Scaramouche: Your existence is irritating.

Nahida: How so?

Scaramouche: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me.

creator tag meme

The lovely @softlass27 tagged me to do this and I am literally only seeing this now, on January 3rd. But what is time anymore? Right? And she’s also the reason her ask about my fic “letting go” has popped back up. Was that really only in September that I answered that? Seriously, what is time? 

Also... yeah I didn’t really write a lot this year. I usually write a fair amount, especially with my own original stuff too, but I just didn’t have it in me this year. My biggest problem (if you consider it a problem) is I love angst and character studies and really digging in to characters and allowing them room to speak their truth or really explore something that canon leaves unexplored. If you will. And in this year of the pandemic and staying at home and all the constant anxiety around that, I just didn’t have the emotional endurance to write a lot of the things I wanted to write. So... just know that I didn’t write a lot this year. 

1. finding one’s footing 

Summary: Two years after Robert is sentenced to prison, he comes home to Emmerdale. Unfortunately it's not that simple as Robert struggles with the anxiety and stress of leaving prison, his mind reverting him back to his post-shooting days, and Chas trying to run him from the village. She's understandably upset at how much Robert hurt Aaron, but Aaron's more closed off than Robert has seen him in years. Robert's desperate to find a way to mend things with Aaron, if only to be friends, but he's not sure he'll be able to with Aaron's strange attitudes towards him, Chas angrily coming at Robert for so much as breathing, and his own struggles.

Reunion 3.0 - Very Robert-centric as he works to rebuild himself and the relationships he "ruined" years ago. Will eventually lead to Aaron/Robert reunion.

I literally cannot believe that this was started at the beginning of the year. And I also can’t believe that I haven’t written anything for it in months. Oops. I still really love this fic idea and really being able to dive into Robert’s frame of mind after being released from prison and really trying to readjust to life again and also just sort of facing the things he tried to avoid in prison. I just love all fics where Robert gets to really voice what he wants or needs and / or fics where Aaron fights for Robert. Plus I cannot wait to write the scene were Robert basically yells at Chas and Paddy for treating Aaron like absolute shit after he was arrested. 

2.  waiting 

Summary:  It’s been two years and Aaron’s still waiting. Literally ever since he found out Robert had been released and on his way to Emmerdale. Reunion 3.0 that is really sappy…

I honestly forgot I even wrote this! (What is this year?) And I just realized that I never cross posted it to ao3 so I’m gonna have to do that this week. But I just really love reunion fics or fics where they’re just happy together. I know that seems contradictory to what I wrote above, but it’s true? And I mean, this isn’t entirely all fluff there’s definitely some emotional angst here because it wouldn’t be my fic if there wasn’t. 

****

And so we come to the end of what I actually wrote this year. Like I said... it wasn’t a lot and that’s totally cool. You gotta just live and let live, you know? But I figured I’d add a few projects / things I’m working on and want to work on for 2021. To sort of even it out in a sense.

1. finding one’s footing

Yeah. This is definitely on the list of things I want to work on this year. I really hate having unfinished works out there and usually don’t start posting a fic until it’s written or almost entirely written just in case things happen in my life and I just can’t get to writing on it. But I was really excited about this fic and wanted to post it as I went. And then the pandemic hit and all my creativity and writing drive disappeared. I do hope to continue it and make progress on it / finish it this year. 

2. letting go  sequel (commentary ask on the sequel)

It’s not secret that people have been wanting a sequel to this fic since basically the second I posted it. And to be totally honest here, I was a bit worried to write it back then because I knew it was going to be not as pro-Liv as I thought people wanted. I didn’t want to bash her or Aaron at all, but I was afraid that people would be really upset at me for daring to question Aaron or make him actually confront the fact that his sister got his boyfriend arrested and Aaron literally seemed to not understand why Robert was upset. And I was really new to writing in the fandom so I didn’t want to cause any disturbances. But now it’s been a few years and I no longer am that concerned about it. People who want to read it will, and those who don’t won’t. And if I get some drama and hate for it, well that’ll be exciting wouldn’t it? My last hateful anon was about Supernatural which was WILD. 

3. 2017 rewrite where Robert finds out he’s got a secret kid after Aaron goes to prison. 

So I’ve written a few snippets of this verse and just really love the idea of dad!Robert and thought that he was the perfect character to have a random kid turn up and turn everything upside down. So I wanted to write one and while there’s so many times that this will upset everything... I figured when Robert was frayed at the seams and Aaron’s in prison and Liv’s acting up was the perfect time for this kid (who’s Noah but not Charity’s kid cause I didn’t want to make up a new kid... *shrug*) to turn up. This is going to have a much healthier relationship between Liv and Robert because as much as she annoys me now, they had such potential in this storyline to actually build Robert and Liv up to being something of a father/daughter unit since they never were going to go there with Aaron. And the drama / tension for Aaron when he is released and for him to see that relationship and the relationship that Robert now has with this kid who Aaron doesn’t know... it’s my favorite kind of tension. 

4. Pub Share AU 

So it’s not really written in any real way, but the general idea is that Robert does end up buying Diane’s half of the pub in 2015-2016. This leads to Aaron and Robert sort of becoming friends of a sort even though Chas hates that Robert’s there. It’s just basically a small rewrite of the 2016 and trial era where they’re already friends and just the tension of living and working around someone you still have intense and complicated feelings for and sneaking around and the also slow burn of enemies (ish) to friends to lovers is just really good. 

5. And I’m honestly probably going to end up writing a Supernatural fic because that’s just who I am now and what I’m about where Dean ends up adopting Claire and Jack in a non-hunter AU. 

Look, I’m going to level with you all... I played The Witcher 3 this year and now all I care about is writing about kids being happy and my favorite characters learning to be fathers. I can’t help it... I just love the idea of this fic because I adore Claire. And after the resurgence of Supernatural in a sense, I remembered how much I love Dean (though he is hitting a bit closer to home now that I’m over 30... but we’re not going to get into that.) 

So yeah... that’s that. It’s not really what it was supposed to be... but I answered it. That counts right? 

I do have plans to work on and/or finish some of these this year but I cannot guarantee anything. I also am just going to let my inspiration and muse take me where it wants to go and work on whatever I want to work on in the moment. I might try to do some more wip wednesday snippets (when I actually start writing again) so anyone who follows me can see what I’m actually working on and just to try and get back into the habit of actually working on my stuff.  💖

Okay so we all know who your top ships are... who are your unpopular ships? Or obscure ships? What characters from what series do you think about often in either good or bad ways? Who is a character that you hate that others love? If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

Ok I am digging through my brain right now bc if I’m not able to hyperfixate on something then I tend to forget I even liked it. Ok buckle in bc this is gonna be long af. YOU ASKED FOR THIS, REG.

I’m putting a readmore so as not to torture my followers lol

Thinking about Veronica Mars. About Veronica/Logan. Do they have a ship name?? But I love that show and i was THERE for them. They were kind of a surprise ship for me, in that when they got together I was like, wait, WHAT? Like I was totally caught off guard. But there first kiss is, like, sooo romantic to me haha. It’s my fave scene in the show. But Logan is suck a prick sometimes. And they break up like every five minutes. And every season Logan gets accused of murder which of course he ends up not being the murderer. And they get back together eventually and I’m like really? But deep down I am rooting for them lol. I really enjoyed the new season of Veronica Mars that came out last year, actually. The ending made me SO SAD THO.

I also used to watch Supergirl and I thought Kara and Mon-El were adorable. He was very Carswell Thorne-esque, RH, I *think* you would like him. I never watched past season 3(?) though, and he shoots off into space and I never caught up so a few months ago I actually googled what happens and [spoiler] he ends up marrying someone else in the future or something so I was like, ok I’m not investing any more time in this show lol. (Also I had to google Mon-El’s name just now bc i forgot which is a bad look BUT I WAS REALLY RIDE OR DIE FOR THEM FOR A WHILE lol). Also I loved Martian Manhunter in this show, he was my favorite character. But the CGI for him was awful, omg. He had practical makeup at first, they should have just stuck with that.

Speaking of Martian Manhunter, I also used to watch Young Justice and loved Miss Martian/Superboy. Am I basic??? lol oop. But I love basic love stories. Anyway, I thought they were super cute. In season 3 though they’re kind of on the rocks. I haven’t watched season 4. I also loved Artemis/Wally West, but of course that had to end tragically.

Also, let’s talk about Nightcrawler. Allow me to set the scene. Little Kat is 13 and just rediscovered the cartoon she saw a few times as a kid called X-Men: Evolution. And thus, a weird obsession with the German, blue demon boy began. I loved Kurt Wagner. In the cartoon he starts a relationship with Amanda Sefton and I thought they were a-dor-a-ble. She accepted him for who he was, and they had a really nice healthy relationship. A lot of ppl shipped him with Kitty too which i am honestly all for idec I JUST WANT THE BLUE BOI TO BE HAPPY.

Can we talk about A:TLA too??? Like, obviously Zutara, amiright? Power couple. Like, Kataang is.. fine, but its probably my least favorite part about the ending, haha. Also, consider: Tokka. Toph is bae and can get anyone she wants, and she clearly had kind of a crush on Sokka and I think they could have been awesome. It actually kills me that they never say who Lin and Suyin’s father is in LoK. I had a whole theory that it was that kid The Duke from Jet’s band based on like 2 scenes from the series. There’s a tumblr post I made about it somewhere in the ether lol.

I also just remembered Tahnorra (Tahno/Korra) from Legend of Korra. It’s hard for me to explain this one. It’s a weird combination of being hyperfixated on the first season of the show when it came out, and I think I stumbled upon some fic or something???? And I thought Tahno was hot or something??? And FUN FACT, he was voice by Rami Malek BEFORE HE WAS COOL. So like before Rami really got big I knew who he was. He also basically played the Avatar in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 and I thought that connection was hilarious. It was kind of a problematic crack pairing but there was one author in particular whom i follow to this day hoping she’ll update her Tahnorra fics…. *sigh*

Okay one last ship…. I used to be ride or die for Outlaw Queen in Once Upon a Time (aka Regina/Robin Hood). Like, before TLC, I had a personal tumblr renaissance for that ship alone. My only existing published fanfic is for that ship. Taylor Swift’s 1989 came out that year and I related every dang song to that ship. I loved Regina so much and I just wanted her to be happy. That show is a dumpster fire, though, and spat all over my hopes and dreams. *sigh*

Also, lightning round for obscure pairings I ship and/or never talk about:

Frank Castle/Karen Page (The Punisher) ok this one isnt that obscure but I never talk about it… but the pining, oh god the pining

Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth (GoT) THEIR 5 SECONDS TOGETHER ARE THE ONLY WORTHY PART OF SEASON 8. everything after that never happened

I already listed Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (FMAB) as a top pairing previously but I feel the need to mention it again bc it was for real my OG OTP… LIKE U WANNA TALK ABOUT PINING…. *sobs*

Percy/Annabeth (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) This used to be my fave book series and i loved how their relationship developed over the course of the books

Neville Longbottom/Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter) ok can we TALK ABOUT THIS??? They were both badass misfits and they were perfect for each other. But noooo JKR has to announce they marry some nobodies…. this is the only change the last movie did right

Midna/Link (Zelda: Twilight Princess) I honestly have no explanation for this lol

Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi (Star Wars) CAN U IMAGINE if anakin had a proper father figure and didnt have to abandon his mother to slavery

Obi-wan/Satine…. (Star Wars: The clone Wars) we know whats up

OK, to answer some of your other questions: character I hate that others love. HMMMM…….

This one seems too easy/obvious but Professor Snape? Like obviously there’s already a ton of discourse surrounding this but he was gross, mistreated his students for years, committed atrocities, couldn’t get over his high school crush, and we’re supposed to believe he’s a hero in the end and HARRY WOULD NAME HIS SON AFTER HIM….. uh no. “Always” is gross.

I’ve literally been wracking my brain for days and I can’t think of any more characters for this. OK I did some googling and I remembered some LOL.

Ross from friends…. I literally can’t stand him. He’s so entitled and just the worst. He tries to act like he’s the nice, sensitive guy, but really he is so full of himself. Joey on the other hand is portrayed as a womanizer but is actually super sweet and I love him

Archie from Riverdale… I have only seen the first 1.5 seasons ish but he is the worst…. we’re supposed to believe he’s some easygoing musically gifted football player but instead he manages to pull off being bland as heck and actually kind of a terrible garbage person

Nick from chilling adventures of Sabrina. I hate characters that are like hitting on the main character even though she has a bf and are like dark and broody and sexy blah blah blah…. I liked Harvey way better. I never finished season 2 tho

Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time? Idk she was fine she just got old after a while

If you could rewrite a story or part of a book, what would it be and what would you do differently?

HM. First, Harry would name his son Remus Rebeus Potter LOL. Ok but real talk there was a headcanon floating around forever ago that Harry should have become a professor at Hogwarts instead of an auror and I am 100% on board

Ok, ok….. what abouuuttt…… OK, is star wars when Han and Leia get together. I like them as a couple, but the entire first half of the movie Han is being such an ass. And when they kiss the first time, he’s being SOOO creepy. It’s like so quintessentially 80s romance. and HERE’S THE THING. They actually filmed (or maybe just wrote?) a version of that scene that WASNT CREEPY. And i’m like WHY DIDNT YOU USE THAT?!? So I like to pretend that’s the version that actually happened.

This part is way harder than the shipping portion. If I think of anything else i’l dm you. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING THIS NOVEL LENGTH POST OF ME RAMBLING ABOUT MY FIXATIONS OVER THE LAST 10 YEARS. If anyone actually read this far, you deserve a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket

This is a Bias List. Because I am Biased, and also a Follow Forever. For reasons. Mostly that April hit a milestone and that’s friggin’ amazing in my book.

So I have to start with @darcywho who has been my main and exclusive Darcy since... well actually since I took April from the private rpc into the independent rpc something like four or five years ago. I know Mariah IRL (and will soon be living within easy driving distance of her)-- and basically. Mariah is bombtastic. She’s hella smart and funny, and when I’m having a crappy day (or given how the beginning of this year went, a crappy year) -- she texts me incessantly to talk about what Darcy is doing, and what April and Darcy should be doing, and I have so much character history, and Important Events, and developmental experiences just from talking and writing with Mariah, that I honestly don’t think April would be the character she is, without having had Darcy’s mitigating influence. We’ve just done so much that we’ve reached a point in our friendship and writing relationship where I literally feel as if Mariah could write April, and do her justice and vice versa. If y’all don’t follow her already, you should get on that because seriously, she is the absolute best take on Darcy Lewis that I have ever encountered in the Marvel RPC, and I know the PC rp com is going to jump down my throat for ‘making comparisons’-- but again. THis boo is my main and exclusive Darcy Lewis, also I do whut I want. @scarsearned MANGOOOOO. Okay so funfact; this brat used to have a diff url and we chat on dis/cord and it STILL took me like three days to realize on tumblr they were the same person. I FOLLOW YOU ON FOUR BLOGS MANGO. THis is what you signed up for all those years ago. I’m sorry. SO TO THE POINT! Mango has a bevy of blogs she runs, I met her when she wrote almost exclusively on Rummers here, and what I say ‘met her’ I mean I started sending her asks talking about Brock Rumlow, reread her rules and realized she had a password, at which point we were already talking over Skype, and then I sent in her password and she teased me relentlessly for it. (I deserved it, I’m a total goob)-- Mango is right up there with Mariah in terms of IMPORTANT character development shit. Mango writes a CANON DIVERGENT Brock Rumlow, and has put so much time into developing him, I think Marvel should give her a fuckin’ job. She’s also like... insanely smart. I say this as someone who likes to play at being really intelligent. Mango talks and I feel like I’m back in grade school and I want to hide myself away in shame. So obviously it’s no wonder we ended up shipping. (Actually no, I still have literally no idea how or why THAT happened tbqh I’m a fuckin’ potato) -- but Mango and Mariah go hand in hand because I introduced them and now their Brock and Darcy are inextricably linked forevermore as siblings and it’s fuckin’ A Plus. @russkiyuragan YET ANOTHER PERSON I MET BECAUSE OF MANGO. But also hella quality child of canon OC. Like, legit we started talking because Mango dragged us into a group rp and it turned into us mutuall talking about character development and now basically Seamus is one of April’s smols. Even though he really ISN’T one of hers. She’s basically claimed him as a child who needs mothering and dammit she is going to give him all the mothering ever. Even if he doesn’t need or want it. AND BASICALLY THEY ARE A FUCKING SWEETHEART WHO NEEDS ALL THE FUCKING LOVE because they’re really insanely smart and super sweet and friendly and I heart them. @phxtxn PHIL!!! OKAY SO I MET PHIL IN A CLOSED RPC FOR-FUCKING-EVER AGO. And immediately Genis and April butted heads. (He destroyed like half her office, ruined a couple PRICELESS books and then offered to buy her lunch in apology. Suffice to say April was less than impressed) -- except over the years, they’ve gotten really close. Occasionally Phil and I delve into the divergent canon where April and Genis actually end up romantically involved but it always ends in heartache because April is bad at being happy and Genis is bad at... well.. mitigating April’s more extreme bouts of self-loathing. BUT they are exceptional friends and Phil has a fantastic knack for finding the fun and funny in every situation and driving April absolutely UP A WALL. Phil’s also another rp partner I dragged into the collective with Mariah, because I like it when my writing partners all write together because I’m a spoiled princess. Phil’s a total sweetheart though and his Genis Vell is motherfucking spot on. He’s spent a lot of time with the character and it shows, but he also understands pragmatic, human interactions from a writing sense so it’s always a joy when we write together or chat. @askprofessorx NAAAAYYAA -- Naya’s another of those rpers I sort of. Grew on. Like a fungus. I wooed her with poetry first and then introduced her Charl to April and what I consider to be one of my more beautifully painful plot ideas. It involved time travel and the overhanging possibility of April dying. And because April was from the modern era trying desperately to get back, it was that much more painful when she started developing connections. And basically Naya and I plotted everything out over IMs and asks and now we have the most ridiculous tiny person ship in the history of ridiculous ships and Naya’s Charles is like... the cornerstone of my favorite Charles’s. She’s got this beautiful grasp of our fave telepath’s charming flirtatiousness and paired with the very Serious way he views morality and the world, which combined with April’s general cynicism (and it should be noted, our mutant verse involves April being a touch-telepath who can’t actually touch people without destroying their brains because control? what is that)-- and you have an April experiencing her worst fear. Which is not being in-control of herself. It’s beautiful and Naya is beautiful bean. @iremembereveryonethatleaves AHAHAHA Lilo was the first  ‘child’ April ever like. Accidentally adopted. And it happened entirely because of my age of aquarius verse, wherein instead of April seeking out Charles Xavier, she looked for Magneto instead. She found him. And his kid. And I literally have no idea WHY OR HOW April ended up becoming surrogate mom to Lilo since there’s no rational reason for Magneto getting along with April who is a cynical, borderline nihilist with Serious Rage Issues. But-- April and Lilo. Mommy and daughter and just. LITERALLY ALL MY HEART AND LOVE FOR THIS PERSON WHO MADE WRITING MUTANT APRIL FUN AND NOT PAINFUL. Until you (you asshole) made it painful. I still go through our tags to read all th angst, and I didn’t do it half so well as you and Tori did so.. @actually-i-prefer-magneto frick me so apparently I did my mutant crew in a triumvirate.  The flipside of the age of aquarius verse, where April found Magneto instead and became part of his Brotherhood. Because who wouldn’t have a need for a hyperpolyglot, with genius level intelligence and touch-telepathy? Magneto knew what he was getting out of the bargain, I just don’t think he expected April Miller. TBQH. Nobody ever expects her which is great, and this basically started as an incredibly painful, probably tragic plot that I had (sort of) intended to result in April’s death and it didn’t go that route. Like. At all. probably because these two babes understand that good angst is hard to come by and with the persistent low-hanging threat of April’s head getting blown off, or even worse, her returning to her own time, it meant that every interaction was always charged with a lowkey kind of desperation and tension.  Even when Erik and April got that ‘happy’ ending. It took an actual fucking lifetime to get there. And the best thing about Kristy is that she’s smart as fuck, I seem to surround myself with people who make writing look easy, and whose ability to thread together a long arching plot is so absolutely bafflingly amazing I am often struck stupid. @captain-outoftime AaBbbbYyyyYyy. So like- I met Abby through Mariah. Abby is the Steeb to Mariah’s Darcy. They’re hitched. It’s great. April helped Steve propose to Darcy even though April seems to have a PERPETUAL ISSUE with Steve Rogers that defies all explanation. IDK-- it’s probably something to do with the fact that April is a giant pain the ass and a tiny, fight-y blonde? WTF knows. Steve tolerates April. Abby tolerates me. Abby is a goddess. Beautiful, smart, funny as fuck, and like. Constantly busy. How she manages to balance RL shit with rp is beyond the scope of my ability to grasp yo but she’s the bomb-diggity. @americanasitgets MOTHERFUCKIN’ GABBY! My DC babe. Light of my liiife, fire in my loins, (not really but I was on a roll yo) -- I also met Gabby because of Mariah. And Gabby’s Clark. Gabby’s Clark is made of fucking sunshine okay, and the best part is, is that we’ve had like a sustained rp universe where April harasses Clark and doesnt know he’s superman, WHILE TASH-TRALKING SUPERMAN TO CLARK’S FACE. It’s comedy gold. Poor April. But I love Gabby, because she’s smart as shit and fuckin’ hysterical, and will literally snowball crack scenarios over IM into the wee hours of the morning. Even better, I’ve found someone whose as bad at keeping track of threads as me. (I say, as I eyeball our New Krypton thread that’s been in my drafts folder for like. Six months. Oops). @talonscourt D I KNOW THROUGH MY TIM BLOG-- but who I first met on April and then promptly FORGOT ABOUT because I’m a total dipshit. D writes Jason Todd, April surrogate son. This is a recent development. Tim loves Jason, April loves Jason. D is amazing as Jason. D is like... my platonic lover from Narnia. They’re smart as hell, and incredibly sweet even when I’m shit at keeping in contact because my real life is a hot-fuckin-mess and I’m always sick and on the verge of nuclear collapse. I would be TOTALLY LOST WITHOUT YOU. @galaeus Echo. As written by the ever talented Amy who I’ve known since April’s very first incarnation. Which... is a long ass time, Amy’s seen April through several character developments and rewrites, and has legit known April as a character since like. Legit. Post Tim. When April was a baby.  Echo is April’s other southern, raised by a pageant queen biffle. They shoot the shit together, Echo is also legit the only person in existence whose allowed to give April nicknames, or turn April into a diminutive. Amy’s basically like... hands down the reason why i never gave up on writing an Indie female OC, and that’s because Amy’s a boss and she also happens to be a spectacular writer, both in the RPC and in real life. @agentharrisonofshield and last but not least, this girl. Right here. April has like... a bevy of Awesome Girl Squad frands. All of whom are infinitely more talented and bad ass than she is, like. Legit. April’s smart. but in a fight? She’s basically cannon fodder by comparison. She just isn’t built for the field. April and Viv became friends because they got locked in a closet together. I’m not sure HOW that happened, but now they get together and chat in other languages and April feeds her, and basically this s the woman April goes to when she wants someone shot. I literally love all the headcanons we’ve put together and that Agent Harrison is invariably the first ‘shield agent’ April casually mentions outside of Echo, in threads of mine. That’s how you know you’ve found an awesome rp partner and friend. When their own characters start casually infiltrating your threads in the form of namedrops.

don’t mind me, i’ve decided to start keeping a physical log of my experiences in life just to get them down and have a place to record the beautiful events transpiring. i doubt anyone will read these but me, but if you are reading this, sorry to drop you in the middle of my life lol. should have started at a more focused point. BUT ITS ALL TOO BEAUTIFUL AND JUST FOR ME ANYWAY

ill be totally writing a recap of everything since the moment we met and probably before, a chronicle of my life so i can go back because my memory suuuucks and i don’t want to lose a moment of this.  (BAE, Before Anyone Else. It’s very special to usss and i’m the first/only person my hunny has ever called that. i used to use it ironically but now only use it for my Bae. c: ) 

OKAY. 08/18/18...heh (oops forgot to post when i finished writing it. lol)  My love has a day off today; so I was excited to spend my day with him, but also aware of the fact I wouldn’t get a lot of what I had to finish completed. I design logos, t-shirts and tattoos, have a few projects on the go that I need to work on. But he is more important in my opinion. awoke really early to the annoying Luna (black tabby who belongs to my roommate) EATING PEACHY’S FOOD. (also roomates orange tabby, but not really his bc her previous abusive owner abandoned her and he complained about having her... So we kind of bonded. she used to be a super anxious kitty until attaching to my Bae and I.)  First time I got up and shooed her away, but that woke Bae up. and when I heard her back at it I whipped a wooden spoon at her from the bed, so that he was not disturbed. Gave up after that and drifted back to sleep because hunny flung his arm & leg over me, so I was trapped as heck and loving every second of it (tho my face was kinda buried so I couldn’t breathe lmaoooo)  When he woke up, we were both in funny sassy moods, I showered while he played guitar and drank his coffee, as I was waiting to go get one at Tim’s. We got chicken wraps because I was so hungry I literally couldn’t decide what to get, I wanted everything, so he chose for us loool. ♥ cutie. He managed to make a giant sploosh with his coffee all over one of the tie dye shirts I made him for his birthday, by squeezing the coffee too tight (He is clumsy yet capable of longboarding fullspeed holding a pizza and an open coffee.... lmao.. how does that work? :P) and he had a funny looking shirt for the day but it’s okay because he is adorable no matter what. There was also victims of his spill all over the floor and table, for losing a tiny bit of coffee it was an impressive blood bath. I had an iced coffee obviously because it was hot outside, he’ll get a hot coffee even in like 32C degree weather, because he’s satan like that looool. On the way to the bus stop I was concerned that there was a strange vibe and we both confirmed our desire for an authentic, respectful, loving adventurous life together, and my worry quickly faded. He put his arm around me and we vaped and drank our coffee, our bus came pretty instantly and we were off. Our friend wrote a very insightful and inspiring story about mediation and consciousness, but I had a few things I didn’t agree with/wanted to add onto, so I am in the process of writing out my review on it as he’d like to publish it.  Stop 1. Bae’s cellphone company store so he could re-activate his phone. He has such an old plan that it doesn’t exist anymore, but gives him a way better deal than what is offered currently, and it was grandfathered in on a loyalty plan so they can’t change it, but they can make it difficult to renew every month. lol. so he has to go in and call someone at the store to manually enter the plan specifications so he can activate. they put him on hold for ten minutes and we decided to just leave and stay on hold adventuring until we were answered. ANOTHER WHILE PASSES and they go off-hold, only to be like lol i’ll call u back in 20 minutes this is gonna be a process.... oh,. lmao. ok so.  Stop 2. The vape shoppp. Somehow Bae knew exactly where to go with no map from wherever we were, when I literally had no idea where we were until we rounded the corner and were basically there. HOW?! I’ve been there so many times and yet get lost so damn easily. I am directionally challenged af, but getting a lot better with it esp. in this city. lol. We didn’t need juice, but went to go see kev as he had given me an IOU and half off the juice on my mum’s death day, and I had forgotten my debit card!!!! >:( he was nice to me tho because apparently i always brighten their day with my vibezzzz and we are becoming closer friends and trust each otherr. very grateful. ALSO THAT DAY (aug 16) i went the wrong way from the shop, because i was disassociating all day, and when i finally found my way to a bus stop, took it the WRONG DIRECTION and ended up somewhere in the city i’ve never been, and because my bus pass was also not with me and i paid like 1.75(all i had) of the 3.75 fare, and asked him to give me a transfer because i needed to go the opposite direction, he tried to say i was scamming him or something NO BITCH I NEED TO GO HOME AND HAVE HAD A TERRIBLE DAY AND JUST WANT TO GET ON THE FRICKEN BUS HOME. I growled that it was my mom’s deathaversary and i am not from here because i moved a few months ago, and he was like “ok i’ll give u a break this once..” like wtf! ugh  it was a strange day but i made it. ANYWAY. back to today. We had some fun talks with kev about RDA’s, and a new mod box but they only rly carry kits which we didn’t want for Bae. So we paid the IOU and went on our way. En route to next stop, we saw the Shaw sign and walked along this BEAUTIFUL RIVER that I remember dearly from me and Bae’s first week/visit together in person (we met and fell in love online).... I was squealey and so excited, wanted to leap into the river but realized that it was totally nasty so decided to enjoy the walk instead, lol. We saw a cute duck folding its neck to put its head on its body. LMAO. Bae was like quackquackquacckkkkk. Quack attack. XD I mentioned that I really love this area and inquired if the MAGICAL SPIRAL STAIRCASE was near here; because I also remember running valiantly up that with intensity during our first week. He laughed and was like “Ya. we’re near it. It’s almost like I planned out this walk ;) “ HEHEHEHEHEHEHEE So we got to the staircase and as I went to leap up it as fast as I could, he STEPS IN FRONT OF ME and starts walking super slow. hahahahahaha. wtf. obvi trying to make me run up the broader edge as i adore running rly rly fast up the narrow loop of the spiral staircase, so i did and pretended i was an airplane, usually its a dragon but this time i was like nyoooom. lol.  so when we got to the top i was giggling my butt off and mentioned the plane thing, and hunny was like “or you know, an eagle riding an upcurrent” and i was like OMG MORE ACCURATE! he’s brilliant tho even for silly things like that. ♥ we walked thru south-asian fest to go to city hall for a bus pass, and when i saw Asian (I don’t know anything about geography ever) i was like OMG SUSHI BAE?!?!?!!?!?!?! and he was like hehe , no love, SOUTH asian fest. i looked around and was like oh, no sushi. :( but still cool music and culture! noted that this is some people’s whole adventure, and we are passing thru but still it’s only a tiny fragment of our adventure!  Stop 3: Took a quick stop to grab me a new bus pass only to find out it’s a government building and closed on the weekends. lmao. SMOOTH. but it’s fine because we actually saw these really cool sculptures inside of dragon-scale and tentacle-like patterns, aztec rock-like patterns, and one kinda plain one that had a cute dog on top. Kind of like square-ish uneven poles. very cool! ALSO  in one of the accessable rooms, there was a huge art exhibit that, at first glance, looked like a toddler went nuts with toy cars, cardboard, lego, paint and other childlike items, but upon close inspection we realized it was very in-depth metaphorical, substantial political and environmental statements. We laughed more, stayed longer, and took more pictures than I expected we would when first walking into that room.  Slyly sighed and giggled at each other as we watched other people walk into the room only to quickly circle the exhibit and leave, without actually investigating or considering the significance of the creations.  (MY COTTON IS BURNING AND I CHANGED IT LIKE 2 DAYS AGO...random)  i had to pee and saw the cutest little black girls observing themselves in the mirror with their beauuutiful dresses on, as they were attending a wedding happening in the area, and i complimented them on their outfits. The older of the two said thank you shyly, and when her younger (I presume sister) asked for clarification, not able to speak fluent english yet, the older girl explained in her language, and the little one beamed a smile and said “thank you!” WARMED MY DAMN HEART.  Bae & I went on our way to the next stop, while waiting for a stoplight to change, I looked over at some random building, gasped in awe, and whipped out my phone to take a picture, saying “I may be a resident of this city but i will always act like a tourist”. This man crossing the street conjunct to us saw my wonder at such a small event, smiled ear to ear, and looked back at the building I mentioned even though he has obviously lived here a long time. When I turned around, I saw a Beautiful Monument that had one word in English, “Dignity”, and one in French, “Egilate”. I said to Bae that I assume “Egilate” was French for dignity, but the same man who saw me and smiled about my passion turned around and said “it means Equality :) “ I was very thankful for his knowledge and obviously instilled some passion back in his heart with my excitement at the world around me. As my hunny always says, “stop and smell the roses.”   and we saw some beautiful apartments and i photographed the numbers so we could find out prices, as we intend to move into our own roommate-free place ASAP. Living with this guy isn’t exactly private or nest-like, or inducing of healing/aligning. We are working hard on that to be safe and in a place we can work on our dreams together. Including a loft, a place with nice balconies, and we saw an older place that was dingy at first glance but no, actually had MARBLE OUTSIDE WALLS. wow. musta been top notch back in the day. Stop 3: we went to the weed dispensary to get some pot for hunny, because although i miss toking intensely i can’t anymore but he’s still a proud stoner and i looooooove him for it. he ended up getting a quarter of 2 different indicas’ northern lights and grape god flower, as well as blue dream crumble for 25% off. grabbed a coil for his dab attachment for his vape as well which was on suprise 420 sale. it was like 4:28 and apparently after 4:20 every day something random goes on sale; no customer or employee knows what it is; its just a suprise if anyone gets it completely. and it happened to be the exact item my hunny needed to get. coincidence? ;)  we went to timmies a few times downtown, i cant exactly remember the order of when or why, but the first time, hunny bought me an iced coffee and a large icey water because i was desperately thirsty and needed liquid. the second time i grabbed him a coffee and myself another iced water cause i am apparently always thirsty. lmao. looked for torches for his dab rig so he can enjoy, we decided to go to canadian tire(but realized later on the bus that it was closed, thankfully before our stop for home, so we just went str8 home.) we went to freedom again and bae got his service back bc apparently the guy on the phone fixed it and never called backkk....... lol.  My Bae decided to take me to a bong shop, for “apparently no reason” Just to mess around and have fun....lol..... we got there and there were beautiful glass cabinets filled with showcased, amazing, meticulous handmade pieces. Pendants, pipes, bongs, all of it so beautiful.  He grabbed a one-hitter that glows under UV Light, slime design, and we went on our way after good chats with the very passionate shopworker.  We went to find a place for Bae to smoke some weed, and ran into a cute community garden with honeybees and carpenter bees stuffing their faces in flowers. As well as a group of finches playing and wiggling their butts in the dust. Very adorable, we took a video and then hunny chased them away haha.  Cool mural that appeared quite old, some hilarious facial expressions that I snagged close-ups of. When we got home, I made him a piece of the lasagna I cooked for his birthday, and made myself a cream-based pasta with onion because I was lasagna-d out. (it was like a 10 lb beast of a lasagna) I wanted to grab a few beers while I hung out, so hunny gave me 5 bucks to make sure I had enough for two. When I went out I realized I forgot my vape and surely it was safe at home, so dealt with not vaping on the trip. On my bus ride home, the ding for stop request appeared normal as I sat in the very back by the speakers, but out of nowhere it made the LOUDEST Most terrifying screech noise and I jumped/winced. Everyone looked at me and laughed a little in solidarity, I moved a few seats because sure enough it happened again, thank gosh I wasn’t right by it that time.  When I got home, my vape wasn’t anywhere that I thought it was. I freaked a little and started crying, didn’t even wanna hit Bae’s vape because it wasn’t my baby; this is when I realized how attached I was. He beelined to a spot under my clothes and found it in like .5 seconds, how, I have no idea. I was sooo grateful for his radiance and helpfulness as always. ♥ IT WAS A GREAT DAY.

Day 30-35

6-13-17 Day 30: I was told that I wasn't approved to leave a week before my sign off date for my cousins wedding and papas birthday. My mom already bought my plane ticket and everything. My mom emailed the lady who denied the request so hopefully something can be changed. We're technically over staffed so there's no reason for it to not get approved. I would only be leaving a week early, that's it. I also went to st Nicholas (the resort) and laid out. It was so relaxing. And it feels good to wake up and not sleep all day. After work me and Rain went to the crew mess to see what food they had. We started walking and saw something weird from the side door. So we kept walking and sitting there was an entire pig completely cooked and cut open. It was terrifying. And it was stuffed with all of this weird stuff. I completely lost my appetite. Tomorrow is day at sea so it's gonna be a long day. And of course I'm still awake at 3am. It's hard when I don't get off until 1ish and I'm wide awake. 6-14-17 Day 31: sea days fucking suck. I started at the slide. We have 3 with only a worker at 2 of them. Some random worker comes up to me and just hands me a walkie talkie and then walks away. Doesn't say a word. I was switching through all of the channels until I finally heard a police signal. They were looking for a red mustang and were saying all of these codes. I was so confused. Finally I found a worker and asked him which station I should be on. I then had a parent come up to me complaining about how there wasn't an attendant on the little slide. He said there were tons of kids getting hurts as well as one of his. He was not happy and was putting it out on me. I apologized and said I would let someone know. And at this time I didn't know which channel we were supposed to use for the walkie talkie. The communication here is terrible. And the language barrier obviously doesn't help. Some girl came up to me and said you're the first American worker I've met! Which is true. We have a steward that comes and makes our beds everyday and changes the towels. For the past 4 days he's come in and made my bed as well as given us fresh towels but has not touched rains bed. We never see our steward so we haven't been able to ask him. It's so confusing yet so humorous at the same time. Our room looks so nice and then rains bed is all over the place because he hasn't touched it! We have this thing where guests can submit feedback and if they mention our name we get a shout out. If we get 10 shout outs we get a day off. I got 2 last week and 1 this week. It seriously feels so good that I was the reason someone had an amazing vacation. And that these guests went out of their way to recognize me and my hard work. A mom came in today and gave me and Alina gifts. They were rocks she had painted herself. They were so cool. She was Israeli too 😋 I met a family in camp today. They have 9 kids and another one that passed away. Their mom home schools them because they're moving to Honduras in September for a mission trip and are living there for a year. The oldest is 21 and the youngest is 1. It's so cool to get to know these families. And when the kids hug us goodbye and the parents thank us and truly mean it, it's means the world to me. I also met another family with 9 kids. It's crazy to me. And the youngest 2 were twins and were so cute yet so annoying. I miss my kids back at home so much. Typical kids are so annoying and have so much drama. My kids at home are exciting and bring something new to me everyday. There's actually a huge amount of kids who come on the boat who have autism but I don't always have them in my age group. Right now it's 3:03am. I went to crew bar after work. I met a new girl a few days ago from Tennessee. Her name is Candace. She sings in one of the bands. She's super nice and I love having another American around. Because she's a singer she has her own room. Today we got a list of boats and the positions they need. Rain and Alina are signing on to the breeze in September and October. That boat has a circle c position starting in November which is a huge possibility for me. I need to request it tomorrow before it's too late. I need to find somewhere to bring my laptop and eat where there's good wifi. Thankfully packages will come tomorrow too. I haven't been taking a few of my medications the past few days because I ran out and they didn't get here in time. Which is probably why I had a bladder spasm today and yesterday. NOT GOOD. Also got some paperwork today that said MR again. I've corrected them so many times and they can't get it right. Kinda like the Filipinos (I finally spelled it right) who don't know the difference between he and she and her and him. The notes they write to the parents are comical. "You child great. She love play with toy. The boy make a friend and has polite." No joke that's what they say. There's also tons of mistakes in the schedules we give out to guests which is super frustrating. This week my name wasn't on the schedules given out to the parents which sucks because they reference those when it comes to writing reviews. There was names of 2 girls who I've never even met...aka they were on the boat 2 months ago. If I see a mistake I just circle it and put it on our supervisors desk so she doesn't know who did it. Oops 😶 I want it to be tomorrow so I can sleep and get stuff done! I also forgot to write about what happened this morning. In the Kiera of my dead sleep I hear loud weird music. I sit up and realize it's coming from the announcements. The bridge (where the captains are) accidentally turned their awful music on and everyone who was in their cabins could hear it. It went on for a good hour as I smashed my head between the pillows. It was comical at first and then I was just flat out furious. 6-15-17 Day 32: today I got off in Long Beach by myself. I took an uber to a local outlet mall where I sat at Starbucks and got some stuff done with the wifi. We were given a list of positions needing to be filled for the rest of the year so I went and did some research on all the boats. I also set up my account on how to get paid from here. They give us a debit card that the money goes on. We can do direct deposit but it wasn't working for me :/ I also sent my dad a Father's Day gift card online. Then I went across the street and ate at California pizza kitchen. I got to face time my mom and update my phone and stuff. Then I learned there's a bus that I could've used for free that goes from the terminal to the outlets. Poop. I didn't know how to use it though so I just took an uber back too. I asked my supervisor about requesting a boat and she said I can't do it until I have my evaluation. When I asked her when my evaluation would be she said "before you leave" well no fucking shit before I leave. I told her the position I want is going to be taken by then and she didn't respond and just kept looking at her computer. She's such a shitty person it's like humorous. We have this other lady we work with who acts like she's our supervisor and she's not. I've literally never even had a conversation with her yet she thinks she can boss us all around. She confronted me about how I turned off the tv and how I didn't do it right. There was a sign saying to not turn off with a certain button and that's the one I turned it off with. Obviously if I would've saw it I wouldn't have touched it. It was a mistake lady...speaking of mistakes, so we are all required to write notes to the parents about their kids and how they've been doing (it's meant to help us get good ratings) well today I decided to read some and I was totally taken aback. These people do not know how to speak English. I felt embarrassed giving them out to the parents because the letters make absolutely no sense at all. It's so awkward. And one of the ladies wrote all the same things on all the cards and put a line where a name would be. Once she met the kids she went in and wrote their names on the line. Like obviously a parent is gonna know what that means, it means everyone is being given the same card and they're just going in and writing all the names down which isn't the point of them. Went to go pick up my packages today and my medication still isn't here. So I haven't been on 3 of my medications since Sunday. And my mom called Sunday and they said they would over night them here which obviously didn't happen. None of them are super serious but I've definitely been getting bladder spasms now that I'm off one of the medications. I'm also off my thyroid medicine as well as my medication that helps me stay awake during the day. I'll have to call my mom tomorrow and tell her but there's nothing she can do because we can't get mail until Sunday. 6-17-17 Day 34: I had no time to post yesterday. I've been so exhausted I sleep every chance I can. Even when I need to eat a meal or shower I've just been sleeping instead because it's so needed. There's been so much unnecessary drama around here it's crazy. Yesterday we had a mom come in asking to talk to "Ms Candy" because supposedly she called her daughter big and chubby. We apologized to the mom on behalf of ms candy (she wasn't there anymore) and explained to her that there's a language barrier and was probably the main reason behind the comment. The mom was understanding but that's hard for a 10 year old girl to hear. I can't believe our playlist cast is leaving tomorrow. I've gotten to know all 8 of them so well. It's very bittersweet. I'm excited to see how the new cast performs though. It's hard to imagine that anyone could possibly do any better than what we have now. I met a family yesterday who has 5 biological children and fosters 3 on top of that. And their youngest son has autism, so of course I'm already obsessed with them. It's crazy how many kids come on the boat who have autism. I love being able to interact with them. Everyone always asks me advice on how to work with them and make it a great experience for the child. I seriously talk about my kids back at home so much I feel like everyone is so sick of hearing it lol. I saw a shit ton of dolphins today. They were right next to the boat. I might get off tomorrow and go to the beach at Long Beach. I HAVE to get my hair cut it's like humorous how awful it looks. It's like I'm a human paintbrush and my hair is the bristles. Rain did my laundry with hers :p so blessed lol. I went to the candy store today on board. They have the cutest stuff there. They're starting to put them on all the ships. We have some people from the office on the boat. They told us that they have 4 new boats that they're working on. They said eventually they're gonna have a boat that sails to china. I'm actually really content on work at the moment. Yeah I'm really tired but moving in with Rain has helped a lot. It feels good to have someone I can go do stuff with and I conveniently always know where she is. There's obviously a lot of negatives about my work environment and my supervisor who has a stick up her fucking ass, but there's so many positives that come with it as well that make this experience so much fun. I worked night owls this whole week (10pm-1am) last pickup time is 1245 and the parents are told this every time. Yet we still are calling parents at 1 having to remind them that their children are in our care and they need to come pick them up. It's so irresponsible. And half the time the parents are wasted. Parents are also allowed to check out a phone but just return them before 10pm on the last night which never happens either. Tonight one of the late parents came in and literally just threw his trash on the ground. These poor kids are passed the fuck out, so tired, and their parents leave them there all night. I'm off now and I'm eating at crew mess alone. Which I'm okay with besides the stares. I've had a headache all day though so I needed to eat something. We have to be at a meeting tomorrow at 930 to meet with some people from the office. I seriously need to sleep in so badly but not sure when that's gonna happen. I start in circle c tomorrow. It's so weird switching back and forth. And being alone in there is hard as well. Especially during high count which is now. 6-19-17 Day 35: I finally got my haircut yesterday. Winslow picked me up. Got about 3-4 inches off. The lady charged me way too much though and she didn't even wash my hair. I was so mad. I didn't question it though because I was in a rush ugh. I started my week at circle c yesterday. No joke had 30-40 kids in there at one time it was not okay. One of the moms asked if I was alone and when I said yes I could tell she was worried for me. She told me I was doing a good job though which was nice. A lot of the kids think they're too cool for my club and it makes me so mad. Like then don't come if you think it's too babyish. I got to sleep in today 🙌🏾 I had a training at 130 that only lasted 30 minutes. Such a waste of time I could've been sleeping! It was an environment training. They train us on the weirdest things. Yesterday 2 of the people from the office came. They're the ones that hired me. I talked to one of them about not getting approved to leave for my cousins wedding and she's going to look more into it for me. She thinks the week I'm requesting to leave we'll actually be overstaffed because of an event on board so it may work in my favor! We got to talk to one of the ladies about issues we're having. She said Circle c is going to be getting an iPad that kids can request songs on. Right now we're using cds...and the most recent is from 2015. The office thought we had one this entire time...she was also confused as to why I was only here for 3 months and why I'm switching on and off from camp to circle c every week. Seems like the office doesn't know their shit. Even today when I signed in at my training it said my position was club O2. And the other day one of my papers said MR. So frustrating. It's 230 and I have work at 4. I'm gonna take a nap because I have nothing else to do and I'm tired af. Tonight I got to see the rock show with the new cast. Not. Good. They don't even come close to our old cast. It kinda made me so sad. People come and go here so fast it sucks. I have 2 brothers in my club. One of them has autism and the other one supposedly doesn't. The one who "doesn't" is out of control. He is constantly in my space and not listening to me. He asked me for just dance 16. I told him we didn't have it. He asked me at least 4 more times why we don't have it and if we have it. I told him no and then he asks if he can look in the office just to make sure we don't have it. I told him no and that they are not allowed in there in which he walked right in. There's also been numerous times where I've been talking to a parent and he'll come over and interrupt because he wants me to do something. I don't have a problem with having him in the club but I wish his parents would use a little common sense and supervise their kids more. They come and go as they please which is okay, but the mom never knows where they are and doesn't understand how their behavior towards me and the other kids is hard on everyone. At first the boys registered themselves so we didn't even know that one of them had a disability. On top of that I have tons of kids this cruise which makes it hard and I'm getting sick.