE.
Also no hate to zuko and iroh I love atla so obviously I love them as much as the next atla fan but f*ck me, am I the only one who feels like the writers only cared about those two?? Like???? Where was the development between the gaang??? Where was it???? I feel DEPRIVED!!!!!
Bruh.
Book 1 and Aang doesn’t know how to move a single drop of water 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 but we got to see bumi a million times!!!!!!! So it’s ok!!!!
Guess I know why bryke left!
#I need to go to a rage room to process this but I also need to watch it all again so I can decide what I really think#right now I am irritated#no where near as a bad as the movie that doesn’t exist#like I still enjoyed watching it come to life enough that I don’t feel like I’m gonna die#but I also think that’s bc I wanna be nice and I’m in denial and I love the cast and I don’t wanna be mean and I really wanted this to work#atla la#live action atla#atla live action#atla#avatar the last airbender
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...He was more right than he knew. When the battle was done, there were changes made. "Aerys thought no harm could come to him if he kept me near," he told his father's corpse. "Isn't that amusing?" Lord Tywin seemed to think so; his smile was wider than before. He seems to enjoy being dead.
It was queer, but he felt no grief. Where are my tears? Where is my rage? Jaime Lannister had never lacked for rage. "Father," he told the corpse, "it was you who told me that tears were a mark of weakness in a man, so you cannot expect that I should cry for you."
#he be having a full blown existential panic attack screaming throwing up sliding down wall in front of the corpse of his father#reconsidering the entirety of his existence seeing ghosts of the past taking shape and form in front of his eyes#cracking jokes at his father's corpse about possibly the most horrific memory of his entire life#isn't that amusing father haha look he's smiling i'm so cool and funny haha#where are my tears where is my rage#no i don't feel any grief whatsoever i can't cry for you i don't gaf haha kill me plz i'm fine#I just go away inside#changes will be made#we shall talk when i return#delulu land#i need a room full of mental care specialists at this point#help#jaime lannister#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf quote#why did i decide to reread his chapters don't i have anything better to do
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I think I need to find a rage room or smth. Ykno those types of things that gives u a space to just absolutely go fucking ham? Breaking shit and letting out the anger? I'm constantly stifling anger bc I don't want to cause problems with it, but ever since my dad died, I've really wanted to just kick the shit out of something.
Just once. Just one time would fix me, I think. I really need to be able to break things.
#speculation nation#cant throw shit bc i dont want to scare people and i also dont want to break my things#cant kick boxes bc if i do then i scare the shit outta my cats and i dont wanna do that to them#im a nice person but i just really want to break things#so it's an impasse. one that i think a rage room would help me with. hmmm#alternatively i could go to a gym and get into the habit of lifting weights#i may be tiny but i wanna get strong and i really do need to get back into shape.#wonder whether working out regularly would help me with my fibro dizziness. or maybe itd make it worse.#hoping at the doctor's appointment i scheduled that i can finally start getting a diagnosis for fibro#im almost entirely certain i have it by this point. and i really would like some treatment for it.#sigh. in time. just gotta wait two and a half months. wah.
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happy filled with rage and anger monday everyone!!
#moodboard#current mood#rage and anger monday#gemsiiie rants#hope this finds the right audience#why can’t i be fucking WEIRD for a bit#like i just wanna go fucking insane and break shit#i need a rage room NYOOOWWWW#thoughts with gemsie
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people think i'm "rude" for being too blunt/too honest but if i took some kind of uncontrollable truth-telling serum i would be actually suicide-inducingly horrible to be around. i'm honest but trust that i take care to be much more polite, fair, and controlled at most times than I want to. you could not take 5 minutes of me blurting out everything that goes on in my brain in gruesome detail, especially pertaining to You specifically. kindness and courtesy are neither a weakness nor proof of some inherent purity. they are a bore of a chore. and while it is an incredibly irritating chore it is required in order to exist (less) hassled by society.
idk. it's truly annoying to spend much effort and energy on all of everything alone. and after accepting no help will come your way, no ackmowledgement or reward for your work comes either. and not only. instead comes punishment. punishment for the grave sin of not being good enough at pretending like i love small talk and not being good enough at kissing ass and not being good enough at neither keeping my head down and doing nothing nor making waves. not being good enough no matter which way you turn, what weight you pull, how much pain you opt to ignore in favour of pushing onward. there is no prize, no safe space, there is only the anger in the meaningless and base fight to survive. hatred, death, despair, the deep wells of agony. and within it all a part of you screams itself hoarse and then quiet to break the dam. at such high capacity, it doesnt matter of its toxic sludge or just water. "just water" kills everything in its path. tsunamis, typhoons, tropical storms, rainstorms, deadly hail... a little bit builds up and in the right place it can be cried out, or redirected, or simply evaporate in the warm, kind, invigorating rays of the sun. but what then if there is no place for that kind of thing. you are the river above a city and you grow and you grow and come the next storm you may just flatten it all to nothing with everyone inside. the dam allows no space to move or grow smaller. you grow so big you don't know if it's even a river anymore. what you are is some strange unnatural body with a riptide so intense it rivals the wildest ocean tides.
i remember the time i almost got swallowed by a storm riptide clearly. it took just a touch of the water and i am being pulled by a force stronger than anything i have felt before or again, something wild and so much bigger. a storm that no longer wants or has any purpose or even one clear cause... without reason, it doesn't *want* to destroy ships and tug people to their crushed deaths. no. it just-- will. it will do that. it has no will but it will kill you. it will destroy everything. what a beautiful terror. but why in me. tugging tugging tugging. sometimes i wish my weak little kid body got seized by the riptide and that i could not break free at all. that would be an epic death.
#rambles#someone promised me a visit to a rage room!!!! they must deliver!!!!!!#i must admit i do look down on the one that rages like a traumatized little bitch-- dog#at every little thing#the one who-- in the real world-- is too angry and stupid even to shut its mouth when it kills itself#here i am with all this anger you put inside me and its enough to genuinely want to wipe our planet dead#and here i am calmly listening to you air your pathetic grievances while i think of smashing your skull in with this hammer#and you. you... like a little baby given power.#and here i fucking am taking it and trying so hard to maintain. as if it wouldnt be such a relief to just let go#as if i havent envied you for your senseless retarded pursuit of being so unapologetically terrible to people#as if i wouldnt do anything to trade our minds and places and be the stupid eternal toddler#people think the things i occasionally say or do are anger. it is not#how many switches will you flip and buttons will you push until you choose the wrongest one yet#how much longer must i withstand this pressure with my hands under me and my teeth pressed firmly together#how many more times do i have to stop in the middle of acting on instinct. instinct to survive and fight#instinct that will destroy indiscriminately.#if its like this for long enough... do you think water can become fire? youve heard of hell freezing over but have you heard of earth#becoming hell?#again i cant sleep. the energy is suffocating. i need to be held tightly and to tussle till my body gives out#no i need to feel bones crack under me.
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rant time bc IM SO FUCKING ANGRY RN ISTG 😭😭🙏
ok so i almost got into a fight with this loudmouthed bitch today. i have so much drama with her bc she keeps adding onto it bc she CANNOT keep her fucking mouth shut.
it all started in like december bc i didn't go to an orchestra concert we had and i didn't text her that i wasn't coming (i was sick.) and since then shes been doing shit to add to this drama and im so tired of it istg 😭 and on like saturday my cousin ended up calling her and went crazy on her (even though i told her to just ask why she was being such a bitch. it wasn't my idea whatsoever for my cousin to start yelling at her). and now this FATASS FUCKING HOE is telling everyone that im racist and that i forced my cousin to threaten her like I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT FUCKING SHIT BUT SHE DOESN'T WANNA GET ANY OF IT INTO HER FUCKING HEAD
and this morning she made my bsf cry too due to all of the drama and that's what made me almost start throwing punches at her. but i didn't bc we have a 2 day field trip starting tomorrow night (going to universal studios orlando‼️‼️) and i knew i needed to keep my cool so i didn't get kicked off the trip (forgot to mention that i found out from the call my cousin made that this fucking bitch tried making up shit to get me kicked off the trip completely bc her sensitive ass can't even handle me looking at the wall shes near so she definitely can't handle being on the same bus as me for 8 hours). but istg if we weren't going on that field trip, i would have irritated her to where she would throw the first punch and then shit would go down 😭
so sorry for cussing so much 🙏 im just so angry abt this shit and i have a feeling that im not gonna have fun on this trip just bc she can't shut the fuck up
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