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aemoonie · 3 years

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After watching nct dream reflecting back on their past and present selves for the hello future videos i'm honestly really worried for renjun. I think all of them went through a lot in the industry, especially considering they were minors and how controlled and handled they must have been and still are, not to mention just the general effects fame can have on you but renjun is such an emotional person, he was described in mental training camp as the "artist type" who feels a lot and gets lonely easily and he basically confirmed it himself by saying he gets lonely even on sunny days. He said he values freedom a lot and being able to hold conversation comfortably and without restrictions. I think he's a very determined person and has a good head on his shoulders (in the interview with eric nam he said he went to Korea at 15 bc he wanted to sing and would've done it even if his parents said no. When I was 15 I was just figuring out what music I liked and how I wanted to dress and trying to adjust to highschool, like his determination is insane) and he knows what he wants to get out of life, I think he also lives for himself, and is very confident in who he is but like everyone else he has bad days and I imagine if he gets down it really hits him bc of how emotional he is. It was even said that his personality is very rare and he's just such a precious person. I also worry bc he seems to look detached at times and not really present or in his head compared to the dreamies, but that may just be part of his personality. I hope he can always be happy and experience freedom in the way he describes it and live his life to the fullest. It's also clear he means a lot to his other members, especially jisung and I hope he can rely on them and confind in them (along with his other loved ones) when he needs it. Sorry for the essay but that video hit me and I'm in my soft hours 🥺

On another note he's just such a dreamy and ethereal person, like his mind amazes me. He's so well-spoken and expresses his thoughts so eloquently and gently. Whenever we get glimpses of his thoughts and imagination via his stories is so dreamy and beautiful. Again, with eric nam, when they described their own ideal country he said he would want people to live together in a tree and wear old, classic clothes. Like his mind bruh!! I also liked when mark said he wants to try a more acoustic sound and that he would like to write short stories, like edgar allan poe. It's obvious these boys are much more and deeper than what their loud, celebrity personas show and I really liked some of the personal things they shared.

yes omg get ready folks this is gonna be long lmao

first of all, i totally agree with you! i feel like renjun is getting to the point where he feels comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of his (and true self) with us, and maybe he doesn't feel the need to fit this certain image anymore. remember when he said that sm wanted him to act like a "pure" boy? right, i think he's done with that lol

and yes, they were sooo young when they got into the industry and it would honestly be scarier if they hadn't any issues mentally cause of this. but i love the fact that they are somewhat able to talk about it and while they probably have to walk on eggshells anytime they do, i can just appreciate that (esp. renjun) they feel comfortable enough to want to share it. renjun doesn't strike me as an overly sensitive guy, more like you described: emotional, passionate and introspective.

his determination is really something, like you're totally on point with that! with 15 i was in no way in a headspace where i could have pursued an artistic and/or public career like he has. especially with the harsh trainee schedules, pressure and everything. thinking about my 15-year-old-self moving to a different country and going under such strict training, i probably would've cried every night lol. i hope he could deal with it somewhat good and that with his therapy (and other means) he can take care of his mental health <3 it really itches me to think about him too much, because i just feel so conflicted for him and i can't even imagine how he must feel (since he is actually living this life ya know).

i just hope he doesn't regret with how he chose to pursue his life, i can imagine that, as an idol, you sometimes wonder if it wouldn't have been better to choose a more relaxed career (i have to think about mark saying that he had a lot of doubts). and with what they said about his personality... i mean yes, if he says he does get lonely often, then that isn't pretty at all. and all we can really do as fans is to support him and hope he takes care of his own well-being tbh. i totally agree with you that he has a very interesting mind and can express himself very uniquely, in a way that makes you instantly comfortable. i think that are definitely some of his best strengths. he's very compassionate and considerate and he shows it so effortlessly (honestly i don't even think he realizes what nice energy he has).

and boy, don't even get me started with mark. dude, he is one of the nct members that get reduced to like 3 character traits and then people just move on. like yes, he is a cheerful person who laughs at everything and it's adorable. he may be a bit awkward and he is an insanely talented rapper, but he is also so much more! the fact that he enjoys writing so much really makes me soft!! mark is also much more sensitive and emotionally tuned than what we give him credit for. i feel like people just underestimate fire placements and disregard their emotional nature so often, just because they usually are enthusiastic and not as much the "motherly/comforting" type like water placements. but they also have emotions!! a lot, actually! he is someone who can make people really comfortable around him pretty fast and i can not imagine that many people don't like this guy tbh. his Cancer Mercury (i think) also shows so much, because he is very considerate and i think he takes others way more into consideration than we think. and the way he carries himself in the studio is also so interesting!! anyway, i don't wanna go on forever, mark is best boy

(and side note to mark: acoustic sound?? yes pls i love acoustic stuff T-T i am becoming a #1 mark supporter haha)

and the dreamies in general are of course not those 2-dimensional characters that entertainment industries or their fans often make them out to be. i feel like almost all of them have sides of themselves that we don't know and will probably never get to see and that's totally how it should be. but i feel like people like jaemin or haechan, who have a very unique and expressive way of carrying themselves, get mistaken for just those things too often. the members have mentioned so often that haechan keeps them together and is the one who can cheer them up at all times. i do believe that he can act like "the glue" sometimes, because he is a person who can understand others very well and can communicate smoothly in order to mediate between them. he also has a Cancer Mercury, and from my personal experience as someone with a lot of Cancer/Gemini dynamic (and a Cancer Mercury), that is a combination that does make you want to mediate all the damn time haha. i often find myself in similar situations in my friend groups, where it's always the other people fighting and i become the neutral middle ground where both people go to vent T-T. but i think that is such an underrated quality of him! i feel like he picks up other's moods or problems quickly and is eager to help people, which are amazing qualities!!

and jaemin is just... a mystery to me as well ngl haha. but i feel like he takes such good care of the others without even wanting something in return. like when he talked about doing jeno's laundry in that one live and being like nagging but not seriously lol. he is just someone who takes care without much boasting around or smth and i feel like he plays an important role, that is more in the background. i often wonder what he is like in the dorms and in 7chillin i thought he had such a nice dynamic with all of them. but i feel like he isn't very open with his feelings, which is (his damn Cap Moon) unfortunate, but again, i can only hope he finds a way to cope with his feelings healthily.

anyway, to wrap it up finally; i really like the honesty the dreamies have at the moment and i am glad sm let's them talk a little more personally. i think after coming together again as 7 members, they really realized how much they like being together! and it's so heart-warming to see <3 renjun is truly an amazing person from what we see of him and i love having these conversations about him haha. i feel like he is really getting a lot of well-deserved attention lately and i love that for him <3

#this is soo long #i'm so sorry #i hope you can get smth out of this lol <3 #but yeah i love talking about the dreamies #replies 💌‧₊˚#mndchldsung

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cassatine · 3 years

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and now a full write-up for the second half of propaganda garbage: the show ep 2. first half here.

yesterday i left off after the unsurprising revelation that the Flag Smashers have eco-fascist talking points - to be clear, they’re not actually eco-fascists, it’s just that they exist to be a made-in-conservatlandia caricature of radical leftism (that cannot but turn bad) and the eco-fascism taking points make it a tad less on the nose for the non-conservatives who want to believe they’re being catered to.

the Flag Smashers aren’t supposed to even hint to a real ideological alternative to that which is pushed by the show: they suscribe to the view that injustice is basically baked into humanity, or as Sam said “making things better for one group makes them worse for everyone else“. they don’t disagree with that premise at all, and in fact reiterate it when Karli Leader Lady outright says things were better before the Blip because there were fewer people, and now things suck because all those refugees getting repatriated is eating all the ressources: making things better for Blip victims is making things worse for everyone else. (also amazing inversion here, with the US military and government and let’s just say first world countries since lbr who the fuck do we think has power in the GRC doing A Lot for “refugees” and the caricature-radical-left baddies arguing *checks notes* that the gvt is allocating to many ressources to the refugee crisis. no one actually says refugee crisis but like. come the fuck on. this comes back to the Flag Smashers not being any kind of real ideological alternative: even under the eco-fascism talking points they’re just rehashing anti-immigration conservative rhetoric.)

where their views truly diverge is in their, ehr, solution to the inherent injustice problem. they’re not into maintaining the status quo as the least worst option, but they’re not really into changing it either - they don’t have an alternative to the curent world order to offer: theyre ‘against borders’ but again, that kind of stuff’s just there to make them look radical-left-adjacent. what they’re into is fewer people so that the ones left have moar ressources.

so when we pick up, their ideological stance’s just been revealed to boil down to “we had a glimpse of how things could be” when half the planet’s population killed off, and then Flag Smashers hint they have something big in the plans for the next day, so big there’ll be no going back. also their motto is ‘one world, one people’, because 'stand up, damned of the earth’ would be too on the nose even for this show.

meanwhile, Sam and Bucky go visit Bucky’s...not friend? a guy he knows called Isaiah in Baltimore, where we first get a scene with two black kids calling Sam ‘Black Falcon’ when they recognize him in the street. he pretends to be Not Amused, stopping to say it’s just Falcon and ‘do u want to be called Black Kid’ but hahaha he was joking, not being serious. social commentary bait - i kinda want to like that scene, tbh, because it’s less artificial than most of the previous ones, but also the situation is written so that Sam can’t really say how he feels about the moniker, because he’s talking to two black kids happy to see a black superhero - one of the kids even explains it’s his father who told him to call Sam Black Falcon.

and it still ends on haha joke now, which is kind of a pattern in this episode, and we move on to Bucky’s not-buddy Isaiah. they met during the Korean war. Bucky was with Hydra killing US soldiers there or some such and Isaiah was sent by the US military to deal with him and they fought it out in a bar in Goyang. it’s unclear why neither finished the other but that was their one and only interaction until now, it seems.

Isaiah laughs when Bucky says he’s not an assassin anymore, because you think you can wake up one day and decide who you wanna be? doesn’t work like that. Isaiah is a black man, so when he adds that ‘well, maybe it does for folks like you’, it sounds like he’s saying something to the effect of ‘systemic racism means only white people get second chances and that’s deeply unjust and i’d know because that’s my life’ or maybe ‘people don’t change but systemic racism lets white people pretend they can’. the end of the episode also gives you the option to see it a Hydra dig. no, really - turns out Isaiah’s serum-enhanced, and it’s not yet clear if Bucky wants intel or more from him, but Isaiah doesn’t care that there are superstrong meanies out there because after his Heroic Time In Korea he spent thirty years in jail being experimented on and he’s understandably Done; ‘even your people weren’t done with me,’ he tells Bucky, but the twist is that at the very end of the episode Bucky comes back to that conversation, going ‘when he said my people’, and Sam tells him not to take it to heart and ~that’s not what he meant~. which Bucky already knew, because by that Isaiah meant... Hydra.

so there’s that. the wonder duo gets thrown out, and Sam’s pissed too because no one’s ever told him Isaiah, black super soldier, existed at all - but his attempt at confronting Bucky on that is cut short before he even gets to ‘were u going to tell me or anyone at all that said first black super soldier spent thirty years being experimented on in jail or is it fine with you that it’s all been hushed up, what the fucking fuck man‘ because enter two white cops. racial profiling scene that turns into sorry Mr Wilson i didn’t recognize you without the goggles (unlike the army, the police very much can be shown in a bad light) means that if Sam doesn’t get to confront Bucky, Bucky does get to say he remained silent on the matter of Isaiah because Isaiah had suffered enough. Sam doesn’t get to confront him on that excuse either (reminder that Bucky hasn’t seen Isaiah since friggin Korea and thus is unlikely to have any idea what Isaiah actually wants; maybe he’s superdone superheroing but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want a measure of justice if he could get one), because there’s a warrant on Bucky, who missed court-mandated therapy, whoopsie, and thus is under arrest and taken away.

there areno real repercussions to that because Discount Captain America gets Bucky out of his police station cell in a jiffy ince the world is small and DCA and Bucky’s therapist know each other from the army. said therapist is there too, to force Bucky and Sam into making-up through a therapy session in an interrogation room. somehow it turns into queerbaiting when the therapist tries an exercise she ~uses with couples trying to decide what kind of life they want to build together. it’s the miracle question, and the miracle they both want is for the other to talk less, because it’s back to banter, baby. Bucky gets to talk about what aggravates him in Sam, and of course it’s why did you abandon the shield blah blah blah you threw away Steve’s legacy and maybe Steve was wrong about you whoop de woo it’s really about Bucky himself, because then maybe Steve was wrong about Bucky too. cue the violins. Sam gets to tell him he did what he thought was right, but he doesn’t get to reopen the Isaiah confrontation or the cop situation or anything weighty and instead a deal is made: deal with the Flag Smashers, separate and never see each other again.

DCA was waiting for them to once again offer working together, and explains he thinks the Flag Smashers will be distributing their medecine in camps in Central and Eastern Europe - and since those camps are Blip refugees camps he’s either wrong or it’s probably not medicine that’s going to be distributed, unless the show drops all pretenses of coherency. he doesn’t know where they are though. there’s antagonism, mostly from Bucky and DCA, and still no working together, but Sam’s reason this time is DCA needs authorisations and shit whereas him and Bucky are free agents who can do whatever. as proven by *checks notes* his government property drone, his work for the USAF, and Bucky’s court-mandated therapy.

meanwhile in Slovakia the Flag Smashers are loading an airplane when new players enter, peeps working for ‘the Power Broker‘. they kill one of the Flag Smashers but the others get away. the Power Broker seems to be behind the ‘u stole from me imma kill you’ text, and it all seems overkill for stolen vaccines or whatever, and since the Flag Smasher’s super strength is apparently serum-induced and Hydra’s fucking everywhere maybe he’s the middle man.

and finally, as covered: ‘when he said my people’, Bucky starts - and immediately Sam tells him not to take it to heart and ~that’s not what he meant~ because friggin Hydra. so instead of Sam getting to read the ‘were u going to tell me or anyone at all that the first black Super Soldier spent thirty years being experimented on in jail or is it fine with you that it’s all been hushed up, what the fucking fuck man‘ riot act or anything like that. the episode ends on ‘let’s go talk to Zemo’.

and that’s a wrap without a conclusion because the only one i have is yesterday’s: it’s a show that makes a perfunctory attempt at pretending it’s not propaganda, but only so it can win the participation award.

#not sure whether i'll do the next eps #i'd say maybe shorter posts #but this was already supposed to be short #le sigh #cass watches falconwinter #spoilers #the falcon and the winter soldier

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cheseyre · 4 years

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good news, sluts! my brain's no longer being completely stupid (only mostly), i've seen the new asides and...have some thought-y thot thoughts:

*deep inhale*

Okay, first things first: this art style is soooo fucking cUTE and I'm a jealous, squealing bitch. Anyone who knows who the artist is, could you link me to them, stat? I think Thomas mentioned them at the beginning of the ep, but nYeh, brain hurt, doesn't wanna do wooork-

Okay, I'll admit, I was a little...apprehensive when I first saw the thumbnail and title. Part of it's just me being a bitter Remus Stan, but also...okay, deep breaths, controversial opinion time, get ready:

I don't ship Prinxiety.

Like, at all.

I can see the appeal, and these dorks were so very, VERY cute in this particular ep, but I was honestly turned off by the ship long ago due to how overwhelmingly popular it is and how some fans characterize these two and treat this relationship as if it's the only valid one, y'know, the works—slight tangent, but that's also why I don't ship Logicality or Remile. I honestly vibe much better with ships like Roceit or Analogical, y'know?

Cutting in for another brief tangent: I'm surprisingly okay with Demus/Dukeceit/Receit/Trashnoodle/Whatever-Their-Ship-Name-Is-Oh-God-Why-Do-They-Have-So-Many-Fucking-Names; maybe it's cause they haven't actually interacted in canon and the fan content gives me such good Gay Disney Villain content, idk man im weird—).

Still, their interactions were both hilarious and sweet and like I said, I see the appeal, it's just not my cup of tea. y'all Prinxiety fans got fucking FED and I'm happy for you nerds. Enjoy ze happy boys!

I guess another factor in my...low-key hesitance when I first saw what the ep was about is that...okay, get ready, another controversial opinion, le gasp: well, I'm not a big Virgil fan. In fact, at times, he swaps places with Patton as my least favorite sides—especially with some of his recent behavior in eps like DWIT (the "prohibit your breathing comment" really triggered me, for example). Sometimes, his attitude, especially around other sides like Roman or Janus, reminds me a little too much of my sister, who I don't have...a very good relationship with. Add to that how the more...intense side of the fandom has a disturbing tendency to turn him into the 'uwu precious woobie emo baby who can do no wrong' while unnecessarily villainizing other CERTAIN sides in the process, and...I think you all see where I'm going with this little rant 😅

However, upon actually watching the ep, he wasn't...that bad? I don't think? I enjoyed watching him be a flustered, disaster-y mess and genuinely excited at the end, his interactions with Roman were nice enough, and him literally pushing Thomas to make a move with Nico despite his obvious panic attack was a nice moment of genuine character development. I like seeing that, that's the good shit right there. And him being all flustered and shit, and smiling so much at the end of the vid was just...well, adorable. This man has no fucking right to be this cute, my god

alsoooo

pURPLE EYESHADOW

PURPLE EYESHADOW HE LOOKS?? SO GOOD?? WTF?? SLAY EMO, SLAAAAAAAY FUCK, DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE TO CHANGE MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME NOW?

alsoooo

hAPPY ROMAN

YESSSSS~ MAH BOI MAH SON MAH DUMB BITCH HIMBO PRINCE MAH EXTRA MESSY CINNAMON ROLL

ITS BEEN SO LONG

AND HIS LITTLE HEART EYES THROUGHOUT THE VID, OH MY GOD-

IMMA JUST IGNORE THAT "ADDING [MISTAKE] TO THE LIST" COMMENT I AM LOOKING AWAY I DO NOT SEE IT LALALALALA

THOMATHY, SIR, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING THESE TWO GAY IDIOTS SO BAEBY

Okay, but Virgil not realizing that "cyberstalking in real life" is literally just stalking is both a big ass mood and further proof that, yes, Logan is indeed the only one holding the braincell out of this disaster of a lot. God help them all if he ducks out in the next ep.

👀

And Thomas x Trash Can is my new OTP. I dub thee ✨ "Trashmas" ✨

we sTAN TRASHMAS

Wait, does that mean Remus actually WAS in the ep? Cause, y'know, trash man?

hmmm

👀 👀

Okay, okay.

With how much Virgil and Roman were going off about Thomas constantly lying, I was (understandably) a tad bit disappointed my snek son didn't even make a fucking cameo, but y'know what? In hindsight, I'm okay with this it's fineee~

He was just off playing with shadow puppets and stealing money from us desperate, content-starved peasants with his sheer extra-ness and, honestly? Gotta respect the hustle.

Get that precious, precious coin, dapper snake! Wring us poor losers dryyyy!

*evil snek laugh*

Also, this is a breather ep and adding Janus in probably would've caused unnecessary drama with the Roceit breakup and the constant antagonism between Virgil and him. It probably would've distracted from the point of the ep (flirting with social anxiety, exactly what it says in the tin)—much like it wasn't really Virgil or Remus's place to show up during POF. Does that make sense? I think it makes sense. Sorry, brain going brr-

Still, I can't believe the "Fuck Janus Sanders" Club is actually canon now 😂

God, first Patton in a skirt and now this.

Thomas Sanders, you delight in fucking feEDING this gremlin nest of a fanbase, don’t you? You RELISH our screams of joy and pain and suffering, dON’T YOU?

What's next, actual canonical Janus and Remus interaction? Patton saying the fuck word? The Dragon Witch comes back? Janus's bowler hat gains sentience and takes over the world, Doris-style? What do you have planned, Thomas? Joan? WHAT ART THOU PLANNING, I MUST KNOW YOU HEATHENS YOU FIENDS-

And Virgil's little "would it be fair to him" comment, tho.

👀

Like, I get in the context of the ep, he was likely talking about Nico and how it wouldn’t be good for a potential relationship with Tomas to be founded on lies, but still...my anxceit heart aches, man.

Gimme that sweet, sweet angst with a side of mutual regret and possible future reconciliation and maybe something more wink wink nudge nudge on top, pls

...and fries.

Honestly, tho, that entire bathroom monologue was fucking beautiful, man. And relatable, too—i can't tell you how many times I've talked to myself in public restrooms because I just didn't know how to get the words I wanted to say out. It's...kind of embarrassing, tbh

Speaking of embarrassing, uh, crying stall guy.

Just...

Crying Stall Guy

Like, I was expecting someone to come out the bathroom stall after Thomas stopped talking, but...I honestly wasn't expecting that. God, that whole scene was so cringe worthy and fucking hilarious

Honestly, Thomas in the ep in general was a huge ass mOOD and we collective gay/bi disasters ALL related with him, and if you say you don't, you're either lying to yourself or a demon.

There is no in between

sorry I don't make the rules

Like, I get this series is literally a gay disaster talking to himself for thirty minutes or longer, but like- EMPHASIS on the 'disaster' part 😂

Like...Thomas, you're lucky you're such a goddamn bean, because GOD, I cringing so hard when he first started talking to Nico

Although, I too have apologized profusely for genuine mistakes and am a flustered bi mess around my crush sooo

😅

And god, Roman's "thirty = old man" jokes made me feel old...and I literally just turned twenty, like, come on, man!

Maybe that's because I was literally watching this ep after finishing my ACT and had been sitting with a bunch of high schoolers, with their tiny fucking desks and tiny fucking water fountains smeh

*clears throat*

Anyways, uh, we STAN Nico Pintrovert Florés in this house

He gives me such big Carlos from WTNV vibes for some reason and this makes me sooo happy

and YESS, he's a WRITER

And he's??? So sweet?? A pure bean?? Just sits on his laptop at the mall food court all day, like a god-fucking iCON?? A Nightmare Before Christmas fan?? weARS GLASSES??

my hEART

*cries*

The fandom seems torn between "Nicomas" and "Karrot Kings" as a ship name atm—personally speaking, I'm casting my vote for the latter

*crosses fingers* please dont be another janus x remus multiple ship name issue guys, please please please I can't keep track of them all-

*clears throat*

On that note, I'm guess I'm gonna go try and whoo over my crush with carrots now. If THIS disaster can do it and make it actually fucking work, god damnit, so cAN I

Meanwhile, in hell, my brain's just screaming "CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST CANON LOVE INTEREST-"

God, I hope Nico isn't just a one-shot character, he's too pure and Thomas and him are adorable gay Disney fans and I stan

Oh, I wonder how the other sides'll react to him.

Wait.

Oh god.

This ep just unleashed a new fresh hell of potential Nico x Sides ships, hasn't it?

Welp, time to prepare for ze incoming flood of fanfics, I guess. I'll get my umbrella and rain boots.

That last shot of Virgil during the endcard was so fucking ominous oh my god mom im scared can you come pick me up-

Goddammit, Thomas and Joan, I'm NOT fucking ready to be traumatized again, fUCK

I wish I wasn't a broke ass university student so I could contribute to Thomas's gloriously extra Patreon—both so I can support my favorite content creators who make this amazing blessed content and also, to join my boi Janus in fucking destroying society by giving money to the people who actually deserve it, fuck YOU GOVERNMENT-

Okay.

New headcanon time as to why Patton, Remus, and Logan weren't in the ep: they were helping Jan film that Patreon promotional video.

Remus directed it, Logan helped with the lighting and script, and Patton was just there as the cheerleader.

The reason Janus made a dog with shadow puppets wasn't just to flaunt his deity status and prove how he is truly above us mere wretched mortals

despite that being the absolute truth and we all know it, don't lie to yourselves

No, it was really him trying to do something cute and silly for Patton, because Moceit rights, daMMIT

*inhales*

noww

guys, gals, and nonbinary pals

it’s time forr

the most wonderful time of the yearrr

WAITING FOR THE NEXT EPISODE

Step right up, folks! Hear ye, hear ye, my prediction for the next episode: Prinxiety v. Moceit! With special guest stars: Karrot Kings vibing in adorable gay and Intrulogical, bitter at being excluded aGAIN

Who will win? Who will lose?

here’s a hint: we all will because in this sick twisted game they are no winners only losers-

Place your bets, folks! ✨

Haha im not readyyy~

tl;dr

this episode has cleared my skin, watered my crops, and ended my suffering—an adorable calm before the... angsty fucking shitstorm that’s coming far too soon. Prinxiety stans, enjoy your food. Place an 'F' in the chat for me and my fellow grieving Remus stans. Trashmas is the true OTP, but Karrot Kings is cute too I guess. I've only had Nico Florés for 24 minutes, but if anything happens to him, I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself. Purple eyeshadow Virgil makes me question my sexuality aGAIN, and happy gay disney prince rights y'all. Say a big ole 'fuck you' to capitalism by giving your local dapper snake moneys. Concussion makes brain go brr and imma go buy some carrots and be gay now.

psst hey @quarantinevibes2020 you wanna join me in being disaster-y? i’ll bring my best gay stare and you bring the wine

Until next time, my lovelies! ~ Ches 🖤

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

Text

The Abyss NPC are such a trove of gold for additional worldbuilding tbh

Everything about the Pagan Lady who I assume is Dagdan breaks my heart

That poor NPC whose family was somehow massacred by nobles “People with crests do whatever they like no one stops them least of all the church”

Mr. Backup died during the timeskip :( But Abysskeeper ends up marrying his older sister in VW and SS

Rodrigue paid for reestablishing the monastery town, even giving money to the ppl in abyss & generally seems to. I guess you see where Dimitri gets that charitable mindset from. Yuri also notes that he’s remarkably uncorruptible.

Abysskeeper is originally from Derdriu. It#s fun how a lot of his CF and AM dialogue is exactly the same but in different context XD - apart from of course the rodrigue line, and the time Hubert sends a soldier to do some mission there

When you go save Fhirdiad Constance is pretty glad to save the ppl from the school of sorcery and is glad to find them mostly unharmed

Yuri goes into some detail of events right preceding Byleth’s return in AM where the villages near the fronts weren’t sure wether to think of the guy massacring random imperial soldiers as a serial killer or a folk hero

Balthus apparently had a friendly brawl with Dimitri at some point (I guess continuing the tedency of the recruitees in aM to mention having personally interacted with him, at the very least Leonie and Caspar also get lines like that)

Apparently Yuri’s mom got sick sometime during the timeskip (at least in the AM timeline) so he couldn’t evacuate her from Faerghus.

Constance like Ferdinand, Lorenz & Lysithea is one of those ppl who remember Edelgard in a semi-positive light after her defeat. Kudos to you!

Balthus suspects where Claude ran off to. Well, he was kinda sent there to snoop on him to begin with XD

He never had any hope for the Parlay

Apparently Yuri does have a habit of praying, he’s not like a strooong believer and can’t recite the scriptures much but it’s a habit he picked up from his mom, I guess he would be one of those ‘culturally religious’ people

I just love how Yuri had additional observations on nearly everything like... nothing gets past him.

Meanwhile in the CF timeline, Balthus apparently thinks Edelgard is hot (which earns him a death glare from Byleth) and thinks the whole Black Eagle strike force should go have a beer to celebrate Byleth’s return since they’re all old enough now and Byleth’s no longer supposed to babysit them

I love how Hubert just flat out takes over Abyss and integrates poor overworked Yuri into his spy networkXD . Hence why Hapi feels he deserves a definite article. Well, Hubert appreciates how good he is. The mission was to try & convince the Alliance lords to fold so like El & co were actively attempting diplomacy until the end

On CF you see a very omnious NPC who suddenly dissapears if talked to (probably Agarthan) who complains about “that prince being no good” - Did they offer Dimitri their support when they noticed they were definitely losing control of Edelgard? If so he seems to have rebuffed em. It’s a very cryptic line and I can’t rly make heads or tails of it, but, if he wouldn’t sell Rhea out to Edelgard he probably wouldn’t do it for someone even worse no matter what they promised him.

Apparently in the VW timeline Hapi is a big fan of Judith

Balthus is proud that little Hilda has become an A list schemer

Hearing Claude’s plan makes constance a bit self-conscious about her own being more past-focussed, she’s been out-bolded

Hapi doesn’t know much about Almyra but reflects on how there are many marginalized minority groups in Fodlan including ppl from Isolated communities like her own

Yuri finds the plan a bit lofty & idealistic for his tastes, and also reckless, but he realizes that he’s got no leg to stand on when it comes to being more noble than he lets on, and that maybe a lil bit of recklessness are what these times need

Oh, once the secret’s out Hapi concludes that there probably would have been war one way or another with the slitherers having everything infiltrated, edelgard or no edelgard

Balthus mentions that Holst wasn’t at Shambhalla because he was “working out things with the Almyrans” and suggest that they warn him about the slitherers lest they sabotage the diplomacy

Apparently Hapi meditates! This comes up cause she trying not to freak out about Nemesis

“People sait it was the church who kept order but actually Yuri’s the one keeping us from complete chaos”

Apparently it was Hapi who kept the surface bandit population from flattening Abyss

Apparently in VW it’s Judith who gave supplies to Abyss (In Rodrigue’s place)

Seems like despite Hapi’s worries they kinda fare best on CF though (”Things have been pretty ok” vs “We lost some ppl”)

Abyss Resident: “I used to be an important person in the church but Im exiled for embezzling. It wasn’t out of greed tho my hometown was pillaged and the church wasn’t putting in enough to rebuild” Tell me again that Rhea cares about the little guy

One of the random rogues from Abyss is from the kingdom, claims to be a distant descendant of Fraldarius the Elite and finds “poetic justice” in taking down the empire under Claude.

Another reaaaaly juicy tidbit is that rogue with another message from Hubert, telling Byleth to bring Rhea with them when they go to Shambhalla. Ensuing that Rhea and Thales would destroy each other. And reaaaly adds to my conviction that Edelgard and Hubert basically did everyone a huge solid and no one noticed. Well, actually in Verdant wind they Do notice eventually; Its the left hand fighting the right cause everyone has triust issues galore

I didn’t think my love of Hubert could increase further

I always wondered, hm, were they expecting Rhea to self-destruct? Did Claude deliberately plan for it? But I never had enough evidence. especially for team Empire. But I mean Edelgard started this whole war cause Rhea is a danger so, while I get keeping her alive cause the slitherers want her for experiments, why not slit her throat as soon as the imperial palace is surrounded? Why have Hubert return her alive, to win the other faction’s trust? Not their style.

Though the random rogue also says that “Rhea was kept alive as insurance” against the slitherers.

So it WAS part of the plan. I always did have that feeling, but, I never knew how to articulate it logically and not just intuitively.

Of course if Byleth went and told Claude about this, Claude’s decision is also clear because he’s not dumb enough to think the empire would care for Rhea’s wellbeing out of the goodness of their heart

Though ultimately she insists on coming along for her own reasons anyways wether Claude is there or not, for plain ol’ revenge.

Also while reading through the scrpits I realize that I never clicked the “Do you hope [Rhea] is dead?” option when Claude explains his plan. That actually nets you support points and he’s like... “Daangerous question friend”. Really Claude is not “the chill/nice one” he’s so much more interesting than that and I love him

Also I love how the NPCs get different outfits depending on the route! I wish there had been more route-specific aesthetic touches

#fe3h #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem three houses #cindered shadows #ashen wolves

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ghostfacesvalentine · 5 years

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Back so soon? ( Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader )

Pairing: Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

Warnings: A lil mention of nsfw, some cursing, not much tbh.

Type: One shot

Request: billy loomix x reader and they've been dating for months now and she keeps almost telling him i love you and the waiting for it gets on his nerves until he finally says it first? thank you!!!

Word Count: 1,622

Prompt: Billy says I love you first.

Notes: I hope you enjoyed this! I had fun, still a lil insecure in my writing but this is all for fun! Billy makes me soft UWU

You’ve been dating Billy for several months, it hadn’t even felt like a long time, the excitement was still vibrant.

You could say you were still stiff in the honeymoon phase, you’d spend plentiful time together, going out on movie dates, laying out on the grass near a lake at the park, going out to eat or just walking around various stores, whatever you felt like doing.

Billy was always making sure you were satisfied to say the least, learning to pick up on your body language, when you were uncomfortable, when you were annoyed, when you were scared, when something made you feel good, when something made you laugh, he was always watching you intently on your reactions.

Expressing your love was quite the challenge for you, you had little to no experience in the dating scene, while Billy had plentiful more than you, which only made you more nervous.

You were a newbie at this, but something about Billy captivated you, the way he seemed to always step in when you needed him most, always making sure you were safe, he was a bit of a helicopter boyfriend, but you didn’t mind.

Actually you were growing to like it, a lot.

You were feeling significantly less lonely with Billy around, but you were still nervous. Surely he must’ve picked up on you inexperience, or maybe he didn’t.

Sometimes he’d pull you in for a kiss, which you would happily partake in, but when he seemed to crave more, your body would shut down. You were attracted to Billy, you knew you were, but you also knew you were dreadfully anxious, never letting him get more than two or three kisses out of you in one sitting.

The most you’ve ever gotten carried away was one night when your parents weren’t home, Billy came over, you both hid away in your room, watching horror movies under your blankets and pillows, when Billy kissed your cheek.

You turned to him and pressed your lips against his, he then took the liberty to hoist you slowly onto his lap, you barely started parting your lips until it was too much for you, shaking, your breathing getting cut short rather quickly.

Billy took note of this then turning you over and laying you on your back and slowly laying himself next to you while sighing softly apologizing for his overstepping, but you slid up with your back against the headboard assuring him he didn’t do anything wrong.

He didn’t argue with your attempt to soothe him, but he still never tried to make a move on you again, instead allowing you to take the lead.

Which was a terrible idea, but you were too embarrassed to admit what you were feeling and why you were behaving in this manner.

Tonight you had a date with Billy, he suggested a nice place to get some Thai food, which you were excited for, well anything he suggested seemed like the a fun thing to do.

Neither of you were ever much for the elegant dates, Billy told you not to worry about dressing up, it would just be one of your casual dates, which you followed his suggestions, dressing yourself in a cozy outfit, you peaked in the mirror fixing some of your loose strands of hair and shifting your shirt around to look and feel comfortable.

As you heard a car pull up in your driveway, you peaked through your blinds, seeing your boyfriends familiar car. You then pulled away and made your way towards your door, Billy met you halfway, greeting you with a soft squeeze.

He kissed your forehead as he usually did, looking down to you as you looked up to him, his lips formed into a small smile, never looking away from you, like he wanted to remember this moment and every moment always.

Endless hours of laughter, soft touches, subtle kisses, all came to end where it first began, right at path to your doorstep. You dreaded these moments of silence, knowing it should be filled with I love yous, all replaced with the serenity of the night and sometimes if you were brave, comments of how much fun you had.

Tonight was no different, Billy locked his fingers with yours, looking to you as you came to a stopping point, he would occasionally wait for you to say something, sometimes you would, sometimes you wouldn’t.

You couldn’t help it, you were nervous. You really liked Billy, hell, you loved him, you may not have as much experience in dating, but you gather up some kind of grip as to how you felt.

There you both stood, under the blanket of the night with twinkling stars to be seen in the distance if you focused long enough, small winds breezing their way through, evidence they were there were displayed through Billy’s moving strands of hair swaying soothingly.

You could tell he was anticipating something, you knew exactly what he was waiting for, and though it felt right, you just couldn’t bring yourself to give it to him, much less talk to him about it.

What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if he thought you were moving too soon? So many what ifs disheveled in your mind.

“I had fun.” You broke the silence with words neither you or him wanted to hear. Billy smiled to you in a defeated manner, followed by nodding as he looked down to the pavement. You felt your stomach churn at his reaction “Yeah, I did too.” He replied in a soft tone, he was conflicted, not knowing whether to lay it all out on the table or just wait until you’re more comfortable.

He chose to wait, kissing your forehead softly, you held your breath as he did so, maybe you could just drop it then, but he didn’t even wait, instead he whispered a goodnight, then following the path back to his car.

You stood there for a minute, arguing with yourself internally to go after him, but the thinking it’d be better to save it for a different occasion.

Was it a big deal? Maybe not, but it was for you.

A few hours had passed, you were in your room, knees brought up to your chest, you kept replaying what just happened, wondering if he was upset with you. Did you mess up? Probably.

You were so frustrated with yourself.

Sitting there listening to the radio shoo away the dead silence, you told yourself you’d make yourself admit how you felt tomorrow. No more running, avoiding or hiding this. What if something happened to you or him? And he’d never know how you felt because you were too insecure to admit it.

If he didn’t feel the same way, then you could just cut it off right there, which that made you nervous of course you didn’t want to end it with Billy, never in a million years.

It was then you heard some rustling in the trees, which frightened you at first, a pair of hands then gripped onto the frame of your window, it was Billy.

You let out a sigh of relief, not knowing how to react, you were in your pj’s, fresh face, ready to go to bed, Billy however was still in what he was wearing earlier, a white t shirt, presumably the same jeans and shoes.

“(Y/N)” He breathed out, a dorky smile came across his face, it was then that you craved to tell him you loved him. “Billy.” You responded with a soft giggle, swinging your legs over to the other side of the bed, you shuffled over to him, pulling him in through the small window (in comparison to his size, you could easily slide in and out the frame, he, however needed some help.)

You brought your index finger towards your lips, hushing him from making too much noise, your folks were scattered around the downstairs. You leaped over towards your door, locking it to avoid anyone interrupting your unexpected guest.

Billy seemed to be beaming, only to see you, you looked back to him “What are you doing here Billy, back so soon?” You grinned deviously, teasing him was one of favorite things to do.

“You know I can’t get enough of you.” He chuckled quietly, matching your volume level. Your cheeks then warmed up “Billy.” You whined in a careful tone.

“(Y/N).” He interrupted, walking forward to lead you towards the end of your bed, as the back of your legs hit the end, you had no other option than to sit down, looking up to him.

Confusion was written all across your face as he got down to your level, bringing himself to both of his knees, looking at you directly, his dark brown eyes mesmerizing you as always, you didn’t even notice he took both of your hands in his.

He was rubbing small circles across the back part of hands, while keeping his gaze on you. “(Y/N.) I don’t want to overstep, but I can’t keep it from you, I love you.”

There was then a pause.

You looked at Billy and though he didn’t explicitly show it, he was nervous, not knowing what you would say or how you’d interact, but it didn’t take long for you to breathe a sigh of relief, you leaned in to kiss him, to which he immediately kissed back, wrapping his arms around you.

You felt your heart thumping against your chest, you were sure his was as well, although it was only a few seconds, it felt like a sweet forever moment.

“Billy-” you whispered out of breath “I love you too.”

#Billy Loomis #Billy Loomis x Reader #Billy Loomis One shot #Billy Loomis Imagine

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ziotsu · 4 years

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time to write out literally all my thoughts as someone who can’t read Japanese!

I actually saw the first few pages when people were posting them because apparently the first half of the chapter comes out the second week? I didn’t post my thoughts cause I wanted to do them all at the same time

Page 1! Well this is fun, I absolutely love the expressions in this manga (I feel like me going on about the art in this manga is going to be a theme lol). But the subtle differences between how Ashiya looks and how he looks when Sakae is controlling him are amazing. And it isn’t just the eye color, but just everything with how Sakae acts and carries himself (face included) really is awesome. And it doesn’t feel like just slapping a new face on Ashiya’s body, I genuinely can see Ashiya making this expression when Sakae isn’t possessing him (if he wasn’t such a cinnamon roll). Also the shock on Abeno’s face is not something we see too often. He has his normal shocked face but this feels more raw than in the past? Like his eyes seem wider and the way his hair is makes it seem like he basically just did a double take. MMMMMMMMMM this is good shit. But story wise, I assume this page is just restating the fact that you really don’t wanna use influence on a parasitic shrub possessed demon.

Page 2 and 3! Abeno know’s what’s up, or at least it seems so. It would be more surprising if he didn’t tbh. Also I wonder if Sakae kind of knew this was going to happen? Considering he was trying to keep them away, I assume he did. At the very least he does not seem shocked at all to see Aoi like that at all. Speaking of Aoi, they are def trapped where they are at. That whole is well large enough for them to get through and attack them again, but they are still on the ground it seems. I am guessing it has to do with the tree we saw coming from their tail last chapter. They are still 110% mad though.

3-4! It looks like it isn’t just the trees that are keeping Aoi down, I thought the roots attaching the main body to the ground had been ripped up but it looks like there are some remaining. Sakae is as gentle as ever, yes just toss away his injured arm, great idea. Now Abeno is in even more pain. The wound though is really deep, looks like two large gashes, which Sakae actually starts to dress (rest in peace, kimono sleeve) (also while abeno is trying to get his arm out of the inner kimono (idk what is is called), we can see the medicine Abeno always carries around! I love the attention to detail in this manga)

5-6! Yup, page 5 doesn't do it justice, but page six really shows the extent of the damage one of the gashes did. Super nasty scar going to go there. We see some more of Aoi though, and do they chirp? Like what cats do? Cause murder cat looks super cute on page 5 and I don’t know how to feel about this.

They look like baby here and I want to protect them. Abeno seems to be bringing up the medicine, though I really don’t know what this would do to Aoi other than basically kill them. Which honestly, may be for the best? I know it’s a bit messed up, but it has been stated before that they are obviously past the point of getting them help, and leaving them there would be super dangerous.

7-8! I am making another assumption that Sakae doesn’t know what the medicine does. Which I have a current theory that the medicine is a new development for the underworld. (if such a medicine existed before Aoi left, why wouldn’t they use it on them?) Which would also mean that Sakae wouldn’t know about it either. My guess from the last pages seem to be correct as there is a panel showing Aoi burning, which seems pretty deathy to me. I honestly don’t know what they are going to do, though I think for now, they should be getting back, reporting the situation and getting help for themselves. Aoi seems really stuck here so I don’t think they are a direct threat to the underworld immediately. (Unless Aoi manages to escape the island and oh boy that would not be good) Abeno seems pretty determined, though, so regardless Aoi is most likely going to meet their actual end.

9-10! Aoi is starting to go to sleep here, Sakae seems really good at first aid (wonder where/why he learned that ;) Maybe a certain lady who often gets sick?) Not a whole lot happens, I think these are mostly showing the passage of time, and it seems Abeno is putting away the medicine for now. Which good move, my boy. Come back to take care of murder cat later. Also I wonder if all those trees are from Aoi’s parasitic shrub. That would be terrifying if that is the case. It could really show how long they have been there, trapped and going mad because of the shrub.

11-12! Good lord all of them are looking super cute this chapter. Sakae you can’t do this to me, just all your movements and facial expressions are justlasdkhjg;lakshjdg. Ashiya is cute in his own right, but this is a different type of cute. Why are all these characters like this and please don’t stop making all these characters like this. We get a good look at Aoi’s spine and it makes me sad (though also could give more insight to how the shrub basically takes over? Using the spinal cord to get to the brain seems like a good path to take if the shrub’s goal is to spread like any other parasite (which also makes sense with the going mad thing, kind of like rabies almost) I am glad Abeno’s arm is being supported and held still with what they had on hand. Still looks super painful though.

13-14! And they are out! At least out of the pit where they can really easily run if they need to. Sakae is starting to get tired, so I wonder how much longer he can go on? I hope he can stay awake long enough to get back to the mononokean because I highly doubt Abeno can carry an unconscious Ashiya back. He would most likely have to wait for Ashiya to wake back up before moving on and who knows how long that will take. Part of page 13 made me go back to see the last few pages, but it looks like Aoi’s front right paw is stuck in the ground :( good cause they are most likely really stuck there and probably wont be able to escape easy but it makes me sad to see the previous master of the mononokean in such a state.

15-16! Oof the tiredness is really showing in the first panel. Get out of there quick so you both can rest! I am guessing Abeno is asking about why Sakae said those things in the flower field.Like how Aoi is dead and such, and honestly did Sakae lie? Aoi, as they were in the past, is dead. They are completely over taken and do not recognize even the child they basically raised.

17-18! Oh boy Sakae is getting more and more tired, Abeno is asking about the golden butterfly and can you two just get going? Ya’ll have limited time here!!!!! Though I wonder if Sakae used his influence on one of the butterflies to communicate to Ashiya? it seems very similar? Or a butterfly made from pure influence? Which would explain how it disappeared when Ashiya grabbed it?

I am going to stop the page format because uh.... WHAT. First off Abeno was def asking about the influence/parasitic shrub thing that Sakae brought up. And WE ACTUALLY LEARN ABOUT IT NEXT CHAPTER. This is huge cause oml this feels like a rare moment. Normally mysteries like this linger for a few chapters, simmer and make us suffer. BUT WE GOT A NEW BRAND OF SUFFERING TODAY FOLKS! Like I theorized it a bit on why I didn’t think Aoi was the one Sakae used his influence on, due to thinking that Aoi being infected years before picking up Abeno seemed super dangerous and didn’t feel like something they would do. I DIDN’T KNOW YOU CAN USE INFLUENCE TO CURE THE PARASITIC SHRUB THOUGH! PAGE 22 IS SUFFERING! PAGE 22 HAS ALL THE ANSWERS! Like we now know what happened, or at least have enough facts to be able to piece it together! Aoi and Sakae went out for a job, either they find out that the demon is infected or know and are going to try to help them out. Aoi somehow gets infected by this demon and Sakae uses his influence to get rid of the growing infection only to die himself as the parasitic shrub is not meant to live in the human body. This explains why Aoi was so beat up over his death, because IT WAS THEIR FAULT. It explains why Sakae would use his influence on a demon that is infected, because it is Aoi, their employer and friend. He probably wasn’t meaning to die at all, just thinking that ‘hey let’s just get rid of this shrub from Aoi so they don’t die because they are an important part of the Underworld (though AU where Sakae can’t do this and has to become the next master of the mononokean ;) )

We also see the aftermath, it is almost like he becomes some form of demon himself, and actually looks infected with the shrub. I doubt it is the same sort of situation because he doesn’t become a tree? I am honestly unsure on how this affected him. He does go and meet his son a few months later, (wait or was that Aoi because between the two pages we see a sort of continuation with the hand on the left (aoi’s hand) but we also see the ‘veins’ of the shrub which hints towards Sakae? I like to think that Sakae visited baby Ashiya, so I am going to go with the assumption it is Sakae visiting till I am proven otherwise) and smol Ashiya is always cute. Ashiya does seem to ‘notice’ something? or he is just a baby and babies cry A LOT. We see Sakae ‘infect’ the butterfly he uses to communicate with Ashiya in the flower field. Wonder if he tried doing the same in the past with Abeno, only Abeno cannot hear his words.

ALSO GUYS I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF THERE NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? Ashiya is now completely passed out, Abeno cannot carry him back and now they gotta just chill there till Ashiya wakes back up. I know it is awesome to have questions answered, but please.

Though I guess somehow they managed cause Ashiya wakes up in what I can only assume is the Legeslator’s place? It is def not the mononokean (too large and im sure we would be hearing a bell the moment Ashiya woke up) but it could be Korou’s place. Not sure how Abeno managed, but he probably found a way to get them out of there. Rip golden eyes, though :( Guess they were just either the side effect to using that much influence or a hint that Sakae was just kind of hanging around in case shit hits the fan.

There is incense burning, making a guess this is either a preventative measure against the shrub or something to help wake Ashiya up faster. Ashiya is alone and it seems he is shaken because of what Sakae explained (I am guessing it was similar to his dreams when he subconsciously used his influence and he was dreaming about Sakae’s past)

This chapter was amazing, answered so many things and saw enough cute to really counter balance the ‘what the actual fuck’ this chapter brought along with it.

#fukigen na mononokean #The Morose Mononokean

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flamingodingo · 3 years

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Merlin- S1:E1- The Dragon’s Call

Hey so I decided to rewatch Merlin because I never quite finished it and don’t remember what happened enough to pick up where I left off, and I thought I’d blog my thoughts about it! All I really remember, besides the obvious, is how remarkably shippable Arthur and Merlin were despite that clearly not being the writers intention. I have a feeling I’ll come to the same conclusion with this rewatch, especially since I’m starting out with my gay goggles on, but who knows?? Let’s gooooooooooooooooo

**obv this will not be spoiler free but A. The show has been over for a long time and B. all spoilers will be under the cut**

Hey so now that I’ve done this, I’d decided I don’t want to continue because I simply don’t care that much about this show. So, sorry if you enjoyed this, don’t expect any more.

Colin Morgan is honestly the most adorable little nugget of a man <3

Ok this CGI effect for the reveal of the kingdom is .... not good actually ....

The score, however, is gorgeous. I mean we all know the main theme is a bop but just listen to the music as he looks around here, it’s so grand and fantastic.

All of this video quality is actually just not great, when the heck is this from again? *googles* It aired in 2008. I feel like 2008 TV looked better than this but I was also only 10 so what do I know.

I love Uther’s style of crown. It’s very simple and dignified.

I truly can’t imagine why people would choose to attend an execution. Like, what compels someone to go witness something like that? I know the past was boring, what with the lack of television and the illiteracy of the general population, but how do you get so bored you go watch someone get beheaded for a bogus crime like “conspiracy to use magic”?

LMAO these effects are corny as hell actually- re: sorceress disappearing in the wind.

What a weird welcome to Camelot for Merlin.

I like how Gaius just interrogates this stranger in his house about his magical ability with no idea whatsoever who he is.

Gaius is like a million years old and he still has a better hairline than me, honestly how rude.

Loving Morgana’s willingness to tell off Uther.

Uther says Morgana wasn’t around 20 years ago, how old is she supposed to be?

Traveling in the past must have been fucking terrifying. Even with guards, I can’t imagine just pitching a tent in the middle of the woods on my way to wherever and sleeping peacefully. If you’re out there traveling, who knows who else might be?

It’s so incredible how far we’ve come with special affects. That sorceress melting into the singer lady must’ve been relatively impressive when this aired and now I just chuckled at it.

Arthur is such a dick and I hate it but fuck he’s so handsome.

Merlin is such a good boy to stand up to Arthur. I mean, even not knowing he’s the prince, that’s still a pretty bold thing to do to someone who is obviously still wealthier and more powerful than you, particularly when he has a whole gaggle of idiots to support him and he’s just proven he knows his way around a weapon.

“Do you know how to walk on your knees?” “No.” “Would you like me to help you?” “I wouldn’t if I were you.” “Why? What are you going to do to me?” “You have no idea.” Who wrote these lines and then let them say them so remarkably homosexually? Like really, truly, who watched them act this scene and went “Ah yes, this tension is exactly perfect and does not feel at all sexual”?

Do you think Uther knows his son is a gigantic asshole? Like, do you think if he found out Arthur had Merlin thrown in jail just for calling him an ass, he would have had him freed because “well he’s right, you know”? Probably not.

Gwen is so incredibly beautiful <3 And she’s kind, too. What a lady, I love her.

Interesting, the actors are saying Guinevere, but the subtitles are saying Gwenhwyfer.

I can see how throwing food at people in the stocks would be fun, actually, especially if it’s like someone who pickpocketed you.

Choosing to keep one dragon “as an example” is basically asking for someone to come free that dragon. It is immensely hubristic to assume that nothing would go wrong with that.

Ok I know that doll in “Lady Helen’s” room is kind of sketchy but especially as someone who doesn’t know anything about the materials required for magic, I have no idea what prompts Merlin to start going through her stuff.

“Lady Helen’s” purple dress really does something for me. That’s a great cut and color, thought tbh the material looks kinda cheap.

I love Merlin’s little neck scarf thing. Maybe I should get one of them. It’d look exceptionally queer on me.

Alright so that bit earlier with the blind man was questionable but this whole “deaf as well as dumb” comment really isn’t necessary. I know Arthur is an asshole and also it’s 2008 so I don’t really expect better, it’s just still gross. We’ve taken some big steps in the US re: LGBTQ+ folks and recently there has been a surge in the push for racial justice, I hope the next movement that gets some extra traction is disability rights. So much ableism is embedded in our language, culture, and comedy and it’s really not ok. We have a lot of work to do.

“I could take you apart with one blow.” “I could take you apart with less than that.” THIS IS VERY GAY IM SORRY IT IS JUST INCREDIBLY GAY

I have no idea where Merlin got all his audacity but I really enjoy it. Like, “How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?”? That’s gold.

“There’s something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” THIS IS ALSO QUITE GAY

Merlin is SO dramatic, how old is he supposed to be?

I mean his dramatics are a bit, uh, dramatic, but he really is just sweet and lost and scared. I can’t imagine having all that power, totally effortlessly, and not having any idea why but knowing I can’t use it.

Merlin sleeps in a room, but Gaius sleeps in the middle of his workshop. so, did Gaius give up his room to Merlin could have one? That’d be incredibly sweet.

There is a candle burning on Gaius’ nightstand while he sleeps. That’s a fire hazard?

Why the fuck was the gate to get down to the dragon open??????

I’m so distracted by the quality of these special effects. They’re not like truly horrible but they’re not quite good yet either and I think it’s the inbetween state here that’s getting me.

Merlin has this habit of entering rooms really quietly and it really seems to be how he gets himself into trouble quite often.

While I am on the Arthur/Merlin train 100%, I see and respect Gwen/Merlin shippers. They’re both horrendously awkward, it’s very funny.

Morgana’s dress is so hot.

“Lady Helen’s” dress is fugly

I wonder what language this song is in.

This lip synching is really bad omg

Imagine being so out of touch that you think making someone your son’s servant is a reward. Like I get that working in the royal household is an honor or whatever but he’s still literally a servant

Ok but how is calling Arthur Merlin’s destiny NOT gay? I mean come on.

#merlin #merlin liveblog #tw capital punishment #Merlin S1:E1 #Merlin: The Dragon's Call #TW ableist language #real life

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housemartius · 5 years

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i’ve had an hc that dakota is native american for a long time now, and after reading this awesome post i was inspired and like “what if he and piper were cousins??” so let me share some things i’ve imagined about them so far (warning: this is one long ass post):

- they were both born and raised in tahlequah, oklahoma (not in a reservation tho bc there’s no cherokee reservation in oklahoma, rick’s an idiot who doesn’t research anything)

- dakota is two years older than piper and that made him a bit overprotective of her while growing up. even when they were kids, piper got a lot of attention from mostly other boys (which would later make her feel super self conscious of her own looks) and dakota would pick up on her discomfort and shoo away all of them in an instant

- like seriously, he’s a pretty observant kid and piper would always flinch when a boy got too close for comfort. so dakota was always more than ready to help her out

- imagine how overjoyed grandpa tom was when he found out he was going to be a grandpa, twice, in such a short span of time. dakota had barely just turned 1 year old when tristan announces the woman he’s dating is pregnant tom cried so much, bless him

- now grandpa is no fool though. he knew something was up with the ppl his children were dating, he knew they weren’t ordinary folks. and he suspected his future grandchildren wouldn’t be exactly ordinary either. and how right he was

- just a few months after he was born in september 1992, baby dakota was taken on a little trip with his mom and grandfather around tulsa and they came across a huge vineyard

- it’s january and it’s hecking cold (like 50ºF/10ºC) and the vines, as you’d expect, are basically dead. that’s when something remarkable happens: the plants start to reach out towards dakota and the closer he is to them, the livelier they get

- grandpa is shocked to say the least but he plays it cool. he just turns towards his daughter and calmly asks “care to explain please” to which she then proceeds to spill the beans about how she met the roman god of wine whose son is currently being held by grandpa tom

- tom is really surprised that his daughter dated an actual immortal deity from ancient times, or that they even exist at all (he thought greek myths, and therefore roman by extension, were a bunch of bull). yet at the same time he’d been suspecting the dude wasn’t completely human for a while now...

- in the end he happily accepts both his daughter’s love for bacchus (if that’s even who he really is) and the son they had, and never loves dakota any less even now that he knows he’s a demigod

- except they don’t tell tristan bc 1. bacchus told dakota’s mom to keep it a secret (whoops), 2. tristan’s a skeptic who doesn’t believe in any kind of myths so what’s the point and 3. tristan’s sweetheart is pretty high guard about her own identity and grandpa’s noticed this and he thinks she’s hiding the truth from his son for a good reason (again, he is such a skeptical man, he’d probably think they were all insane)

- april 1994. piper is born and an almost 2 y/o dakota is finally introduced to the cousin he’d been hearing so much about

- both love their grandfather and listening to stories about their culture. and grandpa loves that his grand-kids are so keen on learning

- they live a pretty happy childhood overall. apart from dakota’s innate abilities to making vines grow whenever he walks by (though he remains oblivious to this bc his mom goes to great efforts to ensure he doesn’t find out so soon, he’s still a little kid after all), none of his other powers manifest all that much when he’s a toddler. and neither do piper’s

- ofc, being demigods they’re constantly exposed to the danger of being discovered by monsters but they luck out and continue living in ignorant bliss of their godly parentage

- they love being outside. playing, napping, talking, whatever it is, they don’t like being indoors. they’re always running around everywhere, climbing trees, rolling around in the grass, etc it’s a very rare occurrence when they manage to return home with clean clothes

- they just have a looot of energy and they like using it. getting them to calm down is a challenge in itself, they’re always goofing around. whether they’re having a nice family dinner (food fights tend to occur more often than not), or watching cartoons before bedtime (reenacting cool fight scenes is a must!)

- but then one day, just a few weeks after his 8th birthday, dakota shows up at tristan’s house with his mom and she says she needs to talk with his uncle and grandfather

- the kids are told to go play for a little while in the backyard to let the grown ups have some privacy

- dakota is uncharacteristically quiet. piper notices it right away, how her cousin’s shoulders are slacked and his eyebrows furrowed in distress. she asks what’s wrong, what happened to make him so sad

- “i have to move away” he says. piper is shocked, starts asking why. why, where to, and can’t the whole family go with him?

- “no. just me. somewhere far away”. “but why?!”. “because it’ll be bad if i don’t”

- the rest of the day goes by in a blur. piper can’t understand what’s happening. why does dakota have to go all alone? why can’t her aunt go too? why don’t her dad or her grandfather try to stop them?

(- later, when piper demands her dad for explanations, tristan only says what his sister told him: that dakota needs to go somewhere that’ll be better for him, that piper’s aunt can’t take care of him by herself. grandpa tom tells her the same thing whenever piper turns to him but he knows. his daughter told him the truth)

- saying goodbye is the only moment that seems to last an eternity though. piper is full on crying and sobbing, holding on to dakota with all her strength and begging her cousin to stay, stay and everything will be okay bc he’ll be with her and all the people who love him

- dakota cries too, though not as hard. he’s barely keeping it together but he’s the older cousin and he needs to be strong for piper

- inside though he’s terrified of what’s happening to him. to him and to his mom and now his dear little cousin and his uncle and grandpa. he wants to stay but bacchus was clear during his sudden unexpected visit: he needs to go to the wolf house right away

- his mom takes him there. this goodbye is even more terrible than the previous one. in the midst of all the crying he promises that he’ll be okay, that he loves her and will visit as soon as he can

- dakota hadn’t had the fortune (or permission) of visiting his mom and granddad back in tahlequah often. and the few times he had managed, piper had been away with her dad on his trips looking for a job as an actor in los angeles

- one day, now 13 y/o, he was at his mom’s place with his grandfather too, just sitting and talking and enjoying each other’s company when they decided it was time to tell him the horrible news: his grandpa had been diagnosed with lung cancer

- tom reassured him all throughout his grandson’s hysterics that he felt fine and that he was at peace with the situation

- and then dakota asked the dreaded question

- “... how long?”

- “... soon”

- when dakota made it back to camp he started asking around for possible cures, talking with praetors and centurions and just about anyone who might help him

- though in the end he didn’t find any medicine that could possibly save his grandfather

- and it’s not like the romans really cared for helping outsiders either

- the day he got the news grandpa tom had passed away, just a little over 2 months later, he refused to leave his bunk bed for the remainder of it and it took his two centurions to force him out of it the next morning

(- dakota swears that, out of all the days he’d felt the most lonely and in need of the warm comfort of his family, that had been the most painful one he’d endured in his whole life)

(- he also wondered if piper had known about their grandfather’s condition, and for one moment he actually hoped she didn’t just so she could be spared of going through the same despair he and the rest of their family had)

(- he’d also wished, more ardently than ever before, to be able to hug his beloved little cousin again just like he had so many times years before)

- fast forward to 2010. dakota is standing with the rest of the romans at cj, staring at a greek ship that quickly approaches camp

- his long time friend jason is said to be on board and dakota is just dying to give the dude the longest and most bone crushing hug ever

- plot twist: it’s piper who gets the pleasure of receiving the longest and most bone crushing hug ever. but she returns it tenfold rip dakota’s back

- their reunion was a hazard mix of tears, laughter and wrestling. he and jason happily gave piper a tour of the camp, though tbh she didn’t really pay attention to much, catching up with her fave cousin was obviously the priority

- during her quest to save the world, she iris messages dakota as regularly as she can and they talk for hours on end, sharing stories from their past, their family, their beloved grandpa tom whom they missed terribly every single day, everything really

- piper confides in him how much her dad’s lack of interest and pride for cherokee culture has rocked her own, how growing up with him so absent from her life and so worried with rejecting everything cherokee/native american related had made her feel so uncomfortable in her own skin

- dakota takes all this in silence and just lets her get it all out. he hears her every complaint and insecurity and fear. then he starts telling her the stories their grandfather had told them

- he tells at least 2 different ones every night they talk, always with a smile on his face, always trying to replicate the exact same tone and pace their granddad used

- and it eventually gets piper to smile too

- one night it’s dakota who confesses how much he regrets not visiting tahlequah more often, how he wishes he’d spent more time with thomas before he’d passed away, how he wished he’d been with him during those last few days if not to just hear him going on and on about cherokee myths like he loved to

- that gets piper crying in no time. dakota cries too. they just spend a good 10 minutes sobbing together through their reflections in the watery rainbow, neither saying much

- “i’m glad he told us. the stories i mean”, dakota says when they’ve calmed down. “feels like he gave us little pieces of himself bit by bit that’ll never go away”

- “yeah... it really does”

- when the war’s finally over, piper and dakota visit each other often, though piper’s the one who goes to cj more often since dakota’s a centurion and has his plate full most of the time

- they’re still as goofy and energetic around each other as ever, like the time they spent away from each other was like clicking pause on a movie and now they’ve hit play and continued on from there

- still hate being trapped indoors. when there’s camp meetings they both need to attend they just can’t help but joke around. everyone else dreads going to those now thanks to these idiots

- dakota isn’t as chaotic as piper so he somewhat helps to keep that side of her in check

- when leo accompanies her during her visits though... no point in even trying to hold back this Mess, dakota’s tried before and it was the most stressful and tiring day of his fucking life

- piper constantly teases dakota about his crush on her half-brother michael. he very much regrets the day she ever saw how he acted around the son of venus (a blushy neck scratching mess)

- wow this is getting long fhdkds anyway!! they’re amazing kids who love each other to death and constantly support each other through good and bad times, and they’re proud af to be cherokee and they’ll treasure their beloved grandpa tom and his teachings till the end of their lives, and if anyone ever wants to hear a story, they’re the right kids to go to!

#piper mclean #dakota #pjo #pjo.txt #my headcanons #i spent a lot of time on this and it made me very emotional fdsfjdsk #also if any of the bits regarding cherokee culture seem off or odd or bad then pls let me know and i'll fix wtv needs fixing #i tried to keep it as minimal and vague as possible bc i'm white and an ignorant to the topic

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scowlowl · 3 years

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Hi c: I remember a post, I think it was from you, about long covid and getting it? Was that you? A friend of mine is struggling and I was wondering if you had any advice about what she can do :< Thank you!!

Oh no, I hope your friend feels better soon! That might have been me, I think I posted about it here a few times and there have definitely been twitter threads.

Standard disclaimer stuff: I am not a doctor. What I found helped me might not help someone else. Long covid is kind of fucked up to deal with because it seems to hit everyone in different ways, in different areas, and months later something that wasn't a problem before can suddenly become one. The long haul groups talk about it as something that feels like it moves around the body, like a total shit gremlin.

The thing that helped me the most initially was joining the facebook groups with other people figuring shit out. This was back April/May for me but they're still very active and full of people sharing resources.

Survivor Corps is I think the big one and they've been the ones reaching out to media and doctors to try to gain some recognition with the medical community initially (as far as I know, all kind of a blur tbh). There's also a long covid group here, and if your friend searches for like, long covid + the country they're in there are usually more local/regional ones for resources closer to home too.

Because we don't really know what specific mechanism is triggering a lot of the long covid stuff yet, most of us are just treating symptoms. Some people have been diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and I don't know diddly squat about that but it might be something for your friend to look into. My whole thing has been inflammation and my immune system basically attacking itself because immune systems are both very complex and compellingly fucking stupid. Not to victim blame the immune system or anything.

What helped me depended on what was going wrong at the time, obv, but it means it's a long list.

This is just going to be a brain dump, sorry.

- I never had pneumonia. Mine started in my throat, probably damaged my vocal chords, but never turned into pneumonia. I still had shortness of breath, pressure in my chest, and my oxygen levels dropped. I could breathe but with great difficulty and described it to the EMTs as "breathing is like work." It took all of my energy and focus to breathe in enough. If you are that this point, ever, like, literally fucking ever, call an ambulance.

- Tylenol for a fever.

- Blood thinners if necessary, I never had any but we know now that a lot of problems are blood clot-related. Tbqh my blood is more thin now than anything but I always had anemia and some sort of “your blood is too small actually?” problem and we don’t know why. I just bleed a lot and bruise easier now.

- If they try to tell you it's anxiety or in your head or you're not that bed, tell them to go fuck themselves and go to the hospital. Get tested if you can. A lot of the problems long haulers ran into was that we got sick before tests were available, or we were talked into staying home by the emergency workers, and we never got tested. This opens the doors for doctors to tell you it's all in your head, psychological, anxiety, allergies, etc. Just. Go when you first feel sick if at all possible. Get tested before it turns into long covid.

- I was not sure in the beginning what "shortness of breath" or "pressure" actually felt like, and it made me delay calling for an ambulance for a few days as well. For me, it felt like there was an elastic band of pressure around my lungs. I couldn't fully inhale. My diaphragm was fucked in ways I still don't understand. My lungs also felt heavy, like there was a weight on them or like my lungs themselves were too stiff to inhale. That all counts as pressure/tightness/shortness of breath. So does air hunger, or feeling like you want to be swallowing air.

- I know I'm being super obvious but seriously shortly before I got sicker, I hit up twitter to ask what "pressure" was supposed to feel like because I couldn't tell if what I had "counted."

- Breathing: lying on my stomach with my chest propped up by pillow, in bed helped. So did pursed lip breathing: here.

- I was prescribed salbutamol initially, which did help with the worst of the wheezing and opened up some of my lungs so I could breathe easier. When I went to the ER again a couple months later, they gave me like 5x the usual dose and sent me home.

- I'm also taking Flovent/fluticasone twice a day for asthma maintenance.

- Histamines are a problem for a lot of people. Some develop a histamine intolerance, which can be helped by eating a low histamine diet.

- Antihistamines helped me the most. I was taking Allegra-D daily. Pepcid AC also helps, because it targets a different kind of histamine. There was such a run on Pepcid when this started that it was actually impossible to find in my area and I had to order some online.

- I was recently prescribed Singulair and it has been life-changing this past week or so. As far as I know it's not really an antihistamine but blocks/inhibits a particular receptor involved in inflammation that comes into play when allergies do.

- Electrolytes. I don't know why, but my electrolytes are permanently fucked and too low now. If I don't go through like a litre of gatorade a day (or whatever, pick your brand of supplements), I am even more tired and brain foggy than usual. Helps a lot.

- Inflammation is a major problem all around. Sometimes I go for the naproxen or advil and it will help any really major acute flare-up now (like, I can feel when my gallbladder is getting inflamed and about to spasm and I can cut it off sort of), but mostly it's also daily maintenance. I take cucurmin and black pepper daily.

- Other supplements: vitamins A & D, a multivitamin, NAC.

- CBD oil. This worked wonders for me for a lot of the side-effects of covid, costochondritis and shingles pain especially.

- Diet. I mentioned the low histamine one above. Other people have had some success with a low inflammation diet. Some folks also have so many GI problems that they basically ate chicken and rice and slowly reintroduced foods to see what would trigger something. I appear to get super fucked by nightshades now, e.g. Alcohol is an absolute no. I had to cut caffeine for months because of my heart. (No caffeine/alcohol/red meat was my doctor's first and best advice for heart stuff at the time.)

- Speaking of the heart stuff, if your friend is dealing with that: electrolytes again. I have pedialyte freezies that I would suck on whenever heart palpitations started and it helped calm it down some. My heart was so, so fucked for months that whenever I ate or stood up or sat down it would hit like 140bpm and I had to spend an hour moving as little as possible or I'd just about pass out. There are a LOT of long-haulers now dealing with POTS and I can't really speak to what helps that in particular but if your heart is messing up at all: call a doctor. I still don't know how damaged my heart is from all of this because doctors and wait lists, etc. Get a jump on that.

- Insomnia was absolutely the worst I’ve ever had and I’ve had lifelong, “I’m awake for three days wee” insomnia. The Singulair knocks me right out at night, so that's a bonus, but there has not been a single night since getting sick where I didn't have to take something to help me sleep. I was on Zopiclone before getting sick, at least, but seriously talk to someone about insomnia if necessary. The sleep deprivation alone was making so many things worse.

- Brain fog? Brain fog. I don't have any or many answers for this. My short-term memory is wrecked and usually I'll remember something 2 weeks later, so I live my life on a 2-week lag now.

- Related to brain fog, fatigue. Don't fuck with it. Do not. Chronic Fatigue and Myalgic encephalomyelitis are both brought up often with long covid. I am dealing with it but don't know what to say about it yet because I haven't had a single doctor give a shit thus far. I've spoken to a relative who's an occupational therapist about it and her most helpful advice was about "energy envelopes," which is basically spoon theory. If you feel tired: stop. If you don't, or if you try to push through, we relapse hard and fast and you can pay for one day of walking 10 minutes too long with weeks of being stuck in bed. It's miserable. It will take longer to get back to normal. Some of us can exercise and feel amazing after; others are exercise intolerant and it wrecks them. (I feel best after like, 10 minutes of walking and sunshine right now, which is after months and months of being bedridden.)

- Treat mental exertion the same as physical. Doctors told me to drink Gatorade after mental work because it's still work, and it has helped a lot for whatever reason. It also helps to work on one thing at a time, take a break, switch gears, take a break, etc. I can't multitask anymore anyway.

- Eliminate whatever stressors you can. Stress will make everything worse.

- It comes and goes. Every relapse was a bit shorter and a bit easier for me, so that now when I fuck up it's like 2-3 days instead of weeks, but it's a rollercoaster.

- It can be random as hell. For about two months my gallbladder just decided to up and die, basically, and we were talking about having it removed. And then it was fine. Hasn't bugged me again lately. I know I said it's symptom management, but it's also like... symptom chasing and trying to figure out what's happening every time the sun rises. This is also exhausting. Everything is exhausting.

- Brain shit. Some of us have serious trouble reading. Sentences swim together. Letters wouldn't turn into words. I took this as a Challenge and started reading children's books and then Animorphs again, like... slowly, as much as I could do without pushing it, and it's still not perfect or great but it was an okay place to start. Honestly the hardest part was the embarrassment and going from a PhD program to reading kids books, but. Do what you have to. Do what you can.

- Sticky notes and labelling things around the house so I could see them when I needed them. I am not fucking around when I say brain fog. I can open the fridge, know I have milk, know it is in the door, and literally not see it to find it. I will put the cream in the dishwasher. I will spin in circles in the kitchen remembering and forgetting and remembering why I’m there again. Sticky notes. Also: journals, index cards, write literally everything down if you need to remember something. Put it somewhere obvious. I like writing on the bathroom mirror for the important shit. (Don’t use lipstick.)

- Unsurprisingly, a lot of us are struggling with anxiety and depression. Don't let doctors get it backward: it's not anxiety making us sick, it's being sick and ignored and fighting to be helped that's making our mental health worse. So many doctors tell us it's all in our head. I did not move across the country because I was too sick to take care of myself because of ~allergies~ or ~anxiety.~ Fuck off.

- So, so many people report that they relapse whenever they menstruate so if your friend is in that group, they might want to prepare to feel like fucking trash every 4 weeks no matter what they do. I don’t have any advice on this one, I’m sorry. There are a lot of people discussing it in the FB groups, though, and those are searchable for symptoms.

- So... a tl;dr list of things that might help: anti-inflammatory diets, anti-histamine diets, pepcid AC, allegra or other allergy meds, vitamin A/D/E, multivitamins, electrolytes and gatorade, albuterol, fluticasone, zopiclone (or anything that helps with sleep), CBD oil, singulair, anti-nausea meds (buscopan), muscle relaxants (spasming gallbladder). Rest, so much rest, do not fuck with The Rest if you can help it. I also encourage just getting high and edibles as much as you can because it sure helped me chill out big time and I think was a big factor in my recovery, at least as far as helping me calm down and helping my heart were concerned.

- The actual most helpful part outside of what to take or do was other people. Friends would go out and get me things when I could not, including like, cat food deliveries and all. I had co-workers ready to step in to take over my work on days I could not. I had friends calling doctors because I was too tired to fight them or self-advocate. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say they helped save my idiot life this year. Literally. It's a lot to ask of anyone but it's also that level of support that some of us need, and there shouldn't be any shame in it. (I still feel bad about it anyway but what are you gonna do.)

Depending on where you live, some places are setting up long-haul covid clinics to help people. Reports are mixed: some demand you had a positive test even if you were sick before tests were available. Some people are getting a lot of help regardless. Some are being sent home and told not to come back anyway. It’s kind of a gamble right now but either way, there’s at least some medical recognition making headway now so my fingers are crossed.

Anyway you basically sound like a good bean and your friend is lucky to have you asking around. I have absolutely forgotten something at some point in here because, well, brain fog and no memory, but if you have any questions or want something clarified please just ask. Stay safe!

#replies #covid-19 #long-haul covid #long post #looooooooong

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elegant-etienne · 4 years

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3. [I] trusted [you]

Send me a number to receive a micro story!

Thank you for the ask, @maybeimawhale!

(This song is what always comes to mind when I see the word ‘Trusted.’ And I think a lot about how I used to relate to this song, in the wake of a really bad break-up, but now that I’m older, I have to wonder if the narrator of the song is being at all reasonable. I also find it helpful, when revisiting subjects I’ve written before, to twist around the perspective a bit, and give myself permission, without naming the character in this piece, to treat Etienne’s ex-husband as a NPC, and admit to myself a lot of my own character’s faults from the outside.)

BEHIND THE CUT: Descriptions of a toxic marriage, substance abuse and addiction, suicidal ideation and an attempt, allusions to past abuse and PTSD, and very inaccurate TBH but this is more or less how I remember it going down descriptors of someone having a “split personality,” and some light misgendering of Etienne (they ID’ed as male when they met their ex-husband, and at the time of their wedding).

Also I am sorry for any errors, I can’t go back and fix them after the initial post or it’ll break the formatting on the post.

insp. Ben Folds - Trusted

It's funny I know But I'm disappointed in you I thought you could read my mind

Your husband - your spouse Etienne is doing better after the time away. Actually, the time when they was sleeping in the recovery wing - three sennights - is among the best you two have had. A few hours of visitation, and they're affectionate and loving and missing you. Even a rare smile, and they show you where the stitches came out. A bell or two isn't enough time to get worked into a fervor about things and restart the same fights you've been having for moons.

When they return, Etienne has warmth in their cheeks again. They're gaining weight again. They don't smile, but they've always been quiet about that sort of thing. They've missed you. They've missed you so much. They look more like they did on your wedding day, that reserved, understated glow. They look like the Etienne you married.

(In those moments when you thought you could still be one person successfully. In those moments when they thought they'd killed the other you. In those moments when they stood at you at the altar, teary-eyed but happy, so happy.)

"Welcome home, Etie," you say with your brightest grin.

"I'll be better this time. I promise. I'll never do that again."

You laugh and embrace. You're both so relieved.

But I came home early And saw that a drawer'd been opened Looks like you've been reading my diary instead

After a long shift in Medica, all you want to do is come home and take a bath. Etienne seems to have other ideas, however. They're seated at the desk. They're glaring at you. They hold up your notebook - the one with all the reports.

"So this is what you've been doing at night while I'm gone? Forbidden research and magic? I thought we talked about this! It's too dangerous, after the last time. What if it goes too far?"

"There was no one else who could do it. It had to be me." You've never raised your voice to Etienne. Not once. Sometimes, you've cried while you're fighting. Etienne has shouted before. Twice. It frightened you.

(They wanted to kill the other half of you.)

"What if something had happened to you while I was in care? I wouldn't have known where you were. And what if there had been an emergency at the FC? Folk need you. I need you. And you promised..." Etienne bows their head, sucking in sharp breaths to try and stop the crying.

"You have no business going through my notes. There could have been patient information in there!"

"...You were acting strangely. You were hurt. You weren't telling me things. You broke your promise." The tears have been withdrawn, all that's left is dead, blank sullenness from Etienne.

"I had no other choice."

"Did you even try to stop and think of one?"

"There wasn't time. Percy and--"

"Percy?!" There it is, the raised voice, a burst of life, a flame in their eyes. "I knew it. I knew he and you--"

"It was work--"

"--Have something going on, you told me it was nothing, you told me you weren't seeing him when I wasn't around-- While I was in the bloody hospital from trying to kill myself because I can't stand this, and you wouldn't leave me alone, you wouldn't just give me the space, and now the moment you have you're running around--" Etienne always gets like this. A million words a moment. Each a pointed attack, an accusation. When Etienne gets this way, you can't do anything right.

"--It's only work--!"

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back. Maybe Rosa was right, it's too soon, we're not ready." Etienne straights their posture, scrubbing at their eyes with the heels of their hands. "I drew you a bath. I'm going to bed."

How does it feel to realize You're all alone behind your eyes?

The bath is strewn with rose petals, the candles burned down hours ago. It's dark and cool in the bedroom off the heat of the bath. Your spouse is bunched up in one corner of the bed. "I love you, you know," you speak to the dark. To Etienne's back.

"I love you too," Etienne says, but doesn't turn around. “...Be honest. Did you fuck him?”

“No, it’s not like that. He found this... it was like a cursed circus, full of twisted creatures, he needed cleansing spells, he was able to show me ways to amplify my power...”

(He knows about the other you.)

"It's alright if you did," Etienne says, malms away in the same bed. Did they even hear your explanation? "If you want to, just tell me. We can figure out an arrangement, a lot of married couples do, just don't lie to me. Don't lie."

"It's not like that."

It seems to me if you can't trust You can't be trusted

You wait to hear the soft wheeze of Etienne's snores, but you drift off before they do. Somehow. In the middle of the night, it's a repeat of others. This hasn't changed with the time in care ward, apparently. Etienne sits up and starts screaming, won't be held, won't be comforted. 3AM in the morning and your spouse is in the corner, knees to chest, rocking. They start rooting around, too, when you pretend to sleep. They won't find anything. You poured all the liquor out sennights ago -- even the things in the back of the icebox and at the top of the bookshelf.

Caught in a dream Picking up astral signals Some of them psychic, you better watch what you think

You come home to Etienne sitting in front of their vanity. You see the shimmer of a deactivated glamour prism. There are tears in their eyes, but you don't know why. They slip the plate into a drawer somewhere, and you do not ask more about it.

"I got more of the sedative. To help you with sleeping. So you don't have to drink." It's never difficult to cadge a little bit of medicine on the side for loved ones when it's needed - such are the benefits of being one of the heads of Medica. No one has to ask any questions. Etienne doesn't have to get upset or embarrassed at exposing their problems to anyone they don't trust. Rosa doesn't have to put her foot down and force Etienne to stay in the care ward, away from you. It's win-win.

Something flits across Etienne's face - suspicion, mayhap, and they say-- "I'm going to try and handle it. I'm. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to keep giving me that stuff."

"The sedative's non-habit-forming. It's better than alcohol, at least."

"I still shouldn't turn to something every time I'm distressed. It scares me. Depending on that."

"Then at least talk to me about what's bothering you."

Etienne looks at you through the mirror, not turning around. "It's not anything distinct. It's. Hands. Being pulled down into darkness. Being pinned down. Being unable to escape. Sometimes it's so real I feel it, getting slammed into a wall or onto the icy ground... and no matter how I struggle, I can't get free. So I start screaming."

"Etie..."

"Well, whatever. Everyone's got their shite." You hate this. How they mutter and retreat into themselves. They fold up into themselves and they don't come back.

(Your nightmares are of fire, of the Calamity. Lost in the woods, mother and father are gone, you can't find your brother's hand--)

Etienne shuffles resentfully into the silence. "Are you willing to tell me what you did on that mission?"

"Are you promising not to get angry when I tell you the details?"

Etienne lifts their chin. "I'll decide that when you tell me."

(You tell them. You don't tell them all of it. You don't tell them he's back.)

Happens to be that everybody else's dreams are Freudian clues You better watch what you dream

A few suns later, Etienne makes breakfast for you. That pink ruffly apron, but there's no singing this morning: just the sizzling pan. "Do you remember anything at all about last night?" they ask, plating up the little fish with fresh, fluffy rice. They loved that Doman cooking book you got them.

"Um..."

Etienne pours you scalding hot green tea. "I went looking for you. I gave that friend of yours quite a scare. I think maybe he thought I'd burn him alive." Etienne snorts. "I just made his tea boil a bit. When he told me the truth of what you two have been up to."

"Why would you--"

"Then I found you in the Quicksand. Chatting up someone else. Are you cheating on us both, darling?"

Your head's spinning as you try to braid the threads of last night back together. "That wasn't me--"

"No, it wasn't. I brought him back here. He was as awful to me as ever." Etienne accuses with swordlike jabs. "If he's back," they say, "Why did we do any of it? The ritual? I almost lost you then! Why did you make me do any of that if he was just going to come back?"

(Your head hurts.)

"You shouldn't have gone through my things," you hiss out. "There are things that you are better off not knowing!"

"Oh, like the fact you and that boy have a magical connection? Unlike anything either of you has ever experienced? And how you - the other you - is the most brilliant mind he's ever known? It's just like I said. Remember that? You said nothing was happening, but he's totally in love with you."

"It isn't like that."

"Tell that to him, then."

(Etienne never listens.)

"Even if there's something going on - it - it isn't with me and him, it's--"

"The other one. I know. The other one who threatened to kill me."

"He was just testing you."

"And that makes it better?"

"He's lashing out because you tried to destroy him."

"He started it. You said the ritual would fix you," Etienne rasps out a whisper. "I can't believe this. I can't believe we did all that and... I'm dragging someone wearing the body of my husband out of a seedy tavern. I looked like such a fool. I thought we fixed this."

"Maybe," you feel your voice dropping to a growl, "I never needed to be fixed."

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(Last winter, you came out of a fog to Etienne staring at you, withdrawn into a calmly blank expression, their posture stiff.

"Why," they ask you, "Did you just threaten to murder me?"

You said, groggily, "What?"

And you explained it all. The splitting.

"How am I supposed to feel safe around you when there's - there's something inside you that wants to kill me?" Etienne asks, too steadily. "He knows everything about me that I've told you. He knows what I'm afraid of. This is a problem." They say, and they speak your name urgently.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, if - if he did."

"Oh, I wasn't scared," Etienne says, quietly and intensely. "I'm used to being around men who'd just as soon slit my throat as fuck me. Or one and then the other, with no particular preference of the order. I just didn't realize you were one of them.")

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

Here is one of the fights you've had more than once: your friend thought of a way to get rid of the other personality. Put him into another body.

"So we'd just take the body of someone who - what? Even if you found a willing subject, that would be killing someone." Etienne pulls their knees up to their chest, the water rippling. You're sitting at the edge of the bath. They seem to want to melt into the steam wafting off the surface. It makes them dewy. You're not sure if they're crying or not.

"No," you tell them, "We could put him into another body where the spirit had already returned to the Lifestream."

"That's necromancy. I won't do necromancy."

"We may have no other option."

"If you mess with corpses, you really won't have control over what ends up in there. You could be inviting something very, very bad in. You know that, don't you? What you're talking about is defiling the dead. It's a sin. It's a defiance of Nald'Thal's balance. It's a perversion of everything I believe. You know that. You shouldn't do it. Don't ask me to do it!"

"What if we have no other choice?"

Etienne stands up in the water, then, thinking to get out. They shout, "I can't do it! Don't ask me!" Their voice echoes and buzzes in the small space of the bath. The water ripples as they sink back down into it. They let the water bury them like a comfort blanket. "I'm - I'm sorry. Please just go away," they say in a tiny voice. "Let me think."

"I'll be outside."

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

In the end, what else could you do? Etienne didn't trust you to handle the situation. Etienne wouldn't participate in the most obviously effective ritual. Etienne was angry at you when the first attempt didn't work as planned. Etienne was an unstable, suicidal, dangerously alcoholic. It hadn't taken much time at all after the hospitalization for them to fall back on old ways.

They couldn't be trusted.

On the day you left to do it, you kissed their forehead, tucked the blankets all around them, and put strong wards on the doors after emptying another round of hidden bottles.

The sun's coming up She's pulled all the blankets over Curled in a ball Like she's hiding from me and That's when I know

Their voice comes over the linkpearl. There's a danger to it. "Why are there wards on the door, what are these?"

"It's the only way to keep you from drinking when I can't be there," you explain calmly.

Etienne sucks in a breath, and you brace for yelling. "You can't just lock me in here," they whisper. "I'm a person. I'm an adult. You have to let me out."

"I have somewhere to be for a few suns. You've food in there. You'll be alright. Sober up."

"Can't you call someone to come check on me? Rosa, or someone? Please, I can't - don't leave me here alone."

"I'm sorry, it was my only option. This can't wait."

She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up For terrible things I did to her in her dreams

The apartment is in poor shape when you return. It seems at several points Etienne attempted to magic the doorway and scorched the rug - or the levin sparked and started a fire - and they also attempted sheer brute force. One of the charming little kitchen chairs is splintered. But the Etienne you find is more like the Etienne you married. Ducking their head shyly, saying, "I'm really sorry... I'm sorry I relapsed, I'm weak."

"I'm sorry I had to do that," you say. The two of you hug desperately.

(You're sorry you had to do all of it.)

You want to see the other side What's going on behind the eyes

(You're sorry the first ritual failed. The softness and patience Etienne showed you then, when you were recovering, when you didn't remember them - they were just as sweet as they'd been when you first got married. When you first started dating. Before everything got so bad.)

Still it seems if you can't trust You can't be trusted

The night Etienne tried to kill themselves, you had a fight. It was about all those nights you went out, not telling them where you were going. "I can't keep doing this," Etienne said to you, staring up at the statue of Nald'thal in the Ossuary. "I can't." They speak your name with such quiet urgency. "I need time to think."

"Please," you beg, your eyes stinging. "Don't leave me." You grab their arm. They try to jerk away from the touch.

Their voice echoes loud in the Ossuary. "Don't bloody touch me when I’m upset! Please!"

You hold onto their arm harder. Their arm is so thin. They're slipping away from you. "Please don't leave, please don't be angry. Please...!"

"I'm not -- I'm not -- I just..."

You're sobbing.

"I'm sorry, darling," Etienne says, gently touching your face, your hair, "Let's go home."

You have a long conversation-argument at the apartment. You explain why the work is essential. They beg you to promise not to do things that put you in danger. You tell them you'll do your best. You don't like doing things that upset them, after all.

"I don't know what's wrong with me,” Etienne murmurs. “I feel hounded, I can't sleep. You're always so busy. Since the ritual and... since that... incident with Henri..."

"Are you guilty? Because of what happened?"

"I honestly just want to be alone," Etienne says. They are sitting at the desk about a yalm from you, but they're malms away. "So much has happened the last few moons. I need to figure it out."

"Do you mean traveling? I can't right now, with work -- and I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be on your own. I don't think you're alright on your own right now."

"True," Etienne says, lowering their head. They shuffle around in the desk, and your feel your face heat. Another bottle? Etienne whispers something, "You won't let me go," mayhap, and then. The letter opener.

Thank the Twelve you're a healer. Thank the Twelve you had the sedative. They beg you for it that night, after you stop the bleeding. They can’t sleep and they’re half mad, crying and ranting. And you take them to your co-worker Rosa in the morning. She takes Etienne away from you. Says they need to rest and recover under direct supervision. Etienne doesn't even want to see you at first, or perhaps it's that Rosa won't let you near them. She's the one who stipulated only short visits while Etienne recovers. She only lets you back after Etienne sleeps for two suns straight.

Didn't you know we're as close as we can be?

You remember the day you fell in love with Etienne. You both were sitting at the Quicksand. You had tea, they had orange juice, and another man sat down between you two at the table and made himself welcome. He asked you why you stuttered.

"While on the subject of questions, why are you so bloody rude?" Etienne asked. They said to you, "You don't have to answer that." And you smiled, feeling sunshine radiating out of every pore.

"I'm not the sort of man for relationships," Etienne said, later, as you walked down the streets of Ul'dah, over to the steps of the Ossuary. You offered to escort them to work, as though they needed it. "I've been through a lot. I don't even know if I can love anyone - it all seems like kind of a fool's errand, honestly. Men are... I've just met so many, many awful men."

You took their hand, and they look at you, surprised. "I can be patient," you promised them, "I can wait. I think you're worth it. I think you're worth trying for. I've never met anyone like you."

"Well, thank you, I suppose," Etienne says, their lips twisting as they hold back skeptical laughter. "Let’s promise one another, though - let’s be honest with one another about how this going. If someone else catches your fancy, or I do something you don't like, please just tell me. You wouldn't believe how many times I got hauled out of a nobleman's bed by a surprised wife. As if it's my fault their marriage is falling apart! I don't want anything like that, alright? No silly secrets!”

"Promise."

“Not that I imagine we'll get married. I'm really not the type." Etienne laughs at the sky. “What am I doing?!”

Hello.

#writing #asks #ic #past #maybeimawhale

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scriptlgbt · 5 years

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My story is about pirates. The MC is a trans guy and the captain is a lesbian who is some sort of big sister/mother figure to him. It's quite violent. I was wondering if it could be problematic? I know it's problematic to show trans woman being overly violent in fiction but what about cis lesbians and straight trans guys? Also, do you know about real any queer pirates i could read about? And what did pirates think about homosexuality/transness?) How was it being queer in the pirate world?

A conversation that I had, that is relevant:

ME: [PARTNER], do you know anything about queer pirates?

PARTNER: I know that there were many, and they’d sometimes be like -

ME: Sea husbands kind of thing?

PARTNER: Yeah, and one would inherit from the other’s booty, and when it was divided up, they’d share their share of the booty.

ME: [mischievous grinning face]

PARTNER: [nodding] And they might share each other’s booty.

Disclaimer: This whole thing is going to largely focus on what is known as the Golden Age Of Piracy. I’m also not a historian, I just hardcore, love pirates with my heart and soul. This is going to be a long post.

So, this is super generalized, but pirates, and even sea-faring folks in general (see: - or sea, hahahahaha - the LGBT+ history of Brighton in the UK), have tended to have a much higher rate of LGBT+ folks and minoritized people in general, throughout history. As far as most research I’ve done goes. Being in a travelling situation and having the anonymity of being able to move around with chosen family generally has great appeal to folks whose existences are filled with oppression and a sense of not belongingness. This has also applied for racialized people, women in general, impoverished folks in general, a lot of different people who wanted to reclaim a place in the world that ostracized them.

Another fun fact, the use of the term “Friend of Dorothy” as a euphemism for gay folks was investigated by the US Navy. They misunderstood it as meaning that there actually was a woman named Dorothy who could be routed down and coerced into outing her “friends” to the military. Cruise ships and others have also used this phrase to covertly advertise that there were meetings for these folks. (Source: Wikipedia | “Friend of Dorothy”)

But to get to the pirates, specifically.

Most pirate ships largely had their own code that everyone on their ship had to agree to. Some had things like, “you’ll be marooned with one knife, and no food if you are caught not reporting loot to be divvied up by the crew fairly” and things like that. But generally, whoever ran the ship, the Captain, would get to pick the rules. And with the partial-democracy that comes with the idea of mutiny, and the more notable reliance on the labour of it all, in general, things were able to be slightly more consensus-based than the on-land governments.

There are numerous women who became pirates to take ownership of their lives in ways that weren’t permitted on-land. Anne Bonny and Mary Read are historical figures that might be worth looking into. The two of them shared lovers, sailed together, had intense care for one and other and with their dressing up in masculine-coded attire and the like, there’s a lot to go off of in assuming they may have been romantically involved with each other. If not, at least they had some iteration of what a lot of contemporary folks might find comparable to a QPR.

The concept of “sea husbands” was also called matelotage (or bunkmate) depending on your crew. It was kind of the buddy system, but gayer. With little need to consistently explain it to outsiders, folks at sea were freer to explore the different ways a relationship with another person can be, without so much worrying about how it looks to others at a passing glance. And as pirates, there’s less concern that you’ll get shit from the law for gay stuff Of All Things.

Buccaneer Alexander Exquemelin wrote: ‘It is the general and solemn custom amongst them all to seek out… a comrade or companion, whom we may call partner… with whom they join the whole stock of what they possess.’ (Source)

It was just normal. They also had a version of health insurance where someone was compensated if they ended up disabled from battle. The compensation of death of your partner also works into this.

As for transness, these kinds of things have had fickle definitions and historically, it’s hard to be able to pinpoint specific people as fitting cleanly into contemporary cultural definitions of transness, because frankly, the past had different culture to now. When it comes to writing canonically trans characters in contexts where the language might have been different, it’s important to focus on making sure that a trans reader can identify the personal connection with that character’s experiences and feelings, just as much as it is to use language to name folks as trans.

Representation can go deeper than surface terminology and the like, and in cases where the terminology doesn’t necessarily match, it has to. Language like, “I never really felt like a [assigned gender] - I see myself more like [desciption of actual gender identity or name for it].” - is as good as just saying the character is trans in my opinion.

Depending on where the character is from, they also may have just outright had a word in their language for their identity.

Gender presentation was significantly freer with pirates than it was for folks on land. Things like earrings, frilled sleeves, varied hair length and similar, were not uncommon, although the gendered coding associated with these aspects of appearance had different implications than they do now. Gold earrings on seafarers were there to fund a proper burial if someone’s body washed ashore. Gendered clothing was also coded in more binary ways on land. Folks who wanted to be coded as men could do so by wearing pants and folks who wanted to be coded as women could do so with skirts and dresses. (Tangential but fun fact yet again: dressing in those big poofy skirts usually included massive pockets. They were generally not physically attached to the skirts, but if you wore it all properly you would easily be able to reach into them.)

Pirates and other seafarers also had clothing referred to as ‘slops’ for cleaning (if they were of the rank that cleaned anyway) which were pretty wide-legged pants that could almost pass for a skirt.

Material that pirates used for clothing was largely what they stole, but it was cut and sewn into the same shapes a lot of other seafarers wore. At the time, it was largely illegal (under English rules anyway) for people who weren’t the bourgeoisie to wear anything made with nice fabric. Rich people saw this as deceitful, and these laws enabled richer people to not mingle on an equal level with those of a lower socioeconomic status.

As pirates, if you’re already shunning the law, may as well wear full calico suits. (Like Calico Jack Rackham.)

There’s more info on pirate and privateer clothing here. (The link is to a free book in HTML format, complete with illustrations and talk of materials, and how the clothes worn at sea varied from clothes they wore when they came into shore and towns.)

I could write a book on this and still not have covered enough. But the gist is that pirates were a big counterculture of outsiders living their lives. LGBT+ people and racialized people got thrown into the mix (and jumped right in) and experienced much more liberated lives than they might otherwise. That isn’t to say they were flawlessly inclusive - there still definitely were a lot of things people thought of in congruence with colonial beliefs. There was racism and homophobia - but it looked a lot different, and was a lot lighter than you’d think. And there were some ships which banned women, but mainly I think that was because they typically didn’t have the background to hold their ground on the ships, and were considered more of a plus one to certain crew members (who brought them - the rules were specifically about bringing them onto the ship rather than them being there of their own accord) than part of the crew. Sometimes women were part of the crew.

Notably, Anne Bonny and Mary Read were in a polyamorous triad with Calico Jack Rackham. (I think a cis + het historian might argue about this but that would seem like denial to me tbh. There is much, MUCH more evidence pointing in this direction than against it, and it would be extraordinarily hard to argue otherwise.) I would definitely do some research on them!

I also recommend this book (link is the free text on WikiSource), A General History of the Robberies and Murders of the most notorious Pyrates. It is perhaps the most famous contemporary record of the lives of a number of pirates from the time, including Anne Bonny and Mary Read.

As for the sensitivity aspect of this ask, I’d say that what you are describing is completely fine. As long as the violence isn’t used to dehumanize or completely demonize, I would even say that I don’t have any warnings for you about it, or precautions to advise on.

Thank you for this opportunity to infodump about LGBT+ pirates. I hope this is not overwhelming, but I’m also happy to parse out segments of this better upon request. (Our ask will be open eventually, I promise.)

- mod nat

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musette22 · 5 years

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Title: Honey, I’m Home

Pairing: Chris Evans x Sebastian Stan (M/M)

Rating: E (18+)

Word count: 4.3k

Summary: After two long months, Chris comes back from filming Red Sea Diving Resort in South Africa. Sebastian is waiting for him at home.

A/N: Soooo, a week or so ago we were blessed with those images of Chris looking solid and hot af in the trailer for Red Sea Diving Resort. @rainbowsandcoconut I got a little thirsty discussing how Chris and Seb’s reunion might have played out when he came back from South Africa, and then I was feeling inspired and bam, next thing you know you have another smutty fic. It’s pure PWP, tbh. Hope you guys don’t mind 😉

Warnings: explicit smut, light Dom/sub, dirty talk, slight degradation kink. It’s all in good fun though, folks.

Honey, I’m Home

Sebastian is feeling jittery; nervous and excited low-key aroused all at once, has been from the moment he opened his eyes that morning. Chris is coming home today. After two long months (two and a half, almost) he’s finally seeing his man in the flesh again, instead of through a screen. Don’t get him wrong; he’s grateful facetime exists, so fucking grateful, but it’s hardly the same as feeling Chris’s skin against his, as breathing in his scent, feeling his heartbeat, steady and comforting, against his chest.

Nor, incidentally, is it the same as getting to suck his perfect dick, which is one of the things, along with getting railed so hard he forgets his own name, he’s had a… hard time going without these past few months.

So yeah, it’s safe to say Sebastian is excited.

He’d wanted to pick Chris up at the airport, too impatient to wait the extra hour it would take for him to make it home from LAX, but since they haven’t gone public as a couple yet, in the end that seemed like a bad idea. So instead, he’s been cooped up at home all day, making sure Chris’s house, to which he has a key, is clean and tidy. He even cooked (or, attempted to cook; he’s never been very culinarily inclined) Chris’s favorite dish, and then spent a good two hours on personal grooming so that he would look and feel his absolute best when his man finally did make it home.

When, at long last, he hears the keys in the front door, his heart starts beating faster, anticipation sending adrenaline coursing through his system. He feels keyed up, ready to pounce as soon as Chris sets foot in the room – and yet, the second the door to the living room opens and Sebastian lays eyes on Chris for the first time in almost three months, his breath catches in his throat and he freezes on the spot, unable to move a muscle.

Chris looks incredible.

The first thing that Sebastian’s eyes are drawn to is Chris’s hair, longer than usual, and lighter too. The sun-kissed strands frame his tanned face, bringing out the strong cut of his jawline, covered, as always, in that goddamn thick beard of his that makes Sebastian crave beard burn in all kinds of inappropriate places. He’s admired it before, of course, through the screen of his phone, but that was nothing compared to the impact this look has in the flesh.

And Chris’s eyes… those gorgeous, blue-green eyes are fixed on him intently, the heated look in them seeming to burn right through the carefully selected layers of clothes Sebastian is wearing. It makes him feel exposed; vulnerable, and so completely, unbearably turned on from one moment to the next that he has to bite his lip to stop from whimpering out loud.

Wordlessly, Chris drops the bag he was still shouldering, takes one, two steps in Sebastian’s direction, eyes firmly fixed on his. When he’s only a few feet away Sebastian realizes, with a sudden, ton-of-bricks kind of impact, why Chris’s presence is hitting him so hard, harder even than he anticipated.

Chris is solid.

Since the last time Sebastian has seen him, he has definitely filled out. But while it looks like he must’ve really enjoyed the local cuisine, he clearly also kept up with his workout routine. Like, really kept up. Mainly heavy lifting, if the way the muscles of his biceps and chest shift under his tight, dark grey t-shirt are anything to go by. Chris has never been a small guy, of course – hell, his incredible physique is one of the things he’s best known for – but where he used to strive for aesthetic form, for perfect definition that made him look like a young, Greek god, now, it’s all power.

He exudes strength, moves like a lion on the prowl, determined and compelling, and Sebastian can’t take his eyes off him.

For a giddy moment, he wonders if Chris could actually bench press him, but then Chris closes the final few feet of distance separating them and they’re face to face and Seb stops thinking altogether. It’s impossible, but Chris seems taller, somehow, like he’s towering over Sebastian, rooting him to the spot just with his gaze and the heat that radiates from his body.

“Hi, baby,” Chris says, his voice deep and dark, and Sebastian feels the vibrations of it all the way down to his core. It makes him shiver. Even that slightest of movements doesn’t escape Chris’s notice, makes that look in his eyes turn that bit more intense as his gaze drops to Sebastian’s mouth, then back up to his eyes again. When Chris lifts a big hand to the side of Sebastian’s face, sliding it into his hair and caressing his cheek with his thumb, Sebastian leans into the touch, sways forward into Chris and presses himself to his front.

God, he’s like a brick wall. Chris doesn’t even budge, even though Seb is pretty much leaning his full weight on him. Sebastian slides his hands up Chris’s abs, less defined now than they were once but all the more robust for it. It’s making something primal inside of Seb want to feel Chris’s solid weight on top of him, holding him down, making sure he stays exactly where Chris wants him.

Chris hums and leans closer, noses at Sebastian’s hair, at his cheek, his neck. It’s almost like he’s sniffing at him, and for a weird and wonderful moment, Seb imagines that Chris is trying to determine if Sebastian’s been good, hasn’t stepped out on him while he was away. He hasn’t, of course, would never – but the thought of Chris wondering, of him feeling jealous, possessive, sets Seb’s skin ablaze, turns his blood to molten lava under his skin.

He tilts his head, baring his neck for Chris’s inspection, and Chris presses his lips to his pulse point. They’re lush as always, soft against his skin, which makes it all the more shocking when he suddenly bites down, sharp and quick. Sebastian’s hands shoot up to Chris’s biceps and he cries out, softly, more from surprise than actual pain – especially since Chris immediately soothes the sting with his tongue, laving over the tender spot until Sebastian can’t hold back the whine that rises up in his throat. Already, he can feel his cock start to chub up inside his jeans, hips stuttering forward of their own accord as he presses his crotch against Chris’s muscled thigh.

Chris’s left hand grips Seb’s hip, fingers digging into his flesh almost painfully, and then finally, finally, his lips drag over Sebastian’s jawline, slow and sure, until they find his.

The kiss is immediately passionate, deep and needy from the get-go, Chris’s tongue plunging into his mouth while his fingers press into his skull, tugging at his roots. A growling sound escapes Chris as he wraps his left arm around Sebastian’s torso, pulling him to closer, making Seb turn to putty in his hands. He can’t think with Chris pressed against him, all around him, his hands, his mouth, his scent, all working together to overwhelm him.

Slowly, Chris walks them backwards, keeping a firm grip on Sebastian so that he doesn’t stumble, until the backs of his thighs hit something hard and unyielding. The kitchen table. The solid contact makes Sebastian’s mind clear a little, allowing him to pull back, breaking the kiss.

“Chris,” he pants, already breathless with it, peppering kisses to his lips in between words. “Chris, I missed you. Missed you so much, god.”

“Yeah?” Chris stands tall and forbidding, simply lets Sebastian shower him in kisses without making any effort to reciprocate. “And what did you miss most, hmm?” he queries, tilting back his head to look down on Seb. “Was it my company? My conversation?”

He holds Sebastian’s gaze, eyes boring into his. “Or,” he goes on, his voice dropping even lower, “did you miss this?”

Reaching down, he grabs Sebastian’s hand and presses it against his crotch, rubbing his palm firmly along the line of his dick, already hard and heavy inside his pants.

Sebastian whimpers, eyes falling closed. “Fuck,” he breathes.

“Go on,” Chris coaxes, rolling his hips into Sebastian’s hand. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

When Sebastian just squirms, trying to push himself closer, a slow smirk spreads over Chris’s face. “But you can’t, can you?” he drawls. “You miss my cock, pretty baby? Tell me, did you play with yourself while I was away? Used your fingers and your toys, pretend it was me?”

Sebastian moans because yes, yes, that was exactly what he’d done.

Chris hums, nods his head in agreement. “Wasn’t the same though, was it, sweetheart? Not quite like the real thing. Couldn’t quite hit the spot like I can.”

Letting go of Sebastian’s hand, Chris deftly flicks open the button on Seb’s pants and pulls down the zipper, before unceremoniously shoving his hands down the back of his jeans. Sebastian, who figured their reunion would go something like this, isn’t wearing any underwear, and Chris groans as soon as he realizes. He grabs Sebastian’s ass cheeks with both hands, kneading them roughly, possessively, before pulling them apart. When he rubs the pad of his thumb over the tight pucker of Seb’s asshole, Seb stutters out a shaky breath, pushing his ass back into Chris’s firm grip, his warm, calloused hands.

“Please,” Sebastian says, imploring. “Please, Chris, I need–”

“What?” Chris demands. “What do you need, Sebastian? Tell me.”

Sebastian has no choice but to obey. “Fuck me,” he chokes out, a little desperate, too wound up to even try at playing it cool. “Just fuck me, Chris, please. Need to feel you inside me, it’s been so fucking long.”

He pushes his face into the crook of Chris’s neck, breathing in his scent – a little musky, a hint of sweat from travelling mixed with what’s left of his cologne, and god, has he missed that smell. Missed it all day, every day, but especially when he was in bed at night, imagining traces of Chris’s scent still lingered on his sheets.

The next moment, Sebastian yelps as Chris spins him around without warning, a hand on the back of his neck pushing him down, bending him down over the kitchen table. He gasps when his cheek presses against the hardwood of the tabletop, and all his blood rushes south in an instant, his dick suddenly so hard it hurts. Fuck.

“Stay there,” Chris orders, giving the back of Seb’s neck a little shake before releasing him.

Sebastian does as he’s told, hands gripping at the table’s edge as he watches Chris walk into his line of sight, towards the kitchen counter. Chris pulls open the third drawer from the top, rummages around for a second before straightening and turning back to Seb. In his hand is the bottle of lube he’d put there the last time they had sex in the kitchen, two nights before Chris left for South Africa.

“Well, well,” Chris says, his voice halfway between amused and a little menacing, causing shivers of anticipation to run down Sebastian’s spine. "And why is this still here, Sebastian?”

When Seb doesn’t reply, just bites his lip as he gazes up at him, Chris steps closer. “What?” he asks. “You just wanna make sure you had it handy for whoever came through that door? Is that how needy you are, Sebastian?” Chris cocks his head at him. “You couldn't even wait for me to come home and fuck you? Had to get what you needed from other people, did you?”

Seb opens his mouth to reply, but Chris shushes him, walking back around to stand behind him again and dropping the lube to the table. Hands tug at Sebastian’s waistband, and then Chris roughly pulls down his jeans to halfway down his thighs, exposing his ass. Without preamble, Chris spreads apart his cheeks, his thumb rubbing maddening little circles over his hole, teasing, making Seb want, before he finally pushes the tip inside. It slides in easily, even without lube – courtesy of Sebastian taking the liberty of preparing himself just a little bit, before Chris arrived.

“Would you look at that,” Chris murmurs, pushing his thumb in deeper. “Still loose from the last one, I bet. Such a needy little hole, ready to be filled by anyone, huh? Don’t care who it is, as long as you get a cock in you.”

Sebastian shakes his head frantically, pleads, “No, no, Chris, it’s just you, only you I promise,” but Chris silences him with a sharp smack to his ass. The sting of it takes Sebastian by surprise and he cries out, rocking forward, trying to get a little friction on his dick from pressing against the table’s edge.

“See, I don’t think I believe you,” Chris continues, almost taunting. “Pretty little slut like you needs it at least twice a day, isn't that right? Needs to be fucked good and proper on the regular or he can’t think straight.” He spanks Sebastian again, on the other cheek this time, and Seb can feel the heat of it, the blood rushing to the surface at the impact.

“Please, Chris, please.”

“Look at you,” Chris breathes, awed despite himself. “You need it so bad, don’t you? Pushing your ass out at me, begging me to fuck you. You’re like a bitch in heat, Sebastian.”

Shit. Chris’s words make Sebastian whine, high in his throat.

They don’t often do this, don’t always take it quite so far with the name calling, but when the mood strikes them, it sometimes just works. From the moment Chris had set foot through that door, Sebastian knew what kind of night it was going to be and he is there for it. He knows that everything Chris says is just for play, only intended to get them both hot and turned on. There is no malicious intent, no genuine distrust or jealousy, but just the suggestion of it is enough to make Sebastian so fucking hard, makes him feel dirty in a good kind of way when Chris calls him out on just how much Sebastian needs a good dicking.

And besides, it’s true. He needs it so bad sometimes it’s all he can think about. It’s a good thing Chris always knows how to give him exactly what he needs, or he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Then again, he’s pretty sure the reason he needs it so bad is because Chris always gives him what he needs. He’s been spoiled for everyone else, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Well?” Chris prompts, pressing his still clothed erection against Sebastian’s bare ass, fingers digging into either side of his hips. “Do you need it, or don’t you?”

Sebastian’s response is instinctive, immediate. “Yes,” he begs, “yeah, I need it, need your cock, Chris. Please, just – just put it in me.”

Chris shrugs. “Alright, then,” he says, followed by the tell-tale sound of his zipper, the rustle of fabric as he pushes down his pants far enough to take out his cock. “Wouldn’t want to deny my baby boy what he needs.”

A moment later, two big, slicked up fingers probe at Seb’s hole, pushing in unceremoniously. Sebastian gasps as Chris twists his fingers, pushing in deep and rubbing him on the inside. It feels almost clinical, almost as if he’s just determining whether he’s loose enough, and somehow, that only adds to the thrill. When a third finger is pushed in alongside the other two, Sebastian hisses. It stings, but it’s exactly the kind of sting he likes, and he needs more of it. He doesn’t want Chris to go easy on him tonight, he needs to really feel it.

“Fucking come on, Chris. Just give it to me, already,” he says, demanding, earning himself another spank for his back talking.

“I’ll give it to you when I’m good and ready,” Chris chastises him, but he’s already pulling out his fingers, lining up his cock and then pushing into him, hard and unyielding, burying himself balls-deep inside of Seb in one, long stroke.

Unbidden, Sebastian lets out a string of expletives, moaning loud and wanton, the burn intensifying as his hole is stretched around Chris’s considerable girth. Chris spanks him again, then leans forward and brings a hand to his face, shoving a few of his fingers into Sebastian’s mouth, effectively shutting him up.

“You always run your mouth like that?” he demands, knowing full well Seb can’t respond. “You know, I can think of a better use of that pretty mouth, baby. But since my cock’s already in your tight little ass right now, you’re just going to have to make do with these.”

Sebastian moans around Chris’s fingers, tonguing them, sucking hard and fervently wishing it was Chris’s dick instead. When Chris starts thrusting, hard and deep and merciless, Seb’s mouth falls open in a broken-off moan, fingers falling from his mouth. Chris pulls back his hand, straightening up and grabbing Seb’s hips again instead, holding him steady as he starts to pound into him. Sebastian pushes himself up onto his elbows on the table top, planting his feet more firmly on the ground so that he has a little more leverage against Chris’s full-body assault and pushes back against him, desperate to feel him deeper.

Immediately, Chris pushes him back down with a hand between his shoulder blades, the warmth of his palm burning through Seb’s thin shirt. He’s ungentle about it, holding him down forcefully, and Sebastian pushes back, struggling just enough to see how Chris will react. Under his breath, Chris calls him a brat before he shoves him down again, even more roughly this time, really bearing his weight down on him as his hips keep snapping forward. Sebastian hears himself make an embarrassing, involuntary sound in the back of his throat, but god, he fucking loves the feeling of not being able to move unless Chris lets him. Loves knowing that Chris is capable of holding him down easily, making him take it like he’s doing right now.

Chris rucks up Sebastian’s t-shirt, bunching it up under his armpits to expose his bare back. For a moment, Seb gets to revel in the cooler air that hits his overheated skin, and then Chris firmly runs both his hands up and down his back, from his shoulder blades all the way down to the swell of his ass. He digs his fingers in, giving the firm flesh a squeeze before pulling his cheeks apart as he keeps on fucking into him, setting a punishing rhythm. By now, the burn has given way to that feeling of fullness that Sebastian craves so much, and for the first time in months, he feels like he’s whole again, like his missing piece has been slotted back into place and everything is going to be alright. Chris will take care of him, will always have his back – quite literally, in this case.

Nevertheless, Sebastian wouldn’t be Sebastian if he didn’t try to push for more. Chris would expect nothing less from him.

“Harder,” he pants. “C’mon, give it to me harder.” Just like he expected, Chris spanks him again for his impertinence, and despite the fact that his ass is on fire, Seb is elated.

“Please,” he tries, entreating now. “Please, Chris.”

“God, you’re a greedy boy, aren’t you?” Chris growls, bending over him to whisper his next words directly into his ear. “Nothing’s ever enough for a dirty little whore like you.”

Sebastian moans, eyes rolling back into his skull, while Chris buries a hand in his hair and pulls. Automatically, Seb arches up, trying to alleviate the sting, but with Chris’s other hand firmly pushing down on his ass, still, there’s not much he can do. Then, Chris changes the angle of his thrusts just a little bit and suddenly Sebastian is seeing stars, white-hot bursts of pleasure radiating out from his loins through his entire body.

He shouts, and when Chris punches forward and nails Sebastian’s prostate once again, Seb realizes he’s done for. Chris is like a pitbull when he gets like this; when he sets his sights on something, relentlessly pursuing his goal and not giving up until he gets what he wants. And what he wants right now, Sebastian knows, is for Seb to come untouched – just from Chris’s perfect dick in his ass, hitting the spot over and over again until he breaks. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s fucking special. Chris adores it, loves that he can make his baby boy come just by dicking him down so good. It’s a primal thing, Sebastian’s pretty sure.

Still, it’s intense, and when the pleasure that swells up inside him starts getting almost too much to bear, keeping him on the brink without the easy release brought about by a hand or a mouth, Sebastian needs to come so badly that he tries to snake a hand between his stomach and the table top, inching towards his own dick.

He should’ve known that Chris was never going to let him.

“I don’t think so, sweetheart,” Chris says in a rough voice, yanking Seb’s hand back up and grabbing his other one as well for good measure, keeping Sebastian’s wrists locked behind his back in one large hand of his own. The scratch of the fabric of Chris’s jeans against Seb’s bare ass, sore from the spanking he received, stings every time Chris thrusts into him – but really, the pain just serves to make the pleasure that much more intense, balancing him on the knife’s edge of just enough and too much.

Chris is really laying into him now, using all of that incredible, weight-honed core strength of his to fuck Sebastian the way he craves to be fucked, and Sebastian starts to whimper, needing to come so badly he can taste it in his mouth. He just needs that little bit more…

As if he can read his mind, Chris pushes a hand up Seb’s spine, skating over the back of his neck before sliding it around his throat, and, oh fuck.

Slowly, deliberately, Chris’s fingers tighten, pressing down lightly on his windpipe, and Sebastian keens. “More,” he rasps, and Chris obliges, pressing down harder, virtually cutting off Seb’s air supply while his thumb digs into his pulse point.

With a choked-off cry, Sebastian goes tense all over, mind whiting out from the combination of struggling for air and Chris slamming into his prostate relentlessly, and then he’s coming, coming so hard the world disappears around him, knowing nothing but the mind-blowing pleasure that consumes him, wave after wave of it as Chris fucks him through his orgasm, in pursuit of his own. It doesn’t take long, with Seb clenching around his dick like a vice, until Chris is groaning, burying himself inside Sebastian one last time before stilling, filling him up with his release.

Even with his stamina, it takes Chris a little while to recover. In the silence that follows their climax, Sebastian can feel him pressed against his back, heart racing and breathing hard. Seb doesn’t mind – on the contrary. He can’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than draped over Chris’s kitchen table, with Chris inside and on top of him, his solid weight a comforting presence, assuring him that he’s really back, really here to stay – at least for a little while.

Chris stirs eventually, brings up a hand and buries it in Seb's hair again. Tugging lightly, he pulls his head around so he can kiss him over his shoulder. It's an inelegant angle, meaning they mostly end up licking into each other’s mouths without finesse, and Chris’s hair falls into his eyes, tickling the bridge of his nose. Sebastian’s not complaining though; he’s just so fucking glad to taste Chris again. He moans in relief as Chris scrapes his fingers gently over his scalp, massaging out the tenderness caused by the earlier hair pulling.

Chris finally pulls back, quickly reaching for a cloth on the side of the counter to wipe Sebastian clean. Once he’s helped Sebastian up, he spins him around in his arms, gazing down at him. There’s pure adoration on his features, and Seb lifts up a hand to Chris’s forehead to brush aside a strand of his hair, longer now than his own. It’s a strange sensation, but he kind of likes it.

“Welcome home, honey," Seb murmurs, still sounding a little dazed. They look at each other for a few moments – until Chris suddenly lets out a half-snort. There’s a beat of silence, and then Sebastian’s eyes widen, right before he dissolves into giggles. Within seconds, they’re both laughing so hard they collapse, half naked and filthy, on the kitchen floor together, all tangled up in each other. It’s ridiculous, and it’s the happiest, freest Sebastian can remember feeling in a long while.

When they’ve finally calmed down a bit, Chris sits up, resting his back against a table leg, with Sebastian curled up between his thighs. Seb leans into his wide, sturdy chest, and Chris wraps his arms around him, burying his nose in Seb’s hair, breathing in deeply.

“I missed you too, baby,” he says, belatedly, his voice warm and soft and loving now that they’ve gotten their basest instincts somewhat under control.

Seb smiles against Chris’s collarbone. “I kind of figured that.”

“Damn. What gave me away?” Chris asks, straight-faced, and Sebastian dissolve into giggles once more.

Man, it’s good to be home.

#my fic #evanstan #chris evans x sebastian stan #smut #established relationship #red sea diving resort #chris evans #sebastian stan #ao3

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your hometown? preferred field *chuckle*

Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to? yes, I have an idea

Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? I haven’t

If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? -

Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to? celebs should help them, not me, I need help myself!

When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Or do you always try out something new? usually

Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home? old folks’ home for sure

What is the best part of your most ordinary day? sleeping :x

Do you enjoy being on your own or are you happier when there’s a crowd around you? I’m a loner/introvert

Do you ever look up what foreign idioms mean? yep

What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? I don’t recall atm

What’s a First World problem that you have? hmm...

Have you ever made a parody version of a popular song? me and my sister were doing puppet shows for our parents, mostly her ideas as she was forcing me to perform those until I got sick of that

Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? nie bawiłam się w większość gier przez brak zdrowia, ale lubiłam plac z huśtawkami czy drabinkami, albo udawać rodzinę/dom i te fajne białe “krateczki” z kolorowymi “guziczkami” co jak się je wpinało w dziurki to układało się z nich obrazki (nie pamiętam nazwy)

Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? there isn’t

Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? my mom annoys me all the time lol Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? I’m too short but I manage and still some ppl sometimes ask me for help anyway Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? used to smell them but now just texture Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a figurine? How did you do this? I’m no Chunk :P

Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I wouldn’t do that on purpose but I don’t believe in most of the superstitions, luckily there are some things you can do to avoid bad luck like throw salt over your shoulder or knock on non painted wooden thingy etc. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I’m sick of ppl who use mental and physical illnesses as excuses when they don’t have them - single headache ain’t a migraine nor being an ass makes you a border, shut up! Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? more than once Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? some are good, some not Ever been choked severely on something? just a feather Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? several like monkey, raccoon or cat Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? I didn’t participate but I watched/looked at them when I was younger Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? ... why? Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? at times I talk to my computer (because I hate it so we argue), kettle and fridge, also my stuffed animals of course Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: penis Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? I thought and I wouldn’t like it besides maybe finding some cool stuff that drown What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? creators lack imagination, they ask the same stuff over and over again, it’s boring What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? red Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? noooo Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? rarely and I’m ashamed of that tbh Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? hell no but I’m not that bad at it Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? I have good memory when it comes to that most of the time - not counting my green scissors grrrr Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Archelan - Christmas themed and fuzzy Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? not as often as I’d like to? Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? raped, killed or robbed more likely Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? baths as I like to sit and I don’t like the glass nor have water over my head Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? it seems Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? nah, I dislike surprises and there weren’t opportunities/possibilities to do that Do you tap fingernails on desks? hardly ever Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? vocalist (who can play instruments) but I have no talent but don’t worry, it was a childish dream that fade away when I found out more about live of a band member Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? nope, we don’t talk, just say HI if anything Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? yep Do you ever had to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? camp When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? we’ll see, covid situation isn’t helpful and I can’t focus on books lately Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I treat them how they treat me (not authority figures/dangerous ppl tho) Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? sweet and quiet Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I don’t like to but I still end up arguing, sigh... How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? avoid them, block them, ignore them fight with them when they don’t stay away (not physically yet)

How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? about 200 PLN What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? cool but wonder how that happened What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? ugly light brown with shitload of stuff The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? gonna have it soon so don’t remind me Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? aliens tried to abduct me in dreams but didn’t succeed ha! What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? not too tiring but not completely silent either Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ look is important but not as much as personality for sure, it’s like 1:9 I think Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? could say so Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? r u kidding?... Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? anyone can be Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Konrad once told me I’m like a private detective about it because I’m so sneaky they don’t realize until it’s too late but I sadly forget infos quickly due to stress last months so it’s not as useful as it sounds Does it freak you out when the police drive/walk by? somehow Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I had a friend who was a firefighter

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? left in the kitchen but informative like - I went there or feed the dog etc. Would you ever get your nails done? I can do them myself if I ever want to

Are you afraid of worms? maggots Do you wear rings on your thumb? why not How many shirts of yours are red? less than 5 Does the color red look good on you? my first therapist told me I should wear it to be more brave but it causes anger in me so I prefer not to Do you pray before every meal? Sunday lunch with parents Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? not caught but been cheating in high school How many white tank tops do you own? 0? Do loud people bother you? omg YES Does your head itch? not currently but frequently Do you know anyone named John? my ex friend had a nickname like this Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? I’m not stupid Are you a fast runner? like Gimli Did you ever want a pet rabbit? no way

Do you ever want to own a house? apartment more likely How do you feel about men? blergh Do you know any police officers? my neighbor was a police officer Have you ever signed a petition? lots Have you ever aspired to start your own business? I wish Who is the oldest person living in the same building as you? mom The youngest? me Would you rather pay with cash or card? cash, cards make me nervous Have you ever used a pager? I have not Do you like visiting the beach? beachcombing is fun Do you like to buy things? but not spend money lmfao Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? I didn’t know that I apparently am - jk Is there anyone you haven’t spoken to in a long time but you still think about daily? my grandma for example Would you like to be rich? not filthy, having enough money to live and not barely survive

have you ever behaved like a stalker? *crickets* can you lie and keep a straight face? poker face game strong when situation calls for it

have you ever feared for somebody else’s life? especially dad’s do you prefer honesty, even when it hurts? hard to tell if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? picked my dog’s have you ever masturbated while driving? wtf, don’t do that, gross how do you feel when someone takes the last of something? without asking? *cringe* how do you feel when people tell you “bless you” when you sneeze? thank you unless I sneeze many times in a row and they bless me every single time - then it’s annoying what are you supposed to say when somebody coughs? r u ok? have you ever committed a violent crime because of a video game or rap song? who said I play/listen to those? have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you? possibly how many partners is too many? at once or in your entire life? do you believe that wearing an aluminum foil hat will stop the government from reading your thoughts? that reminds me of the RED movie XD

would you rather have a hook for a hand or a peg leg? peg leg 100% elseway I’d end up with an eye cover as well if you know what I mean bonus points for/to being a pirate tho how close does someone have to be for you to feel obligated to wait and hold the door for them? either right behind me or carry heavy/big load do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? for example when I worry about it bleeding what is your cure for the hiccups? wait

Do you miss Brittany Murphy’s appearance in films? awwww she was such a good actress RIP

Is Christmas stressful? to me it is but I’m stressed 24/7

Do you make your own smoothies or juices? meh

Do you think time really does heal all? NO

Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? cold

Did you care at all when Steve Jobs died? ... he died?

Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? my mother for dirty laundry

When do you decorate for Christmas? as soon as possible

Would you be cool with wearing sweatpants to the grocery store? yes

Have you ever been pranked via a hidden camera? am glad that didn’t happen

Do you know any of those people who are depressed during the winter? I’m depressed year round

If a job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? if I can change it without ending up on the street then I leave

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better? nothing? Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with? my family member[s] How is your relationship with money? we don’t see each other as often as I’d like to ;) get it? How do you feel about growing old someday? won’t live that long

Are you wearing two shirts? too hot for that Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? disgusting! Can you point out constellations in the night sky? I can not What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? not interested What’s the last thing you bought at a mall? food, antibacterial gel and a blanket

Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? parents but I’ll feel crappy about it Have you ever swam in a river? as a child Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? ewww seriously? What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? smells make me sick In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I seek presents whole year then store them for later Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? as a lesbian What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? bushes, grass, moss and trees, wild flowers, if they want to grow, can stay Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I agree When’s the next time you’ll go to the grocery store? not in next weeks

Where’s your car keys? not applicable Did you keep any momentos of school dances? pics Do you still have clothes from your high school? and middle school Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? this question...

Do you own anything skull print? had a shirt that I gave to John ages ago Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? parents and my gf Which ex of yours means the most to you? my partner as we’re back together Have you taken prescription medications that didn’t belong to you? oh well... How are your social skills? awkward Have you ever stayed at a hotel for longer than two months? I’m poor Do you ever go outside to look at the stars? there were some days in past summers when me and dad been going to stadium for a walk at night, that’s when and where we saw UFO Who breaks away from the kiss first? she as she forgets to breathe Do you know what you weigh? thx for a reminder - they’ll ask in hospital Have you ever smoked anything other than tobacco? one cigarette was all that I smoked in me life Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? nope Do you say koala bear or simply koala? koala Do you usually travel anywhere in the winter? I’d freeze brrr Do you wait for someone else to take the garbage out when it’s full? we take turns Are most of your friends white? it’s not America so...

Does your hair reach your boobs? not even my shoulders

What’s something that fills you with anxiety? what doesn’t?...

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? there’s no expiration date

Have you ever watched Bob’s Burgers? fragments

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I wasn’t that much of a note passer

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? nah

Do you clean things that are already clean when you’re bored? tha hell?...

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? tropical

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I say it’s important to be healthy but weight isn’t always a sign of being ill

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? none that I know of

Do you find Asians attractive? yes and no

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? nooooo

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? there’s time for one of each?

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? like every other similar store

Are your colarbones prominent? yeah

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? I have indeed

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? sorry but I didn’t care

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? she is

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly

Are you watching The Walking Dead? I’m scared of zombies and gore

Are you a light sleeper? became lighter

Would you consider cuddling cheating? it’s complicated

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? it’s black with red embroidery and white beads

Can you make a clover with your tongue? impossible

What’s your favorite coffee brand/flavor? I don’t drink coffee

Is your belly button pierced? no piercings!

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advernia · 4 years

Text

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO - the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao - he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

#rundown.txt #u know what else took me so long to decide on this fic #a title + summary LMAOOOO #i wanted the title to be something related to the prompt but.... so much for that orz #i usually have no problems making them up but #why was this a struGGLE LOLOL

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