Bedside Manner

for @acasualcrossfade request for "the infection has spread"

"Some birdie told me that you have been causing a fuss, Wayne, is that true?"

Wayne huffs from his hospital bed, glasses sliding down his nose. He places the newspaper he was reading on the table beside him. "You tell that Robbie of yours to stop exaggerating. It was only a small request."

Steve raises his eyebrows at his favorite patient (Dustin tells him he isn't supposed to have favorites, but he also used to cry anytime he picked up Max before him when they were younger, so what does he know) and gives him a knowing look. "Robin listens to no man, Wayne, you know this. You're better off sending that message through her wife. Besides, small? She was telling me you refused to have any other nurse help you because I wasn't here last night. Which surprised me since you are always pushing me on about taking a vacation. "

Wayne opens his mouth, but Steve presses on. "And the fact Robin was even in the room means they called a psych consult, so I can only imagine how bad it was."

Wayne grumbles like a little kid being scolded for getting his hands caught in the cookie jar. "Yea, well, it was a bad night, kid."

Steve feels his shoulders sag, he takes off his glasses and rubs a hand down his face before placing them back on. "Sorry, Wayne, I had a bad migraine last night. Nance and Robs wouldn't even let me pass the entrance. Bad news?"

"Kid, don't stress yourself out over me. I'm just your patient, and more so, I am just a cranky old man." Wayne patted Steve's knee as he sat down next to him.

"C'mon, Wayne. You're more than that. I'd like to think seeing you in and out of here the last year has made us friends. Although I gotta say, you're the only friend I have that I'll be glad if I don't get to see again, given the circumstances. So, what's the news?"

"The infection has spread."

Steve takes in a deep breath, he tries not to panic, but any infection in a hospital can be deadly, especially for a cancer patient like Wayne. "Incision site?"

Steve must not be as good at hiding his emotions as he used to be because Wayne jumps to ease his worry. "No, kid, don't worry. The surgery was a success. Just got that hospital fever, the good old bronchitis. But it just means I'm here longer than I have to. It also means my nephew is on edge, and I don't know if I can take a second longer of his hovering."

Steve laughed wetly, thankful for the topic change. "Ah yes, the mysterious nephew of yours that I've never met. The way you talk about him almost tempts me into switching to the day shift, sounds like he might be entertaining. But only almost."

"Always wondered why you were always working the nights, most of the others seem to switch. Not a big fan of the day?"

Steve shakes his head gently, "No, I like the quiet here at night. Like getting to know the patients without having to worry about fixing ten million things. Don't get me wrong, it has its downfalls. Like the doctors can be horrible at night, never tell Dr. Wheeler that or Robbie will kill me, and the food is awful. But there is something special about it here at night. So sorry, your ridiculous nephew isn't enough to tempt me."

Wayne smirked, "What if I told you he was a looker and single?"

Steve blushes slightly. He is used to patients trying to pawn him off to their relatives, it came with being a young male nurse, but typically it didn't phase him. But Steve has become close with Wayne, so hearing him suggest he get together with his nephew has him flustered. "I'm good, Wayne, thanks. Gave up on the dating scene a while ago. Not many people can keep up with a guy who works nights and suffers from severe head trauma."

"Shame, Eddie likes the nights too. I'd reckon yal would get along."

"I'm pretty sure we would need more than that, Wayne."

Wayne smiles fondly at Steve. "You don't need a whole lot to build a connection, son. Me and Linda, god rest her soul, only started dating for our mutual love of mugs. And we may not have had long together, but our love was strong. Besides, there is more yal would have in common than just the night shift."

Steve huffs a laugh, "Oh yea, like what?" The least he can do is humor the man.

"Well, you both care about me deeply."

Steve blushes again, "C'mon, Wayne. I'm your nurse. I'm kinda paid to care."

Wayne won't hear any of it, "No, son, it's more than that. You take your break in here every night. You make sure to record the game at home for me because they only have the news here. And last night, you tried to come in with a migraine, even though we both know I am the only patient you can stand right now."

Steve doesn't know what to say back. Wayne is right, of course. Steve has been spending all of his time with the man, giving him extra care. Steve isn't bad with his other patients, he goes above and beyond most of his coworkers, but there is something special about Wayne.

"You got nothing, kid, you know I'm right. Remind me a lot of my nephew. Before visiting hours ended is when I got the news of having to stay longer. Kid almost threw a fit when they kicked him out. Swore he was gonna break in to stay the night with me. I told him not to worry since you would be there, I brag about you too, ya know. When he found out today you weren't here, that boy threw a fit again. Swear he gets his tantrums from his father. Said he was gonna sneak back in tonight. Make sure I had company. That 'the man' couldn't stop him. That if he ran into you, he was gonna have a word with you."

Steve can't help the snort that shakes his body, "I'd like to see him get passed Hop first."

Wayne starts to chuckle, too, "Eds may have had his fair share of escaping the law, but no man moves as fast as Jim in a security uniform."

Steve is fully laughing now, "I know, right? It's like those pants make him aerodynamic or something. No way your nephew is getting by."

It is almost as if Steve's words summon what happens next. There in the doorway is the most gorgeous man he's ever seen, even though he is bent over and out of breath.

"Eds?" Wayne questions, clearly surprised. Steve has to mask his face and quickly before Wayne catches him ogling his nephew. Steve is finding it difficult, though. The man, Eddie, despite his out-of-breath appearance, is stunning. His long curly hair is thrown up in a bun, showing off the piercings up his ears. His clothes are simple but suiting, ripped jeans and a black band tee. Tattoos cover his entire body, and Steve wants to ask about every single one of them.

The most surprising thing about him isn't that he got by Hop (although he has questions for that later), no the most surprising thing to Steve is that Wayne somehow knew his exact type, which most people assume wrong in that department.

Eddie awakens an old craving inside Steve that he thought he had buried long ago.

"Wayne, you would not believe what I just went to get up here. The story I have for you, oh boy. You're gonna love it. Who knew security guards could move that fast. Anyway, I hope that nurse boy of yours is here tonight because I am ready to—" Eddie stops mid-rant when his eyes land on Steve, a lovely blush blossoming across his pale cheeks.

"I believe what you are trying to say is, what was it, Wayne? Oh yea, 'have a word with me,'" Steve laughs softly.

Eddie sputters, "Wayne!?!" His blushing becomes deeper as the seconds pass by.

Wayne just chuckles as Steve stands. "Don't be mad at your Uncle, I think he was just trying to make me feel better. I am sorry I wasn't here last night for the news. Got my head knocked around too much as a kid—" Steve taps his head with his knuckles, "—so I suffer from migraines sometimes. I really did try to come in, but well—you met Jim. He's pretty fast." Steve worries his lip. Eddie's eyes follow.

"Well, I can't be too mad now, can I?" Eddie swallows nervously before a smirk spreads across his face, switching from shy to confident in two seconds flat. Steve shouldn't be turned on by that. "The pretty face helps too. I'm pretty sure you could convince me to give you my kidney right about now. I'm Eddie, which I know you know by now, and you are...?"

Steve puts his hand out for a shake, "Nurse Harrington. But most people call me Steve."

Eddie grabs his hand gently and brings the back of it to his lips. "Stevie, a pleasure, really." A light kiss is placed on Steve's knuckles. Stevie, he thinks. That's a new one. And he isn't mad about it, at all. In fact, the butterflies in his stomach want him to get Eddie to say it again.

Steve catches Wayne's smug face in the corner of his eye as Steve begins to blush again.

"I'm just gonna—I'll be right back." Steve stutters.

"Leaving so soon?" Eddie says disappointed.

Steve has the sudden urge to fix the frown on his face. "No, no! Just, uh, gonna call Jim and tell him not to send out a search party. That it's okay if you stay. I'll keep an eye on you."

Eddie's face breaks out into a brilliant smile, "Really, Stevie? You gonna keep me around?"

Steve's heart skips a beat, "If I can help it."

***

Hi!! I was just curious about Nancy and Jonathan’s relationship in your mango series! I was wondering if Nancy was an alpha? If she is, does that mean that Jonathan is a Beta or an Omega? Kids??? I have so many questions and am way too invested in this tiny part of this universe lol Please feel free to make this into a part with Steve and Billy talking to them about pups and bonding if you would like.

Masterlist

Part 29

-

I realized I literally haven’t mentioned the Wheelers this entire time rip to them I guess

Also I’m using this part as background to everything esp how Billy and Steve got together. Also no monster au I guess? tbh this part just made me realize NONE of this series is thought out

I literally never established a timeline, so I’ve decided it makes more sense for Billy to come to Hawkins earlier. You’ll see lmao. (this started as a little nonsense thing so the timeline of the whole Mango series is so whack pls no one try and do the math)

+I had traumatic emergency surgery on my uterus several years ago, so I’ve based all of Steve’s stuff on that

-

Steve dated Nancy Wheeler for about a month.

He was always drawn to fiery alphas, liked when they had sharp tongues, weren’t afraid to speak their mind. He liked ‘em smart.

Nancy seemed perfect to him, but Nancy didn’t like how much work omegas were. They needed constant reassurance of love, so much touching and cuddling, and that’s just not how she operates.

They had been casually dating for about a month early in her sophomore year when he asked her to spend his heat with him. She knew that meant he was serious about her, and let him down as gently as she could.

He didn’t take it too hard, and even invited her to a party he was throwing at his big empty house.

That was the first night she really talked to Jonathan Byers.

Their families had always been close, and they had been uncomfortable acquaintances for a long time, but she found him making a pip out of an apple, sat in the kitchen with him and got stoned for the very first time.

They were sitting close to one another, leaning closer, about to kiss when there was a splash outside, there was screaming.

They rushed out to see Steve Harrington, wet and shaking in the cold November night air, doing CPR on, on Barb.

He yelled at Tommy H., told him to call an ambulance.

Barb looked bad. Her lips were tinged blue, her skin pale.

She sank down next to her. Jonathan gently touching her back.

Most of the kids ran when they heard authorities were coming.

She held Barb’s freezing hand until the paramedics arrived.

Steve hadn’t stopped doing CPR the entire time had heard Barb’s ribs crack and splinter from the force.

The paramedics called it.

Steve was never really the same after that. He had become more withdrawn, had quit the swim team and stopped throwing big parties, he started babysitting Dustin Henderson, ended up babysitting most of the party soon enough.

He was still nice to Nancy, would ask her and Jonathan to hang out sometimes. She always thought he was sweet that he was a big heart. Hell, she sat there while he did CPR on her best friend for twenty minutes, but it was easier with Jon. As a beta, she didn’t have to be someone she wasn’t just to keep him from emotional breakdown.

But then Billy Hargrove rolled into town in the beginning of the summer, was all California golden, a big imposing alpha, and she began seeing less and less of Steve.

She thought it was just a summer fling, Billy didn’t seem like the type to stick around for very long, didn’t seem like the monogamous type.

Steve had a bad habit of trusting alphas too quickly, had been with alphas that just wanted to be able to say they’d fucked a male omega.

They were so uncommon, and usually these alphas were just curious, knew male omegas were the only presentation identifiable at birth due to their genitals, had wanted to see for themselves.

But Billy stuck around, starting hanging around Steve wherever he was, joining him when he spent time with the party, or with Jonathan and Nancy.

Billy was starting to grow on her more, as she watched and realized he loved Steve, that he wanted to be as clingy as Steve needed.

They would go on double dates sometimes, and Billy would pull Steve to sit on his lap just as often as Steve would plop himself on Billy’s lap. So she guesses they’re kind of a match made in heaven.

And then Steve got pregnant.

And she expected Billy to run for the hills, but he didn’t. Got kicked out of his house for Steve, changed his whole world for Steve and their pup, and at this point, they were four years in, had two happy pups and we in the process of moving into their first house.

She and Jon hadn’t even talked marriage yet, let alone bonding, were focusing on getting through school.

They had both gone to New York without even consulting one another, decided they didn’t want each other’s college choices to affect the other, that they should pick the best school for themselves.

When they revealed to one another, Jon showed her his acceptance to NYU, his dream school, while Nancy had handed him her Columbia letter.

She got regular updates from Steve, letters stuffed full with photographs and weekly reports. She contacted a bakery local to him to send him a cake when he called and excitedly told her that he had finally gotten his GED, had dropped out of high school in the February of his senior year when he got kicked out of his house, when he was the talk of the whole damn town.

“Letter from Steve.” Jonathan placed the rest of the mail on the counter, ripping open the envelope. “He put in updated pictures of the girls, look.” Nancy cooed over the photos. There was a gorgeous one of all four of them at the beach, Steve had infant Zara strapped to his chest, Billy was holding Mina. It was so cute. “He said they finished painting the house and should be moving in this week.”

“He mention how he was doing?”

“Of course not, have you met him? The only reason we actually knew he almost fucking died was because Billy called us.”

“I guess you’re right.” She was still flipping through photos. “Oh look at this one!” It was Steve caught mid laugh while Mina was doing him hair behind him. “We should go out to California soon to see them. Especially once they’re in their house.

“I’m gonna write Steve back, maybe we could go for New Year’s, or something.” She smiled up at him, stretching on her toes to kiss his jaw.

“I think that sounds nice.”

-

Mina was currently in the process of showing Jonathan every single toy she owned.

His lap was full of plastic food, blocks, dolls, stuffed animals, books, everything. She was talking excitedly about her little toy Camaro, the one that looked just like Daddy’s!

Nancy was just laughing as Jonathan nodded along patiently. He talked to her like she was an adult, asking her details about each toy in a very serious voice.

Steve slowly set himself on the couch. His abdomen still sore from surgery a few months ago. He was holding Zara, all dressed up in a little onesie that looked hand-knitted.

“How are you doing?” Steve rolled his eyes. Jon and Nancy kept asking.

“Nance, I’m fine. Just sore is all.” He kept dodging her real questions. She knew that the doctor had told Steve there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to be pregnant again, knew it was probably weighing on him. She just looked back and Jon.

“How is Mina doing with Zara? I remember when Mike was born I wanted nothing to do with him.” Steve laughed, bouncing Zara a little.

“She loves her. I swear if she could get me and Billy outta the picture, she would rather raise Zara on her own.” Zara gave a little choked off wail. “Sweet Pea, you are fine.” He put her on his chest, patting her back. “How’s school and everything?”

“It’s good! Jon’s going to end up graduating a semester early, so he’ll be finished by this time next year.”

“Oh, wow. Good for him!”

“I hear you left work, how’s that going?” Steve shrugged.

“They could only offer me one month of leave, and with the surgery and everything, I needed much longer. But you know I don’t mind staying home with these two. I mean, Mina’s in full day preschool now, just Monday to Thursday, but Zara is pretty fussy, so it’s okay. Once she’s not breastfeeding anymore, I’ll probably find a new job.”

“And Billy’s school is going okay?”

“Oh you know him, just overachieving at every stage. He had to cut back on his hours at the garage, he got a really nice internship at a law firm in town, and he’s actually getting paid for it.” Billy had been studying pre-law at UCSD, wanted to go into some kind of prosecution, possibly specialize in domestic cases. His internship was more personal assistant work to one of the partners of the firm, but it was better money than the garage, and something to beef up his resume a bit more.

Steve could hear the garage door beginning to rumble and whine as it slid up.

“Speak of the devil.” He smiled at Billy as he came in, kicking off his shoes. Mina sprinted up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist, standing on his feet as he walked over to everyone.

“You talkin’ ‘bout me, Pretty Boy?” He picked up Mina so he could perch on the armrest next to Steve, giving him a kiss.

“All good things. Kind of.”  Nancy doesn’t think she’s ever seen Billy Hargrove in a suit. He loosened his tie, had take off his jacket to place into the coats closet, was currently rolling up his crisp sleeves. She could see edges of a few tattoos. She knew he and Steve had each gotten each others initials on their shoulder blades, adding the pups initials underneath them both. Apparently Billy was beginning to work on sleeves. “How was work?”

“Eh. Same old.” He shrugged, putting Mina down to go back to “playing” with Jonathan. He lifted Zara from Steve. “How are you doin’, Nancy? How’s the Big Apple?”

She waved a hand non-noncommittally. “Oh, it’s good. Jon’s working for some underground paper, shooting for punk shows.” Billy grinned.

“Well done, Byers. I’m sure your kid brother’s plenty jealous.” Jonathan laughed.

“He’s come up for a few of the shows he’s really wanted to see. Which is to say most of them.” The timer went off from the kitchen. Steve went to stand, only to have Billy push him back down, handing Zara back to him.

“Sit tight, Pretty Boy. I got it.” Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled softly at Billy all the same.

“He was a nightmare when we were moving in, wouldn’t let me lift anything over ten pounds.”

-

After dinner, Steve and Billy tag teamed putting the girls to bed.

It was kind of amazing to watch. Billy got Mina dressed for bed as Steve fed Zara, then they swapped, Steve made sure Mina brushed her teeth while Billy changed Zara, swapping again so that Billy could read a book to Mina and Steve rocked Zara to sleep.

They were so practiced and efficient, both girls were asleep with half an hour.

“You get a lot of practice with the bedtime thing. I mean, it’s every night.” They were sitting on the back porch, on patio furniture that had apparently been a gift from Claudia Henderson.

It was a perfect night, the Southern California air was just chilly enough to warrant a sweater, but perfect for just being in.

“There’s a park a few blocks that way that’s doing fireworks, we should be able to see them from here.” Steve had poured them each some champagne. Steve and Billy were sitting one the chairs across the little coffee table between them.

They chattered through as the clock ticked down, getting closer and closer to 1989.

Ten seconds to midnight, Billy helped Steve stand up. Five seconds to midnight, Jonathan was digging in his pocket.

The fireworks began as Steve pressed his lips to Billy’s. Nancy turned to do the same, choking on a gasp as she saw Jon down on one knee. Steve shrieked, scrambling for a camera.

“I wanted this to be the first thing I did this year.” Billy was grinning like an idiot, Steve was taking picture after picture, his big eyes full of tears. “I know you want to establish our lives before bonding or having pups, and that’s okay, we can just be engaged for a couple years, whatever you want.” Nancy had one hand in front of her mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks. “Whatdya say?”

“Oh my god, absolutely yes!” Billy and Steve cheered as Jon stood up, kissing Nancy before sliding the ring on her finger.

Book 9 of 2020: Maplecroft

(at this point I'm not going to bother with the quarantine tally because this thing is gonna last for like a year)

Maplecroft by Cherie Priest

"'You're looking for magic, Lizzie. God doesn't give us magic, only science.'

'Last century's magic is this year's science,' I argued. [...]

'You're treading on dangerous ground.'

'We're living on dangerous ground. And we can't seem to leave it, so I'll work on making it less dangerous - which, yes, is a dangerous effort in itself.' Exasperated with both her and myself, I threw up my hands. 'I'm not sure what you want from me, Emma. I am doing my best and that's all that can be asked of me.'

'No one is asking more. But I fear for you, out there, downstairs, fighting monsters. You touch those things, and they touch you back.'" (112)

I haven't read a Cherie Priest book in years, but when my mom loaned me this one I was super excited. I had mentioned offhand to her about the Borden murders and my personal theories behind the killer(s), and she grabbed this little beauty for me to read.

       Maplecroft is a sci-fi/Eldritch horror take on the murders of Abigail and Andrew Borden in Fall River, MA. The book doesn't actually focus on their murders; it opens a few years after they have occured and Lizzie Borden has been found innocent by the court. Now, Lizbeth lives with her sister Emma in a new house they call Maplecroft, on the other side of town. Rumors abound about the both of them, especially Lizbeth. Lizbeth, however has bigger issues. Strange monsters threaten her home on a regular basis.  A collection of strange stones she keeps in her basement laboratory call to her. Her research has led to few answers as to what these creatures might be, or what they want. But her trusty axe tends to take care of them. Emma is significantly older than Lizzie, and is suffering from consumption. She has a correspondence partner at a university who believes her to be a man - a doctor of marine biology like himself. When Emma mails him a strange specimen she found on the beach for his examination and interest, he becomes sucked into this world of monsters too. And back in Fall River, people are starting to become affected with a strange sickness that bloats and slows the body, addles the mind, and looks eerily similar to what affected Andrew and Abigail Borden before their murders. These strange happenings are all connected somehow, but the full picture is unclear until the very end.

       This was such a well-written novel. The word choice was excellent, and I loved the way Priest was able to write her characters and their development. The novel switches between perspectives by using different correspondences and journal entries of the characters to round out the story and clue readers in to a number of factors and details before the characters themselves are able to get the whole picture. We also get perspective from the affected professor, which really adds a level of creep-factor to the whole thing. As he falls deeper into madness, his justification for his actions becomes twisted and terrifying, really adding to the strangeness of the story. I loved the cast of characters - from real people like Emma and Lizzie, to fictional add-ons like a local doctor, an actress, a government investigator, and even the one-off perspectives of people like telegram operators. Even characters we met only once were interesting and dynamic. I personally enjoyed the inclusion of a small romance between Lizbeth and an actress named Nance, who became involved in the whole situation as well. Not only was I pleased to see a queer relationship written so casually, even in a novel set Victorian Massachusetts, but it wasn't even the main focus of the book. I think the fact that Nance could have been a man without much changing the story really makes that little inclusion special because it shows a conscious choice on Priest's part to represent queer people in a time period when we are often written out of history.

Overall, if you're into creepy, Lovecraftian horror, you'll probably like this. Maplecroft veers more towards creepy and suspenseful than actually scary, but maybe if you're more sensitive to monsters/suspense than I am that might make it scarier. Plus, if you're also a fan of true crime or you know about the Borden murders, this is a super interesting take on a real event that doesn't have a distinct conclusion.

        Trigger warnings for violence, blood, monsters, character death, killing/murder/self defence, illness, weaponry (axe, gun), mentions of Christianity/religion, and general creepiness. Also Lovecraft was a massive racist so if you don't like things based on that type of Eldritch horror I guess keep that in mind, but this does not have racist leanings; it's just a use of that type of monster.

       My overall opinion: An extremely creative idea, executed brilliantly!

Chapter 4: The Whistle in the Wind

After purchasing the rose seed, Mike and Nancy walked over into the woods out the back of the school. They quietly walked together side by side, Nancy not knowing what to say to Mike, nothing she could say could heal his pain. They walked until they reached a small pond area, covered by some foliage and trees.

Nancy could see why Mike liked this place, it was secluded and private, the beauty of the place, the silence, the whistling of the wind and the nature all around, it was magical. Mike leant down and pulled the seed out of the box, he started to dig a hole in the ground, Nancy helping him. Mike filled the hole with the seed and covered it over again in soil. Nancy looked at him, them both exchanging glances, “Do you want some privacy Mike?” She asked. Mike nodded slowly, not saying anything. “Okay, I’ll go and wait over by this tree stump, if you need me…” Nancy, walked away to the tree stump and sat down, watching listening in to what Mike was saying, she knew she shouldn’t invade his privacy, but she was worried about him after all. Mike leant over the patch of soil he had just buried the seed in, and looked up towards the sky, he began, “So I suppose this is a bit silly El, talking to you when I know you can’t hear me, but my sister suggested it and I thought it might give me some comfort? Anyway, I know it’s too late now, but there were things El, things I wanted to say to you before you left…” Mike’s eyes were threatening to water again, and he had to gulp back tears to continue his sentence. “Before you came El, I didn’t know what it was like to have someone who would protect you to the ends of the earth, to fight for you when you couldn’t fight for yourself, to be so caring and protective. My life was okay, I was happy, but I’d never experienced true happiness before. You don’t understand El, you were like this goddess, this saviour that came into my life, I thought I was helping you, getting away from the bad men, and taking you in that night, but it was you who was helping me! You helped me to believe I wasn’t what Troy and James called me, a loser and pathetic, you made me feel like I wasn’t worthless, like I could actually do something and help other people, you showed me what true love was. I know a lot of people older than me, tell me that I’m too young to know what love is, but I don’t believe them, I know deep in my heart El, that I loved you. I love you still…” Mike’s words were like small daggers in his throat, cutting up his insides and causing pain to bleed out into him. His voice was cracking and his eyes were dripping now, but he continued on. “I wish you hadn’t of left El, I had so many things I wanted to do with you, share with you. I bought you this valentines plant, and I tied your favourite hair ribbon to it, and I wrote you this note, and-, and I was going to take you to the snowball…We’d dance underneath all the pretty lights and we’d dance until we cried from laughter at how bad we were, and then I was going to show you this special little place that Dustin showed me. You see, there is a small rock outside of school, just before the woods, and if you sit on that rock on a clear night and look up at the sky, you can see the stars. It’s so beautiful El, you would of loved it. I was going to show you all the famous constellations, and tell you about the planets, I just wanted to make you happy El, I wish I could of done that. I’m so sorry that I let you down, I’m really struggling here without you, if you can hear me, which I doubt, please El, I want you to know how much I love you. I would of taken your place with the demogorgan in a heartbeat. Please, help me to carry on, I feel like I’m dying without you, my heart still breaks every day, you don’t even know, I love you El, promise.” Just as Mike had finished talking, the before still and calm air, suddenly struck up a wind, that sent the leaves twirling and dancing into the air. They seemed to swirl in a circle around where Mike had planted the rose. Mike was knocked back by the breeze, he sat, mouth agape, shocked at what had just happened. Was that El? Had she heard him? For a minute, Mike seemed to be frozen, his heart was racing rapidly, his hands slightly shaking from shock. But after a few seconds when the wind dropped, his heart sank. Of course it wasn’t El, he was being silly, it was just the wind and there was no way it could of been El. He pulled himself up of the floor, pants muddied, and his hair blown back by the gust. He gave one last look at the plant and blew a little kiss to it, knowing that he probably looked stupid, but he did it anyway. “Goodbye El.” He said softly, as he wiped away his tears, heart breaking, and walked back over to Nancy. When he reached her she was twirling some flowers around her fingers, pulling and playing at their petals. She jumped when she realised Mike was standing over her. “Oh god Mike! You startled me! Are you okay?” Nancy noticed the water marks on his cheeks, she knew he had been crying and that sent a cold sinking feeling into her stomach. Mike nodded, “I’m done. Also erm, thanks Nance, it did help me to feel better a bit actually, it was sort of comforting, thank you for suggesting it to me. It was a good idea.” Nancy smiled, suddenly feeling more happy about her brother’s change of mood. “I’m glad I could help Mike, I just wanted you to feel better.” Mike stood with his arms open towards Nancy, she was surprised at his sudden request for a hug, he never usually initiated hugs, especially not with his sister anyway. She opened her arms to him too, pulling him in tight and rubbing his back reassuringly. “Mike, its 11:30am, I’m going to have to take you into school now, I told the school that you had a doctors appointment and that you’d be back before lunch. I’m sorry Mike, but you’re going to have to go into school now.” “It’s okay, I know. I feel a lot happier after doing this, so I’m fine to go back to school now. Thanks again Nancy.” Nancy could tell that he was a lot better than the boy she was greeted with this morning in the greenhouse, he seemed much happier and calmer than he did when he was sitting in that pile of smashed pottery. “Come on then.” She said, taking Mike’s hand, walking off with him towards school. Mike took her hand, thankful for the comfort. He turned his head back to look at the flower patch, he stared at it for a moment, longingly and mouthed, “Goodbye El.” before continuing to walk out of the woods holding Nancy’s hand. A few minutes later, they reached the gates of the school, Nancy checked that her brother was okay, and reminded him he was going to Will’s tonight for tea. Mike embraced Nancy once more, and waved goodbye as he walked into school, to his class and to see his friends. Nancy smiled as she left the school gates, and walked back to her car, she was happy to see her brother in a much better way, happier almost.

Once in school, Mike felt better actually for once, his pain started to fade away and he was happy to see his friends by the lockers in the corridor, smiling and laughing. Mike walked closer and they turned to notice his presence. “MIKE!” Will cheerfully said, pleased to see Mike in school. “You’re in! I’m so glad to see you Mike! I was slightly worried about when we heard that you had a doctors appointment this morning and wouldn’t be in ‘till later!” Mike smiled, “Thanks guys! Thank you for the box of cool stuff that you sent me! It was really lovely of you!” All three of them smiled, glad to know that Mike had received their gift. “You’re welcome buddy!” Said Lucas, “We just thought you needed a bit of a cheering up! You do look a lot better, compared to yesterday anyway!” He continued. “Yeah you look great Mike! I’m glad you’re okay!” added Dustin. Will came closer to Mike and took him by surprise, he pulled Mike into a strong hug, smiling against his jacket, his head only reaching Mike’s shoulders. He pulled back and Mike asked surprised, “What was that for Will?” he laughed a little as he spoke. This made Will smile even more, “I’m just happy to see you like this I guess, it’s been a while since you last laughed, and I’ve missed you buddy!” Mike grinned more, patting Will on the back, “I’m glad to be back to too!” The four of them all seemed glowing now as they walked down the halls, like they used to in days gone by, no worries or problems, like nothing had ever happened, until as they reached the far end of the corridor they saw two tall figures approaching at a slow pace. The boys gulped, they knew who it was. Troy and James walked closer and closer to them, Troy’s smile twisted and smug, his walk slow and threatening, clearly taking pleasure out of scaring the boys. James trailed behind him, smirking and staring menacingly at the boys. Dustin uttered, “Shit!” As they approached closer. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the miracle child! The boy who cheated death!” Smirked Troy, looking over at Will. Will’s eyes sunk down to the floor, fear starting to creep into his bones. “What are the fairy boys doing today? Going to a meeting with the other gays in the school, having a summit with them are you? Discussing how you can turn us all queer like you?” Troy laughed. “Hey, just leave us alone!” Mike shouted. “Ooohhh! Scary frogface, you’re very threatening aren’t you? Not been chucking up your stomach contents again today? Shame. I would of liked to make you dunk your own head into your own vomit.” Mike felt suddenly scared again and avoided Troy’s gaze. “I’m not surprised you were being sick yesterday in the boys bathrooms, if that little creature had his hands all over me, I’d be vomiting too!” Troy aimed the comment at Will when he spoke, his words trying to spear and wound Will. “You know gay boy over here fancies you frogface? He probably wanted to kiss you when he hugged you before, I bet he was dying to just reach up and smooch you! Weren’t you Will?” Troy scoffed. “Hey just shut up and leave him alone!” Mike warned, not quite sure where his confidence was coming from, a little scared that he had stood up to Troy. “Yeah!” Added Dustin, “Do you rememberer what happened the last time you tried to mess with us?” “Oh yeah, that freak of nature girl who looked like a boy broke my arm and saved precious frogfaces’ life. Not that it was worth saving. Where is she now anyway? Is she gonna jump out from behind a wall and protect you? No, I think not. See I heard she DIED, and Wheeler had a mental breakdown over her death. Hahaha! Hilarious!” Tormented Troy. At this comment, Mike could feel all the pain flooding back into his chest, his stomach churning again and sick starting to make its way up his throat. “I’ve gotta go!” Mike panicked, turning and running down the white, clinical corridor towards the toilets. He burst through the door and just like yesterday, proceeded to throw up and heave in the toilet stall, each time he vomited, feeling worse and worse. Troy and James tried to chase Mike up the corridor saying, “This I gotta see!” Will, Dustin and Lucas chased after them and managed to block the entrance to the bathroom, forming a wall to stop Troy and James getting in, as they tried harder and harder to break the boys wall in front of the door. Mike could hear a struggle from beyond the door, as he continued to be sick, his throat retching and heaving, the smell making him be sick even more. He rose to his feet as he was sure he had got all the last of it up, and he wiped at his mouth, and flushed the toilet, washing his hands, before opening the bathroom door, making Will, Dustin and Lucas, fall backwards slightly. Troy laughed, “Ugh I can smell the sick from here Wheeler, you’re gross and pathetic you know that?” He laughed even harder as she said the words. Mike emerged out of the door and back into the corridor, “No. You’ll be the pathetic and gross one after I’ve beaten you tomorrow!” “What?” Troy sniggered, “What are you saying?” “I’m saying we have a fight tomorrow after school, on the hill by the rock, out to the side of the school at 3:30pm! If you’re really as tough as you claim to be, you’ll be be able to beat me no problem won’t you?” Troy burst into a fit of laughter at this, but then his face turned serious as he walked closer to Mike, “You’re on FrogFace!” Troy grimaced and turned, walking away, James following obediently. All heads turned to Mike as Lucas shouted, “Are you crazy? What are you thinking? How stupid can you be Mike?” Dustin and Will agreed, chiming in comments of distress and concern. Mike stared blankly, “I don’t care, I’m sick of taking his crap. I won’t allow him to bully me or us any longer!” Mike clenched his fists and walked off down the corridor heading to his French class, the other boys all staring at him as he walked away, shocked and frightened for what might happen to Mike.

The school bell rang and doors in corridors burst open, hitting the back of the walls, as floods of kids rushed out their classrooms, all running to cars outside, parents picking up their eager children. Will waited by the exit for Mike, he stood clutching onto his back pack, staring at the empty hallway, waiting for Mike to emerge out of somewhere. A few moments later, Mike was walking closer to Will, looking pale again and sickly as he and he done the day before. “Mike?! Have you been sick again?” “No Will, I’m fine!” angrily said Mike. “You don’t look fine!” shouted Will. “Okay fine, so I was sick once or twice more today. What does it matter? I’m fine now!” “You were sick yesterday too weren’t you?” Worry settling into Will. “Look, I told you, I just haven’t been feeling well, I have a bug and you probably shouldn’t get too close!” “Are you sure it’s just a bug though Mike?” “YES! I’m fine okay! Now are we going back to yours for our project or what?!” snapped Mike. Will jumped a bit and gave up his interrogation, “Yeah come on let’s go! Jonathan is picking us up by the woods.“ The two boys walked over to the wooded area, a brown, battered car waiting on the curb of the pavement. A long haired boy, sat in the driving seat, looking moody and mopey. “Hi Jonathan!” exclaimed Will. “Hey boys!” replied Jonathan. “Are you okay? How was school?” “Yeah, um good!” quickly replied Mike, before Will could say anything about the bullies. Will gave Mike a confused look, as Jonathan spoke again, “Great! Glad to hear it! Let’s get you guys home, I heard mum is making beef pot pie! It’s her best dish Mike! You’ll love it!” explained Jonathan. Mike smiled and answered, “I can’t wait.” Will knew something was wrong with his friend and that this was just some act, to appear jolly and okay, he looked out of the window, deep in thought as they drove down the road towards the Byers family home.

Barbara’s Ovarian Cancer Story Part II

Ovarian Cancer: Process and Survival

Post Surgery

Read Part I for information regarding diagnosis and surgery…

The next few weeks after my discharge from the hospital, were very busy. My sister, Nance, and my mom decorated the house and Christmas tree. My sister Lauren visited from Washington and cleaned, cooked and lent invaluable support to all of us. There were visits to the surgeon for follow-up and the oncologist for the initial visit. John and my sisters accompanied me. It was so very helpful to have someone else ask questions and write down information. It can be an overwhelming experience, especially when you’re a little “spaced out” on vicodin for pain management, as I was. I signed on to be part of a clinical study using different combinations of medications for eight instead of the normal six cycles. Laurie had brought a book with her that offered a lot of information on how to deal with an ovarian cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatments. One suggestion was to research clinical studies. There is a great deal of “cutting edge” research out there but you may have to hunt for it, do your homework, and bring the information to your doctor. My oncologist’s office was conducting a trial, I was accepted, and I was scheduled to begin treatment on December 21.

Even though I was dreading the whole process, I knew I had to approach it in much the same way I did the surgery, almost like an athletic event or a race. I wanted to go in as strong and as prepared as possible and with a better “attitude.”

Attitude is defined as a manner of acting, feeling or thinking that shows one’s disposition, opinion and mental set. We may not be able to control a situation, but we can choose our attitude about that situation- victim or fighter; passive or aggressive; depressed or striving toward joy and happiness; caught in the “why me’s” or searching for the “what can I learn from this.” With the help of many people and through much reading and research, my “attitude-adjustment” process unfolded.

A booklet entitled “Preparing for Chemo” suggests several things that I immediately put into action.

1) Get your hair cut short so that when your hair starts falling out, it’s less traumatic and won’t clog the shower’s drain. (This worked for the drains but I was still traumatized.)

2) If you plan to wear a wig, shop for it before starting chemo. My sisters and my dear friend and hairdresser Patty, helped with both of these steps. Watching my long hair fall to the floor was very hard and yet made me feel the tiniest bit more in control of what was happening to me. To my surprise, everyone loved my new hairdo. The compliments boosted my ego when I really needed it. Nance and Laurie accompanied me to the wig shop. Laughter is very good medicine-and we laughed a lot as we all played with the wigs before settling on two very nice ones. Four hundred dollars later I was armed with my hair prosthetics and a sore belly from laughing. At this writing, I am sporting my own very short hair after nine months of wigs and hats.

3) The booklet suggests having a dental check up and cleaning before starting chemo. Also important is giving your home a thorough cleaning and perhaps scheduling someone to come in once a week thereafter- a clean house can minimize exposure to infectious agents.

4) Building up strength through exercise and a good diet can help minimize some of the side effects of chemo. This booklet and other helpful literature, is available through oncology offices and offers good practical information. I also found the library and the internet to be good resources.

Shortly after my homecoming, from the hospital, I received a telephone call from Lindy, a volunteer with the Cancer Society (set up by my husband and the cancer support staff at the hospital.) She had been diagnosed and treated for Stage IIIc ovarian cancer seven years ago. Hearing from her gave me a real boost and some good tips for dealing with the upcoming chemo. She shared her experiences with surgery, hair loss and complete recovery! She is still cancer free! In addition to advice on make-up to camouflage the fact that one has no eyebrows or eyelashes, she told me how helpful acupuncture was for her. She felt that it really minimized some of the chemo side-effects and “rebalanced” her body’s energy. I had had a few sessions of acupuncture many years ago, and I immediately knew that this would be right for me. I believe in its efficacy and definitely feel the sessions have been very beneficial.

My first acupuncture session was four days after the first chemo treatment. The meds they gave me to prevent nausea worked very well. I didn’t have much of an appetite and felt a little achy and tired but the only real side effect I experienced was a terrible, hand-wringing itching and tingling in my hands and feet. Amy, my acupuncturist, has worked with several people undergoing chemo, is very knowledgeable, and had a good treatment plan in place for me. I scheduled to see her 2 days before and 4 days after every chemo session. After my first visit with her, I did feel better, more energized and the itching had definitely dissipated a good deal. She gave me some suggestions on supplements and some Chinese herbs to use.

The side effect of itching, burning and tingling is called neuropathy and is fairly common with the types of chemo protocol I was on. After my second and third sessions, the symptoms worsened! I turned to the internet to learn more about neuropathy and what, if anything, I could do about it. I found an article by Cindy H. Makencon, website: http://www.ovarian-news.org, entitled “coping-Tips for dealing with neuropathy.” She offered a great deal of helpful information including reports of studies on the benefits of taking fairly large doses of L-Glutamine Sulfate and Chondroitin. I forwarded this information onto Carolyn, the research nurse in charge of my clinical study, and she shared the information with the oncologist. I had already started taking L-Glutamine when I met with him. He had further researched and developed a new treatment plan for me which included large doses of L-Glutamine, a change in one of the chemo meds, and the addition of a medication called neurontin. The combination of all these things worked! The neuropathy gradually subsided and I’ve had no further problems.

I believe a few other factors contributed to my being able to handle the chemo pretty well. I continued to increase my exercise regimen, progressing to walking everyday and then back to the gym for step-classes, albeit modified, and lifting light weights. Exercise builds muscle strength, increases oxygen and blood flow and for me, was and is a real physical and mental energy boost.

I came across a book entitled: “Herbal Therapy & Supplements- a Scientific and Traditional Approach” written by Merrily A. Kuhn, RN, Ph.D. and David Winston, a herbalist and ethnobiologist. The book was part of an at-home study course that I needed to complete for my RN Continuing Education Credits. The book offers a comprehensive guide to many common and some less common herbs and supplements, their uses, adverse effects, contraindications, and drug-herb interactions. After careful research, I started using several herbs and supplements designed to minimize chemo side effects and boost my immune system. I was careful to use things that do not stimulate estrogen in the body as my cancer was estrogen-receptor positive. I started taking these supplements one or two things at a time in smaller doses in order to monitor any unfavorable reactions, before adding more. Most importantly, I notified my doctor that I was taking supplements and having acupuncture.

At the end of this article, I will offer a complete list of the supplements and herbs that I have been using and some information regarding the rationale for each of these additions.

For several months, our kitchen counter resembled a drug and supplement store. I had to write up a daily schedule of what to take when. It was worth it! Once the neuropathy was under control, I tolerated the remainder of the chemo treatments pretty well. I was able to work full time and exercise, and my appetite and energy levels were good. Physically, acupuncture, exercise, diet, and supplements were, and still are, valuable tools which helped me deal with the chemo and recover from its serious effects.

On another level, the emotional and spiritual aids were an even more powerful part of the healing process. Previously, I mentioned my visualizations regarding pre and post operative healing and seeing myself healthy and cancer free. Now, it was time to take it a step further and include it as a powerful adjunct to the chemo medications. Rather than seeing the meds as a poison, I started to visualize it as “nectar from the gods,” washing through me and being taken up by my immune cells as a potion to destroy cancer cells. A few weeks before my first treatment, I read an article about a young local girl who had battled cancer at age 16. She wrote a book about her experience and included her thoughts on seeing her chemo as “nectar from the gods.” I admired her outlook and incorporated it into my work. My husband, John, created a special tape for me to listen to while receiving the infusion of chemo. This guided exercise included relaxation, healing messages, and suggestions for picturing my immune cells taking care of things and using the chemo effectively. Before each chemo session, even before they started the IV, he would do a relaxation exercise with me. This ritual became a very important part of the process. By working on my “attitude” towards the chemo and by connecting with these parts of myself that can be powerful self-healers, I felt I was taking back control of what was happening. Feeling that you are part of the healing process instead of a passive receiver of medications etc., is very empowering.

Rituals and routines are very comforting, especially when you’re experiencing stressful times. My “chemo ritual” evolved from the very first session. The night before, I meditated and did my healing visualizations at bedtime. John drove me to the oncology center. I selected my chair and we settled in with his relaxation exercise. My sister, Nance, arrived bearing muffins and silly magazines. After visiting and chatting, John left for work and Nance and I munched muffins and laughed at the National Enquirer stories. About an hour before the infusion was completed, my brother, Tom, would arrive for a visit and to take me home. Somewhere in the session, my sister, Laurie, would call from Washington to check in and often John would “pop in” in his travels. I always had company and felt lovingly supported. Sabrina included me in her meditation every morning and my mom would stop by the day after the session for tea and a chat. Every three weeks from December 21 through May 27, we followed this routine. The nurses and my family got to know one another and we became a real team!

Returning to work seven weeks after surgery was another normalizing routine that made me feel like I was taking back my life. Except for the day of chemo and the following day, I have worked full time, feeling productive, healthy and normal. My co-workers have been very supportive and caring. They even threw me a graduation party to celebrate the completion of chemo.

Even before my last chemo, I was researching what to do to prevent a recurrence of the disease. I found information on a clinical study for Ovarex, a vaccine designed to prevent a recurrence of ovarian cancer. After many phone calls, letters and haggling with my insurance company, I was accepted into a study being conducted at Stanford’s Cancer Center in Palo Alto. It involved monthly infusions for the first three months and then every twelve weeks for the rest of the year, with routine labs and CT scans. I have experienced only mild side effects and feel fortunate to have access to one more tool.

This past year has been one of lessons for me. I would have preferred the “universe” had given me a gentle tap on the shoulder instead of this Giant Thump on the head to let me know I had things to learn about myself and how “I am” in the world. Here are some of the things I have learned from this experience:

1. Pay attention – perhaps if I had agitated more forcefully with my doctor that something was NOT right, she would have responded with more attention. LISTEN to your body and trust your intuition.

2. Don’t take anything for granted – people, job, health, hair. When you face the loss of these things, you realize how special people are, how the day-to-day routine of a job is a gift, how precious good health is and even how much better a “bad hair” day is than NO HAIR!

3. There are a great many sources of invaluable information out there through people, libraries and the internet. Taking advantage of these resources allowed me to create a comprehensive plan to restore my health and fight the disease using a combination of Western and alternative therapies.

4. We do have choices in how we deal with a crisis – probably the best choice for me was to reach out and ask for help. The more people I told about my health issues, the more positive energy came my way. I felt empowered rather than vulnerable and armed with my helmet (a wig, which, by the way, I got complements on) and my armor (acupuncture, supplements, chemo, prayers and visualization) I was ready to do battle. I was “Warrior Princess” instead of cancer patient.

5. Laughter is GOOD MEDICINE!

At this writing, my labs and CT scans are completely normal. I am back to my normal routines of work and exercise. I am sporting a “Jamie Lee Curtis” hairdo. I am excited about decorating and shopping for Thanksgiving and when we all come together, we’ll have a lot to be thankful for! Before we dig into our feast, I will be asking each person to write on a piece of paper, one thing that they are grateful for. Each of us will then withdraw one of these papers from the basket and try to guess who wrote the message. It will be easy to guess mine. I am grateful for all the love and support from my family and friends (with a special thanks to my son, Matt, and my husband for shaving their heads to support me and to my son, Mike, and his band for dedicating songs to me at concerts and their fund raising for the Cancer Society.) I am grateful for the prayers and best wishes that came my way from people I do not even know. I thank you!!! Well, of course, that’s more than one thing on my piece of paper but so what! It’s time to celebrate!

Happy Thanksgiving 2004 and celebrate every day of your life.

Barbara’s Complete Ovarian Cancer Fighting Supplement List:

Three Imperial Mushroom Capsules – available through acupuncture office

A) Reishi- Immuno stimulant: enhances immune system; use is sanctioned by the Japanese Health Ministry as an adjunct treatment for cancer; Increases activity of chemotheraputic agents and reduces adverse effects such as nausea, decreased white blood cell counts; helps protect the liver against damage caused by viral, drug and environmental toxins.

B) Shitaki- strengthens immune system response; improves survival times of cancer patients when used concurrently with chemo.

C) Maitake- best known for cancer fighting properties; many doctors in Japan use it to lower blood pressure and blood lipids; effective as an anti-tumor agent and immune system modulator.

Echinacia- used in Germany along with chemo in the treatment of cancer. May enhance white blood cell counts in persons undergoing chemo.

Cat’s Claw- reduces side effects of chemo; used in clinical practice in Europe for cancer & HIV; has important immune enhancing properties; helps increase the number of T-cells, the true soldiers of the immune system. In Austria, it is used together with conventional treatment (chemo, radiation &/or surgery) to treat hundreds of cancer patients per year.

Graviola- scientists have been studying this herb since the 1940’s – four studies were published in 1998 re: significant anti-tumor properties and selective toxicity against various types of cancer cells (without harming healthy cells; Purdue University has conducted a great deal of research on the Annonaceous acetogenins family to which graviola belongs) much of which has been funded by the National Cancer Institute or the National Institute of Health.

Acidophyllis- rebalances intestinal flora (especially important when you’re taking a lot of medications.)

Multivitamins with Vitamin E

Calcium Supplement

IP-6 with Insositol- has been studied extensively for over 20 years; has powerful effects on the immune system.

Wheat Grass Juice- increases hemoglobin; rebuilds the blood; improves body’s ability to heal wounds; washes drug deposits from the body; neutralizes toxins and carcinogens in the body.

Green and White Tea- Chinese believe green tea is a cure for cancer and a longevity tonic; boosts immune system function; research being done all over the world and in the US by the National Cancer Institute re: anti-tumor activity. Both green and white tea are excellent antioxidants.

Website for researching herbs- Plant Database Raintree Nutrition

I used the guided relaxations/visualizations CD’s from the Stress Education Center-Dstress.com

1. #209 Stress Management for Pre and Post-op Survival

2. #208 Stress Management for Healing

Reference:

Health Update from SELF Magazine by Jennifer Nelson November, 2004

Ovarian cancer: a not-so-silent killer

“Early diagnosis is crucial. When disease is caught before it spreads, 80 percent of women will survive.”

by Barbara Ehlers-Mason, RN and L. John Mason, Ph.D.

Written in November, 2004, one year after the Surgery for Ovarian Cancer, in November, 2003

Stress Education Center (707) 795-2228 website: http://www.dstress.com

Source by L. John Mason

from Home Solutions Forev https://homesolutionsforev.com/barbaras-ovarian-cancer-story-part-ii/ via Home Solutions on WordPress from Home Solutions FOREV https://homesolutionsforev.tumblr.com/post/187451427000 via Tim Clymer on Wordpress

Barbara’s Ovarian Cancer Story Part II

Ovarian Cancer: Process and Survival

Post Surgery

Read Part I for information regarding diagnosis and surgery…

The next few weeks after my discharge from the hospital, were very busy. My sister, Nance, and my mom decorated the house and Christmas tree. My sister Lauren visited from Washington and cleaned, cooked and lent invaluable support to all of us. There were visits to the surgeon for follow-up and the oncologist for the initial visit. John and my sisters accompanied me. It was so very helpful to have someone else ask questions and write down information. It can be an overwhelming experience, especially when you’re a little “spaced out” on vicodin for pain management, as I was. I signed on to be part of a clinical study using different combinations of medications for eight instead of the normal six cycles. Laurie had brought a book with her that offered a lot of information on how to deal with an ovarian cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatments. One suggestion was to research clinical studies. There is a great deal of “cutting edge” research out there but you may have to hunt for it, do your homework, and bring the information to your doctor. My oncologist’s office was conducting a trial, I was accepted, and I was scheduled to begin treatment on December 21.

Even though I was dreading the whole process, I knew I had to approach it in much the same way I did the surgery, almost like an athletic event or a race. I wanted to go in as strong and as prepared as possible and with a better “attitude.”

Attitude is defined as a manner of acting, feeling or thinking that shows one’s disposition, opinion and mental set. We may not be able to control a situation, but we can choose our attitude about that situation- victim or fighter; passive or aggressive; depressed or striving toward joy and happiness; caught in the “why me’s” or searching for the “what can I learn from this.” With the help of many people and through much reading and research, my “attitude-adjustment” process unfolded.

A booklet entitled “Preparing for Chemo” suggests several things that I immediately put into action.

1) Get your hair cut short so that when your hair starts falling out, it’s less traumatic and won’t clog the shower’s drain. (This worked for the drains but I was still traumatized.)

2) If you plan to wear a wig, shop for it before starting chemo. My sisters and my dear friend and hairdresser Patty, helped with both of these steps. Watching my long hair fall to the floor was very hard and yet made me feel the tiniest bit more in control of what was happening to me. To my surprise, everyone loved my new hairdo. The compliments boosted my ego when I really needed it. Nance and Laurie accompanied me to the wig shop. Laughter is very good medicine-and we laughed a lot as we all played with the wigs before settling on two very nice ones. Four hundred dollars later I was armed with my hair prosthetics and a sore belly from laughing. At this writing, I am sporting my own very short hair after nine months of wigs and hats.

3) The booklet suggests having a dental check up and cleaning before starting chemo. Also important is giving your home a thorough cleaning and perhaps scheduling someone to come in once a week thereafter- a clean house can minimize exposure to infectious agents.

4) Building up strength through exercise and a good diet can help minimize some of the side effects of chemo. This booklet and other helpful literature, is available through oncology offices and offers good practical information. I also found the library and the internet to be good resources.

Shortly after my homecoming, from the hospital, I received a telephone call from Lindy, a volunteer with the Cancer Society (set up by my husband and the cancer support staff at the hospital.) She had been diagnosed and treated for Stage IIIc ovarian cancer seven years ago. Hearing from her gave me a real boost and some good tips for dealing with the upcoming chemo. She shared her experiences with surgery, hair loss and complete recovery! She is still cancer free! In addition to advice on make-up to camouflage the fact that one has no eyebrows or eyelashes, she told me how helpful acupuncture was for her. She felt that it really minimized some of the chemo side-effects and “rebalanced” her body’s energy. I had had a few sessions of acupuncture many years ago, and I immediately knew that this would be right for me. I believe in its efficacy and definitely feel the sessions have been very beneficial.

My first acupuncture session was four days after the first chemo treatment. The meds they gave me to prevent nausea worked very well. I didn’t have much of an appetite and felt a little achy and tired but the only real side effect I experienced was a terrible, hand-wringing itching and tingling in my hands and feet. Amy, my acupuncturist, has worked with several people undergoing chemo, is very knowledgeable, and had a good treatment plan in place for me. I scheduled to see her 2 days before and 4 days after every chemo session. After my first visit with her, I did feel better, more energized and the itching had definitely dissipated a good deal. She gave me some suggestions on supplements and some Chinese herbs to use.

The side effect of itching, burning and tingling is called neuropathy and is fairly common with the types of chemo protocol I was on. After my second and third sessions, the symptoms worsened! I turned to the internet to learn more about neuropathy and what, if anything, I could do about it. I found an article by Cindy H. Makencon, website: http://www.ovarian-news.org, entitled “coping-Tips for dealing with neuropathy.” She offered a great deal of helpful information including reports of studies on the benefits of taking fairly large doses of L-Glutamine Sulfate and Chondroitin. I forwarded this information onto Carolyn, the research nurse in charge of my clinical study, and she shared the information with the oncologist. I had already started taking L-Glutamine when I met with him. He had further researched and developed a new treatment plan for me which included large doses of L-Glutamine, a change in one of the chemo meds, and the addition of a medication called neurontin. The combination of all these things worked! The neuropathy gradually subsided and I’ve had no further problems.

I believe a few other factors contributed to my being able to handle the chemo pretty well. I continued to increase my exercise regimen, progressing to walking everyday and then back to the gym for step-classes, albeit modified, and lifting light weights. Exercise builds muscle strength, increases oxygen and blood flow and for me, was and is a real physical and mental energy boost.

I came across a book entitled: “Herbal Therapy & Supplements- a Scientific and Traditional Approach” written by Merrily A. Kuhn, RN, Ph.D. and David Winston, a herbalist and ethnobiologist. The book was part of an at-home study course that I needed to complete for my RN Continuing Education Credits. The book offers a comprehensive guide to many common and some less common herbs and supplements, their uses, adverse effects, contraindications, and drug-herb interactions. After careful research, I started using several herbs and supplements designed to minimize chemo side effects and boost my immune system. I was careful to use things that do not stimulate estrogen in the body as my cancer was estrogen-receptor positive. I started taking these supplements one or two things at a time in smaller doses in order to monitor any unfavorable reactions, before adding more. Most importantly, I notified my doctor that I was taking supplements and having acupuncture.

At the end of this article, I will offer a complete list of the supplements and herbs that I have been using and some information regarding the rationale for each of these additions.

For several months, our kitchen counter resembled a drug and supplement store. I had to write up a daily schedule of what to take when. It was worth it! Once the neuropathy was under control, I tolerated the remainder of the chemo treatments pretty well. I was able to work full time and exercise, and my appetite and energy levels were good. Physically, acupuncture, exercise, diet, and supplements were, and still are, valuable tools which helped me deal with the chemo and recover from its serious effects.

On another level, the emotional and spiritual aids were an even more powerful part of the healing process. Previously, I mentioned my visualizations regarding pre and post operative healing and seeing myself healthy and cancer free. Now, it was time to take it a step further and include it as a powerful adjunct to the chemo medications. Rather than seeing the meds as a poison, I started to visualize it as “nectar from the gods,” washing through me and being taken up by my immune cells as a potion to destroy cancer cells. A few weeks before my first treatment, I read an article about a young local girl who had battled cancer at age 16. She wrote a book about her experience and included her thoughts on seeing her chemo as “nectar from the gods.” I admired her outlook and incorporated it into my work. My husband, John, created a special tape for me to listen to while receiving the infusion of chemo. This guided exercise included relaxation, healing messages, and suggestions for picturing my immune cells taking care of things and using the chemo effectively. Before each chemo session, even before they started the IV, he would do a relaxation exercise with me. This ritual became a very important part of the process. By working on my “attitude” towards the chemo and by connecting with these parts of myself that can be powerful self-healers, I felt I was taking back control of what was happening. Feeling that you are part of the healing process instead of a passive receiver of medications etc., is very empowering.

Rituals and routines are very comforting, especially when you’re experiencing stressful times. My “chemo ritual” evolved from the very first session. The night before, I meditated and did my healing visualizations at bedtime. John drove me to the oncology center. I selected my chair and we settled in with his relaxation exercise. My sister, Nance, arrived bearing muffins and silly magazines. After visiting and chatting, John left for work and Nance and I munched muffins and laughed at the National Enquirer stories. About an hour before the infusion was completed, my brother, Tom, would arrive for a visit and to take me home. Somewhere in the session, my sister, Laurie, would call from Washington to check in and often John would “pop in” in his travels. I always had company and felt lovingly supported. Sabrina included me in her meditation every morning and my mom would stop by the day after the session for tea and a chat. Every three weeks from December 21 through May 27, we followed this routine. The nurses and my family got to know one another and we became a real team!

Returning to work seven weeks after surgery was another normalizing routine that made me feel like I was taking back my life. Except for the day of chemo and the following day, I have worked full time, feeling productive, healthy and normal. My co-workers have been very supportive and caring. They even threw me a graduation party to celebrate the completion of chemo.

Even before my last chemo, I was researching what to do to prevent a recurrence of the disease. I found information on a clinical study for Ovarex, a vaccine designed to prevent a recurrence of ovarian cancer. After many phone calls, letters and haggling with my insurance company, I was accepted into a study being conducted at Stanford’s Cancer Center in Palo Alto. It involved monthly infusions for the first three months and then every twelve weeks for the rest of the year, with routine labs and CT scans. I have experienced only mild side effects and feel fortunate to have access to one more tool.

This past year has been one of lessons for me. I would have preferred the “universe” had given me a gentle tap on the shoulder instead of this Giant Thump on the head to let me know I had things to learn about myself and how “I am” in the world. Here are some of the things I have learned from this experience:

1. Pay attention – perhaps if I had agitated more forcefully with my doctor that something was NOT right, she would have responded with more attention. LISTEN to your body and trust your intuition.

2. Don’t take anything for granted – people, job, health, hair. When you face the loss of these things, you realize how special people are, how the day-to-day routine of a job is a gift, how precious good health is and even how much better a “bad hair” day is than NO HAIR!

3. There are a great many sources of invaluable information out there through people, libraries and the internet. Taking advantage of these resources allowed me to create a comprehensive plan to restore my health and fight the disease using a combination of Western and alternative therapies.

4. We do have choices in how we deal with a crisis – probably the best choice for me was to reach out and ask for help. The more people I told about my health issues, the more positive energy came my way. I felt empowered rather than vulnerable and armed with my helmet (a wig, which, by the way, I got complements on) and my armor (acupuncture, supplements, chemo, prayers and visualization) I was ready to do battle. I was “Warrior Princess” instead of cancer patient.

5. Laughter is GOOD MEDICINE!

At this writing, my labs and CT scans are completely normal. I am back to my normal routines of work and exercise. I am sporting a “Jamie Lee Curtis” hairdo. I am excited about decorating and shopping for Thanksgiving and when we all come together, we’ll have a lot to be thankful for! Before we dig into our feast, I will be asking each person to write on a piece of paper, one thing that they are grateful for. Each of us will then withdraw one of these papers from the basket and try to guess who wrote the message. It will be easy to guess mine. I am grateful for all the love and support from my family and friends (with a special thanks to my son, Matt, and my husband for shaving their heads to support me and to my son, Mike, and his band for dedicating songs to me at concerts and their fund raising for the Cancer Society.) I am grateful for the prayers and best wishes that came my way from people I do not even know. I thank you!!! Well, of course, that’s more than one thing on my piece of paper but so what! It’s time to celebrate!

Happy Thanksgiving 2004 and celebrate every day of your life.

Barbara’s Complete Ovarian Cancer Fighting Supplement List:

Three Imperial Mushroom Capsules – available through acupuncture office

A) Reishi- Immuno stimulant: enhances immune system; use is sanctioned by the Japanese Health Ministry as an adjunct treatment for cancer; Increases activity of chemotheraputic agents and reduces adverse effects such as nausea, decreased white blood cell counts; helps protect the liver against damage caused by viral, drug and environmental toxins.

B) Shitaki- strengthens immune system response; improves survival times of cancer patients when used concurrently with chemo.

C) Maitake- best known for cancer fighting properties; many doctors in Japan use it to lower blood pressure and blood lipids; effective as an anti-tumor agent and immune system modulator.

Echinacia- used in Germany along with chemo in the treatment of cancer. May enhance white blood cell counts in persons undergoing chemo.

Cat’s Claw- reduces side effects of chemo; used in clinical practice in Europe for cancer & HIV; has important immune enhancing properties; helps increase the number of T-cells, the true soldiers of the immune system. In Austria, it is used together with conventional treatment (chemo, radiation &/or surgery) to treat hundreds of cancer patients per year.

Graviola- scientists have been studying this herb since the 1940’s – four studies were published in 1998 re: significant anti-tumor properties and selective toxicity against various types of cancer cells (without harming healthy cells; Purdue University has conducted a great deal of research on the Annonaceous acetogenins family to which graviola belongs) much of which has been funded by the National Cancer Institute or the National Institute of Health.

Acidophyllis- rebalances intestinal flora (especially important when you’re taking a lot of medications.)

Multivitamins with Vitamin E

Calcium Supplement

IP-6 with Insositol- has been studied extensively for over 20 years; has powerful effects on the immune system.

Wheat Grass Juice- increases hemoglobin; rebuilds the blood; improves body’s ability to heal wounds; washes drug deposits from the body; neutralizes toxins and carcinogens in the body.

Green and White Tea- Chinese believe green tea is a cure for cancer and a longevity tonic; boosts immune system function; research being done all over the world and in the US by the National Cancer Institute re: anti-tumor activity. Both green and white tea are excellent antioxidants.

Website for researching herbs- Plant Database Raintree Nutrition

I used the guided relaxations/visualizations CD’s from the Stress Education Center-Dstress.com

1. #209 Stress Management for Pre and Post-op Survival

2. #208 Stress Management for Healing

Reference:

Health Update from SELF Magazine by Jennifer Nelson November, 2004

Ovarian cancer: a not-so-silent killer

“Early diagnosis is crucial. When disease is caught before it spreads, 80 percent of women will survive.”

by Barbara Ehlers-Mason, RN and L. John Mason, Ph.D.

Written in November, 2004, one year after the Surgery for Ovarian Cancer, in November, 2003

Stress Education Center (707) 795-2228 website: http://www.dstress.com

Source by L. John Mason

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