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amethystina · 1 month

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Hi, I hope you're doing better! I was wondering what your take would be on Yohan's reaction to Ga On if he slipped into a coma after a serious attack or something. Because obviously there would be some abyss shenanigans, but do you think he'd be split into wanting to hover and protect Ga On while he's asleep or just getting revenge? Which do you think he'd prioritise and what do you think he'd be thinking?

I also just wanted to let you know that I find your work amazing, especially Who Holds the Devil and The Gentle Light. You mention how you're worried about letting us down with it, but I think you forget how much you've already given. It's not that we're expecting something and that you could disappoint us, but it is what you do that makes us love it more. The way you think and write are incredible, as is your perspective on the characters and their interactions. Thank you so much for all your hard work and effort!

Oooooh! That's a really interesting question! I think my answer, at least when it comes to the finer nuances, would depend on a) when this happens (i.e. during or post canon), b) if they know who might be behind it (because during canon it would be easy to assume it's Jung Sun Ah or the like) and c) what their relationship is at the time (i.e. are they still just coworkers or are they in a romantic relationship).

But, in broad strokes, I think Yo Han would prioritise getting revenge. Not because he doesn't feel a need to hover — he definitely would — but because he's a pragmatic, efficient, and goal-oriented person down to his core. Meaning that as soon as it's established that Ga On is in a coma and that there's nothing Yo Han can do to help him, Yo Han will admit that his time is best spent elsewhere.

After making sure that Ga On has the best care money can buy and bodyguards to protect him, of course.

The thing about Yo Han is that he can look past his own emotions and focus on what needs to be done in a way — and on a level — that few are capable of. Which at times makes him look rather unsympathetic, sure, but is honestly one of the ways he shows concern. Like, to him, just sitting there waiting for Ga On to wake up would probably feel like an insult to Ga On and Yo Han's devotion to him. Yo Han's instincts would tell him to DO something about it instead but, since he's not a doctor, his presence in Ga On's hospital room makes no difference whatsoever. Which means he'd decide it's better for him to focus on trying to catch and punish those who hurt Ga On.

That's not to say that he also won't spend as much time as possible hovering — especially if they're in a romantic relationship. This also depends a little on where Elijah is, but I wouldn't put it past Yo Han to — after a long day of chasing the culprit — make a habit of sleeping in Ga On's hospital room instead of going back to the house. Because Yo Han HAS to sleep eventually and so he might as well do it where he has Ga On close by.

What little time he doesn't spend chasing leads and making plans, he'd spend with Ga On.

And yes, this definitely means Yo Han wouldn't really be taking all that good care of himself, neither physically nor mentally. Like, if this is post-canon and he and Ga On are in some kind of relationship? Just IMAGINE how lost Yo Han would feel. It's clear, even in the drama, that Ga On's presence reminds Yo Han to be kinder and gentler, not just to those around him but also himself. Ga On often mentions how much Yo Han grounds him in Who Holds the Devil, but he doesn't seem to realise that it's the same for Yo Han. The only difference is the way they need to be grounded and what behaviour that grounding is preventing.

And a post-canon, lovestruck Yo Han who suddenly finds himself without Ga On's gentleness and kindness to soothe and calm him?

Yeah, that won't go well.

Not in a way that Yo Han would necessarily care about, though. Or, maybe more accurately, he'd decide it's worth the sacrifice to find whoever hurt Ga On. Even if he, deep down, would know that, no, Ga On would NOT agree with that. Ga On wouldn't want him to put himself or his humanity at risk. But that's not the same as actually having Ga On there to tell him to stop.

Like, to be honest with you, I think Yo Han might even end up being extra reckless and violent because some part of him hopes that means Ga On will come back to him sooner. As if he can force Ga On to wake up simply by doing the thing he knows Ga On hates. Maybe he's even punishing Ga On a little?

"Look at what you made me do, Ga On-ah, when you're not here to stop me."

"If you don't wake up soon, I'll do something even worse."

"This is what happens when you leave me."

Which isn't reasonable (or healthy) by any means — especially for such a calm and collected person as Yo Han — but he's also a frightened, abused child who never got to develop his emotions and social skills in a good way.

He's never been in love before.

He'd be so scared.

And desperation makes us unreasonable, especially when we're afraid we might lose someone we love. He'd grasp for whatever stability he can, especially since his usual anchor isn't there anymore. He'd look fine on the outside but, on the inside, he'd be a mess. There would be fear and pain and anger and helplessness and sorrow and hope and longing. And he wouldn't really know how to deal with all of that since, at that point, he's probably gotten used to processing most of his feelings with Ga On's — knowing and unknowing — help.

Yo Han, like many children with his history, is very adept at regulating his own emotions, mainly because he had to as a survival tactic. He probably learned from a young age which ones he was allowed to show and all the other ones were suppressed until he was out of his father's reach. He's also good at reading a room since that, too, is necessary for survival in a violent household. Granted that Yo Han now mostly uses those skills to manipulate and intimidate people, but he is well aware of emotions, how to curb them, how to influence them, and how to use them to his advantage.

What he doesn't know is how to process them in a normal and healthy way. But, in the drama, we see him begin to test the waters when it comes to using Ga On as a sounding board. He says things, sees how Ga On reacts, and gets clues on how a more well-adjusted person would process that information. And I think that's something Yo Han would continue doing, bouncing his emotions off of Ga On to see what's actually a reasonable reaction.

But, more importantly, to get validation. To see, with his own eyes, that his fear, hurt, anger, pain etc. is valid. Ga On feels it too, just from hearing of Yo Han's trauma so, clearly, it mustn't be wrong for Yo Han to feel that, too. It doesn't make him weak. He's allowed to feel that way.

I think that Ga On would become Yo Han's emotional lodestar. Which I wouldn't call healthy, exactly, but what about their relationship is? x'D

ANYWAY. The delicious consequence of this is, of course, that Yo Han is left directionless and adrift, with no way to properly handle all the very intense emotions he's feeling. And that probably means that when Ga On finally wakes up again (be it weeks or months later) Yo Han will be in such a state that the moment Ga On hugs him, he'll break.

Or, well, as close to breaking as you can get when you're Kang Yo Han.

All the emotions will come rushing to the surface since his brain just recognised that the person who usually helps him deal with all of that is back and so now it's safe to let it out, right?

Yo Han vehemently disagrees, I'm sure, because he's got a reputation to uphold! And he can't just suddenly break down in his sugar baby's arms! Especially since said sugar baby just woke from a coma and is still weak! This is so inconvenient!

Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of a choice.

Sucks to be you, Yo Han.

But at least he has Ga On there to hold him, kiss him, and make it better?

SO YEAH. Something like that, I guess? I think Yo Han would be HELLA worried but is also too goal-oriented not to choose to focus on revenge. He'd probably become incredibly restless if he didn't.

Thank you so much for your kind words 💜 To be honest with you, I often forget what I've already written. Not literally (I remember it with surprising accuracy a lot of the time) but it's sometimes difficult to remember that I've already written 400k when I always have to focus on posting the next chapter and then the next chapter and then the next chapter. I rarely get the time to sit down and just revel in what I've already written? Especially since I want the story to continue just as much as the rest of you.

And while the majority of the comments are absolutely lovely, I do sometimes get ones demanding new chapters or ones questioning the choices I make in the story (especially the length). They're definitely in a minority so far, but that doesn't stop the fear that, sooner or later, they'll become the majority.

And, more than anything, I fear the moment when I'll write a bad chapter. I don't even know what would constitute a bad chapter or what I would have to do for it to become one, but I'm still afraid of it.

Which probably isn't reasonable, but since when are our anxiety brains reasonable?

So I try my best not to think about it, and receiving such kind messages as yours definitely helps. Thank you 💜 I'm so very glad to hear that you like my works, especially my takes on the characters since that is (perhaps not so surprisingly) something I put a lot of effort into and take a lot of pride in, too. I LOVE these characters and want to do them justice by writing them as best I can, even if that means the fic ends up being the behemoth it now is because they cannot move faster than a glacier x'D

So yeah. Thank you so, so much. Both for the fun question and the encouragement. It means a lot to me :)

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sluttyten · 5 months

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The will to get out of bed this morning is just not there

#for one thing it’s 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside rn #and I have to go on deliveries this morning at work which I don’t particularly love under normal circumstances #but especially not today because it’s cold and I don’t know exactly where I’m going yet except to a few different schools around the city #some of which may potentially be in the not too great areas #also all of these deliveries are due at the same time which is impossible #and I am concerned that my manager is going to try to make me fill a position when I get back that I don’t think we should be running today #because we don’t have the people for it #but that doesn’t always stop him from making that decision

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minimoefoe · 9 months

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someone on twitter mentioned how the daughter troy allegedly has in 8b could be an adoptive daughter and not a bio daughter and I lowkey can't stop thinking about it bc I feel like that would solve all the problems/hesitations I have about troy having a kid

the idea of troy having a kid with someone just absolutely does not compute in my mind. like... troy getting with someone and potentially being in a relationship and then having a child??? genuinely baffling to me. and idk maybe that's just bc I have the s3 version of him in my mind and when we see 8b troy he'll be different enough that him having a kid would compute more? but rn something about that doesn't feel very troy

but the idea of him having an adoptive child, like maybe he had friends who had a kid and something happened to them and he made a promise to look after the kid or maybe it was even kinda he got lumped with looking after this kid and over time they got closer and now he thinks kf her as a daughter? idk I think something like that sounds wayyyy more interesting than him just having a daughter via some relationship he was in

#twd txt #troy otto #fear the walking dead #ngl when i first saw ppl talking about the daughter rumour i was like 😬😬 i dont think i have any interesting in seeing troy as a dad #and like..#to a degree i still am not fully on board with it #even tho man getting stuck with a kid to look after is a trope that i love a lot #i just didnt have that in mind when it came to troy #idk #i think its hard for me to decide how i feel fully rn bc we havent seen anything #its very possible that we'll see him in the eps and ill be like Yes i love thisgiving him a kid was a 10/10 decision #ALSO #bc we only have 6 eps of 8b and the odds of him being in every one is slim im like i wonder how good we're really gonna have it #like this is surely nlt ablut to become the troy show #theres other characters thatll be getting focus #i think my excitement at the fact we're 100% getting troy back outweighs any concerns i have like... hes gonna be on my screen again so #im HAPPY #i do have worries but i also have hope that itll be good #i havent even seen s6-8a yet lmao ive got a few eps of s5 to watch #i also see a random person on twitter speculate about there being another spin-off coming with some ftwd characters #featuring madison and strand or madisokn and troy maybe #and like i have zero idea how legit that speculation is like they could be absolutely waffling #but i would kill for a troy and madison spinoff like #that feels so insane and perfect that im like theres no way thats happening lmaoo #ALSO idek how legit that daughter rumlur is 😭 but from what i know of s8 there is a saving kids mission involved so it does make sense

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unawakening-float07 · 1 year

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i have this terrible habit of like showing no interest in men i believe are above my league. i just met up with this sexy, fit, older professor that i use to hook up with a lot and he constantly wanted to take me on a date but i’d always shoot him down. now he’s dating this super cute guy my age and they seem super happy and in a healthy relationship. a part of me really hates that i never took him up on it because just hanging out with him for like 30 minutes, i see how much we have in common but my fear is he would get incredibly bored of me so i just never gave it much thought. i do this with so many men.

#the fear is #these men are usually quite successful #like this guy is a professor and has fucking two houses in town #and travels a ton #there was this other dude that i was seeing that was in love with me #and he would go on about how he never met anyone with a mind like mine #but i never took him seriously because he was fucking loaded #like he lived in a penthouse in the richest part of town #and was never in town because he was always out of the country #the concern is i’m not super intelligent #i didn’t finish college and i have no degree #and i hardly make any money #so i always feel super embarrassed talking to these kinds of men about anything other than sex for like a few minutes #because i’m scared they’ll think i’m really stupid #i dunno i just remembered this #i shoot down a lot of dudes on grindr too for similar reasons

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queen-scribbles · 3 months

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🍋 🍍 🌽 🍷 for any OC you’d like!

I've been neglecting Eisza recently, let's go with her

🍋: What is your OC's most painful memory?

She actually doesn't have a lot. Given she was raised by an aunt and uncle* she knows something happened to her parents, but she was too young and doesn't remember them. She got along well with all her "cousins", left bc she wanted to see more of the galaxy than Tatooine, but they're all still around and she visits.

...I think the most painful thing for her is probably the Republic killing the other Hunt Champions at the end of Act 2? And not--she'll insist--bc of her one night stand with Bloodworthy (Mako doesn't 100% believe her)

🍍: Where does your OC feel most comfortable?

She's a sniper, and can't really turn off her hunter's instincts, so she's most comfortable when she can have a good vantage on a given room/situation. Whether that means being up high, or in a corner, or just somewhere she can see as much of the space as possible, that's when she's most relaxed. Even alone in her quarters, she's more comfortable sitting on the bed that's tucked against the wall than the couches in the middle of it.

🌽: How does this OC feel about acts of affection? What's their favourite act of affection, physical or emotional?

She comes from a big family, raised by an aunt and uncle who were both big huggers. She's ehhhh about physical affection until she's close to someone, so she'll sit in Theron's lap or hug Mako or let Koth slap her on the back, but more casual acquaintances she needs a personal bubble. Things like "I took care of X report" or "I handled Y for you bc I know you're busy" are always good though. Her favorite act of affection in the sense of showing she cares/trusts you is letting someone help with her face paint. Only Theron and Mako have ever gotten to that point.

HOWEVER, she's also very competitive, so another way is repeated challenges to some sort of contest. It means she sees you as a worthy opponent. Especially if you beat her and she challenges you again Jorgan .

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food?

Almost nobody spices stuff enough. It needs a KICK, it needs to make her nose run a little and her eyes start to water or it's too mild. (She and Keme would get along like gangbusters)

OC Asks

#oc asks #eisza merik #thank you!#*she's also p sure the 'aunt and uncle' are adoptive not bio since she doesn't look at all like either or them but can't prove that #far as she's concerned they're her parents tho #theron teases her a LOT about the not being able to turn off her hunter instincts #then she reminds him that's part of how she tracked him down so fast/knew he still loved her during the ''traitor'' debacle and he shuts up #jorgan kinda wound up one of her besties. so between that and the shared love of spicy food i kinda wanna write her and keme together #they would hit it off to a scary degree #lmao they're best friends with each other's husbands now i really wanna do it😂

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elytrafemme · 1 year

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i have had TWO successful interactions with my father today. this is unprecedented

#nightmare.personal #i like my dad but he's either never here or the most logistically complicated person to talk to #the fact that i was able to text him enter his room and grab (1) object without some colossal problem ensuing is nothing short of miraculous #usually my interactions with him are (1) me needing something from him which usually is problematic in some degree #(2) him giving me random useful objects which is kind of tedious but appreciated #or (3) him talking to me about my future or some kind of intellectually stimulating topic #sometimes he talks too much and dominates the conversation leaving it unsatisfying #but more and more he has shown a willingness to give me the reigns which helps affirm to him my worth as a human being #which i think is necessary to do every so often but not really anything i concern myself with doing regularly #i haven't fucked up around him very much recently i would say which has done wonders for our dynamic too #because now i'm like his highly valued daughter and he's someone who gives me useful information/resources #this is all to say trying to explain my relationship with my dad is complicated but it ultimately boils down to #extremely good for my intellectual and moral development. significantly lacking in the emotional department #ultimately though i'm old enough now that i don't really need to seek out paternal affection or mourn the lack of it #he's never committed any kind of egregious transgression against me and most of his love is shown practically #like when he defended me against my mom for being gay and radicalized her in one fell swoop. that was rather wonderful of him #i do think he loves me more than i love him but i don't think he needs love as a mediator for communication so ultimately we're fine #like i do love the guy but sort of as an afterthought and more so as a human being rather than a father or a good human being #you know? admiration of his existence and general uniqueness but not necessarily agreement with his beliefs or #a claim that he's a good father. that being said i do think he is a good father #does any of this make sense? i don't know i was trying to explain this to an IRL before #but it gets messy because my IRLs are concerned enough about me + this particular one has a far worse dynamic with her father #so it's not exactly easy for me to explain emotional absence to someone struggling from general absence #whatever. i got the thing from him now maybe i will consider doing my homework

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icarusdiesatdawn · 2 years

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I have never been in this much emotional distress watching a tv show and I do not know how to deal with it. Eating my pillow

#i think wang's mum is quite valid for her concern actually ...#maybe not the homophobia but the rest of these extremely odd circumstances .... oof #i can't believe he went to her like ''but mama i love him'' like... babe it's only been like a week #how did you THINK this was gonna go #i am so fucking stressed out over this #180 degrees longitude between us

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clericlost · 2 years

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thinking about writing up my will + ocd headcanon today instead of doing drafts :/ stay tuned

#out.#i have so many thoughts about it and it will probably be paragraphs long but it makes too much sense to me #given ALL of will's personal arcs down to minute details it just... yeah #it's so much about.. reclaiming his mind and body for himself yes but he can also get so paranoid #like. the mind flayer literally made him start forgetting everything about himself and his loved ones. his entire life #on top of highjacking his body #the stabilty of verifying reality becomes essential to his peace of mind. less so over time but Especially after s2 #unreality //#but then they Move to another state and everything changes and none of them are good but how far away he is from the upsiedown #but major symptoms would've started way back in s1 after the upsidedown first snatched him up #cleanliness and textures are a big concern when some monster put a tentacle down your throat #idk my brain is disintegrating rn but consider this a heads up on my portrayal bc #i've been ruminating on it since throwing this blog together but didn't want yet another one of my muses to have ocd lmao #but it just makes too much sense to me and has been Hovering over this blog like a backseat driver #to be clear i the mun have only struggled w intrusive thoughts / Very few compulsions on and off but do not have ocd #i've researched to varying degrees over like a decade thanks to my brother likely having it + having an oc back in the day w it #but i in no way am an expert and will be doing my best to portray it and things like this as respectfully as possible

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jekyllhasdonenowrong · 1 year

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I wonder who my favorite character is!

#jekyll fgo #fate grand order #i could talk about him and the story for hours #i love him so much #like #a lot #maybe to a concerning degree #merlin and lancelot are there too #but who cares about them?#Hyde's somewhere in there

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kaeyaphile · 2 years

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yes hello @technolilly your amazing response to my kaeya fic deserved it's own post because i woke up to it and ngl i wasn't originally planning on posting it but i got really good feedback on it from my friends and obviously i ended up doing so but — THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH I APPRECIATE YOU!!! 💗

#kayleigh.replies #i'm definitely not crying rn i promise it's just... raining on my face lmfao #i was so anxious to post it publicly but now i am glad that i did aaahhh #the fact that you said i wrote kaeya perfectly has me ahsjabsjdhsjsnka #it's because i absolutely adore and love and cherish him to a concerning degree tbqh #BUT YOUR COMMENT MADE MY DAY PROBABLY EVEN MY WEEK POSSIBLY MY ENTIRE MONTH OMFG #THANK YOUUU ❤️ 💖 💕#(not me suddenly getting the overwhelming urge to write more kaeya fic now omg i have so many ideas)

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coollyinterferes · 2 years

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****Do not reblog, please!!!****

//So, in regards to body shape and etc...

Essentially: He is always been fit and muscular, a trait he retains even in his old age, as his body is the kind that can easily burn fat and easily build muscle, too. However, with aging comes a bunch of things, such as decreased muscle toning/definition no matter how much you work out, meaning that his muscles are not as defined as they once were when he was young, but they still are pretty defined for a man his age (75, as pictured here, in his Battle Tendency self).

And, as stated before, it’s a similar matter with body fat. Young Speedwagon has little body fat since most of it he can burn it quite quick and easy, through workout and him being active literally all the freaking time (hence why he can eat copious amounts of food and not really gain weight -whenever he manages to eat actual copious amounts since money is almost always tight for Young Speebers, that is...-). Old Robert does burn a lot of body fat, too, but he retains some of it as a normal result of his body aging, and also due to him not being able to remain as active as he used to be when he was young (partly due to him aging, partly due to his job being a lot less hectic than a life of crimes, or the many and very physical activities he’d perform in his previous jobs, including some of the stuff he did in his oil company).

So, yeah. Young Robert is fit and all muscles. Old Robert is too -with a bit of love handles, tho-, but he’s quite fit nevertheless, esp for average man his age.

Art credit belongs to Susem on Twitter. Do NOT reblog this post (imma manifest in your house and steal ur kneecaps if you do >:u). Instead, go give the actual artist some love on their twitter!!! Just be aware that they post p*rn sometimes, in case you’re a minor or that’s just not your thing.

#;headcanon #;mirror (( body ref ))#;the meddler #[i'm dying at the thought of robert being even more self-conscious about his body when he gets old than when he was young]#[before he only had to '''worry''' about his scars]#[now he worries about his scars and his muscle mass not being the way it used to be]#[also - he's self-conscious about it but not to a Concerning degree]#[since we see him being kinda lighthearted about his own aging when Str/ai/zo and him meet at the beginning of part 2]#[meaning that this is mainly a concern he has when the time to show some skin comes. if that makes sense?]#[anyways. needless to say i love both version equally as much and yes i think they're both perfect 🥺💞💞💞]

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mrfoox · 8 months

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God Oliver was so much more fun when he didn't have a gf

#miranda talking shit #He went from being quiet and distant to being open and fun to being quiet and distant #I am sad. I guess it's bc I am not the type of person he trusts with that kinda stuff so it's like....#Ok.... As long as you're happy) :#I know it doesn't concern me ofc it doesn't but in my brain and world... If you love someone you talk about them with everyone you care #About. To different degrees sure but... Still...#Guess it just hurt not... Being trustworthy enough or whatever #I want to know about his life and how he's doing but... Nope I am not trusted with that I guess #I know he's an... When he finds someone he loves that's all he sees and cares about but like...#Maybe I should just stop trying. Idk why I'm sad I knew from day 1 he'd always be more important to me than I am to him

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nereidprinc3ss · 22 days

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in the dead of night

in which spencer wakes up in the middle of the night with an overwhelming desire to feel you

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: fem!reader, soft dom!spence (certified nereidprinc3ss classic), sub reader, fingering, piv sex, praise, overstimulation, cr**mp*e (god pls we need a new term) a/n: this is probably THEE most self-indulgent thing i've ever written. but.... lowkey favorite smut i've posted thus far..... i'm such a sucker for disgustingly sleepy needy sex. just.... read it and u will see.... and as usual i love you!!! PLEASE tell me what you think!! MWAH

When Spencer got home around one in the morning, he’d been too dead on his feet to do anything more than get undressed, fall into bed, pull you close, and pass out. Now he’s slightly disoriented as he stirs, pinned between sleep and wakefulness as he realizes how you’ve curled into his side—your face is buried in his shoulder to the point where he’s concerned about your access to air—but each warm puff against his neck assures him you’re breathing alright. One arm is slung haphazardly over his shoulder and your top leg is wound around his. Without thinking, his hand cups the back of your thigh, stroking the bare skin where it presses against his hip. You’re never so soft as you are in sleep; plush, easy, gentle. Spencer realizes with some degree of frustration that he has to fuck you. That’s why he’s awake, and he condemned himself to the fate of it as soon as he touched you.

Sometimes the impracticality of sex becomes so apparent he resents his own mammalian, biological drive to reproduce. It was never like this before he met you. You reduce him to nothing more than a primate doomed to follow its basest instincts. You make him feel stupid.

God, he loves you.

It’s with this in mind he drops his head to kiss your shoulder—a gentle sort of wake up call, as his hand snakes further around to your inner thigh and he presses his lips to your ear.

“Baby?” he murmurs, kneading the smooth warmth of your leg. It doesn’t take much to wake you up. He thought after you’d been staying at his apartment on a semi-regular basis you’d begin to sleep through him getting up and coming home at odd hours, but if anything, you became more sensitive to the floor creaking or the mattress dipping.

“Hm?”

His fingers brush the fabric of your underwear. Your hips twitch.

“Is this okay?”

You inhale deeply, readjusting your arms around him and nodding into his chest.

“I need yes or no, angel.”

“Yes, please.”

The words aren’t desperate. They’re sleepy, mumbled, maybe even a little annoyed that he’s making you jump through hoops. The corner of his mouth twists in amusement at your perfunctory politeness and the way it poorly disguises your habitual impatience.

“Thank you,” he says, rewarding you with his fingers pushing between your folds through the fabric. You say nothing more as he unhurriedly rubs your clothed clit, but he feels the way your breath catches for a moment—before pouring out in one deep tide. He presses slightly harder, transitioning from passes to slow, tight circles that elicit the tiniest, sleepiest moans. This goes on for a while until your hips begin grinding in isolated circles, chasing his hand.

“Touch it,” you beg quietly. He can feel how damp you are through the fabric and realizes he was probably torturing you for several minutes, but sometimes he just gets so lost in touching you it becomes almost meditative. He pulls his hand away and snakes it between your bodies, sliding beneath your underwear and dragging his fingers over your puffy clit. You whimper but he quickly gets distracted when he realizes just how wet you actually are. Spencer sinks his fingers into you and moans lowly at the sound, rubbing at a spot deep inside you and rutting his palm against your clit rather than pumping his fingers.

“Breathe,” he reminds you when he realizes how still and silent you’ve gone. A small amount of air escapes in a tremulous little cry as your hips roll gently against his hand—whether to escape the sensation or get closer is unclear. “You’re all wet, baby. Were you touching yourself before I got home?”

“Mhm,” you hum weakly against him. “Couldn’t come.”

Spencer feels like he could finish at the thought alone—the nightly phone calls while he’s away occasionally devolve into desperate phone sex and he’s gotten off to the image of you playing with yourself in his bed on more than one occasion.

“We’ll make you come,” he promises, dragging his fingers from your soaked heat with bated breath.

He pushes your underwear down first, until you can kick it off your feet (you’ll have to search for it between tangled sheets tomorrow) and then his own, inhaling sharply through clenched teeth as his cock brushes your tummy. Spencer hoists your bent leg further up his body, exposing your cunt a little more and reaching underneath your thigh until he can guide himself between them.

The head of his cock pushes between your folds momentarily before he’s teasing your swollen clit, slipping the underside of his tip over it in lazy, noisy circles until you whine.

“Stop it,” you beg, voice still strained with sleep, “need it inside.”

“You’re right, baby, I’m sorry,” he croons, pressing his lips to your hair as he notches his cock at your dripping entrance and slowly begins to push in. “You’re being very patient—”

He cuts himself off as the two of you moan in filthy harmony. You’re so worked up for him, so defenseless in your half-unconscious state that he slips in with far less resistance than usual.

“Fuck, me,” he groans under his breath, hissing and bucking his hips when you tighten around him and cry out. He shuts his eyes and thinks of the Goncharov conjecture in an attempt to control himself; the i-th cohomology of the complex is isomorphic to the motivic cohomology group—and then he’s fine. He’s at least learned to stop rattling off mathematical paradoxes out loud during sex. “You okay?”

The only answer you have for him is an indecipherable whine that makes his chest ache. He rubs your thigh in sweet, soothing passes.

“I know, I’m sorry.” A thought occurs—he chuckles breathily, seeing stars as you throb around him. “You never let me in that easily.”

“Mm,” you squeak, gripping his shoulder hard enough that it aches and he truly couldn’t care less, “you feel good.”

He exhales shakily, pulling out slightly before grinding his hips even deeper into yours.

“Yeah? So do you, sweet girl.”

“Fuck,” you whimper, and he takes it as a sign that you’re ready to be fucked. Spencer’s not thinking about a whole lot as he withdraws all the way and you clench around him desperately—but somewhere in the back of his mind he’s realizing how much he loves your dirty mouth. When he was younger and dumber, he thought he’d prefer a girl who was soft-spoken and rarely (if ever) cursed. Now that he’s had you, he realizes how compelling and endearing the contrast of your soft voice is when you’re swearing like a marine.

“God, I missed you,” he breathes into your hair as he leisurely finds the right pace and you melt against him. “I missed how soft and wet you get for me,” Spencer admits gently, eyes screwed shut as he rambles from a place of profound affection and not at all thinking clearly, “and I missed how you cry when you need it so bad it hurts, and I missed how sweet you are when you let me fuck you right after I get home and you’re so tired, just like this. You’re always so good, honey, I don’t know what I did to deserve you—” You whine and clench so hard around him it becomes an effort to push back in, and he groans as he realizes you’re already coming. “Good girl, baby. Holy fuck.”

That last part is more so whispered to himself, but he can’t help it as he feels you painting his cock with your release. You’ve never come this quickly before, and he slips his arm beneath the crook of your knee, pulling up and granting himself more access to fuck you harder and faster. You moan brokenly, sinking your nails into his back.

“‘m sorry. That was—I didn’t mean to.”

“No,” he quickly assures you, breathing hard, “that was so good, baby. It was perfect. Don’t apologize.”

It seems the brief window between climax and over-stimulation has passed, and a gasp falls from your dropped jaw, arching into him as your body unconsciously tries to find relief from the sensation.

“Oh, god, Spencer, I—”

“You can take it, we’re getting close,” he promises. Not a demand, but meant as encouragement. “Do you think you can come for me one more time?”

“I don’t know,” you slur, the words rising to squeak.

“I think you can. Come on, show me how you were touching yourself earlier.”

You whimper, but slide your hand from his shoulder and push it between your bodies. A gasp accompanies the jolt of your muscles as you make contact with your clit, probably demanding too much of it. Soon, however, the conflicted mewls melt into a rhythmic string of delicate, short moans, so pretty it’s like a practiced song. Spencer’s brain, usually overflowing with words, is nothing but a void of swirling fog—each of your perfect sounds, a little burst of light. Soon he’s making noises of his own, which you obviously adore if the way you tense around him is any clue. Usually he sublimates them into words, but he’s too tired, and you feel too good. Your combined moans, along with the sound of him fucking you and the sheets moving over skin make for a truly dirty soundscape.

“Will you come inside me?” you beg breathlessly, and he can feel the movement of your hand speeding up as you get desperate. He sucks in a breath through his teeth at your plaintive request—the words bring him that much closer to finishing.

“Yeah, baby. I’m—fuck, I’m not going to last.”

“Spencer—” and somehow, when you say his name like that, he knows exactly what you want. He bows his head and finds your lips, mostly blind in the dark, kissing you messily until that split second where his grip on reality becomes tenuous before the building pressure finally bursts. Multicolored fireworks explode behind his eyes as he moans against your lips and continues fucking you through his orgasm in strong thrusts for as long as he can. Thankfully you finish again just as he’s running out of steam. He rubs the spasming muscles of your thigh deeply as you writhe against him in your typical push-pull style—you don’t know what you want and it’s his job to hold you still and make you take it. After a moment you quiet down, stilling in his arms except for the continued expansion and contraction of your lungs. “Oh my god,” you breathe. “I can’t believe I did that. That’s so embarrassing.” Spencer chuckles breathily—kisses your forehead with his eyes still shut and slips a hand under your shirt to rub your back.

“Why is it embarrassing? I liked it.”

“I have never—it’s never been so fast! It’s not supposed to be!”

“Why not?”

You huff.

“You’re the man. Men come too quickly. Not me.”

“I’m sorry you had to have two orgasms instead of one. Next time we’ll make sure you don’t come so we can even it out.”

You bury your face in his shoulder once more, immediately softening.

“No! I take it back.”

“I thought you might.” His hand slides down your back, squeezing your ass affectionately. “Let's rally. We need to clean you up, angel.”

The pillow muffles your voice as you say, “I can’t. I’m asleep.”

“Can I record you saying that for playback in the morning when you ask me why I let you go to sleep with my come inside of you?”

“Spencer, I am seriously not moving. You woke me up. This is not a me problem.”

That makes him laugh, and he presses his lips to yours softly. After a long moment of his mouth moving slowly against yours, a needy little whine rushes from your nose, and it becomes evident he’s successfully kissed the attitude from you.

“You were so good, honey,” he murmurs against your lips. Another (shorter) kiss. “Did so well. I’m proud of you, baby.”

A second soft whimper from you as you chase his lips and he gives in once, briefly—knowing he can’t make you get up after this. How could he do that to such a sweet girl when she’s obviously completely exhausted? Jesus, you have him whipped. He recognizes that. And he made peace with it a long time ago.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll clean you up.”

“Thank you,” you mumble, already slipping back into unconsciousness like you knew you’d get your way. Knowing your boyfriend, you probably did. “I love you.”

“I love you. Even though you’re a princess.”

You laugh.

Ten-ish minutes later, once he’s done the best he can cleaning you up and is throwing the covers back over both of you, you startle him slightly by speaking. He thought you’d been asleep.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” you sigh dreamily, snaking your arms around him once more. Spencer’s cheeks heat up at the memory of the praise he’d shamelessly lavished upon you not long ago. He’s glad you’re barely awake, because he’s too flustered to think of a response.

He loves it when you do that.

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