Okay, excuse me. You know what?

Mean It [Emily x Reader]

Photo credits: (Left) @coffeefirstpleaze (Center) @amekeii (Right) @flowersforfrancis

Prompt: Character accidentally dumps their coffee on someone in a very dramatic fashion; aka when Emily and the reader have their first date and it does not go to plan. 

Category: Fluff 

Word Count: 4.5K 

Content Warnings: Minor language and mention of drinking. 

A/N: This is just some pure Emily x reader fluff! The prompt is another from @imagining-in-the-margins and her lovely Meet Cute Writing Challenge. You could read this as a standalone or as a sequel to my story Moschino and Muddy Water. (linked). I hope you enjoy this story, and if you do, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you all have a good rest of your week. - Levi 

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name

_f/c_= your favorite color 

_y/f/s_ = your favorite senator 

_y/f/h/m_ = your favorite horror movie 

As Emily walked outside to the terrace, the rest of the ladies from the team semi-stood and ushered her over. Em’s chunky heels made small clicking sounds on the smooth cement floor. When Emily had pulled out the sleek metal chair, JJ leaned over and gave her a hug, quietly asking, “How are you?” Emily smiled and said, “Pretty good given everything that happened on Friday.” Penelope had overheard the comment but stopped the question she desperately wanted to ask due to the fact that a waiter was walking over to them. The waiter pushed Emily’s chair in for her and asked, “How are we doing today ladies? Are we here celebrating anything?” There was a choruses of, “Goods,” and one “Fantastic!” from Penelope. Emily answered the second question stating, “We’re not celebrating anything in particular today. Just a girl's afternoon out.” The waiter nodded at Emily’s response and then replied, “Well thank you for joining us this afternoon? I’ll start you all with some still water. Has anything on the menu caught your eye, or do you need another moment?” JJ, who had been looking over the menu stated, “Yes, actually. Can we start with a bottle of Chablis -- the 2009 Au Revoir Simonne and the charcuterie board?” Emily and Penelope nodded their agreement. JJ always knew the best things to order at a wine bar, and they trusted her judgment. The waiter nodded and said, “Wonderful choices. Is there anything else I can get you?” Penelope spoke up, saying, “Yes, Can I also get a shot of espresso?” Again the waiter nodded and added the coffee to his list for the table. At the mention of coffee, Emily cringed but waited to jump into why. Inevitably the story would make a full appearance while they were together. 

Once the waiter had gone, Emily turned to Garcia and asked, “How was your day in the office, Pen?” Garcia smiled and replied, “It was fine, but honestly when the team isn’t on a case it can be so boring. If the BAU isn’t needing my magnificent services, I can’t ethically ignore Stevenson’s Tax Crimes team. Stevenson’s research only requires me to code break and unencrypt, and as good at that as I am, it’s just boring. That’s junior hacker stuff and it rarely pushes me.” JJ smiled at that response and teasingly said, “Oh come on Penelope, you can just say that you miss having Morgan in your ear all day.” At this, Emily and Garcia laughed. When they had laughed it out, Garcia turned to JJ and asked the blonde agent, “Soooo, how is Will doing these days? Any updates for us?” JJ gave a small sigh and said, “You know I love him dearly, but he can be so uncertain at times. He’ll have an idea about where our relationship is going and then when I bring it up, he’ll backtrack. I know he loves me and wants to be with me, but it gets annoying you know?” Both of the other women nodded their understanding. Emily responded empathetically, “Maybe you should go and see him in person again soon? Even if you’re talking on the phone, tone can get mistranslated, and forget about texting. But I can tell he’s a good guy, and I hope it works out in the long run.” JJ smiled at her friends and their support of her and Will’s burgeoning relationship. 

The waiter returned and set down three plates and a bucket of ice on the center of the table along with three long-stemmed wine glasses. The lean man then said, “I’ll be right back, ladies.” Emily, JJ, and Garcia refrained from talking about anything super deep because they knew the waiter would be back in a moment which he was. The man set the charcuterie board on the center of the table, then placed Garcia’s espresso in front of her, and finally poured each woman a glass of wine. He then nestled the half bottle of wine into the bucket of ice. The man took a step back and said, “I’ll leave you all to your conversation, and if you need anything, just call me over.” The women thanked him and watched him as he moved back inside. Garcia, Emily, and JJ took their glasses and clinked them at the center of the table saying, “Cheers!” They all took a sip of the dry wine and passed the glass plates around. When each of them had some food on their plates, JJ turned to Emily; who quite frankly, they were all here to listen to. After a moment of anticipatory silence, Garcia said, “Alright Em, are you telling us or what? I personally can’t wait much longer.” Emily chuckled, appreciating her friend's concern. 

This whole girls' day had happened because on the Monday of that week, she had come into the office particularly gloomy. JJ noticed it immediately and asked what was up. All Emily had said was that she had had a bad date. That was all she needed to say apparently because due to that, JJ had asked Garcia if she had heard anything about this terrible date? By 5:00 p.m. that afternoon, Emily was being badgered by Garcia and JJ for details. Emily had acquiesced and agreed to tell the story of the date over drinks on Friday, but not before then. And now it was time to dish. Emily took a breath, and another sip of wine before saying, “Well. I had a date planned with someone.” Garcia could tell Emily was being evasive and said, “Come one Em, at least tell us their name. I promise not to stalk them online.” Emily gave Penelope a questioning glance to which the technical analyst said, “I pinky swear not to look this person up.” With this promise made, Emily said, “Well her name is _y/n_. We met sort of by accident in the Moschino dressing room. JJ, you were actually on the phone with me at the time.” JJ took on a look of understanding and said, “Wait, that’s the person! I didn't know you met her again!” Em nodded saying, “Yup. I actually ran into her again after the dressing room incident. She got me a coffee and we talked for a bit. It felt really natural, and I asked her out for a real date. Which happened last Friday.” At this point, JJ and Garcia were hanging onto her every word. It was a pleasure to have such attentive friends, and Emily continued, “Well we had a day and time set up, and I was really looking forward to it…” At Emily’s hesitation, JJ moved a hand over Emily's wrist saying, “But it didn’t work out with _y/n_? What happened?” Em gave her friend a soft smile and said, “No. It wasn’t _y/n_. She was great, but fate threw a few wrenches in my plan for a perfect date. I’ll give you all the details…” 

Flashback to Friday Afternoon 

Emily had secured a reservation at Noir 75th. It was one of the hardest spots to get a table at in D.C. She was getting ready in her Moschino dress to meet _y/n_ in half an hour at her apartment. This was when the first of the minor disasters had started. Emily heard her phone ping, and she swiped up to her messages. It was _y/n_ and the text read: “Hey, Emily. My car has a flat. I’m calling a cab and hope to be there in around twenty minutes. Sorry if I’m a bit late.” Emily blushed at the consideration and replied: “No problem. Sorry to hear about your car. See you in a bit. I’m looking forward to it.” Emily wasn’t worried about _y/n_ arriving on time. There was a leeway for their scheduled reservation and as long as _y/n_ was actually on her way, it would be totally fine. Emily turned back to her own pre-date ritual. She sat in front of her vanity and she pulled out her assortment of makeup. The next setback was when the restaurant called her, informing her that they had accidentally overbooked their reservations for the evening. Emily asked if there was any other way for them to get a table at the restaurant, but the maître ‘d had told her that he was extremely sorry, but there was nothing he could do. Em really had no backup plan for dinner. She knew that _y/n_ wasn’t expected to be wined and dined, but it had been so long since Emily had been on a real date that she wanted to make it special not only for herself but for _y/n_ too. 

Emily decided that she would ask y/n_ if there was a place she liked that they might go to instead. There was really no reason to tell _y/n_ about the cancellation while she was on her way over. With a final swish of her lipstick, Emily finished her makeup and put away the cosmetics in their proper place in the cabinets near her sink. Just as she was closing the drawer, there was a knock on the door. Emily did one last check over her face and moved to the front door and opened it for _y/n_. _y/n_ was standing outside with a bouquet of roses and the most beautiful expression Emily had seen in a long time. _y/n_ was wearing black form-fitting pants and a _f/c_ turtle neck with a charcoal grey coat that accentuated her shape. It took a moment for Emily to realize that she was blocking the door, and she composed herself saying, “Sorry, please come in. You look amazing.” _y/n_ blushed and said, “So do you, Emily. I got these for you. I know roses are cliched, but all the other flowers at the store were wilted.” Emily nodded and took the flowers from _y/n_’s hand. As their skin brushed against each other, there was a jolt that shot up Emily’s arm, and from _y/n_’s expression, Emily could tell that her date felt the same thing she did. Given the chemistry they felt for each other, Emily leaned down slightly and kissed _y/n_ on the cheek before stepping back and saying, “Nothing is cliched if it’s coming from you _y/n_. You could pick some weeds from the sidewalk and I’d still be overjoyed to have them.” At the compliment and the kiss, _y/n_ flushed and said, “You’re so sweet, Emily.” They stood there for a moment, each transfixed on the other. Finally, the spell was broken when Emily moved to put the flowers in a vase with water. As she did this, she said, “I have some bad news.” _y/n_ who was now walking around the sleek space turned toward Prentiss and said, “Oh? What is it?” Emily sighed and said, “The restaurant accidentally overbooked tonight and our reservation got canceled.” _y/n_ let out a breath. For some reason, she had been expecting something worse. She replied, “It’s okay. We can go somewhere else.” At this point, Em was done with the flowers and had moved to _y/n_’s side. _y/n_ was looking at a picture of the team Emily had framed on a bookshelf that was half knickknacks, half Zadie Smith books. Emily was relieved that _y/n_ was cool about having to change plans on the fly. Not that Emily had expected her to throw a tantrum or anything; it was just that she personally had a hard time when plans didn’t work out. With the news shared, Emily asked, “Is there someplace that you like that we could go to instead?” _y/n_ thought for a moment and replied, “There’s a great Thai spot about five blocks from here if you like Thai. Their curry is unmatched.” Emily smiled at _y/n_’s enthusiasm and replied, “That sounds amazing. It is the perfect weather for some comfort food.” _y/n_ wanted to ask Emily about the photo. She wondered if the people in it were part of her family or extended family. None of the six others in the still looked much like Emily. She held off on the question, just in case their conversation stalled at dinner. Then she would have something to fall back on. 

The two women made it down the hallway at to the elevator which was the spot of the next misfortune. With three floors left to the ground, the elevator jerked to a stop. _y/n_said, “Wow,” a bit out of surprise at the sudden stop. Emily and _y/na_ waited a moment, expecting the doors to open and someone from floor three to join them. However, after a few minutes, Emily softly said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” _y/n_ looked over to her date realizing that they might be stuck in the elevator. Emily moved to the litany of buttons near the doors and pressed the open door button with no response. She pressed it multiple times with the same result. Emily then pressed the help button. There was a momentary silence and then there was still nothing. Emily turned to _y/n_ and let out a small laugh at the ridiculous nature of their evening so far. _y/n_ joined in the laughter. Emily returned to _y/n_’s side. They both leaned against the railing and _y/n_ jokingly asked, “You’re not claustrophobic are you?”That got another laugh from Emily, and she was sincerely glad that _y/n_ was taking this all with a smile. Emily replied, “Thankfully not. I am, however, a bit upset that the elevator gave up the ghost right now. My neighbor told me it’s been finicky the last week, but he’s always complaining about something in the building so I didn’t really believe him. Maybe someone on the third floor will try and use the elevator and the doors will open?” _y/n_ nodded along and thought of something, saying, “There was a doorman that let me up to your unit? Could you call the front desk or something?” At this, Emily facepalmed and said, “I’m such a dummy. Why didn’t I think about that before.” Emily pulled out her phone and dialed the front desk. For a moment it seemed that the call was going through, but then it dropped. Emily tried once more and the call didn’t go through again. She took her bottom lip in her teeth saying, “The reception must be bad in here.” It took a half hour before someone on the third floor pushed the down button, releasing the two trapped women. At this point, Emily and _y/n_ were a bit tired and very hungry. Emily proposed just getting some takeout and staying in, to which _y/n_ readily agreed. 

Things seemed to be looking up when their Chinese takeout arrived and they were happily eating with chopsticks and talking about whatever suited their fancy. _y/n_ swallowed a bite of low mein and looked back at the picture from before. She asked, “Can I ask who those people are in that photograph over there?” Emily’s eyes turned to the aforementioned picture. Seeing it brought a smile to her face, and she replied, “That’s my team. We took that picture at Friendsgiving last year.” _y/n_ nodded and asked, “I guess in your line of work you kind of have to be close-knit, huh?” Emily pondered the question for a moment as she took a bite of her egg roll. She wiped the sweet and sour sauce which she had managed to drip on her chin off with a napkin before she said, “Not always actually. The BAU team works well and we are friends, but it takes a long time to get close like we have. Even if we do spend a good bit of time together. Our team has integrated well, but I know other teams have lots of internal conflict and don’t get me started with inter-office relationships. I’m very lucky to be where I am at the Bureau.” After a moment, Emily said, “I assume  it’s not the same dynamic at _y/f/s_’s office?” _y/n_ laughed hard at the suggestion, almost choking on her sip of water. Once her throat was clear, and she had wiped away the few tears that had escaped her eyes. _y/n_ said, “Are you kidding me? Even being cordial to some of the people I see every day is hard. I’m sure you have to work through a lot of bureaucratic red tape at the FBI and get annoyed with it. Well, I am that red tape. Being attached to a political party is a surefire way for half the people you're working with to hate you.” _y/n_ paused for a moment then clarified, “I don’t mean hate, hate. It’s just that you're working against them and there are inevitable winners and losers in politics. And the scandals, Emily. You have no idea how much we have to run around these people to stop them from ending their own careers.” Emily chuckled at this and said, “That bad?” _y/n_ nodded saying, “Talk about it. If you read the paper and you think that’s bad, the real thing would terrify you. It’s shocking we even have a semi-functioning government.” The conversation continued through the meal. 

Emily took the empty take-out containers from the table and threw them in the trash can. She turned to _y/n_ and asked, “I’m going to make a cappuccino, would you like one?” _y/n_ said, “Yes please.” Emily moved to her espresso machine and got the grounds set up while steaming some milk. When the drinks were finished, Emily carefully moved to the couch where _y/n_ was seated. Unfortunately for Prentiss, she did not fully notice where the carpet and hardwood floor met. The lip of her sandal caught in the rug and she fell forward spilling the contents of both cups on _y/n_. _y/n_ was not expecting to be sloshed with the hot liquid, but she was more concerned about catching Emily before she fell into what looked like a very expensive glass table. Emily gave a little grunt as she fell into _y/n_’s arms. There was a moment where _y/n_ just held Emily who seemed to be a bit stunned. After that moment, Emily snapped back to herself, righting herself saying, “Oh my God, _y/n_ I am so sorry? Are you hurt? Did I burn you?” Her words were coming fast, filled with worry and concern. _y/n_ assessed her condition. She felt hot and wet and her skin was a bit red, but the pain had mostly gone and she replied, “I think I’m fine. Are you okay, Emily?” Prentiss nodded and said, “I’m fine, just a bit embarrassed. God, I am so sorry _y/n_” _y/n_ gave her a soft smile and said, “It’s okay, Emily, it’s just clothes.” Emily nodded and asked, “Do you want to borrow something of mine for now?” _y/n_ nodded and said, “That sounds nice.” Em stood and gestured for _y/n_ to follow her to her bedroom, which she did. Emily turned on a lamp moved to her closet and found one of her oversized sweaters and a pair of sweatpants. She offered the clothes to _y/n_ who took them and moved to the bathroom to change. As _y/n_ stripped, a loud crack of thunder rang around the room. _y/n_ was feeling cozy in Emily’s sweater, cozy and tired. She wasn’t sure how much longer the night would be, but she felt like relaxing and called to Emily through the door, saying, “Em. Do you mind if I take off my makeup? It kind of got smudged with the coffee.” From the other room, Emily said, “Of course. There are some clean towels in the drawer under the sink. The drawer on the left.” There was a contented, hum, and Emily heard the a drawer opening and the sink running. Emily took the moment to change herself. It felt a bit silly wearing a fancy dress at home when she could be in something comfortable instead. Just as Emily was finished changing, _y/n_ headed back out to the bedroom. 

Emily looked over at _y/n_ and flushed. _y/n_ in her oversized shirt and pants was so cute. Emily moved forward and said, “Hey there.” _y/n_ took Emily’s hands and tipped her head up to which Emily leaned down and gave her a kiss. When they pulled apart, _y/n_ asked, “I’ve had such a lovely time tonight, but I don’t want to impose? Would you like me to head out soon?” Right after she asked this, there was another spectacular clap of thunder and lightning so bright that it momentarily filled the room with light. Right after this, the skies opened up in a torrential rainstorm. This wasn’t just a few drops or even a shower. This was rain pounding hard against the window. Rain that even with an umbrella trying to get in one’s car, the individual would get soaked. Emily looked out the window, and then replied, “_y/n_, you're not imposing. At all. Why don’t you stay the night? I don’t love the idea of you being in a car in this weather.” _y/n_’s eyes widened slightly as Em made the suggestion, and she asked, “Are you sure?” Emily nodded and said, “Of course. Why don’t you go to the living room and pick a movie for us to watch to wind down the night while I take off my makeup?” _y/n_ agreed and moved back to the living room. _y/n_ found a towel in the kitchen and cleaned up the spilled coffee as much as she could. She also moved the dropped cups to the sink. While Emily was washing off her makeup, _y/n_ asked, “How do you feel about horror?” While she patted her face dry, Emily responded with, “It’s okay with me, _y/n_.” Emily grabbed _y/n_’s stained clothes and hung them up so they wouldn’t wrinkle on a clotheshorse she kept in her closet. After a few minutes, Emily returned to the living room. She grabbed a blanket from the hallway closet and then moved to the fridge and got a bottle of wine and some glasses. She settled next to _y/n_ and set the blanket over both of them. With a glass of wine for each of them, they started watching _y/f/h/m_. 

Just as they were settling in and getting ready for the scary part of the movie, the power shut off. Emily had her arm around _y/n_’s waist and was enjoying the warmth coming from her date. This time she couldn’t hold it in anymore and said, “Are you freaking kidding me? What do the fates have against us having a nice date?” _y/n_ chuckled again and said, “Em, I’m here to spend time with you. I’ve been happy this whole time, even when we were stuck in the elevator. Getting to know you and spending time with you is what’s important to me.” _y/n_ took Prentiss’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Emily took a moment to calm down and said, “I appreciate that, _y/n_. You really know how to handle these situations with grace.” _y/n_ hugged Em softly and said, “Thank sentator _y/f/s_ and his staff.” This had Emily laughing and when she regained her voice she said, “How about we head to bed? I don’t think anything too bad can happen there.” _y/n_ agreed saying, “Sounds good to me.” Both women disentangled themself from the blanket and Emily put the half-finished bottle of wine back in the fridge. With their phone flashlight to light the way, they made it to Em’s bed. Emily pulled the covers back and _y/n_ slipped off her socks before getting onto the mattress. Doing this, sleeping in Emily’s bed for the night had not been how she had expected this night to go. However, she didn’t mind. She was being bold, and putting herself out there, and doing that with Emily felt good. _y/n_ was surprised that Emily hadn’t taken her socks off, and she jokingly said, “Are you sure you’re not a psycho, what with you wearing socks in bed?” Emily replied back, “Hey. My feet get cold alright?” _y/n_ smiled in the darkness and said, “Well I could help you with that.” There was another comfortable silence as Emily moved closer to _y/n_. Em started slowly by grabbing _y/n_’s hand, and when _y/n_ nestled closer to her body, she pulled her into an embrace. They didn’t need to say anything. In the simple act of holding each other, they said all they needed. Before, _y/n_ and Emily fell asleep, _y/n_ ran her foot up Emily’s leg slightly and Emily sighed at the feeling. Emily hoped they would have other nights like this. Hopefully with a better start to the evening. When sleep took them, the rain lightened slightly, and the whole night felt okay, no matter how many bumps in the road there had been. 

Back to Present 

Emily had told it all, minus the fact that _y/n_ and slept together in her bed. That was a bit too private to share yet. Garcia was staring wide-eyed and asked, “So… are you seeing her again?” JJ, added on, “Yeah, that sounds like a pretty rough night for both of you.” Em finished her sip of wine and said, “We are actually. The date didn’t go as planned, but we both had a good time getting to know each other. She’s really nice and kind.” At hearing this, Garcia gave a little squeal, and JJ asked, “What are you doing for your second date? If you tell us will you jinx it?” Emily laughed and said, “We’re doing something very safe. I’m going to her place and we’re ordering pizza and drinking beer and finishing watching that movie.” ‘And we might just get snuggled up together in bed,’ Emily thought, which brought a blush to her face. Garcia clocked the color rising in her face and said, “JJ look, she’s blushing! When do we get to meet her?” Emily rolled her eyes and said, “Y’all, It’s too early for that. I’m still just getting to know her.” Garcia pouted slightly and said, “But we met Will for the first time with JJ.” Emily, slightly exasperated said, “Garcia, we were on a case.” Now JJ laughed and said, “And what a case that was. But to echo what Penelope said, if or when _y/n_ is ready, you know we’d love to meet her.” The ladies continued their conversation and got another bottle of wine, and in the cool afternoon, Emily felt that life might just be okay; and she really meant it.

red + green

Fluff | Spencer Reid x FEM! Reader

Summary: Spencer is a genius with an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory. He can recite the whole english monarch family tree while sleeping if he wants to. So who the hell is Chris Martin, where did he come from and why are you dating him?

Word Count: 4,5k <3

Warnings: a hand full of cursing, self-deprecation, self doubt, mentions of coldplay/chris martin, mentions of alcohol, characters getting drunk, angst if you squint REALLY HARD, other than that its all fluff.

Writer’s Note: Hello! This is written for Dory's 1K Celebration! Congratulations, Dory (and Happy Advance Birthday!) Its a bit late but I am here! I honestly had a SADDER version of this but I scraped all of it for the fluff! I've been having writers block but this one I really wanted to finish, so i still hope you guys love it! <3 @shemarmooresfedora

Gif is mine!

Spencer Reid's intelligence has been his best tool since he was young. He has an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words per minute. He has used these skills all through his life to learn things and further widen his knowledge about the world.

You can ask him anything. He knows the most random facts about the most random animals, things that has happened a hundred years ago and even books that he has read when he was seven is still stored somewhere in his mind.

Derek once told him that there were some things that cannot be learned from books and he just scoffed at him. He has learned everything he knows from books and well, from his Mom.

That was until Maeve. Spencer learns that Love was one of the things he can’t learn from books. I mean, yeah, he can read Edgar Allan Poe poems and he can dive on the deeper meaning that these poems have but it only makes him long for something he can’t get from the pages of an old book.

Maeve taught him a few things that he can’t get from books or from his Mom or the BAU. Spencer learned that loving someone was easy, even without seeing them or holding them physically, that loving someone will make him do anything for them and he learned that love hurts, it will hurt so much that no words will ever be enough to describe the pain of watching Maeve be killed in front of him.

After getting through that, he promised himself to not fall in love again. He has learned what he can about love and that was enough for a life time. That was until you came.

You were the replacement for Emily, and though it was big shoes to fill, you did it with so much grace and passion that the team welcomed you with open arms.

Spencer found a new friend in you. Every day you spent with each other was filled with learning, Spencer learned things from you that he knows he won’t learn from words compiled in a book. You, on the other hand, surprisingly found his random facts fascinating and you always looked at him with wide eye curiosity as he tells another random fact.

Tonight was one of the nights where the team has decided to go the bar they usually visited to blow off some steam. Spencer was set on saying no but all you had to do was say please, tuck your hair behind your ears and he was putty in your hands. He ignores the looks Derek and Penelope exchanges when they see the interaction.

“One more shot! One more shot! One more shot!” Penelope and JJ chants as they watch you bite into a lime and gulp down the shot, “AHHH.” You cough as the hot liquid pass through your throat.

Penelope and JJ laugh as they high five, “You’re like the best drinking buddy!” Penelope exclaims as she looks back the bartender, “Three more margaritas please!” She giggles as she looks at the girls, passing the newly made drinks.

“How about enough margaritas? You’re pretty drunk, Y/N.” Spencer suddenly pops out of no where, taking the newly placed glass from your hands, “Spencer no! My margarita!”

“How many have you guys drunk?” He looks at JJ who holds up 7 fingers as she says, “We had 3! Each!”

He can’t help but snicker, “JJ, you’re holding up 7.”

JJ’s forehead scrunches up in confusion as she looks down her fingers, “That’s seven!?”

“Pen? How about you?” He looks around and Penelope was gone from the bar and is now clinging at Derek in the booth with Rossi and Hotch.

“Y/N, how much did you drink?” You smile proudly at him, crossing your arms and puffing your chest, “200.” Spencer rolls his eyes at your answer as he takes out JJ’s phone to call Will to come pick her up.

Derek passes by him with a very drunk technical analyst wrapped around his waist, “Hey, pretty boy, I am taking Penelope home. Do you want me to take Y/N too?”

Spencer shakes his head no, “She brought a car with her, I have to drive her home. It’s okay I haven’t had a drop of drink.”

Derek smirks, “I don’t doubt that. Will’s picking up JJ?” Spencer nods and they exchange their goodbyes. Soon, Rossi and Hotch pass by and say their goodbyes, bringing JJ with them as Will was outside waiting for her.

“Okay, we have to go now. Gimme your keys, Y/L/N.” Spencer takes your purse and swings it on his shoulder before digging for your keys.

“Did you say gimme a kiss? Because wow, that was smooooooth.” You giggle as you lean on him, making him smile as he feels his cheeks heat up from the insinuation.

“No, you silly goose. I said, keys.” He holds it up your face, making you pout, “Okay, lets go.” He holds you up, with his hands around your waist but you push yourself off of him and whimper.

“No! I don’t want to walk! I want to fly!” Spencer laughs as he watches you sit on the floor like a toddler, “Wow, you aren’t joking when you said you drank 200 drinks.”

“How about a piggyback?” Spencer watches as your eyes lit up in excitement with the option he has offered, you clap your hands, “Yes! I haven’t done that in a long time!” Spencer laughs as he crouches down with his back in front of you.

Spencer feels your arms snake around his neck while your legs wrap around his waist. He knows he wasn’t the most athletic guy but he had some strength in him to carry you.

He slowly stands up as he holds your legs for extra support, “Where did you park?” You mumble a few incoherent words before saying, “Parking lot.” Spencer can only smile as he exits the bar, looking left and right before he sees your car in the parking lot.

"You smell good, Spencer.” You mumble as you try to bury your face deeper into his neck, he laughs, “Thank you, I guess.”

“You always smell good. Like cinnamon and books. If I close my eyes, I can imagine I am in a library.” Spencer grins at how cute you were being as you snuggle closer to him, “And you’re really soft.”

“Okaaay, we’re here, hold on for a minute okay? I have to open your car.” Spencer clicks the remote and opens the door for the passenger sit.

“Its time to let go.” Spencer sits you on the passenger seat slouching down, with you still in his back. He tries to leave but you cling harder on him.

“Y/N, you have to let go.” You whine as answer, “But I want to cuddle you! I can be big spoon!”

“I know, but someone has to drive.” Spencer laughs as he tries to get pull out of your grasp, he had enough strength to let go, but he can’t find the will to get out of your warm embrace.

“Oh, yeah. You’re so smart.” You finally let go of him and somehow, Spencer regrets asking you to let go. Why? He doesn’t really know. He laughs as he walks over the other side and starts driving out of the lot. He has been in your house a few times before for dinner.

“Why are you driving? Don’t you hate driving?” You ask, fidgeting in you sit. You had your seat belt on but you were facing him, your back on the door.

“Yes, I do hate driving. But you’re drunk.” Spencer gives you a teasing smile before turning back to the road again.

You turn yourself away from him and place your head to the windows, “I miss Christmas.” Spencer smiles at how random you were being.

“Why do you miss Christmas?” It was the middle of June, so the question just makes him grin bigger.

“I miss the bright lights and people are always singing. I love the green and red. And we get to play in snow and wear sweaters and scarfs.” You were right, he does miss winter, sweaters and not feeling sticky, “I do miss Christmas too.”

“Spencer, what colors do you get if you combine green and red? I love Christmas colors, I wish I could get them in one color.” Spencer takes a quick glimpse at you as you stare out of the window with amazement.

“Green and red makes yellow.” He answers with the same smile that has been stuck on his face since the piggyback.

“Oh! Yellow! Just like you! You’re my yellow!” Spencer’s forehead scrunched up in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“You know! Yellow!” You trail, and Spencer takes a look at you and you were tapping your fingers on your chin, “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know... You can ask, Chris Martin.” He scoffs, his forehead lines digging deeper as he tries to think of who Chris Martin was and questions flooding his mind. Were you dating someone? You were close but maybe not close enough to know each others dating lives? What kind of name is Chris Martin? Maybe he should get Penelope to do a background check on him, “Who’s Chris Martin?”

"I... Dating... Dakota." He didn't really understand what you said but the words dating was clear and the place where he lives was also clear as crystal. Spencer gives you a quick look. You were falling asleep so fast, your mouth was gaped open. He chuckles to himself as he stops right in front of your house.

It was a small, two bedroom house but you were proud of it as you got it from your first desk job in the FBI and Derek has helped you renovate a few things since he found out that you lived in a house rather than a condo.

He carries you on his arms to the front steps of your house, before setting you down on your porch swing and opening your door. Surprisingly, bringing you to your room asleep is so much easier than carrying you awake to your car.

Spencer watches as you snuggles closer to the few stuff toys on your bed. Some would think it was weird that a grown woman still have stuff toys with her but he finds it endearing, as a friend.

Your converse comes off easily as he pulls it off your feet and a smile lands on his face as it reveals two different kinds of socks. He remembers when you asked why he wore different socks on your second day in the BAU.

“Why are you asking?” He can remember the way your lips purse together, he can see that you were contemplating if he’ll get offended.

“Yesterday, you were wearing different ones. I thought it was a mistake. But today, you’re also wearing different ones. I just wanted to ask.” You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, a gesture that he will learn is your tell whenever your nervous, “I think its bad luck. The one time I didn’t wear mismatched socks I broke my leg.”

The next day, you come into work with a coffee (for him) and mismatched socks, one with rainbows and the other with plants.

Spencer takes off your jacket, just so you won’t get hot over the night and leaves a glass of water and tylenol on your bed side table.

He doesn’t leave, he sleeps at the guest room, with his own clothes and own toothbrush that he has left in your house after a few sleepovers.

Because being friends with you means lots of friendly sleepovers. It was great being friends with you.

-

You wake up the next morning with a throbbing head and a new promise to never ever drink with Penelope and JJ again, but then again you’ve made this promise before.

“Ugh... Why do I have to suffer from the consequences of my choices?” Your head snaps to your doorway when you hear someone laughing, Spencer stands in your doorway still with his bed hair and a tray of food.

“Well, last night you told me you drunk 200 drinks. Yeah, you are going to be having one massive headache.” He comes over your bed, placing the tray on your bed. The tray consists of toast with avocados, two eggs and a cup of coffee with the side of tylenols.

“Spencer, you didn’t have to do this.” You felt embarrassed that he had to take care of you. You brush your nest of a hair with your fingers before tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

Spencer smiles as he sees this, “It’s fine. Plus, it’s a nice way to practice my cooking skills.” You barely even give him a second to answer him as you basically gulp down your coffee.

Spencer is... honest to god, your ideal man. Do you have feelings for him? Yeah, there was something there and you just can’t deny it. A cute, handsome, smart FBI agent that’s willing to cook you breakfasts when you are hangover? Who wouldn’t like to have that in their life forever?

“Hey, you should eat the bread. Avocado is actually really good because of the potassium.” You nod as you scarf down the toast with the egg, “Tish ish really good.” You chew while talking making Spencer laugh.

“Thank you. I had a great teacher.” He winks and smiles before sitting beside you in your bed.

One of the best things Spencer has learned from you is cooking and eating dinner. He knows this was such an insignificant thing to learn at 30 but he has been used to ordering take outs and eating microwavable meals since he was 8. When you found out about this you have made it your life mission to make sure that he ate proper dinner every night.

You roll your eyes, “Did you eat?” You ask as you try to offer him your toast, but he waves his hands, “I ate already. You woke up pretty late.” You look behind you and see that it was already 10 in the morning. Thank God, it’s Saturday.

“How’s your head?” He asks, as he watches you take the tray to your lap and munch on the egg, “It’s killing me. But that’s what happens when I drink 200 drinks.” He laughs.

“Just drink water and you’ll feel better later. Get some reset after eating. I am sure Penelope feels worse.” You nod your head in agreement.

“Hey, don’t move.” You stopped on chewing, holding a toast in your hand. He raises his hand to your face, his hands softly touching your jaw to hold it in place and his thumb removing a crumb off your lips, “Sorry, there was a crumb.”

His hand lingers a bit more before letting your jaw go. You chew your breakfast in quietly, as the air fills with awkward silence.

“Thank you for breakfast and las—“ You start the sentence and at the exact same time he says, “I should leave.”

“Oh yeah! Sure! I am sorry for keeping you long! Thank you.” You set aside the tray and try to stand up but your head has other plans as you immediately sit back down. Spencer catches you by your arms.

“Just stay in bed, I can let myself out. I’ll lock it.” Before you can say anything else, he walks out of the door and leaves you with your headache and thoughts.

-

Spencer has not slept well over the weekend. Who was Chris Martin? Why haven't you said anything? What does yellow mean other than the fact that is one of the three primary colors? So, the first thing Spencer does on Monday morning was give his good friend, Penelope, a visit.

“Well, Good Morning, Reid. I didn’t expect you to be here.” She flicks a light open, “In my office. Early in the morning. In the dark like a murderer.”

“I need you to do a background check for me.” Penelope raises her eyebrows, “For who?”

“Y/N. I think she’s dating someone and he sounds... weird.” Spencer sees Penelope’s lip turn into a smirk. He watches as she sets up her things and turns on the whole system.

“What’s his name?” Penelope starts to type on her keyboard to open up her programs, a fuzzy pink pen on her other hand.

“This guy called Chris Martin.” She laughs out loud, pressing a few more keys with her pen, “Stop joking, what’s the name?”

“Why are you laughing?” Spencer asks, confused as to why she was laughing, “I am serious, it’s Chris Martin.”

Penelope turns in her chair, “You think, Y/N is dating Chris Martin. The lead vocalist of Cold Play and who is dating Dakota Johnson right now?”

Spencer whines at her with a completely scrunched up face, “Who are these people and how do you know them?”

“Okay, pause,” Penelope raises her finger, “What was the context? Why were you talking about Chris Martin?”

“She was drunk and she said she misses the Christmas. She asked me what the combination of red and green was and when I said yellow, she said and I quote “You’re my yellow!” and when I asked what that meant she said ask Chris Martin.”

“She called you her yellow?” Spencer nods as he watches Penelope squeal and she clicks on her telephone to calls someone.

“Hey Baby Girl.” Derek’s deep voice booms over the phone, "Hey beautiful man, can you come in my office?”

“Coming.” The phone beeps and Spencer looks at her in confusion, “What does he have to do with this?”

"Spencer, listen Chris Martin is the lead singer of a group called Coldplay. They sang the song Y/N is talking about, it's called Yellow." Spencer's nose scrunches up, "Why would she call me yellow then?"

Penelope hushes him, “So… you think he’s shady or you just don’t like that the idea of her dating anyone?” His eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Why would I think that?” Penelope rolls her eyes, “Duh, because you like her.”

Spencer laughs, “No. I don’t.” Penelope’s mouth gapes open as he looks at him.

“Are you sure you have an IQ of 187? Because that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever told me.” Spencer counters back, “What? You don’t think I know what I feel?”

“No. I think, you’re scared of falling in love again and your in denial.” Penelope raises her eyebrows at Spencer but he only stares at her mouth gaped.

“I-I am not in l-love with her. Y/N’s one of my best friends and that’s it.”

-

Derek walks swiftly to Penelope’s office with a bag of muffins on his hand. He types in the security code to Penelope’s office and he stops on his tracks when he opens it and sees you on the side of the next door.

You were leaning on the wall right beside the door and it was ajar. It was obvious that you were eavesdropping. You were biting down on your nails, your real nervous tell. You jump a little and your eyes widen when you see Derek step in.

“Uh… Can you please give this Penelope? Hotch asked me to give it to her.” You hand Derek a file while looks at you with worry. Derek nods and before he can even ask if you were okay, you rush away from him.

Derek proceeds to Penelope’s office, “What were the two of you talking about?”

“Y/N just called Spencer her yellow and Spencer just said he isn’t in love with her.” Spencer scoffs at Penelope, “How are you even sure that she’s in love with me?”

Penelope rolls her eyes, “Yellow is a song made by Coldplay or Chris Martin. When you call someone you’re yellow…” Penelope sighs with a smile, “you just love them and care for them in a certain level.”

“It’s obvious that she likes you.” Derek says, handing Penelope the bag of muffins and the folder you have passed him, “She always tucks her hair around her ear whenever she’s around you.”

“That’s her nervous tell.” Spencer says. Penelope actually laughs as Derek shakes his head, “Spencer, you’re a profiler. That’s not her tell.”

“She only does it when she’s around you.” Penelope adds.

Spencer leans back on his chair, this was too much information in one go. All the alarms in his brain was going off? Did he like you? Was he in denial? He recounts all the moments you tucked your hair whenever he was around you. Was he really wrong?

“Kid, don’t overthink it. I know falling in love hasn’t been the easiest thing for you, but don’t let fear stop you from being happy.” Derek gives his shoulder a pat before continuing, “And, when I came in here, Y/N is outside your door, so I am pretty sure she just heard everything you both said.”

“What!?” Spencer jumps off the chair, “Why didn’t you lead with that!?” He runs off to the bullpen only to find your desk empty.

“You’re looking for Y/N?” He turns around to see Hotch climbing down the stairs and he nods to the question.

“She just left. She’s taking a sick day.” Spencer knows that isn’t real and with the look Hotch is giving him he’s sure he knows too.

“It’s paper work day. You can go home early if you finish your work early.” Hotch assures him before giving him a pile of files. He nods, immediately taking a sit on his desk and tries to reach you but immediately slams the phone down when he realizes he doesn't even know what to say.

Spencer needs to get his thoughts and feelings straight and maybe, just maybe, that will be the solution for his problems.

-

One tub of ice cream and a whole season of your favorite sitcom later, your eyes were still swollen from the crying even with the sitcom you were watching.

Maybe you were overreacting or maybe there really was nothing there and you made yourself believe that maybe there is a chance with you and Spencer. He was sweet, but then again he was sweet with everyone. You were lucky to be one of his closest friends and that was good enough for you.

After deciding to eat and cook something healthy, you decided to order some tacos and nachos from Taco Bell. You try to clean up a bit while waiting for the food.

It hasn’t been 10 minutes after you ordered when a knock comes to your door. Expecting that it was your food, you were more than surprised to see a disheveled looking Spencer standing on your porch with his satchel hanging on his body and a bunched up bouquet of flowers.

“What… What are you doing here?” You stutter as Spencer runs his hand through his hair, as the same time you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. Spencer's lips form into a thin line, that damn gesture confuses him even more.

“You called me yellow and Penelope told me that it meant something else. But it’s a song and it’s so vague to conclude anything from that. I don’t want our friendship to hurt because of some song and if its the only thing I can have with you then its enough. I know you heard me say some things.” Spencer looks like he’s going to burst into tears anytime soon, and it makes your heart ache.

He shakes his head, his hair tossing with it, “None of it was true, I was scared and Derek talked to me and made me see things and I’ve finally admitted it to myself. But… I need it to be clear. I need you to…” He exhales and you watch as his hands tighten around the flowers, “Say it.”

Disbelief floods your body and you can hear the ringing in your ear. The whole speech stays stuck in your head, and no matter how much you want it to sink in, it feels more and more like a dream. You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

Spencer feels the blood rushing to his face, as the flower in his bends from his tight hold, “I am… I am sure I got it all wrong. I am… going to go. Forget this happened…” He turns his back on you but you hastily grab a hold of his arm to stop him.

“I love you. In a, more than friend way.” You sigh as Spencer faces you again, his eyes wide, “Penelope was right about the Yellow thing. I don’t why I decided to drunk tell you what I am feeling. It’s so fucking dum—“

You never get to finish what you say because Spencer drops the flowers he has been clutching to pull you in his embrace.

You’ve kissed before and you’ve been kissed before but nothing has ever felt like this moment. One of Spencer’s arms is wrapped around your waist, pushing you closer to his chest and his other hand is cupping your face, guiding your lips with every move.

Spencer feels his heart thump louder against his chest as your arm snakes on his neck and your hands tangle on his hair. You taste like peach lip balm and everything sweet in this world. He never want this to end. He wants this moment in every single day of his life.

“Uh… Uber Eats?” The both of you immediately pull away when a foreign voice booms over the two of you. A young boy, maybe 17, has the Taco Bell you ordered in his hands. His eyes are wide from the scene he caught.

“Oh god, yes. I forgot. Sorry.” You run to your entryway table, taking the nearest bill you can get, “Here!” He stares back with mouth gaped as he accepts the money and hands Spencer your order.

“50? You already paid online.” You nod, “Keep it, its your tip. Thank you!” You pull Spencer in your house before shutting the door close. For a few seconds, you stare at each other before Spencer smiles and it leads to you laughing.

“That’s so embarrassing! I can’t believe the delivery boy saw us doing that.” Spencer laughs as he sets down the bag of food on your coffee table before sitting at the couch pulling you with him.

“I love you. I’ve been scared to fall in love ever since Maeve and when you came I just… I got scared.” You nod, completely understanding where he was coming from but most of all, your heart feels full with just the fact that he feels the same, “The yellow song. I listened to it a lot today.”

“Uhhhh.” You throw your head down, covering your face with your hands, “It’s so embarrassing that you found out that way.” Spencer giggles as he sees you do the tuck again and it melts his heart. This was not any nervous tell. This was for him. He reaches for your hands and gives your knuckles soft kisses.

“You called me your yellow. But you… the stars shine for you, Y/N.” Spencer gives your forehead a kiss before pulling you closer to him. He quietly tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, his heart finally at ease.

Spencer will learn many things as he spends the rest of his life with you. However, tonight Spencer will learn how to open his heart to the one who will teach him that love can be good and kind.

-

taglist (if you want to be added, please message me 🥰): @all-tings-diego @shemarmooresfedora @averyhotchner @samuel-de-champagne-problems @bingereid @sweetandsunny @reidsbookclub @spencerreid-187

And now I’ve watched episode 3 of Walker because of reasons. (You guys asked, that’s reasons.) #1

My review of episode 1 got a lot of positive feedback and a lot of you asked me to cover more episodes! But my review of episode 2 didn’t get much feedback at all. Possibly because episode 2 was boring and you can only make so many funny jokes about the glowy wife before it gets stale, so I get it, it’s fine. It was boring for me too. Hopefully this gets funnier! I actually have high expectations for this episode, since apparently it introduces NotDean. You know, the childhood friend who Walker loves like a brother and is the Han Solo to Walker’s Luke Skywalker. Like, what. Stop comparing Jared Padalecki characters to Like Skywalker 2021 challenge. *insert you keep using that word...*

Anyway, in case you missed it - here are all my reviews of Walker episodes, in chronological order.

EDIT: *screeching* GUYS YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS. YOU CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS. Read to the end, don’t stop at the padalacting. I’m begging you asdfghjkl

Alright. Let’s start this. Actually I have a thought before we start. You know, I was thinking that episode 3 of Supernatural is when Dean gets genuinely introduced as a person. Sera Gamble and Raelle Tucker were the first to give Dean the personality that stuck and developed into the character that we love. Dead In The Water is, not coincidetally, the episode that sold Supernatural to me. The first couple of episodes were weirdly compelling, without which I wouldn’t have continued watching, but you must understand that I’d never watched horror before. It really wasn’t my genre. I was just watching on the assumption that it would get better at some point, and if it didn’t I’d stop. But Dead In The Water got me. Because that’s when we’re really shown Dean for the first time. The rest is history and now we’re here.

So I wonder what will happen in episode 3 of Walker. Is it going to magically pull a Dean out of the hat and get me?

Let’s start. The Texan countryside. The yellow, glowy light tells us this is a flashback. Closeups of Jared and Gen. He is somewhat concerned. He’s at the wheel of a car, still on the street - a red Mustang. Unlike the red Mustang of the horseman War, it is a convertible. Fun fact: a Mustang was Kripke’s original idea for the Winchesters’ car, but then switched to the Impala for body-in-the-trunk reasons. I am the 😬 emoji.

Actually guys I need to show you a couple Jared faces. I think they’re supposed to be purposely comedic faces, but honestly this is just how he acts normally. I promise I am not coming in this with a bias towards Jared’s acting. I just observe, with my eyes. He was actually good in many Supernatural episodes.

I just can’t see Cordell Walker. I’m just seeing Jared and Gen Padalecki delivering what is a somewhat padalecki acting in front of my eyes and I swear I had to close the video in the middle of this scene and start over because of a sudden attack of second-hand embarrassment.

Let’s continue

Basically, Walker is trying to drive the Mustang, but he is not good at it and the car stops after two meters. He feels exactly how I feel when I watch Walker.

“Damn it!” Jared exclaims, jaredly. I think that this scene is supposed to be set Many Years Ago, because Walker is wearing a backwards cap and Emily has her hair styled like Bad Janet but straighter, which actually says a lot about this show somehow.

God, I wish I could gif the entire scene to show you guys the padalacting. I mean, I could, but ain’t nobody got time for that. Have a bit of the scene.

For some reason she puts this thing on the dashboard, because he “puts your mind at ease”.

He makes more Jared faces, which we’ll skip because I don’t want to spend 7 hours on this.

Wait look at this shot of the car (with some bonus Jared face).

Why does this look filmed by your dad with a videocamera on Christmas afternoon after you received a toy car as a present? I suddenly have a newfound admiration for the directors who did Impala shots on Supernatural because it would seem car shots are not that easy to make. Maybe this is why Supernatural always filmed at night with a black car.

Guys I am telling you, if you need to watch one scene of Walker in your life, watch this scene. It’s so embarrassing. I almost decided to gif the moment of the car going and commenting “nyoom” but the Impala does not deserve this.

Anyway.

Listen, if I have to see thing thing over and over, you have to see it too.

He’s brought the damn thing onto a new cop truck while on a stakeout with Ramirez, who is just as happy about it as any normal person would.

I think they’re outside a strip club, judging from the posters outside.

He keeps quoting lines from the scene with his wife, which is sort of weird since Ramirez is not his love interest. Yet. Oh no. Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t even thinking of doing that. Ramirez has a perfectly fine boyfriend.

Walker says that since they’re sitting there just waiting for the suspect’s movements or whatever, they should use that time to get to know each other, like “favorite movies, the teams you root for, middle names”.

Ramirez is me.

He’s like ~let’s bond~ and Ramirez goes immediately for the jugular and asks how Stella (his daughter) is doing. “Wow” he says. He says he and Stella are “in a good place, I think”. You’re not and we’re definitely not. This is the bad place.

Basically, they’re trying to live in a bubble of ignoring her upcoming court date for the marijuana thing. Ramirez says that the easy route is not a good idea. He’s like, are you speaking from experience? Basically they keep implying Ramirez also has a ~bad girl past, which I can absolutely live without.

Aaand now we see the inside of the strip club. The suspect is there, a lady with a Latinoamerican name, apparently bisexual because she’s surrounded by a woman and a man in underwear, the woman is touching her, it leaves no doubt about it. 😬 Enter the stripper on stage, who captures the lady’s attention.

The stripper is a man. Dressed as a slutty cowboy. There’s glitter.

Yeah, you read it right.

Oh no. No I absolutely change my mind. If you have to watch one scene of Walter, it must be the slutty glitter cowboy stripper.

There’s. There’s a. There’s a slutty glitter cowboy stripper.

The CW could do slutty glitter cowboy strippers and Dean Winchester is not there?!

I repeat, they killed Dean Winchester and then did slutty glitter cowboy strippers in Walker?!

This is a travesty. This is an outrage.

Crime. Pure crime.

Listen, I’m not optimizing these gifs, take these super quick gifs, I can’t possibly spend my night optimizing glitter cowboy stripper gifs. But you need to see.

What’s the target demographic of this show? Texan housewives? The gays? Are they trying to test all the waters and see what happens? Is Walker going to become about gay people and Jared’s character a secondary character in his own show?

Wait

*sweats* Are they really trying to replicate Supernatural in everything after all?

The bisexual lighting is there and all.

The guy in skimpy underwear is distracting. I can’t believe yesterday I saw a Jared interview where he said he couldn’t watch Supernatural with his kids because of all the violence but Walker is a show you can watch with kids. I mean, aside from this scene, Walker is definitely more kid-friendly than Supernatural for obvious reasons. But hey, since Supernatural already was non-kid-friendly, they could have at least put more dudes in skimpy underwear.

You know what, I think they’re just aiming for Texan housewives.

“You’re hotter than Austin asphalt” suspect lady tells the stripper. You know. Something normal people say.

(If Texan people actually speak like this, do NOT tell me.)

Guys, we’re only four minutes in. It’s midnight. I will continue tomorrow...

*screams into the void* These have been the four wildest minutes of my life.

Gabriel Agreste might just be the best season 4 episode (so far)

Here are my thoughts and theories. Grab some popcorn bc this is gonna be a long one

I’m gonna ignore the fact that now Marc, Nathaniel AND Zoé have now gotten roped in the Adrien-stalking-nonsense (like what was the point of this?). Instead I’m going to focus on the fact that Marinette had a very good reason to infiltrate the secret society party hosted by gabeshit. I honestly found it refreshing how she went to get the blackmail video deleted from Chloé’s phone instead of stalking adrien. The bar is so low at this point

As much as I hate how they are treating Chloé’s character, in Gabriel Agreste we see the aftermath of her friendship break-up with Adrien. We know how much she relied on him and their friendship, and even that was was taken from her, even if it was something she jeopardized all by herself. In turn, Chloé knows how much going to school means to Adrien, so she’s trying to take that away from him. If that was what the writers were going for, mad respect. I wish they would have been more specific. Still a nice touch tho.

Moving on to more important things…

Overall thoughts

I love how even though the title of the episode refers to the Gabriel Agreste sentimonster, it also symbolizes the fact that this is the crucial moment where Gabriel realizes just how powerful he can be (cue Dearest Family). And if we look at the post credit scene, Gabeshit left the two fake miraculouses on the hidden shelves as if knowing that once Felix returns he will come looking for them. He is definitely planning to use his nephew’s cleverness to his advantage and draw him on his side. Something I will expand on later.

The whole secret society plot line freaks me out. The creators have some balls to depict something like this on a kids show, as they are pretty much real. The shit that goes down at meetings of rich, influential people, the secrets they keep, the money they handle… sheesh they’re so cult-y and it’s best to keep them secret, hence the term. I think it was generally an interesting dimension to add to the agreste characters, of just to show how fucked up Adrien’s childhood was and how fucked up they are. Also I think it’s a set-up for the adults’ story line. Guess we’ll see.

The atmosphere of this episode is entirely eerie, from the secret society meeting, to the masks, to the ominous music, and to the mansion. We get an in-depth look at the Agreste mansion, but the angles are all odd, evoking that sort of claustrophobia and feeling of minimization. This is not your regular episode where the focus is the superheroes, no, this one focuses on a potential ally for Shadowmoth.

Felix

Can we talk about how cunning this guy is?

He figured it out just by watching a video and seeing Gabriel’s pin.

This episode pretty much confirms that he is a sentimonster (no, i do not believe adrien is ❤️ yes, i am in denial❤️). The fucked up part is that, he knows he is a sentimonster! The genuine fear in his eyes when Sentigabe threatens to “make him dissapear” at the snap of his fingers is so well represented. Some other people have pointed out that he has a special admiration for Emilie since she is his creator, and I think that’s another interesting detail. And so, I believe he resembles her. We don’t know much about her, right? But we do know that Adrien had less freedom when she was around, even if he viewed her as the bette, more loving parent. Here’s the thing tho, Emilie was an actress, so she tricked her son into thinking she was loving and that she genuinely wanted what was best for him. It was easy for her to make Gabeshit look bad bc he’s very upfront with his emotions. She was two-faced, just like Felix.

Each sentimonster is the product of an emotion, an intense sentiment(hahahha get it). Well, Emilie was cunning. And what was she doing with the miraculous in the first place? Well for one, rich families need heirs, and maybe her sister wasn’t able to have a child of her own. And maybe the Agreste’s needed allies. So since Adrien was Emilie’s perfect son who they planned on shaping him however they wanted, it would take some time before he joined them. Emilie might have found a window with Amelie’s infertility, so she used her deceitfulness to create her sister an heir and her an ally. This might be a bit of a stretch, but we don’t know much about Emilie, and she could have even kept her husband in the dark. She might have known of the consequences of using the miraculous just so all the blame could fall on gabeshit.

Now, with the whole Gabrie-using-Felix thing I mentioned earlier. Felix definitely has the ring with the amok in it, therefore he has a will of his own, and a strong one, kind of like Chloé—they both resisted an akumatization. See the similarities? They have strong emotions that shadowshit can bring on his side in order to make new allies. He needs Felix’s brains, and for that he needs to get ahold of the ring with the amok. And how will he do that? By revealing his secret. So, he plants the fake miraculouses, knowing Felix will come looking for them, and when he catches his nephew in the act, he reveals everything: emilie, the grimoire, his identity.

That is why i think Gabriel Agreste is the best episode this season (i’d say of all of miraculous, but Style queen pt 1 and 2 are right there and those are incredible). It plants the seeds for the conclusion of the Shadowmoth arc. To me, this was one of the best written episodes of the series, laying the ground for so much, and giving us gabenath crumbs, felix the sentimonster, the secret society and more depth to the whole agreste plot line.

Just incredible

I literally JUST sat down, pt. 6

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Seven

AN: Alone time with Spencer Reid isn’t something you’re ever willing to pass up.  Characters: Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia, Derek Morgan, Aaron Hotchner, Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi. Pairings: Spencer Reid x reader Spoilers: None Warnings: Mentions of crime and violence, alcohol

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“I could eat a horse,” Emily grumbled, collapsing into her seat on the jet, “when’s the last time we had solid food?”

JJ shook her head, “God, I don’t know. Maybe yesterday?”

“18:43 yesterday,” Spencer agreed, shooting you a tired smile as he took a seat beside you, “that’s when the call from Martin came in.”

Everyone nodded, remembering the frenzy that followed the call, everyone rushing to gather SWAT units, interviewing witnesses again, formulating a plan of attack and a de-escalation strategy. It had been a blur of movement and activity and that, combined with the nearly 10 hour standoff that followed had carried you for well over 24 hours, and left everyone hungry, tired and in desperate need of a shower.

“Ugh, I did not miss this part of the job,” you whined in time with a loud grumble from your stomach, “do you have any idea how many meals I missed when I was working at the bookstore? None! Not one. I had three meals a day and as many biscuits as I could eat,” you sighed nostalgically, “those were the good days.”

Emily moaned, “Ah, biscuits. Tell me more.”

You chuckled and shot her a fond look.

“You’ve got no idea what you’re missing, Emily,” Spencer cut in, “the biscuits Y/N makes are heaven. The ‘better than sex’ ones?” He rolled his eyes and groaned, a noise that made your cheeks flush and sent a bolt of surprise straight through you, “I dream about them.”

JJ hummed her agreement, closing her eyes as she reminisced, “I remember those, they’re Will’s favorite too.”

“That’s because Will has excellent taste,” you joked, shooting her a flirty wink, “in all things.”

Emily frowned, “Hey! Don’t flirt with her, keep telling me about these Better Than Sex biscuits.”

It had been nearly two weeks since the last big break in your case and, honestly, it was starting to grate on your nerves. No matter what you did it was like there was this massive clock counting down the days until another body would be dropped in your lap, probably with some other creepy detail on it; like your first pet’s name carved into the victim’s forehead. Garcia had been tracking down security camera footage from the shopping center you’d visited to buy your perfume, but there hadn’t been too much luck. A lot of the shops had already taped over their footage, and the ones that hadn’t had been grainy or awkwardly placed. All that they could reliably see was a tall man in a dark coat with a baseball cap on mirroring your movements in a few different stores.

Garcia was trying her best to enhance the images but, until she could, they were stuck. The only thing that helped your nerves was being on cases, and the fact that you almost always had someone with you to help keep you distracted.

“Well, they’re biscuits,” you smiled.

“And?” Emily pushed.

“And they’re better than sex,” you finished.

Emily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling as she did it, “That so?”

“I guess it depends on who you’re having sex with,” Spencer offered, meeting your eye for just a second, “in my experience they’re definitely better than casual meaningless sex, like a one night stand, but maybe not better than all sex.”

Your eyes widened and, much to your embarrassment, you felt yourself flush again. Spencer Reid and sex were two things that you worked very hard to keep separate in your mind. If they ever overlapped it happened in private and late at night, when no one was around to see your pupils dilate. You were a profiler. You were surrounded by profilers, and you’d learned long ago that the only way to keep secrets from a team like that was to make sure that your body language was stable and consistent at all times. Spencer Reid made that difficult. Spencer Reid casually talking about sex while his thigh was brushing up against yours made it damn near impossible.

“I need to try these biscuits,” Emily declared, “Y/N/N, will you make me some? Please?”

You snorted, “When? My shop’s closed indefinitely.”

“You can make them at my place,” Spencer said softly, just to you, “I haven’t used the oven in my apartment since...ever, I think, but it should work.”

“I’m-I’m staying at your place?”

Spencer shifted in his seat, “Yeah, it’s my turn. Garcia didn’t tell you?”

You made a mental note to shave Penelope’s eyebrows off at the earliest possible convenience in retaliation, but you kept your face neutral.

“No, she didn’t. Are you sure you’re okay with this, Spence? I don’t want to be a burden, and I know that you really value your privacy.” You asked, keeping your voice low.

Spencer smiled, something soft and fond glimmering in his dark eyes, “Of course I’m sure, Y/N. This is about keeping you safe.”

“I know but-“

“No!” Spencer interrupted with a laugh, “No buts. You’re staying at my place. Okay?”

You pressed your lips together, a million different arguments fighting for prominence in your mind.

“Okay?” Spencer repeated.

You deflated, “Fine. Okay.”

He leaned back in his seat and gave you a smug smile as he opened the book he’d brought with him. War and Peace, in the original Russian of course. It was a painfully nostalgic image and you felt your eyes start to droop with exhaustion.

“You’re impossible,” you yawned, “you know that?”

He smiled, “Yeah, yeah I know, Y/N. Get some rest, I’ll still be impossible when you wake up.”

You hummed, feeling a rush of comfort and warmth as you let sleep drag you under.

“Night, Reid,” you mumbled.

——————————-

Spencer was weirdly nervous as he fumbled for his apartment keys. It was stupid, of course, you’d been to his apartment before. Hell, you’d practically lived there in the weeks after Maeve’s death, but something about this felt...different. Maybe it was that he knew that you were in danger, and because of that you being there felt like an act of trust. Maybe he was nervous that he hadn’t cleaned up enough, or that you’d spent the entire flight with your head on his shoulder. Maybe he was worried that his oven actually didn’t work and he’d gotten your hopes up for nothing. Maybe it was-

“Spencer,” you said with a gentle laugh, “I can hear the cogs in your brain whirling. Calm down, everything’s going to be alright, I’ve seen your place before.”

Spencer smiled and he felt the tension start to ease out of his shoulders. Maybe it was just because it was you. The key finally slid into the door and he welcomed you in, grabbing your suitcase with one hand as he went.

“Welcome to Casa Reid,” he said, “ignore the books, unless you want to read any of them of course. You remember where my room is, right?”

You shot him a look, “What? No! Spence I’m already intruding on your fortress of solitude, I’m not taking your bedroom too.” You flopped down onto his couch, crossing your legs on the cushion and your arms across your chest with a determined glint in your eyes, “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

He rolled his eyes fondly, “Really, Y/N/N? This is the hill you want to die on? I know you’re as tired as I am. Wouldn’t it be nice to just collapse into a soft bed?”

“I’m sure it would be,” you agreed, “you’ll have to tell me all about it tomorrow morning.” You pushed yourself up and grabbed your suitcase from his hands with a sweet smile, “I would love a shower though. Maybe when I’m done you’ll have thought of a clever comeback? If not,” you shrugged, “we’ll get dinner.”

And with that you strode off in the direction of Spencer’s bathroom, shooting him one last playful smile as you went. As soon as you were out of sight Spencer sighed happily, collapsing onto the couch you’d just vacated and listening as the shower switched on. He was tired, bone tired; he was starving, he was thirsty and there was a dull sort of pressure in his temple that might have been the start of a headache, but despite all that he didn’t care. He was happy, almost giddy really, and that was enough. While the sound of the shower echoed through his apartment, Spencer let himself start to drift off.

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The moment you were done talking Spencer’s world went quiet. All around him he could see his friends’ mouths moving, their shocked faces burned into his mind as they begged you for answers, but it was like they were on the other end of a really long corridor and he couldn’t quite make out their actual words. Instead there was just this rushing in his ears and the pounding of his heart, just a little too loud, as he tried to process the idea of his world without you in it.

“I’m leaving,” he heard you say again and again, like a stuck record in the back of his mind, “I handed in my resignation a while ago. I’m just here to pack up my things.”

For some reason that didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem right that you could be “leaving” and then be gone for good on the same day. It was too fast, Spencer hadn’t had time. Time to process, to think, to convince you to stay, to come with you, to tell you how he felt, to cry, to yell, to throw things, to laugh to-

“We’ll still see each other,” you lied through a sheepish smile, “this doesn’t have to be goodbye forever. Just goodbye for now.”

Spencer shook his head, his eyes trained on the patch of floor just between your feet like if he stared long enough it might give him the answer. The answer to what? It didn’t matter. He vaguely heard Garcia complaining in her own way, and JJ asking you to reconsider but, still, it was like it was happening to someone else. You’re dissociating, the rational part of his brain supplied, you’re dissociating because you can’t cope with losing someone you care about, you can’t cope with losing Y/N. He pushed the thought away, forcing it into a box somewhere in the very back of his mind as he fought to stay in control in the moment. Oh wow, Spencer Reid has abandonment issues, he thought to himself, how original.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, hoping it was too low for anyone to hear as he turned on his heel and walked straight out of the conference room.

As he went he could feel the sets of eyes on his back and the heavy weight of a mixture of confusion and pity they brought with them. For once he didn’t care. All that mattered was that his eyes were stinging and his chest was tight and, no matter what happened you couldn’t see him cry like this. He couldn’t let you see him break down because, the second that you did, he would be found out. You would put your arm on his shoulder and say something kind and he would look into your eyes and….you’d know. You’d see all the pain and the fear and the betrayal and you’d know in an instant how desperately and completely Spencer had fallen for you. And that couldn’t happen, it just couldn’t.

——————————-

Spencer sighed, shaking his head to snap himself out of the sad reminiscing. His heart was strangely heavy at the memory and he swallowed hard past the growing lump in his throat. That had been a hard day, but it had been nothing compared to what had come next. Showing up at work everyday and being met with your empty desk, the suffocating absence of your laughter, your voice, Derek and JJ trying desperately to compensate, Emily’s sullenness, even Garcia and her constant little check ins. Everything they did just made it more obvious that you weren’t there, that you’d really left, and that you were never coming back.

He looked towards his bedroom without meaning to, subtly reminding himself that you were there and that he wasn’t on his own anymore.

For now, the cynical voice in the back of his mind whispered. Until this case is solved and she packs up and leaves again like nothing happened. Then it’ll be just like it was before. Except that that wasn’t true. No, this time it’d be worse.

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Spencer fiddled with the strap of his satchel, working his jaw as he tried to get up the nerve to either walk into the bookshop or turn and leave for good. It had been nearly four months since he’d last seen you, but you still texted regularly and sent him pictures of the store whenever you could. Not that it ever felt like enough. Four months of fighting himself and trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. Should he chase after you and beg you to come back? Should he offer to help around the bookstore in his free time? What did he want from you? What was his endgame here?

For a long while Spencer just watched you through the glass as the questions whirled around his head like a hurricane. You looked happy, he noticed as you laughed at something one of your employees said, like you were in your element. There was a peacefulness about the way you moved here too, like there was no hurry, like you had all the time in the world. It had been a long time since he’d seen you that happy. Not since that night, the one he wasn’t supposed to think about anymore. Not since he’d ruined everything and set your friendship on a collision course with disaster. You’d never said so, but Spencer knew that that night was why you left. He knew it was his fault, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

He sighed, fighting down a sudden rush of bitterness that tasted like ashes in his mouth. Something about seeing you, really seeing you again,brought all the hurt and confusion of that night back to the surface. Maybe it was just that it felt real now, final, like something that was always meant to happen the way it had. Something he had no control over. But you were happy, he reminded himself, and that was all he really wanted, right?

Spencer felt something in his chest splinter and, while his resolve was still firm, he turned on his heel and walked away. It wasn’t his place, he told himself again and again as he walked, he had no right.

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“Spence?” You asked, your worried voice cutting straight through his daydream like a knife, “are you okay?”

His head whipped around and he felt the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen as he took you in. Your hair was wet from the shower, your skin dewy and soft-looking beneath your pajamas. You looked calm and strong, and so painfully familiar that Spencer felt something near his heart swell with appreciation. So he brought his attention back, leaving the mistakes of the past alone for the time being so that he could better enjoy the present. He was home, and you were safe and for a moment everything was right in the world.

“Yeah,” he answered with a smile, “yeah I’m good. I-uh-I didn’t want to order dinner before you were finished because I didn’t ask what you wanted.”

You relaxed ever so slightly, “Hmmm,” you started, making your way over to the couch and plopping down next to him like it was the most natural thing in the world, “how about pizza?”

Spencer smiled, “I could do pizza. What kind do you want?” he asked, pulling out his phone to place the order.

“Ohhhh no,” you replied, shaking your head, “no, no, no. I’m not falling for that one again, Doctor Reid,” you joked, “I will not have you topping shame me in my own home.”

“In your own home?” Spencer laughed, “Oh, so this is officially your home now?”

“For the next few days yes, it is,” you shot back smugly, followed by, “I’ll have whatever you’re having, but no mushrooms.”

“Since when do you hate mushrooms?”

“Since now, duh,” you replied with a shrug, “seriously though, so long as it’s warm and filling, I really don’t mind.”

“Two warm and filling pizza’s coming right up,” Spencer said, “Garcia leant me some movies to watch as well if you want.”

Joking around with you the way he always had was an equal measure of comforting and bizarre, but Spencer wasn’t going to question it. As you bickered back and forth about whether or not Legally Blonde was the best courtroom film ever made, he tried to shake off the slight sadness in his chest. It was impossible. Every time he made you laugh or saw the edges of your eyes crinkle with a smile he was reminded of that empty desk, and the hole in his chest, and the way losing you felt like losing an arm. It wasn’t your fault, you were being your usual incredible self, but that was sort of the problem. Small acts of kindness to you, like grabbing a blanket and throwing it over both of your legs without a second thought, were just that, small acts of kindness. But to Spencer they were like patches of warm sunlight when he’d been expecting cold weather. It was painful. By the time the pizza had arrived, he’d changed into pajamas and you’d convinced him to watch Legally Blonde, he thought he had it under control. Or at least under control enough that you wouldn’t notice. He was wrong.

Less than fifteen minutes into the movie you pressed pause, turning to face him on the couch with a determined look on your face.

“Okay, spill it.” You demanded, “What’s wrong?”

“What?” he asked, heat creeping into his cheeks, “I don’t-what?”

“You went somewhere,” you explained, “somewhere in your head. You only do that when something’s bothering you.”

“Nothing’s bothering me, Y/N, I just-”

“Spence,” you interrupted, scooching closer and staring into his eyes pleadingly, “please don’t lie to me. I know you too well for that to work. Just tell me what’s wrong, is it me? Did I do something?”

“No.” Spencer said quickly, desperate to wipe that sad look off your face “No, Y/N/N you didn’t do anything I’m just-I’m not-” he took a deep breath in, thinking through his words, “I’m not sure...how to do this, exactly.”

You tilted your head, confused but, to his relief, didn’t shut him down.

“How to do what?” You asked sincerely, “Watch Legally Blonde? I know it’s not exactly your style but-”

“No,” he laughed softly, “no, not the movie. I don’t know how to be here, with you,” he admitted, “like this. Everytime I think I’ve got it, I remember what it was like without you and I just-” he shook his head, “I shut down. I pull away, and I don’t want to, I want to be here because you’re my friend and I care about you. It’s just that everytime I try….”

“You imagine what it’ll be like to lose me,” you supplied, sadly.

“I don’t imagine it, Y/N, I remember it.” He said, “All those years of seeing you every single day and suddenly you were just gone, and I couldn’t handle it. I kept expecting you to just walk back in one day, or that I’d wake up and the whole thing would just have been some weird fever dream, but it never did. The months just stretched on and on and on and-” he met your eye, “and now you’re back, and everything’s great again, but it’s been more than a year and, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t want to get my hopes up.”

The admission made Spencer feel lighter, like a weight had been lifted from his chest but, when he met your eye, his heart sank just a little bit. You pressed your lips together into a thin line, sniffing as you fought back tears. But they were angry tears, Spencer realised. You were sad, but you were also furious, and it made him swallow hard.

“Spencer, I don’t know how many times I can apologise,” you finally started, “I should’ve given you more warning, I shouldn’t have kept how I was feeling a secret, I know that now,” you continued, “but you didn’t lose me. Nobody lost me. I lost you. I lost my family, my job, my second home, the entire community of people I’d built up, all of it. I was alone, really alone, and starting from scratch in a city I barely recognized because I’d spent the last however many years flying around the country and completely neglecting most of the city I actually lived in. I also discovered that, outside of the BAU, I have exactly two friends, neither of whom live in the state so, at first, I spent 99% of my time just sitting in my apartment crying over what a huge terrible irreversible mistake I’d made and eating cookies.” You explained. Spencer opened his mouth to interrupt but, before he could, you shot him a pleading look, and he let you continue, “And I know it must’ve sucked, not having me around. I know you must have felt completely hurt and betrayed and confused, and I swear to you, I’m not trying to minimize that at all. All I’m trying to say is...it wasn’t easy for me. I didn’t just step out of those doors into some sunny, perfect idyllic life where all I did was bake cookies and read books. It was hard. I worked hard, and I don’t want to have to feel bad about that.”

You looked so sad in that moment that Spencer wanted to cry. He had never truly considered the implications of leaving the BAU, of how hard it must’ve been starting over when being in the FBI had always been your dream. Instinctively, he reached out and took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, just so you knew he was there.

“I don’t want that either,” Spencer promised, “I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Y/N.”

You nodded, wiping your eyes as a few stray tears slipped down your cheeks, “I know that, Spence, I do. I just-” You let out a deep breath and seemed to pull yourself together, squeezing his hand in return, “it felt like the only person who cared about me was Garcia,” you admitted, “and so, coming back, I was really scared. I didn’t quite know what I was walking into. I thought I knew, but I wasn’t sure so I just-” you shrugged, “acted like nothing had changed. And maybe that’s my fault but-”

“It’s not your fault,” he interrupted, feeling a swell of protectiveness ballooning in his chest, “none of us knew how to handle a situation like this.”

“But I should’ve considered how weird this must be for you,” you insisted, “I should’ve known that you-that you’d need more time, or more space from me than the others.”

“I don’t want space,” he said earnestly, “I promise you, Y/N, the last thing I want is to be away from you again. I’ve made that mistake once and it didn't work out too well.

You gave him a watery laugh and Spencer felt his spirit lift just a little. It was crazy how simple everything became in Spencer’s mind when you needed him, how easily he could be open and vulnerable without fear. It was you, he’d do anything for you, even bare his soul to make you laugh.

“I guess, what I’m trying to say,” You continued, “is that I’m scared. I’m so scared that, the minute this case is over, I’ll be alone again, starting from scratch, with nothing but two Murder Storefronts that no one is going to want to come within one hundred feet of, and you guys will just go on without me.”

Spencer smiled and tugged you close, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into a tight hug.

“That’s not going to happen, Y/N/N,” he promised.

“How do you know?” You whispered into his hair.

“Because,” he replied honestly, “I won’t let it.”

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Family Matters | Chapter 6: Genius

Hello people! 

I have returned!

I am hoping you will enjoy this chapter, as I introduce one of my favorite characters from Criminal Minds (aside from Dr. Spencer Reid). I also hope you will have an amazing week. Love you all!

(Also, please forgive me if I glance over some cases, I am really bad at writing those scenes and I am trying my hardest)

I hope the wait was worth it and you enjoy this chapter!! 

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.6k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 6: Genius

She should have known something was up. Spencer had called her to say that he didn't need a ride to work that day and that he would just meet her there. She just assumed he had a meeting with Hotch or something, but no, the reality was he was hoping to have some alone time with Jennifer Jareau.

How did she know? Well because she was so used to picking him up that despite knowing today would be different, she still stopped by the coffee shop and made her way to work at the same time she used to for the past couple of months. She figured once she reached the parking lot that she might as well get ahead on some paperwork, maybe she could even have time to figure out what she would give him for a gift since she hadn't yet found anything that would have the desired effect she hoped for. As soon as she reached the glass doors, she stopped in her tracks, almost dropping the cups of coffee she had in her hands. There they were. The blonde was reclining on his desk, her eyes never leaving him and their hands linked. He smiled as she spoke, not once acknowledging their environment. She tried to walk away, but she felt trapped in her place. It wasn't until she heard the elevator that she was able to move towards the trash can, dumping one of the coffees. Too late she realized it was hers and not Spencer's, she sighed and decided she would have to suck it and drink the one meant for him.

"No, that alone has been enough sugar for the rest of my life." She said aloud as she dumped the second drink in the trash can. She didn't understand how he could do a whole 32oz of that sugary drink but she applauded him. That was, of course, when she wasn't mad at him for what she assumed to be a hidden relationship with JJ.

There were so many things wrong with that scenario she couldn't begin to phantom which one made her the angriest. Was it the fact that they were friends with Will, who was the blonde's husband and father of her child? Or was it the fact that Spencer was the godfather of said child? Maybe it was that he never even mentioned he had feelings for JJ? Or that he would be capable of having those demonstrations in their office when he knew full well that it was against the rules?

She walked into the office. Now the blonde was sitting at her desk, filing paperwork as if she hadn't been flirting with the man only minutes ago.

"Morning!" She sparked, a bright smile on her face.

"Huh." That was all the girl responded. She made her way to her desk and logged into her computer.

"Hey, stranger." He spoke. "You're here early."

"Is that a crime now?" She answered, unamused.

"No, I just- Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Perfectly fine. Life is perfect, wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't know about perfect-"

"Spencer, I'm a little busy, can you please be quiet."

He looked so hurt she wondered if she had gone too far. Then again, he was a cheater, so boundaries didn't apply to him. She rolled her eyes at him and continued with her work. She pretended she didn't feel his eyes on her for what must have been ten minutes, and she closed all the gift option tabs she had accumulated in the last month.

Every morning for the past 25 days she had acknowledged how close his birthday was and would ask him what he wanted, but today, just two days before the grand day, she decided maybe getting him a gift was not worth her time.

"Hello, my beautiful soul." Penelope approached her, a cup of coffee in her hand. She leaned in and whispered. "I saw you dropped yours, so I thought I'd bring you another."

"What are you talking about?" She looked around. Emily had arrived and was now working on some documents, Derek had also arrived and was conversing with JJ, and Spencer tried subtly to listen in to their conversation while pretending to work on his case files. "Garcia, do you mind walking with me for a second? I want to run a theory by you."

The mentioned understood and nodded. "Yes, of course, dear." They made their way to the elevators, and Penelope stopped. "I'm sure it's not what you think it is."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"JJ and Reid. They've been best friends since forever ago. There is probably nothing going on. I mean, sure, she liked him a while back but-"

"She, what now?!"

"It was a long time ago! Things are different... I don't think you have anything to worry about, I'm sure he likes you."

"Woah, okay, let us stop for a second." She held her hands up, as she looked around to make sure no one was looking. Anderson waved at them and smiled as he exited the elevator and made his way to the bullpen. They returned the gesture and she waited until he was inside the glass doors to continue. "I hope Spencer doesn't like me because we're just friends. That's not why him and JJ being together makes me upset."

"I'm pretty sure they're not together."

"Did you see what I saw?"

"Well, yes. But that can mean a hundred things."

"One of the possibilities being they're secretly going out."

"Yes... No! Of course not, they would never do that."

"Listen, Pen, I really appreciate the coffee, and I also appreciate you trying to look out for them and me, but honestly you don't need to explain anything to me, as a matter of fact, nobody does. I just hope this doesn't blow up in their faces." She grabbed the drink and returned to the glass doors pushing unsuccessfully her way inside.

"It's a pull, honey." She did as she was told, and the door opened. "Some things never change." She heard the blonde say.

"Love you too Garcia." She spoke with a hint of sarcasm. Once at her desk again, her phone began vibrating. She took it out and looked towards Hotch's office, making sure he didn't see her take a call. "Hello?" She whispered.

"Honey, how have you been? How's Spencer? I know his birthday is coming up!"

"Hello, mom. I'm fine, we're all fine." She whispered into the line. Spencer looked at her as if hoping she would share what was happening, but she simply ignored him. "Wait, how do you know?"

"About his birthday? I checked your calendar."

"How-"

"Well, your phone was unlocked so I simply went through it. It's no big deal. If you don't know what to get him I can give you the keys to the museum I bought him and you can say it's from you."

"You did what?!" She screamed. Her co-workers looked at her and she smiled, deciding this was a conversation that needed to be held outside of her workspace. She walked out of the bullpen and into one of the offices that were empty, closing the door after her. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Of course not. I thought that maybe that would help him see that a future with you is bright. Maybe this is the final push he needs to propose and soon after marriage come kids! Honey, I'm not getting any younger, I need grandkids."

"So you're using a museum as a bribe?"

"No, not a bribe, just encouragement."

"Mother you're gonna go and return that museum, and I don't want to hear another word about it. Do you understand?"

"Would you look at the time, got to go, love you, honey!" With that she hung up the phone, the woman sighing.

She knew she wasn't going to do it and one of those days Spencer would receive the keys to the building. As soon as she sat down, he eyed her with curiosity, hoping she would tell him why she was so worked up. She didn't have to ignore him for long since Aaron Hotchner called them in for a case. There had been several drug addicts who had been murdered recently, all of them seeming to have gotten fed and cleaned before their deaths. The team had to make their way to Albuquerque, New Mexico. As they borded the plain, she basically ran to sit next to Emily, avoiding all contact with Reid or JJ.

"Ok, we need to figure out how the unsub is choosing his victims and what purpose they fulfill, not to mention what role their drastic change in appearance and health play into his fantasy," Hotch said as they gathered in the local police station. "There is another agent here to assist us in this investigation, please meet Agent-"

"Luke Alvez." She interrupted as soon as she recognized him. His hair was still short and his beard had grown out, but it was clear he trimmed it just enough. His brown eyes landed on her and he smiled.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite non-medical doctor."

"I had no idea you were here."

"I was working on another case and thought it might be good to stick around."

"That's right," Aaron spoke, drawing the attention away from the pair and back to him. "Agent Alvez, these are Agents Jareau, Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan, Dr. Reid, and well, you already know the other doctor on our team."

"It's very nice to meet you all." He said, winking at her. She amusingly rolled her eyes and directed her view back to her boss. "Okay, well, JJ and Reid, go to the M.E. and see what more he can give us on their conditions before their deaths. Prentiss, Morgan, and Rossi, go interview the families of the victims, and you two stay here with me."

"Actually, Alvez can go with JJ and I can help set a geographical profile," Spencer said.

"No, I need to speak to agent Alvez." Hotch's tone was clear, it wasn't up for negotiation.

"Alright, let's go JJ." He said reluctantly, but made no intention to leave.

"Meet me in the main office." Hotch said to her and Luke, after which he walked towards said room.

"Great, I just barely saw you again and I'm already being called to the principal's office." He said and she jokingly shoved him and followed the man. After observing said interaction, both JJ and Spencer exited the building.

As soon as they entered, they were instructed to close the door and sit down. "Now, I am thankful for your assistance Agent Alvez, but am I correct to assume providing help is not the only reason for your presence?"

"You are correct."

"Wait, what do you mean? Why are you here Luke?"

"Am I allowed to say it?"

"Yes, after all the decision is hers."

"Who's decision? Mine? Guys I suck at those, this morning I couldn't decide what socks to wear so I put on one of each."

This sparked a laugh from Luke and a smile from Hotch. "It's nothing bad, I promise." The first one said, "my boss simply wants me to try and convince you to transfer to our department."

"Oh, that's an easy answer, no." She shook her head and turned to her team leader, who seemed to have a prideful look. "The BAU is my team and my family. It's my dream job, and I would never leave by choice. Sorry Luke, I really enjoyed working with you, but I can't leave my team."

"I knew that, but I still had to ask."

"Well, now that it has been settled, why don't you two review the files and see if there are any patterns that could lead us to who is responsible for these murders."

"Yes sir." They stood to leave, before Hotch spoke again.

"And agent," he paused as she directed her attention to him. "I'm glad you're staying."

"You had doubts?"

"It comes with a raise in salary."

"Agent Hotchner, you know I don't do it for the money."

He nodded and they both made their way out of the office, leaving Aaron behind. They had made their way to the room the local PD had set up for them before he asked.

"So are you gonna tell me what's going on between you and doctor eyes?"

"Who?"

"Dr. Reid."

"Why did you call him eyes? He's not even wearing his glasses today."

"Because he kept making eyes at you." He said as if it was obvious. "Are you two a thing?"

"Yes, we're friends. And colleagues."

"Mhmm..."

"Since when are you so nosy?" She said as she pulled the case files from the box to begin reviewing them.

"Since there is a possibility of romance in the BAU."

"Why do you care?"

"Are you serious?" He asked, slightly offended. "Your team is the elite team of the FBI; everybody is jealous of you guys or wants to sleep with you. Which is saying a lot since it is not necessarily the best-paid position within the agency.” He pointed out, hinting at the possibility to earn more in his department, when she gave it no importance, he continued. "Anyway, as I was saying, you and your team are like the Kardashians, but for the bureau. Everybody knows about Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner, Dr. Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Penelope Garcia, David Rossi, and you, Dr. I-wanted-to-join-the-BAU-and-got-in-almost-instantly-even-though-it's-really-hard."

"What exactly do you know?"

"About you? Only that you were one of the youngest agents to be hired, presided only by Dr. Reid, other than that, there hasn't been much on you, doctor. You know how to keep your life under wraps. You definitely spark the curiosity of the people."

"I don't even want to know how many rules you are all breaking to find out stuff about me and my team, do I?"

"No, not really." She laughed and returned her view to the papers in her hands. "Let's get back to work."

"You never really told me about you and Dr. Reid."

"There is nothing to tell, we're just friends."

"Does he know that?"

"We have some new information from the M.E." Were Spencer's first words. He looked between the two agents in the room, eyebrow raised. For a moment he seemed upset at the scene but soon changed his expression. "He's been impregnating the victims. Multiple times."

"Wait, that makes sense," Luke spoke. "That means there has to be a pattern somewhere, there is no way he's just doing it for the heck of it, if he was, he would dispose of the baby as well, and the woman wouldn't give birth or carry a child more than once."

"You're right, maybe if we can figure out what he is trying to accomplish by making them have his children, we'll find him."

"There are several reasons for someone to want a baby." Spencer said, "there is a black market for babies that yields high monetary compensation, and there is also the possibility this man feels powerful by fathering all these children. If he is keeping them, there is also a possibility we can find him faster, it is not every day your neighbor starts having children all around."

"I am going to tell Hotch about our theories." She said and left the room. She was still upset at Spencer and didn't want to talk or spend time with him more than it was necessary, so she took the opportunity to not be in the same room.

"I'm gonna work on the geographical profile." She heard him say.

A couple of hours later Luke had left to look through possible leads. Spencer and JJ found a child that matched the DNA of one of the victims, leading them to confirm it was hers, further supporting their theory. Now they were looking for other children, and how giving them up for adoption did anything for the unsub.

"I got a geographical comfort zone," Spencer said, he had tried to start a conversation before, but if it wasn't work-related then she wouldn't even look at him. "I have narrowed it down to three possible children, Lisa, Elizabeth, and Amanda."

After hearing those names, Luke's theory came back to mind. "Luke was right." She said as she turned she saw the mentioned entered the station. She waved him down excessively so he would know it was important, once he was inside the room she smiled. "Luke Alvez you are a genius! I want to kiss you right now!" He looked shocked, and a little uncomfortable, "but I won't because we are in a public setting. I have to tell Hotch." She ran out and pulled her phone to call said man.

"I guess you're a genius Alvez," Reid said, with a slight tone of resentment.

"Well, I don't know what I did."

"To me, it seems like I'm the one doing the work," before he could hear a reply his phone began to ring. "Reid." He said as he answered.

"Is Alvez there?"

"Uh, yeah." He placed the phone on speaker.

"Alvez, you were right. The unsub is keeping the boys, that's his end goal. We believe it might have significance to him or his partner."

"He has a partner?"

"There are indications of medications the victims were taking that would allow them to carry the baby to term. Rossi did some digging and the only way they can get access to the medication is through prescription, and they would have to have ample knowledge of the effects they could have."

"That makes sense. What should we look for next?"

"We found two potential subjects, I need the two of you on your way."

"Okay, we'll get ready-" Spencer began speaking.

"Not you Reid, I need you running point with Garcia."

"I'll go get her and we'll be on our way." Alvez comprehended who he meant and walked towards the door.

After the arrest of the man, they made their way back to the station. She was cleaning out the paperwork she had received when she heard her phone ring.

"What's up, Garcia?"

"Please tell me it's all a lie."

"What are you talking about?"

"The offer that agent Alvez came up with."

"How did you know about that?"

"So it is true." She heard some typing from the line. "You can't leave us, don't let what happened between you and Reid make you leave us."

"Garcia, my decision on the matter has nothing to do with that."

"So you've made up your mind? I can't believe it."

"Garcia, please listen to me, you can't tell anyone about this." She was now playing on her emotions, trying to see how far Garcia would go before she actually asked her what her answer was.

"I- I need to go." With that, she hung up.

She sighed and finished her packing, Luke appearing in her sight of view.

"Hey there, doctor."

"Hello, Agent Alvez."

"Is there no way I could make you change your mind?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Will you at least think about it? My bosses might not hate me as much if I left with an 'I'll think about it' rather than a straight-up no." He pleaded.

"Fine, Agent Luke Alvez, I will consider your offer."

"Thank you." He walked inside and helped her finish cleaning up. "And to show my gratitude, I am offering some advice: you can't avoid him forever. I don't know what he did, but he certainly does not deserve to be placed on the sidelines."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't." He placed an arm around her and brought her in for a side hug. "I will be anxiously awaiting your answer. Take care agent."

"You too Luke. I missed working with you."

"You could do it every day."

She pushed him slightly and rolled her eyes. He laughed and waved goodbye one more time before exiting the room. She continued working when she felt someone rush in.

"What do you mean you're transferring?" Emily practically yelled. This brought in the attention of the rest of the team who soon enough were cramming the room. "I get it, Alvez is hot, but you can't just leave us because of an attractive man."

"Emily-" she tried to speak.

"Don't Emily me. I get it, really, I do. He's good looking, smart, and single, not to mention that beard, but come on, this is your team, and you can't leave us."

"You can't seriously be thinking of doing that for this guy," Spencer said, his arms crossed, and eyebrows furrowed.

"The kid is right, you re one of the smartest people I've met, you can't make a decision based solely on a man." Morgan added, and soon they were all talking at the same time.

"Can you all please calm down? I never said I was leaving." She tried to hide her smile, knowing full well this wasn't gonna end well, but right now their panicked faces were priceless. "I simply said I would think about it. It does come with a salary increase."

She saw Hotch at the edge of the door, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "The jet is ready; we need to get going." He said and walked away.

She squeezed between her teammates and made her way to the plane. She noticed how everybody kept stealing glances at her as if hoping that would be enough for her to say she was staying. She smiled and closed her eyes, ready for a nap.

Exo-Man

Failed series pilots were very much part of MST3K’s stock in trade.  We’ve sat through San Francisco International, Stranded in Space, Code Name: Diamond Head and I’m sure there were others.  I generally recall all of those movies being kind of dull and lacking in personality, and I can’t imagine this 70’s superhero mess being much better.  I don’t think anybody in Exo-Man was ever on MST3K but Jose Ferrer (the first Latino actor to win an academy award, for 1950’s Cyrano de Bergerac) was once in a movie called Zoltan, Hound of Dracula, which I am deeply remiss in not having seen yet.  You may also recognize Harry Morgan, who was Colonel Potter on M*A*S*H.

Dr. Nick Conrad is a wacky physics professor of the type nobody has ever encountered in real life.  He’s somehow both smart enough to invent anti-gravity and memory plastic, and stupid enough to chase after a fleeing would-be bank robber.  The latter stunt, set to wakka-chicka Mitchell music, makes Nick the target of a mafia assassin, who kills his lab assistant and leaves Nick himself paralyzed from the waist down.  He wallows in self-pity for a while, but then rediscovers his passion for invention and builds himself a suit of armor that will allow him to walk again… and to take on the mob single-handedly.

I don’t know why they called the movie Exo-Man.  That name is never used in the dialogue.  I guess the more accurate Fiberglass Avenger just wouldn’t have sounded as cool.

The first thing you’re likely to notice from the plot summary is that Nick’s story starts off as Dr. Strange and then takes a hard left into Iron Man.  I’m pretty sure the latter at least was an intentional ripoff, with bits of the first thrown in, knowingly or not, to distance Exo-Man from Marvel’s lawyers. What’s funny is that posterity has actually made it a hat trick: the movie opens with a weirdly homoerotic jogging scene, so now he gets to be Captain America, too!

Exo-Man is a really stupid, often boring, and consistently ugly movie.  The actors are mediocre, the music bland, the effects terrible, and stuff is made to look ‘high tech’ by sticking lots of blinky lights on it.  Way too much time passes before we get to the action and when we do, we find a deep pit of disappointment.  Yet at the same time… I kind of enjoyed it.

A major part of why has got to be the incredibly dopey super-suit the main character wears, which looks less like ‘Iron Man’ and more like ‘Fiberglass Commando Cody’.  It moves really slowly and I doubt the guy in the costume can see very much.  Nick controls the bottom half of it using switches on one sleeve, which appear to have simple functions like ‘sit’, ‘walk’, and ‘jump’ (there is, of course, no ‘run,’ because nothing happens fast in this movie). He puts the thing on by lying down in what looks like a tanning bed (or maybe one of those contraptions from Avatar).  My personal favourite is the warning light labeled malfuntion.

All this is in a movie that sometimes manages to be surprisingly subtle.  We are introduced to Nick while jogging, we watch him play tennis with his girlfriend, and see him maintain this exercise regime even while he’s supposed to be under police protection.  These shots are in brilliant sunshine, and the camerawork is as active as the subjects. Post-injury, Nick never outwardly complains about his inability to participate in sports, but we now see him sitting in his wheelchair in dark surroundings, with the camera held perfectly still.  We feel that he has lost something he loved dearly, and we never need to be told it outright.

We are also introduced to Nick as somebody who is devored to furthering minorities.  His two lab assistants are an east Asian student and a Jewish one (the latter identified as such by a surname, rather than appearance), and the reason he was at the bank was to help a Latino student get a loan.  Again, the script trusts the audience to get this without having to draw attention to it through dialogue.  These minority characters are, of course, still just accessories to Nick’s story. The Jewish guy in particular is there to be fridged – its his death that leads to Nick flaunting his police protection and getting hurt.  But the effort was made to say that minority rights are important to Nick, without hitting us over the head with it.

Theme-wise, Exo-Man is about a man coming to terms with a disability.  I should preface this by saying that I am not disabled, so my perspective is necessarily biased.  If anything I say below is offensive, that is out of ignorance, and please let me know so that I may edit or delete the review and do better next time.  I was actually pretty impressed by how the script and director handled the life-changing nature of Nick’s injury… mostly.  I’ll start with the bad stuff.

The attack on Nick comes with a heaping helping of victim blaming.  As an important witness in the bank robbery, he was offered police protection.  The assassin tries to get around this by putting a bomb in his car, but one of the lab assistants borrows the car for a late-night pizza run, and gets killed in Nick’s stead.  This leads Nick to deliberately place himself in a vulnerable position, hoping to draw the killer out for capture and punishment.  In the hospital with a broken back, Nick blames the police for failing to protect him, but I’m pretty sure the movie wants us to think that this is really Nick’s own fault.  Like the tragic accident victims in Days of our Years, he has nobody to blame for his own misery, or that of his loved ones, except himself.

After that, however, the movie’s treatment of Nick’s disability improves quickly.  His girlfriend Emily leaves him, but that’s not because he’s in a wheelchair, it’s because he’s too busy wallowing in self-pity to even let her into his apartment. Later when he apologizes to her, she takes him back and they resume their happy relationship, and the fact that they can’t play tennis together anymore is not an issue.  She does not treat him as something to be pitied, she speaks to him on his eye level, and they avoid that weird trope of having the abled partner sit in the wheelchair-user’s lap.  Emily loves who Nick is, not what he can do.  His colleagues and students, likewise, treat him with respect and help him with his chair, and never make the latter feel like a burden.

By the end of the film Nick has come to terms with his disability.  The suit he’s built is not a cure for his condition: in fact the first time he wears it out, it breaks down and he needs help getting back to his high-tech armored van.  It’s a tool he has built for a purpose, and he doesn’t feel the need to wear it in non-superhero situations.  Based on what we see, he could have built a legs-only version to wear under his trousers and let him go jogging and play tennis again, but that is no longer who Nick is.  And when and whether to wear the suit is always Nick’s own choice, not something imposed on him from the outside.

Of course, it would also be really helpful in later maintaining Exo-Man’s secret identity, and I suspect the writers were thinking of that a lot more than they were of things like parents forcing questionable ‘cures’ on disabled children.  The secret identity probably would have been a big deal if the pilot had sold, but in this stand-alone story, I thought the suit worked well as a metaphor about a disabled man at peace with himself.

Exo-Man also takes a quick little peek at the morality of vigilante justice, although this comes in pretty late and clearly isn’t something they wanted to get into in any detail.  The first person Nick confronts in the suit is the assassin who actually beat him up. He says he didn’t go into this encounter with any real plan… perhaps he just wanted to scare the guy.  What ultimately happens is that the assassin climbs a drainpipe to get away from the terrifying robot man, the pipe comes off the wall, and the man falls to his death.  Nick feels this is his fault, and so the next time he takes the suit out he does so with a particular goal in mind: he wants to capture the mob boss and provide evidence of his wrongdoing to the police, not to kill anyone.

The mob boss’ name, by the way, is Kermit Haas, which is probably the least intimidating name a movie has ever given to its big bad.

Would that work?  Is evidence a guy in a robot suit left in your dumpster for you admissible in court?  Isn’t where stuff was found kind of important?  I honestly have no idea and I’m not sure how to go about finding out.  People might wonder why I want to know and I don’t think saying it’s for my blog would allay their suspicions.

At the end of Exo-Man, I was more entertained than not, but mostly on the level of laughing at the dumb-looking suit and appreciating the fine art of ripping off comic book characters.  If that’s your kind of thing then this movie ought to put the fun in malfuntion for you. If that’s not your thing, well… this is an MST3K blog.  What are you doing here?

Time for a rant

And some hard fucking truths about this fandom. And shipping culture. And related LGBT issues.

Edit for reblog: Since everybody’s trying to be highkey mad about everything right now, if the cut didn’t warn you, or the title, that this is going to be an unpopular AF opinion you should read all of before jumping to any conclusions, let this edit notice be that. But this post includes a bunch of shit. History I more recently and more fully talked about. The LGBT men I know that won’t touch this fandom with a ten foot pole because of shipping dialogue. And the accidental two season canon Destiel RP troll that we finally snapped and voiced beyond the meta wall from PURE EXHAUSTION.

(related posts in reference: (x) (x) (x) )

we know season great we know season 9 and its potential we know season 10 -- and most of us know its cut scenes humanity, being human, colette, the altar of winchester, the secret admirer, the boyfriends that strapped into the abaddon/colette parallels, all of it we know carver himself wrote the s10 finale and got it to film and then it got cut we know s9 he gave misha a note to play as jilted lovers from the showrunner but then we ask why did this never make it well nobody in fandom was paying attention nobody paid attention to SPN struggling the first seasons nobody paid attention to gamble's era almost getting nuked they all swore up and down this outdated americana show was about to have a queer pairing go canon because, yes, at that point *reads crumbled note* wallpaper

In fact that last one, to this date, no much how much legitimate structural meta or even deadass text current meta fandom breaks down, whether they just study the microcosm of Destiel or the macrocosm of the text with Destiel as a piece of it, can not escape the claims of *reads note again* wallpaper and T-shirts.

one year into Carver who was pulling the show out of the cancellation trashcan and vying for it to continue now that it was on netflix a DUMBASS EXEC wandered into twitter and opted to talk to fans

the goddamn network CEOship had just rotated even

”Well I blame” [disembodied force outside of our own]

no honestly I blame (parts of) pre S9 meta fandom, and I say that as a meta author they had been convincing people of intent for years When these showrunners and even rotating network execs were thrashing for life Like literally even the heads of the CW were changing not even just SPN but some fucking how the “sages” of that era didn’t have any gat damn insight onto how that might influence future engagements So out of the blue a newish network crew gets BLINDSIDED by accusations of queerbait and giant danger articles that are huge PR bombs and it turns into protect the product mode which turned into the new S10 press releases with the spontaneous sexuality field on the characters and half the filmed content ending up on the floor the short end of it is fandom fucked up hard Carver was fighting for them But in result he got a corporate shut down on a product he had ironically exploded globally too well that was earning too much profit too quickly to catch that kind of bad PR Chad Kennedy was a fateful fucking day Ever since then showrunners have had to pitch the idea at corporate when it was a nonissue before And prove why it's a valid move with test groups and marketing You can say "prove it" I really don't have to in this rant, I really do not give a SHIT if you believe me, I don’t CARE if you want to reject what is otherwise logic because I’m not about to throw anybody under a bus I really like not getting people in trouble, but this alone is a glint in the fucking RADAR of how I'm going off.

hell ask yourself why we went from Robbie calling Destiel canon to being eviscerated by queerbait claims because it didn’t fulfill what a specific audience wanted or expected, to deleting his post, to only annual actors free of their contracts daring to talk about Destiel, to corporate shutdowns where it’s crickets until Emily’s return where she’s started YOLO posting about it -- but why, why, why did we go from actual support and discussion to silence that you still rage about

Without the season nine kennedy explosion I'm pretty sure we would have had inarguable destiel canon in season 10 like late s10 Carver passed his torch to Dabb mid S11 where they kept stringing it out and ramping it up within restrictions which is why Dabb runs a very weird fucking line Dabb knows he has no promise of getting it as far as his forebearer wanted or even had written AND FILMED but he will hedge out as many lines, esp with the hand of Berens that Carver originally passed the directorial note with, as he can Wayward was a huge factor in that and tbh my hope died when Wayward died that was a HUGE weight in the network Berens was pulling

I'm at a point where i've conceded to our jane austen novel but want to see how far they take that to completion, though in reality that completion was 13.5/6 that's when I went from like, I passively enjoy and accept this content to screaming into the dumpster it's not the landmark people wanted but story structure wise within how SPN handles it's the sufficient one Recalling Dean's implicative hookups since like season six I mentioned on one hand The fact that they went full circle and bookended it in direct script mirror to Lisa after the S13 lead in would be amply sufficient to het drama and I refuse to enable hets running around the goalpost on queer people I would love better open blunt representation but I also recognize the genre of the show It's something Dean and I struggle with our server actually DeanCas have been canon for a season and a half here but maintaining that without taking a distracting romantic genre tilt or whatever is its own form of challenge We write established relationship openly, without bars, to the point we DMed each other for months like WHEN WILL THEY CATCH ON WTF but the problem, ironically, is that it's so parallel to the show nobody caught on

which really, though it didn't start as a conscious experiment, and was natural tells me everything I need to know even wiping what I knew on production and itk ends even if I just had that it says e v e r y t h i n g I have literally watched people laugh track completely serious content, because it's gay ergo it's funny LGBT people. Shippers.

I wrote subtle lines. They got ignored. I wrote blunt lines. They flew past heads. I wrote lines designed to be overt to the point of painful. They got laughed off. Het culture is a hell of a drug. Both in this RP and in how we interpret romances like DeanCas, even LGBT people and shippers, because people are expecting performative results and statements where either for the former they don't fit the show or genre or for the latter, there's some sort of restriction or imposition but there's authors writing their gay little hearts out and tearing their hair out after.

I've been the author tearing my hair out until I wrote a Cas, explicitly, in a moment, to be as blunt and straightforward and unmistakable as I could, to the point I felt I was bending the character to even make it happen, and debated my options for like ten minutes before doing it, just to free myself of this purgatory. And STILL got a wash of questions wanting me to *confirm* the content they just saw instead of going, gee, that’s PROBABLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

Dabb is fighting the good gay fight and being woefully under respected for it, with Berens as his copilot, carrying a torch given to him by Carver, but people are too wrapped up in a mix of prior bitterness, performative culture, personal demands and shipping culture to see the forest for the trees, because he's deadass just writing an established fucking relationship but people would rather yell either queerbait or destroying the relationship. PR deadass pitched Absence like a het breakup drama and nobody blinked, just yelled how mean it was

Am I hinging my hopes on hammer-on-head-overt-canon-kissing-scene-DeanCas for the final season, no. Would I be surprised if it happened, knowing the execs? No, beyond breaking past corporate walls fandom dropped like a curtain in S9

But considering how "fuck performative culture" Berens is, as a gay man, fangirls absolutely should not fucking expect that either in even the most wild "the chains are broken, burn it all" method

Every queer man I know ships Destiel. Simultaneously, every queer man I know fucking loathes the sum of shipping culture with a vengeance.

Because it's grossly out of touch with MLM and is mostly WLW people trying to speak for what they think MLM should be when we already pretty much have the MLM right there.

YOU WANNA KNOW HOW THE ACTUAL QUEER MEN I KNOW SEE HOW THIS FANDOM HANDLES DESTIEL DESPITE BEING AVID SHIPPERS WHO SEE IT AS CANON ALREADY AND GET SCREAMED DOWN?

And since everyone likes to imagine the straight male audience as some borg, have a straight male friend exploding when someone called a fandom speakpiece a trainwreck. Bless his heart for not getting what queer or bi really mean situationally but his heart’s in the right place

I’m tired. Tired of trying to illustrate this to an audience I realized I have never once in my life been straight-coded enough to incorporate myself to much less understand the lensing of. Tired of watching queer men that I know who love this shit hide away in the recesses of DMs to hide from conversations lest they be accused of being homophobes or whatever by people refusing to read context, and/or just be smacked down by actual homophobes or just deadass rival shippers that refuse to see anybody be happy with something they don’t like in something that was never realistically a rivalry to begin with, because rivalry implies relative equality-ish and while all ships are equal in fanon, they aren’t necessarily in canon, and despite the thrashing and baying of antis this isn’t and will never just be a “fanon ship.”

Unpopular opinion but the biggest enemy to LGBT people isn't hets, it's the LGBT community, because we're too busy invalidating own own content and creators to make a truly unified front against het culture (or in this case, the network), and waving a flag with a lot of letters doesn't do anything to fix that. Yelling online into tumblr doesn’t fix that. @’ing creatives who have no power in this beyond the option to drop any attempt at queer resonant content cold turkey for you all to yell at them about THAT too doesn’t fix it.

No, yes, DeanCas are perfectly valid as Thebian warriors where one is clearly ace spectrum and the other is bisexualish if repressed as long as they are clearly enamored with and engaged with each other; no, nobody needs to fulfill anybody's migrating quota list when every romantic checkbox has been hit already that would be respected if they're het; would coming out statements in this sort of complicated relationship be great, sure, but they aren't in the kind of show that even addresses that and there's no way to make them even perform as the isolationists that they are without breaking or damaging the characters, not in the public eye, not in a show that hasn't shown a single sexual dean encounter for six-plus seasons for any other reason than to highlight a major traumatic problem in his life. 

No, I wasn’t “hiding my gays.” My gays just didn’t have their bedroom times put on blast while they even openly made comments about the nature of their relationship everybody flagged down because they weren’t making out in front of everyone, even if that hand *did* drag a shoulder too long, even if Dean *Did* inexplicably drag a naked flatlining human Cas into the FUCKING med bay out of the Dean Cave at like 6 AM in the morning. Yes, your dedication to talking down content is that fucking loud even if you don’t realize it.

SPN is never going to be a show where the characters distinctly identify "I'm a nonbinary demiman ace-spectrum demisexual" and "i'm an aromantic bisexual with a female inclination", it's just not, stop trying to make it happen, it isn't gonna happen, realistically they are not the kind of people to engage gender politics, they're just going to be themselves. And it's queer, and it's beautiful. Fandom needs to stop moving goalposts because it's becoming more and more transparent. They just need to __. Go to dinner, check, have lingering touches walking past each other, check, admit love for one or the other, check, watches the goalpost run off into the horizon Kiss, you mean kiss, you want them to kiss, but Dean hasn't had that in how many years and what was the framing of the last moment of that. 

SPN isn't about romance. Antis are right in that. But romance exists in SPN and one needs to mind the framework of it to not tilt the entire central focus of a genre show. One can have romance without being about romance, but people need to be conscious of what that means before they advocate about it. When Ruby or Anna were around they were dangerously close to becoming "about romance" which is why there was such a goddamn fit because these women were clearly tailor crafted to be plugged into a light/dark parallel in the back of the Impala

They haven't had a kissing-based romance in SPN for eight years. Ten if you cut past Lisa as a literal prop.

And if we wanna demand creator confirmation before we consider ace-y romances valid we'll talk about the biromantic commentary of S8 or the jilted lovers of S9 or the confirmed parallels of S10 or any of the overt shit after that, which got hit by marketing walls. We had that. They got yelled at for queerbait. Because it didn't hit people's quota. So we yet again hit a wall. Shipping fandom exhausts me. And I say that as a DeanCas shipper

I am literally watching people run their own goalposts around all the goddamn time Cas is so much more than becoming background commentary in the back of the impala like ruby and anna were geared to be He's his own goddamn individual, currently all but free of the wants and lusts of man from food to sleep to drink to urination to sex to PBJ, but deeply enamored -- per actual citation on the S8 DVD -- with humanity by proxy of a man he's given everything for Dean is a complicated individual who is growingly aware of his tug and pull with Cas on all emotional spectrums but has never once cheapened him to just being a sexual tool, reasons of which we can headcanon away, but he's never turned Cas into one of his bad coping mechanisms like Porn Star or Amazon or Deanmon's Fling And those, plus one waitress and a vague strip club incident in grief he came home from, sum up his post-lisa excursions, from a man who used to lay a different woman every episode in early seasons WelCoME to mlm cuLTURE In the actual L for love, not lust because kinda like jensen's headcanon of prostitute Dean there's even a chapter of feeling tossed away that's not what it's a b o u t and never was so performative DeanCas enrages me genuinely And if people have a genuine kink okay I guess but like, admit that's what it is. Otherwise assess the actual state and stasis of the characters in play and the cultural/gender issues involved, because it's soooo often either WLW or straight girls looking at MLM and deciding what they think it should be and it m i s s e s t h e m a r k b y a a m i l e and then the gay dudes hide in nooks or get besgieged by fangirls or are a Ben and avoid fandom entirely best Deans I've ever written with were with gay dudes tbh Kemi got the art of it enough to pre-write some scenes before they ever aired but there's elements that just vanish into the aether with either queer women or straight dudes. Different parts disappear Never had a straight girl write a Dean, don't intend to ever try wE nEed RepResEntAtiOn [sweeps hand at the show] if people stop running their goalposts around to the calls of straight girls, homophobes, and shipping culture it's right there. Is it monumental and groundbreaking, no, but SPN started as an outdated callback piece to begin with and has vaulted into the almost-current, so let's check ourselves in what we expect out of it. It's not gonna be a banner. But it's content actual queer men AVIDLY invest themselves in only to be told it's not enough/whatever in a world where there is dangerously low bi male representation, most is gay male, and most of that is hugely problematic stereotype easily replaced by a rainbow lamp wearing a boa and a sticky note pointing people towards plot. And in generous cases, are like Malec, which are a mix of creepy and stereotype. Yes let's nevermind the ancient warlock drawing the 18 year old dude into the allure of his thick eyeliner and glimmer and spandex pants, nothing to see here folks. but somehow we've reached a point as a culture that the above is considered better than "ageless deity becomes enamored with humanity through bond with one man, falling into him regardless of gender, surrendering all it knows to become like that man and protect that man, and becoming like unto a man, and learning the ways of man, through all classic romantic tropes known to man, and even classic endings and bookends of all romances given to man, only to settle in to a stable relationship baseline with a man, after sharing courtship gifts with a man" just because somebody, some fucking where, in a mix of bitterness, homophobia, and goalpost moving decided "public kiss or it doesn't count" even if we're left to wonder how that timeless thing knew what was under his pillow he kept safe that he came into his room and played him to get after a classic romantic gift.

Stop. It.

Yall may be wanting to victim pose because somebody else convinced you that you were a victim here but I’m a middle aged person willing to view history and accept basic FUCKING responsibility.

Because there’s a distinct fucking difference between “victim blaming” and “have some perspective and some basic adult responsibility in the unfolding of history as it happened rather than reframing it post-event because somebody else convinced you that’s what happened”.

The only people anyone is victims of in this fandom is people they took the word of as gospel without them having any sort of actual developmental insight at the time.

You wanna play victim?

Take it up with them.

As a modern meta author that primarily deals with actual legend and theology mytharc with a side of DeanCas structure I STILL run in to walls from antis erected by the people before me that did, indeed, use the methods they whip up as excuses, so if you’re gonna victim pose, I’m just as much of a victim of those people as you are, difference is I wasn’t enough of a follower to believe them when they preached “performative queer canon gospel to meet fangirl hetnorm performative demands of MLM we mainstreamed into our basic expectations because somebody told us to” at the time or now or ever. 

In fact, here’s the conversation that LED INTO THIS RANT.

CastielToday at 12:27 AM Old SPN has its values in a form of nostalgia or genre-searching it had a sort of drifter grifter americana vibe the later seasons lost

GarthToday at 12:27 AM Ah, early 2000's

CastielToday at 12:28 AM Well it's more than just year it was definitely a genre piece back then

GarthToday at 12:28 AM No, I know, but shows that span a long time you can track in it where you can tell writers styles started clashing in a way

CastielToday at 12:28 AM and that genre was pretty much dead at that point so even when it was new, it induced nostalgia "This is familiar I miss this where did this go" but in being so oldschool as it aged forward it aged worse and worse against the modern and Misha was the first bolt that really sparked a dynamic shift it was a breath of fresh air that carried it through kripke's plan and almost doubled its respective viewership in scale but still kept the old spirit Gamble desperately tried to capture that spirit but did not understand the actual essence of that spirit and budget restrictions didn't help due to twitter buzz she thought that spirit was "just duh brudders" which is dangerously reductionist

GarthToday at 12:30 AM Hey, Misha saved it in more then one way.

CastielToday at 12:30 AM the brothers were ironic vehicles for that spirit that gave it faces but it was a weird form of american dream that america hadn't realized its dream had warped into 50 years ago the american dream was a 3/2 bed bath and business degree

StarfiraToday at 12:31 AM I don't get how Gamble thought Misha's Cas was expendable. She just couldn't get her mindset out of s1-3 mentality I guess.

CastielToday at 12:31 AM but as that became labored with culture and debt the american dream drifted into freedom, exploration and the road with some sense of familiarity in classics, be it cars or music

GarthToday at 12:31 AM Funny, I can watch some episodes and go "huh... well... it gets better" and that says a lot that I view Se1-3 like that

CastielToday at 12:32 AM Once security was no longer a security, and people became anchored by their illusions of security into desperate survival to maintain that illusion of security, the idea of roadster americana was the new american dream

GarthToday at 12:32 AM Hmmm good point

Aryn Prime #TokenStraight😘Today at 12:32 AM I just looked at spn Facebook comments and geeeezzz

GarthToday at 12:33 AM I keep having to remind myself about a few details outside of SPN because being able to just wait for Netflix to get a new season then rewatch it all from the beginning has made me have a different view then others.

CastielToday at 12:33 AM So especially to the older generation older SPN has a strong nostalgic value you were lik six when it aired so that era is gone to you

GarthToday at 12:34 AM Yeah, 1996 Nov is me

Aryn Prime #TokenStraight😘Today at 12:34 AM One dude on Facebook said he resents that the actors have kids since he heard that part of the reason that it's ending is because J2M want more time with their families Wtf

CastielToday at 12:34 AM Whereas when it first aired

GarthToday at 12:34 AM I first watched when I was 14

CastielToday at 12:34 AM it was reflecting an age lost

GarthToday at 12:34 AM Aryn, wtf?

CastielToday at 12:34 AM to people desperately trying to find it but in reflecting old times it aged very poorly Gamble still didn't understand what made the appeal so regressed it to brothers without that true americana vibe while culling Cas which was a disaster

GarthToday at 12:35 AM See, it's like the same thing on how I can enjoy some older shows while understanding that it no longer works anymore. Older shows don't age well normally. And yeah, Se7 hahahahahahahhahahahahaha man once I stepped back and looked at the details of season 7 during the third rewatch I was like "hmm..... yeah. this sucks."

StarfiraToday at 12:36 AM I graduated high school in 2000 so those of you were kids when you watched SPN make me feel old. LOL

GarthToday at 12:36 AM lmao

CastielToday at 12:37 AM MOOD STAR MOOD

StarfiraToday at 12:37 AM AT LEAST I'M NOT ALONE WITH THESE YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS

CastielToday at 12:37 AM You were probably in the generation that if you had tuned in when it was fresh you would have been like OH I REMEMBER THIS

GarthToday at 12:37 AM LMAO

CastielToday at 12:37 AM I MISS THIS it's not by fluke that Dean's theme song is literally titled Americana

GarthToday at 12:38 AM Ah yes.... the theme song....

CastielToday at 12:38 AM It was a whole beautiful craft

StarfiraToday at 12:38 AM I'm actually in between Dean and Sam's ages

CastielToday at 12:38 AM But it had to get with the times and Gamble took it in the worst direction possible

StarfiraToday at 12:39 AM I was born in 82

CastielToday at 12:39 AM Carver... people have their issues with carver but IMO he recovered the show as well as he could with the plate he was handed in the times he was There were still problems sure

GarthToday at 12:39 AM It's gone through some ups and downs, yep.

CastielToday at 12:39 AM but to boot out of Gamble era into the modern world was no small task The WAY HE HANDLED THE PR he basically was like THAT SHIT WAS A HOT MESS AND I FLUSHED IT but eloquent it was some shit like REWATCHING THE LAST FEW YEARS I REALIZED THAT OUR LORE HAS BECOME A BIT DIFFICULT TO FOLLOW SO I DECIDED TO REVISIT MORE FAMILIAR ELEMENTS

GarthToday at 12:40 AM When the people working on the show go "shit, I forgot to make notes"

CastielToday at 12:40 AM It's not that Carver didn't make notes

StarfiraToday at 12:40 AM Oh man were so ecstatic when Carver was announced as a showrunner. Ultimately, he let me down in s9 and s10 but s8? Season 8 will always have a special place in my heart.

CastielToday at 12:41 AM it's that there was no kind way to voice that Gamble was a disaster He had a three year plan and for reasons™ got even derailed in that plan and half of it ended up in the cut footage Destiel fandom do not like hearing my take about it I'm a shipper but I recognize

StarfiraToday at 12:41 AM Is season 8 perfect? Nope, but I don't think it's easy to describe what breath of fresh air it was after the shit show of season 7 to those who weren't there when it was airing live and binged through it

CastielToday at 12:41 AM yall fucked up b a d nobody will ever own responsibility for it but carver's intent is clear as day on the creatives wall and season 9/10 became a fustercluck as a result I want everybody in this room to think about this from a creatives angle, first carver then corporate Carver said when he joined he had a three year plan with final notes on his desk from the second he walked in the door again he entered in season eight We know what happened seasons eight, nine, ten on screen

GarthToday at 12:43 AM Yeah, Star, I don't have as many problems with the seasons as others do because hello Netflix, but I can see where the issues are after some explaining and some insight into the PR stuff that happened with the fandom points at Min and others like her

CastielToday at 12:43 AM we know season great we know season 9 and its potential we know season 10 -- and most of us know its cut scenes humanity, being human, colette, the altar of winchester, the secret admirer, the boyfriends that strapped into the abaddon/colette parallels, all of it we know carver himself wrote the s10 finale and got it to film and then it got cut we know s9 he gave misha a note to play as jilted lovers from the showrunner but then we ask why did this never make it well nobody in fandom was paying attention nobody paid attention to SPN struggling the first seasons nobody paid attention to gamble's era almost getting nuked they all swore up and down this outdated americana show was about to have a queer pairing go canon because, yes, at that point reads crumbled note wallpaper

GarthToday at 12:46 AM Urgh, gotta go help with dinner prep. Mom doesn't like me being on Discord lately so I'm going to have to cut out now guys. Min, I'll catch up to your info drop afterwards lmao

since that still surprising some people too.

Do you have any tips for getting a hang of characterizations? You always do so amazingly, especially with Gabriel!

Thank you!

I have talked about this with a few friends prior, so I'll see if I can put it into words again.  This might be redundant to those who remember discussing this with me before, but here we go.  I'll focus upon Gabriel since he seems to be the trickiest for people to write.  I'll also reference some of my stories to give examples.

Gabriel's primary motivation, in my mind, is Emilie.  I default everything back to Emilie.  If Gabriel gets absorbed in something and forgets his grief/goals, etc, I have him suddenly think “Man, if Emilie were here we would be able to watch Adrien experience these milestones together” or “I wish I could hold Emilie's hand like Adrien is doing with Marinette”.  And then he gets sad again.  It's an instant grounding focus for him, and thus leads to renewed determination.  “I am doing this because the ends justify the means.  I just want Emilie back.”  I kind of play with the sunk-cost fallacy with Gabriel, too.  At this point, he's put in so much to being Hawkmoth that he can't back out now.  (Until I slam something in his face that gets him to stop abruptly, like him discovering the heroes' identities).

So that's his primary motivation.  But now to address a lot of the rest of his personality.

The fandom likes to emphasize that Adrien is the face of the company and he has to put on a mask, and only when he's Chat Noir does that mask slip and he's allowed to be his “true self”.  I feel Gabriel is also in the same boat.  He's the head of his company.  He's expected to maintain certain social graces just like his son (if not more so).  He's quiet and reserved and polite, but he's not very forthcoming because of fears of industrial sabotage, or revealing a weakness to competitors that can be used against him, or getting taken advantage of (all of which as an adult, he should have experienced at one point in his life).  His stoic poker face was developed as a result of his life experiences.

However, we're shown he's not really reserved and in control.  Just like Chat Noir, we have canon evidence that Gabriel is as ham-fisted, emotional, and pun-filled as Chat Noir.  We see it in every single Hawkmoth monologue, in every time Hawkmoth transforms and gets giddy with excitement that he might win, and with every anger-fueled declaration of vengeance.  (The argument of 'are those Gabriel's legit emotions or does the butterfly miraculous emphasize those emotions from his victims?' is a nice angle to play with in fiction as well).

But as Gabriel, he's not excessively impulsive (Miraculous-stealing opportunities aside).  He lets people speak their case before forming judgment (more on this in a moment), but once the judgment is formed, it's hard to get him to change his mind.  He's stubborn.

So if I'm writing the story or scene from a third-person-perspective, like Marinette, I can't delve into his thoughts on paper.  I have to show the audience what he's thinking through other cues.  Since he's a man of little words, I'll have him silently scan a room before speaking.  He allows people to speak and give them the opportunity to screw up in his presence before he says a word as to his opinion.  Once that opinion is formed, however, good luck getting him to change his mind.  I have to show this using his glowers, frowns, squared shoulders, and clenched hands.

If something pops up that's great dramatic irony (when he was secretly overjoyed that Marinette designed a Hawkmoth-themed dress, for example), I'll show it as flashes of amusement in his eyes, twitching of lips, the relaxing of his posture, and the crinkling of his eyes.  The key here is to show subtle ways of expressing emotions without outright stating that's what's happening, because Gabriel schools himself and his emotions in front of others.

But when I write directly from his POV, that's where the fun begins.  There, I can describe his internal monologue, which is inspired by his actions as Hawkmoth.  I can have Gabriel sit silent, glowering at anyone who approaches while he observes and dryly comments on everything around him.  He won't say his sarcastic thoughts aloud, but he'll be thinking them, and here's my opportunity to channel the exasperation.  Somethings things will just slip out because honestly, is everyone around him an idiot?!  He'll recover and glower away any funny looks aimed at him, because his intimidation is as much a weapon as his silence is.

Frustrated exasperation is what I usually write Gabriel as a lot of times.  As Hawkmoth, he releases that frustration.  As Gabriel, it has to be kept bottled up inside and it only comes out in internal sarcastic remarks.

If I feel Gabriel strays too much into the OOC/cracky territory (which happens a lot in my stories, I admit) when I channel a bit too much Hawkmoth through his civilian form, I stick Nathalie in there as his straight man. She displays even less emotion than Gabriel and ends up being a really nice balance when I go a bit overboard on Gabriel's emotional outbursts.  A few pointed phrases or deadpan replies that juuuuuust touch upon inappropriate for an assistant to talk to her powerful boss, but she helps ground Gabriel into more of his realistic canon personality instead of complete OOC crack.

He's a man of few words as Gabriel, and he's used to being in a position of power, surrounded by yes-men (Nathalie and the Gorilla).  He isn't used to having anyone challenge him.  So, he doesn't need to explain his reasons to people.  When Marinette was rambling on about why he of all people was bidding on her dress design, he halted her mid-ramble and merely said “I like it.”  The end.  He keeps his cards close to his chest, and the only time I've actually seen him let down his guard is oddly, to Nooroo.  I'm certain this is just a narrative device for us, the viewer, but the fact is Gabriel is weirdly forthcoming to Nooroo and pretty much lays out his thoughts, plans, and analysis on the situation at hand.  I use that to my advantage in my stories when writing the Nooroo/Gabriel relationship, and how subconsciously, Gabriel might view Nooroo as a mentor (even if he disregards all of the advice Nooroo freely gives).

He's the head of his multi-million euro company.  He didn't get there by being lax and lazy.  He has super high standards, and isn't afraid to verbally rip apart his peers if it's warranted.  However, he's not entirely unfair, I don't think.  He allowed Marinette to defend her hat design in Mr. Pigeon before coming to a judgment on it.  He allowed Nino to propose his last-minute plan in Bubbler to throw Adrien a birthday party before he denied it (and then interrupted Nino and got angry with him only after the boy continued to push the point).  He allowed Marinette to explain how she stumbled across his Miraculous book before saying anything to her.

To me, the fact he actually went and met with these people in the first place shows a lot about his character.  He's willing to hear people out, but he makes fast judgments and doesn't budge from them. People have to get into his good graces right away or it's hard to change his mind later.  He has flashes of anger, but its not sustained, because he's already moving onto finding a solution to the problem (like in Volpina when he got that phone call about an issue with his designs).  Sometimes, I wonder how much of his anger and irritation is a result of his real thoughts and emotions, or just him seeing an opportunity to akumatize someone by riling them up further.

In this manner, he's calculating, very calculating, and if something reflects him in a poor light its probably for a reason (staging his 'temper tantrum' in Collector).  I ignore the canonical inconsistencies toward his waffling degrees of intelligence and treat Gabriel as very smart, but oblivious and arrogant.

I see him actually as very much like Marinette, only bitter and jaded.  She's clever and creative, and so is he.  The only difference between the two is that life has struck him down with angst.  He's lost his soulmate.  He's experienced the lows of being a starving artist.  He's encountered failure. Marinette has yet to go through any of that.

I could probably go on further and delve into different aspects of different scenarios (his wish, etc) but I think I've rambled on long enough and seems like I've jumped erratically between a bunch of different points  :)  Let me know if you have any additional questions and I hope this has helped at little at least.

Emily Bett Rickards– Funny Story for Starrymag Walter has this line in the beginning where he says “For someone so small, you wear a huge layer of bitch.” He gives Kim this persona which she sheds in different ways as the film progresses when she is with him and whenever we see her with Nic. She knows Walter’s history and he tries to peg Kim from knowing her for five minutes. What do these separate perspectives say about how each of them sees her and visa versa? I think that is such a major layer of our film – adapting perspective, what we present and who we present to other people might not be our truest selves and what people see might not actually be and is truly a projection of themselves. There was so much stigma around meeting Walter (Matthew Glave) because of the stories Kim had heard from Nic (Jana Winternitz) about her father and his lack of knowing who Kim was and sort of nailing it on the head with all of these boundaries she put up and meeting strangers and not letting herself out into the real world. Meeting someone, you might not know anything about them at all and then just meeting them for the first time you might nail it on the head. He says, “You have barricaded yourself inside,” and that is a major part of who Kim is. She wants to get out of these things that she can’t – that she’s personally inflicted on herself. She has sort of built herself in this cave. Over the course of the film we sort of see that explode and work against her. We get this quiet moment in the bath tub that Kim seems to reflect on more than just her present, but her past as well. It’s in the tub her solitude literally and figuratively washes over her. Baths signify cleansing, but Kim the entire movie can’t seem to bring herself to come clean to Nic, even with Nic in the tub. Can you talk about the irony of scene and how it plays into the film’s undertones and themes? I think it’s really an honest example of how we, as humans, can react to the world and how it can be dangerous. You talk about this cleansing moment as a moment of lucidity, but it doesn’t honestly mean you are going to live in that moment of lucidity. It is a challenge. You are presented with this moment of lucidity and it is the challenge of life to go and make that a reality, not just a moment in time. It’s so easy to backtrack. We ignore those things sometimes and we don’t accept them as moments of reality because it’s easier to just move about through life with this sort of fake and dishonest trajectory. So, even though she has a moment of clarity it is the challenge of bringing that to fruition. We see this group of diverse LGBT characters who each bring a beautiful spectrum to the community. Walter asks these stereotypical questions but he isn’t judged, they embrace, engage, and educate. Can you talk about the significance of this scene and how we are more than just the labels and identities people want to put on our sexualities? I don’t think necessarily challenges that. I think it accepts that. It says these are the labels and things that we want to define ourselves as, but really we’re just all people. We share and just accept the fact we can label, but we can also strip the labels away and live your life in a very organic, welcoming a 360-degree perspective. Then, sort of all the bullshit falls away. As they’re educating Walter, all this bullshit just dissolves. When individuals are willing to live such an honest and authentic life, people are afraid of that. People who don’t do that fear that and to see Walter not fear that in that moment is where we go, “Oh.” We get perspective on his life. He’s not a terrible person. We start to warm because his heart is moving so we want to move with him. I love the way wires in Kimberly’s mind work and how you portray her. You constantly see the emotions turning and her thought process plays out a lot in her eyes and expressions. How did you approach portraying Kim’s evolution through her tragedies? That has a lot to do with Michael [Gallagher] and the writing. What was on the page was honest about the film. It is an extensively written story. As soon as I read it, I said, “I really want to do this movie,” because of the people that were involved. It was beautifully written because it’s written from the heart and it’s written authentically. It made it very easy for me to working with Michael, Jana and Matt. We were just all very willing to accept the story as a whole and collaborate in that realm. Kim is a difficult character. She would be a difficult person. She even finds herself difficult to be around. Knowing that there are people like that in your life and knowing that there are people just trying to do better…That’s sort of what the story is about, just trying to be better and for some reason can’t. But really, honestly, they are working through a place where they wake up one day and the character just wants to have a good day. It’s sort of just accepting the story of what their lives are. Michael and Jana were very, very present through all of that and understanding. The film is wrought in this poignant and provoking emotional angst where each moment of the movie transitions and feels so palpable from start to finish but it also intertwines these moments of levity that are endearing and disarming. How does the film take these messy and tumultuous interpersonal relationships while maintaining the light and levity in such a brilliantly balanced way? I think it is the honesty. I hate to keep repeating myself on that moment, but it’s because so honest. It’s not glossy. It’s pretty raw. There is not a whole lot of sugar coating from any of the characters. It is a lens into a life in a way. It’s a lens into a life with good things with a wedding, love and friendship and a lot of women coming together. But there is also the raw, the gross, the dirty, the secrets and the shame. Those tumultuous relationships, that kind of energy, only craves authenticity and honesty. With that type of energy, you follow these people with true love and honesty and when those characters meet it’s only a matter of time before those characters unravel and that is something the lens of the film does very, very well. So much of the movie takes place in this remote rural area that’s Big Sur, Michael Gallagher has this way of making nature become kind of a character in itself. Can you talk about how this setting of the film plays into the themes we see? Road trips do that for us. There is such inertia in this road trip film. There is a destination. It was about the journey and it is about the journey for Kim and Nic. It really is about the journey, but the journey doesn’t stop when you reach your destination. No matter where you go or where you are, you have to be able to face yourself. I think that’s very telling of our environment and landscape along the way. You see this landscape change and it’s really beautiful to see on film places you might never get to go to. Also, you see photographs of places you’ve never been to before and see them in this light, but know the energy of the setting you are in and you just see it as the world. I think Big Sur is somewhere that you would road trip to and it has nature, camping and getting down to your roots. That was something growing up on the coast you sort of dreamed of. Now, we see it photographed a little more recently. Maybe that’s just my experience, but I’ve seen it photographed a little bit more. It was a different experience of knowing about Big Sur when I was a child and it was this way to sort of get back to grounded. I think that’s sort of what it was supposed to be in this film. We’re going to this wedding there and we’re supposed to be getting back to our roots because this is pure and wonderful. The setting that you’re in you’re seeing this sort of ticking time bomb sort of happen and only this beauty can extract that and make that blow up. We got to see some behind the scenes pictures of you behind the lens. Is being behind the camera something you are working towards or hoping to someday take on yourself? I am, yes. I do like being behind the camera a lot. I actually just grabbed some new gear for a trip that I’m about to embark on. We’re going to do a little site seeing for that. Michael Gallagher was so giving in terms of what I wanted to learn. Every time I walked away from the set I was like, “I didn’t learn enough!” [laughs] I was on a show for seven years and I feel like I walked away from it like, “I still haven’t learned enough!” [laughs] But especially looking back at this film, this was my first time learning about lenses. Though I had been on a TV show for several years Michael was shooting on lenses that I was so attracted to. He taught me about that skill. [laughs] I’m still diving into that. What this film was behind the scenes was just a bunch of people wanting to be creative and I think you can see that in what the film shows. Everyone was friends. Everyone wore hats that weren’t exactly their title. It was a really, really fun experience. It was a long time ago. Talking to you, this is the first time I’ve talked about this film in a year. So, it’s bringing back a lot of cool memories so I’m really grateful. We get these multidimensional characters who are loving and layered, messy and sometimes self-sabotaging. What do you hope resonates or audiences take away from seeing Funny Story? I like films and TV where characters are not perfect. The imperfections, those are the things that we expect in the people that we love. I do feel like we relate to characters that are imperfect. They are interesting. Being perfect and cookie cutter isn’t interesting. [laughs] But if you don’t expect imperfections, where are we moving towards? It’s about finding people around you that balance you and accept that about you and you accept about yourself. I think that people can relate to this film in many ways. There are some stories where people will watch this and maybe it will hit a little too close to home. As long as you’re feeling something, you haven’t wasted your time. I think that’s what growth is and I think that is important. That’s our film. I hope you like it. If you don’t like it, at least you felt that you didn’t like it. [laughs] I think whatever you do with your time it’s important to make sure you feel something. The movie also doesn’t necessarily give you a happy ending. At the end of this movie, we get even more raw emotion, confusion and chaos. We still get a little bit of hope at the end, I suppose. I think even in our darkest times there is always hope. Hope is a very dangerous ally that where we end up with that sort of unfinished foe is what life is. That bow is never going to be perfectly tied. You can recreate it and do other things with it. I’m more into certain films that I walk away where I’ll call my writing partners and say, “Uh! That was disgusting!” [laughs] Or, “I feel inspired.” Or, “I feel really weak or strong.” As long as you have something of those, it’s usually not because someone perfectly wrapped the storyline up for you.

Why Bojack Horseman season 5 was disappointing

So it ends with a car slowly disappearing into a tunnel. The driver is probably just as confused about her motives as I am in that moment. The music plays, the camera zooms out, the credits roll, the curtain falls. And here I am, feeling more conflicted than I’ve ever felt before about a piece of media.

By now it’s well known what kind of heights the Netflix show Bojack Horseman can sore to when it’s in its element. This show is truly something special. I’ve never seen anything that can touch me, delight me and, at the same time, depress me the way this show can. Catch me at the right time and you might even hear me confess to this being my favourite show of all time. So rest assured that everything I’m about to say I say out of love, and because of the incredibly high standards the show has set for itself. That being said, I do think my complaints are legitimate, and there were enough serious shortcomings to make me feel very disappointed in season 5.

According to many, Bojack Horseman had kind of a rocky start. Looking back at the first few episodes I think they are decent enough, but they’re certainly not representative of what the show would become known for eventually. But we didn’t have to wait very long to see a drastic increase in quality, which kept on going until the season 3 finale brought it to a preliminary climax. I still think season 3 is the strongest one overall, though the highest highs probably occurred in season 4. And then there’s season 5, which is the first time I feel the quality has dropped significantly. Worse, it detracts from previous seasons by putting certain moments in a new, quite unflattering light. But we’ll get there.

Themes of Ruin

The first thing I have to talk about, and I just have to get this out of the way so please bear with me, is feminism and my intense dislike for it. A lot of people when they hear this still think that I feel this way because I have a problem with women’s rights. Nothing could be further from the truth though. If feminism was just a women’s rights movement I’d have no problem with it. But it is way, way more than that. Feminism is an ideology, that brings its own ideological lens to the table. When viewed through that lens the world turns into one where society is dominated by an all encompassing power structure called the patriarchy. Men and women are related and locked together by a massive class struggle, although some more modern strands of feminism hold that men are just as much puppets of the patriarchy. The patriarchy, then, is the source of all the world’s social ills, and puts upon us a moral obligation to overthrow it in some kind of world revolution. Worse still, feminism in recent decades has become more and more anti-science in an attempt to discredit scientific explanations for social ills that they attribute to the patriarchy. It’s gotten to a point where the whole concept of the scientific method is under attack from academics who bought into this world view. I’ve written about this before, if anyone’s interested. All of this makes it impossible for me to view feminism as anything but a nutty conspiracy theory, akin to the kinds of things the alt-right movement would say about Zionism.

So to make the character of Diane Nguyen a feminist was always going to result in an uphill battle to make me lik her. Again, if this confuses you: imagine if she’d been a white supremacist instead, or some other kind of ideologue which would be completely disgusting to you. Imagine if instead of going on about the patriarchy, she went on about the conspiracy to commit genocide against white people, organised by a shadowy group of Zionists. That’s what it feels like for me. No matter how sympathetic the rest of her character is, her spouting that bigoted nonsense from time to time was always going to be a mark against her. And yet, amazingly, for four seasons the writers did make me like her, quite a bit actually. She was shown to be a caring, principled person who held herself to very high standards. While she had her flaws, she also seemed acutely aware of them. So much so that her season 2 arc revolved entirely around her hiding away from one of her failures out of shame. This season however her dark side just can’t be ignored anymore, because it’s intrinsically woven into the entire theme of the season. And the Diane that it brings out is one that the show is trying to frame as an improved version of herself, but honestly she just seems like kind of a bitch to me. But I’ll get back to Diane’s character this season in a moment. First I want to start with some of the more minor annoyances.

The Road to Nowhere

Throughout season 5 of Bojack Horseman I continually felt like I was waiting for something to happen, like the show was promising me something but dragging its heels to get there. I think the main reason for that is that nothing this season really got resolved, and some promising plot lines were barely explored. I know a lack of resolution is kind of Bojack Horseman’s thing. Life doesn’t suddenly end with a credit roll; it just keeps going even after what you think is a happy ending. The creator of the show, Raphael Bob-Waksberg, has stated that he doesn’t believe in endings. A bit of a worrying statement, since Bojack does have to end one day, but it has worked so far. Here’s the thing though: Bojack Horseman is not real life; it is a tv show. As such it needs to keep to a certain structure to tell an effective story. If you want to show something resembling real life that’s fine, but do cut out the dull bits please. We get an entire arc of Princess Carolyn looking for an adoptive child which seemingly gets resolved at the end by.... her adopting a child. Maybe it’s just me, but that feels way more like the beginning of a story than any kind of resolution. We get some interesting backstory about PC during  her search, but the whole things ends up feeling like padding. Certainly nothing that compares to her arc in season 4, where we see her go from heaven to hell in the span of several episodes. 

Bojack himself this season doesn’t seem to go through any kind of character growth either. There are no moments of revelation that give him and us more insight into his tortured soul. Everything we see of him we knew already, and all the problems he faces are ones that get introduced right at the beginning of the season, to be seemingly resolved at the end. Again, I will get to the ludicrous season climax in a moment, but as for the main character of the show: it seemed like the writers were either disinterested in him or really had no clue where to go with him next. Bojack kind of disappears into the background altogether during much of the season, since most of the other characters get way more development than he does. We do get some interesting interactions between him and Hollyhock, but that doesn’t really go anywhere either.

Mister Peanutbutter’s arc is actually kind of interesting and I have no major complaints about that. Todd on the other hand is probably one of the biggest missed opportunities in the show so far. His asexuality, and the problems coming with that, are barely explored. When Todd first came out as asexual I was a little disappointed I have to admit. I saw Todd as someone who was just really shy about sex, even though he had a healthy social life in most other respects. I saw a lot of myself and my own complicated relationship with my sexuality in Todd because of that, more so because there just aren’t any characters in fiction which represent that side of me. So when that turned out to be wishful thinking on my part, for a moment it was quite a letdown. But hey, the show doesn’t have any obligation to cater to me specifically, and it’s true that I’ve never seen an asexual character either so this could be quite interesting after all! Or so I thought.

In reality the issues surrounding asexuality barely get a mention. I don’t know any asexual people, so I can only go on what I’ve heard. My understanding is that most asexual people are indeed interested in romance, but finding someone who will be there for them, with which to form an emotional bond and a life partnership, but who at the same time is okay with never having sex with them, is quite hard. In fact, it’s something that a lot of asexual people really struggle with. I was a little disappointed that none of that really came into play in season 4, but it seemed season 5 was going to remedy this. As it turned out we get only a few brief moments where its mentioned that asexuals shouldn’t date each other just on the basis of both being asexuals and that’s it.

The rest of the time Todd doesn’t appear to be struggling with it. In fact, he doesn’t really seem to need any kind of genuine human connection at all. That’s fine for a comic relief character, which is how Todd spends most of his time, but if you’re going to tackle a serious subject like this then don’t half-ass it. Hell, Emily seems to struggle with it a lot more than Todd, even though we have seen that Todd does have feelings for Emily. All of the above is mentioned at one point or another, but we never see the consequences play out the way we usually do on this show. More time is spend on the social stigma surrounding asexuality than it is on actually living with it. Maybe season 6 will finally go deeper into the nitty gritty, but if so it remains just another thing that this season sets up only to do nothing with.

Diane

As the final episode of season 5 ends we focus on Diane driving a car. It’s a departure from previous seasons where we would focus on Bojack in the final moments, but it’s a fitting one since season 5 was much more Diane’s story than it was Bojack’s. It’s also a departure in another way, namely that I have no fucking clue what I’m supposed to feel while watching this, nor what’s supposed to be going through the head of the person I’m watching. Diane is probably the most prominent victim of this season’s smothering theme. Normally a theme should strengthen the material by binding everything together in a package that’s greater than the sum of its parts. But as previously mentioned this season has a strong feminist bend, and one of the stated goals of feminism is to make the personal political. As such, everything having to do with it is swallowed by the political message it’s trying to get across. At least, that’s what it seems like. With Diane we start out observing a woman who is trying to cope with her recent divorce. This was the obvious angle to take of course after season 4, and certainly one with a lot of potential. I really felt for Diane as she had to struggle with her newfound poverty, both in her love life as well as her, well, actual life. In episode 4, titled BoJack the Feminist, it all comes to a head for the first time however, beginning with the following stupid line:

Who? Who loves male feminists? As far as I can tell they’re one of the most despised groups of people populating the political landscape. Obviously anti-feminists loathe them, often even more so than their female counterparts. But judging by the portrayal of every man claiming to be a feminist in this show I doubt even the person who wrote that line holds them in very high regard. I would think that someone trying to write political satire would at least have to be grounded enough to know something like this. During this scene we are also subjected to the following tired cliche:

One would think that by now everyone knows this simply isn’t the case. It’s not like feminists have never tried to broaden their appeal by finding a man to speak for them. As it turns out this never works. Because the world in which a man’s word is taken so much more seriously that it’s the only way to get a message into the public consciousness, that world exists only in the heads of the most devout feminists. The only way to still be clinging to this notion is by completely ignoring reality. As it happens that’s exactly how it goes, and time and again I have to sit through another incarnation of a feminists “brilliant” “new” idea of: “hey, what if we let a man say it?!” I’m sure every time this happens the person in question thinks they’re the first to come up with it and thinks themselves very smart indeed. I don’t know how they respond when it fails yet again, but I doubt we’ll see any introspection on it from the writing staff in season 6.

In any case, this episode was probably the most annoyingly feminist one out there. We get the conformation that Diane also buys into the behavioural psychology side of the ideology, with her whole “media normalising the wrong things” shtick. It’s quite a worrying thing to me that the writers themselves seem to buy into this as well. There is a fine line between weaving a message in your art and making soulless political propaganda. If you care more about the message your art gets across than the quality of the art itself, as Diane appears to do, then it becomes damn near impossible to stay on the right side of that line. Last season there were some signs of this already, when we got the amazingly ridiculous Thoughts and Prayers. It made some interesting points about women and gun ownership (an argument straight from the NRA as it turns out) but ends in a spectacularly ridiculous fashion.

This after the Californian state legislature just passed a ban on all guns after a woman committing a mass shooting, described by PC as “sensible gun legislation” after a whole episode of arguing why gun ownership might be a positive thing for society in some cases. I can’t believe the Bojack writers are that cynical about the motives of gun ownership advocates. I really don’t know what they hope to achieve by knocking down such a clumsily constructed strawman either. In any case, besides the obvious bullshit conclusion the episode itself wasn’t that offensive to me, unlike BoJack the Feminist which wears its biases on its sleef.

The next big development in Diane the soapbox straddler’s journey comes in episode 7 called INT. SUB, where we get this bit from ms. Nguyen:

Admittedly Bojack spends most of this episode being a huge dick, so a verbal slap down was probably the appropriate response here. One might be tempted to brush off this comment as Diane just being angry, and rightfully so. But the way it’s framed it comes across like Diane is supposed to be speaking some hard hitting truth. She’s not though. We’ve been with Bojack for 44 episodes by this point and the changes have been so gradual they’re sometimes hardly noticeable, but they’ve been there. Bojack went from someone who did nothing but keep Todd down to being genuinely supportive of him when he admitted to being asexual. Yes, there was this one episode where he almost helped Todd launch a music career, but I always interpreted that as him trying to impress Diane. He went from someone who would turn down everything he got offered for the flimsiest of reasons to doing a show he knew nothing about as a favour to PC.

He went from someone who cared about no one but himself and his own misery to someone who genuinely cares about the well being of Gina, his costar. He went from someone who pushed everyone away to someone longing for the company of his sister, who he clearly cares about very much. Can you imagine the arsehole of early season 1 doing any of that? So Diane’s comment appears very misplaced and mean-spirited. With some different framing this whole situation could be about unfairly judging someone’s past. Of course we know the show is definitely not going to go there; it railed against forgiving public figures, that is men, for past transgressions just three episodes ago. Anyway, the point is that I can understand Diane saying it in the heat of the moment, but why does it seem like the writers are agreeing with her?

Here we come back to the crux of Diane’s arc in this season. The reason she inflicts her feminist side on us so much is not because it’s in service of any kind of character development. Her arc should've been about her standing on her own two feet again after the divorce, like it seemed to be at the beginning. Instead somewhere along the line the writers decided to make her the mouthpiece of the message this season is trying to send, thus making her character subordinate to political considerations, just as I feared. This is expressed most clearly in episode number 10, Head in the Clouds. Bojack and company are at the premier of their television show Philbert when Bojack is asked to say some words to the waiting public before the screening. Since he has nothing prepared and his head is at a totally different place at the moment he mutters some lines which barely make any sense.

They are enough to set off Diane’s righteous fury however and after the screening she first confronts Flip, saying that she “screwed up”.

The idea is that she thinks because people will identify with Philbert they will rationalise their own awful behaviour. So what we learn here is that Ms. Nguyen, despite her lecturing about media and how it influences people, doesn’t actually understand the first thing about how art interacts with the human mind. The big problem with most human beings is that they tend to overestimate their own goodness. This is not my observation, in fact it’s widely known among folks who study this sort of thing. The best way art can shape us into better people is not by being purely didactic, that is, trying to teach us what’s good and what’s bad. People above the age of nine are not going to absorb that message. Instead, what a piece of media should aim to do is try and help the observer become aware of the darkness in their own soul. The best way to do this is to make them identify with a character like Philbert, make them feel what he feels and then show them the shitty things he does because of it. And everyone feels vulnerable at some points. Everyone, even the biggest arseholes. So when you show someone like Philbert doing something nasty, and the viewer is seriously questioning whether or not they’d be doing the same thing in that circumstance, then you’ve written something successful. Then you’ve written something that can truly affect people for the better.

Of course all of this is completely lost on Diane who, after getting nowhere with Flip, goes to Bojack and confronts him with his earlier statement. She tells him that the point of Philbert was never to make him or anyone else feel okay about what they’ve done. She says she doesn’t want anyone to justify their shitty behaviour because of the show. Naturally Bojack asks her what the hell her problem is, so after some back and forth she confronts him with the tape describing what happened between him and Penny in New Mexico. The situation escalates until Diane starts berating him about what happened with Sarah Lynn. The fight ends with the apparent end of their friendship.

I hate everything about this whole scene. It fact it might be the whole reason I decided to write this. It’s downright uncomfortable to watch at some points. That probably was the intention to some degree, but it’s uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. I don’t feel “confronted” by anything. Rather I weep for what the writers have done to Diane. This scene feel’s like a bully kicking their victim while they’re down. I’ll talk about the whole Penny and Sarah Lynn thing in the next part, so let me just say here that I don’t understand what Diane is hoping to accomplish with this. She asks Bojack if he feels bad about all the things he’s done, and he admits he does. He does try to excuse it.

But after receiving no sympathy he goes on to claim that he is the real victim, because he has to live with this shit. Whether or not he really means it or is just trying to upset Diane is unclear. What is clear that Diane’s approach is entirely unproductive. Bojack becomes more and more defensive as she becomes more aggressive and unsympathetic. I would also like to know who all these women are that Bojack has wronged. It’s implied that Bojack doesn’t care about their feelings as long as he feels sorry for himself. Diane’s scrutiny isn’t exactly not making him feel sorry for himself, in fact it has kind of the opposite effect, but it’s also hard to sympathise when I don’t give a shit either. Who are all these women? What has Bojack done to them that was so horrible? Again, we’ll get to Penny and Sarah Lynn in a second, but I almost get the feeling that the show is trying to shame Bojack for having lots of casual sex. You can say that’s not exactly a good thing, but it’s not something that he does to other people. Sex, believe it or not, is still something that two people do together under most circumstances. I’m not going to feel sorry for all those vapid starfuckers for getting exactly what they were after. Even in the case of, say, Emily I don’t think he owes her any apologies. He certainly did to Todd for sleeping with the girl he was infatuated with, but then I don’t remember Todd being particularly upset at any of those firemen either. Emily could’ve just said no and that would’ve been the end of it. Instead she decided to approach Bojack and sleep with him.

The fight culminates in Bojack confirming her earlier accusation.

Which we already know isn’t true. After all, what is the point of this whole damn tv series if we didn’t see Bojack change at any point. But the writers put these words into his mouth not because it is in line with the character development we’ve seen so far, but because is serves the message. This season is about confronting powerful men with their awful behaviour, so Diane has to become belligerent to Bojack to confront him, and Bojack needs to tell us she’s right for doing so because he’s learned nothing. Screw you if you’ve become invested in his growth as a character. You’re no different from those who get invested in Philbert and cheer for him, even though he’s awful. That’s what I mean when I say Diane’s just become a mouthpiece for the writers. This scene is to show that Bojack is one of those awful powerful men that needs to be confronted, and the fact that it’s Diane doing it, the same person responsible for making Philbert “too likeable” says something about what the writers think about their main character. One gets the distinct impression that the earlier quote from Diane about Philbert is exactly how they think about Bojack. Given that, who do you think the people who excuse their behaviour because of Philbert are supposed to represent? Why do you think this season is so concerned with teaching us about how media normalises things? What we are watching is the writers confessing to realising how many people like Bojack, and them being afraid their audience is too stupid not to idolise and emulate him. So it has to be more obvious that Bojack is the bad guy, and believe me: they will make it very obvious in the next episode.

But first to wrap up Diane’s... I guess we should call it her “arc”. After angrily leaving the premier with her ex-husband she tops off the night by sleeping with him, despite his new girlfriend. Two episodes later it happens again. During the whole process she explodes several times about how bad it makes her feel, which prompts Mister Peanutbutter to ask:

Which she shoots right back at him. His answer is clear: because he loves her. But we never get an answer from her, and frankly: I would like one. It completely baffles me why she would do this. If her arc would’ve been more about her divorce perhaps this could’ve been explained. But as is it’s a shocking piece of hypocrisy that never gets addressed.

She does mention being a hypocrite and not knowing what she’s doing later on, but naturally there’s someone on hand to excuse her, since she isn’t a man.

Here Diane shows some much needed introspection, but she doesn’t really go into any specifics. What’s more, the final conversation between Bojack and Diane doesn’t even reference any of this. In fact there is no reason given for why she’s helping him beyond a simple “eh, we’re still friends”

What she should’ve said of course is that she realised she can never expect to truly forgive herself if she can’t also forgive him. All the pieces were in place, and it would at least have given all the previous scenes I talked about some kind of point. The execution would still have been awful, but at least I wouldn’t have to use quotation marks around the word arc. But no, we can’t have the author insertion character come off her moral high horse, no pun intended. She just has to do it because she is such an awesome friend.

So yeah, bit of a mess this character. I can almost discern the contours of a logical character progression, probably as it was originally intended. All the ideas were there: her being confused about where she stands with Mister Peanutbutter, being confronted with her own insecurities at the same time, and Bojack trying to get her to play ball with his shitty schemes and her finally putting her foot down. But Bob-Waksberg has admitted that changes were made to the story after they decided to play into the #metoo controversy going on at the time. I wonder if those changes involved sacrificing some parts of Diane’s arc, to give us the mangled corpse of a character arc that we see here.

The Whole Penny and Sarah Lynn Thing

The two main things thrown at the feet of Bojack in the fight with Diane are his involvement in the death of Sarah Lynn and his almost having sex with the daughter of his old friend. Let’s start with the more justified one. What happened between him and Penny was that Bojack, a way older man who should’ve known better, gave in for a moment to the avances of a seventeen year old girl and might have done something with her if her mother hadn’t walked in. Now, I can fully understand why Charlotte would be very angry about this, and why Bojack feels guilty about it. After all, he found something out about himself which wasn’t pretty. But what I never understood was Penny’s reaction to all of this. Specifically the moment in what is probably one of the most profound episodes of the whole series, That’s Too Much, Man!, in which they go to her college and Bojack almost literally stumbles into her. Her reaction to this is... quite bizar. She acts like a traumatised child stumbling into her abuser.

Keep in mind that this happened just last season. So how old is Penny now? Eighteen, maybe nineteen years old? No one says this about themselves just one year later. Never mind the fact that seventeen does not equal little child, I don’t buy that Penny had such a sudden leap in maturity. Maybe if it was ten years later and she had a lot more sexual experience, enough to know that sex can be a completely unromantic act to satisfy some urges sometimes. When she looks around and sees some seventeen year olds, and suddenly realises how young she was at the time, and then she realises she was taken advantage of and feels disgusted? Yeah, I’d buy that. But this is just nonsense. I thought so at the time as well, but I supposed it wouldn’t fit into the story line if we’d had to wait ten years for the revelation. What compounds it is this simple observation by Bojack himself.

And he’s right about that. Nothing actually happened. Sure, there were probably some exceptionally uncomfortable conversations between Penny and her parents afterwards, but I get the impression they worked it out between them. So at most I would expect Penny to look upon Bojack as a rather disgusting old man who she once, in a fit of youthful naïveté, felt attracted to. But this whole trauma angle stretches credulity. I was willing to put up with it as long as it was just another thing to weigh on Bojack’s conscience. The way he saw the incident up to this point was way more important than how it actually happened. After all, only he knows if he really would’ve gone through with it, or at least he thinks he knows. But now, because of the meta-commentary at work here, we as the audience are being scolded for not caring enough about Penny’s feelings by still rooting for Bojack. I’m sorry, but that’s where I draw te line. The reason I don’t care is because what you’re telling me makes no sense, and that’s not my fault.

On a side note: I do find it a bit rich that Diane essentially chastises Bojack for presumably intending to have sex with Penny, when in season one she was singing a rather different tune.

Whether you agree with that or not (I happen to think there’s a bit more to it than that) you have to acknowledge that it works both ways. Maybe Bojack is convinced deep down that he is capable of something like that, but until he actually does we’ll never know, and all we can judge him on are his actions. His actions don’t include sleeping with a seventeen year old girl. I wonder where the writers of season 5 stand on this, and if they realised this character inconsistency. Then again, I think we already established they didn’t really give a toss about Diane’s character this season.

Sarah Lynn then, the drug addict who overdosed on Bojack, thanks to Bojack. Or so we are led to believe. The truth of the matter is a lot more complicated I think. The only thing that Bojack bares the full responsibility for is him calling her up and asking if she’s up for going on a bender. Yes, that’s certainly not the most responsible thing to do, but she’d already revealed to Bojack she was fully intending on going back to doing drugs anyway. So let’s unpack the accusations regarding Sarah Lynn one by one.

So how was that his fault exactly? We see in one episode that her mother was right there on set with Sarah Lynn all the time. Sarah Lynn isn’t and never was his responsibility. The guilt he feels over that was more because of his inaction, which is understandable. Maybe he could’ve helped her, maybe not, but he probably should’ve tried. But when the only father figure in her life is an actor she works with then something has already gone terribly wrong, and not because of Bojack. The real reason it eats him up is probably because he cared about her and because he likes himself much more as a jovial dad than the grumpy washed-up celebrity he became, not because his actions led her to growing up the way she did.

When did that happen? Sarah Lynn never came to him for help. They accidentally ran into each other and after a little incident he immediately checked her into rehab. She refused to stay there though and came to Bojack to ask him if she could crash at his place. That’s the story, morning glory.

You could say it like that. Or you could say that she had sex with him. What’s the difference exactly? That Sarah Lynn was a washed up star, and addict who had a really rough childhood? All of that also applies to Bojack. Sarah Lynn wasn’t some wide eyed, innocent, naive, young thing. She was a grown woman in her thirties. Yeah, her and Bojack probably weren’t good for each other, but she came to him, remember? I can’t for the life of me think of a way of looking at this where Bojack was the one doing wrong to Sarah Lynn and not the other way around. Surely we aren’t supposed to think it’s because Bojack’s a man and Sarah Lynn a woman, right?

She seemed awfully eager to abandon her sober streak though. She lived in a house made of drugs with bottles stacked behind her calendar. Besides, as I said before, according to her she was planning on doing drugs again eventually.

But I get your point Diane. Maybe without Bojack this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe without Bojack she would still be alive. In any case it was pretty reckless of him to do that without any regards for her safety. So, where were her regards for his safety? Remember, he was an emotional wreck when he called her, and she didn’t give a damn. Under similar circumstances Bojack insisted she go to rehab, but she immediately agreed to take him on a bender and didn’t suggest to stop even when he started having severe blackouts. What if Bojack had died instead? Would Diane be giving this speech to Sarah Lynn now? Again, clearly these two weren’t good for each other, but I don’t see how Bojack was so much more responsible for this outcome than Sarah Lynn herself. How are “his actions” solely to blame for this? They were two damaged people doing stupid things together. Should he now feel guilty over having better luck than her?

Well yeah, Diane. What are you, some kind of psychopath? Of course it was rough for him. He was there and could’ve stopped it, but he failed her and so his friend died. That would be very rough on anyone, and especially on someone who is already emotionally crippled. This is what I mean when I say Diane really comes across as a spiteful bitch in this scene. Can you imagine rubbing someone’s face in their friend’s death, even when you’re angry with them? I sure can’t.

In the end I think it’s a good thing for the show that Bojack isn’t actually as horrible as he believes himself to be, or as this scene is trying to imply for that matter. Bojack is an arsehole, sure. He does stupid things sometimes, he does things that hurt other people. But generally those people choose to associate with him, and we see the sometimes twisted, but relatable rationale behind his actions. It’s a good thing that Bojack retains a certain degree of likeability that keeps us rooting for him. If not I probably wouldn’t have watched the entire show up until now. These two incidents were the most shocking ones that happened before this scene, and although we’ve been told before that Bojack is not the good guy of the story, the writers clearly haven’t dared making him the bad guy either. In the end they know what they’ve got with him. Even the climax of this season, although probably even more shocking than anything that came before, they didn’t pull of without leaving lot’s of wiggle room to excuse Bojack. Here, let me show you.

Bojack’s Big Break

Bojack’s arc this season is almost none-existent as far as I can see. We find out literally nothing new about him, and I don’t know how he’s supposed to have changed by the end of it. Maybe it’s because I don’t follow the logic behind anything that happens between him and Diane at the end, but I never had that problem in previous seasons. There are two main developments. The first is Bojack starting to conflict the fictional world of the character he plays on Philbert with the real world and his own life in it. The second is his related drug addiction which begins around the start of the season and drives most of the plot surrounding him.

For starters I would like to say how strange it is to see Bojack develop a debilitating drug addiction. Not because he would never touch the stuff, but because he would, and has, many times before. In fact, he’s been an addict for years by now, and it never seemed to affect him the way these pills do. What’s so special about them? I don’t know. Granted, I’ve never taken them, but are they really that potent that Bojack would rather drown himself in those things than just drinking his pain away, as usual? I know a lot of people don’t realise this because of its pervasiveness, but alcohol is just another drug, same as cocaine, meth and xtc.

So that’s the first problem. The second problem is an out of universe one: it doesn’t tie into any previous character development. It resolves nothing, nor does it really further anything, except Bojack going to rehab at the end of the season. Maybe there we can see some character development, but it would then just be another thing that season 5 sets up only to do nothing with. Given that it doesn’t really affect anything until episode 11, the whole thing feels like an artificial substitute for a character arc. More like a contrivance for the sake of the big climax than something that flows naturally from the themes and character. Well, maybe that’s a bit unfair of me. It only really feels like a contrivance at the climax itself, and only in light of everything else I’ve discussed. In all honesty this plot line is actually woven pretty well throughout the events of season 5, and it does come into play a few times. We see it slowly escalate from the point where almost no one seems to notice to a the complete breakdown of Bojack’s sanity at the end. The problem, once again, is that it doesn’t develop Bojack as a character in any way. This becomes very clear in the big whammer episode when it culminates into a violent outburst on set between him and Gina.

So, the strangling incident then. There are two contradictory motivations at work here on the part of the writers. first, Bojack needs the be firmly reestablished as the bad guy in the story. It needs to be shown that he will just keep doing more and more horrendous things as long as he’s allowed to have a career despite of it and never learn his lesson. The point is hammered home when he strangles his costar on set in a fit of rage. To be sure, it’s the most shocking thing we’ve seen him do so far. Naturally it destroys his relationship with her and when they see each other again she is understandably wounded and furious do to his actions. But something doesn’t add up here and the writers hint at it without even knowing it.

Would he though? Admittedly I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure there are some mitigating circumstances in this scenario. Leaving the legal technicalities aside for a moment, what does our intuitive sense of justice say?

It’s clear from the weird, trippy blurring of fiction and reality in episode 11, the fact that Bojack doesn’t remember anything of it afterwards and the clear implication that he isn’t being himself in the heat of it, that he’s having some kind of drug induced psychotic episode. Considering that he himself brought it on by taking way too many of those pills he’s certainly not blameless. But there was no way to predict this woud happen. Bojack’s never been violent before, as far as we’ve seen. He’s also done a lot of drugs, but it’s never triggered any kind of psychotic break. Not to mention that he got hooked on the pills due to a doctor’s prescription, not because he tried to get high. So at the very least there’s a bit of a moral grey area. In fact, I would say it completely undermines the moral picture this episode tries to paint. Bojack didn’t do this because he’s a bad guy. He did it because his mind wasn’t functioning properly due to outside influence. So the message falls flat. Of course it does: it conflicts with the writer’s other motivation, the reason a scenario where Bojack wasn’t himself for a moment had to be concocted in the first place. If they hadn’t it would’ve completely alienated the entire audience from the main character of their show. As we’ve established that was a bridge too far, so this weird compromise has been put on the screen where we are both supposed hate Bojack but excuse him at the same time. It doesn’t work because those are two contradictory aims.

Let me take a moment to point out how weird this whole conversation is. Gina implies that there’s been no justice for her. Yeah, but the reason there was no justice is because you haven’t pressed any charges, despite overwhelming evidence in your favour. You didn’t, because you cared more about your career than about justice. Now don’t get me wrong, I think the indictment of celebrity culture and the whole Hollywood publicity machine in this scene is actually very well done. But of all the things to get angry about, why bring this up? The one thing you yourself are responsible for. I mean, for crying out loud!

While we’re on the subject, am I the only one that finds it weird how she describes the incident?

He did a little more than that, didn’t he? Just physically overpowering someone is what you do when you want to restrain someone from getting away, or doing something you don’t want them to. In some cases it might be for their own good even. What Bojack did was lay on top of her and strangle her with both hands. If that happened to me I would never describe it in those terms. I don’t know what exactly the intent was with choosing these words. Maybe it’s supposed to show how reluctant she is to talk about it. But it comes across as either an attempt to trivialise the whole incident, or to place any instance of a man overpowering a woman on the same level as what Bojack did.

There is, admittedly, a more charitable reading of the climax, namely as an indictment against Diane’s behaviour in the previous episode. While the theme of the season is evil men and their evil deeds, it also shows there are no easy solutions. Directly after Diane’s confrontation at the premier Bojack is shown to take a large dose of pills to cope. It’s implied that his drug problem only really gets out of hand after that. So while Diane’s outburst might be justified, her moral grandstanding is not the solution to the problem. In fact it only made things worse. The final conversation might make slightly more sense in that light as well. Though only slightly, and it doesn’t exactly fix any of the other problems I’ve mentioned so far. Still, I suppose I should take what I can get. Which reminds me...

You’re Adopted!

Of all the many things that irked me about this season by far the most egregious one, the one that really made me angry, came right at the end. It was the rather underwhelming conclusion to PC’s arc. Her adopting a child and becoming a single mother in the process. What irked me wasn’t the underwhelming part, or that it didn’t fit into her character development, because it did. No, it was the huge blow to my respect for her, and the way in which it was framed. It’s made to look like this happy ending for both mother and child, but it’s quite possibly the most selfish thing I’ve seen anyone do in this show, which is saying quite a lot. Not because of the adoption itself, but because of her choice of doing it as a single mother when a suitable father is available right there.

Now, I realise that this is what PC’s journey as a character has been building up to for quite a while. She’s had difficulties excepting help from other people. She’s also consistently pushed people away who didn’t need her as much as she needed them. In fact, the problem has been escalating as the series went on. First there was Rutabaga Rabitowitz, who was kind of a dick to her so it was probably a good thing to rid herself of his antics. Then there was Judah, who was nearly perfect in every way. She fired him for just one screw up. After that came Ralph, who did absolutely nothing wrong before she decided she needed to break up with him out of nowhere. Contrast that with the infinite number of chances she’s given Bojack over the years. Bojack can, at some points, barely function without her. That’s what PC needs in a relationship, any kind of relationship. Strong, independent people scare her, and she is completely incapable of accepting she might need help from anyone.

Now, all of those are interesting character flaws and serve to make her more sympathetic rather than less. That is, as long as she herself is the victim of them. But when an innocent child is dragged into it I can no longer sympathise. No matter what the personal demons you’re struggling with, when you take on the responsibility of raising a child you should do your best to put them aside. That’s the time to think about what’s best for the child, not about what you want out of it. To just brush of Ralph because “she’s made her plans” and he’s “not in them” is such a shallow reason to rob the child of the chance to have a father in its life. What, she’s going to take care of it when a lot of the time she’s already too busy to pay any attention to her personal life? Or is she waiting for someone better than Ralph to come along? 

I probably wouldn’t make such a fuss out of this if the framing wasn’t so horrible. I hoped I wasn’t imagining it at first. That’s when I saw a certain popular youtuber claim that it was clear she was going to handle single motherhood just fine. That’s just such a baffling thing to say, I don’t know where to start. Okay, I have huge respect for women who are thrust into single motherhood and rise to the occasion, making the best of a difficult situation. To willingly foist that upon your little family when there’s an easy alternative is not a sign of “self-sufficiency” however, but of sheer stupidity, ignorance, narcissism, or all of the above. Furthermore, PC’s problem has never been a lack of self-sufficiency. Quite the opposite in fact. Self-sufficiency is her drug. It’s what she uses to plaster over her other problems. So is taking care of others. Which brings us to the last point: I really doubt PC is doing this for the right reasons. With her compulsion chances are she’s taken on this responsibility to solve her own problems. That’s not how this works though. Couple that with the fact that she’s got plenty to do already, and I can’t see this turn into anything but a huge disaster. 

I don’t know if the showrunners are smart or honest enough to see the problems that should arise from this. I think they are, they’ve planted hints to that effect throughout season 5, but I’m not sure. Abandoning their female empowerment trip of late will certainly displease a few people. Showing the worst case scenario will be ugly and uncomfortable. Let’s hope the writing staff shows the same kind of bravery with that as they’ve done with showing Bojack’s debacles.

Conclusion

Well, if I think about it for a while I can undoubtedly find a lot more things to bitch about, but I think this will do. All in all I certainly can’t say I hate season 5, or that it was a bad season, but it was a huge step down. The main problems are that the characters just don’t progress naturally, or that their arcs are thin to the point of being almost non-existent. Not that everything that is there is bad, but it just doesn’t feel like enough to fill a whole season. It started out promising, but somewhere along the way the decision was taken to focus more on sending a political message than on where the character’s current journeys would take them and that was really to its detriment. All of the issues I mentioned in this piece could be fixed in season 6, in which case season 5 would become just a slightly too long buildup in hindsight. I do think the team behind Bojack has proven they have more than enough talent to bring this around. However, if Game of Thrones taught us anything it’s that no matter how good a show is in its first few seasons, it can always turn to shit later. Let’s hope Bojack Horseman is spared that fate. 

Q) Walter has this line in the beginning where he says “For someone so small, you wear a huge layer of bitch.” He gives Kim this persona which she sheds in different ways as the film progresses when she is with him and whenever we see her with Nic. She knows Walter’s history and he tries to peg Kim from knowing her for five minutes. What do these separate perspectives say about how each of them sees her and visa versa?

A) I think that is such a major layer of our film – adapting perspective, what we present and who we present to other people might not be our truest selves and what people see might not actually be and is truly a projection of themselves. There was so much stigma around meeting Walter (Matthew Glave) because of the stories Kim had heard from Nic (Jana Winternitz) about her father and his lack of knowing who Kim was and sort of nailing it on the head with all of these boundaries she put up and meeting strangers and not letting herself out into the real world. Meeting someone, you might not know anything about them at all and then just meeting them for the first time you might nail it on the head. He says, “You have barricaded yourself inside,” and that is a major part of who Kim is. She wants to get out of these things that she can’t – that she’s personally inflicted on herself. She has sort of built herself in this cave. Over the course of the film we sort of see that explode and work against her.

Q) We get this quiet moment in the bath tub that Kim seems to reflect on more than just her present, but her past as well. It’s in the tub her solitude literally and figuratively washes over her. Baths signify cleansing, but Kim the entire movie can’t seem to bring herself to come clean to Nic, even with Nic in the tub. Can you talk about the irony of scene and how it plays into the film’s undertones and themes?

A) I think it’s really an honest example of how we, as humans, can react to the world and how it can be dangerous. You talk about this cleansing moment as a moment of lucidity, but it doesn’t honestly mean you are going to live in that moment of lucidity. It is a challenge. You are presented with this moment of lucidity and it is the challenge of life to go and make that a reality, not just a moment in time. It’s so easy to backtrack. We ignore those things sometimes and we don’t accept them as moments of reality because it’s easier to just move about through life with this sort of fake and dishonest trajectory. So, even though she has a moment of clarity it is the challenge of bringing that to fruition.

Q) We see this group of diverse LGBT characters who each bring a beautiful spectrum to the community. Walter asks these stereotypical questions but he isn’t judged, they embrace, engage, and educate. Can you talk about the significance of this scene and how we are more than just the labels and identities people want to put on our sexualities?

A) I don’t think necessarily challenges that. I think it accepts that. It says these are the labels and things that we want to define ourselves as, but really we’re just all people. We share and just accept the fact we can label, but we can also strip the labels away and live your life in a very organic, welcoming a 360-degree perspective. Then, sort of all the bullshit falls away. As they’re educating Walter, all this bullshit just dissolves. When individuals are willing to live such an honest and authentic life, people are afraid of that. People who don’t do that fear that and to see Walter not fear that in that moment is where we go, “Oh.” We get perspective on his life. He’s not a terrible person. We start to warm because his heart is moving so we want to move with him.

Q) I love the way wires in Kimberly’s mind work and how you portray her. You constantly see the emotions turning and her thought process plays out a lot in her eyes and expressions. How did you approach portraying Kim’s evolution through her tragedies?

A) That has a lot to do with Michael [Gallagher] and the writing. What was on the page was honest about the film. It is an extensively written story. As soon as I read it, I said, “I really want to do this movie,” because of the people that were involved. It was beautifully written because it’s written from the heart and it’s written authentically. It made it very easy for me to working with Michael, Jana and Matt. We were just all very willing to accept the story as a whole and collaborate in that realm. Kim is a difficult character. She would be a difficult person. She even finds herself difficult to be around. Knowing that there are people like that in your life and knowing that there are people just trying to do better…That’s sort of what the story is about, just trying to be better and for some reason can’t. But really, honestly, they are working through a place where they wake up one day and the character just wants to have a good day. It’s sort of just accepting the story of what their lives are. Michael and Jana were very, very present through all of that and understanding.

Q) The film is wrought in this poignant and provoking emotional angst where each moment of the movie transitions and feels so palpable from start to finish but it also intertwines these moments of levity that are endearing and disarming. How does the film take these messy and tumultuous interpersonal relationships while maintaining the light and levity in such a brilliantly balanced way?

A) I think it is the honesty. I hate to keep repeating myself on that moment, but it’s because so honest. It’s not glossy. It’s pretty raw. There is not a whole lot of sugar coating from any of the characters. It is a lens into a life in a way. It’s a lens into a life with good things with a wedding, love and friendship and a lot of women coming together. But there is also the raw, the gross, the dirty, the secrets and the shame. Those tumultuous relationships, that kind of energy, only craves authenticity and honesty. With that type of energy, you follow these people with true love and honesty and when those characters meet it’s only a matter of time before those characters unravel and that is something the lens of the film does very, very well.

Q) So much of the movie takes place in this remote rural area that’s Big Sur, Michael Gallagher has this way of making nature become kind of a character in itself. Can you talk about how this setting of the film plays into the themes we see?

A) Road trips do that for us. There is such inertia in this road trip film. There is a destination. It was about the journey and it is about the journey for Kim and Nic. It really is about the journey, but the journey doesn’t stop when you reach your destination. No matter where you go or where you are, you have to be able to face yourself. I think that’s very telling of our environment and landscape along the way. You see this landscape change and it’s really beautiful to see on film places you might never get to go to. Also, you see photographs of places you’ve never been to before and see them in this light, but know the energy of the setting you are in and you just see it as the world. I think Big Sur is somewhere that you would road trip to and it has nature, camping and getting down to your roots. That was something growing up on the coast you sort of dreamed of. Now, we see it photographed a little more recently. Maybe that’s just my experience, but I’ve seen it photographed a little bit more. It was a different experience of knowing about Big Sur when I was a child and it was this way to sort of get back to grounded. I think that’s sort of what it was supposed to be in this film. We’re going to this wedding there and we’re supposed to be getting back to our roots because this is pure and wonderful. The setting that you’re in you’re seeing this sort of ticking time bomb sort of happen and only this beauty can extract that and make that blow up.

Q) We got to see some behind the scenes pictures of you behind the lens. Is being behind the camera something you are working towards or hoping to someday take on yourself?

A) I am, yes. I do like being behind the camera a lot. I actually just grabbed some new gear for a trip that I’m about to embark on. We’re going to do a little site seeing for that. Michael Gallagher was so giving in terms of what I wanted to learn. Every time I walked away from the set I was like, “I didn’t learn enough!” [laughs] I was on a show for seven years and I feel like I walked away from it like, “I still haven’t learned enough!” [laughs] But especially looking back at this film, this was my first time learning about lenses. Though I had been on a TV show for several years Michael was shooting on lenses that I was so attracted to. He taught me about that skill. [laughs] I’m still diving into that. What this film was behind the scenes was just a bunch of people wanting to be creative and I think you can see that in what the film shows. Everyone was friends. Everyone wore hats that weren’t exactly their title. It was a really, really fun experience. It was a long time ago. Talking to you, this is the first time I’ve talked about this film in a year. So, it’s bringing back a lot of cool memories so I’m really grateful.

Q) We get these multidimensional characters who are loving and layered, messy and sometimes self-sabotaging. What do you hope resonates or audiences take away from seeing Funny Story?

A) I like films and TV where characters are not perfect. The imperfections, those are the things that we expect in the people that we love. I do feel like we relate to characters that are imperfect. They are interesting. Being perfect and cookie cutter isn’t interesting. [laughs] But if you don’t expect imperfections, where are we moving towards? It’s about finding people around you that balance you and accept that about you and you accept about yourself. I think that people can relate to this film in many ways. There are some stories where people will watch this and maybe it will hit a little too close to home. As long as you’re feeling something, you haven’t wasted your time. I think that’s what growth is and I think that is important. That’s our film. I hope you like it. If you don’t like it, at least you felt that you didn’t like it. [laughs] I think whatever you do with your time it’s important to make sure you feel something.

Q) The movie also doesn’t necessarily give you a happy ending. At the end of this movie, we get even more raw emotion, confusion and chaos. We still get a little bit of hope at the end, I suppose.

A) I think even in our darkest times there is always hope. Hope is a very dangerous ally that where we end up with that sort of unfinished foe is what life is. That bow is never going to be perfectly tied. You can recreate it and do other things with it. I’m more into certain films that I walk away where I’ll call my writing partners and say, “Uh! That was disgusting!” [laughs] Or, “I feel inspired.” Or, “I feel really weak or strong.” As long as you have something of those, it’s usually not because someone perfectly wrapped the storyline up for you.

Malec (aka Matthew Daddario and Harry Shum Jr.) Say Goodbye to 'Shadowhunters'...for Now

On that epic finale, fandom, and weddings...onscreen and off.

by EMILY TANNENBAUM MAY 7, 2019

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/amp27375054/shadowhunters-malec-wedding-finale-matthew-daddario-harry-shum-jr/

Please give the link a hit to show your interest in the show ans these two actors.  

But I always like to put the actual text of an interview or article in my posts in case the link moves or the article in taken down, so here it is.

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As I corral Harry Shum Jr. and Matthew Daddario around the Cosmo offices, Matt bounces on his heels, pointing to random objects—like a fancy golden coffee table and fuzzy pillows—asking me if he can bring them home with him (the answer is always "no"). Harry is much more calm, back straight and confident, happy to just laugh at his co-star.

It's jarring how their roles are almost the reverse of their characters: For the last three years on Freeform's hit series Shadowhunters (based on The Mortal Instruments, by Cassandra Clare). Matt played Alec Lightwood, the stoic half-angel leader with a heart of gold, while Harry embodied the eccentric Warlock Magnus Bane, always moving, portaling somewhere or changing his look...not to mention throwing shit around his beautiful New York apartment.

As they say, opposites attract, and Matt and Harry captured the hearts of the entire Shadowhunters fandom as a certified power couple. Malec has certainly had their share of rom-com moments (they share their first kiss when the warlock crashed Alec's first wedding) and dramatic breakups (don't remind me about 2X18). But last night, Shadowhunters gave Malec the happy ending they deserve, complete with gorgeous wedding and happily ever after as the Inquisitor of the Clave and High Warlock of Alicante.

A wedding finale is hardly unheard of in the TV world, bordering on cliché, but for Shadowhunters there was truly no other option. The union of a strong gay man and proud bisexual has been the cornerstone of this fandom throughout its run, inspiring countless LGBTQ+ fans and landing a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Drama (not to mention sweeping the 2018 People's Choice Awards the same year as its premature cancellation). How else do you celebrate their legacy, if not by throwing a giant party and giving our boys one more showstopping kiss?

Of course, as surreal as it is to discuss the end of Shadowhunterswith the ship to end all ships, it's even tougher for them to say goodbye. Here, Matt and Harry talk about the Malec wedding, balancing fandom with real life, and why Alec had to stay mortal.

THE MALEC WEDDING

Tell me about the wedding. You’ve built this relationship for three years now, and you’ve seen how massively people have reacted—what did it feel like to give them that milestone?

Harry Shum Jr.: It had to happen. It was a great moment to bring everyone in and say, "Look at this joyous moment."

It was nice to have everybody back on-set. It really felt both, for the show itself and for us as a whole, that this was a great ending. Because it was the last thing we filmed. I'm happy that we got these two episodes so that we could do it because it would have been really unfortunate if the fans hadn't gotten that wedding. And then fans can play in their heads now, Magnus and Alec are married and doing whatever.

Matthew Daddario: You know, it's like the end of a chapter.

Harry: We're safe now.

So correct me if I'm wrong, but Alec is just a Shadowhunter still? He's not immortal.

Matt: Just a Shadowhunter? [Laughs] Yes, I am.

Some fans were really rooting for Immortal Husbands...like, intensely. How do you feel about this?

Matt: This is the thing I always have trouble understanding is that people want the immortality. And this is a topic that's been written about and discussed for thousands of years, and everyone comes to the same conclusion: the curse of immortality. It is not always the best thing in the world to live forever. In fact, that's close to this kind of a godliness that is considered almost like a living hell.

For Magnus, he's living and living in this endless loop without the repercussion of the totality of life. And if Magnus was instead mortal, would we not celebrate their wonderful life? But it's because he's immortal, we worry about what happens after the fact.

Harry: But here’s the difference: It’s not the immortality that you get shot and you can’t die.

Matt: Right. You can get killed. They're immortal, and then they get the shot off the top of the castle walls, and you're like, "Whoa, that's screwed up." But at the same time, every mortal has to deal with that. [Turns to Harry] So it's not your mortality that you're upset about when you first lost your powers. You're not upset about the mortality, you're upset about the loss of your identity.

Some fans just want Malec on an even playing field. But I find it really sad that Alec would have to live and lose like Jace and Izzy—

Matt: Right. Magnus lost people constantly, and he was kind of a shell of a person at one time. Up until meeting Alec, he's filling his life with debauchery, anything to heighten the senses. And, you know, trying to find places where he can take care of people. And he does get involved with helping vampires because they're immortal as well. There is a kind of emptiness to him in the first season.

Harry: No, for sure. And I think then there is the big switch.

Did you get emotional reading the final episode?

Harry: Everyone did at the table read. One of our producers reading off the narration, he couldn't even get through and actually walked out and someone had to take over. And then there was this silence in the end when the last words were spoken. I think that silence spoke volumes.

ON FANDOM

Has the end of Shadowhunters hit home for you yet?

Matt: I think it will hit me when I don't think about it for a week. If one week passes without me thinking about Shadowhunters, I will say, "Shit."

We think about it every day. This is a huge part of our lives. This is three years of this. And this show, it's a hit. People are talking about it, people from around the world. It's hard to deny that.

Will you still engage with Shadowhunters stans, or are you emotionally ready to move on to another world?

Matt: Look, we're done filming Shadowhunters, but the fans of the show are always welcome to ask questions and all that kind of stuff. But eventually, we're going to run out of new answers.

I'm always happy to talk to a Shadowhunters fan because they are enthusiastic, they care about what they're talking about, and many of them have built friendships off of it, so it matters to them, and therefore it matters to me.

Harry: Because you gave a part of your life.

Matt: Your job is to have an effect on people, and therefore you have a certain responsibility to engage with the people who are affected by this. You can choose not to, you could choose to go completely incognito or to ignore it, but to dismiss it is, frankly, insulting and kind of silly and maybe slightly narcissistic.

But I think that you do need to have an understanding that you're not any different or special because of this involvement with culture. And why would you want to be miserable about it? Why wouldn't you embrace it?

Matt, you kept your own wedding a secret until your one-year anniversary. Was it harder to keep the details of the finale secret or your wedding?

Matt: [Laughs] It was definitely easier to keep the wedding secret. I just told everyone no one's allowed to take photos. And people did a pretty good job with that.

Harry: Yeah, sometimes I think it's a nice...regardless of what your profession is, but particularly ours, to have something just for yourself.

Matt: Not to say that people don't deserve to know, but I think that anybody would feel like, hey, I would like this moment just to be mine for a little bit.

People can be a little bit demanding. One time this girl is walking down the street, I'm walking down the street, she's on the phone, it's the middle of the day, she's FaceTiming somebody.

She sees me, she stops me by the touching me on the shoulder and says, "Oh, whoa, wait, look! Look who's here!" and hold the phone up like this and goes, "Crazy!" and then keeps walking. And I'm like, fuck you. Like, what the fuck?! [Laughing] You don't do that to someone.

It just felt so invasive. It just feels a little bit like, you're not a human. You're the thing I see on TV. But I guess it's just excitement, whatever.

IS IT REALLY GOODBYE?

You obviously know about the #SaveShadowhunters campaign. What would you say if suddenly, some other network wanted to pick up the show?

Harry: I think it's a conversation. You know, we love playing these characters. But as time passes, things change. Like introducing a baby into your life, or whatever the next phase is.

But it's also a wonderful group of people. So, of course, instead of saying, "Absolutely not," it's definitely open for conversation for me.

Matt: Honestly, the ending is successful. And, you know, there's a danger now. What if you screw it up? [Laughs]

random thoughts:

jsyk, Serena swam in the place my dog poops. I hope Fred stepped in it. Die Fred.

(spoilers obvs)

NOT. ENOUGH. JANINE. the only time i cheered out the entire 3 episodes was that one glimpse of janine.

I got to see my girl Alma though which was lovely.

OMG. Can... I just... that scene with Emily walking through the hospital was the dumbest fucking, most American stupid scene ever on this show. It was so fucking cheesy and absolutely 10000% unrealistic. Who actually thought it was a good idea? They should be fired. Or sent to go work on Grey’s Anatomy or something. Not even that shitshow aka SVU would do something as painfully cliched and cheesy as that. Firstly, this show is fucking stupid. Okay. If all this shit was happening, Canada would have got like MILLIONS of refugees. Seeing the cops escort some raggedy refugee would be common af. Maybe it’s the baby thing? Still, Canadians aren’t gawkers like that. We also don’t like embarrassing displays like that. It’s so American it hurts.  NOBODY CLAPS LIKE THAT IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL. It’s a quiet place, okay. Also, why don’t any of these doctors have anything better to do? Anyway. I hated that scene so much.

Nick is so boring. So boring. He’s just a wet doughnut. I sorta liked him getting angry at June but also I wish I cared about anything he has to say. Bye Nick Bland. Good riddance.

Lawrence’s one liners? Funny. Lawrence? Disgusting awful psycho. I hate him sfm. 

Fred? Also disgusting. I hate him 10000x more. Everything about him is repulsive. He’s so much worse this season. I hate everything about his entitled, poor me, manpain. I hate hearing about any of his feelings. Fucking die already. I found him interesting enough as an antagonist in the show before but no longer. Redundant.

Beth. Too good for Nick. Too good for this world.

Too much staring. I AM SO SICK OF IT. It wastes time. Is redundant af at this point. I’m bored. Stop it.

Moss... um. Honey. I love you but... what the fuck was up with all the over-acting? 302 seemed particularly bad. Like I just can’t take it anymore. Who directed 302? They should be fired too for making her do that. Also, lady from Transparent, what the fuck was up with her acting?

Luke is useless. Like, I get it. I get why he’s a huge damp sulkbaby but I mean. I don’t want to see it? I’d rather just not see him at all cos literally I can’t recall a scene of him not being fucking useless or ignorant. Or half-assing it. I want to like Luke, honestly. But I just... don’t. I love the shit outta Moira and Erin, and I adored Moira/Emily interactions. But Luke? Miss me with his manpain.

Once again, I hate Lawrence. He is no good. He’s so fucking creepy and gross. I do not understand why people like him? And I don’t mean, “I don’t know why people like this character.” I mean, “I don’t understand why people like this person.” As a character, sure, he’s interesting and revolting and does his role well. He’s even got some funny lines and Whitford has great delivery. I mean these people who LIKE HIM. As a person. They think he’s great and a good guy. I don’t get it. Are we watching the same show? He’s a great character and a terrible person. That said, he’s still a dude and I’m not about to say he’s such a great character that I want to know all about him. Nah, bros. I wanna know all about Emily, Moira, Serena, Janine, Alma... and June I suppose but we already have quite enough of her. I don’t care about Lawrence’s backstory or emotional turmoil. I don’t need his perspective cos I’ve seen it before, I know it already. It’s in so many movies, books, and TV. So, he may be a well-written character but he’s not a fascinating one. If we wanna dig around in the psyches of bad people, Serena and Lydia are far more fascinating cos bad women’s stories are so much rarer to explore in any depth.

So, June got her feet lashed to shit again. And then she’s just walking around like no biggie next scene? Did the writers forget the first season when June couldn’t walk at all? All I’m asking is a bit of a limp?

June going straight to the house that just housed the handmaid that ran away with June’s baby seems... well, like complete bullshit. Never.

SERENA ISN’T WEARING HER WEDDING BAND. She’s done. She hates that man and I hate the fact everyone is pushing her to just get over it. Fred... is horrible in literally every single way. Every. Single. Way. (And sure Serena is horrible in some ways, but not nearly the same ways as Fred.) I just want Serena to be free of him. I want her and June to murder his ass. Graphically. That is the only violence I want to see on this show in the future. OMG, I can’t actually explain how much I hate him and I vomit in my mouth thinking about Serena having to get back with him. Even if I know she has to in order to survive. Ugh. 

UM. Okay, the “blood against the snow” bit was really interesting. I don’t recall Offred saying that in the book but Atwood brings it up often when talking about red. It was clever to include her own words, just like last season with the “men are afraid women will laugh at them...” bit.

But speaking of weird inclusions: Lawrence reciting book!Offred’s line about how easy is it to invent a humanity for anyone. It was curious they had Lawrence saying that to June, whereas it’s Offred in the book thinking that about the Commander.  “He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, offkey, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. What an available temptation.”

My wife, when Nick showed up in 303: “Oh, this prick again!” Just out of nowhere cos we don’t talk about fandom shit. She has no idea the extent of my sick obsession with this show. She doesn’t know how much I loathe Nick lol. She’s completely casual and even she can’t stand Nick. Which is so lovely. And then when he was yapping about going to the front, she just muttered, “Hopefully he’ll die there.”

OH MY GOD. I HATE MEN. That whole Commanders meeting scene made me want to throw up multiple times. It started with the words “shipment of females” and just got progressively worse with every passing second.

Except... LMAO. June: *sees Fred at a meeting* Fred: Hello. June: Hey you see Serena? How’s Serena? Is Serena okay? Serena’s tough. She’s great. She’ll be okay. I love her. *proceeds to do the world’s worst cringe-inducing seduction* I think on some level even Fred knows it’s bullshit.

I love comparing June’s seduction of Fred to her seduction of Serena. They’re very interesting contrasts. She’s so painfully fake with Fred. And only sort of insincere at times with Serena. 

Man, Sylvia is a dick lol. LOOK RICHMOND IS HARD ENOUGH TO GET ACROSS WITHOUT YOUR LIME GREEN CAR BLOCKING THE ONE MOVING LANE OF TRAFFIC!!!!!! Jokes aside... I actually really liked that scene of Emily finally calling her. That was touching and the closest I came to actually getting sniffly.  Actually no. Traffic on Richmond is no joke. I’m not kidding. That was a dick move, Sylvia. LOL.

June saying Nichole gets her politicianess thing from Serena absolutely fucking slayed me. I don’t even care if she was emotionally manipulating her af, it seemed genuine in parts of that convo. TWO MOMMIES. June used her flashback!June voice at one point. Honestly, these two actresses run this town.  You can tell how broken Serena is tho cos she’s oblivious to how manipulative June is being. She’s been aware in the past as soon as June does her whole “Say nice thing, bond over babies, ask for something” method and called her on it. It’s June’s only trick. It’s transparent af. And Serena knows it. Yet, she seems completely wooed now and not at all suspicious. So, when she gets her wits together again, I suspect Serena won’t be so malleable.

I’ve said a bunch of stuff about June/Serena stuff in my tag rants so I won’t repeat it. I just fell in love with it all.

PRAISE BE!!! We didn’t actually have to see a Nick/June sex scene. Behold His miracle! I was so relieved. And then... curiously they continued that love-theme-y music all the way over into Serena’s scene with June and that was not a coincidence.

I know people really like that Boomtown Rats song being the music to the fire... And it’s a jam. But... it’s about a real school shooting and I feel like that’s just a little... off? (Not to mention Tori Amos’ version is better, imo.) I mean, okay, I did some drama courses in university and I did a thing about that song so I researched it all and it just to me doesn’t fit at all. A 16-year-old girl shot up an elementary school. And somehow, call me crazy, but that’s completely inappropriate to use in this scene. I get female rage, etc etc. I get they didn’t want to go super obvious and use a song about burning houses. But considering how EXCELLENT a song they chose for 3x03 with that Roy Harper track you’d think they’d find something better for the bed/house burning. Not only that but the motive for Spencer was ... literally nothing. She didn’t like Mondays and thought it would be fun to kill a bunch of kids--which is the complete opposite of Serena’s motivations. It just devalues it.

I want more of Emily’s journey. This is the first time I’ve actually been interested in Emily tbh. And Clea Duvall is a treasure.

I want a Moira/Emily BROTP. Honestly Moira just seems like the best friend anybody could have?

WHY IS NICK A COMMANDER?! WTF????? Was I just not listening carefully enough? Is he? Cos I don’t really pay attention when he’s onscreen tbh and the wifey was like “Why’s this guy a commander now?” And I was like, “What do you mean he’s a commander?” Honestly, Nick is just like a piece of furniture. I barely notice him onscreen lol. Okay, this has nothing to do with my dislike of him. It honestly does not make any sense. We saw that other Commander only got promoted because his wife got pregnant. WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PROMOTE NICK? What on god’s green earth has he EVER fucking done well? Why the shitting hell would they promote a Guardian who, under his watch, has had one handmaid kill herself, another one escape/”get kidnapped”, wife cheat on him then get executed, allow a BABY to get kidnapped, the house get burned down????? All those things seem like Very Bad things and put all together seem like something that would put him on the Wall for being such a shitty employee rather than someone who deserves MORE responsibility. There’s literally no reason to make him a Commander. Just conscript him to the Chicago front. You don’t need a reason. He’s a grunt. Eye or not. I DO NOT GET IT. Fred gets demoted and Nick gets promoted? Nahhhhh mans. Not buying it.

So little Nick. I love it. I want zero Nick, but this’ll do. I’ll even put up with him being a Commander (LMAO) if it means he goes away for a while.

Lawrence calling out June’s terrible seduction technique (it is really bad), and calling Fred stupid = :} 

OK BACK TO THE BURNING WATERFORD HOUSE... i cannot abide how SLOW June is ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. Like, she shows up in Serena’s little pyromaniacal bedroom inferno and is like “COME ON!” and pulls her out of the room in what appears to be a hurry. Then as Serena and Rita are rushing out June just fucking stops and starts staring at all the smoke as if she’s on fucking shrooms. Then there she goes on her bullshit... Hey, bish, the house is literally burning down cos your crazy ass soulmate set fire to her own life and maybe you should leave. No? Not interested? Sure, stand there. Feel up the walls like I did once on MDMA. Makes total fucking sense. TAKE YOUR TIME WHY DON’T YOU? Why not? It just reminded me of 2x13 when Rita was saying “You gotta leave NOW!” and June just took it upon herself to carve a bunch of shit onto the wall for no goddamn reason.

OKAY. I WAS RIGHT. The other night when I was like, “I think I know that beach.” I do know that beach!!! My dog likes to take dumps right where Serena was. (I clean up after him, don’t worry.) I can point out that beach on a map if you want. There are also heroin needles and ticks in the bushes. There is literally a water treatment plant 200m away. I go swimming exactly where Serena was and once a dead fish floated by and I had to wrestle my dog away from it. I have been swimming there a lot. It’s nice in the summer. HOWEVER, poor Yvonne in her drysuit doing that in fucking November or whatever. This lake is fucking cold even in summer sometimes lmao. Like, I’ve spent so many hours right in that spot... cos well, I used to live right up the road so duh. Of course now that I don’t live there now and it was winter so why would I take my dog swimming, that they decide to film there. OF COURSE.

Speaking of filming, not that anyone cares, they were at the St Lawrence Market at one point. It was so obvious. Wasn’t really paying attention to any of the other locales tbh. If I watch again and pay attention I prolly could pick out a few more but honestly the only person that entertains is myself.

I still can’t believe Serena was being reborn on dogshit/dead fish beach. 

Face Reality

Characters: Donald Doyle, Dr. Grey Relationships: Doyle/Grey

They've been shoved into the same living space, at least for the night. It's probably due to the fact that they're both Federal officers and Kimball doesn't care much for finding them separate quarters, though it's not as though it's at all improper at this point, anyhow. The good doctor has been... off... since they've gotten to the New Republic's base of operations. The general finds out why when he catches sight of her face.

For day two of @rvbrarepairweek, and crossposted on ao3!

"Emily, I can't tell you how happy I am that you're alright... L-Locus told me there were no survivors at your outpost!"

They've been shoved into the same living space, at least for the night. It's probably due to the fact that they're both Federal officers and Kimball doesn't care much for finding them separate quarters, though it's not as though it's at all improper at this point, anyhow. He's turned politely away from her, looking away as she removes at least her plate armor. He finds it slightly more respectful, though he's not sure she really cares, and again, it's hardly inappropriate.

"Well, I imagine there were no surviving soldiers when he left! And I don't know that he saw me at all. I'm just glad you weren't there!"

Emily sounds as chipper as usual, but she's not fooling him for a moment. She's been... off... since they've gotten to the New Republic's base of operations.

"... Are you alright?"

"Perfectly fine, General Doyle!"

Ah, right. Formal terms of address, at least on her end: there could be sensitive ears nearby. Neither of them trust the rebels not to spy on them, it seems. And at this stage, he, at least, would prefer to keep their level of familiarity as concealed as possible, particularly from the rebels. After her death being reported to him in no uncertain terms, along with those of the Reds and Blues, he's just happy to see her alive, and hearing her voice. What she says at the moment is far less important to him right now than the fact that she's here and alive to say it.

He hears her set down more of her armor, stacking it all together beside the small cot they'll be sharing for the night, and when the sounds stop, he finally turns back around. She's hasn't taken off her undersuit, neither of them will, and she appears to be digging in her kit for something. He wanders around her, to start placing his own armor out of the way for the night, but stops when he catches sight of her face.

The poor thing has always been pale, probably from lack of sunlight and her exquisitely poor sleep schedule. She would still have her lovely pale olive complexion, he's sure, if she'd ever gotten a reasonable amount of sunlight. Her paleness isn't what concerns him, and even though her dark circles are somehow worse than the last time he'd seen her, those don't bother him either.

What does frighten him are the freshly-stitched-up wounds on her face that stretch up and out from the corners of her mouth, across the soft part of her cheeks.

The stitching is undoubtedly her own work: she's given him stitches before and these look virtually identical. And heaven knows he's no physician, from the irritation around the edges of the stitches and of the wounds, he thinks they could be very recent. Good heavens, did she really sew up her own face?! She must have done that looking into a mirror, or something reflective, there's no way she did it blind... lord, he doesn't suspect that she'd had much access to anesthetic on the run, he certainly hopes that she managed to find some... goodness he feels a little sick just thinking about it. But of course he can't let her know that: the poor thing's probably in enough pain, even though she's somehow still smiling. So broadly that it must be agony for her. She doesn't need to distract herself with the worry that he might faint.

"... Oh Emily..."

"... Please go away, General Doyle." She turns her face away from him, and he sees her tipping antiseptic of some sort onto a scrap of gauze. Probably to clean up the area a little better, if she hadn't been able to do it on the run with the Reds and Blues. The formal term of address actually stings this time. "You don't need to see this! I'll only be a moment with this."

"A-Absolutely not! I'm not going anywhere!" He isn't entirely sure where she expects him to go in the first place, but he isn't going to argue with her on that. "Good lord, are you alright?! What happened to you?!"

"It isn't that bad!" She starts to dab at her face with the gauze, gently cleaning the stitches and the wounds they're closing. "I've certainly treated worse."

"You've treated worse than this on other people, not yourself!" He rests his hand on her arm to stop her movement. He sits down beside her on the cot, pulls his forearm pieces and gloves off, carefully takes the gauze from her, and picks up where she left off. "... here, dear, let me help with that."

Her hands fall limply into her lap, and she doesn't move again. Doesn't wince, and he doesn't even notice whether she blinks or not. He bites his lip, and his heart stings when he notices tears welling up in her eyes. When one starts to escape, he catches it with the back of his finger before it can reach her injury. He finally sets the gauze aside, pulls her into a tight hug and keeps her held close for a long, long moment. She's still smiling, but he can see the blankness in her eyes. She must be teetering on the very edges of her "happy place." She doesn't function very well out of it, though she's rarely out of it anymore. He doesn't understand exactly how Emily's "happy place" works, but she's, unfortunately, stuck there. At some point, it stopped being her reacting inappropriately to situations by smiling and laughing, and it became rare not to hear her sounding terrifyingly happy about amputating limbs and dissecting corpses. He didn't know how to help her, at first, and now, he doesn't know how she'll function after the war, but that's honestly the least of their concerns at the moment. He doesn't even know if there will be an "after the war."

She doesn't really react to the hug, at first, just moves her arms ever so slightly to rest loosely around him in return. Her question is curious. " ... what did Locus tell you?"

"That..." He swallows. The imagery makes him sick even to think about, but she asked, and he owes her the explanation. "... that there was a rebel attack on the compound. That they overwhelmed the men stationed at the gates and stormed in, just... oh, lord, indiscriminately opened fire, said they were searching for the Reds and Blues, and that the Reds and Blues... were caught up in the fray. He'd lost sight of them until it was too late."

"... what did he say happened to me?"

"... he ... told me that he saw you face-down in the snow with your helmet off. Didn't... d-didn't see you breathing. He said he tried to... tried to check on you, but when he turned y... y-your body over... he said that you'd... y-you'd likely lost too much blood, there... th-there was nothing anyone could have done. H-He had your... y-your necklace, Emily, I thought... I-I thought I'd lost you. Good lord, I don't know what I'd've done..."

"… please don't worry about that," Emily murmurs back, before she squirms in place to break his hold. "You're going to make yourself sick."

Right, Emily sometimes doesn't like to be held onto unless it's her idea, he knows that. It makes her feel trapped. And at any and all other times, he would absolutely respect that. Without question, of course. But he'd been so worried that she hadn't made it out of her outpost. He'd been so distraught. It was just such a relief to be able to hold onto her again. He simply offers her a hand to take. "Well, it's quite good I've got an excellent physician then, isn't it?"

She ignores the offered hand. "... I'd prefer not to have to treat an unnecessary sickness in the first place, but I suppose."

"Right. I'll try not to add to your work load, then." He withdraws his hand. "... Emily, if you ever want to talk about what--"

"I don't."

"... right." He fidgets, and the question escapes him before he can stop himself. "... may I... ask... how much of what Locus said was true?"

"... he was probably correct in that there were no survivors left. To my knowledge, there are no bodies left at Outpost Thirty-Seven to find. But there were never any rebels. We never thought they were rebels. We didn't know who they were." She shivers, and he reaches out for her again, but his hand goes ignored once more. "I'm... very glad you weren't there."

He chews the inside of his lip, understanding now the full gravity of her statement. She had made it out of the outpost because she'd been lucky. If there had been something to delay her even a few seconds, it was entirely possible that she would have missed the Reds and Blues and been left to Locus' mercy. If he had been there, there was no guarantee that either of them would have survived, particularly if they weren't looking for each other. But then... would Locus have even made such a bold move if he'd been there? Had he contributed, however indirectly or unknowingly, to the massacre at the command post, and therefore to Emily's disfigurement, by choosing that time to go to Armonia?

Perhaps, if he hadn't chosen then to abandon the outpost for some business in the capital that probably could have waited, he wouldn't have been confronted by the mercenary depositing Emily's ring and one of her identification tags into his palm rather like a cat presenting its owner with a dead bird, now that he's thinking about it. He wouldn't have heard Locus express what he originally thought were simply awkward condolences from a subordinate to a superior, or describe in flat, unemotional detail the condition in which he had allegedly found Emily's body. Wouldn't have sat in his office in Armonia reading over her tag, wondering what had become of her body, memorizing information that he already knew about her. Her blood type (AB-,) her service number (1209-714,) her surname and initials ("Grey, E. L.,") the "NRE" that denotes her status as non-religious, and the string of letters that identifies her as Federal Army personnel and labels her as a qualified doctor, rather than simply a medic. Turning her ring over in his hands, hooking it to the ball chain of the tag to keep everything together, so he wouldn't lose it.

He would never have come face to face with Vanessa Kimball with a rifle pointed at him while wearing Emily's identification tag and wedding ring on his own chain, fearing for his life and expecting to die with them over his heart. Knowing that this was the woman whose soldiers had been responsible for Emily's death. And somewhere under all the fear, thinking that at least if she put a bullet through him, he'd at least be with Emily again. He hadn't considered at the time whether atheists still got to see their loved ones after they died, but he'd admittedly been quite preoccupied.

His thoughts are paused by the feeling of Emily's hands on his, and he looks at her. Despite the ghoulish, haunting smile now permanently carved into her face, she's frowning.

"I know what you're doing," she states evenly, squeezing his hands. "You're trying to make this your fault somehow."

Of course she knows. "W-Well if I hadn't--"

"No."

"... n-no?"

"No." Emily lets go of his hands. She reaches up, unpinning her hair from its messy twist and letting it fall, pulling it around to unbraid it. She probably needs something to do with her hands right now, it calms her down. It would seem that he's correct in this assumption, as her smile comes back ever so slightly, and her tone brightens, as she fusses with her hair. She's trying to get back to her "happy place." It's... better than her being distraught, he supposes. "Your anxiety is getting the better of you again, and we simply can't have that right now."

Of course. He's just being silly and selfish, he knows that. "You're entirely right. We can't."

"And don't start: it's not selfish."

How does she do that? "That's neither here nor there--"

"It's precisely here! I know you, dear."

Ah, her "loophole" pet name. She calls everyone "dear," so it's not suspicious. It makes him feel a little better, at least. "... Be that as it may, Emily--"

"Are you going to argue with me for the rest of the night? Because if you are, I'll go see about sharing a space with Agent Carolina!" she chirps, running her hands through her hair in order to gather it into a ponytail so that it remains out of the way. "You know what I meant, and you're letting a flawed belief cause you undue stress when you're much more useful to Chorus not having a heart attack!"

There she is. Every single part of what she's just said sounds like a threat, even though she's absolutely beaming. To the point that it must undoubtedly hurt. She's definitely back to normal, for the moment. She's at least partially back in her "happy place." And as usual, that's both good, and worrisome. "... Of course, dear."

"... please don't look at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like I'm going to bite your head off! I had quite enough of that with the Reds and Blues, I'm very tired of it."

"I know you aren't going to do that, darling." He reaches up and takes hold of her hands after she secures her ponytail. "... you must be exhausted. Why don't we get some rest?"

"Oh, I'm not tired."

Of course she's not. "Well, I am. And it's just been so difficult these past few days trying to sleep by myself. I don't suppose you'd indulge me just a little bit and at least lie down with me?"

"... I suppose I can do that."

"Thank you." He presses a kiss to her forehead and stands to pull off his own plate armor, stacking it beside hers. When he feels his identification tags hit his chest, he recalls the extra weight of her tag and her wedding ring, and he reaches up into unclip them. He turns the little gold ring over in his fingers for a moment, the diamonds in the heart and crown catching the dim light.

It had belonged to his mother, but when he'd gotten the nerve to make things official, Chorus had already been at war for several years and jewelers were not exactly easy to come by anymore, certainly not to the capacity to find her her own ring. One of the weapons technicians at the time, he had been a good friend of the brigadier's, had been a jeweler before, his husband had been a watchmaker. He had been more than happy to resize a ring for old times’ sake – and two bottles of whiskey. The second bottle, though, was for engraving a message inside the band. "Tá mo chroí istigh ionat," it reads. "My heart is within you."

That part of it is entirely Emily's.

The chain had been tied around the band of the ring, to keep it attached. Locus had clearly realized that the ring, not the chain, would be sufficient proof of Emily's supposed "death." Well, if the single identification tag he'd also "recovered" wasn't enough, anyhow. But he offers the tag and ring almost sheepishly out to her. "... you're going to need a new chain, I'm afraid."

"... oh!"

She takes them from him, and her smile softens, like she's happy to see them. She clips the tag back onto her own ball chain, pulls the broken chain off of the ring and tucks it into a pocket of her undersuit, inspecting her ring as if to check for damage. He suddenly clears his throat, and offers his hand back for it. "... er... may I?"

She raises an eyebrow, but hands the ring back. When he takes her hand and puts her ring back on her finger for her, she giggles and her smile softens further and there's life back in her eyes. It brings a smile back to his own face before he presses a kiss to her forehead. While the knowledge that she's keeping details of her injuries to herself, when they undoubtedly must be weighing on her mind, isn't comforting, he knows she'll talk to him when she's ready.

Things aren't wonderful right now, but for the moment, he can stop worrying and at least pretend that they are, just for tonight. He's just happy to have her back, happy that she's alive. They can worry about the mercenaries and the rebels and the war in the morning. For tonight, it will just be them, and no one else. Right now, he supposes that they're both in their "happy place."