#i just never realized the extent of this one.
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Bodyswap au where post-retirement Vale wakes up in post-return Marc’s body and realizes the true extent of the damage he’s inflicted on himself for the first time. Àlex clocks him at first sight (knows his brother better than he knows himself in many ways, those are NOT his brother’s eyes. Also Marc would rather die than show how much his arm pains him this clearly). Anyways it’s a race weekend at COTA so Vale has no choice but to pretend to be Marc, because Marc is on the other side of the Atlantic ocean (in Vale’s own body in Tavullia, mind you, he never meant to attend this particular gp) and there’s no time or way to get him here in time to fulfill his obligations. Not that he could, anyway, because how the fuck do you unswap two bodies (in this au this is a rare occurrence and only a bunch of people have any clue how to fix it. None of them are in the COTA paddock. Because I say so.).
At first he’s terrified - they’re going to KNOW - but it soon transpires that they don’t, because no one except Àlex is close enough to Marc to tell if Vale acts just this right of charmingly crazy. The other drivers certainly don’t notice anything. Vale gets to experience the collective disfain of the VR46 academy directed AT HIM for once. Not fun. Bezz is the only one who’s more or less normal about Marc, and he immediately resolves to give Bezz treats more often. Fuck but he's ruined these kids and possibly the whole paddock.
Meanwhile back in Tavullia Marc is having to pretend to be Vale because Uccio’s lame ass hasn’t clocked anything (thinks Vale is in one of his moods) while desperately trying to find some esoteric mystic who might be able to swap him and Vale back.
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Something has always bothered me about the Planet Trade Organizations that Ive always just attributed to Shounen Bad Writing, and it's that if Frieza and his ilk are so stupid powerful that they can literally destroy planets and entire species at will, what possible use could they have for money? And WHO is buying them?? Is there something I missed by never reading the manga?
I've also never liked the Saiyan culture getting conflated with the PTO in the Namek arc, I think it cheapens the world building. But my head canon is that Saiyans were employed by Frieza for long long time, to the extent that the distinction became negligible before he realized he had become dependent on Saiyan labor. Kind of like German auxiliaries for ancient Rome
Nope, you're not missing much. That's something that's rarely been touched on. It's mentioned briefly when Raditz first explains the concept to Goku.
Frieza's customers are "other races looking for living space". What that means never got elaborated on.
The existence of the PTO implies a vast, interconnected galactic civilization and economy that we never get to see or touch on, just... out there offscreen somewhere. It's kind of disappointing that this was never built on in any way. In fact, the only time we see a planet post-gentrification, it's being used for Frieza Planet.
The blurb calls this "Frieza Planet #79" but dialogue always just refers to Frieza Planet or Planet Frieza as a singular location.
Vegeta, during his brief stay at 79, hints at a possible explanation for this discrepancy.
Upon finding out that Frieza's not presently on his planet, Vegeta immediately, with visible irritation, assumes he's off to go pick out a different world in a tone that suggests this is a regular behavior of Frieza's. This implies a habit of every now and then deciding "I like this one; I'm going to make this Planet Frieza from now on" and forcing all of his men to pack up and move.
But that's the most we get of any worldbuilding about the galactic society or economy surrounding the PTO. And even that much is extrapolation off of a single line where Vegeta gets grumpy that Frieza isn't home.
For their part, I think even Toei was confused on this point; The anime seemed uncertain sometimes about whether Frieza's supposed to be the CEO of the real estate industry or the buyer that all these planets are sold to. But by the time of DBS, that Frieza is a captain of industry seems to have been figured out by all involved parties.
Overall, though some kind of galactic society is indicated by Dragon Ball's worldbuilding, the series seems disinterested in exploring it to any real degree. After Goku defeated the Strongest in the Universe, the series washed its hands of space. And that happened on a disconnected backwater planet still recovering from apocalyptic drought.
Which is honestly hilarious if you think about it. Out of nowhere, Frieza dashed off to some backwood little hick planet in the middle of nowhere and then he and every last one of his elite special forces fucking died and then the planet exploded. And nobody knows why or what the hell happened down there.
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Seen some stuff about Astrid being problematic in the same breath as praising Essek. I know media literacy is tough, but let’s examine.
How is Astrid problematic and Essek isn’t? They both are manipulative when it’s called for. Both are capable of lying, killing, and other untold horrors. Both are incredibly powerful.
One has had a lonely by choice and privileged life as the weird but useful son of the head of a Den.
One has had their identity stripped from them in a way that combines the worst of cults and the military. Tortured, experimented on, changed in ways we don’t even know the extent of.
One has had the pressure of his Den, his mother, his father, his brother, his whole community pressing on him his whole life. He stepped up into the air and took the weight as if it was effortless. He focused his life on study because it was the only thing that gave him worth in this society and it was genuinely what he enjoyed, whatever enjoyment was for him then. He had access to materials, books, almost anything.
One has had the pressure of her community, her background, in her face as she tried to beat the odds. The expectations for her were nothing, but she said fuck that. She studied with nothing, clawed her way into the venerated halls of higher magic learning. She does everything for the Empire, for Trent. She wants success for herself, because that is what gets her approval, keeps her safe.
One is in a position of power in his society. He has the ability to pull strings. He doesn’t think about how his actions impact his community or really anything besides himself. Sure maybe he wants to find something to impair the religion in the region, but it feels like even that starts out as a quest to prove himself right. His life is largely his own, despite the derision of some.
One is continuously tortured, tested, forced to PROVE herself. Cut her hair, stomp out any resistance to her mentor through any means necessary. Find some solace in their two peers. Made to kill their family to prove themselves based on a lie. She is conditioned to fight because who else will protect her country in the dirty, dark ways she has to? She is trying to salvage her sacrifices into a purpose. Bren is one of those sacrifices.
One kills indiscriminately if they get in his way. The man the Nein dropped off at the peace talks? I still remember how sad it was as he tried to piece together his broken mind, a mind Essek broke to save himself.
One kills for their country. Follows orders, kills when they find it necessary to protect those who cannot protect themselves. This is what she believes.
One GAVE AWAY a powerful religious artifact to HIS PEOPLE’S ENEMY. The intent was purely selfish curiosity.
One helped protect and study that artifact to PROTECT her country. The intent is curiosity to assist in her job, protect her country.
One finds the strength to allow himself to be loved and have friends after years of solitude. Because he just never was so fully loved. He finds the strength to let the ultimate time travel power and the knowledge that he was right go. To become comfortable with time he has left.
One finds the strength to listen to one of the only real, genuine relationships she’s ever had. Her first love. A reminder of her younger, hopeful self. She changes. She realizes the lies she’s allowed herself to believe. She finds the strength to not kill her torturer just to kill him. She finds the strength to testify. To promise that no other kids will suffer. Justice. To become comfortable with the time she has left.
One is a he.
One is a she/they.
I wonder what the issue is.
These characters are two sides of the same coin. They are both INCREDIBLY WELL THOUGHT OUT characters. They are more than just paramours of Caleb Widogast.
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr2#cr3#astrid becke#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#shadowgast#widobecke#character analysis
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Hii, I just discovered your fics and am reading my way through them. Love, love, love the ones I’ve read so far.😊 I was just wondering what your favourite Draco is you’ve written, and what your fave Draco is in fics written by others? ☺️
ACK thank you!! what a question!! i've considered this v carefully and it turns out i have………a lot of thoughts. i will keep them under a cut so nobody is accosted with a full 700 words of my Draco Opinions 😂 so my quick answer is:
my fave draco i've written: the taste of țuică
my fave draco ever: rookie moves by peu_a_peu
draco is an interesting one for me bc i don't really LIKE him? but i have sooo many feelings about him. really not sure i could summon the same fervour for harry, for example, who is my number one boy forever and always.
(i saw a thing once that said a pairing becomes ur otp when u relate to one of the characters and want to fuck the other one, and 🙈 i mean, i think you're supposed to relate to the gryffindor, aren't you. whoops.)
OKAY SO HERE'S THE UNHINGED DRACO MALFOY ESSAY BY FLUX W. EED.
listen. i love and respect people who are Refined Draco enjoyers. connoisseurs of redemption arcs. appreciators of majestic malfoy bone structure and ethereal grey eyes and soft windswept hair. fans of dracos who insult harry (with hidden affection) and who are a bit snobbish (in a rich, sexy way) but ultimately have realised the error of their teenage years and have become a better person. perhaps this draco has built a potions business and helps the aurors. perhaps he IS an auror. either way, he has a biting sense of humour, maybe, but he's a good guy.
unfortunately, the draco of my heart is a horrid mean little rat man.
i've never actually managed to write him the way i love him. i tried to aim for immoral bastardy in what's mine is yours but i got so caught up in trying to nail the feelsforbreakfast-style humour in the narrative that i ended up focusing much more on that and much less on writing genuine bastardhood.
i've written him as reserved and clever (in the four doors – this draco was written entirely for @jovialobservationanchor, who had a weak spot for closed-off academics with soft centres) and as a traumatised self-loathing mess (in two to lie and to some extent for lack of wanting and say no to this) and hopelessly sexually/emotionally horny for one harry james potter (in, um, most things) but i've never managed to capture the genuine cruel streak and flawed personality that is sooo so important to me.
WHICH IS WHY i picked țuică!draco for my favourite of the ones i've written. he's still a bit too emotionally intelligent to be Just Right, imo, but i think he's maybe the closest? he's unrepentantly rude to people. he's not attractive. and he has a streak of self-destructive fucked-upedness that is some form of wartime guilt, but certainly not a pretty one.
HOWEVER. rookie moves?? NAILED it. i adooored how genuinely fuckin MEAN he is, even tho he's an auror. i love love LOVED that he's kind of bad at his job in a way that's in complete opposition to how drarry!draco is often written these days:
The look on Malfoy’s face was not only troubling, Harry realized, but familiar. At once activated and dead behind the eyes, like an invasive species in an ecosystem that could not check it. It was the look of the meanest fucking teenager Harry had ever known, giving in to his urge to bully.
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What Malfoy wasn’t good with was people. Despite his repeated insistences that his upbringing had equipped him with impeccable manners and a facility with society intrigue, the truth was that he rubbed almost everyone the wrong way. He was, undeniably, annoying. Witnesses were put off by his snide, dismissive tone, and he didn’t know how to coax out information with curiosity, warmth, or strategic silence.
that's not to say unrepentant cunt draco is the only one for me!! i DO enjoy the classic redeemed drarry draco!! i love a quirky draco, à la wwpwcs or maya's drop dead gorgeous. gallaplacidia's draco is sooo painful for me to read (complimentary) that even though i adore her fics, i still haven't read them all bc i have to space them out, for my health. and i'm sure there are dozens more dracos that i'm forgetting how much i like – basically, as long as he isn't super suave, absolutely gorgeous and/or obviously tom felton, i'm on board.
#also ohsodraco i'm lowkey starstruck that ur in my inbox + ao3 comments#i've been following u from my main acc for approx a thousand years#i'm all aflutter#also speaking of being starstruck#v glad that peu doesn't seem to have tumblr so she might not see me being weird about her fic AGAIN#nobody send this to her god#i've embarrassed myself enough as it is#ALSO. i have a poll saved in my tumblr drafts abt that 'otp = want to fuck/relate to' theory but i am too scared to post it#bc i'd be so embarrassed if it got like 2 votes lmao#someone with a Following pls promise to reblog it so i can gather data bc i'm sooo interested to know whether it's true
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so, let's talk about the chess game a little more thoroughly
in the chess game (from falsettos, idk if that's apparently clear, "a chess game" could literally be anything lol) there's a pattern of impatience that follows the two main characters.
Marvin's impatience is fully one-sided, you can see as Whizzer begins the game, he's insistent for him to get his turn over with, even going so far as to (quite condescendingly) ask if Whizzer wants his help. But then the moment it's his turn, he takes his time despite Whizzer having rushed his first move.
I think this might stem from his constant need to "help", or rather, control every situation. He thinks it's always his job to be the leader of every circumstance, as the stereotypical man.
It definitely comes from a childhood of commanding others around and not having a heavy amount of discipline for his actions.
Otherwise, Marvin taking time to calculate his move shows that he's careful with his own placement in life. A life of tiptoing around himself and never actually accepting the full extent of his personality, or sexuality has made him incredibly courteous of where he stands. Maybe it even came from his relationship with Trina, how not being careful led him to being forced into an arranged marriage.
Meanwhile, (and I know I've gone through this bit before in other posts but yes, thanks, I need more appreciation on William Finn not just victimizing Whizzer. Like, he's not that great either guys. We love him, but he isn't perfect.) Whizzer uses the game as a strategy to get Marvin on his side.
Although instead of healthily sorting through his MASS amount of issues, Whizzer pretty much just ends up manipulating him into throwing the game. It's interesting because Whizzer has an opportunity to discuss all of the problems they have with Marvin.
They're in a place in their relationship where he can clearly just throw anything out there, but then he strikes back with anger instead of trying to actually figure out the main issues and help them both through it, effectively shutting off Marvin's ability to actually listen to anything he has to say.
The chess game was actually staged so perfectly, because you can clearly see all of the toxicity in one contained place during that song. There's obviously snippets in others, Marvin's inability to change and Whizzer's insistence not to change because changing would mean they would have to actually talk about their feelings toward each other.
anyways, these are just my thoughts on this :) none of its fully canon, I was just watching through clips of the proshot and realized some interesting things
#whizzer brown#falsettos#marvinfalsettos#hyperfixating on falsettos#the sillies have taken over my account#HERE YOU GO#HAVE ANOTHER RANT!#anyways if you want more of these on any specific aspect of falsettos I'm down to converse about the insanity that is this show
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yeah no the agent orange thing is actually wild - my grandpa was drafted to vietnam and was exposed to it, which gave him health problems later in life that he ended up passing away from BUT the military insisted that he hadn't been exposed for a full ten years after he passed until they finally admitted a few months ago that yeah actually he had been exposed and our family was supposed to have been receiving financial compensation this whole time but they just. hadn't done that
and that's the way the US government treated an actual american who was exposed - it's so so much worse from the vietnamese perspective
yeah im reading the wikipedia article and it says
the Vietnamese Red Cross estimates that up to one million people were disabled or have health problems as a result of exposure to Agent Orange. The United States government has described these figures as unreliable, while documenting cases of leukemia, Hodgkin's lymphoma, and various kinds of cancer in exposed U.S. military veterans.
which, considering how very very neutral wikipedia tries to be, reads like a loud blaring "THEY WERE LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH"
also tho the part that gets me is like. i never knew about "herbicidal warfare" in general, that's....so evil. like, we were not even just using this weapon on soldiers (which would already be fucked up), we were trying to destroy the entire country itself? the land and animals and plants so even those who werent exposed are starving and destabilized??? just indiscriminately raining down death over vast swathes of land? what the FUCK.
that...genuinely sounds as bad as hiroshima and nagasaki to me, morally speaking. just...slower.
#sorry for my spicy hot takes on a controversy from 60 years ago#im just angry that all i was told was 'chemical weapon and lots of people died and it was bad'#again. i assumed it was like. mustard gas. something that is heinous but fairly short-term in consequences#i know 'salt the earth' is a million years old. america is hardly unique here.#but frankly we didnt have the technology to make it this bad before 100 years ago#i know i know. us military did massively fucked up crimes against humanity. what else is new.#i just never realized the extent of this one.
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you win. try again?
#homestuck#home2t4ck#hom3stuck#dave strider#bro strider#beta bro#abuse#blood#admin draws#fanart#uhh i dont usually say this but please dont tag as ship lmao#i usually live and let live but this is a domestic abuse situation. i wouldnt really be cool with that.#that out of the way. so many thoughts about these 2#its like. bro is a bad guardian right. hes just more than shit at it.#but it never felt to me like it was malicious. hes doing irreparable damage but its something he thinks is necessary#or is unaware of the extent of it. either way.#i feel like in this situation he'd be proud of his little bro. lil guy did something impressive after all.#who cares that he himself got hurt for it. like even tho he might realize this is upsetting for dave. he might hope that its vindicating#but its not. dave is just horrified. because its just violence#defeating the villain and being the hero doesnt feel good. it never has#OUGHGHG anyways i drew more. today it felt like pulling teeth but i have too many ideas and theyre getting otu on the canvas one way#or another
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Working on Malla's gifset just reminds me of how canonically screwed she is as a Lolth-Sworn Drow
#like. one of the most devastating things I realized during her run#was that it isn't that she's evil for the hell of it#she thinks that Kitrye's the weak one for running away and staying loyal to Eilistraee#but she's the one who knows on some level how expendable she is to Lolth#and can't do anything about it#because she's a weapon. she always has been#so she doesn't encourage Lae'zel to break away from Vlaakith#because what's the good in it? these things never work#better to keep your head down and do their work for them#she gets some freedom from being on the surface but she knows Lolth will jerk her back in a second#and that her loyalty means nothing to Lolth because they're all expendable#and the only one to break her out of that is Minthara (and Kitrye to a lesser extent)#because she can't kill her lover. and she can't kill her sister.#i just. i love Kitrye but I also love Malla#oc: mallathalra
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This might seem like a really dumb thing to make a post about but I have spent the last approximately 8 years waiting for the day when Marvel creates a well-written and satisfying queer relationship and I just came to the absolutely groundbreaking realization that that is most likely never gonna happen, not even primarily because of homophobia but more so because Marvel has basically never had a well-written and satisfying romantic relationship of any kind, ever.
Like, I think right now the main reason that there aren't any major queer couples in the MCU is because of homophobia, but if Marvel keeps making shit for several more decades, which they realistically will, I'm sure at some point they will actually start writing queer characters/relationships. The thing I've only just realized is that even when they do write those relationships they probably won't be that fun to watch because Marvel literally never chooses to do anything remotely interesting or nuanced with any of their relationships. They are all boring as fuck.
I honestly feel like I've seen the light now that I've realized this. Maybe now I can stop waiting for a Marvel project to truly satisfy me and accept the fact that the fanfiction/headcanons we come up with will always be better than what is canon in the MCU, and that will remain the case even when there is better queer rep.
#obviously i knew this to a certain extent but i feel like the full truth of it just hit me#like i feel like this whole time i've been like “the mcu will get better when...” and only just now did i realize it literally will not#and that's not to say it won't be exciting when we get more queer characters but they probably won't be that compelling#or their potential won't be fully realized because that is the case for every single mcu character#also every mcu relationship that has been even semi well-written has had a sad ending#anyway it's 12:30am and i actually feel insane rn#did i waste 8 years of my life hoping for this? idk but i had some fun so whatever#i feel so dumb that i never realized this before honestly#i hope no one sees this post#marvel#mcu
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Haven’t seen your slimy face in a while (Patreon)
Bonus original concept sketches from 2018 (left):
Tbh even I find some of these shapes kind of hard to read lol. Really showcases my style progression tho like woah - I was aiming at the time for a kind of shoujo-parody style anyway, but now I struggle with those kinds of shapes! I’m used to a much more cartoony, and darker, and smaller style haha
This was all me tho lol, he’s just a gangly greasy fucker
It’s uncanny right
I had to put in a good bit of interpretation and filling in the details for this one lol - something like a punk vampire aesthetic?? He’s too good for the MC anyway lol, but that’s by design
#Doodles#Original#What do you mean 2018 was five years ago why have these characters existed on a single page for five years#Legit tho these were Such one-off characters that I never drew them again until now and didn't bother giving them a proper name#I called lame weirdo Seiji? <question mark included lol - the punk character didn't even get an outfit! Even a collar of a shirt!#I still remember the general beats of the intro at least which were kinda fun#Seiji? is passive person who goes with the flow to the extent that he kinda just lets people do whatever up to and including relationships#Leading to people hooking up with him looking for something serious and then when they realize he doesn't care they break up with him#And then he still doesn't care and goes on with his hedonistic lifestyle of Doing Whatever lol#He's meant to be Every Unlikeable MC basically haha - inexplicably attractive to others and infuriatingly indifferent#And then he meets up with his genre opposite - a devoted somewhat clingy guy who absolutely idolizes him while being ''unapproachable''#Someone's who's not disillusioned by Seiji?'s lack of reciprocation and just uses it as an in to keep getting closer and closer to him#This is what you get for being a passive care-nothing! This is karma! Lol#That's all I really remember it was basically a sitcom haha Silly slice of life nonsense#It was fun to come back to them after so long at least :) I didn't expect to! I didn't plan to!#I had a page set aside for a new concept (:3c) and started with a couple studies to try and chase the vibe and was reminded of they#The character I was studying off of had some slight similarities I suppose :0 But not like That much haha#Well whatever ♪ He made for a fun warmup and if he helped inspired the next set then I'm all the happier for it! Thanks Seiji?! Lol
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5 songs I’ve been listening to on repeat
thank youuuu @mooshkat for the tag!! ❤️
I’ve been rotating between all of endless summer vacation and Wisconsin since they both came out so really. count those songs as the whole albums hehe :))
no pressure @lilbuddie @shortsighted-owl @the-likesofus @wheelsupin-five @paqerings @the-likesofus @ajunerose
#Wisconsin is the best thing to happen to music in so longggg#the fact that it’s like. slightly above endless summer vacation in my mind is WILDDD#like. Usually no one can beat Miley for me (…to a certain extent)#(that’s actually probably a lie because like. I can never choose my favorite people lmao but anyway)#Wisconsin is everything I’ve ever wanted and I feel so in tune with all of the album#as someone who grew up here and left and then came back it is just. so fucking good#also one of her lyrics is a line I’ve written in a poem so like. we are SO IN SYNC and I may have sobbed realizing that#but I cry every time I listen to the album oops#centipede is such a bop too for what it is#also float??? hellooooo self love anthemmm#ugh and bad bandit just like. Gets stuck in my head in the best way#music#mine#me#tag game
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There's this one Stucky infidelity fic that I really like. I re-read it every so often as well because it's really well done. But I was thinking about how...I don't think I'd be as open to reading that same fic if it were Stony. There's just something about that kind of betrayal in my OTP that I can't forgive (and I had a hard enough time forgiving Bucky along with Steve in the fic I read). Like, for Stucky, it's a ship I like, but it's not my main, so I'm able to enjoy it for what it is, but for Stony, I'd be genuinely and wholeheartedly invested. And it would probably just tear me up inside.
#me my mine#fics#ao3#this also might just stem from the way i view infidelity#i completely think it counts as emotional abuse and no one is convincing me differently#I've never even really been cheated on to THAT extent and I still feel so strongly about it#i didn't realize that was a controversial opinion until i said it irl and got looked up and down like i was crazy#tw infidelity#tw infidelity mention
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The amount of people who believe Jerad is nonhuman is higher than zero and it really amuses me. “Oh wow I can’t believe Virgil is falling for his lies, he must be a vampire” no he’s just an abusive jerk.
#kat talks#like this is not the take I was expecting people to have with his character#gaslighting/emotional abuse is really fvcked up for a reason#people can and do unfortunately become victims of it#i understand for anyone who hasnt experienced it or seen a loved one go through it#it seems very unrealistic but it's a really hard thing for victims to understand and realize the full extent of it#because most of the time it starts out small and innocous#before it becomes even more evident and by that point#it can be really hard to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel you've found yourself in#don't think you'd never fall for it because anyone can become a victim of it#i dont normally like confirming things and just let my plot speak for itself but#yeah he's just an ordinary abusive jerk sorry guys
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can’t tell if i’m confusing wanting to look like almost stereotypically macho men or just being wildly attracted to them. or both i guess
#i mean i always used to say bi dilemma but im realizing this is mostly just gay now godbless. trans rights#for context. im thinking like. young harrison ford (i Know.; the reason im saying this is i remember Both my mom and dad acknowledging him#as the og Macho Man™️) and because it crossed my dash. jackles. but not really young jackles like s1 dean but matured jackles like more rece#it’s funny cause in practice. the person ive been pursuing (while Also an idiot. maybe i should just accept myself as morosexual at this#point) is actually. very effeminate HAHAHDHAHSJDHSJ#to the extent that my mom has thought he was gay in the past. i was talking about him to my sister and she asked if he was gay LMAO#which is hilarious because as far as i know (and ive known him for… almost 6 years ig? pined for almost 5). i’m Only aware that hes had a#crush on a girl ages ago. but this was also thru a secondhand source we’ve never actually talked about that#we probably should but we’re both idiots i have no idea how it’d be brought up#but in terms of effeminate. hm. he’s actually Really tall maybe over 6ft? and he Can have a deep voice. i think he can sing bass? but he#actually speaks in a higher register. god i wonder if he’s doing the opposite of me. who’s always consciously deepend my voice LMAO#he’s a HUGE plant enthusiast. HUGE. i dont Think he’s ND (or at least he doesn’t from what i can tell. I get vibes) but he straight up has a#plant fixation. knows so much about care. when he worked in greenhouses he learned the latin names for a good portion of them. i know this#isnt exactly ‘effeminate’ but he does all the gardening. oh and to add to it ig. i dont know HOW. he was NOT. irked by gore and blood???#when i explained to him what my potential job as a crime scene cleaner could entail??? but he cannot STAND bugs. he FREAJED OUT (over text)#at the mention of a spider. so of course. me being the 8yo boy with a playground crush. proceeded to tell him all my Fun Spider Encounters#lets see i think he also really loves to bake? ive seen these elaborate cakes (tp roll for covid. a fish) he’s made on insta. and there was#that one time he brought me those three most MOIST chocolate cupcakes with raspberry buttercream icing. i deadass ASCENDED to heaven.#food IS the way to a man’s heart btw.#oh yeah and the fact that i met him in the first place — well. i play oboe in ensembles. and he’s flute/piccolo. yeaHAHSHAHSHH#LMAO remembering that while he doesnt keysmash (i’ve started to around him. it’s mostly emojis bless his heart) he deadass called me ‘hun’#oh and the best part? i couldnt think kf what to watch. and he’s over here saying he doesnt watch ANYTHING. like bro how do u NOT. listen to#any music past 1900. OR OPERA EITHER. and NOT have any favorite movies/shows??? wh??? like. he deadass was like ‘unless [gardening channel#on youtube] counts’ like girl i am so in love#but yeah i was literally sitting there sounding like a pretentious film nerd bro i cant fuckin believe it. but i FINALLY wriggle it out of#him. because apparently he cant concentrate on most movies (valid.). the ones he CAN are cheesy chick flick comedies#saying that he can recite 90% of mean girls. thats his favorite movie#and he also mentioned like. legally blonde#and i have a feeling he almost was avoiding it in case i would judge him or whatever but ngl i honestly fell harder HAHSHSJAJDJAJ#fuck 30 tags but let’s just say. very effeminate compared to me. a full on Dad
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the soremik in my head is so vastly different from anyone elses idea of them that i fear if i ever speak out on the subject i'll have rocks thrown at me. but once again they are allowed to look but never touch. you have to expect this from me by now.
#.text#its for an actual reason this time outside of general preference though!#to sorey the best time to have told mikleo he loves him was before he met alisha. and then after. well. thats his secret now#i near constantly think about how sorey views his duty as shepherd. it is not just a title -- it is like chains.#he knows he is going to die some day. and its clear that after he becomes shepherd he knows its going to be soon.#i think a lot of the optimism sorey has is true. to an extent -- he believes the things he says to others.#but he knows some of them are lies.#its a kind of 'if i say it enough times and if i try hard enough then i can will it to be true' kind of mentality#which more often than not writes him off as naive and ignorant. and in some cases that is true. but in others he is often right. which is#why that optimism sounds like pure optimism rather than him trying to force things to turn out well#which is in turn connects to how he knows being the shepherd isnt something that comes without cost. it isnt just the weight that hurts him#and you know he knows this because the realization that he must become maotelus' vessel is not one that comes suddenly#to him. it has always been there. he knew this was going to happen. he does not fear it -- not entirely. it isnt the act of#sleeping or dying that scares him. its what comes after. but not for him. for the people around him.#he is never scared for what may happen to him. only of what may happen to others and how it affects them.#honestly the fact that this mentality came naturally to him is so startling... it came out of nowhere. only was this born#from the way that he loves and protects others. nothing else.#which turns right back around to mikleo. the shepherd is chained down by fate. he will not do the same to mikleo#i think he would do it because he believes hes protecting mikleo of the heart break. because more than anything sorey wants him#to live. after hes gone he wants mikleo to live. and i genuinely cannot think of their relationship as otherwise#because i know full well that the moment mikleo and sorey found out that sorey is human and he is going to die. it changed everything#even if it changed nothing it changed everything.#im going to love you for all of my life and youre going to miss me for the rest of yours. type of relationship.#not to mention sorey has this really large savior complex -- he knows he is hurting himself by doing this (by doing everything#really. the first thing that comes to mind is allowing alisha to become his sublord. if he dies because of their pact#but saves at least one life because of it. then so be it)#but is saving mikleo. which obviously isnt the case. thats never been the case.#but that is how it is and how it must always be.#sorry for the sorey essay. it will happen again
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You know it's a whack day when you have a nice hangout w friends and then go home and have an emotional talk about your relatives' past and she reveals that your grandmptjer tried to kill herself when I was only like, 7 because of her abusive husband. Fucked up aint it huh.
#ety talks#idk even anymore#any good feelings I had about my one safe childhood place and memories feel justs#gone#and it isnt that I hadnt suspected that#from what ive heard about my grandparents relationship yeah grandpa was a fucking asshole and an abuser#but i guess i never realized the extent to which his abuse went#not that tveres ever acceptable levels of abuse#but like#your fucking wife tried to kill yourself like twice#and you still continue this wretched lifestyle of yours#i hate this#i hate this so so goddamn much
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