#i need help idk whats wrong with me rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skribblz · 1 year

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me looking at a sexy person: wowza 👀

me looking at some art style that scratches my brain just right and sends me into fricken outer space: ACHIDANZA MAMMA MIA CLEMCHING MY FISTS AND HOWLING TO THE MOON BARK BARK THE COLORS THE LINEART *ZOOMS IN A THOUSAND TIMES* CLAWING AT MY SCFEEN ZONING IN ON SPECIFIC SPOTS “OP THATS LITERALLY SO SEXY OF YOU”X1000000

#plz if i use the word sexy with anyone plz take it in the most platonic way possible #its just…such a funny word #like dam gurl…youre so sexy for doing your hw and achievung your goals 🥵#nothing sexier than bae drinking water and taking care of themselves 🫦#i need help idk whats wrong with me rn #skrambles #ARTISTS ARE SO SEXYYYYYYYYY I DONT CAAAARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE YOURE ALL SO S E X Y Y Y Y

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attackoneyebrows · 1 year

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i miss you.

#station 19 #station19edit #maya x carina #maya bishop #carina deluca #station 19 spoilers #what kills me is maya doesnt even have a proper support network #she has no one in her corner except carina (whos rightfully distancing rn)#shes basically dealing w all of this alone (clearly too proud to ask for help also)#and carinas not wrong......maya wants to 'get back on track' for sure #whether it's her career or her marriage she doesnt want to derail either #shes doing these thing bc theyre boxes to tick on this 'path to get better'#i really hope they explore this further bc she needs to actually want this for herself #and thats the cognitive shift of believing in inherent self worth vs associating it with accomplishments #sigh but idk if they'll explore this angle or just have them back together in 2 eps #i want maya to love herself first before she offers that role to anyone else #also it's been awhile since ive gifed lighting this bad lmao #takes me back to lost girl days (it will never be as bad as lost girl days)

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pickled-flowers · 15 days

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Saw some of the grossest parenting today in the bus

#this dad was on his phone the whole bus ride ok #and his two kids were screaming arguing #at most he would periodically tell them to lower their voice while still on his phone #one time he told them to stop the one sitting next to him hit him 😭 and he went back to look at his phone with no reaction #my guy something is seriously wrong with you #your kids are screaming at each other doesn't even matter all that much that we are in the bus rn #theyre not just being loud kids you need to do smt!!!!!! its too early for this!!! i could hear them even with my noise cancelling headphone #anyways #ive never seen smt like this #and i work in a mall i see lots of parents and kids #idk smt really disgusting about a parent just not even interested in engaging with their kids #dude no wonder they're loud they probably want ur attention #also this one lady once who came in wjth a big stroller #and the store where i work has little moving rooms between the aisle so this woman decided TO LEAVE THE STROLLER WITH A KID INSIDE AT THE #FRONT OF THE STORE #the kids started crying and his hrother (toddler not in the stroller but not following the mom for some reason) started exploring and i #i had to watch them until the mom came back but like the woman just left them there???#i just stepped in but what if i hadnt??? lady?????????#i see lots of cute interactions of course #like this little girl who came with who i think is her grandpa and he asked me to help her chose her next manga read 😭💖#i basically work in a book/toy store #theres a lot of candy as well the kids love it #idk i like seeing kids being happy ok it is healing #like all the kids sitting on the floors deep in their books while the parents shop 😭😭😭 makes me smile every time top tier behavior

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worm-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 year

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Absolutely hate hate hate talking on the phone. It should be illegal.

Hate hate hate it 😭

#had an issue with a chewy order and got an email saying to call customer service in order for them to ship the order #for like security reasons??#and I was totally expecting to get a robot person not an actual person #so when dude answered the phone and asked what I needed help with I panicked #and I was so nervous and I think he could tell kfjfkfk #cause I gave him the wrong email at first #and when he asked for my name I only gave him my first name at first until he asked for my last name 😭#and the. he asked for my address and I only gave him like my house address not my area code or anything until he asked for it #and I kept apologizing and he was like ‘it’s okay’ in a very nice way which was nice but also awful #and then I hung up too early 😭#like he asked if I needed help with anything else and I said no and thanked him #and then he like kept talking and thanked me for calling and he was gonna say something else but I thanked him again and hung up #cause I thought he was done 😭#this is gonna keep me up at night for the next 3 months jfjfkfkk #personal #tag rant #I think he was gonna say have a good night or something #idk but I feel bad 😭#my anxiety is so high rn lol it’s 2 am 😃#at least I have something to talk about in therapy tomorrow now jfjfjfkfk pls 😭

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loving-jack-kelly · 8 months

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yesterday sucked so bad it was the longest day ever I cried at work and I slept like a rock bc I was so exhausted and then today I woke up and it was literally like. the sun is shining the birds are chirping it feels like fall I made birthday plans with my best friend for march that I'm so excited for the thing that was stressing me out so bad yesterday at work is fixed and over with and everybody is telling me I did well with it even though it felt like I did not in the moment AND I my adoption application was accepted at one of the shelters I applied to so I got invited to their adoption event to meet their dogs tomorrow AND I'm seeing hozier in a week and two days and that does not feel real but also it actually hit for properly for the first time today :) how the tables have turned oh and ALSO I'm watching a horror movie with emma tonight and last night I think it would have killed me bc I was so tired and empty by the time I got home but today I am Hyped for it

#i'm good at my job and usually the stuff I'm doing doesn't get to me but yesterday TWO solutions to the problem I've been dealing w all week #didn't end up being solutions at all bc first year college students suck so bad. and by the time the second one didn't go through #we'd told the student affected that it HAD so we had to walk it back #and i'm on call 24/7 this week so I was so so tired yesterday #and i just wanted to make fix this poor girl's problem and to have to tell her I'd been wrong when I told her it had been fixed....idk #it got to me and i cried which at least finally convinced my supervisor that what id been saying from the beginning was the correct move #and then i fell asleep pretty early and overslept on purpose bc fuck being in the office I needed to recover #and then i helped move a minifridge with a microwave attached to the top up and down four flights of stairs #bc this campus is possibly the least ada compliant space I have Ever been in in my life #and there are NO elevators in any residential buildings except the one that used to be a hotel down the street #anyway. life update ig <3 things are genuinely so so good rn yesterday was Simply a bad day. happens sometimes. glad it's over :)#real life stuff #i should have a tag for that so I can go through once in a while and see what was up when :)

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widevibratobitch · 21 days

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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa #something is Wrong lol #i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches #all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now #but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit #and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on #to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back #like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend #i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect #i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back #but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms #or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations #or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings #or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af #because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff #im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility #i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn #but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself #and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc #i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself #and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it #i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do #i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it #and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person #<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation #of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT

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skyteglad · 9 months

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the latest aita is making me sad. the teeth one. because like... when i was a kid, i was told to have braces! and that i'd need an eventual surgery! and because i didn't want to, my parents didn't make me.

that surgery would've changed my life. i'm not fucking kidding. i'm pretty sure 75% of my physical disabilities stem from not getting that surgery. and by the time i was able to bring up trying to have corrective work again, i was two years from losing my insurance, and my parents procrastinated. now it seems like a pipe dream it'll ever happen.

i get being resentful of your parents forcing you to do things you don't want to do, but god damn, if mine had actually really pushed me into getting braces, my life would be so much different and so much better.

#riot.txt #personal #vent #sorry i'm just. really emotional and maybe a lil triggered #bc SO MUCH of my physical and mental health problems can be stemmed to my jaw #and my teeth.#bc i didn't get that surgery i can't swallow easily. i can't take medication i severely need. my back and neck are bent in ways i can't und #due to lack of breathing. i can't sit up straight bc i can't breathe and that's caused so much damage to me!#if they'd have pushed me into caring for my teeth and my body it would've saved me SO much heartache and pain. i'll have no way of knowing #how different life would be #but i know for a FACT i wouldn't have certain issues i have now... i'd be on mental health medication i wouldn't have chronic pain i'd be #able to function in society without feeling like a burden who'll never be able to get on social security #idk im jst... PLEASE iff you have the chance to have orthopedic work done - DO IT.#if your PARENTS are going to be footing the bill and have good insurance i PROMISE thats a fucking blessing #bc i can't work anymore and the surgery i need that might fix a lot of my life is in the tens of thousands without insurance that i cant bu #anyways sorry to ramble n trauma dump but its my blog and if ANYONE sees this and it helps them or convinces them to get work done while #they can then. idk. feels worth it to be vulnerable :'3 #EDIT: also like... if they'd forced me sure i'd be resentful #but ykw i am rn? even more resentful for the intense medical neglect that stemmed from 'well he doesn't want to so lets not make him'#most kids don't want to go to the doctor. maybe if they'd taken me regularily to a fucking doctor i'd have more answers for what's wrong wm #like... god i'd have hated braces then bc ofc i would i was a kid #but i hate even more now knowing just how fucking NEGLECTED i was as a kid bc they let me make my own choices by going the hands off approa #iunno. anyways. nah on that aita. you're allowed to be upset and resent him for it but GOD he is not an asshole for caring about you #'your body your choice' does not apply here at all. i'm so sorry to tell u this. fdkgfdhgkjdgd #EDIT 2: didn't even MENTION the fact i have dehibilitating chronic migraines and headache that i suspect are directly tied to my poor denta #health!! LIKE. AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE ENTIRE DAY #SOMETIMES (OFTEN) MUTLIPLE TIMES A WEEK.#i only JST NOW got access to medicatio to help w it and i CAN'T. SWALLOW. THE MEDICATION THAT PREVENTS THE MIGRAINE FROM GETTING WORSE #I CAN ONLY SWALLOW THE DAILY MED... BC ITS _SO FUCKING TINY_.#aahghghfgdfhgdfjd -puts face in hands-

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leemarkies · 1 year

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#having a Bad Day #one of my bosses was talking to me about classes i should take next year #and gave some helpful ideas about taking trial advocacy and pretrial lit #which. i do plan on taking the latter sometime next year #but both of those classes would severely mess up my entire course schedule and probably wouldn’t allow me to work twice a week at the firm #but i ofc don’t say that i just nod and agree and say thank you. they don’t need to know what classes i’m taking #and then my head boss talks to me after and says they are suggesting these courses bc my analysis writing has gotten worse since i started #and that he noticed i don’t have a ‘passion’ for this work #so . great. now i feel god awful. not about what they think about me but more about whether or not i’ll be able to keep a job here #and like normally i would not care but. i NEED this job i NEED the money #i pay for my mom’s mortgage and i have loans to pay off + just! normal general things to buy! and GAS!#without this job i’d have $240 a month roughly from my other job which is next to nothing #idk what i’m doing wrong. this job is such a ‘trial by fire’ and i’m sooo intimidated by my bosses #and i’m cheery and i don’t complain and i listen and i smile and i work quickly #and sure i make mistakes but i try! i swear!#if i don’t have this job past the summer idk what i’m going to do i’ll be so fucked #putting all of my eggs in this one basket. already committed to this summer but if they don’t want to hire me after graduation #i will be jobless. i have no network. i spend all of my time working or at home bc i live with two disabled people an hour+ away from campus #and i don’t have the time or energy to do anything else #i’ve dealt with soooo much worse in my life idk why i’m freaking out so much rn #i would give anything to call my grandpa rn for some advice but .#…. haha anyways . great weather we’re having

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sanchoyo · 1 year

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🧍🏻 girl help the blood tests came back and I do possibly have pre-hypothyroidism. They want me to come back in 3 months to do another panel just in case bc smth was apparently way way too high 😭 wtf !!

#I don’t know what they’ll do if it’s confirmed I mean. I mean they confirmed my levels are high but maybe it’s a fluke 😭 PLSS if that’s #actually fr a reason or contributing factor to my mental stuff I will lose it I don’t want another diagnosis I have enough shit wrong!!!#enoughhhhh like stoppp ittttt 😂 please. ☹️#I am also going to …book an appointment w a disability lawyer #I once again quit a job after 2 days 😔#but I’m alive! I survived a level 10 brain crisis . I can’t keep getting jobs and then having huge horrible week long meltdowns over them #it’s disability or bust!!!! if the lawyer tells me it’s not realistic and she doesn’t think I’ll get it idk 😭#but like. I’m not able to work rn. I can’t keep lying and downplaying it and then spending weeks recovering after meltdowns #it’s not sustainable!!!! it cannot continue!!!!#literally nervously admitted to my sister how bad it actually is and saying it out loud was so hard and embarrassing but…#I promised the crisis hotline lady I’d get help and tell my support system that I need help. I will not let her down 🫡 I will get help #if I have to drag myself. which I will .#lol…(pained) I rly hope the lawyer takes me seriously 😐#medical talk #sanchoyorambles #actually thyroid issues run in the family my grandma has thyroid issues!!! I’ve gone w her to a specialist that’s like 3 hours away!!!#maybe I shouldn’t be surprised but I genuinely am I am like wtf!! bro !!#I mean tbf I’ve had anxiety forever like even as a very small child so I don’t think that’s the ONLY reason but if it’s contributing…🔫#I don’t even kno how they’d treat that I will look it up I guess 🧍🏻

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blessedshortcake · 1 year

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Pants update

#im ready to burn the house down #someone actually sedate me i spent 3 days 3 fucking days working on it #AND ITS STILL. OFF. COLOUR. IM RUNNING OUT OF DYE #I BOUT 13 THIRTEEEEEEEN FUCKING BATCHES #OF DYE #AND IM RUNNING #OUT #DO YOU KNOW #HOW MUCH #THAT IS #ive cried about. 8 times the past 4 hours #i. i csnt. i cant fucking. i cant. take this shit. how. why. why. why how and whyyyyy #ive had more caffeine than what should be humanly possible and my ears are ringing like i just got flashbanged #i really really badly need a hug or at least Any human contact ive been locked in here Alone since friday #like to Speak to someone or or i dont fucking know ill take ANYTHING at this point #i think i am losing it like i thought there was nothing beyond where i was before but i guess i was wrong /lh #how do you make friends these days i Need more people to talk to i have 2 online friends i talk to almost every day #and that is it. i have Occasional friends whom i still love but i think being stir crazy is partially from my ass having no one to #talk to. idk tho im still just losing it rn so i am literally just rambling 😭 help

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little #bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable #like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in #the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding #that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do #and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly #stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or #text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel #or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick #of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but #i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering #topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed #bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers #has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far #but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like #pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done #so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out #and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow #unrelated

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lemondoddle · 2 years

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A piece on feeling broken

[I.D. a photo of a mixed media pen and ink illustration. The focal point of the piece is of stark white nude figure in an exaggerated cartoonish style with thin, bendy limbs and sketchy black outlines reclined on the floor with their right facing arm holding support, one leg laying flat and the other bent up. At his crotch is a small crt television displaying the 'no signal' screen of colored lines with the only change being the bottom section of colors being the asexual flag. The left side hand is bent up and holding a hammer in its hand and trembling slightly, poised to strike down on the t.v. the figure's face looks down at themself in a contempt but weary sneer. They're eyes are dark and laden with bags, his hair is a curly mullet and they have been slightly shaded with a light purple. The background consists of a bright magenta covering the whole background with angry black scribbles emitting from the figures head and stretching out to the edges of the canvas and forming a vignette. Red, blue, and dark magenta lines orbit the t.v., as if it's emitting it's own energy. End I.D.]