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#i mean like. physically the worst.
autistic-katara · 10 months
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me: dude im not even feeling that tired rn and haven’t for ages oh no oh fuck im probably accidentally faking my disability-
my chronic fatigue, loading ammunition into a massive fucking cannon: damn really bro?
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introspectivememories · 6 months
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in my head and in my heart, i know for a fact that all 3 todoroki children have really unfavorable habits that they got from endeavor.
fuyumi is mean. just honest to god mean. she doesn't even mean it most of them time. just being everyone's emotional support all the time causes her to suppress her meaner emotions and when someone pushes, it all comes out. but there is nothing in the world sharper than fuyumi's tongue on a bad day.
natsuo, ever the middle child. always there and always forgotten. natsuo is quick to get physically aggressive. never on people, god no. but he'll punch through walls like it's nothing. he's had his fingers broken and set more times than he can remember. he hates this part of himself. he already looks so much like enji, does he need to have his father's destructive rage too?
shouto... where to even begin with shouto. the child kept under enji's thumb the longest. shouto is more like enji than he would like to admit. he eats his food the way enji eats his food, greens first then everything else. he does his morning routine a near copy of his father's. this is what happens when you spend every waking moment of the first 15 years of your life with your abuser. that being said, shouto, ignoring the ever present constant thrum of anger that hides just below his skin, shouts a lot when he's angry. it comes from the chest, booming and seething. it scares people. he knows this and he hates that he cannot stop himself.
they don't like thinking about but when it happens all of them can't help but think i'm just like dad.
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steelycunt · 1 year
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everyone get up and make some noise for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!! we're losing our minds over here for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!!
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lostryu · 7 months
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one day i hope you all are treated to the exact same kindness that you’ve extended to emily gwen.
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hella1975 · 8 months
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your sokka is SO sokka and i say this as someone who holds him so dear ur writing of him is amazing. tbh im sooo fussy with his portrayal but its pretty nailed. like so many fics (esp zukka and zuko centric and ESPECIALLY ones where hakoda like adopts zuko) he's constantly pushed to the side in favour of zukos issues and zukos problems when in reality sokka is very hurt himself and has suffered a lot. man i GET taob sokka i really do bc people seem to think he was a lil mean but nobody seems to realise when you're in sokkas position it would've read like everyone was against you. all the swt men, including his dad who snapped at him, and even katara and aang and suki tell him to give zuko a chance and the fact that they were trusting someone who had hurt all of them so much- because yes WE know zuko wouldn't have killed them, but the gaang didn't. not when they were being chased and terrorised, and when sokka had his trust betrayed in the prison, he had absolutely every right to hate zuko, esp when it felt like everyone who he thought would understand his feelings, including his own dad who had been hiding his relationship with zuko from him, seems against him. his conversation with hakoda was probably my favourite scene in taob just bc he was allowed to feel like that without being treated by the narrative as someone just being mean to poor little zuko. he gets to be a sourpuss and angry and jealous at zuko for feeling like hed been replaced by his own dad. all of the water tribe men get this treatment like they're not written as bad people for being wary or disliking zuko initially (even chena despite being enemy no.1 at the start). his convo with hakoda was so important bc it stressed the detail that yes zuko has suffered and deserves to be cared for but SOKKA is his son, his actual child who is so hard on himself for things out of his control and who has hurt so much and deserves just as much as zuko does. sokka is just a baby my boy. he's not the main character but he's just as complex and intricate as zuko, not just in taob but also for the times we have seen him in tams there's been keen detail to his emotion and how he's feeling pointed out
me rn
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#BESTIEEEEEEEEE YOU GET IT <333#like ik the atla fandom including unfortunately some taob locals are generally AWFUL with sokka when zuko is involved#but it really was only a handful of taob readers esp in the grand scheme and i do want to clarify that#but now we're on the same page. OH MY GOD WHEN I SAY I WANTED TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT SOME PEOPLE#JUST THE SHAMELESS FAVOURITISM??? THE EXPECTATION THAT I TREAT A CHARACTER AS SOMETHING NOT-HUMAN BC THEY HAPPEN TO BE MEAN TO THEIR FAVE??#like idc if zuko means a lot to you!! idc if it's sad seeing people be mean to him bc you relate to him so much!!#id be a terrible writer if i treated the other characters as planets in zuko's orbit. THEY dont know they're in his story#and sokka is a fucking sixteen year old. like come on i get mad when people do the same with chena being a dick to zuko#but at least he's a grown man. sokka is a TEENAGER. even if he was being irrational that would be completely fair#bc teenagers ARE FAMOUSLOY IRRATIONAL!?!?!?! GO OUTSIDE??!?!?!!?#anyway. im so normal about this topic and hold noooo grudges not any haha#remembering when someone commeted saying me personally as a real life person i was insidious and evil for insinuating#that adopted children arent worth as much as biological children and i should NEVER adopt bc im clearly the Worst#when that is not only an insane thing to say to a stranger on the internet but also. not what happened#hakoda never adopted zuko. that's a joke made in fandom. jokes are when people say untrue things for comedic affect#adoption is an actual official process of willingly and actively bringing a child into your family#NOT taking some teenage symbol of your culture's oppression as a prisoner and unwillingly growing attached#and now he's someone you're fond of and feel protective over as is natural of an adult towards a hurting child#but your actual son feels replaced and it's especially cutting bc of aforementioned symbol of your culture's oppression#and also this specific kid was a dick to him. like as a pretty notable part of his character he was a dick to him#so you reassure him bc that is your actual real life son. yeah?#are we on the same page? are we good? please i dont know how much more i can take-#taob asks#ask
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dhmis-autism · 9 months
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i feel like the original series was red guy centered, the first season was for yellow guy, and i am BEGGING AND PRAYING that season 2 will be more about duck!! i will probably cry if anything happens to him though lol 💀 everytime writers break a comic relief character i just OUGSHGS.. it gets me.
h well I don't think you're wrong about that! Webseries being Red Guys time to shine, S1 of the TV show being for Yellow (esp the last two episodes I think? Even thought outside of that, he does get a lot of focus/he IS the one who talks to the audience the most directly). From what I remember hearing, the pilot was pretty Duck-centered.
But I think even if he GETS his big moment in the sun, so to speak, it's NOT going to be as emotional as the other twos. On top of him just not being a very um… let's say sentimental character, he's just not the make-you-cry type! It's just not him imo!
IDK, I operate under the opinion that… in his weird little head, the most important thing that he values over everything is keeping the three of them together. Both because he thinks of them as a weird little family AND because he really doesn't have anyone else outside of the trio. We also know from the interview, and you could maybe argue from the Family episode ( Who do you love?/Anyone who loves me back., I asked every member of my family who they loved the most, and they all said me ) that being loved is something that he actually values QUITE a bit! More than you would assume on first glance! He's weirdly upfront about it haha!
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In that way, I imagine that if they were to TRY to pull something to put him in the spotlight in the way you're imagining (i.e. something emotional and focusing on his issues like they did with Yellow & Red) it would either focus on his desire to be loved OR his dedication to keeping the three of them together. But I would argue they both already did that in the Family episode AND put him through the worst case-scenario in regards to those more emotional aspects of his character ( here I think the worst case scenario to him is the other two rejecting him, harshly, unambiguously and to his face, multiple times and the three of them separating ). AND THE THING IS… THAT ALREADY HAPPENED! THAT DIDN'T BREAK HIM!
He had his little pout over it in his dress and was like FINE! I DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAYS! So, I really don't think that big "character-breaking" moment is coming. If the Family ep didn't get him I honest to God don't think there's anything else the house could throw at him that could get under his skin.
#I REALLY TRULY DO THINK HES JUST GONNA KEEP BEING SILLY AND GOOFY UNTIL THE END OF TIME#just forever in the BG being funny and having the best lines#like. worst case scenario came and went and he is both so adaptable AND deranged that nothing is going to come from it ever#ALSO sorry! i think he likes being in the house lol#dude who loves repetition and stagnation and who is a complete social failure gets trapped in a time loop house with two other people?#of COURSE he loves the routine and delusionally convinces himself that the other two love him!! come ON now!!!#my dhmis postings#like im trying to think of what kind of drama can even come from his specific issues and#its like what if he figures out the other two dont think of him the same way?#HE ALREADY DID!!!#and he pushed on it and pushed on it and didnt relent until they were like PHYSICALLY seperated.#then he just convinced himself that HE made the decision to drop THEM actually.#and when that didnt work he got sad. then got over it.#again. i think he would TRY to find new friends but like. socially he is SO SO fucked lol.#hes annoying. hes loud. he NEVER stops talking. hes super upfront and DOGSHIT at communicating at the same time#hes mean. hes abrasive. he doesnt understand social cues at ALL. he has NO filter. and he refuses to work on any of that because to him#NONE of that is a problem.#like he wouldnt be able to get new friends if he TRIED. he is so completely entirely incompatible to anyone outside the group#it makes him REALLY easy to hate and i get why a lot of ppl do. HELL i get why a lot of IN UNIVERSE charas HATE him
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hollyhomburg · 10 months
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The only way I can describe the condition of my brain today is if someone took a chewed up ball of gum, dropped it off of a 30 story building, and then scraped it off of the sidewalk with a fragile toothpick.
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TW/CW: Suicide (Dazai typical but Chuuya does not handle it well and chews him out. DDDNE)
~premise: dazai's most recent suicide attempt brought him closer than he had been in a while, chuuya goes to confront him. Set in their port mafia days.~
Chuuya was tired. Tired holding his partner’s cold body, only to have it warm and grinning back at him a few hours later. Tired of being trapped in waiting rooms, alone for hours on end waiting for him to wake up. Dazai’s heart had stopped for over two minutes this time.
A phone landed in Dazai’s lap.
“Delete me as your emergency contact you ass, I’m tired of being called every time you fail to finish the job.”
Dazais’ teeth shone as his face split into a grin. He opened his mouth to respond—already back on his usual bullshit—Chuuya snapped.
“God, your so fucking useless. You’ve never failed a mission, yet you can’t kill yourself right? Huh? Why can’t you follow though Dazai, I thought you were able to do anything —Mori’s perfect machine and all— or are you just too much of a coward to finish the job?
Chuuya might have seen Dazai’s smile falter if he was paying attention.
“Ha,” he spat bitterly, “You can’t die properly but everybody around you certainly gets the inverse of your good luck, wouldn’t you say? With the amount of bodies you leave in your wake knowing you is practically a death sentence.
“Do you even care? No, of course you don’t, why would you! The only thing you might feel is jealous, but that’s of course assuming there is something inside you human enough to feel at all. And I’m not that generous or naive.”
By now Chuuya was leaning over him, knuckles white under his gloves gripping the sides of the hospital bed.
“I’m surprised that brain of yours hasn’t figured it out by now, it’s fine. I’ll let you in on the little secret.
“Nothing in life is going to make you happy Dazai, nothing is going to make you better, nothing is going to be worth it. There’s no fixing you.”
Dazai wasn’t meeting his gaze. It didn’t matter. “Do us all a favor and don’t fail next time,” he hissed.
Dazai was silent. He didn’t have the energy to flinch at the sound of the door slamming, but it never came. Muddily he reached over to his phone and hit contacts.
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kraviolis · 1 year
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i can tell when the author of a fanfic im reading had a peaceful childhood
#krav talks#not to pull the 'i have actual ptsd from a traumatic childhood' card but im gonna be real#i dont think some of y'all understand exactly what hunter's childhood was like#belos also most likely was not the verbally abusive type of parent. he was physically and emotionally abusive FOR SURE. ABSOLUTELY#but theres no shot he'd just yell at hunter. he doesn't get angry like that#case in point: What Happened To Caleb#hunter isnt gonna start crying from someone yelling at him out of anger. he'll get triggered MAYBE#hunter gets fighty if he gets triggered by ANY older authority figure. kikimora and lilith werent exactly kind to him either#the only way hunter cries is when his friends are around bcus he feels so safe with them#you know who would cry over being yelled at like that??? amity.#sure later in her life she probably got into screaming matches with odalia#but if u think even she wouldnt burst into tears if she got yelled at by any older female authority figure in her life#then u r wrong. sorry#hunter was not allowed to be vulnerable. it was too dangerous to be. he also had NO ONE while under belos's thumb.#amity had her siblings. they probably gave her safe spaces to cry it out after getting verbally abused by their mom#if lilith lost her patience and raised her voice at amity (not in a mean way bcus lilith would literally Never but no one is perfect)#amity would start crying for sure. and then lilith would feel like the worst person in the world. scum of the earth.#and god forbid hunter sees this exchange. he'd rip lilith a new one even if she'd already apologized#he wouldnt stop chewing her out for even daring to speak to The Amity Blight so disrespectfully unless amity physically pulled him away.#and then he'd threaten lilith and flash step amity away and immediately call luz#now if a MAN tried to yell at amity she would be three seconds away from throwing hands#but she wouldnt even need to worry about getting her hands dirty bcus hunter would already be shoving the man to the fucking ground#and threatening to end his entire life if he even stepped foot into hunter's field of view ever again#this is why its hard for me to imagine hunter living with darius post-belos... darius wasnt kind to him at first either.#and i think hunter living with someone who had actually had a role in his traumatic childhood would make him. regress#he'd fall back into old behaviors without even noticing. im not entirely sure darius would notice either#i love darius and i love darius & hunters bond so much#but it makes so much more sense and would be so much better for hunter to live with the nocedas for a while#not permanently. camila did great with paying for 6 kids under her roof but she was one emergency away from financial devastation#and i dont think hunter would want to live in the human realm permanently either
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lunapwrites · 6 months
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Yesterday was full of solo travel, and very small indignities.
- Discovering that two bags of individually safe carrying weight combined are unwieldy and difficult to maneuver with (dare I say near impossible in my current state.) Embarrassing.
- Breaking not one but two nails and having nothing I can fix this with. Apparently not even my teeth are up to the task. Sad.
- Being stuck on an airplane with a person with the worst BO I've ever encountered at a time when my constitution is a coin flip away from turning the nearest flat surface into a biohazard. (Thankfully sat on the complete opposite end of the plane.)
But also small joys:
- rental car doesn't suck
- was able to check into my room early
- burrito
- naps naps naps
- there are working outlets this time!!
- the remote also works!!!
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mattodore · 9 months
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anon be honest... are you wearing a wire
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good-night-space-kid · 4 months
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I cannot wait to be done with school. I’m so sick of spending 12 hours a day in class, working, or leading club stuff then having to come back and spend another 4+ hours on homework. I hate this actually. I want a 9-5 so bad.
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im-smart-i-swear · 8 months
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Ok so Buddy works in space McDonalds right? Does that mean others have a job somewhere as well?
ill admit that in the comic i used space mcdonalds mostly for comedic effect........ i mean they propably worked at a space fast food restaurant at some point, but it definetely wasnt their only job!
okay so after eeneks unexpected family reunion the clones, eenek and zora all decide to stay on znahors ship for the time being(it gets a little cramped but its bearable), and they just kinda start going from place to place after that?? before picking them all up znahor already was doing essentialy that, anyway- he traveled from planet to planet, occasionally helping the locals and then fucking off elsewhere. so thats what they do! they jump from one star system to the next, never staying anywhere for long, trying to not bring any unwanted attention to themselves, and they get by mostly by doing random odd jobs(some more legal than others..) and stuff.
they all(ecept for taka bc hes like 10) get their fair share of shitty jobs, but they dont really have a choice, do they? the war is over, sure, but obviously such a long conflict leaves an impact on the world. the chaos is on one hand a blessing, bc an odd bunch like three galrans and a gaggle of humans dont bring much attention in a sea of refugees, but it also means that sometimes things get messy, and making ends meet is difficult.
out of the clones, buddy has the most experience and knowledge about how alien worlds function, so they often end up with jobs that require communication and frequent interaction with other people- basically what im trying to say is that they work customer service. a lot. they survive it by remembering how infiuriating diplomacy was and telling themselves that hey! at least them fucking something up wont put the fate of the universe into jeopardy this time!! stickbug often works alongside them, but he hates interacting with customers even more that buddy does and tries to avoid this kind of job as much as he can(my man spent too much time trying to please everyone in his childhood and is OVER IT). i mean all of them get a customer service job from time to time but bud is the one whos least terrible at it
im not sure if the others have any preferred jobs tbh, but the idea of soup trying competetive fighting at some point would be interesting to explore i think........
#ask#my funky guys#thanks for asking<33#also man poor taka. he spent like half of his life without interacting with kids his age........#hes the most socially awkward ten year old in the universe. meets a kid his age for the first time and has no idea how to act:(#and the worst part is that even when he manages to form a connection w someone#his family leaves the area pretty soon after that and in most cases he loses contact with that person after a while#so yeah.. hes not doing great#i really dont talk about this kid enough........ i love him hes my special little guy#(i say as i make his life even more difficult for some reason)#anyway#for buddy working in cusomer service or doing not-so-legal odd jobs is STILL better than their voltron days#whenever they look back at that period of their life they cant help but physically recoil#helping some random guy in the asscrack of the universe smuggle some shit for a bit of cash#is in their mind 10 times better than their time as the black paladin#basically their way of coping with their situation is to just. slowly convince themself that being w voltron was The Worst Thing Ever#i mean yeah it wasnt GREAT#but they willfuly ignore every good thing that also happened back then to make themself feel better lol#bc there are moments where living on a relatively small space ship with like 8 other people is stressful and kinda sucks sometimes#even if you deeply love and care about 6 of them#the transition from living on a deserted planet in complete isolation from ppl outside of your weird little maybe-family#to being constantly tossed around the whole universe#was a jarring and difficult transiton for everyone#(eeneks weird family drama didnt help)#the first few months were hard for everyone#it got better over time tho#life is unpredictable and people are unpredictable and shit is gonna get messy#but despite it all love still presists.
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treesbian · 2 days
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being mad at my parents for events long passed hours
#man my mom used to have my sisters help her pin me down so she could pop all the pimples on my face. bruh that fucking hurt. also.#worst thing you can do for those... i was having age-typical acne and i guess she just didn't like to look at it?? idk.#the acne itself didn't hurt but there was a lot of it so just like. you know how it does indeed hurt to pop those. well there were a lot#and she didn't stop even when i was crying and screaming bc she wasn't done??#and she did it to my back too and some of those grew on nerves and hurt even fucking more#and no she was not using properly sterilized equipment or even fresh washed hands thanks for asking <3 she acted entirely on impulse lol#i mean. i guess she knows its wrong **now** bc she hasn't tried anything similar with my baby sister....???#and shes starting to get acne like i used to have.#idk is that dramatic to be upset about. just imagine being pinched and pricked nonstop for like 2 hours. maybe it wasn't 2 hours.#but also physically restrained too like straight up sat on. is that fucked up.... thats not normal right???#and uh. a few years ago they held me still to shave my armpits with my dad's clippers bc mom is completely convinced#it isn’t possible to be hygenic as a 'woman' with pit hair or anything bc of Pheromones!!! and when i say goddamn fine#i'll just use men's hygiene stuff then she says that won't work bc Pheromones!!!!#like having a slightly different endocrine system makes ppl a different species or something#anyway. i cried just a little bit when they did that <3 gave me razor burn#and after my dad asked like 'is growing that hair out like. important to your identity or something' and.#well i dont know but that fucking hurt and you violated the choice that *eye* was making with *my* body#man i know mom still thinks she never physically abused me bc she didn't ever like. beat me up or anything but. thats abuse right??#she still thinks i was calling her abusive out of fucking nowhere.#sometimes she asks 'when was i ever abusive' and i give her an example and she goes 'well that was JUST BECAUSE--' and like. girl.#you think just bc you can justify it to yourself it wasn't abuse? every abuser can justify it to themselves....#talk tag#man i keep forgetting about how she used to physically restrain me to do her not-dermatologist approved extractions.#i guess it mostly didn't hurt that bad but like. the forcefullness and duration of it. lmao#anyway i found her a late mothers day gift today. its a hairstick with a dragonfly charm#abuse tw#sorry if that triggered anyone b4 i remembered to tag it
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toxooz · 1 year
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Hi Toxooz, how do you get yourself to draw so frequently? 👀👀👀
bc i have literally 84 things going on at once in my brain at all times that my highly visually obsessed brain Has To physically get in front of my eyes so that i can see or else will i think abt it over and over again and Brother I'm always envisioning things characters scenes scenarios outfits designs colors all of it in my cranium like angry itchy itchy ITCHY bees until i draw them out lmfao even if i don't know what to specifically draw at the current moment imma still end up drawing somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think at this point it's literally hardwired into my brain that I Gotta draw its what I've been doing since I could hold a pencil tbh it's how i cope with being -gestures vaguely- Here and alive, i actually gotta force myself to take a day off and schedule days where I DONT draw bc I know it's wearing on my hands and wrists 😬 I guess physically drawing grounds me in a way and keeps me (mostly) sane like if I don't draw for a few days i start getting Vaguely Antsy it's fukkin weird and i think at this point my love for my characters has surpassed like any form of art block if that makes sense??? like they literally take up 92% of my brain if not more, and the only way to see them is to draw them but yeah it's just what i do it's my jelly n my jam which is why I'm literally so glad i realized that i don't want to make drawing a job/career bc God help me if i start dreading drawing bc of the stress of money I've been drawing like crazy for like 2 decades straight and I only wanna draw more man idk!!!!! It's just one of them 'how the brain formed around what you do an assload of times' thangs
Answer translation: idk I just like to draw a lot lmfao
#its like the kids say ✨💅its how i express myself✨💅#and dont get it twisted im aware this is not healthy lmfao#dont aspire to b like me just draw or dont draw man its abt the want#like i said drawing is just What I Do at this point i didnt train theres not some ''oh draw for at least 30 minutes a day' shit#i draw fast as shit (probably obviously ) and so much its probably unnatural AHA#the secret is make drawing the only outlet for your brain to not completely self implode at the mere idea of existing#for 24 years!!!!! :)#honestly thats why im getting progressively more Tired when every mf and their grandma tries to convince me to sell my shits#like brother this is a part of me how can i give away something i created and inevitably formed a bond with for like 100 bucks#i caint do it and so if i go in with the expectation to imediately give it away then man i dont even want to be making art in the first pl#like for me Personally if im not going to make something that i fall in love with and want to look at occasionally then#Literally what is the point of me making anything#what is the point of me making my body and mind create a piece if not for my own personal joy???#but thats just physical art ig#like digital stuff and selling it for money if some1 wants it im aight but physical paintings??? that shit is Me and Mine#like just bc i Can make art doesnt immediately mean i need to make money from it yknow#my brother in christ when it comes to the the only true outlet for me to find joy and inspiration in living i Do Not care about money#i will take any amount of shitty job abuse if it means i conserve my passion#ill get a scarring accident from welding before i will stress cry over a deadline for a project that i dont even want to do#absolutely terrified of that path and feeling it is The Worst for me#like literally thank FUCK i realized this when i was just in a community college and not balls deep in debt at some fancy university#granted late as all hell and all my opportunities of taking free welding classes in my early years have long passed but still glad#just stick me on an abandoned island with canvases n paint n shit and ill b fine#god knew if i managed my time better and wasnt Really Fucking Exhausted all the time i would be unstoppable#like ofc making money while drawing what i want is the dream no doubt but the chances of that are slim and the road to get there is even#slimmer#ANYWAY holy shit not to get hella preachy but i have Thots
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dutybcrne · 1 month
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Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-
#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED#//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings#//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued#//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still#keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc#//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier#//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces#//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all#//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states#//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly#suicide mention tw#//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it#//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass#//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill#if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc)#into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him#//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being#the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them#//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment#//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself#//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it)#//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart#//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it#//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him#//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities#//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption#//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them#//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao
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