well what the fuck am i supposed to do now?

this is not at all the type of post i make cause.. no one gives a single shit about My Singing Monsters but it's MY special interest and i get to finally post about it cause i have things to say!!

i fucking hate magical nexus. since 2016 i have NEVER gotten pissed off so badly by an update in this game.

things wrong with the island/song itself: -the song should've come in waves. not only does that give time for newer players to focus on which monsters to bring to level 18 (will get to that later), it makes the song more impactful once the last few waves come -because for what it's meant to be, nexus' song is very much just ok, it's nothing mindblowing or particularly interesting, and by releasing the full thing at once, it's already over. the island's hype is stupidly short lived. -the island desing is marvelous and i am rather excited to see more of the stair shaper's lore, but that's about it for the positive notes i have.

things wrong with the mechanics: -do i have to get started on how absurd levelling up to EIGHTEEN is?? i wasted three million treats on fluoress only! and with the weird mechanic of the nexus' reward being based off how many monsters you have on the island (and still, you're more likely to get SHARDS over anything, as per usual), there's barely any return reward. -i hate the massive increase in incubating time. fluoress is 2-3 hours, but on nexus all 1 elements are 20. i don't even want to know what a two element's time is like. -again, i haven't tried for two element or beyond monsters yet, but the cost of transposing so far is A MILLION. after all the money wasted on treats you have to pay ANOTHER million to just take them to another island.

things wrong with the concept of the island itself: -this part is purely my subjective opinion (well, the whole thing is but this is way more personal, feel free to disagree). -i don't see the reason for another magical island. of course i loved to see some of the "impure" (for lack of a better term) magical monsters make a return, but with they messy way they established the island, it felt like the purpose and impact was lost. -i ADORE magical sanctum. it is genuinely one of my favorite islands. so i held high expectations for nexus and they simply didn't hold up. it makes me think they should've ended the magical class expansion on sanctum. -all other class islands existed for the purpose of expanding on the class. ethereal island expanded on the ethereals on the naturals islands, and etheral workshop expands on the unstable ethereals that were preciously impossible to acquire without synthetic production. nexus doesn't expand. the only thing it serves to expand on is the lore of the stair shaper, and even THAT is severely lacking TLDR; the new island is way too expensive to make it worth pursuing 100%, the song is mid at best and lacked impact and the lore is too weak to be a meaningful expansion. this island shouldn't be here at all.

Hell Let Loose

I feel like I picked up Hell Let Loose on the promise that I was going to find something meatier than Battlefield V, which has been going through a horrible dev/community interaction cycle. (Long Story Short: Google the Battlefield V Time to Kill issue on guns.)

After a rage-fueled departure from BFV, I googled some videos that were comparing some other games to BFV as a WWII shooter and Hell Let Loose was one of the games mentioned.  Considering World War 2 is kind of a fetish of mine, I could hardly say no to trying another game while DICE gets their shit together. 

Hell Let Loose is a PC exclusive team-based first-person shooter developed by Australian studio, Black Matter and published by Team17. It’s available right now on steam after a successful Kickstarter campaign back in 2017.

Hell Let Loose focuses on 100 player team-based battles between the US and German forces, with teams comprised of a commander, and multiple squads made up of various infantry classes, as well as special squads that offer unique roles and jobs for the team, such as snipers and tank crewmen. Each team’s success is dependent on players filling the roles needed for a battle.

What I found was a game that is nothing like Battlefield V or Call of Duty. Hell Let Loose is a game that focuses less on flashy video game spectacle and instead focuses more on making the experience feel as grueling as a real World War II encounter. Here is just a list of things you can expect out the gate.

Guns hit hard and often they kill more than wound the player. 

Visibility is always an issue, meaning players have to get into a habit of stopping and scanning to catch movement, often the only indication that there are hostile forces around. Fog is everywhere, by design, go ahead and try to tweak your ini files, you will never get rid of it and other players judge you for asking how to get rid of it.  

Tanks are always something you fear and you pray to god your team fills the anti-tank role in their squads. 

There are no mini-maps or player makers for the other team. If you want to relay where the other team is you have to do it manually and accurate and inaccurate information is what saves or kills your team.

Matches are often long and grueling with some that go on for hours on a server, most quick matches only happen due to team unbalance or one team just being more coordinated and crushing the other. 

As hard and challenging as Call of Duty and Battlefield V are, they still have the presence of competitive games. Each title seems to allow ample opportunities for individual players to showcase their skills and knowledge, allowing for proficient players to wreck entire teams.

This is not the case for Hell Let Loose. Yes, you can become proficient at the game, but battles are balanced in such a way that no single player is going to cause a win on his own without serious team coordination, or at least squad support. And even a coronated team in Hell Let Loose has to push through enemy lines. This is not a game where one just joins a lobby and contributes instantly to a team. You can play an entire round in Hell Let Loose and never see the other team. If you fail to communicate, you're a little better than an NPC fighter found in most other games.  This means that while there can be intense and fun moments in Hell Let Loose, there are long moments of walking, crawling and blindly stumbling around until both teams find each other, at which point both teams will form a “front” and the conflict starts. Most often this is around objectives or points of interest, but often you will find that the members of both teams often go ham and this is where the paranoia starts because no one in the lobby is absolutely sure where anyone one is at a given time except for their own teammates.  However like in most other shooters that limit visual knowledge, the best indicator of where the enemy is probably gonna be where your teammates are dying. Except in this case you have to assume the enemy is in a radius around that dead body because it’s that type of game.  I’ve found that when teams are invested and communicating, the long shoot outs and squad antics become quite enjoyable. But often there are long moments of silence as you wonder what idiot in high command is running the show right as you check your team and see there is no commander, which often always cripples your team's productivity output.  I’m still kind of on the fence about how I feel about the game. If you’re into World War 2 games, it’s an instant recommendation, but if you want a little more spectacle and instant gratification in your shooter, you might be better served with another military game. 

Though if there is one major pet peeve that left a sour taste in my mouth, its that Hell Let Loose is yet another WWII game that has horrible controls for its vehicles.  Battlefield V is kind of semi-retarded. In BFV, the ground vehicles work as expected with intuitive WASD movement and seat positions. It’s easy to figure out and more advanced concepts like using the 3rd camera for better visibility is easy to figure out or learn over time. There is some other stuff one can know about the tanks and other tracked vehicles but all you need to know is most have cannons and machine guns.  However, once you move to the planes, it’s like DICE wanted planes to be the most useless pieces of shit in the game. Playing a plane effectively in BFV is so unintuitive I have never seen anyone do it who was not legitimately hacking and you could tell those players by the absurd number of kills they had. I don’t think I could describe how frustrating playing planes in BFV is other than telling people to download war thunder, get several plane lines in, and then switch over to play a plane.  Now, the fun part, imagine that entire frustration I have about planes and go back to Hell Let Loose and apply that to the tanks.  Dear God, I have never been so disappointed about tanks in a game. Fighting is ok, the cannons are slow firing, which is fine. Anyone that has played world of tanks or Warthunder will be used to that. The problem is the exact same as in BFV with planes. It’s the god damn movement.  It has a fucking gear system. These god damn things need to have their ignition started, their gears set to drive, and then you have to change gears to get up to speed or do the appropriate gear changes to reverse, etc. 

Look I realize these things are doable, I understand that players can actually learn to fly planes in BFV and drive tanks in Hell Let Loose. I understand there are balance reasons for why you would make vehicles hard to maneuver. But guess what. It feels like garbage. I get that the game is going for more of a simulation style, but there times when a little bit of fantasy goes a long way. Players being able to comfortably drive a tank is one of those things.  But anyway... Like I said, I’m still on the fence. I’ve uninstalled the game, but I know that if the game continues to have support, I’ll most likely come back to it at a later date, especially if Dice is eager to eat more crow. 

The 100 Best Things in Comedy We Were Witness to In No Particular Order of 2019

OK, 2019′s officially over and we’ve wrangled our 100 truly favorite things in and around comedy (and it really spans all of comedy) that are not ranked whatsoever. It’s just like the title says and, it’s, as it is every year, quite long, so we won’t waste any more time with this intro. 

Oh, in case you forgot and/or curious and/or need a quick refresher, here’s our 2018 list. 

1. Rory Scovel Live Without Fear-This documentary follows Rory Scovel and his journey through six nights of completely improvised hour sets. In a single word, it’s inspiring. You see the way Scovel truly connects the audience and keeps it that way through his indelible charm and endless curiosity. The near unbelievable story of the Relapse Theater in Atlanta is also beautifully threaded in the doc as well. The clips of the improvised performances capture the magic that stand-up comedy can be that’s absent from the majority of comedy specials. You should be required to see this whenever and wherever it comes if you have any level of interest in comedy at all. 

2. Naomi Ekperigin-From her own stand-up, to her podcast with husband Andy Beckerman, Couples Therapy, and her writing across TV, and everything else she does, Naomi is such an thoroughly commanding, yet delightful presence that we love seeing every time anywhere (and she should already be way bigger of a star already).

3. Cait Raft’s Presentation on “Bradley Cooper’s a Star Is Born Takes Place in an Alternate Reality Where 9/11 Never Happened”-Witnessing the imagination of Cait Raft up close was a privilege for us. This amazing dissection of the zeitgeist left us in stitches and with our mouth agape for how thoroughly it proved its point.

4. Corporate Season 2-The second season of the ultra dark workplace comedy delivered once again on its hysterical nihilistic satire that’s so prescient, yet still so unbelievably funny.

5. Mom-Prov Presents Family Therapy-Improviser Izzy Roland was daring enough to have her mom and her grandmother, both of whom are also in showbiz, to join her on stage for one of the most madcap, fourth wall-breaking, entertaining improv shows we’ve seen all throughout 2019.

6. Jena Friedman-So, this year, Jena delivered yet again with her subtle delivery and calm demeanor that hides her absolutely killer jokes. The follow-up to her Adult Swim special, Soft Focus, upped the ante with an interview of a gun-toting John McAffee and her brilliant Conan set about everyone’s true crime obsession.

7. Brendon Walsh’s Afternoon Delight-This last year, Brendon Walsh let everyone know that he was and still is one of the best at pulling prank calls, which is so much harder now than it was even ten years ago. This live show actually has Brendon place live prank calls in between stand-ups and the ride you go on is absolutely thrilling.

8. Jacqueline Novak’s Get on Your Knees-Novak���s solo show has more than earned its spot as an Off-Broadway show with bringing such an exquisite, almost never before seen comedic sensibility to the topic of blow jobs.

9. #F*ckF*ckJerry-Props to Vulture Senior Editor Megh Wright for sparking the fire to take out the egregious social media accounts of F*ck Jerry that just lifted jokes from comedians all across the Internet without pay or attribution.

10. Lorelei Ramirez-We’ve known distantly about Lorelei Ramirez for so many years, but seeing them up close was a breathtaking experience that had us laughing so hard. Their artistry in comedy that gracefully borders on performance art and even horror is absolutely inspiring.

11. Aaron Urist-Denver’s Aaron Urist is such a killer joke writer and joke teller and has been for years. We just were reminded about that with his burning bush joke during his latest LA trip.

12. Booksmart-Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut was not only a reinvigorated take on movies that specifically hone in on the end of high school, but also had a sincerely hopeful vision of the future generation. We hope that Booksmart finds its way to the top of the coming-of-age comedy films pantheon.

13. Rachel Mac on Lights Out-One of the highlights of Lights Out with David Spade is how unfiltered and raunchy they let comics get during their sets on the show. Rachel Mac took that amount of comedic license and thrived in getting into the nitty gritty about her last teaching job.

14. What We Do In The Shadows-The FX TV adaptation of the seminal Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement film in 2014 exceedingly succeeds in nailing the comedy of minutia in the world of the undead that also happens to be in a (somewhat) grounded reality.

15. PEN15-Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s vision of 2000 and their performances as teens were so spot on that PEN15 would deserve acclaim just for that. However, the heart of this show made its humor stand out in an ever crowded field of coming-of-age comedy.

16. Tiffany Haddish’s Black Mitzvah-A lot has happened for Tiffany Haddish since her last special (she’s a legit A-list celebrity now), but it’s clear that she is still her unapologetically positively, life loving self. This special is evidence of that, especially with her bit about her New Year’s show that she got undeserved flack for.

17. Straw Men-Lindsay Adams, Danny Palumbo, and Sam Wiles (and producer Kimmie Lucas) put on what is our favorite imagining of a comedic debate that we’ve seen thus far. The encouragement to make the most ridiculous, baseless arguments and being transparent about the whole thing is a golden goose of comedy.

18. The ending of Gloria Bell-Well, we can’t very well give away the ending to this English language dramedy remake from Sebastián Lelio that has Julianne Moore shine as bright as she has ever shone before, but just know that we stood out of our seats, applauding what she did to John Turturro right at the end.

19. I Think You Should Leave-Tim Robinson’s unflinchingly absurd sketch series unequivocally has many of the best sketches of 2019. The hot dog costume and Mexican restaurant sketches will have us busting up through, very likely, the next decade.

20. Les Miz and Friends-Bonkers (and we mean that in the best way possible) doesn’t begin to describe how wild this meta and great this puppet and human hybrid take on the theater institution of Les Miserables. The sheer cleverness on every level is awe-inspiring. 

21. Dave Ross’ The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex-Ross has been a longtime favorite of ours for the contrasting bounciness and darkness of his comedy. His debut album captures this dichotomy perfectly.

22. Nikki Glaser: Bangin’-Nikki Glaser’s first Netflix hour special started off with a bang, pun intended. Her frank, but heartfelt exploration of all facets of sex is so damn funny that Glaser gets away with being as blue as she wants.  

23. Super Dating Simulator-This live, interactive version of various Japanese video game dating simulators is one of the more innovative and surprisingly charming things we saw this year. Creator Sam Weller did a bang-up job not only making a video game work as a stage show, but doing so with a very off-beat sub-genre of video games

24. Emmy Blotnick’s Party Nights-Blotnick’s latest album shows Emmy at the peak of her delightful observational powers. The concept of a “Self-Potato” is just priceless.

25. Tammercise!-Folks in comedy are getting all sorts of clever these days to redefine traditional formats and disciplines and push the art form forward. Madeline Wager does this exquisitely with a solo show of a woman unraveling that doubles as legit aerobics class.

26. The Cherry Orchard w/Chad Damiani and Jet Eveleth-Damiani and Eveleth explore a new angle on postmodern clowning by supposedly doing a Chekov play going through dress rehearsal without any of the players knowing what they’re supposed to do. The back and forth between the live direction and the tomfoolery on stage is truly hysterical.

27. Bake Stuff with Lindsay LIVE-It’s about time for a comedic cooking show that actually does teach you a wonderful recipe and also explores and resolves(?) childhood trauma. Lindsay Adams’ Bake Stuff with Lindsay, which we indeed saw live, accomplishes all of that and inspires all those watching to cook through their feelings.

28. Shalewa Sharpe’s So, You Just Out Here?-Shalewa imbues homespun wisdom with marvelously colorful descriptions all throughout this very satisfying album.

29. The Amazing Johnathan Documentary from Ben Berman-The Amazing Johnathan’s life story is pretty captivating as is. The story about Ben Berman trying to tell his story amidst several other people trying to tell his story is absolutely engrossing and is somehow all true.

30. Julio Torres’ HBO special “My Favorite Shapes”-Torres’ special is simultaneously one of the most daring and silly hour specials in recent memory and his elevation of prop comedy to a whole new level is to be commended.

31. The Underculture with James Adomian-James Adomian has been one of comedy podcasts’ most in-demand and bright shining stars. It comes as no surprise that his own podcast that revs up all his characters has some of the best, most dynamic, absurdist interviews in political and pop culture satire. 

32. Daniel Van Kirk’s Thanks Diane/Together Tour-Van Kirk’s first, complete hour that he both toured with and released as an album is so impressive with how deftly Dan manages a balance of sincerity and mischief from wire-to-wire.

33. Conan in Greenland-Conan marvelously turns his travel specials series Conan Without Borders on its head by attempting to buy Greenland based off of Trump’s stupid tweets.

34. Mary Beth Barone’s Drag His Ass: A F*ckboy Treatment Program-Mary Beth Barone’s live show exploration into her dating life is illuminating and hilarious throughout, but the actual interview that she does live with a “f*ckboy” is transcendent.

35. Obvious Plant’s Carnival of Toys-Jeff Wysaski AKA Obvious Plant really outdid himself this year in his quest to permeate everyday reality with a satirical twist. He not only made a whole line of custom toy figures that satirize pop culture on so many levels, but opened up a whole pop-up museum for several days to exhibit them in all of their bizarre glory.

36. Sports Without Equipment with Coach Keith Alejo-This Dress Up Gang sketch is one of those ideas that are simple, yet so out-of-left-field. Literally, they take sports without equipment to its funniest conclusion.

37. #Squatmelt-Howard Kremer’s desire to keep the spirit of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail alive has evolved into its own very special thing in the form of a DIY stand-up comedy show/walking tour that periodically migrates around LA.

38. Catch-22-Trying to adapt such a monumental literary work like Catch-22 is almost a fool’s errand, but writers Luke Davies and David Michôd do a smash-up job for not only bringing Heller’s immortal words to life, but also sticking the landing for all the darkly absurdly comical moments that run rampant throughout the story.

39. Get Rich Nick-Even if they didn’t have the fantastic banter, riffs, and asides from the very funny duo of Nick Turner and Nick Vatterott, this podcast that explores how to make money real quick is one of the best new podcasts of the whole year. Fortunately, Nick and Nick’s humor runs rampant through every episode and makes Get Rich Nick engrossing and makes you actually laugh out loud.

40. MK Paulsen-The comedy of MK Paulsen can be faster than a bullet, but as satisfyingly silly as a gun that shoots a flag with the word ‘bang’ on it. Every time we see him do stand-up, it’s a fun, rollicking ride that’s equal parts offbeat whimsy, clever wordplay, and an agile sense of timing and play.

41. Father Figurine by Matt Kazman-The dour faces of the family in this dark comedy short play to the highest comedic effect perfectly. A dead patriarch and an apathetic family make for some of the best dry humor in 2019.

42. Funk Shuffle-Danny Cymbal, Dennis Curlett, and Michael Gardner comprise Funk Shuffle, an improv group that manages fly freer and more untethered than almost any other improv group that we’ve ever seen. They make their defiance and experimentation with improv forms really work due to the trio’s unflinchingly playful spirit.

43. Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh-Gulman, as one of comedy’s premier craftsman, of course, delivers an hour of stellar comedy with this special. He also manages, this time around, to destigmatize depression and, in general, be hopeful. That particular comedy trifecta is such an impressive feat that very few can accomplish.

44. Greener Grass-The scope and ambition of Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s directorial debut hints at some really special things to come from them in the future. Their absolutely demented, pastel drenched absurdist vision was a shocking delight through and through.

45. Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright-Slate’s best comedic strength is her unshakeable vulnerability. This hour special lets Jenny present that trait as intimately as she has ever presented it and gives an in-depth look as to where that hilarious vulnerability comes from. 

46. Heather Anne Campbell swatting a baby out of someone’s hands in an improv scene-At this point, it should come as no surprise that Heather Anne Campbell is one of our absolute all-time favorite people in comedy and thus, she kind of just ends up making it on this list annually on her own someway, somehow. This year, during a performance of her improv group, Heather and Company, we laughed as hard as we’ve ever laughed at Drew DiFonzo Marks initiating a scene by rocking a baby back and forth and then, Heather insanely swatted it out of his hands and stomped on it. It sounds ludicrous, but trust that Heather made that so unbelievably funny. 

47. Adam Cayton-Holland’s Happy Place-Cayton-Holland’s live solo show based on his critically acclaimed book of the same name pulls off oscillating between cleverly wrought and self-aware comedy and some of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever hear about his late sister. Holland’s focus and calm make it all miraculously blend together.

48. The Authorized Unauthorized My Favorite Murder Musical-In the world of unauthorized musicals about things that you wouldn’t really think about being adapted into unauthorized musicals (it’s a bigger ever-burgeoning world every month it seems), the staged reading of this My Favorite Murder-inspired musical that we saw was phenomenal. The full stage production to come in 2020 will undoubtedly be something really great. 

49. Pedro Gonzalez-Pedro’s jokes are so expertly written and crafted that you forget that he immigrated to America as a teenager from Colombia and learned English as a second language.

50. Garry Starr Performs Everything-UK comedian Garry Starr’s solo show is a genius send-up and celebration of theater as a whole. The physicality and the sheer madness of the whole show are so thoroughly hysterical.

51. Kira Soltanovich-We just want to take a moment to appreciate the agility of the comedy of Kira Soltanovich. Not only does Kira play any room or any show as far as we’ve seen, but her drive is just unstoppable (see ep. of The Honey Dew).

52. Mike Birbiglia’s The New One-Though it seems almost too routine that Birbiglia comes out with a new hour special that garners tons of acclaim for its ornate and complex and, ultimately, very satisfying tapestry of stories, Birbiglia delivers exactly once again with one such solo show/special on fatherhood.

53. Michelle Buteau-We saw Michelle headline just a few months ago at Dynasty Typewriter and were reminded of just how good Buteau is. She combines being heartfelt, having a fun bit of attitude, and an absolute command of the stage in such a beautiful way.

54. Gareth Reynolds’ Riddled with Disease-Many folks know how great Gareth is from his madcap riffing on The Dollop, but Reynolds shows he is fantastic with a sharp, hilarious, yet still fast-and-loose-feeling hour.

55. Sara Schaefer’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE-Sara, above most folks working in comedy today, goes to great lengths to be considerate, inclusive, and vulnerable in her comedy and it’s so, so wonderful because of that. This album is yet another great example of that mix.

56. Sean Patton’s Scuttlebutt-Sean Patton’s latest album is a fantastic note to any and all that Sean is, hands down, one of the best comedians ever to spin a yarn (and also share some damn fine true stories) and deserves way more accolade and attention for that now and going forward. 

57. Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas?-Rogers had quite a 2019 in putting culture on notice, but his queer and subversive holiday musical extravaganza might be one of the best pieces of holiday themed comedy of all time.

58. The Chris Gethard Show with Robby Hoffman-Not only does Robby Hoffman keep the punk rock, conventions-be-damned spirit of TCGS alive, but she makes it so much her own and lets her hilarious, domineering persona transform the show into another very special, unique round of controlled chaos.

59. The taping of Eddie Pepitone’s latest special-Eddie’s sound and fury and his irreverent stream-of-consciousness-seeming comedy were flawless in this latest hour. Everyone in attendance, including ourselves, were in stitches for the whole taping. Props to director Steven Feinartz for one of our favorite looks of a special that we saw last year (which you’ll all get to see soon in 2020).

60. Eric Dadourian’s closer on Nebraska 2-Dadourian is always all in for the sake of a real bold, imaginative bit and, as such, pulled off one of our favorite closers of the year on his very first full length album.

61. Jessica Kirson: Talking to Myself-Kirson’s hour special on Comedy Central really let Jessica cut loose and let her showcase her stand-up expertise. From the way that Kirson contorts her face to her deep well of voices/characters to razor-sharp quick wit to, of course, her signature asides to herself, Jessica really kills it in this hour. 

62. Brody Stevens-Long live the “jock doing performance art” comedy (one of our favorite descriptions of Brody’s comedy by his dear friend Zach Galifianakis) and may he rest in peace. Yeeeees! Enjoy It!

63. Byron Bowers on Colbert-Byron Bowers and his clever, yet sincere, dark, vulnerable comedy put up one of our favorite late night sets this year. From the opening to his frank jokes about his dad make us think that it’s just a little crazy that this is his network TV debut.

64. Desus and Mero on Showtime-With the upgrade of being on Showtime, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are having the most fun in late night with the freshest voices and format (and they’re able to pull that off with only being twice a week).

65. Fleabag Season 2-creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge assuredly has more masterpieces ahead of her, but managing to top herself from one masterpiece season of dark romantic dramedy with another one is something that deserves all the accolades and awards that it has gotten.

66. Kenny DeForest on Corden-Kenny dismantles toxic masculinity so incisively through the whole set that he most certainly earns all the applause breaks he gets the whole way through.

67. Josh Gondelman’s Dancing on a Weeknight-Gondelman is often thought of as one of the best, sweetest people in comedy. This latest album, for all of its being clever and genuine, is proof that he indeed really is that sweet and funny.

68. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3-The perennial prestige comedy from Amy Sherman-Palladino earns its keep by having some of the best writing (it’s almost impossible to write jokes that are contextualized for the 50s/60s and make them actually funny for 2019 audiences) and also being one of the most gorgeous looking shows in all of television.

69. Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans-Whether it be pulling pranks on Twitter, their plethora of hysterical sketches doing an impression of Jack FM on shows around town, or their monthly live sketch character showcase Atlantic City, Nick and Brad are a damn fine comedy duo and have been for quite some time. 

70. Caitlin Gill’s Major-It’s quite the magic trick to make an hour of comedy that’s entirely clean and have it being clean not be a thought that you’re thinking about at all when listening or watching it. Caitlin Gill spectacularly does just that with this album as Gill can make all of her earnest rants, imagery, and observations work in any way that she needs to.  

71. 97.9 The Rat Race-Ben Roy’s satirical reimagining of a morning radio “zoo crew” is so spot on, then gets real twisted to make this one of the most surprising and rewarding podcasts of 2019.

72. Mike Lane’s Picture Frames-This short film from Lane heightens the idea of remembering those you love after they’ve left this mortal coil to such a ridiculous level every step of the way (and is more and more enjoyably unpredictable the further it goes).

73. Paige Weldon on Corden-Paige’s upbeat self-deprecation is just hard to resist and it makes the best impression in this late night set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

74. The Righteous Gemstones-Danny McBride’s latest HBO series that darkly and comically dissects the South might be his most ambitious yet, but, of course, he nails it. The constant suspense perpetuated by hysterically tragic characters in the world of televangelists is profound.

75. My Friend Chuck-Comedic erotica author Chuck Tingle (one of the absolutely most unique voices and cadences we’ve heard in awhile) and friend McKenzie Goodwin celebrate their friendship every week for a podcast that’s preposterously funny and, also, more heartwarming than almost anything we’ve heard or seen. 

76. Joey Clift’s Telling People You’re Native American When You’re Not Native Is a Lot Like Telling a Bear You’re a Bear When You’re Not a Bear-Clift makes such biting, pun intended, commentary with this short film/PSA that is also so playful that the message about Native identity will undoubtedly stick with you.

77. Megan Gailey’s My Dad Paid For This-Gailey strikes a wonderful balance of charm and attitude and fervent desire to burn down the patriarchy. Such a mix accents her very delightful observations about herself and the world around her in this marvelous debut album. 

78. Robin Higgins as Baby Yoda at Tournament of Nerds-Higgins might have made one of the best, first attempts at Baby Yoda cosplay. She also, for what’s supposed to be a roast-style competition between fictional/pop culture characters, perfectly imagined how Baby Yoda would roast someone while maintaining Baby Yoda’s sweetness that has captured the hearts and minds of the Internet.

79. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote-Terry Gilliam went through hell, did a few laps, and came back over several years to get this meta-quixotic tale about reimagining the legendary novel Don Quixote made. The finished film, for us, was worth the wait. 

80. Jo Firestone on The Tonight Show-Jo’s sense of play is so pure and present that it’s kind of irresistible. Combined with a perfect amount of self-deprecation, Jo really delivered a terrific set we’ll probably never get tired of.

81. Paul Rudd continues his time honored tradition of playing that one clip of Mac & Me on Conan-Rudd evolves the arc of this long running bit on Conan where, instead of playing a clip of what he’s on Conan to promote, he plays the same exact clip of the universally panned alien comedy Mac & Me. We all know what’s coming and yet, without the benefit of surprise, Rudd’s annoyance of Conan still keeps on being so damn funny.

82. Billy on the Street featuring Reese and Mariah-This year, we were lucky enough to get two instantly classic episodes of Billy on the Street with Reese Witherspoon and Mariah Carey that gave us our fix for our obsession with Billy Eichner yelling at strangers on the streets of NYC.

83. The Dollop England & UK-As Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embarked on an entire England & UK tour of The Dollop, they thought it prudent to do a mini-series specific to Great Britain and did a smashing job making fun of British history. The Cyril the Swan episode is particularly brilliant.

84. Lost Moon Radio-The live musical sketch comedy theater troupe (Lost Moon Radio truly lives up to such a description) marked their 10th anniversary and put on an absolutely fantastic “Summer Block Party” this year that both showed that they still got their ingenious musical sketch comedy chops. 

85. Nate Bargatze’s The Tennessee Kid-The calm with which Bargatze pervades all of his comedy is part of what makes it beloved by nearly any and all that see or hear Bargatze’s stand-up. That’s such the case now that Nate gives updates to stories from previous specials on this latest hour. 

86. Beth Stelling on Kimmel-Every detail of this set on Jimmy Kimmel Live is pretty stellar. That includes Beth, in general, for her warm demeanor, smile, and cleverness, the Chippendale’s story, Beth’s mom being there in the crowd, and, of course, the surprise guest at the end. 

87. Liz Climo’s Please Don’t Eat Me-This illustrated book is just the latest in a long line of uber-adorable and genuinely-funny-for-all-ages books from Climo. Liz seems to have quite the knack for making unlikely animal friendship jokes. 

88. John Hodgman’s Medallion Status-Hodgman’s journey through the various statuses of airline privilege/celebrity is a superb serving of existential humor, done up with Hodgman’s painstaking attention to the exactly right details. 

89. Jane Curtin’s 2019 New Year’s Resolution “My New Year’s Resolution Is To Make Sure The Republican Party Dies”-Said during a CNN interview with the SNL alum, this was the first thing to make us heartily laugh in 2019.

90. Alex Kavutskiy’s Squirrel-Kavutskiy’s short film dives into the concept of forgiveness unlike we’ve really seen and, as is Kavutskiy’s style, is so darkly spellbinding and so pointedly funny at the same time.

91. Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show-The long running comedy troupe known as Astronomy Club really ran with their chance to do a full-fledged sketch series on Netflix. They’re so endlessly clever on in their sketches, especially when it comes to the subjects of identity and oppression, and pack in so many jokes and sight gags that you’ll definitely want to watch it more than once so you don’t miss anything.

92. Dolemite Is My Name-Eddie Murphy seems poised to make a real return to comedy (and stand-up comedy in particular) and this marvelous biopic of comedian and blaxploitation star Rudy Ray Moore AKA Dolemite is the perfect way to start.

93. Anna Drezen on Corden-Drezen has such a perfect sense of farce and misdirection and puts on a beautiful display of those two things from start to finish in this set on The Late Late Show with James Corden. 

94. BUTT’s Yoda themed dating app sketch-This sketch is so prescient of the resurgence of the world’s current (baby) Yoda obsession. Also, while this is so absurd with its deep dive into various Yoda fan art and cosplay, Joe McAdam and Chris Stephens’ take on dating apps is so sharply and deeply funny. 

95. Mel Brooks Unwrapped-The never ending bit of attempting a documentary between Mel Brooks and the BBC’s Alan Yentob is yet another display of the true, unquestionable genius of Mel Brooks.

96. 50 First Stephs-The amazing, hysterical Steph Tolev kicked off 2019 with a show where 50 or so of her compatriots and contemporaries did various impressions and characterizations of her. Part roast, part loving tribute, part amazing showcase of the depth of creativity in LA comedy, Tolev’s night for herself was something really special.

97. The Bongo Hour with Sandy Honig and Peter Smith-Honig and Smith brought their wild variety show that featured such wonderful bits, characters, drag, and burlesque to LA and showed, truly, how much better life is when you’re fluid about nearly everything.

98. How Did This Get Played?-Hosts Nick Wiger and Heather Anne Campbell and their take on the “worst and weirdest” video games do their namesake, the beloved How Did This Get Made?, proud. Even if you’re not a gamer, the way they dissect the most bizarre video games ever made along with Heather and Nick’s chemistry is very, very enjoyable.

99. Joe Pera Talks With You Season 2-This second season of Joe Pera’s unique talk-to-the-viewer series is so calming that the comedic twists sneak up in the most delightful way possible. There is a certain beauty to Pera’s show that makes us want to have Joe Pera Talks With You playing on a loop in a contemporary art museum.

100. John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch-John Mulaney does “it”, yet again. “It” being releasing another hour of comedic brilliance that’s so markedly different than whatever he did before, yet, somehow still stamped with an indelible mark of Mulaney’s comedy of obtuse hyper-specificity. 

Forgotten Stories is an Amazing Skyrim Mod, and You Should Play It

May 26, 2020 1:00 PM EST

Sometimes, you find a mod that defies expectations and becomes a worthy game in its own right. Enderal: Forgotten Stories is one such mod.

Enderal: Forgotten Stories is a total conversion mod for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Developed by a dedicated team of German modders by the name of SureAI, the first version of Enderal was released back in 2016. The updated Forgotten Stories expansion from 2019 saw a number of additions to quests and content, as well as a standalone release on Steam. It’s the definitive and complete version of the tale, and is worth playing again if you’ve only dabbled in the original previously.

This mod completely replaces the landmass and setting of Skyrim with an original one, and overhauls most of the gameplay systems as well. Skyrim’s general DNA is still inevitably present in movement and systems, but the way it works is wholly redone. It is less the freeform “do whatever you want” simulator that Skyrim quickly becomes; Enderal is instead a focused, story-driven RPG with a splash of open-world content that better utilizes the space. There’s less reliance on scaling enemies, and more on not reaching into areas beyond your means, as the story will nudge you there when you’re ready.

That story, world, the characters contained within, and the full span of Enderal’s adventure? Those are so fantastically realized that it feels disingenuous to call Enderal a mere mod. It easily transcends the boundaries of Skyrim, overcoming many of the gameplay issues and lacking elements of its source material. Having finished it recently, I now find myself thinking of Enderal not as just a Skyrim mod, nor even its own standalone game and RPG.

I now think of Enderal: Forgotten Stories as one of the best video games I’ve ever played.

Since Enderal hasn’t left my mind for long since completing it, I feel that it’s important to I write this down and share it. I want to talk a bit about Enderal’s design and gameplay systems. I’ll cover a little about the story and characters (in non-spoiler terms), as well as how emotionally devastating its ending is. And finally, I’ll briefly touch on the many ways it shines a light on all of Skyrim’s greatest weaknesses. I’ve come to develop a more negative view of Bethesda’s most recent mainline Elder Scrolls foray, and Enderal has helped me put all of that into words.

In the interim, I urge you to go and check out Enderal: Forgotten Stories at your earliest convenience if any of this has sounded slightly appealing to you. It’s comprehensive enough to have its own standalone Steam page and installer, with many Skyrim mods that are considered “mandatory” baked into it already. In fact, it’s comprehensive enough to have its own mods also! Go there now, pick it up, and see for yourself. This is something special, and the SureAI team deserves the attention and spotlight.

Skyrim: New Vegas

Enderal takes absolutely no time in laying its cards on the table for you. The opening scene is a gorgeous, sun-baked vista of a lush garden near sunset. It’s idyllic, pushing the graphics of both the base game and the included ENBoost and graphical mods to the max. It’s also very clearly wrong, with something uncanny about the whole scene lurking just below the surface. A quick glance around the place will see that uncertainty grow, with the culmination of that scene making it crystal clear. I won’t spoil specifics; once again, I urge you to check it out, and the introduction alone should demonstrate that you’re in for a ride.

More cutscenes and important setup will follow, including character creation. The first area or two play out like a tutorial, helpful both for newcomers and those familiar with the workings of Skyrim. All throughout, the placing of story elements and themes has begun, and seeing that all eventually culminate more than makes up for its “slow” start. More importantly, you’ll get through the first scripted dungeon and be greeted by a sun-swept vista not unlike the one from the intro. This game is utterly gorgeous. The continent of Enderal beckons forth.

Mechanically, the game might be a little bit off-putting for Skyrim veterans. That’s not to say it isn’t good; Enderal simply does away with the learn-by-doing skill system for something more focused. Killing creatures and completing quests give experience, and experience thresholds grant you a level-up. You’ll choose health, magicka, or stamina and get a selection of points with which to invest into specific skills. You can’t just plug these points straight into your skills, though.

“It feels disingenuous to call Enderal a mere mod.”

Memory points are your big talent/perk purchases, which are applied through a much fancier in-game version of the Skyrim perks. It’s not just opening a menu and clicking a constellation: here, you meditate to reach a bizarre shrine in your mind, where physical stones reflecting the perk trees are represented to interact with. In addition to the passive powers here, you’ll unlock talents which function like dragon Shouts. These have individual cooldowns rather than global ones though, so mixing and matching them in combat is far more useful than Skyrim‘s counterparts.

For general skill levels, you need to acquire and study a learning book of the appropriate skill and quality. Doing so increases that skill by 1. Want to get One-Handed from 15 to 16? You’ll have to scavenge or buy a One-Handed learning book of the apprentice difficulty. To get beyond 25, you’ll need an adept book, and so on. Skills have been split between learning and crafting, with the latter being less directly tied into combat trees (Alchemy, Enchanting, Lockpicking and such).

This means that you cannot master everything in a single playthrough like you might in Skyrim. Builds become important, and swapping to a new combat style on a whim requires some investment. This would probably not go down well in Skyrim; open exploration carries that game, and diversity in one’s playstyle can alleviate a sense of repetition after long sessions. Enderal wants you to think about your build and develop a roleplay attachment to your avatar, instead. As you’ll see from the heavier story focus, that becomes increasingly clear as you play.

Experience also becomes a premium resource. Enderal isn’t as large as Skyrim, but it’s far more curated. Leveled lists and scaling rewards are barely a factor here, and bandits won’t suddenly find late-game armor. Completing side quests and exploring where you can now helps you progress your build. Given that the game can be pretty difficult in the early hours, that’s a good mindset to embrace. Exploring is a good idea, right up until you cross a boundary you probably shouldn’t have and get completely murdered.

“Enderal feels to Skyrim as Fallout: New Vegas did to Fallout 3.”

There’s further incentives for exploring carefully as well, with rare pickups that can grant bonus experience or even permanently increase your carry capacity. Set items now exist and are quite powerful when combined, and rare crafting schematics or learning books are scattered across the land. The fact that everything feels hand-designed instead of just generated en masse helps the world seem more real. Thus, when the plight of the story starts to ramp up and affect the continent I’d grown attached to, I felt it all the more from seeing it myself.

Still, even with all the benefits for exploring, Enderal is a comparatively more linear game than its source. Modern Elder Scrolls games are happy to let you wander off the beaten path for a hundred hours and ignore the main story entirely. That’s not at all encouraged for Enderal; in fact, unlike Skyrim, you are seriously missing out if you don’t engage with the main quest. Major biomes of Enderal’s landmass are gated off by the challenge they represent. You can go there and try to survive, but generally the main story will introduce you to it once you’ve progressed far enough to be ready.

In this way, Enderal feels to Skyrim as Fallout: New Vegas did to Fallout 3. Obsidian’s Fallout foray was more linear and focused than its predecessor’s open-world jaunt around post-apocalyptic Washington, D.C.; wandering too far would get you torn apart by Deathclaws. This lack of freedom was exchanged for much sharper writing, a better plot, and more narrative options and choice. Enderal feels as if it’s done much the same to Skyrim, and given how fantastic the story and characters are, it’s a trade I’d make a million times over.

The Adventures of Jespar (featuring the Player Character)

Leaving the tutorial dungeon brings you to a secluded valley within Enderal proper. There’s a few treasures and hidden secrets to be found there, but eventually you will have to follow the path that leads beyond. That one path will see you encounter a couple of apothecary NPCs, who explain a little more about the world you’re in.

Attempting to leave will see you overcome with Arcane Fever; this is both a story point, and one of Enderal’s new gameplay mechanics. It functions similarly to Fallout’s radiation, increasing when exposed to magically dense areas. Most importantly, Arcane Fever is exacerbated by using magical healing and potions. No longer can you just open your inventory and chug twenty potions to heal up, as this’ll quickly raise your Fever. Get too high and you’ll start having negative side effects, and at 100% you die outright. Food items don’t heal much in combat either, but out of combat? You’ll get a satiated buff that will regenerate your health over time, so you still want to stay fed. It’s a clever little way of balancing Enderal’s combat and making it less absurd than Skyrim.

Nonetheless, you find out about this system shortly after the apothecary conversation ends. It’s here that you’ll meet Jespar Dal’Varek, one of the major NPCs of the game. He leads you into the main story quest for Enderal, but he’ll also take the time to chat you with if you want to ask questions. By the end of that first segment of the game, I was ready to follow him anywhere. Jespar is one of the more well-written and constructed NPC companions I’ve had the pleasure of encountering in video games. He’s a very easy-going sort and it’s clear why they introduce you to him first, but the cynical and anti-idealist side of him comes to the fore if you start asking.

In fact, there will be side quests and conversations entirely focused on getting to know some of the side characters better. These were usually highlights in my playthrough, which should give you an indication of the quality of these characters. In Jespar’s case, this is further strengthened by such fantastic voice acting that you’d almost forget this was a free mod. In fact, his voice actor Ben Britton has springboarded into the industry off his work here. Small wonder that Jespar is the focus character in the writer’s spin-off novel (the audiobook is also voiced by Ben).

“By the end of that first segment of the game, I was ready to follow Jespar anywhere.”

Jespar might be the first and most prominent, but he is far from the only character worth remembering in Enderal. Throughout the main quest lines, you’ll be introduced to a slew of primary characters, many of which have just as much depth as him. The interactions of these characters both with you and each other really sell the narrative being told, and it was very easy to grow attached to them (or to loathe them, as the situation demands).

I cannot stress how strong the writing for Enderal truly is. It’s not just the characters either; the entire game world is incredibly well designed and presented. The continent is built on a religious caste-based society with heavy stratification, and you’ll have the opportunity to investigate and interact with each level of it. You’ll argue the pros and cons of religiosity, discuss the nature of life, death and reality, or dive into a magic system which literally plucks aspects from alternate timelines in order to function. Whether through its world-building, characters, or overall narrative, I found myself hopelessly drawn in by Enderal and wanted more.

All throughout, the main quest runs through the bulk of the continent and takes you to appropriately leveled zones when the time comes. Each arc of the quest finds new ways to introduce spectacle, to develop the characters, and to ramp up the stakes and scope of the plot. There’s sections that are presented with better tension and horror than most horror games can manage. New difficulties will arise, characters will be hurt or even killed, and victories will be tempered with losses. Before I knew it, I’d been playing for over a hundred hours and had fully cleared the map; that’s something I’d never care to bother with in Skyrim.

Very quickly, you’ll realize just how big the implications of the story are, and this will continue without letting up until the conclusion of the game. And that conclusion is something else. There’s a sense of uncertainty and tension throughout the entire story, and neither the characters nor the player are ever quite sure that what they’re doing is the correct answer. Like everything else, this will build up to a finale that was so brilliantly handled and emotionally charged that I was reeling for days afterwards.

Finding the right words to describe it all without delving into spoilers is a difficult task. Much as I’d love to do so and start gushing in fantastic detail, that’s not the point of this editorial. Besides, it’s really something that I would rather people experience firsthand. Suffice it to say that Enderal’s writing and story is excellent, with quality that holds true until the very end. I expect that I’ll be thinking of some of the climactic moments for a long time to come. It really is that fantastic a tale.

“This will build up to a finale that was so brilliantly handled and emotionally charged that I was reeling for days afterwards.”

I have to take a moment to credit the sound, also. Enderal: Forgotten Stories might be a free mod, but it has an excellent and fully original soundtrack composed by Marvin Kopp. It’s so strong that I’ve been using it as background music while writing this piece, and will probably do so for future writing sessions. It also is fully voice acted, with absolutely fantastic voice direction. Not every actor is as professional as another, and there’s a couple of outliers that really hurt to listen to in the cities and side quests. But the primary cast deliver some fantastic performances, and most seem to have at least one scene that catapulted them from good to exceptional. All of the sound really helps carry the narrative that much further into greatness.

It’s not without flaw, of course. The pacing is generally good, but there is one quest near the end of the game that comes across as quite rushed. An important detail for the plot is revealed, and then immediately an NPC blurts ahead three steps in rapid succession. It was such a sudden guess about what was happening that it felt like random speculation, yet it was completely accurate. I suspect this was to get things in position for the finale without compromising that sequence, so it’s forgivable. Even so, the good far outweighs what little bad I could muster. Enderal is a story worth experiencing, and I’m genuinely glad I did so.

The Post-Enderal Lens on Elder Scrolls

It’s probably quite obvious at this point, so let’s address the elephant in the room: I don’t particularly like Skyrim.

That statement is usually enough to tank a game writer’s credibility given its reputation and scores, but hear me out. It wasn’t a case where I hated the game on purpose and refused to touch it from there. Skyrim took up a good hundred hours of my time, and even more once mods (besides Enderal) entered the scene. I completed the main quest and all the major faction quests, played through the DLC, and tried numerous different builds. There was a fun enough experience to be had, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy my time with it.

The problems that I have with Skyrim emerged only after time and reflection. My first Elder Scrolls game was Morrowind, and it is still possibly my absolute favorite game ever. Skyrim was unlikely to live up to that completely, but it still falls short in almost every metric. I replayed Morrowind in full a few months ago, and I only came away from that slow, ancient game loving it even more than previously. Nostalgia is not what pushes that game ahead of its follow ups in my eyes: it’s the richly detailed and exotic world, the flexible design, and the many guilds and factions to dive into that make Morrowind so strong. We will probably never get another game quite like it.

When I think back to Skyrim, I don’t think of any of that. I think of going off on random adventures and losing myself in the wilderness for a few hours. I’ll accumulate gear, get stronger, tick off increasingly more quest markers from my list, and just continue going through the motions. Bethesda’s approach nowadays seems less about making high quality content, and instead making more content. Whenever Skyrim has the opportunity to provide depth or meaning, it comes away lacking. The gameplay is more action than RPG when compared to its predecessors, but the mechanics are lackluster and simplistic.

Most don’t even seem to bother with Skyrim‘s main quest, though I pushed through and completed it. Still, barely any aspect of it really stands out in my mind or impressed me. By contrast, the main questline in Morrowind is the highlight; so too is the main quest line in Enderal. So many moments of Skyrim that could’ve been something more end up feeling like yet another item crossed off the list. I could go back now and still probably play it for tens of hours if I wanted, and I’d probably enjoy it. But if I wanted depth, I’d only find an ocean-sized puddle. For all its vaunted freedom to play it as you want, that’s all Skyrim can ever offer you, no matter what else you might desire from it.

Enderal: Forgotten Stories felt incredibly refreshing to me as a result. It took all the potential of Skyrim’s size, condensed it into a large but focused story, amped up the presentation and mechanics, and proceeded to deliver one of the best experiences I’ve had from any RPG I’ve played. If ever there was a game that nearly elicited the same sense of wonder I got from Morrowind, it would be Enderal, not Skyrim.

Morrowind isn’t the only titan of RPGs I’ve had the pleasure of playing recently, either. In the last year, I’ve sought to play or replay many of the titans of PC RPGs. I grew up with the likes of Baldur’s Gate 2 and Planescape: Torment, and I revisited them recently with fondness. Contemporary RPGs like NieR: Automata, The Witcher 3, and even Final Fantasy 14: Shadowbringers all have stirred strong responses in me. Yet even amongst all these heavy hitters, Enderal left such an imprint on me that it absolutely deserves to be discussed and compared alongside them.

“If ever there was a game that nearly elicited the same sense of wonder I got from Morrowind, it would be Enderal, not Skyrim.”

The Elder Scrolls 6 is a long ways off, and the last few showings of Bethesda’s games have been less than spectacular. I have no real anticipation for what’s to come from them. When you consider what a German modding team managed to make with that framework and deliver it for free, it just cements that feeling all the more. Instead of looking to that distant horizon, I’m instead prepping to go back and visit SureAI’s earlier works. Enderal isn’t their first game; they made a similar mod for Oblivion called Nehrim, set in the same world and apparently of equal quality. Nehrim is getting its own stand-alone Steam release in June, and there is no game I’m looking forward to more than it right now.

If you happen to like RPGs, I heartily urge you to go check out Enderal: Forgotten Stories. Regardless of whether or not you think highly of Skyrim, there’s a really incredible experience here that is a worthy game in its own right. You don’t even need to install Skyrim to run it, just own it. Even if you have to buy the unlisted original edition of Skyrim to play, since it doesn’t run on the Special Edition, you should still consider it. Believe me when I say that it’s worth it.

May 26, 2020 1:00 PM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/05/forgotten-stories-is-an-amazing-skyrim-mod-and-you-should-play-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=forgotten-stories-is-an-amazing-skyrim-mod-and-you-should-play-it

Thrill of the Hunt

Hey everyone, I just want to get some of my thoughts down onto the page. This is mostly just me rambling my thoughts on the current state of OP and Competitive Magic in general. Disclaimer: I have been a lifelong competitive player. My first games of magic were FNM booster drafts 15+ years ago against some unbelievable competition. From day 1 I was drawn in to the fierce competition in the game. I know that I am privileged; Undeniably lucky and advantaged in every way before I even get in the que. I’m a white cis male who grew up middle class in the US with supportive parents. I was able to spend my free time cutting my teeth on Magic Online and traveling to local PTQs/GPs. But this post is not going to be about where you are from; or what challenges you may face personally; or what hurdles your demographic have had to overcome. All of that stuff is completely true and valid. I will touch on it lightly, and I am happy that things are being done to address some of those issues in Magic. That being said; This is going to be solely about the drive for fair competition that burns inside of every single one of us. Inside every single person reading this; Every person that has played this game for probably half of their life or more. For every person that has spent 1000s of waking and/or dreaming hours thinking about decklists, new formats, new ideas, old formats, old theory, new theory; All the while completely forgetting that their is any life outside of competitive Magic The Gathering. For every person that plays this game in search of something they can’t really define. It’s not exactly the validation of self improvement; or the highs of the good finishes. Or even the good times with friends and all the learning we get to do along the way. It’s simply the constant burning desire for competition. Going into battle against a sea of villains who are all fighting for the same thing you are. That upper hand in this ruthless game of marginal edges. I was never part of the “Old Boys Club”. I was always an outsider; a local end boss at best. In my 15 years of being a competitive player; I have played in only 20 or so GPs, 7 PTs and a few SCG tournaments (5 or so). I have always had other commitments (School, Full time Job, Wife and 3 kids), and I never focused 100% on magic as a job or anything. Despite all of this, I was always totally enthralled by the Pro Tour. I know I am not alone. I spent years traveling to PTQs in the South and found that there were 100s of local players who wanted the exact same thing as me. 1000s worldwide all chasing the same dream. The dream of mastering this beautiful game and moving up to the very highest level. The Pro Tour was an enigma; until you played in it. Once you did, you realized how right you were all along. The entire reason you played the game was for your shot in those 16 (17! 👌🏻💪🏻) rounds. The current state of the PT/Wizards Organized Play is still mostly a disaster. Everyone sort of knows this, but it seems that most people don’t care to admit it. (They usually either benefit directly from the current system, or they are incentivized to “be cordial” in hopes of one day benefiting from the climb up the ranks of the popularity contest. They say nothing or even back up the new status quo.) Shoutout to the true hero’s like GerryT and Lucas Berthoud. They benefited from the RNG in the system and still stood up for the fairness of competition. To the Edel’s and Soorani’s; keep fighting the good fight. I will always tell it like it is. At this point they are going further and further into the wrong direction. Magic is completely peaking; unfortunately OP is floundering around hopelessly. The only way to make anything happen right now is to win tournaments. No 2nd places. No top 8s. No good run,nice 11-5 see u in a few months. You have to be ruthless and collect trophies. If you don’t do this, at the moment you are an afterthought. That being said, I am coming for the trophies. When I win the Players Tour Finals 1 and then the World Championship you don’t have to worry; I will still be screaming for organized play to be about open and fair competition. The reality is simple; The highest echelon of competition is now DIRECTLY mingled with one giant absurd petty ridiculous unbelievable comically hilariously awkwardly stupidly infuriating POPULARITY CONTEST. This is mind boggling for so many reasons. It doesn’t have to be this way! No system is ever going to be perfect. It’s impossible to make everyone happy. It’s impossible to be 100% fair. But you could at least fake it? Just try a little bit?? Having invitationals is awesome. Invite Savjz and Day9 and then whoever you want to help out with the diversity issue. But don’t tie them directly in to the Pro Tour results??? And then make them 3x important as the Paper Pro tour Results???? It literally makes so little sense and is so infurating I cannot believe how little has been said about it. I know Wily and Lucas Kai etc. talk about it often. But 25+ of the MPL all pretty much silent on it. Even the people on the bubble aren’t raising hell!!? I can’t imagine being someone who grinds and did well in multiple paper MCs this year, who is now on the bubble of rivals or MPL (that they found out about randomly over halfway through the season) and not invited to most or any of these Arena MCs!! They are OBSCENE tournaments already; 750K prizepool for a small group of players. The EV is unbelievable. And they just PILE on the Mythic Points or whatever BS system they use. It’s like worth double or more points of the Paper PTs 🤦🏻‍♂️😂😵 Siggy and I were talking while I was waiting to play my Quarterfinal match of the last fucking Pro Tour. I was in the top 8!! Siggy had just gotten 10th. I told him how bittersweet it is. With PTs mattering less and no1 caring anymore; I don’t feel as excited as I expected I would. It helped me focus as I know that winning is the only result that matters. I can get 2nd and no1 will remember me. I will not be invited to the next Pro Tour on Arena in a month. In 2 paper PTs from now I will not be there at all unless I top 8 the next one too!! (Or I get on the good side of some Wizards people maybe, or up my clout and twitter followers.) People say this stuff as a joke, but even in this PT top 8 I felt alienated a bit. Ondrej was getting literal hugs from all of the staff before the quarters even started because they know him from inviting him to things, because he calls himself Honey and smiles and is nice and streams. I love Ondrej and I believe he’s a really great player and deserves to be playing these tournaments anyway; It’s just wild to me that at the literal highest possible level of competition it’s still about some things other than the competition. Lucas and others have covered it, but in no other games/esports is this the case. When you watch the TI; or even the Fortnite World Championship... You don’t see famous players or clout farmers. You see unbelievable talent and dedication, the absolute best of the best who clearly earned their way. You don’t see Marshmello and Drake; or even Ninja and his buddies. You see 100 kids between the ages of 13-20 you’ve never heard of; who are all so unbelievably good it will give you the chills. Siggy said something along the lines of “Yeah it is really weird; I got 10th for 5k which is just an unbelievable result obviously. But the Arena PT next month is worth like 5x. You get 7500$ for dead last! And so many points!!” Congrats Siggy, but I won’t be playing in the Arena PT. Neither will 1000s of players who have played in the handfuls of paper PTs over the past few years. SEPERATE THEM! Have all the Arena Invitationals you want. Spend as much money on that as you want. We can take the slaps in the face it’s no big deal. “250k PLAYERS TOUR FINALS! Qualify by winning FIRST PLACE in a GP this season!!! Only 128 Players very exclusive wow wow cool we have to kill the pro tour to make this happen but it’s awesome woohoooooo” “Cominggggg to Long Beach Californiaaaaaaa Your 3Million$$$$$ Arena Mythic Professional Tour Championship of the Universe!!!!!!!!!!! 38 Unbelievable challengers will be taking on this new format and chopping up the 3 million$ plus 100s of Mythic pojnts catapaulting them all into the MPL conversation while you argue on twitter about who should have been invited; as if it fucking matters. As if we read that shit at all!!! If we fucking cared about what you think maybe we would respond to you sometimes 😂💪🏻😬👌🏻👌🏻💯” Just relax; stop giving away rivals/MPL points in tournaments that are invite based and already so high profile with massive prize pools. (This doesn’t affect me at all by the way; I am not even close on points it’s just very obviously the right thing to do and it’s unbelievable they aren’t acknowledging it and just continuing to invite whoever they feel like). Ok enough clowning... but for real though. What in the fuck is this popularity contest bullshit?? How is this being joked about so lightly, it’s an abomifuckingnation! Invite whoever you want, just pick some people based on some predetermined merit. Give people a chance. Something to shoot for. Have open tournaments for people from Australia and Latin America. Have open qualifier tournaments for females/NB Invite people who deserve to be there from previous PT performance like Allen Wu or Eli Loveman or Matt Sperling or Sebastian Pozzo or TheSneakyhomunculous or Jack MF Dobbin or Lan d Ho and Mark herberholz for all I care. Just give the people some feedback on anything ever! Ok enough is actually enough I could write forever about OP and what I wish they would do. But really all we can ask for is fair competition and clear communication. People will complain about anything and everything, but if Wizards would just be open and honest while communicating and promoting fair competition at the highest levels... I couldn’t give 2 shits how little money the tournaments pay or where we have to play them. We just want to have a fighting chance to play against Paulo and Luis and Kai and Yuki and Allen Wu and Zvi and Gab and Seth and Li and Lucas and Shota. Aside: Arena is also a disaster at this point. How can they not implement a friends list? Any programming/computer scientist people know what the fuck is going on? It’s been 2 years now and they are still printing $ faster than a magic streamer from outside the US with 10k+ twitter followers can print with 500000 Arena PTs on the horizon! And they still can’t fix anything ever? How is there no spectator mode or tourney mode? How is building a sealed deck still impossible? How is the best fucking computer you can find lagging after 5 matches no matter what? We gotta figure this shit out m8. Arena should have nice big competitive in client tournaments every day. At least one or two a week. Instead we can’t even draft the fucking current format? The bots can’t fucking click on Merfolk Secretkeeper? 3 cards in pack they really click deafening silence over the secretkeeper???? God dammit GG’s no re sorry u had to read this. TL;DR Old Man Yells at Clouds

The Best Nintendo Switch Games

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Final up to date October 2018.

By IGN’s Nintendo Followers

The Nintendo Swap has been out for a 12 months and a half and in that quick time, dozens of superior video games have hit Nintendo’s hybrid console.

We did the homework and put collectively a listing of our 25 favorites.

Let’s go!

25. Blossom Tales

Blossom Tales feels proper at residence on the Nintendo Swap. The sport has no disgrace in how a lot it truly borrows from The Legend of Zelda: A Hyperlink to the Previous, and that’s under no circumstances dangerous factor. It might be a brief sport, however the second to second gameplay brings a ton of nostalgia and satisfies the craving to play one thing so acquainted but provides new challenges alongside the best way.

– Brian Malkiewicz

24. Kirby Star Allies

Kirby Star Allies proves that some adventures are rather more enjoyable with pals. Even when these pals are AI, Star Allies nonetheless brings frantic four-player enjoyable that is frequently a blast, due to numerous ally mixtures and an exquisite attraction. Its scenic settings, loopy, over-the-top closing boss battle, and catchy soundtrack make it an ideal bundle that solely will get higher when utilizing trendy workforce assaults to destroy every thing in your path.

– Brendan Graeber

23. Tremendous Mario Occasion

Tremendous Mario Occasion is the very best Occasion in two console generations. It’s accomplished away with some, however not all, of the slowness, you get to play a ton of nice minigames with the cool, however not excellent Swap controllers, and that infuriating randomness of awarded stars on the finish of a sport is … nonetheless an issue. However even these painful upsets really feel like much less of a celebration killer this time, as a result of Tremendous Mario Occasion, particularly within the team-based Accomplice Occasion mode, is aggressive, strategic, and, above all, a whole lot of enjoyable.

– Sam Claiborn

22. Puyo Puyo Tetris

An ideal marriage of two glorious and timeless puzzle video games, Puyo Puyo Tetris is a feature-packed assortment worthy of being put in on each Swap. Whether or not popping in for a fast sport of Tetris, battling it out in split-screen multiplayer, flexing your abilities on-line, or puzzling your method by means of story mode, Puyo Puyo Tetris will hold you coming again for years. Again in 1989, no GameBoy was full with out Tetris and that very same sentiment stands as we speak with Nintendo’s fashionable handheld.

– Peer Schneider

21. Captain Toad’s Treasure Tracker

Some of us say that there are too many Wii U ports coming to Swap. These folks have clearly by no means performed Captain Toad’s Treasure Tracker. This phenomenal spin off is charming, difficult, and downright cute on any platform, and time. I imply, have a look at his little vest!

– Zachary Ryan

20. Minecraft

Minecraft is no doubt probably the most accessible exploration and journey video games there may be, nonetheless feeling recent even years after its preliminary launch. It places creativity above all else, and has an insanely deep set of instruments to allow that. Its Swap model is especially thrilling in that it may be performed cross-platform with PC, cellular, and even Xbox One gamers, making it one of the best ways to play it on the go.

– Tom Marks

19. Overcooked 2

Overcooked 2 takes the easy premise of making ready a meal with a pal or beloved one and flips it on its head by dialing the madness as much as ten and forcing you to work collectively in chaotic kitchens which may simply tear your relationship aside. You’ll battle kitchen fires, conveyor belts, and even wild animals in a frantic race to prepare dinner collectively throughout quite a lot of dynamic levels.

– Brian Altano

18. Hole Knight

Hole Knight could be extremely demanding, however you get far more again than what you place into it. The expertly crafted Metroidvania map that’s the kingdom of Hallownest has an absurd quantity of paths to discover, bosses to combat, and secrets and techniques to uncover. That is all drawn in a somber however expressive artwork type that offers the lovable bug individuals who dwell their lives, and tales, of their very own.

– Tom Marks

17. Evening within the Woods

Evening within the Woods is a grasp class in interactive writing. Each character has depth, their struggles and shortcomings really feel acquainted and painfully actual, and the interactions between them are particularly spectacular and diverse contemplating it is all delivered through text-based dialogue. Coupled with a daring, putting artwork type and a somber have a look at the state of the world as we speak, Evening within the Woods is a must-play on Swap.

– Cassidee Moser

16. Shovel Knight: Treasure Trove

Shovel Knight is definitely the most effective platformers of the final decade. For 4 years and counting, Yacht Membership has put a lot care into making each pixel of Shovel Knight into an ideal tribute to basic video games, and each new enlargement manages to convey new and thrilling mechanics that hold issues fascinating. With Treasure Trove, you get not solely the unique sport and the expansions launched to date, but in addition every thing that can come out sooner or later. On prime of Swap’s portability, what extra might you ask for?

– Andrew Goldfarb

15. Into the Breach

Into the Breach distills turn-based technique video games down their purest essence. Its bite-sized fights are like little puzzles, however your instruments to unravel them are the methods you determine alongside the best way. It is FTL roots convey wonderful replayability to the desk, and there are sufficient totally different mixtures of enemies, allies, and upgrades to maintain it recent for a very long time to come back.

– Tom Marks

14. Octopath Traveler

Sq. Enix’s Octopath Traveler would not attempt to reinvent the wheel on basic JRPG titles, as an alternative tremendous tuning the style’s profitable parts to create a enjoyable, lovely and sometimes difficult title that hits all the suitable nostaglic notes. Octopath’s power is its deep and dynamic fight system, and its distinctive method of layering collectively a number of tales even when they by no means fairly come collectively the best way you’d suppose. Greater than only a tribute to earlier generations’ finest JRPGs, Octopath reinvigorates the style and provides again as a lot as you place into it.

– Terri Schwartz

13. The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Once we first noticed Skyrim working on a transportable system, on a aircraft no much less, none of us truly believed it may very well be accomplished. “You possibly can’t cram that many aspect quests onto a single cart!” we screamed, “It is scientifically not possible!” Seems, we had been unsuitable. Skryim on Swap is each bit as sprawling, and epic as it’s almost anyplace else. Plus, you possibly can cosplay as Hyperlink and Hyperlink is cool.

– Zachary Ryan

12. Fortnite

Fortnite air drops 100 gamers on to an enormous, chaotic battlefield the place you’ll smack one another with cartoon hammers, drive golf carts, shoot rockets and construct forts, after all. Because the map shrinks, your survival possibilities develop till one participant is the final one standing. It’s addictive, extremely enjoyable, and completely free to play – till you determine to spend a bunch of V-Bucks on backpacks and goofy costumes, that’s.

– Brian Altano

11. Monster Hunter Generations Final

The Nintendo Swap makes it doable to get the very best of each *worlds* with Monster Hunter Generations Final. You possibly can play utilizing a comofortable pro-controller, however you may also slay its greater than 100 monsters in individual with pals. On prime of the ridiculous quantity of content material packed in, you may also play as an lovable cat and pet alpacas.

– Casey DeFreitas

10. Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is a standout RPG that manages to maintain its story, fight, and exploration fascinating over the course of at the very least 70 hours of journey by means of an impressively diverse and wealthy world. Merely put, this is a wonderful sport filled with powerful, memorable battles, and a constructive message.

– Leif Johnson

9. Stardew Valley

Born out of Harvest Moon, it makes excellent sense that Stardew Valley suits proper at residence on the Swap. The farming life sim is splendidly open ended, letting you forge your individual nation path with fishing, combating, farming, and falling in love. Moreover, with the ability to make the most of the Swap’s sleep mode helps take a number of the strain off of not with the ability to save in the midst of a day, even when just a few different bugs within the port are nonetheless ready to be squashed right here. Tom Marks

eight. Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle

Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle confronted no scarcity of skepticism earlier than its launch. (Mario has a gun? And he’s hanging out with the Rabbids?) However UBisoft Milan’s sturdy technique sport proved itself with some actually difficult ranges and accessible however advanced turn-based gameplay, whereas additionally discovering a method of marrying the Rabbids and Mushroom Kingdom’s senses of humor into one, charming expertise.

– Jonathon Dornbush

7. Lifeless Cells

Lifeless Cells fuses breakneck movement with an emphasis on risk-and-reward for an extremely partaking action-platformer. It’s rewarding in its flexibility in a method few video games are. Every simply digestible run by means of its fantastically detailed and shifting ranges goads you to push the bounds of your capacity, and crushes you once you get too comfy. There are layers of technique and ways buried not solely within the speedy decisions you make, however within the grander metagame, making it one of many absolute best motion platformers you possibly can in your Swap.

– Brandin Tyrrel

6. Celeste

Celeste is a shock masterpiece. Its 2D platforming is a number of the finest and hardest since Tremendous Meat Boy, with ranges which might be as difficult to determine as they’re satisfying to finish. Hidden all through these ranges are a wealth of secrets and techniques and collectibles, a few of which push the abilities it teaches you to absolutely the restrict, together with sufficient end-game content material to maintain you enjoying for dozens of hours. However the biggest triumph of Celeste is that its best-in-class leaping and dashing is mixed fantastically with an vital and honest story and an unimaginable soundtrack that make it a genuinely emotional sport, even when your ft are planted firmly on the bottom.

– Tom Marks

5. SteamWorld Dig 2

SteamWorld Dig 2 is a textbook instance of every thing a sequel needs to be: larger, smarter, and simply straight up extra enjoyable. Guiding Dorothy by means of SWD 2’s labyrinthine caverns trying to find loot and upgrades is a difficult and charming twist on the basic “Metroidvania” type and has a gameplay loop that can undoubtedly hold you up into the wee hours of the morning for “only one extra run”.

– Zachary Ryan

four. Splatoon 2

Splatoon 2 is a kind of uncommon video games you possibly can play for greater than a 12 months and nonetheless not be uninterested in it. Many gamers hoped for a quick port to Swap to hit the bottom working, however what we obtained was a formidable sequel with an all-new single-player marketing campaign and a “season 2” multiplayer mode that took the very best from the primary sport and expanded on it. Couple that with Salmon Run — an addictive new co-op mode — and loads of free post-release content material, and also you’ve obtained one of many prime causes to attach your Swap to a wifi community the place and each time you possibly can.

– Peer Schneider

three. Mario Kart eight Deluxe

e adored Mario Kart eight when it first got here out on Wii U however famous one conspicuous absence that made many people fall in love with the unique Mario Kart on SNES to start with: Battle Mode. Mario Kart eight’s encore on Nintendo Swap didn’t simply hold the web group alive and added returning favorites like Balloon Battle and Bob-omb Blast, we additionally obtained a brand-new “cops and robbers” workforce mode with Renegade Roundup, all the nice DLC levels, and even some friends from the Splatoon universe. It’s not a brand new sport, however one so good, it deserved to succeed in an even bigger viewers on Swap immediately.

– Peer Schneider

2. Tremendous Mario Odyssey

A masterclass in 3D platforming, Tremendous Mario Odyssey seamlessly blends the very best parts from almost each Mario sport with a whole portfolio of recent gameplay mechanics to create one thing each nostalgic and brave. New gamers will adore stomping by means of thep vivid and huge new worlds, whereas seasoned veterans will stick round after the credit to unlock the lots of of challenges that await their ability and dexterity. To place it succinctly, Tremendous Mario Odyssey is pure, chic pleasure and the most effective Tremendous Mario video games ever made.

– Brian Altano

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Let’s face it, the Zelda sequence was lengthy overdue for a serious change, and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild presents an unparalleled sense of freedom and scale within the palm of your hand. It tells a an epic story, as glide, prepare dinner, and battle your method throughout a fantastically ruined model of Hyrule. It helped reinvigorate The Legend of Zelda in a method that followers had solely dreamt of, simply propelling it to the primary spot on our record and in our hearts.

– Zachary Ryan

from SpicyNBAChili.com https://www.spicynbachili.com/the-best-nintendo-switch-games/

Game 304: Kayden Garth (1989)

Otherwise known as “what two words does a suburban soccer mom write at the top of the list after ‘if it’s a boy’?”

             Kayden Garth

Germany

Mentrox Goldline (developer); EAS Software (publisher)

Released in 1989 for Commodore 64 and Atari ST. Amiga version mentioned in manual, but probably unreleased

Date Started: 29 September 2018

Date Ended: 1 October 2018

Total Hours: 13

Difficulty: Guessing hard (4/5), but I gave up trying to play it honestly

Final Rating: (to come later)

Ranking at time of posting: (to come later)

I spent an absurd amount of time playing, mapping, and trying to win Kayden Garth, mostly out of the sincere concern that if I didn’t fully document it, some other poor bastard, years hence, would feel that he had to do it. Unfortunately, I didn’t succeed, and I can do is beg that future player not to throw away the precious hours of your waning existence the way I did.

The title–produced in Germany but for some reason in English–looks a bit like an Ultima clone but lacks the gameplay depth of even Akalabeth. The story is that Kayden Garth is a prison planet in the Beta Draconis sector, administered by an automated orbital station, but recently the Galactic Confederation has received an emergency signal from the station indicating that it’s being pulled out of orbit. (Depending on whether you go by the poorly-translated manual or the back of the box, there might also be reports of prison riots.) The Galactic Confederation sends a team of four people to investigate.

                 A typical outdoor shot, near the “hangar” where the endgame is (I think) supposed to take place. An enemy approaches from the south. A random unseen thief has just stolen some of my credits.

          Gameplay theoretically begins by creating the party of four from eight races (human, Vulcan, Ghardan, Woroner, Abornar, Gryhn, Sihbon, and Faranter) and eight classes (soldier, pilot, technician, scientist, doctor, merchant, cybernetic engineer, and thief). These races and classes have some effect on the few attributes–strength, hit points, and psi power–but otherwise absolutely no effect on gameplay. There’s nothing for the technician to fix, the scientist to study, the pilot to fly, or the thief to steal. A “doctor” can’t even heal his own party members.

I had plans to follow the title’s theme and create a party of characters named Cole, Graham, Hunter, and Wyatt. Unfortunately, character creation simply doesn’t work. I ultimately downloaded two “cracks” of the C64 version. The first one wouldn’t take me to the character creation section at all. If I said yes, I want to start a new game, it still insisted on dumping me into the game with the default party. The second version would take me to the character creator but froze every time I reached the second character. 

           The character creator also has a chance of generating absurd decimal numbers. Damn, I was holding out for a strength of at least 11.0065794.

         I was thus forced to play with the default party, generically named “Char. 1” through “Char. 4.” I note that every image I found online, including the images on the game box itself, shows this default party, so I’m not sure if the character creator ever worked. None of the default characters has any psi ability, which has consequences I’ll cover in a minute.

The game begins with the party on a fairly large outdoor map. From the moment you begin, there’s no reference to the backstory and nothing about the planet seems like a prison planet. Instead, it’s dotted with buildings that house shops, casinos, banks, hospitals, and dungeons. Banks are important because as you explore, the word “thieves” periodically pops up, and with it goes a decent chunk of your money. Casinos offer silly games with roughly 50/50 odds and the opportunity to only win 5 or 10 credits at a time.

          Buying “equipment” at an “armery.”

       The characters have no real equipment. At the shops, you can buy food (your pool of rations maxes at 250 and depletes rapidly), a single lamp, and lasers and shields of various levels, but those latter items just add to a generic pot of laser and shield “points” that deplete in combat. Similarly, visiting the hospital and choosing “heal” is really just buying hit points directly, not restoring points to some character-based maximum. 

       There’s a day/night cycle with things getting blurry at night and shops not open.

         Enemies pop up in the environment as you explore. There’s never more than one enemy. They’re all just goofy–Rocky Horrors, Karetekas, mad nurses, and Rambocks (the latter of which look like Rambo) among them.

           The developers’ opinion of Sylvester Stallone.

Given the backstory, wouldn’t it have been better to replace this silliness with something like “convict”?

          You have only three combat options: flee, fight, or cast a spell. You can fight while viewing a portrait of your foe or in a side view where you actually see them shoot at each other. The choice doesn’t really matter. Combat is usually over (in your favor) in a few rounds, and you get some gold and experience. Experience, as far as I can tell, has no effect in the game, and the characters never actually get any stronger. This technically makes it not an RPG under my definitions.

             Watching the combat from a side view.

Fighting while keeping the portrait on the screen instead.

           Characters with psychic abilities can choose from eight “spells.” Five of them are for dungeon exploration: “Light,” “Teleport,” “Position,” “Fogforce,” and “Dungeon Sight.” There are two offensive spells–“Fireneedle” and “Shadowblade”–but they’re not really necessary, and they deplete spell points needed for dungeon exploration.

            “Dungeon Sight” is a helpful spell, but it doesn’t show secret doors or ladders, and it costs more in psi power than a party is likely to achieve legitimately.

         With the backstory unreferenced, the only goal of the game seems to be to escape the planet, which you accomplish by exploring the dungeons and finding three items to blow up a tractor beam. I assume then you take off from the building designated “hangar,” but I’m not sure.

There are six dungeons in the game, all five levels of 13 x 13, all annoying. Playing with the default party, you soon run into a problem. Every dungeon level requires a light source, and you can only carry one lamp at a time. You thus need the “Light” spell, but none of the default characters can cast it (or anything). I had to download a hex editor, which I’d been trying to avoid, to give my characters some spell abilities. About this time, frustrations with the dungeons led me to stop even trying to play the game honestly. I abused save states and hex edits to keep myself alive long enough to map the levels, and even that wasn’t quite enough.

          A typical dungeon level, full of dark squares, spinners, and traps.

         The dungeons take forever to explore and there’s just no point at all. None of them have anything of interest between the entry stairs and a single square on the fifth level–no treasures, no fixed encounters, no messages scrawled on the wall, just annoyances like random combats every 12-15 steps, squares of darkness, traps, spinners, teleporters, hidden doors, and squares of fog. The fog, at least, can be dispelled. At least once per level, there’s a square that destroys your compass for the rest of that dungeon. Also, from the moment you teleport for the first time, the “Position” spell becomes useless in determining your actual position.

Some of the traps are capable of poisoning the party, causing damage every round until cured at a hospital or until a “Heal” spell is cast. Unfortunately, “Heal” has like a 25% chance of backfiring and decimating the party’s health. This isn’t mentioned in the manual, and doesn’t really make sense, so I assume it’s a programming error.

           Pushing through squares of “fog.”

              Making the dungeons even worse is the fact that many of them require you to find your way to isolated areas, unconnected by door or corridor, to progress. You can theoretically use “Teleport” for this, but the spell moves you to a random location, so you have to try it multiple times before you find your way to the right area. There’s at least one dungeon level in which the “right area” is a single square. I had to cast the spell about 100 times before luck brought me to it. Naturally, I wasn’t playing honestly by this point, and I just reloaded a save state every time the spell brought me to the wrong area. There aren’t enough valid spell points among all the party members to support this level of trial and error, so I assume this is a bug in the game and those isolated areas were supposed to be connected.

           The most ridiculous dungeon level. The ladders up and down are in single isolated squares, and you have to randomly “Teleport” repeatedly to land in them.

           There are also key areas in which the dungeon poses some kind of riddle. An inspection of the game file shows that there are several such riddles, but because of some kind of bug, you only ever get one of them, over and over: “It shows a different face to each and every one but has none itself.” I’ll let you work on that. In any event, the riddle is sometimes posed just before a dead end or other nondescript square, rather than always before a key encounter.

Hiking back and forth, mapping all the dungeons for who knows what reason, I ultimately found explosives at the bottom of one, a power pack at the bottom of another, and a detonator at the bottom of a third. These items together allowed me to blow up the tractor beam in the fourth dungeon.

           As close to a “win” as I got.

         The same dungeon that had the detonator also had a three-digit code (543) written in the dungeon walls. I figured with the tractor beam destroyed, I’d be able to take off from the hangar. But going to the hangar produces no result. I suspect I perhaps need something from the bottom of one of the other two dungeons, but one of them has no way down from the fourth level, just an erroneous second staircase up. Since that up staircase leads to a dead-end area that’s supposed to be in the middle of a wall, I can only assume it was supposed to go down. Meanwhile, the second superfluous dungeon has nothing on Level 5 that I can find, but the “Dungeon Sight” spell shows a single unconnected square in the center, and no amount of “Teleport” casting–I tried at least 300 times–would get me into it.

            The point of every dungeon is a single square on the fifth level.

            I’m going to call this one an “N/A” in the win column, since it seems to be bugs that prevent me from winning. On a GIMLET, I rate the game at a 9, which includes a -3 point “bonus” for all of the bugs. This is one of the lowest ratings I’ve ever given. The best score (3) is in “graphics, sound, and interface,” mostly for the relatively easy keyboard interface. People who enjoy game music will want me to mention a passable futuristic techno theme, credited to Dirk Schuetzner, that runs over the title screen.

The only way I could see to win it is for someone better than me to figure out how to hex edit the party’s position in the dungeons or to try again with the Atari ST version. If anyone wants to try either option, you’re welcome to my map book from the game. I didn’t find the Atari ST version until after I’d wasted 13 hours on the C64 version, but I gave it a brief try. The character creator works and even has extra attributes (dexterity and constitution), but once the game started I couldn’t figure out how to move (I admittedly didn’t try that hard). I also can’t figure out how to hex edit Atari ST save states, and trying to play the ST version honestly, with no guarantee I won’t encounter the same problems in the dungeons, is not something I’m willing to do.

            Some people wanted their names attached to this.

          EAS was an extremely short-lived publisher, issuing only a small number of arcade-style games in the late 1980s. I find Mentrox Goldline credited one other EAS game, a boxing title called Ringside (1989). The lead developer, Klaus Melchert, appears on no other titles that I can find. 

             The box art is cooler than anything in the game.

            One of the graphic artists, Andreas Bahr, appeared on an Amiga message board a few years ago and provided a little context for Kayden Garth, saying that Melchert only had 90 days to produce it (one wonders why), and that none of the developers ever saw any money because EAS went bankrupt shortly after releasing it. They deserved it.

******

It may be a while before another update on Crusaders of the Dark Savant. I’m still playing it on and off, but mostly mapping wilderness and grinding while I experiment with class changes. I’ll blog again once I’m back on track with the plot. In the meantime, I suppose we’ll check out Shadowlands (1992).

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/game-304-kayden-garth-1989/

Win The Small To Conquer The Big: A Life Strategy

I recently experienced one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. I’d rank the feeling right up there with getting into college or landing my first job.

As a first-time captain, my team won the annual Labor Day weekend softball tourney! There were 40 players, and I was chosen as one of four team captains to do a player draft, make a batting lineup, and decide on fielding positions.

This was an exhilarating experience because I had zero experience. I had to do a lot of research in the hot tub about each individual player and figure out how to lead a group of men and women I hardly knew. I had so much anxiety about not looking like an idiot that I dreamt of several players making fun of me for drafting so poorly.

I want to go through with you some of the strategic processes that affected this positive outcome. You’ll be able to decide whether preparation means anything. Maybe you’ll change your attitude about how much luck and effort play a part in achieving your goals. Or maybe you’ll simply not make the connection that how you approach small tasks can make all the difference when it comes to tackling bigger missions. 

The Strategy For Winning It All

1) Sleight of hand. 

I joined this softball league because I needed some diversification from tennis. My goal was to find some new friends to hang out with over a game that I love. Early retirement can get very lonely sometimes.

With over 1,000 players in the meetup group, and 100 regulars, I quickly began to observe who were the easy going folks and who had bigger egos – you know, those guys who love to relive their high school glory days (like I might do with this experience in 20 years) or who repeatedly bring up blue moon plays they made that nobody remembers. Good thing we keep stats that shine light on reality.

Instead of trying to be the best player, I just tried to take it easy and have fun. I didn’t want to injure myself in a recreational activity that would negatively affect my ability to take care of my son or play league tennis. I was already suffering from lower back pain.

For example, I’d bat lefty instead of my normal righty just to test it out, disregarding how it might negatively affect by batting average. I’d play right field, where fewer balls are hit, no problem.

To the players, and to the Commissioner (organizer), I was known as the easy going utility player. The Commissioner would constantly tell me to get down for balls, use two hands, swing harder, and run faster. Clearly, I wasn’t very good in his eyes. Perfect.

When it was time for the Commissioner to choose tourney captains, he chose four players whom he thought had similar abilities. Me, a 58-year-old guy named Peter who couldn’t run, a heftier guy who had a lower batting average than I (.500 vs .582), and another guy with suspect fielding skills and an even worse batting average (.458).

This situation was perfect because I strongly believed one of the X Factors for winning was the captain’s performance on the field, not just his analytical abilities. This experience is different from winning a fantasy football league because my physical performance mattered.

Here are the hitting stats for the championship game between me and Peter, the other captain who could run:

Me: 3 singles, 2 doubles, one out, 4 RBIs, 1 run

Peter: 0-4, a walk, 1 RBI

2) Do not underestimate the power of preparation.

After playing in the softball meetups for a year, I had a pretty good idea of the skill level of most of the regulars. However, there were about 5 out of the 40 players in the draft pool who I didn’t know.  So, I did homework and looked up their stats and asked around. I was also aware of my own player biases.

I drafted based on defense, intelligence, fighting spirit, and harmony. Players who thought they were better than they really were, were not picked. Players who wanted to be a hero when the bases are loaded, instead of taking a walk when they were ahead in the count, were out. Players who loved to hit under pressure were in.

I focused on drafting the best available shortstop possible, the best available left fielder, best third baseman, best center left fielder, best pitcher, best center right fielder, best second baseman, and finally the best right fielder. As for first base, I knew I could play it just fine.

While the other captains picked showy big hitters, I was focused on choosing the best fielders because defense is what wins championships. For example, one of the captains picked a big hitter who could not throw the ball farther than 30 feet because of a shoulder injury. Yet, this player insisted on playing left field instead of first base. Absurd! We lit up left field in the championship game like Independence Day and scored four runs because of his inability to throw.

When asked whether I wanted to pick 1st, 2nd, or 4th in the draft after Pete, the 58 yo picked 3rd, I chose to go 2nd. I knew everybody wanted to choose Clint, an obvious top choice. But because we are friends, I knew he would be hosting two consecutive nights of salsa parties the Friday and Saturday before our Monday softball tournament. Further, he hadn’t played in the two most recent games, so he may have been rusty.

So, I zeroed in on Roger, a power-hitting left-handed batter. The ability to pepper right field with bombs was my #1 goal given teams often put their worst players at either RF or catcher. I figured teams with a poor defensive strategy would not shift a good fielder into right field when Roger is hitting.

I also figured the Commissioner would put me on the worst field next to a sewage plant, which had a shorter right field than the better field (derivative thinking). My gambit worked. Clint, who was picked first, went 2-5 in the consolidation game, while Roger went 4-6 with a walk and 4 RBIs in the championship.

As a rookie captain, I knew the three veteran captains would try to take advantage of me once the draft was over by making some preposterous trade proposals. But I held my ground and was secretly bemused by some of their draft picks.

For example, one captain, who loves the ladies and is single, really likes this one particular girl. As a result, he drafted her in the 5th round, when based on skill set, she should have been drafted in the 7th or 8th round. Peter, the 58 yo, drafted two pitchers, even though he was already the best pitcher! This caused one of the pitchers he had drafted to become extremely bitter. He publicly wrote on the message board, “this makes no sense!”

Control what you can control through extensive preparation. If you study for only 30 minutes before a final exam and get a C, that’s on you. Why not study for 10 hours and get an A? If you sleep in every day when your competition wakes up at 5am, you must live with the results. You will never regret trying your best when it’s all said and done.

3) Be a leader and set the tone.

If you make me the leader, I am going to lead by example through hard work and preparation. Once you get the respect of your colleagues, it makes working towards a mission a whole lot easier.

The first thing I did was create this easy to read chart with various fielding and lineup proposals. I printed out copies for all my players to review. Then I created the team philosophy. No other captain did this.

I then took several of the veteran players aside and asked them to weigh in with their thoughts. It was not only important for me to make sure I didn’t have any blind spots, but it was also important to get the veteran players to feel included.

Once I got a consensus agreement from the entire team for field positions and the batting order, I appointed an outfield captain and an infield captain to keep the communication going. I firmly believe that in softball, having a high game IQ makes at least a 10% positive contribution to the outcome of the game.

Finally, I made sure every teammate read the Team Philosophy at the bottom of my sheet. Given none of us are pros, we were all going to make some type of error. I wanted my teammates to know that making an error was no big deal and to stay positive. People tend to perform better when they feel less pressure.

All but two of my ten teammates maintained positive attitudes throughout both games. One made a snide remark to me when I hit a pop up. He ended up going 1-3 with two strikeouts in the final game. The other negative guy, who found out he had been drafted lower than he thought appropriate for his skill set, went 0-9 and didn’t even try to play defense.

As the team captain, I could have criticized them for their lack of effort and/or positivity. But I knew the 0-9 guy was already emotionally hurting from finding out he’d dropped to the 4th round. Further, he was annoyed that he couldn’t play shortstop because I had already drafted a better one. After going 0-5 in the first game, I decided prudently to not poke the bear. Instead, I kept on being encouraging even though he kept muttering things like, “we’re going to get killed;” “you see, the shortstop missed the ball;” etc.

Even if you feel unqualified to lead, you must lead with confidence. Having a positive mindset matters folks. Know your role. Do it well. And watch the wins pile up once you get buy-in from the team.

The Championship Game

Here is the score sheet for the final game. We are the top row for the score and the team on the left for the lineup. I’m second to the bottom of the lineup and Mr. Negative 0-9 is last.

After two innings, I was worried. The opposing team (bottom row) power hitters were slugging balls past our outfielders. Three of their batters were over 6’2″ and 215+ lbs, and one hitter was a giant 6’10” who batted 0.700! Getting scored on 8 times in the second inning was extremely disheartening. Despite the barrage, I kept the faith.

Slowly, we chipped away at their lead. Down 16-18 at the end of the 6th, we finally surged ahead 22-18 in the top of the 7th after three of us chugged beers because by then we’d run out of water. Not only did we have power at the top of the lineup, we also had power at the bottom.

I decided to let my last pick in the draft, a sufferer of Dunning-Kruger, play second base. Meanwhile, I played catcher the entire game despite the suggestion of several teammates for me and my last round draft pick to switch positions or play my usual first base, which was currently occupied by Mr. Negative. I decided to roll the dice and keep them where they were because we had momentum. You should never change what’s working.

While Dunning-Kruger ended up costing us two runs with two errant throws to first, I managed to even out his lapses with two critical plays at home plate: 1) by catching the incoming throw and tagging out the runner on a bang-bang play and 2) snatching a one-hopper to the plate to save another run.

Final Lessons Learned

Despite seeming calm on the outside, on the inside, I was knotted up with anxiety. Behind my jet black shades, my eyes were contorting after each error or missed opportunity. But I stayed positive.

Winning a Labor Day softball tournament really means very little in the grand scheme of things. But it’s how you approach the little things that will carry forward to how you deal with bigger challenges. Win the small to conquer the big!

Here are some final takeaways from the game that may pertain to your business, your job, your investments, or your life.

1) If you never give up, good things just might happen. We started off slow, but heated up towards the end and finished strong. Meanwhile, they cooled off as we made some critical outfield adjustments thanks to our outfield captain. Last long enough and you will eventually catch a lucky break.

2) Never let up until the mission is accomplished. Despite being up 22-18 in the 7th inning, nobody took his foot off the gas pedal. As team captain, I made sure of that because our opponents clearly had the firepower to make up the deficit in just one inning. If you reduce your intensity by 10% because you think your victory is assured, while your opponent increases their intensity by 20% because they’re down, you are often screwed.

3) Know when to motivate, and know when to keep quiet. Managing egos is a huge part of coaching / captaining. You’ve got to make your players / employees feel like they matter the most. It’s important to get them to buy-in to the greater good. Otherwise, their cancer starts to spread.

4) Always analyze risk / reward scenarios and go with the best ratio. If you get your decisions right 51% of the time, in the long run, you will clean house like all the casinos in the world. Better preparation creates a 10% – 20% competitive advantage. As a result, it makes sense to put in the due diligence beforehand and press when the odds are in your greatest favor.

5) Recognize luck and give credit. After we won, I was asked to give a speech. In my speech, I talked about how close all the scores were and how it was just a few unlucky bounces here and there that made the difference, which was true. I gave credit to everyone on my team and pointed out specific plays each teammate made that made a big difference.

In the end, despite getting little recognition for captaining the team or going 5-6 in the championship game, I feel great because I know I’ve continued to maintain the underdog status. Nobody will ever know my sports background or coaching experience.

I hope everyone can find pleasure in the little things in life.

Related:

Are You Smart Enough To Act Dumb Enough To Get Ahead?

How To Drastically Improve Your Betting Odds

Be Rich, Not Famous: The Joys Of Being A Nobody

Stealth Wealth: Why You Should Keep A Low Financial Profile

Readers, what are your keys to winning? How important do you think preparation is to achieving a positive outcome? If it’s important, why don’t more people prepare more? What other scenarios do these lessons pertain to in work and in life?

Note: Thanks for allowing me to document this moment. If I didn’t write this post, I wouldn’t remember all the details years from now when I revisit this story with my boy. I didn’t document the historic HS tennis conference victory because kids were involved. 

The post Win The Small To Conquer The Big: A Life Strategy appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/win-the-small-to-conquer-the-big-a-winning-strategy/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

Win The Small To Conquer The Big: A Life Strategy

I recently experienced one of the most satisfying experiences of my life. I’d rank the feeling right up there with getting into college or landing my first job.

As a first-time captain, my team won the annual Labor Day weekend softball tourney! There were 40 players, and I was chosen as one of four team captains to do a player draft, make a batting lineup, and decide on fielding positions.

This was an exhilarating experience because I had zero experience. I had to do a lot of research in the hot tub about each individual player and figure out how to lead a group of men and women I hardly knew. I had so much anxiety about not looking like an idiot that I dreamt of several players making fun of me for drafting so poorly.

I want to go through with you some of the strategic processes that affected this positive outcome. You’ll be able to decide whether preparation means anything. Maybe you’ll change your attitude about how much luck and effort play a part in achieving your goals. Or maybe you’ll simply not make the connection that how you approach small tasks can make all the difference when it comes to tackling bigger missions. 

The Strategy For Winning It All

1) Sleight of hand. 

I joined this softball league because I needed some diversification from tennis. My goal was to find some new friends to hang out with over a game that I love. Early retirement can get very lonely sometimes.

With over 1,000 players in the meetup group, and 100 regulars, I quickly began to observe who were the easy going folks and who had bigger egos – you know, those guys who love to relive their high school glory days (like I might do with this experience in 20 years) or who repeatedly bring up blue moon plays they made that nobody remembers. Good thing we keep stats that shine light on reality.

Instead of trying to be the best player, I just tried to take it easy and have fun. I didn’t want to injure myself in a recreational activity that would negatively affect my ability to take care of my son or play league tennis. I was already suffering from lower back pain.

For example, I’d bat lefty instead of my normal righty just to test it out, disregarding how it might negatively affect by batting average. I’d play right field, where fewer balls are hit, no problem.

To the players, and to the Commissioner (organizer), I was known as the easy going utility player. The Commissioner would constantly tell me to get down for balls, use two hands, swing harder, and run faster. Clearly, I wasn’t very good in his eyes. Perfect.

When it was time for the Commissioner to choose tourney captains, he chose four players whom he thought had similar abilities. Me, a 58-year-old guy named Peter who couldn’t run, a heftier guy who had a lower batting average than I (.500 vs .582), and another guy with suspect fielding skills and an even worse batting average (.458).

This situation was perfect because I strongly believed one of the X Factors for winning was the captain’s performance on the field, not just his analytical abilities. This experience is different from winning a fantasy football league because my physical performance mattered.

Here are the hitting stats for the championship game between me and Peter, the other captain who could run:

Me: 3 singles, 2 doubles, one out, 4 RBIs, 1 run

Peter: 0-4, a walk, 1 RBI

2) Do not underestimate the power of preparation.

After playing in the softball meetups for a year, I had a pretty good idea of the skill level of most of the regulars. However, there were about 5 out of the 40 players in the draft pool who I didn’t know.  So, I did homework and looked up their stats and asked around. I was also aware of my own player biases.

I drafted based on defense, intelligence, fighting spirit, and harmony. Players who thought they were better than they really were, were not picked. Players who wanted to be a hero when the bases are loaded, instead of taking a walk when they were ahead in the count, were out. Players who loved to hit under pressure were in.

I focused on drafting the best available shortstop possible, the best available left fielder, best third baseman, best center left fielder, best pitcher, best center right fielder, best second baseman, and finally the best right fielder. As for first base, I knew I could play it just fine.

While the other captains picked showy big hitters, I was focused on choosing the best fielders because defense is what wins championships. For example, one of the captains picked a big hitter who could not throw the ball farther than 30 feet because of a shoulder injury. Yet, this player insisted on playing left field instead of first base. Absurd! We lit up left field in the championship game like Independence Day and scored four runs because of his inability to throw.

When asked whether I wanted to pick 1st, 2nd, or 4th in the draft after Pete, the 58 yo picked 3rd, I chose to go 2nd. I knew everybody wanted to choose Clint, an obvious top choice. But because we are friends, I knew he would be hosting two consecutive nights of salsa parties the Friday and Saturday before our Monday softball tournament. Further, he hadn’t played in the two most recent games, so he may have been rusty.

So, I zeroed in on Roger, a power-hitting left-handed batter. The ability to pepper right field with bombs was my #1 goal given teams often put their worst players at either RF or catcher. I figured teams with a poor defensive strategy would not shift a good fielder into right field when Roger is hitting.

I also figured the Commissioner would put me on the worst field next to a sewage plant, which had a shorter right field than the better field (derivative thinking). My gambit worked. Clint, who was picked first, went 2-5 in the consolidation game, while Roger went 4-6 with a walk and 4 RBIs in the championship.

As a rookie captain, I knew the three veteran captains would try to take advantage of me once the draft was over by making some preposterous trade proposals. But I held my ground and was secretly bemused by some of their draft picks.

For example, one captain, who loves the ladies and is single, really likes this one particular girl. As a result, he drafted her in the 5th round, when based on skill set, she should have been drafted in the 7th or 8th round. Peter, the 58 yo, drafted two pitchers, even though he was already the best pitcher! This caused one of the pitchers he had drafted to become extremely bitter. He publicly wrote on the message board, “this makes no sense!”

Control what you can control through extensive preparation. If you study for only 30 minutes before a final exam and get a C, that’s on you. Why not study for 10 hours and get an A? If you sleep in every day when your competition wakes up at 5am, you must live with the results. You will never regret trying your best when it’s all said and done.

3) Be a leader and set the tone.

If you make me the leader, I am going to lead by example through hard work and preparation. Once you get the respect of your colleagues, it makes working towards a mission a whole lot easier.

The first thing I did was create this easy to read chart with various fielding and lineup proposals. I printed out copies for all my players to review. Then I created the team philosophy. No other captain did this.

I then took several of the veteran players aside and asked them to weigh in with their thoughts. It was not only important for me to make sure I didn’t have any blind spots, but it was also important to get the veteran players to feel included.

Once I got a consensus agreement from the entire team for field positions and the batting order, I appointed an outfield captain and an infield captain to keep the communication going. I firmly believe that in softball, having a high game IQ makes at least a 10% positive contribution to the outcome of the game.

Finally, I made sure every teammate read the Team Philosophy at the bottom of my sheet. Given none of us are pros, we were all going to make some type of error. I wanted my teammates to know that making an error was no big deal and to stay positive. People tend to perform better when they feel less pressure.

All but two of my ten teammates maintained positive attitudes throughout both games. One made a snide remark to me when I hit a pop up. He ended up going 1-3 with two strikeouts in the final game. The other negative guy, who found out he had been drafted lower than he thought appropriate for his skill set, went 0-9 and didn’t even try to play defense.

As the team captain, I could have criticized them for their lack of effort and/or positivity. But I knew the 0-9 guy was already emotionally hurting from finding out he’d dropped to the 4th round. Further, he was annoyed that he couldn’t play shortstop because I had already drafted a better one. After going 0-5 in the first game, I decided prudently to not poke the bear. Instead, I kept on being encouraging even though he kept muttering things like, “we’re going to get killed;” “you see, the shortstop missed the ball;” etc.

Even if you feel unqualified to lead, you must lead with confidence. Having a positive mindset matters folks. Know your role. Do it well. And watch the wins pile up once you get buy-in from the team.

The Championship Game

Here is the score sheet for the final game. We are the top row for the score and the team on the left for the lineup. I’m second to the bottom of the lineup and Mr. Negative 0-9 is last.

After two innings, I was worried. The opposing team (bottom row) power hitters were slugging balls past our outfielders. Three of their batters were over 6’2″ and 215+ lbs, and one hitter was a giant 6’10” who batted 0.700! Getting scored on 8 times in the second inning was extremely disheartening. Despite the barrage, I kept the faith.

Slowly, we chipped away at their lead. Down 16-18 at the end of the 6th, we finally surged ahead 22-18 in the top of the 7th after three of us chugged beers because by then we’d run out of water. Not only did we have power at the top of the lineup, we also had power at the bottom.

I decided to let my last pick in the draft, a sufferer of Dunning-Kruger, play second base. Meanwhile, I played catcher the entire game despite the suggestion of several teammates for me and my last round draft pick to switch positions or play my usual first base, which was currently occupied by Mr. Negative. I decided to roll the dice and keep them where they were because we had momentum. You should never change what’s working.

While Dunning-Kruger ended up costing us two runs with two errant throws to first, I managed to even out his lapses with two critical plays at home plate: 1) by catching the incoming throw and tagging out the runner on a bang-bang play and 2) snatching a one-hopper to the plate to save another run.

Final Lessons Learned

Despite seeming calm on the outside, on the inside, I was knotted up with anxiety. Behind my jet black shades, my eyes were contorting after each error or missed opportunity. But I stayed positive.

Winning a Labor Day softball tournament really means very little in the grand scheme of things. But it’s how you approach the little things that will carry forward to how you deal with bigger challenges. Win the small to conquer the big!

Here are some final takeaways from the game that may pertain to your business, your job, your investments, or your life.

1) If you never give up, good things just might happen. We started off slow, but heated up towards the end and finished strong. Meanwhile, they cooled off as we made some critical outfield adjustments thanks to our outfield captain. Last long enough and you will eventually catch a lucky break.

2) Never let up until the mission is accomplished. Despite being up 22-18 in the 7th inning, nobody took his foot off the gas pedal. As team captain, I made sure of that because our opponents clearly had the firepower to make up the deficit in just one inning. If you reduce your intensity by 10% because you think your victory is assured, while your opponent increases their intensity by 20% because they’re down, you are often screwed.

3) Know when to motivate, and know when to keep quiet. Managing egos is a huge part of coaching / captaining. You’ve got to make your players / employees feel like they matter the most. It’s important to get them to buy-in to the greater good. Otherwise, their cancer starts to spread.

4) Always analyze risk / reward scenarios and go with the best ratio. If you get your decisions right 51% of the time, in the long run, you will clean house like all the casinos in the world. Better preparation creates a 10% – 20% competitive advantage. As a result, it makes sense to put in the due diligence beforehand and press when the odds are in your greatest favor.

5) Recognize luck and give credit. After we won, I was asked to give a speech. In my speech, I talked about how close all the scores were and how it was just a few unlucky bounces here and there that made the difference, which was true. I gave credit to everyone on my team and pointed out specific plays each teammate made that made a big difference.

In the end, despite getting little recognition for captaining the team or going 5-6 in the championship game, I feel great because I know I’ve continued to maintain the underdog status. Nobody will ever know my sports background or coaching experience.

I hope everyone can find pleasure in the little things in life.

Related:

Are You Smart Enough To Act Dumb Enough To Get Ahead?

How To Drastically Improve Your Betting Odds

Be Rich, Not Famous: The Joys Of Being A Nobody

Stealth Wealth: Why You Should Keep A Low Financial Profile

Readers, what are your keys to winning? How important do you think preparation is to achieving a positive outcome? If it’s important, why don’t more people prepare more? What other scenarios do these lessons pertain to in work and in life?

Note: Thanks for allowing me to document this moment. If I didn’t write this post, I wouldn’t remember all the details years from now when I revisit this story with my boy. I didn’t document the historic HS tennis conference victory because kids were involved. 

The post Win The Small To Conquer The Big: A Life Strategy appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from https://www.financialsamurai.com/win-the-small-to-conquer-the-big-a-winning-strategy/

Pop Picks – June 11, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Like everyone else, I’m listening to Pusha T drop the mic on Drake. Okay, not really, but do I get some points for even knowing that? We all walk around with songs that immediately bring us back to a time or a place. Songs are time machines. We are coming up on Father’s Day. My own dad passed away on Father’s Day back in 1994 and I remembering dutifully getting through the wake and funeral and being strong throughout. Then, sitting alone in our kitchen, Don Henley’s The End of the Innocence came on and I lost it. When you lose a parent for the first time (most of us have two after all) we lose our innocence and in that passage, we suddenly feel adult in a new way (no matter how old we are), a longing for our own childhood, and a need to forgive and be forgiven. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand. As Wordsworth reminds us in In Memoriam, there are seasons to our grief and, all these years later, this song no longer hits me in the gut, but does transport me back with loving memories of my father. I’ll play it Father’s Day.

What I’m reading:

The Fifth Season, by N. K. Jemisin. I am not a reader of fantasy or sci-fi, though I understand they can be powerful vehicles for addressing the very real challenges of the world in which we actually live. I’m not sure I know of a more vivid and gripping illustration of that fact than N. K. Jemisin’s Hugo Award winning novel The Fifth Season, first in her Broken Earth trilogy. It is astounding. It is the fantasy parallel to The Underground Railroad, my favorite recent read, a depiction of subjugation, power, casual violence, and a broken world in which our hero(s) struggle, suffer mightily, and still, somehow, give us hope. It is a tour de force book. How can someone be this good a writer? The first 30 pages pained me (always with this genre, one must learn a new, constructed world, and all of its operating physics and systems of order), and then I could not put it down. I panicked as I neared the end, not wanting to finish the book, and quickly ordered the Obelisk Gate, the second novel in the trilogy, and I can tell you now that I’ll be spending some goodly portion of my weekend in Jemisin’s other world.

What I’m watching:

The NBA Finals and perhaps the best basketball player of this generation. I’ve come to deeply respect LeBron James as a person, a force for social good, and now as an extraordinary player at the peak of his powers. His superhuman play during the NBA playoffs now ranks with the all-time greats, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, MJ, Kobe, and the demi-god that was Bill Russell. That his Cavs lost in a 4-game sweep is no surprise. It was a mediocre team being carried on the wide shoulders of James (and matched against one of the greatest teams ever, the Warriors, and the Harry Potter of basketball, Steph Curry) and, in some strange way, his greatness is amplified by the contrast with the rest of his team. It was a great run.

  Archive

May 24, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I’ve always liked Alicia Keys and admired her social activism, but I am hooked on her last album Here. This feels like an album finally commensurate with her anger, activism, hope, and grit. More R&B and Hip Hop than is typical for her, I think this album moves into an echelon inhabited by a Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On or Beyonce’s Formation. Social activism and outrage rarely make great novels, but they often fuel great popular music. Here is a terrific example.

What I’m reading:

Colson Whitehead’s Underground Railroad may be close to a flawless novel. Winner of the 2017 Pulitzer, it chronicles the lives of two runaway slaves, Cora and Caeser, as they try to escape the hell of plantation life in Georgia.  It is an often searing novel and Cora is one of the great heroes of American literature. I would make this mandatory reading in every high school in America, especially in light of the absurd revisionist narratives of “happy and well cared for” slaves. This is a genuinely great novel, one of the best I’ve read, the magical realism and conflating of time periods lifts it to another realm of social commentary, relevance, and a blazing indictment of America’s Original Sin, for which we remain unabsolved.

What I’m watching:

I thought I knew about The Pentagon Papers, but The Post, a real-life political thriller from Steven Spielberg taught me a lot, features some of our greatest actors, and is so timely given the assault on our democratic institutions and with a presidency out of control. It is a reminder that a free and fearless press is a powerful part of our democracy, always among the first targets of despots everywhere. The story revolves around the legendary Post owner and D.C. doyenne, Katharine Graham. I had the opportunity to see her son, Don Graham, right after he saw the film, and he raved about Meryl Streep’s portrayal of his mother. Liked it a lot more than I expected.

April 27, 2018

What I’m listening to:

I mentioned John Prine in a recent post and then on the heels of that mention, he has released a new album, The Tree of Forgiveness, his first new album in ten years. Prine is beloved by other singer songwriters and often praised by the inscrutable God that is Bob Dylan.  Indeed, Prine was frequently said to be the “next Bob Dylan” in the early part of his career, though he instead carved out his own respectable career and voice, if never with the dizzying success of Dylan. The new album reflects a man in his 70s, a cancer survivor, who reflects on life and its end, but with the good humor and empathy that are hallmarks of Prine’s music. “When I Get To Heaven” is a rollicking, fun vision of what comes next and a pure delight. A charming, warm, and often terrific album.

What I’m reading:

I recently read Min Jin Lee’s Pachinko, on many people’s Top Ten lists for last year and for good reason. It is sprawling, multi-generational, and based in the world of Japanese occupied Korea and then in the Korean immigrant’s world of Oaska, so our key characters become “tweeners,” accepted in neither world. It’s often unspeakably sad, and yet there is resiliency and love. There is also intimacy, despite the time and geographic span of the novel. It’s breathtakingly good and like all good novels, transporting.

What I’m watching:

I adore Guillermo del Toro’s 2006 film, Pan’s Labyrinth, and while I’m not sure his Shape of Water is better, it is a worthy follow up to the earlier masterpiece (and more of a commercial success). Lots of critics dislike the film, but I’m okay with a simple retelling of a Beauty and the Beast love story, as predictable as it might be. The acting is terrific, it is visually stunning, and there are layers of pain as well as social and political commentary (the setting is the US during the Cold War) and, no real spoiler here, the real monsters are humans, the military officer who sees over the captured aquatic creature. It is hauntingly beautiful and its depiction of hatred to those who are different or “other” is painfully resonant with the time in which we live. Put this on your “must see” list.

March 18, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Sitting on a plane for hours (and many more to go; geez, Australia is far away) is a great opportunity to listen to new music and to revisit old favorites. This time, it is Lucy Dacus and her album Historians, the new sophomore release from a 22-year old indie artist that writes with relatable, real-life lyrics. Just on a second listen and while she insists this isn’t a break up record (as we know, 50% of all great songs are break up songs), it is full of loss and pain. Worth the listen so far. For the way back machine, it’s John Prine and In Spite of Ourselves (that title track is one of the great love songs of all time), a collection of duets with some of his “favorite girl singers” as he once described them. I have a crush on Iris Dement (for a really righteously angry song try her Wasteland of the Free), but there is also EmmyLou Harris, the incomparable Dolores Keane, and Lucinda Williams. Very different albums, both wonderful.

What I’m reading:

Jane Mayer’s New Yorker piece on Christopher Steele presents little that is new, but she pulls it together in a terrific and coherent whole that is illuminating and troubling at the same time. Not only for what is happening, but for the complicity of the far right in trying to discredit that which should be setting off alarm bells everywhere. Bob Mueller may be the most important defender of the democracy at this time. A must read.

What I’m watching:

Homeland is killing it this season and is prescient, hauntingly so. Russian election interference, a Bannon-style hate radio demagogue, alienated and gun toting militia types, and a president out of control. It’s fabulous, even if it feels awfully close to the evening news. 

March 8, 2018

What I’m listening to:

We have a family challenge to compile our Top 100 songs. It is painful. Only 100? No more than three songs by one artist? Wait, why is M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” on my list? Should it just be The Clash from whom she samples? Can I admit to guilty pleasure songs? Hey, it’s my list and I can put anything I want on it. So I’m listening to the list while I work and the song playing right now is Tom Petty’s “The Wild One, Forever,” a B-side single that was never a hit and that remains my favorite Petty song. Also, “Evangeline” by Los Lobos. It evokes a night many years ago, with friends at Pearl Street in Northampton, MA, when everyone danced well past 1AM in a hot, sweaty, packed club and the band was a revelation. Maybe the best music night of our lives and a reminder that one’s 100 Favorite Songs list is as much about what you were doing and where you were in your life when those songs were playing as it is about the music. It’s not a list. It’s a soundtrack for this journey.

What I’m reading:

Patricia Lockwood’s Priestdaddy was in the NY Times top ten books of 2017 list and it is easy to see why. Lockwood brings remarkable and often surprising imagery, metaphor, and language to her prose memoir and it actually threw me off at first. It then all became clear when someone told me she is a poet. The book is laugh aloud funny, which masks (or makes safer anyway) some pretty dark territory. Anyone who grew up Catholic, whether lapsed or not, will resonate with her story. She can’t resist a bawdy anecdote and her family provides some of the most memorable characters possible, especially her father, her sister, and her mother, who I came to adore. Best thing I’ve read in ages.

What I’m watching:

The Florida Project, a profoundly good movie on so many levels. Start with the central character, six-year old (at the time of the filming) Brooklynn Prince, who owns – I mean really owns – the screen. This is pure acting genius and at that age? Astounding. Almost as astounding is Bria Vinaite, who plays her mother. She was discovered on Instagram and had never acted before this role, which she did with just three weeks of acting lessons. She is utterly convincing and the tension between the child’s absolute wonder and joy in the world with her mother’s struggle to provide, to be a mother, is heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Willem Dafoe rightly received an Oscar nomination for his supporting role. This is a terrific movie.

February 12, 2018

What I’m listening to:

So, I have a lot of friends of age (I know you’re thinking 40s, but I just turned 60) who are frozen in whatever era of music they enjoyed in college or maybe even in their thirties. There are lots of times when I reach back into the catalog, since music is one of those really powerful and transporting senses that can take you through time (smell is the other one, though often underappreciated for that power). Hell, I just bought a turntable and now spending time in vintage vinyl shops. But I’m trying to take a lesson from Pat, who revels in new music and can as easily talk about North African rap music and the latest National album as Meet the Beatles, her first ever album. So, I’ve been listening to Kendrick Lamar’s Grammy winning Damn. While it may not be the first thing I’ll reach for on a winter night in Maine, by the fire, I was taken with it. It’s layered, political, and weirdly sensitive and misogynist at the same time, and it feels fresh and authentic and smart at the same time, with music that often pulled me from what I was doing. In short, everything music should do. I’m not a bit cooler for listening to Damn, but when I followed it with Steely Dan, I felt like I was listening to Lawrence Welk. A good sign, I think.

What I’m reading:

I am reading Walter Isaacson’s new biography of Leonardo da Vinci. I’m not usually a reader of biographies, but I’ve always been taken with Leonardo. Isaacson does not disappoint (does he ever?), and his subject is at once more human and accessible and more awe-inspiring in Isaacson’s capable hands. Gay, left-handed, vegetarian, incapable of finishing things, a wonderful conversationalist, kind, and perhaps the most relentlessly curious human being who has ever lived. Like his biographies of Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, Isaacson’s project here is to show that genius lives at the intersection of science and art, of rationality and creativity. Highly recommend it.

What I’m watching:

We watched the This Is Us post-Super Bowl episode, the one where Jack finally buys the farm. I really want to hate this show. It is melodramatic and manipulative, with characters that mostly never change or grow, and it hooks me every damn time we watch it. The episode last Sunday was a tear jerker, a double whammy intended to render into a blubbering, tissue-crumbling pathetic mess anyone who has lost a parent or who is a parent. Sterling K. Brown, Ron Cephas Jones, the surprising Mandy Moore, and Milo Ventimiglia are hard not to love and last season’s episode that had only Brown and Cephas going to Memphis was the show at its best (they are by far the two best actors). Last week was the show at its best worst. In other words, I want to hate it, but I love it. If you haven’t seen it, don’t binge watch it. You’ll need therapy and insulin.

January 15, 2018

What I’m listening to:

Drive-By Truckers. Chris Stapleton has me on an unusual (for me) country theme and I discovered these guys to my great delight. They’ve been around, with some 11 albums, but the newest one is fascinating. It’s a deep dive into Southern alienation and the white working-class world often associated with our current president. I admire the willingness to lay bare, in kick ass rock songs, the complexities and pain at work among people we too quickly place into overly simple categories. These guys are brave, bold, and thoughtful as hell, while producing songs I didn’t expect to like, but that I keep playing. And they are coming to NH.

What I’m reading:

A textual analog to Drive-By Truckers by Chris Stapleton in many ways is Tony Horowitz’s 1998 Pulitzer Prize winning Confederates in the Attic. Ostensibly about the Civil War and the South’s ongoing attachment to it, it is prescient and speaks eloquently to the times in which we live (where every southern state but Virginia voted for President Trump). Often hilarious, it too surfaces complexities and nuance that escape a more recent, and widely acclaimed, book like Hillbilly Elegy. As a Civil War fan, it was also astonishing in many instances, especially when it blows apart long-held “truths” about the war, such as the degree to which Sherman burned down the south (he did not). Like D-B Truckers, Horowitz loves the South and the people he encounters, even as he grapples with its myths of victimhood and exceptionalism (and racism, which may be no more than the racism in the north, but of a different kind). Everyone should read this book and I’m embarrassed I’m so late to it.

What I’m watching:

David Letterman has a new Netflix show called “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” and we watched the first episode, in which Letterman interviewed Barack Obama. It was extraordinary (if you don’t have Netflix, get it just to watch this show); not only because we were reminded of Obama’s smarts, grace, and humanity (and humor), but because we saw a side of Letterman we didn’t know existed. His personal reflections on Selma were raw and powerful, almost painful. He will do five more episodes with “extraordinary individuals” and if they are anything like the first, this might be the very best work of his career and one of the best things on television.

December 22, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished Sunjeev Sahota’s Year of the Runaways, a painful inside look at the plight of illegal Indian immigrant workers in Britain. It was shortlisted for 2015 Man Booker Prize and its transporting, often to a dark and painful universe, and it is impossible not to think about the American version of this story and the terrible way we treat the undocumented in our own country, especially now.

What I’m watching:

Season II of The Crown is even better than Season I. Elizabeth’s character is becoming more three-dimensional, the modern world is catching up with tradition-bound Britain, and Cold War politics offer more context and tension than we saw in Season I. Claire Foy, in her last season, is just terrific – one arched eye brow can send a message.

What I’m listening to:

A lot of Christmas music, but needing a break from the schmaltz, I’ve discovered Over the Rhine and their Christmas album, Snow Angels. God, these guys are good.

  November 14, 2017

What I’m watching:

Guiltily, I watch the Patriots play every weekend, often building my schedule and plans around seeing the game. Why the guilt? I don’t know how morally defensible is football anymore, as we now know the severe damage it does to the players. We can’t pretend it’s all okay anymore. Is this our version of late decadent Rome, watching mostly young Black men take a terrible toll on each other for our mere entertainment?

What I’m reading:

Recently finished J.G. Ballard’s 2000 novel Super-Cannes, a powerful depiction of a corporate-tech ex-pat community taken over by a kind of psychopathology, in which all social norms and responsibilities are surrendered to residents of the new world community. Kept thinking about Silicon Valley when reading it. Pretty dark, dystopian view of the modern world and centered around a mass killing, troublingly prescient.

What I’m listening to:

Was never really a Lorde fan, only knowing her catchy (and smarter than you might first guess) pop hit “Royals” from her debut album. But her new album, Melodrama, is terrific and it doesn’t feel quite right to call this “pop.” There is something way more substantial going on with Lorde and I can see why many critics put this album at the top of their Best in 2017 list. Count me in as a huge fan.

  November 3, 2017

What I’m reading: Just finished Celeste Ng’s Little Fires Everywhere, her breathtakingly good second novel. How is someone so young so wise? Her writing is near perfection and I read the book in two days, setting my alarm for 4:30AM so I could finish it before work.

What I’m watching: We just binge watched season two of Stranger Things and it was worth it just to watch Millie Bobbie Brown, the transcendent young actor who plays Eleven. The series is a delightful mash up of every great eighties horror genre you can imagine and while pretty dark, an absolute joy to watch.

What I’m listening to: I’m not a lover of country music (to say the least), but I love Chris Stapleton. His “The Last Thing I Needed, First Thing This Morning” is heartbreakingly good and reminds me of the old school country that played in my house as a kid. He has a new album and I can’t wait, but his From A Room: Volume 1 is on repeat for now.

  September 26, 2017

What I’m reading:

Just finished George Saunder’s Lincoln in the Bardo. It took me a while to accept its cadence and sheer weirdness, but loved it in the end. A painful meditation on loss and grief, and a genuinely beautiful exploration of the intersection of life and death, the difficulty of letting go of what was, good and bad, and what never came to be.

What I’m watching:

HBO’s The Deuce. Times Square and the beginning of the porn industry in the 1970s, the setting made me wonder if this was really something I’d want to see. But David Simon is the writer and I’d read a menu if he wrote it. It does not disappoint so far and there is nothing prurient about it.

What I’m listening to:

The National’s new album Sleep Well Beast. I love this band. The opening piano notes of the first song, “Nobody Else Will Be There,” seize me & I’m reminded that no one else in music today matches their arrangement & musicianship. I’m adding “Born to Beg,” “Slow Show,” “I Need My Girl,” and “Runaway” to my list of favorite love songs.

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Words About Games:  Dark Souls 3 (From Software, 2016)

Oh, so that’s where the rest of Bloodborne went.

I love Dark Souls 1.  Lots of people love Dark Souls 1.  Dark Souls 2 hated Dark Souls 1.  Lots of people hated Dark Souls 2.  My own thoughts on Dark Souls 2 are still complicated.  I like Dark Souls 3.  It’s a good game that could have been very bad.  It’s supposed to be a last hurrah for the series, but it didn’t take the easy way out.  It tried to touch on some things from 1, made passing mentions to 2 that only bolstered my own personal theory (which I should really write a new essay for), and tried to do its own thing.  Some people strangely call it nothing but fanservicey callbacks, and I really have no idea where they’re coming from.  These games are connected, and referencing the first shouldn’t be looked down upon, especially when people’s complaints about 2 was that it wasn’t at all connected to 1.  

So I’ll lay my stance out clear right now:  I really appreciate what Dark Souls 3 did to cap off the franchise.  It approached the topic of “ending the world” (as in, the series) with care and respect while still delivering a new game with fresh mechanics and a unique world.  That, unfortunately, did not stop it from feeling like the team was running out of energy.

As much as Dark Souls 3 feels like a genuine effort to give fans something great to remember the series by after 2 disappointed almost everyone, it also feels like a game made out of obligation.  It came out only 13 months after Bloodborne, and I feel like it suffered greatly for that.  Remnants of abandoned systems are prominent in game, and screenshots from not even two months prior to the game’s release show wildly different environments and concepts.  But as with Bloodborne, the mechanics are solid enough to carry the game, just maybe not to the heights fans came to expect.

Dark Souls 3 is basically the mix of DS1 and Demon’s Souls that everyone hoped DS2 was going to be.  It presents a massive, sprawling world with areas that, while not crisscrossing over themselves as in DS1, are stuffed full of shortcuts and secrets in their own space.  There’s nothing like the Undead Burg or Central Yarnham, but fans of Boletaria or Stonefang Tunnel will recognize what’s been presented.

That said, areas don’t have as strong of a sense of identity as they did in DS1 or 2; they’re missing a couple certain somethings that even a million polygons stuffed in every corner can’t replace.  I’ll save the rant about aesthetics for later, but just remember the words “bleak” and “churches.”

Weapons take a step back from DS2’s penchant for absurdity and return to more reasonable medieval fantasy fair.  Big goofy weapons still exist of course - they always have - but nobody’s running around with a poison-infused broken sword hilt or shooting fire out of a javelin.  Weapon arts were introduced to give weapons a sort of “secondary moveset” to better differentiate individual entries in a single category.  DS2 had a ton of single-handed straight swords, and apart from a vertical slash here or a stab there, not much set them apart.  DS3’s weapon arts introduce an extra variety of offensive utility; an upward sweep to lever a shield away, a piercing stab for sudden extra reach, or even just a brutal combo that very clearly tells your opponent it was a bad idea to try and trade hits.  I originally applauded DS2 for much the same thing, but after sinking 299 hours into it, it turns out that having two movesets shared between seven shortswords isn’t actually that interesting, even if an extra stab or slash gets tossed in every so often.  

The weapon arts replace powerstancing from DS2, and personally I was 100% fine with that.  Powerstancing was pretty uninteresting overall and actually kind of useless, unless you were using dual blacksmith hammers to stunlock people in PVP.  Getting the required strength married you very quickly to one specific build, any any points not put towards powerstancing (if you planned your character around doing so) were pretty much wasted.  

Dark Souls 3 brings back a more freeform approach to leveling; no more having to shove a dozen levels into Adaptability just to be able to roll well, or ten into Dexterity so you can cast a spell fast enough to actually live to see it connect.  It does, unfortunately, cripple pyromancy by having your damage scale off both intelligence and faith, which led to me abandoning a pyro build because my Int was already 40 and I have all these sorceries lying around . . .

It's far from perfect.  In a noble but misguided attempt to pave over the couple of oppressively powerful low level builds that allowed a lot of unevenly-matched invasions in the first couple areas of Dark Souls 1, From added odd stat requirements to all the weapons that aren't starting options.  As a result, your beefy Strength dude might need to bewilderingly sink half a dozen levels into Dexterity to swing that giant club around.  Coupled with an all-around nerf to Dex scaling because everyone's Dex is so high to begin with, DS3 spends most of its early to middle game as a Strength or Quality build paradise, with the occasional Sorcerer running around trying to do damage before collecting all 4 rings mandatory for making the build work.

Oh, right, magic as a whole is back to Demon’s Souls’ mana bar.  You have a separate Estus flask for mana, and you can talk to a guy in the central hub to set how many of each type of flask you're carrying, pulled from a total of how many flask shards you've turned in.  It works fine.

And part of the reason it works fine is because there's always a bonfire not 10 minutes of first-time-playthrough time away from the last.  This is a common complaint, and very clearly an issue that arose as a result of the scrapped “create your own bonfire” system that was among one of the first features announced.  I don't actually know offhand if its intended mechanics were ever revealed, but its exclusion from the final game created an obvious shift in how the different areas of the game ended up.  A few areas, notably the expansions, manage to capture DS1’s feel of a desperate crawl from fire to fire your first time through, but most often I found myself a bit surprised at how quickly and easily I'd gotten from one to the next.

As for those levels themselves, let's finally revisit those two terms from earlier.  Dark Souls 3’s map is, like 1’s, a sprawling expanse of shortcuts and secret corners, each connected to the other in a very tangible, real sense.  Dark Souls 2’s magically overlapping zones and elevators to nowhere have been chased off for good.  But where 2 opted for a theme park style approach to areas and 1 guided you through a decaying city, 3 opts for a more homogeneous smear of bleak churches.

Dark Souls 1 was a carefully constructed world, and its map has been touted as one of the best, or at least one of the best constructed, since its release.  It's through not only the ability to orient yourself with landmarks that were places you'd already visited, but a skilled use of light and architecture to visually separate each area while making the transition seem natural, or in the case of various manmade areas, sensible.  The Undead Burg and the Depths both had relatively neutral lighting, with the latter dumping oppressive shadow on you the player; fitting for a grimy sewer.  But head down the cistern to Blighttown and suddenly your screen is flooded with sickly green shades, a result of a deliberate, aggressive color grading trick that lends each area that little extra bit of personality.  Darkroot Garden pairs its dark green foliage with a dusty blue, Sen’s Fortress feels almost sepia toned at times, waves of red heat roll off ancient stone in the Demon Ruins and Lost Izalith, dark water and pale ghosts in New Londo are brought together by an eerie cyan, and Anor Londo itself blazes with golden glory.

In Dark Souls 3, the sky is yellow, the ground is brown, and everything you walk next to is gray.

Dark Souls 3 tries to sell its “time of ash” schtick with a thin gray film over everything, but the result is a very boring, flat lighting scheme that sits comfortably in the middle values, never pushing itself to any real contrast between bright light and oppressive darkness.  Sure, you'll pull out your torch every now and then, but it's always a hazy sort of darkness that has you saying “it would be convenient if it were brighter right now” rather than “this small circle of light is now the only safe part of this world.”

Not helping the cause is DS3’s general lack of interesting or at least unique terrain.  Areas are massive, but their aesthetic is spread rather thinly across it all, getting a bit boring right around three quarters of the way through every time.  The first and last areas are essentially the same (which makes sense at least, the first part of the game is spent in the lower sections of the final part); a big fantastical European castle town that ended up being more castle than town.  You spend a very long time in the area each time, and it honestly drags a bit.  There's only so much to be done with the same stone wall and wooden roof before the scenery runs its course, and that happens with every area.  The Undead Settlement is full of crappy wooden huts, stone ruins, and not much else, but it's one of the largest areas in the game.  The Cathedral of the Deep is a giant church that you first spend too long crawling on top of, then too long crawling around inside of.  And on the inside, of course, is nothing but a maze of smaller churches, each one complete with the same altar, pews, and candles.  

The Cathedral kind of neatly exemplifies my overall issue with DS3’s world design.  It is always too much of the same thing for too long.  The game world didn't need to be this big, and I genuinely believe it suffered for it.  Areas stretch themselves out so much that a lot of the time you're just walking from enemy group to enemy group, going through the motions more than anything else.  

One of the major strengths of both Demon’s and Dark Souls 1 was that its enemy encounters were a crafted ordeal, meant to highlight the terrain you were on or in and make you think just a bit critically about how you were going to approach.  An example I really like is the small group right before the first bonfire in the Undead Burg.  Three hollows are hiding behind wooden barriers, another sits up a short flight of stairs with a crossbow, and two more are over across a short bridge, holding spears and shields.  Six enemies total.  Entering the main area with the first three has them burst through their cover and slowly advance, while the crossbowman takes a potshot every few seconds.  Far from overwhelming, even as a beginner.  But if you panic and try to run across the footbridge, the spearmen start paying attention to you, and their shields will easily stop you from coming into their territory. Then the crossbow dude and the other three show up behind you and whoops, maybe that was a bad idea.  

This encounter isn't all that far away from Firelink, and only a handful of other enemies get in your way.  But, at least following the intended progression, it's the first complex encounter a player sees.  It has a lot to teach, and it does it well.  Enemies can break through cover, some enemies aren't immediately reachable (and may be bad to rush up to), some enemies are only concerned about defending their turf, shields are difficult to break through, and generally, enemies will be quick to punish dumb mistakes.  

That's a pretty impressive little slice of DS1’s design philosophy.  Let's look at a comparable encounter from 3.

Very close to the area where you warp in from this game’s Firelink Shrine, there's a short section of battlement with a group of six or so enemies.  Most are basic dudes, one has a sword and some armor, and one has a bell of some kind.  The basic dudes are docile, the swordsman will try to kill you, and the guy with the bell will start screaming and ringing if you hang around too long, waking the docile dudes up and making them hostile.  This is all on a straight platform with a couple small statues off to either side, and no other terrain feature of note for this encounter.  

Let's ask the same question, then.  What does this teach us about the game?  A few things.  The biggest is that it's more important to identify targets who will have a big impact on the fight, rather than just going for the scariest looking one first.  Hooking into that is the lesson that some enemies can and will drastically change the landscape of a combat encounter.  Both are true throughout the game, but the second thing becomes less relevant as the game goes on.  

Other than that, there isn't much to learn from this encounter, really.  The terrain doesn't offer much, and the enemies don't do much beyond attacking as a group once the guy with the bell wakes them up.  

What I'll call “big groups in front of you filled with lots of dudes” (Big Groups for short) make up a considerable amount of what's found in Dark Souls 3, and it seems to be inherited from Bloodborne.  But in Bloodborne, Big Groups were what the game's entire philosophy revolved around, or at least for its first half.  Controlling those Big Groups is how the game functioned, it's what the faster dodge, faster heal, and Regain system were built to deal with.  In Dark Souls, those Big Groups just become weird roadblocks that you have to get past without the same tools.

Bringing us to my admittedly flippant opening remark, this is a single part of where I feel Bloodborne's rushed development merged with Dark Souls 3’s even more rushed development.  A lot of enemies seem better suited for the prior game than the latter; they’re smaller or faster (almost universally faster), they use more projectiles, they have more aggressive gap-closing attacks, more grapples, and they appear in larger groups.  They seem designed around a fundamentally different style of interaction than what's actually present in Dark Souls.

And that brings me back to how Dark Souls 3 felt like an obligation.  As a videogame, it's nothing short of excellent.  But as an entry in an overwhelmingly popular series, it feels more like a rushed apology for the lukewarm reception of DS2, and one that took much-needed attention away from another game while it was still being made.  It doesn't feel unfinished in the same sense that DS1 very obviously was, but there's a clear lack of focus present with the way all these trailing threads hang right in front of you.  Areas that are large for no reason or gain, enemies that seem dumped onto the map rather than placed, a progression through the world that never offers much choice, a muted sense of character progression, and a setting that us always comfortably close to where it was previously.  I don't want to say the game's direction feels entirely without creativity, but it's obvious that the grand ideas of Dark Souls 1, left unfinished, or the ambition behind Bloodborne that had to be rushed out the door half-baked just aren't here.  Dark Souls 3 doesn't feel like a game Miyazaki, the director, wanted to make, it feels like something he was obligated to make.  The game comes and goes with a solid presence that's still more impressive than a lot of AAA rpg fair, but it never attempts to reach the same heights that all of its predecessors never got to.  Dark Souls 1 is a deeply, deeply flawed game, but its ambition is obvious and admirable, and its lowest points are backed up by its highest managing to, if only for a moment, reach that grand goal.  Bloodborne was the same way; when it worked, it was magnificent, but it fell flat just as much.  

Dark Souls 3 doesn't try hard enough to be the games it wants to remind people of.  It settles to be a solid action rpg that still exists in the Dark Souls essence, but it feels like a shrug.  A shrug by From, given after the end of a marathon of hard work, aimed at Bandai Namco and the fans, just exhaustedly presenting something that has to be good enough.  And it is.  It's good enough.  I enjoyed Dark Souls 3, I enjoyed its expansions, I enjoyed my time working my pet theory into what it had to say, and I enjoyed where it left the series.  

As of the time of writing, we haven't seen anything from From except for a 10 second teaser for their next project and the announcement of Dark Souls Remastered, and that's fine.  Beyond the expansions for DS3, we didn't see anything huge from them for all of 2017, and that's perfectly fine.  Bloodborne and Dark Souls 3 proved that they aren't comfortable releasing a game every year, and it seems that Bandai Namco realized that.  In the current norm of a new entry into a series being churned out every year or every other, I'm more than happy to let From take their time and make something we haven't seen before, or take a surprise revisit to an older series.  From is at their best when they have the time to build those grand ideas, even if the game only reaches them for a few brief moments.  That's when you can see the effort, see the intent peering through whatever didn't quite go right.  I personally would rather see their ambition fall a bit short than see half the ambition come to a slow trudge across the finish line.

In closing, dear From, please make Kings Field 5.

2017-2018 MLB free agent rankings

Which players are the class of the offseason? This ranking is empirically correct, so we’ll do the thinking for you.

It’s that time of year again, when the stupid awards are over, and the hot stove is getting hotter. Mmm, so hot. This might be the best part of the offseason, and the only thing you have to do is forget just how wretched most of this free agent class is.

Well, maybe that’s too harsh. There are useful players to be found in the 2017-2018 MLB free agent bonanza this offseason. Some of the players who don’t make this top-40 list will play a significant role for a team next year, and they’ll be regarded as the steals of the winter. There just aren’t a lot of premium players. If your team is looking to slap the offseason upside the head with an oar, there just aren’t that many options.

This is a trip to the hardware store, then. There are no rides. There are no cotton candy machines. There are clamps. Mostly clamps. Maybe a few wood screws.

Okay, maybe there are a couple of cotton candy machines. Like ...

1. Shohei Ohtani - RHP, 1B, RF, DH, QB, PF, G

The most perfect free agent possible, really. He can hit, he can pitch, and he isn’t going to cost your favorite team more than Joe Smith. That’s not a figure of speech. He’ll be less expensive than the actual Joe Smith.

He just needs to choose your favorite team. His reasoning might have to do with his future contract. It might have to do with a need for privacy. It might have to do for a desire for the spotlight. It might be based entirely on FiveThirtyEight’s burrito rankings (please, oh please).

There are still some bureaucratic hurdles with the posting system, specifically some rollbacks that would allow Ohtani’s old team, the Nippon Ham Fighters, to make more money for parting with their young superstar, but he’s almost certainly coming over. And he’s easily the best free agent of this class, if not his generation.

2. J.D. Martinez - OF

He’s been really, really good for four years now. The slugging percentage and general power output were absurd last year, but he’s always had a tantalizing combination of power and bat control — the answer to what would happen if Chris Davis could hit .300.

His defense ranges from iffy to incredibly iffy, regardless of what Scott Boras will have you believe, so there are risks with a five- or six-year deal. This is the best hitter on the market, though, and that was probably true before he ascended into the ionosphere with the Diamondbacks.

3. Yu Darvish - SP

The best starter on the market, as expected. Just, uh, ignore the part where he probably single-handedly cost his last team the World Series. It was a blip! Weird things happen when you mix slick balls with small samples. That goes without saying.

Because it’s 2017, not 1987, I’m pretty sure that teams will pay Darvish for the 135 games he pitched before the World Series, not the last two games he pitched. While his track record is inconsistent (just 200 IP in one season, and an ERA that’s gone up in each of the last four seasons), he’s still near the top of any rotation in baseball.

4. Jake Arrieta - SP

For four straight seasons, Arrieta was one of the hardest pitchers to hit in baseball. He led the NL in hits-per-nine in both 2015 and 2016, showing off a repeatable skill that’s hard to find and harder to maintain.

His velocity is down two ticks, though, so I’m going to believe that the bump in hits allowed last season has to do with hitters having extra milliseconds to make better contact. If you’re paying for Arrieta, pay for what he did last year, and then expect it to get slowly worse. That is a fine addition to any major league roster. If you’re paying for what he did in the seasons before that, good luck.

5. Eric Hosmer - 1B

He’s a fine first baseman. Stays healthy, can take a walk. There are some defensive metrics that hate him, but he passes the eyeball test. The good news about him is that he’s just 28, which is relatively young for a free agent.

He’s basically J.T. Snow, though. I lived through the career of J.T. Snow. There were some fine moments, and I will remember him fondly. But I wouldn’t remember him quite as fondly if he made the late-’90s equivalent of what Hosmer might get in this market, which is upward of $100 million. You enjoy players like Hosmer when he has a good team around him. You enjoy them less when they’re your free agent centerpiece.

6. Mike Moustakas - 3B

The sixth-best free agent? We’ve reached something of a tipping point, and I just started.

Moustakas’s career on-base percentage is .305. His glove is pretty okay. If you’re going to start there, you’re going to need the player to hit 38 home runs to have a ton of value. Luckily for him (and Boras), that’s exactly what happened, so there will be a team that will overpay.

This is exactly the kind of free agent that most teams should avoid, though. In his best-case scenario, last year, he walloped nearly 40 dingers and was still worth roughly two wins above replacement. What happens when the baseballs go back to normal? What happens when his fast-twitch reflexes fade, and he needs to swing at better pitches? I can see this one getting ugly fast, so the team that gets him had better be in ultra-win-now mode and have the money to brush financial mistakes off easily after a couple years of solid production.

He’s the Eric Hosmer of third basemen, really.

7. Lorenzo Cain - CF

Probably a better player than either of the other two Royals, but I would trust the power and patience to age better for the previous two when compared to Cain’s speed-and-defense combo.

For next year and maybe 2019, give me Cain, though. His 2017 season wasn’t much different than the year he had in 2015, when he finished third in the AL MVP voting, after all. I might come back in an hour and put him ahead of his former teammates.

8. Lance Lynn - SP

Healthy and able to make every start last year, Lynn is a fine choice for a team wanting to bolster their rotation while also planning to recreate the Dodgers’ 2017 postseason strategy. For the first two times through the order, Lynn is a solid fastball monster with the ability to miss bats. He used to keep the ball in the park, too, but he was hit as hard by the juiced baseballs as anyone.

If you believe that the home runs were a blip? Give him money. He’ll be cheaper than Arrieta and roughly as valuable. If you think that the home runs are here to stay? Be wary of that 4.82 FIP he posted last year, which makes his modest 3.43 ERA seem incredibly lucky.

9. Carlos Santana - 1B

That’s seven straight seasons with at least 18 homers and 600 plate appearances or more, which seems like something most teams can use, and that’s before you get to him being a switch-hitter with a .365 career on-base percentage.

He’s 32, though, and limited to first base or DH, if you ignore those bizarre attempts to put him at third or the outfield. Still, it would make sense to pay him half as much as Hosmer, considering he’s had the typical good Hosmer season in seven out of the last eight years.

10. Alex Cobb - RHP

The American League Lance Lynn, right down to the Tommy John surgery. Like Lynn, I’d rather pay Cobb for three years than most of these pitchers for five, but there’s also a chance that teams will pay all of these guys for five years, so I don’t know.

While it’s a shame that Cobb blew out as arm right as he looked like one of the brightest young starters in the league, he at least timed his rebound well. He allowed twice as many homers as he did in his last full healthy season, but so did everyone else, really.

11. Wade Davis - RP

If you’re looking for a dominant closer to ape what Andrew Miller and Kenley Jansen have done in recent postseasons, don’t look at Davis. Just ask the Cubs. This isn’t a knock on Davis, who gave the Cubs nearly everything they should have expected, but just a reminder that not every closer is built to hit the month of wildly intense bonus baseball and throw twice as often for twice as long.

Davis is a fine closer. Brilliant at times if you let him pitch just one inning. Expect that, and you’ll be satisfied.

12. Greg Holland, RP

Not to be cynical or rude, but when a pitcher coming back from Tommy John has the first-half/second-half splits that Holland did, you should be very, very, very, very skeptical about giving him tens of millions. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him go for another one-year deal, really. There are innocent explanations for his second-half decline (general fatigue that is unlikely to carry over into 2018), and I’d prefer to believe those.

What if that pitcher from the first half isn’t coming back, though? It has to be a consideration, at least.

13. Zack Cozart, SS

I laughed at the idea that Daniel Murphy was somehow Rod Carew now. Now Daniel Murphy laughs at me. I’ve already apologized, but he keeps laughing, and it makes me feel worse.

Cozart might be a similar story. He’s always been one of the more underrated defenders in baseball, and prior to this season, he started hitting just enough to take seriously. No one expected him to put up a 933 OPS when he was 31, though. That’s just silly.

He’ll either be the best bargain on the market when he continues to hit like this, or he’ll be overpaid based on his potential to do that.

14. Todd Frazier, 3B

He’s averaged 33 home runs over the last four years, and the only thing keeping him this far below Moustakas is his age. Otherwise, they’re very similar players, with the main difference being that Frazier has done this a lot more often.

15. Logan Morrison, 1B

He went from someone who was practically guaranteed to be a non-roster invitee into a proven commodity. Morrison hit 38 homers in 601 plate appearances, which is about 1,000 plate appearances sooner than it usually takes him to hit that many. He’ll be 30, and his defense has never been exciting, but it would make sense for a lefty-friendly team like the Yankees or Red Sox to stop here first before committing $130 million on Eric Hosmer.

I wasn’t expecting this entire ranking to be a referendum on how much I’m going to hate the Hosmer and Moustakas contracts, but here we are.

16. Neil Walker, 2B

Surprisingly good! Year after year! I almost left him off the list entirely, but he kept sneaking up. He’s remarkably consistent, too, putting up an OPS between 750 and 810 every single freaking season, with competent-to-okay defense and double-digit home runs.

Walker has missed more than 50 games in each of the last two seasons, though, so it’s not all good news. Still, for the rare teams that are looking for a second baseman, they could (and probably will) do far worse than a reasonable contract here.

17. Tony Watson, RP

I had him ranked way too low, which means that I have to manually go back and change the numbers of everyone below him, and I’m mad at him right now. Still, he’s been a consistent left-handed presence in the late innings for years, and he’s the class of the late-inning lefties.

Watson was miscast as a closer, but he’s also miscast as a LOOGY, holding right-handed hitters to a sub-.300 OBP over his career.

18. Mike Minor, RP

What a fantastic renaissance season from a pitcher who hadn’t thrown a pitch since 2014. Durability has to be a concern, but Minor was death on lefties and hard on righties. There will be a lot of teams who think his durability concerns might be a feature, not a bug, if they can get him on a shorter contract because of them.

19. Brandon Morrow, RP

What a fantastic renaissance season from a pitcher who hadn’t thrown a full season since 2012. Durability has to be a concern, but Morrow was death on lefties and hard on righties. There will be a lot of teams who think his durability concerns might be a feature, not a bug, if they can get him on a shorter contract because of them.

(And I wouldn’t think that Morrow’s heavy use in the 2017 postseason will hurt his value that much. He looked outstanding for most of October.)

20. Anthony Swarzak, RP

I started this gig in 2011, and I’d like to think that I’ve written about just about every player since then. But this might be the first time I’ve ever written the name “Anthony Swarzak.” He was the most forgettable pitcher in baseball, every single year. There’s a plaque that goes with that, but they keep forgetting to send it to him.

Swarzak found his strikeout pitch, though. He actually found it in 2015, but this is the year he put it all together. You might disagree and prefer some of the relievers below him on this list, but I’m bullish on this newfound control-minded whiff monster. He’ll help build the copycat bullpen that one of these division winners is going to spend on.

21. CC Sabathia, SP

Still got it. He’s 37 and doesn’t like to run off the mound if he can help it, but he’s had two valuable seasons in a row, and he’s not likely to need a multi-year deal. The Yankees would be lucky to get him back, but there have to be a lot of teams interested in his 150-160 innings of generally solid pitching.

22. Tyler Chatwood, SP

His career ERA is 4.31, which is Pretty Okay. His FIP is 4.58, which suggests that he’s been helped by the brilliant Rockies infields of recent vintage. But his ERA+ is 105, which reminds you that, oh, yeah, Coors Field still exists.

Chatwood hasn’t thrown more than 158 innings in his career, and durability is a concern even more than it is with Lynn and Cobb. But how good can he be when he’s out of Coors? Maybe the walk rate will drop when he’s not worried about every single pop fly drifting out of right-center.

23. Jay Bruce, OF

Over the last four years, Bruce has put up a .237/.303/.457 line, and it’s not like is defense is anything other than passable, at best. He’ll be 31 next year. Please tell me that you see the red flags, too.

And yet he’ll get something like $40 million. He is a left-handed Ryan Ludwick, and there’s going to be a team that stumbles into the viper pit. Compare his numbers with Lucas Duda, then write a letter to your team! This isn’t 1983, and 36 homers aren’t what they used to be. He’s a good guy, lovely in the clubhouse, but his replacement-level play from 2014 through 2016 should really make teams think harder.

Dinger fever has no cure, though. I can respect that.

24. Pat Neshek, RP

He’s still something of a ROOGY, but those concerns are overstated. He can still face a lefty if you need him to, and he’s been quietly excellent for years now. Your bullpen can use more funk. All of them can.

25. Jake McGee, RP

He has a longer track record than Minor, but I’m not immune to recency bias, and even though he was better in 2017 than the previous year, he still never came close to his Rays peak with the Rockies.

On the other hand, he was on the Rockies, which seems tough. Take a moment to go back and remember just how dominant he was in his last two seasons with the Rays, and adjust him accordingly.

26. Addison Reed, RP

He would rank much higher, but he gave up 11 dingers. That is far, far too many for a late-inning reliever. Teams don’t need that kind of heartbreak, even if it’s cut with some excellent pitching in the interim.

Plus, he gets a Gin Blossoms song stuck in my head every time, and I will never forgive him for that.

27. Brandon Kintzler, RP

Ah, we’re deep into the funky relievers now. Brad Ziegler proved that funky can work for right-handed relievers for several years at a time, so don’t mind the below-average strikeout rate too much.

Mind it a little, though. And hope that your team has the right kind of defense if they spend money on Kintzler.

28. Steve Cishek, RP

Funky relievers! I would love to see a team swoop in and grab Neshek, Kintzler, and Cishek at the same time and build the entire bullpen out of funk. Just scour the Earth for all the sheks and kintzes, really.

Take the Neshek capsule and adjust downward for reliability, and you have Cishek, who would be a quality addition to most bullpens.

29. Jhoulys Chacin, SP

Ah, yes, the fourth-most valuable starting pitcher in free agency according to Baseball-Reference’s WAR (tied with Lance Lynn), so look here if you want a bargain. Don’t ask who no. 1 or 2 are. You’ll get to them soon enough.

Even if that seems a little unrealistic when it comes to what to expect from Chacin next year, it’s worth noting that he did have a solid year for the Padres, and it’s not like he’s without excellent stuff. He’s been a pick to break out since his outstanding year for the Rockies in 2013, and that’s only if you considered his 6 WAR season back then something that wasn’t a breakout season.

He’s probably a one-year bargain for someone.

30. Jonathan Lucroy, C

He was briefly one of the most valuable players in baseball, and while the Brewers cashed in on that value both on and off the field, Lucroy is stuck in the land of short-term deals. He could have been a $100 million player with better timing, which seems unfair when you think about some of the players on this list who will get serious money.

Considering his play in Colorado (.310/.429/.437 in 175 PA), I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s invited back. Even though he isn’t an All-Star anymore, he’s still better than most of his peers. That should count for something.

31. Welington Castillo, C

I still find it amusing that the Mariners — who have averaged a .100/.101/.102 line from their catchers over the last decade — had Castillo for two weeks before catapulting him into the desert. He can hit quite a bit for a catcher, and that’s something that will intrigue a dozen teams or two.

He’s not much of a framer or defender, though, so don’t expect the full package. But as an à la carte deal, it’s a pretty good one.

32. Carlos Gomez, OF

This should have been the year that Gomez got his nine-figure payday, but it’s like A. Bartlett Giamatti said, “The Milwaukee Brewers will suck the life force out of you and everybody you love.” Look it up.

Anyway, Gomez is a reasonable defender in center, and he looks a lot better offensively if you pretend that he’s a random player who wasn’t supposed to do much instead of an indie-label Yasiel Puig who used to do everything. It’s all about managing expectations.

33. Andrew Cashner, SP

Here is the top free agent starter by Baseball-Reference’s WAR!

...

Please clap.

...

Okay, I don’t get it either, but Cashner turned into Kirk Rueter with worse command, and it worked? I’ve stared at his Baseball-Reference page for an hour now, and I’m not closer to understanding it than I was at the start. Please appreciate this list of right-handed pitchers with low strikeouts, high walks, and above-average run prevention. Jason Marquis! Miguel Batista! Albie Lopez!

And this tall dude who throws in the mid--90s and could always strike people out before. I know he mixed in a cutter, so it’s possible that the Rangers found the secret to success. I would trust the FIP more than the ERA here, though.

34. Jason Vargas, SP

Here is the second-best free agent starter by Baseball-Reference’s WAR (tied with Yu Darvish)! Led the American League in wins and didn’t get a single Cy Young vote. Shameful.

Unlike Cashner, Vargas had his unlikely success in a very on-brand way, though. He was just 50 percent more vargasy. On a short-term deal, he’s similar to R.A. Dickey and Bartolo Colon last year, and he’ll probably work out as well as one of them.

35. Miles Mikolas, SP

Wild card! He’s following the Colby Lewis path, right down to the part where some poor overworked coach in Japan had to rebuild him from scratch and undo whatever in the hell the Rangers did to screw him up in the first place.

No, I know that’s not fair. But it is amusing to me. Mikolas turned into a bat-missing talent in a league that is known for appreciating the art of contact, and he did it while keeping his walk rate microscopic (2.25 ERA in 188 IP, with 187 K and 23 BB). Lewis’s success in his return to MLB probably made Mikolas an extra couple million. What kind of gift basket do you send over for that?

I would like to order a $25,000 gift basket, please. Yes, yes. Right. Yeah, at least 30 pistachios.

36. Lucas Duda, 1B

Assignment: Write what he’s done each year (four seasons total) on a separate piece of paper. Do the same for Jay Bruce. Put them into a hat, and draw them out. Pretend this is the new career sequence for both of them. Is Bruce going to get $50 million with this new, reordered career? Is Duda going to have to settle for a one-year deal?

The difference, of course, is that one can play the outfield and the other can’t. But as hitters, the only difference is timing. Bruce has it. Duda does not. Do not. Duda do not. Dudon’t. I’m still workshopping this.

37. Carlos Gonzalez, OF

Perhaps my favorite Carlos Gonzalez fun fact is that he’s only 32. It feels like he’s the same age as Matt Holliday instead of the prospect who was traded for Matt Holliday, but he’s actually the same age as Adam Jones.

Keep that in mind, then remember that he had a 114 OPS+ and played in 150 games or more in the previous two seasons. He was good as recently as 2016, and he’s only 32. Don’t just look at his home/road splits and call it a day, because the effects of Coors Field aren’t as simple as that. Accept his warts (platooning is a must) and see if he’s that rare combination of a name-brand player and a short-term bargain.

38. Bryan Shaw, RP

He’s far more boring than all of the other right-handed relievers on this list, but he might be better. More consistent, at least. He looks like a pitcher who was on the original Rays roster and just keeps plugging away, year after year. He’s led the league in appearances in three out of the last four years, which is either a red flag or something that goes on the brochure.

Shaw had the highest ERA of his career, while having the lowest FIP. That’s more than a little odd, but it’s because he allowed a career high in runs while preventing home runs better than he has since 2013. He’ll be just 30, so unless the mileage worries you, he might offer more cost certainly than some of the relievers ranked much higher.

39. Jarrod Dyson, OF

He won’t hit. His career OBP is .325, and it was .324 this year. He’s 33, so that’s probably going to get worse before it gets better.

But he can run, and maaaaaan, can he field. He won’t get a long-term deal, which should probably make him more attractive to everyone. Who can use a lefty-hitting fourth outfielder who can field like a Gold Glover and steal bases when he needs to? Everyone. Everyone can.

40. Yonder Alonso, 1B

Pay for the 774 OPS from the second half. Secretly hope for the 866 OPS on the season. Alonso will be 31 next year, and considering this is the first time he reached double digits in home runs — even Omar Vizquel did that once! — it’s okay to be skeptical.

Ask yourself, though, if you would rather have Alonso and an extra $100 million to spend, or if you’d rather have Hosmer. I know which one I would choose. Promise to come back here in a year and laugh at me if I’m wrong?

Look at the list from last year. Such bad takes all over the place. I’ll stand by the last ranking, though:

40. Edinson Volquez or Seth Smith or Joaquin Benoit or Sergio Romo or Mark Reynolds or Brandon Moss or Santiago Casilla or David Hernandez or Jason Grilli or Fernando Rodney or Adam Lind or Rajai Davis or Angel Pagan or Jon Jay or Pedro Alvarez or Mitch Moreland or Aaron Hill or Logan Morrison or Jon Niese or ...

Seems like a jumble of uninspiring names, except you know one of those players up there will have an exceptional year on the cheap ...

The answer was Logan Morrison. Logan Morrison. Someone not on this list will do the same next year. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse that we know this.

The Kansas City Chiefs Lost For The Wrong Reasons

The Kansas City Chiefs lost to the San Francisco 49ers by the final score of 22-17 on Sunday. That end result is nothing to be ashamed of. The 49ers are a good team, a physical team, a team that has played in three consecutive NFC title games. So having the ball with two minutes to go and a chance to beat a team like that on their own home turf is respectable. However, as the final seconds of the game ticked away I didn’t want to give the Chiefs an “atta boy, good hustle!” for their effort. That game was 100%, no doubts about it, completely winnable for Kansas City and they blew it time after time with stupid mistakes, mainly from the coaching staff.

As I sit typing this an hour after the game ended I’m still incredibly frustrated (although Alex Gordon hitting a three run triple in the first inning of the Royals/Angles game helped a little). After two consecutive games where Andy Reid looked like the best play caller in all of the NFL, Reid started off once again looking like a genius with a masterfully designed opening touchdown drive. Unfortunately, at that point “Good Andy” left the building and Chiefs fans were left with the same “Bad Andy” that refused to run the football in the season opening loss to the Titans. On multiple occasions Reid refused to run the ball on short yardage plays. While the 49ers do have a good run defense, it’s not as if the Chiefs weren’t having success. The Chiefs as a team averaged 4.7 yards per carry and Jamaal Charles averaged 5.3.

SO WHY DIDN’T YOU RUN THE BALL ANDY REID???????

WHY??!?!?!?!??!?!

2nd and 1: pass 3rd and 1: pass 4th and 1: go for it, pass, but it doesn’t matter because of a false start penalty

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(At this point I’m going to have to step away from the computer for a minute because a post of nothing but caps lock and exclamation points isn’t what any of us want)

Ok, I’m back and feeling a little better. Related side note: if you’re ever feeling really frustrated by a Chiefs loss having your wife make breakfast for dinner helps. Seriously, try it some time.

So we’ve established that Reid refusing to run the football when the Chiefs were having some success doing it was a major frustration and a huge contributing factor to KC wasting an opportunity to win this game. The other moment in this game that had me absolutely wanting to break my television was the penalty for 12 men on the field on the 49ers FG attempt that gave them a first down.

That is absolutely ridiculous. Absurd. Nauseating.

I’d go on another tirade now, but Billy “Country Breakfast” Butler just stole a base in the Royals game which just reminds me of my own breakfast/dinner so I’m in a happy place at the moment.

The other thing that frustrated me to no end was how KC got away from making a conscious effort to get the ball in the hands of their best playmakers. In the passing game Alex Smith had 31 attempts and Jamaal Charles, Knile Davis, Dwayne Bowe, Travis Kelce, and DeAnthony Thomas only saw a combined total of 13 targets.

That’s unforgivable in a close game.

The fact that Anthony Fasano, Junior Hemingway, AJ Jenkins, Anthony Sherman, and Demetrius Harris saw more targets than that first group of five makes me feel like my head is going to explode!

(A well timed Mike Moustakas HR brings the blood pressure down a little)

In the Chiefs blowout win over the Patriots on Monday night Bowe, Kelce, Charles, and Davis had a combined 20 targets on Alex Smith’s 26 pass attempts. In that game KC targeted it’s best players on 77% of Smith’s passes (compared to just 42% Sunday). That is how KC is going to win on offense. Run the football. Get the ball in the hands of their best playmakers. I believe you can win football games, a LOT of football games, maybe ALL the football games with Alex Smith as your starting quarterback.

BUT……..

You have to have a game plan that fits his abilities. Alex Smith is not a guy that you just drop back over and over and wait for him to make something happen with his off the chart elite God given abilities. That’s not his game. Alex Smith is a QB that can smartly and efficiently distribute the ball to playmakers that……wait for it……MAKE PLAYS!

GASP!!!!!!!

Shocking, I know.

DeAnthony Thomas had cheap jerseys from china one target and scored a TD.

Travis Kelce had three targets and scored a TD.

Anthony Fasano and AJ Jenkins had a combined nine targets for a whopping 35 yards!!!!

In the words of the not so cheap jerseys immortal Herm Edwards……

“Hello???”

Since I’m clearly using this post as a means to vent my frustrations I’d also like to take a moment to point out what was probably the most impressive display of incompetence in the entire game, if not the history of Chiefs football (and that’s saying something).

Follow Suade @_Suade Chiefs need to cut Dee Ford RIGHT NOW. How you grown and run away cheap jerseys china from making a tackle??? 9:33 AM - 6 Oct 2014 64 64 Retweets 14 14 likes WHAT

WAS

THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I think I’ve watched it on loop for like five minutes straight and I don’t no if I should laugh or cry?!?!

Dee Ford was either so scared of making a tackle that he literally turned around and ran away from the ball or he has the worst field awareness of any player in the history of football. It actually looked like a glitch in Madden when a player inexplicably just takes off and runs completely out of a play for no reason. I just…….I can’t……..(sigh).

Anyway, despite that horrific display of football by first round draft pick Dee Ford the defense as a whole did a pretty commendable job considering that they were playing a smash mouth football team without Derrick Johnson, Eric Berry, and Mike DeVito. Marcus Cooper continues to disappoint, but Sean Smith and Hussein Abdullah have been playing well and if KC can get Eric Berry back I think they’ll be okay. Tamba Hali, Justin Houston, Dontari Poe, and Allen Bailey continue to make life miserable for opposing QBs. I’ve also been pretty happy with Bob Sutton’s defensive calls after having some real doubts about him coming into the season. The Chiefs may be 2-3, but I don’t think you can put that on the defense, especially considering all the injuries that they’ve suffered.

I’m also pretty happy with how the young offensive line is coming together. Against a powerful 49ers defensive front the Chiefs OL didn’t allow a single sack and as was mentioned earlier rushed for 4.7 yards per carry against one of the best run defenses in football (they were only giving up 3.5 yards per carry coming into the game). No, this game wasn’t on the offensive line either.

This game was on Andy Reid (with a little Dave Toub thrown in for that 12 man on the field penalty). If Reid did a better job of putting his offense in a position to succeed the Chiefs might have walked away with a victory. That is what is so frustrating. I actually picked the 49ers to win this game in my FanSided Armchair Quarterback picks by a score of 23-20. So the loss doesn’t shock me, I knew that KC had their work cut out wholesale jerseys for them. If anything, I didn’t give KC enough credit. I thought it would take Andy Reid making good play calls to keep it that close. Instead Reid continually handcuffed his own team and they still were one drive away from getting the win.

I like Andy Reid. I believe he deserves the bulk of the credit for turning the 2-14 Chiefs into a team that can now play with anyone in the NFL. His game plan and play calling the previous two games were masterful, and as I said earlier, the first drive was a thing of beauty. He just HAS to learn to stop outthinking himself. The opposing team’s defense isn’t taking away KC’s best players, Andy Reid is. If the Chiefs can get “Good Andy” to run this team the rest of the way they can absolutely compete for a playoff spot. I 100% believe that. Overall, the team that has taken the field the past four weeks has shown the ability to beat anyone. Over those four games they have played three of the four teams that were in the conference championship games last season. They blew one of them out at home and in the other two they were one final TD drive away from pulling off an upset road win.

The Chiefs wholesale jerseys china now enter their bye week with the most difficult part of their schedule in the rear view mirror. They have to put the frustration of this loss behind them. Andy Reid has to see the error of his ways and get back to getting the ball to his best players. If the Chiefs can do that there should be a lot less frustrating games like the one on Sunday in their future.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to finish watching the Royals game and see if I can banish this frustration all together.

As always, thanks for reading and GO CHIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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