#i know everything but i can't make sense of any of it so functionally nothing is different
Note
ULTIMATE ATTACK: EVERYEMOJI SUPERBLAST!!!!!
๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐คฃ๐๐๐๐ซ ๐๐๐๐ฅฐ๐๐คฉ๐๐โบ๏ธ๐๐๐ฅฒ๐๐๐๐คช๐๐ค๐ค๐คญ๐ซข๐ซฃ๐คซ๐ค๐ซก๐ค๐คจ๐๐๐ถ๐ซฅ๐ถโ๐ซ๏ธ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ฎโ๐จ๐คฅ๐ซจ๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐๐ช๐คค๐ด๐ท๐ค๐ค๐คข๐คฎ๐คง๐ฅต๐ฅถ๐ต๐ตโ๐ซ๐คฏ๐ฅด๐ค ๐ฅณ๐ฅธ๐๐ค๐ง๐๐ซค๐๐โน๏ธ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ฅบ๐ฅน๐ฆ๐ง๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฑ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฉ๐ซ๐ฅฑ๐ค๐ก๐ ๐คฌ๐๐ฟ๐โ ๏ธ๐ฉ๐คก๐น๐บ๐ป๐ฝ๐พ๐ค๐บ๐ธ๐น๐ป๐ผ๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โฃ๏ธ๐โค๏ธโ๐ฅโค๏ธโ๐ฉนโค๏ธ๐ฉท๐งก๐๐๐๐ฉต๐๐ค๐ค๐ฉถ๐ค๐๐ฏ๐ข๐ฅ๐ซ๐ฆ๐จ๐ณ๏ธ๐ฌ๐๏ธโ๐จ๏ธ๐จ๏ธ๐ฏ๏ธ๐ญ๐ค๐๐ค๐๏ธโ๐๐ซฑ๐ซฒ๐ซณ๐ซด๐ซท๐ซธ๐๐ค๐คโ๏ธ๐ค๐ซฐ๐ค๐ค๐ค๐๐๐๐๐โ๏ธ๐ซต๐๐โ๐๐ค๐ค๐๐๐ซถ๐๐คฒ๐ค๐โ๏ธ๐
๐คณ๐ช๐ฆพ๐ฆฟ๐ฆต๐ฆถ๐๐ฆป๐๐ง ๐ซ๐ซ๐ฆท๐ฆด๐๐๏ธ๐
๐๐ซฆ๐ถ๐ง๐ฆ๐ง๐ง๐ฑ๐จ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐จโ๐ฆฐ๐จโ๐ฆฑ๐จโ๐ฆณ๐จโ๐ฆฒ๐ฉ๐ฉโ๐ฆฐ๐งโ๐ฆฐ๐ฉโ๐ฆฑ๐งโ๐ฆฑ๐ฉโ๐ฆณ๐งโ๐ฆณ๐ฉโ๐ฆฒ๐งโ๐ฆฒ๐ฑโโ๏ธ๐ฑโโ๏ธ๐ง๐ด๐ต๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐
๐
โโ๏ธ๐
โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐คฆ๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐คฆโโ๏ธ๐คท๐คทโโ๏ธ๐คทโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐จโโ๏ธ๐ฉโโ๏ธ๐งโ๐๐จโ๐๐ฉโ๐๐งโ๐ซ๐จโ๐ซ๐ฉโ๐ซ๐งโโ๏ธ๐จโโ๏ธ๐ฉโโ๏ธ๐งโ๐พ๐จโ๐พ๐ฉโ๐พ๐งโ๐ณ๐จโ๐ณ๐ฉโ๐ณ๐งโ๐ง๐จโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐ง๐งโ๐ญ๐จโ๐ญ๐ฉโ๐ญ๐งโ๐ผ๐จโ๐ผ๐ฉโ๐ผ๐งโ๐ฌ๐จโ๐ฌ๐ฉโ๐ฌ๐งโ๐ป๐จโ๐ป๐ฉโ๐ป๐งโ๐ค๐จโ๐ค๐ฉโ๐ค๐งโ๐จ๐จโ๐จ๐ฉโ๐จ๐งโโ๏ธ๐จโโ๏ธ๐ฉโโ๏ธ๐งโ๐๐จโ๐๐ฉโ๐๐งโ๐๐จโ๐๐ฉโ๐๐ฎ๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐ฎโโ๏ธ๐ต๏ธ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ต๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐ฅท๐ท๐ทโโ๏ธ๐ทโโ๏ธ๐ซ
๐คด๐ธ๐ณ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐ณโโ๏ธ๐ฒ๐ง๐คต๐คตโโ๏ธ๐คตโโ๏ธ๐ฐ๐ฐโโ๏ธ๐ฐโโ๏ธ๐คฐ๐ซ๐ซ๐คฑ๐ฉโ๐ผ๐จโ๐ผ๐งโ๐ผ๐ผ๐
๐คถ๐งโ๐๐ฆธ๐ฆธโโ๏ธ๐ฆธโโ๏ธ๐ฆน๐ฆนโโ๏ธ๐ฆนโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐ถ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโ๐ฆฏ๐จโ๐ฆฏ๐ฉโ๐ฆฏ๐งโ๐ฆผ๐จโ๐ฆผ๐ฉโ๐ฆผ๐งโ๐ฆฝ๐จโ๐ฆฝ๐ฉโ๐ฆฝ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐๐บ๐ด๏ธ๐ฏ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ฏโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐คบ๐โท๏ธ๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธ๐ฃ๐ฃโโ๏ธ๐ฃโโ๏ธ๐๐โโ๏ธ๐โโ๏ธโน๏ธโน๏ธโโ๏ธโน๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ด๐ดโโ๏ธ๐ดโโ๏ธ๐ต๐ตโโ๏ธ๐ตโโ๏ธ๐คธโโ๏ธ๐คธ๐คธโโ๏ธ๐คผ๐คผโโ๏ธ๐คผโโ๏ธ๐คฝ๐คฝโโ๏ธ๐คฝโโ๏ธ๐คพ๐คพโโ๏ธ๐คพโโ๏ธ๐คน๐คนโโ๏ธ๐คนโโ๏ธ๐ง๐งโโ๏ธ๐งโโ๏ธ๐๐๐งโ๐คโ๐ง๐ญ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐โ๐จ๐จโโค๏ธโ๐โ๐จ๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐โ๐ฉ๐๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐จ๐จโโค๏ธโ๐จ๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐ฉ๐จโ๐ฉโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐ฉโ๐ง๐จโ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐ฉโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ๐ฉโ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐ฉโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐จโ๐งโ๐ง๐จโ๐จโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐จโ๐งโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐จโ๐ง๐จโ๐จโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ๐ฉโ๐ฉโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ๐ฉโ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ง๐จโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐ง๐จโ๐งโ๐ฆ๐จโ๐งโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ๐ฉโ๐ง๐ฉโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ๐ฉโ๐ฆ๐ฃ๏ธ๐ค๐ฅ๐ซ๐ช๐งโ๐งโ๐ง๐งโ๐งโ๐งโ๐ง๐งโ๐ง๐งโ๐งโ๐ง๐ฃ๐ต๐๐ฆ๐ฆง๐ถ๐๐ฆฎ๐โ๐ฆบ๐ฉ๐บ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐๐โโฌ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐
๐๐ด๐ซ๐ซ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆฌ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ท๐๐๐ฝ๐๐๐๐ช๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐๐ฆฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆซ๐ฟ๏ธ๐๐ฐ๐น๐๐ป๐ปโโ๏ธ๐จ๐ผ๐ฆฅ๐ฆฆ๐ฆจ๐ฆ๐ฆก๐พ๐ฆ๐๐๐ฃ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฆฉ๐ชถ๐ฆค๐ฆ๐ฆข๐ฆ๐ฆ
๐ฆ
๐ฆ๐๏ธ๐ฆ๐ชฝ๐ฆโโฌ๐ชฟ๐ฆโ๐ฅ๐ธ๐๐ข๐ฆ๐๐ฒ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ณ๐๐ฌ๐ฆญ๐๐ ๐ก๐ฆ๐ชผ๐ชธ๐๐๐๐ฆ๐๐๐๐ชฒ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ ๐ชฑ๐ชฐ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ท๏ธ๐ชณ๐๐ธ๐ฎ๐ชท๐ต๏ธ๐น๐ฅ๐บ๐ท๐ชป๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ชด๐ฒ๐ณ๐ด๐ต๐พ๐ฟโ๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐ชน๐ชบ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฅญ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ซ๐ฅ๐
๐ซ๐ฅฅ๐ฅ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฝ๐ถ๏ธ๐ซ๐ฅ๐ฅฌ๐ฅฆ๐ง๐ง
๐ฅ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ซ๐โ๐ซ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ซ๐ฅจ๐ฅฏ๐ฅ๐ง๐ญ๐๐ง๐๐ฅฉ๐ฅ๐๐๐๐ฅช๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฅ๐ง๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ฅฃ๐ฅ๐ฟ๐ง๐ง๐ฅซ๐ฑ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐ฃ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฅฎ๐ก๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฅก๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆช๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ง๐จ๐ฉ๐ช๐๐ฐ๐ง๐ฅง๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐ฅโ๐ซ๐ต๐ถ๐พ๐ท๐ธ๐น๐บ๐ป๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ซ๐ฅค๐ง๐ง๐ง๐ง๐ฅข๐ฝ๏ธ๐ด๐ฅ๐ช๐ซ๐บ๐๐๐๐๐บ๏ธ๐พ๐งญ๐๏ธโฐ๏ธ๐๐ป๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐งฑ๐ชจ๐ชต๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ฃ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฉ๐ช๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐๐ผ๐ฝโช๐๐๐โฉ๏ธ๐โฒโบ๐๐๐๏ธ๐๐
๐๐๐โจ๏ธ๐ ๐๐ก๐ข๐๐ช๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ป๐๐๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐ต๐ฆฝ๐ฆผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ด๐น๐ผ๐๐ฃ๏ธ๐ค๏ธ๐ข๏ธ๐โฝ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐๐งโ๐โต๐ถ๐ค๐ณ๏ธโด๏ธ๐ฅ๏ธ๐ขโ๏ธ๐ฉ๏ธ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ช๐บ๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ฐ๏ธ๐๐ธ๐๏ธ๐งณโโณโโฐโฑ๏ธโฒ๏ธ๐ฐ๏ธ๐๐ง๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐ข๐๐ฃ๐๐ค๐๐ฅ๐๐ฆ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ก๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐๐ชโญ๐๐ ๐โ๏ธโ
โ๏ธ๐ค๏ธ๐ฅ๏ธ๐ฆ๏ธ๐ง๏ธ๐จ๏ธ๐ฉ๏ธ๐ช๏ธ๐ซ๏ธโกโฑ๏ธโโ๏ธ๐๐๐๐ฌ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธโโ๏ธ๐ฅ๐ง๐๐๐๐๐๐งจโจ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐งง๐๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐ซ๐๏ธ๐๐
๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅโฝโพ๐ฅ๐๐๐๐๐พ๐ฅ๐ณ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ธ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ
โณโธ๏ธ๐ฃ๐คฟ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ท๐ฅ๐ฏ๐ช๐ช๐ซ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฎ๐น๏ธ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐งธ๐งฉ๐ช
๐ชฉ๐ชโ ๏ธโฅ๏ธโฆ๏ธโฃ๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐๐ด๐ญ๐ผ๏ธ๐จ๐งต๐ชก๐งถ๐ชข๐๐ถ๏ธ๐ฅฝ๐ฅผ๐ฆบ๐๐๐๐งฃ๐งค๐งฅ๐งฆ๐๐๐ฅป๐ฉฑ๐๐๐๐ชญ๐๐๐ฉณ๐ฉฒ๐๏ธ๐๐ฉด๐๐๐ฅพ๐ฅฟ๐ ๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ชฎ๐ข๐ฉฐ๐ก๐งข๐ชโ๏ธ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ข๐ฃ๐ฏ๐๐๐ผ๐ต๐ถ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐ค๐ง๐ป๐ท๐ช๐ธ๐น๐บ๐ป๐ช๐ฅ๐ช๐ช๐ช๐ฑ๐ฒโ๏ธ๐๐๐ ๐๐ชซ๐๐ป๐ฅ๏ธ๐จ๏ธโจ๏ธ๐ฑ๏ธ๐ฒ๏ธ๐ฝ๐พ๐ฟ๐๐งฎ๐ฅ๐๏ธ๐ฝ๏ธ๐ฌ๐บ๐ท๐ธ๐น๐ผ๐๐๐ฏ๏ธ๐ก๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฐ๐๏ธ๐๐๐ท๏ธ๐ฐ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ถ๐ท๐ธ๐ณ๐งพ๐นโ๏ธ๐ง๐จ๐ฉ๐ค๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ช๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ณ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๐ผ๐๐๐๏ธ๐
๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐๏ธโ๏ธ๐๐๐๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐๐๏ธ๐จ๐ชโ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ ๏ธ๐ก๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฃโ๏ธ๐ฉ๐ช๐ง๐ช๐ก๏ธ๐น๐ช๐๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฆฏ๐โ๏ธโ๐ฅโ๏ธ๐ช๐งฐ๐งฒ๐ชโ๏ธ๐งช๐งซ๐งฌ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ก๐ฉป๐ฉบ๐ฉผ๐ฉน๐๐ฉธ๐๐ช๐๐ช๐ช๐๏ธ๐๏ธ๐ช๐ฝ๐งน๐งท๐งด๐ช๐ชค๐๐ฟ๐ช ๐งบ๐งป๐ชฃ๐งผ๐ซง๐ชฅ๐งฝ๐งฏ๐๐ชช๐ฌโฐ๏ธ๐ชฆโฑ๏ธ๐งฟ๐ชฌ๐ฟ๐ชง๐ง๐ฎ๐ฐโฟ๐น๐บ๐ป๐ผ๐พ๐๐๐
๐โ ๏ธ๐ธโ๐ซ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฏ๐ฑ๐ท๐ต๐โข๏ธโฃ๏ธโฌ๏ธโ๏ธโก๏ธโ๏ธโฌ๏ธโ๏ธโฌ
๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธโ๏ธโฉ๏ธโช๏ธโคด๏ธโคต๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ๏ธ๐๏ธโก๏ธโธ๏ธโฏ๏ธโ๏ธโฆ๏ธโช๏ธโฎ๏ธ๐๐ฏ๐ชฏ๐ชฏโโโโโโโโโโโโโ๐๐๐โถ๏ธโฉโญ๏ธโฏ๏ธโ๏ธโชโฎ๏ธ๐ผโซ๐ฝโฌโธ๏ธโน๏ธโบ๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฆ๐
๐๐ถ๐๐ณ๐ดโ๏ธโ๏ธโง๏ธโ๏ธโโโ๐ฐโพ๏ธโผ๏ธโ๏ธโโโโ๐ฑ๐ฒโ๏ธโป๏ธโ๏ธ๐ฑ๐๐ฐโญโ
โ๏ธโ๏ธโโโฐโฟใฝ๏ธโณ๏ธโด๏ธโ๏ธยฉ๏ธยฎ๏ธโข๏ธ#๏ธโฃ*๏ธโฃ0๏ธโฃ1๏ธโฃ2๏ธโฃ3๏ธโฃ4๏ธโฃ5๏ธโฃ6๏ธโฃ7๏ธโฃ8๏ธโฃ9๏ธโฃ๐๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ค๐ฃ๐
ฐ๏ธ๐๐
ฑ๏ธ๐๐๐โน๏ธ๐โ๏ธ๐๐๐
พ๏ธ๐๐
ฟ๏ธ๐๐๐๐๐๏ธ๐ท๏ธ๐ถ๐ฏ๐๐น๐๐ฒ๐๐ธ๐ด๐ณใ๏ธใ๏ธ๐บ๐ต๐ด๐ ๐ก๐ข๐ต๐ฃ๐คโซโช๐ฅ๐ง๐จ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ซโฌโฌโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโป๏ธโฝโช๏ธโซ๏ธ๐ถ๐ท๐ธ๐น๐บ๐ป๐ ๐๐ณ๐ฒ๐๐ฉ๐๐ณ๏ธ๐ด๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ๐ดโโ ๏ธ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฆ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ธ๐ฆ๐น๐ฆ๐บ๐ฆ๐ผ๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ง๐ญ๐ง๐ฌ๐ง๐ซ๐ง๐ช๐ง๐ฉ๐ง๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฟ๐ง๐ฎ๐ง๐ฏ๐ง๐ฑ๐ง๐ฒ๐ง๐ณ๐ง๐ด๐ง๐ถ๐ง๐ท๐จ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ง๐ฟ๐ง๐พ๐ง๐ผ๐ง๐ป๐ง๐น๐ง๐ธ๐จ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐จ๐ฌ๐จ๐ญ๐จ๐ฎ๐จ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฑ๐จ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฝ๐จ๐ผ๐จ๐ป๐จ๐บ๐จ๐ท๐จ๐ต๐จ๐ด๐จ๐ณ๐จ๐พ๐จ๐ฟ๐ฉ๐ช๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ฉ๐ด๐ช๐ธ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ช๐ช๐ช๐จ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฟ๐ช๐น๐ช๐บ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฏ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ด๐ซ๐ท๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ง๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฌ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ต๐ฌ๐ถ๐ฌ๐ท๐ฌ๐ธ๐ฌ๐น๐ญ๐น๐ญ๐ท๐ญ๐ณ๐ญ๐ฒ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐พ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ฌ๐บ๐ญ๐บ๐ฎ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฏ๐ต๐ฏ๐ด๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฎ๐น๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฎ๐ท๐ฎ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฐ๐ต๐ฐ๐ท๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐จ๐ฑ๐ง๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐พ๐ฐ๐พ๐ฑ๐ท๐ฐ๐ผ๐ฑ๐ธ๐ฑ๐น๐ฑ๐บ๐ฑ๐ป๐ฑ๐พ๐ฒ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ญ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ฒ๐ช๐ฒ๐ฉ๐ฒ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ด๐ฒ๐ต๐ฒ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ท๐ฒ๐ธ๐ฒ๐น๐ฒ๐บ๐ณ๐ช๐ณ๐จ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐พ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ป๐ณ๐ซ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ด๐ณ๐ต๐ณ๐ท๐ณ๐บ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ด๐ฒ๐ต๐ฆ๐ต๐ช๐ต๐ซ๐ต๐ฌ๐ต๐ญ๐ต๐ฐ๐ต๐พ๐ต๐ผ๐ต๐น๐ต๐ธ๐ต๐ท๐ต๐ณ๐ต๐ฒ๐ต๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฆ๐ท๐ช๐ท๐ด๐ท๐ธ๐ท๐บ๐ท๐ผ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ธ๐ง๐ธ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ๐ธ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ญ๐ธ๐ฌ๐ธ๐ช๐ธ๐ฉ๐ธ๐จ๐ธ๐ฑ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ธ๐ณ๐ธ๐ท๐ธ๐ด๐ธ๐ธ๐ธ๐น๐ธ๐ป๐น๐ฌ๐น๐ซ๐น๐ฉ๐น๐จ๐น๐ฆ๐ธ๐ฟ๐ธ๐พ๐ธ๐ฝ๐น๐ญ๐น๐ฏ๐น๐ฐ๐น๐ฑ๐น๐ฒ๐น๐ณ๐น๐ด๐น๐ท๐บ๐ณ๐บ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฌ๐บ๐ฆ๐น๐ฟ๐น๐ผ๐น๐ป๐น๐น๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐พ๐บ๐ฟ๐ป๐ฆ๐ป๐จ๐ป๐ช๐ป๐ฌ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฆ๐พ๐น๐พ๐ช๐ฝ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ธ๐ผ๐ซ๐ป๐บ๐ป๐ณ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ฅ๓ ฎ๓ ง๓ ฟ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ณ๓ ฃ๓ ด๓ ฟ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ท๓ ฌ๓ ณ๓ ฟ
i feel like i've just been shown the position of every particle in the universe
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โโโโ141 headcanons: touching the bellyโโโโ
a/n: y'all know i'm a sucker for the the pregs trope so i had to do this request. and i only did the four dinguses for this one, sorry anon โบ๏ธ
warning(s): pregnancy, fluff+angst, invasion of reader's personal space/privacy, protectiveness, hurt/comfort?, afab!reader
โงหโ MAIN MASTERLIST โข 141 MASTERLIST โงโหโน
เนเฃญ โญ PRICE
โone of the perks of being married to john is being supported. quite literally the definition of it, in every form. that goes for your baby too, no questions asked. he's more akin to simon in being traditional while you're expecting. wants you home, resting and not lifting a finger.
he's very particular about who he lets close to you, more than ever now. it makes sense considering his work and the general fragility of a new family. in the same way as kyle, he's constantly stressed. wants everything to be perfect for you and soon to be little one.
always has his eye on you, just like he does all his men. there's nothing he doesn't see or already knows about. honestly, may even spot a bad apple before you do. won't even bother with politeness and will shoo them away before their hand(s) even make contact with your tummy.โ
เนเฃญ โญ SIMON
โ he was already protective enough before you got pregnant, but he's at a whole new level now. practically a full-time security guard by the time you reach your third trimester. ESPECIALLY when you two find yourselves out and about โ which isn't often.
on the off chance that you're at some sort of gathering with simon, he's at your side no matter what. eyeing every person who approaches you, only chiming in when spoken to, out of mere courtesy. as soon as you give him any inkling of discomfort, he's asking you if he should go start the car.
one thing he hasn't gotten used to yet is the touching. how people often belaud pregnant women. cross boundaries constantly to get a feel of them and their bellies. it's already hard enough getting the man to relax, but it's hopeless now with all the new people he "needs" to keep an eye on. it's not a matter of him catching someone touching your belly; he'll already be standing there most likely. glares, huffs, will certainly go as far as removing their hand if it lingers long enough.โ
เนเฃญ โญ SOAP
โdoesn't see any point in excluding you from functions if you think you can handle them. loves having you on his lap or right beside him when he's out, even in pregnancy. as long as you're comfortable and able to signal to him when you're too tired or need something โ he's just happy you're there.
most of all, johnny is fiercely protective of the bump. more than he is of you (which is nearly unfathomable, i know). and if there's one thing he loves more than you โ it's gushing about you to anyone who'll listen. so, initially, he might not notice someone making you tense while amid his blabbing.
but after so long with him, you've learned to accept the flattery for what it is and remember how easy it is for him to get distracted. a firm squeeze to his hand or a tug to his jacket will do the trick. but once realizes what's happening, he's on it (with his new Dad Speed). finds a way to distract the person and slip you the car keys. promises he'll be out in two minutes to drive you home โ and he always is.โ
เนเฃญ โญ GAZ
โ even though he'd prefer you bundled up in bed and waiting for him, kyle still enjoys doing things with you. he definitely gives a wider berth than the other guys, but he's just as vigilant (if not more). he's more subtle about it, if anything.
it isn't just you to protect anymore, it's you and his baby. so, forgive the man for his pinched brows and clenched fists, he's reverted into nothing but a ball of anxiety the further the months progress.
doesn't mind people having a feel of you, usually, when they only mean well (it's typically older ladies anyhow). but sometimes it's a more unsavory interaction; someone who isn't taking any hints, who can't bear to leave the two of you alone. on one hand, gaz understands โ an expectant, attractive couple out on a wholesome shopping trip is bound to lure attention. he takes a slower approach, less hostile to avoid upsetting you anyone. brushes it off with an excuse; "oh, love, you got that appointment today, right? don't wanna be late." and then makes his exit, a guiding hand around your waist.โ
#dividers by cafekitsune#>>> all creds to them#mw2#call of duty#task force 141#141 x reader#141 x you#141 task force#mw2 x reader#john price x reader#simon riley x reader#soap x reader#gaz x reader#141 headcanons#mw2 headcanons#mw3#call of duty x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x you#soap x you#kyle garrick x reader#john price x you
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๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐น๐๐ฒ ๐น๐ผ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐
๐ณ๐ฒ๐บ!๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ
โนsynopsis :: they are hopelessly in love with you, the excitement, the passion and how they want to make their feelings known.
โนcontents :: sfw ,fem!reader, based on exo's song "growl", manager y/n in one scenario, beware of whipped (overprotective) egoists, tried to include as many characters as possible
โนnotes :: it's my first time doing something like this with song lyrics, i hope i did it well! i honestly didn't know where to put eita whomp whomp, sorry for any grammar mistakes or mischaracterizations.
โIโm warning you just in case, listen carefully
Itโs getting dangerous now, so dangerous
Stop provoking me, there'll be big trouble
I donโt even know what I'll doโ
The after party of the FIFA Awards started to get exhausting, boring even, talking to people left and right, getting more brand deals, you know the usual for a football superstar, he just wanted to enjoy the night drinking and having fun with you. But you are nowhere to be seen to his own dismay, where the heck did you go, it's not like he doesn't trust you - he doesn't trust the ones around you. He craned his neck, scanning the crowded venue in search of your familiar presence, and finally found you, ah you are so beautiful, so mesmerizing, he couldn't take his eyes off you, but you seemed to talk to someone ... let's say he doesn't like at all. He will make sure when playing against his team to score a hat-trick, no a double hat-trick. He felt this gut-wrenching feeling inside his stomach, his heart tightened at the site - his angel next to some random bug. Quickening his pace, he found himself behind you, looking at the man in front of you with utter hatred, realizing who he was dealing with he apologized to you and left. Wrapping his arms around you, securing and claiming you as his once again, whispering in your ear to stop doing these things to him, because he won't be as calm the next time he sees someone who doesn't deserve to be next to you.
Oliver Aiku, Shidou Ryusei, Karasu Tabito, Sheoi Barou, Raichi Jingo, Lavinho
โMy breath keeps stopping, you are walking toward me
You are smiling at me, are you attracted to me too?
My eyes become cloudy when you stare at me
Your breath gets closer to my ears, youโre the one that makes me go crazyโ
Run, receive pass, score - repeat. He was trying to do that the whole practice, but he can't focus when you are here, distracting him. He will pass out not from overwork, but from the fact that his heart will burst at any moment if you keep looking at him with those sparkly e/c eyes, oh, and your smile - you were the motivation that pushed him to give his best on the field and the reason he forgets how to speak, how to think properly, how to function at all. As you approach him with that concerned smile,with your perfect cute looking face, noticing the sweat on his forehead you, reaching out your hand to check if he has temperature because he was burning and you ask him if he is okay, NO HE IS NOT OKAY, your gaze meeting his and like a daydream, his vision begins to get cloudy โ he stares into your eyes, and so do you in his. The world around you blurred as your presence dominated his senses. Was it possible that you too, felt the magnetic pull drawing you and him together?
Isagi Yoichi, Yo Hiori, Nanase Nijiro, Julien Loki, Kurona Ranze, Niko Ikki, Alexis Ness
โSo no-one can see you, I want to hide you in my armsย (Iโm so serious)
All of the stares that want you , whirls up in me a harsh stormโ
He just wanted to have one normal date with you, but of course the paparazzi have to nudge in, all the unwanted stares, camera lights, and the million photos that are probably going to be on every social media tomorrow with the most stupid title. Sometimes he hates the fact that he is famous, everything has it's perks, but right now he wishes for nothing more but to be a normal person with a normal office job. He wanted to hide, and most importantly to hide you from the press. Your relationship is not a secret, but you want to keep it private as much as possible. Without thinking, he gripped your hand tighter and quickened his walking pace, well you were practically running - away from this chaos. As the cacophony of camera clicks faded into the distance, you found solace in the quiet corner of the alley. Panting, without breath, his eyes met yours, and you let a little laugh, what's so funny about people invading your privacy?, but if it meant seeing you with such an adoring smile, he would run the whole world just for that.
Itoshi Sae, Itoshi Rin, Nagi Seishiro, Yukimiya Kenyu, Noel Noa, Leonardo Luna
โMy eyes get sharper, and the tension feels like it could cutย
Iโm searching aroundย your surroundings, baby
You just stay as you are and look at only me
Iโll never let you go, just watch, babyโย
Scoring the last-minute winning goal he screamed from the adrenaline, releasing the pent-up frustration that had been building throughout the game. The roaring crowd, the teammates' admiration, and the coach's praises all faded into the background, he felt the weight of the stadium disappear as he locked eyes with you from the VIP seats. His heart pounded with the residual rush of adrenaline, and a triumphant smile spread across his face. Your gaze held his, and in that intimate moment, the world outside ceased to exist. For him, every goal, every achievement, was dedicated to you. As the cheers continued around him, he knew that your 'I'm proud of you' meant more than any other praise. In that shared gaze, amidst the triumph, it was one of the biggest victories for him - you were more important than any medal, trophy, or Ballon d'Or. He smiled once again at you, nodding to the inside of the stadium, signaling you to wait there. And you did, understanding that there were moments beyond the public celebration, where the bond between you two was more profound than the thrill of victory itself - and to his luck he got the best reward, a loving kiss on the lips from his one and only.
Michael Kaiser, Mikage Reo, Chigiri Hyoma, Otoya Eita, Bachira Meguru, Kunigami Rensuke
ยฉ2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work.
#โง* ๐ค blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#blue lock#isagi x reader#mikage reo x reader#reo x reader#barou x reader#nagi x reader#yukimiya kenyu x reader#julien loki x reader#noel noa x reader#leonardo luna x reader#itoshi sae x reader#itoshi rin x reader#yo hiori x reader#nanase x reader#niko ikki x reader#kurona ranze x reader#michael kaiser x reader#otoya eita x reader#otoya x reader#karasu x reader#kunigami x reader#oliver aiku x reader#blue lock x you#bachira x reader#ness x reader#chigiri x reader#shidou x reader
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little secret | abby anderson x reader.
summary abby anderson likes to read, and you like abby anderson. | friends to lovers, +18.
okay.... this is the longest fic i ever written (i think)
enjoy
but before, help palestine with one click.
โ
You met her in winter. The immensity of the stadium they called home impressed you, a reconstructed civilization within an abnormality hard to ignore.
Even though she was the most respected soldier in the place, your memory ranks her welcome as the warmest. Between fluffy sweaters and worn leather jackets, Abby showed you a warmth that made Seattle's monstrous winter seem like a light summer breeze.
In addition to showing you the place where you would now live, immense and so functional it was frightening, Abby showed you more than the visible. As time passed, shyly, Abby took her time to show you her jokes, her favorite books, (of which there were many, you decided) her strange ways of combining food to kill hunger longer, her wounds; the internal and the external.
The personal library that Abby had begun to assemble when she arrived at W.L.F. was now familiar to you. When responsibilities left and the moon was present in the atmosphere, the two of you spent the night in that place. The bookshelves acted like skyscrapers over your bodies sitting on the floor, filled with books and comics that the W.L.F. soldiers encountered on their daily patrols.
"I think they're going to end up together" Abby mutters, her nose buried between the pages of an old red-covered book.
"You said the same thing about the other book last night" You replied. Youdidn't share the same passion for reading as Abby, but you enjoyed listening to her tell you about her new readings and her theories about what might or might not happen in those pages.
You liked that contrast with the soldier Abby, the one everyone knew, and the Abby you knew. During the day her posture was steady, stone-eyed and scrutinizing every movement nature had to offer, attentive and ready to pull the trigger at any danger, but when night fell, her posture changed completely; usually hunched over, her features softer, more relaxed.
"It's not my fault that everyone writes the same thing" Abby rolled her eyes, putting the book aside but not before folding a corner of the page, marking where it was left "I guess it was a popular idea back in the day"
"You should write a book."
Abby let out a groan, leaning back against the bookshelf behind her. The two of you were sitting on the floor, facing each other, separated by a pile of books scattered on the library's newest acquisition: a worn purple carpet.
"I'm not in the mood for jokes" Abby blurted out.
"Why?" you asked "It wasn't a joke anyway"
"Because of Manny. He was out of control today during patrol. He almost got us killed"
You rolled your eyes "You know what he's like" Abby massaged her shoulder absently, you could see her muscles twitch "I'm sure it was nothing, you just can't stand it when people don't follow your orders"
she looked at you, her eyebrows raised "Excuse me?"
Ypu laughed lightly "It's true. You're a serial controller."
"I'm not a serial controller, for your information" Abby said "It's just not a place for jokes"
"If you say..." you mumbled, pulling your knees up to your chest and dropping the conversation; knowing Abby, she would never admit it.
"What?"
You shrugged, smiling graciously at Abby's accusatory look "I didn't say anything."
"You don't believe me" Abby scrutinized you with her gaze.
You shook your head "I didn't say that".
"But you thought it"
You rolled your eyes "Now you're a mind reader? I can see why you're considered the best soldier ever"
"There's nothing wrong with being controlling, Abs. That's the way you get everything you want. Everything you have" you continued.
Abby let out a sigh, her chest heaving, "Yeah, whatever"
The room fell into a deep silence for a couple of minutes. You decided to grab a book, trying to read it and make some sense of the words, but Abby's gaze on you prevented your brain from synapses.
"What?" you said in an accusatory tone, resting the book in your lap and looking at that blonde girl.
Now it was Abby's turn to shrug, a slight smirk planted on her face "I didn't say anything"
"Whatever."
Abby considered picking up her book as well, but saw no point in seeing the very predictable ending that the last few pages held. Your words were still echoing in her head; everything she wanted.
She, in fact, didn't have everything she wanted. Abby thought she lacked a handful of essentials; a reasonable sleep schedule, a meal that with all the proteins, a partner who wasn't a complete idiot on patrol.
But hey, those were luxuries given the circumstances.
To no one's surprise, you caught Abby's attention from the very first moment. She remembers with tenderness the first time she saw you, wet and covered with blood, hidden among the large leaves of a strange plant that had been born thanks to the combination of vegetation and fungus, with a look that Abby would never forget.
She felt the need to protect you, not because she considered you weak, but because a strange feeling led her to position herself in front of you when in the patrols you heard some infected too close, or that time when a Seraphite appeared unexpectedly and hurted you, and Abby kept chasing Mel through the corridors to remind her to be extremely careful with you.
"I know what I'm doing, Abby" she remembered how Mel told her one night "She's going to be fine"
Abby tried to convince herself that it was just that she had grown too attached to you, but something inside her told her it was something more than that, something deeper, more intense.
Abby thought she lacked a handful of things that were essential to her life, like you.
"You know, you read too many romance books" you said, snapping Abby out of her thoughts "Are you in love, Anderson?"
"Oh my god" Abby muttered "You should go to sleep, the lack of it is affecting your reasoning."
"So, is that a yes?"
"I don't choose what to read" Abby replied "I don't know if you noticed, but we're in an apocalypse. I don't have too many genres to choose from."
"You still haven't answered my question!"
Abby's muscles tensed as she could see how you moved from your position and sat closer to her, next to her. Abby could feel your arm brush against hers.
"So..." You murmured, your breath hitting Abby's lips "Tell me your little secret."
"My little secret?" Abby murmured, forcing herself to look only into your eyes.
"Who do you like?" And Abby snorted, rolling her eyes "Is it Nora? I've seen you two together a lot recently."
"No, wait, i know. It's mel, isn't it?" You continued. Your knee bumped into Abby's thigh.
"I'm not in love with Nora, or Mel, dumbass. They're my friends."
You emitted silence for a few seconds, and then:
"Is it Manny?"
"Are you kidding me?" Abby replied with a tone that made you burst out laughing, combined with all those laughs written on worn pages
"I'm sorry. I had to say it" you said with a chuckle.
Abby shook her head slowly, a smile planting itself on her face. Fucking Manny, she thought.
"So?" You said after a few minutes. Abby looked at you, her blue sapphires piercing your gaze. "Who is it?" You muttered, your voice coming out weaker than intended.
Siddenly the library became the quietest place in that giant structure. Every whisper, every sigh felt too aggressive, too loud; something that threatened to break the intimacy that the proximity of your bodies had created.
Abby slowly denied with her head, closing her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, something had changed in her gaze.
"You're not going to tell me?" You whispered. Your hand rested close to Abby's. At some point, you doubted whether your bones had turned to magnet and Abby's to metal because of the way a supernatural force was compelling you to be close to her.
She denied again, but the way her eyes flicked to your mouth for a microsecond gave her away.
"It's okay" you whispered "I think I have an idea."
The first time you saw her, that winter, you noticed that Abby had a tendency to lick her lips constantly. It didn't seem odd to you, as the winter in Seattle was very dry and lip balm was not something they were equipped with at the W.L.F, but as time went on you noticed that Abby had a tendency to lick her lips only when she was with you; when you pretended you didn't know she was looking at you, when you got close to her face to apply a lipstick you found in one of the patrolling days, when you gave her a kiss on the cheek on the morning of her birthday.
And now, just before your lips meet hers.
For the first few seconds neither of you move. Your lips linger on hers shyly, too terrified to move but refusing to pull away. Abby has to muster all her strength to move her hand to your jaw, holding you, and suddenly every shred of fear leaves her.
Your lips instantly reciprocate, too hungry, too thirsty for her taste. Abby thinks that now that she finally knows what it feels like to kiss you, she fears not being able to stop.
Her hand, which initially started on your cheek, travels down your body to your waist squeezing the flesh viciously. Her fingerprints savor every touch your body provides, skin that has been reserved for so long just for her enjoyment.
When Abby's hand makes contact with the exposed portion of skin, the air circulating through the stadium feels insufficient. Your body takes on an inhuman heat, a heat worthy of the iron emanating from the gates to hell, a heat that only she can cease.
"Abby" your lips release, a strangled moan.
"I know" She replies.
Your body was now a mass that Abby could mold as she wished. She is overcome with a sweeping euphoria as she becomes aware of the control your body offers her, and thinks maybe you were right; she likes to be in control.
You try to keep up with her movements. You touch her skin, her arms, afraid to ruin the pattern of freckles that rest perfectly on her rosy shoulders.
In a matter of seconds you end up on her lap, your legs hugging her thighs, clinging to the new sensation that Abby's shyness deprived you of for so long. Between kisses, you can hear the moans the blonde's mouth emits, weak but guttural moans.
"Can I..." Abby murmurs, her mouth on top of yours "Can I touch you?"
Your throat fails to find the strength to elicit a sound, so you just nod, eager for anything that comes from her. Instantly you feel Abby's fingers undoing your belt and unbuttoning the button of your pants, but just as you're ready for the next thing, Abby's fingers linger in place.
"What's wrong?" you ask, strands of hair interrupting your vision. Your hair feels so tousled "You don't have to if you don't want to Abs."
Abby shakes her head, her eyes drift to her hands lying in your lap, fiddling with the button "It's nothing" she murmurs "It's just.... It's been a while, you know?"
And you understand. Your fingers stroke the backs of Abby's arms.
"I understand. You don't have to be nervous" you say, trying to get her to look at you "It's just us."
Abby nods. She looks at your abdomen, the way your t-shirt hugs your waist.
"If it makes you feel any better, I never did this" you whisper, and that's all it takes for Abby to look at you.
"Never?"
you deny "Never"
"What about the redheaded girl last month? You told me things happened."
You stifle a laugh, embarrassed. Now it's your turn to look away from Abby and focus on the pattern on her shirt.
"It was stupid. We didn't do anything, it scared me" you can feel her tuck an unruly lock behind your ear, her fingertips caressing your face "It was just a silly kiss."
Abby nods slowly, her gaze still on you "Okay. Okay."
Behind the library doors, women and children walk the halls, leaders give orders and soldiers disappear behind the massive doors while others return from adventures. The world is functional again.
"Do you think it's stupid?" you mutter.
"What? No" Abby denies "It's not stupid. It's fine. Besides, it's not like we have a lot of time for that kind of thing around here"
Your lips let out a chuckle. "Yeah, that's true."
Your eyes match Abby's gaze, who smiles slightly. Her smile is sweet, friendly, you can feel the warmth that is so characteristic of her, nestling between the corners of her mouth
This time she starts the kiss. This time it is calmer, less desperate, but just as passionate. Her fingers return to what concerns them, and navigate between your pants and the elastic of your underwear.
Her fingers are cold, so you stir in her lap at the sensation and Abby laughs, apologizing softly. You quickly forget about the sharp change in temperature because you have Abby where you want her most.
Even though it's been a long time since the last time, Abby is quick to pull your panties to the side and find a rhythm that has you moaning in seconds. Your lips break the kiss several times, moans seeking air and space to make themselves present.
"Is this okay?" Abby murmurs into your neck, wet kisses planting themselves on your skin.
Your hips move against her hand, desperate "Yes Abs" the hot air of your breath hits against her ear, and Abby almost lets out the most obscene sound ever uttered "Please, keep going."
Abby's free hand massages your breasts, squeezes and fondles them. Her tongue plays with the sensitive skin of your neck, sucking and marking every inch.
The euphoria and pleasure of the moment makes you feel invincible, and your hand darts toward Abby's pants, unzipping them and finding her black boxers.
"What are you doing?" Abby says, choked words.
You ignore her and continue your task, reaching inside her underwear and trying to mimic the move you do to yourself on nights where your body lies too warm on the sheets of some room at the W.L.F. Your movements are clumsy, but they work wonders for Abby, who stifles her moans into your neck.
As her nature defines her, Abby is a competitive girl in every way, so when she feels an immense heat who tries to collapse her under your effects, her fingers pick up the pace and pull desperate moans from your throat.
There was no way Abby would finish before you.
"Abby" you moan, your fingers losing rhythm "Abby"
"I know."
It doesn't take too many seconds before your body shudders under Abby's control and moans and groans come out of your mouth, which you choke on her shoulder.
Pleasure blurs your vision and senses, so you can't anticipate when a trembling, whimpering Abby pulls your hand from her intimacy and her muscles contract accompanied by a long, shuddering moan.
You and her breathing evens out, both of your breasts moving to the rhythm of the beat that is their hearts tuned to the same station.
You look at her. She looks at you.
Abby thinks this ending is better than any book she's ever read.
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๐๐จ๐ง'๐ญ ๐ก๐๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ pt. ii โง ห ยท . ๐๐๐๐ข๐ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ง๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฑ ๐๐๐ฆ!๐ซ๐๐๐๐๐ซ
summary: reeling from the night before, eddie's mixed signals lead to new revelations and a spontaneous night of activities that you can't help but play along with.
cw: 18+ (minors dni), virgin!reader, first kisses and more, skinny dipping, oral (f recieving), handjobs, hair pulling, lots of cute interactions, it's a lot calmer than the first part lol. if i miss any tags pls let me know!
word count: 7.7k โก part one, part three
There had been radio silence from Eddie the entire morning.
You shoved the dice in Eddieโs hand when you caught him at lunch, roughly slapping them down into his palm and curling his fingers over them, assuring they were squeezed shut. Eddieโs stricken with a wordless response, staring up at you with wide eyes, mouth slightly agapeโhis brain is short function behind those sweet brown eyes, realization settling into him as he thinks back on the night prior, hand wrapped tightly around his cock as he swayed you toward an orgasm, all while desperately starving himself from his own.ย
He watches you sit down, pulling your lunch tray closer to your chest. A baby carrot gripped tightly between your thumb and pointer finger, the crunch deafening in the silence that had fallen over the table. The other side of the problem suddenly dawns on him, pulling your own pair from his jacket pocket, sliding them gently onto the tray, the small clinking grabbing the attention of the entire group.ย
โIโm sensing some hostility,โ Dustin ponders, eyes squinted as he glances between the two of you, โwhat did he do this time?โ
โHuh?โ Eddieโs wounded by the accusation, hand pressed to his chest in offense, โWhy is it always me?โ
โBecause, it is always you.โ You reply sharply, using the weak plastic fork to stab into the dry spaghetti, twirling the noodles around the utensil but never making the trip to your mouth. It made you want to barf. โIsnโt it?โ
โThat prank you pulled last year that ruined her science project?โ Dustin recalls, watching Eddieโs face fall at the memory.ย
It was harmless, Eddie had so foolishly assumed, sneaking up behind you one dreary, rainy Monday morningโalready frazzled by how soaked your project wasโ scaring the daylights out of you; thus sending your project, which had taken daysโdays, youโd told him. Hours of paper mache and labeling, just to get everything right, all ruined in the small span of ten seconds, the sad remnants left to wilt away on the ground. He apologies for a week straight, following you around like some sick puppy, but to no avail. Eventually though, you got over it and it wasnโt hard to forgive him. Still, you would never forget.
Eddie really knew how to get under your skin, through pleasure and pain; the pain of annoyance, to be clear. It wasnโt his voice, or his personalityโit was the unbounded lack of self awareness and grandioseness.
โSo, what did you do?โ Dustin pushes, all of the boys now narrowing in on the both of you.
โNothing.โ Itโs simultaneous, both of you glancing up with narrowed eyes, quickly flicking back toward your trays. Eddie shoved a small almond into his mouth, chewing harshly.ย
โShit, maybe I was wrong.โ Dustin concedes, hands thrown up. โWas it you, then?โย
Dustinโs staring at you expectantly, determined to get to the bottom of this obvious tension between you and Eddieโthough, you are having none of it.
โDustin, Iโm giving you five second to drop it before I tell this entire table that Suzie saidโโ
โOkay!โ He shouts over you, hands waving around in panic, begging you to stop. โIโll drop it.โ
Itโs a low grumble, dejected at how easily heโd been subdued by you; he couldnโt help how head over heels he was for his girlfriend, even talking to you about it in confidenceโbut you werenโt afraid to use it as armor if need be. Dustin really needed to learn his limits.ย
Your lunch gets cold, the lingering silence switching from awkward to extremely uncomfortableโyou excuse yourself immediately. Eddie, unfortunately, doesnโt follow.
โ.๏ฝก.:*
You think about Eddie the rest of the day, despising yourself for it. He couldnโt find the courage to say anything to you, other than a simple nod or acknowledgment your way, despite how often you sought him throughout the day. Was he embarrassed now? You couldnโt find any reason why that would matter, having done what you did willingly.
Heโs setting up the table for another campaign session after school that day, the entire trudge of boys piling in behind you, gabbing and talking about their days, all the while, Eddie meandering around silently, placing and displacing certain things. Dustin noticed too, leaning in over your shoulder from your seatโwhich so happened to be directly across from Eddieโs, traveling the long stretch of the table, you glanced in the direction of the long haired boy, his head turned away from the both of you.
โDid you break him?โ Itโs a valid question. None of you had ever seen him like this. Ever.
โI told youโI didnโt do anything.โ You defend, voice hushed as you look over at your younger friend. โHeโs just got a stick up his ass today, heโll figure it out.โ
โI hope so.โ Dustin sighs, โHeโs really gonna go hard with this campaign today, clearly.โ
And itโs a stark difference from his usual relaxed demeanor as he directs the narrative, almost harsh in the way he delivers his lines. Itโs almost like heโs attempting to rush through, which is unlike him, entirely left field from what youโre used to.
His fingers are curled around the privacy screen setup at his end of the table, eyes glancing up at you every so often. He thinks you donโt notice, but youโre so hyper aware that itโs impossible not to.
โCome on, Garethโthe lemures are dying, thereโs no time for leisurely decision making. You either attack or flee.โ Eddie demands, eyes scanning over the few of you huddled together, determine your plan of attack.
โJust fucking fireball it,โ You suggest, exhausted from how hard your brain was working to follow the campaign, feeling like this was a losing battle from the beginning, โif we die, at least weโll finally be put out of our misery.โ
โFine, fireballโweโll fireball him.โ Gareth decides, eyes glancing nervously toward you as he rolls. Itโs just enough to give you that edge, ultimately defeating the horrible monster Eddie had conjured upโhe smiles slightly, but itโs so faint you almost didnโt notice.ย
The campaign lasted nearly five hours, yet somehow, you felt energized, awakeโbut that was mostly the frustration that had built within you throughout the day, bothered by how irritated and distant Eddie seemed with you.
This was all his idea, originallyโso how was this fair to you? Why did you have to feel guilty? Itโs a partial reminder to yourself to never rely on anyone else for an orgasm, because clearly it was too difficult to even face that person afterwards (it's an absurd thing to think about, but it was true).
And while everyone else had already said their goodbyes, you lingered behind, helping him pick up like you always did, but there was a lot less talking and a lot more narrowly moving around each other, making it a point to avoid touching.ย
He huffs under his breath slightly, shoving the sprawled out papers into a folder, snapping it shut.
Itโs a shock to your body, turning on your heels to look at himโhis back was still tense, noticeable through the thin fabric of his shirt, his vest jacket slung over the back of his chair.ย
โOh, would you fucking cut it out?โ You nearly beg, talking to the back of him, hands thrown out to your sides in anger, balled into tight fists, โYouโre acting like I scandalized you or something.โ
His head turns slightly, the sharp line of his jaw visible to your eye, eyes dropping down to the floor. โSorry,โ He finally says, one of the very few words heโs spoken to you all day, โIโm not trying toโI just, donโt know what to say.โ
โThatโs news to me,โ You laugh slightly, a little flippant sting behind your words, โIf itโs really a problem we can forget it ever happenedโโ
โThatโs not it,โ He admits, turning his body to face you, sitting gently against the edge of the table, โIโve wanted to talk to you all dayโeveryone is always around, though.โ
You hadnโt considered that, honestlyโnot realizing how often Dustin or Mike trailed behind Eddie, or Gareth badgering you about some homework from the day prior as you walked to your next class, you were never truly alone, not until times like this.ย
Your lips pull together in a thin line, that nagging feeling of guilt eating away at youโmaybe you had been too harsh on him.ย
โYou seemed mad this morning when you gave me the dice.โ He adds, idle fingers twisting his rings back into place accordingly, โI thought maybe you were upset about last night.โ
โYou did interrupt me,โ You point out, โover something you couldโve just bothered me about at school the next morningโI was a little annoyed, donโt get me wrong.โย
โBut, if I hadnโt, maybeโโ Eddie starts, heading in a direction you were already well aware of.
โYouโre making it awkward when it doesnโt have to be.โ You remind him.ย
There was too much space between you both, Eddie feeling like he was on the other side of the planet, staring down meekly at his torn up Reebokโs.ย
โI know, I know,โ He murmurs, chewing at his bottom lip, โIโve never been in this situation before.โ
โWith anyone?โ You ask, like Eddie gave up his free orgasm advice to anyoneโit was a stupid question, but it slips out regardless.ย
โWith a friend.โ He corrects, eyes glancing up to lock with yours. โBut, yeahโnever with anyone else either.โ
Friends. Just friends.
A friend whoโs dick you pictured an awful lot, even before having him describe it to youโand even that feels dangerous to think about, knowing that you craved the idea of seeing your friend that way, stripped down and wanting.
โSo, do we just forget about it then?โ You ask again, more insistent this time as you approach him in small steps, โLike it never happened, right?โ
โNo,โ Eddie says suddenly, โGod, no.โ
You tilt your head, pressing for more. Why? Why no?
โI canโt just forget shit like that.โ He admits, his hand uncurling at his side, palm resting against the table. Itโs a subconscious move, like heโs reaching toward you. โCan you?โ
โI can lie and say yes, if that makes you feel better.โ You tell him, soft laugh escaping your chest. โBut, noโI donโt think thereโs any way to just forget about it. Ignore it? Maybe. It doesnโt have to be weird, Eddie.โ
โI know,โ He agrees, nodding slightly, โJustโcan I be honest with you?โ
โAlways.โ
โItโs all Iโve been thinking about all day.โ
And you sigh a silent breath of relief, because the sentiment was shared. Your cunt buzzed at the admission, feeling something stir inside of you. You blamed it on the lack of sexual interaction; it was a natural, after sharing something so intimate, that you couldnโt help but feel guilty thinking aboutโstill, you were definitely thinking about it.
Eventually you arrived at his side, taking a careful seat on the side of the table beside him, feet perched up in a chair. He was silent again, thinking, following you closely with his eyes.ย
โThatโs fair,โ You shrug, deciding to not clue him in on your own selfish thoughts, his hands, his mouth, all of him; all over you, โDid you think I was going to make fun of you for it or something?โ
โMaybe,โ He says softly, eyes glancing from your face to the small gap between you both, hands pressed against the table, pinkies only a few inches apart. โI feel like I pressured you or something, which wasnโt my intention at all, I justโโ
You donโt feel regretโshame maybe, at the idea that you couldnโt get the memory out of your mind, but there wasnโt an ounce of regret to be felt. โEddie, I wouldnโt have agreed to it if I didnโt want toโitโs okay.โ
You swallow your words for a moment, debating carefully on how to switch the conversation to something less debilitating.
โBesides, youโre pretty good at it.โ
It isnโt what you mean to say, but it comes out anyway.
โHelping you come?โ And the words are so crass to hear coming from his mouth, inches away from you, but you canโt help the way your stomach turns, fluttering pleasantly. โReally?โ
Heโs laughing and you can both agree that itโs a ridiculous topic to discuss, but neither of you bothers to stop.ย
You shrug, head tilted up to look at him, โLike I said, I donโt have anything to compare it toโbut it was pretty good.โ
โYouโre so difficult to understand,โ Eddie responded with fondness, a small smile spreading across his face, deep smile lines in his cheek making you blush, face warm with embarrassment.ย
โAll you have to do is ask questions, EddieโI donโt bite.โ
Eddie gives you an unsure look, almost mocking in the way that he doesnโt fully believe you.ย
โWas everything you said true?โ He finally asks, curiosity racking his brain. Part of him canโt believe you, it doesnโt seem real. Ruin me, Eddie. I want you to ruin me. It was the single most earth shattering thing heโs ever heard someone say to him.ย
You nod feebly, maintaining a comfortable eye contact, admiring the way Eddie looked at you freely now, less restricted and apprehensiveโhis eyes looked warm under the theater room lighting, pools of dark honey, dangerously inviting. โI wasnโt lying. Iโve really never done anything.โ
โWhat about the time you had to kiss Gareth on that dare?โ
You snort softly, remembering how mortified Gareth looked in the moment, having no courage to actually go through with it. โYou were there! He kissed my cheek, remember? He was terrified.โ
โOh, yeah,โ It dawned on him, a burst of laughter bellowing from his mouthโand the thing about Eddie, he always laughed with his full body, the sound vibrating throughout him. He was as physical with his actions as youโve ever seen among anybody; so distinct to him, โwell, sorry.โ
โSorry?โ Youโre confused, eyebrows pinching together. โFor me not being kissed? Itโs not that big of a deal, you know.โ
โEveryone should get to experience it once,โ He defends, hands shoved deep into his front pockets as he shrugs, his head leaned down far enough that his bangs almost obscured his eyesโstill, he was looking at you, โitโs important.โ
โIโm eighteenโI still have time.โ You remind him, โPlus, not everyone has their first kiss at fourteen, Eddie. Some of us are late bloomers.โย
Eddie huffs a laugh, seeing the rightful argument you were makingโdespite that, he couldnโt shake the fact of the matter and what youโd said to him. Had it been true? Was it just a heat of the moment thing? Ruin me. It rang through his head again.ย
โIf it bothers you that muchโkiss me.โย
The boldness is sudden, but you were over the harping about itโget it out of the way; easily taken care of. Eddie wasnโt a stranger, he was someone you genuinely trusted.
โYou sure?โ You admire that care he has, leaning away from you slightly to get a full view of your face, noticing just how serious you were.ย
โIf you donโt do it, I will.โ You challenge him, feeling your inside burn with anticipation.ย
Despite Eddieโs unconstrained confidence, heโs second guessing himself during, possibly, the most crucial moment heโs had so far in his young life. He watches the way your eyebrows draw up, almost aโwell, what are you waiting for?โtype of expression washing over your face.ย
He shuts everything off; his mind, his thoughts, his anxiety, and leans forward.
His palm is really warm, burning against the already hot skin of your cheek, blushed red with how easily he gave inโyou half expected him to back out, stutter his way out of another conversation with you today. And his lips, theyโre soft; not like you would expect, still cracked from his constant habit of licking his lips, but theyโre plush and warm and perfect as they glide against your own in a careful danceโa balance of sincerity and care.
You make a small noise, a tiny little gasp, feeling the back of Eddieโs handโthe one not holding your face, creeping around to the small of your back, pulling you toward him as he moves to stand between your legs, leaving you crowded back against the table. Itโs hard to process while Eddie is kissing you so thoughtfully.
Itโs innocent and explorative, but heโs desperately trying not to cross any boundaries, only ghosting the top of his tongue across your top lip by accident when he kisses back too enthusiastically, feeling the way your chest arches toward him, wanting to feel closer to him. Youโve never made out with anyoneโif you could call this that, but itโs glorious.ย
Your hands are still planted against the table, chair holding your legs forgotten, resting lazily against the table, the feeling of denim against denim as your inner thighs rubbed against the rough line of his jeans.
โWell, thatโs another box to check off.โ You say lightly, taking the opportunity to breathe as Eddie leans away, looking smug at the admission despite his early hesitation. โYou really are trying to ruin me, arenโt you?โ
Itโs meant to sound playful, but it strikes a cord deep inside of Eddie.ย
โOnly if you want me to.โ He supplies, taking a small step back, still close enough that you can feel his body heat radiating off of him,ย
You smile so hard your eyes squint, eyelashes touching at the corners. There was always something about Eddie that you couldnโt quite put your finger onโbut maybe this was it. He was a solid reminder that you could enjoy yourself; indulge in what you wanted and not take everything so seriously. He was a needed distraction in your life and you were welcoming it with open arms.ย
โGive me a ride home?โ You ask shyly, poking at his hipbone playfully. Eddie chuckles, grabbing the tender spot like youโd wounded him.
โYour chariot awaits, princess.โ Eddie bows, fishing for the keys in his pocket as his arm extends out in waiting.
โ.๏ฝก.:*
Eddieโs humming along to the beginnings of another Dio song, kept at a comfortably low volume so it doesnโt burst your eardrumsโhe knows how much you hate the loud music, despite actually enjoying most of his song choices.ย
The drive is slow, peacefulโthe sticky and warm humid of the air leaking through the half cracked windows; nights like these make you hate the end of summer, the heat nearly unbearable some days.
โThe windows still busted,โ He tells you, โOtherwise Iโd roll it down more.โ
โItโs okay, Eddie.โ You assure him, pulling at the loose shirt you had on, slipping it over your headโluckily you spare some of your modesty for him, a thin strapped tank top underneath.
It bared a small bit of your midriffโthough, Eddie didnโt seem like he was bothered, not from your perspective anyways.ย
โAny plans tonight?โ Eddie asks, hoping to break the silence that had fallen, glancing over at you sparingly.ย
You smirk to yourself, reading around the context of the question without Eddie realizing. He wasnโt as smooth as he thought he was, clearly.
โYou can call me, if thatโs what youโre wondering.โ You reply smugly, legs crossed over the other, hands resting against your thighs, fingers looped together loosely.ย
โYouโyou want me to call?โย
โSure,โ You shrug indifferently, โWe are still friends, Eddieโweโve talked on the phone before; if it leads to moreโฆwellโโ You shrug again, offering a small, reserved smile.ย
His brain is not capable of processing this shit. Eddie always had the worst luck in the world, plans always turning upside down on him, things never working outโbut this, he couldnโt let this one go. Heโs got an idea swirling in his head, but heโs too afraid to say it outright.ย
โWhatโs your curfew again?โ Eddie asks casually, fingers tapping against the worn steering wheel, the lack of luminosity from the street lights makes it hard to examine his expression, his heart thrumming in his chest like a jackrabbitโit felt like it was going to burst out any second.ย
โUh, ten,โ You respond, offering a puzzled expression. You quickly grab his wrist, glancing at his watch, โItโs only eight, so Iโve got a couple hours.โ
Eddie nods silently, turning down a street that definitely did not lead to your home. His mischievous nature gives him away immediately.
โEddie,โ You speak carefully, drawing out his name, โIf this is going to get us arrested you better turn around.โ
โHey, last time was a flukeโโ He defends, quickly skipping past the topic, โbesides, youโre safe with me.โ
โI know.โ
Eddie smiles, turning around a long bend, leading to a closed off wooded area, large lake off in the distance.
โLoverโs Lake?โ Confusion hits you, watching Eddieโs eager hands twist the keys from the ignition, bouncing out of his seat and toward your side, opening the door.ย
โGotta start your rebellion at some point, right?โ He grins, nodding toward the lake.ย
Your face pulls up, nose scrunched in confusion. Eddie laughs loudly, slipping off the jacketโwhich despite the heat, he still wore; it was true dedication. But, it doesnโt take you long to fit together the pieces of the puzzle that Eddie was conveniently leaving out.
โSkinny dipping?โ Eyes wide, they follow Eddieโs departing figure, jacket tossed haphazardly on the hood of his van. โEddieโI canโt!โ
โWhy not?โ
โYouโre kidding me?โ He was so infuriating.
Yet, you still followed him, eagerly.ย
โWhat? I wonโt look.โ Eddie shrugs, toeing off his shoes when you reach the point where water meets muddy foliage. โYouโre always talking about how you want to experience moreโwell, why not this?โ
โWhat if someone comes out here?โย
No one ever came out to Loverโs Lake anymore, you both knew that. It was a weak attempt to feign your disinterest, but really, you were a giant bundle of nerves.ย
โLookโitโs hot as shit, Iโm jumping in. You can watch or join, Iโm leaving that up to you.โ Eddie pulled his shirt over his head, skin stretching over his backโyouโve never realized how beautiful shoulders could be until youโve seen Eddieโs.
But really, everything was beautiful on him.ย
โDammit.โ You mumble to yourself, Eddie reaching for the button of his jeansโand you want to avert your eyes, you do, but heโs doing it on purpose; hoping for you to steal a look, a glanceโhell, even a peak. It wasnโt like you didnโt already have a vivid picture in your head.
โLast chance, princess.โ He calls out, slipping his jeans and boxers off in one fluid movement.
โEddie!โ You gasp, somehow still shocked by his boldness; part of you couldnโt help not being able to grasp what was happening.
He turns to you, hands grasped over the part of himself that you were most intrigued about, your eyes stay locked on his, despite how hard you fight the urge to glance down. Eddieโs looking at you, almost expectantly. You hated how right he was; how badly you wanted to experience as much as possible, yet terrified at the idea.
โShitโfine, Iโll do it.โ You finally cave, Eddie grins wide, turning on his heels to skitter towards the water; the glance you steal of his ass is purely indulgence.ย
โ.๏ฝก.:*
Eddie is underneath the water as you tread through, the cold water against your skin feeling foreign, heart racing in your chest as you dip far enough beneath the surface that enough of your breasts are covered, your hair sticking against your skin from the water splashing back in your face.ย
โHow does it feel?โ Eddie asks suddenly, heading popping above the surface, pushing his wet hair away from his face.
Itโs strange, not having half of his hair obscuring his face. You smile, though your tone is still entirely deadpan and serious.
โCold.โ
โNot the water,โ He laughs, flicking a droplet at your face, โyour heartโs racing, isnโt it?โ
You nod sheepishly, eyes wandering toward the shore. It was dead, dark, not a car or person in sight. You had nothing to worry about, yet somehow, you couldnโt help but worryโthough, it was all mostly harmless.ย
โWeโre safe.โ He assures you, wading closer. โHere,โ He takes a handful of water and pours it over your hair, wetting the rest of what wasnโt submerged in the lake, โthatโs better.โ
Your lips purse at the water that drips down your face, eyes squinting at Eddieโs expression; the smugness was evident.
โYouโre enjoying yourself too much.โ You point out, shoving his hand away gently. โHow often do you do this?โ
Five, ten, maybe a hundred times, no doubt.ย
โNever,โ Eddie admits, โthis is the first time.โ
Your hands surface to push his shoulder, a little rougher than you intended. โThen how do you know this is safe?โ
He senses your panic, grasping your elbow, his fingers settling in the dip of it, adjusting you to look toward his now abandoned van. โLook,โ He points out a particular bend in the forest, a place that looks clear enough but still gives a decent view of the water, โI come out here at least once a week, just to smokeโWayne hates the smell in the trailer, so, I try to improvise. Either wayโno one ever comes out here anymore. Well, aside from me and a few homeless people, but I promise. Weโre completely safe.โ
You sigh, that small tinge of doubt in your stomach starting to dissipate, still hyper aware of his burning touch, even through the bitter cold of the water.ย
โYouโre corrupting me, you know.โ You confess, face turned away from him as you moved away, swimming further from the shore, feet barely touching the lake floor. โIs this all a part of your master plan, Eddie?โย
Youโre joking, he knows that. He can hear it in your voice, but the idea has something twisting inside of him. Eddie smiles, unbeknownst to you.ย
โYou caught me.โ
โYou called me the other night with a plan, huh?โ You press.ย
No, he hadnโt.
โMaybe,โ He agrees with you, the splash of the waves against your back indicating that he was moving closer, you could hear him, almost predatorily slow. โDoes that bother you?โ
You shrug. It didnโt, not in the slightest.
โSo, whatโs your plan now?โ You push, feeling the tip of his chest brush against your shoulder blades, just hovering.ย
And truly, he didnโt have one. It was an idea born out of spontaneity and Eddie flowed from one step to the next, not sure what he was expecting to happen. But, he feels itโthe sense of tension that was building, lingering between you both like it had during the call from the previous night.ย
โWell,โ His fingers brush the hair away from your shoulder, touch ghosting over your skin. You can feel his breath, his lips, right against the shell of your ear. You try desperately to hold back the full body shiver that runs through you, โwant to check another box off your list?โ
His forwardness is an act, a mask to cover how fucking nervous he was. His hands shook as they curled around the back of your neck, but you couldnโt see itโonly feeling the dip of his thumb at the start of your spine.ย
Your head leans back on its own accord, his lips coming into full contact with the side of your faceโand he chuckles, you canโt help the way your cunt clenches at the sound, not daring to make any sort of eye contact with your friend, who was pressing himself up against you so openlyโfeeling every point of him, despite the hindrance of the water. You gulped softly, too quiet for Eddie to hear.ย
โWhat do you have in mind?โ You finally speak, voice sounding pathetically weak.ย
โYou trust me, right?โ He speaks softly, his unoccupied hand reaching around to cover the expanse of your stomach, turning you gently until you face him, โI just want to hear you say it.โ
Itโs the only thing he cares aboutโdespite the weird mess youโve both tangled yourself in, he wanted to make sure you were comfortable, the idea of pushing you into something you didnโt want was the last thing he needed.ย
You nod slowly, his hand creeping around to caress the side of your face, thumb pressed against your jaw as he angles your face to look at him. Say it, his eyes speak, making contact with yours. โYes, I trust you.โ
โ.๏ฝก.:*
Eddieโs deliberate in the way he kisses you this time, no fear of having to hold back, itโs full and pleasant and everything you had always expected it to beโalbeit, not with Eddie, but you werenโt complaining. His hands are buried in your hair, angling your head up to reach his lips, leaving you to chase them desperately every time he pulls away, adjusting you until youโre pressed up against, nothing but bare skin against bare skin, the peaks of your breasts surface just above the water. The water ripples against your already sensitive nipples, gasping openly into Eddieโs mouth.ย
Eddie laughs lowly, pulling back to make eye contact with you, his gaze burning into your own. โSensitive?โ He asks coyly. You roll your eyes in casual annoyance, the smirk on his face growing by the second.
โCold. Itโs cold, Eddie.โ And truly, it was. Even with the kiss of summer heat and humidity against your skin, the water was nearly freezing. โWant to tell me what you have planned so we can move this alongโmaybe somewhere out of the water?โ
โHow do you feel about me going down on you?โ He asks sweetly, almost sickening. โThat is, if youโre up for it.โ
Did he think you were scared? Suddenly faced with the reality of everything, staring him down face to face, you couldnโt help but feel a surge of pride run through your body, realizing just how badly Eddie wanted you. Heโs never been this sweetโto anyone.ย
Eddie knew you were special; different from all the rest, in all the best ways. He knew that from the moment heโd met you, set you up in Hellfire and neatly tucked you under his wing, along with the rest of his friendsโbut you, you were the one who he thought about when he was most vulnerable, the only person who really knew who he was.ย
โGotta see if thereโs any truth to those claims, right?โ You counter, his face twitching up in amusement.
He doesnโt give you time to react before heโs hauling your legs up and over his hips, wading through water until heโs back on land. He ignores the haphazard pile of clothes, despite your protests, swinging open the door to his van with a free hand, other gripping tightly around your waist. You want to protest, complain and force him to put you down, but made some excuse about not wanting you to get dirtyโdespite how dirty you felt now, being settled down onto the base of his van, blanket already spread out from Eddieโs frequent use of the space for his own hotbox sessions, he even has a couple of thread-worn pillows shoved in the corner.
And itโs not until youโre finally settled that you realize how intensely Eddie is watching you, hands settled at the base of your ankles. His naked, completely bareโand you canโt remember any other time youโve seen it before; someone so unashamed of their body, taking time to admire your own just as much. Youโve seen his tattoos up close before, but not like thisโthe small flurry of bats over his arm, or the few that lingered over his chest, now flushed a light pink from how deeply he was indebted in this.
โSorryโโ He finally says, noting the small glide of his hands up your shins, then back down, like heโs caressing your legs, โjust trying to take a mental note, in case Iโm a disappointment and this never happens again.โ
You let out a gasp that quickly turns into a small giggle, shoving him gently in the stomach. You were guilty, doing almost the exact same.ย
Heโs toned, which isnโt a surpriseโhe didnโt try to hide it, those occasionally too tight shirts giving him away. His skin is milky, alabaster white and muddled with light freckles, the trail of hair at the top of his chest leading down to his lower abdomen, just at the base of his dickโwhich, seriously? He had enough to be proud about, but you half expected him to lie during the call, boost himself up; it was all true. Every single bit.ย
Heโs not fully hard, but itโs still enough to intimidate youโEddie clears his throat unnecessarily, left eyebrow quirked in amusement.
โAre you still with me?โ He asks, arms crawling forward to lean over you slightly, body like a curtain against your own. You try not to think about the proximity, how easily you could reach up and pull him to you, feel that glide of his cock against youโjust to put you both out of your misery.ย
โHey, you get to see mine, itโs only fair I get to see yours.โย
He laughs at that, brushing hair away from your face, lips settling against the line of your jaw, a small chaste peck, then switching to the other side to repeat the process. โAny judgments to be made?โ He asks curiously, almost teasing.
โIโm not giving you anymore unnecessary ego boosts, sweetheart.โ You say with a saccharine type of sweetness.ย
Eddie doesnโt need you to elaborate, that was already enough of an ego boost in itself. He tries to ignore the way youโre looking at him, so intently; not that he didnโt want you present in the situation, but he felt like you were looking right through him, sensing every bit of anxiety and nerves that riddled his body like a sickness. It wasnโt his first go at this, but with youโhe was too afraid to fuck up.ย
You see the gears in his brain working overtime, trying to jump that initial hurdle of awkwardnessโthankfully, you knew just what to do.ย
โCan I?โ You ask, nodding down to where your hand grazed against his stomach, just above the line of his groin.ย
โUhโyeahyeah, of course.โ He rushes out, watching your timid fingers graze the tip of his dick, gently grabbing the base of his shaft. You didnโt know what to expect, but the way Eddieโs leaning into your touch is a good enough indication that you werenโt totally fucking things up.ย
โWhat feels good?โ You ask shyly, your hand at a slow, graceful pace as you tug at him, watching the way heโs forcing himself to breath slower, through his nose.
He rocks his hips gently in time with your hand, โTighterโa littleโyeah, thatโs good.โ He says, feeling your hand tighten around his cock, the groan he forced back down has you lighting up, almost smiling at the revelation of how easily worked up Eddie could get; it wasnโt a wonder why he had a hard time holding himself off.ย
โIs this better?โ You ask softly, โthenโyou know, your own hands?โย
He chuckles at your curiosity, eyes glancing up to look at you, hair already partly dry, his bangs curtaining his eyes. He had such a timid innocence to him, under this light, in the belly of what could be something dangerous for your friendshipโbut, neither of you could seem to care anymore.ย
โSo much better.โ He nods gently, groaning outwardly at the movement of your thumb sliding over the head of his cock, a small pearl of precum wetting your finger; so you do it again. A few times, until heโs rocking up into your hand in earnest.
โFuckโwe gotta stop.โ He warns, swatting your hand away kindly, fingers wrapping around the length of your wrist.ย
You want to pout, like some spoiled childโbut instead you sigh, letting him guide your hands back toward your chest. He doesnโt give much warning before he leans in, capturing the bud of your nipple between his teeth, gently, but the sting is still thereโquickly soothed away by the flat of his tongue.ย
โSo prettyโjust like I imagined.โ He admits pathetically, speech muffled against your skin. That was something to unpack for another day.
You gasped, feeling his mouth capture the other, repeating the process before leaving small, open mouthed caresses against your breastsโyou werenโt even sure if you would call them kisses, but they felt good. The warmth of his mouth, the wetness of his tongue, suddenly it was hot again, stuffy in the small containment of the back of his van.ย
You moan, so softly you werenโt even sure heโd hear it. But, of course he does, pulling back with a salacious and satisfied smile, reaching up to capture your lips in a kiss that can only be described as breathtaking.
Friends definitely didnโt kiss like this. Absolutely not.
โEddieโEddie, I still have a curfew.โ You force through his assailant of kisses, his tongue a small tease as it traces your bottom lip. You warn him again, this time forcing him to look at you.ย
And friends definitely didnโt look at each other like that.ย
โ.๏ฝก.:*
He settles between your thighs soon after, wrapping his arms around the outside of your thighs, fingers pressing into the soft flesh there, spreading you open wide, leaving you almost no place to hide.
You take a long, deep breathโreminding yourself that you had nothing to worry about, you were safe here.
โYou ready?โ Eddie asks, a bouncy eagerness to his voice, feeling the heat of his breath against your cunt, what once was a dull buzz now a steady pulse inside you, deep and needy.ย
You nod eagerly, Eddieโs hang reaching up to spread your folds apart, finger dragging through jestingly.ย
โEddie.โ You warn, or begโyou're not sure which, but he understands. You weren't ready for him to sink his fingers inside you, afraid this would all be over quicker than you both wanted.
โI wonโt.โ He assures you, just applying the small bit of pressure you need to keen forward, grind against the flat of his palm. It was a lot like your own hand, in a wayโbut also completely foreign. โJust wanna ease you into it.โ
And he does, letting you chase the gentle glide of his fingers against your folds, occasionally dragging over the swell of your clit, your hips chasing his hand, over and over again, desperately.ย
โNeed it,โ You beg, propped up on your elbows to look down at him, โwanna know.โ
You were dying; dying to know.ย
He bites at the inside of your thigh, soothing the skin with his tongue, trailing a line of quick nips up the sensitive skin. You make a small noise of complaint, begging him to put you out of your misery.
Eddie doesnโt waste anymore time, leaning forward to lick a broad stripe up the seam of your cuntโeven the first touch has you reeling, hand immediately tangled in the damp mess of curls at the top of his head.
You hear the messy, embarrassingly loud shlick of your wetness as he laps it, small kitten licks as he leans forward to focus on the soft buttony point of pleasure, sucking experimentally.
It should be a criminal how fucking good Eddie is with his mouth.ย
โOhohโokay, huh,โ You ramble breathlessly, moaning out a sensical plethora of nonsense, noises that has Eddie groaning against you, vibrations like a wave of euphoria crashing down on you, โfuck, that feels really good.โ
โKeep talking,โ He urges, pulling away for half a second before heโs diving back in, face buried so deep into your cunt that you canโt even breath, tongue dipping inside of you carefully.ย
It caught you off guard completely, gasping out loudly into the air.ย
โFuck, Eddie.โ And friends definitely donโt say each otherโs names like that.
โToo much?โ He asks, his expression worried.
You shake your head fervently, โNoโgood. Itโs so good,โ You tell him, feeling the lack of motivation to form words now, despite his prior urges. โKeep going, please.โ
And he does, openly groaning against your pussy, the sight of him grinding his hips down into blanket; it was something you couldnโt believe with your own eyes, but had you fighting off the urge to turn him over and sink down onto him, no more harping on the big red sign that said โIโm a virginโโyou wanted Eddie to consume that part of you completely.ย
โCome on, baby, wanna hear those pretty little noises.โย
You could disintegrate into nothing at those words, letting the soft, wanton moans that youโd been holding back out, spurring him deeper and deeper into his own chase for pleasure, his mouth less controlledโmore distracted, but still fucking incredible. Heโs so desperate to come with you, reaching down to grab ahold of his cock, pulling idly as he kept up his lazy pace against the inner folds of your cunt, moaning out as his thumb slides over the tip of his cock, precum coating his fingers, making a mess of his own hand.ย
He speeds up the movement of his tongue, dragging over your clit relentlessly, using his hand to wrap around yours, still buried in his hair, forcing you to pull tighter. And it shouldnโt have come as much of a surpriseโbut it is, how easily it turns Eddie on by it. You pull roughly, enough to have him moving away from you, looking up at you with wide, dark eyes; pupils blown out.ย
โUse my face,โ He urges, โI want you to.โ
You do, chasing exactly what you wantโEddie eagerly slurping up your wetness, grinding your cunt selfishly into him, the tip of nose dragging over your clit sends you toppling over over the edge. He grips both of your thighs, pulling you as wide as your hips allowedโand heโs still going, overstimulating you past the point of what you can handle. Heโs drunk on the sounds youโre making, forgetting where he is for the moment. You yank at his hair, hard enough that he groans out, pulling away from your cunt as you rode through your orgasm, you pulse over and over again, nothing there to satiate that needโleaving a dull ache where you were desperate for Eddie to be, fill you up completely; it doesnโt stop you from sobbing out a broken, โFuck!โ as you start to come down, eyes closing from the intensity of your own orgasm.
When you finally come to, Eddieโs face is scrunched up, nose wrinkled at the bridge. His tone is soft, but forced.
โShitshitโโ He curses, head still held up by the grip you had in his hair, his face tightening as he came, mouth hung open in a silent plea.ย
You take a second to catch your breath, โWhat the fuck?โ You ask, the โwas that?โ on the tip of your tongue, but youโre too tired to finish.ย
Eddie laughs, face riddled with his own exhaustion. โGood, isnโt it?โ You nod, loosening the death grip you had on his curls, smoothing out the hair to soothe the sore spot, though Eddie doesnโt seem to mind.ย
โIโve never come that hard before.โ You laugh, falling back against the bed of the van.
โI told you, princessโโ Seeing him from this angle should be a sin, face covered in your wetness, โthereโs so much youโre missing out on.โ
โNo shit.โ You smile softly, lifting yourself up to sit, following Eddie as he leaned away, reaching blindly for a discarded shirt in the back of the van, watching as he wiped at the front of his abdomen, covered in his own come.
His eyes flick up, noticing your intense stare, โEnjoying yourself?โ He asks, challenging you to look away.ย
You shrug casually, eyes tracking his movementsโโWait, what time is it?โ You ask, the watch on his wrist bringing you back to reality.
Eddie takes a glance at his watch, eyes widening in shared panic, โFuckโfive past ten.โ
โEddie!โ You exclaim, โIโm deadโgo grab our clothes.โ
Eddie scrambled, racing to grab the discarded fabrics, tossing them into the space between you both, dressing quickly.ย
โIf I get caught, youโre dead.โ You warn, nearly knocking him over at the grin that spreads across his face.
He was clearly too proud of himself.
โ.๏ฝก.:*
โYouโre lucky Iโm a good climber.โ You mention to him, eyeing the dimmed lights through the window of your home.ย
It was either, a.) walk through the door and risk an earful from a pair of worried parents, or b.) find a way into your second story bedroom and guilt your parents in the morning when they ask why you never came homeโreminding them that, yes you did; how could they not notice?ย
Rebellion was becoming a normal theme in your life and you couldnโt hate how good it felt to feelโEddie laughs softly behind you, parked across the street.
โOh, are you?โ He teases, arm sling loosely over the back of your seat.
You wish you could hate everything about him, but it was impossible, not with the way he was looking at you.ย
You scoff in faux disgust, shoving his face in the other direction. โYouโre so gross, Eddie.โ
He does watch you climb the lattice wall to your window, embarrassingly so, flipping him off in full when youโre finally able to slip through the threshold of your room, quiet enough that the only noise you make is a soft thud on the fuzzy carpet floor.
The high hits you later, curled under the sheets of your bed. It wasnโt Eddie who was influencing you, it wasnโt that easyโitโs because you wanted it. You didnโt want the idea of rebelling and doing everything that your parents tried to scare you out of, you wanted Eddie.
You wanted him as the friend heโd always been, but so much more than that. Eddie was always good at forcing you out of your comfort zone, for good, and you couldnโt help that love you had for that fear; of unknown and new experiences.ย
And he does call you that night, but not for any other ludicrous reason than to talkโhear you, listen to the tiny inflictions in your voice when he makes some stupid joke. He was in love with you, he already knew thatโhe was just waiting for you to catch up, dawn on the feeling that you had buried for so long, too afraid of rejection.ย
Eddie could absolutely ruin you; he already was.
#eddie munson smut#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#my writing#1kfic
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the thing that kills me most about the recent chapters is how in the end, violence had always been there, lurking under the surface. denji's attempt to mimic a normal capitalist existence always felt empty because in the end said existence was in itself built on violence that was simply hidden from the world. denji's own upbringing and exploitation and starvation as a child, his debt bondage and the violence he lived through were completely normal. the yakuza are and always have been inextricably linked to the japanese government and they say so themselves to makima in part 1--even irl (check out especially the role the yakuza played during the japanese occupation of manchuria, under the leadership of shinzo abe's own grandfather)! and then the violence and exploitation he went through as makima's dog. so really, that normal everyday he reached for--no wonder it felt so empty. it's always been a lie! the violence has always been there, boiling under the surface. in his life, in asa's life, in everyone's lives. violence by humans, violence by devils, violence through capitalism.
and who knows that kind of violence better than denji. any attempt at building even a semblance of kindness and love and stability ends up being swept away, and it's never even about him--it's always about another goal. he's an obstacle in the way, he's a tool to be used, he's an easy sacrifice. i think in the end the relief isn't just in the end of the ennui and pretending, it's also in the fact that denji's known violence and pain his entire life. it's familiar! it makes sense! what did gillian flynn say again? a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. denji again and again has been reduced to his most basic bodily functions--hunger and pain are familiar things to him. they're old companions, they're the sole truth in this world, they're what makes sense to him both as a human and as a devil. tearing yourself and others apart--it's the only thing he's ever been able to have control over without someone tearing it out from under him. it's the one thing that gives him agency! it's the one thing that can't be taken away from him! it's what makes denji denji! if violence is your baseline then it's a relief to return to what you know once everything you tried to build has been taken away. becuse really, you always knew it couldn't stay. it was always going to exist.
and i think what kills me most in this is his reaction to nayuta. nayuta, who chapters ago tried to tell him that violence is normal and in both their natures. but when nayuta sees denji both suffering and inflicting that violence--she flinches, because in the end nayuta is a child! and because no matter what she says, denji has tried to raise her in the absence of violence! so when he says "you should stay away from me" he isn't punishing her. he's saying that he's doomed. he tried with her because he wanted to break the cycle of abuse and for the child born of his and makima's mutual understanding of pain to not have to know this suffering. it's what pochita wanted to! he did his best. he succeeded, in many ways. for all nayuta's lack of empathy and talk of inherent devil instincts, she is, in the end, a child. and that's why denji wants her to leave and stay away from him. he can't be that for her anymore, he can no longer pretend, and he still wants the best for her. denji believes he is nothing but a vessel to receive and inflict suffering anymore, and so nayuta must stay away from him lest she be caught up in the fire.
i don't think fujimoto is saying that all victims are inherently evil and going to revert to this kind of state! it's more complicated than that. i think he is trying to explore the nuances there--how difficult is it for a victim of abuse to escape when the violence they've been through is normalized, and even considered a necessary part of how society functions? how does it "get better" when every time you try to build something, it gets torn down gleefully again and again? how do you rebuild yourself when you have been systematically shaped and remolded to receive and inflict pain, and any attempt at leaving that role sees you punished? is it not better then, to just embrace that role? to let yourself slip back in that mold? at least it's what you know. at least the lie is over, and everyone is forced to reckon with what they have created in you. at least the violence is uncovered and laid bare for the world to witness and receive themselves!
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so i keep referencing the What Broke Delirium essay i plan to write but never actually writing it, so let's dig into that one!
because. sandman does not spoonfeed information. neil gaiman even said this in regards to the tv show, most shows are written these days under the assumption that audiences aren't really paying attention and need things spelled out for them - but sandman is not one of those shows. you gotta notice everything to get the full story
which honestly i love in many ways because it's part of why i'm never gonna run out of sandman essays to write - every time i reread the comics or rewatch the show i catch something new
and this is one of the first hidden bits of info i caught - remember this spread from overture?
it's a fucking gorgeous page and one of my favourite in the entire sandman run, both for the pretty art and the content itself (i love delirium SO much)
but let's just zoom in on the center of those flowers for a sec
because there's tiny tiny text written inside them
(for anyone who can't parse that, the first says "delight was sad", the second says "delight went mad")
now i've mentioned in many of my posts before that the endless all struggle to experience their own aspect, they are that thing, it exists for the most part out of their reach, and that causes problems for all of them
but i usually leave delirium out of these explanations
and that's because, for whatever reason, delirium is the opposite. and delight was too. i don't know what it is that makes her different, but while her older siblings all seem to be barred from their own domain by nature (or have to go to great lengths to experience it), del is too much of it. she's utterly absorbed by it. and while i think she's learned over the centuries how to be a bit more flexible (she understands the coins have two sides thing better than any of them, and can be lucid when she needs to), she didn't start out that way
we don't know what it is exactly that broke her. but we know why.
she had spent all of her life as the personification of happiness and joy, and someone who embodied those emotions. she appeared most as a little kid as delight, because kids definitely find it a lot easier to stay in that perpetually excited, happy mindset
but nothing stays that way forever. and this is where she is like her siblings, and why she's so familiar with the coin metaphor - when you're missing a fundamental piece of being human (either by being barred from your aspect or by being absorbed by it), that's not sustainable. it will tear you apart. dream refuses to accept that this is the case, and that breaks him. desire is equally stubborn about it, and they've outright admitted (in narration) that they're hanging on by a fucking thread
but death figured it out, when she realised she couldn't fulfill her function properly without learning what it was like to live. destruction figured it out when he ran away to go create. and delirium figured it out the hard way, because as soon as the world got a little too big for her singular aspect to make sense, it shattered
and it shattered slowly
there may have been some form of inciting incident, but she didn't become delirium overnight. i think a lot about her describing it as "growing up, or at least growing older", because that's both a very mature way to look at it and also an extremely tragic way to look at it, the idea that she knows too much, is never going to see the world the same way again, and that means delight is never coming back
(and that realisation is when she stopped presenting as a child and started presenting as a teenager)
and i think for a while, early days of being delirium, not delight, she didn't know what to do with that. delight broke into scattered pieces and the more fell away the harder it became to connect them
but she's also the only one of her siblings who's picked herself up from that. and it's why she's the wisest of them. because from there she learned
okay, so her innocence is gone. so delight isn't coming back. but there's still parts of her around, if delirium ever needs them. and the more she observes about the world, the more she experiences, the more different pieces she gets to add to the puzzle. they don't fit together, but that's del's real strength - they're not supposed to. she could have tried to reassemble herself piece by piece, like gluing together a broken statue, but why would she do that? then she'd be exactly as breakable as before, if not more so
instead she's more of a floating amalgamation of pieces, or rather, she's the ties between them. and because there's no set puzzle, she can put those pieces together in any order. she's no longer susceptible to the same problems as her siblings, because she's not missing anything anymore. she didn't lose parts of herself when becoming delirium, she gained some
and yes, no one is entirely without flaw - her downside is she's still susceptible to strong emotion, and when that overwhelms her mind she stops being any kind of person, we just see that floating amalgamation, until she can calm down. but that's the worst of it. her siblings may see her as broken, but she's more whole than she ever was as delight. and she's never going to break again
#hi have i mentioned i love her i love her#sandman comic spoilers#delirium of the endless#mine#meta#the sandman
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After many months of sporadically yelling my thoughts in various posts.........it is time.
*turns out there's like, so much competition for being the worst dad in this galaxy
**a biased account from someone with their own very mid dad
Read on for an unnecessarily lengthy argument and just make sure to picture me like this the whole time
The Evidence:
Similarities/parallels between them
Shapeshifting -- They both transform so fully and easily from rebel mode to fancy rich asshole and back again throughout the show. Others do as well, but not nearly as often as they do and not nearly as sharp contrast from one thing to another
Quick tempers -- Evident from the way they snap at each other and the people they work with
Familiar framing -- Thereโs nothing accidental in this show. I believe the below photos draw a very deliberate, if subtle, parallel between them. We donโt see any of the other rebels using a stick like that, and Luthen's doesn't seem to actually have a function besides making youtubers believe he's a Jedi (I have a whole spin-off conspiracy theory on that we can get into some other day if you ask me)
Blonde -- Obviously. Though it seems Vel's hair is changing for season two. Perhaps a hint that she is trying to distance herself from her father's influence? (okay this part is mostly a joke but then I talked myself into something)
Also, this brand new page from the Dawn of Rebellion visual guide book that made me go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because, you know, proximity is everything. It would have made much more sense for Kleya to be on this page and Vel to be beside Cinta on the next page, right? Nope, not if there's a deeper connection here!
Their first interaction
Even before we meet Vel, Luthen predicts to Cassian exactly how she will react to them being there
He first tries to greet her with a big fake grin. Big time dad behavior to act like none of the past shit between you has ever gone down. But Vel remembers, doesnโt buy the act
Basically their interaction is just very familiar and informal, then breaks down quickly because of their attitudes toward each other
Vel is being very childish for most of it, pacing around, not keeping eye contact, then fully acting like a kid who doesnโt want to pick up their toys (see above picture)
Which then brings the Big Dad Energy from Luthen - "LOOK AT ME!!" he yells. The dadest dad behavior to ever dad. I can so easily picture this from my dad. "Look at me when I'm talking to you! Do what I say!" You have no choice but to shut up and obey unless you want to lose your allowance heist mission
Maybe he does actually care?
The night before the heist, Luthen is acting very strange, so much so that Kleya calls him out for being nervous. This is understandable given the stakes. BUT!
โTheyโre either going to be okay out there or theyโre notโ from Kleya is interesting. Be okay, rather than do okay. Like she knows heโs particularly worried about their safety, about one personโs safety especially?
And Velโs mentioned in the very next line, reminding us of their connection again: "Vel's the only one who traces back" -- could be because sheโs the only one whoโs seen him, but who would actually be able to โtraceโ that??
Vel's need for approval
Veeerrryyyyy familiar to every eldest daughter constantly ignored by dad, seen most prominently in her interactions with Kleya
First right after the heist -- "Where is he?" ... "He read your message." "I really thought he'd be here?" Oh? Why's that? Why would he be there unless it was personal? Unless there was some sort of expectation of praise for the job well done, or comfort after losing so much of the team?
Later, before Ferrix, Vel won't give Kleya the information about Maarva's death until she secures the "I'll make sure he knows where it came from" promise from her
Rebellion is a family affair
"But Chip, Vel can't be related to Mon and Luthen!" Why not? There's nothing really that says Luthen isn't/can't be Mon's uncle
In fact, it might even make it easier to understand how a prominent Senator who's outwardly so centrist and careful could get Luthen's attention -- they always knew each other!
Anyway, a visual aid made months ago by @jedi-valjean, outlining the possible family tree, along with what seems to be the typical Chandrilan matriarchal naming conventions:
Vel Sartha, nepo baby
Vel absolutely does not have the experience or the stomach to be leading a mission like Aldhani. Why did he let her? That's right, nepotism
Hints to this in both her interactions with Kleya -- first "this is what revolution looks like" and then "You're off the rails. You're lucky he's not here"
She's clearly not ready and messing things up, but she's not facing any consequences for it because of her proximity to Luthen
Their second interaction
The convo on Ferrix is less loaded but still interesting
Vel looking at him and greeting him with a hint of "oh so you do acknowledge that I exist....but only because I have the information you need"
Again, the way they talk to each other is oddly informal for a boss and subordinate. Plus at the end he gives her tasks like a dad handing out chores
(also seems to like saying Cinta's name to her. supportive of his daughter's girlfriend, that gets him some good dad points)
Luthen's talk with Lonni
pound for pound, this is the most important part outside of their first interaction
As Lonni comes down in the elevator, Luthen congratulates him on becoming a father to a "healthy, beautiful" daughter. Tells him he must be pleased
Lonni thinks he's being threatened, asks "Do you ever think how it might feel from my side?" And Luthen tells him "I think about you constantly."
This. Shit. Makes. Me. CRAZY.
Because Luthen *was* Lonni. Just a guy with a daughter, trying to fight for something better
Also he sacrifices Kreegyr and all his men just to keep Lonniโs cover from being blown. Obviously thatโs selfish on one hand, he gets to keep his spy, but alsoโฆ.Lonniโs daughter gets to keep her dad. I donโt think Luthen's just saying that to appease him. โYou love your daughter," he says. The whole thing hits home for him and he thinks about it constantly
Basically the whole scene is a conversation between Luthen as he is now and Luthen as he could have been -- โYour investment in the rebellion is epic. A double life. Every day a performance.โ Heโs TALKING TO HIMSELF
And what does Luthen sacrifice? "...Kinship....Love" -- the love of his family? His kin? He may have his daughter in his life but they're hardly more than coworkers because of what they have to do. They're both sacrificing a real relationship with each other
"I burn my decency for someone else's future" -- he's sacrificed being a good father to fight and make a better future for his daughter!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shoutout to his ego not having a "mirror" calls us back to Vel and Cinta's conversation, another probably deliberate thread supposed to connect them in our minds
"You'll stay with me, Lonni" can mean both that he's not letting Lonni out of this and, again, that he's always thinking of him (always thinking of that other version of his life)
The Conclusions
Putting together all the evidence and the fact that no one in the show seems to know about the connection between them, I can basically come to two possible conclusions:
Vel didn't find out this man was her father until she was already an adult
She knew him as a child but then he began making his calculations and left her and her mother
Either way, they would have gone years without interacting and thus it would be easy to hide their true connection once they've been reunited. And either way, their relationship would be as strained as it appears. Vel would want to have his attention and approval in a way she never did before, and Luthen would feel guilty enough to give her a job she hasn't really earned.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
#i've fully lost it#this was fun tho. no ragrets#andor#luthen rael#vel sartha#honestly feels like i still left some stuff out but good grief#my posts#bookmarks
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So, I mostly just need some advice. I want to introduce stuff like the combat wheelchair into campaigns I run and play in, but some players say itโs โunrealisticโ for stuff like that to be in a campaign because โwhy wouldnโt you just get greater restoration or regenerate casted on you or somethingโ. I know thatโs a bunch of bull crap, but Iโm not sure what to say to convince them.
Heavy Topics: Disability in Fantasy
I'm going to start this off with saying that people with a lot more education and experience than me have written quite a lot about the inclusion of disabilities in d&d, and I encourage you to seek out their testimonials.
Next, you don't need to convince anybody about introducing things in your campaigns, especially when that introduction is specifically to highlight inclusion and diversity . They're YOUR campaigns, and people that cry "realism" when it comes to matters of inclusion are almost always covering up for their own prejudice.
Now what I can do with expert efficiency is address the bullshit claims that people try to use to support their prejudice, how it doesn't line up with the mechanics of the game, and how it doesn't line up with good storytelling.
TLDR: Disability is a fact of life, and so it is a fact of stories. In trying to brush it aside by saying " oh magic could fix everything" we also brush aside the lived experiences of millions of people, equally deserving as seeing themselves as characters in the fantasy epics we tell. Purely form a storytelling and world building perspective, it's also far more interesting to see how people adapt to challenges then it is to make those challenges simply not exist or be easily fixed by author fiat.
First lets talk over the mechanical issue: In vanilla d&d there's no way to restore lost limbs short of the regeneration spell, which is 7th level and thus requires a 14th level character to cast. 14th level characters are thin on the ground, meaning that your average person would have to undertake an arduous journey to find such a caster willing to perform this working , to say nothing of finding one willing to perform the service for any payment a commoner could provide.
Likewise, regeneration specifies that it's SEVERED limbs that are restored: rules as written it doesn't fix neurological damage, birth defects, or congenial traits. As someone who's needed glasses from youth onwards, I find it hilarious that a flimsy pair of lenses can fix what high level divine magic ( possibly even the wish spell) cannot, but that's more a matter of the designers thinking more about the lives of adventurers than the worldbuilding implicit in their rules.
Turning to 3rd party material and homebrew, we enter into some very interesting territory. There's much back and forth about magic that "fixes" disability outright and where I fall on the discussion tends to land on the idea that said magic lets the character overcome many of the hurdles of their impediment but doesn't negate it completely. Here's some pop culture examples:
Toph from ATLA is always go be the go to for disability representation in media: She's blind, but uses her earthbending powers to be able to sense vibrations in contact with the ground allowing her to "see". In a badly written show, this would totally negate Toph's disability, but thankfully ATLA is written by people who know what they're doing so instead Toph's blindness provides just as many novel drawbacks as it does advantages. Toph can detect things happening on the other side of walls and doors, but is vulnerable to projectiles that don't touch the ground. She can sense if people are lying, but can't read printed text. Force her onto a small, isolated platform or into water and you cut off her ability to see just as much as a fully sighted character in pitch black darkness.
Edward Elric from fullmetal Alchemist is missing an arm and a leg, and uses a pair of integrated robotic "automail" prosthesis which seem to give him all the functionality of a regular set of limbs. That said, any utility the automail provides is matched with whole host of downsides, ranging from their lack of touch, their weight causing discomfort, and the expense of having them in the first place. What's most pressing is that these limbs are mechanical and prone to malfunciton from overuse, requiring Edward to see a specific technician to get them fixed. When they break ( which is often) or simply require refitting, Edward needs to travel days or weeks out of his way and then suffer through a painful process of reattachment in order to get the use of his limbs back.
Professor Xavier from the Xmen is paraplegic, but in many depictions has some kind of hoverchair that lets him go out into the field and navigate difficult terrain without the aid of others or other mobility devices. While certainly an upgrade over a totally mundane wheelchair it again doesn't completely compensate for his inability to walk or his vulnerability should the chair be damaged or taken away from him.
With these examples in mind, we can look at how different 3rd party resources can model various forms of accommodation, giving characters with disabilities the utility they need to go out adventuring, without removing their disability in the first place.
The "combat wheelchair" is a great example of this, giving characters unique options while at the same time making them atleast partially reliant on a somewhat cumbersome object. In terms of logistics, it's not much different than having a centaur in the party and the fact that most dungeons aren't wheelchair accessible just means the party has to do maybe one or two more platforming problem solving challenges.
In my own time running steampunk games Iโve usually instituted a โmisfireโ rule onto most technology, including the ubiquitous mechanical limbs. A natural 1 using that limb means that the limb is suffering a malfunction, and until the malfunction is fixed, another natural 1 will break it. Itโs an easy way to get across that these marvellous contraptions aren't perfect yet.
Now lets talk storytelling:
Upfront I'm going to say that I don't consider myself disabled,I have some mental health hurdles that I have to navigate on the regular, but my body works at a solid 6/10 most days.ย
I think thereโs a lot potential in examining disability in stories, and not just in the โovercoming adversityโ inspiration porn sort of way. The loss of a limb can represent a sacrifice and the toll of war, prejudice against disfigurement can drive a character down a dark path, sometimes thereโs no greater thematic reasoning behind it and a character is living with disability because thatโs a thing regular people live with. What I will say is that disability introduces vulnerability, a theme that power fantasy games like d&d donโt often deal with as their centeral arc is about characters getting stronger and stronger and stronger until they can challenge the gods.ย
Vulnerability runs counter to that desire for strength, but it makes a better story because what a character does with vulnerability makes them a more interesting character: Do they rely on others? Close themselves off? Come to terms with their weakness or strive to overcome it? These are all fascinating questions that you wouldnโt get to ask with a character that was 100% able bodied, well adjusted, and socially accepted.
Itโs not a stretch to say that people who have regressive political views are terrified of vulnerability. thatโs why the right-wing chuds are so vehemently opposed to the idea that someone with a disability could be a hero. To them, adversity is all about the superior overcoming the inferior, and the thought of someone with weakness or disadvantages, someone they consider โinferiorโ triumphing against someone stronger is a direct challenge to their place inside their own worldview.
Finally Iโm going to leave you with something relating to vulnerability to consider from my own campaigns:
In my home games when someone fails their death saving throws, I generally donโt kill them, killing them cuts the narrative short and I want to see how things play out. Instead I give them an offer: do they pass on into death, or do they let me take something from them? 90% of the time they chose the latter option and I make things interesting. What happens to the master archer who canโt string a bow anymore, or the fame hungry bard whoโs scars distract from their performance? What price will the wizard pay to regain the use of her eyes?ย Forcing players to confront these questions takes a lot of tact, and a lot of trust, but always yields better stories but given enough time to develop.
Art
#heavy topics#disability#dnd#dungeons and dragons#d&d#5e#dm advice#dm tip#dm tips#dm tools#writing advice
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Headcanons on Pav ๐โจ?
EEEEE! THANK YOU EMERYY! I HOPE YOU ENJOY!! ๐๐๐๐ (Pfft can you tell who my new favorite Spider-Man is!-)
ANYWAYS! I figured I'd split these up! I'm going to start with Lee and Ler Headcannons and then go to regular ones, for everyone requested so if you don't want to read about tickles I will make a sepreate one for regular headcannons another time! :]
I hope you all enjoy!
-K :]
____________~โยฐโกยฐโยฐโกยฐโ~______________
Man's is a solid 50/50 split for Lee and Ler!
Lee:
-His sides are his worst spot, but they have to be squeezed for any reaction
-Light tickles do nothing there
-Light tickles in general don't give you much of a reaction form Pav, you'll get some giggles but nothing too much
-His laugh is super high pitched and childlike
-He squeals too, especially if you catch him off gaurd, which is hard to do with the spidey sense but it's possible!
-He doesn't do much to stop it, he'll just lay there and let himself laugh because he likes being happy and laughing and having fun
-He is unbothered by the word 'Tickle' he can say it and hear it and there's no reaction from him
-COMPLIMENTS HOWEVER! He's gone!
-He's not used to compliments so if you say things like "I love your laugh" or "Your giggles and reactions are so cute Pavi" he's now lost himself to laughter he can't function anymore it's the best!
-He regrets making his costume without shoes, especially after Hobie gets to him, but he just hasn't changed it and doesn't plan on it ever
-He can handle it for a good while but when he calls for mercy you should stop immediately, he can't go too far past his limits especially if there's compliments involved but thankfully all of his friends and family understand and listen to him no matter what
-Doesn't care too much about being tickled in public but will probably get embarrassed regardless and try to stop whoever is doing it (thankfully that doesn't happen much, just a few pokes here and there which he can handle and enjoys)
-Doesn't really get into Lee or Ler moods often because he's always ready for it but the first time he had a major lee mood he could barely get out of bed without giggling and had to call Hobie for help, he was so red in the face, Hobie never let's him forget that day
-if he's ever causing too much trouble at HQ or something, Hobie will silently remind him of that day and his mood and energy changes immediately to wanting tickles again and he's no longer causing anyone playful trouble
-Everyone's so confused of what Hobie said to him that made him change so quickly but he won't reveal anything it's 'their little secret' as Hobie likes to call it!
-Pav switches between just straight up asking for it to provoking it depends on the day and how big the wanting is for tickles
-I feel like he has ticklish knees, like the tops of his knees, his kneecaps, yeah
-He can't handle the 'itsy bitsy spider' nursery rhyme, that's the one thing he can't handle, everything else is light work but that! He's a giggle storm
-He's just the sweetest little man you've ever seeenn!! ๐ฅนโบ๏ธ
Ler:
-Oh boy ๐ซฃ
-Do not let his smile, charm, or sweet personality fool you this man doesn't know the meaning of the word mercy
-He's a hypocrite in that sense /lh, he'll beg for mercy from other's and they will respect it but when he's got a lee in his hands it's like that word doesn't even exist /pos /lh
-You either gotta be really strong and pry him off or get someone else to get him away
-He can't help it, he loves making people laugh and smile and it warms his heart from all of the reactions given from any person he tickles he gets carried away and never wants it to end! (My babyyyyy!)
-He is the tease master (next to Miles)
-He will use anything and everything to get his lee blushing and having fun
-Baby talk, compliments, the word itself, tickly type noises, all of it and more! if there's a tease out there he's going to use it
-He likes to test them all out the first time he tickles someone to see what gets them the most, once he figures that out, that's all he's doing from here on out and he remembers too, he's great at adapting
-He's very good at reading people so if you're in a lee mood he'll know, from a mile away, no matter how good you are at hiding it, he knows, he'll always know
-He has the teasy voice ๐ค๐ he's so good at it too! The closest example I can give to the people who don't know what the teasy voice is is when he said "New guy must be in love with youuu"
-I can not express enough how good he is at teasing, if his lee wasn't laughing from his tickles I promise you they'd be speechless
-He's just so good at tickling someone until their nothing but giggles, all of their thoughts out the window and stuff, He's just so good at tickles in general
-He's not one for using his yoyo or webs during tickle sessions, mainly because he is stronger anyway, but regardless he will if someone asks, it's just not his favorite thing, he likes them to be free but again he adapts no matter what, he's like liquid, he'll adjust to the container he's in (a science thing, I hope someone understood what I meant lmaoo!)
-If you are dating, it is going to be even worse, you're his favorite person, he is going to want to tickle you and have tickle fights so much because he knows that it makes you happy and it makes him happy too!
-but oh my god Pavi! He will just tell you how beautiful/handsome/stunning you look with such seriousness while tickling you so you know how incredible you are even while you're at his ticklish mercy he loves you so much!
-I love him so much oh my God!
-He's just the best!
-If I missed anything I will come back to these and add it! But AHHH!
________________________________________
I hope you all enjoyedd! More on the way soon!! :]
-K <3
#k's headcannons#k's asks and stuff!#emerys tag woohoo!#lee!pavitr#ler!pavitr#lee!pavitrprabhakar#ler!Pavitrprabhakar#across the spiderverse tickle#across the spiderverse tickle headcannons#atsv tickle#atsv tickling#pavitr prabhakar <3#pavitr x reader#sort of!#I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!#gayatri is a LUCKY woman#tickle headcanons#across the spiderverse
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If you're a real artist of any kind, never read opinions from non-artists or people who havenโt taken any risks in their lives. Remember, you're not a feedback reader, you're making people like you feel less alone and perfecting your craft and process. When it comes to your art, think of this and nothing else.
The ordinary person doesn't know what devotion is like because their brains aren't even 1% functional.
They're not full nor complex people either, they're an ego programmed to please others so they can fit in. Uncreative people target anybody different from them. This is why theyโre into politics and activism and canโt stand that anybody thinks differently than them. This is the Ego's nature.
I was there at some point too and it was repressive, but now I'm free. Those who aren't free judge because they're prisoners of their own minds. always remain aware of envy and the crabs in a bucket mentality. Doesnโt matter if theyโre race, gender or sexuality liberationists, they are against you if youโre a real person and will hate you for being free without needing their help.
I know a lot of the people reading this are looking to break through their mental barriers and I must tell you the obvious... life is a millisecond in cosmic time and you must act quickly on the opportunities presented to you.
Nobody is rewarded for being "the most liked by egos.โ When you die, you need to leave something that somebody can unearth and feel like they hit the jackpot to read, listen and look at and cherish for the rest of their lives.
There's no time for preoccupation with what zombies think. If you have time to worry, you need to add more work into your schedule (all real work is Spiritual, everybody else is just a busy body).
Successful people are too busy winning, or at least learning how to win, to judge people who are focused on their own craft. If you see somebody doing them but youโre judging instead of being inspired, youโre average and always will be until you decide to go for what youโre most scared to do.
Play your role to the fullest and you'll stop being depressed regardless of what the world shows you. When you're doing all that you can, you'll be lifted out of your depression. Most people are long-term severe melancholics because theyโre not creating, but believe they're well and project that depression unto those who are sane and healthy.
Since being a depressive is normal, those who have the drive to do what they love everyday, regardless of what anybody has to say about it, are deemed unwell because it's not socially acceptable to serve your soul. Everybody wants you to be their social slave instead.
Beauty isn't balanced or normal, it's extreme and rare.
You keep daydreaming and thinking "if only I could..." you can! The second you decide to go for what you want, everything becomes available to you. You don't have to plan, just make the vow and act immediately and once you iterate and record what works and what doesn't, you're making progress.
If you want a shortcut, find a mentor. The more you stay in the freeze state nothing happens. Your conscious mind cannot comprehend "how," so forget attempting to understand or map out the trajectory of your life and just act.
Even if you're an aspiring artist, stop reading stuff you can't relate to, or negative people who judge others for stepping out of the box because that affects your mental health and therefore your art, even when it's not directed at you.
That fear they meant to direct at others doesnโt actually affect the supposed recipient, but the individual saying it as well as their peers. Now their peers are secretly scared to be open with somebody they thought they trusted.
By the way, the highest art is the Art of Self-Mastery. Once you take back full control of your mind, senses and body, you're well on the path to achieving the purpose of life. Even better if you share the process of achieving your purpose. Don't wait until everything is perfect.
Sure, people will think they know you even though you only share 0.01% of your life, but at the end of the day, you're stopping yourself from doing what you're meant to do. Any obstacles you face is a test to show yourself how much you really want something. Think of these obstacles as checkpoints.
Once you get going, you will get real life checks to show you how strong you've gotten and how much you've improved in your role/craft. Stay locked in regardless.
The vast majority are extremely mentally unwell because they don't create or share anything that brings light into other people's lives. That stagnancy, as well as their hatred of the soul is the death of the mind.
Never listen to a dabbler who only creates once a month even worse, once a year, tell you anything about your creation. Just nod and smile because you're listening to an opinionated slave.
Remember, the only thing the ordinary person produces daily is an orgasm and poop. It would take the fragile and mindless a month to write a post like this, same with the art you're driven about, but they will judge and dissect what you do when they haven't done anything, ever. They don't have the discipline to write and release something in the same day because they're too busy arguing and gossiping about what a random thinks.
Only intake art and perspectives from people who are utterly and crazily obsessed and then you'll feel like your heart is finally waking up, which is what happened to me. Only then will you reach that point of being unable to feign lukewarmness and soullessness anymore.
Once you begin to exit mediocrity, you will see people's hatred toward you (which is really toward themselves) leaking out as false concern, fighting, and creating dossiers on strangers yet this person doesn't even keep a daily journal of their own thoughts. These individuals exist for you. They're waiting for you because their life consists of talking about others, so give them something to talk about.
When an individual can't be honest and haplessly spends their life energy, they become afflicted with loneliness, anxiety, and a chaotic mind regardless of how many bodies they pile around them and how much validation they get. Most people are unskilled, emotionally, and socially retarded for this reason.
When I read stuff from those individuals in particular I'm severely underwhelmed... it's all misinformation about other people's lives and it's not even at least entertaining. Iโm looking for anything real from them and thereโs nothing but thereโs nothing but race policing and sexual harassment.
They don't know what it's like to strive for something bigger than personal comfort and social validation. When their useless life ends, all that will be left behind of their existence is documentation of their sex-addiction, their list of diagnosed mental illnesses, ideology fights, and gossip.
Also, the people who say they wish they could meet certain artists are all lying. They would've been part of the crowd who judged them if they lived during the same time, especially the ones who pride themselves on being conformists whose best accomplishment is getting a girlfriend.
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๐๐งฐ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐งฐ๐
Part five
โPrevious part
๐ Pairing: Joel Miller x Virgin!Fem! Reader
๐งฐ Synopsys: Joel comes back with a few gifts for you, and you ask Frank to make him a gift as well.
๐ Features: Reader daydreams about Joel and touches him, graphic but no smut per say (I think?); Pet names and Joel guiding her as she touches him.
๐งฐ Word Count: Around 7k.
๐ About this: This doesn't move the plot a lot, but it moves the story on the sense that he shows her how he cares about her and she cares about him back?
๐งฐ Author's Note: Inconsistency is key over here. Impostor syndrome decided to pay me a visit and also now that spring's coming I'm working like crazy, and so my writing got a bit slowed down. Hope you like this, I put a lot of love into it ๐ฉท
His backpack, a lantern, a gun.
A guitar, a leather bag with tools, another bag with brushes and small cans of paint.
All of his things surround Joel as he sits on the floor of an abandoned convenience store somewhere far from Lincoln.
He took his time to block the doors and windows before checking his list and winding down.
The day went by smoothly, with no encounters with any infected or alive. He found everything he was looking for, especially the things he was looking for you.
He takes a box from his backpack and opens it, taking a camera and its instructions out of it. He has to squint his eyes and hold the paper away from his face so the words become clear for his tired eyes.
He opens the small packaging with photo papers and fills the camera, turning it on, looking at the ceiling and quietly praying it'd still be functioning.
He knew how happy you'd be if he got it back to you. How you'd finally be able to have things looking just like the real thing.
The camera turns on and he smiles, then looks around, thinking of what he could take a picture of to test if it still worked. When he finds nothing interesting, he turns the lens to himself and takes a photo, that comes out perfectly.
His face doesn't help it, though, and he grunts when he sees it.
He looks old. Old and tired.
No.
He doesn't look old and tired. He is old and tired.
Too old, too tired.
Too old and tired for you. What is he thinking?
He crumples the photo, setting it aside, crumpling his thoughts along with it.
He's been through it.
He is getting old. But he knows his feelings, knows his feelings for you. He'd never get close to you if he didn't know how he feels for you.
He wouldn't because he'd kill the man that did to Sarah what he did to you. There's no questioning that.
But he knows how he feels for you. He knows how you feel for him. He can't just vanish now, just go away, it's too late to realize this was all a bad idea.
He can't let you not believe in love because an old man broke your heart.
He goes back to his backpack and grabs one of the containers with the food you prepared for him. Opening the lid, he sees the shredded chicken and breathes in deeply, smiling at how good it smells. The images of you preparing it that morning star replaying in his mind, taking him right back to it.
To how sunny and happy you looked, how your hair was messy from wearing that funny hat the whole morning, how your skin was glistening from being in the sun picking the crops for breakfast.
How your skirt moved along with your body, how your shirt hugged your chest so nicely. How more comfortable you were around him this morning, compared to the one before. How much closer you got the night before...
He cuts his thoughts when he starts feeling a tightness on his jeans. He adjusts himself, then takes a picture of the food.
He wants to save it, to remember it. Remember having you taking care of him like that.
Even in the poorly lit room the camera somehow manages to take an intelligible photo again, and he hums, pleased with it.
He puts it back inside its box and grabs a fork, devouring the chicken, humming with the taste and texture of it.
Still chewing, he grabs a pancake and rips it, using it to grab some of the chicken and eating them together, laughing at how good it tastes.
He keeps eating, thinking about how you're probably having dinner with your dads right now. How he'd be sitting across from you, how he'd take your ankle between his and caress it.
The scene makes him smile.
But he can't help but think about the last time he had dinner at a table, eating and talking, everyone going through their days and laughing.
How long ago it was.
How Sarah was still there.
How he wishes he had her with him.
He thinks about what he told you, about how you two would be good friends if you've ever met.
Thinking about her hurts too much, so he avoids it. And doing so he never thinks about her as anything but a fourteen years old.
Never thinks about how she would be old enough today to have her own children. How if things never went to hell he could maybe even be a grandfather today.
He shoves more food in his mouth, trying to take his mind away from what his life could be. Away from such painful places.
He finishes his food quickly, thinking about whatever, as long as it didn't hurt so much.
And he wishes you were here, with him. He feels comfortable with you, he trusts you. He would think about Sarah if you were with him, he'd go through his memories, would cry even. Because you'd be there with him.
But you're not, so he lays down, using the bag filled with your clothes as a pillow, thinking about you. About how you'll probably try all the new clothes and show them to him. How pretty he knows you're gonna look in them.
He picks up the photo he crumpled and straightens it back, thinking about how upset you'll be if he tells you he took a picture of himself and threw it away.
He falls asleep with the thought of caring for you. Keeping you safe and well, like he failed to do for Sarah. How Sarah always wanted him to be happy, how happy she must be seeing that he's maybe finally found peace and love.
You hardly closed your eyes all night, thinking about him.
If he was okay, if something happened, if the coffee was good, if the food was enough.
You're lying on a rocking chair on your porch, almost falling asleep when Bill walks out of your house.
"Hey, baby. Sit up, close your legs. Joel's back." He says, tapping your shoulders, and your heart starts racing inside your chest.
"Joel already?" You ask.
"Yeah, just saw him through the cameras." He says.
"Oh, there he is." Frank says, following Bill towards the gates.
You resist the urge to get up and run to him, and just bend over the porch fence, focusing on controlling the wide smile trying to break through your face.
He's back. Hopefully he's alright. Your eyes and nose burn just from the anticipation to see him.
When your dads are getting near the gate you see him more clearly. Carrying at least six bags, all full, seemingly very heavy too.
Joel greets your dads with a smile and a "Hey."
"Hey, how'd it go?" Bill asks.
"Fine, no problems. Found everything and some more." He responds.
Bill looks at him, then eyes his guns.
"Bill, I think we can trust him." Frank says, smiling awkwardly, and Joel shakes his head, setting all his bags on the floor.
"No, he's right. You can't lower your guard." Joel says, looking past your dads. "You've got something important to protect." He adds, handing your dad his guns.
"That I do." Bill says with a smile, taking them and some of Joel's many full bags.
"You didn't have to bring this all back. We could take it by car later." Frank tells him between grunts, also taking a few bags.
"It's fine." He says quietly as they begin walking towards the house, and Frank looks back at him.
"Is everything alright? Where there really no problems back there?" He asks Joel, slowing down his pace so Bill wouldn't listen to them.
"Yeah, no. It was fine." He responds, looking at the house, already looking for you, smiling when he sees you almost falling over the porch to look at him.
"She was crazy worried about you." Frank says, looking at you. "Stayed on her window until dinner time, waiting for you. Probably wouldn't have eaten if I didn't call her."
"I'm sorry." Joel says, looking at Frank, and he frowns.
"For what?" He asks, and Joel looks back down, avoiding your dad's eyes.
"For her. She told me she, well... Told you about us." He says.
"Oh, yeah... I mean, she's been lying to me." He says, and Joel looks at him. "I saw you two before you left. Didn't know you were, you know... there already." Frank says, and Joel gulps, his shoes seeming more interesting to him than ever before as he stares at them to not look at your dad.
Oh Frank...
...You've been so much further than that.
"I'm sorry, I don't even know if I should have ever gotten close to her. Shouldn't have talked to her, looked at her." Joel says, and Frank looks at you, smiling.
"Look at her, Joel." Frank says, and he looks at you.
All of his sadness, worry and tiredness dissolve when your eyes scrunch with your smile.
Shining as always, a big, now shameless and uncontrolled smile on your face. He can't help but smile back at you.
"She hadn't smiled like that for a while before you arrived. Definitely didn't smile like that since you left yesterday." He says, and Joel looks at him. "You're making her happy. That's all a father can care about." He says, and Joel's stomach hurts.
He knows that feeling all too well. He misses feeling it.
They reach the porch and you scan him up and down, trying to see if there's anything different on him.
"Are you okay?" You ask, your brows furrowed, your eyes worried.
"Yeah, bโ." He curses himself. "I'm alright. Just a bit tired." He says, looking at Bill, praying he didn't catch the nickname he almost let slip out.
"Are you hungry? We were about to have lunch." You say.
"Well, your chicken is starting to wear out." He laughs.
"Well, then let's go in. You need some rest." Frank interrupts you two, bringing a few of his bags in. Bill follows him, also carrying some of them.
You and Joel share half a second together, while you also pick up a few bags.
"Take just this one. It's all yours." He says, handing you a soft and heavy bag.
"Oh โ God. Is this all just my clothes?" You ask, grunting when you pick it up.
"Yeah. I found a really nice dress, think you'll really like it." He says, smiling.
"You didn't need to bring all this weight, Joel." You say, feeling bad for the effort he made for you.
"It's fine, baby." He reassures you. "It was for you."
You smile at him, making an actual effort to not go and hug him.
You were so worried, so stressed. It's been a day, and you feel like you haven't seen him in weeks.
Footsteps coming from inside cut your thoughts, and you turn around and start going inside, finding Bill on your way to the living room.
"Everything okay?" He asks.
"Yeah, was just telling Joel he didn't need to bring me all this stuff. It's really heavy." You say.
"It was the only heavy thing I brought though. The heavier stuff stayed." Joel explains himself, walking in, carrying the remaining bags.
You place your bag next to the coffee table and turn around, looking back at him. And you notice something behind his back.
"Is that...?" You ask with a big smile, pointing at the guitar.
"Oh, yeah. It is." He says, smiling. "Found a good one." He takes it off and holds it in front of himself for you to take it.
"Ah! Thank you." You scream quickly, taking it and going to sit on the couch besides Frank. "Did you only find one?" You ask, looking around and noticing there are no others.
"Uh, no. A store full of them." He starts. "But I still had a lot to look for, so I just took this one." He explains.
"We can share this one, it's fine." You say, smiling.
He sits on an armchair and rests his backpack by his feet, opening it to look for your camera.
"Here, Bill, this is yours." Frank says, handing him a big leather bag with tools.
"Oh, look at these, baby." Bill says, sitting by your side and opening the bag.
"Oh, wow! More tools, how exciting, dad!" You joke, acting like you're more excited about them than you actually are.
"Haha, funny. What did you ask for again? Huh?" He asks, and you give him a look. "What was it, baby?" He insists.
"Nothing. I asked for nothing." You lie, and Bill looks at Joel.
"Clothes. She asked for clothes." He says, laughing, his cheeks red and his eyes glistening.
He loves seeing you with Bill. You two are exactly what he thinks him and Sarah would still be like.
He'd love her more than anything, they'd joke around and he'd kill anyone who tried to brush a finger on her.
"Joel! C'mon, that's so unfair. You can't be in his side!" You say before he's finished speaking, acting like you're mad at him.
"Oh, yeah, clothes! The thing your wardrobe is full of." Bill says over you, laughing.
You rarely see your dad so laid back. You love to see him laughing and having fun. And it's interesting to notice how much in common he has with Joel, how they always agree on what has to be done and how to do it, how they make fun of you the very same way. In other circumstances, you'd say they'd be good friends.
You and your dad keep arguing about tools and clothes, playfully hitting each other.
"Hey, this is for you too." Joel interrupts you, beckoning for you to come towards him. When you do he hands you a small book with guitar instructions.
"I thought you were gonna teach me." You say, disappointed, and he laughs.
"I will, I'm just messing with you." He says, removing the camera from his backpack and showing it to you.
"AAAaaah!" You scream again, this time for longer, your eyes wide and your voice high. "No! Joel, where did you find this?" You ask, bending down to hug him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." You say on his neck, still not letting go.
He caresses your back, looking awkwardly at Bill, who looks at Frank, frowning.
"Enough, baby. Let him go." Frank tells you, distracted by what he's looking at, but you're too busy enjoying Joel to hear him.
Too busy feeling relief, the hug much more thankfulness for him being back than for the camera. He's here, he's fine, he brought you so many things.
He thought about you while he was away...
"Baby, hey." Joel whispers. But you only let go when Bill almost yells your name.
"Sorry, Joel." You say, running to your dads, jumping over the bags on the floor and throwing yourself back in between them on the couch.
"Oh my God!" Frank says when you show it to him. "Does it work?" He asks Joel.
"Yeah it does, pretty well." He says. "There's some paper inside of it already, there's more here with me. The photos come out instantly." He explains to you.
"Uh!" You gasp, your eyes wide, and the three of them look at you. "Can we take pictures?" You ask.
"Yes! I want a family photo." Frank says, excited.
You look at Bill, smiling and biting your lower lip.
He frowns, then nods, smiling. "Yeah, alright."
You're so excited you're shaking.
"Joel, can you take the first one, please?" You ask, and he nods, so you hand him the camera and sit back on the couch, holding both your dads' hands. The three of you put on your best smiles and stay still.
"Wait, is my hair good, loves?" Frank asks you and Bill, who look at him, and you fix it. But Joel's already pressed the button, and he photo comes out of the camera: you smiling, fixing your dad's hair. You don't notice it, though, and Joel keeps it to himself, waiting for you to be ready.
"Now it is." You say, looking over at Bill. "Oh, daddy. Your hair's a mess." You say, fixing it for him as he keeps messing it back. "Stop! Let me fix it." You say, playfully slapping his hand away and laughing, and he stops.
You take their hands back and nod to Joel, who takes the picture, mesmerized by you.
Your big smile, your hair, your dress, the soft tan you have around your nose, how solar and pretty you are.
After he takes it he sees your eyes growing wider through the viewfinder of the camera, when you see the photo coming out of it. You run towards him.
"Oh my God!" You scream, taking the photo. "It's us!"
"Let me see it!" Frank says, excited, and you sit back in between your dads.
"Oh my..." He says, tears forming in his eyes. "It's us. Our family." He says.
Bill leans on you to look at it, his eyes getting red as soon as he sees it. He looks at you, caressing your hair, then he looks at Joel.
"Thank you." He says, and Joel nods, smiling, holding back his own tears.
He knows how important memories like that are. He wishes he had more photos with Sarah.
"Now we need one of all of us." You say, not giving him the chance to drown in those thoughts. "We can't keep you out, Joel." You say, getting up.
"Yeah, c'mon, sit here with us." Frank says, scooting next to Bill.
"No, it's alright. It should be about you, not me." He says.
"C'mon!" You say, going towards him and grabbing his hand, pulling his arm. "You're with us, I want a picture of all of us!" You say, grunting as you struggle to move his body an inch away from the armchair, and he gets up.
"OkayโGod, you're persistent." He says, laughing, going to sit next to Frank.
You stand in front of them, holding the camera.
"How do we take this one?" You ask them, and they all frown.
"Didn't think about it..." Bill admits.
"Maybe try and... I don't know, turn it and see if it frames all of us?" Frank suggests.
"Okay." You agree, sitting in the coffee table and trying to figure out how to hold the camera with it facing you. "Alright, big smiles old men." You say, laughing and pressing the button.
"Hey!" They all scream.
The photo comes out perfectly, with all four of you clearly in it. All of them laughing and making offended faces at what you said while you smile proudly in front of them.
"Oh, this is amazing." You say, laughing when you see it, turning to them.
"No, baby, c'mon, take another one. A serious one." Frank says, laughing, slapping your thigh playfully.
"Alright." You say, turning your back to them. "C'mon, smile." You say right before pressing the button.
"Is it good?" Bill asks, leaning close to you, looking at it over your shoulder.
"It's perfect" You say, looking at the photo, loving every single man in it. "Thank you, Joel. I had no idea this still existed." You say, turning to them and looking at him.
"Now everything's gonna look just like the real thing." He says, mentioning the conversation you two had the day before when picking vegetables for breakfast.
You smile. He remembered what you said, he was thinking about you just as much as you were thinking about him.
It's not like you don't know your dads love you and care about you. You do. But their love feels different from Joel's.
You feel special because he wasn't meant to care about you. He decided to. He saw you and thought you were special enough for his time and effort.
It's a type of attention you've never had before.
"Did you find any of the stuff we talked about?" Bill asks when he understands you two talked about the camera, not liking the wide smile you're shooting Joel.
"Yeah." Joel cleans his throat. "Lots of tools and big cans of paint. Stuff for fixing the fences, the houses, mowing the lawn." He answers, adjusting himself on his seat.
"Great. Think we can make it today?" He asks, and Joel thinks before answering, looking again at you, then looking back at your dad.
"Uh...Yeah, sure. I just need a shower first." He says, and Bill nods.
"You're going out again?" You ask Joel, more disappointment present in your voice than you wished.
"Darling." Frank says, looking at you and turning his eyes towards Bill.
A silent 'How are we supposed to explain this to your dad?'
"I'm sorry, but aren't you tired? You just arrived." You say, more calm.
"It should be an one-hour drive, I can rest on the car, it's fine." Joel says, and you sigh.
"You're sure? We could go tomorrow, or other day." Bill says.
"Yeah, no. It's fine, I'm fine." He says. "Just dirty." He laughs. "Would rather go today and fully rest tomorrow." He decides.
"Can I go? Since you're driving there?" You ask, and Bill grunts.
Letting you outside wasn't his favorite, but your dad knows you can take handle yourself. And he stays more calm with himself and Joel being there to protect you.
"Well... I don't see why not." He says smiling at at you, and you smile back.
"Actually, I think you should stay, dove." Frank says, and you whine.
"Why?" You ask.
"Well, we shouldn't leave the town alone for so long, right? And I don't wanna stay here alone." He says.
"But Iโ" You start, and he gives you a look.
A look he only gives your dad. A look he gave you for the first time yesterday, watching you and Joel kiss.
Fuck.
"Alright." You agree.
"Great! We have lots of laundry to do with all this new stuff Joel brought you." He says.
Bill looks at both of you, also eyeing Joel, trying to see if he's maybe understanding what's going on.
"Well, alright. You rest then, Joel. We're leaving right after lunch." Bill says, getting up and going to the kitchen.
"I'll go start laundry." You say quietly, picking up your heavy bag.
"Do you want help with that?" Joel asks, already getting up.
"No, thanks, it's fine." You say, smiling, picking the bag.
"Okay. I'm gonna go shower." He says, nodding to Frank and going upstairs as you walk outside.
"Fuck me." Frank sighs, rubbing his hands violently on his face. Then he fixes his hair and goes to the kitchen help Bill.
After a few minutes you can already smell lunch being prepared.
You go upstairs to pick up your dirty clothes. If you're stuck at home doing laundry, then you might as well do all of it.
As you walk up the stairs you can't help but think about how Joel's on his own. How he said he'd shower, how much you loved seeing his body that other night.
You skip your bedroom and go straight to his. When you reach his bedroom door you hear his shower running, and quietly walk inside the room.
You find his wallet on top of a pile of clothes on his bed and grab it, running your fingers through the worn-out leather. Opening it, the first thing you find is Sarah's photo.
You look at it. It's old and starting to rip at the edges. The colors are finally giving in and fading, specially around her right side, like if Joel caresses her cheeks and hair when looking at her.
Thinking about him going through such loss makes your heart ache. You feel so much for your โ probably deceased โ parents, and you haven't even got any memories of them. You can't imagine what losing his daughter must have felt like for Joel. And to think that the only memory he has of her is fading away...
You have an idea. You put it back on top of his bed and run downstairs, grabbing your camera and rushing back to his bedroom.
...
When you get there he's still inside the bathroom, but he stops the water as soon as you open his wallet. You take the photo out and bring it close to the window, taking a picture of it.
You sit on his bed and hide it on your bra, putting the original photo back. Just when you're finished he walks out of the bathroom, his hair damp and his body covered only with a towel wrapped around his waist.
You can't breath for a second, overwhelmed by his wide shoulders, strong chest and stomach, his belly poking out and his cock outlined on the towel. You've never seen him like this, at least not in daylight, and you can't look away.
He sees you eyeing him up and down and smiles, like if he knew he'd find you exactly where you are right now. Like was hoping to find you there.
He walks to the bedroom door and locks it.
As he walks closer to you, you can see the water droplets covering his skin, and he notices your blissful and watery eyes.
"I missed you." He says, cupping your cheek, your eyes faltering as soon as he touches you, taking your ear between his index and middle finger, caressing the skin under your eye. He leans down closer to you and his wet hair drips on your forehead, making you scrunch your eyes and laugh.
He smiles and kisses the water drop on your forehead, then your cheek, right besides your nose. He moves lower and gives your lips a peck, slowly making his way through them to roll his tongue around yours.
His movements careful and intentional, his beard scratching your lips and your cheeks, making you moan and lean further into him. His dry lips making you deepen the kiss, making you wanna keep them wet.
He pulls away and looks down at you, his wet hair falling over his forehead, dripping, the water running down his cheeks.
"I missed you more." You say, touching his waist before wrapping your arms around him. He pulls your head closer to his body, hugging you. His skin, still cold from the shower, wetting your face.
You kiss some of the water droplets around his chest and stomach, burying your face on him as he caresses the hair over the nape of your neck. You caress his back, bringing your hands to his sides, finding the hem of his towel.
"Baby..." He says, trying to convince himself to stop you.
But he doesn't, and you pull on it, slowly letting it fall out of him. Your heart slams against your chest when you see him naked. His wide shoulders, strong torso and slightly prominent belly making him tower over you, making you want to lie back down and pull him on top of you. His cock, big and soft, right on your face, making you lick your lips.
He takes a fistful of your hair, gently pulling your head back to make you look up at him. He almost smiles at how he finds no resistance to maneuver you.
"Right now is not the time." He says with a low voice, barely above a whisper, slowly shaking his head, leaning down to give your lips a peck.
He pulls away with a quiet groan when you touch his cock, just running one finger over it, then taking it in your hand, moaning at how heavy it is, even when soft like this.
Even though he said you shouldn't, he doesn't stop you from touching him. He likes how curious and open you are, how different it feels to be with you, who wants to explore things with him, and not just have sex because he wants to.
You keep holding him, touching his tip with your thumb. When you lick your lips and try to lean closer to him, he pulls firmly on your hair, keeping your head in place.
"I didn't say you could use your mouth." He says, softly but sternly, caressing your hair.
You look up at him, bringing your eyebrows together and letting out a soft and frustrated moan.
"But you're dry. I don't wanna hurt you."
"Then lick your thumb, baby." He instructs, and you do, wetting it and exploring his tip again, earning a groan from him.
It's the first time you're seeing his cock soft and dry, the second time you're seeing it up close, and you want to understand and memorize every little part of him.
How his soft โ so soft โ skin covers most of his tip, how it wrinkles at the edge; how you can see a few veins poking on his skin; how warm and heavy he is; the curves his tip has, how they make you want to run your tongue all over it, on top of it, underneath it, maybe even ask him if it'd be okay to poke the tiny hole at the center of it with your tongue.
How its size and thickness make you wonder how it'd feel to have him inside you. If it'd hurt, how far would it go, if you'd feel it all the way, if you'd still feel him the next morning, how empty you'd feel after he left you.
You wet your thumb again, rolling it on his tip, remembering how soft and warm it felt on your clit, how badly you want to feel it on you again.
Your other hand goes to his balls, picking them and rolling them on your palm, earning a loud sigh from him.
"Careful there, baby." He warns, and you soften your grip on them. Their soft and squishy texture making you actively remind yourself to not squeeze them.
Your heart accelerates when you feel him starting to grow and harden, softly pulsing from time to time. But you hear a soft knock on the door, and you freeze. Your heart beating so fast you're afraid it may give in that you're with Joel, since he's certain his is audible as well.
"Joel?" You hear Frank's voice.
"Yeah." He responds, taking the chance to get away from you and look for an underwear. His voice a bit raspy.
"Oh, hey. Huh... lunch's ready, if you're ready to come down, we're about to eat." He says.
"Alright, thanks, be right down." Joel says, putting his underwear on.
"Okay." Frank says, and you hear his footsteps going away; then coming close to the door again. "You haven't seen her... Right?" He asks suspiciously, and Joel looks at you while he puts his jeans on, moving his lips.
"No, last time I saw her, she was in the living room, taking her clothes outside to wash them." He lies.
"Yeah, I saw that too. But she's not there anymore."
"Maybe she's just somewhere else outside." Joel suggests, reaching for a shirt in one of his drawers.
"Yeah, she probably is." Your dad agrees. "Well, anyway, she'll come when she's hungry." He finishes before walking away again.
Joel, now almost fully dressed, comes to sit by your side to put his shoes on. And as he starts putting on his socks you realize you've never been by his side before. He's always either across from you, behind you or in front of you, but he's never sat besides you.
You look up at him, his cheekbones and nose sculpted by the glaring sunlight entering through his window. His face feels so far, his pouty lips so out of reach. He looks so good, so big, so strong, so overpowering almost.
You've never felt small or powerless; your dads always did their best to make sure you had the confidence to face anything you ever came across. And yet here you are, struggling to fill your lunges because a man is simply putting his shoes on by your side.
Wishing he would just lay you on his bed and crush you with his weight again, making it hard for you to breath โ Oh how good it felt when his warm skin touched yours, when his rough and large hands held your hips so firmly and his beard scratched your neck and collarbones. His hot breath burning your skinโ
"You should go to your room, baby." He says without looking at you, pulling you out of your thoughts.
"Are you and dad gonna be away the whole day?" You ask, slightly out of breath, and he looks down at you, shrugging.
"Don't think so. We're just gonna go take the stuff I couldn't bring by hand. It's an one hour drive, then just pick it all up and drive for another hour back." He explains, his hair falling all over his face.
"Do you ever brush your hair?" You ask, and he frowns.
"Not since I got here. You know, somehow this time I forgot to pack my comb." He jokes, laughing proudly at himself.
"Don't get up." You say, carefully leaving his bedroom to not walk into one of your dads.
...
After a few seconds you come back, a comb in hand. He's finishing his second shoe, and laughs when he sees you locking his door.
You walk towards him, stopping in between his legs, just like you did the morning before.
First you run your fingers through his hair, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you even closer.
He looks up at you with soft eyes as you carefully comb his hair back. When the repeated and soft movements start soothing him, he closes his eyes and touches his chin to your chest, keeping his head back, a relaxed and joyful smile on his lips.
While he was away, he kept thinking about you, thinking about how he, so relatively late in his life, found such an opportunity. Not just the opportunity to leave the QZ and still be safe, living a comfortable โ even happy, maybe โ life. But most importantly, the opportunity to have someone who seems to genuinely care for him. Maybe even love him someday.
Someone making sure he has enough food, exhaustively asking if he's gonna be okay, making him want to be careful and return home safe, making him feel like he as a home, respecting his time to talk about Sarah, pushing him to explore his old hobbies and combing his hair...
And nothing is asked in exchange, nothing is traded. He just cares for you... And there you are; solar, pretty, a positive and shiny refuge amongst all the depressing things he is always surrounded by.
"Better." You say, and he opens his eyes, not minding having his daydreams cut by the one causing them.
"Did it look that bad?" He laughs, his voice soft.
"No, I just wanted to touch it." You whisper, cupping his cheeks and kissing him. "I was so worried. I felt so bad for asking you for clothes. And you've brought so many of them, so much weight." You say, barely pulling away from him, holding his face in your hands.
"I still have some that aren't in that bag." He laughs, and you frown, smiling when you see his smile.
"You do?" You ask, running your hands down his back, letting most of your weight fall over him.
"Yeah, those I said you could wear only for me?" He says with a smirk. "They're in there, go get them." He points to the backpack he took with him. You let go of him and go towards it while he gets up and goes to his bathroom.
You open it and find a pink bag with a few pairs of lingerie inside. You can feel your cheeks heating up imagining yourself wearing them.
They're so sheer, so small and revealing. You take all of them, setting every new pair carefully on top of his bed.
He comes back to hug you from behind, squeezing your waist, gently pulling your hair over your left shoulder and kissing the right side of your neck, going from pecks to open mouthed kisses and nibs.
"They're so... Small." You say, and he stops.
"You don't have to wear them if you don't want to, baby." He reassures you. "It's okay." He tightens his arms around you.
"No, I liked them, it's just... Why even wear them if they show almost everything?" You ask, and he laughs, tightening his hug.
"That's the thing, baby. They show almost everything." He says, his chin on your shoulder.
"I don't get it." You frown.
"You know how you looked at me when I left the shower? With the towel on?" He whispers.
"Oh, okay... I think I get it." You say. You couldn't help but think about what he'd look like without the towel.
Knowing something so fragile was keeping you away from his naked body was... thrilling.
"You're gonna look so pretty in them, baby." He says, and you moan quietly. "Can't wait to see it."
"I can only wash them when I shower, so you're not gonna see it tonight. Maybe tomorrow." You say, and he squeezes your waist.
"I'll try and not lose my mind." He laughs on your neck. "Now go, I gotta go downstairs." He says, turning you around, giving you a kiss. You turn around, and he calls your name. "Are you not forgetting anything?" He asks, holding your camera.
"Oh... Yeah." You try not to sound too suspicious.
"What were you doing with it?" He asks when you reach him.
"I was taking pictures of you showering." You say innocently, and he frowns. "Of course I wasn't, oh my God!" You defend yourself, and he laughs.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yeah. I was just taking it up to my bedroom, and then I remembered you were showering, so I came to see you." You say, hugging him again, stuffing your face on his chest.
He kisses the top of your head and walks you backward towards the door, going slowly so you won't trip.
He lets go of you and opens the door. You two walk down the hallway, and he squeezes your waist as he lets you by your bedroom door, going downstairs.
You hide the bag with the lingerie at the bottom of a drawer and go outside, back to laundry.
"Isn't she coming?" Bill asks, and Frank shrugs.
"I looked for her but couldn't find her anywhere." He says, putting the plates down.
"I ain't gonna eat without her, not when I'm leaving for the day." He says, getting up and walking outside.
"Where is she?" Frank almost whispers to Joel.
"Huh?" His question catches Joel off guard as he's helping him set the table.
"Did she leave your room already?" He asks impatiently.
"She wasn'tโ" Joel starts, shaking his head.
"Joel, I looked all over this house and everywhere I knew she could be. I know she was with you." He says in hushed, angry whispers.
Joel doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all. Your dads shouldn't know about it. They shouldn't even think about it. He wanted to do things the right way, slowly, carefully. Respectfully.
"She went outside before I came downstairs." He admits, fixing your cutlery. Frank watches him, noticing how much care he puts into everything he does to you.
"Did something happen in your room?" He asks quietly, like he was afraid of the answer.
"No! No, nothing happened." He says firmly. "She just wanted a hug... And a kiss. Just said she missed me, was worried about me." He says with a short and shy smile.
"Did you miss her?"
"I was the first to say it." He says, looking at Frank. "Look, I know you may not believe it, but I do care about her. At first I didn't wanna get involved with her at all to not hurt her when I left." He says, sitting down across from your seat, looking at your chair. "But then fixing your car that day Bill talked to me about the houses around here. How I could work on one of them if I wanted a second, safe place to stay."
"And you're considering it?" He asks, and Joel takes a moment to respond.
"You know how QZ's are. They have their benefits, but overall... They're nothing compared to this. Tess said she won't leave, so we could still keep the deal going. I also have my brother, who has access to other things. Things Tess and I don't have."
"Your brother works for FEDRA?" Frank asks, turning his head slowly.
"No! He doesn't. He's a Firefly." Joel rushes to say.
He can't help but worry about his brother, but he's in no hurry to come back.
"Is that what you and Tess talked about that day when she called? About you staying?" He asks.
Joel nods in response, and Frank wonders how things escalated so quickly. How he went from telling Joel not to look at you to agreeing to have him move in to be with you.
"Just make sure you are sure before you tell her anything, alright?" Frank says with a sigh, scratching his forehead.
"I don't wanna stay if you don't think I should. If you don't think it's right you tell me and I leave as soon as we finish what we need to do over hereโ" Joel says, a hint of shame in his voice as he doesn't look Frank in the eyes anymore.
"No, Joel... It's not that, I'm sorry." He interrupts Joel, leaning back on his chair. "I'm just thinking about Bill. I mean, I don't wanna scare you, but we're gonna have to be extremely careful if we want you to come out of this alive." His seriousness almost scaring Joel.
"Yeah, she... She told me that." He says, playing with his fork.
He just had to go slow with it, and everything should be alright.
Right?
...
You're sorting the clothes Joel brought you when your dad finds you.
"Hi, my honeybun." He says, and you laugh.
He has this thing where sometimes he'll call you the sweetest nickname he can think of, just for the sake of it. Somehow he still comes up with new ones from time to time.
"Hey, daddy. Is lunch ready?" You ask smiling.
"Yeah, your dad said he couldn't find you, though." He asks, picking one of the dresses and holding it in front of himself.
"Hmm. Must've been when I went to the bathroom." You lie, and he hums.
"Aren't these dresses a bit too short?" He asks, picking another dress you've just thrown on the laundry pile. "Why did Joel pick this for you?"
"I asked him to." You say almost too quickly. "I showed him some magazines and described what I wanted. He said he'd bring a bit of everything and I'd see what I liked." You explain.
"And did you like this dress?" He asks, raising his eyebrow.
"I did, yeah." You say, and he scratches his head.
"You know I don't like you wearing this type of things around him."
"Dad..."
"Just avoid it, alright? Joel might be whatever, but he's still a man. And you're so gorgeous, my honeybun." He says, cupping your cheek. You kiss his palm, screaming at yourself for lying to your dad, for doing all this behind his back.
But would he ever let you experience what you've had with Joel if he knew about it?
The only conversation at the table was between Joel and Bill, as they discussed the roads they'd take and how long it should take to come back. Your dad was focused on Joel's descriptions of the way, and Joel walked him through it while he caressed your leg between his ankles again.
But it all felt too rushed when they had to leave. Your heart feeling hollow and your stomach overfilled as your dad kissed your forehead, and Joel discreetly squeezed your hand while your dads kissed goodbye.
"Take care, you two." Frank says.
"Got two good reasons to be." He responds, kissing Frank again.
"I have one too." Joel whispers to you, knowing Bill has his back turned to the two of you. You smile up at him, quickly touching your head on his chest, quickly pulling away when your dad turns around.
"C'mon." He tells Joel. "I love you, baby. " He tells you before going inside the car.
They drive away, Joel looking at you through the car's mirror.
...
"Dad?" You ask Frank after the gate closes behind your dad's truck.
"Yes, love." He responds fixing your hair behind your ears.
"Can you help me with something? A gift for Joel." You ask, and he raises his eyebrows quickly.
"Sure, what is it?"
"Do you think you could paint this photo for me? Make it bigger and fill in where the photo is fading." You say, taking the photo that was still on your bra and showing it to him.
"Baby, who is this?"
"He never...?" You ask.
Fuck.
Joel never told your dads about Sarah, maybe he never told them anything about himself.
"He has a daughter?" He asks, confused.
"Had... one." You hesitate.
"Oh, dear." Frank sighs. "Sure, love, I can do it." He says, walking inside in a hurry.
Now he understands why Joel was always so understanding of his and Bill's concerns. Of why he always said he didn't want to stay if that'd make him and Bill uncomfortable.
Because he knows what caring for a child is like.
...
Now it was just you and your dad for a couple of hours. But strangely enough, he didn't look for you. Didn't come to help you with laundry like he said he would, didn't ask any questions. He just spent the whole day at his studio, painting.
Probably painting Sarah.
"Hi, dad." You say, entering the room and sitting by his side.
"Hi, my love. Are you okay?" He asks, noticing your expression.
"Uhum. I'm fine." You say, looking at his canvas.
"Think you can tell me her name?" He asks, looking at Sarah's photo.
"I don't know... I thought he had told you and dad." You say, feeling guilty for exposing that part of Joel without his consent. He trusted you, after all.
"That's okay. You don't have to." He sounds calm while he starts mixing more of the paint Joel brought him.
"Why did you want me to stay?" You ask after a minute. Even though he's not acting like he's mad at you, you know exactly why he wanted you to stay. So why won't he just say something?
He sighs, taking several seconds to respond, focusing on his painting and on what he's gonna say.
"I wanted you to stay so I could yell at you, cry, even. So I could ask why you lied to me, what you two have been doing behind our backs." He says, and you instinctively pull your body further from his. "But then I saw him hold you hand before leaving, whispering something to you, you snuggling on his chest. Then you asked me to paint her... And now I feel like I shouldn't do any of that anymore." He says, looking down at you.
"I'm sorry I lied to you. I was just afraid you'd tell dad and... I don't like to think about what he'd do to Joel." You say.
"I'm honestly more worried about what Joel would do to defend himself." Frank says, and you look at him.
As obvious as it sounds, you've never thought about it. You never considered Joel defending himself. Maybe your dad coming out of it hurt. Because of you.
The thought makes your breathing shallow, and your dad notices it.
"Hey, hey, baby. Nothing's gonna happen, okay?" He soothes you, caressing your hair. "We're gonna go slow, be careful. And we'll prepare dad for it. Okay?"
"Uhum." You agree, your breathing still laborious.
"But I mean it when I say careful." He says, and you look at him. "I saw you going upstairs earlier. I know you were with him." He says and you look away from him, embarrassed. "That I have a problem with. You're not being honest with me. And that was all I asked from you."
"We'll just be actually careful and everything's gonna be okay."
"Aren't you afraid?"
"I am." He admits with a sigh, kissing your forehead and hugging you, letting silence take over.
Imagining one of them coming out of this hurt makes you want to tell Joel you don't want to do this anymore, that he should stay away from you. He should just go back to the QZ and you should just forget about all of this.
You've lived just fine without anyone like him, you always handled yourself โ oh, but it feels so much better when he's there with you, his rough hands feel nothing like your soft ones โ, you've always been loved by your parents โ but the way he loves you feels different โ, and you've just met what...four or five days ago?
You can get over him.
But imagining him going away, never seeing him again, never talking to or touching him makes you want to cry, to scream. It makes you whish you just listened to your dad and never looked out the window, never let Joel see you โ never looked at him in the first place โ, never smiled at him, never moaned his name, never called him into your bedroom. But you can't. You've done all that, you've touched him, felt his warm breath on your ear, and you can't imagine never feeling that again.
So you just hug your father, trying to keep your mind away from such terrifying scenarios, from one of them getting hurt.
You know one day your dad will know. And you know someone may come out of it hurt.
Be it physically or not.
You just hope it's not both.
Hope you liked it, friends ๐ฉท. Bill's gonna find out sooner or later, the problem is... What will he do when he finds out? How will Joel react?
Hope you're here when we find out, I love you all so much, this series means so, so much to me, and I love getting comments, reblogs and asks talking about it. I love that you guys are still so invested in it, even when it takes me so long to update the story.
Ily ๐ฉท๐ฉท
My Masterlist ๐ฉท
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller#pedro pascal characters#ghostfanwriter#dirty hands#pedro pascal's characters#joel miller x virgin reader
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Glass Houses: Jack Thurlow x Y/N Series CH 05 -> CH 06
"Didn't you say you had already befriended your neighbors daughter?"
"I'd hardly call us friends. She doesn't know I'm crazy yet."
Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @thatsthewrongwallcraig @icarus-star @cc-luvr @madamemaximoff06 @shady-the-simp @quicksilversg1rl
"How is your sleep? Is it leveling out or are you still experiencing fatigue?" Jack stretched out in front of the computer screen and yawned.
"It's still weird. Some days I'm too exhausted to function. Other days I work my ass off to clear out the house but when I finally lay down, I just can't shut my mind off." Jack explained.
"What goes through your mind when you find yourself unable to sleep?" Jack rolled his eyes.
"Everything...nothing at all...I think about what I might do the next day or working on the book but then I'm too exhausted to even sit in the chair." Jack was growing annoyed with how his meds made him like a zombie. His brain was far too developed to not be able to use it during the day time.
"How about your appetite? Are you eating regularly?" Jack hated having to explain that he was miserable because his body required these meds to stay sane.
"Not as often as I should. Most of that is because I haven't done the grocery shopping yet. I have to put in an order." Jack listened to the hum come from the doctor.
"Have you thought about maybe going to the grocery store? Getting out among the people just to explore." Jack laughed.
"Yeah I'm not sure I have the energy for that. Maybe if I go late at night but I don't want to mingle just yet." Jack couldn't imagine having to walk through the grocery store having people stare at him or offer condolences that are empty and way too late. He wouldn't mind running into Y/n but that's a different story.
"Didn't you say you had already befriended your neighbors daughter?" Dr. Carty questioned making notes.
"I'd hardly call us friends. She doesn't know I'm crazy yet." Jack explained with a self deprecating laugh.
"You aren't crazy Jack. People live completely normal lives with mental illness. It's like any other illness and you are taking the steps towards a bit more normalcy." Dr. Carty had been with Jack since he checked into the facility. He felt like Jack absolutely needed to be hospitalized for the time he was in order to not only get to the root of his trauma but to allow his brain time to come to terms with it. He recognized all the progress he's made and wanted him to feel proud of that.
"Well how does it feel to interact with someone your own age who isn't a doctor?" Jack shrugged.
"She's fine. I mean we have a really cohesive sense of humor. I think if we did hang out, it wouldn't be awful but I'm pretty sure she's a nurse or something. She wears scrubs whenever she's not in regular clothes and when she's in regular clothes she's usually care-giving for her mom." Dr. Carty laughed making Jack tilt his head.
"You like her." He said confidently.
"What? No! We've had two conversations. That's hardly enough time to develop a liking to anyone." Jack defended.
"Haven't you ever heard of love at first sight?" Now Jack knew the doc was fucking with him.
"Yeah, thankfully I live in the real world. Plus everyone knows it's more like lust at first sight. No one can fall in love just seeing someone. That's based entirely on physical attraction." Jack was more of a pessimist when it came to love and attraction. Plenty of people could be attractive but love is few and far between. Jack can count on one hand how many people he's genuinely loved in his entire life.
"Well is she attractive?" Dr. Carty pressed.
"She's conventionally attractive, yes. I mean she hasn't cured my lack of sex drive but again, we've only spoken twice. I don't think I could fuck even if I wanted to." Jack had known the Doc for long enough that his random bouts of vulgarity didn't make him flinch.
"So you have decent conversation with a pretty woman who can match your intellect and has a dog you enjoy spending time with...She doesn't sound like an awful friend to make. Maybe you should work on that." Jack pushed away from the computer and ran his hands down his face.
"Why? I don't want to ruin anyone else's life. She's clearly a much better person than I am and she's already agreed to let me take the dog for walks on occasion so why risk ruining that with her getting to know me?" Jack genuinely feared letting anyone close at this point. Shanda had been with him since day one and the only person who has gotten a pass is the Doc and that wasn't something Jack asked for but has gotten used to.
"She's not Cleo, Jack." The mention of Cleo knocked the wind out of his chest.
"I know that." Jack whispered timidly before standing from his chair to move to the window.
"Just because you never received closure from her doesn't mean you can't move forward. You have done your part in taking accountability. We knew going into that you might not received the absolution of forgiveness." Dr. Carty himself had reached out to Cleo and was told she didn't care if Jack had dropped dead, she refused to talk to him after having their child cremated alone. Jack had sent a twenty page letter without any sort of response and when he sent a follow up, it was returned to sender.
The few times he dared to check social media, she had erased him from her entire existence. She had a memorial post for the baby but she didn't use his last name. When he accidentally liked one of her posts, he was met with a block on all outlets. Shanda had assured him that she had moved on and was doing better but he held onto that guilt for abandoning her after such a sudden miscarriage.
"What are you thinking Jack?" Doc's voice broke through his thoughts as he stood at the window. He could see Y/n down in her mother's garden watering the flowers and talking to her mom who was sitting in a wheelchair on the porch with Ace in her lap. He didn't need to know Y/n well to see she was a good person.
"The best thing she could do is to stay away from me. I'm just...I don't deserve that again. I wasted it the first time and ruined someone's life. What would I even do if I allowed myself to find that with someone else after Cleo? How do I explain to someone what I did to someone I loved enough to want to marry and start a family with?" Jack's ranting started to make his chest hurt.
"Jack, I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath." Jack became annoyed but did as he was told counting in his head as he took a few deep breaths.
"You need to remember that we are not our mistakes. We all have flaws and blemishes but it's how we right our wrongs that define us. You are not a bad person." Jack opened his eyes feeling a slight burn from squeezing them so tightly. Jack let out a breath before digging in his pocket for a lighter, picking up a cigarette and opening the window abruptly. The daylight made it hard for his eyes to adjust at first but he didn't realize the sound of the window would draw any attention towards him. He was met with Y/n's gaze as he took a deep drag of his cigarette.
"You have to forgive yourself Jack. If you don't let go of that weight, it will drown you." Jack kept his eyes on Y/n as she smiled at him and waved. Jack returned a weak smile, biting his lip.
"I want to...I really do but I just don't think I can." Jack admitted out loud glancing over at the screen to see Dr. Carty was frowning. He hated ending his sessions on a such a negative feeling but he knew he was out of time today. He knew that Doc didn't want to leave him alone with these thoughts so he gave him self work to do over the weekend so it would keep him occupied. Self work always made him roll his eyes because he could knock assignments out easily but whenever he sat down to work on his writing, his mind would be blank. All he wanted to do was figure out how to feel normal again.
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chapter 144 thoughts!
I don't think any other chapter of Oshi no Ko has ever baffled and confounded me quite like this one. Viewed solely in isolation this is a perfectly fine, functional chapter but as the followup to 143 and everything it contained, I actually feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. 143 might as well not have happened for all the weight it's given in this chapter. Ruby is not remotely acting like a girl who just tongued her crush of 18 years and in general, the total absence of any reference or cushioning of the shock of that event is just so loud and so jarring and so completely out of touch with how OnK has handled romantic developments in the past.
Both AquAka kisses had at least a scene or two in the chapter immediately following of characters reacting to and reflecting on both the event itself and the status quo change it represents in the relationship. Even 124 has that scene of Ruby clinging onto Aqua to let the viewer know what the new dynamic between them is going to be from now on. This chapter has nothing of the sort; I wasn't kidding when it says it feels like the kiss never even happened. The only thing I can point to is Ruby's little "we have sensei at home" exchange with Tsukuyomi but that'sโฆ kind of just exactly what she would've said even before the kiss. So if it has resulted in absolutely no change to their dynamic that we can see thus far, what was the point in ending the chapter on that note?
The part of me that is cynical and jaded can't help but suspect that this is intentionally hot button reaction bait paced specifically for the purposes of keeping OnK a trendy topic in the lead up to season 2 of the anime airing, But Who's To Say, Really.
I also had my worries about this last chapter, but unless we skip back in time to address it, it really looks like we've skipped over the remainder of the KamiAi romance and everything to do with the early stages of Ai's pregnancy. This is incredibly frustrating to me - they're parts of Ai's story I had been incredibly curious about and was excited to see her thoughts and feelings on, even filtered through fiction. In general, the way the Movie Arc has been increasingly dropping its focus on actually conveying Ai's story has been a real sore point for me. I fully acknowledge this rankles me more than perhaps it should because I am so deeply invested in Ai above any other character butโฆ fuck, man! Once again, remember when this was supposed to be an arc about her? About her inner life, her pain and struggles and Aqua and Ruby working to a better understanding of her? I was excited for the Movie Arc specifically because I thought we were going to get peeks at parts of Ai's life we weren't privy to beforehand, but at this point it almost feels like Akasaka has just lost interest in following through.
Not only that butโฆ uh, where's that KamiAi breakup scene, Akasaka? The one we were promised during the script reading? That huge I CAN'T LOVE YOU elephant that's been patiently sitting in the room? I can only assume that the 15YL version of this breakup happens after the twins are born or maybe even when Kamiki visited Ai at the hospital the night the kids were born but. What the fuck is even going on here anymore lol. The Oshi no Brainrot discord has been kicking around a joke theory that we were seeing the events of the Movie Arc out of their actual chronological order and it is becoming increasingly less of a joke in my brain because I can't make any sense of its progression otherwise.
oh my god i'm almost 1000 words in and i haven't started talking about the actual point of this chapter yet. god help me.
Anyway, MY SON IS HERE LET'S GO MELT!!!!!!
Ngl, I've always been a little disappointed that we didn't see much more of Melt in this arc, both just because I like him and because I think there's some really interesting potential in drawing on the parallels between Melt and Kamiki. I'm not the first to point out that Melt's experience with a dubiously consensual sexual encounter at the hands of an upperclassman - when he wasn't that much older than Hikaru was when Airi began abusing him - echoes at least in spirit Kamiki's experiences as a CSA victim; both were young boys, noted to be pretty and desirable, who were taken advantage of by older female figures. I think it would be extremely interesting and a great character moment for Melt to have some degree of engagement with that material and maybe to have some thoughts about it. It feels like a little bit of a missed opportunity to pass up on that, but I also acknowledge that Melt is ultimately not a huge mover and shaker in the overall story and I don't know how that would've fit into the Movie Arc as it stands, so I'll just have to make eyes at the AO3 tag and hope someone writes a fic about it.
Anyway as a lot of people predictedโฆ here's Ruby being a jackass to Melt about his performance!!! Joking aside, I will admit it's a little jarring to see Ruby being so hostile to Melt over thisโฆ? Gorou is a sore spot for her, obviously and she would undoubtedly have high standards for his role in the movie. In addition, Ruby being snitty with people who rub her the wrong way definitely isn't new for her, but it still feels kind of odd both coming off her own struggles to connect with Ai through acting and her little "holy shit other people have feelings" breakthrough in the wake of the RBKN fight for her to be like this about it. I do think this is mostly just supposed to be just goofs and I'm overthinking it, it was just one of those things that kind of gave me pause as I was reading.
ruby's little little princess shirt is really good though, as is her referring to herself as a fan of the 'original work'. both of those got a solid sensible chuckle out of me.
Another thing that gave me pause for a very different reason was Melt and Ruby's exchange about his little merch pin. First and foremost, I think this is a really good Melt moment; while we saw him busting his ass to improve his acting in Tokyo Blade, that was very much when he had something to prove. Here, he really does seem to be going above and beyond for what is basically a bit part purely out of a desire to improve his craft and a passion for acting overall. It's nice to see the story double down in this being a lesson he did properly take away from Sweet Today and that he has committed to acting upon it (no pun intended) in the long term, not just when under outside pressure to do so.
The other thing that jumped out to me about this exchange is thatโฆ technically speaking, both Ruby and Melt are wrong, here? It's a very nice, flowery description of Gorou and it certainly lines up with his more positive traits but the idea of him not wearing his Ai merch in front of Ai herself is actually incorrect. Gorou is depicted (in the anime, anyway) as openly wearing the charm at what's implied to be all times, even in front of Ai herself. The manga also implies by way of where the charm is on his person when Ruby finds his body that this is also the case in that version of events, too. I don't think it's a retcon and may be an unimportant detail in the grand scheme of things but it did pique my interest.
There's a few ways to take this, I think; a more positive spin is that this is in line with what the story wants us to take away from 15 Year Lie as a production, where the literal granular facts of its events are sometimes less important than and can be bent in favour of supporting the emotional narrative it wants to convey. Melt may not literally be correct here, but he at least achieves the spirit of the right answer in his efforts. "Lies are love", after all.
However, given that Ruby enthusiastically endorses this interpretation - and is thus wrong alongside Melt - this could potentially be an indication of there being cracks in Ruby's rose-tinted view of Gorou. This strikes me as a fascinating idea and one I hope the series plays with; it would follow quite naturally from last chapter's framing of Gorou as Ruby's 'idol' that she's 'gachikoi' for. Oshi no Ko has pretty consistently portrayed the idol/fan relationship as inherently unequal, even when approached with the best of intentions and to truly know someone, you must let them off their pedestal first. She has sort of begun this process with Ai, just through empathizing with her during the 15YL production but we have yet to see anything similar happen with Gorou - if anything, we see the opposite here, where she asserts herself as the authority on Gorou's character as if she has the final say on who he was and what he felt and thought.
But the thing is, how well can Ruby really say that she knew him? They were only in each others' lives for a few months and in that time, she was only exposed to a very narrow slice of his life and his personality. Hell, you could even argue that Akane knows more about Gorou than Ruby does, given that we have no indication that Ruby or Sarina was ever privy to the details of his birth and his home life. Again, it's entirely possible that I'm reading too much into this, but now the idea is in my brain I'm simmering on it a bit. If nothing else, I hope the series takes the time to prod and poke at this angle, especially now it has made the fan/idol aspect of this dynamic explicit and textual.
Ruby and Melt's little senpai/kouhai dynamic has the potential to be really cute and I do hope the series actually spends some time on it. I've always thought a RBML friendship could be really fun to watch play out and seeing Melt gain some confidence in himself by teaching someone else could be really great. But with how unfocused the Movie Arc has been, it's really hard to get my hopes up that we'll be sticking with this even past this chapter lol
oh hey there crow girl we thought you were dead
Surprisingly, I don't have a lot to really say about her little lore drop here, since it's mostly mystery boxing and implications and, man. It's been 69 (nice) chapters since she first started showing up ominously muttering about supernatural things and while I don't mind her presence and I think she's evolved into a fun character, it's a little hard for me to get interested in these little supernatural tidbits until they resolve into something that feels meaningful for the characters.
This isn't helped by the fact that we don't really know what kami means in the context she uses it here. While 'god' and 'gods' are not strictly incorrect as translations, I think an English speaking viewer is primed to think of Abrahamic, capital G-Gods, which isn't necessarily correct. The term kami is a catchall that covers all manner of things from divinities to venerated earthbound humans, so kami can perhaps best be understood as being an umbrella term for something like 'an otherworldly being', which I think better lines up with Tsukuyomi's assertion that those who have memories of past lives are like kami in of themselves.
Ultimately though until we know what kami really means and amounts to in Oshi no Ko, it's hard to say what this means for the characters and I am ultimately only really interested in the characters. So until we know what this actually amounts to in-story, I'm just kind of nodding long with whatever Crow Girl says because sure. This might as well happen.
can we talk about how fucking funny her anime antagonist jump out of the tree was, by the way
break next week, or so i've heard... one of these days, we'll beat the allegations....
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Reverse AU where Armand is Marius' maker? Yes, but I think we should take this further. Imagine a reverse AU where adult!Armand (40 mortal + 1500 vampire years old Armand) is the Master of a 17 y.o. Marius.
Imagine teen!Marius being a very serious young man and... not entirely asexual, but he knows he has the whole life ahead of him, and does not feel the need to hurry up. Like, sorry, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your kind invitation, but I have books to read, and I should be home by sunset to greet my Master properly, therefore, I regretfully decline. Imagine a young loyal Marius who firmly ignores Bianca's very obvious advances because he knows that his Master courts this woman, and he would be an ungrateful pupil if he stood in his Master's way (of course, his own feelings regarding this matter are completely irrelevant). Imagine Armand being mad because he already decided this boy will have the whole eternity to enjoy his goddamn reading and writing, but has very limited time to engage into other activities, but he can't explain this to Marius without revealing too much, or can he? And then this epic moment probably happens...
(This is a screenshot from Rome HBO series, but I totally HC same thing also happened to young Marius at some point of his mortal life, AU or not AU.)
For the first time in his Venice years, Marius considers disobedience. He can't explain or rationalize why he is opposed to the idea. He goes to the brothel anyway. The act is pleasant but otherwise deeply unsatisfying. He can't justify this feeling, either. It seems that everything suddenly makes no sense at all. On the way home he considers drowning himself in a canal. He doesn't. Instead, he returns to the palazzo and has a very polite Marius-style silent meltdown and no one knows how to deal with this until Armand returns. They talk. They finally talk. And then they don't. And then they finally don't. And then Maruis thinks he probably understands what everything was about. BTW, he makes zero drama out of the fact that some of his Master's body parts do not function the way they are supposed to. On the opposite, he thinks he is connecting the dots now. He totally knows this may happen to older men because his books told him so. And at this point he suspects his Master is older than he seems (there is a talk in the palazzo that he is a magician or something), therefore, nothing to worry about. He suddenly understands why his Master was so insistent about the whole... virginity matter - like, "go enjoy all these things while your body is still young". His own feelings make more sense now, too. He is certainly happy to have a satisfying intimate life, but he is even more content now than every irrational thing received a consistent explanation.
And then teen!Marius gets himself mortally wounded, IDK, maybe while defending his Master's honour on a duel or something? And then he is so surprised to find out that he was not entirely wrong, but still... wrong. About certain things. And then probably comes the whole "we kill to live" thing, and it probably comes along with some drama, because it's Marius we are talking about. A man who claimed he haven't killed anyone in his mortal life. And then the separation, the lonesome journey through the centuries to come, the reunion in modern timeline and everything else.
Bonus points if teen!Marius was the voice of reason in the palazzo and talked his peers out of any mischief as much as possible. More bonus points if adult!Armand is a da Vinci type of artist, always engaged into his flying machines as much as he is into his paintings (I mean, canon Armand is good with technology, this fact should be used somewhere!).
I wish I could write fiction.
#marius de romanus#armand#reverse au#plot bunny#idk more like a whole plot elephant#taxidermised plot elephant lol#please feel free to use any plot bunnies i post if you like these#i wouldn't be able to write fiction if my life depended on it
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Ok I'm asking because a lot of people have different opinions on this and I wanna know yours
How do you think kraangifaction (I have no idea if I spelled that right) works?
Do you think it turns people into mindless zombies
Do you think it manipulates people into wanting it?
Do you think people are still conscious but can't control their bodies?
Or do you have another kraangifaction (still not sure if thats right) headcannon?
Honestly my headcanon could kinda fall under all three? Hear me out ok, mini-rant under the cut
I personally like the idea of it working almost like hypnosis, where the krangified person is in a trance and not fully conscious of their surroundings or actions but still awake for it. The krang parasite takes control of their basic motor functions, but also have the ability to manipulate the host's emotions in its favor to make using their body easier. We already know the krang are capable of messing with brains directly (see: the "interrogation" scene w/ Raph)
As for how I think it's remembered by the host after the fact, I'll use Raph's perspective as an easier way to explain. He would remember everything as a cacophonous blur of vague shapes and noises, not able to pick out any kind of details beyond what he was feeling. And he was feeling nothing but pure, unadulterated bloodlust, which I imagine would haunt him for a while post-movie.
I like this headcanon because it explains how Raph was able to be talked down by Leo, because if he was just in a mindless zombie state there was zero chance of that working. So, I imagine he had to have some kind of awareness during that whole experience. Maybe not as vivid as remembering every little detail, but enough to know he was hurting Leo so he could dig his metaphorical heels in to break out of the krang's emotional manipulation.
And also having him just not remember anything is kinda boring ngl, I mean where's the angst potential in that? smh
Hopefully this made sense, I haven't put my thoughts down on the topic yet so this is kinda rambly but eh
#i have so many thoughts about the recovery stage post-movie#(especially raph because his isn't explored enough imo)#i'll definitely make a comic (or ten) about it in the future >:)#rottmnt rant#rottmnt#rottmnt movie#asks open
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