#i listened to the first 70 odd episode a couple years ago but it fucking decimates me every time ive tried since
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okay so my constant derealisation is a reasonably effective coping mechanism so you know, I'm glad to have it in that way, but on the other hand it makes listening to wtnv like. The Worst Thing I Could Possibly Do To My Mental Health which fucking sucks bcus I LOVE it
#i listened to the first 70 odd episode a couple years ago but it fucking decimates me every time ive tried since#:( i want to listen to it again but the way its written is exactly the most effective way to send me into the worst brainzone#i love it and i love its world i love everything about wtnv and i wanna be able to enjoy it without like. making me completely nonfunctional#for the day :(#mine
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Primary Care (a.k.a the Poundcake ficlet collection) 13/13 [Katya/Alaska] - Spoky
A/N: We’re sorry for the long wait. Thank you for supporting, leaving feedback and liking Primary Care, it means a lot to us. xx
- Spoky & apathetic skeleton
Primary Care 13/13 - The T
The viewing party for the finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 had been scheduled to start at 6PM. The episode would air at eight, but before that the management of Fountain, the newest queer space in town, had arranged multiple numbers for the expectant audience. The top three, Trixie, Willam and Laila had agreed on one viewing party and managed to arrange a surprisingly lucrative deal for themselves by allowing World of Wonder to broadcast the event live.
‘I need to get paid to get in drag,’ Trixie had justified the decision that had sparked some criticism among the fans. $70 was a lot of money to pay just to see people watching TV. Laila and Willam had, however, agreed with Trixie’s sentiments and as the event had grown from a simple viewing party into a full drag show with Drag Race alumni and stand-up comedy, the critique over pricey entrance tickets had also calmed down. The viewing party was definitely the most talked about event in Hollywood drag circles that week.
When Trixie had called Alaska in regards to the event, and asked whether she’d do an interview with the host as the current All Stars reigning, Alaska had laughed.
‘Girl, as long as there’s a paycheck involved,’ she’d drawled happily, but at this very moment she regretted the decision. She had barely 20 minutes before she had to step onto the stage and instead of being able to prepare, instead of getting into the mindset of Alaska, she was listening Katya’s ranting.
‘It’s not like I don’t get it, she’s been single for so long.’
Alaska dragged her long nails along the white wall as they walked and wasn’t entirely sure how Katya was expecting her to react. It wasn’t the first time either, that Katya had something to say about Trixie’s taste in men or boyfriends.
‘It’s not like Trixie’s perfect,’ Katya continued as she opened the door for Alaska to step into the dressing room they were sharing.
‘U’huh,’ Alaska nodded and glanced at the man she had considered her lover for the past six years.
‘But I mean, she could do better. Right?’
Alaska raised her eyebrows at Katya’s question. What kind of response was she expecting?
‘What?’ Katya asked, baffled.
‘You just have a lot to say, that’s all,’ Alaska sighed and checked her makeup in the mirror. It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do. She had no time to fix the slightly smudged eyeliner.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Katya asked, in a rather pointed tone, in Alaska’s opinion.
‘Nothing,’ Alaska sighed. She really didn’t want to fight, but her patience was wearing thin. She needed to concentrate as she would be on stage in a couple of minutes.
‘It didn’t sound like nothing,’ Katya murmured under her breath and Alaska wanted to scream.
‘Ok, fine. You clearly want to fight, so let’s fight,’ she snapped.
‘No, I don-,’ Katya started, but was immediately cut off.
‘If you’re so fucking concerned – whether he’s good enough for her, treats her right, gives her everything she needs – then why don’t you date her, hm? Sounds to me like you think you’d do a better job than Ben. Or any of Trixie’s previous boyfriends for that matter!’’
Katya blinked at Alaska’s words and opened her mouth to respond, but before she had a chance to say anything there was a quick knock at the door, which was immediately followed by a staff member pushing the door open and peeking into the room with a wide grin.
‘Hi guys,’ the man said cheerfully. ‘Alaska, you ready? You’re up in fifteen.’
‘Yeah, I’m ready,’ Alaska replied without moving her eyes from Katya, who was still staring at her with her mouth slightly open. Alaska raised a questioning eyebrow at her, but only got a confused frown in response. Alaska could read embarrassment and confusion in Katya’s eyes but as she made no efforts to carry on the conversation, Alaska took a deep breath. The discussion would have to wait. She needed to concentrate, get in character and additionally, it seemed like Katya needed a minute to sort out her thoughts. Alaska tried to swallow down the uneasy feeling in her throat as she turned on her heels.
‘I’ll talk to you later,’ she said quietly to Katya and followed the completely oblivious staff member out the door.
Katya stared after Alaska for a moment and as the door closed behind Alaska, she looked at herself in the mirror and sneered.
‘Nicely handled, mother,’ she drawled at her reflection before swearing colourfully under her breath. How did she end up in these situations? She rolled her eyes at the question as knew exactly how. Her mouth got her into trouble more often than she liked to admit.
Katya shook her upper body in order to shake off the tingly feeling of guilt beneath her skin. She understood Alaska’s point of view, but at the same time she thought that the Snake-lady had slightly overreacted. Alaska knew very well that Katya cared for Trixie and that there were no romantic feelings between them – not anymore at least. Moreover, Katya’s interest had always been unrequited. So yes, there might’ve been a time when Katya had hoped that she could share her life with Brian Firkus. However, that ship had sailed a long time ago and Katya had moved on. Alaska knew this. They had talked about it.
Katya’s thoughts were interrupted as the dressing room door opened and Violet Chachki walked in with her personal assistant.
‘Oh bitch! Stop stalking me!’ Violet grinned, and walked to Katya in bright yellow flip flops to give her a hug.
‘Girl, gotta take my pleasures where I can find them,’ Katya snickered and blew a couple of air kisses around Violet’s face.
‘Whatever gramps,’ Violet laughed, signaling to the assistant to leave the bag next to the dresser and get her a drink.
‘I was told I could change here?’ Violet asked and Katya realised that she was wearing one of her aerial performance outfits, which explained the odd choice in shoes. Apparently Violet’s number had ended, which meant that Alaska would be up in a few minutes.
‘Yeah, of course’ Katya nodded.
‘How have you been?’ Violet asked, unzipping the black bodysuit.
‘You know, busy,’ Katya said offhandedly, trying to be at least somewhat discreet about her appreciation of Violet’s stripping. ‘I heard you opened a school?’
‘A fitness studio,’ Violet corrected.
‘Right,’ Katya said, nodding. ‘So what’s that about?’
‘You know, we have aerial silk, hoop and sling classes, and Tony has started to look into trapeze instructors. We’d really like to learn and provide those classes as well. It’s small still, but we’re being optimistic,’ Violet explained carefully, smiling slightly. She seemed pleased that Katya had asked, shown interest.
‘Tony?’
‘Oh, right!’ Violet laughed. ‘The husband, I forgot you weren’t there with Alaska.’
Katya nodded. She remember the time Alaska had performed in Atlanta three years ago. She’d come back the day after, baffled and full of gossip on how Violet had met a guy, fallen in love and gotten married in six months flat. Apparently the pair were still going strong, which made Katya happy for Violet. She personally had never seen even a picture of the guy, but Justin had sworn the man was easily confused with Terence Telle in bad lighting.
‘- but apparently he’s amazing. You’ve met him, right?’ Violet asked and drew Katya out of her thoughts.
‘Met who?’ she asked.
Violet was quiet for a moment, eyeing Katya skeptically, before adding: ‘Ben. They guy I’ve been talking about for the last minute and a half, Trixie’s man? Don’t tell me you have nothing to say?’
Katya stared at Violet for a moment and something slightly worrisome occurred to her.
‘Why would I have something to say?’ she asked carefully.
Violet snorted, clearly amused. ‘Of course you do.’
‘I do?’
‘Oh, come on, don’t get cute! I’m sure you’ve found at least five reasons why he’s not good enough for her.’
Katya stared at Violet, who was slipping into a pair of black stockings. She wasn’t entirely sure whether the number that Violet was suggesting was right, but she certainly held some opinions about Ben.
‘You really have nothing to say?’ Violet asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise.
Katya shook her head. She didn’t have anything new to say. After all, she had already told everything to Alaska…
‘Wow,’ Violet sighed, shaking her head. ‘Well, I guess congratulations are in order! I didn’t think you’d ever get over her, which was why I never tried to make us more than casual sex,’ she laughed. ‘Little did I know you actually were emotionally available.’
Katya blinked at the statement. Violet had once upon a time thought that she wasn’t emotionally available because of Trixie? Maybe she really did pay too much attention to Trixie’s personal life? She had never considered Violet as anything more than a consistent, casual hook-up, but apparently Violet had entertained the possibility of them as a couple – and apparently very quickly dismissed it because of Trixie…
Katya worried her lower lip and wondered whether Justin had ever thought the same and suddenly Alaska’s earlier words were no longer confusing or funny to Katya, they were more like a stab in the gut.
* *
[ earlier the same day ]
Brian looked up to the mirror and wondered whether the fabric of the red cat suit would be practical with the cape he had brought with him. There was a possibility that the sequins would cling to the tulle and in the worst case scenario rip the fabric apart, exactly like in Boston last summer. He examined the seam of the patch and frowned. He’d ask Trixie as soon as the fucker would grace the dressing room with her presence. She’d texted him that her taxi driver held no degrees in geography, navigation or basic human communication and that she’d therefore be couple of minutes late. That had been over 30 minutes ago.
Brian hadn’t seen Trixie for a couple of months, thanks to their mismatching schedules, and was anxious to get at least some time with his best friend before the night’s event. Brian had just moved the outfit back onto the suitcase and taken a seat at the dresser, when Trixie finally made an appearance.
‘Hey girl hay,’ Brian drawled, trying out his high-pitched RuPaul impersonation and smirked at the Barbie, who stood at the doorway in half-drag.
‘Wow. You have that little faith in me? Go fuck yourself, I’m leaving,’ Trixie drawled and lifted her hand up as she made an offended face and turned to leave.
Brian cracked into his wheezing laughter. God, he had missed her and her quick uptake on all of his references. Trixie might’ve been sent home too early on season seven, twice, but this time around it seemed like the doll would bring home the jackpot. With four wins, Trixie had destroyed season three of All Stars.
Brian walked up to her and helped her to drag her suitcase into the dressing room.
‘So good to see your wizen face,’ Trixie said and pulled Brian into a quick but tight hug after they reached the dresser.
‘How was London?’ Brian asked, smiling.
Trixie’s European tour had been sold out in most countries and she’d been asked to perform three nights in London at the end of it. Brian could imagine how exhausted she was.
‘It was alright,’ Trixie shrugged without properly meeting Brian’s eyes, which he thought was odd. The Barbie should’ve been full of confidence, energy and spark. Tonight was the night! Brian eyed Trixie up and down and while the doll clearly was trying to cover it up, she seemed nervous. Brian noticed she was also fidgeting and failed to ask after Alaska, which she usually did.
‘What’s wrong, Barbra?’ Brian asked, concerned but half jokingly. It was probably just the pressure of the finale. He knew the feeling, he’d been there.
‘Katya, I-um, can we talk?’ Trixie replied quietly and Brian halted. She looked very serious and Brian frowned. So something really was wrong? It wasn’t just nerves? Brian got more worried and glanced around in the large dressing room as he placed his hand on Trixie’s shoulder to give a supportive squeeze.
‘Of course,’ he nodded. ‘What’s up?’
Trixie was eyeing the space around them and seemed to come to the conclusion that they had enough privacy. Other people seemed to be out of immediate hearing distance.
‘It was in London, and I swear I only thought to try it once,’ she started with a low, insecure voice.
Brian frowned. He was hoping Trixie was talking about snowboarding, or fisting.
‘You talked about the feeling, and how it give you this energy and I just,’ Trixie was clearly struggling to express herself and something seemed off. Brian was starting to get concerned. There weren’t many things he would describe as ‘bringing energy’ and he had a bad feeling that Trixie was not talking about yoga.
‘I just wanted to know what it was like,’ she continued and refused to meet Brian’s eyes.
‘But then the high felt so good,’ she said suddenly and looked up with an excited spark in her eyes. ‘Katya, it was brilliant. It was so good. Exactly like you described and the one time turned into the whole weekend and-’
‘Wait,’ Brian stopped her monologue by lifting up his hand. High? As in, high-high? Was Trixie serious? She had done drugs in London? Trixie? Trixie Mattel? The queen who consistently judged him for smoking and… Brian couldn’t believe it. But the way she described it…
‘Are you,’ Brian started but struggled to find words. ‘Do you- Are you talking about what I’m thinking you’re talking about?’
‘Yeah. I’ve got some on me,’ Trixie admitted and seemed uncertain about the admission. ‘But I’m not sharing, Alaska would kill me.’
Brian was staring at his best friend in a mixture of disbelief and horror. Trixie had done drugs in London, had some on her at this very moment, and was refusing to share it with Brian? Brian who had been sober for years? Yes, Alaska would fucking murder them both. Not that he had any intention to… How the fuck did this happen? What an-
‘Hieee,’ a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts and Brian could smell Alaska’s perfume. Just in time, the support he needed in situations like these. He glanced up to his partner and noticed a man standing right behind Alaska.
‘Ben’s been here with Trixie since yesterday,’ Alaska said, half-introducing the man behind her. ‘You guys have met, right?’ Alaska asked Brian cheerfully and placed two coffee cups onto the dresser reserved for Trixie’s makeup.
Brian blinked. Yes. He knew Ben, or Meth in drag. From London. They’d performed together couple of times and- It clicked. He turned his eyes to Trixie without greeting Meth and could see that the barbie was trying really hard not to laugh.
‘You utter. Fucking. Cunt!’ Brian spat and attacked Trixie with the first item he could reach and grab from the nearby table; a contouring brush.
‘YOU ROTTED FUCKING HILA MONSTER!’ he exclaimed and kept slapping Trixie wherever he could reach with the brush while Trixie howled in laughter and tried to defend herself.
‘Meth! Doing fucking Meth!’ Brian howled.
Alaska glanced at Meth next to her with a raised eyebrow.
‘I think I’m missing something?’ she asked the man, who shrugged.
‘Well, assuming they’re talking about me and not crystal,’ Meth drawled, ‘I bet it was some version of the worn out ‘I’m on meth’-joke.’
Alaska chuckled and turned to look at the fighting Brians.
‘Though, I have to note that Trixie should probably not be making any statements of having been on anything,’ Meth added and took a sip of his coffee.
The comment halted the fighting and while Brian smirked, Trixie turned to stare at Meth, unamused. Alaska covered her mouth to hide her amusement.
‘Penetration jokes. Really?’ Trixie huffed, raising her eyebrow. ‘Keep talking and I’ll top you after topping this competition,’ she added with a self-satisfied smirk.
‘Looking forward to both,’ Meth laughed and Brian glanced at Alaska, wiggling his eyebrows.
‘Don’t look at me,’ Alaska snorted and rolled her eyes as if appalled. ‘I already topped this year.‘
The joke made the entire group laugh and Brian pulled Alaska to his side to plant a quick kiss on her neck.
The group took good time getting familiar with the new dynamic. Alaska watched with fascination and relief how well Brian seemed to get along with Ben and smiled happily as they finally said their goodbyes, leaving the new couple to get ready. They stepped outside the dressing room and just as Brian was about to say something, Alaska pinned him against the hallway wall and shut him up with a passionate kiss.
‘I’m so happy for them,’ she mumbled against Brian’s lips. ‘I hope this one lasts, so I can stop wondering what if.’
Brian was about to ask what Alaska meant by the statement but was again interrupted by Alaska’s lips and tongue. He figured he could ask later and wrapped his arms around Alaska’s waist.
* *
Katya was staring at the mirror and kept rewinding the scene along with Alaska’s words over and over again in her mind.
‘I hope this one lasts, so I can stop wondering what if.’
How could she have been so blind? Had Alaska always felt that Katya would eventually leave her for Trixie? Was she really so obsessive over Trixie’s boyfriends and lovers, that she had failed to reassure Alaska of her adoration, commitment and love for her?
Katya glanced at Violet, who was almost ready with dressing up and then back at her own reflection. Yes, she cared about whom Trixie dated, but that did not mean that Alaska had anything to worry about. Had Alaska felt insecure every single time Trixie went through a breakup? Quick math equation told Katya that during the six years that Brian and Justin had been an item, Trixie had gone through three serious boyfriends and multiple failed dating attempts. If Alaska really had thought that Brian would eventually leave her for Trixie, why hadn’t she ever said anything?
‘Do you ever think about Trixie?’
‘How about Barbie-dolls?’
‘I don’t want to put ideas into your head.’
‘I hope this one lasts, so I can stop wondering what if.’
Katya closed her eyes in frustration. All the times Alaska had asked about Trixie’s dating, arranged her blind dates with Alaska’s handsome friends and acquaintances, made sure that Trixie was up to date on the most recent dating apps and getting laid with the most handsome guys in the club… The memories crashed on Katya as the realisation hit. Alaska was Trixie’s best wingman, had been ever since they’d started dating, and suddenly it was plainly obvious why.
Interestingly enough, Katya had been on the better side of her thirties when she had, for the first time, decided to entertain monogamy as a serious option. Before Justin, she hadn’t thought it possible; to only want one person, to want to wake up in the same familiar embrace, surrounded by the same exact smells and scents, days on end. Yes, Katya had once upon a time wanted Trixie, but before Justin, Katya had thought boredom would set into every relationship eventually. Justin was different. While they definitely had settled into a comfortable routine, Katya had never stopped waiting for him. Whether Justin was on the other side of the world, performing for screaming audiences, or just taking a quick shower, Katya was always happy to see him return. Wherever Justin went, he seemed to take a part of Katya with him, and while Katya absolutely refused to entertain the cliché that Justin might have carried her heart in his back pocket, she had to admit that whenever the man was out of her sight, she felt slightly less balanced, slightly less complete. It was infuriating, really. She was absolutely certain that the snake-lady had had it planned all along, the slimy reptile.
Katya glanced at the closed door through the mirror and pursed her lips. She knew Justin got jealous, it was part of his charm. In the beginning of their relationship Katya had loved to test the waters, to see how far she could push him. But as she had learned to recognise the hurt and the fear in Justin’s eyes whenever Katya gave extra attention to a random stranger, she’d promised to herself that she’d never again intentionally make him wonder, whether he was good enough. Unfortunately, it had been that exact look that Alaska had given her just moments ago, the look of insecurity and jealousy Katya hadn’t seen in years. The fact that Katya had pushed Justin into that space once again, after all these years, made her feel slightly ill. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. But when Trixie had introduced Ben, and especially the way in which Trixie had gone about it, had left Katya wondering whether the pair was good for one another. Unfortunately for her and Justin, Alaska had been the only person present Katya could vent to.
Katya grimaced at the mirror. Could she reach Alaska before she would get up on the stage? Could she apologise and let Alaska know that Katya’s world started and ended with the controversial queen? That while Brian could live without Justin, he absolutely didn’t want to.
She glanced at the time and was left with two minutes. The was no chance she could talk to Alaska before her interview.
* *
‘Wait here and they’ll invite you on,’ Greg, the staff member that had interrupted their fight, said while indicating Alaska to the spot she was to wait in.
Alaska stood next to the steps leading to the stage and nodded that she understood. She was still upset about Katya’s behaviour and regretted the heated words she’d blurted out. She hadn’t meant to shove her own insecurities to Katya’s face but sometimes she hoped Katya understood her position a little better. Of course she knew that Katya loved her, that Brian had chosen her, but every now and then she caught Trixie looking. Caught her in her thoughts and could tell that the Barbie sometimes regretted not letting Katya in, when she had had the chance.
It had been one of those drunken nights after a bad breakup, Katya abroad and Justin home alone, when Trixie had stumbled on their door step. Justin had let her in and offered her a glass of water as the crying country doll sat on the living room sofa and poured out her heart. How she could finally see that Katya was capable of real relationships, how she regretted the decision not to give Katya a chance when she had asked for it, how happy she was for Brian and Justin, and how much it hurt to realise that you had totally fucked up. Afterwards the Barbie had passed out and woken up the next day, confused about where she was and how she had ended up there. Justin had of course never repeated any of the details - and he never would. What was it in Brian McCook that attracted everyone? Even Justin couldn’t pinpoint it, but he knew he was a victim of the same spell. He was nothing special. He had just been lucky. Or at least luckier than Violet. More willing to accept Brian’s flaws than Trixie. Second, maybe even third best?
Alaska shook her head and tried to get rid of the self-destructive thought pattern she had developed over the years. The one which she knew was mere discharge of her own insecurity and imagination. She knew Katya loved her, she could see it in her actions and hear it in her words when she talked about the future. Katya never failed to include Alaska, and always spoke about ‘us’ rather than ‘me’. Alaska also knew that Katya loved Trixie, she had told her herself. But it was a different type of love between the two Brians than what Brian had with Justin. Alaska knew all of this. But sometimes, when she could see that Katya cared for Trixie, she still felt an ugly green monster waking up inside her, telling her that she wasn’t good enough and that eventually, eventually Katya would get bored. Alaska was convinced that the only reason Katya was so careful about protecting their privacy, keeping their relationship hidden from the public, was because Katya could see it ending. Public breakups were the worst, Alaska knew it. She’d been through one. So it made sense to hide. Because eventually they would breakup, and if no one knew that there had been a relationship, then now one would ask questions. It made perfect sense.
‘Alaska, you’re on,’ someone told her and she nodded. Show time. Through mere willpower she plastered a smile on her lips and walked to the stage with the presence and confidence of the Queen of Snakes. She could handle this. This was her job.
She greeted the roaring audience with a wave worthy of the Queen of England and took a seat next to the host, another queen.
‘Welcome,’ Octavia greeted Alaska and acknowledged her with a nod. Her pitch black hair was decorated with glitter and multiple tiny hot pink bows. It was obvious that her makeup had been retouched by Kim Chi before she had stepped onto the stage as it was slightly off from her usual aesthetic. Alaska wondered how quickly the British queens would become known in the States, especially if Meth would be attached to Trixie’s name and fame – and she would be if their relationship became public knowledge. Octavia jumped to the most obvious question of how her reign as All Stars 2 winner had been and Alaska tried to keep her answer short. The audience applauded, murmured in approval and laughed at the right moments as Alaska described the years and the experience. She felt at home.
‘And who are you rooting for a win tonight?’ Octavia asked next.
‘I think they all deserve to win,’ she drawled trying to keep diplomatic. ‘They are all fierce, beautiful and incredibly intelligent and talented in their own very unique ways.’
Octavia nodded and glanced at the audience.
‘There is a lot of support today for Trixie, some of them shocking,’ Octavia glanced at Acid Betty meaningfully, drawing a laugh from the audience. ‘Some of them not so shocking,’ she continued and indicated towards the bar, where Katya Zamolodchikova stood on the bar top, surrounded by feathers, dressed all in red, waving a banner of ‘Mattel & Chi, best barbieque in town!’. Alaska shook her head at the banner and chuckled. They might have their differences and some bad moments, but in the end, that red mess in sparkly, red platform jellies was the love of her life.
‘Yes, there is a lot of support for everyone’s favorite doll,’ she agreed.
‘How does it feel that you need to step down, to give space for the next All Stars winner?’
‘I don’t see it that way,’ Alaska said. ‘To me it’s about recognising talent and giving credit where credit is due. I don’t think we are in competition with each other, we are all sisters and having a new All Stars winner does not diminish the talent of any other queen – not mine, not previous winners, not even the talent of the queens who’ve never made it to the show. Drag Race has become rather mainstream and extremely popular, what we tend to forget is that drag is more than that, it is subculture and there are some amazing queens out there who have never even auditioned to the show.’
Octavia nodded as the comment got a roaring applause from the audience.
‘Sharon Needles got married couple of weeks ago and gave an interview where she mentioned that not only was she supporting Willam for a win, but that she was very happy, and could feel that way as you had also found happiness.’
Alaska could remember the interview and could only smile at her own recollections of the ceremony and the reception. Sharon had looked so happy and handsome, Chad on her side.
‘Yeah, I guess she said that,’ Alaska admitted.
‘So, is that to mean that there someone special in your life?’ the host asked and Alaska smiled as she noticed the noise in the bar quiet down. Everyone seemed to anticipate her answer. Fucking gossips.
‘There are a lot of special people in my life,’ Alaska said diplomatically and chuckled at the disappointed groans in the audience.
‘But there is also a romantic interest?’ Octavia chuckled. Alaska glanced down to her hands and fiddled the black fan she was holding. Katya’s fan.
‘Yes, there is someone,’ she admitted, smiling as she lifted her gaze to Octavia. She could say as much, couldn’t she? They certainly had no plans to come public about their relationship, but there was no need to hide the feeling of happiness, was there?
‘There has been some rumours that he also works in the industry. Is that true?’ Octavia asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
‘Well, if by industry you mean the show business… Then, I guess he does, yes.’
‘And is he here with us, today?’ Octavia kept pushing and glanced at the audience.
Alaska made conscious effort not to look at Katya at the bar.
‘No,’ Alaska drawled and chuckled. ‘He couldn’t make it. Work commitments.’
It was the truth, Brian was not here, Katya was.
Octavia laughed brightly. ‘That’s a shame, everyone are very curious about what kind of a man would be needed to capture your attention,’ she said and Alaska chuckled.
‘How would you describe this relationship? Is it serious, passionate - loving ?’ Octavia continued her inquiry and Alaska wondered why the queen had not been updated about her and Katya’s circumstances, their situation and wishes to keep their relationship private.
Alaska was silent for a moment. She couldn’t keep her eyes from Katya and glanced at the bar. Katya sent her an encouraging smile and a wink. They had known these types of questions might come up eventually somewhere, but Alaska hadn’t thought they might ask something like this here. It was supposed to be one of their safe spaces, drag party for drag queens, surrounded by their friends, fans and family. It was clear that Octavia’s questions were not malicious, merely curious, and when Alaska looked at Katya, who was standing on the bar more beautiful than ever, the answer to Octavia’s question was perfectly clear.
‘Caring,’ Alaska said gently, staring at Katya for a moment before turning back to Octavia.
‘I would say it’s caring,’ Alaska repeated and was aware that every single person in the house was tuning in. Every single queen wanted to know more about the best kept secret of the RuGirl community.
‘You know when you have someone, and you know that whatever life throws at you, you can deal with it, because they are going to take care of it with you,’ Alaska continued, struggling to look at Octavia instead of Katya, as she spoke.
‘It’s all the good things, and all the bad things – and it’s somehow stronger than love. It’s this trust between you two, that while attraction and passion come and go, and then come again in phases – you know that they’ve got you.’
Brian was always there for Alaska, for Justin. There hadn’t been a one single instance where she had truly needed help, where Brian had failed to give it. Of course they had had difficult periods, they had fought and compromised, yelled and made up. But they had always eventually managed to sort it out, every single time.
‘In that type of relationship,’ Alaska said quietly and gave in to the urge to look at the Russian queen. She turned to Katya and it was most likely clear for everyone in the room, to whom she was talking to as she repeated: ‘In that type of relationship, you always do your best, your very best to care. And sometimes you fuck up. But that’s alright because you’ve learned to apologise and forgive. Yeah, that’s it, it’s care. It’s primary care.’
Octavia was silent for a moment, appreciating the words that obviously meant a lot to Alaska.
‘Thank you for sharing that. Is there anything else you’d like to add before the finale starts?’ Octavia asked and smiled to Alaska kindly as the audience roared in anticipation and excitement.
‘Yes, actually,’ Alaska grinned and turned back to Octavia. ‘I’d also like to say that women should be paid an equal wage, bio-queens are valid and that black lives matter. Спасибо.’
* *
It was the following morning that Brian McCook woke up to the buzzing of his phone. He reached over Justin and answered with a sleepy ‘Yes?’, being completely unprepared for the overwhelmingly cheery Trixie.
‘Good morning Moscow! I’m calling to congratulate, and thank you , for stealing Willam’s thunder. Well done, comrade, well done. Perfect execution of a completely subconscious strategy! Here on the planet of Trixie Mattel, we want acknowledge your efforts.’
Brian cringed at Trixie’s high tone. He recognised her voice, but her words made absolutely no sense, even if they were in perfect grammatical order.
‘What?’ he groaned and buried his face into Justin’s shoulder. Why was Trixie yelling?
There was a short silence at the other end before Trixie burst out a loud laughter.
‘I take you haven’t been on Twitter today?’ Trixie chuckled.
Brian frowned and glanced at the alarm clock. 08:34. He frowned in annoyance. Why was Trixie calling him at this god forsaken hour?
‘It’s not even 9am.’
‘You’re right, it’s not. But Europe has been awake for hours, Moscow even longer - and they’ve had time to flood your insta and twitter with a mixture of responses.’
Brian was starting to get tired at Trixie’s cryptics.
‘Brian, either tell me or let me sleep,’ Brian groaned in frustration and Justin stirred next to him.
‘Someone filmed you yesterday, rushing backstage and of course caught the kiss as well. It’s all very sweet and been viewed close to 300,000 times already. My bet is the Katlaska tag will break the internet by noon. So, anyway, I hope you enjoy this beautiful morning and will always remember today as the day your private life was on display for the whole world to see. Enjoy!’
Trixie hung up with a laugh and Brian blinked. Trixie’s words took a while to properly register but eventually Brian understood. Someone had caught them on camera at yesterday’s event and shared it online. Fuck.
He clicked open his twitter account and stared at the flood of messages, most of which either congratulated him, asked him to comment on the video or had a crying emoji with a trixya hashtag. It took him a while to scroll down to a tweet that had had the decency to add the link to the video.
The video started blurry but quickly focused on Katya getting down from the bar top, on which she had spent most of yesterday’s viewing party. She thrusted the barbie que banner at Kim Chi and weaved her way towards the camera, which also meant towards the backstage. Brian remembered thinking that he needed to catch Justin after Alaska’s interview, needed to tell him how much he loved him and how much his words had meant to him. He needed to convince Justin that he wasn’t second best, had never been a replacement for Trixie and that what Brian truly felt for the man was love, care, want, need .
The camera was lowered as Katya passed it, most likely so, that she wouldn’t notice being filmed and then refocused on her back. Brian watched with fascination as Katya reached Alaska, who was stepping down from the stage, and immediately pulled the tall queen into a passionate kiss. Brian watched as Alaska wrapped her long arms around Katya’s shoulders and with one practiced movement supported her entire weight on Katya, lifting her long legs around Katya’s hips. Brian was grateful she had worn jellies rather than heels to the show, as he wasn’t convinced that he could’ve caught and held Alaska in stilettos. The video ended abruptly while they were still kissing.
Brian rubbed his eyes and sighed. Someone tweeted him to spill the T on the relationship. He glanced at Justin, who was still asleep next to him, and wondered what he would think about the situation. They were both rather private about their personal lives but there was absolutely no chance that the video could’ve been interpreted as a Drag Queen fanservice. Maybe if they’d still been on the stage rather than behind it, then maybe…
Brian placed the phone next to his pillow and pulled Justin closer. Justin groaned quietly and wrapped his arm around Brian’s waist as he settled his shoulder into Brian’s armpit and his head on Brian’s chest.
‘Morning,’ Brian said softly and pressed a kiss on Justin’s forehead.
‘Mo’ning,’ Justin huffed, but didn’t open his eyes. Brian petted the brown, soft curls for a while and wondered what might be the best course of action. He didn’t want to freak Justin out, but at the same time he wanted to be the one to tell him the news.
‘Honey?’ Brian whispered against Justin’s forehead. The man smelled mostly of sleep, but a hint of fresh lime was lingering to his skin, reminding Brian of Alaska.
‘Hmm?’ Justin groaned.
‘How would you feel if I broadcasted it to the world, that I love you?’
Justin chuckled sleepily. ‘Proud.’
‘Yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
Brian thought the idea over once more before reaching for his phone. He swiped the front camera on and grinned at the screen, capturing not only his own cheeky expression, but also Justin sleeping against his naked chest. No flash.
Afterwards he made his way to Twitter and posted the picture with a very simple message:
Twitter
Katya @ katya_zamo
The T? With @Alaska5000 it’s not love, it’s primary care.
—–
A/N2: I hope you are not completely disappointed by this chapter&ending. I never intended PC to become such a long project and I really struggled to finish and let it go. Thank you for reading, it really means the world. xx
- Spoky
#alaska thunderfuck#katya zamolodchikova#katlaska#fluff#smut#romance#hurt/comfort#spoky#primary care#rpdr fanfiction#submission#canon compliant#poundcake ficlet collection
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