#i meant great but im dyslexic what can you do
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I really miss the twitch DND beyond overlay sometimes
#Critical Role#cr#wiuld be nice to have a thingy like d20 does where they show the hp#even if its not numbers but at least an approximation#tho the moments where somebody goes ''i have 1 hit point left'' and everybody goes :0 are grate#i meant great but im dyslexic what can you do
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I’m bored so have Andgi hcs bc I’m the CEO of them apparently <33
Sorry if anything is spelled wrong I’m dyslexic and don’t notice most of the time,,
Warning: mentions of drug abuse/usage (they’re at the end)
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• other then Brett, Andre is like the only person she can stand (sometimes) in that group
• they were fwb for a bit until Andre started developing a hugggeee crush on her
• He would get veryyyy nervous when she was around and you could see it
• they somehow got together & everyone was and wasn’t shocked,, bc like.. Gigi babygirl.. he has crocs on.. crocs
• he’s the only guy that’s been able to get a softer/shyer side out of Gigi
• they have the basic pet names but Andre mainly uses “Doll” & “Princess” (…also mommy but we all know he would, i mean it’s Gigi I would)
• Andre said “I love you” first but in Latin, he lied to her and said it meant something completely different. He didn’t wanna scare her by saying it too early. He did end up still being the first to actually say it
• they do the typical date stuff but Andre also plans fun dates! His are kinda childish like building a fort & watching every Shrek movie but she loves them. He’s the only bf to like make her childish/weirded side come out & embrace it
• he’s very affectionate? Like he wants to be around her and hug her a lot, he’ll leave his office every few minutes to go to hers. Just sits in there while she does work stuff
• he feels like he’s not the best for Gigi… it eats at him alot, he tries to be a good bf he really does but something in him tells him he’s not. She reassures him about what how great of a bf he is all the time
• they cuddle a lot, he refuses to let her get up half of the time. She plays games on her phone sometimes when they cuddle, (…candy crush, im so sorry dhdh) and he’ll just start playing it for her
• whenever he’s sad he just puts his face in her boobs….yes… he does it at work too..
• when he’s hungover he likes to lay his head down or on her lap and have Gigi scratch his back until he falls asleep
• he burns himself a lot with the chemicals he works with, she helps bandage him up and gives him a few kisses to make him feel better
• he just randomly shows up to her apartment, after she gave him a key he would just let himself in and crash there. Man is basically living there
• he cooks for her a lot, she’s more of a “I’ll just doordash” person but he tries to make her food. They end up just ordering food most of the time,, (he’s not the best cook but it’s the thought that counts)
• she paints his nails (they immediately get ruined)
• she likes to test some of her self-care stuff on him, if she gets new wax guess what buddy.. she’s waxing your brows that night!
• he likes to organize her stuff sometimes, mainly her makeup stand but then she can’t find anything. He knows nothing about makeup & it’s a mess to her but organized to him
• he likes to make her Kandi bracelets, she doesn’t wear them much but she thinks it’s cute he makes something for her <3 he also likes to make her funky lil earrings
• Andre has croc charms but Gigi won’t wear matching crocs with him, so he got her a charm bracelet & tries to make the charms match if he can
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TW: Drug abuse/usage
• Gigi tries help him with his addiction, she doesn’t pressure him but instead tries to be there as much as she can. She understands why he does them, she never makes him feel bad for needing them
• Gigi feels like drugs are more important then her sometimes, that he needs them more then he needs her. She tries to push the feeling away bc she knows he does deeply care about her…
• She tried to do this thing for him that every week he stayed semi-sober that weekend he got to do whatever he wanted
• he doesn’t really let her do hard drugs, he’s worried she’ll get addicted or something will happen. He likes to be there when she does any just to make sure she’s okay
• they have date nights were they drink or get high and paint, Andres comes out surprisingly good while Gigis looks like a child painted it. She gets embarrassed and refuses to show him it for a bit
#inside job#gigi thompson#andre lee#dr andre lee#headcanon#inside job headcanon#inside job gigi#ship headcanons
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a friendly face
a lil one inspired from seeing the recent interviews abt cherry - yes im a couple days late but am very slow. This is basically stolen and adapted from another of my stories so I don't think there's any bits left over by my dyslexic proof reading isnt that great so apologies!!! very speech heavy so sorry am trying to balance my writing more
Summary: Tom is having a hard time filming Cherry and dealing with the emotional baggage of it, so Harry recruits someone to make everything that little bit better.
tomhollandxreader
fluff and a little angst I guess?
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Harry, Tom and their driver Sian where all sitting in the car having left the set 20 minutes ago, heading back to their accommodation. Or more precisely, Harry and Sian sat in the two front seats- Harry only in the front as to allow Tom to lie down across the three back seats. He was asleep, or at least looked asleep, but Harry knowing his brother so well knew he was just wishing he was. The day had been torturous for Tom, they’d been filming a hospital sequence in which his character was heart broken. The sequence had involved him being thrown onto the floor multiple times, by a heavy handed stunt double who was not nearly as precise as those he’d worked with at ‘marvel’. Furthermore, there was also multiple scenes of him having to properly cry on camera, which although it sounds tame, is one of the hardest things you can ever ask an actor to do. At least, someone who commits half as much as Tom. For him to show that emotion, he had to go back to a place in his life where he didn’t really ever want to venture again. But even then, this character was such a fuck up, he had to do deeper. He felt completely drained, emotionless and cold. But he couldn’t sleep, not for the guilt he felt for being short with everyone on set- he had never been like that before, he just felt like no one was respecting or understanding what he was going through. So instead he just lay on his side, facing the backs of the leather seats, arms folded in stubbornness- even if he had no idea why.
“Tom?…Tom, I know you’re awake… Look, we need to make a quick stop. You gotta come out.” Harry was actually slightly nervous his brother would just point blank refuse, even if he needed this so bad.
“I just need to get back to the apartment. Please Harry. Can’t we do it tommorrow?” The desperation dripping off Tom’s voice actually pained Harry to listen to. He knew Tom was having a crisis about how he treated everyone today, so chose to ignore his please in favour of some assurance.
“You know everyone understands… They just kept asking me if you were alright?” Harry could see the guilt radiating off Tom. It hurt him to see his big brother like this.
“Please… I just need to get back” His small voice barely made it to the front of the car, but Harry heard it all.
“It will take 2 minutes tops, I had a delivery but I need a hand carrying it, come on” Harry spoke as Sian turned on the indicator to pulled up next to the sidewalkpavement; the car slowing to a gentle halt. Tom didn’t reply, instead huffing as he used the head rest of the middle seat to pull himself up. Already out the car, Harry opened the door for him waiting patiently, because Harry knew he would be a hundred times better off in just a few moments.
“What the hell have you even ordered that’s so big?” Tom sighed while ducking through the door into the cold Cleveland air, keeping his eyes on the sidewalk as Harry motioned for him to follow his feet.
“Oh um don’t know, a good friend sent it actually” Harry tried to hide the grin that was spread over his face from showing in his voice, as he saw a very familiar head of hair running toward them.
“What friend?” Tom looked up sassily toward Harry, shortly questioning who would send Harry a parcel from England that was too big to be delivered or carried by himself. Only then, nearly 5 metres away from Sian in the car, did Tom look up to see where they were. It wasn’t the nearest post office or delivery warehouse - they were at the airport. “Harry what’s going on?” Tom questioned with a low and warning voice, skipping a step or two in order to catch up with his younger brother.
“We’re collecting her” Harry smiled as he nodded forward. Following his gaze with eyes wide open, Tom turned forward just in time to see Y/h/c flying over his face as he was engulfed by someones arms. Immediately sensing exactly who this was, Tom did not hesitate to wrap his arms around your waist and push his head into your neck. Smelling the familiar perfume, Tom couldn’t help but scoff, allowing a the jerky breath to leave his lungs as you arched away from the hug, cupping Tom’s face with both her hands.
“I’ve been reliably informed you could use a friendly face” you smiled, noticing his raw emotions threatening to overtake him, so swiftly pressing just pressing your lips onto his. Seemingly frightened to move, Tom barely reacted to the kiss, so you pushed and deepened into it a little more- till you felt him relaxing against you. With that, you arched away again and smiled massaging his stubbly hair behind his left ear.
“How are you here?” He croaked staring deeply at her, switching between her left and right eye as if that somehow would confirm that this was real, not some cruel dream he was having.
“Someone somewhere knew you were in need and bought me a plane ticket over… I’m coming home with you on monday” You grinned while watching Tom’s eyes light up, he leaned in again to your lips instead of replying.
“Er-cuh-huh” Harry loudly cleared his throat, causing the two to pull away from each other. “Sorry to interrupt, but Sian isn’t really allowed to stop there long sooo” They both nodded, before Tom lunged at his brother, holding him close and whispering thanks too. It was clear this was at least partly Harry’s doing, and he could never thank his brother enough.
“Umm.. as much as I’m enjoying this brotherly love we really do have to get back in the car” Harry awkwardly spoke as he almost pushed Tom off him.
“Awww my favourite little brother being all mature” You giggled, taking your turn to hug Harry, admittedly a little shorter than Tom’s, but still with lots of gratitude.
“Please get stop loving me and get back into the car!” Harry yelled as he stormed off to Sian, leaving both you and Tom in fits of laughter. Grasping each others hand simultaneously the laughter continued as you followed Harry down the street to the car.
Seeing you standing there; feeling your arms wrapped round his neck ; hearing your oh so sweet voice had Tom feeling…. Feeling lighter. It was as though your mere presence gave him the strength to carry all the things that were previously weighing him down like a truck. What was extraordinary though, was how it wasn’t just psychological. He literally felt his joints feel looser, he felt his body flood with warmth and he felt his heart calming down. When you’d first been getting close to each you’d had rather the opposite effect. Which was surprising because that was at the point Tom had never felt more confident - he had just returned form a avengers press tour, where naturally everyone had just loved him and played up to his every whim. He had legions of girls, some of them drop dead gorgeous where falling at his feet. And yet, when he met you it was as though he was transported back into his incredibly awkward teenage years. It was infuriating, he knew he could act cool and unbothered and smooth however as soon as you stood informant of his it was like his mind melted, filling it with utter gibberish and garble. In fact, he was plainly floored by you - how kind and pure hearted you were, how respectful and how you found hhis jilted flirting adorable and not to forget how drop dead gorgeous you are.
It had taken a while and a hell of a lot of opening up, but over time he found the opposite happening. Your presence became something else entirely, not one that would put him on his toes and have his heart racing - more of a comfort. He slept better when you were beside him, his nerves never got the better of him if you were there to cheer him on. He could relax completely without any fear of judgement, any worry at all with you. What you had done is change the definition of something so fudemental and a given in life. You’d changed home from a place to something much more intangible. A person; a feeling; a connection. You were his home.
“Sian are we close?” You asked, turning your attention away from the two brothers annecdotes from filming, realising Sian must’ve been driving for about 30 minutes.
“Yep just the next right I think” Sian replied gently while turning the wheel as the indicator clicked.
“Where are we going?” Tom asked, looking first at you then pleadingly at Harry- knowing he had more of a chance with his brother.
“Well” You started and he whipped his head back round “I know it’s late and you’ve been working all day, but you have alater 10 o’clock call time tomorrow instead of 6, so this is the best night to do something. We found a driving range-with heaters” which was a very important factor since Cleveland was bloody freezing “- that we thought you’d like to play a game or two?” The massive smile in response meant you’d hit the nail on the head.
“And soz but I’m crashing the game otherwise- and no offence, but you would win waayyyy toooo easy Tom” Harry butted in and sniggered as he interrupted the lovey-dovey stares. You gasped at that in mock offence, holding your hand over your chest.
“Oi you, Paddy has been teaching on the Holland boys days out you both missed- I’ll have you know I now am aware that you have to get the ball into the hole, not a goal as previously thought.”
The boys both groaned in unison and Y/n wiggled her eyebrow grinning, elbowing Tom slightly in the side. “Things might have changed since you left you know?”
Yet another thing Tom loved so completely about you, was how effortlessly you had fitted into his family. Honestly, none of the Hollands could imagine life without you anymore - especially Nikki, who had quite literally attempted adopting you so she officially wasnt the only female in the immediate family. Sam used you as an expert taster for all his marvellous culinary creations (even if your judgement was always the same, it was very good); Dom often ended up picking your brains about your work, he found you ‘actual proper’ job as a doctor simply amazing , where all his family had never been especially acadmeically gifted; and Paddy just plain saw you as his older sister. So it was hardly surprising at all that when two of their actual kids flew across the world , you’d been the obvious placeholder. Yes, golf was most definitely your forte - but you were enthusiastic, with a positive (if flightily misguided) give it a go attitude.
The try-try-and-try-again attitude that never really worked … until Paddy taught you how to hit a clean drive.
“I am not joking, I am asking the lady at the desk there’s no way!”
“Tom you are the worst looser I have ever met! I didn’t cheat, I’ve just taken up a new hobby”
“There is no way Tom… no way she can get that good” Harry huffed as he ran straight past you to catch up with Tom, making sure that you did see the harsh glare he shot him. The outrage that Y/n had beaten them both at the driving range was way worse than anything you could’ve predicted- now you sort of were wishing you’d let them win. Oh wait…. Of course you weren’t - this was priceless. Especially their faces when you’d launched your first ball super accurately inn the centre of the second furthest away target. They had reacted as if you had just stripped butt naked, you thought; standing their jaws hanging with a look of almost fear in their eyes.
“You could see the balls land with your own eyes! Practice makes perfect!”
“Thats not fair though! It took you like 8 weeks to be like that?”
“I mean you were obviously just taught by the wrong Holland, Paddy’s a pretty good teacher!” You smiled as your trio turned the corner and walked through reception, seeing Harry desperate to ask the receptionist but Tom just looking over his shoulder to give a hurt look to at you.
“I’m going to ban you from being closer to my brothers than me”
“I can’t help if he’s cuter then you alright?” You smirked and raised an eyebrow, as Tom stopped in his tracks and turned to face you.
“That’s it… your gonna get it” he spoke in a low voice, with a mischievous look in his eye, abruptly he launched himself at you - barely having time to swerve away from him and start a sprint towards the exit, giggling as you took a glance back to see Tom chasing you out, Harry quickly in tow too.
“Your not allowed to beat me at golf!” In a jokey voice, you heard Tom yell, just as you reached the sleek black 4x4 and hurdling yourself into it.
“I’m in the car it’s a no fight zone!” You cowered in the corner,back pressed up against the opposite door and arms crossed to make an ‘x’ sign in front of her body.
“That is not how it works” Tom and Harry grinned from the open door. As fast as lightning they both vaulted in and started tickling you, making you screech curses at the two of them.
“Alright alright kids, no fighting while I’m driving thats an order.” Sian calmly spoke, trying to hide the laughter from her voice, as the two men retreated and helped to pull you up from the position half on the floor that your squirming had gotten you to.
“Get off my leg Tom… arghhh… thanks Sian, I’m sorry they’re so moody, I just whipped their asses at golf”
“You’re here to make me feel better right? Not doing a good job so far” Tom’s snide remark meant you scrunched up your nose while plugging her seatbelt in, making sure to jab Tom’s side hard as you did so.
“How did I end up sandwiched in between you two twats then?” You grinned from the middle seat as Harry just rolled his eyes looking out the window, and Tom gave you a loving smile- not able to hide his relief of your presence.
“Think it’s about a 40 minute drive you gotta enjoy” Sian smiled looking at you via the rear view mirror, to which Tom couldn’t quite stifle the yawn that escaped.
After all he had done much more than the typical 9-5 hours work, and the golfing was an unexpected addition to the already long day. His excitement and just pure joy at having you here had made him forget about It all for a couple of hours - but now his exhaustion was catching up with him with a vengeance. Instinctively you wrapped you arm round Tom and in doing so pulled him into your side.
“Get some rest huh?” You whispered into his forehead, and all Tom could do was reply with a weary nod, letting his eyes slip close to the constant beat of Ally’s heart. You immediately sensed Tom was properly out of it, and contented yourself looking out his window for a few minutes, before you felt something heavy briefly whack your other shoulder. Jumping a little at the contact, you looked round to see Harry’s head bobbing side to side in a light slumber. In the midst of worry for Tom, you hadn’t realised the kid had been doing the same long hours as him. Plus dealing with Tom and being Tom’s support, which surely took it out of him. Harry had always been ‘the most important brother’ in your eyes. Just because Tom trusts him so implicitly and completely, they had an understanding only real brothers could get to but also extended far beyond blood. When you’d first been introduced Harry had been colder to you. It wasn’t personal though, he just wanted to be sure on you and your intentions with Tom because as he well knew often when people saw Tom they didn’t just see an opportunity for love. It was an opportunity for a lifestyle, for fame, for relevance. Harry took a while before he trusted you but now you were miles and miles beyond that point. So now, being at a stage with Harry where he was phoning you to come and fly out to save Tom (and him too). It was not to be taken lightly. Therefore, you gently pressed your hand to Harrys face and pushed him to lean against her other shoulder too- hoping to cure the dark circles under his eyes a little bit too.
You were quite content for the rest of the journey, feeling warmth radiate through your body as the two men breathed deeply and calmly either side of you. You sort of didn’t want the car journeyer to end - but sure enough it wasn’t long till Sian was pulling into the hotel entrance.
“Get you a girl that can do both, beat yo ass at golf and look after your family” Sian whispered as she handed the phone back to you, after having taken some of your favourite ever photos, the 2 boys asleep on your shoulders while you pulled a variety of different faces. Smiling back at Sian, you then sighed-knowing she had to wake the two up, given their exhaustion you didn’t really want to either.
“Boys…boys… hey let’s get you both into bed yeh?” You spoke softly, gently raising your shoulders in order to disturb them both. Harry’s head immediately shot up, his eyes puffy and half open, but a sheepish look on his face as he realised how he was sleeping. Just responding with a smile that said it was all okay, before you turned her attention to Tom- forever stubborn to wake up, at least nothing had changed there.
“Come on Tom, can’t have you sleeping in the car all night” You pushed again, this time lifting Tom’s head, earning a very deep groan as his eyes slid open and he pushed against the movement. It was at this point Harry slammed the car door shut, making Tom jump out of his skin, you loosing the hope of any serene wakeup call. Rubbing Toms arm, relaxing the tension now present in his body you encouraged him once again. “Come on lets get inside mister”
His hotel room was exactly what you’d expect for an a-lister and lead actor in a million pound film. Large, modern, squeaky clean and posh. It was almost too big to be filled by one person though, Tom had always found it a bit cold and just not cosy - why he opted to spend the majority of his down time either fast alseep or in somebody else’s company. Both of those also stopped him getting too much in his head - or more accurately in his characters head. Cherry was a weird character and from interviewing all the veterans and lengthy discussion of his past, Tom almost felt as if he had in some small way experienced what Cherry had. Felt what Cherry did. Thought like Cherry did.
And that was a sure fire way to fuck yourself up.
Now, with you here in his room haphazardly digging through your case, if felt warmer. The cold but brilliant white lights seemed to have softened to a gently warm glow that bounced off your skin and made your figure look almost angelic to Tom. You were his home.
“What are you waiting for?” You mused while turning away from your (now) inside out suitcase, proudly carrying her pyjamas which you had found hidden at the bottom the whole time- not the most practical packing in the world. All the while Tom sat on his bed, back leaning against the headboard and arm bent behind his head too.
“Just thinking that I need to go through all the scenes for tomorrow” A monotonous tone laced his voice, for he knew he couldn’t spend the night the way he really wanted to, safely wrapped up with you.
“Oh… well let’s go through it together then hey? We will be done in no time; but if you want we can go over them again tomorrow morning.” It was a practical suggestion, a helpful action you could implement - even if you had a feeling Tom wouldn’t just agree. Since his lines clearly weren’t the only thing on his mind this evening.
“Yeh but everyone on set is already sick of me after today… I can’t be being shit as well as horrid” his voice was small as the memory of how he snapped at some of the extras had him cringing inwardly at himself. He shouldn’t have been that rude, shouldn’t have blurted it out, should of offered a solution rather than just critiquing.
“Hey would you kindly shut it? No one is sick of you, everyone is just ready for christmas and missing their families. Now get changed” Your soft tone turning into an imperative order, as you threw his pyjama bottoms at the him, smashing into his face before falling into his lap.
“Oi” he shouted, but followed instructions and stood up reaching round to pull his hoodie off. Stood shirtless, his side was exposed to the now changed you, the sight making you gasp and clamber over the bed to gently touch Tom’s back. You followed the outline of an impressive patch of bruising, stretching from the bottom edge of his shoulder blade all the way to his hip.
“Tom, what the hell happened?” Whispering in fear, Tom turned round to face you, seeing your eyes watering up as you kept glancing at his back. He was littered in a variety of purple, yellow and slightly green marks on the whole of his left flank. It looked like a minor crush injury, not something a pampered actor gets after a day of filming infront of tens of people including an onset medic and health and safety risk assessor.
“What?” Tom asked before turning to the mirror and looking back over his shoulder to see the bruises for himself. He hadn’t expected the ache to look that bad. “oh - I - er… Today the scene, I get smashed to the floor by someone and I kept doing it wrong so we had to do it lots I guess.” He looked away and down at your feet, not being able to meet his girlfriends eyes suddenly. You just nodded, trying to blink back the tears- he had truly been broken by this role both physically and now mentally- he hadn’t even put a stop to the constant and clearly severe pain.
“Put your stuff on” your voice was muted, as you waited for Tom to get prepared. He turned around again and then replaced his trousers and quickly pulled a top on to hide the marks, suddenly embarrassed. In the silence the sound of his clothes dropping to the floor, then of him sitting on the bed again- throwing his legs over so now he mirrored your position - the sounds were pretty defeaning.
“I love you so much….” Barely whispering, you suddenly ripped the duvet out from under you both holding it over you as you swung a leg over Tom so you straddled him, slightly leaning over him and letting the blanket rest on top of your back.In your position you looked down in an almost scary way to his warm brown eyes. Tom swore you were literally reading his thoughts, your intense gaze absolutely crumbling any walls he thought he’d be able to hold up. Pressing a gentle peck to his lips you then whispered onto his lips, letting him feel your words as well as hear them. “ …So that’s why we are going to sleep right now and you can worry about all of that tomorrow”
“Y/n I-“
“Your safe with me.” You were not standing for his nexuses and arguments, as you slid down his body - ending with your head resting on his chest, you legs tangled with his. Once you’re properly rested you’ll learn them ten times faster than what you can now… Before you get ill I am telling you to take a break. I’m not going to let you not. So relax and-….Tom?” Ending with a whisper, you delicately lifted your head off his slowly rising chest to see your broken boyfriend already asleep; lips parted as soft snores crept through the silence. In reality as soon as you’d said that he was safe the exhaustion had completely over taken him. Desperately needing to recharge his batteries, no matter how much he had wanted to stay up and work late it could never really happen - at this point physically impossible.
“Sleep well Tom” she smiled, planting a kiss on his cheek with a sad smile.
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The next day rolled around all too quickly, but the morning was much better than any of the past couple of months because you were together. Tom, having had a solid 7 hours of sleep compared to his normal 5, was for once ready for the day. He’d gone through the script with a certain someones help in record time, and now the three were just pulling up at the set.
“You’ve been awful quiet this car ride…” you grinned as she clasped Tom’s hand across the empty seat, making Harry turn around and give you a warning glance. Oops. In a moment where Tom went to the loo at breakfast, Harry had fully disclosed everything that had happened on set yesterday- especially the burst of anger. So naturally, Tom was feeling nervous and scared to face everyone.
“It will be fine I promise… and if not tell them I’m your personal body guard- no one will be rude to you if me and Harry are ready to attack” Tom let out a breathy nervous laugh, only then meeting your eyes.
“ A fly wouldn’t be threatened by you two. Harry would just take a photo while you’d check their pulse or something”
“Errrm” Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he contorted round from the front seat so Tom could see his disapproving look, meanwhile Tom was dodging your affectionate fake-slaps.
“Children we’re here” Sian sighed as she brought the car to a steady halt “and if you could get through the day without killing each other I’d appreciate it, otherwise I’m out of the job”
“Not promising anything when I’ve got these pair to deal with” Tom grinned as he opened the car door, before anyone else could retaliate.You laughed before quickly following suit, joining Tom at the front of the car and interlocking your fingers with Tom’s. Hesitating for a moment Harry took a second before unplugging and leaning for the door handle.
“You see what I mean?” Turning his head to look at Sian “It’s sickening how happy they are.”
“Yeh but your glad about it don’t lie” she grinned, before practically shooing the poor boy out her car.
“But dont tell them!” Shouting in reply, as the car was already pulling out.
Tom’s body seemed to tense more the closer you walked to the crew tent, you could feel the way he squeezed his shoulders back and his jaw tensed and untensed. There was little you could do apart from squeezing his hand that little bit tighter - further reiterating the fact you would always always be in his corner. Perhaps the most telling about Tom’s own character was how truly guilty he felt for the way he was with the crew. Normally, he was one of the most down to earth actors around - no trace of an ego or superiority complex. It didn’t matter if you were a cleaner or head of a multimillion dollar studio, Tom would pay both the same amount of respect. He always out that completely down to his upbringing and mum and dad, but even that was being humble. He was just a good person to the core, no one saw that more than you either. It’s part of love, you see the good and the bad parts of a person and promise to unashamedly love them all.
Just before you both had made it into the main tent, Tom was pulled away. “Oh Tom we wanted to talk to you about yesterday!” The familiar voice of Joe Russo called, as he and Anthony ran up to Tom from his left, giving a little nod of greeting to the actor, before falling in step with him.
“Morning, I-uh I wanted to apologise actually-“Tom was cut off while you hung back off to his right, not wanting to intrude on this conversation.
“No we should. The team were all being slow yesterday, and they were making some hard scenes harder on you. We really appreciate what you are putting yourself through for the sake of the film.”
“But still I acted like a brat and I’m sorry”
“Tom” Anthony spoke up for the first time. He was a man of limited words- but whenever he spoke everyone listened. “ You are one of the best, most-dedicated actors we’ve ever worked with. We’re all overtired, run down and ready for the holidays. You’re missing your family too. It’s already forgotten… So let’s just get on with the movie?” Tom smiled, pressing his lips together to stop their kindness overtaking his emotions. Tom always felt safe with the Russo’s. They’d dealt with him when he really just was a kid actor - overwhelmed and without a clue what was happening. They’d dealt with hiM adjusting to fame and the much bigger part Marvel seemed to want him to play in the future. They trusted him with this, most incredibly complex and also personal film for them. So when they spoke and they said it didn’t matter, Tom was much more likely to agree. Then proceeded the bro-hugs, as the men all showed they were good with each other.
“Well lets make a motherfucking movie!” Tom exclaimed once they broke the hug and the brothers laughed at him. “Oh where-d….” He muttered as he looked round before meeting your eyes, still standing rather awkwardly a couple of meters behind them. “ Joe, Anthony you remember Y/n?” Nodding and smiling the brothers beckoned you over; both greeting you with a warm handshake.
“Good to see you again!” You grinned and the directors responded nodding.
“We didn’t know you were coming! I would’ve made a list of all my doctor question for you.” Joe winked, knowing your pet-peeve was people asking you all their gory body questions as soon as they found out she was a doctor. You didn’t need to know about you dentists acid reflux issue, you didn’t need to know about your granny’s friend’s constipation, and you really really didn’t need to know about an old friends erectile dysfunction.
“Ha ha ha “ You rolled your eyes sarcastically “ and no it was a bit of a spontaneous trip, I just landed last night.” Throughout the whole of the exchange Anthony had taken an aloof stance, just observing you and Tom. Observing the bright smile Tom gave you, even when you were simply making small talk. The way he looked so much healthier, well rested and just happy, in the space of a single evening.
“I’m glad you’re here” Anthony basically interrupted the conversation, addressing you then immediately turning on his heel towards the set.
“Uhh right- get to make up we’ll call a cast meeting in a bit” Joe stammered, giving his brother a funny look before addressing Tom “ and we’ll have to have a proper catch up later.” You nodded in response, as Joe turned and did a half jog to catch up with his brother.
“That was weird!?” You frowned as you looked up at Tom. He explained the encounter in rather simplistic terms.
“That was Anthony.”
The morning was spent with Tom doing what he does best in front of the camera. They were shooting a larger scene for the army section of the movie, with at least 100 actual soldiers as extras, all geared up in full camo outfits. It was impressive, but also gave you a chance to meet Ciara - you’d been dying to meet her since Tom told you what a laugh she was. Fair to say you weren’t disappointed at all, you guys hitting it off instantly and you going as far as giving Ciara some embarrassing Tom stories that she could wind him up with in the future. Of course though, the main attraction was seeing Tom act first hand. Every time it astounded you, even though you knew that face so completely, in all his movies he fully had you believing he was someone else. It was mesmerising and you couldn’t be any prouder.
“You’re amazing! I seriously forgot how good you are!” You ran over as Joe Russo called cut to the end of the morning shoot.
“Well er thanks I guess” Tom furrowed his eyebrows as you wrapped him in a hug. He’d just canned a pretty hard scene and everyone was more than ready for a lunch break. You’s been watching from behind the cameras with Harry the whole time, after Tom gave you permission to sit in his special set chair.
“Seriously I’m very…. “ Her speech broken with an impressive yawn “….very proud of you.” In thanks Tom gave you a kiss first to your nose and then lips.
“I take it someones not adapting to jet lag?” He chuckled as he pulled away and cupped your face in his hands.
“Which I’m totally ashamed about considering I work night shifts… my body clocks supposed to be better than this” Angrily, you vented, frustrated at your own body when all you wanted to do was stays within reaching distance of Tom. Even if Tom had had the best sleep of this whole shoot last night, you’d been to over excited and enthralled just absorbing every little thing about him that you’d missed so much that you’d been wide awake the majority of the night. If you blamed you fatigue on jet lag alone, it would be an impressive lie.
“Go take a nap in my trailer… Harry can you take her?”
“Yes master” Harry bowed down and wobbled his head sarcastically, making you giggle.
“At least this way you get a break from him” You grinned to Tom’s brother, which Harry could only agree with. Giving Tom a parting kiss , you followed Harry away from set. It was at this point that Anthony excused himself from the monitors reviewing the footage, and approached Tom.
“Kid… that was great that scene.”
“Thanks mate, means a lot” Getting his directors approval forever reassured Tom, letting him relax his shoulders a bit as he nodded gratefully to Anthony.
“Well it’s just truth… so your girlfriend, Y/n right?”
“Yeh that’s her” Tom nodded, suddenly a little concerned as to where Anthony was going with this. You had met the Russo’s a number of times, and it never before seemed as though Anthony had an issue with you- at least to Tom’s knowledge.
“Right well um… you know how I don’t really get involved in all this stuff…” Tom nodded, folding his arms apprehensively. “But I just thought I should say that she’s really good for you.” Tom silently breathed a sigh of relief and waited for Anthony to get to the point. “Joe told me you had a rough patch at the beginning of the year so… I don’t know our industry is hard. And harder for you and her in the spotlight… Just seeing you with her today…Don’t be afraid to take the next steps with her…Don’t let her get away.” Tom was stunned to say the least. Anthony is the last person he had ever expected to get relationship advice from.
“I um yeh… I don’t know I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean we’ve been together for 2 and a bit years, well including the break… she means the world to me-“
“Well don’t waste it”
And that was the end of the conversation. Anthony turned to his trailer to get lunch and Tom just stood, replaying the conversation in his head. Weird to say the least.
But it did get the cogs turning. It did get Tom really seriously considering his future. Or rather considering your future together.
And that was for certain. It was you and him, always.
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Hey! Do you have any irondad fic recs? I just started reading Peter and Tony fics again and I would love any recs you have!
Hello!
Yes, I do! :D It's by no means complete because I am still busy compiling, but I have quite a few already.
For all the below stories, please heed the tags and warnings on AO3. And of course, feel also free to check out my stories. :)
My AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JolinarJackson/works
The below fics are not compiled in any particular order.
If I Die Young by MusicalLuna
Summary: Tony and Steve are trying to keep their little boy (who's not so little anymore) out of the superhero business for as long as possible, but when a kid's as stubborn as Peter is, they can't always stop him.
And sometimes things go wrong. Really, really wrong.
Categories: Superfamily, Not MCU!Peter Parker
Comment: This is a wonderful whump story that I go back to again and again.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423790
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Lightning in a Bottle by Gruoch
Summary: Peter takes the tablet and looks down at the screen, where a picture of Spider-Man intimately entangled in a passionate embrace with Johnny Storm is displayed across the majority of the Daily Bugle’s home page. TORCH CAUGHT IN SPIDER-MAN’S WEB, the headline reads, bracketed by spider and flame emojis. Peter looks back up at Tony, who is still staring at him completely stone-faced.
Tony reaches across the island and taps the screen. “So. What do you have to say about that?”
“Well. For one, I’m a little disappointed with the headline,” Peter offers.
Tony lets his chin drop against his chest, momentarily defeated, before taking a deep breath and once more skewering Peter with a hard look. “You could have at least given me some warning that the two of you are...I mean, I had my suspicions, but—”
“You’re misconstruing the situation. Spider-Man and the Torch are dating,” Peter explains. “Johnny and I are just friends.”
“Boy, you’re really leaning hard into this whole alter ego thing, aren’t you?” Tony deadpans. “How’s that working out for you?”
Categories: Irondad, SpideyTorch
Comment: I love stories taking advantage of the havoc that secret superhero identities can wreak on romantic relationships. The best about this particular story is the witty writing, which makes Peter being a chaotic mess in this even better.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413219
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The doubts that complicate by @frostysunflowers
Summary: "But he’s smart!" May had blurted, looking up at the teacher with misplaced anger. "I don’t...how does this make sense?"
She was worried, unaware, unprepared, not like Peter who had known for a while that some things were trickier for him than other kids. All the rules hidden in cheerful little rhymes and singing songs about which letters get along and those who don’t play nice; all the robotic reciting of the alphabet nearly every day: none of it had ever truly helped Peter understand how it all worked.
A brand new door opened in his life that day. On the front of it, the word ‘DYSLEXIC’ was printed in bold, the certainty of what it meant holding the letters permanently in place.
or
Nobody ever said being smart was easy.
Categories: Irondad
Comment: This is a wonderful read. @frostysunflowers manages to describe dyslexia in a way that makes the struggle understandable. The relationship between Tony and Peter is heart-warming. This is a great read if you're in the mood for something that is not too long and still want a good dosage of H/C.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23989531
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Accepting the Tides by Emma_Anacortes
Summary: Tony had dragged Peter from the depths of despair after May's death. It was normal that he'd grown to care a little about him, right?
Yeah, okay. He freaking loved the kid.
So naturally he would feel a little weird when Richard Parker randomly shows up in Peter's life. Naturally he'd feel protective, nervous, and confused because where has Richard been all this time? And why does Tony feel sick every time he sees him around Peter?
All he knows is if Richard hurts his kid, Tony's gonna give him hell.
Categories: Irondad, Steve & Peter
Comment: This story is intense, no doubt about it. Please heed all the warnings and tags carefully. However, if you give it a try, it's so worth it. This story presents a different backstory to the relationship of Peter and his parents (especially his father) while exploring Peter and Tony forging a father/son-bond in the wake of May's death. I have to say that the the relationship between Peter and Steve in this story is just as prominent and amazingly written. I loved every second of it.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885844/chapters/26843274
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with arms wide open by @parkrstark
Summary: Tony and Pepper are expecting a baby and Peter may be the one most excited...just maybe…
Categories: Irondad, Pepperony
Comment: This is undeniably cute and heart-warming: Tony and Pepper get pregnant and Peter is right there with them, freaking out. Peter spends this story preparing to become a big brother while still being unsure about whether this is the role he is going to fulfill in the baby's life. This stoy focsses on the found family that is Tony, Pepper and Peter, but there are wonderful interactions with May, Rhodey and Happy as well.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14540409
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the stars the moon they have all been blown out (you left me in the dark) by @madasthesea
Summary: It starts off with his vision fading in and out.
What kind of demon drug can make someone go blind by inhaling a single lungful? Whatever it is, Tony doubts it’s reversible. And while Peter’s no idiot, he can be idiotically optimistic. He's determined to fix what appears to be unfixable.
Categories: Irondad
Comment: This story is experienced entirely from Tony's point of view, which make the effects of the drug and his reaction to it all the more poignant. Tony's relationship to Peter is especially highlighted in this story. You can only imagine the worry and pain Peter geos through unil the very end of the story and the pay-off is worth it. I want to highlight the way that Tony's experiecne of the effects of the drug are described here, because I thought that was superb writing and put the reader righ in Tony's shoes.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795141/chapters/36757500
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turn back the clock (and I'll try again in the morning) by @madasthesea
Summary: Peter gets stuck in a time loop. In it, he lives through some of his worst nightmares, only to wake up that morning and have no one remember. He needs Tony to help him get through.
And if that isn't bad enough, his identity is revealed over and over, every day.
Categories: Irondad
Comment: This story is just SO GOOD. Not only is Peter experiencing the same day over and over again and his identity is revealed, but the way it happens also gets more and more taxing and gruesome. This story has emotional highpoints that are written fantastically and the Irondad in this is just heart-warming.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023177/chapters/42585071
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How The Mighty Fall by Meep_Morp
Summary: Since his duel against Toomes on Coney Island, Peter's life has settled down considerably. May knows about his double life and accepts it (mostly). Tony has welcomed him back, and given him more independence as New York's Spider-Man.
One night during patrol he crosses paths with Connor, a teenager who has Extremis in his blood and answers to the wrong kind of people. Though Tony is quick to distrust him, Peter finds himself reluctant to follow his mentor's lead, and a bond develops between the two boys. Their relationship is further complicated when Connor's former master, Negative, makes it a personal mission to destroy them both in his quest for power.
Taking down a superpowered psychopath? Tough, but Peter isn't going to back down.
Stopping Tony from blasting his first potential boyfriend into space? He might need a miracle for that.
Categories: Irondad
Comment: This story is so intricately plotted and just a joy to read. The characters are written to perfection and this includes an absolutely fantastic and fleshed-out OC who, as a reader, you come to care about easily and quickly. Much more subtle is the relationship between Peter and Tony in this fic but every single scene is on-point. I have read and re-read this story several times and it is hard to put aside once you start.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18084407/chapters/42745826
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Project Pride by TheSleepingOwl
Summary: In hindsight, it should have been obvious. The signs were all there, unwittingly scattered by Peter like breadcrumbs for Tony to follow—the way he would fall into uncomfortable silence when the topic of dating came up, or become flustered whenever Tony teased him about the mysterious Michelle-Call-Me-MJ character Peter was constantly gushing about, or deflect Tony’s mostly-joking inquiries into whether or not they needed to be having The Talk with a hurricane of splutters and blushes.
And even without the signs, Peter was still his kid. Tony was just supposed to know these things.
So when FRIDAY pulled up Peter’s search history—‘how can i make myself not like boys,’ ‘can you force yourself to be attracted to girls,’ ‘how to stop your friends from knowing youre gay,’ and, most devastating, ‘how can i keep my parents from finding out im gay’—Tony wasn’t surprised so much as deeply, unquantifiably ashamed. Because he should have known.
Categories: Irondad
Comment: This story is an incredibly written POV of Tony coming to terms with Peter's sexuality. It's achingly realistic in the way Tony struggles to connect to Peter, knowing that he's gay. Additionally, this story has a hefty doese of Hurt/Comfort thrown in that hurts when reading it. This is a gem.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135138/chapters/52834021
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Birds Eating Other Birds by aloneintherain
Summary: Peter wishes he hadn’t gotten out of bed that morning. Then, maybe, he wouldn’t be reduced to this - limp-crawling through the rabbit burrows that is Oscorp Tower, a monster of a man on his heels, bloody and bruised and choking on a panic attack.
Categories: Irondad, not MCU!Peter Parker
Comment: I love aloneintherain's stories. I read them when I first got into Avengers fanfic and the way they write dynamics is great. This one is intense and the way it's written sucks you right into it. Norman Osborn is so evil and creepy in this one. Part one is mainly hurt, but stick around for the comfort in part 2!
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626433
----- And here are some Avengers team dynamic fics as well -----
It Was Probably The Pudding by Serendipity_Cometh
Summary: Given that over the course of the past eleven months Peter Parker hasn't contracted so much as a head-cold, the teenager thought it safe to assume that the whole 'irradiated spider bite' gig had equipped him with an immune system of steel that rivalled Captain America's.
So when he wakes up one night in the midst of the worst asthma attack he's suffered in almost eight years, neither he nor the rest of the team can think of a logical explanation.
And everything sort of goes downhill from there.
Categories: Team, Stony, Clint/Phil, not MCU!Peter Parker
Comment: When I started out reading Avengers fanfictions, I stumbled across this one and go back to it on a regular basis. Lots of whump and great team dynamics.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953538/chapters/1865305
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In the Home by aloneintherain
Summary: The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.
“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room -”
Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes -
Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.
Categories: Team, not MCU!Peter Parker
Comment: One of my very early reads when I started out in the Avengers fandom. Excellent whump, hurt/comfort and team dynamics.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5388563/chapters/12446069
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Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by aloneintherain
Summary: Peter's trapped beneath a collapsed building during a mission, hurt and unable to move. Luckily, his comm still works. Unluckily, the Avengers don’t realise how bad of a state Peter is in, and Peter isn’t inclined to tell them.
“Spidey, they’ve got reinforcements. We’ve hit a bit of a snag here, and I don’t think anyone will be able to help you for a while. Think you can sit tight while we deal with this?”
The pressure on his lower back and legs was becoming too much. Peter swallowed thickly, fighting down panic. He could handle this.
“Yeah,” Peter said. “I can do that.”
Categories: Team, not MCU!Peter Parker
Comment: There are so many "Peter trapped under a building"-stories out there but this is the one I read first and it stuck with me. Loved the team dynamic in this.
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232937
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1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?
I write in comic sans. It is good for dyslexics and is meant to boost productivity and it does. when my brain allows us to write.
sometimes I struggle to write romance. I dunno why i have the ideas and feelings but I never really get the words right. platonic love however is great. I struggle to write a lotta things. but angst is really easy to write cuz i can just chuck emotions at the wall and make people feel things too.
im not exactly sure and when the insiration well runs dry. I stare at the fics until it works or I yell about it with my friends ot my big sibling to make it work and if that dont work. than it lives as a WIP and haunts me.
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ok so yesterday i had the crazzzziest fuckin experienec lmao here we go this story is LONG AF
background: so i just graduated and my current job is gonna be over in august and so i applied for this other part time job just for some security when my current job is up. fyi i got a wildlife biology degree and it sounded like this job would be about like, bear outreach, like telling people how to not get mauled and bear spray demonstrations and stuff, so thats awesome, right up my alley. and the guy for this one i applied to was like okay, why dont you come in and work a couple hours and we’ll see if you’re a good fit. I was like that sounds great
and he gives me an address and a room number, I’m thinking ok this must be an office building but I pull up and its a fuckin RETIREMENT HOME, im like what is going on here on this day, but I call him and he’s like yeah let me buzz you in! so i get to his room in this fuckin old peoples home and his room is like COVERED in papers and books and shit and we talked for like 30 minutes im thinking this is the interview but then he’s like what do you know about computers? and i start talkin myself up you know like you do when you’re tryna get a job, so im making myself sound pretty slick and hes old af and doesnt know anything about computers and is just generally impressed and was like, ok first thing i need you to do is put my computer back together. and im like woooah, slow your roll i meant like i can make an excel spreadsheet and some super basic coding i cant build a damn thing but no, what he meant was just.... plug his monitor and keyboard back in. so. off to a great start.
anyeway we get his computer up and running and he told me the reason he unplugged it in the first place is he got a virus and when it turns back on the popup shit is still there and its like.... not super obvious but seems like its from watchin sketchy porn but ANYWAY i get that shit out of the way and hes like ok let me show you how my files are organized,im like alright cant wait. well turns out his “organization” is just “email every single document to myself and put them into one of 8 trillion folders in my email. and already it looks like a disaster. but then hes like ok we’re gonna email so-and-so about an invoice. I’m like great gonna get some real work done. NOPE! bitch you thought! so for like 3 hours he had me writing emails for him. just him dictating what to write and me typing it while simultaneously fixing all the weird grammar. and ok admittedly. he told me the reason i had to write them is because he’s dyslexic and has vision trouble, which is totally understandable and i get why you want an asisstant for that but like... im not an assistant, i applied for the job bc i thought it would be biology related, i didnt pay my university a whole arm and a leg so that i could write emails. not that theres anything wrong with being a secretary or assistant or anything but thats like not what my job experience is about and thats not what my degree is about. anyway total respect to all dyslexic people and also secretaries. moving on
so i was emailing for him for 3 HOURS. NOT exaggerating... i got there at 10 am and we were writing emails til like 1:30 a least... and sometime in here he tells me i need to work on figuring out how to print a pdf while he gets lunch. im like uhhhh ok so he leaves for like half an hour and i printed the thing in 2 seconds so im just texting my gf about this whole ass disaster. but then he came back with jimmy johns and he had got me a sandwich so like. that was nice, only highlight of my day tbh.
anyway so after like 45 more minutes of emailing and telling him how to google stuff THEN he says”we’re going on a drive.” no explanation. im like AWESOME tell my family i love them bc im definitely getting murdered. so we get out to the parking lot and he hops in this OLD ASS sketchylooking van and the inside smells hella strongly like gas and im internally freaking out. he drives me all the way across town (!!!!!!!!!!) to this like storage unit/junkyard sketchy looking place and im sayin my damn prayers, we pull up at this trailer and he has me unload like, 1 box from his van and put it in the trailer. that was it. and we drive all the way back to his retirement home. im like bitch was that really worth it????? could we have possibly not done that?
so we get back to his room/office/paperwork tornado, and im walking him through how to download a copy of a powerpoint from his own website, and im trying to tell him im 99% sure he already has a copy of it on his computer but whatever. and like midsentence he starts asking me where i stand politically, verbatim quote: “so are you a republican... liberal communist... facist...” and im like i can tell this isnt gonna end well so i try to give a non-answer because ive had ENOUGH of this dude and he keeps like pressing me and asking me how i feel about the president and im like alright old man you wanna know so bad i think trump is an ignorant child and hes a terrible president and i think anyone who voted for him is really deluding themselves if they think hes actually doing anything good in that office. and he interrupts me to tell me how much he LOVES trump and how “if anyone needs to be executed its hillary and bill clinton” and im just like woah nelly how can i leave this place ASAP and he keeps ranting and spouting thinly veiled racist nonsense for atleast 20 minutes, not only did i get to hear all his thoughts on “the blacks” but also “those indians or whatever” meaning native americans bc we’re pretty close to a reservation and my gf is native and from that reservation and hes saying racist shit and im just biting my tongue SO damn hard bc if i say anything about having a gf hes gonna go on a whole homophobic rant too i can FEEEEEL it
so by now its like 3pm ive been here 5 hours and im terrible at confrontation so i have no idea how to tell this fucker that i absolutely dont want the job and i have an appointment in 1 hour and ive mentioned it at least 4 times like he knows i need to leave but he keeps having me start new projects and the whole time hes telling me how we’ve “gotten so much work done today” and its like the most productive hes been in weeks and im like i couldve done all of this in about an hour and a half but WHATEVER and he keeps being like “so when you come in next week we’re gonna start on this other thing” or like telling me stuff he wants me to go home and read before the next time i work and im still internally like there will be no next time but idk how to tell this bitch that and i finally make my escape around 3:40, barely make it to my appointment on time, immediately start drafting an email to tell him theres no way in hell im gonna work for him.
sent that email first thing this morning, told him dont even worry about paying me for my time yesterday because tbqh i dont wanna have to interact with him ever again, and i havent heard anything else from him. /thANK GOD
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Live Project report
Due to Covid we have not been able to go on placement therefore we have had three options all of which are a 1500 word report which are shown below. I decided to choose the third one which is the 1500 Evaluative Case Study as I haven't hd any experience in the industry yet. I have decided to do the live project report on Karen Fuchs as she is an architecture photographer and one of my favourite photographs I have come across!
I have now conducted the interview with Karen and it was a great experience. I learnt a lot about her and how she got to where she is today. The interview was done over WhatsApp and I recorded are telephone call as she was in Texas at the time. I decided to add a few more questions in the interview and changed some of the questions slightly compared to when I first wrote them out in the previous blog post. Here are the questions that I asked...
Karen answered all the questions in great detail and thought they were really strong questions to ask. I think the most interesting answer Karen gave was to question 1 about her greatest achievement as a photographer. She was actually the first female photographer assistant in London ever! I thought that was a pretty big deal and the story that went along with how that came about was really interesting and unique. I also learnt in great detail about how she got to where she is today and the challenges she has faced in her career and how she has overcome them which I thought were really inspiring.
Below are the answers Karen gave to my questions...
Due to Covid its been really annoying that I haven't been able to physically assist and work with Karen because I would love to. Luckily she said that once she's back in the UK she will call me up and I can assist and work with her which I am really excited about, however I still thought this interview was a great experience and great insight into her life as a photographer that is extremely valuable and I learnt a great deal.
Now that I have the questions and answers I decided to write it up into a report after having a 1 to 1 with Ellen she said that it can't just be a list of questions and answers and actually needs to look like a report that's been written up where questions and answers are combined into a paragraph. This was what I came up with...
After writing this up I showed it to Ellen my lecturer and she began to read through it and instantly new I was dyslexic so we both agreed that I needed to go to a study support session which Im used to going to for my other essay’s this year and in first year and I know how helpful they are. Ellen said I needed to cut down the word count especially for the main bit were you discuss the questions and answers plus I needed it to read a lot better and not just look like oh here's one thing, then we moved on to this... and then we spoke about... it just means that it is a very rigid approach to writing and quite boring. I also needed to add self reflection at the end saying how I can use the information given to me for my final year at uni and beyond into the world of photography.
So I had a session with study support which was extremely useful and we both went through my report and this is how it is looking now
This session was extremely useful. We began by looking at the introduction which before was about 250 words and this report is meant to be 1500 words max so the intro really needs to be around 150 so we decided to cut it down significantly and just cut out the unnecessary details.
Then we moved onto the analysis of the questions and basically made them look a lot less blocky so that it flowed a lot better and didn't feel so rigid. So we got rid of ‘then we moved on to...’ ‘after this we then spoke about...’ which significantly cut down the words and we also grouped different paragraphs together which followed the same themes for example we combined the 1st and 4th paragraph together because they both talked about similar things with Andrew and Chalk Farm studios in London. This significantly cut down the word count dramatically. Other paragraphs were also combined. We also split the analysis of questions into two main sections technical and personal. Then the final paragraph before we went into the self reflection brings these two points together.
Now because we had cut out so many words from the analysis and intro it allowed me to write up the self reflection which was broken up into three main sections. The first looks at the technical importance the second is more personal focusing more on assisting and then the final is more about being a nice person and not giving up. The main emphasis on the self reflection is to show HOW I will use this knowledge that she has given me into my work for now, third year and beyond. I think we made good progress in the self reflection however I feel I need to add more into the self reflection talking about HOW I'm actually going to implement what Karen told me so I will do this in the next session with study support.
Final study support session (Below)
RED - INTRO
BLUE - ANALYSIS OF QUESTIONS
ORANGE - SELF REFLECTION
For the intro I decided to remove ‘I choose to interview Karen Fuchs who is a’ as it is not necessary and I can just jump straight into the introduction but apart from that I made very little change to the intro and now it is just over 160 words which I think Is perfectly acceptable for my intro I think it's clear and sets out the scene nicely.
Then for the Analysis of questions we basically just went through and just cut out some words so it just became clearer and easier to read with no repetition but nothing crazy and re worded some sentences so they make more sense and aren't as clunky so they flow better...
Finally we went back over the self reflection which is where we made the most changes and added into how I am going to change my approach to photography because of this conversation / interview. We left the first paragraph mainly unchanged because we both thought it was strong and did exactly what you're meant to do in the self reflection. In the second paragraph I decided to add in some more HOW because we both agreed that it didn't have enough... so we included ‘In preparation for any internships I will ensure both my physical and digital portfolios are up to date.’ I also included at the end of the paragraph ‘if I get the opportunity to assist... researching the company or the photographer I will be working with, their locations and the role that's being asked of me.’ Then In the final paragraph I added about how ‘I will keep on top of new techniques by continuing the be a member of the AOP and attending talks and engaging in discussion forums.’ I also changed tenacity matters more than talent to tenacity matters just as much as talent as I don't want to piss anyone off, especially not my lectures!
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*clears throat* *you know i had to do it to em hands* i was tagged by @scratchesmyphosporusskin
10 facts about me les go
i like to write poetry. i write a lot of classically-inspired poetry as opposed to free verse because most of what i read is verse poetry from shakespeare, wilde, yeats, dickinson, poe, coleridge, byron, et cetera basically im a real big dork who loves rhyme schemes and poetic meter, man. (also i’m more accustomed to it and i find it easier than free verse as a mechanism for organizing my thoughts) (oh also i have some of that shit on @creatediana ive had that blog since i was like 15)
i... will scream from the rooftops about how great a band blondie is until they get the respect and recognition they deserve in the punk scene
i’m actually really good at math, and i always have been. it’s not something i get passionate about really but i do find it satisfying and i kinda miss taking math classes in high school bc it’s like... it’s like aerobics for the brain. not that i do aerobics.
sheet music can go fuck itself. i can technically read it but i’ve.. i’ve never been any good at it. and i’ve been dealing w that shit since elementary school really but i just... i play by ear much better once ive figured out a few basic notes of something i feel like every time i look at a piece of sheet music i ogle it and it moves around and changes on me and i just. im dyslexic i dont mm mm nope not w the sheet music.
speaking of music! ive dabbled in several different instruments throughout my years but ive never actually tried singing and i know next to nothing about it. but i think im a mezzo-soprano? or a soprano. idk. alls i know is low notes and i dont fuck we dont even hold hands.
when i was little my favorite american girl doll was felicity bc she had red hair and i had red hair and she liked horses and i liked horses and i convinced myself that she was an irish catholic bc... bc i’m an irish catholic. being, you know, 8 i didnt really understand that she was a big fat White Anglo-Saxon Protestant like literally every other white person in the colonies at the time it didn’t matter to me okay. she was me she liked horses.
when i was in eighth grade we all had to do little poster projects on classic movies and i watched rebel without a cause bc i really wanted to get to know shit about james dean bc... i don’t really know why. i think part of it was bc he was 2 k00l 4 sk00l and the other part of it was bc he was bi and my repressed 13-year-old self was like... cool positive queer role model nice. i’m still a pretty big fan of james dean actually.
i’m a really big united states history nerd and one of my favorite fun facts is that franklin pierce, one of our worst, yet handsomest presidents, was nicknamed Handsome Frank. that’s not about me but i had to say it bc it’s fun and i’m runnign out of ideas.
speaking of united states history i would Die if it meant robert f. kennedy never had to
uhm. i play the ukulele but only casually and since i don’t take it that seriously i always forget what the chord shapes are so ive taught and retaught myself when i’m 64 on the ukulele about... 5 or 6 times.
uhh i’ll tag @doitforparamore @helloharing @lenin-mccartney @lovelyeojin @real-pain-for-my-sham-friends @dj-bi-luigi2005 @lornalovesnicky and @feeblepeony
#tag#doitforparamore#helloharing#lenin-mccartney#lovelyoejin#real-pain-for-my-sham-friends#dj-bi-luigi2005#lornalovesnicky#feeblepeony
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My ocd
The ocd
I started pulling my eyebrows at 13/14 years old I thought it made me better looking because I didn’t really like myself up until this point, being dyslexic at school I found it hard in fact there was no such thing as dyslexia I just thought I was stupid compared to others and put myself down.
I would go to the mirror 4/5 times a day checking as a teenager and over the years it would be more than this and even less than this depending on what was going on in my life to the point about 10 years ago if I wasn’t doing it I was thinking about doing it or touching them to find one I could pull, the feeling of pulling was great, the pop and the squeak as it came out, touching to find one was like obsessive it had got to the point of total possession now this whole time I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing, it was like it was natural thing to do, until one day I thought hang on this is crazy I have a problem, but knowing this problem didn’t change me in fact it made it worse because I would put myself down with judgement of not being crazy.
Joe Kou part 1 90min chat
After seeing Joes video about his new path in life as a life coach, I wondered if he could help me, so I messaged him and within a couple of days we had a chat, he opened the point up within me and could see that I had totally entwined this habit through my whole being it was like a tree that had a vine that run the whole length and breath holding up the tree, and at that moment I could see what he meant practically every thought I had was accessed by the vine (can I cope with this) oh god what am I going to cook for dinner they everybody likes! Shit I left the washing out it’s raining, I’m late to meet somebody! Yes everything was accessed by the vine, I got it I saw what my problem was that it was a massive relief at the time I didn’t want to pull my eyebrows out I had no interest in doing it, I felt stable I lost weight, I was happy with myself.
But it didn’t last the not pulling lasted years, but the thinking of the experience of pulling and touching slowly creeped back after 6 months or so :(
Joe Kou. Part 2. 30 min chat
So I contacted Joe again 2 months ago and we went back to the beginning when it all started my friend pulling my eyebrows out and me looking at the mirror after and thinking wow that looks great I look so much better! He opened this point up and went deeper and deeper, I could see that this was a pivotal point for me as seeing myself as a better person it was what I’d been waiting for all these years, it took Joe minutes to get to this point within me, it was an moment I will won’t forget, the realization went deep in me :)
The work began
This chat was at 4 am so i had the whole day to think this over and it was like hitting a wall of how the hell im I going to do this it felt 10 times worse than usual and coming at me the whole time I felt overwhelmed so I got stuck in with my
‘I am better now’ which I did feel some ease with, I then followed it with self forgiveness which I would feel a lift from the situation so I stuck it out all day the action of wanting to touch or think about pulling was coming every 2/3mins it was overwhelming the intenseness the whole day by the end of the day I felt shattered and when it come up I would just push the though away I couldn’t handle it anymore the next day it starred up straight away I wanted to touch or think about pulling and straight away I started pushing them away until lunchtime when I though I can’t fight this I have to be at one with this so I aloud myself to think about pulling, It was like come on the let’s take this thinking as far as I can go, so I did and amazingly enough I couldn’t go any further because it wasn’t there it was never there it was just the fight I had created toward it lol so as soon as I saw this point I saw it was my fault in all this I then applied self forgiveness and I am great for the rest of the day I felt so much more relaxed happier the next day I woke up and the whole day only very slightly twice it pop up I again applied self forgiveness and I am better :) I Road the wave and came out the other side.
A few days after joes talk I noticed that I was far less anxious and so much more space in my mind where before it was constantly filed with thinking doing or touching so I even tried to think about it and it was empty there was no emotional charge at all, and yes this worried me who am I know without these thoughts, well I’m a hole new person I found out :)
The gift
A couple of weeks after I spoke to Joe and the thought are down to 20/30 times a day this is incredible compared to every moment of my day this is where It turns into a gift yes gift where I could see because every moment of slight thought that brought me to thinking about doing it was before intense before and where now I could slow it down and open up and see what it was that was fueling me, so the millions of signs I saw before I now would see each one which I could handle now and see it for what it really was as my very good friend Cerise always tells me the devil is in the detail :) so then I applied breathe, self forgiveness and self correction to each one in the finest points I could open it to.
2 months later
I’m now a handful of times if it will stop I don’t know and I don’t care anymore it can only assist me now. Not bad for 40 years of pulling eyebrows obsession with one 90 chat with Joe and 30 minutes one year later hey.
I wanted this! you’ve got to want to change and be the change, and I’d had enough of this ride and wanted to get off.
I have consequences of my action with bald patches and hair that grows in strange directions and now thinking of tattoo in the blank spaces but for now I’m just happy to be me.
This whole thing has made me realise I can do anything as long use the tools.
6 months later
It comes up when I’m not coping well with something and in the morning when I’m thinking about my day ahead, so it’s good to still show me and in the morning when contemplating my day what I’m not feeling ok about and I can adjust myself, at the moment it comes up when my husband is around mostly because I’m working on other things with him and stabling our relationship so it's good to see and be guided.
Plus when I do tidy up my eyebrows there’s usually a slight thought sometimes did I do it probably should I look for me, I like to tidy them up once a week and I’m now like to bring in awareness within when I do because I don’t want to fear doing them I want to live with no resistance there at all.
So I could be quiet lucky to have an ocd as I’ve now turned this energy into around and use it to show what’s wrong within and apply sf and move on, you can turn it round to support yourself
1 talk to Joe
2 self love, self awareness, self honesty, self belief
3. Use the tools 4 count breathe, self forgiveness self correction
TRAINING TO BE THE BEST VERSION ON MYSELF
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