#i miss my mortal girl yall done fucked her up
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❤ 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸𝐷 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑁, 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝐴𝐿𝑊𝐴𝑌𝑆 ❤
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bella swan x fem! reader.
lowercase intended.
this story takes place during new moon. also, i love edward cullen as much as i love bella swan but in this story, edward cullen has no rights.
me and my homies all fucking HATE new moon edward cullen.
anyways, if you like this, please give it a 'like' and tell me if you like it because it'll mean the world to me :(
thank you and enjoy!!
WARNINGS: smut. there's not a lot of it, it's mainly just oral and somewhat dirty talk. again, not a whole lot of anything, really. it's mainly fluff with somewhat smut. idk??? either way. i hope yall like it.
(y/n) stirred in her sleep, the floor below her squeaking loudly due to her continuous movements. she couldn't stop squirming around, couldn't get comfortable in the slightest, no matter how much she tried to do so.
(y/n) tried her best but didn't - couldn't - succeed. she was constantly stirring as she tried to rest.. no matter what position she tried, no matter how many melatonin gummies she had previously taken before as well, nothing seemed to work. both her thoughts and heart were racing, she knew they wouldn't stop or slow down any time soon, either.
they kept going, running and running, it was as if her thoughts were a horse, racing to the finishing line but the finishing line was so far away, so out of reach, she couldn't seem to catch up to it. as for her heart, it was hammering away against her chest, rapidly.
though, she knew it was physically impossible, (y/n) swore her best friend - bella swan - could hear (y/n)'s heartbeat drumming and jack hammering against her chest. but all was silent in the room, other than the faint snores drifting away from bella's lips and (y/n)'s heavy breathing.
the thoughts that clouded her mind were nothing but pure filth, such sinful things that'd make even the devil red in the face and cause him to go speechless. all these thoughts were about bella, too.
(y/n) knew it was wrong to think such thoughts about your best friend, especially one who just went through a break up not too long ago but she couldn't help herself.
truth be told, she always did have an attraction to her best friend, ever since the two were children, actually, (y/n) always had a crush on bella.
of course, she didn't know what those feelings were as a kid, she just thought bella was pretty the way flowers were and the way the sky was when it'd drastically change colors, have it be a sunset or a sunrise, it didn't matter because they were a beautiful sight to her, as was bella.
The marriage of warm honey hues and deep caramels spun in bella's eyes, her brown hair was long and wavy, it flowed so smoothly down over her shoulders and across her back.
as of the moment, however, her hair was a bird's nest and in every other angle, strands of hair poked out from her sleeping, restless face. it actually made (y/n) giggle faintly as she bent forward, sneaking a peek at her best friend.
she had done this every other time within the night, sneaking a glance, here and there, just to watch how beautiful she slept - how peaceful she looked.
but (y/n) also was quick to lay back down against the sleeping bag she was oh so, uncomfortably sleeping in. the moment bella rolled over and shifted in her sleep, she'd be quick to shut her eyes and play pretend, afraid of bella waking up and seeing her, gawking at her, googly eyes and a lovestruck expression across her face.
she didn't want bella to think she was a total creep, for gazing at her like that, especially as the girl was elsewhere within her own state of mind, more than likely, dreaming of her ex boyfriend, edward, too.
the reason they were having this sleepover, anyways, was because charlie - bella's dad - suggested it. said that bella could use a friend, especially with edward getting up and walking out on her for whatever, given reason that may be, nobody expect bella knew. and even then, bella didn't say anything about it. she kept quiet.
but even then, no words needed to be spoken, bella's expressions and body language were more than enough of a dead giveaway; she was still so hung up about the cullen boy.
at least, this is what (y/n) thought. everyone in forks thought that. expect, as she's thinking about bella, lost in her own thoughts, she hears a faint whimper, coming above her.
eyebrows furrowed and bottom lip tugged between her teeth, (y/n) sits up and at first, she hesitates, wondering if she should wake bella up herself or go and get charlie.
charlie warned her that bella was having nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, she'd yell on the top of her lungs and cry until there were no tears left. expect, before she could make that decision, she hears the whimpers growing louder, thus giving her the explanation and the answer to the question she had yet asked.
bella wasn't having a night terror, no, instead she was touching herself. and she was touching herself to (y/n).
"a-ah.... oh... (y/n)..." bella's voice is hoarse, groggy, it's as if she had just woken up. (y/n) felt foolish for not having picked up on the sudden noises before but there they were - the faint buzzing and the soft, slick sound of bella pleasuring herself with said toy. once she recognized the sound, she couldn't unhear it.
(y/n) now, having known what it exactly was that she was doing, she could hear it a little too well. it sent her own core throbbing, begging to be touched. the thin layer of cloth she wore around her thighs, a poor excuse of a pair of panties if you ask her, began to leak with (y/n)'s arousal.
but there, she lay, as stiff as a board, unable to move. until she heard bella's voice. then and only then, did she feel her heart begin to pick back up with speed and the butterflies that she desperately tried to hide began to flutter and fly deep within her stomach, sending an endless amount of feelings to flood her.
"(y/n)? i know you're awake... i know you can hear me. i can practically read your thoughts, too. read you like a book. i've known you since, well... forever." bella giggled but her voice cracked, giving away at the last sentence she spoke, it was as if she was on the verge - the edge - of coming undone. and completely oblivious to the fact, bella was, indeed, on the edge of an orgasm. and she needed (y/n). now, more than ever, she needed her best friend.
"i know you want me, (y/n). i won't lie, either, i want you too... and i also know you want my pretty pussy as much as i want yours."
(y/n)'s breath hitches in her throat and she solemnly swears her heart stops beating. fully sitting up, her (e/c) eyes meet with bella's hazel ones. "are you sure? you aren't just saying this because-"
bella shook her head, quick to reply before (y/n) could even mention her ex boyfriend's name. bella didn't want to hear about him. not now, not ever again. he broke her heart but here (y/n) was, always there to pick bella up when she fell. bella, herself, felt like an idiot for not realizing her feelings sooner.
yes, she loved edward, and a little piece of her always probably would love him. and yes, she'll also think about the endless possibilities that could have happened in the future with edward but....
as she looked at her best friend, bella realizes that she'd rather remain as a mortal and die, loving this girl than love an immortal who left, even after claiming he loved her and wanted to spend forever with her.
she'd rather be with (y/n) the girl who never gave up on her, even in the most difficult times.
this was her forever. and as dull and depressing as a human may be, especially one so scared of dying, bella wasn't afraid anymore. being with (y/n) made her feel alive.
and again, she'd die, happily, as long as it meant (y/n) was by her side throughout it all.
both bella and (y/n) knew, too, nothing would ever tear them apart. no matter what, they'd always be together.
friendship or relationship, at the end of the day, it'll always be them.
"yes. i'm sure. i'm positive. i want you now more than ever. i.... well, i've been thinking about it for awhile. often, i should say.... you're the only friend - only person - who has remained by my side, not just with this breakup but even when i lived thousands and thousands of miles away. you sent me letters and packages.... hell, when i told you i finally got a laptop. you were the first person in my inbox. you sent me multiple emails, all of which mainly contained of nothing expect, 'i miss you's.'
you were always there for me. and even now, even when i had pushed you away for a boy who could care less about me, you were there. i love you, (y/n). and i am so sorry it took me so long before to realize."
by the time, bella was done talking, (y/n) scrambled up on her feet (she nearly fell in the progress, too) and pushed bella down against the bed, instantly crashing her lips on the other girl's.
smiling in the kiss, bella happily kisses back, murmuring a soft, "i love you," against (y/n)'s lips.
"and i love you." (y/n) replied. the kiss was short, simple and sweet. it would have lasted longer and bella was upset when (y/n) had pulled away but (y/n) giggles softly and explains why she ended the kiss so soon, so quickly.
"what did you say earlier, by the way? you know.... about me, wanting that pretty pussy of yours? is that offer still on the table, bell?" (y/n) whispered, seduction easing its way into the words she spoke. bella shuddered, feeling her nipples harden and her cunt throb as (y/n) talked.
"y-yes." bella stammered, blushing deeply as she chewed on her bottom lip. "will you? please? 'm still so wet." bella continued, the blush on her cheeks only growing a deeper and darker red as she confessed this.
in one swift movement, bella holds the toy up, proving her statement. the toy was small, no bigger than her and (y/n)'s fingers combined.
the only light in the room, other than the faint glimmer and glow of the lights hung up above bella's bed was the pale light of the moon, peaking out from the curtains. even with little to no light, (y/n) could tell the toy was soaked with bella's wetness.
"lay on your back. spread your legs for me, want to see your full pussy on display for me. won't you do that for me, bells? be my good girl and show me your cute cunt?"
like earlier, bella shuddered at (y/n)'s words and throwing the comforter off of her, she gets cozy and lays on the mattress, her breathing heavy as she watched (y/n) spread her legs apart and before she can even register what's happening, she feels the soft but wet tip of (y/n)'s tongue in between her folds.
"oh." bella mewled, throwing her head back against the pillows behind her head. edward never touched her, other than a few awkward kisses, here and there. he always said he was too scared he'd hurt her. how ironic, being the fact he still managed to hurt her by leaving her. not so much in the bedroom because they never got around to it.
but he was gone now and (y/n) was here, showing and proving that she was better than that heartless, and undead son of a bitch.
"(y/n) please..." bella whimpered, tugging on her lower lip harder as she felt (y/n)'s tongue go deeper inside. a moan leaves her lips before she could say anything else.
(y/n), taking her clit in her mouth, bella squeals with delight and surprise at the sudden action.
"oh, fuck, yes~!" bella moans, throwing her head back, her hand finds its way into (y/n)'s hair, curling her fingers around the stray few pieces that slip between her fingertips.
"eat me out, baby, just like that. you like that, hm? like the taste of your best friend's cunt on your tongue? fucking devour it, baby, eat me out as if i'm your last meal. oh, (y/n)!!" bella's voice grew louder, more needy, by the second.
(y/n) as quick as ever, flicks her tongue again and again, over and over, against bella's clit, her lips hollow over her womanhood and she licks all around, taking in bella's juice like a cum slut she was.
bella seemed to enjoy it, with the way she was withering and shaking above her. there's that, of course, and her, growing wetter the more (y/n)'s tongue and lips hover over her cunt.
so, there was the answer to the question she had yet asked.
being the ultimate tease, however, (y/n) pulls back and replaces her tongue with the toy that bella used earlier, slipping it in easily as the wetness of herself continues to leak out.
"oh, fuck!" bella exclaims, she's quick to cover her mouth with the palm of her hand, however, reminding herself that her father was downstairs, more than likely, passed out on the couch with a repeat of last year's game on the screen.
if he had heard her yelling, (thanks for that, edward) he'd be quick to run up the stairwell, careful on his feet so he wouldn't trip and he'd burst through the door, seeing if his daughter was okay and if she needed him like all the other times he had heard her, screaming and hollering.
of course, if that were the case; he'd see bella, being eaten out by her best friend, tears of pleasure and satisfaction rolling down her cheeks, bottom lip clamped between her teeth, all while (y/n)'s face was full of her pussy, her chin glistening with her juices.
as her one hand covered her mouth, her other had left (y/n)'s hair and was digging into the comforter, her nails digging into the flower printed fabric.
"that's it, baby, yes, yes, oh, FUCK. fuck me like that, please, don't stop, oh please, don't stop." bella's words ran together as she was getting closer and closer to an orgasm. the slur in her speech made it seem as if she were drunk, more than anything.
"fuck me like a whore, (y/n), please... want you. need you so bad. 'wan be a good girl for you and cum just for you, babygirl, please."
more than happy to do so, (y/n) does exactly that. removing the toy, (y/n) replaces the opening of bella's cunt with her fingers, pumping her fingers back and forth; in and out. she does this while shoving her face back in between bella's thighs.
meanwhile, bella bucks her hips into her best friend's mouth, her lips falling down into a little 'o' shape as the familiar heat pools in the bottom of her stomach and continues to build. her teeth clench together as her feet arch up and her toes curl downward.
"oh god.... oh, (y/n).. i'm coming!" bella's words, like earlier, have not changed because the palm of her hand was still clamped over her mouth, therefore the words that left her lips were muffled.
as the girl rides out her high, the other gal remained in the same position, licking and swallowing all the cum that bella just let loose, happily slurping it up. the girl below was obviously messy.
even in the dim lighting of the room, bella could see her best friend's face was covered with her own arousement, it was dripping from her lips and her own wetness - she noticed - was sticking to her underwear and was beginning to leak, the drip sticking to her thighs. had she really came, untouched?
the thought made bella hornier, if that were even possible.
"was that okay?" (y/n) was the first one to speak up and her voice came out in a whisper. it took bella a moment or two to process the words and piece them together. giggling, bella is quick to sit up and crawl over, pinning (y/n) to the bed and kissing her.
"baby, that was wonderful... you made me feel so fucking good so great. i love you so much." (y/n), hearing bella confess this, squeals with happiness as she kisses her best friend - girlfriend? - back, smiling widely into the kiss as they lay there, lovingly interlocking lips with one another. "but..." bella pulls away, her cheeks flushing as she continues with her sentence, "how about me? can i have a taste of you?"
goosebumps prickle her skin at the question and eagerly, (y/n) nods and grips onto bella's arm, her fingernails digging into her skin as she practically begs for it.
she needed this so bad.
wanted bella so bad since all those summer's ago.
"please, bella..."
giggling and smiling - oh, how (y/n) loved seeing her smile, especially knowing she was the reason behind it - bella nods as she trails down, opening (y/n)'s legs and doing the exact same thing that (y/n) just did.
"oh... bella..."
*~*
throughout the night, bella and (y/n) took turns, pleasing and pleasuring the other. soft, gentle whispers of 'i love you's' left their lips at any given chance, at any free moment they had.
by the end of the night, bella forgot all about edward cullen, all she could think about was (y/n).
as for (y/n) she was - though, she wouldn't dare say this to her best friend -
(well, girlfriend)
(bella asked if it was okay if they put that label on themselves and (y/n) laughed and pulled her into a passionate yet hungry kiss, "i've been waiting forever for you to ask me... yes, bella, i'd love to be your girlfriend.")
but she was glad edward was out of the picture, too.
(the two girls came out to charlie the next morning and completely unfazed, he nods and presses a steaming cup of coffee to his lips, sipping on it slowly before he spoke, “at least you know you have my approval.”
charlie, too, was more than happy to see edward gone and out of the picture. he liked (y/n) a lot better, anyways.)
#twilight fanfiction#bella swan x femreader#bella swan x reader#charlie swan is a supportive dad#of course#we stan charlie swan#kristen stewart imagines#kristen stewart fanfictions#bella swan imagines#bella swan fanfic#bella swan fanfictions#twilight fanfic#twilight one shot#twilight imagines#my works#cierra's stories
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Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢
Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat
Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"
Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:
Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party
Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.
"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.
Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0
Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.
Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.
The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.
Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.
Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for
Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.
Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.
so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye
(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)
#skulduggery pleasant#valkyrie cain#anti-val#extremely anti-val#but like only anti-phase two val#bc phase one val was great and i loved her#come back friend!laura val needs you#lardass can't write her without ur input
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Truths
Or alternatively, Karen jones weasels the ranch plan out of Sean and then has a brief crisis about it
(3150 words! holy shit its long but i hope its a good read bc i worked hard on it and im pretty proud of it. You should probably read Seans hcs first buts its not necessary)
Karen Jones is not a particularly optimistic person. She wouldn't say pessimistic persay, maybe more of a realist.
There were a lot of things she felt were ultimate truths. Women would never be treated equally to men or allowed to vote, she would always despise the hot weather, she would never be good at embroidery, and she would die as she lived. Nothing but another forgotten criminal. Another gang member shot down and swept underneath the rug that was the new century.
She was sure that was what happened to Sean. Dutch says he was captured but in Karens book he may as well have died on that boat job.
But one day, somehow, those truths she clung to seemed to be wavering.
When Tilly and Mary-Beth spoke of the women in Rhodes and San Denis, or even places further like New York, fighting for their right to vote and be equal she tried to brush it off.
But it stuck out in her brain. Was the world changing? Could things be different? Sadie Adler was running around in pants like it already had for her. Maybe she was a pessimist, not a realist.
Things were changing, she could feel it. And not just in the world of politics and women's rights. (not that she thought herself much of a scholar in that area)
There were whispers around camp, Hosea left for a long time and when he came back he had a look in his eye that she just couldn't decipher. But then suddenly that look seemed to be catching on all around her. First in Arthur, though whatever was happening seemed to have put Dutch in a very grim mood.
Next it was John and Abigail Marston. Suddenly they were fighting less, and speaking in low whispers like schemers plotting some plan that Karen was still desperately trying to figure out.
The final straw was Ms. Grimshaw. She had that look in her eyes just like the rest and suddenly she was ordering the girls to start looking for legal money, legitimate jobs for the gang to get done. Suddenly, she wasn't the only suspicious one anymore.
Things stayed that way for a while, looking for legal money with sob stories and not so innocent flirting to find jobs. And it was weird, and suspicious but no matter how much she grilled Grimshaw for it, that woman was locked tighter than the bank safes they used to rob. (Used to. How incredibly odd to think that they aren't anymore)
And then suddenly, Sean Macguire was back. He was alive and safe and only a little worse for wear. Karen Jones' solid truths were all being broken and the return of the man she -was pretty sure she- loved was the last crack she could handle.
She wanted so many things at once in that moment. She wanted rum, she wanted to run to his arms and never let go, she wanted to mount old belle and escape, she wanted to curl up in one of the wagons and cry
But she did none of those things. Instead she took his greeting to her as she always had, sarcastic yet flirty, the way they had always been. Because that little game of thiers, the dancing around each other but knowing deep down (at least she thinks he knows) that she is his and he is hers.
If she changed that game, broke another solid truth that she was desperately trying to hold onto, she would be broken open and the world would suddenly become unpredictable and scary.
So she drank her beer, sat in his lap, kissed Sean, slapped him, kissed him once more and then took him to bed. And while that whole mess wasn’t the greatest experience on her end, she practically had to run from that tent because Sean had about a thousand new scars and bruises and she wasn't about the cry over it in his face. Naked. After bad sex.
After the night of Seans reunion with the gang, he seemed to hang around her a little more. Not much more than before, but now it was rare if he wasn't hanging off her skirts around camp. And she couldn't complain because she did miss him terribly, no matter what she said to his face.
In some ways she found it hard to face Hosea anymore. Right before he left on his apparently life changing trip, she had gotten particularly wasted and cried on the old man's shoulder, clinging to one of Sean’s vests.
She actually admitted, out loud that she thinks she might love Sean, but she was so sure he was dead she didn't know what to do with that thought anymore. That ‘almost’ that was floating in her head as she grieved.
When Sean came back, suddenly the memory of her drunken confession did too, and Hosea always seemed to have this weird soft smile when her and Sean spent time together. So she kinda had to avoid Hosea for a while
At some point she saw Hosea and Sean having what looked to be a deep conversation and she prayed to the god she was entirely unsure even existed that Hosea wouldn't share her secret.
Of course he didn't, and she felt a little guilty that she even thought that about the man who was in so many ways a father figure to her. But he told Sean something because suddenly, even Sean had that look in his eye.
The plotting, scheming, planning look that was catching around the camp like a disease and suddenly, she would pay any amount of money to know just what they were plotting. She knows that it's big, bigger than anything they have even done.
Sean was never able to keep a secret from her for very long. She knew that if she got on his case about it he would likely spill, so thats exactly what she did. But then suddenly Sean was no longer hanging off her skirts, and seemed to be avoiding her as much as he could.
His absence from her side was obvious. There was nobody pestering her (other than grimshaw), nobody sitting with her while she drank her morning coffee, nobody sneaking up behind her to spin her around just to see her get all flushed and mad, nobody to give her a cheeky kiss as he promised not to do it again with his fingers crossed behind his back.
Karen Jones is far from stupid, she knows that she must have been getting close to something if Sean was leaving her alone on his own free will.
So finally she caught him on guard duty. It was near the end of his shift and she made her way into the trees that hid their camp from the world.
She knew what she wanted to say, but once they locked eyes he immediately looked so nervous that she almost laughed at the shifting feet and darting eyes of the man in front of her.
She nearly forgot she had brought him a mug of coffee, and handed it to him wordlessly. He thanked her quietly and then everything was silent. Far too silent to be normal for Sean “I never stop talking even when I’m in mortal danger” Macguire.
“You’re awfully quiet Sean, ain't like you.”
A pause. More darting eyes. “Ah yes well I'm on duty, can't let those bastards out the woods hear me talking up a storm.”
Another pause. A chuckle under Karen's breath.
“Ain’t never stopped you before.”
Briefly he smiled, and looked into the blonde’s eyes. “That it hasn’t Karen my love, but I'm not looking to get another cuff up the back of me head from Hosea for forgetting to keep me fuckin’ mouth shut.”
For a moment he looked like he might start acting normally again before he remembered just why he was avoiding her. Suddenly he was staring at his boots once more. Some guard he is.
“Right. You and Hosea been talking a lot lately. In fact, a lot of people seem to be talkin’ with Hosea ‘cept me it seems.” That was her own fault for avoiding him, but she wouldn't say that.
Sean looked uncomfortable with this conversation, looking past Karen to see if anyone was on their way to take his shift. She hoped that meant she was close to cracking him.
“Ah yes well, you know how it is with the old man. Always wanting to have long discussions about the glory days, or give ya advice ya didn't ask for.”
“I suppose. But you know what I think Sean?”
Sean has never looked this nervous before she thinks.
“What's that love?” Bold of him to ask anyways, she will give him that.
“I think yall are plotting something, and you're keeping secrets Mr. Macguire.”
She watched as the irish man stiffened, took a look around, threw back his coffee and sighed. They both knew he wouldn't be able to keep anything from her for long, perhaps he was finally accepting that.
“I just might be Ms. Jones, but I hardly think it's much of your business to be pryin’ it out of me is it?”
Sean hardly sounded like himself to her ears. Sure, he could be nasty out on a job but never to her. She considered this man to be her best friend, the man she was almost sure she was in love with, and he was slapping her away like she was nothing but a fly bothering him. She can count on one hand the amount of secrets she had ever kept from him.
He always had a way of pulling them out of her, because he always wanted her to be happy around him. He wanted to know her problems not to fix them, but to distract her from them.
She had always thought it was a sort of mutual agreement. They were close. Not just friends but not quite together. Close enough that they had a bond neither could deny. So the idea that hes been avoiding her for some reason and would get so nastily defensive when she asked? It hurt.
But she wouldn't let him know that. That's not how the game works. But suddenly all these changes around her gave her the courage to say screw the game.
“Screw you Sean Macguire. How fucking dare you.”
“Karen-”
“No, you wanna keep your mouth shut about this then you can keep your big mouth shut while i yell at you. How dare you talk to me like that. How dare you keep secrets when never in my life have i ever been able to keep a secret from you. No wait, I kept one secret from you didn’t I? I never told you that I thought you were god damn dead.”
That and the fact that she was in love with him. When did she suddenly become sure of that fact? Not that it matters. She was already saying more than she meant to.
“I thought you were dead in the ground and it damn near broke me. You are my best friend, and you have the god damn fucking balls to tell me its none of my buisness why you wont even look my way for 3 weeks. Go to hell Macguire, you don't wanna speak to me then fine. Don’t. I don't want you around no more either you bastard.”
It took one look at the young man's face to make her eyes start watering, and then she was marching back to camp. Like hell she would let him see her cry after that mess.
She almost wanted him to run after her. To apologise and tell her why he can barely look at her, and hold her as she cried. But he was on guard duty so that wasn’t an option, and that wasn't how their relationship worked.
She didn't see him again for a while. She took the work Grimshaw gave her down to the lake, and watched Jack wade in the water trying to catch a crab or a fish while she sewed up a shirt. When she got up to get more clothes she saw Sean conspiring with Hosea once more and refused to even give him another glance. She watched Pearson fish off the dock for a while, whilst she stitched a blanket, she watched the sun get lower in the sky till it lit up like the campfire.
And then out of the corner of her eye she saw a lanky leg step over the log she was on, and then he was sitting beside her.
She didn't look up. He didn't speak. He nudged a bottle of beer her way, and she took it without a word.
The sun had just barely sunk below the horizon when he cleared his throat and took a breath to speak up. She cut him off before he could start.
“Don’t start Sean, I don't want your damn apologies.”
“Well then it's a bloody good thing I wasn't about to apologise love.”
She wished he wouldn’t call her that. It's not like she exactly had time to process the whole being in love revelation she had earlier.
“What the hell do you want then.”
“I want to tell you a secret.”
She scoffed and started to stand up, but he grabbed her waist before she could, and she looked him in the face for the first time since that morning when they fought. “Let me go Sean Macguire, I don't wanna hear it.”
“Oh hush, yes ya do. I couldn't bloody well tell you this mornin’, it weren't my secret to tell you. But I had a little talk with Hosea, and he gave me then blessin’ to share with you.”
He couldn't tell her because it wasn't his to share. So here she was getting angry at him for something that wasn't even his fault. Not that there was no reason at all.
“Dammit Sean, the hell does that have to do with you avoidin’ me like the god damned plague. You could have said you can't tell me and I woulda’ left you the hell alone about it.”
“Now that is a dirty lie Ms. Jones, I have not successfully kept anythin’ from you in my whole life. You knew what I was going to give you for your birthday the day I stole the damned thing. I wasn't able to risk something this important falling out of my big mouth because you distracted me with your beauty.”
He was trying to abate her anger, and the fact that it was nearly working only served to anger her more. How dare he sit there and nearly make her laugh when he was apparently keeping some giant secret from her.
“Fine Sean. What's the big secret that's been makin’ you run away from me like a dog afraid of his own shadow.”
“Well my love, you had better get comfortable, this is quite the tale and I happen to be quite the storyteller.” And before she could tell him to get the hell on with it, he started doing what he does best. Talking.
It took him nearly a fucking hour to get to the point. He told her everything he knew about the ranch plan, every word Hosea had said to him about it, all the way up to him begging Hosea to let him tell Karen about it. By the time he finished, both their beers were gone and everything Karen had known her whole life was slipping through her fingers like the sand beneath their feet.
“-an’ Hosea says that nobody has to go with him, we can all go our separate ways and such but that's what his plan is. Him and the bloody Marstons and Arthur and everyone else they can get are going with him. And Dutch was planning on telling everyone as soon as we had the money to do it and I only know because I’m fuckin’ excellent at eavesdropping. But Arthur caught me sneaking off and told me to keep me trap shut about it so I did.”
She stared at him in stunned silence. Half the gang was plotting a move to New Austin to start a ranch in the middle of nowhere. Finally she managed to get her thoughts together just long enough to spit out the words “The one fucking time you can follow a god damned direction.”
And that was enough to make him laugh. And he sat there and laughed like they weren't getting their worlds turned upside down.
All the things Karen considered to be complete unbreakable truths were shattering. She was looking at this offer of a real life that wouldn't end in her premature death and it terrified her, but at the same time nothing had ever looked so good.
“I'm still mad that you avoided me like that.”
“Don’t think you've ever screamed at me quite like you did this morning Ms. Jones.”
“I did not scream at you, you were on guard duty.”
“You bloody did. The bird flocked out of the trees. Some broad on the street heard you and said ‘I wonder what stupid bloke pissed of that woman’”
“Are you going? To the ranch with Hosea?” She didn’t notice that over time she had practically ended up in his lap until just now.
“Well Ms. Jones, that all depends on where you're planning on going.”
Sean Macguire had confessed his love to her many times, drunk and sober. But she never thought any of them sincere until now. Here was Sean Macguire, willing to follow her wherever she may go. And it terrified her just as much as the idea of the ranch did. But just like the ranch, nothing had ever looked quite so safe, so sweet, so good.
She knew she wasn't ready to tell Sean she loved him yet. It was nice to know he loved her, and that she was hardly going to get rejected should she tell him. But she wasn't ready yet.
So instead she said “I think that I'm gonna go with Hosea and Arthur and them. To be ranchers or whatever the hell they wanna do.”
“Then I guess we’re gonna be ranchers! Though I was never good with bloody livestock.” and that made Karen laugh good and proper.
Karen Jones feels that a few things will always be ultimate truths. She would always despise the hot weather, she would never be good at embroidery no matter how hard she tried, that Sean Macguire loved her to the ends of the earth and back, and that she loved him too.
Being ranchers meant she would likely never have to lose him again, and so ranchers they would be.
#sorry if theres mistakes and also that its so long lmao#karen jones#sean macguire#rdr2#ranch au#rdr2 ranch au#rdr2 au#everyone lives#Arthur morgan#hosea matthews#headcanons#fic#au#susan grimshaw
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Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.
SO yall have to deal with it.
This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.
First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....
I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...
I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors
They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.
Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.
Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.
((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))
And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.
He was an ex pirate.
Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.
---
‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.
I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....
Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)
---
I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon... but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.
I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.
---
Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.
Kreetan and his mum and dad.
So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.
I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?
THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.
Zippo is curious.
.....AS A CAT.
Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.
I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.
Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.
Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave
Addy is a modest princess type
Jubilee is a sassy lass.
And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.
((EYES EMOJI))
Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.
WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!
---
Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.
She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.
She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.
Now for some less polished individuals....
Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.
...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.
I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.
By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.
Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!
This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.
...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.
---
AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.
A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.
A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.
Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.
I drew some more science bitches...
Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.
Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.
Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.
I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)
Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)
Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.
Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.
Some booboos happen tho...
But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.
Shes promptly expelled.
Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.
Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.
Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.
And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.
Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)
Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?
Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.
After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...
His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.
--
I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.
Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.
---
(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)
I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.
After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.
Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.
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Pilot
Waking up from nappy #1 of the day sky and zeus are each laying on their own couch. Sky moves over to lay right on top of zeus. Zeus looks up for a second, goes right back to sleep.
Waking up from nappy #2 of the day Sky and Zeus are laying on the couch. Stella is on the coffee table. A car goes by and Sky and Zeus jump up to the windows barking
Sky: Oh hell no, what are you doing on our street...by our house? I know you ain’t comin here! You just keep on keepin on motha fucka. That’s what I thought. Keep on keepin on...
Zeus: I can protect us all! I am Zeus! Protector of… Oh hello friend! Sky, that was the nice man with that nice car that drives by just to say hello all the time. He is so nice.
Sky: You ain’t never even met that man Zeus! He could be a serial killer! A Rapist! Coming here to do terrible things to me and my body! Daddy Almighty expects us to protect this house so stop being such a pussy ass little bitch. Jeez do I have to do everything around here?
Stella: So, ummm, can we all just like, shut up now? The car is so gone now and like, you can’t even see it any more? OMG I can’t even…
Zeus: Stella, how come you do not care about these cars and these humans that go by? Don’t you want new friends?
Sky: New friends? Hmf… new friends my ass, more like new crazy ass white people thinking they all that tryina take our shit.
Stella: I don’t know… it’s all Gucci in my world… I just like birds and bugs… and Grandpa. I like Grandpa. Will he be home soon? And also… Sky you are so incredibly racist.
Sky: Your Grandpa, aka Daddy Almighty, is a very busy man. He is out there hunting monies. Lots of monies so that I can has the health care and delicious food and bones and things. And also… I am NOT racist. Whatchu know about someone being racist? Nuttin!
Zeus: But isn’t the monies for all of us? Me, you, Stella, Mummy and Daddy. Don’t we all get those things?
Sky: Nigga please! If there was to be some extra, which I doubt there will be, I suppose you can get some of those things. But not the health care… definitely not the health care. Ain’t never enough monies for you to has that. Hmf.
Stella: Well I am pretty sure that grandpa would let me have the health care. He likes me best. I mean, he calls me Stella Bo Bella! Hello! Bella! And he plays mouse with me and like shares some sick tea with me when we get turnt on Saturday nights.
Sky: Girl, he may get turnt with you one night a week but it is obvious that I am his favorite… I mean, look at this (smacks her ass) who could say no to this sweet ass.
Zeus: But doesn’t he like Mommy best? She is the greatest mommy in the whole wide world and he gives her lots and lots of kisses and hugs and
Sky: and that big ol dick.. That’s right zeus, he gives that whore his big ol godly dick and she is thankful for it, too. Why wouldn’t she be? She is so lucky that he chose her to take his almighty sword. He is so gracious...
Stella: Eeeewww gross…. Stop talking about that stick. Blecht… ewwww…(gags a little) he has much more fun playing video games with me anyway. It’s dope. We get high and drink coffee and hang all night taking names and kick ASS! Woop woop!
Zeus: mummy does not like that gross stuff. Sky. Daddy makes her do those awful things. She would much rather cuddle with zeusy and make him sammiches.
Sky: Y’all are cra cra. She is a h-o-r-e. That spells whore zeus and She Loves doing those nasty ass things and she knows it is her place to love them. God. Y’all just don’t get it at all.
Mailman comes up the road, Zeus and Sky run to the windows again waking up from nappy #3
Stella rolls her eyes and says OMG
Zeus: Sky, it is that really slow man that tries every day to put things in that box in front of our house. He tries to sneak up but I hear him when he turns that corner. I will not let him step foot on...
Sky: You just sit back and let mama handle this situation. He is a t-h-r-e-t ,that spells threat by the way zeus and I am the only one responsible for keeping his ugly ass away from this house every day! See… he is already driving away.
Zeus: (in an attempt to sound tough, flexing a muscle) What? I ain’t neva scurred. I got this ALL DAY! ALL DAY biotch!
Sky and Stella look at each other and suddenly burst out laughing and rolling around
Another car pulls up and parks in front of the house and once again zeus and sky run to the windows barking feverishly (tearing up the couch covers and pushing cushions out more and more each time)
Zeus: That car stopped sky… is this serious?
Sky: Alert, alert, this is a code red. I repeat, code red. Yall need to be ready for anything. Stella, are you ready? Stella!
Stella: OMG… what? I just found the perfect sun spot on the floor. What?
Sky: we are under a high alert Stella… that is what? Do I have to remind you that we are under strict orders from
Stella: I know, i know, from “Daddy Almighty” to like protect the house or something… ugh.
Zeus: You go away stranger, do you hear me, you go away because this is our house and.. IT’S... GRAMPA! OMG OMG OMG! YAY! I’M SO EXCITED, I’M SO EXCITED. GRAMPAS HERE! SKY! GRAMPA’S HERE! We haven’t seen him in so many years!
Sky: I can see that Zeus, I do have eyes you know. He is here to see me. He always comes to see me. You must just be asleep when he usually comes. I can’t wait until he sees me, he will be so excited. He must have missed me so much. How do I look? Oh Jesus, what am I thinking asking you how I look. I look amazing as always.
Stella: K well you idiots go on outside with great grandpa, i’ll enjoy some time to myself finally.
Zeus and sky run to the back door and meet grandpa at the door jumping all over him. Stella jumps up on the shoe rack by the back window of the sun porch.
Grampa: Hey guys how are you today? Ugh, ok, down… down… no jumping. Down. Sit. Goodness, I was just here yesterday, you act like you haven’t seen me in years! Ok, who wants to go outside?
Zeus and sky simultaneously: Me me me me I do I do
Zeus and sky run out the door followed by grandpa. Sky runs right to the bowl of water in the backyard and drinks ferociously.
Grandpa: geez, sky. Don’t mommy and daddy leave you water?
Sky: well of course they do but this is the water of the gods. It is left here for me, sky, to replenish any of the awesomeness that is sometimes lost when I am forced to spend too much time with mere mortals (looks accusingly at zeus)
Zeus: well I would like to drink the god water, too sky. Can I drink the god water? I didn’t know it was god water. I just thought mommy put it there.
Sky: Oh you silly ass dog. Mommy put it there. How naive you are. Anyway, yeah, you can drink some but it only gives powers to me so…
Zeus: that’s ok… I don’t need powers. I just need friends and mummy.
Grandpa: Ok guys….who wants the ball?
Sky: I do I do. Throw it grandpa. I will get it for you! I am the best ball catcher… well, except for mom pwahahahahaha see what I did there? See what I did? Mom, BALL CATCHER… AS IN DADDYS BALLS....OH I CRACK MYSELF UP! Zeus, don’t even THINK about saying you want that ball.
Zeus: I would like the ball grandpa but I believe it is only for sky. I am sorry you can’t throw it for me.
Sky: damn right it is bitch. Don’t even think about trying to get that ball. Get over here dirty whore (sky proceeds to hump zeus angrily while biting the back of his neck) you’re like my ball,.. Got it. I take what I want… just like this…. Take it bitch…uh uh uh
Grandpa: sky…. Would you get off of zeus
Zeus: it’s ok, grandpa, zeusy doesn’t mind.
(Sky gets down)
Yea well, this is my ball and I am in charge here so you just sit back and watch me get it ya little pussy
Grandpa throws the ball, Sky gets it and lays down with it.
Grandpa: sky, bring it back so i can throw it again. Come on, bring it back.
Sky: well that’s just crazy grandpa, I already have it. Why would I want to give it back to you
Zeus’: because he likes to throw it sky, why don’t you let me bring it back to grandpa, it makes him so happy (attempts to take the ball)
Sky: Oh no you didn’t. You did NOT just try to take this ball away from ME! What makes YOU think that it would be ok to just walk right up to ME and take THIS ball away (sky is so busy bitching with her eyes closed that she drops the ball and zeus picks it up and takes it to grandpa)
Grandpa: good boy zeus… such a good boy. Do you want me to throw it? Are you gonna get it this time?
Zeus: you can throw it grandpa but sky will get it, it is her ball. It’s ok.
Sky: damn right it is bitch. I cannot even believe you took it like you think who the fuck you are right now
Zeus: ok...zeusy will go and poop now.
Zoom in on zeus’s butthole and see the “asslings” white hairs that grow out of his butthole and just say mean things when they are “activated”
Asslings: hey shit for brains, think you can make a descent dump this time? Don’t waste my time with one of those useless pathetic pencil turds you lazy son of a bitch. Eat some god damn fiber for christ’s sake. Geez, this aint rocket science, my friend. Ya eat and ya shit it out.
Meanwhile sky comes over and hears his asslings.
Sky: what in the? Zeus, are you waking up those nasty ass asslings again? What in the holy hell is wrong with you? Now you listen to me mother fucking asslings… y'all just need to shut the fuck up and
Asslings: shut your slutty trap you stupid whore. You don’t know nothin bout nothin so mind your own god damn business, capiche?
Sky: Hmf… stupid ass dirty cock suckers. Trying to tell ME what to do. I will have you know that Daddy Almighty will smite you right off of that asshole if I so much as say the word so you just watch your mother fuckin ps and qs. God damn asslings…
Asslings: ooooh, we’re shaking in our shit shoes slut. OOOh daddy almighty… we’re so scared
Zeus: it’s ok everybody, can’t we all just be friends?
Sky: somethin wrong with you
Grandpa: well guys… if everyone has pooped and peed and is done playin catch, think I’ll head home.
Sky: Of course, grampa. You are old and tired. I completely understand. I am always more than happy to allow you to spend time in my presence but go and rest now.
Zeus: ok grandpa, we will go back to protecting the house as we do when there are no other humans around. We are brave and will not let anyone do anything to this house. We are on high alert at all times.
2 seconds later both dogs are down for nappy #4
Stella: omg how can they possibly sleep so much?? Oh well, better for me. I can finally look out the window by myself. TBH… I love their nap times. They’re so basic. I’m just like hey let’s just hang and LALL, that’s for live and live let. But you know, enjoy life, have fun, laugh, dance (sees a bird outside and stares intently at it for a moment) Hey bitch, whatchu tryin? I could eat you ya know. You’d be a snack in a (bird flies away)... anyways… they need to chill and spread love, not hate. I just love, love, love, life ya know?
(Stella stares at the dogs)
(Sky opens one eye a little bit)
Sky: Ummmm… can I help you? What are you staring at?
Stella: Nothing… I just don’t know why you sleep so much. This is like nap #4 or something isn’t it? And it’s only like 1:30 in the afternoon!
Sky: I will have you know… guarding this house takes a lot of energy and multiple nappies are IMPERATIVE to keep this highly efficient, well oiled… beautiful…. security machine in tip top condition. (zeus is sitting up looking proud and strong) Do you think this just happens? NO! AND even when it LOOKS like I am asleep, I am still on high alert. As for Zeus well he’s just lazy. (zeus drops his head looking sad)
Zeus: But if zeusy naps just like Sky, why isn’t he a highly efficient something something?
Sky: Because I know the correct way to nap and you do not… that is why.
ZEus: OOOOOOOH
Stella: But like, I’m a cat and I mean, naps have been called “cat naps” because they nap so much but like, you nap waaaaay more than I do.
Sky: Exactly.. You are a CAT and you have no real purpose here so you do not have the same sleep requirements. Here… let me try and explain the science behind this. I know you most likely will not be able to follow along very well but I will try to explain it as well as I can so that a simple minded person like yourself can get a basic understanding.
Stella just rolls her eyes… zeus looks on excitedly. Sky whips out a dry erase board and marker, puts on glasses and proceeds to draw a bunch of squiggly lines and nonsense
Sky: You see it is like this… my body has to expel a specific amount of what is called en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) in order to perform the very important duties that have been placed upon me. That en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) needs to be replaced at certain intervals throughout the day or this here machine (runs hands down her body) will fail and THAT is simply not an option.
(excitedly draws dots and slashes on dry erase board )
Zeus: OOOOH! And is that also why you need to eat most of the food that mummy puts out for both of us?
Sky looks at zeus like he is stupid
Sky: No dummy… I have told you. I NEED that extra food because I am carrying your babies!
Stella: Ummm haven’t you been saying that for like ever?
Zeus: Stella, these are special babies and they need extra time to be ready for the world. Sky told me so. See… I remembered Sky!
Sky: HMF bout damn time. With that being said, I must get on with nappy #5 now because I
Motorcycle comes up the road; zeus and sky run to the window barking…. Stella runs away, startled by their sudden movement
Sky: Oh I know that sound! You think you are something else, don’t you speedy gonzalez. That’s right you just keep on going right on by. You know what’s best for you, don’t you. That's what I THOUGHT!
Zeus: We did it again, Sky. We showed him! He won’t be coming round here again, will he sky?
Sky: Well I should hope not! Just the sound of my voice told that stupid ass mother fucker that he needs to just be OUT.
Zeus: Mummy and Daddy will be so proud of us! We didn’t let any bad guys come into this house! I can’t wait until they come home and see what an amazing job we did! WHen will they be home sky? It has been soooooo long since they left to go hunting!
Sky: Well, I don’t know about Mommy… it ain’t like she is hunting monies like Daddy Almighty. Women just don’t have the brains for that. I can’t believe she is even allowed to DRIVE! But I have to trust in Daddy almighty’s decision to let her… as difficult as that may be. Need to just have faith! Anyways… Daddy will be home when he feels he has collected sufficient monies and we just have to be patient. Could be days, could be months, could be years! No one can say!
Stella: Ummmm, pretty sure they leave every morning and come home every evening. It’s like… a few hours. But like there are some days that they stay home and like…
Sky: stay home??? That was WEEKS ago. there’s no telling when or if that will happen again. There is a lot of pressure on Daddy to hunt our monies. We just have to trust in the lord and his decisions. Now everybody just shut up and let me get on with nappy #5 I am already way behind schedule thanks to Mr. speedy gonzalez. HMF
Sky and zeus curl up on a now cushionless, coverless couch. Stella sits on the back of the couch looking out the window and talking to the animals outside
Stella: oh hello mr squirrel… looking mighty brave today, aren’t we? If only gramma and grandpa would forget to close the window one day… you wouldnt be so brave then, would you? I’d slash you taint to tip and dance in your blood while I …. Oh look! Gramas home! Yay!
Sound of a chainlink gate opening. Zeus and sky jump up and look out the window, tails wagging, wining with excitement.
Zeus: omg omg omg mummy is home I love her so so so so much! She will be so happy to see how we protected the house and she will take us outside right away and walk around with us because she is so proud of us!
Sky: You best believe I will explain to her right away that it was ME who kept us all safe from the evil doers of this god forsaken earth and she will be so happy and give me the most pets.
Stella: (mumbling quietly to herself) at least I didn’t fuck up the couches like these asshats. Pretty sure Grammas gonna like lose her shit when she sees this disaster.
Alicia walks in the back door, zeus and sky and jumping up and down wining excitedly. Stella saunters in,
Zeus: OMG mummy you wouldn’t believe what happened today. You have been gone so long! We thought we would never see you again. Grandpa came over and we scared away so many strangers and…
Sky: ahem… look at me, just me. Zeus has no idea what he is talking about. I knew you would come home and I TRIED to explain it to him but he is just so stupid and yes Grampa came to see ME and I chased away many strangers as I do everyday.
Stella: Hey Gramma… what up? Wait til you see what these morons did to the couches… it is legit fucked up.
Alicia: hello hello everybody… down… come on, let’s go outside...how was your day? Were you a good boy? Were you a good girl?
They all go outside, stella gets up on the shoe rack by the back window. Alicia walks to the mailbox, sky jumping next to her the whole time
Sky: did you hear me bitch? I chased away the bad guys… A-Gain! You should be praising me! Praise me god dammit.
Zeus just goes off to lift his leg and pee on a plant
Zeus: here ya go little flower… i know how much you like this. It will make you grow big and strong.
Sky: zeus you idiot… you are doing that wrong. Look, you need to do it like this…
Sky squats on the same plant and pees.
Sky: it is MY water that this flower wants and quite frankly NEEDS. You don’t know nothin bout nothin
Alicia: alright guys back inside. Gotta start dinner.
Once inside alicia sees couch cushions on the floor, stuffing from the already ripped cushions strewn all over. Stella sitting on the coffee table waiting for the shit to hit the fan with a big smile
Alicia: what the fuck guys?
Zeus and sky shrink down and slink off, attempting to go into the bedroom but the door is still closed. Sky proceeds to pee a little on the floor
Sky: OMG this bitch is NEVER satisfied! GOd damn. Goin and scarin me like that, making me piddle a little. And for what? Nothin. That’s what.
zeus : i’m so so so so sorry mummy… we didn’t realize we messed up the couches. IT will never ever happen again mummy… i promise.
Alicia: I am so sick and tired of piecing these couches back together again! It would just be nice to have a normal looking living room! Sky did you just pee on the floor? Wtf? YOu were just outside!
Alicia wipes up the pee as she rambles about what a pain in the ass they are
Stella just sits on the coffee table giggling and smirking
Sky: oh no you didnt bitch you did NOT just ask me if I peed on the floor. I mean, I did but who do you think you are asking me that. You would never ask me that if daddy almighty were here. HMF. that’s right, clean that up… clean up my pee.
Alicias phone chimes, receiving a text
Alicia: well guys, daddy has to work late so no point in starting dinner.
(walks to coffee table, pets stella for a bit, hair flying all over and then sits on the couch as both dogs proceed to jump all over her in excitement)
Zeus: yay… mummy is ready to snuggle! This is what zeusy lives for! Mummy’s kisses and hugs and belly rubs
Sky: Move over zeus, she wants to pet me really. (one dog on each side of alicia) I will allow her to at least until daddy almighty returns from his hunt. Here ya go bitch, take it all in.
Alicia: guess what guys… it is thursday. You know what that means!
All say simultaneously
Alicia: tomorrow is the start of the weekend!
Zeus: it is almost mummy and daddy all day time!
Sky: father daddy is gonna take what is his tomorrow night from his whore!
STella: grandpa and me gonna get turnt tomorrow night woop woop!
Alicia: just one more day, guys… one more day
Everyones smiling
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LORD OF SHADOWS REACTION POST
I didn’t want to make an entire reading thread like I did with Lady Midnight (which was kind of popular for my typical stuff, I still don’t know why, it was just a lot of flailing) because LoS is still so fresh and I’m afraid to spoil anyone who might not have the tags blacklisted. So under the cut, IN ORDER AS I READ, is my genuine LoS reactions. Enjoy my flailing.
Kit you precious little bean don’t steal daggers you should know better
JACE IS HERE SHIT SHIT SHIT
He just had to go and name drop Will in like the first five pages I am C R Y I N G
Oh Julian is being ‘scrupulously polite and kind’ over you and Mark’s “relationship”? IS HE EMMA? IS HE REALLY?
Ew Mark kissing Emma’s cheek made me want to throw up blood too, Julian
“Did he just kill Magnus?” I HOPE AND PRAY I NEVER SEE ANY VARIATION OF THAT SENTENCE EVER AGAIN
Take a shot every time I think to myself “ugh, Perfect Diego”
FUCKING HELL PERFECT DIEGO AND CRISTINA ARE BACK TOGETHER DAMMIT CRISTINA
Awwwww Ty my precious son you’re so concerned for Kit
I love Mark so much my sweet faerie child
UGH EMMA AND MARK KISSING GROSS MAKE IT STOP
CLARY TURNED DOWN JACE’S PROPOSAL HAHAHAHA WHY AM I LAUGHING
Cassandra Clare let me make something clear if you ever kill my daughter Clary Fray I will SET THIS WORLD ON FIRE
so clary is having dreams of her and emma and cortana and she knows she’s gonna die uMMMMMMMM????? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???? IF MY GIRL EMMA HAS TO KILL CLARY FOR WHATEVER REASON YALL CAN CATCH ME 6 FEET UNDER THE GROUND
THAT’S RIGHT KIT YOU DEFEND TY BLACKTHORN
Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina Mark and Cristina MARK AND CRISTINA
God bless America I forgot how much I adore Jace Herondale but then at the same time he makes me miss Will and when I miss Will I want to DIEEEEEEE
take a shot everytime someone says something to the effect of “we can’t involve the Clave”
lol jace “i’m just going to haul clary off to *wink wink* get chinese food *wink wink* be back in 20 *wink wink*”
oh wait they actually just got chinese food wtf i need me a man like that
MAGNUS AND ALEC ADOPTED A SECOND CHILD NAMED RAFAEL DONT MIND ME ILL JUST BE SOBBING INTO MY BEER FOR THE NEXT HOUR
More of Ty and Livvy’s relationship pls i love sibling bonds
WTF ZARA???? PERFECT DIEGO IS CANCELLED YET. AGAIN.
“Smug bastard. Hair’s too good. I don’t trust people with hair that good.” KIT MY SON IM ADOPTING YOU IMMEDIATELY
Julian slamming the door in Emma’s face made me slam MY face into a door
“She refused to hurry her steps — not for anyone.” Note to self: be more like Cristina
okay real quick these centurions talking shit about my father magnus bane are about to find my six inch stilettos up their tight assholes bYE
okay these nazi centurions are CANCELLED
oh my gosh my smol son ty smiling at kit kill me NOW
DONT WORRY JULIAN IM RUINED TOO LAFJLKAFJ;L; THAT KISS SCENE MY GODDDDDDD
wow who would have thought i would like gwyn damn (also gwyn x diana??? im??? here for it???)
THEY’RE GOING TO THE FAERIE COURT FUCK ME UPPPPPP
NO FUCK OFF ZARA YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
wait but… but kit and ty… but he just kissed livvy and they’re cute too… gdi
i hope emma and/or cristina rips zara’s head right from her shoulders
JULIAN AND EMMA ARE KISSING AGAINNNNN
FUCK IT WASN’T REALLY HER
FUCK
what
w h a t
W H A T
HER FATHER OH TKLEJFLMY GDO EM AM AY IT S YOUR DAD WFFJTF
jk it wasn’t her dad gdi
Diana is my mother now since she just SHUT ZARA TF DOWN
MALCOLM???????????????
oh shit yall it’s the ‘oh no we have to share a bed’ trope and i am LIVING
julian hiding his boner is my aesthetic
emma you can’t just casually mention my father luke garroway wtf
I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW ITTTT ANNABEL KILLED MALCOLM
what’s wrong with Cristina’s arm… wHAT’S WRONG WITH CRISTINA’S ARM LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE
Julian just snapped at Emma and I have never been more uncomfortable please stop fighting mom and dad
“neither julian nor emma slept well that night, though each of them thought they were the only one troubled, and the other one was probably resting just fine” real quick i just need to go drink a gallon of bleach to get over this
all these references to will and jem are really fucking me up
GDI JESSAMINE
WILL AND JEM’S HEIGHT MEASURING WALL IM SOBBING JUST LEAVE ME TO DIE
“Tessa used to come and ask me too. She wanted to know where Will was.” WHAT THE FUCK A LOT OF PAINFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING ALL VERY QUICKLY
“I want you to be proud of me.” SHIT FUCK HELL DAMN FUCK
MARK AND THE GNOME IM CHOKING
Real quick Bridget imma need you to stop alluding to jem and will and also tell me how TF YOU’RE ALIVE
oooOOOOoooo a compartment to themselves??? HMMMMMM
Mark x Kieran x Cristina did you mean Lito x Hernando x Daniella?
ANNABEL GET AWAY FROM MY SON JULIAN
KLDKFLAJFK;AFALKL MAGNUS SAVING MY CHILDREN AT THE SHADOW MARKET IM SO FUCKING ALIVE
I love my father Magnus Bane
I LOVE MY FATHER ALEC LIGHTWOOD
Alec talking about Jace you bet your sweet ass I’m crying
On a serious note — props to CC for this representation of autism through Ty, and how Kit treats him so damn well. Very, very cool.
GWYN AND DIANA ARE ADORABLE FIGHT ME I LOVE THEM
My domestic fathers Magnus and Alec are saving my life
BRIDGET WANTS THAT LIGHTWOOD DICK EVEN STILL
All Magnus wants to do is adopt every sad downworlder alive and I LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE FOR IT
EMMA AND JULIAN HOLDING EACH OTHER IN THEIR SLEEP BYE FOREVER
Don’t worry Emma I too live on the Sexy Thoughts River and the Sea of Perversion
EMMA WANTS A SELFIE WITH A PISKIE IM CHOKING I LOVE HER
FUCK SHIT IT’S JAIME NO DRU RUN
Mark just had a sex dream about Kieran in the library I’m laughing so hard
OH KIERAN GAVE HIM THE SEX DREAM WOW KINKY I NEED ME A FREAK LIKE THAT
Actually wait I change my mind fuck you Kieran that wasn’t cool of you
THE PLATE OF SCONES IM CRYING I MISS YOU SOPHIE AND GIDEON
NO SIR JAIME YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER DRU YOU INSOLENT FUCKBOY
DAMN can CC write so freaking well holy shit
but are Cristina and Mark kissing because they love each other??? or because of the binding spell?????? will the world EVER KNOW????
POLYAMORY???? WHAT??????
Kit and Ty are … the … most adorable thing… in the whole world…
“It's a burden being sarcastic” I’M CHOK ING TO DEATH
FUCK YOU EREC FIRST YOU COME AFTER MY DAUGHTER CRISTINA NOW I FIND OUT YOU TORTURED MY SON KIERAN???
Jaime is evil I can smell it
MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOPPPPP
Julian appearing out of nowhere sitting on a boulder in the pouring rain completely Unbothered™ like name a more iconic entrance
DADDY JULIAN HAS EMERGED HOT DAMN SHOVE HER AGAINST THAT WALL DADDY FUCK HER REAL GOOD I need to chill i'm sorry
BREAK MY HEART BREAK IT IN PIECES
Gdi Dru
SLAP HIM CRISTINA YES MY QUEEN
Wait... shit is Jaime actually a good guy? DAMMIT
MAGNUS CAUGHT THEM LOLOLOL he isn't even concerned though bc he knows parabatai love each other extra hard bc he witnessed Will and Jem's love firsthand lol BYE
Who tf is Ash? I mean he's Dru's age and they just had a "coincidental meeting" so CLEARLY he's a love interest but
NO FUCK YOU JAIME I STILL DONT TRUST YOU
DIANA IS TRANS WHAT IM SO HERE FOR THIS MY STRONG WARRIOR QUEEN
Gwyn is the actual love of my life
"Pyromania interests me" Ty, my son, I love you
Dad!Julian makes me WEEP
Coincidentally, Dad!Alec ALSO MAKES ME WEEP
PRETENTIOUS HAIR PRINCE JENXKAOOAJW EMMA I FUCKING ADORE YOU
MAGNUS NAME DROPPED MY MOTHER MAIA OMG
Emma referring to implied polyamory as a sexy weirdness is ME
Pffffffft Kieran calling Diego the "very handsome stupid one" is ALSO MEEEEEEE
"The bad things can't matter more than the good things" Cristina....... my daughter........
Ty's letter GOODBYE ALL IM DONE
HELEN OMGGGGGGGG
Kieran ain't got time for your SHIT Robert
MAGNUS NOOOOOOOOOO
Sassy!Alec defending his man and not dealing with Bigot!Zara's bullshit I’m so wet
OH MY GOD ROBERT
NANSIZOANWPZOAPALWK THE MORTAL SWORD OMG
what
what
what
what
what
what.
Livvy isn't dead
No
No livvy isnt dead
No no
Wait what the FUCK
THATS THE E N D ????
W H A T T H E F U C K
BYE.
BYE forever I'm going to go live in a world where Livvy is alive and well because fuck all this BYEEEEEEEEEE
so like 2019…. where u at
#moe reads los#los spoilers#lord of shadows spoilers#lord of shadows#this was PAINFULLLLLLLL#O U C H#cc you've done it again#amazing#A FUCKING PLUS
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Episode 10 “The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess” (Zakriah)
(here we go yall lmao- pippa)
All along it was always me and Aro and that's how it's gonna continue to be until we're both voted out anyways. Idk Mitch has lied to me already twice now and I don't play baseball so there's no third strike here. Ofc Willow and Allie flipped on us and ofc it's just me and Aro like it always has been. And I can't wait to get 10th.
(a while later)
These people aren't even good at lying and Willow was trying to help me literally all along and she was right there literally was nothing she coulda done about it!!! I feel awful that I ruined any trust I had with her and I feel awful for cultivating a relationship with the wrong rookie on numakira. I'm just so fucked up rn and I knew it was happening too.
(later)
She's over here apologizing to Mitchell and NOT ME for this last vote when I literally just left the alliance chat! So that OBVIOUSLY tells me she has no intention of trying to work with me again after this and that pretty much me and Aro have no shot to make it any further in this bih
(even later)
Most of what I just said was very spur of the moment and I don't even remember half of it but tbh me and mitch are on the same wavelength rn and us and aro's lives basically depend on MY MORTAL NEMESES lexi and rtp
(so much later)
Mitchell and Zakriah's guide to surviving Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands Merged Tribe.
Step 1) Vote with Allie against LA
Step 2) Form a vets alliance
Step 3) Steal Willow from Allie
(later isn’t even an option anymore)
LEXI AND ALLIE ARE IRL BEST FRIENDS WHAT THE FYCK IS THIS
(3 years later)
MITCHELL IS A FUCKING DETECTIVE HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME IS TOO FUCKING MUCH HOW IS LEXI SO FUCKING STACKED WITH PREMADES IN THIS GAME I THOUGHT ME/ARO/LINUS WAS BAD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK
(everyone has died, Zak is the only one left)
NO HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY THIS IS LIKE WHEN IN A MOVIE SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT WERE INNOCENT AND LIKE THE GOOD GUY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL AND HAS BEEN BEHIND EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME AND THEIR FACE IS LIKE FLASHING EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THAT IS L I T E R A L L Y ALLIE HOW DID WE NOT FIND THIS OUT SOONER OH MY LANTA
I just wanna say, Jacob, I voted Matt for you.
So there's literally no possible way I can win immunity - one of my two friends in the game exiled himself from the challenge and that leaves me next to be picked off from winning immunity along with Aro, LA, and maybe Allie too tbh. It's basically Allie/Lexi/Willow's comp to lose at this point and there's literally not a single thing I can do to give myself any edge to win at all. Out of nine people competing in this challenge only one person is working with me, and in a challenge that's essentially a popularity contest, 2/9 gets you nothing. I'm willing to accept the fact that Mitchell and I are completely screwed, and it's not helping that Mitchell is quite actually ostracizing himself from the rest of the people. I'm honestly praying he's hiding another idol from me at this point.
i know it's been a while since my last confessional and i don't wanna make a long one rn but allie's bitch ass
SO the plan for right now is to get the majority to split the vote between 2 of Me, Mitch and Zak. Willow is willing to flip with us so we can get ahead of the split and put 4 votes against Lexi or Johnny and get our minority asses back in this game. Not gonna lie Im having a blast being at the bottom with Zak and Mitchell even though Mitchell is kinda rude towards Willow >.> . We are basically the 3 amigos/ Witches Coven of the season but we will be successful know that!
Oh my GOD if I pull this off... If i pull off this 4-3-3 vote tomorrow night it WILL be the single best play I've ever made in a game. Like I'm honestly shaking. This is either aboutta go so horribly wrong and Willow is lying to us all or it's gonna go extremely well and I won't know until it's either me joining Jacob, Dana, and Matt on the jury or it's Johnny joining them. I have a vote negator, but my history with vote negators has not been a fun one. I would kill to have an idol, but if I make it through this vote, which would literally be the biggest miracle ever, I fully feel like I can retake control over my fate in this game. All hope may NOT be lost!!!
(a little bit later)
ooookay... So I just lost literal years of my life planning a Johnny blindside and now he's trying to take out Allie!!! Everyone is literally fucking VYING FOR OUR VOTES right when we thought it was a clear majority against us! What the fuck this game is so hilarious I don't know what the fuck to even say right now!
(yall thot huh)
Wow I can't believe we just orchestrated a 4-3-2-1 vote. Like imagine how lit it would be for the two people voted as most likely to be voted out next in the challenge were to literally take the 3-2-1 cirie patent vote and upgrade it to a fucking 4-3-2-1 vote! Im beyond shook at this like ive been spending the last three days absolutely certain I was gonna be the next voted out and now as far as I'm concerned I should only be seeing my name once or twice this round. I feel like ciera rn bc I'm making a big fucking move! Game changer Zakriah razzak!
Okay so I need to start writing more confessionals. BUT HOLY FUCK SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED. Okay so first to start off I won individual immunity, and I even had a one rope disadvantage, like how the heck did I do that! I mean it was just Touchy Subjects, but still, I never thought I was gonna be able to win a challenge lmao. Also I'm too tired to finish writing this confessional so I'm just gonna submit and write more tomorrow goodnight lmao.
If everyone's telling me the truth, which why would they, we get to make the sole decision on whether to keep around Johnny or Allie - the two people controlling the whole game. And the best part is that either one of them getting taken out is one less rookie to pick off me/mitchell/aro (and rtp and lexi but screw them), and then that plus my flare gets us at the very least a tie if we piss everyone off with this vote. But, hey, they left us in the dark last time, it's time for some revenge anyways! And then, after we finally get the upperhand again, we can avenge Dana too! I'm still out for blood rtp
(ive avoided this for days)
Mitchell is saying this tribal council is essentially a sitcom episode and if it is it would be called The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess
(he’ll be gone soon, don’t worry)
Literally we're looking at rtp targetting johnny but voting with allie bc he doesnt think theres numbers to get out johnny and so its "supposed" to be a rudimentary vote split against me 4-3-3 a la queen daisy peacebeuponher but IN ACTUALITY what we're looking at here is johnny reneging and trying to blindside allie in some kind of mess of a 5-3-2 vote WHEN REALLY willow is "using" the three of us to get out JOHNNY in a FUCKING CRAZY ASS 4-3-2-1 vote that's gonna be something like johnny-aro-alie-me and i honestly... LOVE THIS
OKAY SO LET'S FUCKIN DIVE RIGHT INTO IT
going into last tribal something was a miss bc of a certain miss willow sayin cryptic ass shit like "i'm sorry i can't stop what's about to happen" and so i knew then that we were fucked. the suspense of waiting was alleviated by allie basically saying she flipped and it wouldn't be on me; i could've guessed it would be matt since she hates matt, but i never thought she'd actually flip and do it bc i don't see how any of us would benefit from leaving a solid 6 to form a very volatile merge but WHATEVER
and then i exposed allie and lexi's pregame relationship and close irl friendship and thought i'd blown myself up, particularly after wILLOW TOLD ME SHE FUCKING ALREADY KNEW INSTEAD OF TELGKIEFFREFIURHDIF TELLING ME TO CHILL, and NOBODy seemed to think that it was a big deal. combined w that, i fuckin bought my ass a trip to the cave and couldn't compete in immunity so FUCK me but then also... good things
zak guilted willow HARD about what allie made her do, which was particularly effective bc willow already felt like it was bad for her game. so while allie is saying we should vote LA, then saying johnny and RTP told her no so we can't, i'm like... we need willow rn to flip on this dumb twerking girl who is so far up these kids' ass yet MIRACULOUSLY still has willow up hers??? and zak does in fact guilt her into trying to get everyone else to split the votes so we can do something like get LA out or whatever
but i'm sittin here like... alright... who gotta go? and it comes to me. johnny the frat boy, my lover and archenemy!! miss chrissa and dana send their regards bitch!! it seems to me that johnny has a certain degree of control over LA and Luca, and as long as he's in a potential rookie or nuTemoana faction could be reunited or resurrected on his behalf. i don't want that. the game gets more open with him gone. so zak laid the groundwork for willow's flip, and i get to her and convince her the flip gotta be on johnny. it's almost too good to be true. a 4-3-3 vote agaisnt mr frat boy keeping i, mitchell kalabang, still in the game w my f3 of zak and aro and now w miss willow on our side??? FUCK YES
and then zak finds a flare that allows him to burn someone's vote at a tribal council, which means if willow stick w us worst-case scenario at the f9 is rocks. things are fallign into place, i'm so JFIOHWEIODFH EXCITED BC it's gonna be HUGE and it's almsot too good to be true
when johnny's frat boy ass says he wants to get out allie w me, la, zak, aro, and him. ????? johnny wants to flip on her ass bc of my expose about her and bc she's controlling willow. little does he KNOW that willow already flipped against allie and on HIS ASS and that allie is no longer a threat bc people know that she and lex are friends. so now johnny thinks it'll be like 5-3-2 or something but in actuality it'll be more like 4-3-2-1 johnny-aro-allie-zak which makes me sCREAM THAT"S SO FUDI*CVJOWDIS FUCIING EBEAUTIONFGD BEAUTIFUL AND ICONIC
but THEN RTP FIWEODJFD COMES TO ME AND ASKS TO MOASMDFUIBHWENDS make a move against johnny and i'm all ike ???D<EKODJFKLJWD iorhejdgio YOUWDFI(JF hwo are you people giving such a clear mnoritjy THISF IOWJDMFIO much POWMERUIOFMWEIOFDJ POWER and he can't get LA on board so he resigns himself to the split vote between aro and zak tellign me about it even tho it's supposed to be a secret but little does he know that i already know about it and i also know that it's a farce bc willow flipped and that it's not even happening bc JOGNY flipped and
rtp targets johnny who targets allie who splits the vote betwween aro and zak w rtp bc he can't get the votes aginst johnny while aro and zak are gonna tke out johnny bc WE have the votes and i'm CRYIORJHdf cryin i really think we might actually get the 4-3-2-1 and if that fucking happens i'll literally fuvkcixghnfei shit myself on call somehow i mitchell kalabang am coming out on top??
and i like johnny legitimately to some extent and he might want to work w me, but johnny has also lied to me and has multiple other deals and alliances, and i can't work w that if he's gonna keep shit shady. zak and aro have been loyal and honest to me since day 1 so i'm ridin w them boys and i hope you use all the money you're in charge of as treasurer of the frat to drink yourself into a stupor so as to neuter the humiliation ur gonna feel at being outmaneuvered by fuckin willow.
ALSDOJQSOFD speaking of shady miss allie like... first she flip, then i find out she got a #secretpairbeware, and i'm like ???? this BTIHDCIH she might wanna F3 w me and willow but AGAIN how am i gonna play w u when u say shit like "i know you said you didn't wanna do this and take out matt and i respect it so i got literally the entire rest of the tribe to do it instead and against u without telling u haha we still good tho i own you and control you" she seriously got so cocky after that and so self-righteous in defending herself about the lex thing and it's like... girl how the FUCK am i still savin ur ASS after tonight LMFAO
the #obvioustension i've felt between me and LA is gone i think, we've had some rlly good chats lately and welp it's gonna suck for her when i now snake HER but whatevs!! and RTP and i are prob good now too considering he told me about his johnny plot and then about the split. considerin i'm gonna do his work for him and oust johnny he shouldn't be too mad lol !
idol searching i fucking went into a cave and my choices were octopus and moray eel and y'all had to be fuckin kiddin ME but ofc the cave fucks me up AHFUIEWHD AGAIN and no second idol for mitcherell kalabganfger but whatevs
Somehow, everything has lined up to give me an unprecedented amount of power for someone who felt helplessly on the bottom after Matt, who I feel was an actual tick in this game harming me more than helping me with his poor gameplay and social skills, was voted out. I think I've played an influential role in getting this vote together and in forming a group that can now move solidly forward. I just... if this all works I'm going to cry because RTP going for Johnny going for Allie going for Aro/Zak who're going for Johnny without RTP knowing is a fucking sitcom episode. I can't fucking breathe. If the 4-3-2-1 is what actually happens tonight i might literally cry laughing on call for tribal. mitchell kalabang is not dead yet!
also biggest VILLAIN?????? how the fUIHEWDRHJIernfuier what've i done this season but been lied to and love dana i jsut... and they fucked up w what they said bout luca bc now he's pissed and i'm all like... come to papa :)
IM STILL SO WORRIED EVERYONES LYING TO ME THOOOOO
Okay so, in Touchy Subjects I tied with Johnny in the category "If you could not win the game, who would you most like to see win". And I'm very confused by this because I literally thought I wasn't a threat to win at all. Johnny I understand, he's the one controlling everyone, he's the one calling the nuTemoana shots, and so if he made it to the end he would win no doubt. But me on the other hand, I haven't exactly done much, like I've tried to make good social bonds with everyone, and been honest with everyone, but yeah other then that I'm kinda confused how I got the majority in that category.
Onto another topic though. I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm actually pretty damn excited to go to tribal tonight. I have individual immunity, so basically I 100% made it to single digit placements, which is amazing!! Anyway onto the vote. It's going to go great because Johnny thinks Allie is going home, but in actuality Johnny is going home. I guess I sorta convinced Allie, Lexi, and Ryan to split the votes on Zak and Aro. So the vote should go 4-3-3, if all goes according to plan. I'm really hoping this works bc Johnny wont expect it, and it'll get the biggest threat out of this game. I really like Johnny though so I hope he won't be too mad and that we can be friends once this is all over.
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