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ohagi-eats · 2 months

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Against All Odds

“Catch me, Dad!” I squealed as I leapt from the banister of the stairs. He caught me in his arms and twirled me around till the room got fuzzy and my stomach hurt from laughter.

My mother glowered at him from the glass door of her home office.

“Throw her around like that and she’ll be at the hospital in seconds!”

Dad’s sweet chortling always brought me to my senses. If I were ever comatosed, the sound would jolt me awake like a lightning bolt.

“That’s if she fell. She’ll never fall, because I’ll never let her go.”

~~~

The immediate jerk of the plane woke me up from my reminiscence straight away. I cracked my neck to one side and groaned at the splitting sound.

When the pilot announced take-off, I didn’t think my heart could pound any louder than it already was. I picked at the skin around my thumb, and when that got too marred, I toyed with the hem of my athletic shirt.

Did I want to spend my Saturday morning on an aircraft with a parachute strapped to my back? Not really. In hindsight, did I have a choice?

Well, yes. I did.

You chose to be here, and you aren’t getting off of this plane until you jump off from it at twelve thousand feet.

That didn’t necessarily mean I wasn’t allowed to let my anxiety take over as we bounced against the rough gravel while the jet accelerated.

Maybe I can do this. Maybe I am cut out for this.

All diverting thoughts flew away from my brain as soon as I felt the plane lift from the ground and into the air.

Ican’tdothisIcan’tdothisIcan’tdothis-

“Miss? Are…are you okay?”

I didn’t even bother checking where the voice came from, or even confirming if the comment was directed towards me.

“Just peachy,” I breathed.

The voice laughed. “It’s not that bad, trust me. I’ve-”

I lurched forward when the aircraft suddenly plummeted towards the ground. I felt sharp nails digging into my forearm to keep me from shooting straight across the six feet of space we had between the benches.

All I heard over the speaker was “minor” and “turbulence”. Only one of them made sense to me, and it definitely wasn’t minor.

When the plane came to a stop on the runway, I turned to my right. The “voice” came from a tall(er) woman. Her swirly brown hair was pulled back into a braid and her eyes were warm and friendly. They reminded me of freshly baked cookies near a fireplace with cozy blankets.

“I’m Kahani. Aani for short. You?” She asked with her outstretched and perfectly manicured hand.

“Kiele. Nice to meet you.” She smiled and her nose ring glinted in the sunlight shining through the windows.

“We should likely be back in the air by… an hour tops?” She looked out the window and nodded her head. “No more aircrafts available for today.”

“How are you so sure?”

She tapped at the embroidery on her shirt. “I’m your instructor. The pilot’s my dad. I come over here to volunteer once a month or so. Even have my own license! Well, obviously, or else I couldn’t qualify to be your instructor,” she laughed. She leaned forward on her hand. “So, what are you doing here? I mean, you’re probably here to skydive, but by the looks of it, it doesn’t seem like you enjoy heights very much. No offense.”

I shrugged. “None taken. I’m fine with heights, but I think the thought of jumping to my doom from twelve thousand feet in the air is enough to nauseate a lot of people.”

She grinned. “Interesting, but you didn’t answer the question. Why are you here, then?”

“If I really had to elaborate, it would be a long story. I’ll run it down--”

“Ah--stop right there,” she said, her finger moving side to side. “We’ve got an hour.” She crossed her legs. “Hit me with it.”

I thought about it. Did I really want to share my entire life story with someone I just met two minutes ago? Aani seemed like a nice person, and my priority voice in my head kept nagging at me.

Kiele, you run an awareness program. So, spread awareness!

I smiled and drummed my fingers against my phone case.

“Where should I start?”

~~~

The day I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia was, needless to say, the most god awful day of my life.

I’d been sitting there at my kitchen countertop. I was seventeen and was doing what most normal teenagers would be doing in March: scouring college websites, tours, and program offers. I didn’t think my life could even get more infuriating after I’d learned my dad wouldn’t be coming home for another week. It didn’t really warrant me to sulk like a three-year-old and refuse to eat dinner, but I was too upset to care.

After a few hours of trying to get me to eat, even my own mother had given up and crashed on her desk in her office. No matter how hungry I was, I spurned away the plate she’d set in front of me.

Thinking back, maybe I should’ve eaten. Maybe I would’ve allowed myself a few more weeks of what I thought to be peace and what I called calmness.

I remember slamming open the door to her office and violently shaking my mom so she’d wake up. Even at four in the morning, she was still pretty vigilant and on her guard.

Blood was dripping in splotches all over the floor and various documents from my nose, and no matter how much pressure she put on it, she couldn’t get it to stop.

Half an hour later, she was running the speed limit with the GPS blaring directions out to the nearest hospital. My hands were trembling and I was cowering in trepidation as tears started pooling in my eyes.

“Kiele Iokua, get yourself together. It’s one nosebleed that I drove you all the way over here for, nothing is going to happen. It’s nothing serious. It’s just like the rest,” she sighed.

The rest were never this bad. The rest never sanctioned a trip to the hospital.

I don’t remember when we’d entered the hospital, checking in, or even the doctor telling my mom to leave the room. I don’t even remember when they took my blood to the lab or the moments I sat there with waves of unease crashing over my body.

I just remember those words that turned my life a full one-eighty degrees.

“I’m…extremely sorry to deliver this news, but… we…we’ve diagnosed you with stage three leukemia. Now, we know this may be…”

I wasn’t listening to whatever the doctor was saying, likely about how things would be okay. And maybe, if I’d truly listened, they would’ve been.

But all I could think about was how things would never be okay. How was it possible to tell a seventeen year old that their life was being threatened by a fatal disease?

Nothing could have ever prepared me for that day, even if I had more time to be a normal person before I found out.

My dad was called in from his week-long business trip, and I thought about how a few hours ago, it would’ve made me the happiest person in the entire world. I didn’t think anything could ever achieve that again.

I hadn’t moved for over six hours, and the doctors had started to get worried. Even Mom went out and had gotten cupcakes from Crumble Bliss to “cheer” me up. How were you supposed to cheer someone up after that?

I didn’t even budge when Dad’s arms were wrapped around me so tight that I couldn’t breathe.

It was only when my parents had discussed chemo treatment with the doctors and everyone had left the room, the tears started rolling. I must’ve sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for hours that night based on how swollen my eyes were the next morning.

My parents sent an email to my high school about the situation. My entire future that I had planned was practically gone. Forget about deciding on a college-- I wouldn’t even be able to go to college.

I thought that maybe after the chemo, I’d feel better. It only got worse.

After every appointment, I didn’t feel any different. The doctors reassured me that my body was fighting and it would take time to see those results pay off, but I grew more bitter and angrier every second I spent in that hospital.

I was rude to the nurses and all the physicians who tried to help me. I screamed at them, cried at them, and even kicked at them when they tried to help me. The only person that could manage two words with me on good days was Dad.

My Dad visited the hospital whenever he could. He cut all his meetings short just to see me and always brought a cupcake or a snack that he knew I loved.

He held my hand and said that it would be okay, but even he knew it wouldn’t.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the hair fall started.

Everytime I ran my hands through the dark locks of my scalp, clumps of hair threaded between my fingers and easily slipped out. By the end of the month, my once thick and long hair was as thin as a twig.

My dad came on the first weekend in April and held my hands.

“Kiele, it’s okay, it’ll grow back before you know it, alright? You’ll be-”

I snapped. I didn’t know what it was that made me lose my temper that day, but I couldn’t take it anymore.

“No! No, it won’t be okay! Stop pretending like it is, alright? You don’t know what it’s like-- you’ll never know what it’s like. Do you know how hard it is to deal with the fact that I have cancer? Just leave me alone!” My voice cracked near the end of my words and I shoved Dad away until he left.

He still visited whenever he could after my meltdown, and my mom came by with him to try to get me out of my gloom.

My embittered attitude only made the cancer worse as months went by. I was rude to anyone who even tried to speak to me, not realizing how much pain I’d been causing them-- and more importantly, how much pain I was causing myself.

The doctors didn’t know if I’d ever recover, but they’d said it was unlikely after a few months, and I soon might’ve entered stage four.

They hadn’t told me, but I’d overheard them telling my parents in the waiting room. Anger flooded through me like it did every other day, and I pitied myself day after day, wondering why I was the one stuck with cancer-- what I did so painfully wrong that landed me in this mess.

A week after that day, I was wandering around the hospital with my IV bag stand rolling next to me. Even after six months, that aftershock still didn’t wear off. I was spiraling into a whirlpool of depression and agony, and it seemed like there was no return.

I’d stopped short in my tracks right before I was about to turn the corner.

Soft sniffles came from one of the seats, and it was one of the nurses-- one the nurses who was assigned to my ward.

I looked at the room across from her and saw a young boy-- who couldn’t be more than seven-- swatting away the pills in a nurse’s hand.

“No! I don’t want it! It won’t help me, okay? Nothing will help! It’s only going to get worse!” He cried aloud. He kicked and screamed and shrieked at anyone who tried to touch him, and even kicked one nurse in the face. He threw so many hurtful insults at them that even my mind started to react to them, even when they weren’t directed at me.

How could…someone say things so…hurtful?

How could that someone…be me?

At that moment, it was like a freight train hit my body.

I was a horrible person. I was so vile and churlish and so… insolent. I’d taken out all my bottled up resentment at something so out of anyone’s control and unleashed it out on everyone who’d just wanted to help me.

It was then that I decided to suck it up and start to be happy, or at least pretend to, even if I wasn’t. Going through cancer was the hardest point of my life, but that gave me no reason to be such a jerk to people who loved me.

Optimism didn’t completely get rid of that loneliness I’d always felt in the beginning, but it was the first step.

Even pretending to be happy tricked me into thinking everything was fine, sometimes. I decorated my room with pictures of my family and things I loved, and the nurses even helped me with my new change.

“We’re proud of you Kiele. Keep fighting,” one of them smiled at me.

I talked to the doctors and my nurses every chemo session to keep me distracted. They’d told me about their lives, their family, their friends, and news outside of the hospital. I’d slowly gone from pretending to be hopeful, to truly believing it.

I’d even told my Dad that I was sorry for being so difficult. That day, I shaved off all the remaining hair on my head, and looked at my Dad in the mirror with tears as he soon followed.

The positive mindset I followed did wonders to my mental health-- and maybe even my physical.

I went from waking up every morning and asking myself “why I have to be sick” or “why can’t I be like everyone else”, to appreciating everyone around me and being confident that I could fight back.

There was still one problem.

I’d forgotten where the room was, but it wasn’t hard to find it again after I followed the

shouts echoing down the hallway at night.

A nurse came out with a dejected look from the room, but quickly replaced it with a nod and a smile when she saw me. I gently grabbed her wrist.

“Could you tell me… what you were trying to get him to do? That boy in there,” I asked.

“He won’t take his medication for today. I’ve tried so much, but I just… he won’t. I-”

I smiled. “I’ll take care of it.”

With that, I rapped my knuckles softly against the door. When no one answered, I clicked open the door and walked in.

“Go away! I said I didn’t--” the boy stopped yelling when he saw me. “You’re not a nurse,” he said.

“You’re right, I’m not. I just came here to talk to you. Can I sit here?” I asked him, patting the spot at the foot of his bed. He gingerly nodded.

“Can I ask you…why are you so sad?”

“Huh?”

“You’re feeling a lot of emotions, I know. I know what it-”

Immediately, he lashed out at me. “No you don’t! Stop it! Stop saying you know what it feels like!” Tears were cascading down his cheeks and my heart cracked a little, knowing those were the words that came out of my mouth not too long ago.

I flinched a little, hurt at his sudden outburst. “You have Crohn's disease, right? That doctor told me. I can’t really say that I completely know what it feels like… but I think I have an idea,” I tentatively said, hoping he wouldn’t burst into a fit of tears again.

“How?” He glared at me.

“A few months ago, I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia. Blood cancer. It was the worst day of my life. I felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me feel like a normal person again.

Just like you, I was filled with hatred and acerbity towards everyone. I yelled at the nurses, the doctors, and even my own parents. I think I even made them cry sometimes,” I said. I didn’t like thinking about those memories-- it reminded me of the person I used to be, and I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

He blinked at me. “I don’t know who my parents are. A volunteering camp raised money for some of us to receive treatment here,” he said, his voice wavering.

“Do…do I make the nurses cry? Did I hurt their feelings?”

I decided not to sugarcoat it. “Yes, you did, but it’s okay. It’s hard to live in this world and think about why we had to be the unfortunate ones, isn’t it? I hated it, and I still dislike having cancer. I lost energy, my friends, and even my hair. It took me a while to get over that. But I like to think about something-- do you wanna know what it is?”

He hesitated, but then nodded. “We were chosen to carry these burdens because we’re stronger than anyone else. Fighting back isn’t something just anyone could do, you know that? Overcoming these challenges will only make us even more powerful. The only thing stopping that is yourself,” I said, pointing at him with my finger. “You have the ability to change that-- you just have to believe. Be hopeful. Be idealistic. Be optimistic.”

We shared a few minutes of silence before I spoke again.

“Will you take your meds now?”

He reached over for the glass of water next to him and firmly nodded.

“I…I’m sorry. For yelling at you,” he said, not making eye contact with me.

“Apology accepted, but I don’t think it's me that you should be apologizing to, right?”

“Right.”

~~~

After Jun expressed his regret to all the nurses, I found out that he was pretty sweet. Once I’d made a friend, the hospital didn’t feel so lonely anymore--even if my friend was a seven year old kid.

Jun and I took walks around the hospital facilities and sometimes even the central rotunda parks, when both of us were feeling up for it. I spent time in his room, and he spent time in mine. He even came to some of my chemo sessions to talk to me. His company was fresh and we found solace in each other.

He’d never learned, so sometimes, I took him to the library and taught him how to read and write. It was tough, considering he had occasional severe stomach aches and I was still battling the rapid cell growth in my body, but we made it work. Jun was a fast learner, and it made me happy to see him grow so much over a few months.

Seemingly, I started feeling better after the continuous chemotherapy, and before I knew it, almost two years had passed since I first inhabited the facilities.

Even Jun showed some change-- not a lot, but it was a start that made us happy. I introduced him to my Dad, and he was more than happy to keep Jun entertained.

He bought card games, books, and loads of activities every month to the hospital. He’d spend hours in my room with Jun curled up next to him, telling us both stories and playing games. It felt silly that I was nineteen years old and I was playing Hungry Hippos with a kid instead of being in college studying for midterms, but I didn’t care.

After a while, I was permitted to stay at my home to transition to outpatient care and continue my treatment in scheduled sessions during the week. I was elated. After so long, it was a dream come true, but I thought about Jun. As much as I didn’t want to leave him, both my parents wanted me to come home for so long, I just couldn’t deny them.

I walked into Jun’s room one day, half expecting him to throw a tantrum when I told him the news. Instead, to my surprise, he hugged me. “You taught me that positivity is the best medicine, and I want to share it with others. You deserve this after being stuck here so long. You’ll visit, right?” He looked up at me with his gray eyes and tousled brown hair. I smiled.

“All the time.”

~~~

I didn’t feel that I was ready to start going to school in person, so I finished high school online. I got my diploma, and even had a private graduation party that Jun was invited to.

My life seemed to get better from then on. I wrote my college essay about my experience, and I’d gotten into a university not too far away from the hospital. Along with visiting my parents, I visited Jun every weekend.

I didn’t have to go for a chemo session every month then, just a few routine check-ups. My hair had even started to grow back, and I felt suffocated through pure joy. Before, I thought it would never grow back, but seeing my scalp littered with dark brown hair made my heart burst.

Before cancer, I’d never known what I would truly want to do in life, but the first thing I did out of university was apply to research programs. I wanted to help people, but not just by being a scientist, or researcher.

With Jun and the hospital staff’s help, I started my volunteer center with great pride and joy, knowing that I’d discovered my calling.

Jun’s presence in my life was a constant reminder of my resilience and finding strength in each other when I’d been told that I was finally cancer-free.

~~~

“Everyone said that the survival rate at my stage was extremely low, but nothing makes me prouder to say that I beat it. I’m a cancer survivor,” I said, smiling at Aani and pointing to my wrist with the tattoo of a ribbon. I ran my hand over my curly mid-length braid. “Even have my hair to prove it.”

“That--that’s amazing! Turning your life around like that takes real courage, and if you can beat cancer, then I definitely think you can skydive. Even if that story was beautiful-- you still never answered the question. Why are you here?”

“I’m one of the supervisors at that very hospital wing as a research intern. One of the kids there didn’t think she was going to survive this autoimmune disease she had, but she’s brave. She told me skydiving was her dream, and I wanted to make it come true.”

Aani stared at me in awe. “You are… truly an amazing person. Can I ask-- what happened to Jun?”

My heart raced. “I loved my Dad so much that I didn’t think it was possible to love him more, you know? Not until he showed me the adoption papers. Jun’s my younger brother now, and he’s been attending high school like a regular kid after getting discharged. He’s the one who got me to do this today, actually,” I laughed.

So much time had passed while talking, that I hadn’t even realized the plane must’ve taken off a while ago. I stared out the window and I could barely even see anything over green that stretched out for miles.

My back straightened. I went stiff, knowing that soon that time would come. Aani put her hand on my shoulder to unstrain my posture.

“My first few months at the hospital, I absolutely hated the feeling of missing out on so many things that I knew would go on during senior year,” I said, distracting myself. “But you know who stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I was such a jerk? My Dad.”

Everyone started getting up and strapping themselves up to their instructors. Aani tapped my forehead. “Breathe. Relax. I can’t tighten the straps if you're so tense! Keep going-- tell me something he said.”

I inhaled and eased my body. “The power of optimism completely altered my life and without that, I wouldn’t be where I am now,” I spoke, shutting my eyes. “When I apologized to him after I’d started my positive mindset phase, he’d told me something that I later told Jun, and now I tell all the kids in the ICU wing. If you wait to be happy until life isn’t hard anymore, then you’ll waste your whole life waiting,” I said, not even registering that we were up next to jump out.

“You must love your Dad a lot, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” my voice quivered looking down at the ground and my heart hammered against my chest.

“If you fought cancer while you were in stage three,” Aani yelled over the loud wind. “Then you can survive jumping out of a plane. Don’t waste your whole life wishing you didn’t back out! Ready?” she asked.

I looked down and smiled. “More than ever.”

And in that moment, I knew I wasn’t even lying-- against all odds, I would always triumph over anything. I welcomed the rush of the air currents against my face when Aani leapt from the platform.

Catch me, Dad.

•••

This story was written to show the journey of a cancer survivor who finds strength and resilience through the hardships she faced throughout her life. It is a constant reminder even if you aren’t struggling in life, the power of optimism brings out true resilience.

#leukemia #cancer survival #yes i did write this #cancer survival story #time to be optimistic #yay #chron's disease #i have two separate accounts hence i posted them on both haha #hope you like it #did this for a newspapwer application #thought i'd post it here

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marvelous-imagining · 4 years

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Wrong

Hey, everyone! I realized after posting this on my Wattpad account that I completely forgot to post it here on Tumblr as well and I think you guys have the right to read this too if you so please.

Basically, to put it as short as I can, I still see people liking this series and it makes me feel bad that I never finished it. I still won’t, so don’t get your hopes up. Also, sorry about that as well... But I explained in my Farewell post why I won’t be writing here anymore. Nothing about that will change. But I can share what I had planned for Wrong specifically. Writing all this down kind of gave me an odd sense of closure since I did feel a bit bad for never finishing it when I had some things planned. I had some key plot points along with the ending somewhat figured out and wanted to share them with those who might be interested to know how it all could have ended. I hope it’s not too disappointing, haha.

But anyway, without further ado, here we go...

(the rest is pretty much copy-pasted from Wattpad)

So, we left off with Chris's POV in Part 12. We saw Reina, she seems to be an ok person, right? Well I had a lot planned for Reina.

1. She's controlling. Throughout the story I wanted to bring that out more. She's asking (more demanding) Chris to shave, she would have had a lot to say about the way he dresses, the amount of exercise he does (too much but he does it to destress especially if reader isn't around to help him with that ayoooo), just wants to control him in every way possible, even with the smallest of things

2. She's after that perfect suburban married couple life who will have a couple of kids who will go to great schools and grow up very prim and proper. She never got that calm family life, her parents weren't the happiest and she was an only child. Growing up in her household was a bit rough for her and her relationship with her parents still affects her. She also works in her father's company because she was practically forced to. She can't escape her family in that way so she tries to recreate her fantasies of a perfect life with Chris to no avail.

3. There's a point in time she starts getting more and more interested in sex with Chris. He's not really feeling it because it all feels so forced and also he can't stop thinking about the whole situation with the reader. He's torn between his affair and wanting to make things work with his wife because he has once convinced himself that he wants the same things as Reina. He's also scared of divorcing her because he has once swore to love her and be with her forever and they were in love. truly. not anymore though. but anyway, so they become more sexually active in the relationship. chris might cut ties with reader during this time once again only to realize he has tasted that forbidden fruit that is the reader and now cannot be satisfied with his wife anymore. sexually or emotionally. he needs more of that forbidden fruit. sin tastes and feels so amazing although it's so wrong.

4. Reina gets pregnant. And at this point Chris and Y/N are back at it again, affair going strong. The news really shock Chris, the pregnancy wasn't planned. Chris had begun to lean more towards the decision to divorce once again but this whole pregnancy throws him off. He has a little one on the way now. So he meets with Y/N not too long after and breaks the news. Y/N can see he's distraught, maybe even felt it from the way he acted in bed because of course problems in this story would be attempted to be fixed by sex because we love that problematic way of dealing with emotions, don't we? nobody ever said this wouldn't be problematic. so obviously both are torn, they don't want to leave the other but.... chris has to think about his family.... and the whole thing with them being in a professor/student relationship

5. after some time it comes to light that the kid is actually not chris's but a coworker of Reina's who she had been cheating on Chris with for years. (hence the sudden desperation for sex that followed afterwards to prevent chris from getting suspicious) Reina married Chris to please her parents pretty much, their fathers were business partners, planning on using each other for profit and all that business stuff for having their families intertwine like that. Reina never really wanted to marry chris, they did have their time in love and everything but this coworker of hers was actually her one true love from her younger years. he married someone too but the two kept seeing each other nearly every day, the feelings never went away, they ended up caving many many many times. and yeah, chris is not the biological father. obviously this will cause a huge fight. they will eventually separate, and a divorce will happen. 100%. and reina will find out about chris and y/n... and though she is bitter this college girl stole chris's heart who she wants to blame the whole problem on, she decides to stay quiet about the whole thing. she knows she's wronged chris and she has no business trying to ruin his career or cause him more pain. she knows she's done awful things, she can't really take it out on him. she will probably threaten them with the knowledge at first but decide against it, even show them she won't say anything. she still is not fond of y/n. she also ends up with the father of her child. they are growing a family together now.

Now..... timelines will be a bit mixed up here, so this next thing would have come before the whole pregnancy thing.

So the thing between Y/N and Chris continues, they have many talks about stopping, maybe at this point they would have just agreed on a break or sth and they actually end up meeting in a company party. because surprise surprise, Y/N's mother is actually working in Reina's father's company. She works above Reina, so she's her senior/superior. They don't really work together that much but they are acquainted and friendly. Y/N and Chris will both be there for the party and it will be very uncomfortable. A conversation about Y/N studying in the same college that Chris works at comes up and there'll will be a lot of comments from both Y/N's parents and Reina that hit very different when you know about the affair. like "I hope our daughter hasn't been troubling you." and "Well, I hope in return my husband has been treating you well."

on top of all of that y/n might be struck with some jealousy and actually tease chris in very sneaky ways. maybe there's some finger foods she's eating in seductive ways, maybe she's flirting with some interns and sending glances at chris to make sure he's watching. she's taking the risks and it's making her all the more excited. this relationship is very exciting, thrilling for both of them.

chris will walk up to y/n and her parents and ask for permission to talk to y/n about certain school stuff that he "has been meaning to talk to her about but haven't had the time". and now that reina is mingling, he found the right timing to snatch you away. he's also apologizing for the inconvenience.

turns out y/n's dad is actually quite fond of chris, saying how nice of a man he is and senses nothing iffy in his behavior.

they may or may not have a little fun in a public bathroom and create rumors that reach reina's ears that she brings up to chris later on. nobody spilled the beans on who those two were, they weren't fully seen.

she will realize through her jealousy that she actually wants something more with chris but him being married and all is what complicates things. he, after cheating on his wife with y/n in the company party of his father-in-law's, realizes just how risky this whole affair is, but realizes he has no intentions to stop. he want's y/n real bad. he's in deep, just like she is.

so there are connections. small world, isn't it?

but anyway, to the finishing line of his story.

chris divorces his wife. he meets with y/n again after a while of not being in contact, after thinking some things through. they love each other deeply but they've both been through so much during their affair as have other people around them. chris has gone through a divorce, he had been preparing for a child that ended up not being his in the end, he's battled with not taking control of his life and following his long forgotten dreams. all throughout this story, he would have been writing a story himself about the whole thing. a little romanticized, dramatized (though the story in itself is already filled with drama) but most importantly he's gotten his inspiration back, y/n woke something in him that got him writing again. she had become his muse, someone who nearly possessed his mind... obviously the whole connection between these two is problematic and.... toxic in a way??? like i think we can all agree this isn't the healthiest of relationships. there's a lot of back and forth, hot and cold, breakups and makeups, the fact that it's frowned upon/illegal due to chris being y/n's professor, chris cheating on his wife with her which she is just enabling.... also this situation has not helped her education at all and in turn made things a but worse... it's messy and causing a lot of distress for both parties. they end up separating as well. it will be hard for both of them. chris will do most of the talking, explaining how this is not the right time for them to start a proper relationship after everything they've both gone through. he's explaining her how she needs to focus on her studies, he doesn't want to sabotage her future and he needs to give his dreams a shot once more. he's moving away after the semester ends, he's starting off new and he hopes she will do the same. obviously the whole night will be emotional, romantic yet sad... there's a lot of pain but also a lot of love for each other. and they end up separating, not contacting each other again.

years go by and finally y/n graduates. she finds out that there is a book signing event from none other than chris. he's finally published a book and it has brought quite a lot of attention. it's nothing too big for now but a spike in sales and popularity has been talked about. she's brought back to her time with him and can't help but feel proud that he's finally doing something he's wanted to do for a long time. he's written a book that will become successful. though romanticized in some parts still a very raw story about love, family, career and affairs (maybe even midlife-crisis) that doesn't sugarcoat things. obviously characters, the setting and much else have been changed to not reveal too much of what happened in real life. i'm thinking even occupations of the characters would be changed, it won't be a professor/student relationship but still an almost boss/employee one... or maybe better described as senior/junior... idk didn't think that far..... but anyway...

she's very happy for him but also curious to how the book turned out, curious to know what was going on inside his mind when they had their affair. she gets the book, curiosity becoming too much for her to bear.

so she reads the book. probably won't be too fond of some of the things written but recognizes the beautifully written raw emotions and feelings and feels the depth of them. she sheds many tears while reading the book, realizing how deeply he truly loved her. her heart clenches at the memory of him, of everything they went through. she realizes she still holds him dear to her heart. and she has nothing romantic going on for her right now, she's wondering how his situation is. based on what she read she is hopeful he still feels the same somewhat. i mean, it's been years and he book is being published only just now... she's trying to make sense of why he would still be interested.... but without thinking about it much further, she decides to go to the event, ask for her book to be signed.

she's nervous obviously, waiting until the last of the people have gotten their books signed. just as chris is wrapping up and starting to leave, y/n walks up to him and nicely asks for him to do one more signature. he immediately recognizes her voice. though it's been years, his writing has kept it alive. every time he described her voice, he could hear it in his head. you had stayed to haunt him even after all this time.

the two will catch up, fidgeting awkwardly. it's been years, jumping right into each other's embrace would be quite weird and awkward for them. they still kind of want to do that... but anyway they keep it all civil and everything but end up agreeing to meeting up for dinner or something. they will be going for dinner and on the drive be talking and catching up but during the ride their plans change. though both of them wanted to take it slow and be careful, they just cannot wait. they go up to either one of their apartments or a hotel room one of them is staying at (didn't think where this event would be held) and just go at it. it'll be passionate, emotional... they will take their time, make sure to show each other how they truly feel when they've never really been experts at communicating verbally, but no need to worry, they'll learn in time.

it will end with them sharing their want to take things slow but throwing that out of the window. they finally have the chance to be together, they want to get right on it. jokes will be made about moving fast, even a quick vegas wedding might be brought up only to be challenged with a "ok, maybe take things just a liiiiiitle bit slower"

but yeah so in the end they do end up together. that's what i had planned for the story. i hope you liked it, i'm sorry if you didn't. i know how bothersome it can be to have a story you like be left completely unfinished with no closure but i hope you find some closure in this if that's what you were missing. i know it's not written in the best way possible, but it gives you the gist of how the story would end if i finished it. if you have any questions, let me know and i'll see if i can answer them.

i'm sorry for those of you who wanted this story to be continued. that sadly won't be happening from me. if any of you want to give this story a go, to put your own little twists into it, you have my permission. just remember if you decide to continue the story, or you're inspired to write something based on any of my stories, remember to give credit when credit is due. and with all of that said do what you want with this permission.

again, i hope this brought some closure to those who were seeking it. thank you for reading and voting for Wrong. It is a shame I can't quite put it into story form anymore. But I feel like even I got some closure from sharing what I had in store for you guys. Now I can let it rest with no remorse.

#wrong #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #professor!chris #student!reader #professor x student #college au

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momiwanabeanautistwhenigrowup · 4 years

Text

So here I am. Doing the one thing I have steadily avoided for the last 4 years…somewhat.

I shouldn’t start off this way but fuck I hate writing. And there goes the first impression, etched forever in your subconscious.

She’s not going to be happy about this. Meh.

So I’m a 30 y/o stuck in this hellhole and this is my story? I guess. I mean it’s really ours.

I basically made this account to vent ..uh then I realised I’d have to go all the way back for it to make sense…and I guess my life has always been this series/rpg game so it might take shape in that style. I’m mostly explaining this to myself.

Jump to 2016. I started this biography venture bc in my short 25 years I’d amassed a set of experiences that were not so average middle class life experiences, and not in the good way. Now if you take my story and place it on the backdrop of each life on this earth then, in my opinion, my life is pretty ordinary too. Hence the (reason I tell myself there was a) delay with finishing this biography. Anyway so I sat down to write this thing a total of two times(fucking literary genius) in 2016, sometime in April if I recall correctly. It was horrible but necessary, and then I guess I found magic? And decided to halt production since well…I was busy coming into awareness. I still have the draft on this pc... I stopped when I was 10 years old.

Jump to 2020 and I’m in front of this computer with Tumblr as my backdrop in order for me to feel like I have and audience and therefore someone to talk to (I decided to type this shit out on word before copy pasting to tumblr bc apparently I don’t like living on the edge??)

I’m high as fuck (I would like to say.. but na, I’m just regular high off some freshly home-grown microwaved weed.) anyway this is probably going to be my last indulgent ingestion of the stuff. Hopefully.

Don’t get me wrong, weed isn”t to blame and I have people I can talk to, but the problem is

Everyone

Has

Their

Own

Shit.

None I know has the space. I’m the most equipped to deal with myself. To me, that is deeply unsettling right now. Like… most people don’t even know where to begin and..well..I’ve been here before so I know what to do and honestly it’s fucking shit haha.

And as shitty as I feel, it doesn’t change the fact. I gotta figure this out on my own.

I’m a 30 y/o natural med student in my second year of my 5 year degree. I live at my parent’s house in a relatively good neighbourhood, I have the most comfortable bed, a loving cat, a good-looking bedroom and many middle class luxuries…like an en suite. I have a very comfortable house to live in and there is always food whenever I feel like eating or even just to cook for fun(my talents lie in the kitchen, potions, medicines and treats are my favourite pastimes, I love to nourish people. Don’t let it fool you though.) it’s c o v i d year rn and I don’t pay for shit.. factually, I’m pretty privileged to have all that I do physically.

My parents have always been around in physicality, even when they weren’t there, especially when they weren’t there… which was and still is a lot. And in rolls one of the overarching themes emerges. Welcome welcome.

I got that far and took a Facebook break, bitch she runnin

So yeah I was born in this bitch back in 1990, two guys got here before me, one 11 years prior, the other 3 years after the first. Then I showed up after our parents reconciled after a 6-month separation. But like…that doesn’t happen in my life till 2019.

I’m currently contemplating piercing my lip or nose but I threw out all of my old jewellery. Geezus, it’s her and she is 22. (side note to myself, please ignore)

Anyway so yeah I get borned unto these guys; a drummer butalso telephone technician and an accountant, both were raised as worker bees but are actually uh..nope. spoiler one is a caster the other is a timekeeper. Both mages, but they don’t know.

I was this scared to shit little creature of a child. I slept between them once It was safe to do so (I know almost nothing about kids but I’m assuming it’s a safety hazard to sleep next to new-borns? let alone to let them sleep between two people whom are also asleep. Also, I recall sleeping in this white, wooden cot thing which used to chill next to their bed. It opened up like some gates did in those medieval(<-never understood this word tbh) castles, the ones that go vertically up and down. (Yes, I remember. I remember realising I was back on this plane when I was 2 months old, it’s my earliest memory-trust me this becomes highly unimpressive once I turn 23 so hold on before you think I’m lookin for clout on this one). Like I get that that is cute and all, legit I was cradled in safety but like, that cradle started to close in very soon. Too much of a good thing changes poles kids. Leave Jesus alone he wants to have some him time.

So yeah a lot happens that was quite significant during these first 4 years but I don’t remember much but a few glimpses. Bouncing on my dad’s chest, the lounge on a sunny Sunday, mom in a beige coat, long pretty hair, a family vacation where I wore this 2 piece I loved and there was a blue waterslide tube, a fight about racism (early 90s, go figure..but like also 2020 fr) a roller-skating rink, a “haunted” forest walk, Easter…. man that vacation was fun. Most of the things I remember were from age 4 onwards. But I do have snippets of before.. playing dress up with my cousins, hiding in cupboards, hiding behind makeshift tents, maaaaany makeshift tents, talks about camping outside by the pool (oh we had quite a nice sized house with a huge yard and quite a big pool too, I learned to swim when I was two, I spent a lot of time in and around water as a kidling) I spent and remember most of my time with my cousins and being angry at our aunts. I did ballet from the age of 4 as well, I remember my mom asking me if I wanted to do ballet and I said yes, we were in this blue ballet room where one of my cousins was busy with her class. She got here 7 or 8 years ahead of me too.

Idk my childhood was pretty colourful, even today, I remember it being filled with lots of adventure. At least until I started going to crèche, but only for mornings until the other kids got here and it took my mind off of the fact that my mom wasn’t there. I hated it when my mom left me anywhere, I still remember what that felt like and it’s still nauseating despite the fact that I’m about 26 years older now.

also i’m finally posting this now and the high has already worn off. 24 hours to go.

fuck.

#fuck #autobiography #biography #time to whine

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transvladking · 5 years

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(1/5) Hello, this is the 4/2 anon from before! Thank you for your response!! I see what you mean about how Monoma really shouldn’t know the depth of how bad Bakugo feels about the shebang and how a different approach would have worked as well. But I don’t think Horikoshi-sensei is insinuating that Monoma knows how bad Bakugo felt… (disclaimer: this is separate from the previous stuff. Viz changed my impression of the scene)

(2/5) I think the phrasing MAY be just a translation thing on MS’s part (see Viz’s as an alternative, though I don’t know what they translated Bakugo’s line as or what the original lines were); when I read it I felt it was a style choice (the cadence or something gave me a “kakkoi” feeling). Also, I think the media and populace both view All Might’s last fight as his fall since he retired afterwards, so it could be the phrasing isn’t that rare?

(3/5) And further, looking closer at Viz’s translation—it seems that rather than fishing for a response, Monoma is buying time and furthering his statement from before (class that stands out in all the worst ways). It follows logically that Monoma would bring up Bakugo and All Might’s downfall. Bakugo stood out in a bad way, got caught, etc. So rather than saying sth abt how Bakugo feels, he could just be saying that the troublemaker finally got punished rather than lauded? Or sth.

(4/5) Poking at the poor control Deku has is a cool idea actually! I woulda liked to see that haha. Re: his quirk, yeah, we’re super up in the air. Honestly I’d love it if any contact worked and I really hope Deku’s OFA development doesn’t cut Monoma’s screentime to show what the team came up with/stuff. I saw one post about Monoma being a living stem cell and thought that was such a cool way to put it; would love to hear about your hcs!

(5/5) I did see somewhere that Horikoshi-s said he intended to do more w Monoma but didn’t cuz of negative reception, and that he felt he was weak-willed when the manga had just started gaining popularity, but I can’t find any direct sources for either… (Horikoshi pls don’t shaft the kid anymore thank) This ended up longer than I expected srry!! I wanted to say sth about the “targeting the exact person” thing but I will save it. Thanks once again!!

I love you coming into my inbox its been so long since people have actually discussed this with me omg

I definitely think he’s buying time, but I also think he’s trying to get Midoriya to talk. And for sure, he was leading up to that comment with his talk about blessed people ruining the world (which, i love as an insight to his character) but the line, at best, feels clunky.

In his ‘intro panel’ in that chapter, he’s holding 3 pocketwatches. Now, we know Monoma uses them to track his quirk, so we can insinuate he’s got three copied at the moment.

1) Reiko’s

2)?

3)?

So it’s entirely possible he’s using Shinsou’s, which Midoriya is taking into account. And I think he’s saying Bakugou SHOULD be punished, that he should feel bad, because everything Class A does brings trouble to the school, and I suppose, All Might.

I think Deku’s OFA thing is a way to avoid showing us what happens if Monoma copies his quirk. I really do. Horikoshi likely won’t show it, imo. But if he does, I will be pleasantly surprised! But I think what’ll happen is this:

1) teachers do their fucking jobs for once and stop the match

2) no one can decide which team officially wins blah blah

3) they go their separate ways with all might talking to deku abt ofa

4) Class B goes back to never doing anything at all because god forbid the spotlight not be on midoriya and/or bakugou for 10 minutes

I think the comment you’re talking about in regards to Horikoshi is on Monoma’s char page, where he didn’t want monoma to be so hated? He just meant him as that one kid who doesnt shut his dumbass self up ever, but feels like he boned the whole thing up 8 ways to sunday, but that “There’s a reason he’s not the class president, he just spouts off”

re: quirk headcanons

the stem cell thing may have been me or someone else bc thats what i talk about A LOT in regards to his quirk

What I personally believe is that Monoma produces. a LOT of stem cells, as well as a special kind of cell, which I will call the REV cell (because i consider it a reverse virus, of sorts)

When he absorbs DNA through his skin (and possibly other methods, like how Toga drinks blood?), the REV cell picks up the line of ‘code’ dealing with the quirk and injects it into Monoma’s stem cells, causing them to differentiate into the needed components to make the quirk Work. After the quirk dna runs out, the stem cell undifferentiates and he drops the quirk. Hence, the time limit.

We know from one of the light novels he can pick up dna from clothes (he uses aizawa’s quirk after handling his clothes in the laundry room), so I think my DNA theory has some weight to it itr

The reason he can’t use two quirks at one time? DNA overload. His cells just aren’t equipped to splice together genetic material, so the cells become overloaded, cannot function, and die off in mass amounts. And, as we all know, cell necrosis…not good. So, if he tried to force them to use more than one, he might lose something in the process.

I also like to think that his palms/fingertips have miniature barbs, like a cat tongue, to help better pick up DNA. sandpaper man. But that’s just me lol

#monoma neito #polite anon #bnha #mha #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #all might #toshinori yagi #shinsou hitoshi #reiko yanagi #spoilers

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astorytellerforthatgirl · 6 years

Text

Bonding with “Ate Santa Claus”: A Maine’s Fan Generous Heart

I am a former silent fangirl of Maine since 2016 until she released the Open Letter. Recently around 3rd week of January 2018, I decided to be vocal about my support for Maine. Fangirling online is not a new thing for me so I am already familiar how to be objective, positive, and happy with my words. Rule of thumb is “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.” It worked for me all the times so I applied it as well here for the fandom of Maine.

I started tweeting first and I created this dedicated fangirl blog entry for Maine. Few fans immediately appreciate my written works for the Phenomenal Star. What warms my heart is the joy and gratitude I am feeling whenever I write about Maine are the emotions they felt too when they read my blog entries or tweets. I continued doing this regardless of how varied my ideas are and how sudden these topics crossed my mind. When a writer like me is not silenced by my thought and heart, it means I have to write it down. Hence, this Tumblr blog becomes the platform for all the things I want to say about Maine.

Almost a month after I am vocal about my support for Maine, an unexpected DM (direct message) in Twitter caught me by surprise. A fan of Maine randomly sent this message:

“Hello ganda good morning, I saw your post, dont get offended ha but I wanted to give you a gift sana. A Microsoft tablet RT, with detachable keyboard. Ung specs nia oarang ipad 4th generation. Its a refurbished unit :).. natutuwa kasi ako how you love Meng so much.” [sic]

I did not know what to say. Even if I wanted to doubt, my gut feeling is loudly telling me she has a pure intention in giving that gift. Since I know how to read people’s aura either through words or pictures, it’s easier for me to separate the those with sincere intentions from a bogus. It’s a skill developed by keen and observant writers since I get inspiration from anything or anyone for my writing and not just what I feel.

I simply know I can trust her.

She sent the DM last 3rd of Feb, 2018 through my only Twitter account (@rj1421). She offered me if she can send the tablet via shipping or we can meet personally. I chose the latter because when she said she’s an OFW working in an Asian country, I know how costly the shipping fee for a letter alone on international borders so how much more for a tablet. She said she will come home to her family soon and we can meet in that time. I agreed to her suggestion.

March 10, 2018 was the designated date for meeting Ate Santa Claus. I need to use a pseudonym to respect her wishes of staying anonymous. I was excited for that day because it will be the first time for me to have a cafe bonding with a fan of Maine. I want to hear her stories too.

She is very concerned about me. Ate Santa Claus keeps on sending me reminders about the security protocol of her AirBnB accommodation. On the day itself, she texted me to say that I must notify her if I am already nearby. She stayed nearby the busy district of Timog Avenue and Tomas Morato. I grabbed the chance to take a picture of Bahay ni Kuya. Also I hoped I can see the boutique of Francis Libiran (renowned designer of Maine’s majestic princess-like gown in Tamang Panahon) as I went there. I didn’t know it was a private compound and appointments should be held first. Few more minutes after, I reach the accommodation where Ate Santa Claus stays.

As soon as I saw her, I immediately thought she is around my age. I’m around late 20s. I was surprised when she said she’s way older than my guess. She has a youthful vibe. And to use my mama’s words in observing people, “maaliwalas ang bukas ng mukha niya.” I felt comfortable in an instant because of her warm and sincere aura. I just knew it but it is more than just the smiles, a genuine character simply exudes an authentic aura.

We sat down in Coffee Bean to have more bonding time. I wanted to pay for my order but she told me she will take care of it. I did not feel meeting fan for the first time. What I felt in that moment is my own Ate came home to check on me. She is very caring even if she is not that much expressive.

I love our discussion about Maine. We are on the same page that Maine is the first Filipino mainstream celebrity we admire. Like me, she is also admires volleyball personalities. She shared her own story into which she said that she is thankful Maine reminded her that sometimes, we need to take care and decide for ourselves first. We cannot prioritize other things and people to the extent we are losing ourselves or we are just settling for mediocrity.

This story is about how she made a brave decision that I am sure most girls will not do. Ate Santa Claus told me she ended a long-time relationship. It is so long that you can round off the number to 10. She felt they are not growing anymore because as she continues to aim for new goals and development, they guy is complacent and settled with what he has for the past years. The guy even told her that she changed completely. I respect how she told me change is inevitable and what we can do instead is to change for good. They separated on a good note as the guy respected her decision too. Ate Santa Claus is already within the supposed marrying age that Filipino culture suggests but there she is, telling me she will not settle for less and with hesitations in her heart despite how long they have been together and even if their families from both sides are ready anytime for their big announcement. My respect for her deepen.

Another thing I admire about Ate Santa Claus is how much she loves her family. Like me, she wants to support her family in every possible way especially finances. Her heart is so huge that she did not mind allocating her salary for them and just keeping less for herself. OFWs really have a special spot in their hearts for their families. She wants to help them for as long as she can. I told her in the Bible, children who honors and respects their parents are favored and blessed by God.

To add more reminders from her, she told she wants to live her life to the fullest. This is why she balances her work and life experience. From time to time, she travels to different places. She is a wanderlust by heart. I was so amazed with all the local and international destinations she has been. She immersed in their culture too as she travels to connect more to the experiences more than what tourists want to do.

As our discussion went back to Maine, she told me that FUNgirling (haha sorry for the pun) should be FUN. It must not be stressful or problematic. We already have our own personal challenges and we should not add up the negativity to it. I laughed with her when she told me funny anecdotes about her fangirling to Maine. She told me she is not the type to socialize but here she is, inviting a Maine core fan group to practice a dance number in her airbnb accommodation for a fan-organized party. She invited me too to her place itself and I saw there the Maine fan core group cheering for Maine in ACTually. They were very, very nice too and it felt like a college reunion for me. As I was going home, two of them even accompanied me to the elevator. Little did I know that as soon as Maine herself thanked the SMU for their exclusive party for Maine, Ate Santa Clause with her Maine fan core group also celebrated there. I was like “Hala ate ang cuuuuute!! Dun pala yun pinapractice nila!! They need to wait first for Maine’s post before Ate Santa Claus can tell me it was for that party which they are practicing for.

Same like Santa Claus, I don’t like going to a crowd or a huge audience but she told me she just went to Broadway to see Maine, much to the laughter of her mom. haha! And recently she just shared how happy and worth it to be a part of the SMU birthday bash for Maine. Out of our love for Maine, we really do things we do not usually do before. Ganun talaga kapag pinahahalagahan mo. I love hearing all those stories about Maine from a fan whom I first met.

She grabbed the tablet and taught me the basics like how to detach the keyboard and how to use its stand. I am still amazed with this gift. Yes I know she is well off but as what I told Ate Santa Claus, not all those with the capacity to give has the willingness to give. Here she is, giving me the tablet wholeheartedly.

Sabi ko, “Ate how can I repay you?” She smiled, and said “Pay it forward”

I felt my tears forming at that moment. Thankfully my over-sized eyeglasses can cover my eyes. She has advocacy too and she wants me to continue doing my passion such as writing. In time, as she said, I will be able to help other people too. I planted her words in my heart so when the time comes I fell down again from failures and rejections, her words will be one of God’s assurance to remember my purpose.

I will never forget that day for sure. Two strangers become sisters because God used Maine to be our bridge. So this is how it feels like when huge core fan group becomes united that despite of the diversity, we can be one.

Ate Santa Claus. as soon as you read this blog entry, you may have already been back as an OFW. Thank you so much for sharing your personal and fangirling stories with me.

Just like you Ate Santa Claus, I will propel too in my career and passion as I support my family and strengthen my faith in God. And yes, I will continue reinforcing how much we all love Maine through God’s gift of storytelling in my heart, be it in creative writing or public speaking. Thank you po ulit from me, a happy kiddo RJ, your new little sister!

As for you Maine, look at what you have done. :) You become an instrument to remind us of the wonderful things Life has for us and to be always thankful to the Great Provider above. Thank you and God bless!

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#maine mainemendoza

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