i did four loads of laundry today, and not only did I remember to switch them from the washing machine to the dryer, i put each load away as soon as it was done.

what a win for adhd.

A Shift in Reality

Fandom/universe: Marvel

Pairing: LokixReader

Timeline: AU marvel where its after Ragnarok so Loki keeps his character development and no one dies because infinity war/end game never happened :)

Word Count: 2140

A/N: So this is the first non-requested fic I have written in a long time. Reader’s powers are essentially Daisy Johnson’s powers (earthquake/vibrations for those who haven’t seen agents of shield- if you havent seen it I HIGHLY recommend it!  If any part of reader’s powers being used for certain things get confusing I’ll try to link a youtube video of Daisy using her powers doing the same thing to see a visual of it! But here’s an overview video of her using her powers to do a lot of really cool stuff if you’re interested :) not at all relevant to the story but I have a MAJOR crush on daisy haha). I’m already working on part 2 and it should be posted early next week! Anyways, I hope you guys like it :) and requests are open so if you have any let me know!

“Kid, where are you?” Stark came over coms sounding like a frantic father. “I’m fine, Tony. I’m 26 and I don’t need a babysitter.” I had only been with the team for a couple months. Tony had found me in rough shape, running after escaping from Hydra. After a few weeks healing and training, I had been allowed to go on a few easy missions with the team but always had to stay with someone since I was still learning to control my abilities. Hydra didn’t teach me control, they only taught me to use anger as the driving force behind my power and with powers like mine, that could get dangerous quickly. This was my first mission where I wasn’t instructed to stay with someone the entire time. I still ended up walking with Loki for the first few minutes after everyone splitting up. He and I had become friends since I had moved to the compound. He was the only one who didn’t look at me like he was waiting for me to break or pestering me to talk about what I had been through before joining them. It was supposed to be a simple mission just to gather some intel from an old shut down Hydra base. I turned down a hallway that had a door at the end as Loki turned down one on the opposite side of the corridor. He gave me a nod before we went our separate ways as if to reassure me that I could handle this. I made my way towards the door and realized that it was slightly open and I could hear low talking inside. I paused just outside the door to listen, “There’s at least 6 of them here and probably more outside for backup. We need to hurry up and wipe the server and blow the rest of it.” 

I tried to warn Loki over coms but didn’t get an answer so slowly made my way into the room, staying out of sight of the two men sitting at the bank of computers. As I snuck around a large shelf, something came into view. A bomb that had a timer on it and was counting down. It was hooked to multiple, smaller impact bombs that would go off after the initial explosion disturbed them.This would cause catastrophic damage to the building. We had 2 minutes until it would bring the building down on top of everyone inside. Giving up on staying hidden, I stepped out, hands at the ready, and said “Stop the bomb. Now.” The man at work on the computer continued what he was doing and the man who had an air of authority about him slowly turned to face me and the air in my lungs suddenly went cold. His name was Nelson and he was the man that had been in charge of me when Hydra had me captive. It took everything in me to remind myself that I was in control of myself and I didn’t need to tell him that I was ready to comply with whatever orders he would give me. I was free now and there would be no punishments for disobeying. “Well now if it isn’t my most promising weapon of mass destruction. We’ve been looking for you. The boss is not happy with me for losing you. You took out quite a few high value assets on your way out.” He was smirking and the look on his face made me feel like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. With coms still silent and no sign of anyone coming to help me, the fear started to sink in and the room around us started trembling as I began to lose control of my powers. Nelson chuckled, “Still having trouble controlling the fear, I see. Guess we didn’t quite beat that out of you yet, huh?” I glanced quickly at the timer, a minute and 15 seconds left. Loki suddenly came running into the room, a knife in both hands. Before I could say anything to him, the knives left his hands with a swift flick of his wrist. One took out the man at the computer and the other landed in Nelson’s shoulder. “Go, Loki. Get everyone else out of here.” He ignored me and sent a warning out to the others over coms. Mine was apparently the only one not working. I heard Nelson let out a short laugh at my confusion. “Of course we knew you were here, 9213. We may not be able to hack all of Stark’s tech but we can manage to fry a single com unit.”  Hydra didn’t refer to any of their assets by names. It was either “soldier” for those that they tried to replicate the winter soldier on or by your file number. I was file number 9213. Just as I was about to respond, the bomb went off. Without thinking, I dove towards it and used my powers to contain the explosion. Loki punched Nelson, knocking him out. The exertion of trying to hold the explosion in place was starting to get to me. “Loki, I need to let this go. Is everyone out?” he nodded and I told him to go as well. He didn’t move but I couldn’t hold it anymore so I pushed it as far as I could in the opposite direction of Loki. The force of the explosion threw me into the shelves and just before everything went black I realized that Nelson was nowhere to be seen.

                                              --2 weeks later--

I sighed in frustration as I rolled over and adjusted the pillow for what felt like the hundredth time. Every single time I lay down and close my eyes to sleep since we got back from the mission, I can hear a rhythmic humming noise but when I open my eyes to try and find the source of the noise, it disappears. Giving up on sleep, I made my way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. “Oh for fucks sake, why does Thor keep putting the Oreos on the top shelf?” I grumbled to myself as I climbed up on the counter to reach my favorite cookies and heard a low chuckle behind me. “Need some help with that, Love?” I turned around with my arms crossed and looked down at Loki from where I was standing on the counter. “You could have offered before I climbed up here...” I pouted. After grabbing the Oreos and Loki helping me down from the counter, we sat on the couch together. Loki was almost always awake late at night so we had developed a sort of routine. We sat and talked for a few hours about everything or we sat and read together. Tonight was a reading kind of night but after a few minutes of comfortable silence he said “So what’s been keeping you up this late, Darling? Sleepless nights are my forte but before recently, I rarely saw you up and about after midnight.” I didn’t know how to explain the nonexistent noise that was plaguing me and keeping me awake without sounding crazy. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation I sighed and said “Ever since we got back from the mission a couple weeks ago, I hear this humming noise whenever I am trying to sleep but its almost like I’m hearing it through a wall. It’s muted but loud at the same time.” He gave me a look of concern “You hit your head pretty hard on that mission.. you were knocked out until we got back home to the compound. You should talk to Banner and make sure you’re ok.” I told him I would talk to Banner when he came down from his room. The sun was just starting to rise and I wanted to go up to the roof to enjoy the peace that always comes with the way the sun slowly chases the darkness away. 

I had been up on the roof for an hour, enjoying the quiet with my eyes closed and my face turned towards the sun. This was my favorite place to meditate and destress. After relaxing and getting my mind to go blank, I started to hear the noise again. Instead of immediately opening my eyes like I had been at night, I tried to focus on the noise to see if I could tell what it was. The humming noise started to die down some and I started hearing a slight beeping in its place. Just as I was about to give up, I heard a familiar voice say “(Y/n)? Can you hear me?” but when I opened my eyes there was no one on the roof with me. With the addition of hearing voices added to my list of problems I decided to give up on meditating and head down to the clinic to see Bruce. When I got to the clinic and told him what was going on he gave me a concerned look. After he ran a few tests, Banner came back into the clinic and I could tell by the look on his face that he was just as confused as I was. “Nothing in the tests suggests that there is any residual damage from the hit you took and you passed the hearing tests with flying colors so I don’t think that it affected your auditory cortex.” he said as he sat back in the chair across from me, rubbing his chin in deep thought. I could tell it was truly bothering him that something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was or how to fix it. There was a knock on the door and Loki peeked his head in, “Are you alright, (Y/N)?”  I smiled at him and gestured to the seat next to me, inviting him to come sit. As he sat down Bruce said “So you said you only hear it when trying to sleep or when you let your mind go blank while meditating?” I nodded and he said “OK so I have an idea. What if we try giving you something to help you sleep? You can sleep here in the clinic so we can monitor everything and maybe get some answers on what’s going on with you.” He must have seen the hesitancy on my face because he was immediately reassuring me that I would be 100% safe and looked after at all time. Loki grabbed my hand and said “I will sit by your side while you rest and look after you myself.” This calmed my nerves a bit and I reluctantly agreed. After Bruce administered the meds and I got comfortable, I was beginning to feel pretty drowsy. Loki and Banner had pulled the comfortable couch from the library into the clinic and put nice cozy blankets on it for me. Loki had set up a chair next to me and was quietly reading out loud because he knew it helped to calm my nerves. As I drifted off to sleep the sound of his voice slowly faded and in its place was the humming. I started to notice more noises added to the humming. A steady beeping noise, hushed voices that I couldn’t quite make out, and I swear I could hear someone snoring. I reached up to scratch my nose and heard a gasp. “She moved. (Y/n)? Are you awake? Can you hear me?” I knew that voice. Why did I know that voice? I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. “What the hell is this?” I asked. My hand immediately went to my throat, surprised by how raspy and dry my voice sounded and the harsh feeling in my throat as if I hadn’t used my voice in a very long time. I was surrounded by strangers in white coats. “Who are you? Where am I?” I tried to move but realized I was hooked up to machines. Wires and IV lines getting tangled as I moved. The beeping was coming from a heart monitor next to my bed. I was in a hospital. Did Nelson find a way to take me away from the compound? I raised my hand in an attempt to use my powers and make a run for it but nothing happened. I looked at my hand in confusion and then searched the room for any kind of clue as to what the hell was happening. There was a small tv on in the corner that caught my attention. The team was on the tv. It was in New York and they were fighting aliens. “Is that the news? What happened?” everyone was looking at me. A small woman slowly sat on the end of the hospital bed and put a hand on my foot. The familiar voice from earlier came from her and said “(Y/n), honey, thats just a movie. Its your favorite movie. Remember? The Avengers?”

Backstage - Ch.2

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Heres the link if you havent read the first one: Part 1

Title: Backstage

Type: Angst to Fluff

Pairings: Analogical, past Prinxiety, Prinxiety

TW: Swearing, heartbreak(lemme know if there's anything else I should add)

Notes: Pink is both Roman and Virgil(keep reading to find out ;3), anything that {looks like this} is a character's thoughts

Summary: He thought they were inseparable. They both couldn't stand being away from each other. Guess Virgil had different ideas. One day Virgil had a little chat with Roman and it went south. Roman didn't take the news well and avoided Virgil for a while. As Roman was breaking, Virgil found light at the end of the dark tunnel, Logan. He and Virgil got together. And they were so happy. And Roman now has to watch from the side, feeling ever so hopeless that Virgil will change his mind.

-------------------------------

Previously: ...As Roman was shattering, Virgil asked, "Hey lo, can I talk to you? Alone?" Logan nodded and they went into the kitchen. Virgil knew this moment wasn't right, but he couldn't hold back any longer. He was going to confess to Logan and hope for the best.

---

Virgil and Logan walked into the kitchen. Virgil sat himself up on the counter and Logan leaned against the counter next to him. "So," Logan started, "What is it you needed to tell me?" Virgil started to play with his hands as his anxiety increased a little. {Okay, you got this! You can do this, just spot it out and hope for the best...but what about Roman? God this could hurt him more...GAH, WHY ARE FELLINGS SO DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH-} "You good there, Virgil? If it's something personal please, take all the time you need. I'll wait until you're ready to speak" Virgil was struggling to respond.

"Oh uh....yeah, sorry. I'm good...I'm just trying to get my thoughts together.." He thought about how he wanted to approach the topic, and with a heavy gulp, he spoke. "O-okay, so...I know this is sort of a wrong time but I just...I've been thinking recently and I..." the words fired in his throat. "I uh- I-I-" Logan raised a brow. {CODE RED! WHAT'RE YOU DOING MAN?! YOU'RE BLOWING IT!!! JUST SPIT IT OUT GOD DAMMIT!!} Shutting his eyes tightly, Virgil blurted out, "I LIKE YOU!" There was a moment of silence before any of them spoke.

"You...do.." Logan paused for a moment. "Do you mean it?"

"I, yeah..Yeah, of course I mean it! Why wouldn't I?" Virgil could of sworn he saw literal sparkles in Logan's eyes. A wide smile spread across Logan's face as he picked Virgil up off the counter top and spun him around. Virgil was a little surprised at first but both broke into smiles and giggles. Logan eventually put Virgil down and both were out of breath. They took a moment to regain their breath, and then Logan was the first to speak.

"I know I'm not great in the feelings department, but I feel so elated right now. I've felt the same way for quite a while now and I've never known how to say so. Especially since you were with Roman for so long-" He cut himself off. "Speaking of, aren't you two still together?"

Virgil sighed. "As of today, no... that's why if he seems off for while, that's the reason as to why. I just...I don't know. I felt like there was something missing...I felt like that thing missing was with you. I didn't want to lead him on and just hurt him more, so I did what I thought was the right thing...." Logan took a moment to process the information. "I see.. Well I understand, and if there's anything I can help you with, if gladly be there for you." He gave a soft smile. Virgil shared that same smile.

"And you say you're not good with emotions." Logan just shrugged.

"I'm better with some emotional things than others, I guess." After a fee more moments of chatting, they went back to the living room and sat next to each other.

"Ooh, what's going on here?" Patton teased, giving Logan and Virgil a knowing look. Both Logan and Virgil went to Patton for help with how they felt, and Patton did his best to give them the best advise he could. Virgil stuck his tongue out playfully while Logan just rolled his eyes. Patton gave a small giggle and congratulated them.

---

Over the span of days, to weeks, to months, Roman has been more and more down. Virgil was the love of his life. He put all his time and effort into their relationship, just fornit all to go down the drain. It killed him every time when he'd see Virgil cuddling with Logan on the couch, or when they'd hold hands under the table at dinner. He tried to deflect his pain any time someone asked him, "Are you okay?" He'd lie and say he was fine, but he wasn't. He just wasn't. He'd commonly think, {How do I erase you voice, your smile, and our memories? I loved you, I thought we were meant to be! This isn't fair, I still need you! I promise, I'll do better, just please, come back....please...} One night, it was really late, and everyone had gone to their rooms except for Logan and Virgil. They were going to have a movie night, just the two of them. Virgil was going to get a few things from his room when he heard Roman singing in his room. He decided to stand outside and listen, just to hear what he was singing.

Mercy, why you gotta show up, looking so good just to hurt me? Why you wanna stop this whole damn world from turning?

Mercy, why you hanging on so tight if this ain't working? Why you wanna stop this flame if its still burning? Cuz it's still burning...

So if you're gonna break my heart, just break it. And if you're gonna shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up you're mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me.... he paused and shakely sung the part. Have mercy...

Virgil put a hand over his mouth as tears sprung to his eyes. He heard Roman pick up again and kept listening.

If you go out tonight and get drunk and lonely...

Wind up home alone, please don't call me, and say you miss me...no...

Virgil quietly sung along to the next part as he heard Roman let loose. Roman didn't care for who heard him. He was hurting, and he needed to let it out.

If you're gonna break my heart, just break it! And if you're gonna take you're shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up you're mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me.... Have mercy!

As Roman continues to sing, Virgil can hear the shakiness in his voice. It's so painful to hear him like this... he thought. Roman started to whisper sing the next part:

If you're gonna break my heart, just break it... If you're gonna take your shot, take it...Take it,

Woah, if you're gonna break my heart, just break it. And if you're gnna take your shot, then take it, take it! And if you've made up your mind, then make it, make this fast...

If you ever loved me...mmm...

Roman paused, taking a break to collect himself. He was in so much hurt and pain he didn't know how to describe it.

If you ever loved me...have mercy...

Oh, have mercy...oh,have mercy...

Roman refused to sing the last line, so very quietly, Virgil finished it for him.

...Have mercy...

Virgil quickly and quietly went to his room to grab the needed materials and went downstairs to Logan. He put everything down on the floor and curled up next to Logan, starting to cry into his chest. "Stardust, what's wrong? What happened?" Virgil just shook his head and mumbled, "later..." Logan wrapped his arms around Virgil protectively, not wanting to ever let go. Logan quickly got up and got the blankets and remote, turning on the movie and making a protective cocoon around Virgil, holding him in his arms. They both fell asleep there, cuddled together.

---

In the middle of the night, Roman grew hungry and needed something, anything. He sighed and went downstairs, making sure to be quiet on the stairs to not wake anyone. To no surprise, he saw Virgil cuddled up to Logan on the couch. He made made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a jar of crofters. Was it their last jar? Yes, but he'd go out and get more in the morning. Or afternoon, whichever time he felt like going at. He grabbed a spoon as well and went upstairs. At the same moment, Virgil slowly woke up and got a glimpse at Roman. His gut twisted in all kinds of ways and he clung to Logan a little tighter.

In the Morning

Virgil woke up at morning and stretched and yawned. He went to say good morning to Logan but was met with the smell of breakfast. He followed his nose to the kitchen, where he saw Logan making breakfast. Virgil noticed there was some sort of secret hidden in his eyes, he just couldn't tell what it was. "Good morning, Stardust! I made you your favorite, pancakes with strawberries on the side." Logan gave a little smile and handed Virgil his plate. Virgil tried to give Logan a kiss on the cheek to thank him, but he shied away from it. Virgil didn't understand. He'd done it so many other times, why was this time different?

"Thank you, my moon shine. I appreciate this."Logan nodded and pulled out a seat for Virgil. Virgil sat down and Logan scooted his chair in. After Virgil was situated, he tool his seat at the table. Breakfast was quieter than usual. After eating, Virgil broke the silence.

"Logan, is there something wrong? You've been acting weird the whole morning..?

"How so?" Logan shot back.

"It's just...you seem conflicted about something. I sense there's something you need to say, but you don't know how to say it."

Logan looked confused. "It's nothing like that at all stardust. I was just thinking about last night. You came downstairs with tears in your eyes, ready to bust at any second. When I tried asking what was wrong, you just pushed the question away and held on a little tighter. I sensed it when Roman came down the stairs, cause you held on to me tighter. So what did he do to make you so upset?" Logan asked. {Shit, he's really worried, isn't he?} Virgil thought. He took a deep breath and explained everything. How he heard Roman singing, an only wanted to stick around to hear what song it was, but ended up staying until the very end. He mentioned how hurt Roman sounded, how he was barely able to keep himself together singing. As he ranted, he let his heart take over and accidentally admitted he missed Roman, and how even though he found the piece he was looking for, every other piece felt missing. Logan listened to it all and processed. Logan took in a small breath and started to speak. He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

---

Over the past couple of weeks, Logan started to notice the longing look whenever Virgil saw Roman. How apologetic he looked. How if Roman were to ask him to come back, he'd gently put him down and go back to Roman. Logan's been thinking about this for a while, and he thinks this is the right thing to do for the both of them.

---

"Look V, this has been in my mind for a while now, and I think it's time we part ways.. I don't want to hold you back and keep you waiting when there's someone who needs you right now. And don't worry about me, alright? I'm being completely honest when I say this, I'll be alright." He blushes a little bit and rubs the back of his neck with one hand. "I knew this might have happened within these past few weeks, and there's someone in mind I think I've, how do you say it? 'I think I've fallen for?'" Both of them giggled a little bit.

"You're sure you want to do this Lo?" Virgil asked. Logan reached out for Virgil's hand.

"Yeah, I'm sure." They both smiled and stood up, both giving each other a hug. After a bit they both let go. "Alright, go talk to him.. he needs you." Virgil gave him a gentle smile and quickly make his way to the stairs. He dashed up the stairs and made his way to Roman's room. He brought his hand up to the door, hesitating to knock. His hand hovered in the same position for a few minutes. {C'mon Virge, just knock! He'll..he'll answer the door, and you and Roman can talk things out and it'll be fine..yeah, everything will be fine..} he thought. He tried a few times to knock, but kept hesitating. {But wait, what if he won't listen to you? What if he hates you and doesn't even want to talk to you? What if he won't even give you the time of day to explain yourself and shuts you out and never speaks to you again and everything goes into a downward spiral and everyone will hate you for what you did?! } Virgil started to panic, his thoughts getting worse by the second. Before he could even second guess himself, he knocked on the door and waited for a response. He heard shuffling from the other side of the door and was surprised Roman actually opened the door.

Roman was surprised to see Virgil at his door. "Virgil..?" Roman asked. Before Roman could say anything more, Virgil spoke up.

"Roman, listen. I am so, so, so so sorry for everything. I didn't want to tell you at the time cause I was struggling to tell you how I felt on the day of the breakup, but I felt like there was a singular piece missing to my puzzle. I thought that maybe it was with Logan and at the time, it was. But then I realized that once I found the missing piece, it's like someone knocked the puzzle off the table and all the pieces went everywhere, loosing most of the pieces. I tried for awhile to hide it and be happy with Logan, but I just...I saw the way you'd look at us. I saw hurt and jelousy in your gaze. I get if you want to be mad at be right now, or you don't want to talk for a while, but Roman," Virgil paused. "Please promise once the cloid in yoyr heas is gone, you'll come back to me. I promise I won't leave again..I'll stay till the end of time..just please, come back to me..." Both of them stood in silence. Roman was shocked for what came out of Virgil's mouth. But that feeling quickly became happiness and he met Virgil's lips with his own. He wrapped his arms around the others waist. Virgil was surprised at first, but melted into it and wrapped his arms around the back of Roman's neck. They soon pulled away and Roman held on to Virgil tightly, never wanting to let go. In that moment, it was just the two of them. It felt right in that moment. So right. So perfect.

---

As the weeks went by, Roman's mood began to increase. At first, Virgil gave Roman his space, letting Roman get adjusted to the new fact that they were together again and he was no longer "backstage." At night, there were times where Roman woke up to not having Virgil there, and would sometimes forget that their relationship was once more. But he'd quickly remember and text Virgil. After a while though, the two grew closer again, and everything was back to almost normal. The next years for them were going to be amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh. My. God. After 20 million eons, it is finally here! I had so much fun writing this, but like I mentioned a few posts back, there was a lot of family shit getting in the way and it made me feel less motivated to do anything. I actually had this all written before and there were going to be other parts, but my dumb self accidently deleted it and so I had to restart. Then more family shit started to pop off and....yeah. Honestly, this came out way better than what I orginaly had. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed backstage! If there are any prompts or anything you'd like me or write let me know! I'd be glad to make them, I have a lot of fun writing this stuff. Alrighty, be safe guys, live you all so much!!❤

speaking of today’s work bullshit...

so weekends have been hell for months lately, and ive kinda grown used to it since no ones putting effort into hiring staff, but anyway

today we had expected our usual closers to come in at 11, but when one of them didnt show up on time, i got concerned

he’d been off on vacation (as is several of our staff at this time, which i must say is fucking awful to deal with), but i had heard that he didn’t request today off as part of his vacation time, so my supervisor had wrote him down on the schedule to come in

so around 11:30 i called the number we had on file which was his house number and no one answered, so i took it that him and his family were still on vacation...great.

essentially i got no answer from him, but luckily we already had someone scheduled to come in for 3 to close with the other closer, so there were still 2 people to close

but it got SO STUPIDLY BUSY and we could barely restock anything and we kept running out of shit every 5 minutes! everyone was either helping customers, cooking, doing dishes, or making sandwiches. everyone was always doing something, and when something ran out, there was absolutely no time to fill it up again, unless there wasnt a line at the counter or the sandwich line slowed down (which was only a few times mind you)

so yeah everyone was completely stressed out, and when i managed to sneak my break in, i called my supervisor to tell her the issue, and she told me to ask around for anyone who could stay (hah...NO ONE could) and then she said she’d be able to come in later in the day if need be

soooo when i found out no one could stay i left her a message letting her know and by that time, my time was up and i had to leave them. it was still chaotic. things were empty and all over the place. but i knew if i stayed, id be trapped for another hour, maybe longer, and i was fucking tired and dehydrated from working in the 1000 degree kitchen. 

but here comes the best part! i hadnt heard back from my supervisor, and she hadnt read my message, and i even asked my friend who had stayed until 6 if she ever came in........aaaaand she never did. oh. wow. OKAY.

i mean it really shouldnt be my problem. i didnt have to close today. i did my part this morning and did what i could, but when you expect someone like that that you trust to come in and help out to blow us off like that....it feels awful. but idk if she ended up calling the store to tell them something came up or something, but wouldnt my friend have told me that?? it makes it seem like you didnt care. but hah, ever since she switched over to help the kitchen and catering, shes practically abandoned us staff out front, and pretty much puts everything on my fucking shoulders cause im the “senior staff member” and the most reliable person right now

its just...so much for me right now. and with this moving situation happening, my mental health has been extremely bad lately (i almost started yelling at my coworkers yesterday for the littlest things, and i hate getting upset, which made it worse). i havent felt like myself, i never have time for myself to really enjoy, and im really considering leaving...like, for real this time.

if this kind of shit keeps happening, its gonna get me fired. im gonna lash out at a customer or my coworkers and break down in front of everyone, but HAHA NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH. ITS NOT LIKE I CAN JUST TAKE SOME EXTRA TIME OFF TO RECOVER CAUSE LOL EVERYONES ON THEIR FUCKING DANDY VACATION TIME AND I CAN BARELY GET 2 DAYS OFF CAUSE I GOTTA COVER EVERYONES ASS WHILE THEYRE OFF RELAXING AND HAVING FUN. YEAH. GOOD FOR YOU. 

you make think im crazy (and youre crazy for even getting this far into this post), but i feel abused. im taken for granted. im forced to step up and do everything around here cause no one else will. im being pushed to my limits, and thats not what i wanted from this job. i desperately want to leave...but at the same time...could i even transfer to a new job that will still support me? id probably fall back down to minimum wage. id go back to my interviewing days, and sure id have more experience and stories to tell, but it’ll still be awkward and intense for me.....

sigh

once again, im stuck. of course theyll fall apart without me, but that wont be my fault. but i need to take care of myself before it gets any worse. 

our next meeting is coming up (and SURPRISE, its the day of our condo closing and the day before we start moving in), and im def bringing today up and shoving it in everyones face the fact that this shit should never happen again. we NEED more people. specially for the weekend, or those who can work the weekend. they need to be smart about who they’re hiring. make sure they have the experience. make sure they can withstand the hours (no more 4 hour babies that cant even mop the floors). i want to see the effort, the interviews come through, maybe declined, but maybe for the best. and find those you can trust to build our team up again. 

im gonna end it here before it goes on forever, but i really do want this place to get better. id hate to have it stay in a shit-hole forever. but people need to put the effort in and things need to change. otherwise, you’re gonna drive your best people away...like me.