March Update Post

figures i should do another one of these.... tho this is mostly an update on the current status of my translations since i don’t intend to post much in terms of translations (3) this month since i’ve gotten around to my video backlog and will be stocking up on translations...

As i’ve stated before, i do multiple things at once cuz my head works that way, though this list will not include any SSL game content since that’s something I’ve already committed into doing plus my progress is a lot faster on those since my focus is kinda divided at 65% for ssl cross and daily stories, with 35% towards everything else. 

My current (mostly estimated) progress for the following is at: 

Hakuoki Kaze no Fumi Shogunate Dogs and Puppies [ 薄桜鬼 真改 風ノ章 ebten特典ドラマCD 「幕府の犬と子犬」 ]- 45% done (going to update this cd as a goal for my non-existent patreon unless someone sends me the audio for it on the off-chance i get donations or anything since the cd is usually costs between 2500 and 3000 yen on suruga-ya/yahoo auctions and im not willing to spend more money on cds (i think im going to start saving for ginsei no shou stuff).... plus that doesnt account for overseas shipping and other payment fees lol though id cover the bill for that. *sigh*)

Hakuoki Tsukikage no Shou - Kazama Chikage Final Chapter - 33% done

SSL Hakuo Gakuen Student General Assembly Track 3 - 25% someone uploaded this with Chinese subtitles so I’ll be able to finally translate that part where Shiranui talks with Kazama and Amagiri in the background.... huzzah lol

Hakuoki Girls fest live drama with saito, souji and kazama 10% (what I was referring to as “unknown drama”

Hakuoki otomate party 2013 drama 12%

Hana no Shou Stallaworth after story (renaming these to “after stories”. these are the ones that came from the book with Chizuru, Souji and Hijikata on it that i’ve already translated the stories for saito, yamazaki, hijikata and kazama for.) for Harada 10% 

Hakuoki ???? 28.57% (actually calculated this... tho im going to refrain from listing the name cuz im feeling mean lol. its an ssl “hakuoki other translation” tho)

Nightshade Stellaworth Kuroyuki Cd 20%

New shortlist of shortlisted stuff I still really want done:

Hana no Shou Stellaworth after stories for Souji, and Heisuke

Web drama 8 with souji and saito

Shinsengumi Oni-tan (still havent started transferring words from images from track 2 onward into text format)

character monologues

kyoka-roku rain scenario stories

kyoka-roku character cg perspectives

zuisouroku character cg perspectives

hijikata biyori track 13 and 14

otomate party 2015 psychedlica of the black butterfly drama

Anything no longer on my shortlist is still something that I intend to get to eventually tho if it’s no longer here, that means it will be done waaaay later... 

Currently, I have more than 100 different ‘tabs’ in nimble writer for Chinese Hakuoki content (it’s actually waaaaaay more than that in NW but i don’t feel like counting what isn’t right now since that’s a hassle to do), with the majority of them containing at least one hakuoki article/drama/short story though i have several tabs that contain multiple tracks [for dramas only] or multiple segments for print media or game content [really only ssl and yuugiroku 3 for that tho].... and i still haven’t counted the video content ive saved with chinese subtitles, the stuff i have saved as images or the stuff i haven’t bothered saving to my comp T_T......). also i didn’t know that the nightshade b’s logs stories were already translated and on their steam’s news page (which i’ve never checked in my life) so i’ll refrain from doing more of them.... *sigh* i apparently am not good at finding things on tumblr though in my defence i couldn’t find it under hyakka hyakurou though i did give up searching the nightshade tag after seeing too many plants.

oh and I’m probably going to start including images of the cds im missing audio for into some my posts more regularly cuz i really don’t think anyone looks at my lookout list... should probably say that i have no ETA on anything listed above since my current focus is on the ssl game content which i wanna finish asap.... i think i got 48 short stories to finish translating for that. or something? not sure if that’s an accurate number since im not sure if i counted everything properly. w/e lol. 

as a super long term goal i want 36 hakuoki things done so i have content to post for a year (min of 3 things per month as a goal lol.... ) to do whatever the hell i want on the side at a super slow pace or to finish all the relatively short stuff so i have a legitimate excuse to cut back and take my damn time since theres no way in hell i can translate a 30-60 min drama quickly lol. xD. 

Also, if anyone happens to want to translate Hakuoki stuff, or pay someone else to get translations commissioned, you can ask me for copies of the audio cds listed on my “stuff i have” page.... though I’m willing to trade for cds i don’t own if you don’t intend to do any of that.

ground rules for cds: 1) you cannot ask me anonymously, 2) do not share audio if you’re only publishing translation as text (meaning if you chose not to make a video), 3) if translations are made but are not posted publicly, send me a copy since I want them for my own entertainment (I will respect anyone’s wishes if they don’t want something shared or published online), 4) acknowledge that I may not share something if I am in the process of already translating it... that I might just be procrastinating since i haven’t ripped 99% of everything on that list, or might decide to send tracks one at a time due to other external reasons... also i don’t actually know which cds have dramas on them.

Update for today

Lockdown for Covid-19 March 27th

I guess I'm writing the story of my life...?

Things are better. Last night was rough because of depression and anxiety... I got to thinking why do I do this to myself? To be honest there is a lot I don't share with people and as a result I tend to break down at random times. I'm not looking for pity, more just friends... People who get it. I'm glad I started to post more on here as it feels sorta like a diary. And maybe right now that's what I need. Even if no one reads this that's ok.

Maybe I will just spell it all out. See what comes from it. So here it goes.

I haven't had a bad life. I'm only 23 but it just feels like a long life with many extra bumps in it... Things just manage not to go the way id like it to most of the time. So now I'm just used the noise. I had a good childhood but many many memories of a broken family. An angry dad (not necessarily towards us kids) a mom who coped with alcohol. I often took care of my siblings as the eldest of five. And there are many other things I won't mention... It was hard. It was dysfunctional. We'd have money then didn't. We'd have food then didn't. We'd have a week of no fighting with my parents and then they would be at each other's throats the next several weeks. We'd have moments of joy but usually short-lived moments. I'm not saying it was all bad. I have good memories too. Singing Taylor Swift songs to my mini laptop webcam is a memory I have. Making music with my brother was a good memory I have. And spending time with friends too.. it wasn't all bad...

Fast forward to about 3 years ago I thought I met the love of my life. Things seemed fine. But it was the calm before the storm. After my ex and I got together things sorta slowly started to get worse. My dad didn't support my relationship. He thought we were moving too fast. My mom wasnt happy and coped with more alcohol. And even tho they had briefly separated a couple years before I thought they wouldn't ever get divorced. Well I was wrong...

My ex and I tried so hard to make our relationship work. And I think I pushed things because I wanted some kind of happy ending. Most of my friends had gotten married or were in happy relationships. This was my first real relationship. So I thought this could be the last. There were constant fights and bitterness started to grow between us... We were co-dependent. We tried to live on our own but due to a mental illness he had, he had a hard time keeping a job. So we were just CONSTANTLY STRUGGLING. It just became not a safe place anymore. We did get engaged after about a year. My dad didn't agree and we didn't have any wedding help. My friends tried to help but it was almost like people didn't take us seriously. Which hurt because I was always there for them whether I agreed with their decisions or not. My mom straight up left my Dad and moved into her own place. I was in between a lot when it came to my mom and dad. Trying to help them to get along for my sister's sake. But there were many fights or my mom getting so drunk that the police were called... DISCLAIMER: I want to say. My parents aren't bad parents. They're just broken.

My ex and I were under so much never-ending stress. We broke up and got back together several times. It was awful. Words were said, feelings were hurt, then we'd forgive and start all over again. I like to think that was the burning Red Taylor was talking about. We loved each other so much. But it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. You lose yourself. You lose who you want to be just so you can help keep the other person from drowning. After two years my parents were officially getting divorced. My dad had gone through severe depression so I moved into his place because I honestly was afraid he would kill himself. That was rough. I had also briefly moved into my moms to help her. This was the breaking point for her. And I had to get my sisters who were living with her at the time and help them to pack up and leave. They no longer wanted to be there. Leaving her behind and closing her apartment door while glimpsing her looking so sad was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Time went on. We finally got through that. I got through that.

During this time I had lost friends. Or at least we didn't talk much anymore. I think they just didn't know how to approach me. And I know they didn't mean it. I was in a place where I couldn't be reached. Later my mom had left our state of NC and moved about 45 mins away to SC with her new Boyfriend. We like him. He's nice. And she's doing so much better! My dad had met a lady and got engaged rather quickly in my opinion lol. But as long as he's happy. When things finally started to calm down a bit with my family the damage had already been done in my relationship. It wouldn't stop. The fighting the arguing. Even after we had moved to our own little house. But it was still my home. I had my cats and my own space. I loved it. Well, back in November a huge fight had occurred and we believed we shouldn't be living together for the time being. I moved in with my grandmother.. I went back and forth a lot. Set up for Christmas and we even got to go on a little vacation. I hadn't been on a vacation in so long. Yet again, it was the calm before another storm. One night in December, the Friday before Christmas (my absolute favorite holiday) I got a call. It was my ex. He said he couldn't do it anymore. And that he was breaking up with me. He said he couldn't tell me face to face because it would be too hard and he probably would change his mind. And I cried. And begged him not too. This all happened after a particularly hard argument we had the day before. Where I had done something wrong and I did apologize for it. But it just wasn't enough... And that was it. The end of my 2-year whirlwind relationship. I was heartbroken. He got really angry and was just saying really mean things to me. Personal things that really affected me. I had to go get all my stuff. Leave one of my kitties behind and give the other one up because I couldn't bring her with me. She is rehomed to one of my best friends. She had been there through pretty much all of it. I'm so grateful I have her. I saw my ex went on a date after 3 weeks. And yeah. It was awful. I felt like the scum of the earth.

And I thought that was it... Hahaha It wasn't. I missed my period for the whole month of January. I didn't even think anything of it. Then I finally took a test. And LOW AND BEHOLD it was positive. My whole life took a fucking turn in one second and I was literally losing my mind. So yeah. Fast forward to now. I'm 16 weeks. Working through my severe depression and anxiety. I had had plans to really work on myself but now that I'm pregnant you can't really take many medications during this time. And that's very hard as I have trouble functioning normally day today... I was looking for a job for months and when I finally found one Covid-19 showed its ugly head and I lost that job. And now I'm here. Not sure of how I'm going to provide for this baby. But the father and I have much a better relationship then we've ever had. We are not back together tho. There's still struggles and obstacles but at this point it's just part of my life. So that's it more or less. That's where I'm at now. I'm very grateful that even tho my family isn't together we all still show up for each other. And even tho I sometimes still get stuck between my dad and moms problems they're still alive and well. And now I have a baby. Which was my ultimate dream. I guess I just want to know that I can provide a really good life for it. As these are not the circumstances I had wished for myself. And that it's childhood is better than my childhood or even my ex's. He struggled too... I'm scared right now because I can't work and I'm constantly battling these demons. But at the same time I know somehow it'll all work out... Eventually... You know what I hope for myself tho? That I find a love that's golden. Not red.

Hydrangea

Chapter 3

By the third drink, I’ve all but decided that tonight was a bust. Almost everyone was there that I had already known and there were even new friends and family to meet. No Bill tho, and it’d be a few days till Eija showed up.

Alex hadn’t left my side the entire time I’d been there and was being very hospitable, and being around his family, and being a gentleman was keeping him pretty PG, but a couple more drinks and all bets were off.

” I really like your whole face.” he slurred slightly, ” no, don't look at me like that! Lauren. Lauren look in my eyes. Usually, this might be a line, and I've been drinking, but that doesn't change the fact you've got a perfect face.”

”Thank you, Alex, but you want to know what a perfect face looks like?” I bent down and picked up Max, nuzzling my cheek against his little face.

”If that isn't the cutest fucking thing I've --”

”ALEX! Language in front of our guest, have I taught you nothing?” My said sternly, flashing me a playful smile. ”we’ve set up karaoke, and I believe you're first.”

Alex was about a dozen drinks ahead of me. He was all for it. He attempted to drag me up to sing with him, but there was no way I was doing that, so he took Max with him to sing a Swedish song. Poor little Max looked very confused in the arms of the giant Swede who was belting out the song with gusto. Luckily he liked Alex, or he may have peed on the man.

I had planned to make my exit now, but he had my damn dog. He was not as dumb and easygoing as he came off. He definitely had an agenda, and I needed to get myself off of it.

My made her way back over to me and sat down. “How long are you going to be here? Bill and Elja will be so pleased to see you.”

“I doubt they even remember me.”

“Bah! You are kidding. You were their best friend, and they still talk about you every summer. I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. You are very loved here, my dear.” She smiled and patted my leg.

I loved My. She was such a warm person. And although her and Stellan were no longer together, they still acted like the best of friends. This family was so different than mine. My family was cold and standoffish. I’d forgotten how much I loved being here.

“I’m not sure. I broke up with my fiancé and then realized I had nothing tying me there, so I left and came here. I don’t know if I’ll stay here forever, or start a new life in Australia or France, the world is my oyster.”

“What a brave, strong girl you are. You and Bill are so much alike.”

“Where is Bill?” I tried to ask as casually as possible.

“He’s somewhere. He disappears in the woods or the city and comes around now and then. He’s very reserved. He has a harder time with fame than his brothers.”

“I don’t blame him. I got rid of my cell phone and have no internet or anything. I’m going no technology or social media and finding myself.”

Mys eyes widened, and she slowly nodded her head, “like I said. Brave girl. May I be a little forward?”

“Yes.”

“Alex likes you, and you’re not interested. Am I correct?”

“Yes.”

“You came here to see Bill.”

“I did.”

“Bill said he’d be here by tomorrow to help prepare for the big party. I was expecting him tonight, but he gets sidetracked.”

Just then, several people outside began shouting and greeting someone. I immediately felt like I was going to pass out. I had to keep it together! Probably wasn’t even Bill.

I looked over at Alex, who had just finished his song and was staring at me longingly. He almost looked sad. I’m sure I was letting my imagination get carried away.

I looked over to the front door, just as a tall, statuesque, man with flashing green eyes, sharp cheekbones, full, pouty lips, and a confident, dare I say cocky air to him walked in, hugging people left and right. I was sure it was my Bill. He was devastatingly handsome, and I all of a sudden felt very self-conscious. Maybe these do look like pajamas. Shit.

He spotted My and made his way over to us. He wrapped his arms around her, wrapping her in a big hug, and told her how he had missed her. He glanced at me, doing a double take, and shamelessly stared before asking me why I looked familiar.

“You don’t recognize Lauren Bill? “ My asked incredulously.

“I thought I did, but I didn’t want to break my own heart if I was wrong.” He laughed and embraced me more enthusiastically than anyone else, swinging me around in a circle. He set me down and grabbed my hands as he took a step back and looked me over. “I am so fucking happy to see you. You have to tell me everything! I want to know it all!”

“She was actually on her way out, Bill. She’s only arrived today, let her sleep, and you can hassle her tomorrow.” My said patting me on the shoulder.

Thank God for his mother, because I was not mentally prepared for Bill in all his glory. He was absolutely stunning to look at, and he kept touching me, and I LIKED it, and I felt like an idiot. I refused to be that giggling fool, hanging on his every word, but I needed some time to process what he’d turned into. Maybe take a Xanax, and shit if I know.

“Nonsense! You want to stay! Right beautiful?” Bill asked, eagerly. His big green eyes pleading for me to give in.

“I really am quite tired, and have gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, so I really should sleep, Bill. I’d love to catch up tomorrow.”

Bill jokingly made a sad face but then grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the exit.

“What are you doing?” I. asked, eyes wide with surprise at his abrupt exit.

“I’m walking you home before anyone else can try.”

“Ok.” As he reached to open the door, I turned and yelled goodbye to everyone, and whistled for Max who leaped from Alex's lap, and sprinted into the night with Bill and me.

I tried to read Bills face, but it was nearly impossible to tell what the gorgeous man was thinking or feeling. We walked across the yard in silence until we reached my connecting gate and stepped thru it, and I tugged at Bill to halt him so I could wait for Max to do his business.

I could feel his eyes on me and nervously watched Max sniff around, before turning to Bill.

He was watching me, and when we locked eyes, it was like the world stopped turning and he was the only person id ever seen. I wanted to look away, but couldn’t break his intense gaze, realizing suddenly we were still holding hands. Then a flash of something in Bill’s eyes scared me a bit. What was it? I furrowed my brow and glared at him, and he broke out a stunning movie star smile.

“Still hate when I stare at you .” He chuckled.

She felt her face grow red, “you always make this face, I could never figure out. Feels like you're mocking me.” I smiled, realizing how foolish I sounded.

Bill scoffed and played up his mock horror, just as Max jumped on my calf, signaling he wished to be picked up. I scooped up my little dog and gave him little kisses on his head to his delight.

“Well, Bill, thank you for walking me home, ever the gentleman. Do you want to come over tomorrow and catch up? I’m going to go into town to stock up on house things since there’s nothing in the museum, but if you want to come over in the morning...”

“I’m spending the whole day with you.” He interrupted.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve missed you more than you can imagine. Every year I’d watch your house, praying you’d appear and you’re finally here. I'm not letting you out of my sight.”

Wow. “Sounds like a deal,” I said going in for a one armed hug, but Bill made an embrace to Max’s displeasure. “You’ll suffocate him, Bill,” I complained jokingly as I pulled away.

Bill still had my hand, but finally released it. He had the strangest expression on his face, and I still had no idea what to make of it. I walked up to the door and glanced back and stuck my tongue out at him. Oh my gosh, I am so lame! I quickly closed the door behind me and locked it.

I stood there grinning to myself like a fool, daydreaming about Bill knocking on the door and telling me he loved me as he said to that baby in that weird Netflix show he was in, when reality grabbed me by the throat and bitch slapped me.

The events of the day came crashing down on me until I was a weeping mess on the floor. Max licked at my tears, but it was no use.

I was a criminal, maybe even a killer, and I couldn't get involved with anyone, let alone a famous person.

Maybe I should fuck Alex since everyone else does, and he would hate me... No. I couldn't do that. And who was I kidding? Bill probably didn't even like me like that; he didn't try to kiss me or anything. He probably just missed me and I'm getting all worked up over nothing.

I got up and made my way to my bed, too tired to think anymore, crashing on the bed, fully clothed, in my shoes, falling into a dreamless coma-like slumber.

Hello to all!!! It’s been a crazy few months and I haven’t had the time to really go on Tumblr much less post about everything going on in my life but i am going to today!!

I’m currently finishing up my senior year of high school and lemme tell u - it’s been wild!!! But so fun. This last Relay for Life was probably my favorite one yet & I wish I could just have one more. When I went my freshman & sophomore year I was still so, so shy and only talked to people I already knew. This year, though, I talked to the new speech & debate kids and they were some of the sweetest people I have met in high school!! I always get so nostalgic for speech and debate when I am around the newer kids in the club. I can’t lie - being in that club was the only time throughout my whole high school experience that I felt as though I was a part of something good. I quit because it did stress me out a bit and I wanted to join photography my sophomore year and just always kind of found an excuse not to go back after that (even though I always knew I should’ve). Prom was nice - we ate at the Venetian and danced our lil hearts out at Panis Hall. I felt moderately pretty. I got into an argument with my best friend, Vincent, that night - he’s been a real dick lately & I couldn’t put up w it anymore that night in the Red Rock parking lot!!! I have been holding a few grudges against him since then but this weekend I have gotten some time to think it over for the first time & I think I’ve made my peace with him!! After prom was the Disney trip - which has been a WILD ride for a few months now. There was a lot of fishy business going on w the stuco advisor but finally - LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS LEFT - I got a seat on the bus!!!! I wasn’t ready at all because I didn’t want to pack a bunch & get excited just to end up having to go to math that day - but I had such a good time in my bummy school clothes & 2 best friends!!! Even if I didn’t get to take pictures and we didn’t get to finish exploring California adventure because we were all grumpy and tired. The bus ride with Vincent was so fun and I didn’t really think about all the things I was upset at him for. On the 24th, then, we had grad walk AND senior awards!! I did the travel grad walk with Ni-Ni and we got to go to our elementary and middle schools + pat diskin in our caps and gowns with all the current students lining the halls cheering us on!! It was so pure. The elementary schoolers were so so so cute n proud of us & it was the first time it rly set in that this is happening!!! Plus I saw my 4th grade teacher and she remembered me BY NAME. I foreal cried on the way back to the bus bc of it. Awards night was nice too - I sat next to a kid I hadn’t talked to since middle school but it wasn’t awkward and we made jokes to each other all night!! It was kinda cute. Like it really felt like we were all in this together. I luvvvved cheering on my friends & just other kids in my classes who I may not talk to much but it still feels like we’re on the same boat supporting each other!! I got my Ronald Mcdonald award that night + my hispanic educator award (two scholarships totaling $1500!!!!) I also have to go to a HUGE district wide ceremony & read part of the speech that won me the hispanic educator award the day after graduation!! Yikes but I’m excited. I think that’s basically all the senior events left except maybe the senior bbq??? But that’s not a big deal. I’m not sure if there’s a senior sunset and I know I posted about being upset that I didn’t go to senior sunrise but on the bus ride home from Disney, I woke up for a split second and saw the sunrise over the California desert with my best friend sleepin next to me, his arm latched onto mine & maybe that’s enough.

BUT YEAH. IM FUCKING GRADUATING. My checkout card is signed !! My 7th grade english teacher who i am super close to has her flight booked !!! Can u believe it!!

Work-wise, I was having a really hard time for a while. I was desperately looking for another job & was about to transfer because the theatre made me want to kill myself!!! My exs friends and my managers were talking so so so much shit abt me. They said some of the worst things they couldve possibly said about me - and were so condescending at a time where i was extremely insecure because i was hung up over a boy that treated me like shit & had just lost so many friends. I couldnt even imagine staying until summer - but the universe helped me out and made it so that 2 of my most condescending managers transferred & i stopped getting scheduled so much with my exs friends and things just got… better. I stopped crying everyday - or any day - at work and actually turned down an interview because i figured id just wait until july to look for another job (thats how long im required to stay at my current to qualify for a 10k dollar scholarship i think i have a good shot at getting!!). I dont feel trapped and dread going to work anymore anymore and its so so so relieving. For a second there, it really had such a strong hold on my life and im so glad thats over. It was not healthy at ALL

Driving wise - ive been driving a lil bit a few days a week now and im really enjoying it !! It is not as scary as i thought itd be. I still have a lot to learn but i think im doin pretty good + i have 3k saved up for a car & im so excited !!!

This summer is also gna be super fun - im gna throw so many parties bc all of my bffs are leavin im august for college + spend a week explorin LA w my sister which im so excited abt !!! Im super broke atm bc i had to borrow a bunch of money from my mom for grade nite & am trying to pay it back asap but hopefully any grad money will be enough to cover it so i can buy books n cute knick knacks freely while im on vacay!! Especially since my body decided to hit a second fuckin puberty this winter & none of my summer clothes fit me anymore :( ive been dressing so bummy lately bc of it but ive been too busy to care. I gotta get clothes b4 going to LA tho!!! Other than that though i really just want this summer to be abt me. I feel like even tho i KNOW i need time to myself, i always try to get the most out of literally ANY possible relationship in my life :( its such a bad thing but i hate passing up opportunities like that bc what if, u know? To love and be loved in return is what I always thought i wanted most in this world!!! But i think i just need to consider where situations like this are really going before i compromise the time i set aside to work on myself for it. SO unless i can really see something going somewhere, this summer is goin to be about reading, writing, filming, and taking care of myself !!! I want to eat better (vegetarian & vegan whenever possible!!) and exercise and take care of my skin and just get shit done in general (maybe learn to knit finally???) Im even gonna start a bullet journal!!! I think it will help keep me feelin like myself as well as stay productive & organized in college + its just such a cute hobby Not to mention my sister is ENGAGED?????? My BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! I will save the sappy stuff for later posts/my maid of honor speech but she really deserves this more than anyone. It hurts to see her movin out after 18 years of sleepin 10 feet away from her - if it were any earlier than this i wouldnt have been able to handle it - but im excited to be independent & im sure we’ll be sendin each other funny memes and visiting each other 24/7!! She is my best friend after all, and im just so happy to see her happy that i cant even be that sad abt losing our early morning laughs and late night talks - at least not yet!! Maybe it just hasnt set in yet